Well with Arielle Lorre - 299: Solo Q&A: Life Updates, Breaking Up and Moving On

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

In this episode I am talking about my divorce and how I am moving forward. I answer listener questions including what happened, how I am feeling about everything, what I learned from my marriage, what it’s like having a public breakup, walking through fear and uncertainty, how I feel about dating and so much more.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Visit Ro.Co/blonde to get your first month for $99 and $145 for subsequent months.Visit BetterHelp.com/files to get 10% off your first month.Go to BonCharge.com/BLONDE for 15% off.Visit CarawayHome.com/BLONDE for 10% off. Visit Ritual.com/BLONDE for 20% off. Go to AloMoves.com and use the code BLONDE30 for an exclusive 30 day free trial and 20% off an annual membership.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Dear Media IRL is back, and we're showing up bigger, better, and louder than ever. Join us on May 4th in Austin, Texas for the ultimate live podcasting experience. Watch and learn from your favorite dear media hosts as they bring their insightful discussions from your headphones to the stage. Get ready to be inspired, entertained, and watch audio get a makeover. Tickets are on sale now at Dear Media. media.com slash IRL. See you on May 4th in Austin, Texas. Welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lorry, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and

well-being, to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I am bringing on expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Welcome to the show. I have to just say from the top here that I'm recording a solo for the first time ever from the studio. So I'm really not used to doing this. It's just me and Ashley, my producer in here, which is good because we're in the trust tree. This is a safe space. But it's like a totally different feeling from recording it just from the comfort of my home. And this episode is pretty daunting for me. I'm going to be talking about my relationship in a general way. I don't want to disclose any private information. I want to respect my ex-husband and our agreements and all of that. But I know that there's a lot of interest in it and moving forward. Something that I'm really looking forward about this part of my life is being able to be more open, more vulnerable with you guys and with this community

because I feel like you guys have supported me through so much. So, that's what this episode is going to be about. We have a saying in recovery, like what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. And that's kind of the format that I'm following here. And of course, I put a question box up on Instagram last week for this episode. So I'm going to be using the questions that I got from you guys. I don't know that I feel like I have so much wisdom or anything to impart. And obviously, you know, this is so new. So I did get a lot of questions about like moving on and single life and do I want to get married again? And I'm like, whoa, I am not there yet. You know, it's still very raw and still very new. And in some ways, it's been kind of amazing. And then in other ways,

you know, it's really sad and just all the things. I'm definitely on the roller coaster. Yesterday, I felt like, I was on top of the world. And then today I have just been kind of like emotional and a little bit in a weird place. So that's where I am. And actually the first question that I had here was, how are you like actually, which I like? Because we all say, fine, good. I'm good. I'm good. That's like my go-to default answer always when somebody asks how I'm doing. But how am I like actually? Again, I think that every day is different. Every moment of every day is different. And that's just life. I mean, I have so many feelings and emotions and everything on any given day. And the same goes for in this situation. Like, I can be totally fine. And then something can remind me of my ex or just make me feel

sad. I shared on TikTok. I cooked for myself the other night for the first time. I mean, for the first time. I've only been moved out for like two weeks, but still, that was something that was actually really hard because I'm so used to cooking in my old kitchen and cooking for two. And it's just been something that I haven't wanted to do because it strangely makes me really sad. And I've found that it's those little things, those little reminders that really sting the most. And I'm sure that we all have those. I have all of those little moments that remind me. of things that I shared and had in my relationship that kind of come out of nowhere and it's like that punch in the gut. But I made dinner for myself and it ended up being really good and I felt

really happy and like kind of weirdly proud of myself. So all of that is to say it's a roller coaster. This episode is probably going to be a roller coaster. I already feel like I'm all over the place and I've barely even answered one question. But that's just where I am. and how I'm doing right now. So, okay, the other main question was, of course, what happened? And again, I'm not going to, like, speak too much to the details because we agreed to keep everything private. And, you know, I really want to respect Chuck and all of that. People have, like, crazy theories of why we broke up. And one of the theories that I've seen is it was because I got procedures or things like that. It was nothing that either of us did. I think that it's kind of like

Ackham's Razor, Acom's Razor. I just looked up the pronunciation of this right before we recorded and now I can't even remember what it was. Ackham's razor, right, Ashley? Yeah. She's, okay. It's essentially the principle that the most obvious answer is usually the answer. And I think when you look at my relationship, there was a very obvious thing that was a fundamental difference that he and I both had, essentially being that we were just, you know, in very different places in our lives because of our ages. And I think that, again, not speaking for him. And if anybody is listening to this on the legal side of things, I'm not disclosing anything. You can look at a picture of us and see the differences. I'm not disclosing anything private. But,

But I think anybody could understand that being in a relationship where there's a big age difference, that is something that you really have to work on. And it can create kind of a chasm. And you have to really work to bridge that chasm, bridge that gap. And, you know, ultimately, I think that we were just in two different places in our lives. There was nothing scandalous, nothing nefarious going on. There's no theory that is correct that I've seen. You know, it's really just like at the end of the day, it just couldn't work. And that was so hard. And I did see a question. I'm going to fast forward a little bit. But somebody asked how to

find the courage to leave a relationship that isn't bad and that other people would actually think is really good. And that was like so hard for me and so. hard for him too, I think, because there was no lack of love. I love him so much. I have so much love for him and vice versa. And he and I are really good. That was really hard because you get the fear-based thinking. And I think that we all have these kind of limiting beliefs. And I remember when Alyssa Lynch came on my podcast, we were talking about this because she had just gone through a break up and she was talking about the things that you start to tell yourself and the things that your brain kind of throws at you like, well, maybe we shouldn't break up because who's going to

keep the couch, you know, and you like cling to these things. And when there's no lack of love and when the relationship is not bad, it can be really, really scary to make that decision to end it because I can just speak for myself. I would think if I give up this relationship with this really amazing person, what if I don't find anybody else? And then I'm going to have all these regrets. And then I'm going to be miserable. And then I'm going to be lonely.

And you just take that further and further and kind of spiral with it. And it's kind of like a scarcity mindset. But I think it's totally understandable, especially just given how things are right now in our culture with dating and being in L.A. where I see my friends who are single and they just have like nightmare stories. And when you have somebody who's really good and you have that companionship and that love, it's really hard to make that decision. But I think, you know, the piece of it like, how do you leave a relationship that is not bad and that other people would think is good? It doesn't really matter what other people think because they're not in your relationship. They don't know

how it feels. Only you know how it feels. And I had a life that probably looked really good on the outside and it was really good in so many ways. But I remember like in the last few months, I would wake up at like two, three, four in the morning. I don't know if I even should share this. It's like so personal. But I would wake up like jolted awake in the dead of night. And just my first thought was like, I hate my life. And that's like awful to even say because I have so much to be grateful for and there was nothing that was bad. It was just this inner turmoil that I had been living with for so long that was really eating away at me. And the longer you stuff that down, the more it's going to come out in so many different ways and it's going to manifest in so many ways mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

you know, I feel like the last six months of my life has been like a slow unraveling of everything from my physical health to my mental health and everything because I wasn't confronting these things really. And I felt so like bad about myself, even saying it now, I still kind of feel like I have shame for even having those thoughts. But that's just the reality of it. So I think now that I'm like way off on a tangent, only you know how you feel in that relationship. And I think that we all know ultimately if we should stay or go. That was another common question that I got. Like, how do you know when it's time to leave? I will say it was a mutual thing. So it wasn't like I decided or he decided. It was very mutual. But I think that if we're being really honest with ourselves,

we know. But it's just, are we going to have the courage to overcome those fearful scarcity thoughts or are we going to stay out of comfort? And I don't judge anybody for doing either. And I do realize that like I had it so easy because I don't have kids. There were no financial constraints. I know that some women can't leave because they might not have a career and they might not have money to start over. And that's like such a terrible place to be. I do think that inaction is more painful than action. That's what I'll say about that. If you feel like you just don't have the time in your life to prioritize wellness, I totally get this. I think that wellness seems very daunting to a lot of people and they don't know where to start. But I have this kind of hack that makes it so easy to fit

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staying asleep longer, which is absolutely key because if I don't get my sleep, everything else unravels. So unlock your personal wellness routine with alo moves. Go to allomovs.com now and use the code blonde 30 for an exclusive 30-day free trial and enjoy 20% off an annual membership. That's alomoves.com. and the code is blonde 30. Again, allommoves.com, code blonde 30. Are you looking for some good, clean positivity? Good. Me neither. I'm Maddy Murphy and I host

the bad broadcast, a weekly comedy podcast dedicated to talking about everything we'd love to hate. I searched my whole life to find my passion. Little did I know I had been practicing my true talent every single day. Complaining. Join me every Monday, wherever you listen to podcasts, And be sure to follow me on Instagram at the bad broadcast to answer our weekly questions and for a chance to be featured on the show. See you there. This show is sponsored by Better Help. On my episode last week, my guest and I were talking a lot about purpose and passion in our lives. And I got a lot of feedback from people who said that they really want to find purpose, but they don't really know what's important to them.

So in my experience, therapy is such a useful tool to have. help find what matters to you so that you can do more of it. I've been in therapy my whole life and I've benefited from it so much, especially in the last 10 years in my sobriety. I think that there is a misconception about therapy that it's only helpful when things are really challenging, which it absolutely can be. But for me, I find that it's so helpful for learning positive coping skills, how to set boundaries. It really helps to empower me to be the best version. of myself and it's helped me to kind of hone in on my passions and my purpose and allows me to recognize.

Auto-hue with sunny cars, feels as if the children not me say. Diesel stramble. Sand fordha. It is fair. Verdwine. Vacancy can chaotic is. But who zorgloose an auto-hurt, says, one does no stress. No, no-stress.

No, no-verwashed to costs. Always, full-ledic. So, so will the auto-hueurs without sorges Go to your Reyesadviseue or SunnyCars.combe. I know what those things are

and then build on them. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire

to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So learn to make time for what makes you happy with better help. visit betterhelp.com slash files today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, h-elp.com slash files. How do I feel about things ending so publicly? I was kind of hoping that this

time around was not going to be public. When we separated, we had a statement that we put out just because we knew that people might try to make up stories or make up theories. And we wanted to be really clear that like we decided to do this mutually and things were good. So I understood why it was public that time. This time I was hoping that people just kind of assumed that we were already divorced because I think a lot of people thought that we did get divorced in 2022 and that we were going to avoid any public scrutiny. Obviously, we're not like J-Lo and Ben. People don't really care that much. But it did become newsworthy for a few days. And it's kind of awful having that stuff be public. It's such a painful thing to go through to begin with and then to have people's opinions

and judgments and all of that added on top of that. It's painful. But I will say, I think that being an influencer for six years and having my life be public and dealing with people's opinions and trolling and everything on a daily basis, I was prepared to just move through that. And really I don't pay attention. I looked once to see like what articles were up and I got the gist of what people were saying. And then I moved on and for the most part, people have been really supportive.

Somebody asked the worst part of things being public and I will say the worst part of all of this being public was getting people's opinions on the financial part of the settlement. So first of all, most of what is reported is not accurate, but I would get, I still get text messages from people I know. I get comments and DMs from people I don't know saying what I should or should not have gotten, which is like what not to say to a person who just got divorced 101. Like just don't comment on any of it. Just if you want to offer support or whatever, fine. but that I found to be so, so incredibly toxic because we did this with so much love. I walked away, feeling so good about everything. And then when you get that in your head, it just kind of fucked with me a little bit,

to be totally honest. And people just don't know. Like, they don't know my circumstances. They don't know the circumstances between us. And as far as everything, I will say, he asked me what I wanted. I told him what I wanted. He gave me what I wanted. The end, period, end of story. So, you know, getting people's input about that after it's done, too. I'm like, it's done. Like, what do you want me to do? I can't do anything. That was probably the worst part about things being public this time.

But for the most part, people have been so, so supportive, which has been amazing. Did we have a pre-up? Again, this is all on TMZ. So if anyone is listening and they're, trying to hit me with a fine. This is all public information. Yes, we had a pre-up. Do I agree with the reasons for the divorce? Yes, we both had the same reasons. What will I do with my settlement, which is half after taxes? No, settlements aren't taxed. I'm saving everything. Will I change my last name? Nope. I'm keeping my last name. Do I have kids on the brain now? since there are new possibilities for relationships in the future. Absolutely fucking not. No kids on the brain. If anything, I am like more grateful that I don't have kids, that I don't

want kids because that definitely adds so much pressure. I'm 38 years old. And I think that if that was something that was really important to me, I would probably be feeling a lot more. more stressed about where I am right now and about dating and relationships and all of that. I don't have that pressure of having the ticking time bomb or the, what do they call it, biological clock? Thank you. I don't have any of that. And I have no desire to find a new relationship and have kids with anybody.

If anything, I feel like I'm so excited that I have complete autonomy. now of my life. I mean, I always had autonomy and I always had a lot of independence within my relationship, but now I kind of feel like, you know, I can do anything. I'm so excited about things in my career. I'm so excited about just being able to like travel more and focus on my relationships like with my girlfriends and meet new people. And, you know, there's so many things that I'm looking forward to and not having kids is like amazing because I can do all of that. And somebody asked, did I freeze my eggs as well? No. So I talked a few years ago about maybe freezing my eggs. You know, I remember when I turned 30, this was before I was even in a relationship, I was having that

existential crisis that you have when you're turning 30 because you think 30 is ancient. And now I look back And I'm like, wow, I was a little baby. But I remember thinking like, maybe I need to freeze my eggs just as quote unquote insurance. And that was when I spoke to somebody who's like a mentor of mine. And she said, well, do you even want kids? And I thought about it. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, no, I don't. Like I had never even thought about whether that was something I wanted or not.

Then I would say maybe two years ago, I started thinking again, like, I think because the biological clock, you know, it's like the end is near. So I was kind of like, well, maybe I should do it because I feel like since I got sober at 28 and I started drinking at 18, it's almost like when I got sober, I felt like I was the age where I started drinking, if that makes sense. So I feel like the last decade of my life were kind of like my 20s because my real 20s were just like spent in a blackout essentially. And I kind of did a lot of things in my 30s that people do in their 20s. And so I started to worry that, well, maybe when I turn 40, I'm going to feel like I'm in my 30s. And maybe then I'll be ready to have kids and I'll change my mind. And I got all this

crazy thinking. And like, I went to this OBGYN and I remember she asked if I wanted kids. And I said, no. And she said, well, okay, I just want to warn you. I've had so many patients who have sat where you're sitting and said the same thing. And then they come back five years later. And all they want is to have a kid. And so that got into my head. But at the end of the day, I know myself, I just don't have that maternal thing. Like, I had it for my dog. That was like amazing for me, you know? And I just don't, I don't know. I like other people's kids, but I just really don't want my own. So long-winded answer is, no, I didn't freeze my eggs. No, I do not have kids on the brain at all, except for how grateful I am that I don't of kids. Okay. How do I feel about dating at almost 40? I feel amazing at dating at almost 40. Thank you for

the reminder that I'm almost 40. Like I love how that's phrased. I have a couple years. Thank you. But I get the question. This is kind of like fresh on my mind because my episode with Durana Elmi released today. And we were talking a lot about this. And I don't want to completely just repeat everything that I there, but I feel the same. I mean, I recorded that last week and I'm saying that like I feel like I am in my 20s except with more money, more purpose, more fulfillment, more clarity, more wisdom, more direction, more relationships, just more everything, more gratitude, more confidence, more self-esteem, like, I'm sober, obviously. So I feel like this is actually an amazing time to be single or if I meet somebody, like, I don't know. I think, again, because I don't have kids,

don't want kids, it's not as daunting. But there's nothing about it that is making me feel anxious at this moment. I feel excited. And I did also get a question. question or no actually that was a statement somebody said all the good men are taken i totally disagree especially since this person brought it up rounding 40 i feel like there's a bunch of like divorced actually my friend calls them divorced dads but just divorced guys in their 40s who kind of had their starter marriage and now they're single and you know i don't think somebody who's divorced is necessarily a bad thing. Like, I look at myself and I'm like so grateful for the last eight years and for the five years that we were married because I learned so much. I learned so much about myself. I learned so much

about relationships. And that's something that I'll bring into my next relationship. So I don't know. I think there's a lot of good guys in their 40s. I've already met some good guys. I don't even know I should say that. I'm not even looking. Like, they're just appearing. And they're like, amazing. I do, I do like an older man, I will say. We're definitely going a little younger this time. But I would say, like, my ideal is like 40 to like early to mid 50s even. Like, that's kind of what I'm attracted to. And I feel like there's so many good single guys in that age range who like have, their shit together and know what they want and know how to treat a woman and maybe they have some relationship experience that they learned from too and they can be a really good partner.

So I don't even remember what was the original question. How do I feel about dating? I feel great about dating. Do I think all the good men are taken? No. Shorter, gloomier gray days means that it is time to focus on getting vitamin D in your diet, but it can be very difficult. In fact, 97% of women ages 19 to 50 are not getting enough vitamin D from just their diet alone. But rituals essential for women 18 plus was shown to increase

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that I've had from last June. That goes until this June. So I have to be here. And it's interesting because before we got divorced, I would have said I would move to New York in a heartbeat, like as soon as I can. Now I'm kind of reevaluating that. And what I ended up doing was I got a short-term rental, which I have an option of making long-term if I want to. And my plan is to just kind of make the most out of that and just see where life takes me. I mean, ideally,

I'm thinking I'll probably do L.A. and New York, L.A., Miami, maybe. maybe a summer place. I don't know. I have no idea. It's so hard to say right now because everything is so fresh. I got disillusioned by L.A. and New York was kind of my escape. But now that I'm living somewhere different, I'm kind of closer to the area that I like to be. I don't know. I'm starting to actually kind of like L.A. again. So maybe it was just circumstances. before that had me feeling like I really wanted to leave. I do love New York, obviously. Like, I love the city, but I don't know that I could live there. So, TBD on that one. How do I feel about living alone? I love living alone. I am very independent and I really, really, really like my space.

So I've always loved living alone when I've lived alone and I love being alone and I love traveling alone and you know I'm kind of like I don't know maybe it's the introvert in me I really get my energy and recharge and feel my best when I'm alone and then like when I'm recharged then I like to go out and be social and all of that but just having my own space is really important to me and I'm really excited to design and decorate and do all of that I'm so into all of that as you guys know and to just be able to do whatever I want stylistically. Like that's very exciting to me. Yeah. I mean, it's an adjustment for sure. Sometimes it is hard, but sometimes it's great. It's like that Linda Evangelista quote that went viral like maybe a month ago. They asked if she was dating and she was like,

no, because like I don't want to listen to somebody else breathe. And I was like, yes. That's exactly how I feel right now. Like I can sleep in the middle of the bed. No. Nobody's breathing around me and I can do my Carrie Bradshaw SSB, my secret single behavior. You know, we all have that SSB. I'm trying to make the most out of it. What good came from my relationship? What am I grateful to Chuck for? I mean, I feel like only good came from that relationship and I'm grateful to Chuck for so, so much.

he knew when we started dating. At that time, I was maybe two years sober, kind of just starting out in my career. I remember him saying, like, you're going to be a totally different person at five years sober, at 10 years sober. And he was like, you might want something different, but I'm so stubborn and self-will that I was like, no, I know what I want and I want it now. And he gave me so much room to be. become the person that I am now. And I think he did that maybe even like knowing that we might grow in different directions. And like he still was there and supported me. And I don't know. I'll always be grateful for him for that. He taught me so much. Like he's the smartest person that I've ever met in my life.

And I was like a sponge around him. He showed me so much of the world. He's so wise. He provided a safety net. Like, I really would not have the career that I have today either because I was able to just kind of like fearlessly dive in and try new things and experiment and like start my career as an influencer, you know, not having to worry about anything because I had him there supporting me emotionally. You know, he provided. at a financial safety net. I'm never going to pretend like that wasn't there. You know, I had this kind of like interesting big life that was a backdrop that was maybe compelling for people to follow along. So I feel like he's, you know, responsible for so much of what I have today. And I'll always be

grateful to him for that. Yeah, so much good came from that relationship. I had the most incredible last eight years of my life, you know, and it was all because of him and the life that we had together and that relationship. What I really love about him is that he has so much and he's the least pretentious, most humble person ever. You would never know how much he has just from meeting him because all he cares about is philanthropy and giving back and that's his real passion right now besides obviously TV. And, you know, he really taught me like what it means to be humble. And that became something that I value so much. And that's really something that I think I'll look for in another partner, you know, is that just humility, generosity. And I don't know

how to phrase it, but like his desire to be of service, he did kind of show me like what qualities to look for in a partner, if that makes sense. I don't know if I'm phrasing that right. Anyway, will I date older men like my ex? I covered that already. Will we continue a friendship? Yes. Hopefully, you know, we'll be very close friends. That's what we kind of vowed to do.

And so far with some boundaries, we are maintaining that. Do big life transitions, trigger anxiety, and alter my wellness routines, and how do I handle that. And somebody also asked if I worry about relapsing when going through hard times and big emotions. So I'll start with the relapsing thing. No, in 10 years tomorrow, knock on wood and thank God, I can't remember any time that I've gone through something where I felt like I wanted to drink or do drugs. Sometimes I want a cigarette. Not going to lie. That's when I know I'm going through something like really hard because I'm like, God, I just would love a cigarette right now. But then I play the tape through and I'm like, no, I'd probably vomit.

Like I cannot even imagine at this point. I can't even eat like dairy. You know, I don't think that I would do well with nicotine. But that's like the one thing that I sometimes crave. But I think that if anything, I am safer during challenging times because I pour myself more into my recovery. So I remember somebody telling me like more people go out when things are good than when things are bad. Because when things are bad, I know what I have to do. Or not, I don't think things are quote unquote bad right now.

But when things get challenging, I know what I have to do. I know what I want to do. You know, I want to put my recovery first because I know the things that help me. And that really helps me. It's when life gets really busy. and when things get really good and I start to think that, you know, maybe I'm immune to it and I don't have to do as much for my recovery. That is when I think I'm in more of a vulnerable position, not when things are difficult. But as far as anxiety, do these big life transitions trigger anxiety?

I haven't had anxiety since I moved out. but the many, many, many months leading up to the divorce when we knew that we were going to get divorced and coming to that decision, I definitely had a lot of anxiety. But right now, again, it's kind of back to what I said, like inaction is harder than action. Inaction breeds so much anxiety in my experience. Whereas action, when you take the action, when you jump, the net appears. And it reminds me of what a therapist who I had on my podcast, I just posted a reel a few weeks ago with this quote, she said, the version of you that can handle that thing if and when that thing happens is born into existence when that happens. And that's been my experience over and over and over again. And, you know, I'll just use this situation. For example, like for months, I was like, oh my God, how am I going to? do that. Where am I going to go? Where am I going to live? What if this? What if that? How will I do this? What if I don't

have Harvey? Like all these things. How am I going to handle that? And then all of those things happen. And I took the action and like I could handle it, you know? And you can handle it. Whatever the thing is that you might be worried about going through or that you might be worried about happening. Like there's a version of you that will be born in that moment that can handle that. I promise that. Like, you will be okay. And I've been okay. As far as my wellness routines, those are lacking a little bit right now, I would say. And that's fine. One thing about my wellness routines is that they're flexible and they're meant to enhance my life and not be stressful. And I was trying when I first moved out to like wake up and do what I would normally do before I got divorced, right? Which is like,

wake up, get my macha, go down, do my meditation, do some breath work, maybe do like a gratitude list, like have this slow morning, then start doing some work. I tried doing that last week and I just could not. Like my brain is just too scattered in the morning and I was finding it really difficult to get through my meditations. And I feel like sometimes that's when I need the meditation the most. But I was just like, this is not comfortable and it's not like enhancing my life in any way. I'm not benefiting from this at all. I'm just getting frustrated. And I will say like in the morning, the morning and the night is the hardest for me. The morning like, I don't really want to sit there for 20 minutes with my thoughts, frankly, right now. So what I'm doing right now is I'm getting up,

I'm having, you know, my macha. And then I'm either. going to Pilates, we're back in our Pilates era, everybody, or I'm going for a walk and I'm just moving. And that's kind of a meditation in and of itself. You know, meditation doesn't have to be sitting there like in silence for 20 minutes necessarily. Pilates is amazing because I still get that like mind-body connection. And it is very meditative for me. And same with walking. As I mentioned in this episode, my wellness habits and routines have been a little bit off in this current season of life that I'm in. However, I have been doing this one thing and it kind of affects every aspect of my life. It's kind of this one habit that does it all. And that is, of course,

using my bond charge sauna blanket. This is my absolute favorite thing in the world. So not only does the sauna blanket help with detoxifying, but it also really helps to ease stress and unwind. Obviously, I've been dealing with a lot of stress right now. And I find this to be so relaxing and it's just something that I really look forward to. So basically the sauna blanket works by raising your heart rate to that of physical exercise. So it burns calories while you relax. You can actually burn up to 600 calories in just one session. And then of course, the sweating from the infrared sauna helps flush out heavy metals and other toxins. The infrared heat elevates your heart rate while also releasing endorphins, which can leave you feeling euphoric after your sessions. And it works by using

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That's RO. dot CO slash blonde. Rowe. Dot co slash blonde. And as far as my other wellness practices, that's kind of it. I will meditate in the afternoon sometimes. That one I can do for some reason, I think, because I've been so busy with work that it's actually kind of a relief in the afternoon to just take that break.

But, oh my God, my nighttime routine has been terrible. I have been going to bed so late, which is definitely not helping you guys know that I unravel if I don't get eight hours of sleep. And I'm averaging about like six, which is not, not good because that just magnifies everything. But I've either been like with friends or talking to friends or that's pretty much it until like 10. And then I like do my skincare shower. I try to read a few pages and then I fall asleep maybe around 11, which is, you know, again, not the norm. But I'm just kind of doing what feels right and what feels good right now. And I mean, being tired doesn't feel good.

But it feels good to like have that connection, see my friends, you know, hang out with people, go to dinner, be more social. Instead of like being by myself and doing my normal like get ready for bed at 7 o'clock. and then read for a few hours. Although I am trying to get back into reading. Like, I don't know why. I just cannot. Like, I must have started 15 books and I read five pages and I just can't get into it. So, I don't know. But yeah, my wellness habits, super simple right now. It's just like movement in the morning, meditation maybe at some point during the day, just to counteract a little bit of the good stress that I have. All of the work stuff is good. It's just a lot, but it's good stress. And that's it. Lots of water. I am hydrated. I'm not going for me. What are red flags that I will be

looking for now that I didn't look for previously? I don't have any again. Like, there were no red flags that I missed in my last relationship. Like, it really was just a matter of different places in our lives. So if anything, I feel like I know what green flags I'm looking for. Like, that's kind of how I look at it. I don't really think that there's a lot of the way. I don't really think that were any red flags. I think that there are just things, again, like back to what I was saying before, values and things that I know I want the next person that I date or that I'm in a relationship with to have. Most of my energy and attention right now is going towards my career. I have so much happening in the next few months and this year in general that I'm so excited

about. I have amazing people working for me that are making it all happen. And there's so much coming down the pipeline. I know that I've been like teasing this for so long, but we're getting so close now. And back to what I was saying in the beginning, I just feel very motivated and inspired and excited to share this part of my life with you guys. And, you know, I feel like in the past, although privacy is important to me as well, and I do think that there are certain things that, you know, I'll keep off limits maybe for social media. but out of respect for my previous partner, I really didn't share a whole lot of my life and a whole lot of like behind the scenes kind of things. And now I don't really have that anymore so I can share more. And even just in the last couple of weeks, like I've connected with so many people in kind of a new way who are going through something similar or have gone through something similar or are thinking about going through something. similar and it just feels nice to be able to be more open. And, you know, my main goal for this year was to really like cultivate this community. And that's something that we're working on doing

in different ways. But I think ultimately it starts with me and me being able to be vulnerable and open with you guys and share more of my life. So that's where my energy is going. And then just to close it out here, somebody asked, how do I remain so possible? I just feel like I have a choice. I can try to look for the negative and complain or I can be grateful. And I feel like I have it so good. Like what do I even have to complain about? Maybe because my sober birthday is tomorrow. When you're listening to this, it will have been last week. I'm so grateful. Ten years ago today, I was in an apartment alone in West Hollywood having seizures, snorting dust off the floor with no friends, nobody in my life, no career, no purpose,

no direction, nothing. I didn't even care if I lived or died. So I have that reference point in my head. And it's like, what do I have to not be positive? about right now. I'm so, so, so grateful for everything in my life, even the seemingly bad. I don't even want to call it the bad. You know, I did a TikTok on this a couple weeks ago. We have this staying in recovery. I've probably talked about it on the podcast too, but the seemingly bad becoming good. And I am not a good person to judge what is good and bad in my life because things that I thought would be so bad and were so bad, it turned out to be the best things for me. So I really try to stay open and curious. And that's how I feel right now. And I guess the whole like theme of this

episode really is like I had a really good relationship and we ended it on really good terms. Best case scenario. And I feel like I'm in a really good position right now. And I don't want this to come off conceded or anything. I just feel like I have so much opportunity and I can do anything. And the world is my oyster. And I'm really excited. And, you know, again, it's a mixture. It's excited. It's sad. But the main emotion that I have is just so much gratitude, so much gratitude for him, so much gratitude for the last 10 years, my sobriety, so much gratitude for the last eight years that I was in that relationship. And gratitude for everyone who's been there, all of you guys throughout the whole thing or if you're new here, not to be like sappy, but that's

just where I am today. So with that, I'm looking at Ashley. I'm grateful for Ashley too. She's the best. That's it. That's the tea. Okay, love you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you liked the show in general, please take a second to rate review and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to Arialuri.com, and I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Arial Lori. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services,

referred to in this episode.