Well with Arielle Lorre - 64: How to Live Spiritually, Be Positive + Fight Racism At The Same Damn Time

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

In this episode I talk to blogger and influencer Candice Nikeia about how to navigate the digital world from a place of abundance and avoid the comparison trap on social media. We also talk about her experience with racism in the industry (including a shocking personal story); how white and non Black people can be good allies; and the importance of making fighting racism part of our daily routines. We also talk a lot about spirituality, manifestation and the power of gratitude; finding our inner voice; how to appreciate what we have and where we are today; how to NOT attach to our negative thoughts; and so much more! Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Auto-hue with Sunny Cars feels as if the children Not me's Beasel stramble Sandvorda Actisvercere Verdwine Vacantia can chaotic

But who'sorgalose An auto-hurt Says No No Stress No own-vervict Nocted cost Always fullledgert So footho-Ur

Sondergare Go to your Reisadviceor Orsoniccars. The following podcast is A Dear Media Production Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness.

From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, guys. I hope everyone is doing well.

I'm so happy you're here. and I'm doing great, even though nobody asked, but people have been asking me what I'm up to on Instagram. I've been posting a lot about being back in school, doing work. My life has been consumed with school since I started again the last few weeks, which has been a difficult adjustment because I also work all week. So I'm finding that all of my spare time now from when I wake up to when I go to sleep is doing school work. But I actually kind of love it. It's weird. Going back to school as an adult and a sober one at that is a totally different experience for me because in the past, school was just something to get through so I could go to a party or see my

boyfriend or whatever. It was an obstacle just in the way of my social life. And, you know, now I'm spending like 10 hours a day sometimes on homework, but I'm learning. and I'm interested and it's a great feeling. So here I go on a tangent. Maybe I'll do an episode on this because a lot of people have been asking about it. So anyway, I just thought I would give you an update. But back to today. Today's episode is so good, you guys. I'm talking to Candice Nike. She is a Los Angeles-based blogger and influencer. And she is just a super spiritual human being. We talk about how she navigates the digital world from a place of abundance and how to avoid all the pitfalls of social media, comparison, all of that.

We talk about racism in the industry, which is not surprising, but at the same time, very shocking, at least her experience with it. She tells a pretty jarring story. And then we also talk about how to be a positive thinker and live in gratitude. and I just loved talking to her so much, and I know you will love her too. So enjoy. So welcome to the show, Candice. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited to talk to your listeners and to talk to you. Yes, me too. There's so much that I want to cover as we were just talking about offline. There's a lot going on right now. And I really appreciate you coming on. I'm sure it

I'm sure it just feels really heavy right now. I mean, I could never imagine, but I could only imagine, you know? Yeah, definitely. It's been heavy. And it's been a reminder of like the heavy life. A lot of black people have face. It's so nice to see like people stand up for black lives and who don't look like me. And it's been super powerful to see that. Yeah. You know, I've, been obviously like consuming a lot of media right now and watching the news and it's kind of coming at me from all different directions because I'm trying to I'm really trying to learn. I'm trying to really pay close attention to what's happening. And I've heard a lot of black people say that it feels different this time and they say that it feels different because it's not just black people advocating for black people. It's this outpouring from people from people from all walks of life, most walks of life. Obviously, there are those all lives matter assholes, but oh, God. But yeah, I'm curious if that's, like, kind of how you feel about it. I definitely feel,

I feel the same. I feel seen. I feel heard. I feel uplifted. The other day, like last week, I protested for two days in a row, and it was one of the most powerful moments. I've ever experience where I'm standing side by side by people who don't look anything like me, but they see that my life matters, my brother's life matters, my parents, they matter, and my future children, they matter. And so it's just like, oh my goodness, I can get so emotional thinking about it, but it does feel different and feels like we are united in the most unique and most beautiful way. and I look forward to just continuing in that realm. So I'm excited.

Yeah, I really hope that this momentum continues and that it doesn't just go away with a news cycle. And I am not an expert on any of this, but it does seem like there has been an awakening. And whether that's, I think that can be good and bad. The bad side is like, well, where the F has everybody been for the past 400 years? And the good, it's like, well, better now than never, right? So I definitely want to get into that and we will get there. But why don't we start just by learning a little bit about you. I know you're from Indiana, right? So what brought you to L.A.?

And how did you become a blogger? Yeah, so I'm from a very small town, Marion, Indiana. Yeah, I always love fashion. My mom is a fashionista. My grandmother was a fashionista. It just was in the family. And so after college, I actually studied PR in college in Indiana. And I went to Spain for a summer and came back home and was like, I have to do fashion.

I just, I don't know how I'm going to do this in my little small town, but I need to go somewhere. And my parents really encouraged me to go back to school. and so I end up going to a fashion school. I went to Fittem, which is downtown in L.A. And I started there and really wanted to go into fashion PR. But fashion PR ended up being something I really didn't like. Yeah, just fashion PR just sounds scary. It was very scary.

I mean, it's cutthroat. I won't say like every fashion PR person does this, but the internships I took, I had to talk bad about people. And that's just like the worst thing for my spirit. And I couldn't do it. And so I ended up getting an internship at Entertainment Tonight. And I worked for them for maybe like six months and really enjoyed styling, like styling the TV personalities and just going into that industry.

And so I end up styling like a movie once and, you know, doing all kinds of like styling. I styled a boy band. What boy band? It was called the boy band project. They're not huge. But yeah, I don't think I said this, but this was like eight years ago. But yeah, but while I was doing that, I had a friend at school at FedMQ who was like, you have got to get on Instagram. She's like, I love your outfits.

And I think it would be so much fun if you just started posting about your outfits. And so she showed me like these bloggers like the blonde salad and Ami song. And I was just in awe of like them posting their outfits and making really good money and doing so. And so I just continued posting about my outfits and things like that. And then I became a live-in nanny. And that was the best thing for me with my blog and my own. Instagram because I didn't have to pay for rent and I didn't have to pay for food and I had a nanny car. So all my expenses were taken away. And so all I had to focus on were these kids and my

blog. And so that's when the blog really took off. And then a few years later, I decided that I would take a leap of faith and just tried to do the blog in full time. And so I got to be a lot. my own studio apartment and just started blogging and it wasn't maybe it was like two months into the first year I met my manager in my agency who I'm still with today and they have helped me tremendously with my blog and tremendously with my career and it's gone beyond the blog. It's like a brand now, and I'm truly thankful for them. But that's basically how I got started. I mean, it wasn't easy.

There was a lot of times when I wanted to quit because I had this tendency of comparing myself to others, and comparison is a thief of all joy. And when I would start comparing myself, I would get so depressed, so upset. because I wasn't living up to these really fantasy things that I imagine a blogger to be. But once I, like, got rid of that, I think that's where the abundance came in my life. I was just like, I can do anything I've set my mind to if I just focus on my strengths and focus on what I have instead of what I lack. and that was really the pivotal moment of my career was when I understood that, understood the beauty of abundance and abundance was all around me.

I look back at the times when I was complaining and I'm like, girlfriend, you were doing so good. You know, when you're in the moments, like, oh my God, why isn't this happening for me? Why haven't I gotten this far? But looking back, like, it was just so, it's so beautiful to see how God aligned things in my life and made things work out for the good.

And now it's just like, it's like an everyday joy, you know, getting on Instagram and talking to people and having my brand. It's not longer like a comparison or a burden. Like I kind of made it to be. So yeah,

that's basically my journey to, where I am today. It's so interesting because, well, first of all, I have so many questions, but I can relate a lot to being in that place of comparison. I think it's so hard. It's just so hard, whether you're a blogger or not, to constantly be kind of bombarded with what everybody else is doing, what everybody else has. And of course we know it's a highlight reel and it's made to look, you know, it's all packaged up and all of that. But like even today, I can be feeling really good and then I can go on Instagram and see something. It can be anything. And it can completely, it can be like a kick in the gut and just completely change my whole attitude. So I would love to

hear like if you have any tips of how to get how to get out of or how to stay out of that comparison. Yeah, I actually made a YouTube video about this recently of how to stop comparing yourself to others. I mean, it goes back to gratitude. You know, when I see something on Instagram and, you know, right now for me, it's like I really want to be married. I just look forward to that day where I'm like, my husband, things like that. And of course my, of course, my explore feed is all weddings. Right. Like, of course.

So I can really go down and go through Explore Feed and just be like, why isn't that happening to me? Why hasn't that happened for me yet? But I had to go back to gratitude. Like, what am I grateful for today? I'm so grateful that I got to wake up when I wanted to, you know, I get to write in my journal. The sun is out.

I had food on my table today. I had drinking water. I got to take a long shower. I got to meditate. I had a glass of wine. There's so much to be grateful for. And that's where gratitude is so important for me when it comes to comparison. It just shifts me back into what really matters.

And when we have gratitude, that's when the, well, I believe in the law of attraction and manifestation. So if I say those words, it's just me. We're going to get into all of that too. Okay. Awesome. Great. But yeah, gratitude is so pivotal because it really shifts your mind into abundance. When you can be grateful for anything, that's when the law of attraction just elevates you and brings more into your life.

I truly believe that. And another thing you can do when you compare yourself is use your comparison for inspiration. You know, I love vision boards. So, for example, like I was saying, like if I want to be married, I need to use that comparison as inspiration. Like, what are the elements of being like a wife? Okay, so girlfriend needs to learn out of talk. Girlfriend needs to enjoy her me time. She needs to have her foundation, things like that.

Okay, those are the ways I'm going to shape myself to be prepared for marriage one day. And that's how you can use your comparison for inspiration. I love that. And kind of to that point, like how do you stay true to yourself and to your identity and who you are, especially across your brand when it's so easy to compare yourself to other people. And it's kind of hard not to get caught up in trends, right? Especially when things are like trending and performing well. And how do you kind of avoid that aspect of it?

For me, it's all about meditating and equipping my inner voice. So I don't want my, I don't want what I do. be led by someone else's decisions. You know, if I see someone else posting about the latest blah, blah, blah, blah, that doesn't mean I need to post about the latest, blah, blah, blah. I need to have this inner voice telling me what should Candace post? What isn't within her heart? And a lot of people are like, how in the world am I going to get my inner voice to talk

to me? and it's that gut feeling you shape it by meditating you shape it by being alone with yourself listening to really good instrumental music where you just kind of feel it's definitely a feeling where you you just equip that it doesn't come overnight but it's like weeks and weeks of you having that even five minutes a day where you are just completely silent and you're listening to your inner voice, you're listening to your feelings. I always say too is without hurting anyone, what makes you feel good? What makes you feel good?

I think that really equips your inner voice. It does not feel good when I only copy somebody else's journey. That doesn't feel good to me. I need to figure out what feels good for Candace so that she can't. create and have her own brand and do things that align with her heart because people attach to that. You know, I know when you're following, people are so attached to you because you've listened to your inner voice. You listen to what works for you and then you share it. You know, it's so easy to see people, see people who copy or if you aren't listening to their

inner voice, you're just doing the trends. You kind of feel that. I kind of feel that like detachment from them. But people are so drawn to others who truly know their inner voice, truly know who they are and are authentic, you know. Vulnerable. Vulnerable is a huge thing. So I think that's truly key in it all, learning your inner voice. Yes. I completely agree with that.

And I feel like I say this all the time. But like I, so I dabbled and meditating and I was trying different apps and this and that for years. And then like almost two years ago, I started TM. And I'm not saying that everybody has to do TM. But like I look back on it. And it's like I don't, I didn't even know myself. I don't think before I started doing that. Because I, I never stopped to listen. Yeah. I mean, there's so like right now there are so many ways to distract ourselves. And we never truly have to be alone with our. selves and our thoughts. And so it's easy to kind of like skate through life and not get in touch with that inner voice and that inner self. And it's so important, like you said, even if it's just five minutes. Right. Yeah. People get so intimidated. Intimitation. It's like, oh my gosh, I don't have 30 minutes. I don't have an hour. But even one minute, 30 seconds even of just like everything things off and you're just quiet. It's so powerful. And it really strengthens you for sure.

Yeah. And I think it also makes like to your point, it kind of makes whatever you are posting, whatever content you're putting out more intentional. And I feel like especially this past week, like I feel like there was a lot of, oh, this is going to come out in July. So for people listening this past week, we're coming off the week that everybody was kind of muting and, you know, we had this kind of awakening to the racism in our country, which we're going to talk about. But just for context, so people aren't like, what happened last week? But there was so much like reactive posting, I think. There wasn't, I feel like, I don't know. And I understand it. I understand that people really wanted to maybe. overcompensate and people, you know, emotions are so heightened and so everybody wants to do the most, but I feel like some of it wasn't really thoughtful, if that makes sense. Sure. I think, in my opinion, the black squares, that was, I mean, some for sure did it for the right reasons, but I think a lot of people did it to cop out. I'm not trying to judge anyone,

but I felt like from my feelings, it just felt like some of the black squares that were posted were just like a cop out to not have to talk about it. And I think that, you know, even if you put a black square up and you're like thinking, oh my goodness, that's not what I meant. make sure we're doing the action. That is the whole thing. You know, you put the black square up, but you still have to do the action behind it, reading, watching films,

having those conversations at the dinner table, talking about white privilege and racism in ways you can shape your children and shape yourself for greatness and fight these disagreements and this discrimination and all this, we just have to remember that the action is really what we're striving to do. Yeah, it's such an important distinction. Since we're on that topic and since we're kind of in the middle of what feels like a big awakening,

hopefully like we were talking about before, but I really would like to talk to you about like oppression and racism within the digital media industry, you know, blogging, influencing. I just saw today that like brands are looking, brands are looking to diversify. Brands are kind of having that, it seems like they're having that knee-jerk reaction where they're posting and saying all of a sudden like, oh, we're going to start using more black models and have, you know, black people on our team and all of this stuff. I saw that one brand in particular reached out to a black creator and offered free product in exchange for a post when they're paying white creators. So I would imagine this goes on all the time. And I'm curious, like,

what your experience has been within the industry. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. So for me, I think this is why I love my management team. Be social. That's who I'm sign with because before I had them guarding me and protecting me and fighting for me, I was making a lot of mistakes. I didn't realize I was. And this is public news so I can say, but I worked with Fresh. This was like the first year I was going full time and I signed a one year contract with fresh beauty. And it was a huge contract. It was two posts a month for the entire year. And I had to host a party at the Grove. And I flew out to New York and did this like huge thing. And I wasn't paid. And yeah, you know, it's like heart crushing to think about. But

I thought when they said like, you know, we love to have you on the team, but we don't have a budget, I just kind of took their word. And I just was like, okay, well, this is a great opportunity for me. I don't need to ask for money. And that's so wrong, you know. And then it was a year later when everything was done, I was just talking to the other influencers who were on the team. And they had said they had all gotten paid. This wasn't like $3,000.

This was like $40, $50, $60,000 for the year. And I was the only influencer who wasn't paid. I mean, that will never happen again. I am speechless. I mean. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

And I think that's why it's so important for influencers to educate themselves and when you sign with a management team like tell them what you believe you're worth and have people in your corner um yeah i mean it's so funny because right before this we started recording i got an email from a huge brand huge and they're like we have a budget for gifting. It's just like, are we not learning? Are we not learning? Yeah. Yeah. There, oh my God, there's so much wrong with that. I mean, I'm still speechless. I mean, there's, I think it happens, it happens in the industry, like, universally, I'm sure. Like, before I started, before I had management, I had no idea how much money you could make.

And I was doing trades left and right. And brands are always going to find people that will be willing to trade and take advantage of that, I think. But I'm shocked. Maybe I shouldn't be. But even now with everything going on, you would think in good faith they would be trying to prove that they're not part of the problem. and it's just kind of astonishing that that that's going on. I mean, I think that, like, I've been thinking a lot this past week about how to be a better ally and what my lane is. And, you know, I talked about this on my posts the other day.

But I think there's so much that we can do as, as bloggers, as podcasters, as people in the digital media. space to hopefully even the playing field. And, you know, I hope that that brands don't get away with this anymore. And I know that brands are being called out left and right, which is good. And I know like other influencers are open to being transparent, myself included, being transparent about rates, because I'm sure there's a discrepancy between pay, clearly. I mean, if they're if they're having you do 50, 60,000 worth of work for free. Yeah. And yeah, so I've been thinking about ways that I can be a good ally.

Sure. What do you, I mean, do you have any ideas? Not that it's your job to educate us, but I'm just trying to like, you know, have these conversations so that we can all do better moving forward. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's so important for us to think of diversity as a requirement and not an option. You know, and bring representation in our industry any way we can. Just like you're doing with your podcast, you know, bring representation in your podcast, these brands, bring representation in a really good light.

And if you don't know how to do it and you don't know how to do it with Black people, people, you know, hire a black person, hire a market executive who, you know, there's so many well-educated black people who do amazing things in this world. And there's no excuse not to hire someone who can really pivot your brand to have diversity. I think that's how we bring allies within industries. But it's a constant thing. You know, I talk about it. in this way. My gratitude practice is my daily practice. So for everyone, this is the start to fighting racism should be a daily practice for us. It should be that consistent. It's not a week. It's not a day. It's not even a year. This is something that we have to continually do. So it's

asking the right questions, researching. You know, there's so many. good resources online on YouTube that can help you figure out how to bring diversity into your industry. So I think that's definitely how we all become allies and doing collaborations. I've seen and I've heard and people are doing so many cool collaborations right now. And that's the start. If we just like continue that, it's going to be so beautiful even a year from now and the next year and the next year if we just continue doing all that. Yeah, and I feel like I know for myself, even campaigns that I've been offered in the last couple weeks, the first thing that I do now is I look at who's been in their campaigns in the past to see if there's been

diversity. And then I'm having my managers ask who else is on that particular campaign to make sure that, you know, that they are representing everybody and that it is fair. So that's so good. Hopefully that's another thing, you know, because it's the thing that worries me is that like what we said before, like there will always be someone who will do it for the trade because they don't know or because they want the, because they want the work and it's good for their portfolio or something. So I think everybody has to get on the same, everybody has to kind of step up and have

those same boundaries because that's the only way that they're not going to like work around it. You know, I'm sure that there are brands who are really internalizing this hopefully and they're going to change moving forward. But for real change to happen, like everybody has to be an advocate in the same way, I think. Yes. I totally agree. Yeah. I think also like for white people, if they can use their privilege to fight all this discrimination, I think that's going to really help, you know, using their privilege to amplify, like, the hashtag, like, amplify black voices. That's going to be so huge as we continue doing that.

But yeah, just exactly what you said. I totally agree. I heard somebody say, or I saw a tweet that said that black creators have gone from overlooked to overbooked in this past week. And I'm curious how that is for you. Yeah, I mean, it's one day feeling like no one's liking my photos or no one's sharing or reposting to messages and thousands of reposts, thousands of shares, stories, it's just phenomenal. And I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful, but I'm aware that this won't be every day for me.

But I hope that it continues to be a consistency within all black influencers. They have this experience consistently. So I'm looking forward to seeing what happens within that. But yes, I've definitely gotten some great authors and I've been emailed a lot. But also I've had to turn down because I just really want this month to be about what we're doing. You know, I just, I really want to just highlight this month because it's like none other. It's really like none other. And I just want to enjoy it.

Yeah. So I don't want to have to post an ad right now. Right. So how are you using your tools? I mean, you have these affirmations, which I need. I need to learn. I need to learn how to start using them. Because whenever I try to write an affirmation, I'm like, I am kind. I can never like take it further. And then I read yours and I'm like, yes, yes. But you have affirmations, manifestation, meditation, gratitude. You have all these amazing tools. So I guess there are two parts to my question. How did you develop this? And how are you utilizing it now? Oh, great questions.

So growing up, I grew up on affirmations. I grew up in an all-white city, and my parents were very well-off and educated. So it was consistent battle as if we as a black family didn't deserve to be successful. And it was very heart-wrenching. And so when I would go outside of my home, I was torn down. I was left out of things, got bad grades because of the smallest things of like the way she talks is not proper, things like that. It's just wild. And so I have, my parents are amazing.

I'm very close to my family. And every day my parents put affirmations with. within me. Before I go to school, remember you're strong, you're smart, you're talented, you can do anything you set your mind to. You are equipped for greater and better things than you could ever imagine Candace. My parents spoke these words over my life and made me repeat them and made me say that consistently. Of course, at a young age, you're like, I don't know if this is working because, you know, I'm a bully. Like, what is happening? But as I got older, I was like, okay, affirmations are really phenomenal in my life.

And they really do equip me for greater things. And it's really recently when I started posting my affirmations, I started posting them in October. And this is me listening to my inner voice. And I had always read on Pinterest or something an affirmation to start. to start my day. And my inner voice said, maybe you should just start posting them in your stories and just see how it works. And so I would just create an affirmation and post it in my stories.

And slowly people were like messaging me and saying, you know, I really needed this encouragement. I have an interview today. And this is just really going to help me. are, I have a tough conversation I'm going to have with my dad and I'm just so thankful you posted this affirmation. I feel so equipped to do it or you know what, Candace, I had a great day because you started today with this beautiful affirmation and now I'm going to go to sleep with a peaceful mind. And that's just me like sharing something that's a part of my daily practice. And then I

slowly started putting it on my feed and creating like my own color and color scheme and things like that and just making it more of a brand. But yeah, it's definitely something I grew up doing and it's really shaped me to be who I am today. Another thing that I've seen you talk about that really resonated is being at peace with the timeline of your life. And I think that's something that is so hard to practice. Again, it goes back to kind of the comparison, right, that we were talking about in the beginning. And it can be kind of like, I don't know, kind of counterintuitive because we're always like working for the next goal and the next thing and the goalpost keeps moving. And we have this kind of this attitude that's

ingrained in us, right, to like always be working and competing and all that. So how, how do you practice this? I mean, it's something that I learned in recovery, which is like practicing radical acceptance and faith. But if I wasn't sober, I would not have the tools to do that. Yeah, I totally get that for sure. For an example, when I was, you know, transitioning into L.A. and I had a horrible roommate. I could barely pay my rent, feeling very helpless, feeling extremely depressed, would just lay in bed all day if I didn't have to work at the retail store I was working at. It was very not me. I was not myself. I'm a happy person. I'm joyful. And in those moments when I focused on my lack, I had no peace. It was really the worst moment of my life. And the heart-wrenching part was like when my parents would call me and they could hear my voice and hear like, I'm about to like cry now, but hear like the defeatedness. And here like I was not doing well that I truly didn't love myself.

Because I wasn't doing anything with my life. I felt like I wasn't doing anything. And I didn't have peace. But that's like maybe after like the first three years of L.A., I just started learning about being okay with the now. And that was like a huge shift in my life because. I was not okay with my now. I wanted I wanted money. I wanted money to survive. I had so much pride. I couldn't ask my parents for help, which is really bad. I had so much pride. I thought, if I can't help myself,

then why should someone else help me? Which is awful, awful thinking. And as I grew out of that and learned, again, abundance. and learning how to be grateful and listing out the things I'm grateful for. That's when things shifted in my life. And I'm older now and there's still things I want, of course. There's still things I don't have that I want. But I have to be so at peace and also so trusting of the universe, trusting that wherever I am today is still going to lead me to manifest the things I desire, manifest those into my reality.

So having peace really is important. You have to have peace in order to see your life shift. But you have to get into the realm of abundance, get into the realm of finding peace. and being okay with where you are today and getting so excited about what's to come. I would do these things when I figured this out and I still didn't have money. I didn't have what I really wanted. I wasn't doing what I really wanted to do. But I would take, this is so funny, but I would take like five minutes out of the day

and be in my room and just pretend I had like a Chanel bag or had like a really nice car or had a really good job or had money to go to the Ivy. I would literally pretend like I was a child. Like I was just, I was alone so it didn't matter. Nobody was looking at it. So I would just like pretend like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited to go out. out with my friends tonight. We're going to go out and get dinner at the Ivy and then we're going to go shopping. Go to Kitsyn. Yeah. Do all those things and talk about like how I have so many great

girlfriends and we always go out to eat. I have great people in my life. Blah, blah, blah, you know, I would just really manifest as if it was in the present tense, manifest things. I didn't have talk about them in the present tense. And it wasn't long before things like things were aligning with that. But I really had to get into the feeling mode, that feeling of having it all. I was in the feeling of I don't have anything. And I was letting my reality shape who I was. And that was not going to work for Candace.

So I had to just get in this feeling. But yeah, I just had to get in a feeling of, okay, what do I want in life? Okay, how would that feel if I had it today? If I want really good people in my life, how would I feel today? Well, I would be confident. I would be happy. I would be so excited to hang out with them. Okay, well, those are the feelings I need to have right now.

I need to find happiness. I need to find joy. I need to find contentment. You know, everything like that, I would just get in that feeling. And then the universe aligned that feeling with the actual events. And now it's just kind of like a, you know, like when you learn a game or you learn how to do something well, it becomes so easy and natural. Now it's so easy and natural to get in a feeling of something and know that it's going to align and manifest into my reality. It's no longer like, oh, that can never happen to me.

I'm not equipped for that. I don't think that's for me. I really have those thoughts and just it just doesn't feel good to me to have those thoughts. So it's really about getting in the feeling of it all. Yeah, it's interesting. I've heard someone talk. I've heard a few people actually talk about how your thoughts dictate your feelings and your feelings dictate your actions and your actions determine your reality, really.

And so it's all connected. And I think, you know, it's so evident that like if we are just thinking or or attaching ourselves to negative thoughts, because we're going to think negative thoughts, we just don't have to attach to them. And that's like a big part of meditation, I think. You can observe that and then just let it go. Right. But if we attach ourselves to that, then that's going to become our reality.

Yes. So it's kind of like overriding, like just continually attached to the good thought. Yes. And like you said, attaching to. to it is not good. And when we detach from something, even if it's detaching from what we desire and we let go and we just trust that the universe will bring it into our life, that's when it all works out. You know, you just let it go.

I've seen that in my life where if I held onto it too long, then I start comparing myself to other people like oh my goodness i better have this many followers by march and i just hold on to it and then i see someone who has more followers or something like that and i'm still attached to it i'm still attached to it so it becomes negative as soon as i detach from it and i completely put all my trust in the universe to take over that's when it aligns and that's when things work out And from my experience, when I detach, that's when things work out better and exceedingly more than I could ever ask or think or imagine. It's like, oh my gosh, I wanted this. Like, actually, the way it worked out is like 10 times better.

You know, that's, that is so cool to me about detachment. Yeah, it's like surrendering. I had a similar experience. Like, when I got sober, I was like, this is what I want from my life. This is what I want it to be. But, but,

but, right it all down. And then I look back on it and I'm like, wow. Like my little human brain can't think it's so narrow. Like I could have never imagined the things that would happen. And it comes from surrendering and like trusting in the universe. And when people,

I think people hear like, trust the universe. And it's like so woo-woo. But like something that I did in my recovery, not to keep talking about that, but that's like how I, that's how I got introduced to all of this. I wrote down all the times that I could remember that like something bigger than me was at work in my life. Wow. And once you get it down on paper, it's kind of hard to argue. It's like, oh yeah, I'm not, God, I'm not the universe.

There's something. Like, who knows, you know, I'm not religious. I consider myself spiritual, but like everybody is entitled to their beliefs and they're, but just to acknowledge that there is something, then you can start doing the work to, I mean, then you can start to trust it, right? Yes, exactly. I think that's so powerful. Yes.

And I love that you said, write it down and how things work out. my mom is so good about writing down everything good that's happened. So she'll call me and say like, oh my goodness, I was reading my journal from six years ago and look how God has a line in your life. You know, you start forgetting about how the universe has worked things out in your life. And when you write it down, it's so powerful when you look back. Yeah. Like, okay, this is why I trust.

This is why I don't need to have control over me. my life. I just need to trust and know that the universe is looking out for me. I'll do whatever needs to do in order to make my dreams come true. And it's truly powerful when we can trust and let go. Yeah, so true. That's like an actionable thing that people can do if they're listening. It's a good place to start. Why don't, I'm going to put you on the spot here. Okay. Let's give the listeners an affirmation for the day. Oh, my goodness. Let's see. How can we like sum up today this podcast?

I would say something like, I am so now grateful and thankful now that I understand the power of abundance and letting go. because I understand that the universe is working everything out in my favor. I love that. Yeah, that would feel good. That one feels good. So, so good. Well, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me.

This is a great chat. Yeah, such a good convo. Where can everybody find you? So I'm on every platform. Candice Nikea, C-A-N-D-I-C-E-N-I-A. Yes, I went on your website and I was like, oh, there's like Pinterest and YouTube and like this and that and what's this one? I don't even know what that is. Yeah, I want everything.

I love it. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. I had a great point. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blond Files podcast on Instagram.

I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.