wellRED podcast - #131 - DREW ALMOST GOT STABBED! (Plus Cheese & Pro Wrestling)

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

Well Drew almost got stabbed so pack a fucking lunch! Also The CHO explains why Trae should get back into Pro Wrestling! MDRNCBD.com Promo Code RED for 30% off your first order of great CBD products AND free shipping! wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to our shows!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

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learn Spanish and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas yeah so that what was that in response to what was that a reply gift for just when i did something stupid something fat i think and stupid something both fat and stupid but

anyway that was money well spent at first but then i quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten if it wasn't for rocket money i never would have even figured it out so shout out to them they uh they help if you money dumb like me rocket money can help so cancel your unwanted subscriptions or reach your financial goals faster with rocket money go to rocket money go to rocket money dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the the papyes family feast why has everybody suddenly family with papas hits the table feed all those cousins with six pieces of our boldly season signature chicken two famous chicken sandwiches two large mouth watering sides and four flaky biscuits that's enough for a co-worker, cousin roommate, cousin neighbor, and all his billion cousin kids.

You've got all the cousins coming. Even the ones who aren't really your cousins. All for 2999. Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants prices may vary additional terms apply. What's going on, everybody? It's your boy the show. Corey Ryan Forster here. Well-readcom.

W-E-L-L-R-E-D Comedy.com. Spelled just like the podcast. That's where you can find where we're going to be on the rest of our 2019 tour and my god i would like to thank the great people of chicago uh Iowa city and madison wisconsin this weekend was just it was off the chain man we had so much fun it is a blast being back on the road i'm at home right now at casa day chickamauga but uh man it was so much fun every single night was amazing the the staff at every club and theater was was perfect the the fans were great and the cities were great. So I can't thank you guys enough for coming out and making this

weekend a true blast. So next up, we have next weekend, August 23rd, Grand Rapids, Michigan, then on to Traverse City, Michigan, then on to Detroit, Michigan, then a little break while we work on a super secret cool project. And then September 13th and 14th, we're in Houston, Texas, then on to Austin, Texas, then San Diego, California, then Lexington. Kentucky, where we recorded Well Red from Dixie With Love. That wasn't what it was called. It was called Well Red Live from Lexington. I'm a fucking idiot.

You can get it here on Wellredcom. It's our critically acclaimed debut album. Then we're off to San Antonio, Texas, Dallas, Texas, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Phoenix, Arizona, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Denver, Colorado, and then we are

closing out the year at our favorite comedy club in the entire world and doing our Christmas shows December 19th through the 22nd in Nashville, Tennessee at Zanies. Those shows specifically always sell out. So grab them quick. Subscribe to our newsletter here. That way you'll know where we're going to be before my dumb ass even knows where we're going to be.

And also this podcast, as always, this portion at least, is sponsored by smokyboysgrilling.com. Go to smokyboysgrilling.com to get all the rubs for all your meats. Also, carvevodka.com. Go to carvevodka.com. What all the fuss is about, about Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery. My buddy Paul Gray, the CEO, is doing great things down there in Jacksonville, and I can't wait to see my man and have a shot of Carve with him. Other than that, this podcast is a doozy. We talked about, let's see, what do we talk about?

Tomatoes and cheese. We talked about umami. We talked a little about AEW wrestling. And then at the very end, what's going to happen is the podcast will end. and then we're going to have a new special outro jingle for you. And then Drew's going to, Drew had an addendum to the podcast that I'm going to throw back in. It's a classic 11-minute story about the Southern family and turmoil at a wedding that I think you're all going to enjoy. But this podcast is just full of bangers.

And we hope you enjoy it. Subscribe, download, tell all your friends, and go to iTunes or wherever you get this podcast. If you could leave us a five-star review, that'd be super awesome. It helps us move up in the ranks and it helps us be able to do these podcasts and stuff and keep them hitting, which we hope they are. Anyways, we love you so much and enjoy the podcast.

And it's cute. Hey, everybody, real quick, before we get into the podcast, I'm silly and I forgot a thing that I'd mentioned last week. I got the P.O. Box shit that I wanted to talk about. That's P.O. Box 240 Chickamauga, Georgia, 3070. where you can send stuff for us to bullshit about on the podcast. This week was super sweet. We got a bunch of just thank you cards that were just super.

I mean, goddamn, a couple of them made me cry. We got one here from our buddy Sam, who says, Corey, Drew, and Trey, I've been listening to the podcast since episode. And it made me laugh at the end. I've been listening to the podcast since episode two or three. I look forward to Wednesday so I can hang out with you. Thanks for being so wonderful. Hello, Mr. Butt.

And that tickled me. And that's from our good buddy, Sam Esler. I got another thank you card here that is also super sweet. But I lost the goddamn envelope. So I don't remember where it's from or who it's from. And they have such, it's like that combination of beautiful handwriting, but also I can't read it. I'm pretty sure it's Brian.

But thank you. So if it is, thank you, Brian for the nice letter. We also got a sweet bumper sticker from our friends over at the P-E-T-M podcast. our buddy's Sherwin and Rusty. Hey, Corey, thanks for being on our little NASCAR show. It was a sweet time being on that NASCAR show. If you guys ain't... If you're NASCAR fans, you ain't fucked with the P-E-T-M NASCAR podcast.

You need to go do it. And another package that I lost... Let's see, hold up. I think... Yeah, damn it, I lost the address on this motherfucker, too. Probably good. People probably don't want me to give... I mean, I ain't going to give it nobody's goddamn address,

but y'all might not even want me to give you your names. But, well, no, I'm not. all I know is, uh, oh shit. Is this from the band? Goodnight, Texas? I believe it. We got two CD. I saw that we had two CDs from Goodnight Texas, the band, which they've super hit for me.

I've been turned on to them recently. Um, but it says it seems to be, it seems to be addressed from Goodnight Texas, the band. Well, God damn boys, appreciate you. Got two sweet CDs here from Goodnight Texas. Check them out. Uh, that's going to be some great road trip and stuff. I can't wait. Thank you guys. And also, last, but certainly, not least.

My buddy, John Trotter over, he paint monkey art on Instagram. He does all these cool. He'll very often just like making some caricature bullshit of us after an episode of the podcast, and he's so goddamn talented. It's always so funny. Well, he also does custom, like, sports calendars, and he made me up a Georgia calendar, and it is super sweet. So thank you for sending that over to P.O. Box 240.

Chikamaga, Georgia, 30707. We appreciate the gifts. We appreciate the connection between us and our fans. And also, I wanted to say this, we have a new jingle for the podcast that we're going to be trying out, and it's sent to us courtesy of our buddy John Ferguson. The lyrics were by us, but this adaptation is by John Ferguson, and I fucking love it. And that being said, let's get on with the podcast. Here is John Ferguson, and we're going to talk about cheeseburgers and tomatoes and wrestling and skis. They're the big of six. They care way too much, but don't give a fuck. Next that makes.

You got three big old dicks that you can suck. Yeah, dude, it's unbelievable. It was barata? Barada. You got bruchetta, which also has cheese. You have caprice salad. You've got salad in general, which has tomatoes and cheese on it. You put tomatoes and cheese together, and you just, honestly, you don't even have to, like, be the best in the world.

Just fucking pay attention. Do it right. Just pay attention for a little bit. Because, like, you know, I know this is cliche, but, like. It's as ubiquitous as salt and pepper, but way more transcendent in terms of the palate. They always say that. You know how important salt is to everything? I do, but so important.

But you didn't even bring up pepper, first of all. And second of all. Pepper, my dude. I'm not saying salt and pepper don't need to be there. That's not my point at all. But it ain't going to make a dish transcend anything. But if you don't have it, it ain't worth a foot. Hold up.

It can't be a dish on its own. Salt and, well, no. No, of course not. But, dude, I'll tell you this. When I go to, when I go. You can't compare it to, this is unfair to salt and pepper. I agree. Compare tomatoes and cheese.

I agree. I wasn't trying to compare it because I was trying to say it's not a fair comparison. Salt and pepper is the only combo. That is as important, but it's so different. Okay, let me go ahead. Let me go ahead and put something out there, though. Salt and fat. I mentioned salt fat acid heat.

Those are the four that you need for literally everything. But that's what I'm talking about. Salt and papers is basic as basic as it is. I know, that's my point. But what I'm saying is like, so if you have a caprice salad, all right, it's just, you take mozzarella cheese, which at its core is pretty bland. I like it, but it's pretty bland. Then you have a tomato, which has insanely high amounts of umami.

Umami, mommy, mommy, mommy. If you have caprice salad, if you don't, when you, the reason that it gets set off is when you put the balsamic vinaigrette over it, which has the acid and also has salt in it. If you just had a slice of tomato and a slice of mozzarella cheese and you just ate that, I'm not saying it wouldn't hit, but that ain't it. You need at least a sprinkle of salt on that son of a bitch before you consider it. You said. My only point, and I stand by it. You said. He did say.

here. Let me. He said. His point was you can't just eat a bowl of salt. I agree with you. My point is, here's what I said first. I said, tomatoes and cheese is the most undefeated combination. I agree with that.

And I had to have a caveat where I was admitting that salt and pepper is just as an important of a combination in the food world, but that's different because that's the basics. We're talking about how you set up your palate, how you set up your plate that you're making. Salt and pepper is, I'm sorry, not salt and pepper. Tomatoes and cheese is a dish. And as a dish or an ass. Sure. Or an additive.

Y'all really going to take tomatoes and cheese over meat and bread. Yes. Meat and bread. No, I'm not. No. And please know that tomatoes and cheese is one of my favorite things in the world. Pizza. Spaghetti.

It's made and bread. With pizza, you've got to have meat and bread. Yeah. They don't have to, but the hit and this kind of. What do they have to have? But you don't have to have that for a sandwich. Right. I know.

But tomato and cheese sandwich is just as good as any meat and bread sandwich. I agree with, but you mean. You put tomato, slice of tomato, slice of cheese, slice of tomato. Now, I've done it, and it does hit. But, like, I'm going to need that bread. Yeah, but you don't need that meat. I don't need the meat. No, I can go without meat.

I could probably go without meat the rest of my life. And I'll admit that if you put a roast beef sandwich in front of me with the azue, I don't need tomato and cheese. But I need the bread. But we're talking about, we're comparing Titans. This is LeBron versus Jordan. Yeah, you said it's the most undeniable combination there is. And I agree.

I believe that. I stand by it. what about milking cookies oh okay that's dessert what about milk and cookies that's dessert you've changed up to genre okay you know what I mean I was against the rules I it wasn't I just decided that because you're probably right milk and cookies might be better milk and cookies is fat yeah it's fat I mean I got nothing else it's fat but it is fat but it is fat oh my god tomatoes and cheese is double umami ain't it yeah dude oh no no because Cheese has a, especially if you do Parmesan cheese, because Parmesan cheese and tomatoes,

if I'm not mistaken, have two of the most natural occurrence of umami in them. Like they own their own, parmesan and tomato, which is, and bacon, which is why the bacon cheeseburger, because meat has it too, the bacon cheeseburger is one of the most delectable meals you can have because it is literally an umami explosion in your mouth. Every single facet of that, minus maybe the bread, I guess. Is that ooh-mami-mami thing y'all are doing? Is that an existing thing? I have no idea.

It's a song. It should be a K-pop song if it's not. It's in a song. I'm trying to think of who it is. It's an R&B or rap artist. I think it's an R&B arts. It's a young black man who goes, like right before he starts in on a verse goes,

ooh-mami-mami, and I can't remember what song it is. It has nothing to do with flavor. Right. He's talking to him. Well, y'all remember Sye, the Gangdom style dude? Yeah. He should do a song that's like, oh, mommy, mommy,

that is about food. Remember, you know, he was a chubby feller. Yeah. So what do you think? Hold on. Is it Umami a Chinese word, not a Korean word? Umami is. Oh, I just know that it's.

I want to, I want to say, and this is just me saying the thing. I mean, it's also an English word at this point, right? I think that umami is the, is like a Japanese or some of it's the Japanese word for savory, I think. I'm not 100% sure, but like that's what they mean by it. There has to be. What's the, what's the thing that's in a lot of Chinese food that they say is bad. MSG. It's not bad for you.

You talk about getting railroaded. It's what sugar did to fat. What's what sugar did the fat. Yeah. No, it's true. We should have a whole... And my mom is... Fuck a podcast, like a single episode.

We should have a whole series about what sugar did the fat. Buddy, I want to do a Netflix series about it. MSG... My mom is still fucking convinced. I'm like, let's go get into it. She goes, no, I can't have that because that MSG gives me a headache. And I'm like, Mom, it really doesn't. Like, that's been debunk.

It's propaganda. And mom, I said, mom, at this point, it's a placebo effect on you. Like, that doesn't actually... Like, if you get... If you... I had a cousin. If you just eat fucking noodles for two hours, you're going to feel like shit. Sidebar, I had a cousin that would say placenta effect, and it hit for me every time.

That's a placenta effect. I've had that effect before. Tapitio. Tapaccio. Mimosas. Mimosas. Aiken to. He said that today.

Today, yeah. He said. What were we talking about? I don't remember. What were you talking about? It was food or drinks or something. I said that banana twins, frozen, and. in the freezer was Aiken to the flavor of banana pudding,

which I stand by, and also I stand by the fact that I think that's how that word should be pronounced. So then we got upstairs, we went to his room to get his stuff. Fuck a can. That don't hit. Clay Aiken. These fucking banana frozen pies are Clay Aiken to. Clay Akin, that wouldn't pop.

It didn't pop. Right. Aiken's better. We then got upstairs going to his room to get his shit before we come over here. Oh, God. And we get off and he said, he's like, yeah, this is like the epicenter of Iowa football or something like that. Because we're in Iowa City. Because we're in Iowa City.

He's like the epicenter. And then he goes, is that how it said, Trey? Is it that? Is it epicenter? Is it not a pie center? And I said, no, if it's a pie center, you damn sure know about it. And then he turned around and like fucking reared up on me like he was going to punch me in the face. But like, I'm not, I've never had that feeling before because it was such a good joke that it made me mad when it happened because it was insulting to me.

Because he walked right into it too. You know the call of the void when like, like, you know, you know the call of the void when, like, like you were standing on the edge of a cliff looking out. But you know what I'm talking about, all of a sudden you just go, oh, fuck, I thought about jumping just now. I had that, but for punching Trey in the face. Because he made such a good joke, and I was mad

that it was a good joke. I don't know how to process that. I'm going to be honest. You wanting to punch Trey? That's a new... That's what I said. I was like, God damn, like, I just almost punched my best friend over a, like, because I was... But because it was a good joke... You guys fuck with Aaron Tipping? Hell yeah, I fuck with Aaron Tippin. I mean, not his new shit. Maybe it's because I'm, like, so bad at singing.

But remember call of the wild? She hears the cowl of the wild. He'd be wearing like backwards hats and trying to... Everything that walks in a mile. What was his... What was his head? She lets down her hair. Or the stars in the stripes.

And the eagle flies. Well, that's why I was trying to do Call of the Void. Ain't that Aaron Tipping? Yeah, I think so. This isn't new Aaron Tipping what I'm doing, but it ain't necessarily classic either. Sure. Like, there ain't nothing wrong with its radio. Is that him?

Yeah. There ain't nothing. Nothing wrong with the rain radio. You got to hit the hay in the middle. For some reason, there's an H in the word radio. Here's how red ass. Here's how red ass my mom is. And of course, precious St. Nancy would never say this.

But the thing she has said about these men. Here's the three men I know she would fuck on site. Aaron Tippin, Sam Elliott, Sammy Kirschall, only because he's a wordsmith, not because of how he looks. And fucking Rick Rood. Dude. That's hilarious. ravishing Rick Rood?

Yeah. I mean, I'd fuck ravishing Rick Rood. Buddy, anybody would. When I was six, apparently I told her, and she loves this story, I was explaining to her. She said, who's that? Because she was like, who's that? And I go, that Witt Wood, all the women want to make Wub to Wicked Woot. Wobh.

They do. Wabish and Wick Wood. Yeah. You know who I found out Amber's super into now? So, like, you know, I'm a big wrestling fan, and I've been trying to, like, I know that wrestling's never going to hit for Amber like it does for me. But there's sometimes where, I'm like, okay, because sometimes I'll watch a vampire show with her just because because I want to exist in her world a little bit. And I'm like, I know, I'm not asking you.

Are they fat vampires? Can't be. I'm not asking, we'd never make it. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. How much blood they'd have to suck? Good God. So, I was like, I'm not asking you to, like, go deep dive and listen to all the historical podcasts. I just imagine a fat fucking show vampire, like, in a, at a farm, just sucking all the cows.

But I know it ain't as tasty, but we're having fun. We're here. So I was like, look, I'm not asking you to, like, be a, fucking wrestling nerd and like deep dive but like if you could just get to the point where if i wanted to watch an old paper view you could sit through it with me if i could get you there and she's like okay well like show me one that you would think like show me a match that you think would be great and i was like and i don't remember which one it is i put on but oh i just i just searched for sean michaels because i was like she because every woman loved the heartbreak kid like she'll think this

motherfucker hit just like as your mom did ravishing rick rude so i throw on this sean micha's i was like this motherfucker out here he's daddy all right because that you know ambril ambril call cheeseburger daddy like that's her thing he comes out and he's doing the fucking i know i'm sexy he's doing the sexy boy dances she's like yeah no he's daddy i get it and he but she's not really getting in yeah because he looks like he looked like a little boy but she was but she was she was she was like no i get it like i can whatever and then all the 20 year old fans and then all the sudden yeah here it come all the sudden it's a it's a roll rumble situation it's a roll rumble situation and here comes out and she goes who is that who it was fucking razor ramones

Yeah! Dude, yo, yo, y'all know Mike Malloy. So, you know Mike Malloy. So, we were at his house watching SummerSlam this week. Me and Andy went over there. Is that what it's called, SummerSlam? Yeah, Somerslam. That was the newest one.

He had that on, and we were there, and this other comic, I can't, her name was Marcella. Marcella is a sauce. I love her chicken, yes. Yeah, Marcella. Yeah, she's doing good work. She's the type of person who, if I didn't remember her name, she would hate me. But she was, like, talking about how she, like, raised Ramon when she was looking. So Mike went and got a velvet painting that he had in the corner that his girlfriend would not let him put up of Razor Remind.

Okay. I have a similar thing that's the end of this story is that she was, she goes, who the fuck is that? And I was like, word. I was like over Sean Michaels. And by and I get it, she goes, he just looks like, she said, and I quote, he just looks like he works on a telephone pole and ring gold. And I was like, you could have had that guy, by the way, if you wanted to. And she has. And it's a memory that she's talking.

love. Right, but anyways, she didn't want to be with him forever, son. She goes, why don't you ever fucking talk about this guy to me? I go, Amber, I do. I said, you remember when I went to fucking double or nothing, that pay-per-view? Remember that jacket I came home with that you said don't hit? And she goes, that's that guy on your jacket, because all she saw was me coming with a fucking purple and yellow jacket. And it was like sequins of his face. Yeah, it fucking hits. His essence, a picture of him don't hit. He's the opposite of Mary Eachian. No, now she actually does love the jacket. He wants you get to know him, but like, he's the opposite of Mary Eachian. But that was the thing.

She saw the jacket and was like, fuck this guy, but then she saw him come in with the toothpick and do the whole fucking, you know, that shit. Exactly. And she's like, honestly, she's like, I wouldn't be embarrassed to be around you with that jacket anymore. But, like, that's her dude. And I couldn't. We've talked about on the podcast before about how all of her daddies could not be. More different than me.

Like, yeah, she ain't trying to tip fuck Will Sassow. Isn't Mamoa her type daddy? Yeah. But like, so is anyone that's not a fat, bald piece of shit. I know. And I get that. She just likes people with hair. Will you hear me out?

Will you hear me out? Yeah, go ahead. On the Mamoa tip. Yeah, if you hear, oh, Mamoa's her top one, it's like, yeah, he's super hot and he's super famous, that makes sense. But that is a type. Razor Ramon is the white trash Jason Mamoa, dude. He absolutely is.

Back in his day, he was built. He was also Jack. He was built the same. He had the same hair. He's dark. He's got long hair. He fucking talks like a Cuban and he ain't, which is hilarious. Hey, man.

Hey, man. He looks like if Jason Mamoa. went through a rough patch and dropped out of community college. And I would, the moral of that story, or not the moral, but the best part of that story to me is, the moral of that story is, no, never mind. Well, she will, if I, if we're in there, if we're in there and I really have a hanker into watch. We're making Corey's marriage and morality play. If we're in, if we're, if I have a hanker into watch wrestling when we're together, as long as I go,

hey, uh, Scott Hall and, and Sean Michaels had one of the best ladder matches of all time, she'll be like, well, I mean, if Reza Ramon's going to be there, you know, watch it. It's like I've found that thing. She knows his real name. Yeah. And so it's, well, because in the WCW, he had to wrestle as Scott Hall. So like, we shift between, because Razor Ramon is owned by W. And I had to explain that to her. I was like, if we're watching WCW, his name is Scott Hall, but if we're watching WWF, his name is Razor Ramon. But like it's, I've got her in a little bit, but I feel like there's other wrestlers that they're probably going to hit for her too, but like, probably not ravishing Rick Rood. But she's into, she's into Razoramom, like, super hard. Does Katie have

a wrestler? No. I mean, you're not into wrestling. We're not, yeah, I haven't ever watched it.

Andy said you want to get the boys into it. Yeah, and like I've, and I think we talked about this before. This is going to, I'm not really moving on to. It's a woman.

A.W. She's in A.W. I can't remember her name. I've seen her wrestle. She's on the, she's on the main card at All Out, which I'm going to in Chicago.

She's leveled up. No, Mike's, you know, Mike's as into it as you or more. Absolutely. No, and he was talking about her leveling up

how like she's gotten over more and she can play villain and a hero. She was on the undercard at, and I can't remember her name, and I'm so fucking sorry. And by the way, the match she had, it was a match.

It was a tag match. She used to be in tag. Now she's turned on her partner, and this was her and her partner going after each other. And they were both great physically. Like, it was the best match we saw.

No, they had great. They have great high spots. It was so great. And this is going to be a shame. This is going to seem like a shameless plug for AEW. But what I was going to say,

to you, Trey, because you said that you were, you said that you were wanting to get your boys back into wrestling. And, like, admittedly, uh, W.W.E, when they went public, they had to shift to PG and the product has just not really hit that much. So what I'm saying is, like, I've,

I've tried to watch it with the boys a couple of times, the new stuff and like, but they don't get into it and I'm sitting there wondering, like, is that just, is it just because like, it just ain't as good now as it used to be? But, like, admitted, even people in the, in that industry, like, it's just not because when

when WWE went public, like they were, when they became a publicly traded company, their stockholders like demanded do PG like go, like DGeration X couldn't be a thing. AEW, which is new,

doesn't have that. And what's great about, what's great about AED is, is that if you got into it with them right now, they are literally in October will have their first show so you can get in on the ground floor

you have to do no catch up. Yeah. So, and it's not, they're not a publicly traded company. They're more PG-13. They're more. akin

to the older days when I say older days I mean like the 90s like the attitude era because it's straight up attitude era they're taking all these dudes from New Japan

and all Japan and stuff like that and bring it you talk about not knowing your fucking audience and that's that classic corporatization of anything deal but like that's not how do you not

like think about who the primary demographic is for pro wrestling is like it's like middle age boy it's young boys but I don't think it's not nothing hits harder for young boys

in Stone Cold flipping people off of chugging beers and DX fucking doing the sucket. I don't think it's not knowing your audience. I don't think it's not knowing your audience. I think it's wanting to expand into a different way. Also the problem with it they fuck that up in my opinion. The problem what is in my opinion is that it's not

like yeah that stuff appealed to kids and I think that some of this WWE stuff does appeal to kids but it doesn't also appeal to their parents which is why like Toy Story. The other thing toes that line so great to where you want to take your kids to see that because you fucking enjoy it.

So the reason their product sucks is like the kids are watching it, but like the parents aren't getting into it. I'm not saying a 13 year old boy, it won't also be into like, and John Sina really hits for me and he's went beyond that. He was one of the last of the- Whatever the current version of like this like clean cut all-American wrestler guy that's out there. I'm not saying a 12-year-old boy won't dig that. But Sina existed in opposition to.

I know he. I use John Sina because I have no other frame of reference, but not John Sina. But I'm not trying to. whatever the guy is right now, I'm saying, I'm sure he does hit for 12-year-old boys, but every 12-year-old boy on planet Earth wants him to tell you suck your day.

Wants to say what up her fucking suck it and flipping people off and chugging, people, put it up. That's what 12-year-old boys want. Yes, yes, and I wasn't bringing up Sina because, like, I was trying to, like, you use that specific records. I know, but, like, I wasn't trying to be like, okay, but I'm saying Sina did and was,

the clean-cut guy. He didn't start his way. more attractive in the world where not everyone is clean cut. If you got all these guys flipping people off, you have to have a good hill. Telling everyone to suck your dick, yes, drinking beer. Then John Cena is like cool, but also kind of a hero. I completely agree with that.

I just don't know enough about it to have picked a better reference point. But I'm saying there's not a reference point. I'm saying whoever the clean cut, I know there is one, but whoever he is, it's like he doesn't have anything. An adversary. You know what they've done. Kofi. right

covey kingston's their new hero he is uh Jamaican well he's not Jamaican but he moved here from Jamaica when he was like six they've gone that route like they've made yes but like the problem he doesn't have an accent

what they've tried to do is make him the hero and he's railing against what else so the problem is when they went PG those characters like if you're Hulk Hogan's you're like the biggest face in the history and when I say face I mean baby face which means the hero character.

So back in the day, when you had Hulk Hogan, he was the John Cena tied. Exactly. The reason that those dudes were able to get over like that is because they also had a big... He was going up against the Iron Sheik and the Big Van Vader and shit like that. So he was always...

Follow the Iron Sheik on Twitter, well-red fans. It's the best. So Hulk Hogan was always PG and John Siening those type would always fit into this model that they have here. The problem is that those... They're all like that.

And in order to have a great baby face, you have to have a great heel. And so back in the day, they made Stone Cold a baby face because he was able to go against Kane, who was a literal demonic fucking soulless, as your joke is. Like, The Undertaker,

dudes like that, they could have that because then they also had dudes coming in there who were literally shoving people on barbed wire and they can't do it anymore. So like if everyone's the good, it's like any fucking story. You have to have a goddamn troll

you pay the toll to. You know what I'm saying? Yes. And to bring this story, I think what I'm hearing, man, all you got to do, Corey, is grow your hair into a ponytail, be six foot four, and of some descent, you know, that is slightly darker than pale white. Grace yourself up. Yeah, you can do all that.

Me? Yeah. Yeah, start out with growing your hair into a ponytail. Yeah, grow your hair into a ponytail. I don't understand what you're saying right now, but I'm... Amber's into Razzer-R-R-M-A. Oh, word. I didn't know we were going back to that.

Yeah, you're right. That's how we started. No, you're right. Anyways, my point was, is that because AEW right now is not a publicly traded company, they have heels like that. Like, they're going to be able to do things like the attitude era of WWE is. And if you get your kids into that now, you're on the forefront. And this is a fucking shameless plug.

So in October they start air. It wasn't until that one. In TV, or in October they started on TV. In October, they're going to start on TV. And you'll be able to jump right into the story. You don't have to know shit. I'll give it a show. You should be a manager for them.

I think I'd be a great manager. Now, by the way, I would have to, like, that's still a fucking huge skill, but I think because of my years in performance, I could learn the ropes of it. And that's something that I could. I'm not in any way trying to take away from great managers of the past or present. I saw a guy when I was watching SummerSlam, who is the manager for, what's the guy who went to MMA? Oh, Paul Heyman.

Brock Lesner. Paul Heyman. Who I've seen in wrestling when I was younger, and he was fine. He crushes as a manager. Yeah. And I'm saying there's a skill involved, and I know that you're trying to respect the game. But buddy, I think literally tonight you could crush as a manager. I think I'm being natural.

Manager's job is part height, ma'am, right? Yeah. Part showman. The reason that a guy like Brock Lesnar has a manager is because he's not a talker. Yes, but I'm not. And you're going to turn this into me making fun of you. I'm not. But it's part showman, part hype man, and then second fiddle physically.

Absolutely. You have to physically look like. If the manager hit, he'd just wrestle. Yeah. Well, he'd just fucking, he'd get in there and learn to take a month. That's why any time Vince, like, has someone's back, it's like everyone booze it, which is what they want. Vince is the hill. Vince McMahon is the greatest hill in wrestling history.

But he's too jack to, like, be the hype man. Sure. What I'm saying is, he has to be a hill. I literally think, Conrad, I know you're not listening, but if you are, Conrad Thompson, I don't hype Corey up because he doesn't need me to often. but Corey Forrester, day one, would be the best manager in wrestling. I agree with that. Not history, not wrestling history, but currently there's no one you couldn't top today. Well, I appreciate that.

The unfortunate thing for me, I suppose, in A.A.W. And how wrestling has gone with the managerial aspect of it. There's less of them. Everyone in AA.W is a good talker, and I don't think needs a manager. Like, when you associate a manager with somebody, it's like, we've got this, fucking great. Paul Barron Undertaker. He didn't talk to. He didn't talk to. Paul Barberle has to. You've got, you've got

this, like, Brock Lesnar's not a promo guy. Like, that's what they call him. He doesn't, he's not a good promo. I believe there's a guy out there who's a physical specimen. He's got a stutter maybe. Maybe he's shy. That's hilarious. You know what I can't talk? Somebody like David Joy. David Joy, one of our favorite authors, he's six foot four. Great Wordsmith, because he's one of the best, best authors in America, but he hates talking in public. I could talk him up. I'd be a great manager, man.

Buddy, you would be a great manager. And he'd be a great fucking wrestler. I think you would be. Fuck that. David Joy. His wrestling name's Possum, man. He wrestles in jean shorts. Speaking of wrestling and altercations. Yeah, I was about to get into this.

So, I'm going to lead into it by saying that my, my ma-ma, you know, is classically the type that's like, I live in the city now, so she's in fears. Worried about you. Even though you live in Alicia.

Right, yeah. It's like, you know, she's like, I'm going to get mug shot, whatever, literally just because I live in a city. And I try to tell her, like, yeah, Maima, I live in Elysium. Like, it's the most suburban fucking playing. Is that a show? What's Elysium?

Well, Elysium. Elysium is the Roman heaven. Like, back in the Greek God type thing, is like, that's where. Shit, I thought it's what they built a time at Boll. It also was a movie. That's where Russell Crow went in Gladiator. It is a movie. It's a movie.

That, like, flopped, but I'm saying the reason it was called. I'm thinking of euphoria. The reason it was called this in the movie was because of the etymology of the word to begin with, but it was a movie about all the poor people live on Earth and all the rich people live in this space station type thing called Elysium. I was thinking it's the movie, Euphoria, or the TV show Euphoria on HBO about kids who do drugs. So anyway, I try to tell Ma Ma's like, no, it's, believe me, I live in a city, but it ain't like that, you know. Drew lives on a good day, an eight-minute drive from my house. It's two turns.

I turn right on Buena Vista and then left on victory. and then I go down until I get to Drew's house. It's eight minutes away. And this man stays getting carjacked and shived and stuff all the time. And I don't understand it. So, Drew, tell us what's happening here. Literally the story you're teasing happens, six minutes from your house. So even closer.

At a rec center by the YMCA where I go in NoHo, the Arts District, where, like, nobody's going to bust a grape in a fruit fight. Well, my point, the point I'm attempting to make is not that six minutes from my house, it's the hood my point is that like Drew's basically where I'm at and yet Drew manages to like find this shit you're trying to victim blame why is that no I'm not trying a victim blame I'm saying why are you out here getting stabbed when Tray's not because you're hard so so here's what no I ain't hard here's what happened the first thing that you're in case people don't remember or don't know what you're being I told it on the podcast not that long ago

when my car got stolen my car got stolen when I was at the rec center I was playing basketball the guy who did that we no one had ever seen him before He was out of place. He was a crazy man. He was talking about how he was the Antichrist. You know, you can go back and listen to it. I don't know what episode it was. But like I got my car stolen. It was random. I got my car back. I continue to go to the rec center. There's never any problems there. So let me set this story up. Guys, let's take a quick break from the podcast to talk about CBD, specifically CBD from MDRNCBD.com. That's pronounced modern CBD.com. MD.D.R.N.R.N. CBD.com. CBD is known to help with pain relief, anxiety, and sleep. And modern CBD is my trusted resource for hemp-derived CBD products. Guys, I would not lie to you. I have been taking this product for about, I guess, a month and a half or two months now. And when I say that it's changed my life, I mean that sincerely. I'm sleeping better. I'm not flying off the handle of dumb shit

that I used to fly off the handle. As a matter of fact, yesterday I was, let's see, first off, I was delayed a couple hours on my flight, which normally would have sent me into a fucking right. Like, not, I'm not saying I'm raging at the airplane, at the airplane place, at the airport. Like, I'm not pulling a goddamn Alex Baldwin and going diva on everybody. Just like, internally, I'm like, God damn it, I just want to get the fuck home and go to sleep. And, you know, have a good day with my family and I'm going to be stuck at this airport. I was just like, you know what, man? Things happen.

It's okay. I can at least use this time to catch up on a good book. Then when I finally did get on the plane, we got to Chattanooga and I had to sit on the runway for an hour. And you know what? I threw on a podcast because there are worse things going on in the world. The team at Modern CBD curates the best CBD products from only the most reputable brands. And I can attest to that because before I got hooked up with Modern CBD, I was taking stuff from the gas station. And I'm not saying that I couldn't tell that it was working a little bit.

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I'm not going to say, I won't sit here and lie to you and tell you I'm stress free. I'm not stress free. But with modern CBD, I'm able to manage my stress. And I have, I'll tell you this, I haven't had a damn panic attack since I've been taking it. I haven't even thought about that, but I haven't. I'm usually riddled with panic attacks. or somebody that's anxiety-ridden like me, or you just want to sleep a little bit better,

or your knees hurt and you don't want to take pain pills, try modern CBD.com. Now back to the podcast. Skew. The guy that I have the altercation or whatever with, I call him Alabama. I've gotten to know him. He's very gregarious.

Is he from Alabama? He's from Alabama. Okay. He's out in L.A. He's an ex-vette, which is the actual key to this story. Truly it is. and I'm this story is not going to hit as much as the car story

it's not going to hit as much as me because describe this dude how big is he he's probably my height maybe a little shorter he's super thick he looks like he played fucking linebacker in high school white guy or black guy black guy from what he couldn't have been in Puerto Rican he's probably 20 you're right fair enough

he's probably 28 I just like if you call a guy Alabama he's probably either a white guy or a black guy no I hear you know what I mean I was trying to be woke but it didn't sound like that at all. You don't think a Puerto Rican could have stabbed Drew? Everybody knows they do it.

I'm not saying there ain't Mexicans in Alabama, but they don't go by Alabama. That's true. So this dude, he's got a bum knee, he's got a hurt knee, and he comes to the gym. I guess he doesn't, I don't know if he doesn't have a job, or if he's not busy the day. He comes to the gym, he doesn't play, he shoots,

and he talks shit to people, but he's funny. And he's like kind of a coach. And he does hit. Buddy, I genuinely liked this guy so much. and partially because he liked me. Like, he would make fun of me, but in that positive way. One time, me and this dude, this dude shoved me. Like, I, like, I...

Black people are very good at that. I don't have an example. Yes. But they are. They're good at shitting on you, but at the same time, hyping you up. I'm going to give you an example right now. I'm going to give you example right now. One day, this guy shoved me there because I had scored on him and he didn't like it.

And then I, you know, when he tried to, like, whatever, punk me, even though I'm old white and five foot 10, I was like, whatever, dude, I'm a score again. in. And then he tried to shove me again. I was like, keep shoving me. Until you hit me, I ain't doing shit. But if you want to punch me, punch me, bitch, we'll fight right now. Stop acting like a child.

And so he remembered that. And this is what you're talking about. He'll hype me up by shitting on me. He'll be like, this is my man. Punch me, bitch. Punch me, bitch. Punch me, bitch. I was playing flag football one time.

And I made this catch, like this fingertip catch that was absolutely insane out of my skill set for especially the time of my life that it was. And this black dude goes, God damn, look at this fat, ass old ass old old beckham looking motherfucker and so like he shit on me but called me odell beckham in the same time so this guy remembers that because i did hit but i was fat and makes fun of me for like being too macho but like it hit for him and he would call me point guard and again he didn't play a lot like he because he had this bum knee that he would everybody would talk to him rehab so he's going down and shoot around and talk shit and he would go exactly exactly

and you know how when people do that you're like come on man you ain't that come on you're sitting you're talking shit to everybody. He would say stuff like, I used to bust that guy's ass. And he just seemed like a sad has been. That was it. And he would tell people, like, when I would play against people, he'd be like, y'all better put somebody good on him. He ain't going to score, but he makes the team better.

And I was like, like, my chest would puff out of it. That's exactly what I do, actually. I'm a fucking point guard, and I make the team better. So, like, we're cool. And we get along. So that day, we're playing against him. He's starting to play. And for the first time in my life, somebody who does that thing,

where they talk a lot of shit, but like they're kind of a has been. Buddy, he backed it up. This motherfucker has half-court range. No. I'm talking about he shoots 80%, I'm not exaggerating, from three, if he's open, all the way back almost to half-court.

It's unbelievable. If he's on people's team, like his knee still ain't right, he can't guard like he used to, but people will be like, don't leave him. So we're playing, and he complains about every call.

He never stops talking. He never stops. So he's complaining about every call. That's the Alabama, and by the way, I'm like the guy who can calm him down. Like that's what's going on in this game Like he'll complain about one call

And I'll be like I'm gonna give you that one The next call I'll be like come on man Like you saw that blah blah blah And he's like in his mind He's like he's like all right you're reasonable So cool So we're going through all that They win because he hit four three pointers

Which when you're playing pickup I don't know anyone knows anything about pickup basketball Most people play two and one now Every point counts as one But if you shoot a three pointer it counts as two Which makes three pointers worth That was how it was when I was a kid Which makes three pointers worth more than they are in actual

basketball because now they're double a regular shot. So this dude is a killer. And no one's guarding him. And I'm like, you gotta fucking guard this guy. And I feel like there's respect between us. And I know what happened at the start. They got it started. So at the end of the game, they won. He's still arguing with this kid who's on my team, who I know from there,

Roland. Roland's like 17. And like every 17 year old, he's got a mouth on him and he's still talking. And this dude's talking. And it is cool. And like, and I'm genuinely trying to break the tension. I go, this man, got every call and is still complaining. And what I think happened, and I'm not sure about this, is that the white guy that the black guy is cool with,

tried to, like, shut him down in front of other black guys. And that was like the start of the tension. Yeah, don't do that. Me and you are cool, but you're not going to like, you know. So he was like, you're running your fucking, like, doing that whole thing. It's still not weird. It's still just like kind of jawing basketball back and forth. and then he's like he says i'll mop the floor with you and i'm like

Alabama i know you will look at you man but like why are you saying stuff like that and he goes i'm a christian well that made me laugh of course because he just said he was going beat me up and i go you're a christian but you're going to beat me up y'all his eyes changed that's all you said you're a christian but you're going to beat me up yes now i'm acknowledging for a christian by the way that's no i know i know i know that very don't hit for them. And Trey, I'm acknowledging. I know where you're coming from. You know I hate you. You're trying to victim blame. No, I don't want you to get stabbed, but I would like to know, you know. And I have acknowledged we've been jawing back and forth. I'm not saying that during the game, if I hit a shot. It ain't right, but I understand. I'm not saying that during the game, if I hit a shot, I wouldn't like, yeah, you know Alabama, you know I hit that shot. But I understand. And I'm not saying that during the game, if I hit a shot, I wouldn't like, yeah, you know Alabama. You know I hit that shot. I'm saying when I did that, he would laugh. Right, of course.

And he hit four more than me. Yeah. So, so, no, I'm not, I'm not trying to pretend like I'm not an antagonist to him. I'm saying it hits for him. He even said to me, when I first woke up, this is why I had that theory about, it's cool for you to talk to me, but don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my friend. He even said to me, and I quote, he said, nah, me and you's cool, but don't come up to me when I'm talking to my N-word, not hard R.

And I was like, all right, you know, whatever. And I go, okay. I literally went, okay, I'm just saying you got ever calling you win a game and you're still complaining. And then as he was like, I'll mop the floor with you. Now, he didn't say that. When he said that, I didn't think he was actually going to fight me. I still felt like that was a part of this. And I still believe that it was.

I'm telling you, shit changed when I went. You're a Christian, but you're going to beat me up. His eyes changed. And he goes, yeah, I am. Here comes the Inquisition. He goes, I kill for God. And I was like, I don't. And then he's talking to me.

Alabama, the cruis. He's like looking at me, but he's doing something in his bag. I didn't even, I still didn't think of him. I was like, okay, man, I'm not, like, I'm sorry, dude. He got a knife. He unfolds it. And it's big, and it's got one of those hook noses, almost like a booey knife. It's not a booey knife, but it's got that.

Yeah. Is it booing enough? Or bowing knife. No, it's pronounced buoy. Bowie. Yeah. So he does that. That's another.

I can't believe it. The people. That one I totally. I've heard it both ways in my life. I've heard buoy, but it looks like Bowie, but it's actually pronounced booing. The people who see the knife, most of them leave. My whole team that just lost left. Rapture.

People who don't see the knife, of course, they don't know what they just ain't mean his dude are talking shit. His team, half of them see the knife, and this is how good of a shooter this motherfucker is. They don't run away. They're like, yeah, but I mean, we know. We still got next. I'm looking at it.

I'm looking at it. As soon as he stabs his cracker, y'all up. We get this how we've treated Woody Allen for years and checks out. I'm looking at it. at it and I can't fight or flight didn't take over man I feel like I felt numb in retrospect

how far away from you was he physically when he pulled a knife at 10 feet that's not far because dude and by the way I was three feet from him I thought we were talking shit in a jovial manner I started to kind of back up because I was like he's getting tired of me when he tells you

look I'm talking to my N-word and you ain't about this I'm like okay they didn't want me involved in this conversation I'll kind of leave but he's still jawing me me, I'm still drawing him. This is the guy who I call coach and he calls me point guard, literally. Like I always call him coach because he's always giving people instructions. He always

calls me point guard. And the reason I said the fact that he's a vet, which I'd known, because, dude, I saw him at a coffee shop when I was with Uncle Kate. Uncle Kate. Oh, I was about to say, that's my nickname. She's a comic. Like, I see this dude out. So, anyway, that all happens, and he pulls

it out, he says all that. And I can't say it wasn't like I bowed up on him. I'm like back up. I'm like, I'm like, cool, cool, cool, but like.

You booed up. Hold on. But I didn't feel the way that I expect. I didn't feel freaked out. I really, you know what? I think because I know I'm, maybe I'm too dumb and arrogant.

I still, I think in my head, not consciously, but was like, well, this dude ain't gonna stab me. I've had a gun pulled on me and I felt literally the same way.

It was like, I was numb. It was surreal. It was like, this is the only ever happened in movies. And I was like, you all have seen that screenshot from a news story that said, in quotations, it says,

what are you going to do? Stab me? And then it says, quote for man, stab. Yeah. Not right, but I mean, you know, you feel that way. Here's how insane I am. Trey, I literally said almost basically that. Like, he had a knife at and I go, what are you going to do?

Kill me, man? Like, what is happening? I said it just like that. And he goes, I'd kill for God, on God. This is how I'm still a comic in my head. I go, kill for God, on God. Really? And he goes, yeah.

And I was like, I'm leaving. I get my shut. I start to walk out. Turns out he will not kill for God. I'm leaving. I go to my car. I'm almost to my car. My friend Rob, who was in, apparently, I found this out later that day, step up two.

Did he break dance and kick the knife out of the motherfucker's hand? No, he's one of the leads. He or did that. Instead, he ran away because, you know, he's got a career. And a stunt double. Yeah. So we're in the parking lot, and he goes, and I'm like, I don't know. And I get to my car, and I can't explain this.

and this is the part where I know you are going to make fun of me. This wasn't ego. This wasn't like, fuck that. I'm going to go in there and fight him. I wanted to never be near him again, but some part of me was like, fuck this. Like, I play ball here. I'm not going to run away from this motherfucker.

And I know he's a vet. I know that this is PTSD shit. Like... The public defender in you came out. It was that. And it was also some pride redneck shit. Again, I wasn't going to fight him. Which is both for you, I think.

I popped the trunk of my car. Where your knife is. Yeah. I didn't get out of knife. I got the tire iron out. Yeah. The piece that you hook in and you swivel it. Yeah, yeah.

Stuck it in my pocket. I went back in the door. They were still playing the, they were already playing the next game. And I just go, I got next. And I sat down and I'm sitting there, and I'm like, you're going to get stabbed over your pride. And I was like, this isn't pride. I'm not embarrassed that I ran away from a knife fight.

I play ball here. I want to continue playing ball here. And I'm not going to let this do bully me. And then I started thinking, why are all these people cool with this? Well, I was going to ask whenever there was a break. I have a theory on that. What everyone else was like doing while this guy literally pulls a knife on you.

Is everybody else just standing there silent? Like, holy shit, what the fuck? He was setting on the bench. Well, most people on my team who saw it left who were near him. They saw it and walked out. I mean, not did I blame him necessarily, but I'm like, I knew he's going to get stabbed one of the way. He's sitting on the bench and he pulls it out and he can. keeps it low, like, between his

legs. Who had August 3rd on Drew getting stabbed? Who had it? And I think most of people behind me didn't know. Right. At all, at a knife had come out. Yeah. So when I sat down,

there was a... Because, like, dude, that seems like something like somebody's gonna... So there was a couple there. So there was a couple there. Right, okay. So there's a couple there. Because the people that were about to play the next game, do you know what I mean? Like, you know, if I, you know,

I don't be playing basketball. but if I was there playing basketball and I saw a dude I saw a dude pulling knife out and then he goes back on the court and like my team is up I'd be like fuck that like no

I'm not playing with this motherfucker he put it in the front pocket he had on jeans and a knee brace like I call him coach he put it in the front pocket he had like some of those hip jeans with the zippers on the front he tried to put in the pocket

it wouldn't fit he sitting in the side the dude who was guarding him saw that see that's crazy to me and I don't know if that's like you grow up in a different situation. I don't know, man. Here's what I do know. I sat down. There's an older black couple

there. One of them had played on my team. He was like 40, but he played on my team and his girl was with him. And he's like, you need to call the cops. And she's like, and I, and I, and this was weird. She was like, I just want to apologize on behalf of him. We're not all like this. And I go, ma'am, thank you for being sweet, but like, I don't think he, like, there's no reason. He ain't all black people to me or whatever. Right. And she was like, okay. Well, that's like, because like, you, like, on the one. hand, if I was playing basketball back in Salina, and we had black people in Salina, whether it was a black guy or a white guy that I knew, if I knew they had a knife in their pocket, I wouldn't have thought twice about that either. I really, I really wouldn't have. But if I had just seen that person threaten another player with it, then I would have been like, fuck this shit. Like, so I got next. It's totally, which one thing to have, having a knife ain't shit. Honestly.

Hell not, dude. But like, fucking threatening somebody with a knife is, no, I know. But either. How many times you've been a, how many times you've been to a buck knife? A buck knife, whatever. But how many times you've been to part of you're like, who's got a knife and all the sudden fucking, everybody? Yeah, everybody.

Just having a knife is whatever, but like pulling in on somebody? The next game, that game ends. One of his teammates is a dude who works at the Y that I go to, and he's like, kind of a buddy of mine. So I'm, like, talking to him. And I say something about, he was like, yeah, you know, just don't guard him. And I go, yeah, I'm not going to guard the guy who put. a knife on me, and he kind of laughed

in a way that made me think he didn't realize that's what had happened. So I played in the next game. Of course. I didn't guard him, but it's basketball. There were a few times we ended up on him, and this is how I know. Well, you're not a bitch. We get it. That was the thing. But, like,

that's insane. That's how you get stabbed. Exactly. It's not playing the next game. I mean, I'm not trying to be funny, but, like, that's real. You get stabbed by playing the next game. I completely agree with Drew. This is keeping it real when it wrong. I kept it red. Oh, that's true. Kept it red could have gone wrong.

Here's what happened though. You don't want to cap it red. A few different times, like, I would get switched on to him. I stole the fucking ball from him. He's good. Like, he don't have turnovers. I stole the ball from him, and, like, I thought that that was going to be a thing, or that. But, like, he also hit one in my eye when I got switched on.

He didn't talk shit at all. He had calmed down. I'm telling y'all, that motherfucker went back to Afghanistan. Yeah. For sure. I totally buy that. I buy that, too. And then came out of them.

sad and didn't know how to deal with how to handle it right and probably went home he was probably embarrassed in the same i was i said dude he probably went home that day and had a real bad time with himself i absolutely know that is what happened now that being said he makes me want to hug him but that being said he did a bad he did a bad thing and you should not do that thing those people were like why didn't you call the cops and honestly it wasn't even like me thinking like oh he's a vet and all that it was genuinely like this will ruin this whole no you ain't got to call the cop It was ruined the whole deal. Dude, if I called a cop every time a goddamn knife pulled out, dude, you know what I mean?

You've had a knife pulled on you? I've had a gun pulled on me. I've had two guns pulled up. Twice? Twice, yeah. Now, one was when I was way younger and, like, it was just a dumb kid thing. The second time was, I know I've told this story on the podcast. It was like at a comedy club.

Right. I'd made a joke. And the dude, and it was a black dude. and you know what it dude I can't I can't remember the fucking joke all I remember is

is that he was in the front row and when I made the joke he was laughing and his buddy was laughing and then afterwards they came up and there was a bunch of comics hanging around

and it was like me the feature in the headline they were like we didn't know how he was going to deal with Corey's black joke or whatever and they were just like oh whatever and I was like oh thank you guys

you know blah blah we go out in the parking lot and I was like, hey, like, they saw me again. I was like, thank you for being good sports, man. You know, it's all in fun or whatever. And the dude was like, yeah, yeah. And then his buddy comes up. He's like, fuck you, motherfucker.

And I'm like, whoa, whoa, you know, like, what's up? And then he just pulled his shirt up and there was a gun. And I was like, oh, shit. And then he pulled the fucking gun out. This is weird because you guys have made jokes about me deserving it. And I wasn't going to be a bitch, but I was like, I don't think I do. But now I get it. Because I feel like you totally deserve it.

of this? Well, maybe, but... I'm just trying to hit. No, I mean... No, I mean, you know, you may... I'm saying because you may be right. But, like, he pulls the gun out, points it at me. And then

my fucking... One of my goddamn dumb-ass chickamauga buddies who were not buddies anymore not because of this isolated incident, but because of this is who he is as a person. He runs up and he yells the N-word at this dude.

And a dude with a gun? Holding a gun at me. his friend? Holding a gun at me. What the fuck? By the way, which by the way, if you look at the situation, I mean, both of them are equally bad.

You know, someone's holding a gun, like he shouldn't have said, he damn sure shouldn't have said that. So I'm sitting there. I wasn't even morally judging him. What a stupid thing to do. It's so stupid.

He's a fucking idiot. I don't, I don't even know what he's up to these days. So, dude's pulling a gun at me. Oh, boy says that shit. And I'm just sitting there. And it was that weird

where you're just like, what are you going to do, stab me? Where I felt numb. I didn't genuinely think I was going to get shot, but it was in my head. And it just, everything felt like a movie.

Like, I was literally seeing things in this box. Yeah. And so I was just like, man, it's cool. Like, I'm just trying to, I was like,

it's fine, man. I was like, I'm sorry. And I said, dude, I don't think that you were that mad earlier. And like, this is his buddy,

by the way. The dude who in question, whatever, he was like, it's fine. No, it's fine. Man,

his boy was like, no, fuck that. It ain't fine. And then my buddy Jonesy runs from down the hill he'd gone up to his car and he pulled out a golf club out of his fucking car and he runs down

I got a little, everybody's got a little Jonesy in him bringing a golf club to a gun fight. Exactly what I said because I'm a comic and I said I turned around and I go dude are you for real bringing a nine iron to a gun fight right now and everyone, well not everyone laugh

but like some people laugh and the dude was like whatever when Jonesy shows up it kind of distracted the dude and then my buddy William who is now like my brother-in-law grabbed me by the hair and they'd pulled a truck up. You used to have hair. Yeah, I did.

Grab me by the hair and threw me in Brad Gray, my buddy Brad's truck. Divorce Brad. Divorce Brad. That's for me. And we just hauled ass out of there. And as, like, they literally just threw me in there. They, we squeal out. And then I'm looking back.

And the dude's still sitting there with a gun. And Jonesy's still sitting there with the fucking nine iron. And I'm like, we got a fucking, like, I don't know what's going on. They go, we're good. And I was like, you right. Like, that is the most important thing. Jones he's dead. And then it turns out it got squashed because their beef wasn't with him.

And that dude was just having a bad night. And the one, it was like, it just stemmed from some bullshit. He wasn't. See, and like guns obviously way worse. He was going to pull that gun on somebody that night. And it just happened to be me. Like, I didn't have, and this is something that was made very clear to me. I knew it, but it was like, I didn't have no boys there that day, man.

No, right. And like, and I'm not saying. And I'm not saying. And I'm not saying. I'm not saying that dude did. My boys, in my opinion, almost got me killed. Yeah, right. Because I think if me and that,

dude, yeah, one of your boys ran up and yelled the N-word at the guy who was currently pointing a gun at you, that's fucking insanely stupid. So I'm waiting on my game to start. His knife is uncomfortable. And when I say one of my boys, please know he was an acquaintance of a friend and we don't talk anymore.

Not because of that, not because of specifically that, but because that became who I knew that he was. And, you know, if someone's holding a gun at somebody, it's almost like, what is an insult? Because they're being an asshole. But, like, that shouldn't have been it. Well, I don't know how you feel about this.

I guess my thing. Well, what I was about to say just then is... I cut you off, by the way. The last thing that happened was he took it out of his pocket. Before I played my game, I've forgotten about this. And he came to put it up. And he was near me. And I was like, get the fuck away from me with that.

Like, I said that out loud. Like, I'm still talking to this dude. Like, he's rational, which is crazy. And he's like, oh, if I'm going to stab you, You're going to know it. I'm not going to sneak upon you. I'll punch you. And I was like, that's, this is like, that was when I was like,

these people who are still playing, this is crazy. And I went outside and the dude Rob was out there talking to a guy. He hadn't left yet. And that's when he was like, I go, I don't know, man. It's not my ego. It's just like, it ain't his court. And Rob said something that I now. That is your ego, I think.

But it's fine. I don't think so because it wasn't like just me. It was like this idea of, there was no, I didn't feel ashamed. of running away from a knife fight. It was like you don't get to win. You don't get to just dictate how we all use this fucking public space. Exactly.

But then Rob said, I said, it ain't his court. And Rob goes, yeah, it is. That's his fucking court, dude. If you're willing to fight with a knife over a fucking gym, it's your gym, and I'm fine to let you have it. And I was like, fuck, you're right. I still went back in and played the game. That's a different mentality than we're used to.

Exactly. It's not what I'm. I'm used to, but Rob was right. I went back in. We didn't win because he's actually really good at basketball. And his team was good. And I came home, and this is what I was going to ask you, but two things. One, Andy was like, you're never going back there again for me, even if you can't for you.

Anybody's going to stab you. It's going to be me. Well, she was just like, I'll be worried the whole time, and that's fair. And I don't think I want to go back there. But two, I thought I was fine. I did. I was like, somehow I was kind of calm during it, and I went back in there. and then now that I'm like,

I couldn't stop thinking about it. I dreamed about it that night. Like it did kind of fuck me. Of course. I was super, I was super shell-shocked. Did you know it immediately? No.

That's why I didn't know it immediately. No, because immediately it was, and I believe it was my ego. It was like, you got out of that. It's fucking fine. Shit happens. Like, because this is when... I don't think it's ego.

I think it's instinct. I think your instinct won't let you. I think I was... No, it is. Because if you're shell-shocked immediately, you die. By the way, there's a huge difference in R2 stories.

In mine, I was 20. So I was, no one can kill. I can't die. You know what I mean? And I also, like, at this time... Yeah, I don't have that. All the dudes that I've fucking been hanging out with

were 45, 50-year-old comics. I'd been reading about Sam Kennis and Jimmy Pineapple, all these dudes. In my mind, I was like, oh, this is my first gun altercation at a comedy club. I fucking made it. You know what I mean? Like, that was like a... I didn't have any of that. Right, because you weren't 20 and stupid.

I felt bad for me and him. I didn't have none of that. I had none of that. But I didn't think that it had like really crawled under my skin until about 8 o'clock that night. And like, it wasn't panic attack or anything like that, but it was like I realized, oh man, he fucked me up. I've got a little bit of PTSD. Ended up having a dream about it that night. I remember the joke and I do deserve it.

It was a, I said that I said I was trying to quit smoking. It's like, I'm trying to quit smoking. I've used everything. I've tried cold turkey. That didn't worry. I've tried the nicorette patches and that didn't work. I said, I did find this one method that seems okay, but it's only if you want to quit smoking menthol cigarettes.

It's called Nica, please. And by the way, Robbie wrote that joke verbatim. Like, Robbie's giving me a lot of stuff over the years that I've taken a couple things and then made it my thing. But that was literally just Robbie verbatim. He's like, and by the way, that is funny, like, as a line when you're 20. but like I get somebody being offended at that for sure however sincerely in the moment we mean him literally talked in that group after the show

in the fucking not green room but like where you're selling merch and everything was fine some reason we get outside and then I go to talk to him and now nothing's fine and then my buddy yells the N word and then everything there's my theory he heard it correctly yeah thought it was fine

yeah went outside thought about it him and his friend talked about it his friend thought you said it with the G. With the G. Right. He told him that. Sure.

And then he was like, what? Right. No, he said, like Nicorette. And he goes, no, he said it with a G. And then he was like, well, then fuck it. And that is probably what. And by the way, I'm not saying that it's fine either way. Well, one's way better than the other one.

Absolutely. But I'm not saying it was a joke that I should have said. But I was fucking 20 and I was stupid. But so we're different because at 20, I just, I was in such a different headspace than you as what, 33? I'm 34. 34. Way different heads of us. Kind of on that note.

I'm 34 and one month away from being 35. I feel like one of y'all, knowing both of you, probably not. I think your response is going to be, yeah, we completely get where you're coming from, but we would never, or we wouldn't do that. And that's it like. I shouldn't have gone back in there. But we've only been in one situation I can think of, and we don't have to tell specifics of it since this is actually started. It was me and Drew.

But like, I genuinely, it's two things. The first one was having kids, but it's not just having kids. It's also the specific career that I have. And with those two things in play, I'll tell you all right now, other than like threatening Katie or the boys or Paige or something like that, there's almost nothing anybody can do that will make me actually fight them because like I have too much to lose. For the record. I will stand up and walk away from it.

like in a heartbeat, it won't even feel a little bit bad about it because, like, I just think, like, I was like, this just is not worth it. Like, everything that I stand to lose right now ain't worth this bullshit. I don't care what this dude just did to me. I want to be very clear. And I'm not going to feel like a pussy about it either. I'm not. I want to be very clear. I'm insane for going back in there to play basketball, but I had no intentions of ever fighting it.

I know. I put the tire iron in my pocket and then hit it under my friend's backpack. Well, see, that's kind of contradictory to what you just said, Drew. I mean, you wanted to be able to defend yourself, I guess. Because he had a knife. But if you went out to your car and got a tire iron and then went back in there, I mean, like, I'm acknowledging completely that it's insane, but I didn't go back in there to fight him. But, and this is something I've asked myself, and this is what I'm talking about. I am crazy.

What did I go back in there to do? And it wasn't to fight him. And it wasn't to satisfy my ego. It was, man, this is so stupid. Like, this is what I deserve. to be made fun of. Like, it was almost like a philosophical thing for me. It was like, you don't just pull knives on people in fucking public spaces and now it's

fucking yours. You're right about that. I'm not going to fight you over it, but I'm going to keep playing basketball, bitch. And then, like, honestly, during that game... That's the whole, do you want to be right or do you don't want to win? During that game, I was like... And I was angry, too, to be fair. I was angry.

Like, during that game, I had thoughts because he had put the knife away. I had thoughts during that game where I'm like, this motherfucker would come down the lane. If I just run and punch him as hard as I can, it'll knock him out. That was my anger. Then when he gets up. Well, I mean, I was going to leave. Yeah, of a bitch. But I had no actual intention of fighting.

But y'all know how, like, Rednecks have that. Like, you've said it before. I think you got it from a friend of yours or something. Or maybe it was you, but that whole, like, the complete absence of the back down gene. We don't have it. We don't have it. We don't have it. Fuck you, motherfucker.

Like, I also. I also. totally get that. One pair of jeans. But I'm saying, like, at this point in my life where I'm at right now, I will totally, I don't care how much the motherfucker deserves to get punched in the face. I'll walk away from it. It ain't worth it. And will not

lose sleep over it. Like, I will not feel like a bitch. I won't feel like a pussy. I've lost no sleep. It won't bother me at all. I'm 100% with you now. I didn't lose any sleep. I've lost no sleep under over any version of back and down. I've genuinely lost sleep over. Man, I still don't. I mean, I know it had to do with being a vet and PTSD.

It fucked me up a little bit, man. A dude pulled an eye on me where I play basketball. And I don't play there anymore. I'm, I don't have kids. I got to pee. And I don't think that, and I know you have, Woodrow is going to go pee. I know you have nephews too, but like,

my perception of things has changed since, just since I got married. And LJ, my niece, there's, there are certain things. I think there's still things that I've been. Like if a knife wasn't involved and it was just fist of cuffs, I'd still be like, fuck it, let's throw down. But like, yeah, man, I think that, like, if that gun situation had happened,

that's why I prefaced it by saying it was when I was 20. If that shit happened after one of our shows today, I would fucking high-tail. Buddy, I'll tell you right now, if that shit happened after one of our shows today, one of us be getting shot. No, I know. And I, you know what I mean? Like, if it's after one of our shows, if somebody pulls a gun out, they're going to fucking shoot one of us.

And it wouldn't be a black dude. It would be a fucking red it. Absolutely. But what I'm saying is I would anything I could do to de-escalate the situation and run, there would be no ego about it at all. Right. I don't give a shit if somebody sitting there filming and it's going to end up on like, Corey Forster saw a gun and ran.

I don't give a fuck. I don't want to die. Well, I do want to die, but not by getting shot in a fucking alley. But to me, it's also even like, that's obviously part of it. But I think to me, there's another part of it. It's like when it comes to the career aspect and everything, Let's say a guy says some shit, and it's like, oh, yeah, he deserves to be punched. But, like, then somebody pulls their camera out right at this point.

And, like, and you just beat the fuck out of this dude. Or I just beat the fuck out of this guy in a bar or something. Nobody sees the other shit. And that's what people see. Right, nobody sees the other. That still is a fucking problem for me. You know what I mean? Like, so, like, either, there's no.

There is no scenario in which it would be beneficial for me to engage in that. Dude, I'm. You know what I mean? But it wasn't my goal. So like unless somebody's safety is at stake, then like I'm just going to fucking walk away from him. Can I give an example of that that is in no way making you look shitty at all, but it would have if a camera was on us. So we were in fucking New York. Yeah.

We're in New York and I'm wearing a shirt that says support LGBTQ wrestling. Yeah. Me and Drew are walking through. What park was that? We were by Bryant Park. Bryant Park. And Amber's about to walk up and we're going to meet her. And I'm wearing a shirt that says support LGBTQ.

wrestling. And this tiny little black lady walks by us and like it was the craziest thing because she didn't even stop. She didn't miss a beat. She just walks by us pointed at my shirt and she goes, take that shirt off. We do not support that shit.

And then just fucking kept walking on. And then Drew turned around and goes, fuck you, you piece of shit. I'll wear whatever goddamn shirt I want. Fuck you. And I was like, whoa, whoa. And he was like, no, fuck. And I was like, I agree with you. But the moment I was thinking, I was like, if that shit had somehow been filmed

and it was literally just you yelling fuck you at a tiny ass black lady walking by that probably wouldn't have that wasn't right is agree with you I would have explained myself and anyone that I would have lost their support after the explanation I didn't moan them

and I know exactly what you mean but we have to say what we mean I agree this situation though was highly different because it was a night involved. By the way, when I said that, I don't mean to say that you were wrong. And because, as I've acknowledged, I might have been wrong. No, you weren't.

No, you weren't. Fuck her. Hear me out. Hear me out. Not with her. In Bryant Park, I'm literally speaking as a PR person, which is disgusting. In Bryant Park, I was completely right. I know you weren't, but it was a bad read.

I'm saying is I might have, like, pushed it too far with this guy that I thought I had rapport with because we always talk shit with each other. Like, that's fine. The fact of the matter is, like, I don't like how I respond. and not, oh no, I'm disappointed in myself. Because it's scary. I scared myself. Yeah, it's scary.

I should have left and never went back. Why did I go back? I thought it was my ego at first. Then I realized it really wasn't because I didn't feel ashamed at all. It was more of like the principle of it. That's crazier in some ways because you can't help your ego. You choose your principles. I went back there to get stabbed on principle.

Which, by the way, some part of that is unsurprising. I will get stabbed on principle at some point. But I think that's the thing that he's saying. like there's merit to that and that's great. No, there's not. I'm crazy. No, no, no. If you're a single dude without a wife and kids, go out there and get stabbed for principal.

That was Andy's point. You can't go back there because I'll be worried. And that's, that is the point. Having things to lose. Okay, but getting killed on principles is one thing. Being stabbed, that's a slow, painful death. Look, I believe in a lot of shit, but I ain't trying to feel a bowie and I pull my guts out just because I love, you know, I hate capitalism or whatever.

No, I know, but that's the whole point. It's like there comes times and we all face them where it's like I know that I should, I'm convicted and I should do this thing, but it ain't just me no more. You know what I'm saying? And that's a fucking hard pill to swallow because we all goddamn want to be revolutionaries and we all want to be the person that stands up and says, my only regret is that I can't die twice for my country. I know I just butcher that club.

I only have one life to give. But we all want to be that way. No, my only regret is that I only have one life to live for pick up. up basketball. Sure, but you get, like, you know, like, it's not... But that's what makes me crazy, Corey. You think about what I'm really saying is, some part of me on principle was like, I'm going to go back in here where this man pulled a knife because that's how I feel about pick up basketball. That's so stupid. It is stupid. And I, but I don't think, I think maybe

if you had a couple youngings at home, you get that part of you would be gone. Oh, I know it would be different. Yeah, which is good. Like, one hundred percent now. Go get stabbed. Andy will be fine. Well, anyway. I'd die for basketball. And we have to do a show. So anyway, we love you. Skew! Thank you all for listening to the well-read show.

We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night, and Skew. Please don't stab me. Please don't stab me. please don't stab me on the court I talk shit I should quit

But please don't stab me on the court On the court It occurs to me that for a variety of reasons I haven't told you all much about Who I call Aunt May That's not her name but I've changed her name For certain reasons You'll understand the first part with the first quick story

That I tell which is Once Aunt May divorced her husband who I grew up with and known as Uncle Jim, changing his name too. I don't know why I'm changing it. Anyone who knows me will know who I'm talking about eventually. But she divorced him, and eventually she was working at the store in downtown Sunbright that the guy who owned it burned down and then for the insurance money. And she was a manager there.

But she dated the Chipman. And the Chip Man, and I won't change his fucking name, the potato chip man. Like he would come through and sell the potato chips. This is Andy. Hold, go ahead. Who is, the chipman, we found out later, is married to my older cousin. She says found out later. We found out who he was married to as it relates to her later, but I knew he was married.

Everybody did. She was dating a chip man, even though he was married. And we figured this dude probably had a girlfriend at every store, and he probably did. But what we didn't know was that he was in her family and my family was there until Aunt May was at my wedding. and a chip man who had broken her heart because he wouldn't leave his wife even though she thought he would, you know, after the dude burned a store down

and she had moved on. And now she's a nurse, because they all are. We're at the wedding. There's Punkin. Pumpkin is who was married to her cousin. Of course. Punkin. They can hear me. I'm loud.

Was that the wedding? Because he's married in Annie's family and his ex-girl. And his ex-girlfriend, who he wouldn't leave his wife for, is my Aunt May. And they're there together. Yeah, pumpkin pie. Wait, pause it. I'll just edit this.

What the fuck were we talking about? Why did I think of this? That wasn't the story I wanted to tell y'all. Aunt May, shit man, red-ass scary. What were you talking about? What were we talking about? I don't know what we were talking about. What you knew what we were talking about?

There was a... Y'all were talking about something, and there was a story I wanted. want to tell. Xbox? Xbox. I'm playing about playing about games, watching West Wing, Lily Tomlin, Alpaca Farmer. Got it, got it, got it.

All right. So, Aunt May moves on, as you do, when you are a manager of a store that got burnt down for the insurance money, and then you become a nurse in the South. And at some point, she gets on one of these websites, and she's got her an alpaca farmer. And I swear to God, y'all. Onlyalpaca.com, I understand.

Yeah. She might have met him on OnlyFarmers.com, bro. I don't know. Corey made the joke, Onlyalpaca.com. I swear to God, y'all. If I'm lying, I'm dying. She ends up with some bitch who bred red alpaca. Didn't you know anything about alpaca?

Not really, except that they, like, kind of look like they're llama-ish. Yes. But why would anybody breed them? Do you know? Because most of the letters in their name, if you add three more, or it's Al Pacino. That is exactly who I mean, you would breed them.

They would spit on us. We would ride them. One of them would kick us, and I'd punch one in the face. Then somebody would march against us. But the reason that businessmen and farmers breed them, among many things, is they're wool.

Alpaca hair. You make sweaters and scars out of it. It's on the level of like cashmere. Right. Okay. well if you die that shit that's fine

but like that takes away from the purity it doesn't feel as soft this some bitch figured out how to make red alpacas so you didn't have to die alpaca hair to get a red alpaca

go ahead let's get an alpaca to fuck a wolf or like a fox he may have but that wouldn't have worked who knows it's fine who knows

knows. I'm talking about in the world. I'm talking about the first guy to figure out how to breed red alpacas where there's an industry for alpaca wool. Which is the most red alpaca

thing I've ever heard in my life. You talk about a fucking high-tech redneck. So she's telling my mom this. Corey, he's a millionaire. What? Million. Ten times over.

Pumpkin? No, no. Punkin god damn it she dumped punkin i just told that story because it was hilarious because me and Andy at our wedding were like oh shit cuz here's actually how we figured that out we were at the wedding i saw him and i go oh shit that's punkin and she goes how do you know him he's married to my cousin i go oh well my aunt used to fuck him so so there's going to come a day when someone goes oh that kid he comes from old red alpaca money pray already the day because these people

People ain't young. My point is, she met a man on Farmersonly.com or whatever the fuck it was. He was the red alpaca guy. He was a millionaire. She's talking to my mom. She dumped him. He didn't hit for her. He got too serious.

The goddamn... The guy that learned scientifically how to make an animal a different color was serious. That's the most serious you ever heard. Yeah, no one was surprised but her, apparently. you want to know my theory on it? And I'm so, like, insecure about her or anyone of my family hearing this. She's always loved my uncle Jim.

He's the only son bitch who literally hit a man, goddamn, full circle to the podcast this week with a tire iron over her. This is literally, this is kind of the notebook, like, in a way. You know what I mean? Like, Rachel McAdams, like, had a better suitor, but she's like,

I don't know. There's this carnival dude. you know what I mean? Like he's just the one for me. It's the TV guide. It's the redneck notebook. We just write our notes down on an old TV guide. My theory genuinely, hold on Andy, I'll give you the mic, my theory genuinely has always been about her

that Uncle Jim wasn't what was going to make her happy, but she was never going to commit herself to a new man because no man could live up to Uncle Jim. Does that make sense? She wanted to be single for the rest of her life because being with Uncle Jim wasn't what made her happy, but no one was ever going to live up to Uncle Jim.

Honestly, I was sitting here trying to be like, word, well, just be with the Alpaca millionaire and then just flick your bane to Jim, but like... That's what I've been saying. You know what my other thing was? God, this is too much with my family, and I have changed names. I also think she was like,

I could do that, but if I marry one of them, Uncle Jim will murder that motherfucker. her. I respect it. Didn't she get all to alpaca money? I'm with you, dude. But at the same time, like, ain't that sweet?

It's so sweet. Let me ask you this about Aunt Punkin. Or whatever. She's my hero. Do you feel that she needed alpaca money? In her life, as far as paying them bills

and not having to, you know, go to work as a nurse on her knees and take shit from old men who were flinging their literal shit at her because she's changing their diapers? Yes. Do you mean in terms of being happy? Fuck, no, man.

She never needed it, cuss. That's why he wanted her. Alpaca gym, he could tell. Can I tell you this about alpaca gym? He's still with us? You mean, is he not dead? Yeah. Is he alive?

Yeah, that's far as I know. He thinks about her every day. Every goddamn day. Every goddamn day. This motherfucker is so rich. that he could be and maybe fucking 28-year-olds, even though he's 60. She's Rosebud. She is Rosebud.

He might be... Citizen-cane sugar, Corey said. He might be fucking 28-year-olds while he lives his life out as a millionaire. But every morning that some bitch shears a one-of-a-kind, nowhere else in the world, red alpaca. sends his bounty off to a Middle Eastern or Indian country so that they will turn it into with cheap slave labor, a scarf or a sweater, for some asshole in Connecticut to wear.

And while he's doing that, he's thinking of my Aunt May. Remember what else? The other thing we found out at the wedding? No. That one of my friends couldn't come. Because... This is crazier than Aunt May fucking...

He couldn't come... This is crazier than Aunt May fucking punkin. Fucking cousin punkin. He said, I can't come to your wedding because this other friend that you have, who he didn't know her. He said, this other friend that you have, I've been fucking her dad and her family don't know.

And it was a dude. He's like, I can't come to your wedding because I can't be there around him and his family. And can I say that was... The wedding was the first time I was around the mom. and dad of that person who's a friend of Andy's, they knew. They might not have known who the dad was fucking and that it was him,

but everybody knew the dad was fucking somebody. Yeah. You ever heard of punk and chucking? Yeah. That's what happens when Scott County marry Sunbrot. When Scott County, Mary's Morgan County. It's not punk and chunkin, it's punking and fucking. God damn, what a wonderful little extra story on this well-read podcast.

I don't know what I thought of that. I'm very hammered. Corey said something about alpacas, and I remembered the time one of my aunts could have married into alpaca money, and out of principle, she just decided not to. For the record, I'm a fan of this, because I'm going to put this after the episode as like a stay tuned. There's also an extra story or whatever.

And any time this happens, well, this is kind of akin to the voicemails that you used to send me, but now we're here together. So no, I like this. This is a, uh, is this the, uh, is this the, Epilogue, I guess, to the podcast. That's what this is.

This is the epilogue cabin. There you go. All right. Scoo! And I'll still do voice mouths. Well, well, well.