Well with Arielle Lorre - 307: Being Child Free by Choice, Age Gap Relationships and Navigating Grief with Kelly Rizzo

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

Kelly Rizzo is a food, travel and lifestyle expert, founder of Eat Travel Rock and host of the Comfort Food podcast. She joins the show to discuss her relationship with Bob Saget, age gap relationships, being child free by choice, losing her spouse, navigating grief, dating again, how she manages public judgement and so much more. This is a very candid conversation about the many similarities we share, the messiness of life and finding the beauty in it all.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Go to tryarma.com/BLONDE or enter BLONDE to get 15% off your first orderGo to Chomps.com/Blonde for 20% off your first order, and free shipping.Visit maidenform.com and use code BLONDEFILES20 at checkout for 20% off your first purchaseUse code BLONDE for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeoderant.comVisit oliveandjune.com/BLONDE for 20% off your first systemVisit Nuda.com and use code BLONDE for 20% off your orderProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Production Dear Media IRL is back, and we're showing up bigger, better, and louder than ever. Join us on May 4th in Austin, Texas for the ultimate live podcasting experience. Watch and learn from your favorite dear media hosts as they bring their insightful discussions from your headphones to the stage. Get ready to be inspired, entertained, and watch audio get a makeover. Tickets are on sale now at dearmedia.com slash IRL. on May 4th in Austin, Texas. Welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in

between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I'm bringing on expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi everybody. Welcome to the show. Today's episode is really special. It's a little bit heavy, but there's so much levity throughout. And I just feel like this is a conversation that so many people need to hear. And there's something for everybody in it. So I'm talking to Kelly Rizzo. And this was kind of full circle because as we talk about in the episode, we had a little bit of a DM exchange. I think we said it was pretty. COVID when she was married to Bob Saggett, she reached out. I guess she had a friend who followed me who thought that we had a lot in common. And I responded and said something like, yes, we should hang out. And then things fell through the cracks. And then, you know, she really publicly lost her husband, Bob. And she had to navigate that in the public eye. And she is on the other side of it and she has just so much wisdom and such amazing perspective when it comes to grief and lost.

She has a new podcast called The Comfort Food Podcast, which I am going to be going on as well, where she talks to different people about their experiences with grief. So Kelly is also the founder of Eat Travel Rock. She is a food, travel, and lifestyle expert. And like I said, host of the Comfort Food podcast. And she is just so candid and so vulnerable. And And we go all over the place in this conversation. So we talk about her relationship. We talk about age gap relationships because we both had experience with that. We also talk about being child free by choice. I loved talking to her about this because it is just not often that I meet other people who are around my age in their 30s or 40s who don't want kids. And I know that this is kind of becoming

a more popular subject, I think more and more people are making that decision for themselves. More women are making that decision for themselves. But it does not come without judgment, put it that way. So I thought it was really interesting to hear her perspective on that. We talk about the loss of Bob and she kind of walks through that day. So I guess a trigger warning, I also talk about the day that I found my friend. If you guys have listened to to my podcast, then you know what I'm talking about. But we do talk about that. So just be warned. We talk about navigating grief. We talk dating again, how she manages that public judgment and so much more. We had so much in common. It's such a raw conversation about the messiness and the

beauty of life. So please enjoy Kelly Rizzo. Welcome, Kelly. Thanks for having me. I'm so, so happy to be here. I'm really looking forward to talking to you. I remember I first came across your Instagram, I think it was years ago, when you were with Bob, and I remember seeing your profile. And I was like, I feel like we have a lot that we would relate with each other on at the time. So it's kind of funny in full circle that we're sitting here today. And, you know, unfortunately, we're probably going to be delving into like grief and some of our shared experiences that we were just talking about before we started recording. Like circumstances are different. But it seems like we are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are. relate on a lot of things and feelings are sometimes the same. So really excited to delve into all of that. Actually, I don't know if you remember, but I had messaged you. This was, I just looked today. It was 2020, one of my best friends had been following you. And she goes, I think you guys should be friends. Like you guys have so much in common. You should reach out to her. I was like, I don't really do that. I think that's weird. I don't like reaching out to people I don't know. And then I sent you a message.

No way. Hey, like, my friend told me to reach out to you. We have a lot in common. And you wrote back, you're like, yeah, we do. And then here we are four years later. So I don't even remember that. Oh, my God. Maybe that's when I came across. And then it was like COVID happened. And exactly. So finally four years later, we're reconnecting. Well, I'm sorry that I seem to have not followed up on that. You're such a good friend. I mean, no, no, no. It's all imperfect timing. So let's rewind to your relationship because that's kind of where this all starts, I guess. Are you willing to share like how you met Bob? Of course. Of course. I love talking about Bob. And that's one thing that I'm very grateful for is that I always now have this opportunity and platform to share about him because, you know, he deserves to have the Bob love shared forever. Even though I always say like I love keeping his legacy alive, but like I don't.

really even need to do that because he kind of does it all in his own. Yeah. But we met the old fashion way on social media. No way. Yeah. He, it was actually, and I'll give you the real story, which I usually give people the half real story. It was on Raya. But I didn't see him on there. He saw me. So he saw my profile and then went to my Instagram and then reached out to me on Instagram. But actually had a mutual friend because I was living in Chicago at the time and he reached out to this friend and was like, hey, do you know this Kelly Rizzo girl? Because he was in media. His friend was in media in Chicago. And he's like, yeah. And Bob goes, is she a bitch? And he goes, no, I think she's really nice. I don't know her well. He goes,

I want to send her a message. Can you let her know I'm going to send her a message? So this guy then reached out to him was like, Bob Sagitt's going to DM you. And I'm like, what? And I think my first reaction, that sounds so horrible, but I was like, ew, why? And, and, you. And, and, you. And, Because I was like, there was a big age gap and wasn't really my typical type. What was the age gap? 23. Okay. Yeah.

So I was 36 at the time and he was 59. When we really got together, it was 37 and 60, which was a lot. But he just presented in such a youthful way. I mean, he was more fun than I was half the time. Even at 65, like we'd go to Vegas and he'd be like, let's go to the nightclubs and get a table. and get bottle service. I was like, okay. But initially when he reached out, he, like, invited me to a show or something.

And I was just like, eh, not really into it. But then we became friends. And then I was like, damn it, he's charming. Crap. I was like, I can't eat a crush on Bob Sag. This is weird, you know. Did you watch Full House growing up? I did.

But not. I wasn't a super fan. My sisters were more super fans and really were into it where I was more of a casual. watcher and I certainly. I was a super fan I think yeah yeah I mean I certainly didn't think at the time watching it or for me it was more like we watched america's funny film videos every Sunday oh that's right I forgot about that thinking that like that guy in the suit that's doing the funny voices like he's going to be my husband one day it was very weird very surreal but yeah and then I just kind of gave in I'm like damn it he's great all right I can't I can't get away from this let's let's

see what happens here. I could relate to the age gap thing. I mean, that was obviously a huge thing in my relationship as well. Ours was bigger than 23. But I don't know if you felt this way. I mean, it sounds like you did. When I first met my ex, I felt the same way. I was like, he is more youthful than I am. Like, he just had this kind of young spirit about him, this energy, I think also because of like the nature of his work and everything. You have to have a lot of energy. So much. And that energy comes across as very youthful and very just like young and exciting. Yes. Yeah.

I think a lot of people have a hard time understanding. Like for a 30-something year old woman, what they would be attracted to and somebody older. But I'm also like, you look at these people who are successful. It's not just for no reason. Like they have so many amazing qualities. But I'm curious, like, if you dealt with, you know, push back and judgment around that. In the very beginning, even.

from my family, from my friends. It was more my family just because they truly love me and were concerned and just wanting to make sure I was doing the right thing where they were like, but honey, he's so much older. Like that's, you know, what are you going to do? Like, what about the kids thing? Like, how's that going to work? And, you know, at the time when we first started dating, I was still a little on the fence about having kids. I knew I didn't want them. And I knew I knew I wasn't a big kid fan. But it's that thing that you just assume you're going to have them because that's just what you do. Yes. And so I wanted the option. And I knew that that option with him in the very beginning, it was difficult because he was older and already had three adult children.

But then soon after we started dating, he was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that again. And I was like, I don't blame you. I don't want to do it now. I wouldn't want to do it at 70. You know what I mean? And so when that option was taken away, then, you know, my family was like, are you sure that you want to give up the kid thing? And then I was like, did you watch Sex in the City? I assume. Okay. Every episode probably 5,000 times. I could quote every single thing. Okay. So then you can relate to the saying when Carrie and Charlotte were at the park. And Charlotte's like, you know, she was dating Alexander Petrovsky. And she's like, how can you give up a baby for a man you hardly know? And she goes, well, why would I give up a man that I love for a baby I hardly know I want? So, you know, and I was like, right. And I was like, yes. Like here I have this wonderful man. So what I'm going to give him up for a baby that I'm pretty sure I don't want in the first place.

But let's see, I do. So, okay, so a few more years go by and then hopefully I find somebody. And then what if that person ends up sucking and then something goes wrong? And then I'm back to square one again. And then all of a sudden I'm 45 anyway. And then I gave up something with a wonderful man. Yeah. So, you know, I was like, I just didn't feel right giving him up for the option of having a baby that I didn't think I even wanted.

Yeah. And I definitely want to bookmark that and revisit because I feel like this is a hot topic right now. Yeah. But I feel like that same logic applies to being in a relationship with somebody older because I had the same concerns from my family, again, just out of, you know, them wanting the best for me, wanting to make sure that, like, I wasn't going to. get hurt and that I was being logical about everything, which when you're falling in love, logic is not always happening. But I remember, you know, people who did voice their concerns about the age difference would say, well, what about in 10 years and 15 years?

And I'm like, nothing is guaranteed. So why, again, to your point, why would I not pursue this with this person who, you know, I really love just in the chance of, you know, something. could happen in 10 or 15 years, 20 years where I'm the caretick. You know, who knows? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow not to be morbid. Knock on wood. I don't want to put that juju out there. No, but it's true. Tomorrow is never promised or guaranteed. We have no idea where life is going to take us. And I have been saying for years even before I met Bob because I went through a divorce before I met Bob. And then I went through a horrific, horrific breakup that was absolutely like earth-shattering to me.

And then I met Bob. And I would say, like, you can't plan life. Like, what a joke that you think you can plan life. Like, life has other plans. Like, anytime you're like, I have these plans, I have it all figured out. Life is going to come and smack in the face. So just do what feels right to you at that time. Like, no relationship is guaranteed forever.

And look at what I learned. You know, I had this relationship. relationship with this wonderful man for six years and something absolutely tragic happened to him very unexpectedly. But do I regret getting into that because of the ending of it? Absolutely not. I'm so grateful I did because I got to have this wonderful love with this amazing man that I will be forever grateful for. So, you know, he changed me. I changed him. I made him happy like the last six years of his life. he was always saying and his kids will say like we're the happiest years of his life so I'm grateful for that. So why would I, you know, think of, oh, well, the age gap. Yeah, of course, I did think about what if, you know, I would say to him all the time. Like, well, you know, one day when I'm when I'm changing your diapers, you know, he's always like, don't even say that. He's like, first of all, I was like, so you think that you're going to be, I'll be 90 and you'll be 113. because you'd be like, I'm going to outlive you.

And I'd be like, you think you're going to be 113. And he's like, probably. Yeah. That was our like little joke that he was going to be around forever and he wasn't. But that's life. And you just have to be grateful and learn what you can from it. If you listen to the episode from last week with Amy Chang, then you heard us talking about colostrum. Colostrum is something that I actually started incorporating into my routine last year.

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blonde for 15% off your first purchase at Loomidotorant.com. That's code blonde at L-U-M-E-D-O-D-D-O-D-R. R-A-N-T-com. About the kid thing, something that you said really resonating. Yeah, I saw you commented on my TikTok recently that I mean, it is absolutely crazy to me that people think that it is a woman's purpose to have children or that if you don't have children, you are missing out on the essential meaning of life and this love that you can't comprehend. And I understand that. I mean, everybody who has kids say, you cannot even.

understand what it feels like until you have it. I get it. I mean, clearly, if no one had kids, there'd be a problem because we would not be continuing on with civilization. Yes. And I always get the feedback like, oh, it's so selfish. And I'm like, I think the most selfish thing that you could do is know that you don't want to have kids and have them anyway.

Yes. And I felt a lot like you where like when I turned 30, so I was so young. But I had that existential crisis where like I was a couple years sober, turning 30. I thought that I was ancient at the time and that my eggs were. shriveling up and I was like, do I need to freeze them? And I didn't even have a relationship at that point or anything. But I remember somebody saying to me, like, well, do you even want kids? And I just had this moment of clarity where I was like, no. And I had never thought about it because similar to what you said, like, I always just assume that it was going to be part of the

picture because that was what you do. Right. You get married. You have kids. The end. End of story. There's no option that's a happy ending or happily ever after where the don't involve the kids and the white picket fence and the husband. Yeah. Yeah. Is it your same age where you're living on, you know, on your little porch together. Yeah. Sounds like my worst nightmare, to be totally honest. I don't know about you, but I felt so relieved, like once I made that decision.

And I did kind of revisit it a few years into my relationship with Chuck. And he definitely didn't want them either. He had like older adult. How many kids is he? Two. Okay. But I remember talking to him and being like, I think maybe I'll freeze my eggs because people were kind of getting in my head again. And he's like, well, where am I in this equation? Because like, I don't want kids. Yeah. And then I just kind of put it to rest because I was like, why would I put myself through that when like I know about myself that I don't? Yeah. Bob had an interesting. take when I brought up the egg freezing thing like before we, maybe it was around the time we got engaged or right before we got engaged. I brought it up briefly. And he got so offended by it because he was very sensitive. And in his mind, he thought I was using that as an insurance policy for if we were to ever break up that now I could go have kids with somebody else. And he's like, well, so you're thinking about, do you. I was like, no, that's not what I'm thinking about. I was like, to be honest, I don't know what I'm thinking. It's just people are saying. that this is what I need to do.

Yes. Like, I don't know. Yeah. And then he was a little offended by it. And then I'm like, I don't really want this anyway. And I'm like, I hear the process sucks. I'm like, forget it. Yeah.

And I didn't have that existential dread at 30 because my mom had me and my sisters at me at 38 and my sisters at 41 and 43. So in my head, I always thought if I have them at 40, whatever, that's fine. one day. You know, so to me at 30, I was like, oh, I've still got tons of time. And then when I met Bob, and then I was in my late 30s, I was like, all right, this is probably a do or die moment. And then I was like, nope, not for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember so vividly, I was at the OBGYN and I was like, no, I don't want kids because she was asking me. And she said, well, I just want to tell you that I've had so many patients who sit there where you're sitting and say the same thing to me. And then they come back

three, five years later and all that they want as a kid. And so those kind of messages would kind of see into my psyche. It's a little bit of shame. It's a little bit of guilt. And it's planting the seeds of future regret. Yes. Which you're like, that's not cool. Like maybe just accept that I know what I'm talking about for myself. Yeah. And don't plant those seeds. Because then, no matter how confident you are, somebody saying that, you're like, oh, shit, am I doing the right thing? Am I not? Like, should I be thinking? Did I think this through?

But then it is very liberating when you come to the conclusion of, I'm very confident in my decision. I'm definitely doing the right thing. And I think for me, that happened even maybe after Bob passed away. I mean, I was always pretty confident. but then even after he passed away and I was like, okay, I'm very glad I don't have a kid right now. Thank God. And I'm really like now I can't even imagine doing that in the future. And then I want to ask you, do you have nieces or nephews?

Okay. Did that also help kind of solidify your decision? Like when you see them and you just not in a negative, in the positive way. Because for me, I always felt I wanted kids because I'm like, I want to see my deal. DNA running around. I want to see like what I would look like is a little, you know, like my kid. Yeah. And I want like a little kid to be like, like, I love you. And I have that now. So I have these little kids that look like me. They look more like me than my sister. People think they're my kids when we go out. It's really funny. And they're like, I love you,

Auntie Cowie. You know, so it's like, I have that. And I don't have to do any of the work or yes. I don't have the stress. I don't have the anxiety. I don't have to do the parenting. and I have to spend money. Like it's, I'm just, funny. Yeah. Yes. I have one niece and nephew. I have one brother. And last time I was there, I remember thinking, if they're listening, this is not a negative thing. But after a full day, by six o'clock, I was like, I'm tapping out. Like, I cannot. You made it till six. It is exhaust. I don't make it till six. And it just solidified that I'm like, oh, yes, I love other people's children. And like, I really don't want it from my. I. It's exas. It's exhausting. And I'm like, I really don't want it from my. I. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's myself and not just because of, you know, that experience. That does sound kind of bad. But like, no, I don't know. When I'm with them, I mean, I love them more than I would give my life for them in a heartbeat. But after 20 minutes, I'm like, I'm like, okay, well, they're very high energy.

But I'm like, okay, I don't know how you do this all day every day. Even my parents who had three for like the three of you weren't nowhere near as crazy as the two of them. That's so funny. I'm like, God, I don't know how anybody does it. I feel like I just don't have the maternal thing. I see babies and I'm like, eh, and like kids. Zero interest. And I think in that TikTok, I was like, I know that I don't want kids. Like, I know the sky is blue. And then of course people are like, well, this sky is more violet and actually you're not. And I was like, okay. I have three stepdaughters who I love very, very, very much. And they're just absolute angels. And, you know, they're in their 30s. So they're not kids. But I love them. And they give me that, you know, they still call me stepmommy Kelly. And so it's like I have that relationship, which is lovely too. So it's like I've got the little kids and then I've got like the adult kids. And it's good enough for me. So I want to rewind a little bit to when Bob passed away. I mean, I would imagine that that is so traumatic. I think everybody's. one of everybody's biggest fears is, you know, getting that phone call. Yeah. So I wonder if you could talk about that a little bit. Yeah, it was my absolute biggest because, you know, and I don't know if this

is something you've dealt with too, but I've had such a massive issue with worry over my life. And it comes very specifically in the someone of my family is going to die. Like car accident, horrible tragedy, my whole life I've been paralyzed with fear over that to where Bob would always tell me, he's like, you have to stop this. The worry is insane. Like you're going to give yourself an autoimmune disease. Like you're going to give yourself cancer. Like stop. You have to stop. And I remember just right before everything happened with him. Like even with him, like if I couldn't get a hold of him for however long, I'd start to get really worried. And I remember. I remember. I remember it was like the first time I put into practice or tried where that morning I wasn't because he was in Florida.

So it was three hours later where he was. And so, you know, it was like 10 a.m. for me or something. And I was like texting him and reaching out and he wasn't getting back to me. And I remember it was the first time that I was like, nope. Everything. Everything's always fine. Every time I've worried, it's never been for a reason. Like I worry for nothing.

So this time's also going to be fine, so just calm down. And then it started getting, you know, like he had a plane to catch. Why isn't he at the airport? Like I was tracking his phone and it was still at the hotel. I was like, that's weird. And he was like the most reliable, responsible person. Never missed a flight. It was never late.

Never, you never had to worry or wonder where he was. And I was like, that's weird. And I was like, maybe he, you know, he's at an exhausting few days. Like maybe he just wanted to. sleep in. But then I was like, this is weird. Something's weird. And my normal mind would go, okay, Kelly, you're just freaking out, calm down, everything's

fine. But then there was, I was like, yeah, but I need to investigate. Something's weird. And I remember I did that dreaded calling the hotel to be like, can you call his room? And they're like, you know, and he was under an alias and I knew the alias. And they're like, well, he has a, like, do not just, I'm like, we can't do that. I'm like, clearly I'm his wife. I know his alias.

Like, it's me. Yeah. And I was like, can you just call his room? And then I'll call back. And you could tell me if, you know, you got a hold of them. And they're like, we didn't get a hold of them. And then it got to the point where I was like, can I speak with a manager? And then they agreed to do a wellness check.

And at that point, I was like, just sick to my stomach. And then this was a two-hour. process. And it started getting escalating and escalating and like no one's really giving me any information. But it got to the point where I actually had a friend come over who was like kind of helping me with this because I was frantic. But at this point I'm in touch with Bob's girls, his ex-wife, like we're all kind of in a telephone game of what's going on. And they had said they're like we're sending somebody to like break the door down and I was like oh god like that's horrible and then it got to the point of you know paramedics are here and at this point I'm like okay maybe he had a heart

attack like maybe something happened but like he's going to be okay like they'll take him to the hospital and he'll be okay you know at that point you're still trying to look for potential routes where like everything's still fine and then they had said the paramedics are gone but law enforcement is here. And I was like, that sounds bad. Like, that doesn't sound right because why would law enforcement be, if he just went to the hospital, you know? And then finally it was literally this was like two hours. Then finally somebody was like a security guard.

Like we're demanding. I was like, somebody tell me what's going on. Yeah. Even though like I didn't want to know or here, but then I needed to hear. And then one of the security guards was like, we're so sorry. Unfortunately, he passed away. And then I just like, I mean, I was like an animal on the floor. I wasn't even like a human for a while.

And then the worst part was I had to call Sherry, his ex-wife, because I wanted her to tell the girls. I don't want them to hear it for me. So I had to tell her. And then she told them. And oh, God, that was just, it was a crazy, crazy, crazy blur. That was literally the first time I ever just got through saying that without bursting in tears. So kind of proud myself. Not that when you go through this.

Not that you get, you get to a point where you're not even crying. It's not even a weird thing anymore. Like I would just cry all the time. And I'd be like, this is just what I do now. Sorry. Mm-hmm. It was weird because, you know, we're going through all that. And then, you know, his friends are calling them.

His friends are all coming over. And I talked about this recently in like some TikTok that I did. But it was so strange because 15 minutes after I found out it was on TMZ, meaning they had known even before I knew. Wow. And so that was what was really upset. was at that same time, like, I'm dealing with this, like, massive shock and trauma and dealing with this. And then when it's out in the public, then I have like all, like, normally you're

able to keep your circle small. You know, you just want certain people calling you. You only want interact with certain people. You just want certain people coming over. But then when it's in the media, now you have, you know, your phone's just nonstop and everyone's calling, everyone's texting. And it's just very overwhelming and it was not a fun day. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's very cathartic to talk about it and it's like, as I said, I'm proud of myself. Not that there's anything wrong with the crying aspect, but the fact that I was able to get through it, not. I know. I was going to say I was very impressed. And I mean, I could relate it back to something that I went through, which is totally different circumstances, but I found my best

friend murdered when I was 24, 2011. I don't know how old I was. And, and I was, like you found her. Yeah. Okay, so you found. Yeah. And, you know, not to compare them, but I was thinking about the steps. But it was like, her boyfriend called me. He was worried about her. He had me go to her apartment and see if her car was there. And when I said, yes, her car is there. He said, go get the security guard downstairs and don't go up alone. Then I go up and we're knocking on, you know, and there were so many steps. But my brain, I don't know if this was how you experienced it. Like, you think something is wrong, but at the same time, you don't. Like, there's no way that, I don't know, so worst is going to happen. Yeah. There's no way this is going to end with your friend being in a position.

There's no way that's going to end with Bob's not here anymore. Like, what? That's not an option. That's not feasible. Yes, which is so interesting because I feel like we have evolved to have this like worst case scenario thing for survival. But when that's happening, like I could relate to what you said where it's just kind of like a blur, you know. And so you went through the worst because that was almost my nightmare would, I was saying, well, at least I didn't find him. And at least I didn't have to see. And I mean, obviously I don't know the circumstances of how you found your. friend, but, you know, the one thing I'm grateful for is that Bob was very peaceful. They found him very peacefully in his bed, like, sleeping. You know, it was, it was not a distressed situation. Yeah. Even though he had his, you know, because he had fallen, so he had his head injury, but, like, they found him very peacefully. So I'm very grateful for that. And, but still, the thought of seeing him in that way, like, I know he wouldn't have wanted that. And so I'm very grateful that. like I wasn't there in that sense.

Yeah. So the fact that you witnessed something like that firsthand, I can't even, I can't even imagine. Yeah. I mean, they're both insanely traumatic, I think, in, you know, in different ways. And when I think of that situation, what you're saying makes sense to me. And at the same time, when I think of like, if that were my partner, I feel like it would be so hard not being there, like being so far away. Right. Well, part of me was like, well, you do feel the, if I had been.

in there, then, you know, could have helped. You could have done something. Maybe it wouldn't have happened to begin with because maybe he wouldn't have gotten up to go to the bathroom in that moment or something, you know, whatever it is. But then I go back to why I didn't feel the guilt was. It would have been one thing if, let's say, I was supposed to have been there and then I canceled the trip last minute or something. But like, I was never supposed to be there. It wasn't a trip that I was ever going on. So I felt a little bit better about that. And then, of course, like, you. You know, you know, you want to be there like for the last moments of your loved one. But at the same time, I'm like, wasn't supposed to be there. He probably wouldn't have wanted me to be there. He wouldn't have

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all week that week like leading up to his funeral. It was just a nightmare. I felt absolutely horrible. And like I thought I was going to die. And then I didn't, there was a little part of me that was like, this can't be real. Like, he's coming home. Like, come on. This is not because I hadn't seen him, you know. And then when I actually saw him at the funeral, then I was like, okay, this is real. This is no joke.

Like, this is legit. And then it was a little bit of until we knew what happened to him because we didn't know. We just assumed like it was a heart attack or a stroke or something until we found out that he had fallen, which was two to three weeks later. So like that whole time, there was. all of this just weird feeling of like, what happened? You know? And so you couldn't really be at peace until you knew what happened. And then when we found out what happened, as hard as it was to reconcile that, you know,

it was this weird freak accident? And then I was like, was he in pain? Was he scared? And like, you think all of these things. But then when we got to the point where we kind of realized that we were, even though it was horrible. We were at peace with that. Like, this is what happened. It is what it is. There's just nothing we could do to change it. It was a freak accident that they happened, unfortunately. And this is a story. Some level of acceptance. Exactly. So I was in a place very early on. And I know this is not

necessarily typical, especially if, God forbid, you know, somebody like loses a child or something. I know that's a completely different ballgame. But, you know, But because of the fact that Bob had lived 65 years on this planet and did so much in his time to make the world a better place and to make people so happy and to bring joy and laughter to millions of people over 40 years, that there was something in me that was like that was his story. And he made the world a better place. and I'm just lucky to have been a part of it for the time that I was. And I was just so, I was engulfed in this immense gratitude from so early on that that kind of overshadowed anything else in terms of, you know, regret. Like, I was sad.

I missed him. But I was at peace with it from very early on. And so I think the acceptance and the peace and like the gratitude made it so much just a healthy process for me. So it was still sad. But there was no like weird destructive behavior. I wasn't in denial. You know, I wasn't reclusive. I wasn't retreating into a whole.

Like I was doing it in a very healthy way. And I had the most incredible support system of, you know, his daughters and my family and some of his friends. that it was tolerable, if that makes sense, I don't know if that's like the best word to use, but where I was able to get through it in a healthy way because I was at peace. That's an amazing perspective to have. And I know it's not, that's not feasible for everybody. Yeah. But it's that's, that was just my journey, you know.

I mean, I just don't know that I would be able to muster that. But I feel like you don't know what you're. you're capable of until you are in these situations, you know? And I remember I had a therapist on my podcast a few years ago. I referenced this all the time. But she said like she was actually talking about worry and thinking about worst case scenario and what if this happens. What if that happens? And she said the version of you that can handle that thing if and when it happens will be born into existence the moment that that happens. Yeah. Meaning you meet yourself where you are. Like you become who you need to be in that moment.

Yeah. And that always stuck with me because even in my own life, like, that's been the case. My big thing that I struggle with is fear similarly to you. Worry and fear go hand in hand. Yes. Yeah. Fear, worry. Same thing with like loved ones.

And oh my God, they're not answering the phone. And I always kind of thought that that went back to what happened with my friend. But I think it started even before that. If it didn't happen before that, I'd be like, that would have done it. Yeah. And I have explored that. A lot in therapy. But when I look back on my life, like, and some of the worst things that have happened, even that, you know, the version of myself was born in that moment that learned how to

handle that, you know, and different versions have been born along the way, like, as it's come out in different ways. And yeah, it's so true. Because you never, you say to yourself, like, oh, my God, if that were to happen to me, like, people would say to me like, oh, my God, if I ever lost my husband, like, I wouldn't be, I'm like, yeah, well, I said that too. Yeah. And then what are you? your options. Right. And then you do it. You deal with it. And the other thing I'm grateful for is, you know, I always have the fear of like, God forbid, like when something happens to my parents one day. And as horrific as I know that will be one day because I went through what I went through with Bob, I know I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I'll be better equipped because I felt that pain. Like if you've never, if you've lived your whole life and nothing bad has ever happened to you and everything. It's been great. And like you've never had this like gut punch and this like knife in your heart before.

And then when it happens the first time and you survive it and you're like, okay, I don't want the knife in my heart again. But at least if it's there, like I'll know what it feels like. You know, so I feel slightly more equipped to handle it. Were there any things that you were doing prior to that happening that you feel like did equip you? not that you could ever imagine that happening, but like, were you meditating? Like, doing yoga?

Like, is there anything that made you feel resilient and strong? I know that you're looking for a practical thing. They could help other people going through it. But what helped me prior to was just having a very, very strong support system. And knowing that I had, like,

no matter what, like especially my sister, Kristen, just my angel on earth and I can't even, she's a built in therapist, she's a built in best friend, she's built in everything. So having my sister and my family, I knew that because I had gone through things in the past and they helped me through it, I was like, all right, if anything does happen, I know I have them. And same thing. Now that this happened, I know going forward, if anything else does happen, at least I have that support. So I think the most important thing

possible. And always my advice is just making sure that you're really surrounded by people who truly have your best interest at heart and will be there for you no matter what because when you know, shit hits the fan, you know you need like that trust tree and that circle around you. I love the trust tree. That's going to be there for you no matter what. And some people maybe don't surround themselves with the best people always. And, And then when they go through a really hard time and they're like, I don't have the support. No one's there for me. It's like, you know, cultivating those relationships throughout your life is what's the most important thing. So when when you need them, they're there. Yeah, that is so important.

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Discover the skin-loving formulas of Nuda and step into your healthy glow today. That's N-U-D-A, your go-to for all things, radiant, sunless skin. Okay, so we're fast forwarding a little bit to now and now you've been, you know, open about the fact that you're dating again and everything. What has that process been like for you? Because I would imagine after something so traumatic like that, I just know for myself if that happened, like I would feel even more anxious about becoming attached to somebody and all of the worries and everything that come with that. Well, there's two aspects of this. The one aspect is, and this is something I don't think I've ever talked about publicly, but because of my first divorce where, in a sense, like, everything was fine. And then literally one day, my ex-husband at the time, woke up one day and he's like, I don't want to be married anymore. Then I had this amazing relationship that, you know, two-year relationship.

We were living together. We just bought a new home together. didn't even have a fight in two years. It was like perfect, perfect, happy as can be. And the day before he moved into our new house, he goes, I can't do this anymore. Yeah. What was his reason for that? Did he have one? I think it was a little bit of an ego thing. His excuse was, I don't think you want to be a mom and I want to be a dad. And I was like, what are you talking about? Me? What do you mean? And of course, looking back, I was like, thank God, because yes, he was right. Yeah, yeah. But at the time, I was like, because I had never said at the time I didn't want to be a mom. But anyway, and then, you know, I married Bob and of course, everything with, you know, Bob was wonderful. Like what happened with him was not his fault, but it was still getting the rug ripped out from under me. So I had these three huge relationships in my life where the rug was ripped out from under me with no warning and where it wasn't like I had done something to provoke this. So that's something that I'm trying now with.

my current relationship, and God bless him that he doesn't have to be faced with this every day because, you know, this is something that it's like I put on my sister or like my friends. But having that fear of just even when things seem great, the rug can just be ripped out from under you. And so that's my biggest challenge in like the relationship sense of, you know, just trying to move forward and not carry the past trauma that is, you know, my current boyfriend, that's not his fault. That's not his problem. Like, he shouldn't have to suffer because of stuff that happened to me in the past. You know, so that's something that I'm just trying to be like, okay, every situation is

independent. Just because that happened in the past is not mean it's going to happen in the future. Yeah. In terms of moving on after the death of your spouse, that was a whole other. battle in a sense because there's a lot of emotions with that. There's a lot of guilt. You know, you feel in the very, not that I thought about dating in the very beginning, but when the first few times you even start thinking about it, even if it's a year later, you're like, am I, I feel like I'm cheating on him? Am I cheating on it? Just by even thinking about this. Like, how could I even think about

this? But then I really turned a big corner when I talked to Bob's girls and they gave me, I mean, I know I didn't need their permission, but I wanted their blessing. And when I got their full on blessing that they were like, Kelly, we love you, we trust you, he would want you to be happy. Because I didn't picture him earthly Bob would have been like, how dare you? Heavenly Bob would want me to be happy. Like I had to like separate the two of them. Like of course the Bob that exists now would want me to be happy. It was hard for me to separate from like the Bob that I knew. We'd be like, I knew it. How dare you? So, you know, when his girls were like, of course, he would want you to be happy. We love you. We want you to be happy. You deserve it. Please be happy. Then I'm like, all right, I have this permission. So. And then you get the public's judgment. Right. And you know what? I was really concerned about it. But because I was like, everyone loves Bob. Everyone feels like they know Bob. He's America's dad. What if everyone's like, how could you move on from our dad? You know, like, how could you do this to Danny Tanner? And when I got just such overwhelming love and support from the public, once again, not that I needed that, but it was very nice. There's always going to be the one or two people who comment and are like, me, so soon. I'm like, it's been two years. I feel like that happened to like Amanda Clutes to you, right?

And I know that you guys are friends. Yeah. And that's something that you hear the 100 positive comments, but the one negative one is like, you know, but ultimately all that mattered to me, 100% were his girls and if I felt ready. And then when I felt ready and I knew I had the blessing from his girls and I'm like, it doesn't matter what anybody else says. So. Yeah. Well, and now you have a new podcast, which we have to talk about. And I'm going on it as well. So, well, I'm very excited for that. Annance. Yeah. So tell us about. To be continued. Yes, exactly. Tell us about the podcast and like how the idea of that came to fruition. So as I'm sure you've

probably experienced in your life, a lot of these difficult conversations, especially around grief, are still a little taboo. People don't always want to talk about them. People don't know how to talk about it. And that's something that I learned after losing someone is that I never really experienced it before. And I learned what was helpful for me and how people showed up or didn't show up for me or what worked and what didn't work. And then I realized, I'm like, all those years before when other people I knew lost people, I'm like, I probably was a shitty friend. I probably didn't do all the right stuff. I probably didn't do what was most helpful for them. So I wanted to create comfort food because obviously I have a big food background. So I was like, how can I bring food and

grief together? And they do go together very well. So on comfort food, I have these comfort with people who have gone through. It's not always grief necessarily, but some sort of a difficult time. A loss of a loved one, a divorce, just something difficult in their life, you know, recovery, anything that where they're like, I went through this, I overcame it,

and I have some advice to give. So that way, when people listen to this, not only if they're going through it, they have helpful tips and tricks and they can really understand it, but if they have friends that are going through it, can they best show up for their friends. But the whole point is now we get to do this while eating my guest's favorite comfort food.

We actually eat their comfort food. I think I'm having French fries. And then I saw it didn't Heidi Demelt, I don't know how to pronounce her last time. She had fries, right? She did have fries, right? I was like, ooh, maybe you need to change it. Well, you are welcome to change it. We have time.

And I do want to know specifically what kind of fries we can get into that. Oh, okay. But yeah, it's just been so wonderful to have these conversations with people who you know, a lot of them, I do love having comedians on because I learned that gallows humor and laughter through these difficult times is one of the most helpful things. You know, be married to a comedian. I thankfully was able to experience that. So, you know, I've had on a lot of Bob's friends, a lot of comedians, and just people who have gone through tough times that really are open about sharing their stories. And that's been so meaningful. So I'm very grateful that you're going to

come on and share your story, which is just absolutely going to be so helpful to so many. And I know it's so wonderful that you've been so open about sharing everything. Thank you. Well, likewise. I mean, I think to your point, like grief and really anything difficult, like you're still so taboo. But I think grief particularly, like people don't go near it. Yeah. And so I would imagine going through it, it's probably kind of isolating because people don't know how to be around you.

and how to be helpful. And, you know, I was going to ask what were some helpful things that people did. But people should just go to your podcast and listen to get the nuance because every situation is different. And it sounds like the overarching thing is that, you know, you had this built-in support system. And I would imagine people are going to say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing. But you know that their intention was there, right? And they were just there to help you over they could. Right. And I will say, yes, obviously all of my guests have very different outlooks and advice to give and different journeys that you can learn so much from, you know, like for instance, John Mayer, he had never lost anyone before Bob. And his take on loss now that he's experienced this world because, you know, he's very poetic and very existential, his take on it is just so brilliant. So he did hear his take. And then I had on that I, here I'll give some very practical advice, Rabbi Steve Leader, who has been at the deathbed of over a thousand people, he said, when people are grieving,

he said, just show up as your authentic self. He goes, if you're a huger, hug. If you're a baker, bake, if you're a cry or cry, if you're a laugh or laugh. Like, whatever it is that is you, show up as that person. Because that's all people crave when they're grieving is just authenticity. And people can sense if you're being fake. So just show up as your real. authentic self and just be you and that's the best thing you can do. Wow. That's amazing advice. So simple. Who would have thought? Right. And it's and it's true. You know, because sometimes you're like, oh, I don't know what to say. It's like just say what you. And then you try to say something that you think it's going to be. Like Bob was that person who when somebody would lose somebody where I would

maybe be like, oh, I don't know what to, I don't want to bother them. I'm just going to, oh, they don't want to hear from me. Bob would charge head first. Like, head first. Like, he would just full force go into, he would call them, show up at their house. Like, I'm here. Here's what I can do. Like, I'm here to help. And it was always so amazing to me. I'm like, he wasn't uncomfortable around it. And so just to have these conversations that hopefully can make people more comfortable around it. Amazing. Well, I can't wait to continue the conversation. Tell everybody where they can find your podcast. Yeah. Follow you. All of the things. Yeah. So it's comfort food. with Kelly Rizzo, wherever you get your podcasts. And all my social media is at Eat Travel Rock.

So, amazing. Very simple food travel music. If you like any of those three things. Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way. And it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to the Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to Arialore.com. And I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Arial Lori.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.