wellRED podcast - #133 - Gambling and Dreams w/ Guest Co-Host James Bane!

Episode Date: September 4, 2019

With the CHO absent this week, actor (and fellow Celina, TN native) James Bane fills in to talk about gambling and dreams. wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows SPONSOR: MyBookie.ag (promo code WELL for up to 1000 buck first deposit bonus and DOUBLE YOUR FIRST DEPOSIT!)

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different

language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. Take as little as three minutes to see if you could save on motorcycle insurance with

progressive. Come on. You've spent more time than that debating your accessories. Could you spend riding gloves? I guess I'll know with black leather again. It just seems so basic. Wait, what if I did white leather? People be like, hey, this guy's different. Or they might be like, hey, this guy looks like a butler. Yeah, okay, black leather it is. Get a quote in as little as three minutes at progressive.com.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Appiliates. Hello, everybody. It's your boy, the show. Corey Ryan Forster here. As you know, well-readcom. W-E-L-R-E-D Comedy.com. That is where you can get tickets for our upcoming show. I also would like to apologize up front as I am not going to be on this episode today.

I was predisposed with some other bullshit that I had going on, some important stuff. Otherwise, I wouldn't have missed you. I also want to get into this week in the PO Box, as you know, P.O. Box 240 Chickamauga, Georgia, 30707. That's where we get all our fan mail. And apparently this week, Fan Turtle Rocks. That was my favorite thing that we got in the box this week. Jeff and Baltimore sent a bunch of like Baltimore related pens and whatnot. And also Jeff, so I get the box open and there's like this, there's a piece of paper

and it's inside of it, something hard. It's wrapped up in and I open it up and he has painted a turtle rock that is going to be a fantastic paperweight on the desk. And I'm not going to lie to you that made me tear up with joy. It was so cool to open that and see a little hand-painted rock. Also, I'd like to thank everybody. Let's see. We've got Nadine in Ohio, and we've got Natalie in Texas,

who both sent well wishes for my father. They sent dad some get well cards, which was sweet. We've also got Jake in Indianapolis with a nice thank you card. We've got Maureen again in Texas with a nice thank you card. and man, y'all are just too sweet. That's awesome. I'm glad we started doing the P.O. Box 240. Chickamauga, Georgia, 30707.

Come see us next weekend. We're going to be in Texas. Just go to well-read comedy.com and grab tickets. For all that, you can grab our book, The Little Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, and our album, Well-read Live from Lexington. Like I said, I was not there this week, but filling in for me is a tremendous actor,

childhood friend of Trey Crowders and also just a hilarious and great dude Mr. James Bain, enjoy the show. Skew! They're the They're the favorite sex day care What next step makes Some people upset

They got three big old dicks That you can suck All right, here we are Drew Me and you, we're in the studio And for the only, I believe only the second time In the history of the podcast

We are once again, Sands Cho this week. There's no Cho. He had other stuff going on, important stuff. But before you turn it off, don't worry. We've got a guest show, or at least the very least a guest host here with us today. And this guy is a former college football player and also is a U.S. Marine to multiple tours of duty. He's a working actor here in Hollywood. I guarantee you've seen him in any of his numerous commercial spots.

He's also been on NCIS. the HBO show of the brink. He just did a big thing that we probably can't really talk about, but a big A-list Hollywood production he was just a part of, which is awesome. But most importantly, in my opinion, he is also a fellow Salina Boy and the big brother I never had, Mr. James Bain, everybody.

Woo! There is a great introduction, man. Yeah, I'm glad you're here. Thanks for filling in. Oh, man, yeah. Big cartoonishly, like colorful shoes you have to fill today. Big clown shoes. It's good thing.

You know, I have done some clowning, so it's true. Yeah. Did you, like, study or you just needed a job so you went to a kid's birthday party and every balloon animal was a dick? What's the difference? There it is. We were just talking right before we got started about how, like, you wore a Corey-level shirt today.

Like, it's a very... It's like a Hawaiian-style polo. Yeah. It's, I mean, apparently this was a expensive shirt, but I got it. You know, we're all working. actor shop at, you know, Grove store. Yeah, yeah. Marshalls.

You ever go to Jetrag? No? No, that's not a racist way to say Jetlag. There's a store, there's a couple of them in Hollywood, and they, like a lot of costume designers shop there because they have some, anyway, there's one over in Hollywood that has a shit ton of Western shirts. And like, the most expensive one I've ever found there was $14.

And I could have sold it on the internet for 60. It was custom, you know, embroidered all that shit. I've found that because I got that 85 cutlass now, that I have to dress appropriate for it. Yes. I'm very jealous of your hoopty. On the way in, I saw it, I've owned. 85 Cutlass Supreme, right? I've owned or driven four of those.

Wow. The first time I ever got pulled over was an 88 old. Yeah. I had an 88. I think I told this on the podcast, so I'd make it brief. I was driving around my brother's car. He'd just gone to prison, and I had just wrecked my car. So I just was driving it around.

And I was leaving court one day where I worked as a lawyer. And one of my colleagues goes, Mr. Morgan, I guess you'd never seen my car. You look like you're driving one of our client's cars. That's like a drug dealer's car. And I just turned and looked at her. I go, yeah, it is. Because it was my brother's and just drove away. Those people thought I was insane.

The other one that happened at the same time was you were driving that car and you were living in a van down by the river, basically, like a camper set up. I've been in a 1988 camper that my dad owned because 89's lease had run out and we were leaving for New York. Rather than get like a two months, we're just like, we'll save money. We'll pay $200 to park this. But so he's living in like a camper and he's driving that old hooped-de-ass car that he was just describing. And he would leave in the morning with like a shirt and tie on. And his neighbor was always like, where you going? Dress like that.

And he would just be like, court. And the guy's like, ah, I hear you. Yeah. You know, the guy was probably saying, he's like, man, he's going to court like a lot. That's weird. And then finally he was like, you're going to court like a lot. And I was like, yeah, I'm a lawyer. And he was like, no, you're not.

What? Then that night he came over with his son's case file and was like, can you help me out? I'm not sure his lawyer's doing a good job. And I was like, well, his lawyer shares an office with me and it's doing a great job. See you later, sir. So this might be a little awkward, but I'm going to do it anyway. I told you this when I texted and asked you to come and do this today that I actually was already planning on, giving a shout out to the Bain boys, you and your brother.

So briefly, the background is here's the deal. Growing up in Salina, I had this real tight-knit group of friends and we're still friends. We just had our fantasy draft the other day. One of which is a guy named Jason Bain and Jason's older brother is James, who's here right now. You're five years older than us. Is that right? Yeah. So like, and we've been like hanging out, you know, religiously since, you know, somewhere between second and fourth grade or something like that, you know, like young.

So James is in high school and all this. And I told him the other day, he was like, he's like, man, sometimes I feel like, you know, I could have been easier, you know, on Jason and on you guys or whatever, like as a big brother. And I was like, dude, for me, looking back on it, you were like, the exact. exact prototype of like big brothers in like, you know, shows and movies from that era. Do you know what I mean? Like 90 shows and stuff like that. But just like he just, you know, he threw us around and shit and was always, you know, picking on us and all that. But in a way that like we all loved it.

I don't know about Jason, but the rest of us thought he was like the coolest dude on planet Earth. But I'm just saying all that to say, Salina, I've talked about Slina on here. People know. but you can back me up. And Drew knows too, because he's from Sunbright, Tennessee. Similar place. Very much one of those places that, like, most people don't, like, really ever leave. And I don't mean, like, on vacation.

I mean, like, period. They stay kind of around there for most of their lives or whatever. That group of guys I was talking about. Some of them are still, like, doing great, but they're in the Upper Cumberland area. They're still kind of around there, you know, and doing well. Some of them, you know, lost their way and found their business. pills along the way and did not do well. Gypsy speedboat song.

Yeah. But the only one like in the group, the only two in the group that like went or went way out like, you know, far away from Saline and everything are me and Jason and then his older brother James. And so James just got back recently from doing this part in a movie with like I said other A-list actors and shit in it. Don't say her name, but what she smelled like? Oh, man.

It was everything you hoped for. Nice. You know, and she wasn't too intimidating, but when she walked up at the very first day on the set, she was like, hey, I'm. And we were like, oh, yeah, we're very aware who you are. Yeah. And just, like, again, when I say A-list or whatever, like, this is, this person is literally like as big of a Hollywood star as you can be.

Although, I, you, I'm not counting my. chickens before their hash. I've... Friggis go get cut out? Right. Which does have. I mean, dude. I've been in this...

Well, I didn't mean to dera's too bad. Yeah. Tim, you know, Tim Rothers got cut out of Tarantino's latest movie. You know what I mean? Like, shit happens. But either way, you... I did not know that. Yeah. But either way, you did that.

Yeah. That's awesome. Right after you got back, like less than a week after you got back, your little brother, Jason, got on a plane and flew to London to give a talk at a conference at a nuclear physics conference on the findings of this big experiment that he just did at Thomas Jefferson National Laboratory that he did explain to me in what seemed to be English.

Yeah. But like I literally all of it went completely over my head. But my point is like, you know, two salina boys made good, basically. Before I even knew you were going to be here, I was going to give you guys a shout out. I appreciate it. A little weirder with you here in person, but I still wanted to do it.

But yeah, we got, you know, Mr. Hollywood here and then a fucking rocket scientist. It's actually nuclear physicists. Nuclear physicists. Yeah. I mean, I mean, that's how rockets work. But I like to say rocket scientists, you know, because it's that, you know. I mean, but yeah, that's pretty fucking cool. I couldn't be more proud of my brother.

I really, you know, I do, like, I love him so much and I'm very proud of him. I like to tease him because I got to be tall. I mean, not that he's short. He's like 6-1, right? But I'm 6-5, so I'm taller. He is smarter, but I was a Marine, so like, I think it kind of balances out. Absolutely. I think what you're saying is he's a nerd and you're an actor. Well, he is definitely a nerd. I'm not calling him a nerd. I'm saying that's what you're saying. He's a nerd. He would tell you he's a nerd. He loves all that. He's super into that nerdy shit. I would imagine. You're right. Yeah, I mean, it checks out. He also was a hell of a football player in high school, though. He won an hour. I'm sure y'all have a, a, Every year at graduation, they give out the, like, official football award.

Ours is called the Russell Richardson, whatever, football award. And Jason won that in our class, and he played center, but, like, that's how, I mean, he was good. Lomon are always the smartest. Everyone thinks it's the quarterback. The quarterback's a B-plus student, usually. Yeah. Because if you're an A-plus student, you'd overthink it, and you'd suck a quarterback. No, I really, I, yeah, if you look at, if you look at the offensive line versus the defensive line, one of my Marine buddies,

me explain it this way he was a de lineman he's like an offensive alignment if they were going to like battle to the death you'd have to go through a series of like you know home alone booby traps and psychological warfare before you actually you know ensued the battle actually ensued whereas the defensive lineman like they would like stand on the front porch with the gun waiting for the cops to come yeah and like you know battle to the death in the yard naked or something like that you know it's the difference between the the mindsets the warrior mindsets of those two people so kind of on that note one thing i've thought about before with you uh is it like you so i have this major chip on my shoulder my had my whole life it's kind of my entire career but with the whole like

just because i talk this way don't mean that i'm a dumb ass yeah basically just that like people thinking i'm stupid because of where i'm from and how i sound and that being like the thing that has motivated me yeah in every way my entire life uh it's a complex frankly but But you though, like, so you're from the same place I'm from. You don't have like the accent the way that I do, admittedly, but you're from the same place I'm from. You were a lineman and a Marine, right? And you're, you know, you're a big guy. Yeah.

And you kind of like, your sort of like temperament or personality is kind of like big, goofy fungi, you know? Well, so like, all those things combined. Like, those are, every one of those individually is the type of thing. that people stereotypically think, oh, this guy's an idiot. Yeah. And you've got, like, all that going on. Oh, yeah.

I know that you're not an idiot, but how have you like, no, you're not. That's the thing. Me and you, we used to stay up, like, till two in the morning and talking about black holes

and singularities and shit when I was in high school and everything. And you like, you love Bukowski and all this stuff. Yeah, yeah. You're not even remotely an idiot. But I'm saying, how, like,

is that not a thing for you? Do you just, like, sort of embrace it or whatever? Like, to be something people assume about you because of all these different things you've got going on. I mean, if you've seen, if anyone's seen like the dumb online material I've done, it's, I definitely double down on the big, dumb Marine thing. Right.

And there are idiots across the board in any profession and stuff. And some of the smartest people I've ever met were Marines, like people who you think was like knuckle dragon rock eaters, right? um so it is that you know the book you know the don't judge the book by cover kind of thing but i also know what i you know i look like you know i look you know i feel like that that rob wriggle the big dumb military guy yeah yeah fun and stuff um and so why not like why you know you know that's how i've made a living commercially is like you know like hey you look like this guy and i'm like sure i'll be whatever guy you want to pay me to be you know yeah but there's an

there's a second layer to that you know you look at some like Corey. Corey acts like, you know, it's his brand. I'm a big, dumb idiot. I'm a lovable idiot.

But he's, you know, very smart, like high IQ, all that. But he's not, as far as I can tell. Of course,

he's so defensive, especially anytime I talk about him. He's more like, bullshit. Yeah. But like, he is into wrestling. Yeah.

And all those things. You're into Bikowski and black holes. So there's another layer. It's not just that you're intelligent. There's also a darkness to you that surprised me more than your intelligence.

I guess you present so goofy that learning that your cat's name is Bikowski, like, I was like, what? Like, does he have a buddy that was named Bikowski? No, no, he's into Charles Bukowski. I adopted two cats from a really great rescue at Water Village, and one of them was named Steve McQueen, and another one was Charles Bukowski, and, but McQueen hated me so much that I had to give him back to the rescue. Like, he shit in his own food bowl in front of me.

I think you're confused there. names. You got a mom as a Bikowski's who's shitting in his food bulbs on. But I just thought you know

Stephen Queen was too cool to hang out that's why he really wanted to leave and he actually went to like some old lady's house which seems like he was like

wanted just like a chill life and be cool and smoke weed with this old lady probably. So I want to get back to I got a bunch of different things

run through my head I'd like to you know were you moving on? I was going to yes but if you don't want to go ahead. Like that's like some misanthropic shit

and I've talked to you about some other misanthropic shit is it a choice or is there some natural paradox inside you like do you choose to be this like you know let's explore the goofy because why the fuck not or is it just a natural paradox that you're attracted to both of those things I think it's a natural paradox I've always been curious I think that's why my journey out of religion has always been

Like it's always been slowly happening and just, oh, that's some shit we should talk about. Because y'all had that whole thing going in common, as in, you know, high school's All-American Superstar Kid and a lot of Jesus action moved into there. Tons of Jesus. That you both sort of moved away from later. Go ahead. But also, like, life is made of so much shit, like, of good and bad and dark and light and, like, the whole balance and, and, I don't know, the, I feel, I've always felt very bifurcated. between like being what I think I should be versus what I want to be or being in like who like that's why I joined the Marines kind of because I was like I didn't know like I like I like I'm like

theater I went to college and got a undergrad degree in communications and another one in theology and I knew I wasn't I saw what the number the numbers that people were doing in the combines were so I knew I wasn't going to go pro football I'm like I'm not that good and I was like what else I'm going to do oh I'm going to join the Marine Corps because why not you know That's why I went to law school. Yeah. I couldn't have died. I mean, I don't know.

I didn't know exactly how to like say this, but as far as the whole like the darkness with James you're talking about, I've always thought and, you know, I'm not trying to like totally open this can of worms up. But I thought for a long time that considerate, how many tours do over there? Two tours in Iraq, 04 and 06. Right, yeah. And like, I feel like even just that alone. And also other things that I know that James has went through in his life and everything. Like, I feel like it's amazing he doesn't have insanely more of the, you know, just overt darkness in the void. I mean, I know you got it in there.

You know, but I'm saying like the fact that you're not just eat up with it. Do you know what I mean? It's like I've always thought. Yeah, I'm like, there's nights where I'm like Brando and Apocalypse now in the darkness of my apartment. Yeah. And then there's other times where. And the cat comes by and shows his butt haul. Yeah, then I'm just like, oh, boop, buckle.

Just goofy, like, running around being silly. I don't know. It's, I think the, I definitely know humor is a, is the way we dealt with a lot of shit in war. Oh, right. Yeah. And, but even before, like, before both of my tours, like, the nights before I left to go, we'd always spend time with my family. And then, after everyone else went to bed, like, Trey and my brother and a couple of other slime boys would come over. and we would do improv.

Yeah, like whose line is in Y style improv games in the basement. I mean, like, yeah, we are even, so, like, I don't know, it was just, it's, it's, it's having that, I don't know, I just, I feel very fortunate to have had, um, an outlet and, uh, humor, I think was a great starting point. And then through my journey in the acting world where, you know, when I first got to L.A., I thought I'd just walk in and be like, hey, I'm here. I was a Marine. And now I'm here to be an actor.

I'd like put me in your movies, you know, and I didn't know anything about acting, really. And I was fortunate enough to go to USC for my master's in theater and really changed my whole perspective on everything as far as the creative arts and a positive creative outlet. You know, people need to find, no matter what your shit is, everyone has shit. Like, PTSD is not mutually exclusive to veterans. Like if you've been in a car crash, if you are a victim of some kind of assault, sexual or, you know, or just. violent or whatever kind of you know. Or just like a death. Yeah, a death.

Like an unexpected death to someone very close to you or something like that. Or you think about, you know, nurses who see trauma all the time or doctor. You know, like EMTs, please, firefighters, like all those people, you know. And you have to find your outlet, whether it's working out or whether it's hiking or painting or, you know, dressing up like the pig from Toy Story in a park and doing a mashup of, um, of the Tempest and Toy Story. We did Toy Story Tempest at the actors gang this summer. So, like, you know, it's good to have this creative outlet

because otherwise I think I would just sit in the brooding dark. When I first got out of law school, my first job was at the Miami Public Defender, and we had this trainer, John Brandau, just real old school Chicago guy. He was a football riff. He ruffed those lingerie football league games for free. Sounds horrible.

to be around. Yeah, right. He's like, oh, you know, I'm just, and he would say it with like this smirk. He was like,

yeah, I'm just trying to help the girls out. You know what I mean? Charity. Yeah, anyway, one thing he, quote unquote, trained us to do.

He'd take us out to lunch and we'd start talking or whatever about, and he would train us to remember that we were in public kind of thing because he talked about how he spent a year on the sexual assault.

Oh, yeah. In the sexual assault division, all of his clients were accused of sexual assault all the way up to child rape. Yeah. And the way that those folks dealt with how dark their job was

was to make jokes. But the subject matter of those jokes, and he's like, I remember one day we were at lunch, and this dude's client just wouldn't take a plea. He was guilty as sin, and he had, this is about to get real gnarly, he had raped a little girl. And he wouldn't take a plea, and the dude's DNA was insider.

Yeah, yeah. And so, they were coming up with quote-unquote defenses that he could do, because he was going to have to go to trial. If your client won't take a plea, you have to go to trial, and then you have to be their lawyer. You have to put on a defense. You can't just be like, he wants me to do this guy, so I have to. You have to like prepare and pretend that this is a real thing.

So they were making these fake defenses and they were laughing about what they were doing. And then they looked over and he's like, and one of my friends said something like, yeah, Judge, you know, he was having consensual, marital missionary sex with his wife in the swimming pool, right? And he accidentally pulled out. He would never do that because that's a sin. You know, you can't. And it was like this long, elaborate thing as to have. And again, even telling it. Right.

Yeah. Right now. I'm feeling weird, but it was him explaining how DNA got inside this four-year-old. And then he's like, and we're all laughing because of the absurdity of what's happening, which is what is funny to us, how absurd it is that I even have a job to where this is what I have to do. And then he's like, we look over and I realize this lady was like, went to bite her sandwich, so she had it close to her mouth. And she was so, like, stopped in her tracks by what she was hearing out of context from us that the sandwich was touching her face.

like she had put it against her cheek and was just staring at us and then that's when I realized oh you know we can't act like this at all in public and it's fun we have way less of an excuse for it than like vets or those guys

or anything do but like as comics that shit happens to us like all the time too and but again we're just like that's just how comics are we don't have this like you know baked in like you don't understand we got a cut but like we do have an excuse it's just not as good of a one Our excuse is that we spend so much of our life making quote-unquote regular people laugh that we get numb to those jokes.

So to make each other laugh, it has to be insane. I mean, when we were shooting that big studio production thing I was in, we were in the back of a military vehicle and the director was just like, hey, James, you were actually in the military. Just do some jokes that you guys or just talk about stuff. What would you guys do while you're on this patrol or you're riding? I'm like, well, we probably make some stupid jokes. And she's like, tell us some of those jokes. I'm like, you don't want. No.

No. And then she's like, well, can you like dial it back to like a seven? And I'm like, okay. And she's, I told a couple jokes. And she's like, that's a seven. I'm like, mm-hmm. That's actually probably a six. Can you give me a three and a half?

I couldn't remember. Wait, tonight. I couldn't wait to hear those jokes from him like when he would come back home in between or whatever that was always like my favorite part you know was here and these because yeah they were pretty gnarly but that's not the world we live in now and we have to be more respectful well that's that is not the world we live in except that's because man we were talking about this last night talking about comedy with someone who's not a comedian is so much more nothing is driven home this feeling that i have had in the past now i completely believe that comics have to stop talking about

comedy because when you hear other people talking about you're like oh it's our fault we've been doing this on podcasts and blah, blah, blah, and responding to blogs about comedy and arguing with blogs about comedy. And now people think that's a part of the experience. And Jesus Christ is it ruining things. Yeah. James is actually, if I'm not mistaken, and I'm pretty sure I'm not, James was the first ever live and in-person laugh I saw someone get on a stage and I still remember it.

Like, they did a thread that runs so true. They did a, it was a high school play. I know, I worded that terribly. It's the first time I ever saw a person on a stage go for and receive a laugh from an audience, like in my life. And I still remember the exact, I remember the joke, the gag completely. It was this play the high schoolers were doing. We were in middle school. We went up there to watch it, watch them put the production on during the day.

And so it starts and it's this little like old-timey country schoolhouse, right? Where, you know, like one-room schoolhouse. One-room schoolhouse where like all the different grades are in the same room, you know. Like there's 20 kids and all different grades. So the opening scene is the teacher's calling out roll and it's like, you know, Jerry, you know, whatever. Grade six, here, grade five, here, you know, and what, grade three, here, that's happening. and then in the middle of that James with like overalls and like a straw hat

shirtless and overalls and straw hat looked like a huck finn like the later years a gigantic one comes like stomping up from the back of the auditorium like stomps all the way up through the crowd and up on the stage and through the door of the thing and goes guy Hawkins first grade and just killed just destroyed and I don't remember anything else about that, but I always remembered that because like...

It rules. Yeah, it was awesome. I was like, man, that was so... That was sweet. Yeah, and you go out, you know, I think even as a young person, you recognize the risk of trying to be funny. And just now, you said, uh, Huck Finn, and you said, giant Huck Finn. And my brain went, Huck, whole fish.

But then I was like, that joke's not worth interrupting. And then you're telling that story, and I'm like, that's weird. Like, going for the joke is... When you're a little kid, kind of a scary thing. Yeah, absolutely. But the first time you feel it, maybe it's something mostly only happens to performers. Yeah, yeah. And maybe it doesn't happen to quote unquote regular people.

But the first time it hits and a part of a performer's brain goes, well, that was worth the times it didn't hit. I will never stop doing that. Hey, you know what's exactly like that, Drew? Sports gambling. All right, guys, listen. So, it's a new season. Antonio Brown's on the Raiders, left bells with the gym. Odell Beckham is in Cleveland.

The one thing that hasn't changed, though, where I'm putting my money down on all the games. My Bucky is the place to bet on football every weekend. My Buckey has better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book, period. This year, they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest. First place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000 and it only costs $100 to enter. All you got to do is pick five NFL teams against the spread every week to climb the leaderboard and score your share of a huge

cash prize pool. And I would only recommend a service that's been good to me. I'm a gambler, especially a sports game. I'm laughably terrible at it, but I do enjoy doing it. And my bookie has got, they've got it figured out. You bet you win, they pay.

No problems, no issues. They have live in-game betting on every NFL game and the most rewarding player perks in the business. And for you fantasy guys out there, you can even bet the over-under on how many fantasy points a player will score each game. So here's what y'all need to do. Visit MyBooky online today.

That's M-Y-B-O-O-K-E. And don't forget to use the promo code, Well, W-E-L-L, when creating your account to claim the bonus. You do that. You can get up to $1,000 first deposit bonus and double your first deposit. So go there, promo code, Well, at My Bookie. Bet, win, get paid.

All right. Woo. Yeah. It's like that segue. It was great. How many of our listeners do you think the reddest ones when they said a handicapping contest? God damn, I'd crush it that. Maybe go get my bat. It's funny because I wanted to very much avoid. Thank you to my bookie for sponsoring the show. But I otherwise wanted to avoid football at all cost this week. I mean, this week on the podcast. Yeah, because of the balls. I thought you were going to say I wanted to avoid, and I do want to get this is also me deflecting the conversation.

you're now trying to make me have. I thought you were about to say that you wanted to avoid, you're happy they're sponsoring us, but you were kind of hoping to avoid sponsors like them because it's going to be such a fucking gay opening up. Like, you love to gamble, and you love to gamble on sports. Yeah. I would argue that other than drinking too much wine with Corey at 3 in the morning,

it's like, to me, like, that's where I go, well, that's, that's his vice. A destructive, my life, most destructive. Yeah, I guess, but the thing is, like, you keep it in control. I was about to say, I could get there, maybe. But, like, I do, I do very much enjoy it. But I've never even remotely gotten out of hand with gambling at all. Not at all. Not at all.

Because it's not just sports gambling. You know, I like to hit the tables. I love blackjack. But I'm always pretty good about, like, okay, I got $200 I'm going to play blackjack with. And when that's gone, then I'm just shit out of luck, you know. or that type of thing. Right. So I do love it, but I'm not, I never lost myself to me at all.

I don't think I've ever been, like, worried. That's not what I mean. I just mean it's your thing. It's your sin. Yeah. One of them. What's your sin, James? Well, you were just in Vegas.

Yeah. Yeah. So how'd that, do you gamble when you go to Vegas? Yeah. What do you do? What do you go there? I mean, I like to do, I like to play a blackjack. Although I do get intimidated by people, people who are good at it.

because I'm just kind of okay at it, you know. What's the intimidation? Either they're going to take your money or that you're going to ruin their game. I feel like I'm going to ruin their game. Well, they, I mean, there are some of those people who will act, you know, openly tell you that while you're sitting there. That pisses me off and then I won't get up. It pisses me off too because I actually, I know, I don't, I can't count cards, anything like that. But I do know, like, everything that the book says to do.

Like, every scenario I know what you're supposed to do. I do. So when I have a guy, when I do what you're supposed to do and it don't work out and it fucks this dude over and he's like, oh, thanks, you know, whatever. That infuriates me because I do know what I'm doing. But, yeah. I also, I like the slot machines because they're pretty lights and a lot of noises. And I try to pick, you know, I always try to do like the divining rod of slot machines. I just walk around to one that, like, like, Daly Parton one.

Yeah, yeah. I won like 350 off the Dalli Parton one and Harris. in New Orleans. I've seen Katie multiple times and like this is how gambling works. Yeah. Right. This is what gambling is because I've also seen her lose so much of mine and hour money on slot machines.

But like that thing you're talking about that divining rod thing, that's what she does too. She'll just like walk through it and she's just, you know, stop and like this one. And I've seen her do that and sit down and play it and win like 100, 200, 300, like I've seen that happen multiple times. I've also seen her do it and not shit happens, of course. Like, I don't know. This is what I do with auditions, too. Like, I'm like, this one is going to make it. And then it doesn't.

And then it doesn't. Yeah. So auditions are very much like slot machines for me in that way. If that, in that, like, if they never returned anything at all. I do that with crowds, but the opposite. I'm like, and this is the crowd that's finally going to end it for me. I have so much respect for you guys doing the stand-up. I, you know, try a little bit of it when I was stationed in D.C. And...

Good town for it. Yeah. Well, Red Comedy will be there. In, I don't even remember December. I don't remember it for sure. February. Later this year. It's fast.

I love that town. Great stand-up. But like when Trey used to come out here and ride on my couch and go do stand-up, I couldn't have been more proud. And I was just like, hell yeah. Being someone who like was like, we understand. And Trey and I feel like we understand. We're from the same time, but we also had government jobs that were pretty secure.

Oh, yeah. I could have stayed. I was my last year in the Marines, I was also working in the CIA. I wasn't doing anything cool, though. Wasn't a, like, a super spy or anything like that. But, like, I had a, I could have stayed in the Marines, or I could have taken my full-time job with the agency. And I was like, nope, I'm going to go pursue acting in Hollywood,

because that sounds like a, like a solid idea. Sure bet. Right? Yeah, but, like, I do. How old were you? I was 28, 2029, yeah. And you had a little bit of money? No.

But I didn't save any. I didn't have any debt, though. That's important. I didn't have, I, I, uh, you were in military shape. Military shape. You had a motorcycle. Had a motorcycle. And some things.

And a pickup truck. And, uh, yeah, I thought, you know, I was swinging here and, you know, just jump right into the Hollywood thing and be an actor and stuff. And, but like, but you did. Oh, I did. By any practical measure of it, you did. It just wasn't the way you thought it was going to go. And I am a working actor in the sense that, like, on my tax return, in tax returns, it says, you know, I'm an actor or a performer or whatever it is. is um but it uh i'm sometimes like man i wish i was like really good at you know accounting or

something you know but i ask him i used to get drunk and talk and say versions of that all the time at parties to get together and stuff like i didn't want to right yeah not yeah not i wish i was like good at the county it was always like i would be like this thing that i have inside of me that makes me like need to do this, to do comedy, to do, you know, be creative, like that, whatever that is inside of me that makes me need that. I would give anything to just choke the life out of it forever right now. Like if I just didn't have it, I used to, I never felt that way. I sincerely meant that. Like, yeah. Because I have, the thing is, there's a lot of creative people, we've talked about this one before, but it's been a while. A lot of creative people have this attitude about, you know,

regular people, like suburban life, you know, all that whole thing. That it's like, God, can you imagine? You know, it's like, they're all dead inside. Who wants to live that way or whatever? Plenty of those people are. I also knew plenty of other people who live that life and genuinely are great. No, they're totally happy and content and are fine. And I knew those people back then, and I used to be so sincerely jealous of them.

I was just like, God, I wish I could feel that way. Happy? Sure. Yeah. Well, right. But I thought that it was, that was the reason for me. Do you know what I mean? I've never thought that.

Well, some people... Not even for a minute. I feel like some people, like, it's their addiction. That level of security and comfort and, like, stability. I have some of that in me, and I wish I didn't. But, like, also, like, I wish that, you know, needing attention wasn't, like, my crack. Like, I want, you know, I love being a performer. I love pushing myself in these uncomfortable places and, and, I don't know, making people smile or laugh.

or cry or whatever just make them feel something you know a little escape from their life and that's where I get that kind of reward from right but you sometimes lament that you have that inside you uh yeah I mean just because like I'm like the reason this is so I guess not surprising necessarily like the reason my brain's kind of going what right now is because and he can tell you this with 100% certainty and knowledge I stay hating myself And things about myself. Like the incredible Hulk. And wishing things about myself were different.

Yeah. This is, and I don't think, has ever been one of them. Oh, yeah. Like, there's a little bit of something that's tied to it where I'm like, I wish I didn't have such a huge ego because it gets me in trouble. And that's sort of related to wanting to be a performer and wanting people, wanting to move people, I think. But no, I've never felt bad about wanting to make people laugh.

It's like, I've never felt bad about wanting to do it. I've never felt, I've never, like what you were talking about, I know that it's going to cause me problems to move to L.A. and put all this on the line and not just be happy being a lawyer, but I just never wished it away. I actually wished the other stuff away where it was like I wish, because I couldn't be one of those people, and you and I have this in coming, Trey,

I could never be like the starving artist. Yeah, yeah, right. And I often wished I could do that. I was never going to be able to move to New York at 18 because I didn't have a parents who could pay the bills, and I needed to set myself up with some, and that was the part of I wanted to choke the life out of. No, the fact that you were a lawyer first is,

I mean, like, my, I think my, like, hesitations was I felt very selfish. And I, you know, I imagine being a lawyer where you were helping people and, um, defending people. You get that kind of reward. Uh, you know, leaving the Marine Corps, leaving, um, guys who I knew were going to go back to more tours in Iraq or Afghanistan. Um, I felt very selfish to pursue my own dream. but also my last two years in the Marines, I was up at Walter Reed and Bethesda Naval Hospitals working with these injury guys coming back,

and they were running like marathons and triathlons on like no legs or whatever, you know. And they're like, hey, Sergeant Bain, what do you want to do when you get out? And I'm like, I don't know. I want to be an actor, but I don't know if I can do that. And I remember saying that to these, like, a kid with no legs who runs marathons, right?

And actually, his name was Walker, and he's from Knoxville, Tennessee. Walter Knoxville Ranger. Yeah. But it was just like The kid with no legs who ran marathons And he was Walker Yeah yeah

It's phenomenal But like you know It's easy I met these phenomenal Guys who were overcoming these great obstacles And they were doing You know Marathons

Like rock-com All kinds of crazy shit And I'm like Of course why can I go do that And they're like you've already done your time man You don't owe anything anyone I mean I think that's you know People talk about

You know that's a scene And that's a scene and dogball Yeah Where he's walking away from it all at the end And runs into Lance Armstrong Which hasn't aged all that well this thing. But like, I remember when I got the cancer in my lungs, liver, brain, you know, this whole thing. They gave me a 2% chance to live. I also thought about giving up.

He's like, so, so what are you dying from that's making you quit your dream, you know? Like depression. That's what I'm done. Right. That's a real thing. But yeah. I had all that too. With one of the best savings rates in America, banking with Capital One is the easiest decision in the history of decisions. Even easier than choosing slash to be in your band. Next up for lead guitar. You're in. Cool. Yep, even easier than that. And with no fees or minimums on checking and savings

accounts, is it even a decision? That's banking reimagined. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See Capital One.com slash bank for details. Capital One and a member FDIC. I guess what I'm saying is I did feel bad about it. Like I had some, I've talked to my buddy Russell. I think we've talked about in the podcast. He's a, the public defender in New Orleans and also a great drunk and uh what I mean by that is a fun drunk but um I love it yeah I had that guilt and stuff too but what I'm saying is I never because of that guilt wished I didn't want to go I like I wish I didn't have this guilt I wish that part of me would yeah yeah yeah no I mean like I'm here right so like you know and I it is there was times I'd rather

had been back in Iraq than, you know, exposing yourself. That's how shitty Hollywood is sometimes, guys. You heard it here first. James Bain, on the ride. I wish sometimes I was back in fucking Iraq. Well, it's simple there.

Like, it's like, you don't worry about pain bills. You don't worry about, like, drama. It's like, don't die, right? And make sure your buddy doesn't die. Like, it really is that simple. There's no, like, oh, what you do today, honey? Right. What's going on? Why don't you spend?

You know, or like, hey, man, we need to do. do this we need this this and you're like there it's just like hey man like hey keep the bad guy over there you know and you also have that role and you know what that role is and you know what's important yeah yeah i have a friend that i played college high school football with and he talked about losing the sense of identity was the hardest thing when he got discharged he got medically discharged and he was talking about losing that sense of like well yeah something to do he's like my job feels pointless and worthless whereas that job felt really important well yeah the government like spends a lot of money to make you part of this team and

and they do a really good job in whichever branch you're in I'm biased to the Marines but like they make you feel like you are you know king king turd on shit hill right you're like the hot like you could do anything and you're part of this team and you're supposed to be a part of this team what word would you use for that and I'm not I say that I'm just curious what it's I've heard like super lefty people that's brainwashing I've heard other people call it programming

and then I've heard other people be like no that's just how you build a team. I mean, you think about sports or anything. Like, what do you do to build your team? You put them through some crap drills, work them like dogs, until they have to rely on each other to get through everything. And you become part of a team. And it is, there's a, I don't know, there's amazing the camarader.

Like when, like, when my dad passed, like, nine years ago, and I was out here in California, I went back to Salina. I had guys from my first tour, which had been, like, at that time, like, 8, 2004. So, like, seven years later, guys I hadn't seen and talked to who lived in anywhere besides, aside from this line in Tennessee, like, people from Ohio and Pennsylvania, they showed up. You know, my old platoon sergeant, you know, these guys that, like, I spent, you know, months in a third world country with, you know, that are still my brothers regardless if we talk and stuff. And so I'll never lose that. So my best friend in the world, he was, uh, we weren't in, in Iraq at the same time, but like we're both Marines and it, it's a connection that I'll never forget.

But also, uh, the guys who I'm actually still, you know, pretty close with, we're all probably in the agreements with like wars the dumbest fucking thing ever. And like, uh, as part of me, it feels like, you know, I got sold to bill of goods and all that stuff. I'm not, I don't regret serving my country. I think growing up in the South, um, and very religious. stuff like sir like that there's a as much as arguments i have with religion the the the ability to to look at the bigger picture in the greater good and help people out even if it even if it's like

giving your own shirt off your back like i think that is something great and positive for humanity to help other people when it down now controlling them and making them hate themselves for masturbating it's different you know yeah so brainwashing we agree you're brainwashed you're brainwashed Yeah Well you were talking about religion and I was thinking about I guess the parallels I don't know if parallels is a completely appropriate word Because at least not in our country currently

Religion isn't life or death Yeah But the idea that there's something bigger than you Yeah yeah I think we all crave that Yeah yeah Which almost on an anthropological or academic level you have to go, then that's natural.

Like, whether it's positive or negative, neutrally, we can say if most people are craving to be a part of something bigger than them, then that's how humans are. So what do we do with that desire? And, like, what you were saying is, how about service instead of beating people for masturbating? But then with the military, I can't remember thinking, well, how about not murder brown people? I don't know. Like, on the religion thing, I want to ask, like, a lighthearted question,

but it's also going to be uncomfortable, but it applies to both of you. I don't think we've ever talked about this on here explicitly. His name was Father Don. I was 10 years old. Both of you guys, I didn't know Drew at the time, but I've since come to find out enough about him at the time to put this together. You, I knew at the time. Both of you guys, like in high school or like that, you know, 17, 18, 19, 20-year-old range right around in there. you're both like super popular good-looking athletes in like small towns like big you're both you're both like big shit right no no okay you thought i was good looking here's the thing both should have been just absolutely from all the rest of our perspectives just absolutely just crushing it with the ladies and you both pretty much wasted it right because pretty much wasted it and threw it away

And I want to know You fucking blew it, Morgan. What are you thinking? On behalf of all the other fat dorks out there, I want you to explain yourself. Listen, listen, listen, this is going to be a lighthearted but maybe uncomfortable. What the fuck were you thinking, man? You got how hard he was? Trey's over here.

I had to grow a line beard just to get my dick sucked in college. I did. Okay, listen. I mean, I did the, I was, I had a mask of goodness. I didn't have sex, but you know, I would fool around and stuff. Sure, I played that game. Because I felt like I could get forgiveness from God for that, but like going all the way, you know. And I was also like saving myself for marriage.

It's like just the tip. It was just the mouth. Yeah. And it was funny, the fear of going to war was what, like, I was 20, yeah, 23 before I lost my virginity. And it was like about to go on my first tour. Right. And I was like, I'm the good religious guy. I'm definitely one of the first people who die in the world.

war movie, right? Right? Yeah, absolutely. Fucking small town here. Dude, that's hilarious. So I'm like, how do I come home save? I'm like, but then I had sex for the first time. I'm like, I've been, you know,

wait, I'm not a misinterpreted that. We need to back up and make sure I understood what the fuck you just said. I thought you were saying, I was certain I was going to die, so I was like, ah, might as well have a sex. Are you saying a part of you had sex because you thought that would save you? Yeah, probably. Because the virgin dies at war, right? Not the bad guy.

Yeah. He turned his something to a bad boy to make it through my fucking man you know like you can't beat them join them right yeah um but no like it's it's it's all kinds of conflict and all kinds of stuff um yeah i don't you know it's so my story's like slightly different which is i mean i lost my virginity at 14 who was he uh billy uh but convinced myself that it was okay or somewhat okay or felt okay about it because we were in a committed relationship and I was like I'm gonna marry this girl which what a stupid fucking thought almost as dumb as believing sex is a sin right and um so that was like when we broke up I did the game you were

talking about you know where and I don't you know I'm not exactly sure what your question is Trey it was it was yeah and I'm you know I'm half-ass joking but I mean I ain't well listen I talk to kids now and very fortunate I get to go. We talk to like a couple different high schools here in L.A. When they talk about like, well, like books like Catch 22 or what's

Slaughterhouse 5. Yeah. I love that because he's writing about true That's my guy. He, I love how he like he gets trapped in a cage with a prostit with a porn star and all but he's trying to make sense of war and it doesn't make sense and he just writes this amazing crazy book about it. But I tell you

kids I'm like listen I know you want to do this and that and the other and I was not drinking and not having sex out of fear that God would come down or my grandma as a weapon of God would pop out of some place and murder me for looking at booed my all weapons no titties right but I talk to these kids I'm like there is something to there was there's a lot of benefits to I didn't do drugs I didn't drink I didn't do other stuff in my adolescence so now and then I got in the military where they drug tests and stuff like it. So I didn't really, I did drink and it did start having sex. But it was still like I couldn't do it when I was in Iraq. So there's nine months of

moderation. I'm still battling with my idea of like my identity with religion and all that stuff. And so there was times of absence on like that I inflicted on myself even in my mid-20s. And I got out here and I started really having that transformation and going, you know, and with myself and going from being a religious bound to logic bound to like a balance of both. And now I'm just like, I don't know what's up, but I can see when people are being manipulated, whether it's by your religion or by your government or by your society or whatever. But I tell these kids, I'm like, now I can do drugs and drink and do whatever I want because I, I've lived a little bit of life first and was balanced.

like and abstained early on. Right. And like, and now I'm like, you can do it responsibly. And like, you're like, oh, wait, if I screw up now I'm going to have, and my parents are going to help. I'm too old for anyone else to help me, you know, so. Okay. On that note, though, is kind of right.

Yeah. Okay. On that note, though, because I, you know, and I didn't, I didn't have that even remotely that same experience that you had. But I've just, I've always felt like, and I, case by case basis, everybody's different. But I've always felt like a lot of times it works almost the opposite. it. Meaning like, I'm not going to name any names. You would know the guy. Nobody else would, but I'm still not going to name his name. But when I was in high school, there was a guy that was this like, uh, yeah, star student, you know, type guy that's full scholarship to Vanderbilt. So he was a few years older than me. He got full scholarship to Vanderbilt and all that. But he also, uh, his parents, right, were that, I'm sure Jesus was part of it, but it wasn't, it didn't seem to be so much that. It's just they were like super, super strict about all that type of stuff, wouldn't even hardly let him like, go out and do anything, like even go to football games and stuff.

Like, he was extremely sheltered and very, very smart and a great student. And then got to college and, you know, about lost his goddamn mind. You know what I mean? Like, just on all the things that hit for 19 and 20-year-olds, but he had no, like... Rap music, pussy, and beer. But so I feel like a lot of times that type of thing, you know, ends up backfiring. Because, like, I've always felt like there's something to that, like, so in your wild. Oats idea. Like I've always

kind of bought into that to an extent. Rum Springer. Right. Yeah. And so like you kind of got to get that out, I feel like. And I think a lot of times people that are in that position, whether by choice or not, where they're like that full abstinence, that chast life as a young person and then finally

you know, do move away from a little bit older that they just fucking they go balls out like too far and it gets ugly. In retrospect, it wasn't. It was some sort of indoctrination. It was part of the culture that I was in. But I felt like at the time, and this was really important, that I was choosing all of this.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My parents weren't overly, like, my mom wouldn't let me to go on specific camp out hangout sometimes because she knew that what friends groups I was going with were just going to get hammered drunk and she was very nervous about that because my brother was an addict. My father was an ex-alcoholic. But other than that, like my dad being an ex-alcoholic, even though he was a preacher, he knew better. Like he knew better than to come down super hard on me Because it wouldn't work A and B, he was probably some part of him

I was smart But knew that I would be like, really? Because like five years ago You were hung over on the couch Making me go to church Just because you didn't want anyone in the house That morning Right.

Which in retrospect is so goddamn funny You gotta go to church Because I got a fucking headache I think one of my big benefits Was that I had in this amazing mother Who was loving and understanding And like Angel of a woman

It's, it's incredible. Like, I don't know. I won, like, you know, I know everybody loves their moms. Yeah, maybe. Oh, Barb. Yeah. Nashville? Yeah, she's, oh, yeah, Barb's coming out before.

Yeah, and she's amazing. And, uh, and her parents were the, like, lived on our property, or lived, we had, like, three acres and they lived on one side of the property. And there were the really religious and loving and caring, the stricter side. So it was like, um, I had a balance, you know, like, my mom and dad were, like, hippies. I have a picture of their, like, 70s van. they had a mural painting on the side and when they got married and stuff.

And I'm pretty sure I was made in that van down by DeHalla Lake. There you go. Hell yeah. Yeah. So, um, hell yes. But like it's having like that strict, I don't know, like, not bubble, but had this strict like, uh, presence near me, but I didn't live with them.

But they made sure I go to church every Sunday. and I always tried to do things that wouldn't make them sad. So you felt like you were choosing it. Yeah. Even if it was their presence that was making you make those choices, it wasn't like, in your mind at least you were like, I am choosing to live this way, to honor them or whatever. But also knew I had no matter what, my mom would be like understanding and forgiving.

Mine too. And so that's like I understand how fortunate I am. There's so many people that don't have, I don't know, that amazing of a parental unit and very, fortunate for that not that my dad wasn't great either it's just my mom still is like I I still look at her and I'm like how can you be so I'd like she smiles and laughs like she's a seven-year-old all the time like she you know and she went to Vandy she's not like you know she's a smart lady and like but just fun and loves life and is happy and

proud of equally proud of my brother and me which if I was picking sides I'd definitely be on Jason's side as a parent like the son like speaking of me I'm like that guy He's a crazy Marine War vet, and now he thinks he's an actor and he's, you know, wearing tights and dancing around. And here this guy is actually, you know, making science and has like a beautiful mine notebook. One of my sons is a scientist, and the other one says things like making science. Exactly. Yeah, no, Barb is a straight up angel. She was like, you know, a second mom, or really first mom, honestly, for a lot of my childhood.

I remember meeting her. She was very, like, compliment. She seemed to, you know. I think she said, you remind me of my oldest. And I was like, I know you're oldest. Yeah. Yeah. This is a hard left turn, but I wanted to get to it because we got only about 10 minutes left.

I don't know where else it's going to come up. I don't know where else it's going to come up. But we mentioned you a bit in Vegas. One thing I want to hear a little bit about, and I understand, like, you weren't there. Yeah. But your girlfriend, Jennifer, who is also from Salina, I've known. She's actually my sister Paige, who the listeners are familiar with. Jennifer was part of Paige's group.

I don't like it when they do me on the podcast, Tray. I don't talk like that, Bubby. Here we go. Every goddamn time. Jennifer was part of that group of girl. I've known Jennifer, like, basically her entire life. She's country as hell, very Salina E. Lives out here with you, though, now and has for a while.

I adore Jennifer. She was with you in Vegas. And she, while she was there, went to the Thunder Down Under Thunder Down Under Yeah for one of a Another Slina lady's

Uh birthday 30th birthday Yeah That's nice Nice ACDC Yeah Were there other

What day Was this person's birthday? I don't know Is it Sunday? I don't know if it was actually Your actual birthday But happy birthday by the way But they went to Thunder Down Under

And they said it was amazing The guys don't get naked But they like To use a salina word they hunch on you a lot hunching yeah a lot of hunching yeah yeah I think it was before me I never said hunching did they have semi boners when they hunch on you

one of the girls said she could feel the package on the back but it was also the black guys I don't know if it was just that big naturally probably aren't they supposed to be Australian like in because it's thunder down under like it I'm just the answer probably the rest of them don't talk right they better not god damn but like ostensibly they're all Aussies or something is like part of it.

Maybe there's a lot of didgerie doos in the background. Stripping to didgeriddoos. Right? But you know, Jennifer. Derek. Jennifer, she'd never been to one of those before, so she said, you know. It's got to be entertaining. It's in Vegas.

Yeah, why not? It's like got to be the best of those kinds of things. You would think. Andy went to maybe a touring version of that, but I think a lesser thing in Knoxville for our friend Serena's birthday. and she had a blast. Yeah. I mean, they do, like, they do, like, the way they described there's, like, this

kind of, like, a boy band dance routines, like four of those, and then they bring, like, the girl up. I know we're quote-unquote all the same. It's so fun to me that a strip club for women has to have deep storylines, beginning, middle, and end, the back story. Yeah, right? But, like, and then they bring someone up, and then, like, they'll, like, grind on them, and, like, one girl said, like, the bitter nipples and stuff through a dress.

kind of thing. They're like all up on them. And I guess, I mean, you probably have to sign a waiver or something before you go in nowadays. But yeah, it's, you know, they seem to have a blast. They were there for a while. And then they went to a class. I just walked around and watched watch some football. It's just kind of sad.

Yeah, you watch a certain game. Yeah. And then, you know, gambled a little bit, didn't really win that much money. And then we all met back up and had some more drinks. And then that was, I mean, it was a really quick Vegas trip, but, you know. I like to do drugs. much Cirque de Soleil when I'm there. Mild drugs usually. One time I did some mushrooms, and it was fine.

I want to do that. Just a little bit. Yeah, that'd be fun. I mean, Vegas is a lot on mushrooms, though. That's the problem. Cirque de Soleil rules on mushrooms. It's a lot, regardless. And then you walk out.

Yeah. And one of the things mushroom does for me is it sort of gets rid of any pretense. My brain builds up. And suddenly I'm like, oh, we're all sad here. Yeah. I've never, I've never done mushrooms. I did, I've done LSD, which is my, like, I thought I could understand space and time. Yeah, yeah.

I should have called my brother. Definitely the same parts of the brain, you know. It's like uppers aren't the same, but they're both uppers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're both hallucinogens. Yeah. Trey and I, microdosed mushrooms on my birthday towards the end of the evening with our friend Carmen, friend of the podcast, and a friend Travis Irvine, who's also been on the podcast.

Travis' didn't kick in until later that night. He was texting me at like six in the morning when I was asleep, like, you know, all his surfer boy emojis. I don't think Carmen was affected while he shouldn't seem. You and I, though, it started out. I was wondering if we were going to talk about this. Why not? I mean, I'm totally down for it. We were at, we were at, we would do this karaoke place because they have live being karaoke on Sundays,

but the band had quit because we got their super late. Oh, okay. I was like, quit in general or? No, no, no. And we got in and this black guy singing in Papa Roach. No, no, it was a, it was a girl. It was a black girl. That's right.

Who in Papa Roach. Which, you know, you're like, okay, whatever. And then the next song, right? Or was there one in between? I can't remember. I just remember. And actually, when we first got there, the band had left, and they had. hadn't restarted yet. And I had, and I had the thought looking around. And I was, I was excited about

this was a positive thought that I had, but I still had the thought looking around before they restarted the karaoke, that it was like, at that time, like 80% black to white ratio in there. And like, I'm sure it's because of where I'm from and where I've mostly always lived, and that's the only thing. And also, I know karaoke was invented in Asia, a big Asian thing. karaoke's always seemed like a super super like white thing to me like you know what I mean like I've done karaoke countless times in Tennessee and it's always a shitload of white people and so we're in we first get in there and look around and I notice like I said it's like 80% black and I was like I've never been to a black karaoke bar before this is about this is about to be rad as fuck and it was but then the very first song was that chick doing fucking last resort pieces hey maybe she can relate to it I don't know sure But it was just, but then, I forgot where the second song was. Phil Collins. Ooh.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, I love this song. And, uh. So, Trey and I start, you know, he's like, man, it's kind of wild. Or just only doing, you know, white songs. Like, it's not what I expected. And Carmen's like, because it's loud there. Carmen's like, huh?

And so then we start screaming, it's just kind of cool. It's wild how they're only doing white songs. I mean, it's super rad. And I'm, and I've got on, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, American flag sunglasses that I stole from Travis. I'm out of my mind drunk and I'm mushroom dancing. I'm like, it is fucking cool, man.

They're hitting so hard. I love this shit. And Carmen is laughing. And I'm like, I don't know. Why is she laugh? What is so funny? And at some point,

Andy's like, y'all are screaming how much you love black people and how they hit harder than white people. And I'm like, what they do? Right. Yeah. And I mean,

you know, hell, that's fine. Maybe we should give more people mushrooms. We do, yeah, I think just generally speaking, we should. But we, like, we do that when we're not even fucked up, man.

Like, end up yelling, like, in a bar or restaurant at lunchtime. Yeah. The first time Andy experienced it. We'll just find ourselves to be screaming at each other. The tour changed us or made us, like, such a inside baseball all the time group. Right. That we, like, failed, we've started or we've stopped realizing there are other people in the world. And the first time Andy saw it, we were in Knoxville, we were in that burger bar.

they had a burger with peanut butter and banana on it. It was called Elvis. It has a bunch of different burgers. And it was fine. Corey was, I think it was Corey was disappointed in it. Not that it was bad, but it wasn't as good as he wanted.

And then he just started talking about how wild Elvis was. And then they start screaming about Elvis doing pills, dying on the toilet. And Andy is like mouth the gate, kind of like earlier in the story I was telling. Just like looking like, and I'm like, what? And she's like, look around.

And every, we're in Knoxville. And Corey and Trey are screaming profanities talking about pills and Elvis dying on the ship. and everyone's, you know, like being farragut-e, you know what I mean? Huge farragutty. Huge farragut's, man. Furn there that day. Fucking Philistines.

All right. Well, hey, James, tell us, you mentioned briefly that earlier your online stuff, but, like, tell people about what, you know. Oh, if you want to see. Anything you got to plug. Yeah, if you want to see some of the silly shit I do, this is a great show called the Weekly Sit Rep. You can find it on Facebook on the All-Warier Network. Yeah. I write and host this.

It's like a military satire. It's like five minutes long. I do a couple topics and then do a sketch about it. And then, yeah, follow me on the Instagram, maws at James at James Bain, B-A-N-E, like the Batman. Yeah. I was trying to find it. Have you seen the video of you rubbing my bare body after Andy rips my shirt off at karaoke?

No, I knew that was. You do remember doing that? I remember that and know that that was happening and everything. I've never been more acutely aware than when watching that video of just how giant your hands are. Yeah, you do have giant hands. You fit over the whole basketball belly. You covered it up. I mean, I should have you rub my chest all the time to make me look a little bit more sleek.

You know what I mean? Maybe they should do that, you know, forced perspective kind of thing. I mean, I don't want you to ever touch my penis, though, to make it look so small. I don't want to look at myself when I touch my penis. because my hands are so... I tell people a lot of them. I'm like... Oh.

It's not small. It just looks small on me because I'm so big. I give the worst hand jobs, dude. Guys hate it. They hate it because my hands are so big. It looks tiny. You know, save about guys with big hands.

Yeah. Big gloves. That's right. Yeah. All right. Well, Mr. James Bayne, everybody. Thank you guys for having me. This amazing.

Oh, man. You're lost, Corey, man. This is fun. Absolutely. All right. Well, we'll see y'all next time. Skew. Ski.

There it is. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night, and skew.