wellRED podcast - #124 - Accents and Primaries with Substitute CHO Mark Agee!!!

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

This week the boys are sans CHO but have a HILARIOUS replacement... the good buddy Mark Agee! Mark has written for The Jeselnick Offensive, Patriot Act, Comedy Knockout, etc, along with being one of THE BEST twitter follows in history. Listen this week as Mark and the boys talk about southern accents and the primaries. SKEEEEEW wellredcomedy.com for ticketsgo to mdrncbd.com and enter promo code RED for 30% off of THE BEST CBD products AND free shipping 

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Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

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What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See Capital One.com slash bank for details. Capital One and a member FDIC. What is going on, everybody? It is your boy, the Cho, Corey Ryan Forster, coming to you live from Branson, Missouri here at my grandparents in Laws Lakehouse. I didn't, I wasn't able to join the boys this week. I'm on a very much needed family vacation here in Branson with her side of the family eating hot dogs and hamburgers and macaroni salad and too much cake.

But it's great because there's a lot of grandparents here and they keep telling me that I have surely, to God, lost weight even though I am 30 pounds heavier than the last time they saw me. I'm not 30 pounds heavier, but I am definitely 15 pounds heavier. I wait 205 at my wedding and I'm a striking 220 here in Branson. Missouri, well-readcom, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. That is where you can find out where we are going to be on our 2019 tour after we get back from this break, which I will say is well-deserved. That's last month about killed me, but I've slept about 18 hours in a row, so I'm ready to go. Asheville, North Carolina, Little Rock, Arkansas, Chicago, Illinois, Iowa City, Iowa, Madison,

Wisconsin, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Travers, and, and, and, City, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan, Houston, Texas, Lexington, Kentucky, Dallas, Texas, Phoenix, Arizona, Charleston, South Carolina, Denver, Colorado, and oh, no, my list just froze. But, shit. I know that we're going to be in San Antonio, Texas, and Houston, Texas, and Dallas, Texas, and Austin, Texas, and San Diego, California, and, oh, top of my head, I just I said Charleston, South Carolina. Also, let's just, you know what, go to well-redcom. Everything froze. I'm in Branson, Missouri, at a lake house, so my internet is down. It's probably going to take me 10 hours to upload this damn podcast.

So just go to well-read comedy.com. That list is going to be rounding out with our Christmas shows at Zanies in Nashville, the best comedy club in the world. We've also got merchandise on that website. We've got our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark. We've got T-shirts. We've got hats. We got tank tops.

We got posters. We have our brand new album, Well Red, live from Lexington. So go to Wellredcomedy.com. And subscribe to our newsletter so you hear about all these dates before my dumb ass even knows them. And you'll know where we're going to be, even if my internet stops working. And I can't say them on the damn podcast. This portion of the podcast, as always, brought to you by smokyboysgrilling.com. Go.

I'm sorry, my breath. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for all you meets. Also carvevodka.com. Go to carvevodka.com. See what all the fuss is about Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery. Carve your own path. Bitches. All right.

On with the podcast. You and me will be hearing it for the first time too because the boys just sent it to me. So I know it was good because I trust them. They were in the studio in Burbank, while my fat ass was eating macaroni salad. Anyways, I love you and skew. Okay, hey, this is the show. I need to make an addendum to my introduction. So, first off, when I made my introduction, last night I was in my grandparents-in-law's bedroom in Branson, Missouri.

And little did I know that when I tried to upload the podcast, it just fucking wasn't going to be doing it at all. Like, not even at all. I tried to use my phone as a hot spot and I didn't have enough service on my phone to make it work. And it just, it was just hell. So I had to go to bed. So now I came to the, what the fuck is this place called? Bridgeview Coffee Bar here in Brants. And I got up at 6.30 in the morning and drove down here, only to find out, by the way.

And it was quite a drive, only to find out that they don't actually open at 7 like they said. They open at 8. So I'm currently in the parking lot. I caught their Wi-Fi. I guess I still got it through their window here. But I'm doing the fucking podcast here. And I didn't, last time I wanted to do the intro, I didn't realize that the guys had a guest

because I couldn't download all the files and they never told me what was going on. But you guys are super blessed to have one of my good buddies, one of the first dudes that I met out in Hollywood, Mark Agee wrote for the Jesselnik Offensive and he wrote for Comedy Knockout and the Patriot Act with Hassan. And he's just a great dude. He's a hilarious dude. He's one, if not the best, Twitter follows at Mark Agee on Twitter.

Go check him out. But I'm super pumped that he's on the podcast, but at the same time I'm super bummed out that I was not there for it. So I wanted to come on here and make a little addendum so that it. But it didn't seem like I just was doing an intro and not intro in Mark. So anyways, enjoy the podcast. Enjoy Mark Aegee. Follow them on all social media. And skeer.

Well, well, well, well. All right. Well, here we are. Here we are. We're at a studio here in Burbank and we're joined by our... Corey, you've lost weight. Beard looks better, too. Yeah, your beard fills in way nicer.

Yeah. Suddenly. But you're looking good. I can't do Corey's accent, so... No, that's right. I wish you would have tried. We're here with Mark Agee. Mark Agee's a good buddy of ours, comedy writer and comedian also, just a funny guy, funny, cool guy.

That's in your bio, right? Yeah, yeah. Cool guy. Kauai Leonard of comedy writers. We are Sands the Cho today, as you've already noticed, I'm sure, by the lack of, actually he'll probably do something up top anyway, He's not in the... Oh, they've already heard a dissertation from him. Yeah.

Can you say what he's doing? Because it's very own brand for Corey. Yeah, he's on the road from Georgia to Branson, Missouri, where he's going with his in-laws for, I guess, a week or so, something like that, the holiday. I've never been to Branson. What's a week's worth of activities look like? You've been to Gatlinburg? I've driven through it. Myrtle Beach.

Yeah, I've been to Myrtle. To me, they're all... I've never been to Branson. either but I've just always heard because when I first heard about Branson even being a thing I was like Branson Missouri what the hell is that and I described to me as like it's like a Gatlinburg type deal so I feel like I think it's a little get it because that's also like where more upper crusty but not really Dixie Stampede and a couple of those other the Gatlinberg like institutions they also have yeah locations Yacob Smyranoff has a residency in a Branson comedy club I knew that yeah he's like he's like the carrot top of Branson right yes correct In Gallenberg, I don't think, has one of those.

There's the comedy barn. So that's all I'm saying. It's bigger, I think, than Gallenberg, or more going on. Basing that solely on Yaakov Smeardoff, a comedian who hasn't been relevant in any country since the 90s. But a week's worth of activities? Well, it's Corey, so booze and pancakes, which is what he's been doing. He's been talking all week's life. Literally his entire adult life?

Yes, but, like, for some reason, lately he's really been on a, like, Cake in particular, binge. Yeah, I wonder what that's about. And now he's going to Branson, which, again, I'm basing it off Gatlinberg, but Gatlinberg's lousy with pancakes. And he's driving with his in-laws. He's married now, so he can let himself go double. And he is. Yeah, and he really is.

That's exactly what he calls it, too. I mean, I'm about to go double. Pancakes, double, shot, double. I just like the idea of, like, a guy lives Corey's life sitting down and be like, you know what, I need a vacation. well what's extra funny about that is i don't think that's what happened and he very much wants to be home yeah yeah it's an law's thing you know he's kind of i'm sure he's going to have a good time it's funny you say that it wasn't his idea and i so i've got a shitload of miles because we're gone all the time and we're looking in the book in spain and i

just don't want to go like i do i want to be there i want to just wake up in spain but like we're just looking at it and i'm like yeah that's my that's my way to They're a big conflict when we try to pick vacations is I don't want like, I don't like, I like being a place. I don't like the act of traveling. No. So like the idea of like, like she's like we should go to like Thailand and I'm like, so was that like a 19 hour flight each way? It's just like a no go for me.

I just don't want to do it. Like if I'm going to go for like three weeks, okay. Well, for me, I love it until this. And again, you know, champagne problem or whatever. Yeah. Like I used to love traveling. I mean, obviously no one likes a 20 hour flight. But I liked, you know, figuring it all out, taking trains across your.

Europe, whatever. But now it's like, man, I just kind of want to go home. And anyway, Corey definitely wanted to be home this week. Yeah. We were going to go to, like, do a Mediterranean thing. We're going to bounce around. It was like, we're going to spend, like, a day in Rome and a day in great. Like, this is like, and I was like, that sounds like hell to me.

No, that sucks. We're going to, like, barely do any stuff, and we're going to, like, spend the whole time in airports and trains. Yeah. No, I think Andy and I are both not about that life. Maybe back in our 20s when we were, quote unquote, back. backpacking. We just, we ended up just going to Hawaii and that's a four-hour flight from L.A. and just sitting on the beach, and that's like my ideal. Yeah, that's a pretty good one. I do like to move a lot when I'm on vacation, but not to a different town. I went to Hawaii with my parents and my mom wanted to get it all in. We had a show out there, and they just kind of came out. Didn't go to the show. Why would they do that? Yeah, they came after the shows were over. Yeah. Dad just did that in Colorado. We played telluride, the Bluegrass Festival. Dad got there the day after it was over.

Yeah. But anyway, we went hiking, we saw waterfalls, we booked some kind of luau type thing, even though I'd already been to one with them. I dug all that. I like doing all that. Sitting on the beach, I get antsy. See, I don't like, like, this is such, sound like I made it up because it's such a sitcom, like, sitcom wife thing to do. But we get to the hotel room. My wife opens up.

She literally pulls out a binder that has tabs of activities and a schedule. Yeah, and I was like, no. I didn't see that. I was like, no, we're not doing one thing a day. We'll do one thing a day. I don't know your wife well enough for this joke, but I think you should vacation to the courthouse. Yeah, yeah, she may beat me there. We're doing it, guys.

Well, so on that note, let's, you know, at least tell our listeners a little bit about you, you know, so they know what we're dealing with here. So, yeah, so you consider yourself like a full-time comedy writer, correct? Yeah, I've been My last real day job was like 2008 But what I'm, I mean, you started doing stand-up Yeah, yeah, I've been actually done a set of stand-up For probably a year Right, I knew what you meant, but I kind of heard it that way too

And I was like, yeah, yeah, man, he's full-time But I knew what you meant. Yeah, no, but like, you're right, without the context It sure it did sound that way, but no, no, no, that's not what I meant That's not, I've been very lucky, like, it's like my wife So even if I'm not working, like we can flow But, anyway, this is a very ordering it off against. So it's not an unfair question.

People do have day jobs they go back to constantly. And, like, was it, I think I saw John Hamm didn't, like, get rid of his catering outfit to, like, the third season of Madman. Like, it's just, like, that's just what it is. Right. I think, I wasn't insulted by your question. But you, Ham and, oh, I'm blinking, devil wears Prada, not the, not Merrill Street, the other. Anne Hathaway? Anne Hathaway both have stories of, like, they were a week away from the deadline they gave themselves, and they were moving the fuck back.

back home. Like, Ham, I've heard Ham say, and I quote, I was going to be a fucking teacher or something, not that that's the easiest job in the world, but I just wanted to be able to afford to go to dinner. Well, to hear Billy Gardell tell it, he had already quit, essentially. Like, he was living in L.A. and had, you know, was married with a kid doing comedy, whatever, and it was just like, wasn't working. And he had reached a point where he was like, okay, it's over. We're moving back. He's from Pittsburgh. He'd already called and, like, gotten set up with a, He was going to do morning radio in Pittsburgh, and he had that, like, lined up. Like, it was a done deal.

And then he got this last minute audition for what was Mike and Molly. He got cast on that, and then, you know, obviously, it's fine now. It's like, it's not that I doubt those stories. My thing is, like, everyone's always in the verge of quitting, so everyone can always, like, it's always in the back of their head. It's like, I've got to move home, man. It sucks. So when did you start doing stand-up?

Oh, it's easy for me to remember because it was, like, Like the day after 9-11. Yeah. It was my first time on stage. Never forget that. Multiple bombs. I'm sorry. Where did you start?

Dallas. Have you seen that picture of that guy who bowled a perfect game on 9-11? Yeah, it's great. He's just smiling in your ear, bowled 300 on 11th. I've never wanted a documentary I don't have worse than anything in the world. Dude, the 30 for 30 on that? Yeah. You need footage of the actual game.

He was probably the only guy there. We know what footage we need, and we have plenty of it, Mark. both towers is that the 710 split in the terrorist world they did like no one likes to thinking about this way because like but like they did get insanely lucky like the four planes took off on time you know like but you're right yeah well because they four out of five right one of their one thing didn't work united ninety three and everyone thinks they shot it down maybe but but they made that story up about him taking over the plane no there's like some of those people are like on the phone and shit when it happened. Like when they were like they're on the phone like, hey, we're about to. Yeah. We're about to go for it. We're about to try to take the, you know, whatever.

And then they're screaming and all this and then the plan. Yeah. Because up until then that, I mean, like, there were a ton of hijackings in the 70s. The deal was like, yeah, they just want to extract some money or some release in hostage and then they'll let you go. No, everyone's like, okay, we just, so we're just, this is a get another form of flight delay. Right. But then, so yeah, they got on the phone.

They realized because they were delayed like 15, 20 minutes. So it took for the plan to get this blown up. This is a bad turn of phrase, but, you know. So it's the day after 9-11, you wake up, the world's gone to shit, and you're just like, all right, what are you doing in Dallas at the time? I moved there after college with my girlfriend at the time, and then I just started doing stand-up. I was working for a newspaper and needed a creative outlet,

and I lived like cold blocks in the improv, and I drive past a lot, and then I just sign up for this. It wasn't like, oh, it was the day after 9-11. I was like, today is the day. It was one of those things you had to sign up, like, a month ahead of time. Right, yeah. And it was like, lose my slaughter. It was like, what are you going to do, sit at home and just be sad some more?

Sure. So then... Were people already doing jokes about it? No, no. It was actually, it was hilarious because, like, everyone would do their standard. Yeah, funniest day. In my life. And then everyone would end with...

Can we curse on this? I don't know. Yeah. We'd do their, you know, their child molester jokes or whatever. And then say, God bless America. It was weirdly the funniest fucking thing. And there's only, there was like, I mean, there's the only two people in the crowd and they weren't sitting together one guy was like passed out face down the table

the other year was like eating wings it's a weird national that's what they were going to be doing that day anyway those two guys the open mic audience members yeah yeah who's really the bad guy me or who had to sign up ahead of time or the people who went out to see an open mic on that and they just wanted to laugh man everyone's like so i came in my wife's eye anyway god bless america i love you guys exactly i made a point to make that do jersey and seven old boy that time You do this where even though you are Southern, you're from Virginia, correct? Yeah, Southern Virginia. Even though you are Southern, if you're making fun, if you become a dumb character,

just in an everyday conversation, not on stage or anything, you just turn them into an old boy. You just like, God damn, they got new Mountain Dew flavors. That's a line of, from one of yours jokes, ain't it? Used to be, yeah. I don't know. I don't think, I'm not very versatile with, like, accents, so I can't. I can basically do my accent and then a good, dude. We've just realized kind of, not like recent, we've been aware of it for a while that we do it too, but like the, like a lot, that's a thing that people do.

People everywhere, you know, they start to do like a dumb ass and then it's automatically like a Southern accent. And like I'll be, I see that and I'm going, fuck that, you know. But I realize whenever I do it. And like, to me, it's because I'm picturing like a person. Like somebody from Salina, you know what I mean? Like that I know. Yeah. And I'm just doing like their voice what they sound like.

but I'm still doing the same thing that everybody else is doing. But isn't it like every accent, a dumb accent, like, except for like posh British? But like if you hear like an Irish guy or like a Boston or like a hardcore Queens or Brooklyn. Yeah, but it makes it worse. What you're saying is we could literally do anything other than this and we keep doing our uncles. Oh yeah, yeah. For an idiot. I think like people at this point like accents are just considered, you know, lower class.

Just having one. Just having one? Yeah. Oh my God, you're disgusting. You sound like you're from a place. it's not on television. Exactly. You don't sound like

the standard Midwestern phone operator lady. That's so, like I just got like a chill. That's terrible. Is that true? No,

I used to all, like, it's weird though. I always thought, and I do still think that the Southern accent is like, has the worst connotation

as far as all that goes. And obviously I'm biased. But like, I used to always think like, you know, Yankees, they sound dumb too. you know like they sound dumb to me

or whatever you know jersey sounds so stupid and Boston too like Minnesota I think is kind of dumb they sound naive yeah most of those I'm like oh I'll be able to trick you yeah but you can do a math problem I think because it's not just the dumb but like people assume evil too because they're you know racism

right it's like it's like we get all of it yeah there's like every thing you could say about negative thing you could say about an accent we get that we get all of them you know we're dumb evil naive easily to be tricked racist um fuck our cousins i think we're the only one who have that one southy boston you'll get racist and meathead yeah for sure yeah but you don't get cousin fucking no no cousin you know they may they marry their third cousins right well sure that doesn't count though i'll name marie what three on that night let's go to dunks

at what point in history it was hundreds of years ago at this point now but like cousin fucking used to be like uptown shit. Yeah. Like only, not only. I'm sure peasants were fucking the shit out of their cousins. But, you know what I mean?

Like, royal families all over the world. Yeah. Purposefully cousin fucked because they were trying to keep their blood pure or whatever. Were that, but how did it? But it was third cousins. Was it also first?

Yeah, sometimes. Google paintings of the Habsburgs. They literally don't have any chins. They look to form. Dude. Yeah. And going back,

like the ancient. Egyptians did it too, and they did it like siblings and stuff. But like European medieval royalty, I mean, yeah, first cousins for sure. And like nephews to their aunt and uncles to their niece, that type of shit. There's like some, I was working with a guy who was Syrian and he was like, he was making, it was really funny. He was making the case that like, like, the prohibition against cousin fucking is like some like Western imperialist, like pro-Christian. It's like, because I mean medically, I'm not. never had sex with a cousin

I'm gonna throw it out there but there's like no medical reason you can't with your first cousin so the people you were just talking out with no chins they were brother and sister fuck yeah you're talking you take generations and generations

of cousin fucking and sister fucking to like like you're like wait so wait let me back up yeah you're saying then there is a medical consequence if you keep it up for generations

yeah yeah but if you wanted to marry your cousin it's not it's not gonna be a problem unless your kids marry each other and their kids marry the problem is like it's like genetic like yeah you don't diversify your own gene pool

It's just like why purebred dogs are becoming, you know, a problem or whatever, because like they, they, generations and generations of the same bloodline and now you literally cannot get an English bulldog that doesn't have just a litany of awful medical problems or whatever because they're all inbred or they wouldn't be what they are. They look inbred. They do. When they breathe. They do look inbred. But a lot of, almost all those like, you know, high dollar. purebred dog breeds and stuff, they're all inbred. Like, muts are the healthiest, you know, dogs.

And it's because of... That's why they're the smartest. Muts are always the smartest dogs. And it's because of the, you know, diversifying the gene pole or whatever. I don't know. I mean, my dad kicks him in the head with a boot or not this one. You have five generations of just recessive genes. They're going to, like, end up with some problems.

Like, it's like, same reason bananas are going to go extinct because, like, the market likes one kind of banana. So all of the... You know that's a packaging thing? What is? The banana that you get at the store, it's not because it's the only kind of people would buy back in the day. It's the easiest to ship.

They don't bruise and they pack up the certain way. You can get all kinds of bananas down in Miami, and I meant to when I was the one down to Key West, and I just forgot. I really wanted a different banana. Suppose the bananas we get in the grocery store are the worst bananas. It's like red delicious apples. We do that with all fruits, you know,

basically over the years. Apples, too, though, are like, you know that, I didn't know this about apples until recently. Let's talk fruit, boys. But, like, apples are... I'm starting to call it. Eat fruit and fuck. Most apples...

I've been saying it. Most, if you just have an apple tree, most of the apples on there, you're going to be pretty, like, shitty. Not, like, they'll probably taste fine or whatever, but they're just not, they're knobby and not, you know, good. Nobby ass apples. If you get an apple tree that has, like, a good, you know,

a good type of apple on it, what they do is they grab. like branches from that apple tree onto other trees and they do that on a mass level. So like every Granny Smith apple that you ever eat is like came or from originally like this one tree that just happened to make like that type of hitting apple. And they took it and they took it and grafted on another one. And they grew there and then they took those and grafted it. And they've been doing that for fair. And now they got orchards and orchards obviously of just Granny Smith apples.

but they don't they don't like plant a granny smith apple seed or whatever they graft a good one an existing good one onto another tree and then go i feel like i mean just like they're talking about dr moreau like the stuff that like this like those big aggrilter does like like like montsanto's gonna make a killer tomato one like yeah one day it's like but if imagine imagine doing that with it with like animals or livestock or people and you're like whoa that's really gross like like we do that with dogs, though, kind of, like, to an, you know what I mean? Like, to an extent, yeah. Yeah.

Right, but, you know, you can't, like, I mean, that's still breeding with plants, but it's just a different, you know, you can't make apples fuck, unfortunately, not yet, but like, but, like, uh, you got to need an imagination. You know, to disagree. Two apples, never heard of grapefruiting? Yeah, yeah, okay. I didn't mean us fucking apples, because clearly that's easy. Dude, I made a strawberry fuck a, I'm kidding.

Uh, did you know on that, I went down a grafting rabbit hall recently, because I found that out, I was fascinated by it. I think it's very unbranded. Your YouTube wormholes are like agriculture-related. Look what they're doing. So, did you know that you can... It's a solid tray impression, I think it. It's like, as long as they're in the same, like, botanical family or whatever,

you can graft limbs from other, like, other types of fruit onto. You can, like, grow pears on an apple tree. Well, if you have a citrus tree, you can grow oranges, lemons, and limes all in the same citrus tree by this grafting shit or whatever, but you can't grab. God forbid anything ever happened to me and Andy, but if it does, that's going to be one of my requirements of what I'm looking for in a mate. Can she grow pears on an apple tree? Yeah. What the fuck I'm into?

The apocalypse is coming, so you got to get ready. You got to get ready. Shit's wild. You know, you said something about my impression. I wasn't impersonating him. I was doing it again. I'm a dumbass. It sounded like me.

Yeah. It's part of my whole deal. The accents are like, am I derailing if I go back from me? No. Like, I didn't know this until recently. My mom's from Johnson City, Tennessee. My mom's mom is from Johnson City, Tennessee. You're my mom.

Yeah. Well, I just called her granny, but she wasn't me, ma'am. They weren't, like, my mom never left her end of the county. Like, she literally left her county twice before she went to college. And she got to college. She wanted to be a speech pathologist, and they told her that she was never going to make it because she sounded too much like a yokel. Yeah.

So she did accent training. So now she does sound like the Midwest. Western phone lady. And it was like when I didn't learn that to like three or four years ago and I was like I'm never going to know what my mom actually sounds like. Oh wow. You know, it's like it's very weird. Did she drink?

Huh? Does she drink? She'll have like a small glass like blackberry wine. Okay. But you never like seeing your mom get ripped ever. She's a Southern Baptist deaconess. Okay. Because I was wondering if, you know, a lot of people.

Because like that's a thing with Southern people. We make people all the time on the road if we're in not the South or sometimes even if we are. But if we're in like Seattle or something, somebody comes up. I was like, yeah, I'm from Johnson City or I'm from Alabama or whatever. And then they'll say, you know, I lost, I dropped my accent on purpose because I was told that I would need to do that or whatever. Like we hear that said a lot. And they normally, normally there are oftentimes those same people will say. But if I start to get a little drunk or if I'm like around.

people from back home or when I go back home or whatever, it starts to like bubble back up. So I didn't know if your mom ever let it slip or not. But she did it a very academic fashion. You know those videos of like they get a deaf baby, a hearing aid, and it hears its mom's voice for the first time and it cries? You didn't make one with Mark, was to get her hammered.

I would totally do that. She's like, damn, Mark, just hammered drunk you can hold my hair. I love you, Mom. I love you. And he's crying. That'd be great. I'd watch that. I'm a deaf baby.

That's what I am. So that's, that's an all right. I'm a deaf baby. I'm a deaf baby. That's not a bad segue into what you were wanting to talk about, Drew. He says, mom's from Johnson City. That is true. And you're from Southern Virginia, right?

The western end of Southern Virginia or? No, like central, like tobacco country. Like probably, like maybe an hour from the blue rid of the foothills. Yeah. So I got, we got. What's the town called? I know you've told them. me before.

No, no, I went to Appomattox County was where I went to school. That's where the Civil War ended. Yeah, that's right. And I lived in Buckingham County, which is the next county over to the east. Buckingham. Buckingham. Virginia is so, you know, wants to be England. Well, named after the Earl of Buckingham, who was King James's lover.

King James has only got one lover. That's his wife. He's been married to her since high school. Okay. He goes back before the calves. Apparently, I'm not sure about the Moors in Victorian England, but they They were pretty open, I think. Yeah.

The rich, it's weird. They're always allowed to do whatever they want. So we got an email from, well, actually, I don't know if she's British or she's just studying in England. But a fan of ours, no, she says, I'm a British slash Irish journalist and Ph.D. student studying the media's fixation with Appalachia and what it says about social class and journalism, yada, yada, yada. They're doing that kind of work in England. And the media's fixation. What does she mean about that?

I'm curious. The media's fixation with Appalachia. Hillbilly elegy? Blaming the whole, you know. That whole Trump narrative. Trump country. Yeah. Yeah.

And, no, I think she's also going back to like, I mean, the war on poverty was started in Appalachia. Yeah. Lyndon Johnson was on a Kentucky porch when he declared war. Opioid Crisis Ground Zero was Appalachia. Yeah. Because if you're going to do any sort of poverty program, you've got to start with white people. That's part of what she's getting into is like, you know, is Appalachia White and all that.

But what she asked me was, in your book, you call yourself Appalachian a lot. Trey doesn't. But when I look at a map of either from, I think she mentioned it, there was something called the Something on Poverty that made a map of Appalachia. And this is literally, this is where we're doing the War on Poverty. It was literally, we're doing it in Appalachia. And then they define it a certain way. His county is included. When you look at a lot of more modern, his county is either the last county,

when you, towards the west, we're talking about in middle Tennessee, or right up against his, is it Pickett that's right up against yours? Pickett's the last county. It's always one of the other. And I just, I wrote her back because I guess she hadn't get a hold of Tray, and I wasn't with him at the time. And I said, I mean, I think it has a lot to do with, you know, when he grew up, he went to the movies in Cookville, and then their big town was Nashville,

and that's very not Appalachia. Whereas I went to the movies in Oak Ridge, which is next to the, door to Clinton, which is where the museum of Appalachia is, and our big town was Knoxville, but I'll ask him, and he said, yeah, you know, because I have since, I lived in Knoxville for like seven years and just knowing you and plenty of other people from small towns around there, like culturally, Salina is very similar to all those small towns up there in the Appalachian Mountains in East Tennessee, but for whatever reason, and I don't know the reason. And it just, I mean, you might be on to something with what you said.

I don't know, but we just didn't. We were never told that we were Appalachian. Like, I mean, I've told you before, like, you know how you said, like, y'all were hillbillies and didn't like to be called rednecks. Everybody in Salina was like, we were definitely more rednecks. And, like, hillbillies was, like, almost a pejorative or whatever in Salina for whatever reason. So, like, it just wasn't a thing there that we were Appalachian. And it might be because what you said and also, you know,

Tennessee is divided into East, Middle, and West Tennessee. And East Tennessee is definitely very different. They're all different, in my opinion, but East Tennessee is very different from the other two. And in the Civil War, East Tennessee didn't want to secede. Like, they vehemently didn't want us to secede because, you know, there's mountains. There's not a lot of plantations up there, whatever. That's the same reason West Virginia split off from Virginia, right? East Tennessee wanted to do that, but wasn't successful.

But they were not down with secession and all that. So like the different regions of Tennessee are kind of culturally different. And Salinas on the very northeastern corner of what is called Middle Tennessee and including like we're in the central time zone, not the eastern times zone and all that. And yeah, we go to Cookville and Nashville instead of Knoxville or whatever. And it just wasn't a thing even though, you know, like I said, culturally not much of a difference for us in particular. To agree that like economies drive culture, like you're talking about the basic difference of whether you farm. or whether you're working a coal mine. Do you know like...

Yes and no. There's a lot of Appalachia, though, that's called Agri-Lachia, where it was 50-50. I mean, there's parts of the hills of the Cumberland Mountains where, and this was where I'm from. So like Scott County is the county above mine. There was a lot of coal mines. There were very few where I was. We had a lot of tobacco farms.

But it's always been considered, like people there will tell you I'm Appalachian and you're very close. I mean, I think that economy is one factor. It absolutely has to be. But it's not the deciding factor in the people growing up there. or whether or not they consider themselves Appalachia. A lot of identity is just whatever you, personal choice to a certain degree.

You know, it's just like what makes you feel comfortable? But I think it's fair to ask what shaped that. And now we're living in the Internet age so we can talk about these things. But why were people calling themselves Appalachian where I'm from in the 40s and 50s? I mean, I think that is a broader question and it has more to do with politics and social whatever. Yeah. Where you're from? Does that, is that what people identify as far as you know as Appalachian in Buckingham County?

No, no, we're, like I said, an hour two way from the mountains. I mean, I'm probably two hours from the mountains. Okay. No, no, it's like we raised cattle and our cousins raised tobacco. And it was like, it was like, I never like, I know it's pronounced Appalachia, but that's like, that's as close as I'm going to get to claim it, you know. Right. Well, it's weird, too.

I just always grew up, like I said, about an hour from the Museum of Appalachia. That's in Clinton, Tennessee. Clinton, Tennessee has a shitload of farms, like the Rolling Hill-style farms, both with cows, pigs, and then like tobacco type stuff. It is not mountains. There are some hills there. And it's close. It's the edge of the Cumberland foothills as it gets into the Appalachian Mountains there in Clinton.

If you go to the Museum of Appalachia, they'll basically walk you around on a farm. But to be fair to them, in Cade's Cove, in the heart of the Smoky Mountains, which is literally in the middle of the Appalachian mountain range, I mean the south, but like east to west in the middle, those those were farmsteads you know those homesteads had cows and you know what i mean they weren't huge agribusiness farms but they were farming they were they were mountain farming communities um so i'm actually kind of surprised that being in virginia and being an hour from the was it the blue ridge foothills yeah yeah uh people didn't but people don't no yeah i never heard never heard heard anyone called themselves at her.

Yes, that, yeah, like it just, I never really even questioned it until, you know, later on and moving up there and finding out. We, again,

we, we, we were taught about the Appalachian Mountains and all that, that little mini history thing that I did earlier. Like, we knew all that and were taught all that, but like, I didn't even realize that, yeah,

people identified as Appalachian or whatever until later on in life, because nobody in Salina really did. Well, what I'm thinking is, like, the way you describe it as being pro or against secession. It's like maybe that's the differentiator between cultures that it, like, whether you, where you identify out as Appalachian or some other town, other kind of regular kind of southern. I don't know about the county as a whole. I'm sure they were probably, you know, mostly for it. I would imagine that being secession.

I'm not sure. But what I do know is, uh, our, we have a black community in Clay County. And, uh, it's called the free hills. And it's on like the historic register and stuff because it was. was a liberated slave community back during slavery and in civil war and all that. So where, you know, so slaves in the general, and I don't know how far reaching it was, but pretty far. And, you know, they could, if they got their freedom, there was this community in Clay County called the Free Hills where they could, you know, come and live. If you want to go up there and mess with them, you just disappear in the mountains.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. And so. I don't think people realize how remote. You can be do you know like like it's like you can disappear like there was a civil war history podcast This is a fascinating thing like Like race based slavery become race based in the in the new world or whatever until like that's

1600 late in the 1500s maybe or maybe 1600s because the word slave comes from slav they're Eastern Europeans If you ask somebody 1500s to imagine a slave they picture like a like a Ukrainian or whatever But like but the problem was if you ran away to the next town you just look like a regular white dude and you blend it in. There's no way to know who was property and who wasn't. So their life hack for that was skin color, right? So, but then slaves would run away to the mountains. And they knew the Virginia Constitution said that Africans were slaves and people were like, hey, what are you? And they go, oh, we're Portuguese. Right. Because nobody could Google what a Portuguese person looked like. Right. Right. So they just lived as Portuguese. But this lie was passed down through

generations in these so-called Portuguese communities in Appalachia in the mountains that like people started doing 23 and me and realizing they were descendants of slaves and it broke up families because they refused to believe they weren't Portuguese. Oh man, until the very end, I thought this story was super dope. Because obviously this is so easy for me to say, I think I'd be pumped to find that out. It would be like, okay, I got to let go of one identity, but the other identity is that's rad that people did that, man. Oh yeah, it's badass

But can you imagine being so steeped Like a 10-generation lie That you do a DNA test Your sister posted in your family Facebook group Hey, it turns out of guys We're like one-tenth black And you're like, screw you're out of the family Is it Mike Tariko, the announcer

Who is like one quarter Italian Half black and no he's full on Italian People think he's black But he's full-tanker I thought the story was that he claims that But his mom has come out What? I didn't know that He claims that but his mom is like

No, I'm very black Oh no, I said it I just know that he identifies, like, but it's funny because, like, he's Sicilian is, you know, like, you guys got invaded and conquered by the moors. Sure, look, I could be completely wrong, but I think the story is that, no, his mom is just black. He just doesn't want to be that. You may know more than me. What I read was, like, everyone thinks he's black or he's Italian.

Well, the only reason I brought it up is because I remember when I read that being like, oh, man, I mean, I, it's super complicated, but except, but, like, maybe I'm completely wrong. I mean, it's all made up, so you can be whatever you want, really. you know it's like it's like I'm not going to be like like race doesn't genetically exist it's like it's no difference then how do they know where you come from

I mean they can trace back but as far as like the the differences between like there's no difference in hair color skin color it's all just arbitrary like there's nothing actually meaningful oh sure yeah we made it all up yeah yeah if we had to

if it had to been different skin colors we would have oppressed people based on their hair color or whatever but I think it's important maybe socially when you think about, I mean, think about the sort of diaspora world that we live in right now. I mean, black identity in America, just as one prime example that's right in front of our face. I mean, black pride is a thing because a lot of times they don't know what country they came from.

And their history only goes back so far in this country. And before that, you know, there was no, like we said, you can't Google it. And so it seems like it's important to me, I guess as an outsider to that, to like be able to connect to some of that. It's like to type whatever into 23 and me, send them the money and find out with some amount of certainty where parts of your people are from. Yeah, totally. I'm just saying that my Tariko wants to say is Italian. It's like, what do I mean? Sicilians are like heavily, like it's like nobody's, where we talk about a race too much for thinking.

But like it's like it's all made up so he wants to say he's Italian, whatever, you know, I don't care. People want to say they're Portuguese. People want to say like, I mean, the far school examples like Rachel Dolezell obviously. but like that's race though right yeah but she's trying to like the people would say i think it's like she's trying to claim like culture without doing any of suffering right yeah well i'm haishin based on your speech i've decided that i'm hays well i tell you what guys no matter what race you are you can enjoy uh CBD products right we all you know we know what CBD is it's not we get we be giving her dog CBD because the people already setting off fireworks is they working yeah we

drug CBD before she flies too. Seems to help. And it seems to help. Do you take CBD yourself? Only what's in the weed I smoke. Right. Right on. Well, so yeah, we got a little thing for y'all here from modern CBD.com that's spelled

MDRN CBD.com, but it's pronounced modern CBD. And I've used CBD pretty regularly. I took some earlier. I mostly use it for, I got like IBS. I got sorry guts, you know, and like I find that it really helps with that. It eases it a lot. Corey and Drew were talking the other day about anxiety, right? I'm lucky to not really have to deal with anxiety too much.

You know, depression, sure, but anxiety not so much. But according to them, it's really good for that, Drew. Absolutely. And it also helps me sleep at night. I'm also going to send some to my dad and have him try out for his arthritis, which I'm pretty pumped about. And he's willing to try it because it's completely legal. You know, my dad's a little bit of a straight-laced guy.

This isn't weed. No, it's not psychoactive. It's none of that. It's not like I can't, one reason I don't just take straight CBD is it can't tell if it's doing anything. I guess maybe I don't have anxiety there. Well, see, that's what I'm saying. You can't unless you are, you know, you got something that you're taking it like for. You don't take it like you smoke weed to get high.

you take it to feel better in some fashion, whether make your anxiety better, or if you have trouble sleeping, helps you sleep, or stomach problems, pain. Adderall doesn't work if you don't have. It just makes you high. It doesn't like doing anything. Why does I say, oh, it works, yeah. So the team at modern CBD, Mark, they curate the best CBD products from only the most reputable brands, and all of their products have passed strict quality control procedures and been tested by a team of experts, including us here at the podcast. sent us some, and I'm now an expert, and I've been using it a lot, and it's hitting for me. It's also all of their brands are used USA-grown hemp, which is cool, and you go to their website.

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You get 30% off your order and shipping is free. So modern CBD.com with code red for 30% off. One time I had CBD with code red and the best day I had in a while. Right on. MDRNCBD.com promo code red, 30% off free shipping. excuse. I am shocked to learn that Drew has anxiety. He seems so late. Yeah, man, most people are. I appreciate you, Madison. So I wanted to talk about this at least a little bit at some point. The debates, the primaries, all that stuff, because, you know, the debate started last week, the first two.

We had to talk about it in general, whatever thoughts y'all have, y'all have are fine. But in particular, I wanted to bring up something that my wife said to me about Joe Biden, which I'm sure is not like a completely novel thing to have said, but I was like, oh shit, that's a good point when she first brought it up. This is not my stance. This is the thing she said, and I told you this already, but Mark, so she said. Can't wait. It's going to be good. Joe Biden didn't, you know, he didn't do that great, didn't come off that great in most people's estimation. Mine included in the debates.

Kamala Harris bodied him. And Katie was a little bit bummed by that. And I said, why? And she said, well, I just feel like if Joe Biden is the nominee, then people on the left, they'll vote for him because they're going to vote for the Democratic nominee because it's Trump because of what happened last time and all that, which I largely agree with. Like, I'll tell you right now, I'll vote for Joe Biden. I'd go for Joe Biden twice if I, you know, if I'd let me because, you know, we're always trying to defraud elections on the left. but I agree with that part and she said and further I and this is anecdotal she's like I know people like in Wayne County and stuff you know Republicans but who do not like Trump at all who would vote for Joe Biden but would never ever vote for Kamala Harris or Elizabeth Warren or whatever and I was like when she said that I was like you know I don't know you might be right about that in particular. I hadn't really thought about it that way. And so

I'm throwing that out there to y'all right. What do you think about that? I don't know if, I think people are overthinking it and also assuming that we live in a world where things make sense. Like, like, if Biden can't handle Kamala coming at him from the left, he's absolutely not going to be prepared when Trump comes out of from the left because that's what skewed the election last time, is Trump slammed Hillary from the left on a lot of shit. Trade deals, the Iraq war. Now, obviously, he's full of shit, but it doesn't matter if, it just doesn't matter. Like, he's allowed to lie.

No one's going to stop him. Do you know what I'm saying? So if he can't defend himself, then what? Right. You know, like. Yeah, I just, well, what are you think? I mean, I think I said this to you the other day, obviously not on the podcast. I don't buy that there's enough of those people to make a difference.

To make a difference. Right. and I think we'll lose maybe more than people think. We'll lose some votes with Joe Biden. We'll lose some far left votes. It's just like that we could gain with many of them. Maybe I'm naive and I'm wrong. And I'm not, I hope that it's not Joe Biden.

Put that like to be clear. Me personally, I don't want it to be Joe Biden. But like it's just, like I said, maybe it's naive or whatever. Maybe I'm totally off base. But it's hard for me to believe that we're going to have a similar thing happen on the left that happened last time with Hillary, which is a good number of liberals who either sit at home or vote for somebody else or whatever because they just can't vote for this person. Because I feel like mostly they did that last time because they didn't think it would matter.

But then now that Trump has won and is there, I feel like they'll still show up and hold their nose and votes. I think you're right that anyone who said it won't matter hopefully will vote this time. but I don't think it's people who were going last time like, oh, it don't matter. I think it's like, I don't like this. And the other thing you've got to think, you don't have to just overcome that. It's after overcome laziness. I think a lot of people are lazy.

And if Joe Biden isn't exciting, they might just stay home. What I'm hoping for is that we're going to have laziness out of Trump people that he's no longer exciting to a lot of right wings. Right. Yeah, I mean, there's going to be that. But the amount of turnout and momentum you're going to need to over. We're talking like, it's going to be as negative and nasty as last time, probably double so, because there's, like, whatever crazy shit happens online. Like, you might as well, like, it's going to be exponential just because deep fakes are almost real. And you're going to, plus Trump's pretty explicit.

He's going to weaponize the Justice Department to investigate whoever the nominee is. You're going to, like, you put Biden up. Yeah. I can, I will, I'm a pretty avid voter and I'm politically minded. I can, I cannot muster it very much excitement to vote for Joe Biden. No, me neither. And like, yeah, once he gets really put through that, if he gets to the point where he's the subject of all of their, uh, uh, ire and everything, you know, where they start bringing things to light about Biden, he's probably the worst person up there to be in that position because of, you know, who he's been and for how long, you know what I mean? And, like, he, I mean, that's what Harris was doing the other night, bringing up the shit that he's done.

You know. We have three straight presidents with thin resumes. Right. Because having a thin resume is an asset, not a liability. Right. Obama didn't have to take a stance on the Iraq War in 2003. He could say he was against it. Right.

Trump could say the same thing, even though he went on TV and said he was for the Iraq War. It doesn't, stuff doesn't matter. Like, Trump doesn't have a record on busing. Trump can slam Biden all day from the left. On that note, as an aside, personally i feel like joe biden's record on busing and all that i i think could be you know he could he could get past that because it was what it was forever ago was a different time yada yada yada but if he just to me all he had to do is just like own up to it completely and just be like

yeah you know what you're right and i if i could take that back i would and i'm sorry i'm not the same personality I was then and I would never you know I don't feel that way now and I've changed and I apologize that that hurt you and all the and then that would have just been that but he won't he's not going to do that my response to that is like two reasons he he's not going to do that one he's not that rhetorically gifted like like he's not he's very bad at running for office he hasn't won a competitive elections like what in 1972 right the other two times he dropped he ran for president he dropped out one time in disgrace for plagiarism scandal and the second time he was pulling at 1% and then Obama just picked to be VP because to to look more conservative and like the old white dude who was friends

with him. Right. Like he's not good at this. He's just not. And that's not like a critique of his morality or even his politics. It's just whatever it is that makes people good at running for office, he doesn't have it. On that note. Oh, I'm sorry.

The second thing I was going to say was like, like he doesn't, he thinks that. that his compromise with segregationists was good. Right. He doesn't think the things that I said a minute ago. He doesn't feel that way about it, which is that's the problem. He thinks he did a good job because he got the anti-bussing bill passed. Right. He passed the bill.

He did good. Yeah. No, you're right. Yeah. So I was going to say, on that note of him being bad, hot take here on the podcast. I've been thinking about this last couple of days. I think Harris is going to get the nomination. It's partially because she is good.

And partially because, and this is something you and I've talked about drunkenly, Mark, I'm learning more and more and it's breaking it's breaking my heart how much people want some type of like authoritarian type person and I don't mean like she's

I mean I will call her a fascist when you look at her prosecutorial record that word comes to mind Public defender Drew coming out yeah yeah but objectively speaking she is someone who's you know that I've heard people I mean they've said it to me on the internet you know she

she's tough she prosecutes tough bad guys look what she did to bite Like people want a champion who's forceful and mean and by the law and all that. Warren's not a good candidate because she's not great in debates in terms of winning. I think Warren's a great candidate, and I'm starting to lean more towards her than I was for Bernie. Bernie has a great record in terms of the one trick that he has, and he's very good at getting elected in Vermont. I'm not sure if he is. If he wins a nomination, I think he'll beat Donald Trump.

I really do because I think he's good at debating. But Harris, she's got all of it. she's great at debating she what i am learning and it's making me upset is she has a record that even a lot of my people friends who are democrats love because they want someone who's good at you know swinging that stick or whatever um somebody made this point uh uh late that and i was going to say she has a thin record like you said politically outside of the prosecution what's that's yeah um somebody made this point i forget who it was but like one thing one of obama's big mistakes was like not stringing up a bunch of bankers in 2008 right and allowing trump to come out of

from the left on that. Yeah. Like, he, he added all the authoritarians on one side, which was what's won the election. Yeah. Right.

If somebody had been punished for 2008, maybe things look a little different. I'm not saying, I'm like, I think people's instinct to punish is like weird and destructive. And I don't understand it why you want to see somebody who doesn't affect you just hurt. I don't,

I don't get it. But like, those banker dudes, though, man. No, no, they were, well,

well, well, somebody. The ones at the top. Well, it was out, it was fraud and theft. Yeah,

Because nobody thought to write it down to make it illegal because no one thought, no one came, no one, they invented a new day and invented a new type of crime that wasn't illegal yet. Exactly, yeah. But they need to stop it from happening again. Right now it's going to happen again with student loans or whatever the next, you know, over-leverage debt thing is going to be. It might be the housing market again. Yeah. It looks like it.

It's going to be, yeah. Mortgages specifically. But that's one reason. It's not just to see people hurt. Doesn't she have something? And maybe this is just something someone said on the internet that I saw. Didn't she have the opportunity to. prosecute some people in California for some of that and she could have put Steve

Mnuchin in Dale and did. She took his, she took his, she took his campaign contribution. It'll be hard for Trump to come after on that because it's in his cabinet, though. I will stop him. He'll just say, because to him, it's just how clever him in Mnuchina are. Look, we outsmarted Kamala. We got away with crimes. And you're like, but you did the crimes? No, what I did wasn't illegal, but she should have, but she's weak. You know, it's like, the rhetorical trick works, even though it's make any sense. Yeah,

it's like when they asked me about, like, not paying taxes or whatever, and he was just like, that makes me smart. Yeah. You know,

like his actual response in his debate or whatever, and they were just like, yeah, that's make him smart. If you're amoral and feel no actual commitment to the country

you're president of, right. Yeah. Like, if I show up for the pizza party and then kick in five bucks and eat free pizza, I'm a genius.

Well, except there's no more pizza party, dude. The pizza, anyway. But, but, but like her record is like,

that's one of things that is really twisted about like she, as a ambitious politician, she probably thought she was building her brand by being, I'm a person of color trying to make it in politics. I need to look tough on crime because that's what gets everyone elected.

Right. And then the whole, the script flipped, even Trump's passing bills that are like trying to, you know, reform the carceral state. And it's like, oh, it went just on the wrong side of this. So her record is going to be used against her, even though it's thin. It's like,

it's weird. But I'm saying that I've been learning more and more how many people not just, because I grow up where I've come from,

it's like a lot of people love tough on crime stuff, but I was like, oh yeah, they're right wing. And now I'm learning like, oh, everybody loves that.

Everybody falls for that fucking rhetoric. Oh, yeah. And I don't know. So as far as Bernie goes, like, I personally got the impression just watching this like first debate

or whatever, like, like I love Bernie and I and I also I love what he the impact he's had on just the left in general like pushing us further left instead of that like centrist bullshit yeah but like I just don't think that he's going to be the guy though personally because I feel like to a lot of people he comes across as just like very one note and like kind of like a crotchety old man about the You know, just like yelling his, his, this thing that I know that he believes in and that I agree with him fully on, by the way, the importance of income inequality and combating that and all that. But like that he's just sort of hollering into the void about this one thing over and over, you know what I mean?

While also being this guy that's like, you know, he's a, he's a muppy. He looks like a muffet and sounds like one. And just all that combined, like I just don't. I don't think Bernie's going to pull it off. I think he's still in second or third. I mean, he's, yeah. He's at his ceiling, though. That's what I think, too.

He came in at his peak, and I think he's already getting whittled away at, and I think that's going to continue over the course of the process. You might be right. It feels like how Trump stayed at 30% the whole time, but one, because it was, they were 16 Republicans. It feels like that's Bernie's only path. It's like. And maybe, and you guys might be right, but I have to point out that this is a dude who was a joke as a candidate. it two cycles ago three like maybe you know we might have hit the ceiling here but our evidence for that shouldn't be in my opinion one one poll after one debate um right agree with that

i'm saying i this is just what i can see how i can see it going i do hope it won't happen i hope to god if if the polls are still saying that that he drops out quickly enough for some of his voters to vote for elizabeth warren a lot of them just won't vote for anybody but him but a lot of his supporters will absolutely vote for Elizabeth Warren in a primary. I mean, as much as people talk about Bernie voters, like, did not vote for Hillary, that there were far more like Hillary voters that refused to vote for Obama than there were. And so I don't think that's an actual, I know you can find like three or four people. But you're talking about in the presidential election.

I'm talking about in the primary, though. I'm saying his voters won't vote for anybody else. I just don't think. I'm saying there are some of them. I'm saying that if it's clear he's going to lose, I hope he drops out because I'm saying a lot of his voters will vote for Elizabeth Warren. And I would like that. And I just was saying as an aside, I know some of them won't. I think people overthink this like a lot to like, like, I mean, we have all these,

everybody knows these dumb facts like the guy, the person with the, we haven't had a bald president since whenever. So it was a guy with a nice head of hair, best head of hair wins. It's weird that you started with that one. Mark's bald, everybody. The tallest person wins, right? We know this. Like, so, I mean, obviously policies affect people's lives. lives, but who actually sits behind the president's desk? I don't give a shit. Do you know,

like, so just run Beto or Bernie's platform, Bernie chief of staff or whatever, and stop pretending that this makes any sense. Do you know, like, it's like, like, like, okay, so we, knowing all that, like the Republicans nominated a 17 year old, a 70 year old, um, how do you describe Trump's, Trump physically? He's a, he's a, he's gross to look at. He's a sweet potato. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I feel like anybody who could have run a 5K. probably easily beats him. It's like you're saying we ran an old battle axe with a dead tooth. Yeah, who kept passing out in public.

Yeah, that was James Meyer. That was James Myers' joke. This guy could follow Metallica in a... Because he's like talking about how exciting his rallies were. This dude can follow Metallica in the stadium and you run out of Battleax with a dead tooth who could faint. And you know she'd suck at a party. Well, that is, yeah, it's like it's not fair. But like if she, if she was in like the shape, what's the name of the...

Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. Yeah. She probably runs away with the election. But, like, it's just not like... The problem I have with your theory is, I mean, I hear you, but like, well, why isn't better doing better? Well, I did... What happens in the primary is different from, like, like, plus, like, he's not running

against Tech Cruz anymore. You know, that's what I'm saying. Like, you can get turned on. If you are tall and you have a head full of hair, like, there's a margin of error there. Yeah. I mean, I guess what I'm saying is, like, these... What happens in a general... is different like obviously ideology matters much more to primary because there's

narcissism with small differences right it's like everyone's paying attention more right yeah you got like how do you differentiate yourself when you're all basically um different versions of center left right you know um but so I'm just like I don't know we fight over who's like going to win it's like I don't know what the world's going to look like in November 2020 everybody should I guess vote who their favorite person is with also um now knowing that the people are going to decide the election, swing voters, everyone to call them, aren't reading fine points of policy proposals. I mean, like, Americans are so grossed out by old people,

they elected the first black guy instead of an old guy. Like Obama was looking sexy with his waxed chest walking around the beach. I've been beginning against old people for a long time on this podcast. And McCain had liver spots on his face, and it's like, Obama was the taller, better looking. He seemed more virile. It stuff matters, you know. But I agree with it.

with all that, like, in general, you know, because I think, you know, you need somebody that inspires people. Like, Obama inspired people. And Trump did, too, for like, the wrong reasons. But, but, like, Trump, though, doesn't have the Hillary comparison side. Physically speaking, Trump doesn't have, I mean, any of that shit. He looks terrible and awful. He did in comparison to the little little grandma who get falling over. Yeah, but what about the people that he, you know, he has. had to beat on the way to get to her because when he you know when he when he first started as a candidate too he was also a joke candidate like you know like bernie was in 2012 or whatever and then 2016 i mean i know i sure's hell wasn't taking him seriously when he first yeah when the whole

process first started and then and now of course you know but were any of them strapping i mean you know you had uh more ruby rubio rubio and jeb both fit the bill better than right yeah yeah But, yeah, you know. I agree with you, too, but I think narrative is as are more important. And I think Hillary lost the narrative fight. You know, she became the old grandma and she had the Clinton stank on her, you know. And then and then the deplorable's comment. But, yeah.

And by the way, none of this is fair to women. Do you know, like it's like it's not like it's the taller, you know? Yeah. It's like it doesn't, it's just the horrible. you know but I think Kamala Harris even looks the part

did you see her in that pride jacket yeah and like you know I think if anyone listening to this podcast regularly knows I'm fuck Kamala Harris

forever I will vote for her but like I very don't want her to win but dude yeah she looked presidential as shit she looked like

corporate gay America's president yeah and that's what she is you know illuminate me some Drew on the particular

reasons that you're I know She was a prosecutor and like a pretty, you know, hardcore one. Especially in San Francisco and for the area that she lived in. And she's made her political and, you know, otherwise career bones being a tough on crime person. A tough on crime person by default in the system that we live in is going to be, you know, have policies that affect black people and brown people disproportionately and poor people very disproportionately. And if you're at that level, you are aware of that.

I think it was like Mark said. I really believe this. This is conjecture. Everything I just set up to this point is fact. This is conjecture. I think that that was a political move. As a woman and a person of color, she made a gambit, you know, but she did that with people's lives, you know, to say, oh, this is what will be best for my political career is to be a tough on crime black woman in liberal San Francisco so that I can ride the line and all that. And I've had people to argue to me on the internet. Well, you don't know what that's like.

You don't know what it's like to be a black person or a woman of color or a woman. woman of color. And that's true. But we're talking about being president. I'm not saying that this woman should die in a fire. You know, I'm saying that I don't want my, like, look, it is harder for a woman of color to do anything in this country, especially become a political person. But if you view that as a young 28 year old or whatever, you see that it's harder. And you say in your mind and heart, all right, what I'm going to do is go this route, prosecutor, hard on people, really get out there and make these speeches where I'm bragging about putting mothers literally in jail because they didn't because their kids don't show up to school these are

mothers with two jobs and they're very poor and all that I don't want you to be president like I you know I'm not we're not I'm not having a conversation with whether or not I would ever have dinner with you and enjoy it or whether or not you made a decision that I can't understand because I admit that I can't understand that decision but we're talking about being president like the stakes are high and I don't want that's not the person that I want I think it is um a sign of progress that that people think it's bad to lock up poor people, at least a small segment of our populations come around with that. It's like where you can't just keep being.

I mean, it's a weird psychotic system we have. We kind of have elections too often, I think, where everyone's just trying to out be a hard ass constantly. And you can't, like, I mean, we're not far from people running for office being like, I'm going to shoot sex offenders on site and be like, woo. The next guy's like, I don't even going to see him first. It's like, how do you want up? We're like, just gets worse and worse and worse and worse.

Same thing with like foreign policy. It's like, I'm going to blow the shit out of them. I'm going to blow the shit out of them twice. And we keep... Yeah. I'll blow the shit of them before they blow the shit out of us. I blow the shit out of them just for thinking about blowing the shit out of us. Yeah.

You said, you know, it's a sign of progress that at least some people think it's bad to lock up poor people. Obviously, I agree. And that is a thing. But I have found, you know, and you were saying this earlier about some of the our fans who, you know, are liberals, whatever, talking to you on Twitter about this type of thing. But, like, even, like, some super liberal people, like, where prison reform or, like, prisoners' rights and that type of stuff is concerned, like, they just ain't trying to hear it. Because I've, like, shared-

That's what I'm saying broke my heart is the more I'm learning that. Yeah, because I remember I shared a thing once from attention about this prison in, I think it was Missouri. and it was like the dog days of summer. It's like August or something. It was like triple digits with humidity and all this. You could hear them screaming. And they didn't have any air conditioning or fans or anything like that in there. And there's people just outside on the street just filming it.

And you can like literally hear them in there like screaming, like howling with, you know. Agony. Agony. Jail. And anguish and stuff. Jail. Just a county jail. So by definition, everyone there is a waiting trial or serving less than a year on a misdemeanor.

Yeah. And so I... Not that it fucking matters. I shared that and was like, you know, this is some bullshit. And, you know, I have very liberal followers and stuff. And I got so many comments from, you know, a good number of them that were just like, yeah, well, you know, they should have thought about that before they did, whatever it was that, you know, that whole, that whole thing that you hear all the time. It's like, well, you know, don't go to jail then.

You should have thought about getting tortured when you chose to shop, live for. from Walmart for the second time in two years and sell it to fucking feed your baby. Man, I'm sorry. Fuck that. And you know what? Fuck what I just said. I don't care if you're a goddamn,

you've been a gangbanger, you got four eye tattoos, and I don't care if you're a child molester. We don't bake people. We don't do that to people. Fuck whether they deserve it or not. They don't. They're humans.

But fuck that. We shouldn't do that. Right. Because you're... We should think more highly of ourselves. Yes, I agree completely. But, I mean, I'm saying, so it's still like,

still a long way to go on, on that front with a lot of so yeah her being tough on crime and you know being on the left and all that i can see it being a uh winning combination i think i think it's so a positive broadly and i think that it'll serve her well against don't know right yeah she takes it um it's that kind of weird i don't think people realize how easy it is to end up in the system right and i don't think people like there's like we don't even know what would would prison or jail is supposed to be for in this country we don't even like agree on what it's for.

Yeah. And it's like, they're like whole-Skinavian countries that don't have any prisons. Yeah. They're fine. In Florida, it's written into the Constitution

that adult jail is punitive. Like, it's in their, like, starting with the founding document. Prison is punitive. It's not. It does,

yeah, as a person who spends a couple weeks a year in Florida, because my wife's from there, that definitely does me a lot of good that some of the person's being punished for something that has nothing to do with me. So, like, I just want to know that person's being punished.

I want to know they're in pain. It's never the person you want, though. That's the other thing about Florida. All right. Well, we can wrap her up, but I do want to say, you know, because I feel like people might have, you know, like, hey, we got Mark here. And then we kind of just have a conversation this whole time, which I knew is how it's going to go. But I want people to know that, like, we're friends.

Yeah. And like, this is not a guy that I was like, hey, man, would you like to do our podcast? And, you know, you come on. And then we kind of just bullshit around about whatever we wanted to the whole time you were here. Like, you know, we're all buddies. And I want people to know that. But having said that, tell our people how they can, you know, follow you and whatever else. Anything you want to plug or whatever.

Not only anything to plug right now. You could follow them on Twitter at Mark A-G-A-G. It's just my name, M-A-R-K-A-G. I highly recommend it too, by the way. He's a fantastic follow on Twitter. He's hilarious. Great compliment. It's like you don't sweat much for a fat dude.

You're good at Twitter. Yeah, but you are, though. People give a shit about that. Good at this shit too, by the way. I've enjoyed it. It was fun, man. Thank you guys. Sorry for talking about torture so much.

Sorry, no, we do it all the time. Drew's are my co-host, buddy. We get into it. We get into torture quite a bit. All right. Well, Mark A.G., everybody. We'll see y'all next time. Skew!

Thank you for listening to the podcast. We appreciate all of you. Even though we just made jokes about us, we're glad you still stay tuned.