wellRED podcast - #116 - A Dolphin's Happy Ending

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

Among other things, the boys discuss a woman who jerked off a dolphin as part of a government funded program. Go to wellREDcomedy.com to grab our brand new album and to see when we are coming to a city near you!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery, getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

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Well, well, well, well. Here we are. Here we are. Everybody, well-readcomedy.com. W-E-L-L-R-E-D-com.com. That's where you can find out. where the well-read comedy tour is going to make its next few stops. We're going to be in Jacksonville, Orlando, New York, New York, all over the place.

You can also grab our brand-new album, Well-Red, live from Lexington, which debuted last week at number two on the Billboard charts. You can also grab shirts and all that bullshit and yada, yada, yada, yada. Just go to Well-redcomedy.com. It's got all our shit, and that's where you should go. So here we are. Yeah, so this is a, this is just like a fun fact, I guess, but more like a wild thing that I've been meaning to bring up on here for weeks. It's not really related to anything.

Corey, we went over this a little bit ago before we started. Can you hear that, Trey? You didn't hear it. Before we started recording, we brought this up. I asked him about all that. He says, according to him, our listeners right now don't know what the hell of me and you were talking about. where he says only we can hear the birds and the cars and all that. And 99% of the time,

I would prefer that because obviously you don't want background noise. But I kind of wish a trailer just crashed into a golf cart. That is definitely what happened. Now, that one was super loud. That one may get picked up on here. What works that? And are you at a bird conservatory right now? Are you just hanging out with a bird?

It sounds like the bird is in your kitchen. No, I'm on my front port. This is actually pretty funny. I'm on my front porch shirtless getting a tan because the sun is just right, perfect. So I'm doing this pocket. Do I tan? Yeah. I mean, I'll burn first, but then it'll turn into a tan.

You remember when he was with the tanning bed for a while? Or was it spray tans even? It was spray tans. No, it wasn't. Yeah, all right. It wasn't tan bed, though, right? Yeah. He had to be.

I go. Which is common. And we called it bronzer. Right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Is that right, Corey? I mean, I was going to answer the first thing you asked me, but if y'all want to keep doing this, that's okay.

I'm on, I'm on. That was a trailer that hit a pothole in front of my house. You were right. It was a trailer, and it very well may have had a golf cart on the back of it, but it almost blew a tire off in a pothole. That's what happened. But about the tan and bed. Yeah, I've been. I like to get my glow on.

Wasn't it a regiment for a while? There was a period of time where you had like a tanning regimen going on. And part of that regimen was some kind of lotion type product. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you used bronze. Yeah, I would do that so I wouldn't get sunburn. I put a bronzer on. I went there and get my glow on. It's a fucking, you know, heat therapy dog.

It feels good. I'll fucking go tomorrow. I won't do it. Okay. Tell me I won't. You won't do it. No, I'm on my, but as of right now, I don't have to because the way the sun be at my house and my porch, and I got this rocking chair so I can kind of angle myself proper. Buddy, I'm out.

I'm sweating like a fucking Smithfield pig right now on my front porch. What's that buyer may off? What do you guys always say? Bader Meinhoff. Oh, Bader Meantoff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone called Nick DePalo a Smithfield pig on Twitter that said he looked like a Smithfield pig on Twitter. And I had never heard that in my life.

What is the Smithfield pig? Well, it's just a, it's a type of, it's a company of ham. Our buddy, you know, that we hang out with in Kansas City, my buddy Jared's uncle, he'd be working for Smithfield. Yeah, number one, man. Yeah, yeah. So I mean. Benton's bacon. Only thing I ever heard reference growing up.

And it was always, whatever the phrasing was, it was always to allude to high class or quality. You know what I mean? Yeah. Taste your in Benton's pigs. I actually say. a Smithfield pig Like what is that Is that just mean like a

Is it like the shittiest pig? Yeah or is it the No choice pig I literally I literally I would normally say Honey baked ham because that's funny

But for some reason Smithfield pig just came to my mind And that's weird Because I guess that is a Bader mine-hoffy thing Okay Well what Why is it sweating

Because they're about to It's, I just meant it's glistening. Glistening. You just, no, no, no, no. The Nick the Pyle of thing, was he looks sweaty as a Smithfield pig. I know that. I'm saying, I think what Corey's saying right now is he's,

crap me if I'm wrong, Corey, otherwise unaware of that idiom, and it's just the thing he said, which makes this weird for him. Is that what you're saying, Corey? Yeah, I mean, I normally, yeah, I normally just say sweating like a pig, or roasting like a pig, and I just happened to say Smithfield. Now, that being said, I've been reading a bunch of the Nick to polish it today. I don't think that I saw that, like, at all, but that very may well could have happened. Just a comment on Twitter, I saw it.

Oh, you're saying you don't think that's what steeped into you. I really don't, because I don't think I've read that. Without getting into it. Do pig sweat? Sweaty pig is a very crazy. Okay, first off, also, I meant, I meant it like Smithfield ham. I meant it because they're succulent, like they're all in the pictures. They're shiny.

like they're sweating, they're shiny. That's what I meant, and I'm very sorry that I said it. Well, I don't know why you're sorry. I'm saying, though, sweaty as a pig or a big sweaty pig is a very common prey. Yeah, sweating like a hog. And I'm now wondering if pigs even fucking sweat. Because dogs don't. Dogs don't.

A lot of animals don't, I'm pretty sure. And also, like I said, Drew, isn't that why they fuck with the mud? Well, and sunburned. They burn. They bronze. They do. End it up. Well, here's a nice change of subject.

We've spoken in our book and a lot about blue laws and how fucking stupid they are. We were in Salt Lake City. If you don't know what a blue law is, it's where there's like a special alcohol rule for a certain area. Like the most prime example, the most ridiculous one is that Jack Daniels whiskey is made in an area where you cannot buy whiskey. So in order to consume it, if you go to the Jack Daniels distillery on a tour, they drive you a mile away from the tour they just gave you to a tasting. room that's outside of a certain city or county limit and then you get to drink it there. There's also interesting things though because of them like county line bars like where we're from if you're not inside the city limits you take a bar you move it over next to the county line

and everybody knows you go to the county line bar that's for you know better we're ready to fucking fight. Yeah we got one of them I went there the other day. When I went to college in Cookville, Tennessee, Putnam County, the county it's in was dry County, or well, they had liquor by the drink, but they couldn't have liquor stores. So you had to drive to Jackson County to go to the liquor store. And there was the liquor store closest to Putnam County and Jackson County. I bet they made a fucking killing. Guaranteed.

At some point in the last decade, that law changed. And now there's liquor stores all over Cookville. And that one in Jackson County closed down in like less than three months after that. Had that. Just took them straight out. Guaranteed. So we were in Salt. Lake City this weekend.

Salt Lake City has this thing where is it all beer or just draft beer? Dude, they got some weird. It's just draft beer. It's just draft beer and I know because I saw a beer menu and they had all the bottles and they had the percents beside them. You can't make, have draft beer over

3% alcohol. Is that right? Yep. Yep. What, and I just, that, like, Blue laws are stupid. Not letting grown-ups drink alcohol. is dumb as fuck. You're just forcing people to drive further. They're going to drive drunk.

Kids are going to play that game we used to play. Mad Dog 2020 challenge. You go there, you buy whatever liquor you want. Everyone gets a mad dog. You chug it on the way home. You've got 15 minutes to get it done, including the driver. Like, come on. That's a danger.

But that aside, stop than being regular stupid. What are you doing with, what is the goal with 3% beer? To get you to fucking buy shots? Do they want everyone to be fat? Mormons are a fit people. They are. Yeah, well, I mean, but they don't, you know, they're not allowed to have any. Yeah, they don't drink at all.

Also, man, Utah, I mean, we live in a world. There's meth. You just walk down the street. You see some people, some homeless people, some of the homeless people are all meth. You can tell. Like, that dude's all meth, but yeah, we better make sure he gets only 3% beer. Otherwise, what the fuck? It's dumb.

They're all, I agree that Utah's are particularly egregious, but all of those blue laws are just, as far as I'm concerned, and they seem arbitrary and ridiculous. I completely agree, but when you're talking about like, we don't sell liquor inside our city limits, I'm like, man, liquor gets people drunk quicker. You know,

there's all these religious things. None of that is right. It's all stupid, but I can connect it to something logically that I disagree with fundamentally. I can't connect 3% alcohol to anything because you can just buy it in a bottle. Right.

Yeah, I agree. Well, what about like, and I mean, I know the answer, I assume it's just, it's the Lord's Day, but a very common one is Sundays. You can't buy, you know, can't buy anything on a, or you can't buy liquor on a Sunday, or you can't buy anything on a Sunday, depending on the county or whatever. And like, I mean, what is that?

And the connection is that the Lord's Day. No. The only thing I can come up with is that law was passed when, like, draft beer was about all you could get. Like, we're talking literally the fucking 1890s. Isn't that how most of these are? They're like archaic and left over from forever. ago.

Yes, and somehow back then it helped. It helped them achieve their goal of people not having a good fucking time. Because now it's just not. You just tricking me. I'm a fucking tourist. I like draft beer. I show up.

I order one. I'm halfway through four. I don't feel anything. Which is why I fucking came to your goddamn bar because we're in the middle of fucking Mormon country and I've been bored for five straight fucking hours. At least put a sign up. Hey, if you're not an asshole, order bottle beer. Then I'll know.

As far as that goes, I feel like I have been told By our fans Repeatedly by, I mean by like servers and bartenders and stuff That'll just like... Oh, really? I feel like that's definitely, I know the last time I was in the airport,

I heard the conversation about that from the bartender or whatever. As usual, fucking bartenders out here doing the Lord's work. Right. Well, when I was at the hotel bar waiting on tray, I went to the guy, the bartender. The first thing he said to me was he's like, Hey, just to let you know, you can drink, but you're going to have to at least order some food.

And I was like, okay. And so I just like, I'm not going to eat anything. It was all right. Well, the cheapest thing is chips and sauces to just get that. And I'm like, y'all fucking know I'm not even eating it, but I have to fucking order it just to have a beer. Like, this is ridiculous. But I can connect that to like a danger thing. Isn't it supposedly like way more dangerous to drink on an empty stomach?

It is. But if that was the case, the law would be I had to eat it. They don't say you have to eat it. They just say you have to order it. They'd fucking throw it away for you right in front of your face. I don't know how. Yeah, but that's just because they're just doing what they have to do to be legal. There's another one that I encountered on one of our trips to Salt Lake City.

You guys were up in one of the rooms. I was in the lobby bar and I wanted to get a drink, take up to the room for the podcast for all of us, which is like very common things. Most any hotel bar, can I take it to the room? Yeah, it's fine. and I asked them that and they were like, well, you can, you can have it in the room, but you can't take it. Right.

That poor girl had to bring it up there. She had to come with me to the room holding the drinks on a tray. And when I got into the room, I could take them from her. But I was not allowed to carry them up there. And was it me or did she seem to feel really uncomfortable about it? I mean, I'm sure, I think, I'm sure a lot of them that just work in that industry realize how stupid it all is. and they feel silly when they have to talk to tourists and stuff about how stupid it is. She was extra uncomfortable because we were on the air.

If you're an avid podcast listener, that happened on the podcast in Salt Lake City. She brought it in. And then of course we were like, hey, what's up? We're on a podcast. She wanted to talk. She was like, no, you fucking idiot. I hate this. I live in Salt Lake City.

I have to do this dumb shit. That's verbatim what she said. What she said. So anyways. I got to get this is just going to be you got to get it off your chest it's not getting it off my chest it's just seriously I have thought about bringing this up on the podcast

and it's not that big of a thing but for so long and I just end up never doing it so I'm just going to say it now I have a feeling either me or Corey's about to feel really defensive I guarantee you it's fucking me oh never mind no it's prehistoric but it's not about feathers

you are so pretentious now to me as a caricature I thought you were just going to say Prius it's a Prius thing you wouldn't understand you wouldn't get it Prius thing idiot there was

so you ever heard of and I guarantee I'm butchering this pronunciation Alorgasaly Alorgasali that's a Game of Thrones character I was about to say that sounds like somebody from fucking Carth the archaeological site in Kenya

where they uncovered a shitload of prehistoric hand axes, like early human pools. Okay. But a fuck ton of them, like way more than never found anywhere else. And also evidence of like, uh, butchery sites, you know, like we're butch- Like cutting up animals? Yeah, like butchering mammoths and butchering hyenas and whatever other animals around

there at the time. I bet a mammoth steak would be good. And, uh, and some, a lot of the hand axes they found were made, uh, from rock. that came from a quarry they found, like their version of a quarry, like 10 miles away or whatever. Right. So they were transported back to this. But the time frame I'm talking about was between 1.2 million BC and like 400,000 BC. So these were not people.

These were more like at Homo erectus or whatever. They weren't, they were like, you know, monkey people, basically. but they had essentially the like an early tool factory that existed in the same place. It's monkeys with tool factories? Yes, for like 800,000 years. Did you hear a monkey? No, it's just a dog or something. Corey's at the zoo.

No, it was a bird. 800,000 years. So for nearly a million a year. They had tools. They was butchering mammoths. And Jesus Christ was, you know, took that. Recorded human history is what? Like five, six thousand years, something like that.

Yeah. So, sure. Tint, what, I have no idea. It's like 6,000. So, like, for all of recorded human history times, uh, a hundred or more. More. They, this one site existed for the size.

purpose in the same place. But they wasn't talking, we don't think. Right, but they were like, had some level of coordination. I feel like they was talking in some way, right? I know what's what I'm saying. Like, you know, uh-uh, means go the fuck over there and get me an axe, God damn it.

Trying to cut up this woolly mammoth. Right. There's some level coordination. But it also, it seems like this was like known as a place. Yeah, to go get the meat. Where you go get the meat or the tools or whatever. That's having a barbecue party. A million years ago.

I will say, monkey people, I will say, monkey people. I've seen Corey Forrester drunk at a a barbecue and he couldn't talk at all and he still got around. But like, I bet they talk. But like, is that not just wild as hell?

It's wild as hell. And you think about it's what the bias is. I think I've always thought this and I'm, this isn't my fucking theory. I've heard scientists argue about this like on history channel and shit. Like they, they're like all these theories about when spoken word started. And there's a lot of scientists who are like,

no, it was way before then. Like it took. so long to figure out written language. But, right. Like, and dude, there's arguments that some animals can do that. I mean, we fucking taught champ sign language and shit. I mean, don't they, isn't it almost accepted that, like, whales communicate? And, I mean, whale songs, but, like, if they're communicating on some level, how is that not, like, a type of language or whatever?

I can't remember his name. It was Marty Stump. The show I did in L.A. last week, this kid had a joke about whale eyes. whale eyes he's like does it not bother any of you guys how small their eyes are and I can't remember the whole joke

but it was so fucking funny that I went and talked to him afterwards and then me and him started talking about sonar that's why their eyes are so small a whale's eye is barely bigger than mine in yours but they're the size of a football the reason why is they don't need them because they use sonar

which is what we was just talking about that's what made me think of it but the crux of the joke was just like well these whales know that we don't do whales are wild too because they were on land and went back into the water what yeah is he fucking with me gory i think he's fucking with me first of all life you know was they just a slug all life we know came out of the water yes whatever whales are they had come out of the water developed lungs breathed breathed air and all that and then they went back into the water males and

or whales and dolphins, too. They evolved like... No, dolphins is aliens. Sounds like the motherfuckers saw the riting on the wall a long time ago. Yeah, but now our oceans are turning to acid or acidic. I don't fucking know. Listen, wait a minute. Are you sure?

I'm pretty goddamn sure. Was they tiny and then when they went back to water a million years later, they was huge? Or was they just a big ass slug slug sluggering around? Slug slug sluggering around. I have for me. Look at slug slugging. hippopotamus is likely evolved from a group of anthracarous, whatever, about 15 million years ago. The first whales evolved 50 million years ago.

The ancestor of both of these groups was terrestrial. So hippos and whales share a common ancestor that was a terrestrial mammal. Do you remember that mermaid special on animal planet? Wasn't that like a joke? It was. It was. I don't know if they really meant it to be a hoax. They did it as if mermaids were real.

Yeah, I know. I think that was like a thing that was a big part of it. Was that whoever the mermaid's ancestor was, was a mammal that went on land and then went back into the water, you know, 50 million years ago or whatever. Sea apes. That was the whole thing. Anyway,

Hold on. Bob Hansen. Is this still whale stuff? It's still animal stuff. Okay. All right, go for it. Bob Hansen has a joke. You're talking about the monkeys in their tools.

the joke was he's talking about them chimps and teaching them sign language he had a few jokes and he goes i saw the other day uh they're teaching them how to lie and how to hide weapons those are our best fucking tricks why are we teaching him fucking fucking i fucking love that joke i love old bob y'all know about that woman and it ended up jacking that dolphin off for years and then when she had to quit jacking it off it killed itself yeah yeah So I did hear about this dolphin jacker off or woman, but not enough. Please go on.

The dolphin killed itself. After she left it. Yeah, it killed itself in grief, I think. But basically, how did it kill itself? Because that's like- This is how they killed them. This is like a thing that dolphins do. They commit suicide.

And all they do, they do, they just sink. They just sink. They stop, you know, they have to come up to breathe there. they just don't do that again. They just drown themselves. But they don't ever dive into a boat or anything. I mean, I don't know, maybe. They're not fucking dramatic.

They're better than us. I saw one of them dive in front of a torpedo to say Batman once on the old. They're better than us. Yeah. Dolphins are better than it. Man, that just more proof that dolphins are fucking shows. My God. I used to have a joke about dolphin rape.

And, you know, you're not supposed to joke about rape. But that was sort of the crux of the joke was that it's the only rape. you're allowed to laugh at, even though it's horrific. Like, sincerely, if your buddy was like, oh, man, I got raped by a dolphin last weekend, you would just laugh at first, because you just wouldn't process what actually happened. You would just hear your sentence.

That's so funny. That's so funny. Right. They're wild. They'd be raping. I know. You've seen the ones like dolphin having sex with like a severed fish's head. They also, they also will fuck not just a severed head.

They'll fuck our buddy's head that's still alive. Yeah, like a blowhole. Yeah, I'm not kidding. I've seen pictures of them fucking their buddy's heads. And their buddy was just like, all right, whatever. Yeah, well, I feel like that's hazing. That's how you get in the dolphin frat. You got to let your buddy fuck your blowhole.

I mean, I think it hits for them. That's equivalent, right? Yeah, you nailed it. I wanted to succinctly describe this dolphin jacker offer, but like. How could you? Right. Even you, the great orator, Trey Crowe. or could not accomplish that.

It's a long story. Yeah, she deserves many volumes. The Iliad couldn't capture the dolphin jacker offer. My God. Man, I don't, I'm trying to get the gist of what they were trying to. You said giz.

What they were trying to do? Because it was a NASA funded study. Do what now? Like she was jacking it off and getting the sperm to make other dogs. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. No. It was a NASA funded study for, in the 60s,

for building an interspecies communication bridge. So like, we got to reach the dolphins. How do we do it? Get Jane in here. Jane. Listen, the last name was Love it. Love it was left alone. Love it was left alone.

Love it was left alone. Love it was left alone. This is a country song. To pursue. Gypsy Speedboat. Love it. Love it or leave it, parenthesis, jackat dolphin off, Debbie. Love it was left alone.

To pursue the dream of peaking dolphins to speak. English. So that's what they thought they were doing. And in order to accomplish... Is that why I couldn't learn Spanish in high school? Miss Garcia wasn't jacking nobody off. She... So in order to accomplish that, she lived with this dolphin.

His name was Peter. Yeah, I know. I just literally spit water everywhere. The only thing Peter says is just Jesus fucking Christ on repeat. She lived with this dolphin basically around the clock and it's like enclosure and stuff like she had like you know she wasn't like in a scuba suit

living underwater but it was like a big pool and she also lived in that same room she was with him all the time it wasn't just about the sex he loved her I know that's what I'm saying and uh he loved you he loved you you fucking hor dolphins

dolphins get sexual urges peter had plenty of thoughts along those lines started out he would rub himself on my knee or my foot or my hand at first I would put him downstairs with female dolphins

but transporting Peter proved so disruptive to the lesson that faced with his frequent arousal it just seemed easier for Lovett to relieve his urges herself manually I allowed that

because I wasn't uncomfortable with it as long as it wasn't rough it was just become part of what was going on like an id. Get rid of it, you scratch it, you move on. That's how it worked out. It wasn't private. People could observe it.

That's Peter's favorite part. What's what I do to her? Innocent as they were, Love at sexual encounters with Peter would ultimately overshadow the whole experiment. You don't say. Do you think? Oh my God.

Anyway, so yeah, that's how it happened. She ended up Jacking the Dolphinoff when the study got defunded it was over and she had to leave. He was so stricken with grief that he killed himself. How many? That is inside. Dude. That is so goddamn funny.

One of fucked dolphins. When they first read about that, showed up down there. You know, man, I'm just here to do the science. Just you got to scratch his sit. The first place that got published in like a wide scale,

you know, I just said the sexual part overtook the rest of the study. That's because it first got published in Hustler. Not like scientifically published. Somebody Hustler found out about, this lady jacking the dolphin off. We got to tell the world this shit. And they did.

I thought, you know, a lady who was weird was jacking this dolphin off. Yeah. And that was her pet and her lover and she was really lonely because Bill left her and all that. And that was weird. That's a weird story. It's happened in Florida numerous times. Yeah. It's actually won an Oscar.

And then it's a pretty goddamn good story. what really happened is weirder our graded governmental scientific group finance a dolphin getting its dick jacked off in an attempt to teach dolphins how to talk

yeah yeah that sounds like a shitty short story in like high school English class yeah this woman this woman wrote one kid who's really in the sci-fi but he just ain't quite there, you know. And the end of it, the Dolphin Army rapes America or whatever, because he ends up being an all right kid.

But like, NASA funded dolphin jackoff. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What are you? We're already fucking great. I would love to read what it says on that woman's resume right now, like when she goes to get. So what was your last job like?

Unlike anything you've ever seen before, I fucking guarantee you that. so yeah that's you know i don't know where to go from dolphin uh masturbation but can you well at some have consensual sex with a dolphin it sounds like it fucking he couldn't consent she hadn't taught him the word yes yet maybe that was the first word she taught him i mean i think he was clearly into it how can we know tray you could see it in her eyes dude you ever seen a dolphin coming i think he was like he was coming up rubbing on her getting his dolphin dick hard.

Getting the dolphin dick hard. That's pretty. Stand back. You're swimming kind of close. Have you ever seen a dolphin's dick? No. I mean, I've seen them in the, you know,

when I've seen them fucking fish heads and stuff. Yeah, they kind of hit. Man, did you see that video when they pulled that turtle off that other turtle? Or you could see a turtle dick? No. First of all,

Dick wild, it splits. But second of all, I mean, they just straight up in. interrupted both of them. Yeah. I feel like she's close too, you know.

It's hard to get a lady turtle that far. Y'all are seeing that picture of that, I don't know if it's real, but I hope it is. It's a Facebook poster, but like some, like, young, like, a hippie type chick, I think, who it's a picture of her throwing a turtle into a pond. And the caption says, rescued this little fella from the middle of the road, took him back home, you know, have a nice life, little buddy, and then the top comment on it is, did you really do that?

That's a tortoise. Tortuses can't swim. Oh my God. Just picked up a perfectly fine tortoise and murdered it. That's just tough. That's so good. Of trying to do good. Taurus got the fucking raped by a dolphin.

I think I brought this up on the podcast before. That reminds me of a, I think the first Nissan hybrid car. They had to recall them because the battery was just one of the worst things we've ever produced as humans for the environment. Right. Like the battery itself was just, it was as bad as 100 cars. Yeah. You know, the futility of trying to help.

This is a different version of the same thing. But when Sunships started making all their bags out of that, like, highly biodegradable material is much better for the environment, it lasted like less than three months because all of those. us fat fucks who like sun chips were like, do y'all realize how much louder these goddamn bags are? Yeah. That's not quite the same. No, I'm saying it's a, they were trying to do

good and it was still futile, but in a different way. But, but yeah, I was like, these are too loud. Fuck this shit. I can't even watch a goddamn movie.

Man, I bet a monkey meat, man, pretty good fucking meat. I don't know, man. You should get the ugly, right,

and all the noises, you know what I mean? eating a monkey everybody's a monkey no no meat may pray was basically explaining

I think monkey people were butchering animals and making early stone tools yeah I got that yeah

well he's saying a monkey meat man like a monkey butcher like a monkey butcher okay I thought you said I bet monkey meat man is good man

and I thought you was just talking about I thought he's being like all fucking tubular talking about you want to eat monkey mack Yeah. When I lived in Queens,

me and Mike had an Italian butcher. He was super hairy, and I couldn't understand a fucking word he said, and it was great. How closely do you think? No, I'm just saying if you got a hairy fucking butcher that you can't understand,

I'm one for one. Putting a monkey into basically any occupation is the thing that hits. You know what I'm saying? A monkey sound engineer. Just a monkey doctor in there with that fucking stethoscope beating you on the chest. Monkey,

monkey any job is it hits how close do y'all think how close do y'all think them monkey mate man resembled just hand and DJ a sword oh fuck god damn it there's a bee on me that's good nope it's ain't gone that's a fucking that's a hornet don't hit okay it's gone the rhythm of that was pretty great oh fuck god damn it there's a bee on me yeah yeah that's That's a bar. Those guys who made that, you know, what did they call it? Autotoon the News. Remember those guys? Yeah, yeah.

They got a hold of that. They could probably make something hitting out of it. That clip. Oh, fuck it, goddamn, there's a beat on me. You see how much time we've done? Because we had talked about, and I want to. 46 minutes. 46 minutes.

So, yeah, we only got like 15 minutes. I literally held up 5-5 to Trey. I was like, look that. I was like, that ain't right. Game of Thrones again. Yeah, yeah. We can do it at the end now. Which is now.

So like, unlike last time we did in the middle, which was stupid, hey, fast forward 20 minutes, then come back to us now. If you don't watch Game of Thrones, caught up on it, then thank y'all for joining us. Yeah. For everybody else last 15 minutes. Enough. Loulas, fuck the Mormons.

Woman jacking off dolphins. Monkey man. Monkey meat man. God damn. The monkey meat man. Yeah. We'll give it to you. And if you have seen Game of Thrones, what more do you want?

You want a recap. Well, so what, I mean, I'll be, you know, I'll be putting recaps out. What did, what did y'all think? I think that it felt like 45 minutes of nothing and then finally something and that something was me very angry because I didn't care for. I left with a very bad taste in my mouth from the bronze situation. and the Jamie thing like you know I mean I don't know I kind of get it I feel like he is definitely where that go yeah he's still he can still right but Braun came in fucking guns of blazing and it did not hit for me because I really thought that he was like you said immediately just going to be like

you know I'll fuck Circe these are my boys and I thought that he would I thought that he would handle it in a little bit more diplomatic way like hey guys this is what she wants me to do obviously I'm not going to do that how can we work this out but like he came in fucking and kind of pissed off. Well, he's never got around with Jamie, though. That's true. But he saved Jack 5th. Just, you know, not that long ago from that, which was another silly scene.

It was rad when Jamie charged it Danny by the dragon, and then he dove on to it. They're in, like, ankle-deep water on the side of a river, and he tackles him off a horse, and then they sink 30 feet and come up a mile down the river in the next episode. Yeah, I remember that. I have a complaint in that regard. Ron was also about dragons and water. Ron was a bro. I hated pretty much everything about the bronze thing in particular, yeah, because not only everything Corey said, which I agree with, but it also, like, it just didn't make any sense.

Like, it was basically magical how he appeared out of nowhere. But also, like, his whole thing, it don't really, like, I don't know. There's no guarantee whatsoever that any of that's going to be honored. Like, it just none of it makes. Well, he said I'm betting on the Dragon Lady to win. I know, but I'm saying, like, they could just tell him to go fuck himself. Also, she, like, she's going to give him high garden or whatever. I don't, the whole thing just didn't really make sense to me.

I could see him being, like, taking that as an opportunity to get the fuck out of King's Landing before it gets roasted. Or even going back there, walking in and being like, hey, y'all, listen what this bitch said. Yeah, exactly. That's what I figured. Rolling with them as, like, a part of their crew now. But then he has to fight. Yeah, the way he did it, it's an, it's risky. I can see the move being, I don't want to fight.

I'm going to go in here and try to strong arn them and they're giving me more. It might not work out. They might lie to me. They may not win, but, like, you know, I'm a betting man. He said that, and I'm betting on y'all winning, and then you can give me high guard. Right, but it's like, it's also. He's always been an opportunist. Agree to do this, they're all.

That's true, and he's going to fuck around and die is what he's going to do. Yeah, maybe, but that is what happens to folks like. And by the way, my favorite part of the scene is what he told him about, fucking nobility yeah Jamie said you can't be the Lord of High Garden and you know basically you're not fucking

you're an up jump sales store and how can you be that and he basically was like yeah and what the fuck were your ancestors right right there's always somebody good at fighting once and then he basically said and he was a killer and then his cut throat you know got to inherit all this which is

what he's saying to them which hit for me and I kind of liked it when he punched. I wouldn't be surprised at all if we don't, if we don't even see Braun again. Right. It felt to me like a, get him out of here. Wrapping him up,

but in a, in my opinion, very sloppy fashion. Because, I mean, I love Bronn, like a lot of fans do. And I just,

that whole thing just didn't, it did not hit for me. Yeah, it was also. It hit for me. It did not hit for me. Then there was also the whole thing with like, you're on and,

and killing that dragon. Come down. Here's what didn't give. That's the second time he's done that, basically snuck up on them in the middle of the ocean out of nowhere. They had just talked about game planning for the Iron Fleet, like in their little strategy meeting. But then no one is like looking, they don't have scouts or nothing. Also, you can't go behind him with your dragon. Right.

You can't fly so high up like you did with the Night King and then just drop straight down and burn them before they can adjust. Well, hell, like, fuck that. They shot at him and miss and then she turned. Like, you know what I mean? Like, she was diving at him. The turn was part of her making them. I'm fine with that part. But, like, just go around.

Right. Just go behind the ass. Blank them and roast them. Also, from your on's perspective, once he, you know, sunk all the ships and all that, like, how did they get Monsande? What they didn't? I assume she just voted up on a different part of the beach or whatever. Why would they not have, like, pursued the other one? Maybe they didn't.

Maybe they spread out and didn't know where they went. I mean, that was iffy. Yeah. I could explain it. But also another major thing for me was at the very end. Y'all fix me if I'm incorrect here. There is no fucking way that Searcy Lannister's ass. Wouldn't he killed him on?

Yeah. Mirk every goddamn one of them right there. They were clearly reigned at a disadvantage, period in particular. She just sent Ron to kill him. And now he's right there. Hear him out if you want. But after that, fucking put an arrow thing. Which I thought was what was going to happen.

She would absolutely do that. There's no universe in which she wouldn't do that. I agree with the Tyrion part. The other part, I thought maybe it was like the only thing that could reach them. Maybe we were supposed to believe that they were so far back that the only thing that could reach them was those. Yeah, the dragon killers. And if you shoot those, you know, you ain't got time to reload before the dragon come kill you.

But the Tyrion thing, I don't know, man. It's kind of, I mean, it's just so typical when a show starts wrapping up for people to complain about it because it's not doing it the way they want to do it. But there's problems where it's like, this is not, y'all are better than you. That's how I feel about most of them. Like the issues that get brought up. Yeah. Like that's the thing.

It's like it just so many of them, like the ones we've named in this instance, they just seem like it wouldn't have been that. hard to have done it in a different fashion that didn't, you know, that didn't come across as stupidly. Like people used, people started bitching a couple seasons ago about how everybody could teleport a so all of a sudden. Like everybody just was popping around like it wasn't nothing. And at the time I was my basic stance on that was I agreed with the criticism. It was a valid criticism, but I gave them a pass because I was like, what's fucking they going to? Like, they kind of have to do that.

And I understand it. And so I'm fine with it. But a lot of this shit this season, I just, I'm the whole time thinking it's like, you didn't have to do that that way, though. Like, you know. Yeah, I agree. I would be remiss if I didn't point out because this is one I didn't notice. And it's one of those where you like go, oh, yeah, because I'm not that. But I saw a lot of women tweeting about how they were like, yeah, I can tell two dudes wrote this episode.

I don't know. All these horrible things. Like, yeah, but I'm kind of glad it happened because now I'm cool. She's a better woman for being raped mercilessly and sold off and all this stuff. Yeah, that was fucking. weird. It's like, yeah, you're right. I was.

Dude, Terry and saying that shit for her in, I thought was weird. What do you say? About her being a virgin and like just putting her on, but also she's a highborn lady who's never been married. Yeah, right.

That's like a, it was a weird thing. But she's in night. So maybe he was thinking, well, what about, what about our boy, Podrick having a threesome though?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, with the Sonsa thing, me and my sister actually, she called to, to us to do our,

recap and I always get the female perspective from her, which in this instance, as as that was happening, I was, I cringed a little bit because I understand kind of what they were going for, but they could have done that without that particular line of dialogue. And it just really, it just didn't work. And it felt, yeah, it felt like two dudes trying to write for a woman and it was fucking horrible. Well, let me ask you this. They're clearly in my opinion, at least setting up a version of, and I don't know if they're going to go full board with this, but the mad queen, like, oh, yeah. Becoming tyrannical or whatever.

Yeah. Like, dude, to me, like, she's, like, totally justified in all of these, like, you know, the mad queen. I mean, yeah, I'm being fucking mad, too. Like, she's been, she's been, uh, misadvised, basically by her people for, like, two straight seasons now. They have fucked her over at every turn. But roasting.

who you want to follow you to death, like killing their families, is a very bad first move. But not by, not by like medieval standards or whatever. Like Taiwan and Robert Brathian and all those guys like laying siege to the,

the castles and all that was just like shit that happened. If she would have... Right, but not with a dragon. If she would have roasted Kingsland, the Red Keep when she first wanted to, compared to now, like the casualty. with that. You know, and like it's cost her her

dragons, it's cost her half her armies, and now she's in like a shittier position like, you know, of course she's fucking about to goddamn lose it. Yeah. Like, she should have had this shit on lot, but she's listened to bad advice given by the smartest dude on the show

for two, three seasons or whatever. It's just, I don't know. I do get it. I get it. I get it. Especially because that was like, Searcy put all those people in the Red Keep on purpose. I know. I like that part. Let's talk about parts we did like. I like Arias seen with

Gendry. Gendry. Yeah. I like that. It was a callback. I liked hearing that up on the road with the hound. They're both going to do their last fucking thing. And I'm pumped. Me too. God, I'm so pumped about Mountain and the hound. Me too. What else am I pumped about? I really enjoyed

Tormond at the beginning. Before he got his heart broke when he was just getting shit faced out of that horn and telling jokes and going in, that really hit for me. Yeah, it did hit for me. too. I didn't like that he didn't tell Ghost by, but I know that was for a budget

reasons. Yeah, you know. The ghost thing, I mean, very much does not hit for me. My king. No, I didn't like that.

They started out, the dire wolves were like, you know, they had huge connection with the Stark children, and it was like a big deal. Right. And then now Ghost is the only one left. And John just basically don't give a fuck about it.

You're right. It's like the CGI is like a problem with whatever. What's area's name? Camera. Nymyria. Nameria left. And the idea, like... She was about to be killed if she didn't run away.

And, like, that's... Now, Aria's going to run, like, she's not going to hang around. Long Wolf. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like, it's part of the soul kind of thing. Right.

Maybe they were doing it like John belongs in the north. Right. Ghost belongs in the north. Right. I don't know. But, I mean, John's... I think John's going to die. I don't, I don't know.

But I'm... I just... Just like we're talking about. about last week, like, all that being said, I still overall, I love the fucking show. I'm just bitching about things lately because, but I'm still enjoying it while I'm watching it. I still love the overall show. It's just, I just feel like they're doing so many things at this point that the show never would have done like earlier on. And which is why they like stand out and are upsetting to me.

Yeah. You know, I agree. Yes. I mean, it's, um... Well, um, I'm gonna sing friends in snow places. That's okay with you guys. Go ahead, but.

Are we done? Are we, we, we're done. We're at 59, so go ahead. Sing, bring a phone, Gergrop. You guys want to sing it with me or no? Probably not, right? I can't sing. Yeah, lyrics.

Just pull it up on Twitter, boys. I can't get out of my app on my phone because then it'll, this whole thing will fuck up. Alright. I don't believe. I know. I'm just going to say. sing alone. This is uh,

Bryn of Garth, friends in snow places. Blame it all on my house, I don't wear a blouse, an oathkeeper stays in my hand. First one to fight, the last one tonight in love with a one-handed man. And you saw the surprise

in the fear in my eye when a shadow killed my king. So I swore to a star both my sword and my heart and a squire who can sing because I got friends in snow places. My sword is you don't call me late or I'll beat you down

like I did the hound. I'm not big on social standing but Sansa sent me to Kingsland and call me Sir Brin. Don't call me a lady Well, the haters were wrong Said I don't belong But remember, I beat Lord Tyrell

So before the long night Jamie made me a night And I survived the battle Winterfell Hey, I didn't mean Still ever seen But give me a wood sword And then

I'll fight a bear looking hot And short hair and I'll let Jamie in, cause my name's Brent. Don't need you to save me. My sword is huge. Don't call me a lady, or I'll beat you down,

like I did the hound. No, I'm not an amateur, got me some standing. Me and the crew are going to Kingsland and to fuck Sir Cersia up. that whole lady that's tremendous you guys are gonna give me

some of the friends in low places background yeah we really let you up to dry because I just made everyone cry there's not a dry or a pussy hey that was a Nick Napolitjok

I just keep them at lady jacking that dolphin off Yeah. Well, on that. See. Thank you all for listening to the Well Red podcast. It once worked good, but now it is. Haters can eat our ass.