wellRED podcast - #130 - Southwest Airlines: We Dont Give a F*** What You Do! (Also Sexual Fluidity and Mr Butt!)

Episode Date: August 14, 2019

This week the boys discuss politically incorrect terms, the gender and sexual spectrum, and Drew takes a VERY interesting flight from Vegas to Little Rock!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas.

Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

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slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the the papyes family feast why has everybody suddenly family with papas hits the table feed all those cousins with six pieces of our boldly seasoned signature chicken two famous chicken sandwiches two large mouth watering sides and four flaky biscuits that's enough for cousin coworker, cousin roommate, cousin neighbor, and all his billion cousin kids. You've got all the cousins coming. Even the ones who aren't really your cousins. All for $29.99.

Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants. Prices may vary additional terms apply. Hey, everybody. What's going on? It's your boy, Corey Ryan Forster, the Cho, the Thuggish, Ruggish Cho, Piggy Star Duss, all that good stuff. Wellred Comedy.com. R-E-D-Comedy.com.

It is spelled just like the podcast, and that's where you can find out where we're going to be on the ramac... Excuse me, on the remainder of our 2019 tour. This weekend, we're going to be in Chicago, Illinois, Iowa, City, Iowa, Madison, Wisconsin. Then we're on to Grand Rapids, Michigan, Traverse City, Michigan, Detroit, Michigan, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas, San Diego, California, Lexington, Kentucky, San Antonio, Texas, Oklahoma, Dallas, Texas, Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma, Phoenix, Arizona, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Denver, Colorado, and then closing out the year, December 19th through the 22nd at the Best Comedy Club in the country doing our homecoming shows, our Christmas shows, the end of the 2019 tour at Zanies in Nashville, Tennessee. Grab those tickets, those shows especially. Always sell out.

Subscribe to our newsletter so you can find out where we're going to be before my dumb ass, even those. Check out our merch store. We have t-shirts, tank tops, hats, posters, our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, our critically acclaimed album, well-read, live from Lexington, where you can hear different material than what you will hear when you come see us on the road. It's new material of the fuckers. Also, this portion of the podcast, as always, you know it's brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com and grab all the rubs for all you meets. Also, carvevodka.com.

Go to carvevodka.com. Check out Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery and carve your own path today. Also, new sponsor here for the dates portion of the podcast. We have your CBD Source.com. Good friend of the podcast, Michael Stansky. It is Colorado Certified Lab. It's organically grown hemp, third party tested, full spectrum and THC free products, small batch created, delicious flavors. Look, guys, their goal is to get CBD into as many people's hands as possible.

They charge a fair price because they understand the importance of CBD and what it can do for people. They also understand the potential role that CBD could play in fighting the opioid epidemic. That is very important. And not only them, but me, you bore the show. That's something that I've, I don't want to open this up on a dark note here, but I've buried too many friends because of that bullshit. And it's just unnecessary, man. It's all these goddamn corporations, the big pharma and shit. They don't want anybody to know that there's something out there that you can take that's, you know, maybe not going to destroy your liver and your goddamn family.

I'm sure they want me to say that in the ad. Hey, I'm saying it. Whatever. So go to your CBD source. com with the coupon code well read that's w e l l l r e d and that is good for 20% off your entire order and also a text just came through my man also made it where all orders over 25 dollars are free shipping so if you go to your cbd source dot com use the promo code well read it's good for 20% off the entire order and if you have an order over 25 dollars that motherfucker ships for free

You can't beat free, man. Also, I've been using this. I've been using the wildberry, the high-test wildberry oil. I've been putting in my sweet tea, or my unsweet tea, rather. And, man, I'm so much more relaxed. I could not recommend this product more. So go check it out at your CBD source.com. This podcast was recorded in the Green Room in Little Rock, Arkansas, somewhere we have not been

in over three years of touring. I don't know why. scheduling just never worked out, but let me tell you, when I tell you that we had three top-to-bottom perfect shows, I mean it. Little Rock, you turned out, you turned up, it was super fun. I appreciate it. I really got my group back. We ate good, we drank good, we had good shows, we met good people, and speaking of meeting good people, some super fans of the show turned friends have left me a voicemail, and I'd like to play it right now. So y'all, uh, After that, enjoy the podcast, and we will see you out there on the road.

Get tickets at well-reddit comedy.com. Love you. And she's the voicemail of slob or hose. Leave a message. Okay, so, slob. Can I call you slob? Or is it Mr. Hose? Whatever.

You know, Trey and Corey and the other one are going to be recording a podcast this weekend, right? Well, I had an idea. We are going to start our own podcast. Literally, everyone is doing it. It's our turn, man. We've got to show these dudes that we... You know, well, I don't know what we need to show them yet. But we are talented artists with a wide range of mediums.

And damn it, we need to tell the world. Eh, I don't know if those ridiculous memes make me an artist. I thought this was your voicemail. And I thought you hated talking to people on the phone. Voice mails don't count. And yes, memes do. We could be, you know, southern redneck liberal art critics of the South. Bitterly, it could be a thing.

I think that it should not be a thing. Yeah, well, I really, really think we need to do a deep dive on the artistic and cultural merits of Velvet Elvis paintings. Why are you like this? Buddy, I'd need a heavily annotated copy of the DSM-5 to explain. It just, it's It's called Mam Autism and y'all are just jealous. Is this about the Twitter thing?

He isn't any better than me. He doesn't even have a check mark. Well, you keep brainstorming podcast ideas. I got memes to make and people to troll. I guess I should just keep working on this cross-stitch armadilla. Not like I can make a podcast about it or so. Ooh, maybe we could... God,

Damn it. I just love them motherfuckers. And I love all our fans. And speaking of fans, last week, and I forgot to tell you this, I announced this on Twitter at least. We now have a PO box. P.O. Box 240 Chickamauga, Georgia 30707. And I did that because we were constantly getting asked like, hey, if we're not at your shows, but we want to, like, give you something cool we made for the podcast. How can we do that without sending it to your house and scaring the shit out of your wife? And it's like, oh, yeah, I guess it would make sense to do a P.O. Box. set one up last week, P.O. Box 240, Chikamaga, Georgia, 30707. And I already got two sweet letters, one from Austin, Texas, and one from Buffalo, New York, and we got a set of old baseball trading cards. So, like, within two or three days of having the damn thing, we already got stuff in our PO box. So appreciate you guys sending stuff. So that's what was in Chosbox this week. I'll go into more detail on next week episode once I have time to show the stuff to the guys. I didn't want to be disingenuous with it.

But anyways, that's P.O. Box 240, Chickamauga, Georgia, 30707. You can send us anything unless you're trying to poison us. If you're trying to kill us, just please, just wait until we're drunk after a show and put a pillow over our face. Like, we don't mind dying, just don't make it hurt. Anyways, on with the podcast. I think y'all really going to enjoy this one. and also we're going to get some hate mail about it.

But hey, just keeping it real. Skew. Well, here we are. Here we are. We're in Little Rock, Arkansas. It's been a long time coming, boys. This is one of those cities that we've been trying to get to for a while. Yes.

Just for whatever reason, the stars didn't align appropriately until... Mertry was not in... Mertry? Mertry. Mertry. Jamesman Mertry said no. He was not in retrograde. I believe that old boy stays in retrograde.

I don't know exactly what it means. I'd have no idea. But he is either always in it or never will be in it. Drew, you're married to a redneck hippie. Yes. What does retrograde mean? When they say Mercury's, because that's like a, that's a cliche thing. Oh, Mercury must be in retrograde.

But like, what does that actually mean? What it actually means is that she has an excuse for her shitty behavior. I knew it. I fucking knew it Mercury must be in retrograde Well you live on Earth bitch So I don't know what your problem is So let me tell this story

I've been dying to tell this story About getting to Little Rock I flew Southwest Southwest is the only airline I know of that flies through Vegas I've never flown through Vegas I'm always flown to Vegas To go to Vegas

Dude you know we sold out right You didn't have to do that Fly Southwest It's a with they fly out of Burbank Oh Ward I'm still It was, everybody was going to Vegas. You get on there, everybody's like pumped to go to Vegas, you know. Everybody's getting drunk and all that.

They're like, hey, you're looking forward to Vegas? I'm like, well, I'm going to Little Rock. That's like we'll let down or whatever. But then you leave Vegas coming to Little Rock. I'm on a flight on Southwest leaving Las Vegas coming to Little Rock. So did you like, you were on the same plane the whole time? Like you landed in Vegas and stayed on the plane? No, it was a layover.

Okay. Saw Kennedy de Forest. Oh, no. flew together. Yeah. He said to say, what's up? What's up,

dog? Yeah. We had a good time. The most two, like the airport that you see the most two different people at is the Vegas airport.

Yeah. Because leaving Vegas and coming to Vegas. And the airline that you see the most two different is Southwest. Absolutely. My buddy Luke, who works for that environmental company and they make billions. He flies Southwest. He loves it.

There was a lot of motherfuckers flew in on Delta and flew out southwest because they didn't have a good guy in Vegas. Mark Davis flies Southwest. He's a billionaire. That's what I'm saying. That is. the flight I was on. Y'all, that's what I'm saying.

We're coming to Little Rock from Las Vegas. It was straight up red asses hung over four days of partying. I'm in the front, because, you know, I pay for the upgrades or whatever, and it's all mammoths beside me. I mean, I'm not kidding. It was weird. There was like seven southern mammals, all different walks of life. There were seven southern mammals at the altar of the plane. I don't know.

On a southbound plane. It'll rock. All out of their pocket change. There we go. We did it. We did it. All right. So, I fall asleep, which is hard for me to do.

The first thing that happened, and this part of the story is not that remarkable. Because of the demons. Yes. Until you realize how many memoir stories I had for this whole day. But the first thing happened, this lady fell like on me and then into the floor. Her knee. Sweetheart.

Couldn't hardly get up. Just out of air. I just had to bring her air. She didn't have enough. and we've only got a little on southwest plain but you can have what we got so you know that was my first like sitting around all these mammals i fall back to sleep and you know when you're like kind of asleep you're like in a dreamlike state you're not sure if you heard what you just heard what i heard was ma'am please put your shirt down response but i got tities that usually will do it. Some old lady, I don't know if she had taken the wrong pill, had too much to drink.

Or the right pill. And I overheard, I was eavesdropping on the... Got to take my teddy pills. Don't look now, ma'am. He's got her boobs out. Lord of mercy, ma'am, I took her teddy pills. I need eight so I can take my teddy pills. Grand X.

for mammothism. Over on one. All right. So she is that kind of mamaw. She has on a shirt that looks like she got it on Facebook. It's got an eagle. There's American colors, but not really the flag. Like, just hitting.

Hitting. She has that old mamaw haircut where they just gave up and started cutting it short. You know what I mean? And then beside her is the pearl. Napoleon Dynamite's aunt. Yes. And then beside her is a pearl clutching. southern

grandmother mamma. Like literally looking around at all of us like are you believing this? Like please. So I get up to go pee but really I just want to go hear what the fucking

flight attendants are saying and planning on doing. So I go to the bathroom and I'm listening to them and they're like, yeah, I don't know. It was like a light switch. I don't know what to do.

Like I don't know if she took a pill. She hasn't had a drink not on this flight and it just like suddenly she was being weird or whatever. Well, they moved. the pearl clutching mamaw into this seat this guy went to the, had gone to the bathroom so they could talk to her and like calm her down.

Well, that guy comes out of the bathroom. He just sits in my seat because somebody's in his seat. Well, then I get out of the bathroom. I don't have a seat, but I don't want one. I'm just like hanging out of watching. So this is Southwest bullshit right here. Because don't you pick your own seats on South Wales? Yeah, it's just musical seats on there.

Buddy, I hear you, and I know you're trying to move your feet, lose your seat. That's bullshit. There ain't nothing. No, I could have got my seat back. I didn't want to go tell him to say that. Yeah, all you had to do was whoop a man's ass. No. And I would have, Southwest.

Get it up. So, but Delta couldn't have handled this. And also, you're right. It wouldn't have happened on Delta. And that wouldn't hit. This was, I'm entertained as a motherfucker. I'm hanging out with the flight attendants and they're like, you know, kind of freaked out. So they're not even pay attention to me.

I'm listening. I'm chiming in or whatever. Well, then they're like, sir, can you go to the back? Like, basically like, can you get the fuck out of our way? We realize you're just trying to be in the middle of this shit. So I just go to the back and I start talking this old boy who's hammered drunk, and I'm telling him what's going on. While I'm gone, and I'm glad I didn't see in the middle of this,

a papal right in front of the two mammoths got it in his head. According to them, it didn't even really happen. Got in his head a day of got the peanuts out, and he had a peanut allergy. A papal? I didn't think they had them back out. I didn't either, especially ones from Little Rock, tries to stick himself with an epipen. and squirts blood all over the first two roads.

Are you fucking my god? Freaking the fuck out. The flight attention comes back there and is trying. Kenny, is this just how you living? She's trying to get gloves and like trying to get the first aid kit and all that shit. This old boy from Little Rock I'm talking to is like, hey, can I make me a drink? She literally goes, I don't give a fuck what you do. This is Southwest Airlines.

We don't give a fuck what you do. That's such a great tagline. I know that he probably stole it, but you don't remember that Carlos Mencea a bit about how the terrorists know not to hijack Southwest planes? This is exactly that. And that's so goddamn funny. So I get back up there and it's calmed down and they've gotten everything cleaned up. And I got back in my seat, but everyone else has played musical seats.

And what I come to realize is they just put the guy who's in my seat beside the mamma just to like, just to give her a man to look at. Just, you know, because women of that age, they want. Well, he's bloodletting on a plane. Different, different dude. Okay. A younger dude. You know, women of that age, especially the redneck ones. I mean, he was kind of a strapping good little.

Oh, they love it. Yeah, she was just rubbing his muscles. They love fattens too, by the way. She was just rubbing his muscles. Like, they just was like, hey, muscular dude. Be her toy for the next 20 minutes, so she keeps her tithies in. Like they're seating people at a fucking dinner or something like that. We've got a mama up here.

I ain't had her titty pills today. If we could get somebody with muscles, if somebody's wearing an affliction shirt, and since it's a Southwest flight, we know. We know there's at least 10 of you. If you have either muscles or fat, fat cheeks, please report to the front of the plane. My God. The stewardess gets down there.

He's like, yes, we have a problem in the front. Yes, I'm a doctor. No, we don't need you. No, no, no. We need an exorcism. So I started getting drunk. Yeah. I wasn't going to drink that day at all.

And I didn't stop. No, I knew I was going to drink because I saw Sam. Did they even have mixers on a Southwest plane? Just straight vodka. Yeah, it's just straight vodka. I mean, they had a social mixer. That's how she met her new boyfriend. Hilarious.

And, oh, and they got her off first. Like, they were like, oh, we're going to stay in your seat. We're going to have someone come to check on. Like, they got an ambulance for her and maybe a cop. I don't know. And this is how fucked up she was. They said, remain in your seats.

We're going to have someone get off that needs an ambulance or whatever. And then everyone can get off. And she, very loudly, when that announcement was over, going, well, who the fuck's getting to get off first? And then they came for her And she was like, what? Me? And everyone died laughing.

Of course. Because it was great. God damn. That was it. So that was it. That's all. I don't know where I was going with us. That's all that happened.

Well, you know, when they get to the end, and it's like the climax has already happened when she got her tetties out. Southwest, we don't give a fuck what you do. God damn it. That may have to be this episode's title. And that old boy did make himself a drink. And he was very intrigued that we had comedy shows. But I was pretty glad we were sold out, obviously because I'm glad we sold out, but also because I was like, yeah, buddy, I don't think if you're riding Southwest back from Vegas getting drunk, talking to me about Mamaw Titties, and literally making your own drinks at the back of the plane, he probably might not line up with us.

Yeah, but when they do. Oh, it's the best. Yeah. That's why I didn't want to risk it because I liked him. This is us, but I mean, this is kind of us like doing to what they do to us. What they do to us, but it's fucking right. Well, also, I'm with you. There was a chance.

I just, I liked him. You don't want to take that to him. I didn't want to. I didn't want to hear what his bumper sticker thoughts was. Right. If he was, if he had been wearing an Isbel shirt while doing all that shit, we'd have put him on the list. I'd have put him on the stage. Right.

So, how'd you get in? Nothing had about it. So you're talking about, uh, mammals and just being mammals and how mammals be mammals, right? That's what we've been talking about. so I hate to do this because he's sitting right beside me so I don't know exactly how this is going to go but Corey's daddy the group's daddy uh Dale is here he's been here this whole weekend and uh earlier today Dale was talking about midgets which was hitting and and me and Corey started laughing just because of course we did and Dale...

I'll set it up a little bit. There's a dude on Instagram and his name is... On Instagram, it's like Nick News and he does these videos where he dances and he's very good at dancing. And in one of these videos,

he dances with a midget. Right. So Dale was telling us about that and he says, there's this one where he dances with a midget and it's fantastic. And me and Corey start laughing because it's just funny.

But Dale thought that like... We were disparaging him. We were laughing at him for using the term midget, right? I don't say a little person or whatever. He thought we were laughing because of how uncouth he was being by saying the word of midgette. I don't know why he would think Corey would do that to him. So then, so he goes, so he hears us laughing.

He thinks that's what's going on. And so he goes, he goes, okay, fine, a dwarf gnome, whatever. Whatever. No, no, a gnome. That's not no. That's not no. That's worse. So it got me to thinking, like,

Like, what it, because like, we ain't going to be no different. Like, hell no. Like, when we are, when we are papaws, because Dale is a painful. Dale is a papal. Let me say this for everybody listening. He's a literal papal. My dad is a fantastic person. Absolutely.

And also, to his defense, Midget just went out about five years ago. Yeah. All the flags were half staffed so that they could all touch them. Dude. It was a sad day. Dude. So, quick. Quick.

Quick. Quick tangent. That's what we did when Joe C. died. We flew a rebel flag and quarterstaff. This is the only time it's good for that flag to touch the ground. Joe C. died. Quick tangent. When I was at home...

When I was at home for Christmas this past year, my mama and my ma-ma got into a long conversation about a midget Mark who was a midget that I went to high school with, right? RIP. RIP, rest of the piece. Pour out a pony. Poor out of pony. Yeah, we're going too far.

But anyway, they were talking about midget mark. And like, the man's name was Mark. And that's what everybody called him in the town. Literally everyone in Salina called him midget Mark. Everybody. Who had the bit? It was a black comic that had a bit that in the hood, your nickname was your affliction. And that, I always loved it.

I don't remember who it was. It was one of the comic, it was on comic view when you're in high school, and I loved it because that was also where we're from. Right. Like, he was like, you know, if you had an eye patch, they called you. Well, that's Bernie Mac. Right. Bernie Mac had the Schiltzady, when you're fucking a girl good,

she'll start telling you what's wrong with you. She'll tell you the truth about you. You can have a patch on your eye, your leg could be broke. If you've given her the dick, she's, oh, you patched eye, motherfucker. You broke legs, some of a bitch. I'm in this motherfucker. Kick it. I had afraid you motherfuckus

So the dude that ran our car wash He had one arm What was his name? Lefty Right But by the way His business was called Lefties He leaned into it

So he was leaning He had to So like You might think You might think Which would be Yeah we're gonna have to scrap This whole episode

But you might think that like Okay His name's Mark It's alliterative You know Midget Mark Yeah Yeah you're like

Oh that's why they call it What else are they gonna do right but they're talking about midget mark and uh and my mama in the middle saying this she's like you know i guess you ain't supposed to say that anymore and me mom's like what midget and she's like yeah they don't like it when you call them that and she's like well what are you supposed to call them you know whatever like that whole thing yeah and uh and they're going this whole deal and she's like she's like you know i've known him ever since he was born because you know tray honey you know i went to high school with his mama Tammy the midget.

Tammy the midget. Not even creative. No. Well, midget Tammy don't roll off the tons, right? They just tacked it on. I went to high school with his mama Tammy the midget. You know, they come from old midget money. Which is all made out of chocolate.

It's a golden ticket. I was going to say golden ticket And you got it out through a cough, son Respect. Corey, I was going to say golden ticket And I was waiting to catch my breath And he got it out through a call

That's how dedicated to that joke my man's was. Buddy, you talk about the episode that finally does it. We're very sorry. I know, I disagree. We're talking about what people literally did. The plight. No, I'm just knowing we're talking about it. That's how it is, man.

You're from Salina and you're a midgett. People are going to call you midget mark. That's just how it is. And this is going to be a classic Especially if you come from such historic midget lineage. As Tammy the midget. Y'all, I'm so sorry, but I have to pee it. If I don't do it now, I'm going to be able to.

But y'all, y'all go ahead. It'll be quick. Okay, so. So that's happening. It's going to be a classic example of, like, the journey. It was about the journey, not the destination. Because, like, this ain't even going to be worth it after all that. But, like, the reason I brought us up was to say, talking about Dale and him talking about midgets and all the shit.

What are we going to be fun? fucked up about. Yes. It made me, it got me to thinking like when we are all papaws, what, what will be the thing at that time that we are papal about, that we are like, oh, hell, whatever. Like, what's it going to be? It's going to be robots, right? My Christine has the, one of my favorite joke of his is about that. And he's talking about how he's, he's trying to be hip with the kids and all that, but he's in a big Italian goofball. It's kind of like, it's kind of like the reverse of. He's like, I'm trying to be woke, but I'm not good at.

And then he gets into that. And he goes, I know there's going to be something in the future. My daughter's going to come home with one. I'm going to say, wait a minute. First of all, it's bad enough if these fucking bolt buckets are taking our job. Bolt bucket. Is that what he landed on? Yeah, he's like, you can't call him that anymore, dad.

Well, fuck, fuck you. Since me and Juan lost our jobs at the factory. I didn't know about this. I've tried a couple times now to make a bed about how, like, the South is progressing an insane amount. But we're still behind, like, the cutting edge of progressivism or whatever and that I don't think that's ever going to change and so like in 50 years we'll be not racist not homophobic whatever but we'll still be behind like we'll be racist against robots right and I've tried to make like a bit about that like what would be the slur and I and I've tried I've tried

I've tried so hard Drew to think of like what would be the racist slur for a rome robots because it's like the thing is it has to sound believably like a racist slur but without being any kind of actual slur like you can't call them you know metal i'll say this if you can't do by the way just before we go any further so what did you do bolt bucket is what mike rsaint came up with bolt bucket's pretty good to make you to make you feel a little better about it and i don't i never think the joke gets what it deserved before we go further in this because i'll fucking forget I just went to the bathroom and this old boy, and the people that listen to the podcast

know what an old boy is is a very specific type of redneck. I just walked in the bathroom and this old boy comes up and me goes, Cho! How about you keep your clothes on this time, you fat son of a bitch? And anyways, I'm sad that he paid for his ticket.

Are you going to go out naked now? No, but it hit for me real hard because wouldn't you try to keep your clothes on for once you fat son of a bitch. There was a lot of people in the... bathroom that may have not known who I was because I'm just your opener and B didn't definitely didn't know the context and they were just all like what the fuck I don't know what show is right there's a lot of stuff in there that was very inside baseball but it hit for me well I was in the bathroom

this story and it was good but I did want to say it on the podcast I told Corey I don't think I told you Trey I was in the bathroom during your set I went to pee after mine and someone came in and there was someone already in there while I was peeing I heard them shitting and it was so gross and then someone came in and the guy who came in in, it was that dude, that veteran we met. Yeah, Vincent. The old boy that was skinning squirrels when the recruitment officer came up. Yeah, we got to tell that story next. It was Vincent

that came in and Vincent goes, oh, hey man, great set. And the person who was shitting, I guess didn't realize that one of us was in the bathroom and goes, God damn it. But other than, but to try to just expand the thought for a minute other than

other than just other than robots this is not funny and it's not going to hit for you what else are we going to be it's going to be vegetarianism like it's like it's like I don't know about vegans but I think that

I don't and I don't even not even necessarily being a complete vegetarian I think two generations for now kids will be like they'll just be like look you eat meat twice a week or you're a shitty person at most like it's bad for the environment Plastic straws. And we'll just be like, fuck that.

Take it to my gray. And then we'll just be, look how Papal Dell looks right now. Well, you got something to say, Dad? Go ahead. Okay, okay. You don't want to walk into a papal trap. No, hard that. A trap all.

A trap all, yeah. No, I could totally, yeah. I think that's a good answer. Veganism, I think is definitely. And, like, I don't think everybody would be a vegetarian, but I think that we don't, you don't need to eat meat more than, like twice a week. You do need to eat meat as human.

Like, I'm sorry, that's fucking... But does hit. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Does hit. Yeah. It hits.

I mean, it's the same reason every papal won't let go of, like, the word midget. It hits for them. It does hit. Okay. I mean, this may be like a more realistic answer, not a funny one, but like, probably it'll still be going on because it is a very new thing in the zeitgeist, I guess, gender fluidity, probably. Not necessarily transgender, but, like, sexual fluidity and gender fluidity,

because those are different and those are maybe more harder to... You're saying we'll be like, you're allowed to be gay and trap, but you gotta pick one, but you gotta fuck something. Pick aside, goddain. We'll hate asexuals. Yeah, look at all these goddamn motherfuckers out here,

ain't fucking nothing. The other day, Drew introduced me to a term that I don't think I'd heard before, which is sapiosexual. I confuse it and pansexual a lot. Okay, I don't know what either one of them are. I would like to look up them both. Is sapiosexual where you're attracted to the mind?

I think that's sapiosexual. I'm not bisexual, though. Well, it is, except you're never attracted. It's not their body. It has nothing to do with the gender. Bisexuals love the way Jason Mamoa and Natalie Portman look. I don't know why that was the two examples. I'm not bisexual, but I also feel that way.

Sure, sure. I would never fuck Jason Mamoa, but I'm real. What I mean is they want to. I would. I would. What I mean is they would fuck Jason Mamoa and Natalie Portman because of how they look. Right. Whereas a sepiosexual.

Might fuck me. They literally don't feel attracted until they get to know somebody. Right. It's a brain thing. Yeah, and that is definitely a sapio-sexual. So let me look at what pansexual is. I feel like a lot of women are just like that. They seem to be based on the fact that I have a good-looking wife.

I'm not trying to be shitty. I don't understand this one. Oh, Mr. Butt weighing in. Mr. Butt weighing in. He's sapiosexual. Oh, hell yeah. He's like them all, baby. Pansexual, not limited in sexual choice with regard to sex, gender, or gender identity.

Oh, bisexual. I'm attracted to men and women. men, pansexual, in my experience, it doesn't matter for me. It can be a new with titties and it's, that's, okay, but like, I, like, we're already papals, I guess, because how is that different? Bisexual, I'm attracted to men and women, pansexual, it don't matter to me. That's the same. Because, is that not the same thing both times?

You are not, you are not understanding that it's not just men and women and that it is a spectrum and it is fluid. And, and what he said, what about that's, what were papals about? Hold on, hold on. I'm with you, by the way, but this is the thing. And also trans people. Like, you can't imagine a bisexual person who just isn't attracted to, like, a woman with tits, but also with a penis. Because you'd think that'd be the fucking jackpot for that.

But I could totally imagine a bisexual person. You would think of that. Dude, God damn, he's got titties and a dick. It must be my birthday. And I'm sure those people exist. Well, hell yeah. I'm sure the two chains. Well, what I'm sitting right in front of us right on that.

The two chains of the bisexual. world. But you can imagine a person who wouldn't be into that, right? Like, who would say, I'm not into that, but I'm into men and women? That's bisexual. Okay. And then pansexual is not that. It's, like, broader.

Okay. But he's already a papar. Are you saying this? I am already a papaw. I'm saying... We're all papaws about different things. I brought it up because I feel the same fucking way. Like, I...

Trey has this thing where he's so smart that he... But, like, if he can't get something, then therefore it has to... to be stupid. Yeah, don't hit. Yeah, clearly. Because, like,

I get stuff. No, no, no, so if I don't get it, it doesn't hit. I mean, everyone's like that.

They just don't aren't the smartest. Yeah. So, okay. I'm at way. But sincerely, though,

like, what is the, like, the Venn diagram of, like, bisexual people and pansexual people? Venn diagrams kind of

look like a pussy and a butt. Which helps? It does head. If you got three of it, it really is. I went into type it in, and there's a million

article. I mean, people be talking about this. So, bisexual... I know that it's real thing. There's a lot of overlap. There are important differences. Okay. Bisexual people are attracted sexually and romantically to both males and females and are capable engaging in sensual relationships with either sex. And pansexual people differ from

that in what way? Pansexual people may be sexually attracted to individuals who identifies male or female. However, they also are attracted to those who identifies intersex, third gender, and... Werewolves. Transsexual. And the many other sexual and gender edicts?

What I'm saying is, and I don't think this is... China Moon people. Yeah, you're definitely sound like a papal right now. What I'm saying is... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You definitely identify sexually with Chinese restaurants. I'm a China Moon person. Is it really that hard of you to imagine a bisexual person who doesn't

ever want to sleep with a trans person? But like, okay. Answer my question. Is that hard to imagine? No, I get it. No, but what I'm saying... Okay, but like... Everybody has like their types, things they're attracted to, things they're not attracted to. If you're bisexual, I mean, you're into men or women or whatever, but like, but certain things you see and you're like, that ain't it for me, right? Like small titties.

Right. That ain't it. That ain't it. I don't know. Could be. I mean, whatever. Yeah. Certain people, yeah.

Right. But like, so if you're pansexual. what are the things that make like i'm just going to give you my theory i don't i'm just going to give you my theory has how this happens if you're pansexual aren't you just like and i know i this is this is such a perfect example because i'm being i'm a i'm a papal from 20 years in the future right now so i'm a papal to some people right now but i but sincerely though what differentiates a pansexual from a bisexual who just doesn't like certain things like just doesn't whose tastes don't align with certain things,

which is true for all of us, whether you're straight or gay or whatever. Yeah, yeah. It's the opposite. It's that their tastes, I think, are more open. And I think it's okay to ask if you're doing it without trying to be a dick or, like, prove a point. Right, which I'm not trying to be a day. Right, right, right.

Just curiously ask, why make that category? It just sounds like a bisexual who happens to be more open. I think the answer, I really do think this, is that bi literally means two. and someone was like, I'm not attracted to two different types of people. I'm attracted to way more. Like, like I'm into,

I'm into trans people. But there's no such thing as two different types of people, in my opinion. Sure. Even if you're, even if you're heterosexual, but I'm saying, but bisexual does literally mean,

just semantically, I'm attracted to men and women. Yeah. And pansexual does literally mean I'm attracted to men, women, androgynous, trans,

non-gender, third gender. And it's fair. for you to go, ah, it seems like you're just kind of,

you know, being, what's the word? Muddy in the butthole waters. Yeah, they're muddy in the butthole waters. But,

apparently it was important enough. Yeah, that's it. That's it. I think Corey got horny when you said, when you said,

buddy, Corey is the... I started hearing stuff. You're a, like a joke sexual. I am. He is. If it's something.

He is. Yeah, absolutely. I kind of only like people if they make me laugh. I know. You've been that way. You've been openly that way. You've been out of the closet as a joke sexual ever since I've known you. And I hate to be that way, but if someone's not funny, if you love being that way.

I hate that I love to be that way. The night I met him, he was hanging out at a contest at the catch, and he left before my set, and he was such a dick to me. Yeah. The second time we hung out, we had a show. Yeah, he's a real asshole. The second time. on the context. Like,

I will not deny that. The second time we had a show, the second time we met, we had a show together, I remember DJ loved my set. But I feel like even after the set, you still weren't that cool to me, and then on the way home.

Everybody gets won. Remember this? On the way home. Yeah. You were trying to write a joke. And it was about Prince, and being a preacher. Yep.

And you were doing, I'm gonna ask Terry to pray. And all I said was, I understand. By the way, zero. That's where he started from. Yeah. He literally,

it was in the shack. hour just ask Terry to pray and then back in back into the entire bed the only the one premise on over is that it was like

what else could Prince it like look at that guy what else could he have done can you imagine if he was just a preacher and then yeah well because he why he's a

Jehovah Witness I honestly I didn't even know that at the time I was just like this dude was built to rock and he's actually like fundamentalist or was I literally just said

and I didn't think this is that great of attack you just said that and I just go the Savior formerly known us Christ. And literally you turned and looked at me and you're and I thought you were mad or something and I was like, well fuck

this guy, I guess we're getting to fight in his car. Because you looked at me weird and they're like, man, you're funny. And then you were, you treated me different. We've been best of friends ever since. Well, I don't know about that, you know. For a while, and then it stopped. Yeah, y'all don't have for each other. But you do at the same time.

Yeah, that's our whole thing. It's like the dynamics. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. We became brothers. Well, what it is is he likes to publicly and openly talk about how horrible I am and shit on me. And then when we're alone, he likes to, you know, tell me about his problems.

Oh, I cried last night. So, oh, what? Let me be a... We was on pills. Yeah, I took way too many pills. I had a gout flare up, and somebody gave me some goddamn pills. What are you going to do? Not cry?

All right, and he had a gout flare up, so I took some pills. Yeah, I mean, I couldn't take all them pills out of die. I know. I needed to take some of them pills, so you didn't die. So I took a bunch of pills, and Lord God, I was sitting there eating macaroni and cheese just openly weeping in his hope. hotel, Raymond. I mean, how many times have you seen it? So many. Right.

So, so many. Right. So. Like you said, if you're not trying to be a dick about it and you're just asking, right? Like, what? But you do have to accept their answer. Even if you don't understand it, you do. I think that's fair.

Like, you don't have to, you don't have to say you guys deserve a grant and my tax money will go. Like, no, fuck, if you don't get it, then you don't get it. But you have to accept their answer. If they say no, I have a bisexual friend, and I'm different than them. We have to go. Okay, but let me ask you about this. And this is a- I'd love to not do that.

This is, I'm only making myself sound worse and worse in this episode. But like, what about, just using an analogy, what about like Rachel Dullazale or whatever her name was? Right. That chick. Here's why that's different. Like, this one's easy. You're better than this. Okay, go ahead.

Because you can't. transpose onto yourself the black experience. Being black is an experience that starts when you're three and your mama tells you to come inside and don't look at a police officer in the eye. Chemically, you can't just be black. Okay, okay. But, you know what? I could accept that she believes she's black.

But she doesn't know what it is to be black. And by the way, I regret even bringing her up because I'm not talking about transgender people. Because I know people use her a lot as an example when they're trying to, to debunk transgenderism, which is not what I'm doing right now. Okay. So I retract even bringing, even bringing her up in the first place. Because I'm not, a dolphin that thinks he's a fucking whale.

I know. I'm not trying to make an argument about transgender people at all. I think transgender people. He loved a woman. Because to me, to me, like. To me, two things. A, why do you even give a fuck? Me?

You don't know any person. Right. that doesn't agree with transgender people. Why do you even fucking care? But number two, like, why would anyone subject themselves to that? If it wasn't a real thing that they actually feel. Ask any actual black person, they're like, no one would just come out as black. Right.

You know what I'm saying? That's how you know she ain't black right there is that she's just like, look at me, I'm fucking black. Treat me like a black person. But I'm trying to draw a line between like all of that and like you got bisexual versus pansexual. what I'm saying is like to me, that shit seems like mostly semantics or whatever. And I think it mostly is. Why are we further segmenting all of this when like it doesn't really fucking, like, here's the answer.

If you tell me you're pansexual, I'm like, okay, that's fine with me. It really is. But like. Doesn't sound like it. You think it sounds like I think people shouldn't be that? No, no, not at all. I don't think people shouldn't be in a dick. I think it sounds like you're like saying, I don't.

get how it's different than bisexual. Well, because also, you don't have to. You mentioned sapio-sexual earlier. Like, what? That has them to do with physicality. That one, I think, is easier to understand. It has nothing to do with physicality. Where bisexual and pansexual,

it does. It's like the body I'm attracted to, and I think what sapiosexual people say is there is no body I'm attracted to. I literally can't get turned on until I get to know somebody and know things about them. Boy, I'm the opposite of that shit. It gets worse. Is it tities? Y!

Wee! Quit with your brain. shit. Dale, we close that door. What I'm saying is, what I'm saying is, what is pap all

about this right now, and this might be the way you're going to be papal is you said, I've been papal for a minute on this conversation. But you said about the trans people, you go,

you know, why do you care what they do? I mean, I think it's similar to that. Why the fuck is he talking right now? It's goddamn 30 minutes before the fucking show. He's done this at every show we've had.

But so, no, you're right. It's like, why do you care? But, But, like, to me, it's like... But it ain't about you, and I don't mean that in a shitty way.

I don't know, but, like, why do they... But they want to, like, if some... If a group of people are like, I'm slightly different than this group of people, I just believe them. All right, you're a different. Oh, no, me, too. Me too, but we're inquisitive. And it's also, we are inquisitive, but it's also, like,

I don't think you should be, like, demonized or what? whatever. For being curious about that. Being curious and also having a little bit of the like... Skepticism? Of like, I don't really follow that. But you don't have to follow it. I know that.

But unfortunately, that's how people felt about bisexual when that first became a... I know it's been a thing forever. And there's a huge difference straight. Don't we have it all covered by now? I mean, I maintain once they added the cue, they didn't need the rest of the letters. You know what I'm saying? We've covered it. Yeah, like queer.

That works. Yeah, I'm not trying to be funny in an asshole right now. If I met someone and they told me they were a furry, I wouldn't be like, ugh. I can't. You've literally done that to me when he called me a furry, which I'm not. He likes to jack off to the penguin point. That's so not true. Hold on.

Before we get off on that, I love you like a son. Y'all are about, y'all fucking act like I turned my back on you when I found out you jacked off to a girl with foxhairs. That's not what happened. Y'all are getting off on a tangent, and he got off on a penguin. But, uh, uh, nice, it was a penguin you said last time. I still believe you told me that you jacked off to a penguin more. He jacks out to penguins. Go ahead.

He jacked off the ocean. You're a fightless bird. It's wild to sea. You jacked off to the ocean. What's wrong with ostriches? That's why he likes to. I rode one when I was a beautiful. You can't fly.

Don't hit for you. You don't hit. I might jack off to penguins later. I heard that. They're monogamous. Don't hit. Anyway, go ahead. All I'm saying is, it's totally fine for you to have those feelings, ask those

questions, and there's a difference between demonizing someone who has those feelings. and ask those questions versus someone who thinks on any level that those feelings and questions that they have mean that they get to you know, have an opinion that matters about how those folks live their lives.

Okay, I'm not, yeah, I'm not saying that. A little bit you are, because you said, what, you said,

we put the cue at the end, ain't that enough. Why are we muddy in the waters? I said that. Oh, my bad. Yeah. He agreed, don't get me wrong,

but. But like, that ain't, I don't think we should dictate how these people are allowed to live or, like, limit their rights or anything. I know that, but not, but there's a, there's a different thing going on, though, where you're like saying, you said muddy the butthole water.

Like, why are you doing that? I did. I did. We still hit. It's like, why are they doing that? Well, like, I guess my opinion is, it's not your business why they're doing that. Okay. Okay. But it's totally fine for you to wonder it. Okay.

But it feels like, let me ask you this. It feels like you think it's like creating problems with that community being respected. Not creating problems. I think that. I mean, and I do think there is some of that. Like, there's something that we're like, we can get more pap balls on board if y'all would stop. We take it too far sometimes. That's not for you to say.

Like, I really do believe that. They get to decide how far they take it. They might be making them a mistake. All I'm saying is, and it's easy for me to say because I'm a straight white man. So like, what right do I even have to say this? We have a right to say. I'm still going to say it because it's a straight white man way. It's going to sound, how it's going to sound.

but like that's our motto like that's how you know I'm about to say something fucked up if you are into the broad spectrum

of humanity and it's not determined based on the size of their titties or the size of their dick or any of that and this is alien to me like

do we not already have that covered and what I'm saying and we're already fighting for people's rights who fall underneath that and I'm one of the people who's fighting for those rights Do we have to, like, further divide everybody?

I don't know. Because, in my opinion, those people kind of have it made. If you get into a conversation with someone and you're like, I'm not really bisexual because what I am, and like, and the person you're talking to is like, right on, like, that's the extent of it. But I've never heard anyone go any further than that. Like, I don't, I've never heard. I've never heard anyone.

You know how, like, the trans community and the bisexual community, I'm sorry, the trans community and the rest of the LGBTQ community have some tension where they're like, yours is about sexuality and mine's about identity and all that. I've never heard anyone be like super angry about making sure everyone knows the difference between bisexual and pansexual. And I've actually heard people who are those things, argue what you're arguing.

I am in no way suggesting that what you're saying. Well, then who is it that's making the other argument. Some other people who are like, no, it is different. And I'm not saying you're insane. Well, see, this is what's bullshit. This is how it happens all the time in our society. people, I think that happens all the time. Yeah, we've just made this up.

Nobody gets a fuck. People invent arguments for the other side that don't even actually exist. And then you already have it in your brain, so when you go to talk to them, you're already fucking locked up. But this argument does exist. I do it with my wife all the time, and I apologize. This argument does exist. I was never trying to imply, and I don't think anyone reasonable would say that just because

you're a straight white man, you can't feel on one side of the argument. It's just the fact that, like, I mean, I'm almost feel like I'm agreeing with you in a sense that, like, it is pointless. some people feel one way some people feel the other we got bigger shit to do with who gives the fuck yeah right right it's just muddy in the butthole water is true anyone who's ever fuck Danny DeVito is pansexual

uh-huh like zero doubt like Ray Perlin was pansexual because that ain't he frying frying pansexual because he pan no he pan the Greek god of woodland and pastures the goat legs he was the goat yeah and the hercules he was although he also just pan in real light

We also played a goat in... Yeah, he played a goat a few times, I feel like. He'd be playing goats. He played goats. To be fair, what you're describing, though, is... And I mean, this sincerely not trying to be... A troll goat. I think that's sapiosexual, though.

Okay. Because I'm attracted to Danny Vito, because he hits. He does hit. He looks like a goddamn bowling ball with a wiener. Yeah. Which, I mean, hell, that hits. Hits sexual. Like, I get a bowling ball and...

They should start making bowling balls that way, because you could hold it by the dick. Hold it by the dick. Swinging around. Yeah. And it's swinging around. Yeah. retracts back into itself once you let it go.

Listen, if we have any fans with any money, someone start a theme bowling alley where it's all sex toys and show. Sarah, knit us a goddamn bowling ball with a dick on it. Now, Corey, you're going to start paying that girl if you keep making requests. Okay, that's fine. Oh, Sarah Wofford, you can follow her on Instagram or Twitter and all that. She is starting to sell sewing circles and other stuff she's made. She's made plenty of stuff for me in the past. She just made Corey a sewing circle.

If you listen to last week's podcast, it was three whaling. She made us a sewing circle where two whales were fucking on top of another well. Which hit? She's made me one that says eat the rich. She's made me one about gophers being good listeners, which is a tweet I made about Marianne Williams. She also made the get busy hitting her get busy dying. All right, Drew. Yes, sir.

There's one for you, you smart-ass motherfucker. Here he goes. Trey is sway drunk. I'm fine. I'm fine. I don't mean he's cool. I mean he's rocking back. for it.

No, I'm fine. Listen. What about transgender chair rents? Oh, you brought it up. I did bring it up. So that is, that's a... We can go back and cut this out if you want to later.

No, I don't care. I don't, I don't mind talking about it at all. Okay. It's something that I haven't, I've spent sometime thinking about it, I haven't spent any time reading about it, and I would never tell anyone how to raise their own goddamn kids if they're, you know, if they've got their heart in it and all that. it seems to me two things

and these are a little bit contradictory what I'm about to say but I have two very strong feelings on it that I feel contradictory which is means I don't really know how I feel but it's... Oh me either. If an eight-year-old who looks like a girl

says I'm a boy I don't think you should argue with her I don't think him, whatever I don't think but I also don't think you should have a conversation with them immediately about what trans and just be like my kid's trans and all that because kids just be saying wild stuff and maybe they'll change their mind.

And hey, I won't say the name. But, and this is something we talked about earlier as well, Trey, and I won't say anybody's name, but we talked about specific people we know. If a kid has done that for like four straight years and ain't stopped, I get why some parents then do have that conversation and educate that kid about what that stuff is. I feel have the conversation is fine. I feel getting doctors involved until they are able to make that choice legally as an adult. I'm not saying I believe.

even what I'm about to say, but I know what the other argument is, and I haven't decided if I agree with this or not, but here's the counter argument to that. And it is, at the very least, compelling as far as... Sure. Once you go through puberty, like, that's a different thing for those folks. I've read trans people talk about how being a boy was hard, becoming a man, was really hard. Right. And like, once those, those, what's the word of them, hormones kick in, you know, that's a different ball game for them. And that's where I go back to, ah, fuck man, if a parent has thought about all that,

read about all that, they know their kid better than I do, whatever decision they make is good for them. But part of that, if I believe that way, means when a parent says, I'm not going to give my kid the hormones, I'm not going to, and then I have to respect that. This is very anecdotal. This is literally one example. but, and again, not saying any names,

but I have a friend that I've known for a very long time, and when we were children, and she was a little bit younger, but she a girl, absolutely was like, I don't want to be a girl, I want to be a boy. And this, by the way, at that time, and it's like the whole lot of ghost.

Talking about when you were a kid? When I was a kid, like, ghost, it wasn't even, we didn't even know about that. Again, it has been a thing for a millennia, but like, it wasn't. But we didn't know about it. I wouldn't have even known what to call that. Just acquire.

Right. Honestly. But no, you know what it was? It was just a little girl having fantasies is what we. It said she, like, I don't, I'm not a girl. I want to be a boy. And this went on for like quite a while. Like she decided to be called Bob and like, because she was a, she was a tomboy.

She played softball. She picked Bob. Bob. That was the name. So any, that's commitment right there. So she, she identifies as an old boy. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Any fucking, any fucking ways. Again, flash forward years later, couldn't be more of a woman. You know what I mean? That, that was literally just her imagination. and yada yada kid going wild now straight married woman gorgeous woman doesn't that probably hadn't even

talked about that for 10 something years I was a child I'm saying if she had you know maybe Portland parents and decided to go through with that then that would have been a mistake and again that's anecdotal that is one human being but like I've thought about

that a lot well what I'll say to back to piggyback on that and so here is something I'll say that it's not just By the way, I'm admitting that I could be wrong here. Right. Well, we're very ignorant. We know that. We're very ignorant in the truest sense of that word about this.

But here's something I'll say, you know, I said earlier, this isn't intellectual. This is something I literally very much believe in. When I see parents with like a five-year-old and they've got pictures and they're like, we have a trans kid. And then the kid's super young. And then you read, and again, I'm talking about very specific anecdotal, but then you read like, yeah, they told us two months ago.

my first thought is you motherfucker you wanted attention. Dude, you couldn't even buy a goddamn house in too much and you're going to make this decision? Right, and no matter what the truth is. Your kid is trans. You're a good parent. You're a bit. That is shitty. That's shitty.

Like even if it's the right decision ultimately to like make it a public thing and parade it, I think is super fucking shitty. Yeah. And I'm certain that we're going to have at least somebody listening that's going to say I did that and I'm not shitty. And hell, you may be right. we're fucking idiots but like again no I don't think though I really don't I could be wrong but I believe in our fans

we might have someone with trans kids absolutely I know we do we've met them and I bet they're gonna be like it was really fucking hard and I thought a lot about it and they might be like you guys are fucking morons and you don't know what we're talking about I'm certain that we are

but it's not gonna be like we paraded it around and after a month I bet they talked about it a lot I'm sure so to channel Kamala Harris for a second as the only person on the podcast with children I'd like to speak on the subject of transgender children for a second.

Gohab. Your kids obviously identify as lunatics. Right, yeah. Well, that's the thing. I recognize it's very easy for me to say because both of mine so far, but like, dude, okay, both of mine so far are like boys to the core.

Like, they're very much little boys. The other day... Well, stinky fucking lunatics. Like, I texted you the other day, we were watching Endgame, and that scene in end game toward the end where all the girl heroes like assemble, all the girl Avengers

assemble. Very forced. It was so forced. It was very forced, but did hit, but was very forced. I don't think it hit. Andy didn't think it hit. So, it didn't hit. It was very forced, without a doubt.

But anyway, when that happened, Benton goes, oh, it's the girl team. And we're like, yeah, yes, the girl team, buddy. And he goes, I want to see the, boy team. Who went here the whole time? He was like, who wants to see the girl team? Show me the boy team.

Right? So like, and I was just, you know, dying, laughing about, because like, they're, they're very clearly boys, both of them. One of them might end up being gay, whatever. I don't give a shit. I really don't. I have a whole bit about how I don't give a shit if they're gay or not, and I truly don't.

I don't give a shit if one of them ends up being a girl either. But, like, it's still easy for me to say, because. I'm not hilarious chick. I'm not in that position right now at all. Like right now they're... Of course not. Right now they are very, very, very much... You don't know what the fucks are.

Little boys. Yeah. But having said that, and really I'm just echoing things y'all have already said, but like I have felt for a while that like, if one of them, if one of them come home and was like wanting to, they had some Halloween thing at school or whatever, whatever, some kind of dress-up thing at school. and they wanted to go as like Elsa. Who gives a fuck? I wouldn't care at all.

I really wouldn't. But they just wanted to wear a dress. You wouldn't care about it. That's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, put on a dress. I don't give a shit. And I live in California. So it's one thing.

It's fine. You know how hard it would hit to wear a dress what was swamp ass and ball shit? Like, go for it. Even if I still lived in Knoxville, I would be worried that they might catch. Because of what they would endure. I might be worried that they would catch some shit from other kids. But like, it wouldn't bother me at all, like, at all if they want to to wear dresses for a little while.

But like, or for forever. But I'm saying like if they started doing that, I'd be like, yeah, go for it, buddy. Who gives us shit? See, that's... But, but like if... But like you were saying, I personally, if that happened, if that did happen with one of my sons

and they started wanting to wear dresses and shit, I'd let them wear dresses and I wouldn't worry about it. But I would not start giving them... drugs, hormones, pills, well. Like, I wouldn't... That's up to them later. I wouldn't...

I wouldn't... I wouldn't... I wouldn't do that. What if they asked? Because anybody that has kids knows... Anybody that has kids knows that, like, kids go through faces. Well, dude, if they ask for fucking Oreos that I'd be talking about.

Kids say all kinds of wild shit. And they believe all kinds of wild shit. But that's not a throwaway question. I think that's a really interesting question. I really want to know your answer. What if they asked? And what have they kept asking? When you turn 18, you can do whatever the fuck you want.

Honestly, honestly, no, no, no, I don't know. Whatever. Honestly, I agree with what you said earlier. Probably not 18. If they do it, my sons are six and seven. Yeah, that's, that's dumb. If the seven-year-old said right now, I'm a girl, daddy, I'd be like, okay, you're a girl, buddy, good for you. Heard that.

Yeah. Sure. You know, last week, you were a dinosaur. You know, like, you know what I mean? Like, I would, like, I just, okay, cool. Yeah. I thought about writing a bit about this. I backed off because I'm a coward.

But one of my lines was, yeah, my nephew believes he's cool. He is not. Right. But if you fast forward three years from now. Ten. And he's ten years? I mean, in ten years, Bishop would be 17. Oh, oh.

Three years will be ten? I'm trying to do the math. If you fast forward three years from now and he's been doing it this whole time, then I mean, yeah. You're going to at least think about it. I'd take him to a doctor and we would fucking talk about it. If it started and he kept doing it and for that long, yes, I could, because we all know that it is a real thing. Right. No, no.

It's absolutely real thing. So after long did she go by Bob or want to? I mean, a couple years. I mean, like it was not just, I'm sincerely like, again, I'm not saying anything, but it was a couple years. Like it was not just a, hey, we're having a good time. This is a couple months thing and that's over. Like, it was a while. and it was...

What I truly believe is that most people this is the conversation they have four years with their parents, with their aunts and uncles, with their family. They think about it.

I do think there are some people who they recognize the moment and the Zite guys threw in and they want fucking attention and that disgusts me as much as the conservative religious people we grew up around

who kicked their kids out for being gay. Like if you're that, like parading your kids kid around two months after they say I want to wear dresses. I mean like, look at my trans kid. Put me on Facebook. That to me is as disgusting as the thing where we kicked our daughter out because she was gay.

I don't know if it's as disgusting. I think it is. I don't know because, but one. Because what you're doing, because they're... One is acceptance and it's like showering yourself in attention for being so accepting, but at least you're still accepting the kid. That's true. And at least you're setting

an example. I think some people think I'm setting an example. Like if I do this, then it may make some other person say, oh, then I don't care there. By the way, I'm with you. It's disgusting. It ain't as disgusting. I agree with the acceptance argument. I don't agree with the example setting thing, because that's why it's the same. In the conservative Christian person's mind, that's also what they're doing.

They're setting example for their church. But then they keep their child out and made them homeless. That's the part I said was different. Right. Acceptance is better than rejection. But the setting example thing, that's kind of what I'm getting at. There is a church to wholeness. There's like a church feeling to it now.

Like it's start, I used to have that joke about how like we're starting to remind me of the church I grew up with. We have these contests about who's the most woke and, you know, and it's a self-righteous thing. People consider us deacons of that, some people. Right. And well, and as it. And not after they hear this goddamn front part of this podcast, they won't. Well, on that note, as the fuck, I guess then as a goddamn preacher of the church of wokenness, I'm trying to give them a little goddamn hellfire and brimstone style preaching.

You don't want to hear this church, but you need to. I just, I'm saying that if you're building yourself, up on the back of your child's difference. I agree. Especially immediately. I agree. I think that's fucking weird. It is weird. I'm literally just saying it's not as bad as kick making your child homeless for being gay. Turning your child into the opposite sex, maybe if they don't want to. Oh, that? I didn't know that's what you were. Okay. I thought you meant literally just announcing

it. Well, I'm talking about announcing it. I'm talking about talking to him, but look, man, I don't know. I think you're right. No, you're right. It's not as bad. I think what Drew's saying is. I think what Drew's saying is if you got like a San Francisco couple. No, I get it now. That has a kid and the kid is like, oh, I want to wear dresses. It's a little boy. And it's like, oh, I want to wear dresses today. Cool, let's cut your dick off today.

Exactly. No, you're 100 to die. I'm sorry. And they go full on into that. And he's saying like that also was fucked up. But at least he got a pussy at the house. You know what I'm saying? Like, but I'm just couldn't not.

What? You could not make a joke. No, but listen, no, but you're right. I didn't realize that context and yeah, but I mean, no, I don't, it's a weird fucking area, man. I'm glad you brought it up, but it's difficult. Trey brought it up. Let me say this lastly, and this isn't, this truly isn't, I don't think, me being like, let me get this caveat out there because I'm afraid people will, like, I recognize, hey, that I'm not. They've already turned this off if you need a caveat, and I all like, it's over.

That I'm not a parent, number one. Oprah doesn't even have fucking kids. How would she know? Number two. people who are parents who have been through this, I realize probably 90% to 90, maybe 99, it is a long talk. Right.

And books and doctors and thoughts. And if you pray, you pray. And if you don't do that, you go talk to somebody wise or what, you know what I mean? Like, I recognize that's the case and that I'm an idiot. That's why it's not popular in the South. You've got to talk to somebody about your feelings and read a fucking book. That's not a man. Well, that's the thing about everything.

That's why Catholicism never took off down home. Hell no. I like that chain. But other than that. I ain't talking to no man about how I feel. Hell no. Getting in a booth with them, shit. That's the thing.

Seems a little gay. Anything revolving around parenting, like, you hear people talking about how it's like, they're out in public and they saw this kid acting this way. And they're like, I just, how could you ever let your kid act that way? And it's a person without kids saying that. And if you have kids, you're like, motherfucker, go fuck yourself. You don't, you don't know anything about it. Right.

And like, again, like I said earlier, I don't know anything about having a kid who's going through those actual feelings because like kids are weird. They do think and feel and say weird shit. But if they're, but if you got a kid that from the time they're fucking four years old, they're saying, I'm a little girl or whatever and they were born a boy. and you know what I mean and like that like I mean yeah you have to at some point I don't I don't blame anybody yeah for like deal and that that's what I'm saying I don't think I just all I'm really saying and really this is to me this is a pretty sturdy limb to go out on this isn't that big of a fucking stance to make you just shouldn't immediately dive head first into it but if you but if you but if you but if you have a kid that's saying that and I feel Because nobody knows your kids better than you do. And if you have a kid that is saying that shit and feeling that way, then we should trust how you feel about it. Right.

Because you're going, you know better. You know better than anybody else does and you know if it's real or not. But the thing is, like, parents are not at all infallible. Like, there's a lot of shitty parents in this world. But like, you have a perfect, you had a perfect mom and dad. Other than that. Is there something there at least your brain? For a man, it's 25.

Okay. But that has very little to do with identity. I understand that, but I'm saying you still could be on some wild shit that you, you know what I'm saying, that you're just bullshitting about. Well, I'll go, I guess, a little further. I'll say if the kid hasn't hit puberty yet, I wouldn't just say don't do it immediately. I would say give it some time. But if, and no one would owe me an explanation. But if someone was like furious, they heard me say that.

And the reason they were furious is like, well, I waited seven months. And that was enough time because I know my kid. I wouldn't be like, fuck you, you don't know your kid. I would just have to, I would be like, all right, you know, you know your kid. It just seems fucking extreme to give the kid drugs. I'm not against circumcision. Me too. So this is hard for me.

Me too at this point. And me and Amber have had arguments about it because I'm like, I don't want nobody to chop my part of my kid's dick off. Both of my sons are circumcised and they're only six and seven years old. But even in that amount of time, if they were born this year, I wouldn't do that. Yeah. But what's weird about it is. It's like,

ultimately I'm going to let Amber do whatever the fuck you want. Even then, even in 2011 and 2012, when they were born, I didn't think twice. Yeah, of course not. Didn't think twice. The first time I read that sex is better for them. Buddy, I was in bed for a month. Furious, sad. Just lamenting the loss of that part of my penis.

But yeah. Do you know sex is like something like 30 times more nerves than we got? Except for if you're not circumcised, you don't get pussy. So there's that trade off. No. I know. I'm kidding. And when you have an erection, you can't really tell.

That was a weird thing when I was in high school, because we had the public showers or whatever. We had one dude that wasn't circumcised, and he got shit on all the time. And now looking back, it's like, God damn, he had it made. And he's got all his dick. Did you know it's better for women, too?

I'm sure. More dick. Well, it's something about that part of the skin that helps, it keeps everybody wet. That's gross, but yeah, word. That ain't gross. But yeah. Slimy dick.

Like, pussy with pussy. I know, but something about his. Something about his. dick keep it wet don't hit it keeps the moisture in it don't evaporate even word like yeah because it's a fold it hits you don't have i just said i ain't cutting my god damn son's dick in half yeah but then you said slimy dick's gross zombie dick's the best kind of dick i'm saying when your dick is slimy at the time 99 times out of 100 you know what this reminds me this was a bit i was gonna do too at one point but i'm not trying to do jokes like this anymore but but sex dude but sex is fucking disgusting until you're

horny yeah and you're thinking about doing it but like Yeah, I've put lotion in a Ziploc bag and fucked a couch. When you're horny, you don't give a shit if it's a butt. It's crazy, though. Like, if you're just sitting there just having dinner and someone's like, what if you put your penis in something that shit comes out of? No, I'd never do that. Get a boner, and suddenly you're like, that's all I can think about it.

Where's the poop come out? Show me. That's where this goes. All right, well, y'all want to do this show? No. Yes. Actually, it's been flames. Arkansas.

If anyone came to Arkansas shows and you've been listening to this, y'all have been flames. And go to well-read comedy.com. W-E-L-R-E-D, comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast, which is where you can find where we're going to be. You can grab some merch, and now you can get podcasts all the way back in the archives

when we used to be woke. Anyways, we will see you guys later, and skew. Skew! Skew! Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God.

Bless you. skill