Well with Arielle Lorre - 93: Kelsey J. Patel - Micro Changes for Macro Joy!

Episode Date: January 20, 2021

In this episode I’m talking to Kesley J. Patel who is a renowned reiki master, yoga instructor, author and meditation teacher specializing in the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). In this profound conversation we discuss how energetic and scientific modalities for healing can coexist; burnout and how to stop undervaluing ourselves; overcoming perfectionism; how to know if physical symptoms are manifestations of trapped energy; how to create micro changes for macro joy; tips for living consciously with technology instead of letting it control us; healing from major trauma and so much more.   www.Coola.com for 10% off your first order with code BLONDE www.BluBlox.com/BLONDE  with code BLONDE for 15% off plus free shipping worldwide www.Ritual.com/BLONDE to get 10% off your first 3 months www.Organifi.com/BLONDE with code BLONDE for 15% off any item   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. I am excited because I love this episode so, so much. I just re-listened to it because it's been a few weeks since we recorded, and And I don't know if you guys know this, but whenever I release an episode, I have to go through it and pull out audio clips and quotes and write a summary of the episode and do all of that before I send it off to my producer. So I just listened again and wow. I really needed to hear it again. My guest is so amazing. I'm talking to Kelsey Patel.

She is a renowned Reiki master, yoga instructor, author, and meditation teacher. She specializes in the EFT emotional freedom technique. And she's just amazing. Like I said, we dive into the things that we are all dealing with today from undervaluing ourselves, going through life on a hamster wheel, doing things from a place of not feeling worthy versus doing things from a place of joy, doing too much, never being off, being addicted to our phones and social media, all of that. We also talk about emotional and energetic imbalances manifesting into physical issues and how to

kind of discern what's energetic and what's physical and how to live in both the energetic and scientific physical realms. And we talk about little microchanges that we can all make starting today for macro joy. And then finally, I guess I just, should give a trigger warning here. I never do that. But we do talk about healing from trauma because Kelsey and I both have had friends that were murdered, which is a strange and very dark and unfortunate thing to share with somebody. But I just had to talk to her about it because it is very rare. So anyway, on that note, it is a really, really just profound and hopefully uplifting conversation, even though we do deal with some dark stuff at the end. So with that, I hope you enjoy.

Welcome, Kelsey. So excited to chat. Thank you. I'm so excited to chat and to be with you. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. So I would love to hear about your own journey because I feel like people who get to kind of a healing profession, especially doing the kind of work that you do, have their own personal journey with it. And I've heard you in other interviews talk about going through burnout, which I think a lot of people can relate to. And so I'd love to hear like just kind of the trajectory and how you ended up where you are now. Yeah, I'd be honored to share. And thank you for letting me share and to everyone listening for just being open to hear what is somebody else's journey. But I think when we're going through our own journey, that's why they call it

the hero's journey, it can feel so isolating and so alone and so overwhelming. And so I really, share so much of my story now as vulnerable as I can be because it's everything that I never knew I needed to hear from somebody else that went through something similar. So I never thought my story was unique. And it turns out it's not that unique in the sense that a lot of people have messaged me over the years that they relate to this feeling of burnout, this feeling of undervaluing yourself of not feeling worthy and then letting that be the fuel to the doing in life versus actually the joy of what you love to do. So I grew up in North Dakota and I grew up in a very typical hardworking Midwest family where we learned and no fault of my parents,

but we really learned that what you do in the world equates your value as a human being. So I had my first job at Subway Sandwich Shop when I was 14 years old. And like, I couldn't wait to be a sandwich artist. And like, they make it sound so official. They do. I was like, how will I cut this bread perfectly for people? You know, but I, it was almost like that sense of pride, though. Like I was ready to give all of my pride to the work that I did in the world. And so that was sort of how it, I guess you would call it a program or an impact. print started is that what I did would become my value as a human. And over time, as one can imagine, that catches up with you. And fast forward, like I had several jobs throughout college to put

myself through school and then moved to Washington, D.C., worked on Capitol Hill, and felt so unqualified and small and like complete imposter syndrome. Even though I worked for the state of North Dakota, I was on Capitol Hill, like Senator Kennedy's office was down the hall. Barack Obama would come in and like kick it. You know, it was just, the CEO of Delta would come in for meetings. And it was just crazy. And so my way of coping with that was just to do more. And so I got a job, you don't make a lot of money as a public servant. So I got a job bartending. And then I taught dance on the weekends. I danced in a company. I babysat. And I basically just filled. And I basically just filled up my life with doing. And then fast forward to that, I got mono shingles, chronic urinary

tract infections, bladder infections, like, you name it. I was in the doctor's office every other month taking an antibiotic. And I didn't know antibiotics were bad for you. I was just like, give me the thing. Let me just do it. I would drink wine while I was on it. Like, just no boy now. And really no regard for my own self and my own human body and its capacity. So I moved to L.A. had a bad boyfriend breakup thing. I moved to L.A. and my back pain and my anxiety all came with me, of course. Right. And so that was how I sort of, I worked for a big Fortune 500 company. And I just, all my shit just kept coming and appearing. And then I, after several years of that and traveling all the time, I quit that and I opened up Pure Bar Studios thinking that would be what would help

heal this pain and anxiety. And of course, nothing ever did until I started to do the work. And once I started to do the work, and I slowly started to peel back the layers of the pain and the anxiety and the grief and everything, I just realized how much we are an energy body and an emotional body as we are a physical body. And I just dove deep. I did my 200-hour yoga. I did ecstatic dance training. I did Reiki, meditation, like all the things. And, you know, one thing leads to another. And here I am now. Still talking about burnout. Still trying to not have it, even though I still get it, you know, like being human. If you're looking to add more greens, plants, superfoods, nutrients to your diet in the new year, because aren't we all, you need to try organify superfood blends.

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lengthy novel? Or can we be happy with a book of short but exciting love stories? I guess we'll find out on divorce not dead. And lucky me, you'll be joining me for the journey. So buckle up. It's wild. I mean, I think that for so many people, kind of like what you were saying in the beginning, the antidote to that burnout is doing more. I don't know if it's just a means to distract, but it's like this compulsion. And I definitely feel it. Like I feel it right now.

I'm in finals week with school. I decided to go back this year. And tons of deadlines with work. And I feel like even if I have an hour free in the afternoon, I have to stuff it with something. So I am like on the burnout train right now. But I'm like, if you're open to it, I'm like, well, let's dive into it for you.

and give you a little mini healing shift because if you receive that, then obviously everybody listening is going to as well. So if I can, can I just shoot questions at you? Like I would do as a client? Okay. Yeah. So what is it right now that feels the most overwhelming for you

in all of your life? It's like I can't even pick one thing. It's everything. I just feel like I'm at this point right now where it's all culminated, particularly this week. and it's just deadlines, deadlines, so it's like I can't differentiate

which is more stressful, but it's everything that I've taken on for myself. So it's jobs that I've taken on, it's school that I've taken on. It's my perfectionism where, you know, I'm putting all this pressure on myself. Nobody else is putting the pressure on me. It's my perceived, my perception of what it is.

So I would say that's the worst part. I would actually say then, I would invite you to explore your overwhelmed as you, just perfectly said it yourself has nothing to do with with the tasks it's about your mental attitude towards it so if you were to be willing this would be my invitation for you this week is to be willing to actually call on help from your spirit team and from your ancestors and from your guides and remember that you're not actually doing it alone and the minute that we believe

for doing it alone means our control has hijacked us, which means surrender no longer becomes an option, even though it's available, we're not letting it be an option on the table. And then that blocks the flow. So if you're having that control and those guards up of like armor to like get that done and get this shit done and make sure this is perfect and they fucked up the punctuation, so let's get on them about that. You know, like you have to, you really have to, and this work, you have to be so willing to watch yourself with radical honesty and radical love and acceptance, where it's like, oh, nobody is doing it the way that I might do it. And even I don't have to do it the way I've been doing it because it's exhaustive. And I'm exhausting myself on this

little mouse wheel that I pulled out and I got on and I started climbing this treadmill that is infinite and never ending. So I have the same power to slow it down with love, to step off of it and put it in storage and start really allowing and accepting flow and reference for your divine flow. Yeah, I love that. I have been sober for almost seven years. And one of the first things that I learned was that when I run my life on myself will, I run it right into the grass. Yeah. And when I can seek power from something else, whatever it is, I can relax. And I get that flow. But for whatever reason, I still just have this tendency. And I think so many of us do. It's this, it's this illusion of control. If I take everything into my control, then I'm in control when really I'm not. But it's

The only control that we all have is that we have none. And like, you know, and I'm sure you've heard this before. And I've worked with a lot of people who are in recovery. And, you know, it's very easy. And by the way, every one of us is an addict. Every one of us is in some form and capacity. And it's not about, as you know, in recovery, it's not about ending it or like making it like no longer be able to exist or like pretending that it's invisible. It's about really acknowledging it and actively participating and like dancing with the

energy of it, right? And I would say for you, the same way that you knew what that was doing for you and why you wanted to say goodbye and release that chapter, that addiction will, that addiction energy moves into another realm because it has to go somewhere, right? And so when you look at something like perfectionism, it's also just a beautiful opportunity for you to say, okay, guess what? This too gets the same amount of love and attention that I gave to that. Because look at how powerful I am. And if I can do that over here in something that took over my life, then of course I can do it here. Right. You know what I mean? Like you just apply the same amount of love, but the beauty of it is as it is with something like recovery, you have no fucking clue how great

you're going to feel until you start walking down the path and facing it and challenging it and pushing back on it because the voice of it just gets quieter and quieter and quieter the more you look right at it. Right. Yeah, that's so true. And yeah, I mean, I thought that getting sober, I couldn't stay sober for two days consecutively. It was the hardest I never thought in my life that I would ever be sober. longer than a week, you know, let alone almost seven years. But it becomes so, I don't want to say easy for anybody who's listening who might be struggling with it, but it becomes effortless. And, you know, you're right. It can apply to other things. It becomes choice, babe. It's just choice. Like, you chose that. And that's the same way with people in any form of addiction or recovery,

you're choosing, right? And that is one of the beautiful things that we have is human. beings is choice. And people will write me all the time and be like, oh, this and that and that. And I remind them, and I know that I piss people off. But I remind them, I hear you, I feel you, wow, I see you. And I just want to gently remind you that you always have choice. And people want to act as if they don't. Like you could say, oh, I don't have a choice right now because I'm in school and I have these deadlines and I've made these commitments. But the truth is, like, no offense to you or to me or any of it, but like, you're not, right now you are not curing COVID and you are not curing cancer. So, like, shut the fuck up, ego and take a back seat and like tend to yourself and what you need in this

moment versus, because that stress, as you know, scientifically we know this, that stress and the impact it has on your central nervous system has more negative long-lasting impact than anything that you could be doing in the short term and in this acute time frame of completing a task or a project or whatever. We are all probably looking at our screens a lot of the time, probably the majority of the day. And unfortunately, it is not without consequence. So if you want to learn about how blue light affects our eyes and our biology, go back to episode 47 with Andy Mant. He's the founder of Blue Blocks. And if you want to do something about it, check out Blue Blocks and their range of light therapy glasses. So I've been using these

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of, you know, whatever it is, gut issues, hormone imbalances, you know, skin issues, whatever, whatever it is. How did you know, did you try treating those things? I mean, did you try treating the physical and just keep hitting a dead end and then you went to the more energetic stuff? Or how did that work? Because I guess I know that a lot of people listening will probably think, well, how do I know if I should treat my gut health or if this is something energetic and emotional that I need to be addressing, or is it both? It's a great question. So I go back to something that everyone's known and heard of,

which is this reminder that we are one of the whole of mind, body, spirit. So if you, I write a lot about this in my book is if you're not giving yourself permission to actually look at your physical body and you just want to meditate all day and meditate your pain away and meditate your feelings away and meditate your family away, like that's not facing the human body that is a physical vessel that came here to act through this experience of humanity right and so you really do want to look at the whole of you recognizing that you are both a physical body that needs attention and movement and connection and healing and you are an emotional body where emotions get stored and trapped inside the

physical body which will cause other things to come on up either physically or emotionally, you know, whatever it may be. And you have a mental body. And if your mind, your mind is, I tell this all the time to my clients and students, our mind is in our physical body. So if you move the physical body, you move the mental body. If you move the mental body, you of course move the energy of the physical body. So you have to sort of let yourself map this big picture of who and what you really are in order to invite this really comprehensive healing. And we're not, we're not these like, yes, we're simple in the sense that we don't need a lot to actually heal, but we're also incredibly complex beings, meaning you can experience the feelings and sensation of joy, sadness, overwhelm, excitement, love, anger, all in one

experience. And so when people try what I find most often is with myself, with clients, when the ego tries to control the healing, you're going to get resistance and you're going to get a lot of shit come up. So my best advice is to start small, like create microchanges in your life. And a lot of people I work with that have hormonal stuff, autoimmune disease, skin issues, we all manifest change differently. So some people with autoimmune. immune, for example, I would invite them to really start to look at where in their life they self-sacrifice needlessly. Where do you keep showing up and giving of yourself endlessly and infinitely to those that might not be worthy of it? And where are you not putting up boundaries to take care of yourself?

You know, like, are you taking time to nourish your body? Or are you rushing it because you want to get that deadline in or you want to make sure to text all 15 of your friends back. You know, starting to look at those kinds of patterns of behavior, someone with skin issues, I would ask them to look at where do you feel unprotected? Right, because our skin is our protective barrier. So where are you feeling unprotected and where can we seal up those leaks where in your life you're feeling really vulnerable or afraid or that you have not set up boundaries to really hone in on feeling safe like a turtle. You know, having that safety of a home shell wherever you go.

It doesn't matter if you're at home or out in public. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I'm curious how, you know, another thing, I have a lot of like doctors and people that are really rooted in science on the show. But we are mind, body, spirit. And the spirit part gets overlooked so much.

but how did you, with your own experience, getting into this work, how did you reconcile that with maybe more like evidence-based stuff? And what would you say to people who are like, well, that's just woo-woo and there's no science behind it? Yeah. I would say, just you wait. Science is finally catching up to the energetics. There's a lot of people in my field, myself included that are constantly looking for studies. I think it was 2017. There was the Nobel Peace Prize for the circadian rhythm. And even just this idea of talking about the fact that we have biow rhythms,

where there is a rhythmic energy since the day you were born to when you're on sort of the peaks and the valleys of experiencing, like, I feel emotionally really stable and strong versus I feel so emotionally low. and vulnerable. So this understanding that even beyond what we can and can't measure for like a Reiki healing session, right, there is this understanding that we are impacted by the energy around us and that we ourselves have an energetic rhythm that is tuned into all the frequencies of the planets. You know, you were talking about this week of overwhelm. Well, since the day we're recording, December 21st is the great conjunct of Jupiter and Saturn. So we're all getting like yanked through this astrology portal. And to believe that somehow the, the moon and the planets don't

have a pull on our physical body is complete malarkey because look at the ocean and how much it's impacted by the energy of the moon. Like, of course that's impacting our bodies. Our bodies are mostly made up of water. Right? So to me, I kind of like to. peel back. I was one of those people. I worked in the Senate. I was super type A. I was raised Catholic. You go to church and that's when you pray and like there you are with God. And so for me, I've just started to realize that there's spirit and everything. And I would ask the people who are maybe the most science-based and evidential-based learners to just see if you could open up your a little bit and notice if you can start to invite your intuitive energy to come online because

we all have intuition and that intuition is going to be what guides you so that you don't have to go crazy on Wikipedia or Google searches for things that are happening with your physical body and you can actually ask yourself like okay cold sore like what are you asking me to see that I'm just being really resistant to. Okay, back pain, okay, stomach bloating and digestion issues. Like, yeah, of course, some of it's just, look, your body doesn't like to process gluten. That's it, right? But then there's also an energetic component.

So I think understanding that we are mind, body, spirit, and of course, we have the science part of us. And I think the energy component is real. if you go into an energy healing session, no matter how resistant you are, you are most likely going to feel something. You know, it's like when somebody sees a shooting star, that's fucking energy. You can't tell me you don't feel something magical when that happens. Just because scientifically you might not have the exact data of where the star is how to measure, you know? Yeah. I get asked a lot about what, if any, supplements I take. And I totally get this question. and there are so many supplements out there with such wild claims that it's hard to navigate

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That's R-I-T-U-A-L-com slash B-L-O-N-D-E to start. your ritual today. So you were talking about some manifestations of different issues. And I was thinking about, you know, I've had chronic gut issues for years and they come and go. And I've done all the things. And I always say, like, I can't green juice my way out of it. I mean, there's just no rhyme or reason. And they'll come up when I'm not feeling particularly anxious. So, you know, I don't think that it's, I'm definitely very sensitive, but it's not just like, oh, I'm anxious. I have gut issues. And for years, I couldn't figure it out. And then I was in therapy. therapy and I was doing work on trauma, which I want to talk to you about. And we were doing

brain spotting where, you know, you follow a pointer basically and you're reliving this trauma and you find the point where you're activated and it brings it up in your body. And my whole body went numb and my therapist was talking me through it. And as I was getting kind of this feeling back, she said, where do you feel it? And of course, it was in my gut. And then I had a doctor on my podcast a few months ago, Dr. Bolseywitz, he's a gastroenterologist, Dr. B, the gut health MD, he's great. And he was talking about trauma and chronic gut issues. And there is a connection and it's not a woo-woo connection. And it is getting more, it's getting more kind of out there and people are talking about it. But I'm curious, like, what is the craziest or most extreme manifestation you've

scene of maybe an energy issue that that's resolved itself through doing this kind of work. Wow, that's such a great question. And what a powerful awareness that you've had. Because I would say as an energy healer, even interestingly enough that your gut issues, that they were actually coming on and making you like, hello, we're here, when you're not anxious, is because your body's not in fight or flight mode so it has permission to finally show you where it wants to do healing work. That's what I see as an energy healer is for you to then say, ah, I finally put my guards down and now that's when my pain body surfaces because it's okay, I'm safe to look at this and do some healing around it, right? I never thought about it that way. It's super cool. The body is just

so phenomenal and so is our energy spirit and source connection. I mean, I've seen literal miracles I've done rakey on people who had a, who sprained their ankle like day of and just happened to be coming to me and they were like ready to go get x-rays and the next day it's completely healed and they're fine and like going on a five mile walk. I've seen people have rapid and I don't want to say this in a way that is triggering for anyone. but people who've had rapid weight loss because they were just finally ready to release the weight that they were energetically carrying around.

I've seen people have tons of fertility issues and they maybe study and learn Reiki with me and start to Reiki themselves, which I think is the most empowering way to be a healer is to empower people that they can heal themselves. That all of a sudden they get pregnant with twins, not doing in vitro or any of those. the other things. I mean, I've just seen, I've just seen source work magic, call it God,

spirit, whatever you want to say, the universe, but so much of what I've seen, I mean, I've watched people have an insane pain and within minutes of Reiki or doing EFT, emotional freedom technique, which is tapping. I mean, within minutes having, like, if it's on, I've worked with vets before who have PTSD and their anxiety is at like a nine or, or usually not, they don't ever say 10 because they have a threshold for pain that's like out of this world, but they might put it really high and then a few minutes like long EFT repetition and all of a sudden it's down to a three and they haven't experienced that for years. So I've just seen things that happen without any blood work without any anything.

It's, you know, to me it's about how are we walking around feeling in the world, you know, is because you can feel sick, you can feel joy, you can feel anxious, you can feel peace. And we're going to feel all of it because suffering is a natural part of the human condition. We love, therefore we are going to suffer because of loss and other things. And we experience pain. But if we can just change the lens that we look at all of these learnings and these opportunities, like with your stomach, like to be like, oh, my God, thank you. you body i didn't even know that you were here and i'm so like i'm so ready to to help you and to hold you

rather than believing that you're like outside of your physical body you know and getting angry or mad that it's not working the way you want it to when you're not taking naps you're not smelling the flowers you're not nourishing your body you're not going slow so how can it you're like racing it around. How could it possibly let go? Yep. I think that this year has been interesting because for a lot of people, they were forced to stop that racing around. And I think a lot of stuff has come up. Yeah. And in good ways and maybe in obviously really challenging ways, what are some tools that people listening who are dealing with these emotions coming up

that maybe they weren't noticing before and who are feeling the stress and the anxiety that everybody is feeling this year, what are some tools that the listeners can maybe use to deal with that? So I have this diagram that I created maybe like a month or two months into COVID because I was starting to do these corporate events and retreats. And it's called, it's just like the main idea is micro-breaks

for macro joy. And there's these different tips that I offer. And I'll share a couple of them because I think everyone can do this immediately. My first tip, some people resist this and some people open arms, receive it. Turn off all the notifications on your phone. Everyone.

So that when you pick up your device, you are choosing what gets your attention and you are in the control driver's seat in that sense versus having that phone and that energy. I mean, if you guys have watched the social dilemma or seen a lot of these reports and things that have come out about technology and our physical bodies, it's horrifying. So the first thing I really give to everybody

is turn off all the notifications on your phone that will immediately decrease the amount of anxiety and stress that you feel day to day in that. energy and it might take a few days to get used to it, but I think that's a huge part of right now. This is a silly one that I've started to do, but for people who are on Zoom calls and you don't have to, you're like on mute for a lot of it, play music in the background so that it's not such a sterile flat energy in your home, which is where everything is now. So we've invited all this external energy into our sacred homes. So I have to have.

have a whole ritual that I recommend for like kind of like home protection in in the new vibe. As everyone can imagine, you have to move your body. And I'm not talking about like rigorous fitness and hit classes and cardio dance and all that stuff. I'm talking about joy movement. Like don't be afraid to just get up and do a few squats and like jiggle your body around and like shake out your arms and stick your tongue out and do some lion's breath. Just move. you've got to keep moving energy. That is so important for this time, especially.

Otherwise, we get stagnant and stuck in fear. You have to move it. And then the other two tips are, if you can, set an out of office every Friday through Monday. So you don't energetically or through your ego feel like you have any reason that you have to check emails because everyone's receiving a response from you automatically. And then for tasks and focused time,

I recommend people put everything on airplane mode. So if you're going to do a 30-minute workout, airplane mode. If you're going to do a walk, airplane mode, just listen to your, download your favorite music or the podcast you want to listen to. I just think we need these micro breaks throughout the day because we have to have off-duty time. And if you don't feel like you get to be off-duty,

then you feel like you have to be on, and that is immediately going to overwhelm your system and you won't have anything left again. Yeah, we all live at work now. I love that meme in the beginning. It was like, we no longer work from home. We live at work or something like that. I was like, God. That's so good. That is so spot on. But I love that you brought up the social dilemma and technology. I mean, I think that we all kind of are under this assumption that we control technology. But really, it's controlling us in ways that we probably don't even understand. And maybe we do. I mean, I know that I, for sure. Like I know if my phone is near me. Yeah, you feel it. Yeah, you're tethered. It's like an invisible tether. And it's funny when you said the thing about working out because you think, oh, 30 minute workout, you can just do the workout. No, I will be doing a workout and take a break and go start scrolling through my phone. And I'm like, what am I doing? Like, I am so under the thumb of social media,

you know? And for those on social media, keep that thought. But for those on social media, if you do not take breaks, and I'm talking like 24 hour plus breaks, not like two hours, if you do not take larger chunks and breaks in between, there goes your creativity portal. There goes your freedom to flow and be like, you know, you're not giving yourself permission to have that freedom and fluidity of authenticity because you're literally like, attached to all of it and you believe this is where people have to be really careful is experiencing that your value in life comes from a device or a app. And I think that's where I am constantly trying to teach people how much freedom they have to choose how and what and why things get their attention.

And, you know, obviously things like taking a bath and all the other self-care stuff, that to me is now just like necessity. It's not even a luxury. It's like you've got to do things for yourself. And then the other thing, and I'm sure you know this too, people have to stay hydrated. Like 16 ounces of water as soon as you wake up, we are so dehydrated as a nation, but also as a culture. And we just have to be giving our body because that liquid helps us move energy. You're detoxing so many ways and outlets through the body when you stay hydrated. You have energy to absorb things and then release things that you don't need. Right.

Yeah. Something that you were just talking about that I wanted to ask you about was showing up on social media. You are so authentic and you also do it on your own terms. And, you know, I think so many people, whether it's their job or not, feel this pressure to obviously look a certain way, present a certain way, present their lives. in a certain way, but also be on it all the time. And with like Instagram stories, I noticed it really changed then because all of a sudden you're producing your own reality show of your life.

And it's 24-7. And it is so nice. I mean, there have been weeks this year where I've just been like, nope, don't have the capacity for it, can't do it. And you need to. I mean, like you were saying, especially for creativity. But do you have any tips? I mean, the airplane mode was one. but for people who just feel like they can't stay off it. Yeah. I mean, first of all, I totally get it. There is so much built into that thing that is addictive that like none of us can overcome. You have the smartest people in the world making it that way.

And then they have algorithms that get us addicted that are created by these people. So yeah. They're like populating like, oh, I see a beautiful shiny amethyst. Of course, I'm like, where's that? You know, like, ridiculous. They get all of us. Some people like boobs and ass. Some people like Crystal.

Some people like bees. Like they figured it out. Yeah. And, you know, for me, I definitely toggle and have my moments where it's like I don't even realize that I've just jumped in the well. And I like have no lifeline to get out of it. It's kind of like it goes all the way back to what we started with, which is this idea of self-awareness. Like if you are willing to look at yourself with like radical love and radical love. radical acceptance, I can feel the energy of social media in my physical body. I'm a very

kinetic person, so I feel things. And I can feel when my physical body is zapped, and I'm still like putting up a fucking story that nobody needs to see. And that's when I have a reckoning with myself. And I say, okay, you have been way too addicted and way too on this. And I'm, And the truth is I get a lot of joy out of it, just like I'm sure you do too. And so it's a weird thing. And that's when I say, all right, and I do a check-in. I put my phone away, even though I'm like itching to pick it up again. But I put my phone away and I really just kind of shake it off and I check in with myself,

what do I actually need? And I'm pretty good now at hearing what I actually need and just doing it and listening. and that takes time for some to build up. It took me years probably to stop resisting what I knew was best for me. And hopefully now with something like COVID, we've all gotten a lot more clarity in the lines of communication with ourselves because we're not so busy and bustling and out in the world with everyone else's energy. So if you can just pause and connect with yourself and ask, like, what do I really need right now?

And you're going to hear it, Abath. you're going to hear get off your phone, turn your phone off for a few hours. You know, and just, if you can just start to listen to those intuitive nudges, your life will start to flow because you're not controlling, you're not grasping, you're surrendering, you're trusting your timing. Whenever I try too hard, excuse me, on social media, it's just so lackluster. And then when I don't try it all, and I'm like, oh, forget, that's fun. it's like so much positive responsiveness with my community and that's what I want.

So now I have this energy of like, I don't give a shit what I put up as long as it feels authentic and real to me. I love that. And it seems like there is kind of a movement towards more authentic, less curated social media. So maybe that'll become a trend. I mean, look, there's nothing wrong with beauty. I love beautiful pictures. I love people whose pages are just so cohesive and stunning.

I think that's an art form, you know? But I think we all have to know ourselves. Socrates is the best quote, like, know thyself. You have to know yourself, and you have to know what is healthy and good for you on something, on everything, in relationships, at work, but and also on something like social media. I know what's good and what's not good for me on social media. And so I just have to honor that. and trust it. Right. Yeah, I think the problem lies in not taking the time to get quiet and still

enough to listen to what the truth is for us to honor. I know that for me, I really didn't start seeing things clearly until I started meditating. And that was only a few years ago that I started like a real practice when I started TM. But before that, it's hard. It's hard when you're like distracted all the time and intentionally distracting yourself all the time. And there are so many things out there to focus on other than what's happening inside. So it's very easy to kind of reach the assumption that, well, I don't know. I don't know what's good for me, what's bad for me, what my body's telling me. But we just want to keep spinning on that mouse wheel. Right. But if we stop, you will hear it. I mean, you really well.

Yeah. So I would be remiss to not bring up this unfortunate connection that we have. I heard you talk about this on another podcast and I just had this moment of like, oh, like I already have chills from it because it's such a unfortunate, unique experience to share with somebody, I guess. So you mentioned that your friend was brutally murdered and my friend was as well. I found her like 10 years ago. and I wanted to just hear from you because when I have shared about it, people have written me that they've gone through, you know, big T traumas. So if there's anybody listening, whether it's an experience like that or whatever it was, I'd love to hear about your experience with healing from them. Yeah, I mean, you're right. It's such an unfortunate thing that we both share. And, you know, it's one of those things that I don't know in a loss like that if you ever fully, quote unquote, heal in the sense that it's probably always going to come into your life and give you big feelings. Mine certainly still does. And, you know, I think for the first several years,

mine and mine was probably now, not far off timing, mine was probably now like eight years ago. So in the very beginning, after a loss like that, because it's so sudden, it's so sudden, unexpected. It's so horrifying. It's just, it's a loss you can't describe. It is something that you cannot predict how you're going to respond or react to it. Because it's as shocking as it is, it's as shocking to them experience it on the other side of that loss. And for me, right after that happened, I couldn't put it together. But if my husband didn't call me, or if I would call him and he wouldn't pick up the phone, I would immediately, I mean, I have full on memories of being in my kitchen,

like unloading the dishwasher. And if I called him and he didn't pick up or call me right back, like I'm talking three seconds back, I would have a full body like panic attack, and I would fall to my knees in the kitchen, sobbing, thinking that he died in a car accident. then he would find me at different times making the bed in our bedroom. And all of a sudden, he would come into the bedroom and I would just be in a corner,

like sobbing on my knees unexpectedly. So for me, a lot of the initial pain and trauma was just like a never-ending cycle of fear and of overwhelm that would just come out whenever it came out. And the irony is my friend was murdered in a Lulu Lemon store, and it was all over the news and everything. And she worked there. It's a horrible story. But the irony of it is I had just become an owner of Pure Bar Beverly Hills.

And I was supposed to go in and maybe become a Lulu Lemon ambassador. And I couldn't even walk in the store for years without like full bar. long tears, only to then become an ambassador for the Beverly Hills Lou Lemon store and have all these amazing healing experiences with Lulu Lemon. And I have to say my healing from all of it was several years later. I was at this huge international conference for Lulu Lemon that they paid for and set up in Whistler, Canada. And we had these groups. And all of a sudden they brought all of our groups together and they were like, we'd like everyone from one group to share. And I'm not shitting you. My friend came through my physical body. I would never get up and share in a group like

that with hundreds of people, the CEO of Lulu Lemon. As soon as they called them my group, my body shot up out of the air and raised my hand. And I was like, and I got up. They gave me the microphone. And I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm going to lose my shit. never forget because it was the best advice I've ever received. And I share this so other people can carry this energy through. And it makes me emotional and talk about it. And the woman was like, Kelsey is your name? And I was like, yes. And she goes, take your hair down out of your bun and lose your shit. And I was like, it was just like permission granted, you know? And I- That's amazing. I shared. and shared about how much my friend loved Lulu Lemon and annoyed the shit out of us.

And I shared that she was the one that was murdered that you all know about. And nobody knew that with me going in. And it was the most horrifyingly embarrassing cathartic healing I have ever experienced in my life. I was snodding on the microphone, thombing in front of hundreds of people and the CEO of Lulu Lemon. And I share it because people came up. to me after that, hugged me, sobbed with me, and told me that that was the bravest thing that they'd ever seen anyone do. And I would have never chosen to do it on my own. So I went upstairs and I took a bath in this beautiful hotel that I had the full trip paid for. And I sobbed my eyes out and I thanked

my friend and I said, I understand now. Like, I understand that you're okay. I understand that you still carry on. I understand. And it was, that's when I healed. And like, but that was several years after it had happened. And you could never have orchestrated that experience for yourself. Not a moment of it. Could I have planned or manipulated for my healing? Right. The reason I shared is just to say, you know, the trauma of loss like that or the trauma of any trauma that we experience as humans, it's going to have its own form and it's going to have its own needs. And you have to just show up to those needs within yourself when they arise. Like your gut pain didn't show up until it was ready to show up. And so rather than like fighting it, just invite it when it's there and let yourself

love on it however it needs to be loved on. Yeah, I love that. That's very helpful to hear because for me, like it happened five or three, three years before I got sober. And then when I got sober, coincidentally or not, when I was still in rehab, I got subpoenaed to go testify. And I had gotten subpoenaed throughout the years prior to that, but there's no way I ever would have shown up, let alone shown up sober. And so like 30 days sober, I had to go there and testify. And it was like, whoa. And I thought that that was my closure. And I was like, all right, like, that. that was amazing, done. And then it started coming up, you know, years and years later.

And I'm still on a journey with it. But it's encouraging, you know, hearing your words about it and that it is a journey. And it is going to kind of show up how it needs to. And maybe I'll be giving a speech sometime. But it's coming out. Yeah. It sounds like such a release, though. It was the most incredible, terrifying, by the way.

terrifying, unstructured, just untethered experience of my life. And I feel like that's sometimes what we need for our big healing is that it's like nothing we could predict or control or plan and it just takes us over. And I, you know, I would even say for those that are comfortable with it, you included, you know, pray. Ask your friend how to heal within yourself because, you know, what I know now is so often when people are on the other side, the last thing they want is for us to suffer here during our human life. So if you can also invite yourself to pray to that

person and to say to their soul, you know, like, I love you, I miss you. I'm like, I'm still aching and hurting from what happened and help me. Will you please help me? Be my guardian angel, help me move through this in a way that that delights my mind, body, and soul. I love that. Well, can you tell everybody about your book and where they can find you? Yes, thank you so much. My book is called Burning Bright. It's rituals, Reiki, and Self-Care to heal burnout, anxiety, and stress. And you can find it anywhere books are sold. You can go to my website, Kelsey J. Patel.com and do a book club with it. You can come say hi on my Instagram. Instagram at Kelsey J. Patel, however, and wherever you want to find me.

Yay. Thank you so much for coming on. I loved talking to you. Thank you so much for having me. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more, about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.