Well with Arielle Lorre - 59: Ayana Lage - Racism, Allyship + Social Media's Awakening

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

In this episode I talk to blogger and journalist Ayana Lage about social justice, racism, social media and mental health. We talk about virtue signaling and performative allyship vs. true allyship; 3 things we can all do to be a better ally; why so many people seem to be waking up to racism now; the conflicting feelings of experiencing social media’s sudden shift to support the Black community; microaggressions; Ayana’s experience with clinical depression and the mental health system in this country; how to take care of mental health in this heightened time, and so much more.   My earnings from the sponsorship of this episode have gone to the Black Mamas Matter Alliance in honor of Ayana. Black Mamas Matter Alliance is a Black women-led cross-sectoral alliance. They center Black mamas to advocate, drive, research, build power and shift culture for Black maternal health, rights and justice. For more information and to donate, visit blackmamasmatter.org    www.bookofthemonth.com/BLONDE to get your first month's book for just $9.99   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Go to your re-sadviseur or sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in

between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. I'm so happy you're here.

Thank you for understanding why I didn't release an episode last week. I really just felt like it was insensitive and inappropriate to release an episode about millennial dating with everything going on in our world right now. So you will still hear that episode in a few weeks. But today, we have some important things to talk about. So I know that this community is a diverse one. and I have not done a good job of representing that both on this show and across my other platforms. So I hope that this isn't taken as like justification or defensiveness. It's just kind of how my thinking has evolved after some reflection and some listening and learning over the last week. So, you know, I always thought that because like I contribute to organizations that fight racism or politicians that are fighting racism, that I was fighting racism.

racism and I thought that because I've read books and listened to podcasts and watched movies, I understood racism and I was wrong. It is not enough. It is not enough. Maybe for some people it is and I know that there are many different lanes to choose, but I have a platform and I need to use it. So to any black, indigenous, people of color who are here and have been here for a while, I'm sorry, and I will do better. I have been part of the problem and I'm going to be part of the solution. So that said, I think everyone needs to take this on in a way that's authentic to them. And for me, that looks like something that I should have done from the beginning, which is supporting black creators and businesses and educators and organizations. both here on the show and on my Instagram and on my website.

And so I'm doing this thoughtfully and intentionally, and it's going to be an ongoing thing that you'll see incorporated into my content moving forward. Another thing that I struggled with last week, not to make this about myself, but I'm just telling you my experience, was sharing how I'm helping. It's not my inclination to share that kind of stuff. And I felt like there was a lot of performative allyship, and there was probably some from myself too. I'm not above calling myself out. And there was virtue signaling and basically like at times it felt like it was a contest of which white influencers

could post more Instagram stories about Black Lives Matter. But then I came across some videos from today's guest, Aana Lage. She posted a video about performative virtue signaling and why it's actually helpful to speak up and share what we are trying to do to contribute. And it's, it really helped me a lot. And then she followed that video on her thoughts about Blackout Tuesday and another one about microaggressions. So definitely go watch those. I started reading her posts and visited her blog, which led me to articles she's written for bustle and other outlets. She used to work in journalism. And I read articles where she shared really openly and honestly with her mental health struggles, specifically clinical depression. And so needless to say, I really, really wanted to talk to

her. And she was gracious enough to accept the invitation to come on the show during what I'm sure is an overwhelming week. And we know it's so much more than a week. So anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy the episode. Okay, so welcome, Aana. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for the invite. I'm so excited. You were so gracious when I'm reached out probably like, I felt like a bumbling idiot. I was like, I really don't want to be like adding to your burden or opportunistic or exploitative or any of those things. And you were like instantly just like, of course. So I'm really, really appreciative. And I know that the audience is really excited to hear from you. So let's just kind of start with like where we are right now.

I'm sure a lot of people listening have seen your videos on Virtue Signature. You did one on Blackout Tuesday. You just posted one on microaggressions. That was super, super helpful. So can you just kind of like talk about what the response has been like and what this week has been like for you? And we were just talking before. I know it's like so much, so much deeper than just this week. But it seems like things have just kind of boiled over in the last few weeks on social media. So I'd love if you could just kind of talk about what that's been like. Yeah, it's been really unexpected and, you know, really interesting. I mean, I personally have been sharing online for a number of years. You know, I have a blog, but before that, I worked in media. So, like, I'm, like, very used to talking about

social justice and race and have been for a number of years. So it was very funny because one of my followers just kind of asked me like, hey, because I shared some stories, I think on Monday about virtue signaling and Black Lives Matter. And they said, hey, could you make this an Instagram TV so that I can share it with people instead of saying like, hey, go watch this girl's 15 stories. I totally get that. And I shared it. And somehow it, that video got over almost a million views. So that has been. So unexpected. I mean, I am definitely happy that people are listening. It's been a little bit strange because I'm kind of like, what makes this time different? Like, clearly something has shifted

and people are waking up and people are angry and people want reform and they want to see change, which I'm super stoked about. But it also was a little bit confusing. I mean, the reason I didn't expect it to spread as it did is because, as I said, I have been sharing about this and about police brutality and about being black in America for a very long time. And I've always had like a very, very modest response. So it's been amazing, but it also was not what I expected at all. But I'm glad. I mean, I'm glad that people are finally paying attention. Yeah. Yeah. There's so much there that I want to get into. But that was kind of my first thought. Like I could I could never imagine, but I would kind of imagine that it's like

such a mixed bag of emotions because on the one hand, there's this outpouring of support and rage, but also like, where have we, and I'm including myself in this, where have we been this whole time? Like I was reading an article that you wrote for Bustle. I think it was like 2017 on ways that women can be better allies. And I think you listed like three different ways. And I think a lot of people never heard the word ally until this week. Right. Right. You know? Yeah, I mean, that, and that's the thing. And the funniest thing about that article is, like, it got like some traction on Twitter, like not a lot at all, but like a conservative news outlet found it. And like it's like a huge hit piece on like, look at this reverse racist telling white women what they need to do. So I mean, I'm used to kind of putting my voice out there, getting like a few people saying like, hey, thanks. And then. and maybe some trolls and moving on. But it's clear, I mean, I don't know if it's the combination of Amad Arbery and George Floyd and

Brianna Taylor, like all happening, you know, back to back to back. You know, I don't know if it's because everyone is stuck at home to COVID that like people have more time on their hands and they're paying more attention. I mean, I've discussed it with some of my friends. Like, why now? Like, what changed? I still don't know the answer. But I mean, I'm happy that something changed, you know, even if it took this long.

So I'm sure most of you know that I am an avid reader. I share all of the books I read over on Instagram and on my website. And I always say there's no better feeling than when you're starting a new book and you start getting really into it. And then there's always a period of sadness when I'm almost done or I just finished a book that I really love. and I am something that my husband and I call bookless. Well, one way to not go bookless is with Book of the Month Club. Book of the Month Club is a fun book subscription that offers five new and early release books to choose from each month, specifically chosen and curated by their editorial team. It's a great way to branch out into new genres or styles and to support up-and-coming authors,

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discussion over on Instagram and make this a regular thing. So if you're interested in this book or any of their other amazing picks, definitely join Book of the Month Club and you can use the code blonde. That's B-L-O-N-D-E to get your first month for just 9-99. That is blonde, B-L-O-N-D-E for your first month for 9-99. Happy reading. Hi, I'm Elizabeth Codz. And I'm Stephanie Simbari, and we are the host of That's So Retrograde. Part of us? For the past 200 and some episodes, we've been trying to figure out what the hell wellness is. We have inspiring and fun conversations. with all types of amazing people, from healers to comedians to whatever's in between. We're five years in, but we're just getting started. So hop on board every Thursday to join

the party en route to living your best life. And don't forget your cannabis. Or to check us out on Instagram at So Retrograde. That's right. Bye. See you there. I've heard, I think even like Barack Obama said, this time feels different, but I've heard other people in the black community say that. And I mean, like you're saying, you know, you you really can't like pinpoint why, but it does seem like it was kind of a, I don't want to call it a perfect storm. There's so many things wrong with it. But, you know, like you're saying, like the combination of like people having been stuck at home for the past six months and then to have these atrocities back to back to back so publicly. Right. And then this whole like social media

movement, which I really want to get your thoughts on because just, like as an observer, it seemed like it would be really like triggering a lot of ways. So do you feel like this time is different? Yeah. I mean, I honestly, I don't have an answer. I mean, for me, so for me, when I heard, I did my best to avoid the video of George Floyd. But obviously, the rallying cry, I can't breathe. Obviously brought to mind what happened to Eric Garner in, I think, 2013 or 2014, you know, with NYPD. And that was videotape. Literally the exact same phrase was trending on Twitter at the time.

I don't know. I mean, a part of me is like maybe it's because of the government response as well. Like maybe that's a relaxing in disguise that people are fed up that the, you know, the White House and the federal government are clearly not prioritizing the right things right now. You know, maybe it would be different if we still had a black president. maybe we'd all be more complacent. I mean, I don't know. You know, I've talked to some people who are so angry,

and I'm just like, well, I really struggle for the answers because there have been so many cases where there have been, like, these terrible videos and all of that. But the interesting thing for me is that I even have seen people who I distinctly remember arguing with about Black Lives Matter in the past saying, you know, Black Lives Matter. This is unacceptable. So, I don't know.

I guess I don't know what's shifted. I don't know. I don't know why this was the straw that broke, you know, the camel's back. Right. But it seems like, I mean, the response has just been unlike anything I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah. Both online and offline. That's a really interesting perspective about like the kind of, I would say, ineptitude

of the government and how maybe if we still had a black president or if it was just not such maybe a shit show, I want to say. Maybe we would be more complacent. So that's actually a very encouraging way to look at it. Like maybe the good that can come if there is any from this situation is that, you know, people are so collectively, just so sick of this and so angry about how everything is being handled from the top down. Right. Yeah. I mean, if there was a silver lining,

I think that it is. You know, the interesting thing is even I saw it trending, you know, people saying like, this is why it's important to vote in November. And other people like very gently pointing out, like, hey, in Minneapolis, the, and now I'm like worried that I'm going to get a fact wrong. But I think that what they, that this is all what they said.

It was like, I think the governor and the mayor, are both Democrats. And in Minnesota, if not the governor and mayor, it's basically just saying, like, leadership in this city and in this state are Democrats. So we can't blame this all on Trump and just say, like, oh, if only we had Democrats in office, this is Trump's fault.

For sure. You know, I think people are realizing that it's bigger than that, and it goes beyond that. So let's talk a little bit about what's going on online because I know that a lot of people who listen to this are kind of, they're kind of like grappling with how to navigate, showing their support. And obviously, that's a great problem to be grappling with, right? But you really helped me understand, like, why it's important to share what we are doing right now.

And, you know, I really, I identified a lot with what you were talking about. Like, maybe you're the behind the scenes person. I think you mentioned that. And that was kind of how I felt like at the beginning of last week. I was like, well, you know, I was always taught to like be of service and do it quietly. And then I just had this moment where I was like, wait a second, being anti-racist isn't being of service. It's, it's basic human decency. It's something I and we should have been doing long ago. I mean, this is not anything new. This is hundreds of years of oppression. But, you know, speaking out

initially kind of felt counterintuitive. And now, like, I've been trying to learn and educate myself and be better at navigating that. I've also heard or read numerous black women saying for white women to basically like take several seats and listen and learn. So it seems like there's kind of a balance between like sharing actionable things that we're doing, um, that others can do and showing the black community that we support them, but also like don't take over this fight for for them. So can I kind of talk about that balance and like maybe the difference between virtue signaling and showing support? Yeah. Well, you know, the funny thing is I think that one of the things that really got to me about Blackout Tuesday, I mean, I made a video about this and I kind of

mentioned it in passing, I thought that it was amazing when I first saw what was happening. But then I started to see people who I know personally who have never said anything. Like that was their statement of Black Square and like the hashtag Blackout Tuesday. like this is it. So for me, and then they back to normal posting on Wednesday. So I have been conflicted because, you know, and the reason that I made the video about virtue signaling is because I shared a story, I think over the weekend, basically just saying like, hey, if you were just posting selfies or like, you know, you at brunch with your friends right now while people are protesting, like consider the space that you're taking up and consider how jarring it might be for people to

see this back to back. And I got a couple of followers who were just, like, well, how do you know that I'm not donating and how do you know that I'm not protesting? I don't share my whole life on Instagram. I don't feel like I should have to. And so that kind of got me thinking. And I'm the same way. Like for me, it feels like, like for me to donate to an organization and then screenshot it and share it, it feels like like everything, like like the most like embarrassing thing, like counterintuitive thing. Right. For me. But like what I compare it to, at least for me personally is that I grew up in a very religious household. And I'm still called myself a Christian, although I'm a little bit more of like a liberal Christian now. And, you know, in 2016,

with the Pulse massacre, I was like just so devastated for my LGBTQ friends and family. But when I started to share just in support, I started to get feedback from my relatives and people that I'd like grown up going to church with who were basically kind of like, yes, what happened is very, very, very sad. But basically, like, I hope you still believe that being gay is a sin. And for me, that showed me just like how much homophobia and fear phobia was in my inner circle that I hadn't ever acknowledged or realized. And so I think that for me, I had to have some of those conversations and attempt to be an ally when that happened. And so that was kind of an example for me because I'm like, I know that if you do share, people will show you who they really

are, you know, they will ask you questions and they will give you pushback and they will challenge you. But I do also understand that then people are like, okay, well, am I centering myself? What's the balance? And I mean, my answer is kind of like, you're not going to please everyone, which I know is like not ideal, but regardless of what you do, especially if you are on and you have an audience, someone is going to say, you shouldn't be doing this. This is the way to do it. There's no right way. I mean, I think that as long as you're being genuine and as long as you're accompanying, you're posting with action, then you're doing what you can do. So that is a very long-winded answer. But, but yeah, as you can tell, I have a lot of thoughts on the subject.

I love long-winded answers. Okay, great. Yeah, no, it's really helpful. Yeah, I mean, I I guess I've seen I've seen so much infighting and judgment and anger among like white women and white influencers in particular about how other white women and it seems like there's almost been like a contest of who can be the most woke white woman. Right. And like people like you were saying, people saying like, okay, I'm going to mute in solidarity. And then the next day they're posting again. And so for me, like I'm trying to not be judgmental. Because I, you know, I'm having this awakening too. Like, I'm part of the problem.

Now I'm trying to be part of the solution. And I fully acknowledge that, you know? So who am I to judge what other people are doing? And like you said, I'm sure the majority of it is genuine. But I also kind of feel like, I don't know, just kind of like conflicted, I guess, when I see a lot of these posts. I mean, and it is, it is a lot. And the funny thing is I follow like an influencer T account.

And they were calling people out left and right. And like, you know, there's like a white influencer who I'd never heard of, but like had blacked out for Blackout Tuesday and had like been sharing resources and then posted a picture of herself and was like, oh my gosh, I've missed you guys and sharing fashion with you guys so much. And they were basically like, you didn't go on vacation. You didn't take a social media break. Like you were missing the point. So I mean, I think that it's hard. I mean, and honestly for me, some of me resolving my angst has been just like putting down my phone and not scrolling because I feel like I'll just get so angry and so snarky and catty because

there's just so much, you know, and it's like, I totally understand what you're saying about feeling conflicted because there is so much content to consume and it's overwhelming. Right. Yeah. there's a, I saw a tweet and I've seen a few people repost this, but black creators especially and educators are saying they've gone from being overlooked to overbooked. And that must be just kind of a like a bittersweet, frustrating feeling. Yeah. And I was thinking about like, so I read your article about how to be a better ally. And then I was thinking like,

how I can be a better ally and not to make this about myself, but just thinking about like, okay, so great, I can post on social media and donate and do all of that. But like, how can I integrate this into my life? And what is the best lane? Like I've also seen, clearly I've been on my phone a lot because I've seen all of them. But like posts saying like it doesn't matter what everyone has a different lane. Just keep your foot on the pedal. So like my lane, I feel like where I can be the most effective is on this platform and use the platform to uplift other black creators and educators and organizations and businesses and all of that. And it's something I should have been doing from the very beginning. And I think part of like being an ally in this space is like,

I don't know, like having conversations with brands and creators and being transparent about who's getting paid what and really vetting brands before working with them and seeing the diversity within their company and within their campaigns and help mentor, you know, creators. And I don't know, there just seem to be so many ways. So if you don't mind sharing, like, what are for the listeners, what are maybe some ways that they can be better allies? And everybody go follow her and watch the videos and read her articles. So don't do the one. But just a few, a few pointers if you have them. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, going back to what you said about that tweet, like, you know, overbooked versus overlooked. Like, it's wild because I think that a lot like me and a lot of fellow black creatives have felt inflicted because it's amazing to feel like, oh my gosh, I have this huge platform. To talk to my friends who like literally last week we were talking about like, are you getting brand deals? Are you getting.

you know, are you struggling to grow your audience? Like we basically went from feeling kind of defeated in this predominantly white space to like, here's your platform. Like, here are thousands of followers that you did not expect. But the whole feeling conflicted comes from what caused all of this outrage and all this attention. And like people wanting to do better, which obviously is the murder of a black man. on video by police officers. So I mean, I think that for me and a couple of my black friends who are also like in this blogging influencing space, it has been bittersweet and a little bit difficult because

you don't want to feel like you're capitalizing on that or profiting up of that. But, you know, I also, you know, I was talking to a friend and I was like, maybe this is like just long overdue. You know, maybe we always deserved this attention from brands. and to have a bigger audience, but it took something horrible happening for other people to realize it. So that's been, it's been interesting. But, you know, as far as being a better ally, I mean, I think that committing to listening and to not being defensive, it's very funny because I have a lot of still very defensive white women.

And I would hate to generalize, but it's literally only been white women. And my DMs who are like very, very, it's just been very jarring because they will share a video on stories or DM me and thank me for a video. And then give me again to say, you know, like I got a message that was like, I don't understand your whole, because I did a video on my, I did some content on microaggressions, being called articulate as a black woman, like how that can feel a little bit icky. I got a DM that was like, I was going to tell you that you're adorable, but I don't want you to misinterpret that too. And I'm like, okay. What, you know, so I mean, I honestly just move on. So passive, aggressive, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's just like, it's just so much.

And I think that it's like if you're following black creators, especially if you don't usually follow black creators, I would say to just listen and to try. And if you feel defensive, if you feel uncomfortable, instead of messaging that person who, all of my black friends who are like on Instagram and have followings on Instagram, are just being like, we're all being overwhelmed with messages. And it's not like a bad thing. I'm not saying don't DM anyone. But the reason you're DMing is to say, like, I feel uncomfortable with what you've said.

Please explain it to me. Don't do that. I mean, I think that that's number one for being an ally right now. Me and a couple of my black blogger friends have gotten similar messages from white people saying, I have questions about racism. Can you help me? And it's like, no. I mean, I don't know.

I feel bad kind of phrasing it like that, but it's like we are sharing these resources for free. And we are glad to do it. I'm really glad that people are listening. But I also think that like you have to take it upon yourself to research and to see what's already out there before, you know, basically asking someone to do the labor of validating all of your questions about racism. Like I got another DM that was like, how can something be racist if I didn't intend for it to be racist? And I responded and explained, but then I'm like, that was so draining. Yeah. That was such a draining conversation.

And it's one that I shouldn't have to have because if you Google that question, there are literally millions of results. So I think that educating yourself, listening and then not being defensive, like those would be the three things that I think that you could do, especially online right now. That's really helpful. And there are so many. resources all over the place right now being shared and so many ways to be educated. And yes, there is this thing called Google. That's always my biggest pet peeve. Like people will DM me

things that I'm like, wait, seriously? Like, so I can't even imagine. It's not, it's not your job. And, um, uh, I, okay. Well, I appreciate you sharing that here because, um, that is really helpful. So I want to shift a little bit and talk about mental health because you've been really open about your own struggles. And I think it was back in 2013, am I right, where things kind of like came to a head after years of anxiety. And you talked about being suicidal and finally getting help. So can you talk about that a little bit and then maybe like how you're taking care of yourself now? Yeah, totally. I mean, so basically for me, I dealt with things.

my entire life. And I grew up kind of trying to convince myself that panic attacks all the time were normal. I didn't know how to articulate what I was feeling. And I kind of felt like I, like, if I tell someone, they're going to think that I need to be put away, like in a mental hospital forever. Because, I mean, I was young and didn't know. And like, I knew that something wasn't normal, but it felt like a dirty secret. And so for me, like, I kind of, things kind of came to a head where, like, Like, everything just started getting really bad. And I was having panic attacks all the time. I was thinking about self-harm.

And so I ended up in a psychiatric ward and getting medicated and finding a really good psychologist and getting diagnosed. But I think that what really, like, almost radicalized me about mental health care access in America is that I had an amazing support system. I was 19 or 20. And both of my parents were super supportive. Like they're the best people in the world. They're my best friends.

They're super supportive. My husband, then my boyfriend was so supportive. Like, I had the people supporting me. Once my parents knew that I was dealing with anxiety to the point of feeling suicidal, they were pretty much like, we will do anything. We will go anywhere. We will pay any amount of money, which obviously is like a huge privilege, you know, with our healthcare system to be able to say, like, no matter the cost, we will do it.

But even with that, getting help and being taken seriously was very, very difficult. So, I mean, I got lucky that I found the hospital that I did and did eventually getting diagnosed. But it was such a journey. And we got, like, we got turned away by different places, other places where, like, it's going to be several weeks before we can see you. so we honestly just ended up going to the ER. But it scared me because I was like, if this happened to me with all that I had at my disposal, what would have happened if my parents weren't supportive? If I were poor. If I didn't have insurance, like, what would I do? So all of that to say that

like now I, so it's been literally, I think, seven years since my diagnosis. So on the an antidepressant, but, you know, loving life, which I never thought was possible back then. But it still is mind-boggling to me that it is so difficult to get help. And honestly, I have people reach out to me and say, hey, I can't afford therapy. What should I do? And I'll send them, like, the resources that I can find. But also, like, I remember once I asked my psychiatrist, like, what do you recommend for a low-cost therapy option? And she was like, honestly, Ayanna, there aren't very many good low-cost therapy options locally.

I don't go to therapy every week anymore, but the therapist that I do go to here in Tampa doesn't take insurance. My husband and I pay $125 per 45-minute session. And so, again, I'm so glad that I'm doing better. And I'm so glad that I got the help that I needed. But when I talk to people, I mean, I think that it's just difficult because it's really easy to tell mentally ill people to ask for help, to talk to a doctor. And I think that those are all very good and valid things. But it's also like we need to have the conversation about what that looks like if you don't

have resources at your disposal. I was hospitalized in 2013 and then again in 2017 for the same problem, which is I was having a depressive episode. And between those, even having good insurance, between those two visits, I think like the total that we were billed was around $6,000. Wow. And that was just like our out-of-pocket cost. That insurance wouldn't cover anything else.

Without insurance, it would have been way more. So, I mean, I really just feel like it's just so broken. You know, for someone to go to the hospital because they're suicidal and to leave with thousands of dollars in debt, like as if you didn't have enough to worry about enough on, it just honestly feels so twisted. So that is, again, I'm like the queen of long-winded responses. But as you can tell, I feel very passionately about this because of what I went through. Yeah, I agree with you.

It's twisted. That's definitely the word that even with the resources at your disposal, like from what I read in your story and from what I see and what I see with people, I work with a lot of people who are getting sober and like dealing with navigating, you know, institutions, whether it's like for mental health or for substance abuse, you have to like beg to be taken seriously and to be committed. And you have to have the resources. I mean, the disparity between like the treatment that you get if you have resources and the treatment that you get if you don't is so just astonishing. It is such a problem. So I'm curious like I know that you also went

through like a major grief last year and miscarrying. And I think it seems like a lot of people are kind of going through a collective grief right now. Right. A lot of black people. So for any like black people or people of color who are listening or anybody who's going through or experiencing grief or like just having, you know, feeling depressed or any of that, do you have any tips on how to navigate that? I mean, I know you said like therapy and it's hard because, you can't just overgeneralize and assume that people have resources, but maybe just ways that people can take care of themselves right now. Yeah, for sure. You know, and I mean, I think that it can be difficult even for me personally to differentiate between like, am I having a bad time,

like, am I just like having a bad time, which is normal and happens to everyone, regardless of their mental health or am I in a space where I need professional help? And so I think that that, like, for me at least, it's like if my depression is affecting me to the point that I can't get out of bed, I'm having trouble eating, I'm having trouble sleeping, it's usually like, okay, this is a sign that I, like, need to call my doctor and give her heads up. You know, so apart from that, like, let's say it's not like a clinical depressive episode, but like you were just feeling so burden and so heavy. I know so many of us, I just texted one of my group chats of my friends. And I was like, anyone else not sleeping this week? And everyone's like, oh yeah, I'm up until 3 a.m. every single night. And I'm like,

okay, great. I'm not the only one. You know, I think that something that has been helpful for me is being like really, I'm so bad at this, being really intentional about like what I'm consuming. like as far as like screen time and usually like I'm someone I used to work in journalism when I am in my office working I usually have CNN on the background I'm playing in the background like all the time but I realized earlier this week I think it was after I watched the federal police tear gas protesters so that Trump could take a picture with the Bible I was like I need to turn this off it's not like it's just It's like I'm already outraged. I already, I'm so saddened by what's happening.

Watching all of, like, just consuming this content, 24-7 is going to wear me down. And so I'm not saying, like, big, you know, bury your head in the sand and don't know what's going on in the world. But for me, I'm like, okay, I am on Twitter. I am scrolling through Instagram. I have the news on all the time. Like, I just know basically like every terrible thing that's happening ever. So cutting back on that has been good. And, you know, I also, think that like trying to get more sleep, trying to drink more water, trying to get outside, like just taking these simple things because it's so easy, especially because of COVID, we are like for the most part all at home and maybe alone with our thoughts more than we're used to.

So I definitely feel like being really just aware of like what you're consuming. And I mean, specifically for black people, I actually shared this like just on my personal Facebook. Like I asked my white friends and non-black friends, I said, hey, if you're going to share videos of what happened to George Floyd or videos of police brutality, just violence, all the violent things that have happened in the past month, Almod Arbery, and the video of him getting shot, I'm like, please, please, please, please, like just hide it in the comments, put a trigger warning. because scrolling through Facebook, like it honestly, scrolling through Facebook and scrolling through Instagram and seeing these videos over and over again. I know that maybe for a white person who doesn't know anything about systemic racism,

it's like a wake-up call and like you need to watch that to really get it. But for me, I'm like, I've lived this. I don't need to see a video of a black man getting, you know, murdered, begging for his life for nine minutes to understand that this country has a long way to go. So I've been very, very intentional about like avoiding at all costs these really traumatic videos because I know me watching that is not going to change me. As I said earlier, I'm already angry. I'm already outraged. I'm already, I'm already, you know, donating and trying to make a difference and speaking out. That is not going to do anything except traumatized me further. So that has definitely been key to.

There was a psychologist that I had on my show a few months ago, and she posted recently about like, like, she's very into like, you know, the brain, the science behind all of it. And she's, she was kind of talking about like, how can we expect black people to heal when they've been in a constant state of high alert, like their nervous system and the amygdala from just experiencing racism day in day out, generation. after a generation. And that was really profound, I thought. And yeah, like adding retramatizing on top of that left and right from everything that's on the news and social media. That really kind of like, I don't know. I just thought that was a really interesting perspective. And I am with you 1,000 percent. My husband and I normally have the news on 24-7. And I like you, I'm also on social media and Twitter, I've actually had to get off Twitter because it just manufactures outrage. But the news, like, even if it's just on in the background, if I'm cooking or something, it's still like seeps into your subconscious. And yeah, it's kind of like, do we need to know

the, it's all bad. It's all bad. So do we need to know every single little bad thing? I don't know. Well, thank you so much for being so generous with. your time and sharing so much with us. I really, really appreciate it. And I know the listeners are going to also. I would encourage everybody, and I'll talk about this when I record my outro, but I'd like for everybody to consider donating to the Black Mamas Matter. I saw that you had posted about that the other day. Yes. So I would love for people to do that in your honor. and I'll post all the information for that in the show notes. Amazing.

Thank you so much for sharing that. Of course. And I really look forward to continuing to watch your journey. And I know you're giving birth in a couple months, right? Two months? Yeah, which is wild. So exciting. So congratulations.

And thank you again. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so, so much for having me. This has been wonderful. Of course. It's been just wonderful to chat with you. So thank you. You too. Thank you. So as I mentioned in the episode, I would love if everybody listening to this episode considered donating to Black Mamas Matter in honor of Ayanna. Black women have been educating us on racism without compensation for too long.

I'm going to be donating my earnings from the sponsorship of this episode. And I would love if you guys could join me, even if it's just a dollar, $5, whatever you can. can contribute. So a little about Black Mamas Matter. It's an alliance that is a black women-led cross-sectoral alliance. They center black mamas to advocate, drive research, build power, and shift culture for black maternal health, rights, and justice. They envision a world where black mamas have the rights, respect, and resources to thrive before, during, and after pregnancy. You can visit blackmamas matter.org. I'm going to put everything in show notes here. so that you can just click the link and be taken to the page.

So I hope that you consider it. And I thank you, as always, for your support of the show. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about it. each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting

about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.