Well with Arielle Lorre - 273: Solo Q&A: Walking Through Fear, How I Built My Current Life, Body Image, Comparison & More!

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

 In this solo episode I answer questions from listeners including what my current wellness routines are, wellness things I do that I don’t share about, how I deal with fear, who and what inspires me, the transition in my life between getting sober and meeting Chuck, binge eating, body image and how to stop comparing ourselves to other people. This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.At Westin hotels, there’s amenities and offerings aimed to help you move well, eat well, and sleep well, so you can keep your well-being close, while away. Find wellness on your next stay at Westin.Go to SundaysForDogs.com/blonde or use the code BLONDE at checkout for 35% off your first order of Sundays.AG1 is giving you a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your purchase. Head to drinkAG1.com/blondefiles to redeem. Get your free personalized plan with Ideal Image at IDEALIMAGE.COM/blonde and receive $100 off any laser hair removal treatment until November 18th.For a limited time, listeners get 20%  off their first order by going to vegamour.com/blonde use code blonde at checkout. For 15% off Ned products, head to helloned.com/blonde or enter the code BLONDE at checkout.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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on your reis-soddwere or sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. One of the questions that I get all the time, from listeners and people who follow me is how do I stay healthy and maintain healthy habits when I travel. I think we have all experienced being really locked in with our routines when we're at home

and then we travel and it's really hard to keep up with our habits. But Weston hotels make it possible for you to keep up with your wellness routine while traveling and even explore new ones, which I always think is so fun when I'm traveling. I love exploring the area. around me on a walk. You can go for runs. I love a good hotel gym. And Weston has all of that and more. So with signature offerings that help you move, eat, and sleep well, Weston hotels make travel an opportunity to enhance your well-being. So at Weston, you can work out how you want with a variety of fitness options to keep your wellness routine on track while you're away. You can maintain your focus in Weston Workout Fitness Studios, which are equipped with state-of-the-art

equipment. They also have really amazing run options. So Weston actually has a run concierge, which is a running guide and buddy who makes it easy for you to explore the local areas. Weston has three and five miles scenic running maps that can make it easier for you to find the best route to explore on foot. You can also do your own thing in your guest room with workout and recovery gear available on demand through Weston's gear lending program. And you can customize your workout while on the go with hyper rice and Bala products to borrow during your stay. Also, they have their eat well menu. So this is designed with foods that make sure you meet your nutritional needs. And you can choose what's right for you based on desired portion size, nutritional balance, and ingredients. As if that's not enough,

you can also recharge your body in mind with restorative sleep in Weston's renowned heavenly bed and so much more. So Weston Hotels and Resorts is part of Marriott Bonboy. an extraordinary portfolio of hotel brands and an award-winning travel program. At Weston hotels, there's amenities and offerings aimed to help you move well, eat well, and sleep well, so you can keep your well-being close well away. Find wellness on your next day at Weston. Welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lurie, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I'm bringing on

expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Oh my gosh. This was supposed to be a very different episode. I was going to be recording from Paris, but life got in the way of that. So I postponed my trip, hopefully just a few weeks, and hopefully that will be happening. There may be some changes, but I didn't really do any traveling this summer for some reason. And I was so looking forward to this trip. A lot of you know, I went to Paris around the same time last year, Solo, which was the best experience. Paris is my favorite city. So, last year I wanted to go and just shop and wander and eat and it was supposed to be like a

divorce trip but then we kind of got back together right before so it wasn't really the eat pray love that I thought it was going to be but it was still the best time I saw some friends the first week and then my dad and I did a bike trip in Normandy and then I went back to the city for a few days and this year I was going to do something similar like I was was going for about five days solo so that I could do all my shopping and wandering and eating. And then I was going to have my mom come out for a week for her birthday present this year. Then I was going to maybe hang a little bit after that too. So anyway, let's all just pray to the travel gods who seem to have it out for me lately

that this actually happens this month, please. And thank you very much. But anyway, here we are solo episode Q&A. I'm going to try to take some questions that I haven't answered in a while, although that is kind of difficult because the topics that I get sent in are always pretty similar. People always ask me about the same things. But I will do my best to not be too repetitive. So a lot of people asked for specific break. of my morning and nighttime routines, which you guys know, I don't understand this question. I don't care about other people's routines, but I'm very flattered than anybody cares about mine. And I do have to say, I am pretty good about book ending my day with just a few things in the morning and a few things at night. I'm not super regimented. Like, they're always kind of ebbing and flowing. That said, right now I am kind of regimented just because of some things.

I've been dealing with personally right now. And I need to be doing a lot of the wellness, girly things at this moment in time to support myself. And no, it's not my relationship. And it's not my boobs. I feel like those are the things people always go to. At least like if I say I'm dealing with something on Instagram, I get DMs. Like, is it your boobs? Like, are you sick? Or is it your relationship? So just putting that out there. But I will say I have been having a lot of, anxiety and a lot of fear lately, which are both no-boino for me. Fear is the chief activator of my character defects, as we say in recovery, and it causes me and really everyone to act out in ways that can be erratic and harmful, even when it's coming from like self-protective. Like,

it's self-protective, not in a good way. It's kind of instincts going awry, I think, when we're in a lot of fear. And I think fear tricks us into kind of having a false reality. It's like the acronym, false evidence appearing real. So we, I have to distinguish really the truth from the false. So something I've been doing for this lately, that's part of my routine. I usually do this in the evening is journaling. And normally I'm not a journaler per se. I have some writing prompts that I do in the morning and the nighttime for my recovery practice, but I'm not usually just like a free flow stream of consciousness person, although when I do do that, I can see and I can feel the benefits. But anyway, I can't remember where I first saw this prompt, but to help with fear or anxiety,

I've been writing what I know to be true. So that's the prompt. What do you know to be true? And I write for five or ten minutes, whatever comes up. And let me tell you, I really don't know a whole lot to be true. I know I have my faculties. I know I'm safe. I know my basic needs are met. I know that right now in this moment, this second, I'm okay. Things may not be how I want them to be, but I'm okay. And following this prompt really helps to see how fear or anxiety I kind of blend the two because they show up the same way for me. But it really shows how the fear. fear is tricking you or tricking me or tricking us whomever. So fear tells us everything is bad. And when we believe that everything is bad, everything will be or everything will feel bad. Since this is the episode of wellness things, wellness habits, another one of my really foundational wellness

habits for years now, definitely since pre-pandemic, has been drinking my AG1 first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. So I initially started doing this for gut health. I remember I had a call with somebody from the AG1 team. Maybe it was 2018 or 2019. I can't even remember it was so long ago. And they told me that AG1 was started because the founder, at the time was also having crazy gut issues, taking so many supplements to no avail. And so they wanted to have this one foundational product that kind of covered it all. So it replaces your multivitamin, your probiotic, and more just in one simple little micro habit. And that is what I have found. I absolutely love it. It's something that I really look forward to in the morning. I love the

taste. It's kind of like a semi-sweet pineapple vanilla and it's so easy. I just mix one scoop of AG1 in cold water in the morning, drink it while I do my meditation or before my meditation. And that's it. And I feel like I'm covering so many of my bases. So every scoop is packed with 75 vitamins, minerals, probiotics, and whole food sourced ingredients of high quality that give me major benefits, like gut and mood support, boosted energy, and even healthier looking skin, hair, and nails. And you guys probably know, because I talk about it all the time, I love to travel with it too. I bring the travel packs. It's so convenient.

That way I'm not packing a million different supplements. And I can drink my agey one in the morning and then go off and eat whatever I want to eat, not eat whatever I don't want to eat. Sometimes I'm not vegetable heavy or micronutrient heavy when I am traveling depending on where I am. And my body keeps functioning very well. And it's because of this routine and this habit that I have every morning. So if you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase. go to drinkag1.com slash blondefiles.

Again, that's drinkag1.com slash blonde files. Hi, everyone. I'm Peyton Sarton, host of the Note to Self podcast. Note to Self is a space to embrace your unique qualities, get grounded, and ultimately have honest conversation. No topic is off limits. I began doing social media seven years ago, and since then, I've started a clothing line and this podcast.

Note to Self is a place where people from every stage of life can come for advice, new perspectives and to feel a little less alone. Whether I'm recording by myself or bringing along a friend, we will explore topics ranging from relationships and mental wellness to social media and entrepreneurship. Tune in to note to self every week for the sisterly advice you didn't know you needed and raw conversations you've always wanted. I am all about doing higher maintenance things that then allow me to be low maintenance. Because if you really think about it, there are so many things that, especially we as women do, that are so time-consuming to maintain our appearance, whether that is dyeing our hair or getting our nails done or getting our brows done. There are so

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treatment until November 19th. Again, idealimage.com slash blonde. So I was just talking to my acupuncturist about this. I'm laughing because I feel like this is like an overheard in L.A. thing, but I've been doing a lot of acupuncture. So I was talking to him and he said, opposite of fear is giving. So I've always heard that the opposite of fear is faith, but I really like this idea that the opposite of fear is giving because fear tells us that we have nothing or we are losing everything or we will lose everything or we will lose something or we won't get what we want. That's

basically what fear comes down to. So the opposite of that is to give even when it feels impossible and even seemingly bad things aren't always bad, but it's so difficult to have that perspective when everything feels bad. So this is clearly something top of mind right now. My other acupuncturist, for anybody in L.A., I go to Dr. Ha and his wife, Dr. Ping, they're at Santa Monica Acupuncture. They've been doing it for over 40 years. They've devoted their lives to studying Chinese medicine. They're amazing. Anyway, I was crying at my session with Dr. Ping the other day, and she is so calm and so wise. And she was like, how do you know this is bad? And I was crying and I was like, what? Like, it just hit me in a way that I really needed

because I don't. I know from my recovery that sometimes the best things come from the seemingly bad. So anyway, I majorly digress and you're probably like, you okay. Yes, I'm good. I feel like you guys are my friends and I can just stream of consciousness, kind of out loud journal to you basically. So anyway, back to the original questions, morning and nighttime routines. Journaling is part of that. This is my prompt lately. But in the morning, I wake up around 6.30 and I have been going straight outside. I go outside. I do my 10-minute Wimhoff breathwork as soon as I wake up. I do not mess around on my phone. I try to get that natural light in my eyes. Asap, even when it's cloudy. I do some recovery readings, which take me like five minutes. I do my gratitude list, which is just

in my phone. So basically five things I'm grateful for, but lately I've been doing more. And then I do some sort of cold exposure, so usually a cold bath with some ice in it. So not as intense as a full cold plunge, which I actually did yesterday, so 45 degrees for about two minutes. I can build up to two minutes, but anyway, still a bath with ice in it is really freaking cold. And then I'll get going with my day. And then other days I'll do breath work, walk, and then cold plunge, and then shower, and get on with my day. So the light and the breathwork are huge currently. You can go on YouTube and search Wim Hof Beginners Breathwork. It is the best. You get high on your own supply, basically, and it really helps me with anxiety when my nervous system is just super activated. And the sunlight

or the natural light is just because I feel like my nervous system is so sensitive right now. And if I look at a screen right away, I'm just setting myself up for failure. for the day, honestly. And then my nighttime routine is around 7.30 or 8. So pretty early. I do my skincare. And then I take a 20-minute magnesium bath. I rinse off in the shower. I get in bed. I do my nighttime recovery writing, which is just the same thing nightly. It's like a little inventory. That journaling prompt I told you about, I do kind of earlier in the evening, like maybe when I'm making dinner or something. If I'm waiting for something to be ready, I'll do the journaling then. But at night, I do this little inventory then I read and I go to bed around like 930 or 10 at the

moment. So nothing really crazy, but these little habits just help to bookend my day with like these nervous system, nourishing activities. And I have been sleeping really well. I have to say So I'm going to stick with these for now. But like I said in the beginning, they really ebb and flow. Like earlier this summer, I was like super, super social, doing a lot of late night things. Even if I wasn't like doing something at night, I was going to bed around 11 or 1130, which was late for me. And I was like thriving. And I was not really doing like my meditations or anything. So it just goes to show that different things were. at different times and like the beauty of having these different practices is you can put them in your toolbox and you can take them out when you feel like you need them, but you don't have to live by them, or at least I don't have to. Someone asked, what are my biggest fears and how do I respond to them? Okay, so I'm glad that tangent I went off on about fear was not totally unwarranted. So I've done so much work on fear in recovery.

because that is my main area of struggle. I don't think people would necessarily know that just by seeing me or hearing me or knowing me because I essentially feel the fear and do things anyway, but it can really be insidious and it can really affect my life in other ways. So I think everyone has an area. That area is mine. Some people's area is relationships, our relationships. Some people's area is finances. Anyway, something I was taught to do with fear early on was to ask myself, who would I be without this fear? Like, make a list and list the fear and then write, who would I be without it? And then what would God or the universe or whatever I believe in have me do? So it makes it very clear. So a personal example, there have been a few like this lately.

have been when opportunities have been put in my path that intimidate me. So something I don't believe initially that I'm capable of doing or something that scares me. So I write that fear and then who would I be without the fear? Well, I would accept that opportunity. So what would God or the universe have me do? Very clearly, it is put in my path because it's meant for me regardless of whether I feel capable of doing it. So I accept that opportunity, that kind of thing. And again, back to what I was saying before, fear is a big liar. So of course, there are rational fears, fear around safety, fear around health, fear around finances. But a lot of our fears are irrational. And even our fears around those rational fears can become irrational. So I think writing is just really beneficial. And of course, action. Like you can't really think yourself out of fear. You act yourself out of fear. You act yourself out of fear. fear. Wellness routines I do, but haven't shared as much. I mean, definitely my recovery. That is the foundation of everything, but I don't share it on social media, aside from the little tidbits that I

share on here or a few of my TikToks and reels. But I never really go in depth. I believe in keeping that, you know, separate and keeping that private from my public life. But that is a huge one. And let's see. I don't know that these are routines, but I'm pretty good with social media and phone use boundaries. I am not a huge scroller, which I think is very beneficial to my wellness. Another would be like my relationships. So it's not a routine, but close relationships with my friends and my family. Those are very good for my wellness. Like I think we can talk and post about juicing and walking and journaling all day, but those are only going to get you so far. Like connection is so important. Life away from the screen is so important and not to sound like I'm better than anyone

because I fall short all the time and I go through phases where I'm totally phone addicted and like antisocial and all the things. But I do try to be mindful of what am I doing outside of the Wimhoff breathwork and the gratitude list and the cold bath? Like these things that are easy to call wellness, but like what about the other 98% of my life? Those are the things that I try to focus on that you don't necessarily see on social media. What or who inspires me and motivates me? I'm really motivated by strong, powerful people who are following their dreams and doing something with their life, whether they are mega successful or just trying to be good people. trying to carve out a niche. Like, I really admire people who just go for it. But I will say some of those

mega successful people do really motivate me. I am talking about how I am currently in a phase of my life where I need to be doing all of the wellness things and breaking down my morning and nighttime routines. And if you follow me on Instagram and watch my stories, you know that one of my constant wellness things is having my magnesium latte before I go to bed. This is something I have been doing for a long time. It started with having the Ned mellow magnesium just mixed with a little bit of water when I take my bath. And then they came out with their shut-eye chai, I believe, last year. And this has been something that I look forward to as much as I look forward to my macha in the morning. So basically it's a mellow super blend latte for sleep that combines adaptogens, aminos, functional mushrooms, and, of course,

magnesium. So it's really the best ingredients out there. It has gaba, L. Theanine, my favorite, wrapped in a heavenly masala chai inspired spiced body. So think cinnamon, clove, ginger, all that good stuff. And it doesn't just set you up for amazing sleep. Ingredients like Chaga, Rashi and Ashwaganda are deeply nourishing to your body, so you're getting a ton of additional benefits. And like all NED products, it is crafted from the highest grade single origin ingredients, ethically sourced from some of the world's best small-scale farms. It really will help to calm your nervous system. And it will just kind of nourish your senses and send you peacefully off to Dreamland. It's all natural. It's made of

functional botanicals, herbs, plants, minerals, roots, and spices. It's just so good. So the way that I make mine is I like to do about a cup and a half of cold macadamia milk. I'll put it in my magic bullet or you can just put it in a glass if you have a frother. And then I do a scoop of the shut I try and blend that together. Sometimes I'll add a teeny little drop of maple syrup if I want like a little extra sweetness, but usually I don't do that. And in the winter, I like to make it hot. And it's just this nighttime ritual that at this point, since I've been doing it for so long, signals my body that, you know, it's time to wind down and we are going to bed. So discover how should I try can revolutionize your sleep and get 15% off with the code blonde.

go to hello ned.com slash blonde or enter the code blonde at checkout. That's H-E-L-L-O-N-E-D dot com slash blonde to get 15% off sweet dreams. Since Harvey is a Bernie doodle micro-influencer, we get asked all the time what we feed him. And I have to say that we really did try so many different brands, but we landed on Sundays and it has stuck for a number of reasons. He absolutely loves it. He is healthy and thriving. He looks amazing. His coat is very shiny and soft. And also it's easy to store and serve. So super convenient and it has the best ingredients. So Sundays is air-dried dog food made from a short list of human-grade ingredients. It was co-founded by Dr. Tori, a practicing veterinarian, and it contains

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your door so you never have to worry about running out of dog food again. And Sundays costs 40% less than other healthy dog food brands because Sundays doesn't waste money shipping frozen packages. Instead, they spend on what matters most, which is, of course, sourcing the best all-natural ingredients for your dog. And they worked out an amazing deal for my dog-loving listeners. You can get 35% off your first order of Sundays. Go to to Sundays for Dogs.com slash blonde or use the code blonde at checkout. That's S-U-N-D-A-Y-S-F-O-R-D-O-G-S dot com forward slash blonde. Upgrade your pup to Sundays and feel good about the food you feed your dog. I just realized I haven't done a solo episode since I went to Taylor Swift. So let me tell you guys, I was not a Swiftie before the concert.

Like, I liked a lot of her music, but admittedly, I was just kind of like, I don't really get the hype and the hysteria and the swiftly lifestyle. So when I went to the concert, I don't know what I was expecting, but I was shook. I cannot even explain. I, like, fell in love with her and also wanted to be her. She became my guru and my North Star, like, all in those four hours that she. She performed. If any of my friends are listening to this, they're like, oh, my God, here she goes again. Every situation I've been like, what would Taylor Swift do? That's my new thing. But it was just crazy to be in a stadium with every single person, like 80,000 people scream singing every single word of every single song. And she is so confident and so meticulous in her performance and like her management of the crowd,

meaning like she knew exactly what to do just with a look or with a pause or with a move. Like it was just crazy. It was very inspiring. I was like, holy shit, that is one extremely powerful person. And she has persisted despite so many naysayers and she's on top of the world. And that I really, really admire. I was that person who like all week was psychotically. watching eras tour TikToks. That was a week that I was not doing well with my social media boundaries. And I would like get emotional and tell anyone and everyone how amazing it was. I got tickets for next year in Miami. I was, I felt high. Like it was actually bizarre. But I was also like, I want to be her. And like obviously that's never going to happen. I don't play an instrument

beyond like very basic piano and I don't sing and I don't have a talent like that that I have worked my entire life to hone and I don't write songs. But it was just very inspiring and I think I've said this before like I've been at award shows in the past where you know you're in a room with people who are getting recognized for being at the top of their craft and I know award shows are kind of like BS but there is still something. really inspiring about being in a room like that. You guys also know, LeBron James, my other North Star. He really inspires and motivates me. I also think his wife is very inspiring. Like she is, or she seems like, a very strong woman. She has values. She maintains a level of privacy. She seems like a really good

mother and cares about her family first. Like that I also really respect and admire. Oh, I watched the U.S. Open the other day. Cocoa Goff seeing her come back and win was amazing. That inspired me. And I loved what she said about the people who think they're pouring water on your fire are only pouring gasoline. It is so true. Nothing is a better motivator to get to that next level of whatever you're doing than a bunch of people trying to tear you down. Obviously, I'm not an elite athlete, but I do get it day in, day out on social media. And I'm like, yeah, you think you're doing one thing and really you're just motivating me. So thank you. Work ethic really inspires me. Really smart people inspire me. A few weeks ago, I went to dinner at the UCLA Chancellor's House to celebrate Chuck's

foundation, or not his foundation, but he has a scholarship program there as part of his foundation. And anyway, there were about 30 people. It was the chancellor, his wife, the dean, various deans of different schools. And I sat between the chancellor and the dean of life sciences at dinner. And she is a professor of molecular and cell biology and just a total badass. And she really inspired me. So I got inspiration from all over, but really people who are smart, who are passionate, who work hard. Yes, I think success is inspirational, but I'm not inspired by every successful person. And I'm not inspired only by successful people. And I think character really plays a huge role in it too, because there are plenty of smart, successful people who are assholes who I don't admire at all. So I don't know. There's a certain formula. It seems like people who, you know, work really hard, devote their life to something, achieve a certain level of success and do something good with it. I think that's kind of the package. Okay, a lot of people asked about my time between getting sober and meeting Chuck. So that post that I did about how I had nothing when I got sober went kind of viral. And predictably, there were so many people who were like, congratulations, you married rich. So, I mean, yes, I did marry rich. But there, I just realized that came out wrong. That is not why I married. But yes, that's the reality. I did marry somebody like Uber wealthy. But there was a lot. I just realized. I did marry somebody like Uber wealthy.

But there was a lot of time between getting sober and meeting Chuck and just to respond to like other people's criticisms who kind of wanted to fight me or poke holes in what I was saying, you know, who said it wasn't true that I had nothing because I had a supportive family. Also true. And I'm not trying to take credit for everything. Like even my sobriety. I have sober feet that take me to where I need to be to prioritize my recovery. and I have a spiritual connection and those things keep me sober, not me, myself, and I on my own self-will. So I don't even like to take credit for my sobriety, but anyway, of course I have advantages in life. And I'm not going to, you know, pretend that I don't.

I don't come from a super wealthy family, but they did always help me what I needed it, which was most of the time because I was not very self-sophistic. before I got sober. And even though they had paid for my rehab so many times before, four times, not eight times, as people said, they still did give it one last shot and they paid for my rehab and my sober living in that first year. So yes, I did have that. I did have something. And, you know, that's huge. But I think what the people who asked about this, you know, this time from zero years sober to getting married. What they wanted to know was like, what did I do with that time? What did my life look like? So, sorry if I'm repeating myself, but I'll go through this part

quickly. I was in rehab in Utah for three months. Then despite thinking I was ready to get back to my life, which like I didn't have a life to get back to. I did not have a car that was repoed. I did not have an apartment. I was evicted. I did not have furniture, clothes. I did have negative money. I did have the worst credit, you know, so much debt. I didn't have a valid license. I did not, yeah, I did not have anything. But anyway, I was sent to an all-women's extended rehab in Orange County in Newport Beach. Let me tell you, this was extremely humbling. I was the president of my rehab in Utah, and I was like, excuse me, like, you are going to send me to an all women's extended rehab house in Newport Beach. And when I lived in Newport Beach, when I first moved to California, I moved to Newport.

And I lived very close to where this women's rehab was. And I was kind of living it up at the time. And it's a really small town, especially the Balboa Peninsula. so that is where I lived when I lived there and also where I ended up at this all women's treatment. And so anyway, this is a very small town and I was kind of like mortified and embarrassed and ashamed of where my life had taken me in such a short period of time. It was only a few years between when I lived in Newport and when I ended up back there to go to this women's rehab. But that humility, that humbling, that deflation of ego, that turns out to be exactly what I needed. I remember getting dropped off at the main rehab area, which was in Costa Mesa.

And this druggie buggy pulled up. The druggie buggy is like this white van. And there were like eight women in it who I didn't know, who had already been together in rehab for like weeks or months. And I had to get in that van and be taken to the house where I had. would live with said women. I was 28 years old, almost 29. Like, it was just brutal. Just brutal. I had so much shame. Like, it was awful. And I was just like, how did I get here? And how am I going to do this? And it turned out to be the best thing for me. So see, seemingly bad is actually good. And I really loved it there. And I was really sad to leave after those three months. I remember my room that I shared with a girl who actually died. It was

really sad. She got out of that rehab and went back to where she lived and she, I think, shot heroin and she had some heart issue and she died. And I think they found her like on the side of the road or something very tragic, which just goes to show like rehab is not a solution. It's a stepping stone. But anyway, I digress, obviously. So I remember. my room that I shared with her and it was this tiny room with two twin beds and a window over the beds. And every night I would look up because I could see out the window when I was laying down to go to sleep and I could see the stars and this sounds so cheesy, but I would look at the sky and think of how fucking grateful I was to be sober. And even though I was living

in an extended care, all women's rehab facility on a twin bed with a roommate in Newport Beach, getting driven around in a white van, I was not a prisoner of drugs and alcohol anymore. So I felt free. It's so interesting like that juxtaposition, you know, I did not have a lot of autonomy over my life at that time, but I was free. I have really been trying to replace as many of my regular beauty products with clean products, especially after my episodes with Dr. Jordan Geller and just talking about endocrine disruptors and being somebody who has persistent hormone issues. I'm really trying to clean up my life in the areas that I can. And one of these areas is with my hair care. So I feel like effective clean hair care can be kind of a struggle. I tried a lot of different brands and just

did not feel like any of them were really working. Some of them made my hair like greasy and heavy so it feels like finding a product that actually works and is made with clean ingredients can be kind of a trade-off but with vagamore I get products that are made with clean ingredients and give me visibly healthy hair and a healthy scalp. This has been huge. S scalp health is not something that I ever really focused on and I do a lot of things in my lifestyle and supplement-wise to help with my hair growth. But I feel like that's only half of it. You have to be really taking care of your hair in your scalp from the outside too. And with Vagamore, I definitely have visibly thicker, fuller, shinier, longer hair without the harsh ingredients. In fact, I feel like since I switched to

Vagamor, my hair is actually way healthier than it was with those other products that are not as clean. So it's hard to say which product of the shampoo conditioner and the serum really are doing the trick. It's probably all of them combined. But I have to say I really love the grow hair serum. I feel like my scalp is flourishing. It was so dry, so red, so irritated a few months ago. And now it's not. And I feel like this is really the key to having healthy hair. It's paying attention to the scalp and kind of the source. And, Vagamore has amazing value kits like the Grow Essentials kit where you get to try more than one amazing product at great savings. So when you sign up for a monthly subscription, you save more and you

never run low on the products. You need to take care of your hair. So give your hair the power of the little pink bottle with Vagamore. For a limited time, blonde files listeners get 20% off their first order by going to vagamore.com slash blonde and using the code blonde at checkout. That's VEG M-O-U-R dot com slash blonde, code blonde to save 20% on your first order. V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash blonde, code blonde. Anyway, I'm totally going off on a tangent now, but I got out of there.

I went to sober living in Santa Monica for another six months, and when I was there, I really put my head down, really focused on my recovery and building a foundation there, a foundation to step me up for a life of recovery, where I did not have to be in a rehab, sober environment. And I didn't get caught up in a lot of the drama and the dynamics of like young sobriety and sober living. And I got a job nearby at a boutique on Montana Avenue in Santa Monica. So I worked at this boutique six, sometimes seven days a week. And I think I made like $15 an hour initially. I worked so hard. I was,

promoted to manager of that store and then was promoted to manager of that chain of stores. So there were only three of them. But to me, this was a huge deal. And I got a raise to like $20 an hour. So after taxes, I was making like $800 and change a week, which was crazy to me. Crazy good. Like I could not hold down a job prior to this. So it felt so good to just be like a worker and have a purpose and feel competent at something. And, you know, with the credit issues, I opened up credit cards at like really kind of obscure banks who would offer me a line of credit. And these lines of credit were like $200. I remember I got one that was like 600. And I was like, wow, this is incredible. And I would put my gas and my groceries and things that I knew I could

pay back in full on those credit cards. You know, I knew that I could pay them back and full monthly. And I chipped away at that. And I tried to do some credit repair. I believe I had some things on my credit report. I used some company that was able to get a few things taken off. You know, I tried to put a little bit in savings every week because I was paid weekly. Or maybe I was paid by monthly. I can't remember, but I had a few hundred dollars in savings. And like, this was incredible. And I think back to that time. And I was so happy because I just, you know, I felt like I had a purpose and I felt competent at something. And I felt like a productive member of society. And at that job, I got to help with buying. And I moved to an apartment in Marina Del Rey. I got a little used car. I remember driving to work in that car, crying of gratitude because my license was valid and I had insurance and registration. And it was just such an amazing time. It just goes to show. You really don't need a lot to be happy. And, you know, my life has gotten really big. And it comes with a different

set of challenges. And you can lose sight of the important things for sure. And I do sometimes think that I was happier than than I have been in times in my life now, which is a little bit hard to admit because I don't want to come off as ungrateful, but it's just different. It's just really different. So anyway, so I was working at that job. I decided that I wanted to work in behavioral health. So I started taking classes at UCLA. And then I went from the boutique job to working for a behavioral health consulting group and I started making some real money and I got to travel and during that time I started my Instagram just as like a hobby and it started picking up. And that is when I met Chuck. And we met and we knew each other socially for a little while before we went out on our first date.

And then we got married when I had four and a half years of sobriety. So that was the trajectory. And I started doing influencing full time in 2018 when I realized that like yes, I was passionate about recovery, but not as a vocation. And I could make so, so much more money as a content creator and an entrepreneur. And I also felt like I could reach more people. So at that job, you know, we could really only help one to two people and their families at a time. And a lot of times, like, people don't want to be sober. And so it's just such a grind. I have so much respect for people who work in the industry. And I felt like I could reach more people by, you know, pursuing this and having a platform. So hardest part about quitting drinking, a lot of people have been asking about sobriety lately

and I have another sobriety episode coming out in a few weeks. That's amazing. My guest has an incredible story. So I'm not going to get too into it here. I don't want to be super repetitive. And I think I've answered this recently, but I will just say for me, the hardest part about quitting drinking was basically coming to that decision and admitting to myself that I was an alcoholic. So once you are fully honest with yourself about that, if you're an alcoholic or if you just feel that you have a problem with alcohol, in my experience, then you can begin to overcome that and embrace a life of sobriety. So in my situation, I had to be intervened on and physically removed from my environment to have any chance at sobriety and also like any chance at surviving because for me I was so physically dependent on drugs and alcohol. and so delirious and sick, I couldn't make that decision for myself and take any actionable steps to getting sober. And if you're listening to this and you think that you need to be removed

from your environment, but you don't have a family who can pay for rehab, there are so many detoxes and places that you can go to be removed from your environment. You know, I don't believe, and I sound like a broken record, that rehab or detoxes, and I don't. is a solution, but when you are physically addicted and you need to be removed from your environment because you can't stop, there are places to go. They may not be, you know, cushy. You may not be doing like horse therapy and ceramics, but like if it's life or death, there are places to go. So I don't want anyone to think that it's like a privilege thing. So anyway, I am going off on so many tangents today. So yeah, while rehab helped me to have a safe environment where I could

detox from everything, the best thing it did for me was to provide that sober environment where I could be around other people like me, even if we were from different backgrounds and had different circumstances, and we could relate to one another and share about the worst parts of ourselves openly and connect in that way and realize we weren't alone and weren't broken. And honestly, admitting I was an alcoholic was such a relief because then I knew what I had. to do to get better. Like, for my whole life, I didn't know what was wrong with me. Nobody knew what was wrong with me. I was diagnosed with so many different, like, personality disorders and mental health disorders. But once I admitted I was an alcoholic, it was like, okay, now I know what to

treat. And the treatment was not just to stop drinking because drinking is a symptom of something deeper. So you have to get down to that. But anyway, rehab really was like a stepping stone. But back to the hardest part. Like there's nothing so far, thank God, in nine and a half years of sobriety, hard about not drinking for me. I don't think about alcohol. I don't crave it. I'm not white knuckling through my days. I can be around alcohol without thinking about it. We have alcohol in our house and I don't think about it. It's effortless as long as I continue to do certain things. And I maintain my spiritual condition essentially. So that's the long answer. Short answer is making the decision to stop and admitting to myself that I was an alcoholic after years of fighting it and years of denial,

that was the hard part. Okay, moving on from sobriety, this is a really random one, but so many people have been asking about it. Maybe because this is like a trendy thing on TikTok right now, go figure, but people have been asking about my parasite that I had in the spring and how did I get rid of it? Well, as far as I know, you can't get rid of the parasite that I had. I wasn't going to say the one I had because I don't want any hypochondriacs to start, you know, know, going down a rabbit hole, but I will say, I had toxoplasmosis, which is scary because toxo

can affect you neurologically. It can be devastating. Usually if you are severely immunocompromised, like if you have HIV, and it's also dangerous if you're pregnant because you can pass it to your baby and then congenital toxo can cause issues as well. You can have ocular toxo. The parasite can form cysts and your muscles and your heart and your brain and your eyes. It's pretty terrifying. As far as I know, you get the infection and something like 2 billion people have it, but most people don't know because they're asymptomatic. However, I was symptomatic. But you get the infection and they never relieve your body.

They just basically go dormant, but it can recur. So I have no idea how I got it. Usually it comes from like cats or undercooked meat like pork or chicken, things like that. So I think it can really only recur if you're, again, severely immunocompromised or under certain conditions. Maybe if you're just sensitive and particularly stressed or something like that, I don't know. Don't, don't quote me on that one. But of course, I've gone down the wellness parasite rabbit hole and TikTok convinced me to do a parasite cleanse, but I didn't because I don't know if those are legit. And like as far as I know, you can't really

cleanse it. So my infectious disease doctor was not concerned because I'm young and healthy, but I was like, are we sure we don't want to treat this? And then it's like every time I get a headache or, you know, these past few weeks when I've had some like weird nervous system stuff, which I know what it's from. Again, no need to speculate. But at first I was like, oh my God, it's the parasite in my brain. But if you've had it, I'm curious to know your experience unless you are not immunocompromised and it did go to your brain. I don't think I can handle that. I don't want to hear about that. And I'm so sorry. Okay, lots of questions around binge eating, which I feel like I talk about in every solo episode. So I'll just answer it quickly again. But I really struggled with binge eating

when I was restricting and when I was not addressing some emotional stuff early in sobriety. So in the same way that my drinking was a symptom of something else. My binging was a symptom of some emotional turmoil. So for that, I would suggest therapy. They are way better equipped to help than myself. Also, dietitians can help so much. So some kind of professional help, I think, depending on the severity. But also for me, the restriction played a role as well. So it was kind of twofold. I was eating to suppress some emotions and I was eating to satiate myself because I wasn't giving my body enough food. So, you know, I was having this compensatory response and something Dr. Gabriel Lyon talked about in the episode last week or two weeks ago now. She talked about the protein

leverage hypothesis and some people wanted to fight me or fight her on that and say that it's not valid. To which I said she was talking about a hypothesis. She literally said there's something called the protein leverage hypothesis and this is what it is. She explained it. She did not state it as a fact, rather as a concept. And the concept of this is that we will continue to eat until our basic protein needs are met. And I do find this to be true for me. Like when I am getting a lot of protein each meal, I am satiated mentally and physically. Like I'm not snacking. I'm not thinking about my next meal or snack. It really does make a huge difference. So, I think maybe for a few days just very lightly maybe track how much protein you're getting. And I don't

mean weigh your food. I don't mean download my fitness pal. We're not counting macros. I just think, you know, look on the package of whatever you're eating and see how much protein and like jot it down. And you may be surprised at how little it is. So for the past few months, I was probably getting like 40 grams a day. And my energy and my hunger was kind of all over the place. And ever since her episode, I've probably doubled that maybe a little more than doubled that. So I'm still not like fully getting that one gram per pound. Maybe though. I don't know. I would have to write it down. But I'm getting closer and it really makes all the difference. So just like a really simple basic what I eat in a day is I have a Kalina plain coconut yogurt around 7.30 in the morning. So I'm in that window of about an

hour after I wake up. Rob Yang suggests 30 minutes. So I do aim for that, but sometimes I just can't. And if I'm going to work out, I like to eat after. So once I meditate, do my breath work, do my little recovery readings and like walk for 30 minutes. That's an hour. So I do the Kalina with a scoop of protein. So that's 20 grams of protein. I'll do some berries and seeds. Sometimes if I'm really going for it. I'll do turkey bacon too. And then I'm getting like 30 to 40 grams of protein in the morning. You can also do collagen, although I think Dr. Geller said that's not really a complete protein, but you could also do like liquid aminos. I think there are a lot of different ways that just reminded me to start doing my Kion again. I love those. The Kion Aminos. Angela was on my podcast a while

ago. You can go listen to that one. That does make all the difference, I think, getting that like just big dose of protein in the morning. And then I have been trying to make a lot of like protein things that I can have on hand. So I'm really just doing a lot of turkey meatballs. So I always have those. And then for lunch I can just like heat up four to five of those, have some rice or sweet potato. I make my bone broth rice. So that has protein. And I'll have a little steamed or sauteed spinach. And so all of that is maybe like 20 to 25 grams of protein. So I'm at like maybe 60-ish to 70-ish grams, if I'm counting correctly. And then for dinner, I've been doing either like shrimp bowls, scallops, or more turkey meatballs. I honestly don't love animal protein, but those I can do

right now. And sometimes I'll do chicken. Sometimes I'll do a little more yogurt and protein powder. with like some who chocolate or cacao nibs or something for dessert. So let's see, if I was at around 60 to 70 at lunch and then another, say, 30 at dinner and then maybe a little more with dessert, I'm like around 100. So I'm getting close. And when I do that, I have no cravings. I have no urge to eat outside of those meals. Not that doing so is a bad thing. But I just really feel satiated. And if I'm really hungry, I'll snack, but for the most part, you know, I'm really good. And then, of course, hydration. And I do my electrolytes. So I do one element pack a day. And that's that. Okay. Last one. Tips for body image and how to stop comparing. Well, number one is limit your inputs. So this is not to blame or shame because we're all

inundated with algorithms that feed us other people's content, whether we want to see it or not. And I get it. It's like frustrating. And sometimes people we do love to follow post content that can be triggering. I'm sure I do sometimes. And I get that. But I would say like go through your following, mute whoever makes you feel less than. Go through your explore. Just keep hitting whatever button, you know, the see less of this or whatever it says. Do the same thing on TikTok if you're on TikTok. Honestly, I don't even scroll TikTok. I just use it to post for the most part. So you can really fine-tune your inputs.

It's not perfect, but you can really control what you are seeing. And then I would just say like spend less time on social, less time scrolling, and try to focus your energy outward. I know I talk about this a lot and sometimes people find it a little bit vague. So like what is focusing your energy outward? do things that bring you joy, whether it's going for a walk with a friend or just a walk by yourself or doing a workout class or cooking or reading or something that is not on social media. And for me, and I've talked about this before, I have to get outside of myself to stop

thinking about myself. So the more I think about you, the less I think about me. And the less I think about me, the more relief I have from things like body image and comparison and all of that. So what does that look like? Well, someone asked about self-esteem the other day, and these are kind of similar. And I said that self-esteem, which will improve your body image and help you to stop comparing, largely comes from doing esteemable acts. So every day, try to see where you can be of use to someone else. Try to practice generosity however you can. Generosity of spirit or generosity. Fill someone's parking meter. Tip extra. Buy someone's coffee. Hold the door. Help your coworker or friend. If you really want to get out of yourself and you have the time, volunteer somewhere. Call a friend or a family member. Ask how

they're doing and don't talk about yourself. You know, call your grandparents. These are things that we can all do. And when I do these things and then I look in the mirror, I'm fine with what I see. Whereas if I'm sitting around thinking about myself and scrolling on social media and watching other people's lives and even sometimes like journaling and meditating and doing these like self-carry things, it's too much emphasis on myself and I can start to nitpick. So this is just what works for me. And, you know, there are other things you can do. You can take care of your body. by eating enough, eating nutritious food, working out, do your beauty stuff if you're into that. But then leave it alone and get out in the world and take those actions. And I think that sometimes

people may feel like they are overextended and they take care of everyone else and not themselves. But I really think that it's through giving. That's how you get. You know, it's like if you want love, you give love. If you want abundance, you give abundance. put into the world whatever it is that you want to receive and watch what comes to you. So I feel like I totally digressed again on that one. That should be the name of this episode, digression and tangents. But I guess I had a lot of random stuff to get out because it's been a while. So anyway, thank you guys for listening.

If you haven't rated, reviewed, and subscribed, please do. do so. It's wild out there in the podcast world and doing that really helps the show. I love seeing your shares. I love just interacting with you guys about the podcast and episodes and all of that. So I will talk to you soon. Love you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate review and subscribe. It goes a long way and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blond Files podcast on Instagram.

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