wellRED podcast - #104 - The WellRED Podcast Jumps The Shark

Episode Date: February 13, 2019

On this episode the boys get INSANELY heated with each other during a conversation about Dinosaurs thats evolved from an earlier conversation about just how wild certain animals are. This one is worth it just to hear Trae lose his god damn mind. wellredcomedy.comsmokeyboysgrilling.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas.

Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

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What is going on, everybody? It's your boy the show, well-readcom, w-l-l-R-E-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast. That is where you can find where we're going to be and when we're going to be there. For instance, February 15th, Lexington, Kentucky, February 16th, Northampton, Massachusetts, then on March 1st, Tampa, Florida, then on the Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Los Angeles, Trey Crowder and Friends at Largo.

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go to carve vodka.com and check out what all the fuss is about about jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery do you want to get drunk like the show i know you do baby go to carvodka.com and carve your path. This podcast right here, ladies and gentlemen, is a goddamn doozy. I know I probably say that a lot, but sincerely, wow, this is definitely the most upset

I've ever heard Trey Crowder in my eyes. No kidding. I'm not trying to, like, I'm not trying to be funny just to set this up. Trey normally is one of the most cool, calm and collected dudes. I won't say cool, because, I mean, he's a fucking big goof.

But like he's normally, he's really good under pressure. He doesn't get too heated. It's one of the things I respect about him. But on this particular podcast, man, we started talking about dinosaurs, and I'm not going to give away any of it except to say that at about minute 35 or 36, I think, depending on how it's going to come in after this intro, boy, things get turned the fuck up and we really start, well, just listen.

This episode is about we start talking about animals and what animals we think are the craziest. and then, I mean, yeah, I guess the weed gummies just kicked in. So, anyways, yeah, we scream at each other a lot. There's a couple instances, sure, where we may talk over each other, and I'm sorry, and I know that's annoying, but God damn it, I re-listen to this, and it tickled me so much. So please enjoy this beautiful catastrophe of a podcast, and we will see you guys out there on tour.

We love you so much, and skew! Well, well. You lovely human who tries his best. Okay. Thank you for that. Would you say? Here we are. Yeah, here we are.

That's what I said. We're here in San Jose. Go sharks. Go sharks. Oh, they don't have. Spanish for St. Jose. Sharks is wild, dude.

So, like, sharks, hold up. Do you know, no, you hold up. You hold up. Did you know that sharks are older than trees? Sharks have been around longer than trees. Is that not interesting? Yes. Yes, that's true.

It kind of don't hurt for me. That's a bit much. What do you mean? Sharks have gone too far. They've jumped themselves. I love that literally the first thing that sharks ever did was them going too far. Yes. Like they just, they exist.

Listen, let me put some on the table here. When you max out your level, you stop leveling up. I know that. And they stopped leveling up a fucking billion years ago. This is no disrespect to sharks. You can't hit no harder than a shark has over the course of time. Right. But me learning right now that they're older than the trees has just pissed me off.

They hit harder than trees. Bullshit. Hey. Evolutionarily speaking, they hit harder than trees. No. Yes, they do. We have to see what ends up going on with the trees to know the answer. That trees are just younger. I guess that's fair.

Like, you know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I ain't never. Right. I never seen a motherfucker make a cup out of shark. You know what I'm saying? They probably do in Japan. In China.

Yeah, that's true. God, everything out of a shark over there. Hey, man, can I get one more of them? Sharks have pissed them off. Can I eat another one of them little weed things? Yeah. You want them weed gummies.

That's why I went to get the motherfuckers. Well, these, like, I've never had these before. Like, we stay eating, like, kind of similar gummies, but, like, these are the cutest gummies on earth. They're, like, so tiny and, like, they look like. My very, very. very white wife found those pintistry pintistry ass gummies.

Thank you, Katie. Remember that weed ad we saw today? Weed dad? Weed dad. Weed dad? Weed ad. O weed ad. Goat.

Yeah, it was a goat. It was some kind of goat brand weed, which I get it, goateeat weed. But it had hot girls to. If I'm not mistaken, it was called Ignite. It was. Which would imply that their marketing is effective. Yes.

Because I remember that. So, right, and I remember everything about the ad, but what to me was creepy was it was goats, which weed goats, I get it. And then it was hot girls. And the subtext of that billboard to me was looking like she was about to fuck that goat. Yeah, no, I saw that and I felt that too. I understand feeling that, but I personally, I think that's a byproduct of, we think a woman's going to fuck anything if she's in an ad. Yes, that and also for that. their perspective, you know what we need?

A hot bitch with some tetties. Right. You know, and our mascot is a goat. So we'll have a goat and a hot chick, and that'll hit. I agree. That's the extent of it. I don't think I don't think they went beyond that to like... I completely agree. That was their plan when they dreamed up the ad. Right.

But somewhere among the photographer or the model, did you see how she was looking at that goat? Yeah. and that was on purpose but that's how she's been taught to look as a model I know right that's how she's been taught to look at everything as a model

they make the fuck me eyes to everything but today it was at or around a goat yeah yeah well anyway the ocean's wild I can't get over sharks

look son our papas ain't wrong about everything I've been saying it I've been saying it what are they right about in this context just that California's, you know, Oh, sorry.

People will be fucking goats in California. I don't know how many times I heard my papal say. I was like, don't you go out to California. Everybody out there is fucking goats. Yeah, that was one. That was one of his number one. It was like all the time. Yeah.

Hey, go give me some milk. Oh, good. You don't go out there to California. Yeah. They're fucking goats. You don't be a goat fucker. Go out there to California. So, man.

Okay. I'm definitely heard that. Real quick. If you want to be a goat fucker. Talking about Papal's perceptions of California. Katie, my wife, has a... The Papal perception. She has a...

Coming soon to five. Great grandfather. That does sound like a soap opera. Papaw's perceptions. A papal... They're all full of shit. And this dude... I respect this guy automatically

because this dude literally fought the Nazis. He has war medals from fighting the Nazis. He's a... Nazi fighter. World War II... hero, right? But he also born and raised his whole life

in Waynesboro, Tennessee. And we were there... So he's just wanting to fight anybody. So we were there over the holidays. They just were in the way. We were there over the holidays. Anytime the boys,

we take the boys to go see grandma and stuff in Waynesboro, they always have to go to the old folks home to see Papa Odle. That's his name. Odle? Odle from Wayne County. Hapaw-Odle, yeah.

And he's a... You mean to tell me, Odle from Wayne County, has some interesting views on him. 98 or 99 years old. And when we got there, like... There ain't no difference. He didn't recognize Katie or whatever. And so he can't hear shit,

and he can't, because he can't hear shit, he can't talk to intimate his opinions on things. So people write him notes, and he responds to the written... So there's like a dry-race. board. You can't talk to him. You have to write a note on the drive. Have you ever drawn a swastika on it and seen what he said? So, so that's how you communicate with this guy. And again,

I got all the respect to the world for him. We were there. We walked in and he didn't recognize Katie or us at all. The man's 99 years old. He doesn't recognize a lot of people. That's fine. But because he didn't recognize us, Katie's sister, got the whiteboard that you write shit on and wrote, um, you know, this is Katie. You remember, or no, she was like, okay, I fucked it up. Before getting the whiteboard, because he didn't recognize Katie, they got this photo album out. And this guy in his regular life, he was a carpenter, a woodworker.

And Katie's sister pulled out this picture of her. her and her sister when they were like 10 years old, when they were little girls, standing in his workshop, you know, with all his woodworking shit around them. But the only people in it are Katie and her sister. And so he didn't recognize Katie or us or whatever.

And so her sister gets this picture and pulls it out and puts it in front of him to remind him. And she puts this picture in front of him of her and her sister when they're 10 years old and his sister. woodworking shop and she goes oh you don't you don't you don't remember k look look at this she puts it in front of him and he goes them them two them two them too little them two little tables won me first prize at the woodland and i died like i was i was over in the corner just losing my shit.

Like, you just found out, your step-papa is Ron Swanson. He didn't even acknowledge their existence in the picture. Like, they weren't even there. You know,

them two tables won me first prize and I just fell out. That's so fucking fun. And Katie's sister wrote on the thing. He was like, okay, but who are the girls in the picture? And then he was like, oh, that's Katie and Carrie. Some bitches in the way of my art.

Yeah, it fucking killed me, man That's fucking crazy I remembered that story halfway through Yeah And it's still super hit for me But before I remember the end I was hoping that that was going It was like so he wrote

We wrote Trey on the board Or California and he just wrote gay No That basically happens but it's not gay Is it no It's crazy It's crazy He called you crazy

me and katy in california and every anything related to that is crazy is crazy yes that yeah that's what he says the guy who can't remember anyone's face has called you crazy love it right but again he fought the nazis so you know yeah let's give him one it's okay for him to hate everyone else yeah but um yeah well we're going to talk about animals animals we were gonna we were gonna talk about animals. I wanted to smoke weed and talk about animals, but we only could eat weed. Mine ain't cooked in 30 minutes. This podcast is about to get lit as a motherfucker.

Yep. What is, you can just nominate one. I'll let you go first, Trey. What's the craziest animal? If somebody says your animal, you can say that was it, but this is my other nomination. Okay. Well, I was going to say, I feel, y'all are not going to be surprised by my answer, but for me, it's octopodes. Octopuses, octopies, octopies, octopies, octopi.

It's octopies. It's octopies. It's an, an octopus is, in my opinion, the craziest animal. But in an octopus, acephalopod? It is. It is, but so is a squid. And squids are nuts, but not quite as wild as octopus according to tray, I think. For sure.

No, no, no, I'm not saying that. Squids got ink. They'll ride on you, dude. You told me that earlier that they were of equal intelligence or whatever, and I just found that out. Right. Well, me too, when you told me that. So all I said was, oh, shit, really? So I'm not, you know, I ain't hating on squids.

I just didn't know that they were on the same level as Octopi. They think. I mean, you know, how do you measure the intelligence of a sea creature? But they have similar size brain, similar size brain to body ratio and similar central nervous systems. What I've always heard about Octopi is that they're very smart, but their lifespan is two to three years. Wow. And if they live... Because they're smart enough to kill themselves?

Yeah, right, I guess. Yeah. But if they, if Octopi... You know how easy it is a chocky of? If Octopi live to be 40 or 50, like parrots and dumb-ass humans do, then, you know, who knows what they would be capable of is what I've always heard. Uh, so that's why they are on that level of them. They ain't capable of shit. They can't even stay alive, dumb fucking octopus.

I mean, yeah, right. Or do they not want to be alive? For sure. Well, that was the first respect I was putting on that. I hear, and I'm kind of thinking that. Like, they're like, this is enough. Well, like, you know. Like a human at 100 who's just given up.

The statistics of people who killed themselves and people within the, like, higher echelon of IQ, a lot of times smart people kill himself. You know, that's like kind of a myth, though, because if you kill yourself, they just give you 10 points on an IQ. Right, right. He was like, he must have been smart. He's out. We thought he was a one, I don't know, 140. He's 150.

Yeah. I don't know. What's your answer, Drew? Well, what, something's going to, Nat can't get in here. Nat's trying to get in here,

but she can't get in. No, fuck her. It's jellyfish. I'm back in the ocean. Jellyfish are infinite years old. They, they could live forever. That's what I was going to say.

Like, jellyfish have no brain and they never die. They're like a Republican senator. Right. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, get the fuck out! Right. What are you doing?

You ain't got no brain. But like, that's insane. They're literally immortal. creatures. The jellyfish. Yeah, they're biologically immortal. They don't. You know what else is like, lobsters, lobsters are

also biologically more. Shut the fuck up. They don't make no sense. They're biological. Because they have a digestive system and the jellyfish have a very different one. Lobsters do not die of old age. They die from when we decide that

they hit. Like, have we ever waited on one? No. Most of them is. I feel like a motherfucker was studying lobster. He got to be 80 and was like, fucking I'm eating his ass. Yeah.

But not, but yeah, they don't, they don't, die of natural causes. That's so funny. Like fucking eating a 90-year-old lobster. I can't take it no more. Yeah. Are you, you're blowing my mind. No. Because the jellyfish thing is crazy, but they have such,

they're such simple. They ain't nothing. I mean, right, that's what I mean. I mean. Right. They're like eyes, brains, digestive system? Jellyfish ain't nothing. You ever crack up a lot? They literally aren't. They literally aren't. If you have poop inside you, you shouldn't live forever. Right. Jellyfish is just go. Like a lobster is at least a fucking.

thing that has a they got livers yeah I mean they got stuff what's your answer Joe man I'll be honest I was gonna say jellyfish but like

for real dog like the thing that like fucks me up the most is ants like ants are crazy to me like you send these motherfuckers that like

they go to an ant hill and they like drop all the the metal or the fucking and they like pull up the ant colony like the fact that these motherfuckers

are doing they shit and like they communicate telepathically. That's the thing that like the scientists have said like ants. Hivemind. They have a hive mind. They have a hive mind. So they got like they're all basically the same brain. Right.

Right. Which is why Ant-Man and Marvel worked that shit's correct. But like they are like they've got a queen bee or whatever the fuck it is of ants, a queen aunt. And then these motherfuckers just like they all move within one brain. to make this fucking society. And then when you fucking pour, is it concrete or what was it they pour into them,

the ant hills? But they pour, they pour shit in there and they pull the ant hills up and they pull it up. Aluminum. It's aluminum. They pour aluminum in there and they pull these ant colonies up. And they've got like fucking little hideouts. They've got separate rooms.

They've built all this shit. That shit. And also, pouring molten aluminum down into ant holes. Yeah. We're so fucked up. Oh, we don't hit. But like,

we found out about these ants. and like they're creating colonies that we could never even conceive of and like they got their own rooms and shit and like that but like yeah they're all one sometimes this kind of stuff straight up blows my mind and it is my going and sometimes i'm like we just want to be impressed like we're looking at right look the aunt's got a two-bedroom apartment i can't even afford to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah rome did hit i agree with that but the like the fact that they're their little tiny bugs. They are bugs.

Doing that shit. And they also can lift ten times their own body weight. That's something like, can you have fucking imagined that? Like, that's like, that's literally us lifting a goddamn car. But dude, but look,

every head must bow, every tongue must profess. We are the baddest motherfuckers this ever. Without a doubt. I don't think it's sharks. They'll outlive. For real? No,

you ever seen a shark pull meat? Like, every now and then, some motherfuckers get to eat by sharks, but not as much as a motherfucker catches a shark. Okay, but like, here's what I'm saying. This is true of other animals, but not all of them. We ain't going to make it, and we're going to kill ourselves.

And like, lions be doing that, like they'll eat up their food supply, but like a lot of animals want. Okay, but we are also undeniably the pinnacle of evolution on this planet. Right. Of life on this planet after hundreds of millions of years. darks ain't got no prints we are they got no podcast we are the pinnacle of that and what's that could go either way what's so fucking crazy about that is we destroy other life everywhere we go you know what i mean like we're like a virus yeah for for the earth yes but at the same this just became to joe rogan podcast right right but at the same time we are we're the only

We're the only thing life on earth has for chronicling itself. Right. Uh, analyzing itself. Yeah, like, we, we're the pinnacle and the, like, the fucking... Worst. The worst. You think, like, at the same time, that's fucking crazy, man. It is, man.

Do you think they're, like, amongst sharks? And, yes, I'm high. Yes. Yeah, I am high. It's a high thought. But, like, it's real. It's wild, man. Do you think, like, a month?

Monks sharks, there's sharks that are like, that's the Christopher Nolan of sharks. It's got to be the Great White. You know, like, well, that's just, that's a species of like. Oh, no, that's the hammerhead. You said Christopher Nolan. Right, but I'm saying, like, you know, I don't know what I'm saying, but like, there's, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Like, there's some sharks.

They live in the same area. Is they an ant? And like, that one right there eats the most and this one farts a lot. I'm saying, that one's weird, but he's entertaining. No, I'm saying, do you think there's an ant that hits for ants? Yes. You know what I mean? Like, you ever see the Woody Allen cartoon?

Yeah, Ants. It was fucking great. Ants? Yeah. But, like, do you think that really exists where it's like, this ain't here? No. You know what I mean? Yeah, no.

I mean, maybe. No, it does, but it's the, it's their queen. Well, that's why we hit harder because there's, monkeys do that, though. There's funny monkeys. Oh, by the way, monkeys is wild, too, if we won't get into that shit. There's funny monkeys. There's, like, and apes and chimpanzees, there's, like, ones that are funny to the other ones. Then, like, there are entertaining ones.

They got. Chimps got comedians. What's them motherfuckers in, uh, in, in, uh, planet of the apes? They got their flat-ass face. Them monkeys. You know what I'm talking about? I think those are chimpanzees. Is that chintangetang?

No, orangut. Oh, yeah. They got that, fuck it. They, they, they face looks like a fucking avocado dip station. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. Like, that's crazy a shit.

It looks like a bowl. And they, but they all be hanging out. They do. They get drunk. Ever seen that? A lot of, dude, a lot of animals get drunk. At the amarillo tree. They eat fermented fruit.

Fruits fall off of trees. of trees and they ferment. They ferment and a lot of, a lot of different animals eat those fruits to get drunk. Have you ever seen a drunk giraffe? I mean, no, but. Wait, for real, this is a thing? It's a deer on stilts drunk.

Yeah, they eat the Amarillo trees and they get hammered drunk. I'm going to show you all video in a minute. I wanted to tell you something about lobsters. There's a theory on them. Okay. They don't know how long they would last. Most of them do die when they change, when they shell molt,

when they get a new shell, which is technically natural causes, but if they can survive that, like what you were saying is true. And the theory is the longevity may be due to, I don't know if I'm saying this right, telomerase and enzyme that repairs repetitive sections of DNA sequences at the end of chromosomes referred to as telomeres. That's the fountain of youth. Lobster's got it. Is that what I'm reading?

Yeah. I mean, is that how you're in terms? repairs DNA. That's your body healing itself. That's why they shit tastes so fresh. You know what I mean? Like no matter how old they are, they taste fresh. All this basically comes down to,

there's so much we don't understand about... Anything. Life. Like what makes life life, but one thing we know for sure is that it... Life at any level, like even like single cell bacterium stuff, like the one thing we know about life at every stage is that it sucks wants to content yes

yeah but that it wants to keep going keep going yeah like everything life at every level the like the one thing that all have in common is that it keeps going except us that it reprint no no i mean but but no though lemurs like we like lemurs commit suicide I was going to ask if any animal was committed suicide. Lehmers. Lehmers like do mass suicides. They jump off fucking cliff. Lemmings. Lemmings, whatever the fuck.

Is that why so many comedy groups are called the Lemmings? That checks out. There's like wanting to jump off cliff. It's like how funny. They jump off cliff. You're right. Also, this is something that I had it. I had this class when I was in college that was, it was history 101.

It was what it was called. But like, ironically, it was like, this is what you should have learned. This is what you should have learned. you didn't learn and this quirky ass professor where was this bc south africa okay and uh drew drew was in south africa guys if nobody's known and uh i don't think i've ever said on the podcast i have bullshit it's been said okay about you but uh i lost my train of thought

because cori got jealous that i had a laugh before godwere lehmers oh lemmings lemmings it was the life thing we read this one book anyway the argument was basically that life is also the only thing in the that kind of breaks the laws of physics. Most things as they, as they like, as time progresses, they get more simple. Like the law of entropy, this system, this heat system dissipates and throughout the universe and then it just gets more simple until it's completely stasis. Yeah.

Life actually gets more complicated over time. Right. And I think that's connected to- Like heat don't have to worry about like Cardi B existing. Well, I mean, arguably Cardi B is heat. She is hate for sure. Grammy winner. What up?

So if you put those two things together, the two things we know about life are that it gets more complicated and also wants to continue. Yes. Like, what does that mean? Do you want to know what I mean? Yes. Like, there's no, like,

do you want to know whatever? Because if it just wants to continue, then it would just be bacteria for eight billion years. You know what I mean? mean because it exists and it can get harder right it's like the futility of existence right the jellyfish haven't figured out but they're definitely going to evolve into a fucking snake that can die the jellyfish right yeah they can live forever i know but like had they evolved in how long i said if you think about that what's it mean and you said do you want to know yeah yes i do want to know what i think what i think

what you know what i think because it's like i think it's like i think it's like sort of cheesy because we're getting in like what i believe so that's why i was like do you really want to know what i think because I guess this is like the closest thing to religion that I have. Here's what I think. Like, there's this idea that a lot of our culture has that, like, we're in the universe. And I'm not the first person that says by any means. This isn't, I'm not going to blow anyone's mind because I'm high right now. But I don't think that.

I think we are the universe. I think that that is just life is an attempt to live forever. That we're trying to get more complicated so we can figure that out. And by we, I mean, any creature. Like Bill Hicks said, we are the universe experiencing itself. And some part of quote unquote the universe, and it's like I'm applying consciousness to it. I'm not saying it's a decision the universe has made. But some part of its makeup is to reach a level where it's not just experiencing itself.

It's fully conscious and lives forever. Yeah. And so because all we have to go on is the evidence we have in front of ourselves, right? but like so having said that there are a lot of scientists and biologists and stuff who believe that um that the way life has progressed on earth is um just the way that life is forced to progress like like if if the factors are in place for life to exist then it will exist and operate basically the same way every time because it's just a set of rules. You know what I mean? I think so. Like it, like, life just does what it does.

Right. You know, regardless of anything else. Like, if it's there, that's some Forrest Gump shit. Then it just does what it does. So that gets me into something that this kind of conversation always goes to, which you and I have talked about before, which is like the Fermi paradox. Yeah, dude.

Fuchs me up. Hold on. What's a Fermi paradox? Fermi paradox is that, okay, so there are X number of planets around X number of stars in X number of galaxies, right. And they're all basically infinite. So if you take that number of planets and stars and galaxies and considering that they're infinite, if only 0.000,000,000, 1% of planets, produce life, there still should be

way more than what's up. Billions of life. Of life support, intelligent life supporting planets out there. Right. And the fact that we have no evidence for even a single one other than ourselves, that's the Fermi paradox. Okay. It doesn't make sense. Right. And there are all these theories about why that is. Like that. There's an infinite number of people out there wanting to find us as we are wanting to find them. The biggest one is that it's called the Great Filter, which is that life as we know it, at some point hits this filter that keeps it from progressing beyond that. And some scientists think that that wall is the beginning of life in the first place.

Like that life even beginning at all, that's the great filter. Other people think that life can spring up, but the great filter is the jump from single-cell organisms to multi-cell organisms. Other people think that it's the jump from multi-cell organisms to intelligent life forms. And some other people think that it's beyond that. it's farther, that we haven't hit it yet, that we have yet to hit the great filter, but that it's in front of us. And there is some wall we are racing toward that will keep us from becoming a civilization that would, you know, make its presence known in the rest of the universe.

And then there are other people that think that maybe we're the first. Right. Like that we are, like that we are. Like, we are the originals. You know, we're the ones... We could also just be neck and neck. Right. You know, like...

And that's what's the craziest thing about all of it. It could all be... Right. It could all be true. Like, we have no idea, you know? Like, all of that shit could be... Yeah. Another theory is that it does happen.

It's so spread out. There are... There is lots of other intelligent life out there. It's just they're, they're so unbelievably, unfathomably far away. Right. And that there is never a point that we can get to where we can move our bodies across that much space. That we live in, or basically like the boonies of the universe. Like we're in just, we're in a.

Boy, don't that check out. We are in a galactic. Space rednecks. We're in a galactic backwater. Yeah. And then there are Louisiana. There are other people that are like. Just that?

Yeah. we haven't been reached out to people or we haven't been reached out to by other civilizations and stuff because for the same reason that we don't reach out to ant colonies right when we're paving a road over their shit yeah yeah it would why would we why would we don't ask why would we why would we ask the ants how they feel about right and that's probably what god is and that's how a lot of people feel that. Well, Red listeners, is why we've come here today. Why aren't we asking the aunts how they feel?

I asked my aunt how she felt one time. It would check out. It would check out for me a lot if Earth was like the Panama City of the universe. It is. Absolutely. It's the Milky Way, way, way too red to go there. Or just the Milky Way candy bar. Yeah.

Like any of that checks out to me. Man, we're in it. But it's true. Well, we've done this, haven't we? When you sit and think about it, though, like, I try not to. The fact that, like, that we haven't heard from anybody. and have it's like, I mean, it is, I don't blame them. It's wild.

I mean, right. I'm bull-fledged. But it's still crazy, though. It is crazy. It's crazy. But, like, I enjoy the thought of, like, we're trying so hard to find other life, and there's other life trying so hard to find us. Like, we're looking up at the same.

And then one day, we're going to meet in the middle, and it's going to be fucking not what we thought it was going to be. You know what I'm saying? That'll be a great war. Well, you think about, like, the Star Trek universe where, like, there's all these. Advanced civilizations. Yeah, if we actually Panama City.

Because, Corey, I know you're a Star Trek fan. Absolutely. Like, in the Star Trek universe, they have the prime directive where you, like, advanced civilizations take it upon themselves to not interact with less advanced civilizations because it'll fuck their whole shit up. Yeah, it's why the Democrats lost in 26. And that's like a rule that they have. But it's just... Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

It's hard to believe that that's what's happening here, though. Like, the idea that there's this whole universe of all these intelligent, and like, and like, and we're the dumb fucks. Because also, dude, let's think of it this way. And I believe it. Dude, we would, we have enough ability to see things happening. Like, we would, we would know, I think of it this way. In the 1600s or whatever, fucking people come over on boats,

you think about the manpower, the money, the effort it took to get across. cross that ocean. And then you get there, the reason that we murdered all the goddamn Indians was for their resources to take their land and shit. But if you didn't need it, or what, like, my point is, it actually isn't that crazy if, for example, there is some civilization 10 billion light years away, and they can get to us, and they have. And they got here, and they're like, they're dumb as fucking rocks. And then they're like, do they have any name and element that we barely have any of? And that's what they need for their society. And they go, no. It's like, well, fuck it. Let's leave them alone. Okay. It's too fucking hard to get. You know what's crazy is like. Okay, okay, but, but like I said a minute ago,

we don't ask an ant colony how they feel about us paving a highway over them. But we need that highway. Right. But like, we also don't go to any links whatsoever to conceal ourselves from those ants. And they left the pyramids here for us to know they was here, bro. Okay. But that aside, you know what I'm saying? Even if you were saying, it's like, oh, they have no real vested interest in fucking with us.

They also have no reason to conceal their existence from us. But if they came 10,000 years ago. Because what are we going to do? But if they came 10,000 years ago, and to them, that's not that long, there's no reason to come back in that 10,000 years. You're talking about ants? No, aliens. Okay, I'd say fuck hands.

There was no reason for them to conceal themselves. Maybe they didn't. And it just, we didn't have TV back then. They would have had to have been here in the last 600,000 years. Yeah, have you ever seen Prince? To be written down is what I'm, you know what I'm, not necessarily. Like, people argue it was written down in hieroglyphics or whatever. And I think those people are probably reaching.

It's aliens. It's aliens amongst. My point is simply that they may not have concealed themselves. Maybe they just ain't been here and long enough for it to be some. something that we have track of, that we kept track of. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. And good, because I forgot what I was saying halfway through.

For the record, because of the numbers in the Fermi paradox that we talked about earlier, just because of the sheer math of it. I don't like sheer math. And I'm numbered dumb. But just because of knowing how big the universe is and how many planets, like, I 100% believe there are aliens and other intelligence. A hundred percent. And if you don't, you're a fucking. an idiot. Right. And I agree.

I'm about to get yelled at. You are a fucking idiot. If you don't know there's aliens, you're a goddamn idiot. Just mathematically, there has to be. But, like, of course. We already know. We found Prince. No, we did. Prince, motherfucker. We didn't find bacteria? No, no, no. We've talked about this on the podcast before. No, no, we

haven't. Because I'm telling you, we've talked about this on a podcast, and we looked it up afterwards. Uh-huh. We have not. Dude, if we, if we, if we, if we found, if we found, if we found, if we've We found proof, 100% cold scientific proof of life outside of Earth. That would literally be the biggest scientific discovery and headline and everything. Ever.

In the history of mankind. And the history of ever. And that has not happened. Like, we have not found that. It was a fossil. We found evidence of water on Mars. I thought you said possum. I thought you said it's a possum.

We found a possum. There's a Mars possum. It's so funny you say that. I thought we found fossils of bacteria from a Mars. No, no. Meteorite yields evident of primitive life on early Mars. NASA. NASA said that shit.

It's a fossil, which I know ain't. With your choice of select sandwich nugs, fries, and a drink, Wendy's $5 biggie bag is your go-to. Your nugget wingman. You're hot and crispy fry co-pilot. Just like us. We're like the bag. boys what bag boys what you gonna do what you gonna do when we bring your food for a deal you can

count on bet on biggie and choose wisely choose wendy's bag boys bag boys u.s price of participation may vary includes choice of double-stacked cbc or crispy chicken sandwich with four piece nugs junior fry and small soft drink third-party delivery pricing may be higher organic molecules of bio maybe they're reaching I'm reading it I'm trying to read it briefly it's literally a NASA paper but it's that they found fossils that they believe are of molecules thought to be of Martian origin. That's a reach. I think they're reaching. Yeah, we don't. I mean, we don't know. And like, again, to me, it's the Fermi paradox thing. Like, who the fuck is this Fermi motherfucker? A really, really, really smart dude. I mean, he hit, but you could tell he sat around thinking about, you know what I mean? He was a

sad man. Yeah, but he sat around thinking about. shit. Tesla was sad as fuck. Back in the day when like that was like a job you could have was to sit around and think about shit. You know what I'm saying?

You can do that now? We're doing it. We're doing it. We're currently doing it. Yeah. Yes. But like... This is the Choate paradox.

But... But cheese hits. But when Fermi was doing it. Yeah, it is. But when Fermi was doing it. But eating it, don't hit? Dumb people. No.

It's a mariotchi paradox. Dumb people that sat around thinking about shit. Again, that's what we're doing right now. I know we have the ability to do that. When he was doing it, that wasn't a thing. Dumb people sat around thinking about shit. They didn't have podcasts. They didn't have nothing.

I don't believe that. They sat around thinking about shit. Dude, fuck the past. Can I say that? Fuck the past. How many times we've said that? It's given dumb people. Can I go out of a limb here?

Fuck the past. The past sucks. Well, this is another reason we're superior to sharks. They don't have pox. Podcasts. Or pass. They don't have a pass. They don't.

They've always been the same. Okay. So on the subject of life and how insane life is, okay, here's the thing I read recently. Uh, if you, if you stand up and you hold both your arms out, straight out in a cruci- He's in his willhouse. He's been reading books and stretching his arms out. Look at a crucifixion pose. Okay.

Okay. And the. length from the tip of your left middle finger to your right middle finger if the length of life on planet earth life in any form is this your arm stretched out kevin garnett anybody doesn't matter but your hands are so long it doesn't matter from from your left fingertip to your right wrist right so 90% of the length is just bacteria. It's just single-celled life forms.

Sure. And then beginning at your right wrist is two cells. Multi-cellular life forms, right? Yeah. Okay. If you took a nail file, any Rite Aid brand nail file, and you ran it... That's how white trashy is. He went straight to Rite Aid.

And you ran it... If I were going to say Walgreens, he says Rite Aid. Any Gucci brand nail file... and you ran it one time over your right middle finger. Then you can return it and get your money back. If you ran that nail file one time over your right fingertip, you would erase all of written human history. That's insane.

Your right hand is not just human history. It's multi-cellular, the dinosaurs fucking everything, all, everything. everything other than bacteria is just your right hand and human humankind is just the very tip

of your right middle finger that's right we're the dust by the way fucking insane dinosaurs is wild dinosaurs is wild they're super fucking wild insanely wild

I know that's what I'm saying dinosaurs existed so much longer ago than... And so much longer than. Like, you think about like... Longer than us, right? They're around for millions of years. Right.

Dinosaurs, any of the... Like, man hasn't even approached existing. From the time we walked out of the caves to now. We're not even one-one hundredth of a percent of... existing as long as the T-Rex did. I hear you. What about how, since they found out they was birds. Yeah, they got feathers.

The Tyrannosaurus right got feathers. And they was probably like very multicolored a lot of them, especially considering where they lived. Because you know, growing up for years, they was just old-ass lizards and they was all gray or brown. They was wearing pastels and shit. That's right in the books. That does hit.

Right. but it didn't hit. You know what I mean? Like, no. A T-Rex being pink and purple. That's, look,

that hits Supreme. Are you shitting me? That don't hit for most people. No, most people want to be great. Y'all, uh-uh. Are you shitting me?

Yes, and I'll defend the fuck out of it. Go ahead. They're talking about, they like Mountain Dew, it's lime green and red. They like fucking NASCAR. Every car, every car,

but one was bright. He was the best, to be clear. My point is these people love bright colors. Monster energy drink, Monster trucks is bright. is bright green, bright shit hits for everybody. The literal Raptor, the literal Ford Raptor, has neon on it.

Neon size. I'm with Drew right here, Chrome. That was a fucking whole thing. Chrome don't fucking count. We're talking about feathers. We're talking about pink and purple. Actually, that's right. And also lime rain and blue ones.

Just the colors that the Wimburns wear, it's also blue and lime green feather. Then rednecks don't like that shit. I don't have for them. No. No. Those colors absolutely hit for them. What? I don't think so.

You know, many times I wore a pink shirt and everybody's like, you weren't a pink shirt. Not just pink. Y'all just keep saying pink over and over again. Their feathers were also blue and green, and those are the only two I have, but those are fucking colors. You're literally describing Rick Flair, and this is kind of checking out. He's a goddamn dinosaur. That's all he was. He was a Velasoraptor.

He crowed around on stage. Woo! Yeah. You don't know what he's saying. Okay. He had feathers? You yourself have a dinosaur. You yourself have seen pictures of what people say now that a T-Rex looks like.

Are you telling me that when you see these new pictures with these fucking multicolored feathers on it, you didn't think to yourself, well, that don't hit. No. I'm glad. No, actually, they hit harder for me. Yes. Y'all are so fucking full of shit. No, no, no.

It does hit so much harder. As birds. Fuck. They're fucking birds. In the gray ones? I agree. Think about it. I'm with Drew on this.

Think about Jurassic Park. If they had feathers, it hit way harder. Way harder. Are you kidding? Are you kidding me, dude? Remember when Sting dressed like? 100%. Both things were gay.

The best thing. The best thing was not. Hold on. Hold on. Everything's better gay. Everything is better gay. No. No, no, no, no, no.

No. No. Movies are better. Hold on. Everybody shut the fuck up right now. All right. It's better. Everything, which is gay, it's better.

You're going to tell me right now that you think that Wolfpack Sting was better than fucking original 1993 green and pink sting. You've lost your goddamn mind and my respect. Or you're going to tell me that fucking rednecks like the ultimate warrior. What the fuck ever? The T-Rex of wrestlers. Fuck all that. In Jurassic Park.

If they had wings and feathers, no. Fathers, baby. Oh, my God. Look, we get it. You feel differently. You're literally screaming at us that we don't feel. feel this way. In Jurassic Park, in the scene in the fucking Jeeps when the T-Rex shows up with the fucking cups and the ripples of the water of him walking up, if that motherfucker had walked through that gate with pink, blue and green feathers on it, y'all are fucking stupid.

Are you kidding me? That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. No. That would have looked so fucking dumb. No. If that motherfucker walked through it. The feathers hit. It would have hit so much harder.

It would have been mostly blue. Oh, my God. It would have been so much harder. Dumbest y'all have ever been. You're so full of shit. Oh my God. It would have hit so much harder. Are you serious?

Absolutely. You're serious right now. That hits way harder. That hits way harder. If that was a dinosaur. Than a fucking Tyrannosaurus wrecked. We're not that. But here's a bird.

We're not that. We're not that. We're not. Lonegged turkey. We're not taking a shit. We're not taking away. Listen to me. We're not taking away.

Yes, you are. We're not taking away the Tyrannis Forrest. We're giving him feathers and fucking great colors. He would have looked stupid. He would have looked stupid. Not would have. That's what he looked like. That's fine.

The fact that... No, no, no, no. The fact that that's what he looked like is one thing. This motherfucker looked like a jack rooster. You think that don't hit? That does hit. That does not. It hits so hard.

It hits way harder. If that scene would have ended with a... gigantic rooster fucking rooster walking his ass out there. It would have been dumb as fuck. He ain't walking the same way.

Dude, fuck that shit. Y'all are... He was a rooster. Look at how his arms is. I know that. I'm talking about cinematically.

Sitting here and acting like... Trey, automatically break down a goddamn spills armament. Will you stop screaming at us for two fucking seconds? Will you stop? I'm not going to stop interrupting.

You've been doing it to me for 15 fucking minutes. Stop screaming for two fucking seconds. The notion is never actually, in fact, or in what we were arguing, we were just fucking with you. I wasn't. That shit would hit way harder. Sure.

But the idea was never that he was a complete bird. Look at some of these fucking pictures of it. They hit so much harder at that gray-ass piece of shit. Y'all are so fucking stupid. You're so fucking stupid. You're a goddamn moron. He's not like, he's not like. That was a turning point in cinematic history.

No, it wasn't. Yes. The dress. No, that's true. When the fucking T-Rex showed up in that movie, you're out of your fucking mind. No, that's true. And if he would have showed up with fucking blue and pink feathers on this.

Oh, my God. Or do you know how many shoes that could have? Oh, my God. Nike would have had a fucking cross over them, motherfuckers. They'd have the feds. These Jordan Paisal had the feathers coming out these bits. You would have had feathers on them. By the way, Tray, hold up.

The dumbest shit, y'all have ever said. How could be the dumbest shit we've ever said? You won't even let us say it. Hold up, Tray. You won't even let us say it. Hold up, Tray. We're not drunk, our manager.

Trey, I will, I'm on your team right now. That was a huge moment in cinematic history. That was a fuck, that Steven Spielberg when the draft, what I'm saying is

if that fucking T-Rex had come out looking like Liberace fend to play the candelabra, it would have hit way harder. That's so stupid. Hell yeah. And his arms are too short.

And he can't reach the high notes or the kids that use his nose. Hell, bomb, bomb. After the build-up of that scene of the cup of water, the ripples in it, the ripples in it, all knew what he looked like. And if it came out, looking like lizard Rachi, that people would have started laughing.

They would have been like, this is fucking a lot. Oh, really? Did they say that about Muhammad Ali when he came out wearing his robe tray? That motherfucker was flashy as shit. He made a fucking statement. That's how that goddamn T-Rex would have done if that motherfucker, fucker had to came out to battle goddamn Newman from Seinfeld.

That's what it would have been. You don't know shit. Also, hold on. In your mind, is that thing happening? This is ridiculous. But we grew up with gray? We grew up with gray. Because hold on.

I didn't think this is what the conversation was. What I'm getting at is, like, once you know, once you know, like, I see what you're saying if our whole lives, we knew that the T-Rex was gray or we thought we did, or brown. And then that popped up.

one would giggle because it would be totally unexpected. But now that we know, and I'm, I would absolutely have laughed in that moment. You're completely right. But now that I know, and I process it, and I know that's what they look like, it is undeniable to me that feathers... Me too.

Look fucking rat. Way better. And I already know how vicious they are. It's a fucking rad-ass, hunter-foot chicken dog. You know what I'm saying? That's rad. That is rad. You're laying eggs on your head.

Dude, even just saying... The velociraptor could fly a little bit. Even just saying that, it's a 100-foot chicken. You're so wrong, man. You're so wrong. Are you fucking kidding me? A hundred-foot chicken? You think most people are like, oh, 100-foot chickens?

God damn, that's fucking cool. Yes, that's what dinosaurs were. What about a hundred-foot lizard? That is what dinosaurs were. What is cool about a hundred-foot lizard? That is what dinosaurs were? Wait, tell me, what is cool about a hundred-foot lizard that would be any better than a hundred-foot lizard? Fits a chicken?

Chickens are badass. Oh, my God. Especially roosters. Oh, my God. Lizards just lay there. Chickens do not hit. They hit to eat. They hit so much harder than your fucking bullshit, gray-ass, leathery,

fucking skinned dinosaur. You're a fucking moron right now. Chickens hit harder than alligators, comodo dragons, crocodiles. And they all have feathers, too, motherfucker. We ain't done talking about them. Also, most of the lizards, you name it is wild fucking colors, dog. And they hit because they're wild.

colors. No, they're not. No, they're not. No, they're not. If you get close to a commoto, it's got oily colors. No, they're not. Unreal. You're, you're on.

Your ass, crocodile's, commoto, drake, they're all the same. They're bright green. They're not fucking rainbow. Are y'all out of your fucking mind? I don't even know you right now. What the fuck are y'all talking about? Pink alligators. Dude, that would be so rad.

Fuck green. Are you kidding me? That gray-ass green bullshit, a fucking pink alligator? You're a fucking moron. This is so stupid. It's not. Yes, it is. A fucking feathered ass.

It's the same size of the tornadoes' If the hit this thing to be for a murder lizard was pink and blue, crocodiles would be pink and blue. But they're not. Because that shit don't hit, motherfuckers.

Bullshit. That shit don't hit. They're dead. Crocodiles ain't dead. But the dinosaurs are? All the pink and blue motherfuckers are dead. All the pink and blue motherfuckers are dead. The ones that ain't dead are fucking green.

They're bright green. They're neon green. Dude, I can't believe we ain't had nobody from the hotel call up. Dude, how many times have me and you had the hotel call up from us just sitting there laughing at a Cohen brother's buddy? But those were like, they're partying next door. You guys need to come up here. It's disturbing me. We're about to get the cops called because Trey is beating his wife, according to who is next door.

Hey, can I tell y'all something that I told Matt, like a little bit ago? Nat knew it the whole time as you called it. I fucking actually agree with Trey. Like, I don't think the feathers. Like, I'm totally on your team, but you was getting riled up, and it hit for me so fucking hard. But, dog, I'm way on your team. That gray lizard shit is way darker.

It's Godzilla-type. Fuck this fucking blue and pink bullshit. I ain't with it, but, like, that was fun as shit. I told her a long time ago I said, by the way, I agree with Trey, but this is going to be really fun for me. And my God's son. That was amazing. Y'all do that shit to me all the fuck.

Well, no, you don't. Y'all never agree with me. I was, and dude, that was fucking rad. God, that was fucking funny. I argue with my heart. Well, guys, I mean, I don't know how you can get past that. I don't know how we're going to get past that. It's been a good night on a well-read podcast.

We love you guys. We just started the 2019 tour. We were in San Jose. We were in San Francisco. Go to well-read comedy. com, w-E-L-L-R-E-D, comedy.com,

spelled just like the podcast. Find out where we're going to be. We love you, and thank you so much. This is our third year of touring. It's unbelievable. We love you. And skew. Skew.

Thank you all for listening to the Well Red Show. We'd love to stick around now. We've got to leave the flow because the cops are coming because Tretus yelled at everybody for 15 straight minutes. Tuneing next week. If you got nothing to do,

thank you, God bless you. Nighting skis. Fathers hit.