Well with Arielle Lorre - 297: The Science of Optimism, Your Emotional Immune System and How to Boost Resiliency with Dr. Sue Varma

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

Dr. Sue Varma is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice and a Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at New York University (NYU) Langone Health. She is a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. Dr. Varma was the first medical director and attending psychiatrist to the World Trade Center Mental Health Program at NYU Langone Health, treating civilians and first-responders in the aftermath of 9/11. She joins the show to discuss how to be more optimistic and the myriad health benefits that result from implementing what she calls “practical optimism” in our lives. She explains the emotional immune system, how to be more resilient, toxic positivity vs. optimism, productive and unproductive worry, stress management and anti-aging, navigating trauma and more.Read Dr. Varma's newest book, Practical Optimism: https://rstyle.me/+dbHkyzTexA91BsnCpUOYdgThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Go to VEGAMOUR.com/blonde and use code blonde at checkout to get 20% off your first subscription order.Go to TryArmra.com/blonde or use the clode BLONDE for 15% off your first order Save 15% off your Branch Basics Starter Kit or Hand Soap with the code BLONDEFILES at www.branchbasics.com BonCharge: Go to boncharge.com/BLONDE and use coupon code BLONDE to save 15%. Chomps: Go to Chomps.com/BLONDE for 20% off your first order and free shipping.Get 10% off the Timeline Skin Health Line by going to TimelineNutrition.com/blondeProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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or sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome to the Blondefiles podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I'm bringing on expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. I have such an amazing episode.

for you today. This was one of my favorite conversations that I have had recently, and I know that I say that about every episode, but I really, really connected with my guest and everything that she had to share. And I just think it is so fascinating because we are talking about optimism and practical optimism, which you will learn about in this episode. But my guest, Dr. Sue Varma, had so many studies and data to back up these concepts that we were talking about. So we are talking about optimism and we're talking about our emotional immune system and how to boost our mood and decrease anxiety and boost resiliency. But she shares these incredible studies where, you know, they show how optimism helps with wound healing, how it is beneficial for stress and anti-AIDS.

and really, really compelling data. And I know that you guys really like the science. So you're going to love this episode. So a little bit about my guest, Dr. Sue Varma is a board certified psychiatrist in private practice and a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University. She is a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. Dr. Varma was the first medical director and attending psychiatrist to the World Trade Center Mental Health Program at NYU, treating.

civilians and first responders in the aftermath of 9-11. She is also a nationally acclaimed keynote speaker, medical contributor, media advisor, and consultant to the major networks and shows. She regularly appears on the Today Show, Nightly News, CPS Morning, Good Morning America, and is frequently interviewed by Time, Washington Post, NPR, and Beyond. Also, Dr. Varma is the recipient of numerous prestigious awards for her groundbreaking efforts in mental health education and advocacy. And she has a new book, Practical Optimism, which again, we talk about in this episode. And basically, this equips you with the evidence-based tools and techniques to help you reach your career, your financial, your fitness, your personal and relationship goals more

quickly and sustain momentum toward your future goals wherever you are on your life path. So we are delving into all of that. We are talking about absorbing negative thoughts in the body, how to identify triggers, how to have more self-compassion, how to have more acceptance. Again, like I mentioned earlier, the emotional immune system, which I found to be so fascinating. We talk about how people can experience the same traumas and react in different ways. We talk the eight pillars of optimism and so much more. It's such a fascinating episode.

So please enjoy my guest, Dr. Sue Varma. Welcome, Sue. Thank you. So great to beat you. really excited to talk to you. We were just talking a little bit, actually, before we started recording, because in preparation for the interview, I've been listening to other interviews of yours and kind of learning about your work. And I told you that I noticed that there were a lot of parallels, it seemed to me at least, between recovery and a lot of the work that you do. And it turns out

that that's not a coincidence. So maybe to start, we can talk about you know, a little bit about what you do, of course, and also why you got into psychiatry. Absolutely. So first of all, thank you for having me and thank you for watching the videos. Sometimes when I put them out, I'm like, is anyone even looking at any of these? So thank you. You know, I was influenced at a young age to be a psychiatrist. I would go with my dad to the hospital and he was working with folks in recovery. And I was so struck by the level of self-awareness and humility and spirituality that many of these folks would have. And they would come up to my dad and they would be like, you know, you changed my life, like, because of you and then I have a job

or X, Y, and Z. And I knew that they were always being so gracious because I knew I could see how hard it was because a lot of people struggled and they sometimes weren't able to maintain sobriety, but then they would just get right back on it. And I became interested in addiction and just in mental health and would go with him to meetings and 12-step meetings. And my dad would always have books on recovery, the 12-step, the Hathelden series, a book called The Dism, a book called The Dism, daily meditation for women. I still have it. It is so old. It is falling apart. But they were 365, like, just beautiful quotes and passages. And all of it was just about, like, acceptance of your failures or imperfections, but also really courage and empowerment to change and to heal.

And that was just so beautiful. And the first step is just, you know, admitting that you're powerless over something. And I feel like we can't change anything in our lives if we don't have that acceptance and that self-awareness. And that is a starting point. And I feel like that's something that came maybe a little bit easier for me because I also grew up in an Eastern household for acceptance is a big part because people didn't really have a lot of control over their environment. And then I contended with the Western part, which is, you know, go, go, go, do, do, and you can do anything, but sometimes we can't. And so that duality has always stayed with me and intrigued me. Yeah. I mean, I think that there is such a misconception about sobriety, recovery,

general and that it's simply about how not to drink and how not to use. And I always say, no, it's about how to live and not only just how to live, but how to live life on life's terms. And when I was deep diving through your work, a lot of what you talked about was kind of resiliency and this ability to, you know, be flexible and accept and all of that because life gets lifey. Like I always say that. Sometimes people ask, how are you doing? I'm like, I don't know, life is lifing right now. Like it just is, but we're so resistant to anything, you know, deviates from how we think we should be feeling and what should be happening. And I know that so many people have an issue with acceptance. And I'm sure you can speak to this because they feel like

it's just relinquishing control. Absolutely. And that there's some perception of weakness, right? Like if you're like, I just have to accept it like what? I'm going to become like a lazy bomb and I'm just going to sit on the couch. And I want to say absolutely not. Like, acceptance is one of the key steps in self-compassion. Like when we think of self-compassion and people are like, what is that? And I'm like, it's not woo-woo. There's a lot of data like in parents who are struggling to raise kids who are having problems, whether it's moms who are beating themselves up, whether it's someone who

had a setback at work or failed an exam. Self-compassion says, first of all, be mindful of these negative thoughts that you're berating yourself, except that they exist. And then also embrace this idea of common human. is that we all struggle. And what self-compassion does is it gives you a road forward. It doesn't help you wallow in your self-pity and your shame. And studies show that people who experience a lot of shame are more prone to depression

and in some severe cases even suicide. On the other hand, self-compassion says, all right, you messed up. It's totally cool. We all do it. Now what? And the resilience comes in the now-what part of giving yourself an action plan to sit. wallow, cry, talk, vent, journal, do all of that. And then, when you're ready, create an action plan. And that's really what a lot of the literature on addiction and recovery taught me is to be

kind to yourself. And I learned that and that was so beautiful and not something talked enough about in traditional Western medicine and psychiatry. How can people cultivate that self-compassion? because I know that whenever I do Q&A's for solo episodes or anything like that on Instagram, so many of the messages that people send in are how to overcome negative self-talk. And, you know, it's so easy to be compassionate with other people and so hard to be compassionate with ourselves. And I never know, like, what advice to give people, you know, for how to be nicer to yourself. Yes. And, you know, I learned this, unfortunately, the hard. way. And when I was a resident in psychiatry training, we were all encouraged to go to our own therapy.

And I was working 100 hours a week and I'm like traveling between four to five different hospitals all over the city. And I was like, I just don't have time for this. This is a luxury. It's very expensive. How and when would I fit this in? And I always say like if you don't take care of your wellness, it will become your illness. And that's what happened to me. My mom was in the midst of getting diagnosed for stage three breast cancer. And she couldn't get chemo because of underlying heart disease and I started having symptoms because I was like I'm running around helping my patients. I'm running around trying to help my mom and and I can't manage it all, but I couldn't ask for help. And I started berating myself. And then it came out in the form of

physical symptoms, like weakness, headaches. And so I then became a therapist ready for my own therapy. And when I went, it was cognitive behavioral therapy. And I just, I always say like, is it a coincidence or is it synchronicity? What's going on? Because in the midst of my experience, someone came to give us a lecture on CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. And I was like, this is amazing. Actionable change, skills. I can actually do something. I'm not just going to wallow in this.

So that is now the therapy that I practice with my patients. And we talk about cognitive distortions. So the key when you're feeling something, having something negative, I write about this in my book, practical optimism is name it, claim it, tame it, and reframe it. And what I mean by that, is like, let's say you applied for a job and you didn't get the promotion at your current job. And you don't understand why, but suddenly you're like, I don't know, I'm having trouble

sleeping. I'm going to the bathroom a lot. I'm having headaches. And so I would say this is a sign of like, you know, the body expressing what the mind cannot. And you're probably absorbing a lot of negative thoughts about yourself. So I want you to like figure out the trigger. And the trigger is the better you can point, the more granular you are with the incidents that led up to this like a emotional breakdown, if you will, or expression, the better off you are. And so write it in a journal. Like, I didn't get the promotion that I tried so hard that I've been working for. Or I got a bad review or like fill in the blank with whatever life's disappointments or grievances. And then claim it. Where in the body are you feeling it? You know, because we're often physical,

having physical manifestations. Are you tight in the shoulders? Are you clenching your fist? Are you clenching your jaw? Are you having a headache? And then tame it. And this can really be any number of techniques that we use. One of them is something called progressive muscle relaxation where you're closing your eyes and you're clenching muscle group by muscle group and then releasing it. So you're clenching your fists. You're tightening your shoulders and then releasing. I love doing that. Are you doing that? My therapist has me. I love it. Yeah. And so then you feel the tension and then you feel the relaxation. And while that's not going to get at the negative thoughts, it gives you another modality in which to express yourself. Walking shuts down rumination because of optical.

flow, this idea that like you have to look left and right, left and right, especially in New York City when you're here. So you're not going to get hit by a car. But that takes you out of your rumination because the default mode network in the brain is what happens, gets activated when we're obsessing over something. And then the reframing is the best part of it. And this is my favorite. As someone who used to work with trauma survivors, I've learned that if you can ask yourself, what would I tell myself or how am I going to feel about this five years from now? Is this going to matter. What would I tell a friend? And to your point, that we're more compassionate with our friends than we are with ourselves. What's the cost benefit of me thinking this way? And then separating

productive worry from unproductive worry. So the unproductive worries, your wheels spinning in the mud, no formal action. You're not accelerating. And productive worry is what actionable items can I take from this? So there's so many ways, and there's a list of cognitive distortions, like in a lot of CBT books and in my book about what you can do, what are the common distortions, catastrophizing, fortune-telling, mind-reading, jumping to conclusions, minimizing. You're saying, yeah, you've been there, right? Sound familiar, yeah. And then there's like a list of techniques that a person can do to reframe those negative thoughts or to challenge them. And, you know, look, it's not always going to work for everyone because in the midst of the acuity, you're like, F this, like, I can't, I'm in the thick

of it. And that's okay, too. Take a break, take a nap, cry. Prying always helps me relieve my attention. And I wish I could cry more because I'd feel like more, I always feel relieved if and when I do. Yeah, God, there's so much there. First of all, the walking thing. I remember I had Dr. Samantha Bordman on. I don't know if you know her years ago. And I remembered she was talking about walking, disrupting rumination, but I never knew why. And I was thinking of something else.

I went through a kind of brief phase where I was like so afraid of flying suddenly out of nowhere. And I overcame it. But something that somebody said to do was to pass something back and forth between your hands. and just follow it with your eyes. And I never really got an explanation, but it actually worked. And I wonder if it's a similar mechanism as that. Yes. Yes, probably. And like the whole idea of like EMD art came from that. Oh, yeah. Okay. The idea of optic flow. And really it's kind of like rewriting the script in some ways through some form of distraction that takes you out of your mind. And a big one for me is all always this concept of awe. So, you know, wherever you feel small in this world. And I don't mean small isn't like insecure and insignificant. in like a loser. I mean, small isn't like just part of something bigger. And living in LA, you probably have plenty of opportunity for mountain hikes and all of that. So whether it's the ocean, for me,

it's swimming in the ocean, or a museum, architecture or nature, like being in the forest, even sitting by a park bench, like they found that people who can sit in nature two hours a week. It doesn't sit or walk or what a hike, whatever, doesn't have to be continuous. It can be in 20-minute increments. And it can even be a city park bench, have less anxiety, less depression, lower heart rate, lower blood pressure. So I feel like there's multitude of techniques that are within our grasp that are so easy to do that can boost our mood and decrease anxiety. Yeah, I mean, the key one in recovery is calling somebody else and asking them about themselves and not talking about yourself. And usually somebody who's like newly in recovery because you stop thinking about

yourself. It's, you know, self-abandonment in some sense, which is what drugs and alcohol did too. And then it kind of gives you that perspective because you're ruminating about your problems and this, then the other. And then you talk to somebody who's, you know, nine days sober and you hear about what's going on with them. And suddenly, you know, your problems don't seem that bad. That's like my go-to. Yes. Because you're helping. Right. And then that sense of purpose, like we know this hands down that like even when adolescents are volunteering, let's say with like little kids to helping them do their homework, they have less inflammation in the body and less heart disease later on in life. And people, who volunteer have a greater sense of purpose. They also live longer and all these benefits. So it takes you out of your own head. And then you feel useful. And I think that's a big part of it. Yeah, for sure. And I mean, I could go off in a whole tangent about recovery, which I will try to refrain from doing in this episode. But, you know, all of those things, purpose, feeling useful, those were not feelings that I had prior to getting sober. And I think in some sense that really fueled the addiction, because I know for myself, I was trying to fill some kind of void that I wasn't able to fill.

But I was trying with drugs and alcohol. And then when I got sober, that void was filled with feeling useful, even if it's just to somebody else who's struggling, you know, and feeling like, okay, this is my purpose. Like regardless of my career, regardless of whatever else is going on in my life, I have this purpose where like, I know that I can talk to somebody else who's struggling and tell them I've been there and like, how can I help? Amazing. That's so amazing. I mean, your journey is. so amazing and I think of so much credit to you because it's not easy. Yeah. Thank you. You guys know that when it comes to skincare, I am a big believer in formulations that have been

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Again, go tochamps.com slash blonde to see all the delicious flavors and get 20% off your first order and free shipping. That's C-H-O-M-P-S dot com slash blonde. Don't forget to use my link so they know I sent you. Well, you were talking a little bit about trauma, and I know that when you first started out, you were working with people who had been affected by 9-11, right? Yes. So can you talk about that a little bit and how people differed in their response to that? Because, you know, so many people had this kind of universal experience, you know, some different

variables. But some people, I feel like, would be completely, you know, flatlined by that, whereas other people were able to kind of brush themselves off and move on. So you talk about why we react differently to similar traumas. Yes. So, you know, there are so many factors sometimes that are beyond our control, like past history of psychiatric illness, like in yourself, in your family, past history of trauma, how medically injured you were. So people who had more injuries, physical and more like wounds that they had to recover from, it was harder and they were more likely to get post-traumatic stress disorder or anxiety or depression if you lost a loved one that day. So all of these things, depending on what the problems that you had come into the situation with

or how deeply devastated and how deeply affected you were. So we know that like after Hurricane Katrina, if you lost your home, if you lost your finances. So loss of limb life finances, all of that makes it that much harder for recovery. But that doesn't mean that there's not. There's not. hope, right? It just means that you might be more predisposed for any number of reasons to have more problems. But what I found interestingly was, and how I got interested in the idea of optimism, was actually through resilience, because I was like, what is it about some of these folks that helps them be so resilient? They would come in for screening. So if you were living downtown or you were working downtown or somehow your life was impacted, you could come to the program

and be monitored. And everyone got physical health screenings. Everyone got mental health screening. But if you didn't screen positive for anxiety, depression, substance, post-traumatic stress disorder, you would never be part of our clinic. We would never see you again unless a doctor said, a doctor in another area like internal medicine, like we were all in the same hallway, the allergist, the sinus doctor, the allergy doctor, everybody with GI. And so I would follow these people that didn't come into my program, but I would see them in the hallways. And there was one woman in particular that I'll never forget and she was in her like 60s, late 60s, early 70s. And she was always smiling and she was there like almost every day. And I was like, what's going

on? You don't have an appointment. What are you doing here? And she's like, oh, no, like, and I would practice my Spanish. And she's like, no, I'm here to accompany so and so to their meet their appointments. And later on I realized that her sense of purpose. And that's what she said to me, me proposito. And I was like, I was like, because what keeps you smiling? And she's like, my purpose. My purpose is to help because a lot of times people were after the trauma couldn't take subways or buses by themselves. They had agoraphobia. They had panic disorder and they would need someone to accompany them and they would avoid coming to the city at all costs if they lived outside. So I realized this woman was kept afloat because she wasn't focusing on herself and she was giving back to the community. And altruism

is a huge part of resilience. And so is optimism. And so then I was like, oh my God, like, there's things that we can do to make us more buoyant. And I was like, but for so many years, I thought optimism was something, just like resilience that you're either born with or not. And if you're not, then you're kind of screwed. And then I learned like, oh, my God, I was wrong. Like, there are things you can do to boost both. And the statistic is 25% of it is genetic.

Yes. Is that what you said? Yes. So, you know, like some of us naturally have a tendency to see the glass have half full. and some of us see it half empty. And we always just thought if you're either one way or the other. And then some years later, I learned that researchers had found that there were genes associated with optimism.

It's called the oxytocin receptor gene. And oxytocin is responsible for the cuddle hormone, bonding between mother and baby, friends during sex and orgasm. And that depending on which variation of the gene you had, you were going to be either optimistic and less likely to have depression or pessimistic and more likely. And what they found is, like, I was like, okay, cool. So there's a genetic component, but the genetics is only 25%. So what about the 75%. And then I learned that that 75% that is like learnable. And based on your psychological resources, your ability to cope, like coping skills,

asking for social support. So I was like, oh my God, you can turn yourself into an optimist by doing things that optimists do. And so like from that point on, my focus shifted. to not just treating illness, but preventing it by boosting, helping people boost their own levels of optimism. Why don't we define optimism? Because I feel like optimism kind of gets a bad rap sometimes. People think that it's, you know, just, what's the word I'm looking for? Toxic positivity?

Yes, totally. Yeah. So toxic positivity is telling someone like, everything will be fine. Just look on the bright side without actually. understanding and appreciating what they have been through. And it's invalidating. And you're, you're shutting down conversation rather than inviting it. Optimism and specifically practical optimism says, I see you, I hear you, I understand what you've been through, and I'm so sorry. And it just sits with you for a minute. And it says, now let's begin. Right. And it says that it's not

just practical optimism is not just a positive outlook. It gives you the skills to turn a positive outlook into a positive outcome because it's an action set, a skill set, a tool set, in addition to a mindset. So it says, great, you look at the glass half full. That's nice. A lot of people do. And guess what? It doesn't always land them in the best place. Because if you're an extreme optimist, a toxic optimist, you'll be like, everything will be, fine. I don't need to go to medical checkup. It's all good. It'll work out. Like how many of us have relatives who never see their annual physician for screenings, colonoscopies, mammograms, because they think everything will be fine. Or the doctor's like, hey, you got some issues with diabetes,

cholesterol, maybe, you know, borderline heart disease, maybe. And the optimist is like, no, no, it's all good. I don't need your meds. I'll be fine. It'll all work out. And that's called the ostrich effect. The ostrich effect is you're burying your head in the sand and you're just hoping things will disappear and naturally work themselves out. Practical optimists don't. They take the information and then they get themselves educated. They ask for help and then they follow through with treatment plans. And we know that optimists on average, optimists and practical optimists on average live 15, 20 percent longer and they enjoy what we call exceptional longevity. So not only are they living longer, but they're living longer in good health. And that's not something we're seeing in this country. Many of us

where our lifespans are increasing, but our health span, the years spent in good health, has actually stayed the same in the last three to four decades. Interesting. And what good is that to be the spend the last 10, 15 years of your life dependent, immobile with dementia? Yeah. I've heard you talk about an emotional immune system. Can you explain what that is?

Oh my God. I love that. So I have not, you know, that was almost going to be the title of my book like 15 years ago. I was like, oh, I want to write a book and I took a class and a book. and nothing happened with it. But, you know, to me, that's what it's the buffer, right? So just the way our skin is a protectant and a barrier, just the way, you know, the cilia in our nose and our white blood cells and all of this is like there to like patch any infection and prevent it from ruining us. Our ability to regulate our mood, regulate our emotions, our friendships, our tight-knit

community, having mentorship, having bonds, all of these things like protect and buffer. So stress by itself, it has such a negative wrap because we think of stress and we automatically think bad. And really, it's not. There's two types of stress. You stress, EU stress, the word EU and then stress is one word. And then distress. And you stress is all the good stuff. Like you're planning a reunion with your family. You're planning a wedding. You're having a baby. Things you wanted. You asked for. You worked for. But pile them on. Versus the distress is I've got too many things, even if they're all good, but I can't manage them or bad things or things you haven't chosen. So stress inherently is not good or bad.

It depends on what you bring to the table. And do you have the coping skills to manage what is being thrown at you? And that match between outside world demands and inner coping skills is what decides which way the scale will tip. And your emotional immune system regulates and puts you in the best possible position. to handle what comes at you. And one part of that could be sleep. So if I only got, you know, four hours of sleep, I'm going to be a bitch the next day. Same. I'm, I unravel. Like, every area of my life. Totally. Unravel. Yes. So, you know, something as simple as getting a good night's sleep. Like for me, things that I am grappling with, like looking for solutions,

looking for answers, they suddenly become clear the next morning, you know, and I've become more creative and all of us. So, you know, last night, like, like someone had asked me to participate in something and I was so excited. I said yes. And then by the end, at like one in the morning, I'm still off. Oh my God. I'm like, oh my God. I was like, I can't do it. I'm just going to say no tomorrow. And then this morning I woke up and I was like, I have a creative solution that'll be win-win where it allows me to help the person out and participate in a sort of meaningful way without being, you know, great inconvenience to myself. Oh my gosh. I just got anxiety at the 1 a.m. because I'm that same way. And you were saying like,

If you get a good night's sleep, you wake up and suddenly everything is clear. Well, conversely, at least for me, if I don't get a good night's sleep, everything feels so magnified. Yes. Yes. If I'm tired. Because the thing is, if you're like successful, high achieving person, and when you are, you want to be able to troubleshoot and you want to find solutions and you're quick and you have this amazing business. Like, you need to move forward. You can't afford to lose time. And when we're tired, are, like decision fatigue is in full force. Yeah. So you're like, I can't make, like, I don't know.

I'm paralyzed. Yeah. And so it's okay, like in those moments to be like, you know what? I'm going to regroup. I'm going to hit pause, like not stop and then come back. And for some people, it may be more than just a lock of sleep. They may not be, it might be in the midst of a depression. And executive functioning is impacted, cognition, memory, concentration.

So that's also challenging. I see sometimes like really, smart people are like, I can't. I just can't. I can't life. Lifeing. Life is lifey. Yeah, I get that. Well, we all go through our phases. Yes. Right. Yes. I know my listeners are really health conscious and focused on living a clean but balanced life. But something that is often overlooked are the products that we're using in our household. I know that a lot of us eat really clean. We work out. We live a healthy lifestyle. But then we're using all of these products. that have harmful chemicals and hormone disruptors and that can really detract from all of the effort

that we put into our lifestyle otherwise. So I made the switch last year to branch basics. And I have to say, I noticed so much less skin irritation. I was getting these weird little patches of, I don't know if it was eczema, but these kind of rashes around my arms and a little bit on my face. I was also having a lot of eye irritation. And I switched to branch basics. And all of that went away. So Branch Basics makes non-toxic, hypoallergenic, fragrance-free, hormone disruptor-free, harmful preservative-free, baby, kid, and pet-safe household products. And they're also cost-effective. So Branch Basics has their premium starter kit, which provides you with everything you need to replace all of your toxic cleaning products in your home. And they have a refill model. So once

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which I really don't. I only have a few things that I absolutely must include in my wellness routine. And one of those that I started doing at the end of last year is my infrared sauna blanket. This is the biggest game changer and it's so convenient. I truly love it so much and I'm so happy that I was able to get a code for you guys. And of course, it is my bond charge. So bond charge is a holistic wellness brand with a huge range of evidence-based products to optimize your life in every way. Founded on science and inspired by nature, all bond charge products adopt ancestral ways of living in our modern day world. They have an extensive range of premium wellness products that help you sleep better, perform better, have more energy, recover faster, balance hormones, reduce

inflammation. The list is endless. So everything from blue light glasses to red light therapy to EMF management and circadian friendly lighting bond charge products help you naturally address the issues of our modern day way of life effortlessly and with maximum impact. So that is exactly how I would describe the infrared sauna blanket. It's effortless and it has such a major impact. So it works by raising your heart rate to that of physical exercise. So it burns calories. While you relax, you can burn up to 600 calories in just one session. Of course, sweating helps flush out heavy metals and other toxins. And the infrared heat elevates your heart rate while when you're relaxing, it releases endorphins, which can leave you feeling euphoric after your session. The amazing thing

about the infrared sauna blanket is that the infrared light heats the body directly rather than heating the air around you like a traditional sauna. I don't know about you, but when I'm in a traditional sauna, I have to get out of there and take some breaks and take some breaths of cool air. It can affect my eyes and really dry my eyes out. And it's just not the most enjoyable thing for me. Whereas my sauna blanket, I can put it on my bed or on the couch. I can multitask. I can watch TV. I can read. Do whatever. Be on my phone. Work. Have my head out. And it has the same benefits at a lower heat. So you get the same benefits at a lower heat. It's also super easy to clean up. I just wipe it down with a wet towel. And that is it. So Bon Charge ships worldwide and rapid time.

They offer free shipping in every sauna blanket. There's no hidden costs. They have easy returns and exchanges. You can have a 30-day trial. And there is a 12-month warranty. So go to bondcharge.com slash blonde and use the coupon code blonde to save 15%. That's B-O-N-C-H-A-R-G-E.com slash blonde and use the code blonde to save 15% off. Okay. So you have eight pillars, right, of optimism. Maybe we can go through them. Yes.

Because I think that will be helpful for the listener. I love that you're saying, you know, it's not just a mindset because I think, that especially on social media, everything is change your mindset and mindset motivation. And it's like, okay, how do I change my mindset? And then what? I like that you say that no, it's a skill set. It's an action set. You know, you take it further. Yeah. So what are these pillars and how can people implement them into their life to, you know, make them actionable? Yes. And the first thing I always like to say is just like if you're in therapy, like please continue. If it's helping, like this is not going to replace the individualized care and treatment that a person will get in their own therapy.

but it certainly can be used in conjunction. I like to use it as maintenance, prevention. And even if you're like, I'm doing totally fine, I think of this as helping you be your best self. So I start with purpose. And these chapters are written, or these eight principles, they start out with having a purpose and intention. And they end at their eight P's and they end at practicing healthy habits. And so purpose is about intention and goal. And it can be big P as in capital P of, life, what is my purpose in life, but it could be small purpose. What is my purpose in this relationship, in this moment, in this transaction, in this event? So getting very clear about what you're intending to do. And also recognizing that your purpose today may not be your purpose five years ago

and may not be your purpose five years from now. The other thing is that your purpose doesn't have to be connected to your paycheck. Right. So when you talk about like you get so much benefit from mentoring other people and helping other people, that could be something you do to fulfill. you, it may not be your day job, but if your day job also happens to have a paycheck and a purpose, that's amazing. And sometimes I say if you have a hard time finding your purpose, it's your job to create it. Some people will be like, I feel lost, like I don't know what I'm called to do. And then I say, put the cart before the horse. And it's a tip called behavioral activation from CBT that is used in people when they're depressed, when they're languishing, when they're like, I'm not feeling motivation.

It's okay. Park before the horse, motivation will come. because that's the beauty is that purpose begets more purpose. You know, and you're like listening to a podcast. You're like, oh, my God, I am inspired now to go to a networking event, right? And so even if you don't feel like it, if you think that there will be benefit in it, right, whether it's reaching out, I've made so many good friends and connections on Instagram. We met that way. Like, so I'm just so happy that we have access and we have resources.

And activity planning is a big tip, like to populate your calendar with meaningful activities that give you pleasure and give you joy. And if you're just really stuck, ask yourself one simple question, what activity brings you joy and when's the last time that you did it? A lot of times people will say, like, I don't feel connected. The other thing, hack is exercise gives you a sense of purpose. So if you are lost and not feeling motivated, get up and go for a walk around the block. If that's all you can do. And then if you want to go to the gym, you want to do weight training, great.

All of that builds a sense of purpose. And the next one is processing emotions. So this is where so many of us stuff our emotions, and you talk about that, right? Like how we cope in different ways and being able to access them and using them as information, right? Like separate emotions from facts. So many of us get into our head because there's something called emotional reasoning. I feel it, therefore it is. I feel like a loser.

I feel like no one likes me. I feel fat. I feel whatever, right? And ask yourself, simple question, what is the evidence to suggest this? And one thing I find an emotion that's really hard for a lot of women to experience and fully embrace is anger. And different people deal with anger differently. A lot of my patients will say, I cry. I don't get angry. That's what happens. So, you know, I want women to sort of lean into that and what does that look like. And, you know, I want to say that a lot of times people will say, well, it's easy to be optimistic when everything is working out for you in your life, right? There's so many disparities. Like there's so many unfair things. And I hear you. And I'm not saying, you know, if you're in part of the world, that doesn't give you opportunity or that discriminates or racism or bias, like for sure, right? It's hard to be optimistic. So and but even still, I would say practical optimism is the way to go because it says, you know, to the people who are being unfair with you, I see you. I know what you're doing, but I'm not,

that's not going to stop me. Like I had people who never believed in me who didn't think that that I would amount to anything. And I'm like, I see you, but that's not going to stop me. Like, I have vision, I have mission, I have purpose. And when you have that behind you, especially when what you're doing is for the greater good of a community, a society, a person. I feel like you're called by something so much higher than yourself, whatever you want that to be. It's a higher power. If it's the universe, that no one can stop you. And there was a phrase that my parents would always say, you know, in moments of struggle in my life, that they're like, don't worry, the universe will conspire to help you. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. So it makes me feel like we're not

alone, right? Yeah. And the doors will open. People will be put in your place, conversations, opportunities. Of course, you have to do your part to make them available to you. So processing is all about self-awareness and mindfulness and sitting with feelings. Journaling is one way. There's so much research on journaling, 15 minutes a day. It quickens wound healing after surgery. Wow. Yes. After biopsy, people who journal more often, they heal faster. Less cold and infections and flus per year. Less heart So it is like, I went into so much science in doing the research for this book. And even though I'm a clinician and have practice for 20 years, I've gone to medical school and residency, I was like, I don't want any claim in this book to go without being cited and source. So I like did all of this

so that you don't have to struggle and suffer or do the research yourself. It's all there. And the citations, I have them in my website as well. So the next one is problem solving. I want to rewind a little bit to that one. Yes. That one is so interesting to me. Do you think that, I mean, you to the research, so maybe you can speak to like how that is. But do you think that to some extent our thoughts become things? You know, you kind of hear that a lot. And whatever we think, we are and we attach ourselves to those thoughts. And like you were saying earlier, we attach ourselves to the emotions that we're feeling and we interpret them as fact. Yes. When really like I was thinking as you were talking about that best thing about meditation for me is that I can now observe that.

And when I started meditating, I realized like, oh, I am not these emotions and these feelings and these thoughts because it's a monkey mind in here. It's crazy, you know? Yes. And so I learned how to like, let go and observe and not attach myself to those things. I'm kind of all over the place with this question. But back to the journaling, how is it that that is so transformative and healing? Is it because we're getting that stuff out of our head and therefore out of our bodies,

essentially. Yes. And you know, when you're putting, like you're parking it in the journal. And I can speak so strongly about it not only because the science, but because it has been so effective for me in my life. Like when I'm caught up in a loop and when I see this with my patients, it's you're on that cycle and you can't get off. Like the hamster on the wheel that's like, get me off of this. You're not even aware that you're on this hamster wheel. And it's almost like someone's got to knock you off, like fling you off that hamster wheel. And the journal, the journaling, gives you a place to park your emotions, to create distance, to create separation. And I think what this does in the body is we know that long term, like the fight and flight response is very effective when a bear is chasing you in the forest. Aside from that, like if you're not in acute danger, and 90% of the time, we're not in acute danger, except our body perceives that we are being chased

metaphorically by the bears of society. Those bears could be like competition, need to succeed, need to look a certain way, sound a certain way, need to have a certain bank account, whatever it might be. So the cortisol is wreaking havoc. It causes so much inflammation. And we know that when we look at people, if you want to look younger, I mean, not just look younger, but actually like, and I know that you've had great conversations with people about your age and decreasing that. But the best thing you can do, because we look at telomeres and these are like the caps on the chromosomes that this oxidative stress impacts us on a cellular level and it prematurely ages us. So if you want to look younger, feel younger, be younger, stress management is first and foremost. So you can be in the gym a million

hours a week and obviously watch what you eat and that will help you. But when we talk about longevity and lifespan and health span, it's specifically stress management and distress tolerance is a big part of that. Another reason why people in recovery look so young. Yeah, probably. One, they're not drinking and doing drugs, but also. also have this modality to deal with stressors as they come and, you know, be flexible in life. And I think that's such a big thing. Like a lot of times we have to struggle and suffer to get to that rock bottom. Yes. To then rebuild with a health theater. It's kind of like rebuilding a house. Let's say the house was, I hate to say this cheaply made or poorly made or didn't have a great foundation. Depending on our childhood,

depending on what our parents went through, how available they were, how nurturing and emotionally available, what skills they had, what emotional intelligence they had, how much nurturing they gave us, what their trauma and stress and intergenerationally, what they brought. Most of us aren't going to be raised with having language and self-compassion and kindness. So it often does take a breakdown to have the breakthrough. And most of the patients that have come to me, when they left, I feel like I'm not privy to what their life was before, but when they come and they say, you know what, I want to go back to my baseline. I was like, let's think about that for a minute, because your baseline is what got you here in the first place. I don't know if you want to go back to that. Yeah. And so I tell them,

what I see my job is a co-conspirator in your life to be a part of your journey is to not just take you from dysfunctional to functional, it's to take you from functional to optimal. And that's more than they bargain for because most of the times when you see a doctor, they're like, okay, you have a broken arm, let's fix it. No one's like, oh, let's help you with your backhand. Yeah, like, that's not my job. Yeah. Go to your coach. Yeah, go to your trainer. Yeah. Interesting. We are talking all about how to strengthen our emotional immune system, our emotional resiliency in this episode. So how about strengthening our physical immune system and physical resiliency and basically everything in our body? There is this one product that I absolutely swear by for all of this. And that is Armara colostrum. So I'm sure you guys have

seen this all over social media. I have to admit, when I first tried it, I was skeptical because I had seen so many people promote it. And I thought there's no way that it could be as good as everybody said it was. And a few months in, I was absolutely hooked. This is a non-negotiable in my wellness routine. You're probably wondering, what is colostrum? Colostrum is the first nutrition that we receive in life. It contains all of the essential nutrients that our bodies need in order to thrive. And Armara colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum that harnesses over 400 living bioactive nutrients that rebuild the barriers of your body and fuel cellular health for a host of research-backed health benefits. So it strengthens immunity. It ignites metabolism.

It's really amazing for inflammation. It fortifies gut health. It activates hair growth and skin radiance. It powers fitness performance and recovery. It has powerful anti-aging benefits. So it really does do it all. And Armra is premium bovine cholesterol concentrate unlike any other product on the market. It's wholly natural. It's sustainable. And it was developed with the highest integrity from start to finish. So I know that a concern for a lot of people is how this colostrum is sourced. They source it from grass-fed cows from their co-op of dairy farms in the U.S. And they strictly source only from the surplus supply of colostrum after calves are fully fed. Also, unlike most colostrums, which use heat pasteurization that depletes nutrient potency,

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amazing and I have not gotten sick this year, which is pretty unusual for me. I usually get something, some kind of cold, knock on wood. I haven't had anything yet. So I have worked out a special offer for my audience. You can get 15% off your first order when you go to tryarmra.com slash blonde or enter blonde to get 15% off your first order. That's t-R-M-R-M-A-com slash blonde. This past year, I really started focusing on my hair health and my hair growth. And something that I had always overlooked in the past was my scalp. You cannot have healthy hair without a healthy scalp. So I've been using the vagamore grow hair serum for probably about a year now. And I absolutely love it. This has been a total game changer. So I put the serum on my scalp, usually the night before

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Okay, third one. I think we're on third. Yeah. So problem-solving. And problem-solving, you know, one of the things that I learned from my parents, they would say this to me, this is where the Eastern wisdom would come in. Is this a problem to be solved or a truth to be accepted? And that was so freeing for me because so often, like, you know, being born and raised

in the United States, I'm just like, let's do. we can do anything we want. And my parents would be like, great, good for you. Happy that you have that. Except where are the obstacles? What are the challenges? Like, so, so let's, let's not get ahead of ourselves. And not to discourage you from solving your problems, but just to understand that sometimes there's nothing you can solve your way out of. If someone you love is no longer available to you for any number of reasons, they passed, whatever it is, they broke up with you, they ghosted you, a friendship that died, right? So like there are some things that are so hard for us to accept that something is no longer and we don't have access to it. So that's the first question. And then

when you do try to solve the problem, understand that you're always contending with a battle on two fronts. One is out there in the real world. So that's where troubleshooting and looking at the obstacles and I have like a set of questions that you can ask yourself, a punch list, 25 questions. It could be 10 if you want. But then you're also dealing with the battle in your head. And that's where emotional regulation comes in. And there's a technique that I like that is, you know, looking at the triggers, then looking at the negative thoughts. And this is from CBT. And then how do you challenge those negative thoughts? So emotional regulation is a big part of problem solving. But then there's also the concrete stuff in the world. Like how do I maneuver? When you want something

and you can see your endpoint, you know where you want to be. And you're like, oh, there's a bunch of, it's like an obstacle course that you have to work your way around it. And I always believe like, If you can't, if plan A doesn't work, like the front door, try the back door, try the sound door. Try every door. Yes. Same. So the next one is pride. And people always think of like pride with like, associated with like arrogance and, and it's not.

It's really rooted in self compassion and saying to yourself, where, when I'm beating myself up, where are these shoulds? You started out by talking about shoulds. Where do they come from? Because I think we so willingly accept other people's expectations. of us from such a young age. I need, as a woman, need to be young, I need to be thin, I need to be pretty, and I need to be productive, and I need to be a good friend, and I need to be a good partner, and I need to prioritize everyone else. They should feel loved by me. I should be charismatic. I should be exciting. And it's like the list of shoulds of what women are supposed to

be are endless, you know, and then when you have a child, I need to be the best most self-sacrificial woman, but also be super fit and also make them gluten-free pancakes and dental boxes. And it's like, Where do you fit into all of this, right? And these shoulds will drive us crazy. And there's a saying, Albert Ellis would talk about like shitting on yourself, like shitting on yourself. And like he would talk about must and masturbation. It's like enough, enough of like the musts and the sheds and you're driving yourself nuts. And I've done that and I've been there and the self-compassion taught me, you're not saying me first. You're saying me to. I deserve at the seat at the table. you know, and I will create a seed or ask for someone to help you, put one there for you.

The next one is proficiency. And what I love about this is that our proficiency is our self-efficacy. And it's not, it's great that if you have an ability, but you must also have confidence in your ability. And our confidence in our abilities often predicts success. Interesting. More so than the actual ability. And I'm not telling people to fake it and pretend you have talent. when you don't because eventually you will be found out and it won't be helpful. But if you have the

ability to then also believe, like they've done experiments where an athlete was told this person is better than you. Meanwhile, they weren't, but they were told that you have no chance and clearly the person failed. When they were told this person that you're against knows nothing about what they're doing, just the confidence in your ability that I have the chance to beat this person, you were more likely to beat them because you thought so. Wow. So as much as possible, self-efficacy and proficiency is built from doing things yourself. If you can't, mentorship, live feedback with trusted group of advisors to have like a board of trustees in your life that you like advisors that you're trying to. And then the next one is being present. And when you were talking about monkey mind, it's so like literally a monkey is trying

to grasp this branch and that branch. And I use this example of like airport baggage carousel to be aware of other people's baggage, but you never go home with it right at the airport. You're like, that's an ugly bag, that's a cute bag. But you leave them there. So leave the thoughts there. And I love that you have a meditation practice. And that's what practical optimism is. It is a practice. And like learning a language, a yoga, a sport, whatever you might do. The next one in my favorite is people. I love people. And the key here is to go deep and to be a more. And to be a more emotionally attuned to people. So there's two things. There's three things actually. Developing an aloneness practice and learning to enjoy your own company is a big part of it and spending time with

yourself alone. People hate spending time alone. I've heard you talk about this before and I'm like, I cannot relate. I love being alone. I travel alone. I love that. I'm traveling alone after this. And people will send me messages and things, you know, strangers always and say, oh, it's so like lonely. why do you? And I'm like, no, if you don't love your own company first, like, yes. What are you doing? Yes. That's so beautiful. You know, and I feel like the best, the healthiest relationships of whether their friendships or partnerships are built when we're not escaping ourselves and we're not looking to, there's a lot of times people will, in some experiments, like they would rather shock themselves, give themselves to small electric shock and just sit there alone. Wow. And I know people who will have no way,

like a TV or like noise going on in the shower when they sleep at night because they don't want to feel alone. So developing an aloneness practice, which it sounds like it comes easy for you, which is something that all of us should really work towards. The second is the social snacking or micro connections with people. That's also really important because so many layers of built-in connection exist. Your barista, dog walker, dormant in the building, that they were lost during the pandemic. And I feel like because we're always shopping online, we're not interacting with people as much. So looking for opportunities to smile, to make on contact, to make small talk if needed. Then the emotional attunement and meaningful connections, meaningful engagement. And this

is going deeper. And I feel like a lot of times this is what's being lost in society is that people are talking, but it's on a very superficial level. What I learned about you today, it was so beautiful, but it's authentic and it's real. And when one person opens up about themselves, it puts the other person at ease. And it's like, I can drop my mask and I don't need to maintain my front. And just because now you've shared, you've invited me as a result to feel comfortable with you to share. And I feel like whenever appropriate, when it's the right time, the right place, to be able to ask, like, I'd like to vent, is it okay? You know, and then to vent. And then the other person for them to listen and to validate and to empathize and to offer support. And then to be able to

say what I'm hearing is, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. We don't need to interject. We don't need to give advice unless someone is asking. But we know that people who have active listeners in their life will live four years longer. Wow. Interesting. These statistics are so fascinating to me, like, how do they do these studies? Yes. Yes. I mean, they had to have been like decades long. Yes. Yes. Yes. And then there's so many tips about how to make, maintain deep friendships And then the last one is practicing healthy habits. And this is so fascinating to me because, you know, I did a lot of research on longevity and the medical aspect of optimism and how it's being used as an intervention in surgery,

in immunology. And it's such a well-kept secret, I think. And it should be out there and hopefully it will be after this. And the four Ms of mental health, which is something that I practice every day, that it's an easy habit that people can learn and start doing as soon as they listen to this. And it's four mental health habits for exceptional wellness. It's mindfulness, mastery, meaningful engagement, and movement. And so 10 to 15 minutes of whatever feels right to you if you want to do more. But I would say try to figure out some way that they can fit

in your calendar every day. What's an example of mastery? So with mastery, you don't have to be a master to experience mastery. And in the beginning of January, I was interviewed by the New York Times and they said, we want some tips to get more energy. So they called this, it was the New York Times Energy Challenge, the Well section. And it was a low stakes, flow state. And flow is one way to experience mastery. When you're so immersed in something and you want to get better. And so they were like, what do you do?

And I'm like, I try to salsa dance. Try it's key word. And I feel a sense. Like, am I a master? Hell no. Right. But I feel a sense of mastery in that moment because I'm completely lost in what I'm doing. in a good way. You're immersed in what you're doing. So for someone, it might be pottery or gardening. But the

point is that you're doing it for yourself and for nobody else. And if, sure, if it turns out that other people are listening and watching, like, if I'm giving a talk or I'm on TV or I'm talking to you, like it's something I'm passionate about. I'm not aware of the time. So that's fine if it is going to be visible. Yeah. But as much as possible, do it just for yourself and no one else. Because you want to learn, because you want to get better. There's something really key about the flow state of learning. And it's the sweet spot where you're learning, you're not excellent at it, but you're good enough to keep going. And I feel like it's also a way to not be on your phone. Yes.

I feel like that is such a problem now. I mean, talk about not being able to be alone with yourself. And I fall into this habit too, just picking up my phone in any dead space that I have in my day. So I love the idea of like having something. I know pottery is huge right now in L.A. I don't know if it's having a moment here too. I love it. What do you like to do for fun?

I like playing piano. Nice. Something that like I took lessons when I was younger and, you know, I'm not great, but I can teach myself things just by watching YouTube or just listening to things and kind of playing by ear. That's awesome. So that's something that I love to do. I love playing tennis again, like not great, but it's fun. Good for you. It's really fun. Great. So and I want to try pottery. I have a friend that does it. He got really good. So that's going to be my next thing. That's beautiful. That's so beautiful. And you're right because, and if you can do with a friend even better because then you're like checking a couple of boxes off right like you've got meaningful engagement you're meeting people your mastery and there's mindfulness involved and like maybe if you walk to the class there's movement involved or jog yeah yeah i love that i can do that i can walk there so i'm gonna also also put that into action well thank you so much it's so fascinating i can't wait to get your book because i love just the intersection of like the really sciencey stuff and you know the applicable stuff. And it sounds like it's something that we can all incorporate into our lives, but it has the data to back it up. So I think it's amazing what you're doing. It's so fun talking to you

and tell everybody where they can find you. Thank you. So most active on Instagram, so Dr. Sue Varma and then my website, Dr. Suevarma.com. And you can get the book Practical Optimism, Art Science and practice of exceptional well-being. Anywhere books are sold. Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate review and subscribe. It goes a long way. And it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to areaallori.com. And I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.