Well with Arielle Lorre - 344: The Tools High Performers Use for Success with Mental Performance Coach Brandon Epstein

Episode Date: August 26, 2024

Brandon Epstein is a former athlete and Mental Performance Coach who coaches professional athletes, entrepreneurs, and executives on mental and performance success. He joins the show to discuss the tools high performers rely on, how to clear mental clutter and reprogram your mind for success, and what to learn from the highest performers in the world. He also shares how to shift your body’s energy, why we’re all visualizing wrong, and how to rewire your internal belief systems to create a more successful life. Subscribe to Patreon for exclusive weekly content: patreon.com/ArielleLorreThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Discover your perfect shade of Weightless Skin Foundation at BobbiBrown.comGo to lumedeodorant.com and use code BLONDE for 15% off.Visit nutrafol.com and use code BLONDE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription & free shipping.Go to qualialife.com/BLONDE for 50% off of Qualia Senolytic and code BLONDE at checkout for an additional 15% off. Visit purelyelizabeth.com and use BLONDE for 20% off your first purchase. Use MALK's store locator to find MALK Creamers at a store near youGo to boncharge.com/BLONDE and use coupon code BLONDE to save 15%. Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to the Blonde Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lorry, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there's so much information out there, so I'm bringing on expert guests. and sharing my own experiences to help you sift through all the wellness stuff without the BS. Enjoy the show. Hi, everybody.

Welcome to the show. I have a great episode for you today. I'm talking to Brandon Epstein. Brandon is a world-class mental performance coach. He has helped countless professional athletes, entrepreneurs, and executives to reach their full potential. and he is going to help you guys as well. I got so much from this conversation about how to remove mental blocks and how to change the story that's in my head. And I disclose a lot about that in the episode. And I think he just has a really cool story. So he was a college athlete. He was a

football player. And he learned how to essentially channel his energy in a different way. And he was able to achieve success that way versus what we are traditionally taught, which is like more discipline, more effort, more willpower. And he says, if it was just about that, we would all be achieving everything that we want to achieve, no problem. He also founded a mega successful fitness company. So he has a lot of insight into that and into why people don't achieve what they want to achieve when it comes to things like weight loss and fitness goals and how we tend to self-sabotage by seeking out ways to confirm our biases about ourselves, even if they are working against us. So really, really fascinating episode. I know you guys are going to love it. So please enjoy Brandon Epstein.

Welcome, Brandon. Thanks for having me. Happy to be here. Yeah. Happy to have you here. I don't think that I've ever had a mental performance expert coach on my podcast before. So I'm really looking forward to diving into this topic. And how you came to do this work is through your own personal experience. So why don't we rewind a little bit to begin and have the audience learn about your time as an athlete and how you got into what you're doing now. Yeah, definitely. And so I think Mets Performance coach is like a title. And there could be so much. under that umbrella, really at my core, I'm a healer. And that kind of brings me back to how I got into all this in the first place because I was your typical meathead football player in college.

And I just wanted to have success. My top priorities in life were football, girls, how much I could lift weight, probably in that order. And then maybe college, you know, academic somewhere down below that. And so my first year of playing in college, I just rode the bench. And that's not fun because you go to practice, you do all the hard work, you don't get to play in the game. So in the offseason, I was searching for solutions. I already had the workout stuff, the nutrition, all that stuff dialed. So I went into a supplement shop looking for some kind of magic pill, literally, that was going to help get me on the field. And the manager of the shop happened to be a real-life mystic, a guy who knew how to do magic. And magic in the sense of like he knew how to do

energy work to do things I didn't think we're supposed to be possible, right? And one of the first things, which may sound really simple to someone now, but at the time, there was no talk about mental health, anxiety, depression, it wasn't really a conversation. And so he showed me a breathing techniques where he said, look through the peripheries of your eyes and just breathe in deep through your nose. And just by doing that, it was the first time, it was like I was in a busy intersection and then all the traffic just stopped. And I was able to get into the present moment. To me, that was magic. I was like, whoa, you can really shift the way you feel. And I didn't even know that I had anxiety until that moment occurred, and I found a way to find my way out. And so long story short,

I got obsessed with this world. I went down the rabbit hole of learning about all the Eastern philosophy around healing, working with chakras, meridians, energy training, different ways to shift my brainwave state through meditation. And this actually helped me become stronger in the football field, but also taught me how to use the yin part of that, which is to heal people. people. So I went back, had a really successful season playing football the next year, was a starter, how to standout performances. But more interestingly to me, I learned how to start healing my teammates. And I actually would have like a lineup of people who wanted to work with me before the games, before practice. And think about these guys, you know, me had chewing the back on their lip,

all right, man, my ankle hurts, do something with this. But it felt so good to be able to help people in that way. And that really put me down this path of being a healer. And then, you know, and kind of ebbing and flowing back through sports and through high performance because I was originally one of my passions. There are a few questions that I have pertaining to that. What do you attribute your performance to after you did some of that energetic work and all of that when you returned back and you were not on the bench? Was there one particular thing? Like do you attribute it to that energy or your focus or the meditation? What do you think it was or was it just a culmination of all of the things? It was definitely a culmination, but if I were to point to one thing, I would say it's understanding how energy works and understanding that we are the vessels for the source to flow through.

And so we have all these energy centers and we have these energy highways in our bodies, so the chakras, the meridians. And I learned how to generate energy, pull in more energy to make myself more powerful. So like one of the techniques he taught me, he had this big refrigerator that you put like protein drinks and stuff. and he had me get into my football stance and he was like, all right, now try to knock this over. And I explode out. It lifts like two inches.

Then he shows me all these breathing techniques to kind of like charge up my chakras and meridians. I'm like, all jacked up. I explode out of my stance. I almost knocked the thing completely over. And then I was like, whoa, this is powerful because I was a defensive lineman. So that's really what I needed is just like to be more powerful and explosive.

So when I brought this back onto the field, those same energy techniques were really effective for me and very applicable to the task. actually trying to complete in the field. And that's what helped me become dominant was just being able to channel energy in a way. And what's cool is now over the years, I've learned that this can be used for any aspect of life because energy is a source of all things. And so it can be used to heal. It can be used to destroy. It can be used to be creative and to create whatever you want to manifest in the world. It's just about understanding the system and how to channel it correctly.

And you can't destroy energy, right? You can only transfer it essentially. Yeah, exactly. And that's really the core of the work I do now is the alchemy around energy, is finding blockages in people physically, the energetic blockages, right? So we all know what we're talking about. I can say, like, if you have something at work that you're really nervous about, you probably feel some tightness in the upper stomach and that soul reflexes, that's just energy that's getting blocked up there, right? So that can be alchemized.

We can transmute that energy back up into the heart to bring us into presence again. And that's how energy can be transferred to be used for a benefit instead of working against this. I was laughing when you were talking about doing this work with your teammates because I think probably historically, maybe people are more open to this now, but athletes, you know, it's all about strength and stamina, right? And you get that by working out and pushing your body. And there was probably no discussion around energy or things like meditation. or chakras or anything like that. So how did people receive that initially?

Or were they just like the proof is in the pudding, they saw you performing better. And so then they were open to trying that for themselves. Yeah. My coaches hating me for it. Yeah. They, I mean, to give you a frame of reference, my defensive coordinator said,

I don't trust anyone on my defense who doesn't chew tobacco. You know, so this is like the level of consciousness that we're coming from. And then the other one, I would also do like visualization techniques because even at that time, there's a lot of research that literally showed that if you bring in a certain type of meditation and imagery called pet lip imagery into a strength-based task, you could improve your performance. You could actually be stronger, like well-established. Like it wasn't any woo-woo stuff even. But so then they never heard of this.

But for me, I was like, obviously we're doing our max lifts. I'm going to do a squad or a bench press. I'm going to go through that imagery beforehand. But they'd watch me do it and then they'd be like, you know, Epstein's a completely weirdo, you know, and they'd just like talk trash about me. But I didn't really care because I was enjoying it and I was dancing the beat of my own drum. And then my teammates, I think they just looking for utility. You know, they're my friends. Like I still live in the football house.

I was the same guy that they knew just a dude who was into all this meditation and stuff. And they accepted me for it. It was more so like the authority, the coaches that had more resistance against what I was doing. When it comes to visualization, I heard you talking about an interesting component to it that I've never heard before because you hear a lot of people say visualize whatever it is that you want and also feel that emotion of having that thing. And you said also visualize the struggle part, right, and overcoming that struggle. And I've never heard that before and I think that's so powerful. Oh, yeah. It's huge. So I'll give you an example where this can be really beneficial and everyone can relate to us to their aspect of life. but I have a UFC fighter fighting this weekend. And I was just talking to him last night. And he has a history of in the past if it gets really hard

because he's used to being, his nickname is ferocious. So he's used to being dominant. But if he comes up against a significant adversity in the past where someone is just as ferocious as him, then he'll kind of like quit a little bit. So that's why I need to do the mental rehearsal with him of actually, hey, you're coming through that experience of like someone seems like they might be better than you.

Someone's got the best of you. Whatever you think your super power is, they have the same one. And actually living that experience and overcoming the adversity beforehand kind of trains your subconscious to be like, hey, we've been here before. We don't have to sound of the alarms. We actually reprogram him to overcome that moment of adversity and push past it. Warm weather brings many outdoor activities like happy hours after work, weekend hikes, pool parties, beach time, barbecues, traveling, and more. And with all of that time spent in the sun,

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strengths go? We'll talk about strengths first. Yeah. I'm going to come a little bit out of left field on this one, but I kind of believe that some of these people, like they have this greater calling that they couldn't help themselves but be these people. Like there's just something in them. They just can't stop. They have this relentless motor, this deeper calling of, that gets them up really in the morning that just forces them to keep going, going, going, pushing farther, faster, longer. And I think innately, a lot of them, even if they come from backgrounds that aren't that empowering, they just have this in them. And usually in like motivational videos, we kind of hear people talking about this as, oh, you just have such a willpower. You work so

hard. You're so disciplined. I don't think that's it. I don't think Kobe Bryant put up 400 shots every day because he was so disciplined, I think he couldn't help himself. So that's like the commonality because I just think that people who are performing at such a high level, like there's different levels, right? There's two people, okay, they both get to pro sports and then maybe the person who is in all-star versus someone who is just kind of average player, maybe they're doing something really different. But to get to that highest level, I think there's just something significant about that person, like a deeper calling, a gift that was built into them. And they end up where they need to be. Yeah, and I've heard you talk about how if it came down to effort and it

came down to willpower and it came down to discipline, whether it's with athletics or for people listening, whatever it is, their workouts, their nutrition, whatever their lifestyle, their career, then we would all probably achieve whatever we wanted to achieve. And yet so many of us feel stuck, stagnant, you know, like for whatever reason, we're not able to achieve that optimal outcome, whatever it is. So that's... It's an unpopular opinion, by the way. I was just going to say it's a little bit unpopular, a little different from what we're taught, which is we're taught more effort, more discipline, especially when it comes to wellness things and working out and lifestyle, you know,

everything is very like structured, rigid, just do X, Y, and Z, and then you'll have this outcome. So let's dive into that a little bit. Sure. Yeah, I think you just look at the results that most people are creating in their lives. You know, if we look at like the obesity epidemic we have or the mental health epidemic we have or the debt and most people live in or, you know, how many relationships end toxicically, if you ask any of these people, they don't want those outcomes. And if you ever even took them into a conscious moment of choice,

hey, do you want this? You know what's going to create these outcomes? They wouldn't do it. it's just that most people are operating from this place of unconsciousness where they're just in a habit, they're in a routine, they're in their own programming that oftentimes was not put in them by their choice. It was something that they were born into, whether it was a family dynamic or community or lived experiences, and then they just perpetuate that reality because they're programmed to delete to start and generalize any information that would interfere with that. And so we think

we're disciplined making all these choices, but oftentimes we're just programmed in a certain way to act out in a certain way. Because I have a lot of friends that are professional athletes now and I ask them, it's like, how did you build this work ethic? And they're like, oh, my dad was relentless with me. Every day he's getting me up at 5 a.m. It's like it was built into them in many ways. So they had a coach or a mentor and they build a habit. They build the belief in themselves and they do it. Some people don't have that though. They don't have those experiences. and so they end up learning disempowering programming, you know, that works against them. I think about, you know, as a side mission while I was trying to find my way in the mental

performance space, I built a pretty large fitness following. And some people would be like, hey, I told you what to do, like, do the workout, do the nutrition that I gave you. Why don't you do it? And if you get down to their programming at the subconscious level, you realize, oh, this woman believes that if she spends more time working out, she's going to have left time, to be there for her kids. And that for her, there's more pain around not being there for her kids than her own health. So until that programming changes, she's going to keep perpetuating the same

habits. Yeah, I want to dive into that as well, because especially when it comes to health and wellness, to your point, you know, people don't want these outcomes. And yet, it seems like everybody is struggling. So how do we get down to what our programming is and how do we change that? Yeah, I think it starts with awareness. Anyone who works me for the first time and go through a baseline assessment where, okay, what is your mental, emotional health like? Not compared to anyone else.

Just you. If one is the worst, it could be 10 is the best. Where are you at from 1 to 10? No, we'll go through physical health. Not compared to any Instagram model or just like, what do you want for your health, your stage of life, one to 10, career, finances, romantic relationship, work relationships,

and the tribe. So close family and friends. And then once you get your scores for everything, then you can go, okay, if this is a three, let's say physical health, for example, it's a three out of ten. I want you to feel into the resistance, the separation there between a three and a ten, and what are the emotions that come up for you around that? And oftentimes it could be shame, it could be fear, it could be guilt, it could be frustration. And so I'll have them go feel it in their physical body, coming back to like the energy stuff

I learned about when I was playing football. Okay, can you feel that anxiety in your upper stomach? Can you feel that sense of lack of control in your lower stomach? Let's go in there. I want you to feel the feeling. See out of the head because the head doesn't know. The body knows. Sit deep into it.

And I want you to ask yourself, all right, what am I believing to be true that makes me feel so afraid of my physical health? Oh, I believe that I can't be consistent with anything. And sometimes it could be that simple. And so I'm be like, oh, well, just tell yourself you can. But it's not the words. It's the energy that lives in the body. And so we have to go through this actual process of healing that, which is accepting it.

Okay. My results say I can't be consistent. So actually it's true right now. So I need to go through that little bit of an ego death of like it is true. I can't be consistent. Acceptance, acceptance, processing. And then we need to surrender it. I tell people breathe through it.

Imagine that their life is happening on this timeline. okay this is a story you've been living right now. I want you to imagine that you're moving this story into the past on your timeline and you're living in the present now. And then like you said, energy can't be created nor destroy it. So we just transmute the energy into the opposite, which is I believe I can be consistent. And again, it's not the words because someone could hear this and be like, yeah, of course. But it's the energy that's moving the body.

So what will happen is they'll feel it shift from their upper stomach's sorrelplex up into their heart and chest and expand. And through that process, they'll be present. and they'll be able to actually do what's required to be consistent. And the clarity will flow through there. It'll be like an aha moment because maybe what they noticed was in the past to perpetuate the belief of I'm not able to be consistent. They're trying to do workouts they don't like. They hate running, but every day they try to run. And maybe in that moment when they change a belief to, I believe I can be consistent,

you stop deleting, distorting, generalizing the information that could actually achieve this for you. And the aha moment comes in. You know what? I loved riding my bike when I was a kid. That was really fun. Hey, I can go do that every day or whatever it might be. Now we're channeling power instead of force. And then maybe you used to try to say, I'm never going to eat anything unhealthy ever.

But then now that you believe you can't be consistent, you kind of see a path forward. You're like, you know what? I'm mostly going to eat these meals and maybe a couple times a week. I'm going to deviate. But then you find a way to perpetuate this new belief that you can't be consistent. So that's what's always happening. we're always trying to subconsciously match the belief and make it true. So we'll delete to sort and generalize any possibility that will conflict with that.

So it's essentially confirmation bias even when it's to our detriment, right? We're just subconsciously looking for things to confirm whatever belief it is that we have about ourselves. You know, that's why like you could have a friend that's like you could tell her your routine. And maybe she believes that like I can't lose weight after I had my first kid. but she believes that to be true and that's just her belief. So you could tell her all your anecdotal stories. You could give her the research. You could say, look, just do this, this and this. But as long as she believes that she can't lose weight after she's had her first kid, she'll never lose the weight. Because we kind of make these things our identities too. Absolutely. And it's an ego

death to go against that. Yeah. And nobody wants to die. Yeah. There's a lot of parallels to recovery just as you were talking, I got sober 10 years ago. And in order to get sober, at least in my experience, I had to, one, accept that drugs and alcohol were a problem, that my life was unmanageable, that I had absolutely no control over drinking or using. And the second step to that essentially, which is kind of still in the first step, but then is that surrender, right? So, once I accept it, then I surrender to a new possibility. And then I can begin to change. But I've heard you talk about anxiety before and accepting anxiety. And this is another thing that I feel like people resist. You know, acceptance feels like you are just allowing whatever negative thing you're experiencing

to be happening. But really, when you've talked about it, you said you can't change it until you accept it. So in the example of anxiety, if you're resisting, resisting, resisting, pushing it away, trying, you can't change out of that state, right? And you can't change that. So let's talk about that a little bit more. You said my favorite phrases, what you resist persists. Yeah. And what you can't accept won't change. Yeah. And that's just a reality. It's like, when you're just fighting, fighting, fighting against something, it doesn't matter. It's just going to keep perpetuating. It's like the opposite of what we think we should do. Like usually we want to like, I need to think about something else. I'm going to think my way away from this resistance I feel

inside. The truth of the matter is we just have to accept it for what it is. And you might not even have any rational evidence to back it up. You might be like, well, that's irrational. Why would I accept that's true? Right. If you're someone who has, let's say, for example, you're someone who was cheated on when you're 18 and then when you're 21, again, when you're 24 and by the time you're 25, you're like, all men are cheaters. Right. And someone rationally asked you about it. You'd be like, well, obviously, I see these other people in relationships and they're not cheaters, but through that emotional trauma created that programming, the belief system that all men are cheaters. And so they would delete distort and generalize all their dating options and end up back

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to every day. In fact, I make it the night before and how I do it is I blend my plant-based milk with my matcha and a little bit of maple syrup and then I put it in the fridge and the flavors just meld together so incredibly. This is really creamy. It works so well in this matcha or coffee. And like I said, overnight is key because the flavors just blend so beautifully. So I do get a of questions about what milk I use. This is very important because I don't use dairy milk, but I also don't want a milk that has a lot of gums, oils, or artificial whiteners, other not so natural flavors, which a lot of the plant-based milks have, which is why I love milk. So milk is a premium plant-based milk made with simple, high-quality ingredients. Now they have

Mulk creamers. So I have been frothing the Malk creamer and putting it on top, kind of like a cold foam matcha. It is chef's kiss amazing. So Malk's creamers are a clean and creamy addition to your morning routine. They're dairy-free. Again, they're made without gums, oils, artificial whiteners, and other not-so-natural flavors. They're just made with clean, organic ingredients and sweetened with low-glycemic coconut sugar, and they have the best flavors. They have vanilla almond, caramel almond, which is my favorite, and lately sweetened oat. So you can now find malc creamers at sprouts, air one, and select whole foods. I'm curious, I have so many questions, but I'm curious when you had your fitness company, what were some of the most common

belief systems or beliefs that interfered with people reaching their goals? Because I'm sure a lot of people listening to this are experiencing that in their own lives. definitely i've noticed that and this probably doesn't come as a surprise but a lot of the big transformations we'd have would come from like younger people so i think they have less of the history of all those beliefs have been ingrained but we also did have people you know in their later 30s 40 50 60s who go through transformation as well but i would just bring that up to say that like you know the longer these patterns are ingrained and the more than ingrained like you know it can't be hard to change them but it's not impossible by far.

I mean, I've actually coached my dad, and he's in his 70s, and he's been able to change some of his beliefs in a really powerful way. So you can do it at any age. But I'd say the biggest thing that I saw that held people back was just like the victim mentality around like, just it's not going to work for me. It's not going to work for me. I see all these people consume their content on social media.

It must be nice to be them. It must be nice to be so thin, so easy for you. you probably eat whatever you want, right? And I think, you know, I went through a weight loss transformation. So did my business partner where I was doing the content with. And so I think that gave a little bit more belief and resonance to people who'd be like, oh, look, like they've done it. Like I can do it as well.

But that's it. I think so many people live with that belief of like, oh, must be nice. Like that victim mentality, which affects so many people in so many different ways of like, yeah, must be nice. You know, that cynicism of just like, oh, cool, you did that, right? it's easy for you. And so I think that's the biggest one. And once people were able to step out of that victim state and go, you know what, I believe it is possible for me. That's when things start to shift. And that's where you saw them in the community showing up, being more consistent, putting more

days together, checking in, doing their workouts and nutrition and finding some momentum in that process. But the first step, of course, aside like people need to get out of those victimhood states of being. And those are fueled by the belief. So I believe I can't lose weight. I believe I don't have enough money to eat healthy. I believe I don't have time to work out. Those are some of the most common ones. So overcoming those hurdles, turn them into, I believe I have more than enough time to work out. I believe I can afford to eat healthy.

I believe that I can be consistent. All those things, it seems really simple. But like I said, as long as you're running the opposite program and you're deleting the possibility of this actually working for you. I did this a little bit myself this morning. I mean, with no formal coaching or anything, but I had been listening to some of your interviews yesterday and consuming your content. And I mean, I have been so overwhelmed lately with work. And to the point where the past few days, I was like, I think I'm going to die. I think

I'm going to die. I'm so stressed. I have so much going on. It's not just work, but a lot, a lot going on. I've taken on a lot. And I have not had good boundaries. and I'm working on it in therapy and things like that. But yesterday I became aware after listening to you on other podcasts that that has been my belief system as well or the narrative that's been running through my head lately is there are not enough hours in the day. I have taken on too much. This is impossible.

I, you know, just all negativity. And then I'm like, and then tomorrow I have like, like, back to back to back and then I have to go and I have to shoot this thing for this brand. And then and it's all negative and overwhelm and some victimhood, some resentment at me saying, yeah, myself taking on too much. And this morning I did a few things differently. I didn't touch my phone or my computer for two hours. I meditated. I did breath work. I stretched. I moved my body a little to the point where like it was still only 730 and I was like I don't know what to do myself anymore but this is nice and I created a different narrative in my head where I was like

this is great I have three episodes I can't wait to do I've been in this position before where I feel overwhelmed I've always gotten it done I do a good job like just changing reframing that and I feel like a different person today so that's powerful yeah that's powerful So now in this moment, if you were to close your eyes and just check in, do you believe you have more than enough time to do all the things you want to do? 80%. But here's the thing. So that reality will perpetuate itself and you're going to continue to overload your schedule as long as you believe you don't have enough time to do everything you need to do. That's so counterintuitive.

So let's explore that a little bit. So if I don't feel like I have enough time, why do I continually add to that? because you have to make it true. Because you're believing that to be true, so you're going to perpetuate it, right? Just boom, boom, boom, all right. This is my story. This is what I live.

Right. So you're going to keep making it true over and over and over again. And it's not even much the words as like the energy in your body and the patterns that represent those words. So like it's just a feeling. It's almost like the adrenaline of like, yeah, we're going. We're going. We're going.

Rush. We've got the next thing. Come on. Let's go. And the body gets addicted to it. And then we use the words as a way to move the energy. ultimately if you want to do that. And so the belief is enough time to do everything when you transmute it and you go through the energetic process within your body. It becomes, I believe,

I have more than enough time to do everything. And when you energetically get to that place, you will start restructuring your schedule in a way to have buffers, to have less obligations to spread things out over longer periods of time, to design a life where you have more enough times to do everything. Doing that. I'm just thinking in my head. Okay. How How can I do that? But it also reminds me of when I learned to meditate, I learned TM. And I was just talking about this with my guest that I recorded with previously. And in TM, you meditate twice a day for 20 minutes.

And it sounded so daunting for a number of reasons, sitting there in silence for 20 minutes, daunting. And then it felt like, well, 20 minutes twice a day, once in the morning before work, and once in the afternoon. who has the time but what I learned is that not only do you create the time for that but when you take that time even if it feels like you do not have one second to spare it then you create more time and you create more space and more energy to actually be effective in those other areas of your life so yeah that's why time really is an illusion right because it can it's just a feeling that there's not enough time and it's like if you're living in that a illusion of lack around time, then feels like you don't have enough time. And then you could literally

live the same day, but because your meditation practice created that spaciousness within yourself, you're just engaging it in a completely different way. Yeah. And I've heard you talk about essentially the only things that we can control are our focus and the choices that we make. And I feel like that's relevant to this part of the conversation. Absolutely. Because ultimately, you know, if I'm focusing on the negative, if I'm focusing on the lack and then I'm choosing to add onto that, then that's my experience. And that's all of my own doing, really. Yeah. What you focus on is what you get always. And we all know someone who like lives in these cycles of their focus. And that focus also leads to the feelings, right? So you know that what you

focus on is also contributing to the emotional frequency of your end. So if you're constantly focused on not enough, not enough time, not enough money, whatever it might be, that's going to put you into the emotional frequency of fear. And if you're constantly focused on, I have more than enough time, I have more than enough money, it's going to put you into a frequency of peace, acceptance, just a higher emotional frequency. And that's where your power is, right? When you can get into that rest and relaxation, you can be present enough to do what's required in the moment. You don't even have to think. You just do, just go. Yeah. So what you focus on, what you get, When you focus on what you want, you get more of what you want.

When you focus on what you don't want, you get more of what we don't want. And we've all lived both sides of that. We know where both paths goes. And sometimes it just takes an awareness of like, oh yeah, I know that. Yes, everyone watching this. I know that. I know you know that. So what can we do to put this into practice?

Something I have a lot of my clients do to just bring more awareness to it is to set alarms every few hours throughout the day. You can do it for a week straight. Just ask yourself, Number one, how does it feel to be me right now? Write that down in a note. And then what was I focused on right before that feeling emerged? Write that down.

And you're just going to bring so much awareness to how you drive your feelings through your focus, right? I'm focused on how I'm at work and everyone's out to get me. Everyone's out to get me. How do I feel? You know, I feel angry, frustrated, scared, right? just so that focus is always feeding your feelings. So the first step of course was ending this stuff is awareness. So if you can do those alarms for a week, you're going to step into such a more empowered stay because then you can start to choose a new focus with intention.

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Because you were saying earlier that they all kind of get to this place. They have this belief maybe that they are the best. I've heard you talk about that on other shows. And they have this kind of innate thing, this innate drive. Maybe they were raised by somebody who was instilling consistency and habits and rigidity or whatever it was to achieve their goals. So they're already in an elite place when you get into their lives, right? So what are the things that they struggle with?

And what are some of the things that you guys do? Yeah. I would say oftentimes it's not the reason that they bring me in. Right. So if someone's really successful in business, they're probably like, I need to hire you. You have to help me make more money. You know, and then we do a baseline. We're just looking at their life. And it's like, well, so you're divorced and now your new girlfriend is in a really toxic relationship with you. You said it's a three out of ten. You have ten million dollars in the bank. Do you want to make more money? What's really the source of your suffering? Right. And so, that's usually it, whether it's an athlete or a business person. It's usually like the things

that they don't want to talk about, which is actually creating the suffering. And their way of getting control is focusing on the thing they're already good at. And so part of my job is redirecting them. And I'm not going to tell them what to do, but I'm just going to ask them. I'm going to look at the information. We could try to help you in this area. But do you think it would maybe solve the feeling issue you have right now if we dealt with this other thing instead? And so it's, It's usually that, you know. And sometimes it is, you know, an athlete, like sports specific. But it's usually it's mental, emotional more than it is.

Like, I'm not going to tell a baseball player how to swing his bat. Like, I don't know. Just swing it. You know, but like I can't notice that he is constantly focusing on how the coach or manager is criticizing him or the story he has about how he's being criticized or the media or whatever it may be and I might get to go to a place where we can go, hmm. So the only reason any of this has any credence is because you believe to be true by yourself. And so it's actually like anything that someone's projecting out of like, this is the issue, you know, to them and it's

making me feel this way. It goes, oh no, you actually believe that to be true by yourself. And so we need to process that and move through that and alchemize that energy to get you to a place where you can just be present and play the game that you love again. So I would say the most common things are definitely like fear of judgment, especially when you have a lot of eyeballs on you. You know, a lot of people are talking about you, which is like, well, it's a double-edged story, but like a lot of times if you're a pro athlete, it's not the best thing to be on social media. So many people are just, can you imagine so many people are just like talking about you.

I get it on such a small scale. Yeah. I cannot imagine truly. You just really have to turn a blind eye to it. But I also have a little bit of an issue with that sometimes. Like when I've been on the receiving end of a lot of hate, which has happened only a few times, but there's also now like the gossip threads. People just have nothing better to do with their time.

And so for the most part, I know that. And these are not people whose opinions I even value to begin with. People say, well, just don't look at it. And it's like, I can't not see some of it. You know, we kind of blame the person who's experiencing it a little bit for experiencing it. But no, I cannot imagine athletes, celebrity, like the screwing. the climate that we're in right now where it's encouraged to be mean the way that people interact online like it's awful yeah so you want to know the secret for them and for you too whenever you see

this because i had to deal with this as well because like we built a youtube channel over 100 million views on there's like a lot of people so of course it's always going to be mean people saying things whenever you see it okay fine i am i am i am it's all god That's your perception. I am. I am. I am. Whatever it is. Even if you're rationally going, that's the opposite of what I am. You know, famous words, I'm in them. Yeah. I am, whatever you say. If I wasn't, then why would you say I am? And it's just so much of liberation, because usually what we resist, persist, right? We want to go, that's not a true story. How could you say it about me? Like it's so careful. Yeah. Yeah. And I've been there. And then the only way out is through is just going, fine, I am.

because why are their words hurtful? Maybe you're believing to be true or maybe that's like your worst fear of people talking about you, gossiping about you. Oh, who does she think she is? She's this. She can't say that. Okay, fine, I am.

I am. And how empowering is it to build someone even in the eye and just go, I am. That's what you believe? Okay, fine, I am. I am whatever you say. Because then what do they say ultimately? Yeah, disarming.

It's disarming them completely. That's like Eminem on stage, right? And at the end of eight mile, he's calling out all of his own insecurities. Like, yeah, I do live with my mom in a trailer park. And this guy did have sex with my girlfriend. And my friend did shoot himself. Boom, boom, I am, I am, I am. It's just liberation.

And it's just all about you and your process. And then the person goes, all right, well, I guess I'm going to move on for me now. Right? I'm going to move on because the energy is dispersed. So there's nothing there anymore. But if you fight it, then it's going to continue. It's like, ooh, there's juice here. Let's keep putting more kindling in the fire.

It's so interesting because I think we look at especially athletes and think of them as invincible, not only physically, but mentally as well. And it's a little reassuring, I guess, to hear that they struggle with these things. Two, I was very into the Olympics this year. Simone Biles, like never watched gymnastics before, not since I was, younger and I watched her Netflix special. I think it was only a couple episodes, but she was very open about struggling and I mean she received so much backlash when she backed out of the Tokyo Olympics because she had the spin she could die. I mean it's crazy and that was she's so selfish. Yeah right I mean

people still and I saw comments on videos from these Olympics where people are just talking shit you know And that's just, again, the climate. But it really kind of like humanized this sport. I think. I don't know if that's the right word. And in general, because people are being more vocal about this. And you watch her and you think she's got all the confidence. You know, she's superhuman.

And I remember she was saying this vault that she just did in these Olympics. I've done it 100 times. Every time I'm terrified. I'm afraid I'm going to die. And you're like, oh, I don't get that story when I'm watching this. TV. Yeah, absolutely. And I work with a lot of fighters and similarly like they have to go into that. It's like I could die as I'm going into this. So there's a lot of edge. There's a lot of insecurities that come in that and it's spiritual. You know, I think that sports are very spiritual.

That's why I enjoy them. You know, for me it's not about like did they get a hit or did they, it's about like what is the spiritual journey you had to go on and through to get to the other side of this thing that you're facing right now. And I think we all have that, whether you're an athlete or a business owner or a mom, like whatever it is. Like everything that's in front of you right now, it's there for a reason. I think that a lot of our, you know, the things that we see as curses. It's like, and I see us in sports a lot too. It's like, oh, why did I get injured? It's like, well, the universe wanted to redirect you into an area of your life that you weren't giving attention to. And now you're forced to sit and just deal with it. I think the happening. I think the

We get redirected often to deal the deeper spiritual work that's there. Absolutely. I could not agree with that more. And I always think back to my own experience. And almost every single time I thought that the worst thing ever that could ever possibly happened to me was happening, it turned out to be a really good thing. A redirection at the very least, something that turned out to be incredibly positive at the best. And I always use the example of getting sober.

I mean, I thought that getting sober at 28 was the end of my life as I knew at the worst possible fate that I could ever. What a boring life you had to live. Yeah, exactly. You know, my boring life of sobriety. And meanwhile, I was living alone in an empty apartment, snorting dust off the floor and having seizures. You know, like, but I didn't want to get sober, God forbid. And that's just one example. You know, my divorce was another certain nose that I've had career-wise turned out to be the best things for me.

You know, and I think that we can all look back and accumulate that evidence in our own lives. Yeah, Rumi says the wound is really like it's in. I love that quote because when you forget, when you're in it, right? And you're like, why? What's happening? I'm trying to rationalize and explain it. It's like maybe there is no rational explanation for you right now. Maybe you can look back a few years from now and you'll be able to paint a story about it,

but this is just when you've happened. So be present for it, be in a process, it don't suppress, let it all come through, all the emotions, all the feels, let it come through, and really pay attention to the inspiration where you're being called now because it's obviously a catalyst in another direction. So powerful. How does this differ from therapy? So I would say therapy is primarily a tool for awareness. The work I'm talking about is not just bringing.

things to awareness, but actually going into your physical body, pulling out this scar tissue, this programming that's emerged from trauma in your life for lived experience, removing it in real time, taking that same energy and transmitting it to be used for whatever you desire in your life moving forward. So oftentimes, you know, I've worked with PTSD, addiction, you name it. Like, they've gone to therapy for years. They come to me and want to hour we solved the issue. So it's just a very efficient form of transmutation because we're going right to the source. Now to do that, it requires a very high level vulnerability and willingness. And that in itself takes a special kind of person who's ready. It has to be ready for it. And you know

you're ready because you hear the call. So I'd say it's a primary difference. Amazing. Well, tell everybody where they can follow you. and get your book program to fail. Thank you. Yeah, I think people enjoy the book because I tell the story of how I even learned a lot of these tools and then like what it had to do for myself, my own trauma was like I had to go through a lot of like my own healing process from like sexual trauma at a young age and healing through that and then having success in different business ventures and then bringing it to pro athletes. So the first part of the book talks about that. The second part is a playbook because I want everyone to have access to the same thing.

give to my coaching clients. So that's available on Amazon program to fail. And then I have a website the brandyepstein.com on my Instagram. You know, all the things. All the things. Thank you so much. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate review and subscribe. It goes a long way. And it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can have to have to be a long way. head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. You can go to Arial Lori.com. And I'm always posting about each episode over on my personal page at Arial Lori.

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