Well with Arielle Lorre - 335: Solo: Highs, Lows, and Lessons from my Past Year Including Health Challenges, Divorce & More

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

In this birthday solo episode, I am reflecting on the past year and sharing about the highs, the lows and the lessons I learned from everything I went through. I get candid about the after effects of my botox poisoning and how that changed the trajectory of my life, as well as thoughts about leaving a long-term relationship, divorce and finding happiness after. I also share the best life tip I received in the last year, whether I would change anything, goals for the future and more. Subscribe to Patreon for exclusive weekly content: patreon.com/ArielleLorreThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Visit kajabi.com/blonde for a free 30-day trial to start your business.Go to prolonlife.com/BLONDE for 15% off a 5-day nutrition program. Visit fromourplace.com and use BLONDE for 10% off sitewide. Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome to the Blonde Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I'm bringing on expert guests and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Well, it is my birthday next week. I am going to be 39. Like, I just don't. It's just, it's not, it's not

computing. The math is not mathing. I really don't know where 34 to now went. I guess part of that was COVID time. So I think a lot of people experienced that time warp, but it just really, really flies by the older you get. And I know I have people who are older than 39 listening, who are probably like, oh, buckle up, just you wait. And I have people younger who probably think 39 is ancient. I certainly did. I've talked about this before. I remember when I was like 31 or 32, I found out that this influencer that I followed who I thought was my age was 36. And I was like, whoa. And I looked at her completely differently, which is so bizarre. So I don't know if that's happening to anybody now with me. But yeah, it's pretty crazy. I mean, I was so resistant to the aging thing and the

number and all of that a few years ago. But now I'm at peace. I feel like after 37, definitely 38, I embraced a whole new level of acceptance, which I'll probably get into in this episode. But, yeah, I mean, I guess what choice do I have? What choice do any of us have? And, It's cliche, but aging really is a privilege. There are so many people who would give anything. So I'm feeling just really grateful to be where I am in my life. I feel good physically. I'm so happy. And I don't know, the past few years, I didn't really observe my birthday. This year, I will be celebrating and soaking it in. So I wanted to do a birthday episode because it was definitely a tumultuous year from 38 to 39. And that is no secret. And I have been reflecting lately on just the highs and the lows and the lessons. And I wanted to share them here with you guys as best that I can articulate them. And then I'll take some questions towards the end from Instagram where I had you guys send them in. So I guess I'll start with the lows. This will be surprising to absolutely nobody. But last year, last fall specifically. So, right after I turned 38, that was the lowest of the low that I think I've ever experienced, definitely in sobriety, but at the time it really felt like the lowest I had ever felt in my life, partially because I was sober, not because I couldn't be using anything, but I felt like,

well, at least when I wasn't sober, there was a reason why things were feeling so bad. But at almost 10 years of sobriety back then, I felt like I shouldn't have been feeling the way that I felt. Things were supposed to be so good. I kind of had this mindset that like life should reward me because I was sober. So everything should have been easy. And therein was part of the problem. I was really resistant to what was happening in my life last fall, understandably. So I'll rewind a little bit. I remember July and August of last year feeling really good. Like I felt great physically. I was feeling pretty on fire when it came to work. I was putting a lot of effort into my friendships. I was having a fulfilling social life more than I had been prior to that time. I was

exercising daily. I was doing BBG. I mean, that's how much energy I had. I was traveling. I felt pretty comfortable and confident in my skin. I was just kind of like firing on all cylinders, except for one. My marriage was not amazing. But I was really trying to find fulfillment in all these other areas. For the most part, I was pretty content. And then August 22nd, I think it was, I got Botox like I had been doing for 10 years and my world came crashing down. So I won't get into the details. Again, here you can go back and listen to my solo episode from April. I think it's solo Q&A, X plant, something, something. Or on my Patreon where I go way into detail about what happened, the progression.

the timeline. But really, it was like a switch went off. The lights went out. And suddenly I was in this brain and this body that I didn't recognize that could barely function. And really just everything came to a screeching halt. And that was terrifying. Like, absolutely terrifying, especially because nobody could help. And nobody would acknowledge that what I was experiencing could be related to the Botox. And I didn't know if I would ever feel normal again. I thought that I had done irreparable damage to my body. And then in that time that I was sick, my marriage really started unraveling again.

And that stress and sadness on top of the stress and sadness with my physical condition and this guilt that I felt that I had essentially done it to myself through getting an elective procedure, which side note, I don't think anymore. I have so many people message me who had the same thing happen to them as a result of Botox, dysport, Zemin, whatever. And they are stuck in it and they feel guilty. And I tell them, you are not at fault in any way. Like I am not anti-Botox, by the way, at all, at all.

But this shouldn't happen to anyone. It's way more common, I think, than anybody will acknowledge. And it does happen. And I don't think people are really even aware that it can happen. So if you have, you know, suffered as a result of something elective, whether it's, you know, neurotoxin, neuromodulator, surgery, whatever, like, and you feel guilt, it's not your fault. So anyway, it was just a really heavy time emotionally last fall, the lowest of the lows, all of the uncertainties and scenarios playing out in my head, like, I'll never get better. I'm going to be alone. Where will I go? What will I do? All of that. Eventually, I had to make a decision to just accept everything that was happening. That didn't mean that I liked everything that was happening,

but I had to accept it. And, you know, with the help of medication, I was able to finally function enough to work. This is after about six weeks and participate in my life. And it was a grind. I mean, physically, every day was a grind. And then, like, maintaining this facade, because I didn't want to share about what was happening. And it was just really, really hard. And then I had to go through the divorce process and do the work emotionally that needed to be done to get to that place. And eventually when the Botox wore off, I got better and then we got divorced in the beginning of the year. And that is where my life completely turned around, which brings me to the highs. And if it sounds like I'm just kind of breezing over all of that, it's because I feel like

I've talked about it ad nauseum both on the podcast in my recent solo episodes from, I think, February on. So the highs. This whole year has been a high, not like not a high in that sense, but a high point of my life for sure. That's not to say it hasn't been without sadness and challenges and complicated emotions. And the strangest one for me was such happiness and such sadness simultaneously. But overall, I feel like I really came home to myself this year. So I got into my last relationship with Chuck when I was pretty newly sober. I was maybe like a year and a half or two years, which I considered to be new, especially given that I had been like in a treatment environment for a year. I was in rehab for six months, then sober living for six months. So for almost eight years when I was with him,

Yes, I was growing so much during that time personally, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, but I was always kind of sheltered by the security of that relationship. You know, being with somebody who has such extreme wealth and everything that comes along with that, just having all the minutia of life taken care of for me. And like I said, I did a whole Patreon episode on this because people were really interested in like the difference in my lifestyle then versus. now. So even though I had a lot of autonomy and independence within that relationship and I was making a lot of money myself and growing my business and all of that, there was something about it

to where I felt like despite the fact that my world was really quite large in a lot of ways, it was also pretty small in other ways. So leaving was scary because I was leaving the security of that relationship and leaving the companionship and the comfort for the unknown. But What happened when I took that leap is my world opened up in so many ways. Like, so many ways I just could not have even anticipated. I really didn't know, like, who I would be, I don't think, when I wasn't married to Chuck Lurie. And who I am, like who I feel like now is my true authentic self in every single way. And to be totally honest, I feel like a kid again in the best way possible.

There's a level of confidence and self-worth, I think, that came from leaving that relationship and having the strength to leave something so secure in some ways. There was not security in other ways. But to leave that kind of life and lifestyle. And by the way, this has nothing to do with Chuck. It's just like I stepped into my own power instead of being in the shadow of somebody else's power and in some ways reaping the benefits of that person's power, if that makes sense. And I was just like, oh, shit, I am capable of a lot more than I thought I was capable of. I'm stronger than I thought. And I'm more resilient than I knew. With that came a newfound joy and a newfound lightness in my life. But it's been a really interesting experience, maybe because I was scared for so many years about whether the relationship was going to fall apart or not. There wasn't a lot of emotional security. So I had to be more guarded or something. And now I feel safe. And so that allows this playfulness and like this inner child feeling to come to the surface. I don't know. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about this.

And I have been. But that has been the biggest shift for me and the best part of this year. And of course, I wasn't planning on dating so soon. But we make plans and God laughs or life laughs or whatever the saying is. And I'm with somebody who also brings that inner child out in me. It's actually funny. We were at dinner in Santropay with friends. So Vito from Erwan, shout out.

and his wife Tiffany, who I adore, and she was asking what our signs are. And I told her, and she was like, he brings out the inner child in you. And I was like, yes, that is spot on. As I am recording this, I am sitting here sipping a matcha from my hour place blender. I absolutely love it. Something that I never thought about before when I was using a different kind of blender to make my overnight matcha was that there were plastics in my blender. So most cookware and appliances are made with Forever Chemicals. Our place is a mission-driven female-founded brand that makes beautiful kitchen products that are healthy and sustainable and made without PFAs and PTFE, which is Teflon. So in comparison, most of today's non-stick pans contain PFAs, also known as Forever Chemicals, which are

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I'm an actress, comedian, living at home with my mother. On the Absolutely Not podcast, we'll laugh, we'll cry, we'll probably prank phone call or ex-boyfriends because, honestly, they were the worst. The thing that makes our podcast different is I get to hear directly from you. You can always pick up the phone and catch us on the Absolutely Not line. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us, and leave a message, but of course, only if it's a nice one. Tune in to the Absolutely Not podcast, and I'll see you soon. So it has all been really good. And like I said, not without challenges. It's been definitely

overwhelming at times to not have all of that minutia taken care of for me and just the overhead of my business and buying a home and remodeling and how competitive my industry is now. And just all of that rebranding and product and a lot of challenges. But I'm excited about the direction that we're taking things with the rebrand in September on the podcast. By the way, we're going back to one episode a week in September because I'm hearing you guys. I'm hearing that you can't keep up with two. And I am seeing some of the feedback on the show. And I really want to make it the most enjoyable listening experience for you guys in every way that I can.

So September 4th is the rebrand and just kind of going back to basics with the show to, you know, the things that really work. for me and for my audience and what I know you guys love and all of that. So anyway, I am very excited for that, you know, other exciting work things. And challenges can be exciting and opportunities to get creative. And like Ryan Holiday wrote, the obstacle is the way. Like, nothing really good or meaningful in my life has come easily or come from things just going my way all the time. So there you go. Those are my highs and lows. So lessons. Okay, number one, I think, think the biggest lesson that I experienced this year is that it's not permanent. Whatever it is, it is not permanent. I know it probably feels like it is, but it's not. What's that saying?

The only guarantees in life are death and taxes. I'm adding change. Things will change. Death, taxes, and change. Things will change. It's a fact of life. And this isn't like a motivational speech to remember when things are hard, like a total cliche, because this also applies to when things are feeling really good. That's going to change too. So I think that's why it's so important to slow down and try to appreciate the good when it is happening because that will change. And I remember last fall really thinking that I would never feel the way that I felt before that happened physically ever again. I was reading my journal when I was flying to London a couple months ago. And I was reading my journal entries from

last September. And it was really heartbreaking because I had so much blame, self-blame. And I really, really thought that I had been permanently damaged. And it was just a very bleak mindset that I had. It's kind of hard to go back and read. But I really thought that, you know, my nervous system, brain, everything was never going to go back to how it was. And I had this really immense grief. And I was mourning the person that I was before that happened. And all that I could really do at that time was go to acupuncture because that was the only help that I got out of all the different doctors and all the different specialties who I went to who, you know, just thought I was stressed or anxious or PMSing. And Ping, my acupuncturist, bless her, was like, this will pass.

wherever it goes, whatever direction this is headed in, this moment right now will pass. And instead of resisting it and fighting it, just accept it. And, you know, again, like acceptance doesn't mean that you like these circumstances, but it just means you're not trying to fight. You're not trying to resist. You're not trying to change. And you can accept and also try to find a solution, which I did. but the acceptance really helped.

And I just held on to that. And she gave me like this little glimmer of hope. So that kind of brings me to kind of a recovery thing, kind of cliche, but something I really, really absorbed into my psyche this year is acceptance of things that are out of my control and the courage to change the things that are in my control. I can be a little bit of a control freak in the sense that I tend to feel okay if and when everything is going my way. And that is really something I've worked hard on a daily basis to relinquish over the last decade.

But it's still in my nature. And I think that's true for a lot of us to feel comfort when things are going well or going how we want them to go and discomfort when they are not. But this part of changing the things that are in my control, someone very wise in my life always says to me, and I'll paraphrase to make this public friendly, more people get in trouble in their lives over the things that they can change. is the things that they can't. Meaning, I think we tend to have this real blind spot when it comes to the ability to see the realities of our own lives and we can't see or we forget that we have a lot of power. So we can't recognize that there are things that we can change. So I'll use a really straightforward example of like being in a relationship where maybe you are unfulfilled or you're feeling resentful and stuck and can't see past the resentment and you're feeling like life isn't

fair and all of that. And obviously there's nuance here, but in general, we have a choice, right? And we can choose to change our circumstances. But what often happens is we feel trapped. And so people cheat or people get in these toxic situations because they forget that they have the power to change something that's in their control or they have the fear to change. And it's hard to find that courage. But it's like that classic, I can't change circumstances, but I can change how I think about them or I can change how I react to them. That is fully in my control. And these are all lessons that I knew prior to this year, but I really applied them, especially last fall. So it's like the AA serenity prayer, right? The serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to

change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. That last part is essential because we forget. So my other lesson, let's see, people will probably argue with me on this one, but in my experience, gut feelings are always right. Now, I think there's a difference between fear and gut feelings. It can be hard to differentiate sometimes. But I mean true gut feelings. If something keeps coming up in your head, in your gut, that gut feeling, it's nagging at you. It's happening for a reason. I'll give two examples. One, happened in a friendship of I knew my friend was lying to me about something, something big, something relevant. And I knew I was being lied to, but I was like, well, maybe I'm just anxious.

I tried to dismiss it. And I was also, like, being gaslit by this friend. So that's another story. But you guys, I knew in my bones that I was being lied to and what the lie was. And the craziest thing was, I remember I would be like meditating doing my TM. And when I completely stopped and slowed down and my mind was still, my body was still, it was like I could just see and feel the truth. It was very strange. So anyway, eventually I got confirmation with my own two eyes in like the funniest way possible. I wish I could tell the story, but I'll refrain. You know, my gut was right and I had gut feelings about things in my marriage that turned out to be true. And okay, lesson three, don't confuse comfort. for happiness. As I was talking about in the beginning of this episode, true happiness for me occurred way outside of the comfortable, cushy life I was living for the last eight years. Not to say my life

isn't super cushy and comfortable because I am aware. I'm very aware of my circumstances, my privilege, all of that. But in a very different way now than it was pre-divorce. So a lot of people asked me how to know when to leave a relationship, especially if it's an okay relationship and it's comfortable. And I am with you. That is so effing hard. Nobody wants to leave comfort and certainty. Nobody doesn't matter your circumstances or anything like that. But what if that comfort is actually making you miserable? Is it even comfort if you feel uncomfortable or you feel that turmoil all of the time. I really confused that when I was in it because I thought, well, I have this comfortable life. Well, it's not comfortable when you're living in emotional turmoil all of the time. And what good

is comfort? What good are, you know, some of those maybe material things or lifestyle things or if you share a home with somebody or you have history and companionship and that's comfortable? What good is any of that if you are not happy. I think we need to get really honest with ourselves. And I've talked about this quote before, but it's like, would you rather choose temporary acute pain or temporary discomfort from making a change and entering the unknown or this constant dull pain of things staying the same? And I don't know what that looks like for you, but I know what it looked like for me. And the thought of things staying the same terrified me. terrified me. And that was when things had to change. Okay, lesson four, again, something that I

definitely knew, but really internalized this year, is that what other people think of me is none of my business. Now, you could kind of argue that it is my business, given my profession. And there is a difference between listening to my audience, providing feedback and making adjustments, you know, pertaining to that. But what people really think about me, that's none of my business. What matters is the person I am, my character, how I live my life, how I feel about me, how I treat people, how I treat myself, where I focus my energy, what I'm putting into the world, what I'm putting into my relationships. The people's opinions really that matter to me are the people who actually know me and know who I am. And what anybody else thinks about me pretty much has

nothing to do with me. I will see a situation usually as I am, not necessarily as the situation is. That's just the truth. And we see things as we are, not as they are. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, but in general, this is kind of a universal thing. I think it's impossible not to care at all what anybody thinks, but I really had to separate myself from the small public who follows me, perception of me, strangers' opinions, judgments, all of that. And really, I had to reprioritize how my life feels versus how my life looks. I think I really tried to people please in my career, in my personal life, in my social life, relationships. And I just am not wasting any energy doing that anymore because it's futile and because people are going to think whatever they want to think and believe

whatever they want to believe. And to try and control that in any way, it's just a bad use of time and energy. And this doesn't just apply to someone who's out there publicly. I know so many people make decisions in their lives based on what other people may or may not think. And I would just implore you not to do that because you want a life that's yours, not somebody else's. We are living in a time where more than ever, it is possible for anybody to become a creator, an entrepreneur, and become their own brand, essentially. And if you are your brand, your business should be built exactly the way that you want it. You deserve all the benefits, including all of the revenue. So with Kajabi, you can build your business the way that you want and keep everything that you earn. Kajabi is the leading all-in-one platform that helps creators and entrepreneurs build successful

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So right now, Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start. your business if you go to kajabi.com slash blonde. That's K-A-J-A-A-B-I-com slash blonde. Cajabi.com slash blonde. Join the creators and entrepreneurs who have made over $7 billion. These days, a lot of people are talking about all the benefits of fasting, like weight loss, mental and physical performance, and gut health, but worry about the whole not eating part. This is exactly why Prolon was created. So you may have heard of prolon. It's a revolutionary plant-based nutrition program that nourishes the body while making cells believe that they are fasting. So researched and developed for decades at the University of

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would love to do prolon because like I said, there's snacks, soups, beverages, you're not going to be starving while you're doing it. So it's no wonder why thousands of doctors recommend Prolon to support healthy blood sugar and cardiovascular health. So right now, Prolon is offering the Blonde files podcast listeners 15% off their five-day nutrition program. Go to prolonlife.com. That's P-R-O-L-O-N-L-L-O-N life.com for this special offer. Again, prolonlife.com slash blonde. Now let's do some Q&A questions. Goals for the next year. Definitely the product I'm working on is a big goal. The rebrand and growth of the podcast is a big goal. Finishing my house is a goal. But these are all things that are happening anyway.

So I guess the main overarching goal is to continue to remember to enjoy the process. And I appreciate all of the good. and seek out the things that bring me joy and maintain that kind of like playful spirit. I don't even know what the F I'm saying right now, you guys. I'm like, who is this person? But this is just stream of consciousness. And this is what I've been feeling this year. And I really want to help other people through my product.

I want to reach more people through my podcast to help them. I want to have a home that's mine where my family and my friends can come and feel at home to and congregate. and, you know, continue traveling the way I've been traveling this year and nurture the relationships. I have get out of my comfort zone. I don't know. So many things. So many goals. But the big goal, I think, is to be present for all of it and enjoy all of it and not just keep seeking out the next thing, the next milestone, you know, because that is never gratifying. And as soon as you reach a certain goal, if it's something like a certain amount of money or a certain amount of downloads or whatever it is, then you just move the goal post. So it really has to be about the process. Is there anything I'd do differently in the last year?

This is something that I've been thinking about a lot. And for a while, I kept thinking, if only I could go back and not do the Botox that time. I really kept thinking that for the better part of the last year. If I could go back and not do it that time, would everything be different? And I think it would be totally different. I don't think I'd be where I am right now had that never happened. I don't know that the marriage would have unraveled in the way that it did. Had that never happened, it definitely changed my perception, you know, that desperation that I felt.

And it made me desperate for change because the only thing, scarier than change was having everything stay the same. So I don't want to keep talking about this Botox thing. And again, like, I'm not anti-tax. I don't want to be part of this club. You know, I feel like I'm in a club that I never wanted to be in, like the injured by Botox or they can't get Botox anymore club. I didn't want this for myself. But it's set into motion all of these things. And I'm at a place right now where I'm happier than ever. So did it happen too me or did it happen for me? And, you know, the other very bizarre thing is that I'm more confident physically now than I was then, even though I think we can all agree. My face was frozen.

So it's so interesting because there are certain things that I don't like about not having the Botox. Not that I don't like, but just changes where I'm like, ugh, I wish that I could like just freeze that. But, you know, I barely think about it. barely. And it might sound like the opposite because I'm talking about it a lot in this episode, which I really didn't intend to do. This is another thing. Like some people have DM'd me and said that I'm lying or that I'm still doing it. No, this isn't something that I even ever wanted to share publicly. But, you know, it really turned out to be a big relevant event in my life. So there was kind of no way around it. And, you know, I don't use it for content. I'm not trying to make videos about

being affected by Botox or anything like that. There have been a few times where I've talked about alternatives to Botox that I'm trying. But again, I'm not anti-tax. I'm not trying to be part of that club or anything like that. Okay, where was I going with this? So, yeah, there are certain things that I wish that I could still use Botox for, but I really don't think about it. Like it doesn't take up any mental space or energy. I'll notice something in like a video if I'm editing a podcast from like, oh, well, that's different. And then I move on with my life. Whereas before, as soon as I saw like the smallest hint of movement or anything like that or like a line, I would just run to get Botox. It was like this kind of quest for perfection, whatever that is. And I think that

that happens when you get in that cycle of doing it every however many months, it just becomes routine. And even then, like, it didn't take up very much mental space or energy, but I just had a different perception and a different mindset around it. And anyway, back to the question, is there anything I'd do differently? I really, really don't think so. I would not want anything to be different in my life right now. and I think that everything had to happen the way it did for me to get here. How was my sobriety in the last year?

You know, I think a decade of sobriety and the things that I do to maintain that really is the main reason that I was able to get through the year the way that I did. So so many of the fundamental principles of sobriety or recovery are what carried me through. Things like acceptance, like I was talking about life on life's terms, faith, service to others instead of like constant thought of myself, the support of my sober community, all of that. I feel so fortunate for that. Never once did I think about drinking or using when things were really bad. In fact, I've talked about this before, but usually when things are hard, I kind of feel more protected sobriety-wise because I'm making sure I'm doing all of the

things to support my recovery and my emotional sobriety. Whereas when things are really good, like now, I need to be a little more vigilant because I get more lax around my practices that support my recovery and my well-being, I guess. So I'm being kind of vague because I don't talk specifics publicly. But yeah, all of that is to say, as I say in recovery, my life got lifey last year. And I feel like I was really tested and it was really hard. But my sobriety was an asset big time, not a liability, if that makes sense. Are Chuck and I still friends? Yes. But it It's difficult. Not going to lie, there's a lot of emotional baggage there. I think we've worked through things and I've talked about this before. I really felt like I worked through a lot

leading up to the actual divorce, but being friends with an ex is tricky. So we are navigating it as best we can, which often is clumsily. Best life tip that I got this year. I can't remember if I've talked about this on the main podcast or on Patreon, but before I was getting divorced, I was working with somebody and going through everything that I was afraid of and peeling back the layers of why do I have that fear? As we were talking through all of those fears that I had, all of them came down to my resistance to feeling uncomfortable or potentially feeling uncomfortable. And this person said to me, you know, Ariel, part of being a big girl is learning how to deal with discomfort. And I was like, excuse me? And I didn't love that. My initial reaction was what the F? But then I really thought about it. And I was like, she's right. I'm 38 years old. I have been through so much in my life. And I have all of the evidence that I need. need to, you know, be able to look back and see how discomfort and going through uncomfortable

things has really served me and made me who I am today. And yet, I'm still so resistant to it, which is just human nature. But I think that I was alluding to this earlier, you know, staying comfortable, we often do it to our detriment. And I certainly was, and my resistance to discomfort was keeping me so uncomfortable and keeping me so stuck. And that really stayed with me. I'm a big girl. I can do hard things. And I need somebody who's going to give it to me straight like that. So that was, I don't know if that's a tip, but that was something that really, really resonated, landed and that I continued to think about when I find myself being resistant to something. How do I feel about aging? Everybody villainizes it nowadays. I mean, my feelings are mixed about aging, as I think most people's are. On the one hand, I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful to have my health back. I'm so grateful to just have the life that I have. And I am so grateful that I'm sober. I'm grateful for my job, my relationships, all of that. At the same time,

Aging is hard for a number of reasons, especially for women. I don't need to tell you guys being in a place like L.A., being a public-facing person that comes with its own unique set of challenges. And not just because of the superficial things, but relevance. Am I still relevant? I don't know. Kind of grieving this decade of my life, not grieving it. But I think, going from 30s to 40s, which I know I'm not yet, but this is my last year of my 30s. And it was a freaking amazing decade, hard, but also amazing. I would never go back to my 20s. You couldn't pay me enough, except for the chance to have more time ahead of me, right? So I think that that part of it can be hard. So I have mixed feelings about it that I haven't really worked out. But overall, You know, I feel grateful. I don't love the number, but I don't think about the number that much anymore. And it's so different now than it was 10, 20, 30 years ago. My feelings are mixed, but overall good. How I feel today versus this time last year, I think it's probably pretty evident from this episode. How I feel today is free. And how I felt last year was stuck. I think that if I had to just condense it down to one word, that would be it. Those two words. Those would be the words. All right. Well, on that note, that is it for me on this episode. Thank you guys for sticking with me throughout the past year. I know that there have been some

changes on the show. I'm excited, like I said, for the direction that we are going and the changes that we're implementing in the beginning of September and just for everything to come in the next year. So love you guys. Thank you. you talk to you soon. I hope you enjoyed that episode and if you liked it and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate review and subscribe. It goes a long way and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to the Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to Arialori.com and I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Arial Lori.

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