wellRED podcast - #110 - Mueller? We Barely Know Er!

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

This week the boys discuss the Mueller Report, getting sober, being a fan-boy of Game Of Thrones, Star Wars, Kings Of Leon, etc, and The CHO shares a bathroom story from the Kansas City Airport. wellredcomedy.com for tickets to shows This week's Sponsors!:BlueChew.com use promo code RED and get your first shipment FREE... (just pay 5 bucks for shipping) Purple Mattress! text RED to 84888 to receive a free pillow with the purchase of a mattress 

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skew universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. And I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing. any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like

twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid? Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

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Spelled just like the podcast. This is where we're going to be on the 2019 tour. March 29th and 30th, this weekend, Sacramento, California, April 18, through the 20th, Portland, Oregon, April 25th, Oxnard, California, May 3rd and 4th, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 17th, and 18th, Jacksonville, Florida, May 19th, Orlando, Florida, May 30th through June 1st, New York, New York, June 2nd, New Brunswick, New Jersey, June 8th, Columbia, Missouri, June 28th, and 29th, Huntsville, Alabama, June 30th, Birmingham, Alabama, July 13th, and 14th, Ashville,

North Carolina, August 23rd, Grand Rapids, Michigan, August 24th, Traverse, City, Michigan, August 25th, Detroit, Michigan. That is just a partial calendar where you're adding dates every day. So if you don't see your city, don't hear your city, don't worry about it. We're coming, I promise. Wellredcom. W-E-L-L-R-E-D Comedy.com. That's where you can grab tickets, grab merch, sign up for the newsletter.

That way, you know where we're going to be sincerely before your boy, the show even does because I am a stupid, silly butt. This podcast this week, we're going to be. going to jump right in and what happened was we didn't realize that we weren't recording and I had been rambling for about five minutes so we're going to start right now and uh the question was what do I think about the Mueller report and then we just keep going from there so enjoy it download subscribe tell all your friends and uh skew well just start over with your take on the okay you said well I will say so we don't repeat too much you definitely said I never thought

president was going to go to jail. To jail. That was in everything that was going to happen. And then that was really it. Okay. Well, yeah. But basically what I, what I wanted to get across was that I do feel like, now, even though right now we have, I feel like a lot of good candidates coming out, which we're you know, as Democrats rightfully attacking every little mundane

detail of their fucking life and not giving them a chance, which is fine. I don't care. That's what we do. We pick people apart to make sure they're goddamn perfect. But I feel like for the past two years, everybody has been focused a lot on, oh, it's just this report's going to come out. It's going to be a bombshell and then Trump's gone. It's like, no, it's like Trey said in this video. It's going to be 2020.

It's been 2020 the whole time. And at least now we can kind of go, all right, that's what it is. Let's fucking move forward. But yeah, I knew that even if there was some bullshit in there, he's got his fans so riled up with fake news, fake news that unless they actually threw his ass in prisoner impeached him, it wasn't really going to matter to the fucking base anyway, so I never really gave a shit. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, am I wrong? No, I agree completely pretty much everything you said about it. If I'm completely honest, I'll go a step further. I have felt like some people in our side have suffered from a little bit of delusionalism. Absolutely.

Mueller is coming and all this type of stuff. Well, in that fucking before life Republican cop is going to save it. Right. Now, let me be myself and play both sides of this and be contrarian. My greatest hope was that they'd get Trump Jr. on something. And that that in and of itself would upset the president so bad that he just fucking quit.

But I didn't really have that much hope of that. I still think, and let me say this, we only heard Barr's response to whatever Mueller put out there. Yeah. I still think there is probably some stuff in there, not tied to the president, but there's probably more crimes in there or potential crimes in there. And Mueller's whole thing was, well, let me just give this to Congress and they can decide what to do. Unfortunately, at this point, Congress isn't going to do anything. But if and when we win in 2020, whatever those crimes are, like some of the ones we've already seen.

And that's the other thing that people, we've already had indictments. We've got like five guilties so far. there are worse a bunch of illegal finance bullshit things going on, but collusion. In other words, hooking up with Russia in an attempt to throw the American election, that was going to be a reach anyway. You know, the greatest hope anybody could have ever possibly had, even the most delusional person was just enough to maybe impeach him. Just in the idea that he tried to do some bullshit or whatever.

So, no, I'm not. Which was never going to happen anyway unless it was like so insanely bad that like even, you know, Mitch McConnell had to, admit it, but that was never going to happen. But no, I'm not surprised. I do think there's probably a lot more damning things still in the report, if not about the president, about people surrounding him. I think the president knows that, and that's why he's not gloating too much.

I don't think that's going to amount to anything, because the thing about this president is, he doesn't give a shit about anybody or anyone around him. More people around him might go to jail for campaign finance laws or things like that, but not collusion. and I think we need to put this behind us like you said, Trey, and focus on 2020. Yeah.

All right, well, we're going to put it behind us. That's another thing, too, man. He does enough fucking treasonous bullshit that should have him removed from the presidency in front of our goddamn faces. Well, yeah, the emoluments clause. Is that what it is? Is that what I say that right?

Where you own shit and you're passing laws that affect the shit that you own? They weren't let up about the laws. You can't own shit and pass laws about the shit, you own. Agreed with you. But it's funny because, like, they call that type of verbiage that confuses people. Law.

In laws, they call it legalese. Uh-huh. And you're not being rusty, but, you know. Well, in moments, though, is that law. So that's not being, that's not legalese. That's the name of that law. Legally's is all the use of clauses in commerce. Pursuing to Article 14 of the, yeah, that type of shit.

Well, what's up? Is it? Why? Okay, you're a lawyer. Sure. What's up with that? It's to make it like airtight is what they're attempting to do. It's trying to encompass nearly every scenario and if not every scenario what to do in the case of the exception.

Yeah. And to carve out exceptions. See, even me explaining it, I'm like, well, you have to carve out exceptions, but in the scenario of it not being an exception. But if the exception is possible, you want to mention that there's the possibility of exceptions, including but not limited to exceptions that you thought of and exceptions that you hadn't thought of. Right.

Yeah, that's why we all drank. Well, I used to work in government contracting and same type of thing. I remember taking classes and, you know, like on, like training through that job classes. And they would, it was just about government contracts and they would show us like a copy of a contract for like a U.S. Army contract from like the Civil War era. or whatever, and it would be two pages. And, like, the DOD doesn't issue a contract today that's less than probably, like, I mean, 200 or more pages or whatnot, like, even for, like, janitorial services. And it just seems like, well, that's, that can't not, that cannot be necessary.

You know what I mean? But it just continues to bloat. Like, it only goes to one direction. Well, there's stuff, and there's like causes in these janitorial. contracts because they're far, their government standard clauses that are like anti-human trafficking and anti-texting while driving and all this type of like

statutory shit that or not apply, but they put in. Yeah, janitors or be able to human traffic or at least text on their way home. God damn. I'm just saying, I know, like, why is that in there? Right. Yeah, that's a standard thing. I don't know. I don't know. We can hear.

Hey, girl. Hey, girl. I just heard Amber show. up. Did you make that? No, I tried to, I tried to close the door and I didn't realize she was behind the door. And she goes, I'm right to fuck here, bro. Yeah, we heard her. This is what we're saying. What did she make earlier?

Yeah, Corey, what did she cook for dinner today? I don't remember. You don't remember? I'm pleading the fifth. That's law. That's legalese. What was it? Spaghetti.

It was bollage-naze. It was fucking bollignaze. I've said it. I've said, balling knees to you motherfuckers. I pronounced it like that. Y'all never said shit. I have. I've said Bognees before. Y'all didn't say anything.

Now, granted, I'd probably just also done something way dumber, and so you didn't fucking have to. But y'all took, y'all had never corrected me on Bognees. And now I know why. You were waiting for the opportunity to be in a room with a bunch of other pretentious motherfuckers like yourself and pray to the gods that I pronounced it like that so that you can publicly shame me instead of correcting me in a car where I could go on with my life and say it correct.

So you're welcome. Did you have some, do you have some my most? Yeah. That's my most. No, she put a Pichol and that Parma son. She did. She had my moses. I did.

And I'm not drink. I haven't had, I haven't had a drink today's. What was it? Today's, no, tomorrow's two weeks I hadn't had a beer or even a puff of my jewel, dude, since Knoxville. Man. Yeah. Good you. Are you going to be broth weekend in Sacramento?

I hadn't decided. You're going to pass. have to aggressively torture him into it. The only reason he's saying he isn't decided now is because if he says, no, you'll start now. Right. He's long than you.

Well, so are you? Well, you know, Trey, I was going to just like live my life in the moment, but you're, you make that very hard for me. Well, Corey, hold on. And now, I don't usually defend Trey on this because I've, I've often had your back and said that he's too hard on you. You always have my back in this regard. But let me say, though, if.

If you say I'm living in the moment, that means you drinking, baby. I've been with you in moments. Only time you ain't drinking is when you living in some moment that don't exist. Well, God damn it. I mean, you just starts drinking right now. No, I just, like, I just, I just needed to chill for a little bit. And it's, I didn't have, like, I didn't have like a specific time. But now that I've made it two weeks, I feel amazing.

And I'm sleeping good. And I haven't had any type of. I remember. Like 11 days, 11 days for me is when the sleep gets normalized. Really? Yeah. Completely normalized.

It don't take, it don't take, like, I don't know, three or four, like a handful of days for me. Like, there's two levels.

No, no, there's two levels to it. Day three is positive effect. But 11 days is like perfect. Sleep, eight hours, soon as they have the pillow,

seven and a half, really, wake up, you know. Well, my sleep is actually, I've been doing better on that for the past couple months.

Because we've been, our road schedule hasn't been as rough as it normally is. And I've been trying my best to. Trey is doing what I would call, uh, competition frowning. If that competitive frowning, that's, that's what, that's what I would describe.

I'm actually chewing on the inside of my lip because I've got like a little thing going on right there. Because Corey told you he was doing things healthily and then it was the face you made. Not one purpose, but all right. Do you hear that? You made him chew his lip. That's hilarious.

Well, I was thinking about something that don't hit, but I'll tell you all that, man. My reasoning for it was that, like, we were home a decent amount, but my sleep schedule was still fucked up. And this is going to sound sappy. I don't care. I just, I realized how many hours I was missing hanging out on my wife because I would basically be just coming to right when she got off of work because I'd be staying up all night. And so I just force my... So, watch her get hammered on my moses.

Yeah. So I've just forced myself to go to bed every night when she goes to bed even if I don't want to. And then I've been up at like seven every morning. And dude, did y'all know about like the day? Yeah. Oh, my God. No, no, no. I know.

No, Jay. No, I used to feel the same way. But like, no, no. No. Now he's mad. Well, I'm saying, don't try to tell me that this is like a I don't understand thing. Because buddy, Corey, I know like. no actually that's true you literally are a workless cause when it comes to being alive

and i have young children i know all about the day buddy and like i've looked it up because i've just wondered like what is wrong with me like there's there's the thing delayed sleep phase disorder or something like that there's there are people who genuinely like they don't hit they can't they don't hit before a certain like no that's like Like if I, Andy's like that. If I can sleep until, you know, about noon or so. Yeah. Or whatever.

You still don't hit. Well, no, not compared to like a real person, but like compared to me the rest of the time, I hit way more and it's fine. But if I'm forced to get up at seven in the morning or whatever, I'm just not going to hit it ain't going to happen. We're also talking about, we're also talking about two very different things here because in both of the situations that you just laid out for your life, which was work and kids. you're being forced up and out and to do shit. Like you're having to do shit that like wasn't up to you. My up at 7 o'clock in the morning is I wake up, I leisurely go to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of coffee, turn on an episode of Brooklyn 9-9,

kind of, you know, wake fully up. And then I go to the park or something, and I'm doing shit that I like. I'm not going to work and I'm not having to deal with, you know, my kids' day and getting people to school and packing lunch. It's like, it is a very, I'm enjoying the day. But yeah, if I had, if somebody's like, Corey, get up at seven, we got a, I fucking hate that too. So I get it. But it's also, we've talked plenty times before, you and Drew are both, y'all both professed to be morning people.

I can't, yeah, I've always written better. Like, see, I don't. I can't write in the morning. I can't do shit in the morning. I can't, like, I'm way better at one. I'm the best at night. You guys forced me to do the fucking podcast at night. I do most of my writing and shit at night and stuff like when he's working on scripts and everything.

Like, I'm not. I don't. fuck with the morning. You're not guy. And there's no like waking up early for a few days and you'll, you know, the day it hit. No, not for me. Okay. Drew. I'm just the other type of person.

Yeah. Drew. I have. Now, the whole we force you to do the podcast at night, you know there have been several times that I would have much preferred to do it way earlier in the day and then lay back down, but you literally can't get Trey out of his bed until 2 p.m. Correct? I'm trying to, I mean, no.

Maybe twice? I'm just saying there was never one time he was going to do it as early as me and you wanted to do it. I feel like, you know what I think, Trey, is that Corey thought that, knew it was true. And then was like, and I want to go get drunk and I'll be drunk after the show wanting to hit and we might as well turn the mic down and talk about how much I hit. So it's all fine. And then I'm not going to, I'm not going to deny that at all. well I am not off the wagon on the wagon okay hang on real quick you're drunk you're drunk right now what I was going to say whether it hits for y'all or not

and I'll you may have been in this situation before but I don't think Cho has I hope it doesn't offend him employed I've been yes I've gotten to a point where like I very much like I unless there's some kind of special event or something going on out here, y'all know, like, for a while now, I don't drink at all when we're, like, off the road, like when I'm in California, generally speaking. So, like, I'll typically go for two weeks or more or whatever and not have a single drink and then go. And the whole thing of, like, oh, actually, like, 10 days, you really start to feel like so much better. Like, when I'm off the wagon straight up for a while and then quit 10 days into quitting, I'm like, Jesus Christ, I feel like Tom Cruise. This is unreal.

But in my experience, when that becomes your norm, like only drinking, like, kind of sporadically, like, when we're on tour dates or whatever, that shit just goes away. Like, I don't notice, I'm either hung over or I'm not. Like, the whole ass was like, oh, I'm not drinking right now and I feel fucking great. Like, that goes away. After you, like, normalize, you go back to being like, I'm fired today. I also think for me, it's just like, I've been perpetually either drunk. or hung over for 15 years.

And so whenever I have two days in a row of just being sober, I think I feel like a superstar. But really, I just feel like what a normal human being that doesn't have so many problems feels like all the time. And so comparatively, yes, I'm like, oh, my God, I can feel my liver working. But then after three days, they're just like, yeah, by the way, here's the flu, fucker. You know what I mean? Like you're just normal. You feel you get tired in the afternoon. Yeah, I don't hit.

Oh, God. you know. But, I mean, again, less than when I'm hung over and stuff like that for sure. Absolutely. Like, like, let's not sit here and act like they ain't benefaced and not being a sorry drug. Not what I'm saying. I'm saying, like, I know that feeling that you're having right now of like, oh, I'm two weeks in and, God damn, I feel great because I've felt that before too. And I'm saying in my experience, that event goes away.

I know. I know exactly what you're doing right now. You're just saying, just let you know, Corey, you may as well start drinking this weekend. No, no. Because I don't, I didn't do that. I didn't just like start drinking again all the time. Like, that's not what I'm saying. He just, he says, what he's saying, Corey, is only drink with him and then go home and be sober. No, I know.

And you know why that works for him and not us. And no, because this is jokes aside, this is true. Yeah. I don't know what you're about to say. And the reason why is then I would just never have a drink with my wife. Right. And sometimes he wants to get hammered. Whereas you and Katie.

y'all got kids you know yeah she just don't want to watch kateu basically doesn't drink at all and yes that's it i mean me when i used to me and cori when i get mad at corey because we we would have been off the road for a while and then it's the first trip and while and in my mind it's like back on the road baby time to hit whatever and cori would show up and be like i need i need a couple days off i've been going and it would be the exact opposite i'm like what i'm like god damn i ain't had a drink in a fucking month i'm trying you know whatever and it was the exact opposite. And so yes, you're 100% right.

That's a huge part. In that specific way, there's no way for anyone to relate. There's many ways people can't relate to our insanity. But in that specific way, most of the people not listening right now, I think that's how they care. Because they have, most of them, I would imagine, a routine. Like we have, it's like we have two different modes of living. I very much have two different modes of living without a doubt.

And still, this is one of those podcasts where I'm listening to it. You guys were just talking and I'm thinking. and I mean, yeah, of course we're going to put it out, but god damn, we're going to get judged heavy for this. Well, another thing I'm kind of saying is, it's like, listen, guys, I only drink when I'm working. Right. Right. No, I love saying that. I love being able to say that.

I'm not. I'm working. I'm working when I'm out here, too. And I'm just not on stage. I'm not drinking it. But it's, you know, I get out. First off, to be fair, from year one. Oh, my God.

Year one was a goddamn night. We had to. We'd be dead by now. But I have gained 40 pounds in like six months, I've been on one, and I didn't even realize I was. And by the way, it happens every year when it turns spring. I thought moving out here might change that because it'd be harder for my body to know what was happening. But we went to Knoxville with the homecoming shows in Chattanooga,

and it kind of turned spring while we were there. And I started getting on one then, and then it was Black Friday this last week. weekend. Yeah. Two days. And I'm just, and there's been few and far between. Can I think I got the full middle of it and just drank through it? Yeah.

That's, I did it. I see something that I've noticed that, first off, your mind is better when you're sober, you're physically better. But one thing that's also been better for me is, uh, is the sex, gentlemen. The sex has been so much better since I stopped drinking. For her? Yeah, that's exactly. And look, while we're here,

while we're here, guys, let's talk about sex. I'm talking about good sex. Like, you remember the days when you were just always ready to go? Well, now you can... Are you doing an ad? Yes, I am. Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed. Listen up, bluechew.com.

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I've already done blue chew. This is like your sober sex was like the time you told that audience that ever since you sobered up and started doing mushrooms, life's been pretty good. So by sober sex, you mean you've been having sex pill, but no booze. No, but they still hit. Of course. But it hit for you. Well, here's the thing, guys. What you don't understand is this isn't just for guys who can't perform.

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Hell yeah. So, there was something, I get, football, before we got on Mike, your sons are fixing to start. Yeah, so let me a minute. Well, first of all, yeah. Well, my seven-year-old is going to play flag football. he's about to start that. And yes, it's just flag.

It's not full contact because that's what you asked me. And I told you that if it was full contact, I would not allow him at 7 to play that. I don't know when at all. I mean, I don't know. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But it's just flag. And so I'm fine with that.

Cross that bridge. Get hit in the head. Forget how to get back across it. Yeah, it's a serious thing. It's funny because like. And I was going to say I was asking you if it was full contact because I wanted to say, don't do that. Right.

But I didn't because it ain't my kids. Yeah, well, like, how do you feel about that? Well, Corey had said this too, but this is true for me also, and he had a different reason, but like I always, just because like I grew up playing it and everybody did and Salina or whatever, I was always just like if I have sons, you know, they'll play football. Of course, it's like I took it for granted because every kid, every boy did or whatever. But as soon as I had kids and I, you know, me having kids also lined up with this broader discussion about, CTE and head injuries and stuff, which is like, we have way more information than our

right. And also like you joke before, I mean, you know, when I was playing football in high school in Salina, uh, concussions hadn't been invented yet when I was playing. You know what I mean? Like you just got your bell wrong. You didn't know, it wasn't necessarily the concussion. And it was a point of pride. Well, now we know a lot more and, and now I have my own kids.

I, you know, very quickly changed my tune completely. I was like, not only am I not going to encourage him to play football. Like, I don't know if I'll. allow them to play football or not. And now here I am letting seven-year-old, but again, flag, that ain't the same thing. I might plant that too. Right. The only bad thing is, yeah, that flag is definitely not the same thing, but it's like, you know, after flag, where do you go?

But I feel like, and I think even out here already, I think they have like, well, no, like flag football goes on for long, like, I think like high school teams will even have, like, flag. No, I guess what I'm saying is, like, what if, what if they, what if they. really hit. What if they super hit? You know what I'm saying? I'm not that worried about my son. I wasn't going to say it, but every now. It's pretty well settled that nature has a lot more to do than nurture.

Well, both of my parents were smart and know how to pronounce shit, so they were now to get some skips a goddamn generation. Also, I don't know what kind of jeans Katie's got. I know she's got pretty good physical genes, generally speaking. There ain't no boys in her family. None at all. So you don't always thought. If I had to guess, Wednesday.

Did he help play basketball? I mean, Katie was a cheerleader. But, like, when I say, like, I know she has good genes physically speaking because of how, like, she's a physical trainer. Insanely in shape. She always was, like, without. Yeah. Well, this was always a bone of contention without really trying that hard, which used to really piss her off. But I saw it.

Don't get me wrong. When she was, like, competing, she had discipline and work ethic and all that. but like she didn't have to do that to just stay in like phenomenal shape. Right. So like I know she's got pretty good, Jean, so, you know, who knows? But either way, whatever, that's beside the point. Yeah, it's weird. We're football.

So because of this conversation we're having, like, do you think, you know, that football's dying? And I mean, I'm saying it'll take a long time, but like we're headed in that general direction. It's on the decline. I mean, among kids that age, basketball. is generally considered the most popular sport by most metrics in terms of buying sneakers, you know, trading cards, like, you know, obviously it's impossible to actually know. Right. But it seems to be going in that direction and with that generation.

And then the NFL's going to have to change to, um, Corey, are you taking a blue two right, dude? I thought, I'm sorry. I thought I had it on mute. I was opening up a weed gummy. We had a, this man's eating a blue chute. We had a meeting out here, Jack off on the podcast. We had a meeting out here before the podcast with, like, Hollywood, like, people that actually, like, work jobs in the industry. And Corey, like, called in for it and was just, like, chewing and cooking and spilling stuff.

No, no, no. I was on the couch. Amber was doing all that just very close. Either way, it sounded to us on our end. God damn you both. Actually, not Drew. He's fine. He's just laughing.

what I wouldn't even laugh which is really why you're mad at me no I heard you laugh what I heard you laugh I'm doing it I know I'm doing it again y'all motherfuckers been chewing on this goddamn podcast I used to get on you all the time nobody gave a fuck I have one weed gummy

and I thought I had it on mute I'm sorry I'm just now learning this It's a huge weed gummy It's not a gummy, it's chocolate with peacons And it hits And there's only Well there are only five milligrams each so I have to eat four of them so I had to open four up well why you do that let me tell a story about working with Hollywood people and them having day jobs um

those particular people were kind enough and I think this is funny they were kind enough to let me have an office to do some of that work that we're doing with them and I literally made it half a day and was just like oh man what the fuck was I thinking why would I go back to this this don't hit because you were thinking I'll have a space and that will motivate me to go somewhere and sit down and do work. By going there, the act of it, it's kind of like going to a coffee shop. I'm there to work or right or whatever. And then being there, I'll have less distractions and I won't have my phone on and all that.

And then I'm just sitting in a windowless office. And this is in no way disparaging of them. This is just how office politics work. The lady who like settled that up was introducing me to people. A couple of people were like, oh, this office is bigger than mine and shit like that. And I was just like, I thought to get out of this. Yeah.

What am I doing? And that's my fault for not thinking it through. I bet Joe would have been there. It's like, yeah, you like it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, buddy. You and I bring people in every day to show them his office.

They said, me. Yeah. It's going to take me. Look how much it hits. My, it's going to take me two weeks to decorate. Y'all, y'all can't wait to see this, my fucker. The first time, uh, someone said it, I've responded. And then that made everyone who was not involved in that conversation super nervous.

I bet, yeah. Because I was just trying to give it away. I would show up the first day with somebody to paint me on the wall. So, but I don't, if I, if Andy and I have kids, I don't know, man, football, I don't want them to. I don't want them to at all. I don't know how to control it, but I don't want them to. I want them to be like skateboarders and, and I know that they get concussion. too, but I just

Yeah, just rad. Fucking rad. I don't want them to be rad. And Andy and I are both very athletic. We're also both very average to below average height. We're squat. If they played soccer, I think, because Andy was great at soccer. She was an all-conference soccer player.

I think she was like third team, All-American in Division III. And I'm, you know, short and played football and basketball. I would want them to play soccer because I think they'd be good at it. but I wouldn't want them to play football. But they'll be built for it. They'll be fast as shit. The Popeye's family feast. Why has everybody suddenly family with Popeyes hit the table?

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I mean, I just always, well, you asked me earlier I feel about other people telling me shit. I don't, like, as a parent, I mean, you said I was going to say, oh, don't do that. I'm very curious about that. I fucking hate that. Pretty much any parent I've ever known also, and nothing pisses me off more than somebody that doesn't have kids talking about how kids. or B or how you are like raise them or you know whatever treat certain situation well that makes sense to me because a i hate anyone telling me if you would have said that just then it wouldn't have bothered that much like not for

because you already agree with it right but also yeah and but also because like i know we're like good friends there's carrie where are you doing oh he's finally dead is he dead that's the stroke sound what'd you say man did you what did you just do just not You just not fucking work? I guess not. Or it's just, it might be creating some kind of feedback thing when you press it.

No, I'm not. God, no. I just my fingers. I thought that I hit the mute button and I didn't. And I'm trying to get, I'm in my attic right now because Amher's down there

making noise and it's hot as fuck up here and I was trying to get butt naked. And so I threw my phone down. I threw my phone down. We can hear him eating chocolate and taking his clothes off. In his attic while he's hiding from his wife. She's being too loud for him podcast.

I'm so fat that I might actually be on mute and y'all can still hear me eating. Yeah. Tell your story. We can't hear you eating. We can hear you getting fatter. I ain't no story to it. I was just, yeah, but generally speaking, yes, that's infuriating. I can imagine that easily because people telling me anything is infuriating.

And I get annoyed when people like you tell me I should have kids. Not mad, but just like annoyed. because it's like, well, that feels like a very personal thing. Why would anybody tell me something like that? So if you've been doing it for years, it's like the most your business of any business, how to raise your fucking kids. Yeah.

It's infuriating. But then, okay, but let me ask you this, though. When people are raising their kids a certain way, should the government ever get involved? Obviously, if they're like, fucking them. And they're like, this is what my family does. Sure, that's ridiculous. Yeah, damn.

Yeah, I agree. or not fucking kids. Okay, but what about... Yeah, I don't know. My faith is such that we don't go to the doctor unless it's like you're bleeding. You're talking about anti-vaxxers? Is that like what you're getting asked?

That's a perfect example. I wasn't talking about that. They weren't not be allowed to go to public schools and shit if they ain't been vaccinated. Because that if that... So your stance is the government shouldn't tell them but you don't get to have the government shit. Like, no.

You're right to be in when another person's begin. You were going to say shot. No. It was going to hit for me so hard. They should basically be shunned from society if they're not vaccinated, in my opinion, because that ain't fair to the fucking rest of us and the rest of everybody else. But, like, I mean, sure, yeah. If you don't want to, I mean.

They should be shot. They should be fucking shot. With a needle. With fluid in it. Yeah, dude, no, your rights in where somebody else's rights begin. That's a fucking thing. And if your, if your fucking decision is affecting other people on a catastrophic level, then just scientifically you're fucking wrong and you should go have to live in a goddamn hole and I'm a old poop on you.

Yeah. I think you went too far with the poop. Especially they're not vaccinated, dude. They're all the shit in your poop. Yeah, that's true. How many farts are in a fart and how much shit's in Cory Ryan Forster's poop. So much shit. But like what Corey was just saying, your rights in where somebody else's rights begin, you could also say that about just the kid in general, right?

Like they should, you know what I mean? Yeah. If you want to decide as an adult, which you can't, but like to not get some kind, to not be vaccinated yourself, but like making that choice for a kid that can't choose themselves when we all know society like, or science and everything understands that they ought be and they can't choose themselves and you're forcing them to not get vaccinated. I also think that that's fucked up, but it's also kind of not any different than just like. Spanking. Right. That or raising them in. like some fucking shitty-ass church.

It's like super backward and won't let them talk to, you know, whatever. Like, there's plenty of things that we know damaged kids. Spanking is like number one in my mind where, yes, I know it's damaging. But I also know other people were raised that way. Okay, right. But everybody I've ever heard going, my parents will shoot out me and I turned out fine. I've never met someone that turned out fine that said that in my life. Like I'm like, you turn out fine compared.

to everybody around you, but no, we're all fucked up and there's a reason. But that's not really the conversation or the question, I mean. Sure. The question is more about should we, should either, A, the government be telling people don't do that. In other words, we've now made that illegal, don't do it anymore, you'll go, you know, you'll get in trouble. Or B, should people, like, should people be out here and maybe, let's not say a stranger

at Walmart, but like you swatted your kid, Tray. I'm not saying you did that. I'm saying I see you do that and then I'm just your friend. I don't think I'd say anything. It depends. I mean, I think it depends on the level of swatting. Right,

maybe. You know what I mean? Well, because it's not according to science, but. Well, no, what I mean, as far as whether you say something or not, because, like, I mean, that's been true for forever, too. Like, even where we grew up where, like, corporal punishment was very prevalent, there still was a line where it crossed into, like, you know, abuse or that's too far. So it's like.

if you see something, I've seen shit in public before, not like somebody beating a kid, but I've seen people, you know, just treating a kid like shit in public, but not to the level of like abuse or anything like that. And I've always just been like, oh, it really sucks to be that kid. Right. You know, but like I'm not going to. Yeah, 100%. Insert yourself into it.

Well, no, dude, because if he'll whoop his fucking kids ass like that, imagine what he'll do to your goddamn ass. Right. If I talk about beating a child in public, I mean, that's different. Right. Yes, dude. If somebody was like, yes, probably get my ass whip, but. Yeah, but for real.

You can't call the cops because someone swatted their kids leg. No. And by the way, that's one of the few times I'm for getting the authorities involved is when kids are getting beaten. Yeah. And like, I'm never for that. Right. Because it don't help. But in that case, it might not help, but we got to give it a shot.

It might help the next time. You know what I mean? It might not, like, well, I don't want to have to fucking deal with that again. I'll just wait so I'm home and beat the shit out of them. And then we don't have to see it at least. You know what I mean? It's gross. Yeah.

So, you know, this type of stuff, it keeps me up at night, guys. Does it? Does. And that's not good, you know, because sleep is important, y'all. It's super important, man. The quality of your sleep, Corey, it affects the quality of your daily life. We all know that. I think of days when I've woken up well-rested, you know, and like high school was way more productive of a time for me than now, you know, because I haven't felt that way in, you know, 20 years probably.

But I think I remember what it would like to get a good night's sleep. But there's all the science in the world that shows how much sleep impacts your job. your day-to-day life and your productivity. And y'all, I tell you right now, if you're struggling to get a good night's sleep, well, you've got to try a purple mattress. Oh, my God, you sure do. We're in purple ones? Yeah, purple.

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The purple material feels very unique because it's both firm and soft at the same time, Drew. Like my booty. That's right. So it keeps everything supported while still feeling very comfortable. And it's breathable so it sleeps cool. It ends up giving you a zero gravity-like feel. It works for any sleeping position. And let me tell you what you can get.

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I wanted to, I'll sleep on Corey's, but I wanted to talk, there was something else I wanted to talk to y'all about this week. We've had this discussion kind of before, but not on the mic, I don't think. Fandom, like,

fandom in general, and not sports fandom necessarily. But I was thinking, and, you know, people generally realize, a lot of times the fans of a thing are the ones who like seem to hate it the most.

Yeah. Star Wars, like, the worst thing. The most. the most cliche example, but also, and Tennessee and Georgia. Tennessee and Georgia fans too, dogs. Nobody hates the balls as much as a Tennessee fan, right?

Yeah, but like, in sports, I'm not really this way. But, like, in other fandoms, I'm the exact opposite. Me too. Me and you both, we talk about it. I stick around longer and give the things I'm a fan of way more leeway than just like normal people do. What got me think about this was I watched the crimes of Grindlewold last night. Yeah. Was it no good?

That movie, okay, that movie got shit on a lot, especially by Harry Potter fans, but it also just didn't really get that well reviewed or whatever. And I fucking loved it. Okay. I've been nervous to watch it. I was nervous to watch it too, because I heard all this bad shit about it. And now, look, I was high. So there's that.

But, like, I thoroughly enjoyed that movie. And I was thinking afterwards, like, what are all these fucking nerds talking about? But then I remembered, like, I do that, though. And I've always been that way. Like, Drew, we've talked about Kings of Leon a lot. I gave them way more grace to most Kings of Leon fan. I stayed on board for way longer than most fans.

Because, like, genuinely speaking, once I'm on board with something, like, once I'm a fan of something, like, you got me. Like, I'm in it. Star Wars, all the Marvel shit, man, I'm fucking, I'm just in. Like, you really would have to put out, Star Wars and Marvel both would have to put out, like, I would say five just cataclysmic stinkers in a row before I'd go. And I still probably see the sixth thing going like, well, they're due. Right. You know?

I don't have a lot of experience with this. I think with loving something. Yeah. Just as a roll. The things I do have that experience with, I feel like. One thing that will get lost in this conversation if we don't bring it up is like age. So the perfect example for me is like the Aivet brothers. I never like started hating them.

I just wasn't as into it. And then the next album I was less into it. And then it kind of leveled off. But I also was changed. Like I just, I was growing up. I became a fan of theirs when I was like probably 23. And I think the difference in 23 million 34 me in terms of the music that I'm in. to is just super different.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. I think as they were going in a certain direction that I wasn't necessarily cool with, I also was just moving on in general. And the Kings of Leon, and this is the only example that I have, I mean, buddy,

my thing wasn't like I hate them. It broke my heart, right? I'm still heartbroken. I think a lot of fans. It was too hard to stay on board. I wanted them to give them a chance, but I can't take it. See, that's what.

Baby, no, you are an enabler, Trey. You were abused as a little child by your mom. And see, that's what this is about, Tray. You just want to keep giving people second chances to love you. The Kings of Leon do not love us. They don't love us. So, see, you are, you just, they hurt us. You don't enjoy things.

They hurt me personally on purpose. They said, we know who this kid is. We know that he's put a lot of positive identity into who we are. We know that it's unhealthy the relationship that he has with us as a band. you know what, they did it for me. Now that I'm thinking about it and I'm saying it out loud, they did the right thing. Thank you, Kings of Leon. Up until that very last thing, I think everything else you said,

that's like what the other type of fan that I'm talking about, that's exactly the argument that they all would make. Like, you are not a great enjoyer of things, as you yourself said. That's not true. If you were, if you had these different fandoms, I think you'd feel that way about a lot of them. I think that mentality, you have about to Kings of Leon is what like Star Wars fans they feel about Star Wars.

Right. That thing I was talking about. It was mine. And I don't. That's not how I like, uh, relate to things that I'm a fan of or whatever. Right. Because I'll see, I'll see movies or like I'll listen to albums like an example. It comes about it's a gaslight anthem.

They last like two albums they put out. I'd become a huge fan of them and I'd listen to their album. I'd be like, oh, they've done it again. Like I loved it. And then I go online. And I don't care about what other. people online think just to see like the praise it's getting and then see it just just getting ripped to shreds right like genuinely surprised by it i'd be like wait what i thought it hit you know

a lot of that is people wanted it to be exactly what it was for them in the moment and that's kind of what i was talking about with avid brothers is i've just i recognize that i change i should change they should change it should happen so i don't actually get that mad about it usually right With the Kings of Leon, it was just growing up. I guess it was my first experience with that and with losing something that meant something to me. But now I've got more of a, I just enjoy that it meant something to me once upon a time. That's how I'm with the National. I've liked some of their new albums.

But when I first discovered them in law school, like I needed them. You know what I mean? Like I fucking needed that shit. The world was bleak and his fucking baritone voice wine drinking son of a bitch. I loved it. And now I still like them, but I'm not. not like mad if they're not the same thing to me anymore because I'm just happy that I had that moment.

I feel they've stayed very on brand. Maybe they have. Maybe I've just needed them less. I think that's a thing too that like sometimes that the art continues to be exactly what it was but you changes a person and so you don't fit. You're like, wait, what are they fucking doing? No, they're doing the same shit that they've always been doing. It's just you don't like it anymore.

I tried to reread Catcher in the Rye. I read it for the, read it for the first time when I was 19. I tried to read again when I was like 24. And I hated it and I hated the main character. And I think it's just because he's like kind of a whiny kid. I could identify with that more when I was kind of a whiny kid. But after I actually went through some shit, it was like, you know, whatever. So I don't know.

I think to me, you know what? This is connected to what we were talking on the podcast last week with Karma Morales. And like how my new thing is trying to use my spite to make me a happier person. There's nothing more cliche. to me than like the you know the chili peppers sold out crowd or whatever yeah dude what the fuck were you

into right like of course they said why wouldn't they have that's like playing exactly and just and so I'm just trying to be more and I think this is how I am most of the time the Kingsley Inn was the exception I like to band or a movie or a

director or whatever once upon a time and now I don't know what's fine what's That's how always felt about Green Day. People were like, oh, fuck Green Day. They're not punk anymore. I was like, right, but that's not their fault.

It's just impossible to be punk when you have $40 million. Like, you literally can't. Like, that's part of it. You'd be so sad to try. Did I have pitiful? Okay, and Weezer did. Weezer still trying to be the band. And, like, I like, Weezer are a good sound.

I want to hear the hits. But, like, when you see the 50-year-old dude singing about Beverly Hills and shit, it's just a lot different than the fucking nerdy buddy Holly-looking motherfucker in 95. I don't think I've ever agreed with you harder. Rivers Coombeau hasn't changed at all. He is still a 23-year-old English-lit douche. And here's the thing. Again, that's his prerogative and that's fine.

But I'm sure he understands why I liked Weezer, and Weezer's still doing the same thing, but I'm not doing the same thing anymore. And that's fine. Barney and the Power Rangers are still doing the same thing, but I'm fucking 31. Some things are just entities that never change, and it's for the person of that age. and that's totally fucking fine. Right. This is also related to... Except the Kings of Leon.

Well, like... Who personally broke my heart. Fandoms are picking stuff apart. And sometimes I feel like... Sometimes I feel almost the opposite. Like, there's a backlash to like hardcore fans having criticisms of things that... Well, I'll just say. Like, okay, like Game of Thrones, right?

Like me and Katie just re... So the final season, the Game of Thrones is coming out in a couple weeks, like three weeks or whatever. I just started season five again. Everybody's super hype. I'm super hot for it. I can't fuck all right. Let me preface this all by saying. I'm still very fucking into the show and very excited to see what happens.

Having said that, me and Katie just rewatch the entire series. And Corey, you said you just started season five. Okay. So here's the, I just watched, season four, episode nine, the Mountain in the Vipar. You know what episode that is. Absolutely phenomenal. Yeah, so that's where I'm at right now in the rewatch. Season four marks the end, roughly speaking, of the third book.

And generally speaking, and I agree with this, the first three books are infinitely better than books four and five. Probably because you got in a hurry. So that's one thing. No, most people think that it's because they got more popular and he had let he had more creative freedom, which means like he left more shit in that should have been like cut out or trimmed down. Oh, he couldn't be edited. He couldn't be edited. He couldn't be edited by the time the fourth and fifth books came out.

God, I hope someone says that about me one day and it will absolutely be true. Well, and again, having read the book, I'm inclined to agree with that. But like the show, though, into season. Well, it could have been that he was rushing it. Season five. Didn't he finish him a lot quicker? No.

No. Not even remotely. Okay. Or it could be the matter of fact. The opposite. I'm not. is out gallivand now that he's famous. It's...

No, that motherfucker ain't gallivanted a day in his goddamn life. Have you seen... I mean, he's done some shit that hit for him, but it wasn't galavan. He galavanted his whole life, but I hear you. The most recent book is five, and it came out near the end of the first season. So, like, most people think the reason six is not out is because he's been out being famous and being George R. Martin. But, like, that wasn't going on at, you know, during. during the books that we have already.

What do you think his balls smell like? Not good. Don't hit. No, that don't hit. Cabbage. But, yeah, cabbage.

Old cabbage. If you rolled cabbage in a cigar and smoked it. Yep. That we'd call that a cabaggio and it wouldn't hit. So, anyway, Season 5, Season 5 is where the show.

George Hart, Martin, gets not as good, in my opinion. Yeah, I think a lot of people feel that way. I know, they do. I do too.

But, okay, and having just rewatched it, though. For me, it went from a 10 to a 9.1. Yeah. Especially. So season five in particular, there's still some fucking super rad shit. And that's the thing. Super rad shit continues to happen in that show. Yeah.

Oh, dude. Exponemental. Enough. That's plenty enough. But enough for you in terms of Bohemian Rhapsody, but go on. But in terms of like, the. characters and the narrative and dialogue and all of that. Losing some steam.

It's not anywhere near as like good. And then, and then honestly in this last season, again, still rad, but there were, it just started, there were things that just don't,

that just didn't make any fucking sense either. Like I think we'd taught before what was happening about how they basically teleport around to different places, but also Tyrion, all of Tarian's plans are just shitty now all of a sudden when like early season, and Tyrion was never that way. He was the most impotent dude on the show.

Well, so they had, that's when those get, the showrunners of, the people making Game of Thrones, they had really fire-ass books to build a show off of in the first four seasons. And since then, they've had not as fire-ass books and now no books at all. And in my opinion, you can see that exact decline. And also they're in wrap this shit up mode, which is never fun or easy. And I think, though, specifically I want to say that my theory on the Tyrion thing is, and I'm not saying this is working, but this is what I think they're doing or trying to go for, is how someone has great ideas when they're the underdog. Right.

And they're actually being listened to. Their brain starts working differently. and not even like, you know, just maybe even nerves, maybe even just like, oh, fuck, now I got to be right. It was so easy to play the contrarian as the drunk. No one listens to me, but I'm a genius. And I've been working hard at it. Now, you're fucking, you're the hand.

People expect you. People expect you, right. The fulfillment of a prophecy. You're not even sure you believe in. I mean, it's well. It's fucking. And his girl was fucking bad, man. dude that's what happened to ryan fitzpatrick man yeah his girl started fucking his dad

well no i'm just like ryan fitpatrick was just a drunk that you know is just like all right well you have to do this and so he just fucking came in and balled out and then everybody started expecting him to ball out and he started throwing fucking picks right and you said i'm not saying that it's working like i'll grant you that yeah it's probably is like some kind of choice that they've made but it's still like to me doesn't check out that he went from again, go back and rewatch the early seat. Corey just rewatch the early seat. Tyrion and that shit.

I know. But here's the other thing related to that. Now that he has power, if all his ideas were good, they wouldn't have a show. I know. There should be some bad. All his ideas are bad now. All of them? Pretty much.

Yeah. In the latest season. But anyway. But I mean, yeah, you expect that his, you know, after Shay, after all that mess, like, he's not the same guy. when we was a little kids, we had a lunch lady named Wanda. She ran the cat redneker and everybody did. And there was always a Wanda.

There was always a Linda. They were sisters or cousins and they had been fucking the same man once upon a time. I know that they got through that. I know that you said cash register, but it sounded exactly like you said she ran the cat register. And it hit from a very hard thinking that at y'all's lunchroom, there was just a lady that sold cats. no she ran the cash register and she was everybody's favorite lunch lady because she'd be sweet to all the kids and if you didn't have money she'd pay for it and if you were supposed to be underduced lunch but your fucking parents didn't fill it out she would like figure that out and get it fixed for you and she was the shit and like we had pizza day and we had this particular kind of pizza and they were went to change it one time and we all got mad and Wanda got it fixed for us well then she got promoted and they promoted one and Wanda was great as the cash register lady

We had our back in her of the kids And she did all the paperwork and she all that But then she had responsibility And she sucked Yeah She was great She couldn't run the whole lunchroom I'm just saying

Like We had that same shit Happened us with pizza And it was between Fiestata pizza And bar cheta pizza And one of them You know This is where she was better

Taking notes like what was the brand name? All I know was the pizza sucks Well, one of them was octagon and one of them was a circular thing. It had a lot of cheese. Right. But then when she became the lunch lady, she also made the change. It's like when she got on the other side of it, she wasn't just about to kick more.

And I don't blame Wanda for that. She's just out here living her best life. Linda's been fucking her man. It's some bullshit. But some people, they're just better as contrarians. Yeah. I agree with you. You raised a fan when he said that.

By my left hand and I have my cross. Trump was really good. on Twitter from 2012 to 2016. Yeah. They were like, let's let this. He's got some good fucking ideas. Let's put him in charge. The overarching point here is that, again,

I still love that show. It's still rad. Me too. It is an opinion undeniable that it's not, the early seasons are better. Let's do a different show, though, because I think this will make the larger conversation about fandom, this makes more sense because lost.

I know what I did. But you don't have to watch it to know, to understand what I'm getting at, which it actually got bad. Oh, dude. I mean, it fell so awful. Fans were furious. And I'm going to be honest, I got annoyed. And I, even going back to the thing about your mom, even though I was kidding. I used to make the analogy.

I feel like I'm in a bad relationship. And I just want her to dump me. But I can't leave it. Because I had to see the end of the block. Me too, because I was so invested. But I'm not, like, I'm not furious at them. They were making millions of dollars. The network wanted him to keep it going longer.

I'm not happy with Damien, whatever the fuck his name is. Lendeloff. Yeah. But like, you know, I guess that's the other thing, though. I never had him on a pet. Because of Lost, I wasn't like, he's the greatest writer of all time. I was just like, this show rules. And then it stopped ruling.

Only the new black. Midge Cohen was the head writer when she became also the show runner. To me, it jumped the shark. Dexter, Dexter, season three, after Trinity. I should have just fucked off forever with that shit because that was, it was good. It was a masterpiece. Right. Yeah.

No, I agree with that. But I'm saying, but the first two seasons of that show were also pretty good before he came on. So it was like the show was pretty good. And then his season was great. It was awesome. And then after that, it was just, hey, goddamn, all right. You know what I'm saying? Can I tell you?

Why the BBC does three seasons? that and they don't have to keep making money because they're a public and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But isn't that why? Maybe. That's why Ricky Jervais stays crushing. Yeah. Yeah, he has a idea. He sees it to completion and then he bows out.

Yeah, and it's never got a chance to be shitty. What were you going to say, Corey? I wanted to tell y'all a story before we had to get out of here that I thought would hit for you all. Do it. Let's do it. And then let's get out of here. So I had to go. So as y'all know, I did my, I did a couple of.

college gig last week at Western Missouri State, I guess. Whatever. What town is that in Missouri? St. Joseph, Missouri. Okay. In St. Joseph, Missouri, as Pat and Oswald has famously said, silence, boo, thank you. And so did not, didn't hit, I didn't hit. It was a lot of faults, but mainly probably mine just for being a person.

Any fucking ways it doesn't matter. the next day I went from St. Joseph and I stayed at the Kansas City Airport because I was the closest one. And y'all been to the Kansas City Airport and y'all probably remember this about the Kansas City Airport. It's one of those airports where like the Delta, once you're in the Delta terminal, that's just where you are. You can't go no other places. You know, Atlanta. Yes, exactly. But like, you know, Atlanta Airport, you got a decent amount of time.

You can just cruise between whatever the fuck. It don't matter. Once you're in Delta, you're in Delta. So I get there. There's one restaurant. Don't hit. but I ate at it anyways. And then there's also the shitty thing about the Kansas City airport is that even there's

one terminal, Delta terminal, but there's still like nine gates. And for those nine gates, they have one fucking restroom. And in that one fucking restroom, they only have one stall. They have three urinals and one stall. So anyways, I'm sitting there and I know this about this airport because I went in there to pee and I'm like, fuck man, I really, hopefully I just won't have to take a shit. And I swear to you as soon as I thought, hopefully I won't have to take a shit. shit, I had to take the biggest shit of my life, 0.5 seconds afterwards.

So I was like, well, it's better in here than it is on the plane because the plane rights two hours. I'm, I ain't able to hold this shit for two hours. So I go in there, I go to the bathroom. And luckily for me, no one's in there at all. What did you say, buddy? I don't mind shitting on a plane. And I realize over time that made me weird. Go ahead, Corey. It takes up time. It's a big part of what I hate. It's not that. It's that when I open it, There's always somebody there, and they look at me like, yeah, this smells exactly what I thought it would smell like. You know what I mean? Well, fucking them.

It makes sense to me that you like shitting on planes. That does check out. I like it. I don't mind it. Right. It don't hit for the record. It don't hit. So, everybody knows what you.

Listen, shitting in your area other than my house, don't hit. True. There's nothing worse about an airplane to me than the stall, but go ahead. all right so anyway those are equally terrible anyways I go in here to this one bathroom with this one stall and not and

there's nobody in there so my god if I can just make I take famously quick shit so if I can just make this quick everything will be fine well I get in there and not only is there only one stall in this fucking place it the stall itself sucks like you know how there's usually just like a tiny little crack

where like if someone's walking by to wash their hands you can kind of see them but you know if they look they can kind of only see your eye. Well, this crack is like a yard long. Like, I can see everything. Yeah. And I know that everybody can see me. And the door's kind of fucky as it is.

The door's kind of fucking as it is. So anyways, I got my big Bluetooth headphones that my dad got me for Christmas. Best things in the world. They're super comfortable. They're loud. I get lost in them. So I thought, okay, I'm just going to turn on some music. I'm going to go in here.

close my eyes and just force this shit out. I'm going to force this shit out. That way I'll be done. I won't be thinking about it. So I go in there and I got to sit down, I have my backpack with me. So I put my backpack up on the little hook that they have on the back of the door, whatever the fuck.

So I put it up there and I'm sitting there like, nobody's in here. You just close your eyes and shit. And then you'll be out of here. And it's fine. Dude, nobody cares. Nobody's looking at you. Nobody knows who you are.

It's totally fine. So I start firing out this shit, right? And I can't do. I can't do. Eyes closed. I was listening to, oh, I know I was listening to. I was listening to Mac Miller hurt feelings. And so I'm just sitting there.

They always saying, I won't change, but I ain't the same. Everybody different. You know what I'm just jamming out. So I get through pooping, a very huge poop. And so I go to wipe and I open my eyes. And when I put my backpack up on the hook, it just opened the door all the way. All the way. and no, but here's it.

So I was sitting there, but, so I told y'all that nobody was in there before. Brough, everybody was in that motherfucker. I guess they just let a plane off. So the dude that was direct, there was a dude directly in front of the toilet, and he was just staring at the wall

as if I would think that he hadn't been looking the entire time. You know what I'm saying? Like, he literally was just staring at the wall like, it's okay. We didn't know what was going on. We just fucking walked back here and you were nodding your head in beat. while taking a shit. We done.

So yeah, that fucking happened to me. I've never walked more out of shame out of a goddamn bathroom, Kansas City. Also, here's what the shit was like, Tray. I ate two plates of burn-ins the day before. So, like, it was something else. You had a Kansas City burn-in shit at the airport in front of a bunch of strangers while listening to Mac Miller. Me and both thought this was going to end with you not realizing the door had been open while you were shit in the whole time, but I think, I don't know about him, but I was also like, no, that'll hit too hard.

That's not going to be what happens. You know what I was thinking of? I was going to be more heartbroken than I was with the Kings of Leon. I almost interrupted you to make it to the end because I know how jokes work and the anticipation is better and you did it perfectly, but I was like, I can't take it, bro. Tell me if they saw you shitting in the bathroom. Well, I was just hoping that, you notice right in the middle of the story, I told you, I put my backpack up on the hook.

I tried to downplay that a lot, but that was. foreshadowing, you know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah, I did know what you did. I mean, yes, because that's happened to me, but I had my eyes open, so I hopped up in horror. Yeah, I did not. Yeah, no, dog. No, dog, eyes closed, asshole open. That's how it was.

See, on an airplane, when you lock the door, the light comes on, and that's how you know you're always secure in there. Yeah, that's true. This doesn't even remotely compare, but you reminded me of this. And I just very quickly, when I was in, you're talking about the crack being wide. on that stall door. When I was in college once, when I was in college once, I was in a library stall taking a shit.

And I, it was like nighttime. I was like, they were studying for something or whatever. There weren't that many people there, period. And I hear somebody come in there and he's like, weird. I don't know, just odd sounding noises.

He's probably over there, like crushing up a fucking Adderall to snort or something. I don't know. But I couldn't place what the sounds were. So I'm like, you know, looking, wait, and whatever. And then it just stops and it gets totally silent, but the outside door is not opened, right? So the person is still in there, I know, and it just gets completely silent for a minute.

And it's silent for what feels like a while. And then his eye just fills up the crack in the stall door. Not like standing outside of it. He's like face pressed up against it looking through the stall at me. Like all I can see is his eyeball. And it freaked me. the fuck out. I just appeared there for a second,

saw me, and then he, like, fucking skittered out the door, like left the bathroom completely. It was weird as hell, and very creepy. It did not hit. No,

that doesn't have. Yours hit less, but not a long of them hit. I mean, yeah, but, yeah, that's true.

All right, well, let's call it. All right, time of death, right now. Corey, uh,

Corey, we can't get verified on Instagram. I forgot. Oh, that's true. I can't. You know, I literally can get verified on Twitter? Because no one can.

I know. Me and Corey have talked about this. I was, I've asked, oh, y'all have known it for a while? Yeah, because I've asked,

I've asked, I've asked, I've asked, I was like, I was like, you think during my nose? Yes. So we just,

we agreed we shouldn't because we should allow it to remain a thing that you can't, like you especially can't, which I still maintain is true. Well, I haven't tried, but the one time that I...

But part of the reason of that you're not supposed to try a bunch, you know, that's a bad word. It's like your credit. It's like your credit. It's an finely raven that you had that experience and then they just shut down the whole operator. That's what I'm saying. It's also completely unraven that Corey didn't get verified on the gram, though. It's funny to me, though, is because I told you this, Trey, the other day. Elliot Rahal got verified on Twitter like literally a week ago.

He was supposed to about it. Well, that's the thing. It can happen, but you can't ask. And I don't know how that works. Oh, you're describing here, Drew. I guess so. He does hit. He does, man.

I love that. Eyeballs. Um, but anyway. Anyway, all right, let's go. How about? 69 minutes on the dot. Word. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show.

We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skill.