Well with Arielle Lorre - 279: How to Stop Caring What Other People Think and Live your Dream Life with Jen Gottlieb

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Jen Gottlieb is an entrepreneur, international speaker, host of the I Dare You Podcast, and co-founder of Super Connector Media. She joins the show to discuss falling out of alignment with ourselves, how that manifests in our bodies and how to live our most authentic lives. We talk about overcoming limiting beliefs, how to stop living according to what other people think, how disconnecting from ourselves led us to unhealthy behaviors including partying and eating disorders, how to start believing in ourselves, how to reinvent and ultimately come home to our truest being.  This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Go to Chomps.com/BLONDE for 20% off your first order, and free shipping. Discover new ways to shop for everything, every day, at Saks.comGo to Kajabi.com/blonde for a 30 day free trial Visit NaturalDiamonds.com  Go to tryarmra.com/blonde or use the code BLONDE for 15% off your first order,visit www.drinkkarma.com/blode and use the code BLONDE at checkout for 15% off your first order. Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. I have been focusing on my protein intake as a way to manage my blood sugar. I have been on a blood sugar roller coaster and to help balance hormones and increase my energy, reduced cravings, all of that. And it has made such a huge difference in everything I just mentioned. But when it comes to snacking, it can be hard to find a snack that is high protein, low sugar, something that's going to be really satiating. But Choms makes this really simple. They meet all the criteria. Their tasty meat sticks are packed with mouth-watering flavor and only the best real

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information out there. So I'm bringing on expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Today's episode is so powerful. So every so often I will be recording an episode and I'm sitting there with my guest and they're talking and I just have full body chills because what they're saying resonates so much with me. And also, I try to listen to them as though I'm the audience and kind of anticipate what you guys might be thinking and what you would want to ask. And I just think about how impactful they are going to be on the audience. And this was one of those episodes. It was crazy. I was talking to my guest after we recorded. And I think I said to her, like, this changed my life.

it is so relevant to what I'm going through right now, and I know it is going to resonate so much with so many of you as well. So my guest is Jen Gottlieb. She is an entrepreneur, international speaker. She is the host of the I Dare You podcast. She is the co-founder of Super Connector Media, which is an award-winning training events and online education company. She had a successful five-year stint as a VH1 host, which we talk about in this episode. She had this career, but she was also kind of dying inside. And she had a career as a Broadway actress. She has been making waves in the entrepreneurial world by teaching business owners how to build profitable brands and become the recognized expert in their field. She is a sought-after

speaker who has shared the stage with top thought leaders and celebrities, including Gary Vaynerchuk, Marie Forleo, Eric Thomas, Emmett Smith, Snoop Dog, and Martha Stort. And she has a new book coming out called Be Seen. In fact, it came out yesterday. So Be Seen is kind of the ultimate roadmap that will show you how to live out the life that you know you were meant to live. So not only will it help you build the confidence necessary to make this happen, but it will equip you with the essential tools you need to find your unique voice, build a brand if that's something you want to do and live out loud. It's not a guide. It's an empowering journey that will inspire you to tap into your creativity, unleash your potential, and develop the courage to showcase your true self to the world. So you don't have to be an

entrepreneur or have a brand or desire to have a brand to listen to this episode. That is not what we're talking about. What we are talking about is what happens when you get out of alignment with your authentic self, how that manifests in your life and your body, how that attracts the wrong things into your life, and how to ultimately come home to your most authentic self. So we talk about all of that in the episode. We talk about overcoming limiting beliefs, how to stop living according to what other people think. This is something people ask me all the time. I think it's so common that we act and make decisions based on what we think other people think we should do and how this disconnect from ourselves can lead to really unhealthy behaviors and also really

dissatisfying lives. So we talk about our own experience with us and how that led to eating disorders and drug use. We talk about how to start believing in ourselves and how to reinvent and ultimately, like I said, come home to our truest being. like I said, so profound, so relatable, so insightful. You guys are going to love this one. Please enjoy Jen Gottlieb. Welcome, Jen. Thanks for having me. Thank you for being here. We just did like the big no-no for podcasting. Major no-no, which is we've been chatting for 20 minutes before we started. But there's so much that I want to talk to you about today. So we were just kind of going over some of that. But to start, I want to talk to you about your trajectory because I think one of the things that I want to focus on today is this idea of reinventing yourself and becoming your most authentic self and how to do that and how to show up as that person.

And that's something that you've done so effectively in your own life. So why don't we rewind a bit and go to the first iteration of Jen. Oh my gosh. I feel like we would have to go to like Jen as a kid. Yes. Because me and my friends joke all the time that if I ever went to a real job interview and had to have an actual resume, you know, that says all of the things that you've done in your life, that the person reading the resume would be like, is this 85 different people? Because I've reinvented myself so many times. But it's so interesting that when I look back, I really looked back when I was writing the book, I was like, whoa, this all makes sense and all the dots actually connect. But I didn't understand how they were connecting during it. So back when I was a little kid, I was a performer. I was a child actor. And I followed that. And I always thought that my purpose in life was to be a performer, was to be an actress, was to, you know, go do the audition thing, read other people's lines, sing other people's songs and dance. And so I studied musical theater. My whole, basically whole childhood. And then into college, I went to the University of Hartford and I was a musical theater major there. And while I was there, I realized that I hated school and I dropped out of college. And I moved home to Florida for a hot second and realized that I needed to. to move to New York City. And so I was like, that's it. We're doing it. I'm going to go and just

kind of try to make it in this industry. Packed up, moved to New York, studied musical theater again, but this time at a two-year conservatory program on the Upper West Side called AMDA, the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, where I was singing and dancing all day. So when I was in college, it was like, you went and did math and English and then you sang and dance. And I was like, screw this. I don't want to do math in English. And so at this place, we were singing and dancing all day. And when I was in school, we would go and either party or go see Broadway shows. That's all we did. And one of the first Broadway shows that I went to see when I was in school in Manhattan

was the wedding singer, the Adam Sandler movie, The Wedding Singer. And I remember sitting in the theater watching this show and there's this character in the movie, if you're familiar listeners with the movie The Wedding Singer, Linda the bitch that leaves Robbie Hart at the altar. She's like the ex-fiancee. like she's like the bad girl in the show or in the movie. And I turned to my friend and I'm like, this is my part. I am going to play this role one day. I don't know why. I just resonated. Like I never wanted to be the good girl or the princess or like the soprano. I wanted to be the bitch.

And I was like, this is my part. And my friend looked at me like, okay, whatever you say. Because at this time, I was living in like a eight foot by eight foot little tiny room with a debunk bed and going to school. There was no way for me to be on Broadway. Skip to probably two years of a process. of auditioning and visualizing myself as the role and practicing and rehearsing and not getting it and getting it. I tell the entire story in my book, but this was the first time that I ever learned how to really like visualize something. And I guess what you would say is like manifest it or take action persistently until I got it. But I ended up getting the role of Linda in the Broadway national tour of the wedding singer. And this was my first iteration of being a working actress.

And I toured all over the country playing this role, my dream role, like in the same costume that the girl that I saw perform it on Broadway where. And what I realized when I was performing all over the country, doing the thing I thought that I wanted to do more than anything else, is that it wasn't what I thought it was going to be. This vision that I had for myself, I was like, I'm going to be this actress and this is everything that I want. It suddenly was like, oh, wait a second.

Shit, I don't know if this is what I want. And then I came home and I kept auditioning because I thought, you know, okay, well, we'll just keep trying because, like, who knows? Maybe, like, my next great gig will make me realize that this is what I want. The next gig that I get is a role on a talk show on VH1 all about heavy metal music. I don't like heavy metal music. Never did. But I pretended that I did to get this job. And I get it. And when I first got off the job, I was like this, the hot chick on the show. I was, like, the Vanna White on this show where these guys would interview the biggest heavy metal stars in the world. And it was, they had a live in studio audience and it was like, it was a legit show with like big, like fans that loved it, but they were all like heavy metal fans. And before I knew it, I had this brand that I had built that was showcasing me as this heavy metal check. And this, this went a little too far because this spiraled. And I was unbelievably inauthentic. We're talking about, you know, inauthenticity and finding your authentic self. And this is where I learned that when you are inauthentic and you are out of alignment with who you truly are,

You attract all the things into your life that are inauthentic to who you really are. And you start to get really out of alignment. And I spiraled. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know my worth anymore. I was in a toxic relationship. I didn't know how to get myself out of this brand that I had built of this lie that I was telling everybody that I was this super sexy, super rocker metal girl until it all pretty much was taken from me. The show got canceled.

The guy left me. I had to start over. I want to pause there because I want to go back to iteration 1.0 when you got the role that you wanted on Broadway. When you got it, you realized it wasn't exactly what you thought it would be. So I want to know what that experience was like emotionally for you because I would imagine when, or I wouldn't imagine I've experienced at a different level wanting something so badly, working for something so badly, making it your mission to achieve that thing, getting that thing. And then what? You know, it doesn't turn out to be what it, what you thought it was going to be cracked up to be. So how was that emotionally for you? And how did you navigate that? I was just constantly asking myself a ton of questions. It just felt, I don't know if I had a moment where I was on tour where I was like, oh my God,

what am I going to do now? I think that more so happened when I was doing that metal show. I think with this, it was like, this is your first job acting. Maybe it's, you know, it's got to be hard, right? You're going to have to work harder than you thought. kind of thought that it was part of it. And I think that this goes to me just not having enough reps in my arsenal, like not having enough life experience in order to understand that things can feel like easy and fun. And they don't have to feel like, I felt like, oh,

this is, this is just what it is. It's got to be hard and it's got to suck. And I don't think you're supposed to really enjoy life. Like I really was like, this is, this is what it is. This is what life is going to be. I'm going to be constantly auditioning, trying to get the role, waiting for somebody to pick me, and then getting it. And I guess this is what it's cracked up to be. And this sucks. And it's not what I thought, but maybe this is just life. And I think that that is a limiting belief that I told myself for a really, really long time that I wasn't able to break until I was able to stretch myself enough to see that there actually is a place in this world where you can do the thing that you really love to do.

And it can align. It just might look a little bit differently than what you initially thought it was super. supposed to look like. This taught me a lot of lessons about shoulds, right? And like when you should all over yourself, like, oh, you know, you should be it, you should do it this way. You should be a traditional actress. You should go on the road and tour. You should live a life where it's like you kind of just are in pain all the time and it kind of sucks all the time. But that's what you should do. That's what you're supposed to do. And I lived a life for a very long time living by the shoulds that other people had implanted in my brain that I started to believe. And I didn't think that there was,

I was worthy of anything better than that. And so I think I just continued doing it thinking, well, this isn't really what I want, but I guess this is just what it is. And I'm really grateful that it's funny, grateful that shit happened for the shift to happen, like that everything was taken away from me so that I could realize through a whole bunch more hard work that you can get to the point where you can live life on your own terms. And it can be something a little bit different than what everybody has painted for you for such a long time. You can do it differently. Let's talk one of my favorite things, diamonds. Did you know that you can tell the difference between a laboratory-grown diamond and a natural diamond? Laboratory-grown diamonds are

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You were not your authentic self. And that's something that I can relate to so much in a different way. Because when I talk about my addiction, I always talk about the fact that I had to maintain so many facades of who I thought you wanted me to be, which is exhausting.

And a huge part of my recovery was peeling back those layers and like discovering the freedom in being my authentic self. And, you know, it sounds like that was the experience that you had as well in a totally different way. But it's so powerful. So what were some of the maybe less obvious ways that being out of alignment was showing up in your life, maybe in your body? Like I know for me, I'm very sensitive. You know, it kind of whispers till it screams. Yeah. In kind of interesting ways. It can come out sideways. So what was the experience of like just that time period of becoming more and more disconnected with yourself? What was your rock bottom? And how did you pick yourself up from there?

So funny because I watch videos now back from that time. And I'll go on YouTube sometimes and I'll look at like old bat metal show clips. And I could just tell when I watch myself that I was like a shell of myself. I was so insecure. I didn't know who I was like now like if I'm on camera, I'm like Jen, you know? I was like, it was like there was a glass over my face and I feel so sorry for that girl. I think that she just didn't know who she needed to be in any moment in time. It was always just trying to be who people needed her to be talking about myself and like as if I'm another person, but I was always trying to be who that person needed me to be in that moment. And what that did was it just dimmed my whole light. And it was like, okay, I need to be this way and that way.

You're like, right, it's exhausting. It's confusing. It showed itself. for me, I had a massive eating disorder, severely bulimic. I was addicted to Adderall. I was partying all the time because I was in this relationship. Same. Same. You were addicted to Adderall? Yes, and massively bulimic. Yeah. We have a lot in common. Yeah. Yeah. I think that it's like, and you're out of alignment as well. Yeah. I think when you're consistently trying to be somebody that you're not, it's so exhausting that you need to use outside remedies, or this was at least for my experience in order to keep that up. So it was binging and purging and restricting. And, And then it was using the Adderall to help me do all of that, right?

And to kind of numb it out. And it was a constant cycle that I was on to just repeat it and get back on the horse because I was absolutely petrified of getting off the horse and starting over. Because I didn't know who I was. What was I left with if I didn't have this relationship. I was in a relationship with this hedge fund trader. And he basically, like, you know, wanted to pay for my life and make me his Upper West Side wifie and, like, me not doing it.

Like, this was the life that I was supposed to live, that I was supposed to want. But my inner guide was screaming at me, screaming. And I just kept trying to shut it up using all of the tools that I had to shut it up, which were not healthy tools. But I was using all of them, shut up, shut up, shut up, but it was like, Jen, this is not you. This is not you. You're made for more. I remember my 25th birthday where it screamed so loud.

I went out, I've never told this on a podcast before, but like you get people to open up, I guess. Me and this guy go out for my 25th birthday. And it was like the worst birthday dinner. It couldn't have been like less me. And it was my 25th birthday. It should be like, 25 is a big birthday. And I just felt like, who is celebrating right now? Yeah. Who is this person? And he just was treating me like crap. And I got home and I remember I was up all night on the floor crying. And I remember saying to like, God, I was like, something has to change. And I can't do it myself. I can't do it. I'm too afraid.

Something has to change. And it's so funny now that I look back, like, when you can't do it, I'm too afraid, something has to change. And it's so funny now that I look back, like, when you can't get yourself back into alignment, I think that something else, you know, I believe in my power of power steps in and slap me back into alignment, but it was by taking everything away from me and forcing me to look at it, forcing me to actually say, who are you? And here's your chance. Start over, figure out who you are and let the world see you. And everything will change if you do that. And I think that there's, I believe that there's always a little piece of us that knows exactly how to take care of ourselves. It's whether or not we have the courage to allow that piece of us

to lead the way. I don't know how I had that courage. It was a mixture of being up against the wall and having absolutely no choice, believing a little bit more than I didn't that there was something more for me. I was able to find it. Wow. That's super powerful. Thank you for sharing that. I wanted to ask you like what happened to that fear because I think when you are in a situation, whether you're in a relationship that you think you should leave but you don't want to because there's never a good time to leave or a job or whatever the situation is, that fear will keep you stuck. But I feel like as soon as you start to take action, solutions start to appear. It's kind of the cliche, like when you jump, the net will appear. But it's so sometimes impossible to have that

perspective or that trust when you're in that situation. And the fear and even the fear of the fear feels so overwhelming that, you know, we freeze. So you said that your back was up against the wall. Did that fear turn into, I don't know, motivation or what happened to that? Yeah. Here's something that happened that I remember very clearly. And what you just said is absolutely accurate. Motivation comes from winning. It comes from taking action. And the clarity only comes from doing something. It doesn't come from sitting around thinking about it. I wish that it did, but it absolutely doesn't. It comes from doing the scary thing, the thing that's hard to do. And when I was at my lowest, lowest low point, I remember the guy that I was with, he left me.

I found myself going from living in this really beautiful apartment with him to moving into this tiny little apartment with six other actors. And I remember I had this little window and face this brick wall. And I would sit in that room and just be like, what the hell did I do? I would contemplate going back to him. I was like, what did I just blew my whole life up. But there was a little piece of me. And this is what we teach people when I talk about this in my book a lot. I didn't believe 100% in myself. And I don't know if we ever can get to 100% of belief.

But I believed a little bit more than I didn't. Like 51%, 51% that one day I would know why this happened. And that's all I kept writing down. I had this journal and I would write down one day I'll know why this happened. One day I'll know why this happened. And I was so low that my mom actually came into the city. And she was like, I don't know what to do with you. And thank you, mom.

I have a great mom. She came in. And she actually, my mom is really into personal development. And at that time, I was not. I was like, whatever, mom, with your woo-woo. Like, don't, I'm not into this. But she gave me this book. And it's called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.

It's a book full of affirmations. And she knew I wasn't going to read the book. She's very smart. So she photocopied one of the affirmations that she wanted me to read. She put it inside the book. She's like, just open the book or something in there for you. And I opened the book and there's a photocopy of this affirmation on the back. It says, Jenny, I hope you find yourself again. So here's what I did. I was at the most depressed moment of

my life. If I look at this thing, I'm like, all I'm not going to read the book. I put the book aside. I'll read this affirmation every day. That's all I'm going to do. That's it. This is the one commitment I'm making to myself. I put it on my refrigerator and I said every day I will wake up and I will read this. Whether I like it or not, whether it does anything or not, just going to read it. And I don't know if it was the actual affirmation or if it was more of the act of sticking to one commitment that I made with myself every day and doing something good for myself each day, sticking with something consistently. That little win after I would read it, I'd be like, okay, I could do that.

If I could do that, I could do the next thing. Right. And that's that check. I did a hard thing. That made me feel a little good. What's the next hard thing that I could do? And that slowly started my journey of just getting outside my apartment and refiguring out my life and reading personal development books and listening to podcasts and exploring and figuring out who I really was and tapping back into who like real, real, Jen is like the authentic version of me before all this crap came in. And a full circle moment, which is really crazy that we have to touch on really quick before we go because I know the next question because you've got such good ones.

this book is published by a publisher. It's called Hay House. Louise Hay started Hayhouse before she passed away. Louise Hay, who wrote You Can Hill Your Life? That's wild. I heard that on another podcast and I was like, whoa. Yeah, it's wild. It's how the dots connect is so crazy. I've been sick for the last few weeks. I had a certain virus that will go unnamed twice in a couple weeks. and the most important thing for me was to stay hydrated. However, it can be really hard to stay hydrated with just regular water, especially when you're sick. It just loses its appeal. So I relied very heavily

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coat that I've been eyeing. And so much more, Sacks.com really has everything in one place. So if you are looking for inspiration or just to really pull together your wardrobe, head to sacks.com for new ways to shop for everything every day. When did the path forward begin to seem clear to you, if you remember, like from that time to kind of where you are? Like, when did you feel like you were kind of moving in the right direction, I guess? I think there's several moments when I felt that. one of them was an earlier moment where it kind of connected where I was then to where I am now. And that was when I spoke in front of an audience for the first time as me and not as like an actress. So I always thought that I was supposed to be an actress.

And that was my purpose. And that was the only way for me to perform. And I worked my whole life to do that. I never knew that there was this thing called like public speaking. Like you could like get in front of people and like be a speaker. I didn't really understand that that existed. After my rock bottom moment, the first business that I built was a fitness business. And I became a personal trainer to a lot of really high net worth people in New York City. I had personal trainers that, like, worked under me. I had the whole company that I built. And I became this little entrepreneur. And I got this opportunity to speak in front of like 12 other fitness professionals and tell my story. Carbon 38, which is a brand, invited me to speak to their ambassadors. And this was my very first speaking engagement ever. Totally different than being a character, I would imagine. I was petrified.

I've sang and dance performed in front of thousands of people. No problem. You're not vulnerable. No, you get to wear a costume. You get to be a character. This was like me being me and telling my story for the first time. So scared. I practiced.

I paced around my little studio apartment practicing this thing for hours and hours and hours. I get there. There's like 12 girls there. They're sitting on the floor. I'm at a bar studio. So I'm like not wearing any shoes. There's no microphone.

there's no screen, there's no nothing. I'm literally just standing in front of these girls talking. And this is when I remembered when I figured this out that this was for me. Like I wanted to do this. I'm talking and I just see these girls start like crying and just have an aha moment with me. And I felt so connected to them that I was able to share my story and they were able to relate. And something happened as a result of that that changed something for them. And when we had that moment, I was like, whoa, this. What is this? How can I do more of this?

And that really planted something in my subconscious, I believe, that was like, I want more of this. What do I have to do to do to get there? And that guided a lot of decisions from that moment that brought me to where I am today, whether it was consciously or subconsciously to get to be speaking now on stages and doing the thing that I love to do, which is performed, but in such a cool. or better, more fun, more in alignment way. I wanted to talk to you about like the conscious and the subconscious mind and the manifestation because it seems like that has been kind of a theme, even though it's showed up in different

ways, whether it was kind of you're visualizing when you wanted to get that role initially and then with the Louise Hay affirmations and these little steps towards where you want to go, just talk about like what has been effective and what hasn't. And I've heard you talk on other shows about kind of. of manifestation and the missing piece being the action, right? Yeah. For people who are wanting to like implement this in their lives, how have you found it to be the most effective for you?

Yeah, the one thing that you didn't say is how I manifested my husband. Oh. And I don't know. That's what. Yeah. I think I think that your listeners will like this one. And it goes into exactly what you were just saying. So I think there's a lot of noise on the internet that talks about manifestation.

And it's fine. If that's how they experience it, that's kind. great, like that it's this magical thing and you visualize it and it magically just appears. Like, I'm going to think about this Ferrari and then it's going to drive into my driveway. And I wish that that was true. And I wish that that worked for me, but it never worked that way for me. When I look backwards and I think about all the things that I manifested, it was all because I was able to believe in myself so much or believe that it was a reality so much that the action steps to getting that thing became less scary and they became easier. And I noticed the

opportunities more and I stepped into it more and my subconscious kind of drove me towards those opportunities because I was so hyper focused on the fact that that was my reality. And I'll give you an example with Chris. So when I was single living in New York City and this was when I was building my personal training business and I was becoming successful, I was like, all right, the thing that's missing is a relationship. And I remember going to this personal development event and they had us do this exercise. It was like a visualization of what your perfect day would be like if you had everything that you wanted. They're like, close your eyes and visualize. your perfect day. And I did not know what was going to come to me. I literally just like let myself go.

And the visualization was this. This was before I was a speaker, before I was in a relationship. This was when I was a personal trainer. I visualized that I was a combination of Tony Robbins and Britney Spears. So I was like a motivational speaker that could like parade around the stage and like really great outfits and dance and perform. And I was in a power couple relationship where I had created a company and like I was like a Jay Z Beyonce kind of a thing. So it was like JZ and Beyonce. power couple, Tony Robbins, Britney Spears. I was like, that's my perfect day. Like, I want to do that. And I'm in love. And like, I'm in such a powerful relationship. So I go home and I create this vision board just to remind me. I don't think that vision boards magically create anything. But I do think

that they're a consistent reminder of the thing that you want. So I cut out this image of this guy. And it was the back of a guy's head and he's like looking out at like the rainforest. I was like, this is great because this isn't a guy's face. This is a back of a guy's head. So he could be anyone. So what I started to do is I started to talk to this guy every day. And I would just, I wake up in the morning and be like, hi, love, I know you are looking for me right now. I can't wait to meet you. When you see me say hi, I'm wearing like my black little dress, come up to me and like, we're going to be a power couple. We're going to create a company together. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. And I would practice every day feeling in love. And I don't

believe that that called him in. I believe that what that did is it got my entire. body and subconscious really familiar with the way that love feels and being in love and knowing and trusting that it's on its way to me. So I was no longer desperate. I was no longer anxious. I was able to wait with patience because I had this relationship with this fake guy every day and I believe that he was mine. And I believe that I was in a relationship. So all the shitty dates, they weren't that bad. I wasn't like a crazy, anxious girl. I was like, okay, it's not you. I know when my guy's going to arrive because I talk to him every single day. And it got me to open up. And when I met my husband, it was like the second I met him.

I was like, oh, you're the guy I've been talking to. You knew right when you met him? I didn't know the moment I met him. It's really crazy because when I was a personal trainer, I got fired from the gym that I trained people at because I was training people on the side. And they kicked me out and they fired me. I was like, okay. So I never went back to that gym. But one day, I was walking down the street after like visualizing my relationship.

And it was like I got a download from the universe because the name on the building of the gym changed. Equinox had acquired the gym. So suddenly I was like, oh, I don't think the people that fired me work here anymore. I need to go in there because there's someone there that I need to meet. I just felt it. I felt it. And immediately I was like connection. I need to connect with people.

I need to go in there. I know. I walked right in. I gave them my credit card. I started working out. I bump into an ex-boyfriend that I dated when I worked out there. The ex-boyfriend's like, what do you up to? I'm like, I build this business.

Like I'm thriving. It's great. I'm here because I want to connect with people. He says to me, this is a guy I dated. ages ago. There's this guy that works out here. I think he's known as the super connector. That's like what people call him. And maybe he does something similar to you. You should probably connect with him. So my ex-boyfriend gives me Chris Winfield's Facebook page. And I connect with Chris, this guy that I'm like the super connector. My word of the ear is connection. I should probably

connect with you. And we go for a walk in Central Park. We end up walking around the park for five hours. Like he takes me to Barnes Noble and buys me all these personal development books. He's an entrepreneur six feet tall like all the things that I wanted super connect super connector media our company's called super connector media crazy wow that's incredible it's kind of like like in the joe dispensa meditations when he's like visualized you know he talks a lot about visualizing your dream life I can't remember how he phrases it well he talks about really and I did this tapping into gratitude because gratitude is a great gateway to feeling the feelings as if you have the thing just practicing like what I said, like it just makes the action steps easier.

I don't know if I would have recognized Chris or if I would have walked into that gym or if I would have friended him on Facebook. If I wasn't like actively thinking, my word of the ear is connection. I want to connect with people. I'm looking for my guy. You know, like I feel him. He's on his way to me and feeling grateful for him. I remember that morning that I met Chris, I was doing this practice every day where I would

write out my future gratitude list. I talk about it in the book. And it's like feeling things that I'm grateful for is if they've already happened, things that haven't happened yet. So I would always write down like, I'm so grateful. that I met my husband today. So I actually, that journal entry says, I'm really grateful I had a great time with Chris Winfield today.

And then it says, I'm grateful I met my husband today. It was two totally separate things. I didn't know that they were both the same, but I wrote that. And feeling as if you have it, because then you're walking around the planet emanating a different type of energy. Totally.

A feeling of like, I've got it. You want what I've got. And then you attract people that are like, wow, what does she? What? I want to be friends with her. I want to know her. She's got everything within her. She's not desperate. She's not looking for something from me.

Yes. Yeah. That was something I was going to say that I think was just really profound is that you said that when you were doing this, like you didn't have the anxiety. You didn't have that added pressure where every date had to be the date that this is going to be the guy because you felt like you already had it. If this isn't it, then like no big deal. And you kind of like let things probably just kind of flow off of you. And I feel like when you're in that flow, you just get more opportunity. and more things come to you. And I think that piece about like feeling the emotions of already having the thing. That was what I was trying to say about the, there's one Joe dispense meditation that I do. And I think that that adds to that feeling. Because when you're clinging to something because you need it and you want it and you need it now, like that is pushing it away. Yeah. But when you already feel within you that you have that thing, that does change you energetically, I think. And you're not like holding so tightly to it. then it's going to find you. Yeah. I believe. Yeah. Well, you know when you have a conversation with somebody

that's desperate for anything, it repels you. Yes. I'm like, no. Ah! Yeah. But if I talk to someone that's like, nothing is like, you know, like they have everything that they need within them. It's like, oh, I want to hang out with you. Yes. It's attractive. Yeah. So for people listening who want to reinvent themselves or if they feel like they are at a place where you are, where they're feeling totally out of alignment with their life. What are some of your main tips for them to start finding themselves again? Yeah. So I always like to think back to when I was a little kid.

Because when I was a little kid, I don't know about you, but I didn't care what anybody thought. Like when I was little, like I was loud and proud and unapologetic and just would sing and dance and let my belly hang out. I would ask for hugs. I would cry and scream if I wanted something. I was me. I was not like unsure of who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do.

And I had so many moments that I can remember from my childhood when I was just so, I like to call it in the book and I call it still to this day, in the pocket. Like you know when you're in the pocket like you're doing something like even today you probably podcasting is probably an in the pocket thing for you where you just be like time stops. You can do this all day. Like it's so in your zone. And a lot of us get conditioned throughout like middle school years. You know, it starts to happen around. noticed, like for me at least, it started to happen around like 10, 11, 12, where I stopped being unapologetically me and I started doing everything that I possibly could to fit in with

like the cool kids or like be the girl that I was supposed to be for my family to approve or to whoever. And then you start to slowly forget like what in the pocket feels like and what real joy feels like and what real Jen would have really wanted. And that's spiraled for me in a lot of different ways. And now when I want to tap back in to who I really am, I always revisit any in the pocket moments that I can think of. And a lot of the times for me, it's from when I was really little. So I will do this exercise. And if you guys want an actionable exercise, if you're listening to this right now, I will give you one right now that you can do. In the book, I call it setting the scene. And scene is an acronym, S-E-E-N. Sense, Experience, Emboddy, and Navigate. And for Sense,

I learned this when I was in acting school and we would do method acting where you would bring back a memory, like a sense memory, to experience that emotion in real time. So maybe it was an emotion that you felt at one point in time in your life, whether that's sadness or anger or happiness or joy, you'd bring back a sense from that memory and you would experience it in real time. So I'm like, what if I could just like go back to a time when I was so Jen, like little girl, like putting on a show for you and bring that girl into today so that I could take action in a way that she would take action because that's my most authentic self. So I'll go on walks outside.

I call them Wonderwalks. and I'll listen to a song that maybe I used to perform to when I was little, like Little Mermaid or Annie or The Wizard of Oz, literally. This might sound cray-cra to some of you, but if you know, you know, if you have a song that just gets you back there, maybe it's a song from your college years. Maybe it's a song, like whatever it is, a sense. It could be a scent.

It could be looking at a photo. It could be watching a video, but for me it's music. And I'll go on a walk and I'll just listen to a song that, like, made me feel so in the pocket when I was a little girl. And then I'll start to, like, walk around as that girl. And I'll start to really feel what she felt like. and I'll start to just really feel like empathy and compassion and love for her. And what would she want me to do right now?

What would she, how would she show up in this experience? And then I'll navigate the world as that little girl, obviously as me now with the knowledge and the wisdom that I have today, but with like the heart and the authenticity and the energy of who that little girl was that was so in the pocket and just so didn't give a shit. And like, how would she show up in the world? And I call those wonder walks. And they're really fun to do with yourself. if you're just like go for a walk and listen to a song that really brings back a really joyful in the pocket time for you

and bring back those feelings and then implement that feeling slowly but surely into your real life and you'll start to see the kinds of experiences that come your way when you show up as that person are usually more in alignment with who you really are. Yeah, that's so interesting. I was thinking recently not that exact same thing, but I was like dealing with a situation. And the first thought that came to me, or probably not the first thought, I've heard you talk about first thought, second thought. Yeah. This is probably the second thought that came to me. It was like, what would my young self think looking at this situation now? And like, how could I make that young Ariel proud? And even that very simple reframe, because we still have that. Like, it sounds so cheesy, but, you know, we still have that, like, person within us. And I think that sometimes like we can get into situations or we're just kind of like moving blindly through the world and, you know, back to what we were talking about in the beginning. We kind of like lose sight of who we really are. Yeah. And I think that something like that just like checking in with like your younger self. Like what would young Ariel like think if she saw this? Yeah. And what would she want me to do? Or you can go the other way. Like what would 90 year old Ariel think or Jen think like, like,

looking back at this right now, like what would make my future self proud? Have this great exercise that I do for that. Okay, perfect. I was like, I'm sure she has this. It's so good. You should do this. It's not even in the book. This is just for your listeners and for you to do.

This has been one of the most powerful exercises that I've ever done for myself. Okay. Because you're, I'm sure, I'm talking to you now, like we're becoming friends. Like, you're probably amazing at giving advice to your friends. Like you're an amazing, like I use all my effectiveness for your friends. Right. You don't use it on yourself. It's just very typical.

Same. So you're a very wise coach and you know what the best thing is for you to do. You just don't do it. So what I did this one year, I think I started doing it a couple years ago and now I do it every year. I envision Gen 2.0. So me years from now, having achieved everything that I want, maybe I don't even know what it is that I want, but just like the joy, the success, like the feeling of like contentment and empowerment and everything that I want to feel when I'm 50, 60, 70, whatever that is for you. And I embody that girl or that woman, that woman writes a letter to me now. What would she say to me today? What advice would she give to me? What would she tell me to do today? Right? Oof, yes. Yes.

And my letter says, like, it's just reminders. Like, remember you get this day one time. Remember what your superpowers are. Remember your joy. Remember your heart. Like, remember to be uncomfortable. Don't let this day pass without doing something. Like, that's a little bit hard to move you forward.

remember to do this, remember to do that, like be kind, be loving, like all the things or like even if it's like a hard truth. You know, you know you need to get out of the situation that you're in right now, right? Your inner guide, if you embody that U2.0 version of yourself, will tell you exactly what you're supposed to do. And I'll read my letter every day. That is the one activity that I do that shifts my energy every day no matter what when I wake up. You do it every day. I read that letter every day. But you read the letter. every day. I was like, do you write one every day? No, you read one. I read the letter from my future self. And do you do it yearly? So I have a thing that I do called, yep, every year. It's called the

best year blueprint. And it's like my journaling stuff that I do at the end of every year. And it's like goal setting. And one of the exercises is to write that letter. And I revisit it. Like so every year I'll have a new vision for like who I've become because within a year we gain a lot of wisdom, A lot of like a lot happens in one year. So I'll rewrite it and then I'll just read that letter throughout the year. And, you know, there's no rules. You can write another one if you decide to if you have something major happen. I know my future self way better now.

Future self, you're going to write a new letter today. I love that. Well, tell everybody about your book. We're kind of done on time somehow. I feel like we could keep going for another long. I know. Oh my gosh. We'll have to do 2.0 extra episodes.

But tell everybody about your book because I think that This is something that everybody needs in their life, no matter what their circumstances are. And it was kind of like what we were talking about earlier about like how you can find something that you relate to, like no matter what you're going through or how the same thing can resonate in different ways at different times. Tell everyone about be seen. Yeah. Be seen. Yeah. It's not just for somebody building a brand online.

It's fabulous for somebody that is. But it really is all about seeing yourself. Seeing yourself for who you really are. world can really see you. Because I get to talk to a lot of people. And at the end of the day, the number one desire is to feel seen. And you don't just want to feel seen the way that I was feeling seen when I was on that metal shell and being seen totally and authentically. But being seen for who you really are and allowing yourself to step into the world as that person and live the life that you truly feel so in alignment living. And so the book is for that person.

The book is for someone that really wants to, whether it is, build a brand online and be visible and allow the world to see you for your service, your story, and your products so you can help people, or someone that really just wants to be seen within their family and in their neighborhood and in their communities and as they really are and stop hiding behind a facade of what everyone thought that they should have. A lot of people I've spoken to, they're like, Jen, I woke up one day and I realized I built a life that somebody else wanted for me. And this isn't who I am. So there's so many exercises and stories in the book. that will help you not feel alone because I've been through it. I'm sharing all of my personal stories. And then exercises that you can use like immediate action steps, like the letters and the lists and things that you can do to start to slowly allow yourself to really see real you so that you can then go start being seen as like YouTube.0. Amazing. You know, one of the questions that I get most frequently when I do like Instagram Q&As or I do Q&A episodes is how do I stop caring about what other people think about me and how do I stop making choices based on other people? And, you know, I think this is something that everybody deals with to begin with. But I think like with

social media too, like so many people are making choices based on how that will appear. Yep. To others and not based on their authentic selves. Again, I just think that this will be so helpful for so many people. And that's such a powerful episode. Like I'm just, I love this. This is such a good combo. Yeah. Seriously, we can keep talking forever. For sure. But, I mean, it was really helpful for me even. And I know it's going to be so helpful for so many of my listeners. And you have a podcast as well and all of the things.

So tell everybody where they can find you. Instagram is the easiest way. Just head on over there because I'm there. Like you DM me, you're not getting anybody but me. So at Jen underscore Gottlie, you can learn about the podcast. I do an Instagram live every day while I put my makeup on where we get real real. and the book, go to be seenbook.com, and you can get it wherever you get books. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you liked the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually

the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to Ariallori.com. And I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.