wellRED podcast - #122- A Human Tale of A Human Tail + Q&A w/ The CHO!

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

This week the boys discuss Octopi and whether or not it would hit if we still had tails. Also The CHO answers you questions from Twitter! HelloFresh.com/RED80 for 80 bucks off your first month of Hello Fresh meals wellredcomedy.com for tickets to our shows!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas.

Yeah. So that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first.

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dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. With your choice of select sandwich, nugs, fries, and a drink, Wendy's $5 biggie bag is your go-to. Your nugget wingman. You're hot and crispy fry co-pilot. Just like us. We're like the bag boys.

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be on our 2019 tour this coming weekend. Unfortunately, it's sold out, but we're super pumped to be in Telluride, Colorado at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. What a dream come true that we never, Jesus Christ, never would have thought to dream it. But we're super pumped to be there hanging out with Sam Bush and the Steep Canyon Rangers and the Punch Brothers and just so many great bluegrass bands. It's just such an honor to be there. Then we're on to Huntsville, Alabama, Birmingham, Alabama, Asheville, North Carolina, Little Rock, Arkansas, finally, Chicago, Illinois, Iowa, City, Iowa, Madison, Wisconsin, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Traverse City, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas, San Diego, California,

Lexington, Kentucky, San Antonio, Texas, Dallas, Texas, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Phoenix, Arizona, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Denver, Colorado, and then our homecoming shows at the Best Comedy Club in the World, Zanies in Nashville, Tennessee, December 19th through 22nd. Grab your tickets at well-read comedy.com. You can also grab sweet merch. We have tank tops. We have t-shirts.

We have hats. We have posters. We have our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon, Dixie out of the dark. We also have our most brand new piece of merch, our debut album that debuted at number two on the billboard charts, well-read live from Lexington. So you can grab all that on well-read comedy.com. This podcast, of course, is brought to you by Smoky Boysgrilling.com.

Go to Smoky Boysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for all you meets. Also, carvevodka.com. go to carvevodka.com and find out what the fuss is all about, about Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery. Carve your own path, motherfuckers, at carvevodka.com. All right. So here we are. I'm doing a different thing on the podcast this week.

We're about to get into the regular portion of the podcast, which will be me and the boys, in Drew's apartment in California talking about octopuses and all sorts of crazy stuff. But before that, I did a thing on Twitter where I had a Q&A. I said you could ask me anything that you wanted, and I would answer the questions. And this is all going off the top of the dome here, but I wanted to do this because I thought it would be a cool way to engage and find out what everybody wanted to know. So these are all questions that I got on Twitter.

Let's start. let's see at Kenneth 883 who would win in a fight circa 1986 Richard Petty or Dale Earnhardt All right well Full disclosure

I don't really know how big either of these two dudes were compared to each other I don't know what they looked like back in 1986 but I feel that my grandfather would roll over my grave if I didn't say Dale Earnhardt. Dale Earnhardt would whip Richard Petty and anyone's ass

in any year, end of question. At Crystal Airish, how does it feel to go viral? I saw you all over my social media this week. Also, can you give me an update on you guys pilot? First off, how does it feel to go viral? She's referring to, I posted a thing on Twitter saying that

if you had been denied, being able to get married at a venue near my hometown, I would let you get married in my yard. And it kind of went crazy, and Yahoo picked it up, and CNN picked it up, and Huffington Post picked it up. And, I mean, that's as far as I know. I mean, there were three news outlets called me about that tweet,

and I, you know, I told them, basically I told each interviewer the same thing. It was quite redundant. it in my opinion. So, like, as far as it being viral, like, I haven't actually checked my Facebook or Twitter. Like, I haven't checked the number. So it being, like, we might have a different definition of viral because, like, you know, to me, viral was, like, Trey's video getting 25 million views or whatever. Like, I don't think this was, like, technically viral. I think it just probably was blown up on people that listen to this podcast page because you follow

me and Trey and Drew and we shared it. I don't really think it was, it was that viral. But, But, you know, I'm glad that it got some hate because it was something that I said that was very important to me. It was cool to see the comments on my page. I was actually, like, I was pretty, when I posted that, I didn't think anything about it. I was just like, my whole thought was if there's someone near my hometown that's been denied being able to get married because they were a lesbian or whatever. and the fact that our tour has a pretty, you know, pretty big following with the LGBTQ crowd. I just thought like, well, shit, maybe I know them and maybe they'll see this and maybe that'll mean something. I, like, that's how stupid I am, like, how much I don't understand the Internet,

and I was just like, oh, this will be a localized thing. And then I posted it and hung out my phone for 10 hours and then it was insane. But the comments were like sincerely 99% positive. And that's rare. That's so rare. Like, I didn't expect that. Like, once I saw that it was blowing up, I figured it would be for, like, the wrong reason. I figured there'd be, like, you know, good old boys from where I'm from, like, talking shit.

Like, oh, you can't believe you'd let gay people get married in your yard or just like, hey, man, let free capitalism work. Let the free market work. Fuck all this. You know, like, I don't know. But it was so positive. And to me, that was the point of the post. And it really made me, you know, it confirmed something I've been thinking for a while. which is there's so many good people out there in Georgia,

and anybody that says otherwise can kiss my ass. So that's all I have on that. I don't want to talk about that anymore. But I can give you an update on the – here's the update on the pilot. We're still rewriting it. That's all I can tell you. It's a long grueling process, and we're working on it,

and we're having a lot of fun working on it, but it's just still in production. From at, I'm TripTrip. what have you done for money that you would have done for free? Honestly, pretty much anything in my career. This podcast, the tour, the book, I would say specifically maybe the GNI retreat that we went on. When we went for the G&I thing, we went with, you know, as representatives for funny or die. So like we did get paid to do a video.

But once I went through the process of GNI, which if you don't know, there what GNI is that sense for the gay natures international that's a video we did for funny or die where we went to a nudist retreat with a bunch of gay fellers and ended up getting naked and playing ping pong and before you know to me it felt very much like a job and I was like oh this is going to be like a you know it's me a pretty gruel and shoot and I'm not really comfortable naked but once we got done with it was one most rewarding experiences of my life and I definitely not only would I have done that for free. I would have paid whatever it cost to go to that retreat to do it because I got to meet some of the most honest and open and just cool individuals

through that process. So yeah, if I had to boil down, what would I have done for free that I've previously done for money, if that's the question? It would definitely be G&I. Okay, so next question at what's up with Josh asks if you weren't living your dream and things had turned out differently what do you think you'd be doing now that's a very good question but um my answer I mean you know you can I guess people can think this is bullshit all they want but like whenever I and I'm putting this in quotes made it that was you know about three years ago and it was as a result of my friend Trey going viral and that kind of set up, you know, that set up the book deal and that set up, uh, the sketch deal and that set up, you know, selling a couple TV shows. So that was like when I truly, you know, got to the starting point of making it and, and starting to live my dream. But like that, like, when that happened, I was fucking broke. Like I was broke as shit. Like I had, when me and my wife got together and started dating, it was before all this. And I had like, $20 in my pockets and I had credit card debt out the ass from living in New York.

And I just like, like literally, if we hadn't signed that book deal, I'd still, I'd be in like insane, detrimental credit card debt. And that book deal, I was able to pay off on my credit. But like, I was just betting on myself the whole time. And I don't think I ever would have stopped betting on myself. And I'm not saying that it would have worked out. I mean, I could have been, you know, 65 years old living in a ditch. But like, if I wasn't currently living my dream and.

things hadn't turned out the way that they'd done. I think it would take a very long time to convince me of that, you know, because I was just very much not making it, and I was 28 years old, and there was, all my friends were getting married and having kids, and I was definitely getting, you know, I'm, I was getting looked down on, like, I don't think people did it on purpose, but, like, everybody was moving on with their lives, and I was 28, and, like, a feature comic and making, like, a couple hundred bucks a week and, you know, living in a run-down house and not, I mean, I had no insurance and wasn't even remotely successful, but like in my mind, it was like, okay, you know, I did

one more gig and I'm a break, everything's going to break. And I feel like, I've just always felt like I would be that, I'd just be 60 years old just going, this next gig is going to be the one that doesn't, man. Like, I don't think, I just think I'd be doing this. Now there's, you know, Then there's the thought of, like, I have a wife and, like, we may be trying to have kids or whatever. And, like, if this kept going, like, would I eventually have to be like, ah, dude, you got to get, you got to get something going. You got to support your family, you know, go sell cars. That'd probably something would be good at was selling cars. I was always good at retail and shit like that.

And that was at least, you know, selling cars, at least you can make good commission. But at the same time, like, if that was who I was, maybe I wouldn't have got with my wife. Maybe the thing that she liked about me was the tenacity and everything. So I don't know, man. I think I'd just still be a very unknown comic grinding it out, just fucking hating everything, living at a laundromat, listening to headphones, drinking fucking vodka out of a squirt bottle, just praying for a better day. I don't know.

I think that's probably what it would be. Next question. At Efi, Efi, what is keeping y'all out of West Virginia? Well, I promise you, it's not... us not wanting to come to West Virginia. From what our promoters and our bookers say is just like there's only a couple theaters in West Virginia that we can play with our draw and everything. And it just hasn't worked out time-wise with everything else that we're doing.

It's getting to the point where I guess we're just going to have to come play somebody's barn in West Virginia. So if you're in West Virginia and you've got a barn holler at Valentin Sluke at Gersht. You can go to my Twitter, and it has my manager and my agent's email in my bio of my Twitter. So you can message them because, I mean, I'd fucking love to play West Virginia, but that's not part of my job. I don't book all this shit. None of us book all this shit, and we just kind of do it we're told. And, you know, whatever.

So that's that. At Jeffrey Ward, do y'all fuck with anime at all? And if so, do you have a favorite? No, surprisingly, we don't fuck with anime. I'm a Trey may have fucked with anime. I know Trey fucked with Pokemon. I don't know if that's considered anime, but it seems like it may be in the same category. But other than that, like, I'm a nerd, but I don't go as far as anime, and Drew doesn't hardly watch shit.

And Trey may, so you'll have to ask him. At Mary Louise All, what is your favorite color? Do you believe in ghosts? Are you a cat person or a dog person? Where are my keys? Have you seen the rain? jelly or jam, NASCAR, or dirt track racing, trick question. The answer is Demolition Derby.

Well, thank you for that ramble of insane questions. I'll try to answer all of them. What's my favorite color? Purple. I don't wear a lot of purple. I don't have a lot of purple in my house. For some reason, I've just always dug purple. Do you believe in ghosts?

Absolutely, I believe in ghosts. I grew up in a completely haunted house, a pre-Civil War house in the South, and there was ghosts. and one of them sat on me one time and I couldn't breathe and it did not hear from a cat person or dog person. Personally, if I'm getting a pet, it's a dog. I'm a dog guy, but at the same time, I'm just an animal person. I love cats too. I love every type of animal. They're sweet.

Wear your keys. I have no fucking idea, and I hope you find them. Have I seen the rain metaphorically? I see the rain every goddamn day, and sometimes I want to crawl under a blanket and die. Jelly or Jam, whichever one's readily available. I mean, jam definitely tastes more fresh. I feel like I'm getting more fiber and shit out of it because you can actually feel the fruit. But at the same time, just like plain old grape jelly is my jam.

NASCAR or Dirt Track Racing. I don't really watch either as much as I should or want to, but when I do watch either one, Dirtrack Racing does it for me way more. At Big Beard Podcast. So what about a hell and a cell mask? with you and Trey that I suggested on Facebook for pay-per-view for charity. Yeah, me and Trey are too out of shape to even climb into, climb the stairs to our hotel together, let alone getting a hell in a cell match,

so that's never going to happen. At Marianne, is your dad single? No, he's been married to my mom for over 30 years, and they're very happy. At John Ferguson, have you ever considered rocking a sweet pair of chops on that baby face? funny you mention that. I actually have done that before, and I was considering doing that before I went to tell you right this weekend. I may shave the sweet chin music and go to some pork chops. Matter of fact, I am going to do that just for you, John. Thank you so much for the recommendation. At Outlaw Historian. Oh, that's my buddy Trey Wisecarver on Twitter. What is your favorite wrestling feud of all time? That's a good question. This will probably show my age and naivety, but it's probably stone cold and Mr. McMahon. I think that was, to me, you know, someone growing up in the era that I grew up,

Stone Cold and Mr. McMahon is hard to beat because it kind of broke the fourth wall into the business, in my opinion, because you're like, oh, man, this is the guy that's the president of the business, but he's also a wrestler, and he can take bumps. Like, it was, that was fun, that was fun to watch. It was fun to watch McMahon and Stone, you know, like Stone Cold almost get fired every week, and then he'd stunner Mr. McMahon. I thought that was super cool. Let's see, let's see, let's see, let's see.

Oh, man, I lost every, I'm sorry, we're going, we're going fast and loose on this intro. Okay, Sarah Wofford. What would the soundtrack to a Papal Batman movie be like, and who's doing the Kiss from the Rose type single. The Pat Paul Batman soundtrack, in my opinion, would probably be a lot of Billy Joel. I don't know why. I just feel like if I was 80 years old

and I was in the zone trying to go murder people with a cow gun, I'd have my headphones in, and I'd probably be listening to, like, the stranger the entire time, just like front to back, like that would get me in the mood. They're very, that album is very, epic to me and it feels like a good album to murder people too. That's just coming off the top of my head, but yeah, I would definitely like to murder people to The Stranger by Billy Joel. At Sarah Wofford, what's been the most surprising thing on this tour, venue, audience, town, etc. I would say the most surprising thing on this tour is that because of this tour, I was able to have my birthday dinner last year with fucking Melbourne.

Brooks. That was the craziest. Our tour took us to, you know, the Bill Maher show, which got us to the Billmore after party where I met Max Brooks, who I hit it off with, who we set a date for dinner, and then I went over to Max Brooks's house on, well, the day before my birthday, and his father, Mel Brooks was there, and Mel Brooks not only chatted with us, with the three of us, about comedy for an hour and he he sang for us and he danced for us and it was the most surreal moment of my entire like there can't you can't beat that um and that wasn't you know we weren't on tour then but that's definitely a result of the tour and i'll never forget that as long as i live and that was just ugh i mean i like jesus i could stop talking right now and just throw this

recorder in the ocean because i met fucking melbrooks that was the craziest and most surprising thing You can't really draw that up. Who will play you in the eventual well-read biopic? Probably Will Saso. Even though Will Sassau has probably 15 years on me, he's still a better looking man than me and thus could probably play a 15 years younger fat fuck. And so it'll probably be a Will Sassau. Who is the most famous person you've ever met?

Well, I just said Mel Brooks, but I, I don't know. It's literally between two people. It's between Mel Brooks and Al Gore. Because Al Gore, Al Gore catered a short movie, a short film that we did that Tray wrote and directed. He sent us ribs and then came out to say hello. And then he also came to our show at Zanies in Nashville. And I mean, I would say that Al Gore is probably more if we're going by just, well,

sincerely, how many people know him. Al Gore was the vice president in the United States and the candidate in the probably first or second most highly contested election in our country. So he's probably more famous than Mel Brooks, even though Mel Brooks, like in my world, is the greatest thing that's ever happened. So I guess probably the most famous person I've ever met is definitely Al Gore. Let's see. Why don't y'all sell well-read-themed church? church fans at y'all's merch table. That's a really fucking good idea.

And we have actually thought about it, but we called them funeral fans. But, yeah, church fans, that would be a good idea. Josh Holland asked, better biscuit, bacon, egg, and cheese, or sausage egg and cheese? I have to go, this is probably controversial. I go with sausage egg and cheese just because it's a better tooth feel. It's juicier. The grease runs out, and it really, the sausage egg and. cheese really go together to make this like just fucking gooey delicious biscuit which i mean i

put bacon on there too make it a bacon sausage egg and cheese biscuit for all i care but i would i'm definitely going to go with a i would call it the cc um what are your feelings on this is from at francisco what are your feelings on chris hemisworth playing hogan in an upcoming biopic um well i mean i don't know how to feel about that i guess if you think about it I mean, I know Chris Hemsworth is, well, first off, he's played, what, fucking Thor, and he's been in a lot of great movies, he's a tremendous actor, and I guess my only thing is that he's just way better looking than Hulk Hogan. Like, he's insanely better looking than Hulk Hogan. but like if you're going to make a Hulk Hogan biopic, you're, like a lot of your focus has to be on the body and how he's built

because Hulk Hogan, I mean, yeah, he was a great worker and he's a great wrestler and he was an insane talent and he cut great promos. But like, at the end of the day, one of the things he's known for mainly is his body. And I mean, I think Chris Hemsworth better looking than Hulk Hogan, but like try to find me an actor that looks like Hulk Hogan. Hogan in the face and can achieve that type of body, and you can't. And so, I mean, it has to be Chris Hemsworth, I guess. So, I mean, yeah, I'm all for it.

Sophie McMullen asked, at this point in your career, what question are you most sick of? Probably, I don't know if it's a question or a comparison, but like probably when people say something like, you guys are the, you guys are like the polar opposite of the blue collar comedy tour. Like, oh, don't you think that you're the opposite of the blue collar comedy tour? Like, that makes me, I don't like that because it's like completely discounting how great Jeff Foxworthy and Bill Involveh and Ron White. And yes, Larry the cable guy were. And I know that it seems like we're the complete polar opposites, but like I just don't know that I believe that. Like, yeah, we are maybe kind of doing a different thing.

Like, our goal is to be funny, and I know their goal was to be funny, and we're still from the South. And I still feel like, I mean, yeah, okay, we're probably a lot different than, like, Larry, maybe. But, like, as far as I'm concerned, Jeff and Ron still tried to celebrate the South. Like, they talk shit about it, but, like, they still celebrated it. And they were, I mean, hell, Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy are better than I'll ever fucking be in my life. So, like, I guess the thing that I'm most sick of is when people, people try to act like we won't throw respect on the blue collar comedy tour's name because I think they are just tremendous comics who opened up so many doors for me.

And maybe shut a couple. I don't know, but like they're undeniable. And it's bullshit to me that you think you have to either like us or like them. So, I mean, and maybe people don't think that and maybe I'm just projecting, but like, that's how I feel. So, do you all ever plan on doing any more things like the well-read boner jams? Those are my favorite podcasts, and I still listen to the playlist daily. So the thing with well-red boner jams, I think, like, I can't, like, we were in a really tight spot when we were doing well-red boner jams because that was when we were first working on the pilot. And we were in a writer's room every day, and we were trying to knock those podcasts out.

And then also, we had R. Kelly, like, he made it, like, really far into well-red boner jams. and that was like around the time that all those allegations resurfaced. So like I think we just kind of felt weird about it and then never finished it. But like we need to finish it and that's that's on our fault. That's on our fault. That's that's on us. And yeah, we should we should revisit that because I really enjoy doing that too. The only problem is like we're not together as much as we used to be.

You know, that's just a sad fact of a sad, bittersweet. Like we all have individual projects going. We're not, we don't start touring as much. much until like the fall. So like we just haven't been together a lot. And when you're not together, it's hard to do a type of podcast like that. We've been doing it remotely. So, you know, we, we try to please the fans all the time.

But it's like it's difficult. I'm so thankful that you bear with us on everything. But like, you know, we just, our schedule is crazy. And we got a bunch of shit going on. And sometimes literally just getting this podcast out on Wednesday is everything that we can do. And like, it upsets me because I know that means sometimes the quality isn't as good as it could be. But at the same time, I'm not going to not get you something on Wednesday because I feel that consistency is still key. But like we, you know, because of you guys, we have a lot of shit going on and we can't always put everything into the podcast.

And like some of those early episodes, like with, you know, fucking well-read boner jams and papal Batman, like that was just a product of us being. together all the fucking time. And it'll get, you know, look, the episodes will probably start getting way more insane in the fall when we're on tour and doing that Texas run. But, like, right now, we're just trying to get you something every Wednesday, and I know sometimes we fall short, and that makes me so upset, and I'm so very sorry, but, like, it just is what it is. The Redneck of Jason asked, how hard to boil peanuts hit, and can they ever be too salty?

First off, they hit so hard, and yes, they can be too salty, which, you know. which is a hell of a thing for me to say, because I'm a huge salt man. But bull peanut, my wife, our house is literally filled with bull peanuts at all time. So I fuck with so hard. Justin, Shelton, asked, Mike Tyson or Bruce Lee, who would win in a fight? In their primes? I mean, I hadn't thought about this a lot, but I'll probably say Bruce Lee. I mean, like if Mike Tyson actually connected with Bruce Lee and his fucking, you know,

little face and little head, it'd probably knock him out and kill him. but I just don't think that Mike would ever get on Bruce because Bruce is so goddamn quick. What's the Brent Harmon asked, what's the smallest town population-wise that you've ever visited? Bonus, who is the most underrated wrestler of all time? And why is it the superstar Bill Dundee? That's hilarious. The smallest town population-wise that I've ever visited would be Casey Wyoming. I don't know the exact number, but I know that it's less than 300 people.

Casey Wyoming is the birthplace of Chris Ladue, country music legend and bull riding or, excuse me, horse riding legend, who inspired many of Garth Brooks songs. I went there on a trek back from Yellowstone National Park when I turned 21, so this is 10 years ago. Me and my buddy Jesse Taylor, who I'm still friends with to this day, I met him at Yellowstone, and we both rode back from Yellowstone, Tennessee together, and Jesse was a huge Chris Laudeau fan. And we stopped in Casey. He said, I've got to stop in Casey Wyoming. That's where Chris Lue was born. Then we stopped in Casey Wyoming. And we met this family called the Morses.

And I still talked to some of the Morses on Facebook 10 years later to this day. And they were just a sweet family. They took us in. They let us sleep on their porch for three days. They fed us lemon, ice box pie, and iced tea. And there was a 90-something-year-old lady that came. And I can't remember her name, but she read poetry to us every single night. and we went to the two bars that were in the town, and there was less than 300 people there,

so everybody was at each bar every single night, and every person had a picture of Chris Ledoux in their wallet and had a specific story about Chris Ledoo, and it was extremely moving. And one time we were with the Morse's at the breakfast table, and I'm talking about a dirt road. He looks like Tombstone and Casey Wyomond. And we're sitting there, and David Morse, the dad, he's sitting there across from me in Kel Morse, who was the son, and he looked at kale, and he goes, he goes, kale, look out the window. Your cow must have, or your bull must have got out.

And we look out the window, and there's a bull walking up the road, walking up the dirt road, there's a bull. And kale got out of the restaurant and grabbed a rock and said, get on back to the house and threw the rock and hit the bull on the side, and the bull took off. And I thought, well, hell, that ain't, I mean, that ain't shit. And then about, you know, about 30 minutes later, we finished breakfast and we walked back to Kales. house and sure as shit, there was the bull sitting inside his cage with the door wide open.

He hit him with a rock and he ran back onto his damn house. So, uh, Casey Wyom and that's the smallest, uh, that's the smallest population place I've ever been. Who's the most underrated wrestler of all time and why is it superstar Bill Dundee? I'm going to go with Stan Hanson, uh, Stan the Larry Hanson. You can do your own research on Stan, but Stan was absolutely huge in Japan. He was a cowboy character. He spicked tobacco all over the place.

My dad saw him wrestle back in the day. Saw him beat Dusty Roads, I believe, in Chattanooga, Tennessee. And he was one of those dudes that was bigger internationally than he was here in America. He was huge in Japan. And I got the privilege to hang out with Stan for about 10 hours over Memorial Day weekend and hear all his stories and hear all his stories about Bruiser Brody. And, you know, back in the day, the old days of wrestling. And he's just, he's a guy that once I'm a guy.

I met him, and once I learned more of his story, I feel like he's not appreciated enough. So I'm going to go with Stan Hanson. Jimmy Ho asked, how did you end up with most of the podcast responsibilities? Well, that's just at the time that we started the podcast, Drew was really being the point man on the book, and Trey was busy doing porch rants, so y'all would actually listen to the goddamn podcast. So I just took it upon myself, and I enjoy it, and so I've still been doing it to this day. and we all, you know, we all got our thing. Like, hell, when we're on the road, if it wasn't for Drew,

we wouldn't have a fucking hotel half the time. So we all just kind of pick up each other slack where it goes, and we try to just be a, you know, be a team. Wow, I've been talking for a very long time. I guess I probably need to get out of here and just introduce this podcast. I guess I'll answer, okay, let's see. Hey, Corey, how would you feel if your success required you to move out of the South and to somewhere completely different like L.A. or New York City?

Well, here's the thing. I mean, at this point, I feel like my success has warranted being able to move to New York City or Los Angeles. It's just that, you know, luckily for me, planes exist and I just haven't really, I don't know. just feel like if I can do it here and keep traveling. It's just, you know, I like having a house here and I like my family's here. And shit, man, I don't know. That's a question that kind of keeps me up all night. I don't know.

One day I'll probably move to L.A., but I got a good thing going on living in Georgia and I like voting here. That's a huge thing for me is being able to vote here. While I got you, before we get into the regular part of the podcast, I want to talk to you guys about Hello Fresh. Hello Fresh is a meal kit delivery service that shops, plans, and delivers step-by-step recipes and pre-measured ingredients so you can just cook, eat, and enjoy. Hello Fresh makes conquering the kitchen a reality with deliciously simple recipes. Hello Fresh does all the meal planning, shopping, and prepping, so you can focus on a health. you and a happier family. Get seasonal, simple recipes and pre-measured ingredients delivered right to your door every

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Now, let's get to the regular portion of the podcast. This is me and the boys in Drew's apartment talking about octopuses, and boy, does it get crazy. If you haven't unsubscribed, whew, you may be about. I'm playing. Anyways, we love you, and listen up, give us a review, download, subscribe, do all that good stuff, and we'll see you later, and skew. Well, well. Talking about mouth pussies on octopuses, octopi.

Octopies. Cephalopods. I think it's actually octopods, something like that. Well, the reason we brought it up is... But they don't, though. Right, but they do, but they don't. So Robbie had sent me a text saying that... He'd always heard that octopuses have mouth pussies,

and then he was on the beach a couple days ago at some funeral retreat. I don't know what he's doing. And he said he saw a washed-up octopus, and he's like, and sure is shit, they got, they got pussies for mouths, but they don't, but it looks like it, but it looks like one with teeth, and it don't hit. Show drew. What is a funeral retreat? I don't know, man.

It's something. Is that like if you're into funeral business, you mean you've got to go on like a professional retreat to talk about how to make dead people hit more? Look at it. What the fuck is that? That's a octopus's mouth. Oh, right. But it ain't it's pussy.

Oh, but it's underneath it, so it kind of is where it's pussy is. It's not its pussy. It just looks like a pussy, according to Robin. I don't know that it functions like it's pussy. It doesn't. It can't. They got mouth pussy dick butt mouth. That was Andy, by the way, playing a guitar.

She walked by me and said, you better give me credit. Pussy dick butts. Pussy dick butts. Or was it pussy butt dicks? Pussy dick butt. Yeah. So they got pussy dick butt. dip butt mouth. Yeah. But they don't.

But they don't. They don't. We're stupid. Pussy dent buck mouth is a disease in the same disease family as Dwayneyes. Yeah. Right. It sounded like you were saying, hoof and, foot and mouth disease. No, that's what they call it when you, when you say something stupid. But there's a real disease. Hoof and mouth. Huff and mouth. Huff and mouth. Or foot, hand, hand, foot and mouth.

Does it? That's the ear, nose and throat, doctor, and you got hand-hooked mouth disease. But there's something. There is like a hoof foot-foot disease or a foot-and-mouth. No, there's foot-and-mouth disease. Yeah, but you get a rash around your feet and around your mouth. Really, I always thought foot and mouth was just like a sarcastic way. Take a mom. You grew up poor.

Hand, foot and mouth disease. And it's baby's, and mouth. And it's little kids, yeah, babies, little kids, yeah. Hand, foot and mouth disease. Right. They foot and mouth, yeah, that's the thing. You can say when you really put your foot in your mouth.

You could tell it's a poor person's disease when they just described what's wrong. Yeah. You got hand foot mouth disease. You've got Gwynn eyes. That ain't saying what you're honest. They don't tell nobody nothing. Buddy, if I had you described your problem to me, I can only see straight. I can't see, I'd be like, yeah, like Duane.

I can't say nothing more. Duane can't see gay. Do y'all think it would hit if we still had tails? Yes. As a species, not like. Me as you. Yeah. Well, I wanted to ask you this about that.

It would hit if I had a tail and nobody else did. So, because you'd do that thing cats do, right? Hit people with my tail? Just rub your tail in their faces out like you don't know you're doing it. Showing on my bow. In the movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black and Jason Alexander and Gwyneth Paltrow, Jason Alexander still has like a little mini-tick. You mean like a full-on...

I mean like a monkey tape. How rad would porn and stripper situations be if they could cover it up with the tail and then show you that butthole? I mean, yeah, so, well, all right, you've kind of already made the sale for me. But I guess what I'm asking is, and this, I'm very ignorant, but like, what would be the function? Especially because we are bipedal. What's the functionality otherwise?

Well, I guess with dogs, like dogs, they can balance and they can feel stuff. Well, I know deer. They can swat flies away, right? Deer communicate with them. It's wide under their tail, and when they lift it up and show all that wide, I mean, get the fuck out of here. Right. Well, also, horses.

This is how. Here tell the other deer danger's coming. Oh, here's my ass on. And horses, she flies away with them. Sure. But what would we do other than... When I say like a monkey tail, dude... They hang from it.

Oh, yeah, okay. They hang from trees and shit. All that would do it. It'd be like a fifth ar, or fifth appendage. It would be a fifth appendage, but I mean one you could do shit. Yeah. I think you could wrap around a beer, drink beer with your tail while you're playing video games. Apparently, I'm very morning because I keep going sexual.

Why do you get a tail job. Yeah, you get a tail job. Or you could jerk yourself off with your own tail. Man, I thought this is going to take longer. It's so weird to me that you didn't see any. It comes full circle. I'm in full circle. I absolutely would fuck my own butt if by that we mean our tail.

You'd, you mean you'd stick your tail up your butt? No. Hell yeah. Because, I mean, I'd do that too. Yeah, fuck my tail. Yeah, right. You jerked yourself off in your tail.

Yeah, no, I mean, hell, I would too, I guess. I wasn't even thinking about it like that. I know, clearly. I wasn't thinking about a monkey's tail. I'll stand about a dog's tail, and they don't be doing that. You know what I mean? We are. We are at my house.

But we're at my house. Right, right. Yeah. We're at my house in North Hollywood. That was Andy playing the guitar earlier. She's went into the other room to finish backing for Bonnaroo. And I can only imagine she's just in there, like doing whatever she's doing. And we're in here like, yeah, man, we can jack ourselves off with their tails.

Either that or she's in there forming her own opinions and it was about to come out here. I thought this was the word, but I won't fuck it up. What I'm talking about is a prehensile tail. And that's like a preensile tail is a tail of an animal that has adapted to be able to grasp or hold objects. Fully prehensile tails can be used to hold and manipulate objects in particular, they're aiding, climbing trees and all this shit. So that's the type of tail I'm in. I've been manipulated by a tail, plenty of that.

Like Doc Ock situation. Like, I'd be able to just... Yeah, no, that's fucking rad. Yeah, I want a pre-hensile. Pre-hensile? Before hencile. And aside from jerking yourself off, which, like, that's clearly number one on the list of cool things to do with your tail,

being able to drink a beer while using your other two hands, it's pretty fucking, like, carry more grocery bags in the house. Just slide them down your tail. Keep your hands at 10 and 2. We should make a show we're just one, like cone heads, but they just got tails. Yeah, tail butts. Tell butts. Print it.

Instead of aliens, it's just, the family's so red. They grew up in a place so isolated that they adopt. They evolved back into having tails. Yeah. Nobody has beds. They just got poles in their rooms that they just all hang from. They're a stripper with a tail. Yeah, that would be some wild shit.

It would be wild shit. Well, I mean, that's like one of the first things in furry world, which is a very sexual world, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, it is. And it's semi-hist. for me. I'm not, like, I'm not a furry type dude. I never, tell you about jacking off to penguins. I, what? No, I've never, hold up.

I've never jerked off to a penguin. What? I'm not. No, I'm saying, like, I don't think I know this. I've seen a hot woman, like, you know, like, paint herself up to look like a fox. She didn't have on, like, an outfit or nothing, like, but she, like, had skin. And you do know this. He told us his story. She had on, like, jerking off to penguins?

No, I didn't jerk off no goddamn penguin. She, she just, like, painted herself up to look like a fox, and she had like some fake tail on it. Yeah, I watch this old black dude porker in it hit for me. Like, I don't know what to tell you. She wasn't wearing a goddamn full bone. I remember penguins. Maybe you said his dick looked like a penguin.

I don't know. I'm certain that if I was drunk and hitting my dog, I jerk off to a goddamn penguin. But like, no, I mean, you know, I get, you know, like, dears are kind of sexy. What? You said you want to fuck a horse one time. I don't want to hear it. Peaches, if you're listening, Kiwi's mama. Kayway the tiny horse.

Kway the tiny horse. my tiny horse. Tara, you know, I know. You're human. Well, all right. Leo. What?

I thought you said you wanted to fuck peaches, not Leo. That is making no sense. There's a tiny horse that's really, really handsome. Okay. And I have said that horses are very handsome. Peter Revello has that joke about how we don't eat horses because we kind of want to fuck them. Me and him workshop that when he came and did our Comedy Central sketch. And I was like, dude, horses are hot.

They are. They are. They're sexy. Deer? What is it that, uh, this is hilarious. I wasn't looking at you, judging you because you like that. No, man. You think deer here?

What kind of fucking weirdos to fucking deer? What's not a fucking weirdo? What's the fucking deer? What's the fucking deer? They made, but no, I'm not like an actual, right. Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, that good point. But, uh, I mean, like, you know, like, I think he's about to say something that I, I've seen a cartoon deer that I, I've

seen a cartoon deer that they made kind of cute. Who? It's Bambi's mama. I mean, she's kind of, I thought you were going to say Bambi because I heard you say, no, that's a goddamn pedophile. No, hell no. Of course, honestly, like, if we're going in deer years, Bambi's mom could have been too young for me to fuck too.

No, if we're going in human years. Human years, right. But we know, we're going in deer yet. Three-year-old deer? That's an 18-year-old. What? The fuck. All right.

Anyways, we derailed. Yes, I do think that it would hit to have a tail. And no listeners. De-reled is what you call it when you fuck a deer. I don't stay jerking off to furry porn. I just one time seen a hot lady that with her tits out that was trying to make herself look like a fox. Is there any type of porn you have? haven't jerked off to because I know we've had similar conversations when I brought up like

like I mean I've never just jerked off to straight gay porn okay straight gay porn I mean straight gay porn right up gay porn you know what I mean but I mean that's just I'm not forced her word and coxmith yeah I'm not into that during one time I mentioned y'all I was like y'all like y'all like y'all like y'all about like chicks or whatever and you're like like yeah hits but what I said was what I said was is only if the chick with the dick is banging and actual chick. Of course. Because what I said was, if you're going to have to see something with a dead, why not have your titty? See, this was the exact conversation, because I had the same thought process, but it don't like really hit for me. Yeah, because I had that same exact thought and tried it out. And I wasn't like, it wasn't like, oh, fuck this.

It just wasn't, wasn't doing it for me. I wanted. Yeah. I'm, I hear you. It's not like that ain't on my, we should describe the set of your core. Trey and I are on my couch. Corey's holding our recorder because we don't have our whole system sitting on a chair. And I think that's kind of set up this natural interrogation of Corey that we have going on. This feels like I'm holding the microphone. We're good cop, bad coping him, but we keep reversing who's who. I'm like, no, no, you can fuck it. But not a deer.

Not a baby deer. You're fucking lunatic. And our fault he wants to fuck penguins. It ain't our fault. You said something about a penguin. I'm certain that I've said stuff about penguins, but it was not. In relation to that story, you said something about a penguin. It might have been like, it might have been a joke.

You might have been like, look, I don't want to fuck penguins, but if a hot chick will dress up like one, I'll put it in her beak. You might have said that, you know, I don't know. And I guarantee you that I did. I have a penguin associated with your story about. Well, I mean, I was probably just listing like all the different animals I've seen people dress up like in... In porn? No, because I've, like, watched a...

There's a documentary. I don't remember what it's called, but it was like a documentary on these furry conventions. Was it called furry amateur porn? Was that the name of the documentary? I have no idea. Corridor jacking off. This is a documentary. I'm learning and coming.

So, but, like, when I first, I was just like, all right, this is like any other Comic-Con. Like, the first time of my house, like, it's like any other Comic-Con, these people just, like, their whole thing is they don't like to dress up like Captain America. They just like to dress up, like, bears and stuff. And it's not. I mean, I think at its core, there's some people that's like that, but, like, it's a fucking. fucking sexual thing. Like, they're in there trying to have interspecies shit going on, which I'm for.

Happy Pride Week. You know what I mean? But, like, still... I don't think. Well, what? Yeah, I guess you're right. But still, it's like a... No, it's like a big fucking huge...

And I feel like it's like mostly the same... It's like, I think anime porn's like a gateway to this type of shit, like tentacle shit. You know that tentacle stuff? Yeah. Hentai or whatever that's... Is that for you? No.

Okay, all right. I don't like... We was just talking about an octopus's son. They're very mariucci to me. Like, they're wild. But what about just the anime porn without the tentacles? No, just like cartoon. No, I don't know.

I know a girl who we knows that I want to say that happened with black cats who's super into cartoon porn. It's not my life. No, I mean, I'm not against it, but I ain't in. No. I want a real butt. Yeah. Yeah. Cartoon stuff does like literally nothing for me.

I mean, I don't see how it could. Right. It's not. I mean, it's obviously a big thing, though. But you know, I think. Pillars, pillows. Because pillars are also a thing. James Franco was in a relationship with one on 30 Rock.

Okay. He had like, it was like a Chinese pillow type thing. Chinese pillars, yeah. Yeah, and he ended up. That guy's like fucking love. And like love. Love. Like Mary.

It's like their wife and it's a pillow. I mean, that's kind of similar. But that was, I mean, that's kind of similar. He has a polyamorous relationship with two pillows. These pillows have. That's a sentence that describes the show. These are like, these pillows are life-size. And pillow amorous.

They have a woman. They have like a woman on them. Okay. And names and stuff. He's got a Bill Murray pillow I bought him for his birthday. Never fucking. No. Well, you can't have a respect for Bill Murray.

Also, it's not built to fuck. It's a very tiny pillow. You don't fuck Bill Murray. Bill Murray fucks you. It's a very tiny pillow. But like, yeah, in this one, I mean, on that. He's thought about it. It's just his bust, and it's a very small pillow.

On that note, and I mean, this I guess, makes like that. Yeah. Where do you put it in that hole on her butt? I guess. You just rub it up against it or just jack off onto it. I mean, there's no rules at this point. Well red podcasters, I realize you can't see the picture I'm looking at.

It is a man holding a body pillow that's got a very lovely anime cartoon lady on it with a giant hole, like a portal. A portal. A portal. And the guy holding her, like, whatever you think a guy who would be married to a pillow looks like, he looks exactly like. except thinner in my opinion you'd think he would be fat or real thin

right? Or super fan. He is he's a super fan and there's a fat Asian man doing the same thing yeah because it's pretty popular in the Asian I mean I don't say like oh just Asians we fucking pillows but like it's an anime thing and like that like there's I read an artist

Does it have anything to do with how many men to women? Is that a real thing? Honestly I mean honestly I don't know and I don't know if it's even racist to think that or whatever but like that is I've I've heard that. I've heard that for years that, like, there's way more men than women because so many women were giving up for adoption.

Yes, so, and also... That's just like China, right? Yes. But this is mostly Japan stuff. Okay. Well, so I was reading the other day about these like fuck bots that they're starting to like really perfect. Yeah.

And it's coming, but like not just, but like not just from like a, like they're, the AI that they're putting in them. It's like kind of getting scary because like the level of language that they have like, like, coded into these things. They are able to have full-on conversations, remember conversations, relearn stuff, like, hold the information and change themselves.

So these people are actually, like, having full-blown relationships with these. It's like the movie Her, except for, like, a genuine fuck-bought, and it is going on in China, and one of the things that I read in that article was, you know, call this crazy, but there really is, like,

there's a lot, not a lot of women for some of these dudes, and they're getting these fuck-bots, and it's just really great because, you know, they've got an off switch or whatever the fuck, but like it's, it's like becoming... I don't see anything wrong with that at all. Wrong? No. Weird? Yes. More than the wrong?

Yeah. I mean, it's a robot. No, there's a difference between weird and wrong. And it's not a sentient. It's not a sentient robot either. Yeah, right, yeah. Oh, yeah, no, we're going to rise up and kill us all. Because they will be sentient, and we will be raping them,

and enslaving them, and that will kill us. us all, but until then, we, fuck them. I mean, that's kind of how this humanity works anyways. That's how we've treated everything that we could fuck. Yes, but, but these robots are not, they don't have

consciousness or anything. I wasn't saying to where. They're built for us to fuck them. I wasn't saying it was morally wrong. I'm saying it like, we're not in a good place. No. No. And I saw, I think it's I think it's, I think it's Musk who argues that like, well, when AI,

You know, we can control the AI, and we've got to get ahead of it ourselves. We've got to control it. And, like, it's so arrogant. No, he says we have to, the only way we could control it is by becoming it. We have to become it. Yeah, like, integrating it into our, like, own brains and consciousness. But that's so arrogant of us to, like, think we could do. Like, you ever, like, you call Delta and they got that automated guy?

You know what I'm talking? And he's, like, basically a robot. And you got to, like, he's like, how may I help you today? And you tell him, he's like, sorry, I didn't get that. I'm going to put you with a real person now. But it takes you. But it takes forever to do that and you're screaming them and maybe it's just me. I'm falling apart.

Like, I can't outsmart a phone robot. Like, I'm not going to be able to outsmart a fuck robot. That's not your fault. That's the kind of thing they want you to believe. It's true, though. Those things aren't developed enough. Yeah, Delta isn't as technologically advanced as the Chinese fuckbots have become. I think that's what they want you to believe.

I think that Delta is the Chinese fuck bot. It's all connected, dude. Okay. I've heard it both ways. Well, let's get into that. always making that up I've never heard that Delta is making fuckbox but that would be

amazing it'd be a good plane ride it's like what's up above first class you just get a fuck a robot yeah just the robots they got played multiple floors don't tell you at least two floors yeah two like other another one of those

is like the top floor like where the people that head are and the peasants are on the bottom or how's that way no it's still a front to back thing okay so the top the two floors are identical it's just there's

are there some places they have like a bar and like a... That's mostly private ones, though. I've never been on one that I saw a bar, but I think the one I was on that was a double-decker. Actually, now I think about it, that's what it is. First class, the up-top part is a bar.

That's what's up. And they're called Airbus something-somethingsand-they're mostly for international. Now, granted... And that's where I was on one flight in Australia. Granted, you know, if you're in first class, they be bringing you drinks and I don't want to move, so I guess the thought of a bar... Well, but if you're on a flight for 16 hours...

Right, you want to get a... You sleep for eight, wake up, have a malosa. You don't want to sit in your seat. You don't want to sit in your seat. You walk around, get rid of the blood clots. Hang out the bar. Yeah, I guess you're right. That would hit.

I bet they let them fuck on those. Those big international plots go like 16 hours and stuff. Do they like, if you're in the peasant section, do you have to, are there middle seats and stuff? Yeah. Ooh. There's more room. There's more leg room on them, but they're not any wider. Because they have the four seat situation.

Yeah. It's five. Right. In the middle. Yeah. In the middle, no, no, in the middle is five seats. But there is more legroom. And then three or four on the outside, yeah.

Yeah, buddy. I mean, you just sleep the whole time. The only way I could. And the other thing is they've got huge, well, for an airplane. They have big areas beside the bathrooms. And, like, it's totally fine to just go stand in them and talk to somebody. Do you know what I mean? It's not like there's a four foot square in front of each bathroom.

There's like a 10 by 10 room there. dude that might like i've net longest i've ever been on this but well it's going to be tomorrow probably six that when we flew to hawaii that's like for you no for me it was like five and a half for me it was seven for eight no when i went to uh i guess when i went to the wherever we went for that sandals thing i literally can't even remember where it was but it was like eight hours or some shit like that when i flew to south average and i was in i'll admit i was in first class and my wife was back because they upgraded me and i told her i was like we can switch halfway through and then I just fell asleep for the whole flight.

So I'm a piece of shit. That's so hilarious. That was on the way to your honeymoon, right? That's so funny. No, excuse me. That happened. That happened. That happened to me and Andy. On the way back. That happened to me and Andy.

We were mad at each other so I didn't care. That happened to me and Andy, and I let the guy who was sitting beside her have my upgrade and set beside her. I mean, I feel like we both regret what we've done, Corey. I don't because I offered that. Rather than let Andy have it, you were like, well, so y'all could sit together. I guess that's still kind of sweet. Well, we talked about doing the Switch.

But the biggest thing was he was a big dude. Neither of us wanted to be in the middle. Get his ass out of there. And it was middle. Go spake up the first class cabin. Get up here. Fat piece of shit. Hey, fat ass.

That's my wife. Instead of eating her on this plane, why don't you waddle your ass up there? You got free food up there. You fucking stinky piece of shit. The longest flight I ever been on was 22 hours, I think. Oh, my God. We stopped, but we didn't get off the plane.

It was just the refuel. That's even worse. Where'd you stop? Stop. Some island to refuel. That don't yet. South Africa? Yeah.

The flight to Australia was, I want to say, I had the flight of Atlanta. I flew somewhere and there was a layover. Because we're talking about a straight fly, right? Because the flight to Australia was 26 hours, but I had a layover somewhere, and then the rest of the flight was like 16. I think my layover was in Europe, I don't remember. Did they have good movies at least? Oh, yeah.

And, I mean, they are more comfortable. Sure. So it's so it's easier to sleep. So. And you go crazy after the eighth hour. Yeah. And so time doesn't mean anything anymore, neither does existence. You start to question everything.

How many times do you think there's been a mutiny, or at least one start to be formed? They give you free booze on all international flights and they never check IDs, and that is exactly why. Because there would be a mutiny. Except that sometimes people get hammered and it's worse. Right, but if everybody was sober and wanted to be drunk, I feel like it would be worse. You got home-up early and get hung-over, you know what I mean, get hammered early, then get hungover while still having nine hours left of an international. flight or something. All right. Two stories.

I did that on the way back from South Africa. Got hammering with a German feller. Woke up. He was still drinking. I felt like dog shit. I'd been asleep for like six hours. He's like, there's only one way to cure it, and I just got drunk again. Yeah, you could get drunk. I've been drunk twice and 22 hours plenty of times. Better story. Ben Taylor on the way back

from Australia, or maybe the way to it. We were on the same flight, but we weren't sitting together because we didn't book them together. He had this drunk, fat, loud, Scottish redneck sitting beside him. Was that right? in a Michael Jordan jersey. A fucking hey, yeah.

Big old chain, like he liked rappers or something. I guess that's what he was doing in America. Like winners. When I say getting hammered drunk and being a loud. Calling the goat, Jordan. When I say being loud and obnoxious, and then, as you guys know, is like very sweet, very meek, he's very kind to everyone.

This dude's like in his face, like, something. You like, where you? Whiskey little guy. He has some whiskeys over here. Then he passes out. His kid, isn't it? Look at him. He's a sayant testosterone.

As I always. You're studying on worse. Or what? He passes out on the aisle on Ben. So Ben's trapped. I go up to talk to Ben just like to pass the time. I'm looking at dude. I'm horse laughing in Ben's face because of course I am.

The dude is just sleeping through it. I'm like, do you have to pee? And Ben's like shaking his head. I do have to pee. I'm like, wake him up. He's like, I've tried three times. What do you think would happen if you woke him up? He just grunted it, Ben.

He was just going, ugh. Oh, you see that little eyes that person. You just piss on me. I don't care. He smelled like he pissed on himself. He stunk. I swamed in. It's going out of the shit.

He smelled like he had played an NBA game. And that shit always happens to be the nicest guy in the world who deserves only the best. Your fucking Scottish accent is my favorite thing in the world. It's the thing you're the best at. Yeah. But you're never allowed to shine until it's like these moments. Oh, yeah, you noticed I've jumped right on that. Oh, yeah.

I was fucking so happy. Oh, hey, he said... You said two stories. No, he said something... First story was just a short one. I got a German guy. I was playing twice with a German guy. Oh, right.

I couldn't keep up with him. He kept calling me a pussy in German over and over again, and so I kept drinking. You said something earlier that reminded me of another thing you had said that I wanted to bring up a thing you were going to do or wanted to do or something. Wanted to talk about? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go by planes. Airplanes, they don't hit. They don't hit.

Bars on planes do you hit? I said, do you think on those flights where there's a bar in first? They just let them fuck, right? Yeah. Was that it? I don't know. I can't remember at all, and I'm pissed off because. No, it was the thing you said to me separately, not even about the podcast, like yesterday or something.

You want you to do? No, I don't. Was it die? Yeah, he wants to die. I don't know. Well, I too want to die, and you are about to get on an air. Good look at his balls. And these particular shorts, y'all, for some reason there's no seam in the back?

They are just ridiculous. Trey, normally shorts and pants, there's a seam that would give him camel to. right now. There's some sort of ball bag in these shorts, and buddy, it's working overtime. He's filling them out right now. When this pair of shorts left the factory, that ball bag was like, I'm special.

I'm going to support the ball. I had no idea what was in store. No, yeah, I hadn't noticed this, but I will say that I've been being like, man, these shorts are fucking, these are real comfortable. I like whatever.

I remember it. He was talking about fat fucks, right? So, oh, yeah. Drew is telling me recently that like he thinks and i'm not saying people on this no no no no it's about himself i mean the whole oh yeah yeah yeah i'm not saying he's wrong about this that's just i think it's something we can talk about you know drew's been up and down a little bit over the past few years as uh i was going to say we all have we have to some extent in terms of way much stayed close to the same yeah

he's had way more extremes for sure yeah well when we very first started i carry it differently that's kind of the whole point we were very first started i was 190 then i got up to 230 and now I'm in the middle, so. It was a big swing there. But anyway, Drew's like he said, he notices a difference in the way people treat him. And the possibilities are. When he's fat or not fat, I'm also.

Go on. But I don't get that fat. It's not a fart thing. It's not a, you farted, didn't you? And, and, baby, I don't get as fat as you. You don't? Or fart as much. No, he does do that.

I fart way more than you, but, or well, way worse. Used to be more. Anyway. It's both. I don't. Here's one possibility that's completely possible and fair. When I am healthy, it's because I'm not drinking as much. I'm working out more, which means I'm sleeping better.

Probably means we haven't been on the road as much. And you're nicer. Exactly. That's what he's getting. So, like, perhaps my exchanges with people are based on that. But my other theory is that the difference in me when it's 15 pounds, like a 15 pound swing, I gain weight right in my face and right on my gut, and that's it. My legs don't get no bigger.

underneath my gut don't get no bigger. Like, I just get a fat belly and a fat face. And that looks like a different person than 15 pounds. Like, I kind of think that, like, there's like a hot quotient going on where even like a straight dude, it's like a society thing. It's like how y'all think Tom Cruise is fast. It's like the idea that hot people are just deserved to be treated better or something. And I always know I'm doing good on my diet when it starts. But, see, I would argue kind of in the other direction.

that I feel like I get treated good because I look like a jolly little boy. But you, as he says, everything about you. Right. You're symmetrical. When you look like a perfect circle. When you're fat, you look miserable. I just look fat. I think when I'm fat, I just look bland.

I don't look fun or funny like you do. You know what I mean? I'm just like, it's just some dude. And I'm not saying when I lose weight, now I'm Tom Cruise, who's very slow. I'm saying that when I lose weight, for some reason I get treated different. A part of me thinks I'm just, A nicer person because I'm healthier. I guarantee you that's it.

Well, when he brought this up specifically, we were at a concert, and he had been lied to and told there were hot dogs, and there were no hot dogs. There were no food at all, yeah. When I walked in the door, I was like, is there any food? He goes, there's hot dogs at the bar, and I go, what concert? Can I go, BJ? American Graham.

Shout out, American Aquarium, B.J. Bar am a great show. When I said, well, I'm going to go get some food, and the guy goes, there's no in an ounce, but there's hot dogs at the bar. And I was like, all right, I can sell you to eat a hot dog. So he gets in. turns out there are no hot dogs. They have hot dogs sometimes, but only when the other half of the bar is opened up or whatever. But they didn't have them that night's the point. But the bartender, a girl, is being like, she's being very accommodating. She's like, I mean, I can go back there and find out and check. I can probably go get you one if you want me. He's like, no, no, no, no. And he's telling me, and he's telling me, and he's telling me, and he told me there was hot dog. He had said all that. So then that happens. She says all that. And then he says to me. Were you on BJ's list? Yeah. Okay. Then he says to me this. She didn't know that. I was just trying to. I was just trying to. I was just trying to. No, she had no idea about that.

But, yes, we were. Yeah, I mean, I figured. We went back to him. We did it. We did it. Yeah, but he, I was there for all that. And then she walks away finally, and then he tells me this theory he has. And I'm sure there's something to it.

But I told her. Yeah, she was like, yeah. She sent a guy to? And I was like, no, no, it's fine. And I'm not used to that. People do not try to accommodate it. Yeah, that sounds like something had happened to me, 100%. Well, I told him in this particular instance, it might be because, like,

she, like, believes that he really needs it. it. Whereas, like, if he was fat, like, oh, yeah, you just want to, you need, you need a hot dog,

you just, you know, she was mama and me? Right, yeah, like, she could test, like,

no, he's, this guy is not one that, you get mamaed. Yeah, I do get mommed. So she might have been

momming me, but the point is, I only get mamaed when I'm, you know, at the, at the low end of Drew's range. And that's funny

because I feel like if I was to, everybody hates my name. Again, yeah. I think it's the opposite of that, actually. But you do have dad energy. No one wants to take care of you, but everyone tries to work with you until you get

super helpful. And that's the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen is when Trey tries to be helpful and everyone hates it before. We got it. It's fine. Sir, what was it at that when we were trying to get on the lot that day at Disney? Sir, stay right there.

You weren't with us. He wouldn't even let me. No, I was in the car in front of y'all. I saw all that. No, no, I'm with him. So you can look it up. You can look it up. I will handle it, sir.

I walked up. Y'all drove up after I'd already. walked up and found out we weren't on the list. So I see you walking up. I know you're about to be told we're not on the list because I just got told that. And so that's all I'm trying to say to him is, hey, those two guys are with me and we, you know, we're part of the same thing. That's all I was trying to tell him. But the minute I was like, excuse me, sir, that, that's literally all I got out. Excuse me, sir, and I point to y'all's car and he just starts going, sir, sir, stay right there, sir, sir, I'm going to take care of it. Sir, and I'm just,

Like, I'm not trying to, I'm not fucking, okay, all right. Or like, remember that time in the fucking, it happens all the time? Like Starbucks hotel? Yes. When that lady fucking na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-ha good-bied me out the fucking door? Literally. Yeah, nah, nah, nah.

Over some shit that I didn't even, fucking, I don't, I don't remember the specifics of it. I don't. Just started, I think I can. One of y'all ordered a drink. I wasn't with you. I came up. It was me. Corey was.

He ordered a drink, and then they either gave him their own drink or somebody else picked his drink up or something like that. Yeah, that definitely happened. Somebody picked up his drink, so then he didn't get the right drink. Right. And so it wasn't even my drink. It was his. Right.

But I went back up there to him and told him like, there was actually supposed to be a whatever he had ordered with this. And she was like, no, yeah, we put it out. And I was like, I know you did. Someone else took it on accident. I'm not saying, whatever. They didn't know what they were doing. But we did not get it. That was the conflict.

And then through the course of me, like, explain it. It became clear to me that they thought I was. trying to get like a fucking free drink or something which I wasn't. Another thing you did was didn't you try to like find the person who had it? You were like, hey, did you get the right drink? Because I think you might have got the wrong drink. Yes. And then that person also hated you for talking to them and being nice.

The girl who had got that drink, the other one was like, I'm sorry. I think this is actually your. And yes, she was just looking at me like, what the fuck do you want? You know? And I was like, I just want to, everyone in there hated me. Yeah. And I was sincerely just trying to rectify the situation. And then you left.

And they literally sang, nah, nah, nah, nah. Yeah. Nah, nah, nah. Hey, hey. I was sincerely trying to help. I do this. I do so, I get, like, I just, I get, like, flustered. And so now I'm talking like this, even though I'm saying, like, I'm not trying to be rude right now.

You know, you're not understanding what I'm saying. I know how I sound, and I know I'm wearing this orange shirt, but still. Yeah, that's my existence. Where are we at? I remember the, no, sincerely. Columbus, Ohio. I'm like, there's something wrong with me personality-wise. I've learned it.

Well, you. What you just described where I'm like, hey, I'm not trying to be this. I do that. I do that a lot, totally like that without realizing it. Matter of fact, being married to a person who's very empathic and, like, your moods affect hers and her telling me, you're yelling right now. I know you're not mad at me. I know you're not angry. But, like, what is happening is how I realize that about myself.

I'm constantly doing that. It's that I get healthy and I don't treat people that way. Absolutely. I can yell. You don't like this orange shirt? It's a hell of thing for you to say to me. I didn't mean that particular. vibrant cartoon ass motherfucker.

That's true. Lime green ass shoes. Yeah, lime green ass shoes. Listen to me. This didn't come across. This didn't come across. Shit because I got an orange shirt on. This didn't come across.

I didn't mean this orange shirt. In the scene that I had in my mind and I didn't get this across, you sound like you and you're wearing a Tennessee Vals shirt, which is what she automatically sees, which is why she hates you. I don't see color, so I knew that. Yeah, I didn't mean this shirt.

Trey's wearing an orange shirt. I'm wearing an orange shirt. Yeah, as I said that I was like, this ain't going to play. In my mind, you're in the coffee shop wearing a bright-ass Tennessee ball shirt, sounding like you're sounding. Being like, that's our latte, god damn it. And it's like accent problems. The only thing she's hearing is the accent. No, I fucking like that shirt.

I can't wear orange because I'm a cool colors, mostly type person. I can get away with some autumn, but not orange. It flushes me out. Also, you look like a pumpkin. Yes, and I'm fat, and I look like a pumpkin. There's that, too. A pumpkin. Anybody ever called you pumpkin?

Oh my God. Every woman that doesn't know my name's like, Pumpkin, come here. Come here, Pumpkin. You are a good pumpkin. I'm like the pumpkin. Come here, punkin. You are the pumpkin.

Like any old lady that works at like a mom-and-pop gas station, well, you need pumpkin. Every fucking time. Instead of pumpkin spice, he's pumpkin sugar. Yeah, pumpkin sugar. That didn't hit for you on? I just figured y'all was about to go directly and more about how...

I was trying to come up with more pumpkin pump. Oh yeah, no, that's it. I do put the pun and pumpkin puns. Pumpkin sigh. Is that pumpkin spice? Oh, pumpkin, oh, right on. I missed it. I'm sorry. Although pie is your thing anyway. Oh, I'm a pie. My face looks like a pie. I probably often smell like pie. I eat so many carbs when I sweat. It's kind of doughy smelling. Hips. It does hit. Is there a timer on that? How long have been going? 36, all right. Yeah. Because I don't know where to go from here. from here. Well, let's just leave. I'm about to go get on a plane.

Corey's got to go do a thing he don't want to do. I want to do what I'm going to do. I'm about to go to Bonarood. We talked about that. But this is coming out. I will have already been. So if I'm dead, we're all getting on the plane. May I rest in peace? Yeah, we're getting me and you get on the suite and the sleet and the sweet-hut and the sweet-hitting seats for the first time of my life. Get them beds.

In bed seats. The boys somehow know about those. I guess in airports, they've seen ads and they're like, they got planes with beds in them. We want those. And I'm like, shit. Yeah. You know, not yet. Their seats pretty much are bed. I know, but they just, they see them and it hits for them. So anyway, I'm going to take measures to sit there.

Like you are. Yeah. They sit, it hits for them. They want it. Yeah, but I need it. That's fair. Like, I'm big. Well, also, it's like the duration of the flight. We figure out why the fuck this goddamn flight so long?

I think that it's a flight that's going all the waiting. But it's longer than it ever is. A little bit, but that happens. Because I fly L.A. It's because the flight. It differs a little bit, and it's the, it's the high. You fly at, it's what the jet stream's doing. It's the flight plan.

It's the flight plan because of where other planes are at. There's a bunch of factors. There's also the question of why. In L.A. to New York flight is not going to get a shittier flight plan. It's going to get one of the better flight plans, especially with Delta. But that plane is bigger. I bet it goes slower. And I bet it's a big plane going to New York and then going from there to Europe, is my theory.

Oh, that's probably true. Because those beds are usually for eight-hour flights. Yeah, for sure. I was super supremely pleased when I looked, and that's the seat that they had given me out. I was like, oh, shit, I've never, like, I've only, I've only been on one of those flights twice, and both of which were once to Hawaii and wants to point to Viore to wherever the fucking was. What's the longest you've ever did at a car in one day or one, you know, without stopping? 18. Without stop, other than to pee, 12 hours.

18, 17. Tennessee to Daytona Beach. Not only that. Tennessee to Miami, Florida. We did, me and DJ did. That exact drive, my buddy Charles, I know Charles. Charles did that. he did that and back in the same thing.

I might talk. For wrestling. He drove to Miami, Florida from fucking Tennessee for the Royal Rumble. Sat like ringside, by the way. He still has the chairs. He got to bring like the folding chairs. Hell yeah. Watch the rumble, got back in their car and drove straight back to Tennessee.

Him and his buddy that I don't know, like that high school buddies. Me and DJ did that going to, we went to, drove 18 hours to Minnesota. Yeah, didn't y'all get stuck in a roundabout for like four of those hours, though? And a storm. And you guys were on meth? How do you think we made it? Yeah, 18 straight hours there, got on stage, did the show, got in the car, drove 18 straight hours back. Fuck that.

Yeah, fuck that. Dude, hell yeah, fuck that. But we couldn't get a hotel. My brother drove us down the 17 hours. I mean, he stayed. We stayed the night. We moved into our apartment or whatever. And he was before he knew he was going to prison.

It was before he was going to prison. He made some joke about, like, looking forward. forward to prison after that fucking drive. Right. It hit for me real hard. Of course. I mean, you know, obviously I drove from Tennessee to California, but we stopped a lot. We already had the boys by then, so we never did more than like nine hours in a day or something.

I mean, it took us like five or six days to make the trip, but we knew it was going to because, like, we weren't trying to be in the car for fucking 16 hours a day. That probably hits. We weren't doing it, like, going to, like, hitting places or whatever. We were doing. We'd get tired. We'd do nine out, and we'd stop it to next, like. sizable town, so we stopped in Fort

something, Arkansas, Amarilla. Have you up? Have you got that argument on here? That's the second best George Strait song. What's that one in there? Flagstaff, Flagstaff, Arizona.

Garth Brooks has lost his goddamn mind. He worships Ben Rothelisberger. Man, he's something else, man. He is something else. I do love him. He is the man, but like, no. I hear disparaging Garth Brooks in the name being right about

a country song, and yeah, I'm the crazy one That should be right all the time. Okay. I have actually said... I have actually said... I have actually said since... They were wondering. Since that very night...

I don't agree with you. Since Garfbrook said that that night, I actually have, from that point on, ever since then, acquiesced completely. We get it. You know words. What's that...

I'm kidding. I know. Came around on. I know. I'm asking. I'm asking. Yeah. Like, gave in to.

Yeah. Yeah. I got it from context. I still don't personally feel that way that it's the best. It's one of the best. Yeah, I respect it. It's one of the best. It's the second, like, when I says the second best, it's right fucking there.

I just... But our argument was never about our preference, right? It was about which one is the best. Well, but that's, that is still about preference. I get that. I'm not breaking down the lyrics and saying this is why. I think what he's getting at is, you know, he acquiesces to Garth Brooks being right about this subject, but he still prefers.

That is exactly what I'm saying, what you just said. I still think it's, I still think it's, it's like, I can still make Cheyenne means more to me because you could replace. It's a comedy song. It's a comedy song. You could replace the protagonists in that, or antagonist, whatever you want to look at it as. I mean, in fairness, Amarillo by morning is the same way. Yeah, I guess you're right. If there was a yuck-yuck-y-Ux in Amarillo, and you had to get there by six, Amarillo by the opening.

That's true. But Chey-in is more heartbreaking. Amarillo by check drop. Does that help? He don't get, in Amarillo by morning, he don't get, like a woman, don't leave his ass. Yeah, he lost his wife and a girlfriend. He lost two, son. Two of them. Some way.

The song does hit. But it's still, I can still make sure. I ain't got a dime, but I got the time. I'm making it about comedy now. Ain't got it. But I'll do the time. It says, what I've got is mine. What I got is mine.

When I ain't rich, but Lord, I'm free. Amarillo by morning. Amarillo's where I'll be. I mean, I'm not. That fiddle come in. It rules. It's the second best one. And like the lines for me is here.

Like it's not like, oh, man, it's not even fucking close. But, I mean, God, damn. We should take all bull riding cowboy songs and turn them in the comedy, comedian songs. And truck driver songs. On that note, too, my favorite Garth Brooks song is also the Beaches of Fame. I know you're about to say that. I don't know that's my favorite.

I love that song. And, dude, my favorite, god damn, my favorite James and Mercury song might be the lots of Cheyenne. There's something about Cheyenne that really, and I've been there. It's a really beautiful word, though. Like, it's nice in songs. A lot of Indian words are beautiful. It's in so many great country songs because there's such a huge rodeo population there. But, like, lots of Cheyenne by James & Merchery, God fucking damn it.

That's one of my first ones. You know, I have a chip in my shoulder about when people mispronounce Appalachia. that's an Indian word, but it's actually Appalachia. Appalachia? So you don't even say it right? Well, I mean, you know, we say it. What a revelation. That's a beautiful word too.

Sawani. They're the Indians, man, I'm telling you. Benzai in it. Sequoia. Beautiful. I know. Chickamauga's a pretty word. That's the thing white people do is they kill a thing, but keep the pretty name.

You know, like in Gatlinburg, like you go to a subdivision, and it's like, Eagle's River. And I'm like, y'all kill both of those to build this fucking place. Right. Yeah, but the name does hit. Well, here we are. Well, there we were. Have you said, and I think the answer's going to be no,

so we don't have to talk about anyway, but also it probably wouldn't even hit for people. But have you seen the Black Mirror, the new one? No, I haven't yet. Did you follow that? I watched that first one, and bruh. What? Am I wrong?

No, no, I was not expecting that shit. And I don't, we can't talk about it, but, like, I want to talk to you about it, because I have some opinions that I'm now, kind of furious that you've did like out there they're so right i don't know i don't either something's got a we got a hit somebody hit hit drew bye amarillo by morning back from san antonne everything that i got i'd beat tom cruise in a race god damn it all right for listening to the well red podcast.

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