wellRED podcast - #120 - Joe Zimmerman is a Bee Guy

Episode Date: June 5, 2019

This week, friend of the podcast Joe Zimmerman joins us in New York City to discuss the charities he has been donating to. wellredcomedy.com for tickets http://www.zimmermancomedy.com for more on Jo...e

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
Starting point is 00:00:19 It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?
Starting point is 00:00:41 Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. And it's called Rocket.
Starting point is 00:01:00 money. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want any more, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create custom budgets based on past spending. Rocket money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.
Starting point is 00:01:44 I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,
Starting point is 00:02:10 put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for?
Starting point is 00:02:30 Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.
Starting point is 00:02:46 If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. What is going on everybody?
Starting point is 00:03:13 It's your boy the show. Wellred comedy.com. W-E-L-R-E-D comedy.com. That is spelled just like the podcast. That's where you can find out where we are going to be on our 2019 tour. We are coming to Columbia, Missouri, Tell Your Ride, Colorado, Huntsville, Alabama, Birmingham, Alabama, Asheville, North Carolina, Little Rock, Arkansas. Matter of fact, we just announced the tickets for Little Rock, Arkansas, less than 18 hours ago, and we have almost sold out the two shows. I think there's like 10 tickets left for the second show, so grab those.
Starting point is 00:03:48 Also, Chicago, Illinois, back at Talia Hall, Iowa, City, Iowa, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Traverse City, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan. Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas, San An... Oh my God, not San Antonio. San Diego, California, Lexington, Kentucky, then San Antonio, Texas. Then Dallas, Texas, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Phoenix, Arizona, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Denver, Colorado,
Starting point is 00:04:12 and then our homecoming shows at the greatest club in the world, Zanies, in Nashville, Tennessee. And at some point in there, I assume we will have time to sleep. Please, while you're at well-readcom, com. Go in our merch store and grab t-shirts, grab hats, grab our book to Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, and also grab
Starting point is 00:04:31 our latest album, well-read live from Lexington, that debuted at number two on the Billboard charts. We really appreciate it. Thank you guys so much for listening. Remember to sign up for the newsletter so that you know where we're going to be before even my dumb ass knows where we're going to be. And obviously
Starting point is 00:04:47 we're selling tickets like crazy. We just sold out two huge shows in Little Rock, Arkansas in less than 18 hours. So tickets are going fast, please get them at well-readcom.com. This podcast, of course, brought to you by, as always, smokyboysgrilling.com, go to smokyboysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for all your meats. Also go to carvevodka.com and see what everyone's talking about about Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Carve your own path, bitches. Anyways, on this episode of the podcast, we are in New York City, New York, hanging out at legendary Caroline's Comedy Club, and we are so honored to have Friend of the podcast, recent guests from, well, I say recent guests, maybe about, I don't know, 25, 30 episodes ago, Joe Zimmerman, one of our favorite comedians of all time, joins us on the podcast to talk about all the charities he's been donating to lately. So please give her a listen and subscribe, download, and tell all your friends, and go holler at Joe Zimmerman, grab tickets to see his shows, and we love you.
Starting point is 00:05:49 and skew. Here we are, Caroline's on Broadway and New York City. So I was on that houseboat in Memorial Day weekend, you know, that water trailer with all my buddies and everything. And about every time, they were you going to next?
Starting point is 00:06:27 And I'd say New York and, you know, not every time. Like a soft of a joke. More than once, they would do the Pace Picante. New York City. And the whole commercial was that, that the non-pace was made in New York City? Which was laughable to them. That's laughable, period.
Starting point is 00:06:46 There's no way a salsa is made in New York City, and then you get it in a supermarket in, like, fucking Iowa. Right, because it wouldn't be cost-efficient. And that's not a place they make salsa. I get what they're getting at. It's inauthentic. But it would be, like, a plant in Ohio. Right, because it's so much cheaper to have any kind of plan in Ohio.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Oh, I guess you would never put... Travel efficient, yes. You would never put a salsa factory in fucking New York City because that'd be the dumbest place you could put it. Yes. How about there's like 15 salsa factories here? Guarantee. In the city. Just because we're doing this.
Starting point is 00:07:18 This is what we do. Well, if there is, it's like Brooklyn roasted pepper salsa and it's $19 a bottle. Right. It's probably don't hit. It's probably flames or it's terrible. You're right. See, my thing with salsa is like, don't you're wrong, I really, really love when I go to like a really good Mexican restaurant and they have, you know, I know they've made their salsa in-house. However, that being said, just plain.
Starting point is 00:07:38 old tostito salsa mild chunky hits like a motherfucker for me like i'm not i almost always go tostitos but my reasoning is that's what i said yeah okay but my reasoning is and it is fine you're right but my reasoning really is they have the prime real estate they do supermarket i level i level and it's the only salsa in the chip aisle usually yep i don't know where the other i know there's like yeah in the mexican section yeah but i just don't want to go look for that i know i hear you know Mexican section's got a lot hits in it just so you know. Don't sleep on the Mexican section now. I know, but I don't shop for a family like you.
Starting point is 00:08:10 I often just don't end up there. If I end up there, I'll change sauces out. There was a new salsa that I got, and I can't fucking remember what it was, and it hits supremely hard for me. And I got it in the Mexican session, and you also can get Kremma. Yeah. And, boy, you talk about a game changer. You can get Tapatio. Tapatio.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Should we close that door? You think it's loud? I don't know. I'm sure it's fine. I don't want to close it all way because it locks automatically. Oh, right. I'm sure it's fine. I say, yeah, yeah, that's how we got started talking about this.
Starting point is 00:08:37 Yeah, we're in New York City. We're here on Broadway and Manhattan. Okay. It's from last night. Of course, I couldn't remember it because, I mean, we've been talking about it all day. We have? Oh, from the show? Yes.
Starting point is 00:08:50 We've been together all day. Can I, untext? Oh. Please, I want to, can I, just from your, I can't decide what would be the funnier way to go about it because I'd like to tell it from like our perspective. Go ahead. Because we didn't even hear it. So from our perspective, like, so we've been at Caroline's all weekend.
Starting point is 00:09:05 And if y'all don't know, Carolines is like, you know, very famous comedy club. It's our first time here. It's been cool. And we're at Caroline's last night, and Drew is up there. I want you to do your perspective on the end. Let me give them my perspective right up until you saw what you saw, which is this. I'm having one of the most fun sets of my entire. Oh, I was going to say that you were crushing.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Absolutely. But I've murdered before and not had as much fun as I, you know what I'm saying? It wasn't just the murder. That guy, it wasn't really a heckler, which if you're out there listening, you come to our comedy shows, Don't say anything ever. Also, for Drew, too, it wasn't like it was just a hot crowd. I just ate shit. My man just killed.
Starting point is 00:09:43 That's not true. You did great. And then Ethan murdered. Our guest, Ethan Simmons Patterson, Ethan Sppi, follow him on the social media. Anyway, I'm up there. That's going on. I have this global warming joke.
Starting point is 00:09:56 I'm not going to do the joke. But part of it is how when the water waters come, conservatives are going to be better of fighting that than we are. And this beautiful, rich, deep, seemingly gay voice comes out over the silence at one point and says, I'll just float on the animals.
Starting point is 00:10:15 And I had to stop and be like, what the fuck did you just say, dude? And he goes, I'm sorry, I got in the moment with you. And it was this gorgeous black gay man like jacked looking right back at me. And I go, what? Did we meet him after the show? Yes. He wants to interview
Starting point is 00:10:32 us for, he's a journalist. for an LGBTQ magazine. Anyway, he's like looking at me, and he's like, I'm sorry, I'm going to go, no, that's fine. I need to know. Did you just say you're going to float on animals? And he was like, yeah, and I was like, do you see what I mean?
Starting point is 00:10:47 We're going to lose this fucking war. This dude's going to be getting shot at by old boy Billy, and he's going to, quote, unquote, float on fucking animals. And I was like, but I'm taking you on the goddamn boat with me. But don't tell my uncle you're gay. We're just going to tell him your free safety. You said, yeah, you're going to take him on your uncle's boat with you or whatever. and yeah you were like don't tell my uncle you're gay though we gotta keep that
Starting point is 00:11:07 a secret then i think you said yeah i thought dude i was out there for most of it because after that you said we're just gonna tell him you're a free safety do you know what that is yeah yeah i forgot about that that was hilarious i didn't know i didn't know you guys were out there for that i didn't hear the first part of it we were out there for most of it all the comics was i was having the time of my life yeah and then i get to the end of my set here we go go so we're all the comics are out there we had other comic buddies who weren't on the show, they were just hanging out. We were all back there in the corner where comics B and saw all that, saw you murder and you're crushing, everything's going great,
Starting point is 00:11:43 and then near the very end of your set, you're doing this whole elaborate bit you do about how you suck at drugs. And so you're acting out like a bad trip in the middle of it. And then you, at one point, you say a thing and then it gets a little quiet, and you're about to, like, deliver a punchline. And so you say it, it gets quiet. you've been again murdering for almost 25 minutes it's this brief moment of silence and from our perspective
Starting point is 00:12:11 you then look up and go fuck you sir that was a great fucking joke what the fuck and then I remember what you said after that but you just like went off basically on I knew it was some kind of heckler but I couldn't hear them at all and then you end up and Corey
Starting point is 00:12:30 you're like fucking I'm done Corey comes up there and then as Corey's on the stage you like grab the microphone back from him. You're like, what I was going to fucking say is. And then you're like, anyway, he'll have a good night. And I'm holding my middle finger up right now. He starts flipping off the crowd. Like, you guys have a great fucking night.
Starting point is 00:12:47 Flipping him off as he storms off the stage. Walks by me waiting to go up. Just like, what the fuck? I swear to fucking God. And I went up there and it was just like, all right, well, here we go. And it was like, it was fucking weird at first. I ended up getting them back and I had a great set too. And they were a fun crowd.
Starting point is 00:13:03 And it was awesome. But when I first walked up there, there was this palpable like, okay. And when I came off, Drew was like, how was that? And I was like, it was good. I was like, but I tell you what, man, you, you know, you made it hard on me. And I was just going to say, by murdering so hard, I wasn't even going to bring that up, actually. I was just like, you made it hard on me at first, man. It was like, I had to work because, you know.
Starting point is 00:13:25 And then he goes, oh, because I told a guy to go fuck himself, right to get my set and fucking made everybody feel weird. Is that why? And then we were like, well, what happened? and he said, he fucking said, that's a bad joke. He just said, that's a bad joke. And all of us comics are like, oh, well, fuck that dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:42 You can't have that. What the fuck you're going to do? So anyway, now you type back over. Here's my perspective. All right, that joke is about having a bad trip. And in the middle of it, there's a lot going on. It's really impossible to convey on the podcast, even if I did the whole thing. But there's a lot of things in there where I'm lamenting how it is backwards that we still have cops.
Starting point is 00:14:03 And then the punchline is me realizing in a humorous way why I need them in that moment. So I know, and I've learned over time doing this joke, that I give three reasons for why we don't need cops. Because even liberals get tense when you say we don't need cops. I used to have a whole bit about cops and it would get weird at times. So you do three lines about why we don't even need cops anymore. Then you do your punchline, which is you acknowledging that we kind of do still need cops. That's how you do it, Drew. Well, I was on a fucking heater.
Starting point is 00:14:34 I was on like literally reason number nine before I took a breath about why cops don't hit. And I remember having a moment of like, you're going too fucking far and you cannot get out of this. So I stopped abruptly. And I waited for the tension. And then I was going to deliver my punchline. Excellently. And then what happened was I heard, that's a bad joke. And it was so clear and so loud.
Starting point is 00:15:00 and I'll tell you guys why soon. It was so clear and so loud, I thought it came from this one dude who I made eye contact with because he'd already said one thing, not mean, but it sounded just like him, and he was looking at me, and he had a scared, shitless look on his face.
Starting point is 00:15:16 As a lot of people do when you're doing that bit, just in general. So I make eye contact with him, and what is going on in my mind now is that I can't deliver the punchline because everyone in the audience heard this dude, and I have to address it, because you can't deliver a punchline over. That's a bad joke.
Starting point is 00:15:32 You have to be like, what? And it just made me so angry because of where I was in the set that I just said, fuck you, sir. That's a great fucking joke. Fuck you, sir. And then I was like, I don't know how to get out of this. I guess I got to leave. And what I said was, this is why I don't want kids.
Starting point is 00:15:51 And this is why I wish I didn't have shitty fucking pap balls in my life either as I'm looking right at him, assuming the whole crowd knows who I'm talking about. And why? And why? And why? But what is actually happening is most people, a few did, but most people have no idea. Because we couldn't hear it all.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Did you hear? No. We couldn't hear anything. I literally just thought Drew saw somebody giving him the stank out. I was like, fuck you, sir. You don't hit, which I'm good. I've done that. I've done that.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Not in a great set, though. No, I knew somebody had said something. It may have been our fault because it's like when an announcer says, oh, he's so close to a perfect game. And then, you know, here comes the ball against the ball against the. the fucking backstop. Well, we were all out there. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys were talking during a no-hitter.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Yeah. So I'm doing all that. And then what I said was something along the lines, because I've been talking about not wanting to have kids or how I didn't need to have kids. I said something like, this is why I don't want to have kids. And this is why I wish there weren't no old people anyway. And I start.
Starting point is 00:16:48 God, that's lore. And I start to walk away. I come back to the mic. Do deliver my punchline. Try to explain what happened. And in my mind, the only reason I'm keeping going is, in my mind, talking about different perspectives, I'm only flipping him off.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Right. And what I feel like I was saying, maybe I'm wrong, was thank you all very much, except for this one motherfucker right here. But it looked like, thank you all very, with your middle finger held up.
Starting point is 00:17:14 Thank you all very much. Good night. Yeah, all this is happening, by the way, well, I'm standing right there. On stage. On stage. Because I just grabbed the bike. And I was like, well, they're mine,
Starting point is 00:17:22 I guess. I guess I'll stay. And I then said, Drew Morgan, ladies and gentlemen, he almost made it. Yeah. Just to hear from myself. Then I come off stage and I'm talking to everybody.
Starting point is 00:17:35 I'm telling everybody but you what happened. And now I'm furious because... Before you get to the reveal. I'm not going to get to the reveal yet. I wanted to say this. I was reminded. Someone goes, God damn, man. And I go, it was Reds.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Reds has been here both nights. I was about to bring this up. Well, I said to Reg, white men have ruined my fucking set two nights in a row. And he goes, what are you talking about? The night before, I don't know if I told you all this. A drunk dude with a very thick, like New Jersey type accent. accent comes up to me and he goes, that was great. You guys are great. While you were still on stage,
Starting point is 00:18:03 I hadn't even made it back to the green room, what you guys are doing is so important. He's like slurring. I saw that, dude. And he goes, because man, like the fucking, the South is just ruining it for everybody. And I just, I bit my tongue. I yelled it. I bit my tongue. And I just said, okay, and I went to
Starting point is 00:18:19 the green room. Had he been on stage? Well, that was also built in, is what I'm saying. So what I was going to say about Reg, though, is last night, before the show, knowing none of this was going to happen obviously because it's where we even started, Reg brought up you doing some separate show the other night where another comic asked you
Starting point is 00:18:40 after it was over, he said to you, so do you always do that? And you're like, what? He goes, make the audience your enemy like that? Like, is that like that? And Reg was telling that we were laughing about it or whatever, and then that shit happened. That's a story that Reg, that was like one of those
Starting point is 00:18:56 grapevine things though, where it got different. All it was was laughing at, I have that one joke about essentially hipters. I don't say the word hipsters, but essentially hipsters dressing like papaws now and how weird it is. And I did the joke with the same vorisif, I can't even say the right. Horacity? Sure. That's not the word.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Veracity is like truthfulness. Oversiness. Accurate. Yeah, vociferousness. Yeah, vociferousness. Yeah, yeah. I did the joke with the same vociferousness and from the same angle in front of hipsters. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:19:27 And the kid was right. He's a good comic. His name's Ryan. The kid was correct. Like, I should have changed, not the joke, but the angle. Because when we're in front of our crowd, who aren't hipsters,
Starting point is 00:19:38 it's like, hey, I'm yelling about these people who aren't here right now, and you guys all agree with me. When I'm in front of hipsters, I have to be a little different. That was all the kid was commenting on. That's all I told. Reg.
Starting point is 00:19:48 All right. You want to do the, so is it reveal time? Yeah, but I think you need to tell that part. Okay. So. This is so great. So we're out there. We go to the meet and greet,
Starting point is 00:19:57 and I can see the guy. and he looks like a nice guy. Guter spots that motherfucker immediately. He's staring at me and he's got like, he looks kind of goofy and he's kind of like smiling. And I'm like, man, he looks like a nice guy. And I was in a real good move. Older dude. And I'd already flipped him off.
Starting point is 00:20:13 So I was like, I was like, I was like, I was all. Fuck you, sir. So I perfectly. In front of his family. I didn't look at him. But I was like, I saw him and I was like, we're going to get through this picture. And then I'm going to talk this guy and I'm just going to apologize no matter what. and so I'm like he's going to be like my son's a cop or whatever the situation is and I went too far in that regard and he comes up to me and he goes that wasn't me and I go what and he goes yeah man that was my wife but I know why you thought it was me she was sitting right beside me and she has kind of a deep voice she's in the bathroom I go oh shit man and then he goes and what she said was that's a bad trip
Starting point is 00:20:58 Dude, I lost my mind. You literally fell onto the floor. I fell into the floor. It was the funniest fucking thing because I just, the little boy, Drew, got so upset and angry and insecure and furious. And all that happened was some woman just goes, oh, that's a bad trip. In the middle of your bed about having a bad trip. And now, look, yeah, still, if you're a comedy show, don't say anything. Don't say anything.
Starting point is 00:21:22 That's different. That's different. So she comes out of the bathroom. and I, she comes out of the bathroom. That's a bad trip. Fuck you, sir. To a lady. To a lady.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Fuck you, sir. We interfere about her deep voice and hack-pid for a long time. Fuck you, sir. You piece of shit. Oh, well, that's really a bad trip. Farts on to the mind. I will say she had already. She farted on their fish.
Starting point is 00:21:47 She had already interrupted me. She didn't understand some joke another time early in the show. And I explained it to her and was like, please don't interrupt anymore. I can't explain to you every joke, ma'am. There's other people here. So she didn't listen to that. Anyway, I hugged her. I got on my knees.
Starting point is 00:22:04 She was like, she was super sweet. They thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever. They took a bunch of pictures with us and everything was great and drew some moron. And I can't believe that. And then two dudes who were behind them in line, who were sitting right beside them. It was a gay couple. Do you remember Ben and Tom? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Tom said, yeah, I knew it was a lady. Ben was like, I'm going to be honest. I thought it was the guy too, but they both said 100% she said, that's a bad joke. At the very least, it sounded like she said, that's a bad joke.
Starting point is 00:22:37 So, Yanny-Yanni situation, maybe. Right. Yeah, because my thing with that is, I think what you just said is it sounded like she said that, but if you think about, like, a drunk lady heckler at a show, what is the likelihood of her, like,
Starting point is 00:22:51 recovering in that way? Do you know what I mean? Like, right. If she had said, It's a bag joke. Why would she... Like you? Why would she then...
Starting point is 00:23:00 What are the odds that she would then... Stick around. Stick around. Hang out, go up to you, and have that good of a... that good of a, like, explanation or whatever. Can I just say, for everyone listening out there right now,
Starting point is 00:23:11 that's how fucking good my set was. I screamed at these people, and they wanted to come up and hug me and take pictures afterwards and explain themselves. Well, yeah. They were fucking great. They were great. They were absolutely sweethearts.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Which is another reason why I think she said that was a... bad trip. I do too. I do too. I just wanted it to be known that other people thought that. Which means it wasn't just my little boy insecurity even though what happened after that was just oh my God, 8 year old Drew, whatever
Starting point is 00:23:39 happened to me, whatever time I got embarrassed in the 8th grade because someone saw my dick and it was shriveled and it just all came out on a guy who was just married to the wrong woman. Boy, ain't that just how it is? God damn, that's fucking hilarious. man.
Starting point is 00:23:56 I want to have your show's been, Joe. I've been in a slump. I mean, they've been good. I'm not going to sit here and be the guy who's like, oh, that was fucking terrible because I know it ain't been terrible.
Starting point is 00:24:05 My show's been, but I ain't, in my opinion. But by the very high standards that the show holds for himself. Which is true. I mean, I know you're kidding there,
Starting point is 00:24:13 but I do. Yeah, I don't think I've had a good show since before Jacksonville. Where were we at before Jacksonville? Salt Lake City. Did you have a good sets there? Nope. Never mind.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Never mind. I didn't have one goddamn good set then. I don't know, man. Something's up. I thought I had it nailed and I don't have it nailed and I don't. I mean, I just ain't been doing the reps. I've not been to the reps I need to do. And also, I mean, I've been hitting the sauce.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Yeah. That normally helps, but it's turnt on me. I've been on a bender. Yeah, but you're still on fire. Yeah, I think it's about to come. He's been going up a lot too, that's true. In his bender. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:51 I had a really good set at Peti Di Averu Show, better days that I will live off of for a month because when we have a good set in front of our crowd and we appreciate this guys, you guys are very kind to us. When you go out in front of people who don't know you and they don't know anything about you or what angle you're coming from, you have to get that across first and across that you're funny. And so we're great comics. We do well, but to crush, like, you know, have one of the best sets on the show, have the comics patting you on the back, you know, people wanting to follow you on Instagram and all that after, I have one of those sets. That felt pretty good. Yeah, that's actually,
Starting point is 00:25:23 had better shows in my life, but the one that I've thought about the past couple months was a 3 p.m. show I did at the Atlanta Punchline where I was opening up for Bruce Pritchard and Conrad Thompson's podcast because, as you said, these people knew they weren't there to see my ass at all. They were there to see wrestling shit and they got me for 10 minutes and I fucking smashed. And I was like, well, I can live off this for a while. But then, yeah, after that, started going back up in front of our crowd and it turns out I don't hit. You don't hit. So there you go, folks. Crews on fire and I don't hit.
Starting point is 00:25:55 So a little bit of a change of pace here, but I've been thinking about it like, well, fuck it. I'm just going to be straight up with people. I'm doing a thing, a thing in Nashville on Monday. By the time y'all hear this, it will have already happened, but it's like a BBC radio special about Nashville. It stands for Big Black Cock for anybody out there that doesn't know. And they got a few of them in Nashville for sure. Yeah. But anyway, and it's just had me thinking about Nashville and stuff.
Starting point is 00:26:22 and, you know, Nashville's a wild place. It's like, so I grew up going to Nashville. Shameless plug, it is a wild place, and I can't wait to come back in December to Zanis Comedy Club. Oh, let me preface all this by saying, I fucking adore Nashville, and I still do. It's changed an insane amount since I was like a teenager
Starting point is 00:26:40 in early, you know, early 20s going there versus now. It's crazy how much different it is. But it's still very much hits for me. But, like, if somebody you know and like, but like so they're at new yorker or they're from los angeles or whatever was going to nashville for the first time like what what would you all tell them would you give them like would you like give them any kind of disclaimer yes right i'd say stay the it feels necessary yeah i would say here's a deal just like if you're going to new york for the first time i'd tell you stay
Starting point is 00:27:12 at a time square just fucking stay off bourbon street if you're going to uh new orleans just stay off broadway and i don't tell people that if they're coming for a bachelor party because I know that shit's corny. They're going to go there no matter what, you know, like if they're coming for the first time. This is just happened to us because Noah went there for a bachelor party. Yeah. Our sweet boy, Noah.
Starting point is 00:27:33 What did he say about it? Noah built the arc on Twitter. He's very funny comedian following. I haven't seen him since we've been back because I left pretty much as he got back. And so we haven't talked other than just a little on text. He just said it was fun and they had a great time. And he sent me some like pictures of them like, you know,
Starting point is 00:27:48 stacking chairs on top of their drunk. Well, so here's the thing about it. I don't think it doesn't occur to people like Noah or just other people just tourists going there for the first time. The things that bother me so much about it don't occur to them, I don't think. And what I mean is when I go on Broadway nowadays and I go in these fucking bars that are named after fucking Florida, Georgia Line and Luke Bryan and all these places that are down there now. And all the other honky tongs too because they're all mostly the same except for Roberts, which still hits. But anyway, and I'm in there and I see all these people who are like, you know, like in Drew's joke, they're like cosplaying as a space. basically because they're in Nashville for the first time and they're like singing along to like
Starting point is 00:28:25 just the worst versions of country me of us and everything and it I'm it kills me because I'm in there like like taking it all personally yeah you know I'm in there like like man this ain't what this fucking city or this city is like so much more than this and it kills me that this is all these people are seeing or that they think this is what Nashville is and that shit like burns me up I can't even go down there dude last time I was down there there there was an incident which i talked about on the podcast ended with me screaming to be toby keys to registered democrat and getting kicked out of the stage or one of those places that's where we make our stand so yeah so i can't even go down there because i get so fired up but i think
Starting point is 00:29:07 those people they don't they don't see that all that is the real nashville now i mean honest i think part of this is it used to have things that we like when we went when we were 24 some of that's gone yeah that's of course still there and i think it's still a great city I don't know if I feel like I know the city like I used to. Oh, I don't either. I agree with that. I've been away also for long enough, and it's changed so much in just the past few years that, yeah. I mean, I know there's a lot of awesome bars in, like, the five points area and stuff,
Starting point is 00:29:34 and there's cool bars you can go to. That place is. It's hipsterie. It's like, he's a Brooklyn-E South kind of now. That's true. That's where Jack White's bar is. Yeah, there's also a lot to say about, like, oh, no, just fucking go to East Nashville. And then I'm like, well, that still ain't like what Nashville used to be either.
Starting point is 00:29:47 I mean, it's objectively better than Broadway, but that's still also not us. the Nashville that like we remember i mean no that's true it's partly us and that's something that i want to say that was like had you guys see that new york times article about about southern cities and Nashville was one of the bigger ones featured he also talked about new orleans it was basically like as new york gets more expensive and i go visit my friends who have moved out of there i'm starting to realize that a lot of these places they're like just like Brooklyn they've stolen Brooklyn culture oh my god oh she got eviscerated oh yeah that ratio That was probably pretty good.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Yeah, it was. It was really great. Because it was like, I know what you mean that there's hipsters, the people who dress history here. Being insufferable fucks who fucking don't with it. Yeah, who care so much about not caring about anything. I know what she means in that. Like, there's like spoiled rich kids with tattoos who wear skinny jeans and are some of them objectively cool. Like, you know, because the definition of cool is if other 25-year-olds think you're cool.
Starting point is 00:30:46 But, you know, the counter to that. and she got plenty of it was like, oh, you mean like hot chicken, which is Nashville's, or you mean like rock and roll, which is an amalgamation of, you know, country music, jazz in New Orleans, like, this is the point of like you've been stealing Southern City cultures in New York. And in a beautiful way, not always like in a negative way, sometimes in a beautiful way, but then for you to go there and be like, oh my God, guys, I didn't realize it, but Nashville's gotten really cool because now it copies us. Yeah. It's like, what?
Starting point is 00:31:16 That's so infuriating. That's actually the worst thing about the city right now. Because, like, you know who's from fucking Brooklyn? Jerry DePillo, the bartender at the comedy catch. That is what Brooklyn used to be before all this shit happened. Well, explain what Jerry's like. People don't know Jerry that are listening. I love Jerry.
Starting point is 00:31:31 Okay, Jerry is a bartender at the Comedy Catch. One of my favorite people on Earth. He is very Moe from the Simpsons-ish. That type of dude. Just no nonsense. Fucking hilarious. Also, I will say this about Jerry, too. He goes to Bonarue every goddamn year,
Starting point is 00:31:48 was like at Woodstock and shit. He used to have a goddamn ponytail before he went bald and listens to fish all the time. So he's, he's, you know, he goes both ways in a lot of things.
Starting point is 00:31:56 But, like, you know, he's still fucking, he wants to drink a beer and watch a fucking ball game and, you know, look at a pretty woman's butt. That's Jerry. It ain't Brooklyn.
Starting point is 00:32:04 That ain't it. They're making shitty salsa now. You know what I mean? Fire roasted peppers. Yeah, don't hit. $8 a jar. And then, and then, as far as the music goes,
Starting point is 00:32:16 I miss me. There's still a lot of awesome, awesome awesome music that gets made in Nashville and there's a lot of places you can go and still hear awesome music but like again if you go downtown to Broadway like the shit that you hear like country and we've harped on this a lot but like
Starting point is 00:32:29 Lord God it's just worse now than it's ever been but I was thinking about something we've actually we talked about this Corey when we watched Tales from the Tour Bus like nothing makes me feel more like a papal or like more old fashioned or whatever than like
Starting point is 00:32:45 my country music fandom because I'm sitting there watching these like, you know, pretty boys and nice shirts singing. It was like, man, you know, back in the day, they used to be, they used to, you know, really beat drunks that shot at each other and went to jail and beat women and stuff. That's when country music was real, by God. And I mean, yeah. I mean, there's something that's me. Yeah, like I'd never feel more like, yeah, like a papal than when I get to thinking about, like, what country used to be.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Because, like, people-wise, it's like, objective. better to not be this fucking drunken gunwielding lunatic. Okay, but Jason Isabel lives in Nashville, makes Nashville music, has an album called Nashville sound, got sober, isn't all that. You can, we can develop as a culture and stop
Starting point is 00:33:31 making shitty music. But you know what I mean? The guys that were like that, though, they were the, they were the huge ones. Like, they were the ones filling arenas and shit like Al Dane and them do now. It used to be that. Like, Isbell Isbell rules and he crushes and every regard, but like he's not
Starting point is 00:33:49 the mainstream face of country like those old dudes used to be. The only reason I brought him up is I was saying that like we didn't have to give up great music when we gave up shooting each other and beating women. It's a quick side note there's something I've been wanting to bring up forever on here
Starting point is 00:34:05 and I keep fucking forgetting. Johnny Cash well the narrator in Folsom Prison Blues shot a man in Reno which is Nevada and ended up in Folsom Prison which is in California. California, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:21 So he didn't get charged with that murder. He's in Folsom on some other shit. Because it's federal, right? Is it federal? No, I thought... If it's federal, I could see him in and up in Folsom prison from the murder charge, but federal murder is a difficult thing.
Starting point is 00:34:39 That usually means it's big-time gang related. You shot a judge. Or you shot a judge or something. Now, maybe he shot a judge just to watch him die, but why would he leave that out? That's a way ratter story. So you're saying the whole shot of Manorino just to watch him die thing, that's not him even saying like what he's in for.
Starting point is 00:34:53 That's just him saying. He's letting you know. Another thing that he has done. He's letting us know what his gnarliest crime is because when you're in prison, everybody wants to know how big a boy you are. Right. I mean, what I really believe is that Johnny Cash wrote a song and it's just those two places are close to each other and blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:35:11 But as far as, you know, it's a story now and we have to break the story down as it's written. I don't think he's in prison for murder, boys. What do you think he did? I mean, all kinds of shit. You know when you're trying to think of a song but just can't quite remember the name? Well, using weed in your teens
Starting point is 00:35:31 can make you forget things you want to remember. Want proof? Check out the facts at mindovermarijuana.com. That's mindovermarijuana.com. Sponsored by the California Department of Public Health. Probably other murders. Could have been other murders. That's true. He probably killed some other people.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Maybe murdered some horses. seems to like money, you know, them fancy folks with their fancy dining cars, smoking big cigars. Maybe he was robbing people. You think it was worse to murder a horse back then or murder one now? Worse in what way? Well, here's my
Starting point is 00:36:02 deal. Back then, back then, people didn't give that much of a fuck about animals. Sure. But horses were a means of transportation and working. Yeah, that was your car. So shooting, right. So shooting a horse would be like, yeah, you, you
Starting point is 00:36:17 you stole my car or you took my I mean didn't they used to hang horse thieves like if you just stole the horse they used to hang horses dude now that ain't the case but we're more animal friendly you know what I'm saying like what do you think was worse no I guess we don't hang them now so that's
Starting point is 00:36:35 that was worse yeah you remember that stain in blazing saddles when they hung the horse yeah god damn that was so fucking hilarious it just reminds me and I think I've said it on here before but far and away my all-time favorite Larry the cable guy Joe because he's talking about having a horse or whatever, and it broke its leg or whatever,
Starting point is 00:36:51 and he's like, and she broke her legs, so, you know, I had to shoot her. I don't know why they tell you to shoot them. It didn't help at all. Now I just got, she's got a broken leg and a bullet wound. It didn't make her no better at all. It's all out there just shot it in the ass or whatever. He's like my favorite comic.
Starting point is 00:37:11 It's so goddamn funny. You were talking about you want to get back to Nashville, though? Yeah. I feel, oh, this is what I was going to say. I feel like if we live there, like when we move there, after we make a TV show that represents our people and we're deified as icons and we go back there. We're moving to Franklin. We're not moving to Nashville. I'm moving to Nashville, but I hear you.
Starting point is 00:37:33 But what I'm saying is, I have to assume that Tyler Mayhan Cove, that Isbel and Amanda Shire's on their off nights. They're going to places that I don't know about. Right. That I would have known about. They wouldn't all live there if it didn't. still hit. Right. You know?
Starting point is 00:37:49 Well, but they got kids and shit, so they want different things. But I guess what I'm getting at is when I was 22 and I'd go there, I knew the cool spots because I had friends who lived there as 22-year-olds. Yeah, we got Scotty, so we're spoiled in that regard. Yeah, but Scotty, like, takes us to all the hitting his bars because he's in that world. So he takes us to the places where he wants us to get drunk and we got great food from Scotty. That's true. But Scotty ain't the guy.
Starting point is 00:38:09 I feel like if we were like a little tighter with Tyler, for example, he might be like, or if I just went there for a week and was like, Tyler, where are you hanging out this week? and I just went to a couple of those places. Then I'd be like, oh, Nashville's rad in this way. Oh, friend of the Pall. Joe Zimmerman. West Virginia's finest.
Starting point is 00:38:27 West Virginia's finest. Joe, you want to hop on here? Yeah, come in here. Yeah, that's because Drew left his wallet in a cab again. Yeah, probably the third or fourth. That's he often does. I wish Joe, you ever been to Nashville? Like other than, I mean, I'm sure you've been,
Starting point is 00:38:45 but have you spent like much time in Nashville outside of doing shows and stuff? Zanis and the rhyman but I have a... Oh, the rhyming! I've done the rhyming! I'm from West Virginia, but I talk like Connecticut, but still got to do the rhyme! Yeah, I just done the rhyme in a couple times. But that bar right across the street, Roberts Western World.
Starting point is 00:39:14 I just brought up Roberts a minute ago, yeah. It's such a fun bar. It's awesome. It's one of the few places downtown or on Broadway that's still like like legit in my opinion. Most of the rest of them are a lot of them now are literally like just named like Florida Georgia lines or whatever. Like they're all named after these like big stars and they're just shitty as hell. But Roberts is still legit though. Yeah, Roberts is nice.
Starting point is 00:39:37 But we've been talking about how just the state of Nashville and where, you know, how different everything is and seemingly shittier. I was telling that because like I get tall. all the time in LA by like Uber drivers and stuff. People hear Max and ask me where I'm from. I say Tennessee. They'd be like, oh, Nashville, you know, we're going there on a bachelor party next month. Or we went there on a bachelor party last month. Like all the time it gets brought up. They want to, you know, visit Nashville. And I'm always like, yeah, it's awesome. You're going to love it. But in my mind, I'm like thinking I know what they're going to be doing, which is going there and like going to Broadway to these like, these bars that I feel like just
Starting point is 00:40:11 represent the absolute worst of country music and Nashville in general or whatever. And that's like all they're going to see. And the ones who have been. they pretty much universally were like we had a great time we loved it you know but it's still just like oh thanks it just bothers me i don't know it bothers me more than it should because uh yeah so so so the the roberts is is it that's an okay bar yeah oh i love roberts the last time i was in downtown nashville i went to roberts it was awesome so how you've been buddy oh i'm good good just uh finished a uh pilot script I'm excited about.
Starting point is 00:40:50 Awesome. You all are doing that stuff, right? Yeah, we're doing that. We're trying. We're done. I almost said something I wasn't supposed to say. We'll tell you later. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:41:01 I've been doing that a lot. I wish that Joe had gotten here or we had saved my story for the end so I could tell a person who wasn't there. Because we have to tell you after, but I can't repeat it because we already did that. Can you talk about your PiotScript at all? I can tell you. I can tell you, I can tell you, I can tell you a story that's going on in my life. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:26 I'd love for you to tell us a story. It has nothing to do with the show or the script or anything. It's just a story I've been wanting to tell people. But yeah, go ahead. Do you all donate to charities? Yeah, we just donated. No, we do. We just donated to Yellowhammer.
Starting point is 00:41:40 And NAROL, which are two organizations that try to make abortions and female health care easier to get to. They provide how, like, if you can't get an abortion in whatever podunk fuck place you live, they'll get you a bus, give you a place to stay, and help you do that. So, yeah, we're down with it. Yeah. I was hoping. You guys donate you back?
Starting point is 00:42:01 No. Yeah, well, we're heroes, Joe. You forgot. You know, I started to feel some guilt like I needed to do some donating. And I picked four charities. That was a mistake because they put me on a mailing. somebody sold me out. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:42:20 Who were the four charities? Let's pick which one sold them out. I am an animal guy. You know me. I went bees. I went birds, dogs and World Wildlife Fund.
Starting point is 00:42:37 Okay, right. Yeah, and I know. There's a theme. You got a theme going. I know a lot of people are like, oh, Joe, what about, you know, the starving kids? And it's weird to be like, well, I'm a bee. guy.
Starting point is 00:42:50 I just feel like, I just feel like humans, I know individually are struggling, but as a team, I feel like we're the New England Patriots. Right. For sure. And I feel like every animal is the Cleveland Browns. Uh-huh. Or a Division III football team with a tennis coach. Yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:43:16 No, the bee thing. It's, yeah, it's fucked up. But I'm getting all this mail, and so it's really sad at the end of each month to have to tear through these desperate cries for help. Yeah. I think the bird sold you out. You think of those? I bet it was the WWF personally. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:33 The World Wildlife Fund or whatever, because they seem the most corporate to me of those. Well, they sued the. I don't know what the B people are like. I feel like I trust them. You know that's why they changed it to the WWE? Because the World Wildlife Fund was like, we're the WWF. Oh, shit, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:47 Yeah. Yeah. I'm not doing it. That's what happened. Yeah, no, that's what they're actually. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it was them.
Starting point is 00:43:55 Strong armed the fucking wrestling people, man. It's not easy to do. Yeah, you know how it is to fuck with Vince. So I'm saying they've got a little bit of like a corporate lizard thing going on. They have to or they wouldn't have been able to do that. I see. Did any of you see that very heartbreaking story about the Southern Poverty Law Center that our boy Bob Mozer wrote? Bob's a friend of ours.
Starting point is 00:44:16 It's the Southern Poverty Law Center. and apparently it was like an expose just like gets more almost as much money as the ACLU and the way they do it is they go after big names they'll sue somebody then they'll go on TV and talk about it but they haven't like helped anybody on a ground level in years their top like eight executives make like a million dollars a year apiece it was a real uh gut bummer yeah that's i didn't know that about them and that does suck well i had a lot of pride about the sblc because it was started by a Southern man and it was, you know, I thought, doing great work. Joe, do you know about they're making, they're trying to make like little bee drones now
Starting point is 00:44:56 to, like, take the place of, you know, all the bees were murdering. Like, instead of just like saving them, we're just like, let's just make little robot bees so we can control. But like, seriously, there's like some company that's making little drone bees that the idea of which is that they'll go around and pollinate, you know. Wow. Yeah. vegetation and shit the way bees do.
Starting point is 00:45:17 So I'm sure that'll work. I'm sure that won't go horribly. Right. Yeah, they won't. Isn't that? That's literally a fucking Black Mirror episode, actually. One of the last season of Black Mirror was about like robot bees. Yeah, it didn't go well. The few. If I may ask, if, so, all right.
Starting point is 00:45:35 They're making robot bees to go around and do the job of a regular bee and pollinate, which means they have to put the pollen inside the robot bee. No, no. No? Well, you took my mic and asked me a question. But anyway, no, the way, bees. You know how bees work, baby? No.
Starting point is 00:45:59 Bees come is what. The little robot bees will go to the one flowers and get their shit and take them to the, you know. And the way bees work, they just roll around in it. And that's why you're the bee. Yeah. So the robots just get it. No, I'm good. You explain bees to me.
Starting point is 00:46:16 what I want. This is some positive technology. I saw that I saw that drones have successfully, are successfully reseeding for us. They're firing 400 tree seeds into the ground.
Starting point is 00:46:32 So we made like tree missiles? We just took like surplus missiles. Like just fucking shove a bunch of seeds in there. The hippies will love that. Tree cum. These drones are just dropping tree seed all over. That's awesome though. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:45 Somebody not. Corey. It's nice to know drones are doing positive work as well. Maybe I made that up. You're not just bombing countries. No, yeah. Bombing them with trees.
Starting point is 00:46:53 I said we start bombing the enemy with tree seats. Yeah. I'm into that. Just get a lot of forests. Yeah, over there in the desert. It'll be too busy raking to start shit, you know? That don't make any sense.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Here's a technique. I've told them this before, but Joe, here's a depressing technology one in the vein of the B drones won't work. one of the first hybrids I think Nissan made it they had to recall it after like three months
Starting point is 00:47:20 because the battery had a half-life of like a nuclear reactor and was not going to like the way they'd made it it was going to break down pretty quickly in other words it was one of the worst things
Starting point is 00:47:32 for the environment that we had ever made but the whole design was you know to save the earth anyway we're all going to die have you seen that Ray Kurzweil documentary about the future
Starting point is 00:47:44 no I don't want to. I know he's a big like, futuroists and all that, right? Like something like 90% of his predictions
Starting point is 00:47:51 have come true and they're always crazy but they always come true and it's because they seem crazy because he's smarter than us. Because he, by the data,
Starting point is 00:48:01 it shows that technology is accelerating exponentially. So we're double instead of going linearly, linear up, we're doubling every two years in progress. And so that's
Starting point is 00:48:15 why he predicts that we're going to be, you know, basically able to upload our conscious to the cloud by 2045. I ain't doing that. The singularity. We're not going to make us, right? We can opt out. Did he have any thoughts on that? Once you do that, we can apparently become like a billion times smarter, too, because
Starting point is 00:48:34 then. Yeah. You'll be Google. You'll have like. And the first thing we will do that smart is unplug it. Well, do you know. Yep, this was a fucking mistake. Do you know, Joe, do you know?
Starting point is 00:48:45 about Elon Musk like neural link thing or whatever that he's one of you know he's obviously got Tesla in space that this is like his side genius project so it's like the way he described so you hear him talk about all these different passion projects and they all have some like grander reasoning behind them you know what I mean and so this one has to do with AI the coming of AI and all that and like how it's you know good chance it'll fuck us over and his his theory on it is the only way for us to avoid that being subjugated by the AI that we create is for us to basically become it first. Yeah. So it's like this neural link thing where it's like you were just similar to what you were saying.
Starting point is 00:49:29 We're basically like we have like implants where all of our brains are connected on this, this, you know, network basically. Yeah. And if that becomes a reality, like you, we won't even have to talk anymore. Like you don't have to say a word. you can just you have to the his idea is you have to let a person communicate with you it's like i come to you it's like you know jo grant me access to your communication pathways and you're like access granted and then we just sit here and just stare at each other and have a common silent conversation just in our brain waves but it's not just like words and shit it's also like
Starting point is 00:50:03 feelings and emotions like if you asked me via brain how was that broadway show you went to earlier, I could, like, make you feel the way it made me feel and all this shit. Like, buddy, language and words wouldn't even be the same. All his ideas sound like nightmares to me. I know it's wild, man. It seems unnecessary. How will you do a Broadway show? Will you just go there and then they'll make you feel something and then they'll bring that back? I guess.
Starting point is 00:50:27 But Kurzweil thinks the opposite that AI is going to be super positive for us, except that he also thinks we're going to become the AI. Right. So I don't really want, it makes me want to just go off to a cabin in the woods. Yes. Yeah. Unplug from everything. That's what Drew's going to do.
Starting point is 00:50:41 Yeah, that's me. He'll be naked. The problem is I have zero cabin skills. Well, there's another way to There's another way to escape this, Joe. Yeah. How are your rope skills?
Starting point is 00:50:54 Your rope skills pretty good. Can you swallow pills? You look like you can. Yeah, drink that water. Yep, you got it. Everything's fine. I don't know. I feel like we are on the precipice
Starting point is 00:51:08 of something very, very different in terms of human history and evolution and I think I'm opting out. And I know that that means, I know that means I'm cynical and then I'm at my core afraid, but I have made peace with that. Yeah. Well, I'm with you. Okay. I would like to opt out as well.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Now, my big fear is what if, you know, somehow I can't. I get mad when my phone upgrades every six months, you know? Yes. It's like, I just got used to this one. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you there too. But you seem like you would have good cabin skills. He seems rustic, doesn't he?
Starting point is 00:51:44 He can do it a little bit. That hits me. I could just stay in my apartment in New York and just not go on the internet. That would basically be the same as... Yeah, but you're not going to do that. Can we? Right, yeah. I've stayed in apartments in New York and never been able to stay off the internet.
Starting point is 00:51:59 Yeah. I just don't know that the cabin would help me that much, stay off the internet. How's your general existence in New York, by the way? feeling pretty good about it. Because I never lived here, but Drew did. And he said he got off the plane or whatever and just was outside for like 30 minutes outside the airport and was just immediately like, oh, yeah, I remember all this. And, you know, just started getting anxious and shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:20 No, pretty rough. Yeah. As soon as I get back here, I feel anxious. Yeah. It's too many people. It's overwhelming, man. And then the other thing for me, I was better when I moved the Queens and when I realized, this is why I moved the Queens. I had like a mic or a show there once.
Starting point is 00:52:36 And I got off the train and I felt better. And I was like, man, well, I'm in such a good mood. It's because I can see the sky. Like in Manhattan, you just see buildings every which way. I can't handle that. Yeah. There was a headline. People asked if New York's changed you.
Starting point is 00:52:52 There was a headline that said, you know, people were outraged. It took four hours to discover a dead man on a train. But I was just like, that seems like the right amount of time to notice a dead man on a train. When I go on a train, I closed my eyes. Everybody does. Yeah, nobody pays any attention to anyone else on a train, like purposefully. Lying there, not moving. You assume he's asleep. And you're kind of being a decent person by not fucking bothering him. Four hours in like the daytime? Because that's not bad at all. I think the only question worse than, yeah, I think the only question worse than are you pregnant is, are you alive? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to presume. I just, you know. Oh, you are? Oh, cool. Yeah, no, you look great.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Yeah. Are you alive? smell dead but you look too. I might notice if there was like a sword. Right, yeah. Yeah, if it took four hours to discover. I'm good blood. A gunshot wound.
Starting point is 00:53:48 Yeah, a supoku victim or something. That'd be one thing. Yeah, it's not a lack of caring. I mean, I'm sticking with, that was people. That's how New Yorkers are polite. They leave you alone. Which I appreciate that part, by the way. That's our version of manners is don't talk to you.
Starting point is 00:54:02 I like that. I don't want to be fucked with. That's true. Manners, I was in North Carolina and the manners is like they chat with. with you in an elevator. Right. I'm like, this is horrible.
Starting point is 00:54:10 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why are you being so rude asking me how my day's going? Shut the fuck up. I've seen like certain like pictures and stuff go viral of like bus stops and other countries where everybody's like no less than like three feet apart from each other or whatever. Because like not only do they not talk to each other, you know, as part of being polite, they like stay the fuck away from each other as much as possible.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Obviously you get to me them together and you can't do that. It's part of their like... Yeah, I think we do that. Elevators, we separate. We go as far away from each other as we can. I mean, it's like people waiting on a train or whatever that seem almost like oddly... Perfectly spaced apart. Like it looks like measured or something.
Starting point is 00:54:55 But it's not, apparently. It's just like an understood thing there or whatever. But yeah, I can appreciate that too. Emergent phenomenon is what they call that. Okay. Emergent phenomenon? Yeah, where there's like a mathematical pattern or expletable. but there's no mathematical explanation for how we got here.
Starting point is 00:55:11 The flight of most birds is an example of it. They stay in unison and they can't explain why with math, but they can predict it with math if that makes sense. Yeah. And essentially they think it's that there's too many factors for us to currently compute. But when we upload ourselves to the cloud, we'll be flying with them fucking birds. Yeah, they just apparently, they just recently figured out how bumblebee's,
Starting point is 00:55:33 how the bumblebee's, there's something called a bumblebee paradox? Yeah, that whole thing about like the flight of a bumblebee defies conventional rules of aerodynamics or something like that. Right, because they're bigger than their little wings should be able to prop up. They finally figured out that it has to do with the flex in the wings, creates a vortex in the air. Almost like a helicopter flight? Something creates a little vortex in the air that helps them stay afloat. Wow. I don't know shit about vortices, man.
Starting point is 00:56:06 You know with the plural. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah. That's the only reason he said that. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, I'm all right with words, you know. Meanings have said words or, you know, science behind them. Not so much.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Or calculus? I remember it being a thing, yeah. I fucking hated them. That's all I remember. Because a part of it was you had to do, wasn't those ones where you had to do 101, one zero, one zero and all that? And I couldn't, I couldn't draw straight enough. Like, but you had to be neat to figure out the math problem.
Starting point is 00:56:34 And I was like, this is bullshit. We haven't had to be. neat in years. I couldn't do it. Yeah, I tell you who's the best of Matrixes is Keanu Ryu. Dude, I see,
Starting point is 00:56:44 way late for that. He was like, you remember matrices? I was like, what I should have said was, yeah, the second and third one's fucking sucked. I liked the second one,
Starting point is 00:56:54 I think. That's one with the freeway scene. It's definitely better than the third one. I was just seeing Kanye's been, or Kanye, Lord, Keanu's been in the, in the tweeter sphere a lot lately.
Starting point is 00:57:04 John Wick three just came out. The comic three came out and then some interview he said something about how lonely he was, but he said it in like a sweet and sincere, awesome Keanu way. That motherfucker's been through a lot of shit, actually. Yeah. It was that he said on Colbert, one of the things is Colbert asked him, he said, what do you think happens when you die? And Keanu took a beat and looked at the crowd and looked at Stephen and said,
Starting point is 00:57:25 I think that the people who love you will miss you. And it was like a very, and Stephen was just like, all right, Jesus, we got to go to commercial now. Well, that wasn't it. Colbert think that was going. You know what I mean? Just a nice light softball question, open this up with. I'll give him a chance to riff on the nature of death for a little bit. Especially that guy.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Right, yeah. A lot of times you give him the question, so it would be really weird if Keanu gave him that question. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, that is actually how it works. Normally, yeah. Higano's, yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Kiano teed that up, actually, just so he could stare into the audience's soul. for a second. Hey, Steven, this is what I want you to ask me. There's two questions about John Wick. There's one about my favorite Prosecco I'm really into, and then the nature of death. It crushed. It did crush.
Starting point is 00:58:18 Apparently, his mom was one of Dolly Parton's main makeup people. Someone tweeted that at me recently. That made me pumped. Dolly Parton is a hero. I love that. Y'all want to go do a show? Let's go do a show. I'm about 50-50 on my desire, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Caroline's. not to fucking Broadway, you know, yeah, scream at a sweet old lady tonight. We're gonna show where the tourists
Starting point is 00:58:41 who come to New York go to see live comedy. Yeah, I know. Broadway. Uh-huh, right here on Broadway, buddy.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Just like in Nashville, you go to those. Yeah, on Broadway. Yeah. You go there too. Yeah. I don't know which one's shittier,
Starting point is 00:58:53 in my opinion, honestly. Because I went to a Broadway show here and it was great. But you go to fucking, you know, the stage. This is the real Broadway?
Starting point is 00:59:01 Is this the real Broadway? Or you mean, like, as far as cities go? Yes, of course. This is the number one. What Trayman is he didn't know if Times Square is worse than... Than like downtown Nashville.
Starting point is 00:59:11 You're like, you know, this is where the tourists go. And in both cities, it's Broadway. The better parts of the outskirts of Times Square outshine, I think, the better parts of the shitty part of Nashville. Am I saying that right? I said a lot of things. Oh, no, man, I was in Times Square earlier and it was pretty rough. But, of course, again, I feel the same way about... But then you got to see that show.
Starting point is 00:59:30 Yeah, which is great. The Lion King. The Lion King, baby. I liked it. Anyway, let's do it. Yeah, we're sexual. Joe Zimmerman, everybody. Give it up for him.
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