Well with Arielle Lorre - 62: TBF x We Met At Acme: Answering Your Dating and Relationship Questions

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

In this episode I talk to Lindsey Metselaar, host of the hit podcast We Met at Acme, about all things dating and relationships. We talk about dating apps, hookup culture and dating f*boys; how to make the first move and get what you want in a relationship; the dreaded "what are we" convo (hint: DO NOT have it!); overcoming jealousy; when to sleep with someone and so much more. We answer listener questions and share our own experiences with dating disasters and relationship success. Hear Lindsey's podcast: We Met At ACME Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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or sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life.

Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. As always, I'm happy to have you here. and I'm excited to bring this little crossover to you. So today I'm talking to Lindsay Metzilar. She is an OG podcaster and host of the mega popular show we met at Acme. So I get a lot of questions about dating and relationships and people have asked me to do a podcast on this for a while. But I can pretty much sum up my experience like this. Pre-sobriety, shit show, post-sobriety, marriage. So there's not a lot of in-between. And actually, pre-sobriety, I was pretty much a serial monogamist, but they were just not the

most healthy relationships. And then once I got sober, I was single for a few years, dipped my toe in the dating pool really briefly, and then I got married. Lindsay, on the other hand, has done her fair share of dating and has talked about it a lot being the host of a dating and relationship show. So I had you guys sending questions and we answer them. And we also talk about our own experiences and it's just a really fun kind of light episode. And I also went on her show. So be sure to check that out too. And yeah, Mom, I know you're listening to this.

So this one might be a little too TMI for you, but for the rest of you, enjoy. Okay. So welcome, Lindsay. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. We just did her show. We met at Acme. So make sure you go check out that episode. two. Check it out. Yes. And today we're going to answer you, the listeners, questions about dating and relationships. But just to start off, can you just tell the audience, if they don't know you or they're not familiar with your show, a little bit about your background. And we met at Acme and what you've been doing. Yeah. So my name is Lindsay Metzlar. I was born and raised in New York City. And I have a dating podcast, which is called We Met an Acme, which Ariel mentioned. And I started about three years ago when I needed a dating podcast to listen to. And there was nothing. It was really only news and

crime, which don't get me wrong, I love crime. But I needed some dating guidance. And I didn't know who to turn to in my circle because I was the person in my circle that people turned to. And I found myself, like, dumped out of nowhere on my birthday, actually. And so I was like, I need to make a podcast. And I need to learn more about dating because clearly I don't know shit. And so that's how it began. Oh, and I'm 29. Amazing. Where in the city are you? So right now, I'm actually at my parents, but I live by Union Square. It doesn't have to be off the record. It's okay. I don't, I'm not like, I don't think people are going to be stalking me,

But, like, you never know. We have a place on Waverly and Sixth. Oh, amazing. Yeah. We'll have to hang. Definitely. Definitely. I'm going to take you to my favorite places if you catch my dresser.

Totally, yes. We're speaking the same language. Like, what are you guys talking about? So we got a ton of questions. And people have been asking me to do this kind of episode for a long time. And we kind of talked about my dating history on your show. It's very limited. It was pre-sobriety, you know, stay up all night and then move in together the next day

after knowing each other for the day and then post-sobriety. Like, I pretty much just got married. So really excited to have you here. And we'll try to get to a bunch of these questions. So the first one is, what's your opinion on hookup culture that the world has shifted to? And I just need to, is that really what's happened? Like, is that all it is? No, I mean.

I think the younger generation, like even younger than us, is doing the hookup culture. I think, like, my, I have two cousins. One is, actually, they're both in college now, but they've never really had boyfriends. And that's the norm. Whereas I, when I was growing up and I don't know if it was the same for you, but like, I had a middle school boyfriend. I had my high school sweetheart. And that just doesn't really happen these days.

Like, these days, it's much cooler to. I don't know, like, you know, not to find things who can care less about each other. And it's kind of sad. Like, I would be sad for, you know, my future kids to grow up an environment where it's like whoever cares more loses. I feel like, you know, when we were growing up, like, it was cool to, you know, be naive and, like, want something serious. And I feel like now it's like, it's just like the whole, it's complicated and like not

defining things is weirdly like a thing. And I hate that. What do you, what do you think? I mean, do you have any friends who, like, are in undefined situations? Yes. And it really, I feel like it's so emotionally turbulent. Like, I just don't think I would be able to handle it. I think, like, not to sound, I'm going to sound really old. But when we were younger, you had to actually, like, hang out with somebody. Like we would talk on the phone for like hours and hours at a time. Like that was what we had. We had like AOL instant messenger or aim or whatever. But you really had to like get to know somebody and it was just not as easy to be like having multiple things going on at once, I think. Totally. Yeah. So when I got sober and I got on Bumble, I was dating this guy who's like an Australian

and rugby player, total fuck boy. He was really hot, but he was like, you know, big partier and everything. And I was so new to dating and like apps and everything. And so we had been hanging out for a few weeks and like, you know, things happened. And then he was still on the app and he would like be on the app when he was with me. And I was like, wait a second. Like, is this allowed? I just, it was so weird to me.

That's not okay. And ironically, I mean, not to like slander Australia, but an Australian guy that I dated also was doing that. And like we had been seeing each other for a few weeks. He invited me on like a work trip of his. And he was still on Raya, which is like that dumb app for celebrities. And I was like, this is so fucked up. But I didn't understand. Like I just like believed everything he said until I obviously, you know, found out that he was a horrible fuck one.

Yeah. So did you call him out? I did actually. So I called him out and I took him to dinner and I said, or no, sorry, he had asked me to go to drink. And I was like, perfect, I'll call him out in person. So I'll see his reaction to this. Because it wasn't only that he was on this app still. He was also, he had a girlfriend. He literally had a girlfriend that was like posting Instagrams of them. So I was like, by the way, I know that you have a girlfriend. And he was like, what are you talking about? We haven't, like, said that. I just, like, I see her sometimes, but I would never take her seriously because she's an Instagram model. And I was like, you know what?

Like, fuck this guy. I mean, like, that's how he's going to talk about women. But then obviously I went home with him that night. So, like, I didn't have a lot of self-worth at the time. Yeah, me neither. I confronted the guy. I mean, he did it right in front of me. And I was like, oh, are, I just want to.

to know, like, where you stand. Because for me, if I'm, like, doing this with somebody, then I'm not with other people. And he was like, well, that's not how I operate. And I was like, okay, one more time. Yeah. Uh-huh. Exactly. One last time. If you are a book lover like me, or if you want to get into reading, but don't know where to start, I have just the thing for you. Book of the Month Club is a fun book subscription that offers five new and early released books to choose from each month, of which you can choose up to three to be delivered straight to you. The books are chosen by their editorial team and are vetted from hundreds each month so you know they are good. I love this part because choosing a new book can be so overwhelming with endless options. So Book of the Month

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That's B-L-O-N-D-E. Again, that's 999 with the code blonde, B-L-O-N-D-E. Hey, this is Alexis Haynes. Join me every Monday for a new episode of my podcast, recovering from reality. Whether you're on the road to recovery, seeking self-care techniques for surviving the capitalist machine, or just need a moment to remember that you're not alone in your loneliness. I'm here to deliver intimate conversations and expert insights to empower you on the road towards authentic. wellness. So are you ready to recover from reality? So how are Gen Zers supposed to date when

dating is non-existent? I think that could go for anybody though, not just Gen Z. It kind of seems to be like, I think you just have to have like self-esteem and this like air of like confidence around you and like what you want because if you're meeting someone and you're like, you know, and you eventually figure out that you want to date them and you make it clear that you're not the kind of person who wants to be in the gray area with someone and like enjoys that, then I think like you've, you know, shown the person like your self-worth that you have and don't allow them to, I guess, string you along. It's hard. It's way easier said than done. I feel like, like, I don't know how it was when you first met your husband in terms of getting him to commit. But like I never

gave like I'm I have a boyfriend now. I'm like I never gave him the option of anything in between. Like I said to him, I was like if you, by the way, like if you want me to be your girlfriend, like you have to ask me. I think like that directness like it either, you know, makes them into you and want to do it or it scares them away, in which case they're not the person for you. Yeah. Yeah. So with my husband, like we, we had known each other. We saw each other, usually multiple times a week and knew each other casually. But I knew that he would never make a move. So I made the first move. Like I gave him my number and he asked me to go to dinner. And I was very upfront the whole time because I kind of felt like, well, I have nothing to lose. And when he came on my podcast and I asked him like how he knew I was the one, he was like, you told me. It's like, you kind of presented it like, here I am. This is it. Right. We've been hilarious. And that's so true because like men are not, you know, they're not necessarily as intelligent as women. And so we have to like tell them. It's like it's like when you talk about, let's say like a girl that let's say like you're married and you talk about this girl all the time that like you think your husband has a crush on. Like you're leading them to that girl because like you're planting that idea. So clearly you planted the idea like, I'm I'm the one, so pick up on it. Just like, you know, a lot of women will be like, we're moving in together and guess what? It happens. Right. Yeah, I think some men really hate that and some men

respond really well to it. Exactly. I think the best men respond well to it. I agree. Because it's like they're responding well to a strong woman. Exactly. Yeah. How can you meet somebody in real life? And also, how did you meet the guy you're with now? So he actually went to high school with one of my best friends from college. So I kind of like knew him peripherally and then I ran into him. And actually full disclosure, I had, I was dating someone else at the time when I ran into him. And so I had thought like in the back of my mind, because the relationship I was in wasn't working for a while. And I thought to myself, you know, maybe like who knows what's going to happen in my relationship. I kind of had the inkling that we should break up for a while if we do

break up, you know, maybe I'll see if this guy that I just ran into is still single and still around. But like, cheating was never something that I would ever have done. And so I ended up breaking up with my ex and like, you know, a few weeks later, I shot this guy attacks that I ran into and I was like, hey, I'm newly single. Do you want to grab, you know, do you want to go out sometime? Actually, I did I say, do you want to grab drinking sometime? I might have said it just because of habit, but then like explained that I don't drink. But yeah. And so that's how That's how we reunited, I guess. So how would you suggest somebody meet somebody in real life as opposed to apps?

I know for me, I met my husband because of our sobriety. But I was like trolling Whole Foods and Airwain so hardcore before then. I was like, this is where it's going to happen. Like common interests. That's like the show you. Yeah. In Avran. Yes, exactly.

No, but I mean, I think like-minded places are where people meet. So whatever you're interested in, go do that thing and go to events surrounding that thing, whether it's like a concert or whatever it is. Like that is usually the place where you do meet the person because like you're doing something that you love and that you're passionate about. And then you meet someone who's also passionate about that thing. So like even if it's podcast, like you love podcasts. So you go to see a live, you know, Dear Media podcast.

And then you see someone in the audience there's like, do it to the fullest. And then who knows? Like maybe you'll meet someone along the way. Yeah. My brother and sister-in-law met. This is like over 10 years ago. But they joined like a kickball league. That's so cute.

But it's like those kind of things where like you. Yeah, you have to get out there and do things and pursue the things that you're interested in rather than just like waiting for it to show up. Yeah, agreed. And actually I had suggested on my podcast at one point, like a while ago, there's this league, this sports thing called Zog Sports. And it's like, I don't know if that's where your brother met his wife, but it's like you can join these like random leagues. And it's like first of all, it's great if you're bored. But second of all, like there's usually a lot of cute people in these things. So you never know. Love that. Zog Sports. All right. Should we play the hard to get or unavailable card? I always say no because you should be hard to get and be unavailable. Like you can't really fake that shit. Like it just, it's so obvious. So if you're, if you got that much free time, like you shouldn't be dating anyway. Like you should get a life first and then date. And then like you won't. you won't have time for that person or like, I don't know. I feel like it's so hot when someone

has like commitments that they stick to, whether it's like dinner with their mom once a week or dinner with like their best friend from college, just like standing commitments make it so much easier for you to be not even hard to get, but just like busy and not like putting all your eggs in their basket. Like not like it's such a turn up when my friends like won't commit to a plan because a guy like might hit them up. It's like, no. Like, and that guy can smell that and he's like turned off already. Like I know. Totally. Yeah. The thing, like when my husband and I started dating, I was traveling a lot for work. It was before I was doing this full time. And I had so many commitments. And I would go to like San Francisco every other week and be gone for a week. And then I would go to

Colorado. Like, I was all over the place. So even if I wanted like I naturally am the kind of person in a in the beginning of relationship where I want to be smothering, you know. But I didn't have that opportunity. So, and that was very attractive to him, I think. Definitely. Definitely. I mean, especially since he's a Libra, I can tell you that was definitely. Okay.

How do you know when to sleep with someone? I have very strong views on this one. I actually think not like there's, you cannot sleep with someone on the first date unless, you don't want something serious with them. And like that's your initial intention. And maybe that can change, you know, or you knew them before that. Like you were friends and it was building up or like,

you know, you go way back or whatever it is. But I think not because of like slut shaming or anything like that, like, you know, do you. But more so because like you want the buildup. The buildup is so hot and like the sexual tension and like the kind of high school.

going through the bases and like I just think that there's something really cool about the time period before you've had sex with someone where like you're you're kind of clearheaded in a way it's almost like you're sober from the sex at that moment that like you're not like thinking about it you're not like intoxicated by it and that isn't to say like you should wait until you're married or like until it's too late and then you really like them and then maybe the sex is horrible, but like you should at least wait until there's something to hold on to, I feel like. What about you? What do you think? Did you wait? I agree with that. And I really like that perspective, because you usually hear about it in terms of like holding out to play hard to get,

like going back to what we were talking about before. And it's like used as kind of like a manipulative thing. Right. Instead of just like what you're kind of saying, which is like enjoying that period of like the tension building up and really getting to know somebody before. that starts because once that starts like if it's if it's good then it's off to the races and then your hormones are doing really weird shit and you're like exactly and it's like hard to keep a rational mind yeah and like if that's your person like you're going to be having sex for the rest of your life so like why you need to have it right away yeah i agree okay um when is the best time to have the what are we combo um another one of my passions don't

Have it. Do not have it. Like, what are you thinking? No one wants to be sat down to have a talk. First of all, about anything. Like, anytime someone texts me and they're like, hey, can we talk or, hey, can you call me? I have a panic attack. So, like, I can't imagine that a guy wouldn't. But then also it's like, you don't need to say what are we. It's just no one likes that question. Like, I don't know one guy or girl, if they're on the receiving end of it that likes that question. And I don't know. And also, like, if you have to ask, what are we? Why are you confused? Like, what, maybe that's a red flag in itself. If it's leading in the right direction, you're not confused about what you are. Like, you know that they're not seeing anyone else. You know that they really like you. They've probably told your friends, they're friends about you. They're probably talking about, like, you know, future things. But I think there's just so many better ways to have a conversation like that. if you're feeling like in a gray area. And none of them involve, what are we?

I mean, you can say things like, I mean, what can I expect from you? And like, this is what I want to receive from you. Or like anything, anything else, but what are we in my opinion? What do you think? It's kind of backing them into a corner. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm trying to remember what my husband and I, like, I mean, it was very clear in our relationship that like it was serious. and that, you know, we were both kind of like future oriented. But I do remember having like a really quick conversation when I don't know who brought it up, but it was like basically like I'm not, I'm not talking to anybody anymore. There's nobody else anymore.

Like there was, but now there's not kind of thing. The way that I was kind of like guided to have these conversations, because when I was newly sober and also like newly dating. I was like a little baby bird. Like I didn't know what I was doing. So I had to, you know, consult with somebody in my sobriety who has a lot of time and experience. And she was basically like, you can't go and like have all these expectations and like demand them of this person. So the best way to approach it is to be like, hey, so like when I'm like sleeping with someone, say for example.

Or like if I'm sleeping with someone and. like we've been seeing each other for a while. I'm usually like I'm not going to see anybody else. So like how do you normally go about that? Yeah. So just kind of asking the person. Like just, you know. Right. Right. Well, I mean, that's, that's a little different, I think, than saying what are we? That that's just like, here's how I do things. And if you're on board, great. But if not, it'll make me uncomfortable. And like, our relationship will change a little bit. And I think that's fine to say, like, if I'm having

sex with someone without a condom, like, they don't, they better not even dare to like even look at another person. Like, God forbid, I would kill them. And so I think it's okay to say, like, listen, I just want to be clear, like, if we're sleeping together unprotected, like, it's not safe for you to be putting me in a situation where I have to be worried about that. So like, if that's the case, you know, and I actually, I think I even said something. I don't know if it was with my boyfriend now, or in the past, but I remember saying something like, you know, if you're going to sleep with other people, like, it's totally fine. But can you wear a condom with them since we're not, you know? And then it's like a mind fuck. And I think they were like, um, what? You know, like,

does that mean you're doing that? Right. And so I think like, you know, there's those ways you could say it. But the one thing I said that wasn't really good with an ex. I tried to get him. him to define things because there were a million red flags and like he wasn't and I said something like this guy asked me out for Friday like should I say yes and like that's so I've done that before too yeah like it was so manipulative and also like bragging like I just wanted him to know that like people wanted me still and like if he was going to do something it better be soon. Yep that was like my old playbook. And like that never worked.

Yeah, no, they're usually not impressed. Yeah. Okay. How can I overcome jealousy? This one's really interesting because sometimes you're jealous because a partner does things to make you jealous. And like it's not totally on you. But then sometimes it's totally on you. And it's just like this delusion that you suffer from that like I,

I suffer from sometimes. Like I, my partner has a best girlfriend and like she's very pretty. And there's nothing between them. But like every now and then I'll make up a story in my head and just like believe it because I'm bored or like have too much time on my hands that day and starts spiraling. And it's just like I need to come back to the fact that like if my partner wanted to be with this person, he would be with this person. And, you know, he would never disrespect me by, like, being friends with someone he wanted to date. Yeah, I used to get jealous, but because I used to be in relationships where they were doing things, like what you were just talking about with your ex. Right.

Right. In this situation, in my marriage, I don't think I've ever been jealous once. I think there's, like, a little healthy jealousy that kind of keeps, like, the spark alive sometimes where, like, we've been at events and, like, we've been in events and, like, like, you know, beautiful women will be flirting with him, which happens a lot because of who he is. I think, you know, there's a lot of like those kind of people in L.A. And I'm like, okay. Well, that's like, I don't know, that's kind of like a good kind of jealousy. But he's never, ever, ever done anything to make me feel jealous to begin with. So I think that's kind of like something to examine, like you were saying. Like if you're feeling jealous, you should figure out whether it's,

it's just your own thing or if it's something that they're doing. Yeah, I agree with you, though. That's a really good point. Like, there is, you have to have some healthy jealousy, just a little bit. Yeah. I think it's, like, you want, you want to see your partner in like a desirable light, I guess. Mm-hmm. I don't know if I'm saying that right, but, you know what I mean.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How can I make the first move? With humor, I think, and confidence. Or, like, directness. Like I, you know, I texted my now boyfriend and I was like, hey, I'm single. Let's go out. I think, like, if you just kind of get to the point right away, then you find out if they're interested or if they're not.

If I had texted him and I was like, hey, like, how is your holiday? Like, well, like, and like, it just like kept going, kept going. Like, I could have spoken to him and then asked him out and he might be like, actually, like, I'm seeing someone. But it's like you might as well shoot your shot like 100% and make it 100% clear so that like if they're not interested in you, you can move on. Like I can't tell you how many people I've initiated with and been rejected from. But I don't think about that because of like all the the people that haven't done that, you know? And it's like you just have to not be afraid of what happens. Like you have nothing to lose essentially.

So it's like you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take. Yeah, I like it. The Wayne Gretzky. Exactly. I feel the same way. Like people ask me, how, well, how did you make your first move? I'm like, I just did it. Like, I don't know. I don't know why. I just, I never even considered an alternative, really. Yeah, exactly. It's like you literally have nothing to lose. You're only going to lose if you don't try because then you could be losing out on a relationship. But if the person's not interested, then. and like move on. Right. It's like either you win and you get married or you lose and you move on to another person that you get married to. Like that's not the end of the world. Okay. Is it normal for the spark to go away? I mean, this one's better suited for you. But I think no. Because I think in my ex, like in my past relationships when the spark went away, it was over. You know, I think obviously it's not going to be like honeymoon period for the whole relationship and like there's going to be like not

cute things that you go through and like you're going to be pooping and like you're going to be doing things that like aren't sexy sometimes. But I think like you should always, you know, like there's an ebb and flow, but like when it flows in your direction, you should be interested in them at least still. Like you should feel something when you look at them. What do you think? Yeah, totally. I think that somebody asked and I don't have it here on our list, but they asked if marriage changes things. And before I got married, I was like, there's no way. Like, if you're with the right person, it's not going to change things. In my experience, it does change things, not in a bad way. It just kind of like makes it kind of, I don't know, I just felt like

really settled after we got married in a good way. So at the same time, that's not conducive all the time to like having this crazy passionate relationship. But like you said, like it does ebb and flow. I think the key thing, and keep in mind I'm still pretty newly married, is that like, kind of what we were talking about before, like keeping our own passions and interests and having our own lives, that's super important. And that's why quarantine is a little bit challenging at times. Right. We're on top of one another all the time and it's like not the most sexy thing.

And then dating. Like it's so cliche. But if you just get married and you're like, all right, or if you're just in a long-term relationship and you get to a certain level of comfort and you just kind of stop putting an effort in. Like, then things can fall into a real rut. So, you know, I try to make a conscious effort to like still date my husband and keep things different and exciting. And I had someone on my show recently and she's like, everyone likes newness. So like doing new things and like traveling and, you know, there's so many things that you can do. But even just like date night. And,

cooking and like in quarantine having like getting dressed up one night and having like a date night in the kitchen like yeah no we do that too it's the best yeah so just you can lose a spark easily if you fall into like this kind of monotony and like don't put any effort in um but yeah I think that you can I mean unless obviously there's probably times when people just like fall out of love or like who knows but I don't right I'm just going off on a tangent now okay Thoughts on exes resurfacing during lockdown? I mean, obviously that's going to happen, right? They're just sitting there and they're like so sex deprived and they're like, who have I had sex with

in my life? And like, do you think there's a possibility of them like showing up here and doing that with me again? I think like all of my exes have resurfaced and I'm in a relationship. I don't think it's weird. I think it's totally standard. And, you know, I would think it would be. be weird if they didn't resurface during this time. What do you think? Yeah, I agree. I mean, I think it's like, this is, we're going through an unprecedented time. Like, nobody knows what to do

right now, I don't think. A lot of us have way more time on our hands. I think people are reflecting probably on their lives. And I think it's totally natural. Agreed. But having said that, it doesn't mean you should entertain them because they're probably only resurfacing because they're bored. Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Okay. How can somebody increase their sex drive? And I actually heard you talking about this in one of your podcasts. And I think you were saying like, if you feel sexy, you have a higher sex drive. It's not really about the other person. It has nothing to do with the other person, at least for me. Like, I mean, the times that I feel like the horniest are when like I'm feeling myself. And so I think it starts with like self-care for you.

Like, if you are looking down at yourself and you're like, oh, I feel gross today. You know, I've been treating my body badly. And, you know, if you're if you're someone who isn't sober, like, I've been drinking a lot. I keep having a glass of wine before bed or like I'm smoking a lot and eating all these snacks, like whatever it is, like that's not making you feel sexy. You have to like try to shed that and focus on the things that like do feel good. Like, you know, I'm not an nutritionist, but like when I eat. decently healthy, I do feel good and I do feel sexy. Like when I'm not, you know,

eating cookies before bed and I wake up and I'm not still full from the night before, like, I feel sexy. I want to have sex. And I think, you know, it also comes from like my work drive. Like when I'm working hard, I have a high sex drive. Like all, like it's like the drives are in sync with each other. And like it for me, it's like, you know, it's like work hard, play hard and play hard being sex. Like when I have a lot going on, like, I want to have sex because I'm the kind of person that like, you know that phrase like if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. Like that was kind of, that's kind of me. Like the busier I am, the busier I am, you know? And when I'm like bored and not doing anything, I mean, I still probably want to have sex

because I'm like obsessed with sex. But I just don't feel as sexy. What do you think? It's funny because when I heard you saying that in a podcast, I thought of the most superficial thing, but I was like, you know, I noticed that like whenever I go and get Botox or filler, all of a sudden I'm in the mood. And I'm like, wow, am I like a crazy narcissist? But then I was like, oh, I examined it a little more. And I was like, yeah, when I'm like feeling good about myself and that goes for other things, like that was just the first thing that popped in my head. But like what you're saying, like if I'm killing it at work or I'm like feeling really good from exercising or. whatever it is, you know, yeah, then I'm, I'm way more in the mood than if I'm just, like, not feeling good. Yeah. It never, it never has to do with him. Yeah, I don't even, I don't think that's narcissistic. It's just like it starts with you. Yeah, definitely. Okay. So last question, and I'm including this because I wanted to hear your perspective. Somebody said that she's been in a relationship for five years and she brought up the future and engagement. And he said that he's

focusing on building his wealth right now. What should she do? How old are they? Did she say? No, she didn't say. Let me see. I'm going to go back in my Instagram. Yeah, no, I've been in this exact situation, actually. And it's such a twofold because it's like, on the one hand, it's like, well, good for him. Like, I'm so glad that, you know, I'm with someone who, who wants to make something up themselves before settling down. Like, that's awesome. But on the other hand, it's like, you know, we've been together for five years. You can't say like, I want to marry you. Right. So I am going to get to this point. Like, you know what I mean? At least give them a timeline. Like saying I want to work on my wealth is not an answer. It's very much avoidant and like kind of red flaggy.

Like, you know, I used to go see my therapist about my ex. And, you know, he's a wonderful. person, but he was very similar in his mindset and that like he wanted to, he, he didn't have his job, like, his passion figured out. He didn't have his job figured out like 100%. And, you know, he would, the thought of marriage would be scary to him. And like he would kind of like, rebel against those like conversations. My therapist was like, you need to be with someone who's so excited about the idea of marrying you. Like, it doesn't matter where they're at. Like, and, and again, this is my therapist talking to me. So this is just what I needed. I don't know what necessarily other people need, but she was 100% right. Like it's not, it's not cute for someone to have their

feelings about you depend on something else that like might never happen, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I totally agree. I thought it was kind of red flaggy too, but I was curious what your perspective was. I mean, I think there's probably a lot of context that we don't know, but I really like what your therapist said. And I kind of think the same way. It's not either or. You know, they're not mutually exclusive. And yeah, it's like such an unknown. I think this is just my experience, obviously, which is limited. But like, if somebody wants to be with you, they're going to be clear about that and they're going to be with you no matter what. They're going to find a way. Agreed.

So. And they're not going to be serious conversations. Exactly. Yeah. Amazing. Well, we scratched the surface here. Maybe we'll have to have you back. We'll just have an ask Lindsay segment since I don't know.

So where can everybody find you? Everyone can find me at We Met at Acme on Instagram or anywhere they listen to podcasts. And my personal Instagram is Lynn Metz, L-I-N-B-E-N-B. D-Z and E-T-Z. So check me out. Check it out. If you're listening here, go listen to hers. And yeah.

Amazing. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each

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