Well with Arielle Lorre - 222: Coming Back From Rock Bottom and How to Protect Your Peace with Hannah Brown

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Hannah Brown is a television personality and influencer, having starred on The Bachelorette, The Bachelor, Dancing with the Stars and the new Fox show, Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test. In this incredibly candid conversation, she examines how her past drew her to seek out competitions, how being in the public eye for so much of her life affected her, and how she realized getting everything she wanted wasn’t going to bring her happiness without inner peace. We discuss what her emotional rock bottom was like, how she shifted to focus on her mental health and cultivate inner happiness, her self care routines, tips to protect our peace, how to avoid the comparison trap and a round of this or that.   Right now, Sakara is offering our listeners 20% off their first order when they go to Sakara.com/Blonde or enter code BLONDE at checkout.     Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Sonderger Go to your Reisadviseur Orsoniccars. The following podcast is A Dear Media Production Welcome to the Blonde Files I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal

health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I'm bringing on expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the first official episode of the year. Well, I guess Monday's episode was. But the first interview episode of the year, let me just say I'm really excited for the podcast this year. I have a good feeling about things. And I can't wait for you guys to hear some of the guests that I have coming up. But I have to say I absolutely loved this episode. And I will admit, I did not really know what to expect going into it.

So I don't really watch a lot of reality TV. I don't watch a ton of TV. I don't watch a ton of TV general. I have a few shows here and there that I fixate on, but usually by the end of the day, I'm so burnt out on being on a screen. You guys know I'm a delicate little flower, so everything affects me. And if I watch TV at night, it messes with my sleep. Anyway, all of this is to say, I know who Hannah Brown is. I'm familiar with her, but I hadn't really watched any of the shows that she's been on. So I didn't really know what to expect. But I think that actually kind of lent itself to this being a really good conversation because we really just went for the deep stuff instead of talking about kind of the surfacy like reality TV Bachelor,

Dancing with the Stars kind of things that you hear about in a lot of other interviews. And I just felt like we had such a raw, candid, vulnerable conversation. And I just loved her so much. So as you guys probably know, Anna Brown is a television personality and an influencer. She starred on The Bachelorette. She was on the Bachelor. She won Dancing with the Stars. Now she is on a new Fox show called Special Forces, World's Tethest Test. And in this conversation, we kind of just dive right in and go back to her past and her upbringing and her family dynamics. And we talk about why that drew her to seek out competitions her whole

life. She was also in pageants before she was on TV. And we talk about how being in the public eye for so much of her life has affected her. And we talk about body image and things like that. But she also had this really kind of profound moment where she realized that getting everything that she wanted, you know, being on these TV shows, winning, dancing with the stars, it didn't really mean anything to her because she didn't have inner happiness and inner peace. And she just had this moment where she felt like she hit rock bottom. And that changed the trajectory of her life. And so we talked about what that kind of emotional rock bottom was like. And then how she shifted to focus on her mental health and cultivate inner happiness. And we talk a lot about her

self-care routines. We talk about tips to protect our peace. This is the year of protecting our peace. Let me just say. at least for me. I know everyone is like, okay, we're over hearing about New Year's resolutions and goals, especially after my last episode. But just got to say, like, that is number one. We talk about how to avoid the comparison trap. We talk about boundaries limiting social media. We play around of this or that at the end from questions that the audience sent in. And it's just a really honest conversation. I think everybody will be able to relate to it and we'll find value in it. I know I definitely did. So please enjoy Hannah. Welcome, Hannah. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. So excited to have

you here. And my audience is really excited too. I put a Instagram story thing up yesterday saying that you were coming on. And I had people send in this or that question. So we're going to play around of this or that at the end. But there are so many things that I want to get into with you today. And I wanted to start actually with something that I heard you say on another podcast. I think it was on relationship. And you said that you had a realization where you recognized that your whole life has been a series of competitions going way back. You did dance, right? And then you did pageants.

And then you did The Bachelor and then dancing with the stars. And I just am curious, what led to that realization and what was that like for you? Well, I wrote my memoir, God bless this mess, and through that, I actually worked with my therapist through the process. Like, she was there through me kind of going through my life. And as I was detailing everything and kind of just looking back and she, like, looked at me and she said, do you like see a pattern here? and she's like everything you've done, you've been in a competition. And it was wild to look back on that and then see how that has shaped the way that I

live my life and how I exist. And while I think there's so many great things about that, I mean, it keeps me driven and focused when I am in that competition state. There's also like a sense of fight or flight that you're always staying in, always trying to be ready and trying to gain a better position and caring about what other people think. A lot of those competitions are based with what judges think about you. And that is so it's all about what other people think of you. You know, it's not based on any merit of my own worth.

And it can get into a very slippery slope of insecurities and doubt. And yeah, I've had to do a lot. a lot of reframing from that and it was really powerful because I definitely see how in my life, I definitely have thought that living in a state of flight or flight has really been the thing that kind of gave me a wake up call. Like, that feels normal to me, like, always be on edge of what's going to happen and try to prepare for that. And that's not a way to live. So this, really this past year or two, I've really just tried to get a little bit more grounded and know that it's okay to breathe and be present. I don't think I even knew that was possible before. I was always like

thinking of the next and it's still a challenge now. I was listening to a podcast and they were talking about why we are so resistant to change and why we somehow find comfort in the habits and the patterns that are not necessarily the best thing for us. And the psychologist who was on the podcast was saying that our brains are just wired to see anything unfamiliar as a threat. So somebody might say, well, if you're in fight or flight all the time, why do you stay in those patterns? But your brain would rather stay in the familiar because that's not threatening. You kind of know the outcome. You've kind of been sitting there. Whereas the unknown is just a threat. This has been such a big thing.

And my journey lately, I have a new show coming out, Special Forces, World's Toughest Test. But I got into this crazy environment, and I realized there was like this change in my brain that was almost like, oh, this feels comfortable. And that was really, it should have not been that way. So when I got back home, I was like, why do I do that? And same thing in relationships. I'm in a relationship now that is so safe and grounding. And I know just that my partner is like with me. And that is one of the issues that we have is actually me almost wanting to make something out of nothing.

And really being able to sit in like the grace and goodness of it. it is the wildest thing to me, but it is so true for me. Like, I'm always like, I'm always like, where's the drama? Which is not good, but I'm slowly, like, I really feel like I've done a really good job of slowly breaking that pattern. But it is such a pattern that you have to break, even like a generational pattern of if you live in drama, and chaos. That's all I've ever known. And to now, well, then put into like extreme chaos being on some of the shows that I was on in such a short amount of time, to now being like, okay, there's an alternate way to live. And choosing that has been difficult, but so worth it.

I'm thankful. That resonates with me because I'm a former alcoholic and addict. And so all I really knew was volatility in one way or another in chaos for so long. And when I got sober, I was really uncomfortable initially, not because I didn't like being sober, because I did like that part. But my life and my relationships and everything just felt so not boring, but I was just kind of looking for something to create that cycle again. Oh my gosh. So I haven't struggled with that type of addiction, but I say that my struggle with addiction is like validation. And I think that comes from being in that competitive state my whole life, like being validated in my works and what I do and really never

feeling worthy, but like I want to make this happen or make people like me. So with that becomes chaos and drama and striving. I would imagine there's a sense of control in that too. For sure. I will control people's perception of me. Yes. And that kind of got me to where I was on these television shows, but then it was like through that is where I really started being like seeing the negative effects of that and just how you can't keep that up for a long time or at least I couldn't. Like I just, I couldn't do it anymore. Maybe I got older. I was just like, I can't and then saw the damaging ramifications of that. But that has, that has been my addiction is always trying to my, I don't know, I guess, when.

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Love you, Mean It. You kind of alluded to this, but I was going to ask you, have you explored why you sought that out? that competitiveness and that desire to win and that trajectory that you went on. Yeah, I mean, I've talked about this and my parents know, like, their relationship, especially early on, like, could be, it wasn't like always the most peaceful household to be in. And I think I found whenever I succeeded or excelled in something, it was like the peacemaker.

It was like the thing that drew the titchin away from maybe the argument or issues that were happening and could bring some type of peace. And so I think I continued that of like, oh, if only like this will happen, then this will kind of cover up everything else. So I definitely think that's where that stem from. I'm still kind of working on it. Yeah, I think that has been it. And so now I'm trying to be. And now, like I said, my life is, I've made changes and made choices to where that isn't the life style that I live in currently. But there's still like almost that feigning for the whole cycle that I still have, which I think is just super interesting.

Like, I think there's so many different types of addictions that you can have. Yes. And that is one. Like I literally, like you said, like it can be boring. I sometimes say like, I don't feel like I. I'm as interesting anymore now that I'm like, I don't know, healing. But that, yeah, that's just kind of, I'm trying to find, like, really who am I without all the distractions. Because all of it is, it really is a distraction. Yeah. I think that makes people more interesting. Like being introspective

and having perspective and insight and all of that, you've talked about hitting a rock bottom with all of this. And I'm curious if you can elaborate on what that was for you and what made you decide to get out of that cycle for a little bit and explore all of it. Yeah. Well, I had like a crazy 2019, 2018 to like 2020, like just life completely changed. Like I had $70 in my bank account and like my parent, you know, just it wasn't, it was just me. And I was just didn't know what I want to do. and then had all these crazy, like, opportunities just come up, and none of it was me searching for it, which is what I've always found out, like, when I'm successful, it's when I'm just, like, being authentic and things will come.

It's all the in-between is where I really mess up because I'm like, oh, I've got to keep it, or I've got to have it, and then I get in the way. And I think it was really after winning, dancing with the stars, I think I had gone through so much just my, personal life being on display and not really realizing like the emotional toll that was taking on me or realizing it but having this new distraction and believing, okay, well, if I win this, then it'll all be worth it because how was like a year ago, I would have never thought this would happen. And then when I won is actually when I think everything started to really just like spiral because I think I wanted it to feel this certain way, which,

I'm like, I love that show. I'm so thankful to be on that show. I'm so thankful for the people involved. But it was my own mental state that really made me realize, like, when I won, I thought I would be, like, super excited and I felt so empty. And because I was still hurting, like, I was proud of what I did, but it's getting all the things that you want, do not make, cannot make you have internal happiness. And then my life just started spiraling.

My brother had, which he's talked about openly, like he had an overdose. I had some like relationship things going on. I was just making like very bad decision. I never struggled with alcohol, but I found myself just like drinking every night. And I, and for me, drinking every night, like I never drank before. Like truly, it was just becoming this really bad. cycle and kind of lost who I was, frankly. I found that addiction to the validation came from my cell phone and everybody else around me. Like my friends now were like when I saw you during

this time, like, it's just very apparent to people who knew me. I was not really okay. I was just very distant. And so, yeah, I made some really bad decisions and hurt people and hurt myself. And then it was like, okay, a lot has just happened. And I, need help. Like this isn't really even me to make poor decisions like this. And, but it was also really hard because I had never really gotten in trouble in my life, like made really bad decisions because I was always like very like calculated in a way. And it was like all that just then got me into the spiral just like not being myself. And that was when I was like, okay, things have got to change and started going to therapy. And I know, I think like everybody's like,

I go to therapy, but like it does like literally change your life. Yeah. And had to make like boundaries, like learn boundaries and make tough choices and have really hard conversations with other people and with myself and lots of like emotional like breakdowns to breakthroughs. And I'm still on the journey too. I don't want to like make it sound like I figured everything out. Definitely haven't.

But it was what I needed. I think sometimes like you have to have that like rock. once you hit rock bottom there's only up from there and there's kind of like a sense of like freedom in that it's like there's nowhere else for me to really go in my journey right now other than up and to get better and that's kind of how I live my life now like when I have a bad day I always like look at this thing I have on mirror and it says am I better today than I was yesterday and if the answer is no sometimes it is is not usually no twice in a row and that's kind of just how i've been living my life but also with that when you're like healing there's

some hard days that you're like coming to terms with things and that's kind of where i am right now like i have some really hard days of oh wow i didn't realize i was doing this because of this or trying out this different type of therapy that breaks open something. It's a lot. Healing is hard, but worth it. Like, it's such a journey. Yeah, I can relate to that so much because I had my own rock bottom as well. And I've talked about it a lot on this podcast, but I look back on that.

And it's the thing that I'm the most grateful for out of anything in my life because it changed the trajectory. And what you're saying is so true. It really is a foundation. because you're all the way at the bottom, you know, there's nowhere else to go. And that's a great place to start rebuilding. But it's so hard to have that perspective when you're in it. So I think it's amazing for anybody listening who is feeling like they might be at rock bottom two or going through something hard. I think stories like yours are so empowering and inspiring because it's hard to see it when you're in it. But I'm sure you would look back and feel grateful for that as well.

I mean, your book is called God Bless This Mess. It's like, that's like that's That's it. And I think also the biggest thing that I hope people take away is like you can have all these great things happen in your life. And in some things it can be luck. Some things like you do deserve, you work. But if your internal piece is not there, like none of it is as gratifying or fulfilling as you think it's going to be.

So like if you're at rock bottom, like you can start like you said, like build that foundation. and recognize, like, what was your foundation before and make choices to pick something that is going to be more grounding and firm. But it's like that process of looking at what the crap was, it is hard. But it's so worth it. Like, I think I had moments of, I've always had some mental health, like, struggles. in the past and kind of didn't know what it was. It wasn't really talked about where I'm from Alabama, like, legit, like therapy was for nobody talks about.

Like, it just was not talked about. And kind of being able to, like, just realize what was going on, what, like, how to help aid in the way that I, my mood and the way that I feel. has been, first of all, that's been life-changing. But now that I've made some of these choices, created these boundaries, just changed my life. You can feel greater joy than you ever could before, like, real presence, because I didn't know how to do that in the life that I was living. And so, I think that is where the, like, hope comes. It's like, once you do the work, you get to experience

deeper joy, deeper gratitude, really understand, like, that, like, hope. is healing and that it will come. So yeah, super grateful for even all the mess. What are some of the other tools that you had besides therapy and creating boundaries? What are some of the tools that you incorporated into your healing? And then the second part of that is you are putting yourself back out there again with this new show of yours. And is there anything that you did to support yourself through that process that you maybe weren't doing before? Mm-hmm. So my healing process really started with journaling because, like I said, hadn't really gone to therapy. And my journal was the way that I could really express what was really going on. And that's still something that, like, I'm so passionate about. I think it has just helped me so much in my life and day to day and really helping reshape the way, like, I'm thinking that day. Like, I'm thinking that day. Like, I could write in my journal, like my negative mindset.

And it's almost like once it's out there, I'm able to reset. And I love that. That's been great. I've, like, created a journal because I'm so passionate about it. Do you do it in the morning? I do. I do it. What about you?

I, when I do it, I'm not always consistent. But I like to do it in the morning as soon as I wake up, sit down with my macho before I meditate. Because I feel like I have so much. like just shit bouncing around my head. And it's something about like pen to paper. And it's different when you write it versus when you do it in your phone too. For sure. Where it like clears out all of that and it frees up so much space. So I like doing the morning. Same. And I will say when some people will say, uh, I don't do that much or whatever. I think journaling comes to you when you need it the most. So like there's sometimes that I won't journal for I try to do it every day,

but there are seasons where I don't. But in the seasons that I really need it, it always comes back to me and it's like so impactful. I think that applies to so many of these things. I think we're so exposed to everybody else's healing practices and self-care routines and you feel like, oh, they must be doing this every day. I have to do it to be successful.

And it's like, no, people, honestly, I'm calling bullshit. I don't think everybody does everything the exact way. way every day. My boyfriend is a lot more structured than I am, but even he sometimes wakes up at 430, sometimes 5.30, he can't, like, and which weird. But there is always some, like, level, like, you have to, like, be in tune with your body and what your body and your mind need, and that changes. But also the other thing that's helped me a lot on my healing journey is, like, I feel like many Americans were prescribed medicine from, like, their general physician. without just being like, oh, here, like, oh, you need this.

And while the medicine, I've been on the same medicine this whole time, and it was actually like a good fit, actually going to see a psychiatrist. And I work with Dr. Amon, who's amazing. Oh, yeah. And got like a brain scan, did the whole thing and got on the right supplements and really figuring out what the heck is going on. Because sometimes the anxiety, depression, the ADD, all those things are related to something else in your body.

So I started going to a lot of different doctors and found out I have a lot of shit going on that no wonder I wasn't in the best mind space. So I think medicine and nutrition and therapy remedies are just so important. So that's been a big thing for me. I'm actually just now starting EMDR therapy. Oh, yeah. Because talk therapy, I really needed and I think it's great. But for me, there's, like, trauma that just is, like, stuck. And I didn't even know.

And when you do these EMDR treatments, it's just wild. So trying a lot of different therapy, acupuncture is, like, my favorite thing ever. It's helped me so much. Rakey. I've kind of done it all. I mean, there's a lot out there, but I've done a lot of different things that I never thought I would do, but you know, you see what works for you. And so that's been some of other things I've been doing on my journey. And honestly, taking some people out of my life and keeping the good ones around, making my circle a lot smaller and protecting myself a little bit more. I think I had such a, I think vulnerability is amazing, but I think I like over, you. don't have to overexpose yourself. And I think I didn't understand that.

So really working on, like, protecting my peace regardless of what people think that's coming from. And I think that's hard. I'm like, no, like, I don't, I'm not going to this or seeing this person because I don't like them or anything. It's just I've got to protect this piece bubble around me as I'm on this journey of healing. Because I think when you're in the journey, you can be a little bit more fragile while you're

building back up. And as far as the special forces show that I did, I think it was the perfect thing for me to do because it really put everything that I've been working for to the test. But that was really scary at first because I'm like, I've done all this work, but now I'm about to put myself in another very uncomfortable position, but it's for transformation. This is not, the show is not to hurt you anyways, to make you better. and to really bring you face to face with some of those, you know, demons and things that are still trying to take hold of you and really like seeing how you can push through and break open to be better and really push myself in a way I never thought was possible. Like I think we don't know our own strength and our own power until we're put in a position where we have to make decisions to see where we kind of land. in that. And so that's, that's why I did it. And it was, it was really special. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. And I don't think there'll be any way for people to really see what we did because

it was a totally immersive experience and physically, mentally, like, just wild. Like, I sometimes I'm like, I can't believe I did this stuff. What kind of things did they have you doing? Well, it was obviously, like physically you know it's going to be physically challenging but it would be like I don't want to like trying to think of what I mean we had to jump the first like we're literally there for I don't even know how long and they're like pushing us on the floor we're being bags are over our head being like yelled at like drug around we don't know where we're going and literally had to like strip down in front of, you know, you're stripped down and put on these clothes and you get a number and never called by your name. And we live, I think for me the living conditions were like

the toughest part, even mentally just we slept on a cot that was like, like, like, I don't know how some of the bigger guys slept on it. I mean, they were, I mean, their legs were falling off, but like even the sides, like so small in the desert, you're constantly sweating. There would be like literally and I'm not exaggerating like maybe 25 flies like sitting on you like it was hard I could never outside like this is not like a the pretty like you don't see the producers ever on the show it is truly like an immersive experience and that can be hard because you have no idea what you have no control of the way that way that you're being perceived because you're just strip down of everything. Like ego is cannot be existent. So that was really tough. And then

physically, like I said, I mean, you're, you're already like in the desert heat in Jordan. Oh my God. Oh, no. It's like you're in. And it's just like your deepest fear. You're up against every like the deepest fears, whether that's claustrophobia or that is heights or that is trusting somebody else with your life or being interrogated. people screaming at you, not knowing when, I think one of the, it's like, you never knew when something was going to happen. You're constantly on edge. How did that affect your fight or flight? Oh, that's what I, I was like, oh, this feels normal. You're chilling. I wasn't, but I was just, it was hard, but I realized that, like, I realized

that that was kind of not comfortable. It's never comfortable. You're just accustomed to it. But, yeah, you were, there was no relax. ever because they could come in there and I mean you're you're doing basically a navy steel special forces course so just like watch when this documentary it's like I watched one like after I'm like this is literally what we had to do like that's exactly like it was just I can't like I keep the words to it sometimes because it was that wild and I don't like really like being yelled out it like triggers me somehow like not like that I want to yell back, but like crumble, and I had to just like get over that. So like to prepare for it,

I did a lot of hypnosis. Oh. To help get me into like a state of calm when chaos was going on. I did not know how to do that before. If there was chaos, I was chaos. And so that actually helped me so much like meditation, but like kind of like learning. Okay, when all those like my brain is like firing that, okay, we're in trouble. Like, we need to be on guard. My, I would just, like, use those tools to kind of help slow my heart rate down and get back centered and kind of like shut everything else out in a way. I never really, like, I was proud of myself because I was like, oh, like, this is working. I feel like that's such a valuable skill to have, too. Like, I'm sure that's something that you'll have with you. For sure. I mean, I think you have to, like, practice it. And I'm not

always like that. Like my boyfriend says like I can be like chaotic energy and but when I do hone in on those tools like it it changes everything and it definitely helped me there but some of the times there was no helping it felt just I'm excited for people to see it but like I said like I wanted people to see it but I also think they'll never understand right because there's some things that are probably not like interesting TV that were probably like the hardest far as I don't know if people will really show like they'll show. So it it's I'm super grateful for being able to have that experience because it taught me a lot about myself. Over the years of being like on these competitive shows and being in the public, I have you been able to not care

what people's opinions are of you? Like I would imagine being scrutinized for your looks back in the pageant days and then being scrutinized for whatever on the bachelor and then scrutinized on Dancing with the Stars and with social media, like, people are going to scrutinize everything that you say and do. I know you've been open about like body image and things like that in the past, but have you been able to take yourself out of the comparison trap and take yourself out of being affected by people's judgment? I will be very honest about that. I have seasons where I'm really great about it and have seasons where I really struggle. I definitely think because I was in I danced and I did pageants before like the bachelor and bachelorette.

I think that definitely helped me because I was used to people kind of saying, oh, you're so pretty. But if you could just lose this much weight, you know, you might have a shot or, you know, sending me pictures of other people and literally being like, you need to look like this girl before this time. So like that was my reality. Like I was used to people pointing out things. I think that's why I can be so I learned to be very critical of myself. So there were times where I could really laugh, like, laugh it off.

But then there were times where if something had happened in my personal life, that I was already, like, being critical about myself. And to see somebody else point that out, that's when I really struggle. Because I am, I truly am my worst critic. Anything somebody's probably said about me, like, I hate that I probably thought it. So it just, like, punctures the wound. a little bit more when I'm in that negative state of mind. So that's why it's so important for me to continually work on my mental health

because it helps with the way that I respond to the things I can't control. And that's what other people think and say about me. When I have that control over myself and in a place of reminding myself, I'm worthy and I am always like healing and growing instead of, of pointing out all the mistakes I've made along the way, that's when those things can roll off my back. But I mean, how can, I truly don't know if it's possible in this day of age of like social media. And it's like my soapbox. Like how can we not compare ourselves? And it really like makes me sad for like if I'm struggling with this. Like I can't imagine how other young girls are

struggling with comparing themselves to a false reality. First of all. It's not all true. And that's why I sometimes like I'm not always that active on my social, even though I know I probably should be for my business. But there are days that that's life. Like you can't put up a front every day. Like it's just I like I said, I'm too tired. I think I did it so much younger like when I was younger. Like I'm too tired to do it. So just kind of like giving myself what that needs.

And sometimes that's not a picture perfect day or something. And then limiting the. amount that I expose myself to it. I think that's so hard because we are all in some way addicted to it. But for me, I think it gives me anxiety and I realize I have to like just put the phone away and like I said, be present. Like that's what I've had to really learn. But to say that I've, there's no way for me to be truthful and say I've got it all figured out or I don't. get in those comparison traps because I do, but I do have a foundation. I know that I can fall back on when I find myself in those places. And that is what I'll be forever grateful for

and want to encourage people that are also struggling with the same things that you can have those foundations in that toolbox to help you through those times that are inevitable. Yes. And social media isn't going anywhere. So we might as well figure out how to have boundaries surround it and find what works for us and limit our exposures. We can't fully control everything that we see, but we can unfollow and we can mute and we can dislike things on our for you page if you don't want to see like whatever it is. That's making you feel less than or anything like that. And I'm with you. I had a really hard year. And it was just not realistic and it didn't feel good. And it wasn't authentic for me to show up on social a lot, which is hard because in this day and age,

especially if you have a business or you are your business or your brand, it's a luxury to not be on social media. Absolutely. But it's this never-ending hamster will because it isn't going anywhere. Yes. So I think people are beginning to understand that more. And I'm trying to find the balance. Like I know sometimes my, I say like literally ghost social media sometimes.

It's because it's still a journey that I'm on. It's like, it's honestly the first thing I did EMDR therapy on was my relationship with social media, the fear that comes with it. And I think that's just like the climate that we're in right now and being able to, I didn't really have a hard time being authentic. But now when, if you're, if you're scared, it makes it hard to show up the way that I, the only way I know how to show up. So I'm having this like internal struggle with it, to be honest. And it's the journey that I'm on right now. So people are not alone. A lot of people are. I think a lot of people are. But I want to find that balance because like you said, it's not going anywhere. And I want it to be something.

that I am again excited to be on, excited to use, excited to connect with, because that's the good part about it. There are good things about social media, but it's just filtering through the bullshit in our own minds and what the world is telling us. Right. I mean, audio. Audio is where it's at. Yeah, exactly. Okay, let's do a quick round of this or that. I had people send in, I don't know you call this or that's. Mm-hmm. Let's see. I actually love this or that, so I'm excited.

Go in or stay out? I am definitely going to go in. Sweet or savory. Ooh. Sweet. Small or big purse? Probably a small purse because if I have a large purse, like it becomes a bottomless pit. I'm not good about like organizing it.

Bachelor in Paradise or? or regular bachelor or bachelor's. Regular. Regular, Bachelor of Rett, for sure. Hot or cold coffee? Okay, I've always been hot and I've never understood cold coffee.

And I, I'm starting, I'm still going to say hot, but I am starting to understand why cold coffee is good. So, you know, ask me in a year, we'll see. What cold coffee do you like? Oh my gosh. I like this one at Starbucks.

It's like, but I realize that cold coffee is, it tastes a lot better when you have like milk and stuff in it. I drink my coffee black when it's hot. And now I've discovered all the sweet and yummy stuff. So, yeah, like a latte, cold, I think tastes better than hot. But that's why I have to like, I want to continue to say hot because I drink it black and that's just better for my body. But spray tan or self-tan?

spray tan. I don't trust myself. Big wedding or elope. This has actually been something I've been talking about a lot lately just of like, I feel like I've been changing, I've changed. And I think a lope actually, I don't know. We'll, we'll see when I get there. I hear you. I always thought I was going to be a big wedding person. And then when it came time to actually plan my wedding, I was like, I don't want anybody. We ended up having 32 people. We did it at a restaurant in the Westfield. in New York. That was like an old Italian restaurant and we had it completely, it looked like a secret garden and we just had a big dinner party. Which I love. Which is amazing. Yeah, I've been talking about that. I sometimes, like I have like a few dreams of what it would be like there is a

world where it would be like all my, my mom's side of the family has like we have some land in Minto and Alabama like farm and like my mom got. married on that same it's like a in the same place and like to do that so i'd be like very homegrown hometown well not even my hometown but like it's a small place that couldn't really had that many people because there's nowhere for them to stay and then i've also i love the idea of having a smaller wedding eloping and then having like a fun party yes because i will say i feel like i will miss like a fun reception because that that is where i come alive so i want that but i just don't want all the stuff that the planning that comes along with the big wedding and big reception.

So we'll see. I'm not there yet, but it is something that I've been like thinking about more. Instagram or TikTok? Instagram. Really? I actually, because I feel like this is also my boundaries, like thing, I get so sucked in on TikTok. Instagram.

I just, I like stories, but I don't really like the algorithm right now because I can't even see the people I want to. I know. What are you? Are you TikTok? No, I'm Instagram. But I feel like I have to do TikTok, but it's so hard to be consistent across, especially with a podcast too. Like so many platforms. So if I'm on top of one, the other is falling by the wayside. And then if I'm on top of the other, the other. So it's like. It is a juggling act. Yeah. I feel the same way. I think TikTok, I love watching content on TikTok, creating it on there. I've just got to learn, like I said, not to care. And. And I really don't. If you look at my content, you're like, I don't think she cares. But really just be more active on it. But it's like a, I mean, it is.

It's like a full-time job. Yes. I know. I'm trying to outsource to people because I'm like, I can't do everything. But then people really only connect with the content that you're doing yourself. People know when it's you or somebody else. Yeah. I've done both.

And it's like, it's such a battle. So people just like, even if it's a really bad TikTok, Just give us some love. Just encourage us to keep going. Also, the culture on TikTok is so different. I feel like on Instagram you have more of a community because the people who see your content are the people who follow you. Whereas on TikTok, so many people who see your content just see it on the for you page, which makes it fun to be a content consumer, I think.

For sure. But it's also why it makes it so addictive. But then when you're on the receiving end of people's comments who don't know you or anything about you, they're so snarky. I know. It's not a, it's not like a safe space. Yes. That's what it comes down to. That's why the podcast is like a safe space.

It's like if people are going to listen, they are interested in you and want to like encourage and be encouraged. Yeah. For the most part, there are definitely some haters. I'm sure. They're everywhere. Yeah. I think there should be. I've talked about this.

I just feel like there should be a TV show of we confront these trolls. Yeah. Because I feel like there's definitely, there's some TV in there that's going on in their life that you feel the need to do that. The people who are trolling are only doing it because they don't have to be accountable and because they can be anonymous. Yes. 99.999% of them would never say anything to your face. No, no. Probably give you a hug. I'd be like, I love you. I love you. I'm like, do you though? No, but it's really great. I try to like remind myself my, I keep.

talking about my boyfriend, but he's awesome. And he's so, like, helpful and helps redirect me. But there's, like, there are so many people that, that do love what we're trying to do and just focus on that and never let the few that are just out there, like, probably doing it to multiple people steal the joy that you have of, like, what you're trying to create. But it, yeah, it's so hard. Well, I think we're out of time. But thank you so much for coming on. Yeah, it was so fun. And thank you for being so candid. I think a lot of people who are listening to this can definitely relate.

So tell everybody, do you know when the show comes out? Yeah, the show comes out January 4th on Fox. And I think people are actually really going to love it. It's like number one show in the UK and this is the first time they're bringing it over. And it's a great way not only like to see me, but some other incredible people in like their rawest form. So I'm excited. I'm going to tune in. I got to see what this is all about.

Oh, yeah. I really think people are going to love it, and I'm so honored to be a part of it, but don't make fun of that. Reminder. I did not get to shower for a long time. How long are we talking here? Well, I can't really say because it would get away. Oh, okay. But it was rough.

It was hard, but. We'll have to tune in. That's what it was about. Just remember that, folks. Trolls. Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the

best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to the Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to arealory.com. And I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Areaulani. No worry. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.