wellRED podcast - #137 - Crystal Skulls and Shitty Hotel Stories or (Mercy Mercy Fart On Me) w/DJ LEWIS!!

Episode Date: October 2, 2019

In this episode the boys discuss Crystal Skulls, Sturgill Simpson's new anime project, how certain movies age, and Corey and Drew swap stories about shitty hotel experience!wellredcomedy.com for tick...ets to see us LIVEShinesty.com/RED for your first pair of subscription BALL HAMMOCK BOXERS for only 5 BUCKS!!

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
Starting point is 00:00:19 It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?
Starting point is 00:00:42 Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app
Starting point is 00:01:02 that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,
Starting point is 00:01:21 including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different
Starting point is 00:01:49 language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,
Starting point is 00:02:08 lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for?
Starting point is 00:02:30 Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.
Starting point is 00:02:46 If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. With your choice of select sandwich nugs, fries, and a drink, Wendy's $5 biggie bag is your go-to.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Your nugget wingman. You're hot and crispy fry co-pilot. Just like us. We're like the bag boys. What? Bag boys, bag boys. What you're going to do? What you're going to do when we bring your food.
Starting point is 00:03:29 For a deal you can count on. Bet on Biggie and choose wisely. Choose Wendy's. Bag boys, bag boys. U.S. price and participation may vary. Includes choice of double-stacked J-B-C-B-Chygek or Krispy Chicken Sandwich with four-piece nugs, junior fry and small soft drink. Third-party delivery pricing may be higher. What's up, everybody.
Starting point is 00:03:46 It's your boy the show. Corey Ryan Forster, well-read comedy.com. W-E-L-L-R-E-D-com. That's where you can find out where we're going to be on the remainder of our 2019. tour. We just got back from Lexington, Kentucky. And as always, I cannot say enough good things about Jordan and the crew there at Comedy Off Broadway. It was a tremendous weekend. We were taken care of in every way possible. We even got homemade banana bread from Teresa, one of the managers there. And, you know, that's not even to mention the crowds. Y'all were absolutely
Starting point is 00:04:21 fantastic. Thank you for coming and making Lexington, excuse me, making Lexington, Kentucky feel like a home away from home in a sense for us. Obviously, you knew we loved it because we recorded our album there, but this weekend is the first time we've been back since our album, and y'all showed out, and I hope you enjoyed the new material. On next week, October 4th, San Antonio, Texas, then on to Dallas, Texas, then Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Phoenix, Arizona, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina, Denver, Colorado.
Starting point is 00:04:53 And then we will be finishing the year rounding out this 2019 tour. at the best comedy club in the country. It's Zanies in Nashville. That is December 19th through the 22nd. Those shows always sell out. Do not wait on your tickets. It's going to be a blast. Those are our homecoming shows.
Starting point is 00:05:12 All our buddies come out, and it's just a... It's great. It's a controlled chaos shit show. We always do a great job during the shows, but then afterwards it gets a little insane, and it's always super fun. Then we get to rest for about a month or so. This podcast,
Starting point is 00:05:27 portion, the portion of the podcast, the dates, that is, is as always brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokeyboysgrilling.com and get all the rubs for all you meats. Also, carvevodka.com. Go to carvevvodka.com and check out what everyone's saying about Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery. Carvodka.com, carve your own path. You silly. But, um, this week. Um, this week. week, we are just super thrilled to be joined once again this year by none other than DJ Lewis, our absolute most popular guests, our most requested guest. And I'll be honest with you. I think we're spoiling you guys a little bit. We've had him with us a bunch this year
Starting point is 00:06:13 and hope to have him a couple more times before December. I'm sure he'll be coming out with us and, or, you know, I'll just call him over to the house and we'll shoot the shit and we'll throw out a bonus episode. Anyways, enjoy this episode and come out and see us on the and also check out Trey's new series on Facebook. He's doing watchalongs on Fox News. So go check that out and watch his head explode while he tries to watch Sean Hannity and not throw shit against his wall. Anyways, love you.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Scoo! They're the... They're the... They're all red necks. They like cornbread, but sex, they care. Way too much, but don't give a fuck. Next that makes some people upset, but they got... Three big old dicks that you can suck.
Starting point is 00:07:08 Mercy, mercy, it fart on me. That's the way that love should be. Baby, you're the only one I see. So mercy, mercy, fart on me. Shee. That's art. Are we on?
Starting point is 00:07:27 We're on. We're going? How we're going? Here we are. Well. Hey, you. Crystal Skulls. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:39 Worst Indiana Jones movie. Right. Yeah. Fuck that movie. I'm talking about the concept. The items. The girl you went to school with. Crystal Skulls.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody need to do that if y'all ain't done that out there in the derby world. I don't know if y'all. God, we need to get some Derby Girl fans. Man. It would be hitting. Super hard. They hit for you?
Starting point is 00:08:02 Yeah, man. I know a lot of those. those girls down there yeah yeah I know a lot of them down there Andy always wanted derby but she's afraid she'll fuck up her face Drey did for a while she derbyed for a while and fucked her fucked her knee up really we used to them derby girls used to come to the comedy that's how she met were they were they fun oh fuck yeah they were fun god they seemed like softball players who were in a metal music that's
Starting point is 00:08:23 that's pretty accurate yeah that's pretty accurate and softball girls in college were the most fun yeah they hit they had Thor and all that mad yeah I remember them girls Chatanooga Derby. That's what you don't know about crystal skulls? Yeah, I know about them. Like they're supposed to be the, now. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Okay. Were they made by the aliens? Right. Are they actually alien skulls? Do they, I mean... Now, the ones I'm talking about are the ones that are like... The story goes. In the 1800s, people kept digging up all these crystal skulls.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Right. Meso American, like ancient, Meso American artifacts, but in different parts of the world. Right. So it's like, it was this big thing. So it's like, oh, where, you know, what's this, the origin of these, all these different cultures all over the world. Created these crystal skulls that are very like intricate and all that, you know. But.
Starting point is 00:09:22 I'm sorry, I need, and some other people in mind, are you telling me there was very intricate crystal skulls from who, from back in the day found in very different parts of the world? Yes. But it has basically been, for the most part, found to be like a hoax. Like they were made by people at the time and it was all bullshit. But there are plenty of people like conspiracy theory type people still today who think there's more going on with the crystal skulls. And I heard about this and it just seemed like something you might have some thoughts on. You know what? That kind of thing right there, I remember hearing it and I remember seeing it after seeing it in Indiana Jones.
Starting point is 00:10:03 and being like, what the fuck? And maybe we probably seen it on ancient aliens or something like that. But I remember it being one of those things where it was like, I don't really know where it fits in with my beliefs. So you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what this does for me. It's like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Like, oh, okay. Hey, DJ. Yeah. I think maybe hold your mic up here. I think it's coming up. Oh, okay. Sorry. It's not your fault.
Starting point is 00:10:29 That mic's shitty. All right. It ain't my fault. My city Yeah, yeah Ain't my fault These ancient cities We were talking about aliens
Starting point is 00:10:42 Recently You were there Yeah And we talk about aliens and stuff And it was cracking me up Because So old boy from Blink 1182 calmed along
Starting point is 00:10:54 Big conspiracy alien guy for a while Uh huh He had a thing recently Where he like Was he the one that released These videos somehow or something? He released him from how. He, he, like, made him famous, man.
Starting point is 00:11:07 He infiltrated the Navy. Somebody sent those to him. Somebody within the Navy who knew he was in that shit. I bet sent him to him. And he put him out in there, like, videos of UFOs. And then what happened was the Navy itself came out and acknowledged, like, yeah, those are UFOs. We don't have an explanation for that. This is all true what this guy is saying.
Starting point is 00:11:28 Yeah. And we were talking about, like, I said, do you think that he's, like, super vindicated by that? or do you think that he's like, yeah, well, no goddamn shit. I've been saying it for years. And what you said, which cracked me up was you're like, you're like, how'd you put it? You're like, well, no, he's all stalled credibility now because the government agrees with it. Once the government says, yeah, that's what it is.
Starting point is 00:11:48 You know what I'm saying? And that ain't what it is. That can't be what it is because the government said it. So they got him. Is that? They got him because now he's just sitting at home like, man, maybe the truth isn't out there. Yeah, just turning us, I want to believe poster off the world. I no longer want to believe.
Starting point is 00:12:00 Yeah, yeah. I don't believe. Is that why you don't believe? you don't believe in Crystal Skulls because you saw an Indiana Jones and it's once it enters the pop culture lexicon you're just like fuck this shit it's not pop culture it's right it's when the government acknowledges something Hollywood is the government right DJ I mean I would say that the government I'm with it you know it's probably in our minds it is law is in our minds
Starting point is 00:12:30 law I mean yeah law Corey got very worried about hotel law The hotel law was after. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I did. The hotel law. Yeah, we were on a, you know, a completely different plane at that moment. And by the way, the hotel law did come knock on the door.
Starting point is 00:12:43 I know. It didn't hit. I've had trouble with Hotel law in the past. If you've listened to the Mason, your butthole episode, which DJ was also on. You did the same exact thing to this hotel law that you did that one. No, no, no. I wasn't. He closed the door.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Well, he, okay, it was nicer. No, no, no, I literally said, I'm sorry. And he just goes, and I go like that. It was fine. That was fine. The other thing, Corey told him. get the fuck out of his face. And for the record, he goddamn deserved it.
Starting point is 00:13:08 I agree. So, yes, no, that was very different. I'm going to ask you all question. Okay. Especially you, DJ. I got you. Your inner monologue, right? Everybody's got one, I guess.
Starting point is 00:13:20 What does it sound like? Huh. Better than me. Okay, does it? A little bit. Mine, I feel, okay, first of all, I feel like. Oh, yeah, yours sounds exactly like you sound because that's the best. Yeah, no, I'm saying it's the best, but I'm saying,
Starting point is 00:13:34 It sounds like you sound to yourself. Yes, which is different than how I sound to everybody else because you hear your own voice. No, okay, that's fair. But like, but do you always have it? Meaning like, I feel like sometimes thinking about things is not, it is, it doesn't take the form of an inner monologue. Sometimes you just think it. It's like images or whatever. Like, it's different.
Starting point is 00:13:56 It's not always an inter monologue, but sometimes it is an inner monologue. And what it is, does it sound like you or what? Yeah. It sounds like me, but like, when it's, like, when it's it's not. I'm excited. What does a deaf person's in a monologue sound like? Do you think? It's images, yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:11 They think they wouldn't have signs. They have to because you can think in pictures. But if you have a language, you think in your language. But don't we think in symbols anyway? There aren't letters and words. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you're talking about language. DJ so stoned.
Starting point is 00:14:24 You kind of sounded like Dave Chappelle a little bit when you said that to me for some reason. I don't know why. I'm shot truce. Yeah. What about what? What? You don't see that on that Jamie Fox? Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:14:37 I just watched that last night. Weirdly. Eating that shitty-ass hotel sandwich. I watched that episode specifically. And that was fucking funny. Anyway, what's going on up here with you, buddy? I'm saying, it's specific to that question, not in general.
Starting point is 00:14:53 It's funny because we was just watching commercials, right? And, like, you'd be watching commercials and, like, you know, it's a thing on, like, buffalo wings. Me and DJ watch commercials with the sound off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You got to guess what it is first, because you don't know what it is. There's like a lemon flying across some flames.
Starting point is 00:15:07 Like, goddamn fucking, you know what I'm saying? Squirts, you know what I'm saying? All these high-definition flakes hitting a fucking chicken wing. You're like, oh, shit. And the next thing you know, a family is getting in the car. It's like, drive a Hyundai. So it's like fun to get down. It's fun to figure it out.
Starting point is 00:15:22 During one of the debates, I had the sound all. I turned the sound down during the commercials only. And they had a commercial for this. movie. By the way, this is an all right time. I came here. It's a movie called The Hunt. You remember that? You know what I'm talking about? It was this movie about rich people hunting, poor people. Yeah, they had a knock at it. They played
Starting point is 00:15:43 the trailer for that in the middle of the debate. And now, I've seen the trailer with Sound, and I realize this is exactly what they were going for. Yeah, yeah. But with the sound off, I didn't know what, and I thought it was some kind of fucked up campaign ad. Like, I thought it was a political ad until the very end of it. We were just talking about
Starting point is 00:15:59 campaign ads. Campaign ads is wild, yeah, man. But, uh, But yeah, then, so they put that out, and I saw that, and I had that thought, and I tweeted or whatever. So it was kind of on my mind, and then I saw a few days later that they just, like, pulled it completely, just canceled it. Yeah, man. The movie's made, but they're not going to release it. But because why, though? Because it had something to do with Trump supporters.
Starting point is 00:16:21 That's who was getting hunted. Yeah. Okay, see, again, watch it with just a sound. I thought it was just like a rich people hunting poor people thing. So it was like liberals hunting Trump supporters? Yeah, rich liberals. And then offended. Trump.
Starting point is 00:16:33 He tweeted about it and then they pulled it. Do they literally-referenced Trump? Yeah. Yeah. To be fair, a lot of liberals was mad too. They were like, oh, yeah, you're trying to make us out to be monsters who would hunt these people because they're racist. It was just a hit-and-ass movie probably had a lot of gore and blood.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Sturgel was in it. Sturgle's in it? Yeah, shut the fuck up. Wait a minute. Does it actually mention Trump by name? Or does it just heavily imply that? Yeah, I would have to know that because if it doesn't actually. And it's just the rich people hunting poor people?
Starting point is 00:17:02 You know what, I don't think it does in a trailer. It didn't in the trailer. Much like every shitty person who has an opinion about it, I just read an article and I didn't even hardly read it. But you knew Sturzel was in it. You know, somebody else told me that. You all ever seen Surviving the Game? Surviving the Game.
Starting point is 00:17:20 It's a movie. Oh, yeah. It's a nice movie. A bunch of rich dudes including Gary Busell. Right. I'm already in. No shit. And Rutger Howard Hunt.
Starting point is 00:17:31 A homeless. man played by Ice T yeah and it is rad yeah it is I saw that movie yeah it is yeah it is he had the big dreads
Starting point is 00:17:43 is that when he had his dreads they did that on always sunny they hunt cricket yeah yeah fucking ice tea dude I used to have this like I have this flashbowl memory from New Jack City which I fucking love that movie I've seen a million times but uh
Starting point is 00:17:56 specifically ice T when he's got Chris Rock's character pokey in that like alleyway or whatever he's And he, as serious as fuck, hard as fuck, goes, man, shut the fuck up for I blow your brain. Thow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:15 The lift. Nino Brown's a bad motherfucker, motherfucker. No doubt. Man, dude. And Dick Gregory, real OG. At the end of that movie, he's the one that shoots Nino Brown. And right before he does it, he says, he comes out, points a gun, and yells, again, completely seriously.
Starting point is 00:18:32 idolata your soul is required in hell oh yeah dude i feel like that that was a big time movie i feel like that type of shit don't get put into movies anymore no it's like cheese like yeah yeah yeah yeah cheese that's great shakespearean cheese i love that type of shit that's great cheese that's my favorite cheese shakespeare cheese it's at the time age cheddar baby yeah are you right you're right but i think man literal so sim l james and broke the goddamn mold. And Pulp fiction.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Pulp fiction. Yeah. Oh yeah. So like that whole like breaking down that whole thing. It's hard to like, I don't know, man. But how do you prepare? There's an art to get cheese. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:21 For sure. Well, I'm not saying that that's cheese, but like how do you make it look anything even comparable? Right. After that now. Right. I mean, I was in high school, I thought that fucking, I mean, we've talked about this movie on the podcast before, but I thought specifically the poem or the prayer that they did in Boundock, before they killed somebody
Starting point is 00:19:39 it was super rad. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. So how does that movie hold up for y'all now? Not good. Right. It don't.
Starting point is 00:19:46 Yeah, yeah. But when it first came out. I can still appreciate it because of how much it hit for me when it came out because I was the perfect age for it. Right, right, right. But being objective about it, no, it don't hold up. I'm the exact same way about it. Like, I could still watch it right now and have a fucking, oh, hell yeah, enjoy the shit
Starting point is 00:20:03 out of it. But like, some of it now I enjoy going like, Jesus. Yeah. What the fuck was I thinking with, you know, because when I first saw it was like, you know, 18, 19 years old. And that was the baddest shit you'd ever seen.
Starting point is 00:20:15 And talking about good cheese, dude, Willem to Fo in that movie. Oh, my Lord. There was a fire of fire! I love that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:25 You're talking about stage theatrics. I might have to have some bagels on film. Yeah. Yeah, I think if you have a style of that, you know, a guy Ritchie kind of comes to mind, like if it would fit in some of,
Starting point is 00:20:36 his movies if you have a certain style you can get away with it because there's a certain amount of suspended disbelief right people are watching yeah but boom doc saints was very much what's the original wait and what's the michael keaton uh batman hit for y'all oh that's my favorite yeah he's my favorite my favorite favorite man but my favorite batman movie is christian bell yeah really yeah yeah well how you how you feel about michael keaton's my favorite bruce wayne i like michael keaton just i like michael keaton i like that i like seeing him in there and then I like the movie I like Jack Nicholson but like the last time I watched it it was kind of like I agree with you yeah yeah yeah I'm sure that that one didn't I
Starting point is 00:21:15 hadn't seen in a while but I'm certain that that one especially when I also saw it relatively recently yeah and had the same thought of like yeah yeah yeah movie like that it's almost like unfair to judge it by the standards that's how I feel too that's what comic book movies have become now you can't judge that movie by not even just comic book movies any any movie that like that's attempted to have some sort of special effects like it wouldn't even have to be superhero but like it ain't their fault how that shit's gonna age
Starting point is 00:21:44 I don't like did the story line and like the acting not age well because that seems like that seems like I mean man yeah yeah yeah yeah the acting was great yeah the other shit like that's not there yeah I remember how cold that have you ever danced for the devil
Starting point is 00:22:00 and the pale moon yeah and it's still cold but like it's not the same kind of cold you think it's because it's been beating into our heads. We've heard it to me goddamn time. It could be that. We can't be,
Starting point is 00:22:08 like if you just it's a lot of, versus in my opinion, talking about shit that was cold and remains cold. Yeah. The Christopher Nolan
Starting point is 00:22:15 Batman movies and Batman begins Oh yeah. Like when he gets that that dirty cop up in the air and he's like, tell me where they're at and the cops like,
Starting point is 00:22:22 I don't know where they're at. I swear to God, swear to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it is, yeah, it is,
Starting point is 00:22:29 yeah, it is. It's, fucking tombstone. It's fucking tombstone. It has not even lost a, no matter, You tell him I'm coming And Bell's coming with me
Starting point is 00:22:38 It's not revenge he's after Tooth is a perfect example man Yeah yeah Movie is cheesy What about so many Denzel So many Denzel roles Have borderline that But he makes you buy
Starting point is 00:22:51 That this character really would talk that way Like the whole Sheeps and Wolves monologue And Training Day Like I don't think They're being good Like imagine you're in the car with a person And he starts giving you that monologue.
Starting point is 00:23:05 You'd be like, what the fuck is this dude's deal? But watching Denzel do it, you're like, no, man, this is how cops talk. Well, like, I just don't, sometimes I don't care. You know what I'm saying? Like, sometimes when people are like, they're seeing something, they're like, oh, nobody really talks like that. And I'm like, right, because people aren't fucked. People don't hit.
Starting point is 00:23:21 That's Aaron Sorkin's whole thing. Nobody talks the way that people talk in Aaron Sorkin's shit. It hits to listen to. Right. Also, Amy Sherman Palladino, Gilmore Girls and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Yeah. Nobody talks the way she writes character.
Starting point is 00:23:34 No. But it hits to listen to it. That's what I'm saying. But then Quentin Tarantino's whole thing is that he's getting credit for being the opposite of that because he writes a great dialogue. But then he'll throw a character in there like Samuel L. Yeah. Who is the opposite of that, almost for balance. It just all hits.
Starting point is 00:23:51 It does all hit. Yeah, it's just all right. Yeah, it's almost as if storytelling and allowing yourself to be entertained by it is one of the most enjoyable things to do as a human. Certainly, man. Oh, man. Speaking of. Well, I'm just saying, I was going to talk about. just storytelling and you know you think about like uh that shit we watched last night
Starting point is 00:24:09 the metal shit no other metal shit is actually what i've been thinking about oh yeah you're there sabbatan we came back here and i showed them a bunch of my met i've been on a real metal kick lately y'all like a i like i've gone down a rabbit hole and let me tell you something ain't nothing on the other side of that rabbit hole but fucking purple lightning and wolves yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah war ships and goddamn ban it's so fire them to some of my metal shit last night and what were you going to say about it? Well, I just can't say the theatrics,
Starting point is 00:24:38 the storytelling in it, comparable to Sturgles except for not really. Well, see, dude, metal is great for that. Yeah. They don't give a fuck about like, I don't know, not pretense or whatever or irony or anything.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Like, they just, like, there's one metal band called Powerwolf. Yeah. And their whole lore is that they are Catholic priests who are also werewolves. Right, right. So at night, they're out fucking drinking people's blood and slaughtering people. And in the day, they're praising the Lord.
Starting point is 00:25:08 And, like, their whole, their whole auvoix of songs is based around that concept. And, like, in metal, that's just fine. Like, that's, you know. Yeah. It's very much like, Sturgel, it's very much like opera. Like, we're moving into this weird medium now where we can, like, I don't know, have we ever, well, we've had things like this with, like, the wall and things like this. Of course, this has been going on forever.
Starting point is 00:25:33 Like concepts? Yeah, moving these awesome concepts together to make the... Concept album's definitely, yeah, I've been a thing, you know. Mixed it with bands, that's... I don't know that that's new, but there's definitely not as many of them as I wish there was after hearing Sabaton last night. Sabotan.
Starting point is 00:25:48 I wish there was a... Like, if there was a country music band that did exactly that, pretty much, that would hit maybe even hard. But everybody listening to don't know Sabaton's whole thing is they are historical metal. Every one of their songs is based around some. actual historical event, usually a military thing, like a battle or a war or something. They got this goddamn song about Alvin York.
Starting point is 00:26:09 And so it's a hard-ass metal song that references Tennessee over and over. So, like, there just ain't much that it's harder for me than that song. It was really amazing. We got to go to Cracken, guys. Cracken is a metal festival? In Prague. I would love to go to that. In Prague.
Starting point is 00:26:24 And I think it's the biggest or second biggest in the world. I think it's in Prague. And I met some dudes on my honeymoon who were on their way to there. They were Canadian. They had like drinking horns and shit. And they ruled. They were so fun. There's a song by Amon and Marth, who's a Viking metal band called Raise Your Horns.
Starting point is 00:26:40 Yeah. And it rules. Yeah, they, uh, I think that they either sung that song or just randomly would be raising their horns. Yeah. They would head bang. His name was Dev and he worked in a, like, uh, lumber mills and he saved his money. And then he'd just take three months off and travel the world, listen to metal bands.
Starting point is 00:26:59 I can't decide whether or not, like, how. How many days is this? What do you mean? What? What? I was like, Jesus is what? Yeah, I didn't know what he was saying. 8,000.
Starting point is 00:27:10 I think three? Yeah. Maybe just two. That's probably about the max. One would be good for me. I think one would be good for me. But if I'm already going to Prague. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:18 No, you spend one day the festival six days hitting in Prague. You also want to go to a disco tech. They got like five-story disco techs there. You see some wild shit, buddy. I'm just now getting into metal because of tray and it hits from maybe. Like, even the music that I am into, I don't think I could do more than one or two days of Bonaroo anymore. Or, like, I'd probably just, I can't. It's the energy, baby.
Starting point is 00:27:41 It's hot. That's what the drugs are for. I could do it, but only in the, like, RV. Oh, I'd be doing it in an RV now. The dad with money version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In an RV. Like, I could do that.
Starting point is 00:27:52 Well, then, never mind. But you're talking about camping in the theater and stuff? I don't think I could do that. I've been on that RV point for two years. Yeah, well, then, yeah, never mind. RV. Brian literally barred an RV. for Bonaroo.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Yeah. And he'd be taking it elsewhere, but literally he spent one time at Bonarro and was like, everything was great, but sleeping and fuck that. I'm getting to... Dude, it's fucking a nightmare.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Like, it's absolutely awful. It's a young man's game for sure, dude. You can do it in your early 20s. First time I went to Bonaroo, I was 28, and I was already too fucking old. Right.
Starting point is 00:28:19 I was like, man, no, I was saying... No, it's a marathon, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. I haven't been to a Bonnrew since 2013. I went to five straight the years before that. But, I mean, that's fucking six years ago.
Starting point is 00:28:30 saying that was the last one I went to. I need to grow up and stop going to Bonnarut. No, my God, no, no, man. There's a very specific reason I haven't been the past two years after it, because I was going to go. It was like the one year we had tour stuff, and then last year I was on my honeymoon. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:46 And it's small, but I have seen before, and this ain't never going to happen now because of the way they've gone. But like, the first year we were really hitting, we thought for sure that we were going. and to be on the comedy lineup at Bonarroo. Yeah. We thought that was happening, and then it didn't. That was the last year they had a tent.
Starting point is 00:29:08 And I said at that point, I was like, I ain't going back until they paid me to go that motherfucker. And I was with you. And I'm still, again, that's, you know, that's whatever of me, but that's been my thing. No, I was with you. I was with you. And I took the same number of years off till Brian, who I've been trying to get go since college, was finally like, I'll go with you. Let's go this year. and I was like, well, I'm not going to be petty and not go with my boy.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Right. And then we had a great time. And then last year I played, but I played in like this little, I mean, it was. Bonaroo itself did not. Bonaroo now has these, in the campgrounds, they have these barns. And the barns are allowed to program their own entertainment. So it's kind of like they outsource the comedy to. Well, they outsource the barn entertainment.
Starting point is 00:29:53 And one particular barn, the Nashville barn, chose to do comedy. Yeah. And, you know, I was one of the. quote unquote Nashville comedians, which did hit. Corey Perry. Yeah, baby. You know him. You, you know him.
Starting point is 00:30:05 Uh, anyway, so that medal. Yeah. That's Sturgel. Yeah. Oh, Sturgeon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were talking about operas. Okay, look, first of all, and I'm this way with any album that comes out, period.
Starting point is 00:30:23 I got to listen to them more. Oh, sure. Sure. And I want to listen to the album without watching it. I really, right, right, right. I really love to do that. Like, to really get my head around what the music, because to me it's still at the end of the day,
Starting point is 00:30:34 like, that's its primary usage for me. Right, yeah, so I'm on a plane. I'm going to listen to it in my headphones. I'm not going to be watching the anime. Right, you know what I'm saying? So, like, I haven't done that yet. And also, this is not fair what I'm about to say. But for whatever reason, I thought,
Starting point is 00:30:50 I thought when we sat down to watch it, that this was about to be a full-on, like, anime movie. Like, with a narrative and, like, and dialogue. even like a movie plot line and everything that Sturgel had done the score and the soundtrack and original songs for right like based on his concepts or whatever
Starting point is 00:31:10 that's what I thought I was about to see I did it and that's not what it was it was kind of an inter like somewhat interconnected series of like music videos kind of that were set to anime and it was fucking rad but it wasn't the thing that I thought that it was going to be
Starting point is 00:31:26 so it's it's a mind fuck it was a mind fuck I'm still trying to like, again, I need to watch it again. Yeah. We were very on mushrooms. That also. Yeah. And we were trying to connect each story and figure out what the through line was. And the only through line, it turns out, I read about this today, was themes.
Starting point is 00:31:44 And all those characters were part of the same family, but that's not immediately obvious. Different parts of the family, like different generations. I'm sure you would have to watch that thing. Like, every time I watch Pink Floyd's the Wall, I fucking get something different out of it. Right. It's definitely one of those types of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, regardless of any of that, just the sheer fact that Sturgel being this, like, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:07 legit country, like, underground fucking hit-mass motherfucker. I mean, what about the one that they blow up? And then that guy doing that thing. It's amazing. And the fact that that has even happened is so fucking cool. Yeah, he's got a pink fluid. The idea of this country motherfucker. Right.
Starting point is 00:32:27 With that gravel dirt. accent is doing pink Floyd type shit is awesome it hits for me it's super awesome man you know every time it's like dude he gives me a lot of hope right yeah sure he does it makes me really proud it was ultimately
Starting point is 00:32:42 I see that there's like more options than just to be yeah you know what you're saying you are like what you're supposed to be what you think even expand your own fucking limitations right right exactly exactly he moved he like he could have
Starting point is 00:32:56 it's also an ultimately hopeful piece of art I agree. This is probably too late to even do this. And also, I feel like most of our fans probably know. But for anybody that don't know, Sturgle Simpson put out an anime slash album together. And it came out last night on Netflix and we watched it on much time. Me and DJ went to Pops resale today.
Starting point is 00:33:12 We saw Tony. He used to work over here. We saw Pop. And that old boy who also works there, whose name I can't remember. We've talked to him before I have. We started talking about it. And that old boy, he hadn't even seen the anime yet.
Starting point is 00:33:23 He was like, man, I haven't seen the video. I've listened to it three times back to back yesterday. And he goes, look at me. I'm getting chills right. now just talking about it and I invited him to our show and he's like I don't know if I got the money and I was like well buddy you know I'll put you on a list he's like well I got to do the two drink minimum and maybe we'll see my point is this is an old boy I mean he's his old boy as a come yeah who is from eastern Kentucky works at this record shop and sturgeon Simpson has given him
Starting point is 00:33:48 chills with his new anime that fucking rules man what I remember of hearing it from of course the visual was so much it was it was almost like you couldn't really focus on it yeah yeah Like the music was there and it was hitting, but you couldn't, like, you couldn't digest the music, the lyrics and all that shit because of the anime, you know what I mean? And that's what I mean about listening to the album by itself. Oh, I'm going to listen to that album.
Starting point is 00:34:13 I'm sure I'm going to, it's going to hit for me in several different ways. Right. I had to remember where the... Drew said something last night that I also was thinking, I feel like another part of it for me is like, I've never fucked with that. And when I say I haven't fucked with anime,
Starting point is 00:34:24 I've tried, I've never really liked anime that much. All right, guys, I want to take a break from the podcast for just a second to tell you about our new friends and our new sponsors over at Shinesty. Now, I have been actually a fan of Shinasty long before we started this partnership. So to me, this is just a match made in heaven. Shinesty is that company that you see on your Instagram and your Facebook and your Twitter that pops up with all the cool colorful clothes. And they got the pictures of people wearing all the cool designs and bathing suits and shit by the pool. and they all look pretty and stuff. And that's, you know, they don't let me do the visual part.
Starting point is 00:35:00 They don't let me do the podcast portion. They got some real good lookers on there that are showcasing all the neons and all the cool patterns and whatnot that Shinesty has to offer. It's super rad clothing. But what I want to talk to you guys about today is my favorite product, the thing that I actually had not tried of Shinesty until we started this venture. And boy, am I glad that they did it. They told me they said, we're going to send you something that is going to change
Starting point is 00:35:26 your life. And I was like, okay, a clothing company. There's no way they're going to send me something that changes my life. And then I got a big old box of ball hammocks. That is right. Ball hammocks. That is Shina Stees underwear. Their boxer briefs.
Starting point is 00:35:42 But the ball hammock part is key. They tuck your boys up in there. And I know that you've heard me on this podcast, or not me, but the guys talk about how huge my balls are. And they are, it is, it's pretty insane. Like, you know, growing up, I didn't realized that they were so big because I didn't run around just like comparing balls with people.
Starting point is 00:36:01 But then, you know, we got on this tour and like it's just kind of a thing that every now and then the three of us see each other's nuts, mainly because every now and then we pull our nuts out. But I got, they were like, dude, your fucking balls are huge. I was like, okay, right on. And I was like, well, maybe that's why I'm so. I thought everybody else was just sitting on their balls all the time. But apparently it's just me.
Starting point is 00:36:20 And I talked to my wife about it all the time because, like, it can be uncomfortable when they're just jammed down there in some regular underwear. and I joke with her and like I know off top that like she's more uncomfortable with her big old boobs than I am with my big old balls but I was like you know I need the equivalent of like a wonder bra or whatever it is that takes the relief off of your back and keeps them all snug up there and gives you that support and I get that with ball hammocks it's a little pouch on the front of the underwear and you just tuck your balls right down in there and it holds them up it just nests them super nice I don't really sit on them anymore they're not weighing me down it's
Starting point is 00:36:56 super so honestly uh and i'm not even sure this is a feature that they knew was about it was going to happen but to me it helps with swamp ass because like my balls you know get real close to down there and it makes it hotter there's a it's just trust me if you got big old balls even if you don't got big old balls you're going to love this ball hammock support it's spacious uh give the boys the space and security they need it's unlike anything you've ever experienced the designs are all super hilarious um i came in the first night had a big old bald eagle where my dick's supposed to be and of course you know Amber was like yeah whatever that's way more rad than what you got going on down there I was like freedom fuck you and then I came another night and there's a
Starting point is 00:37:36 hot dog and of course the hot dog is just perfectly positioned right there on the wiener making mine look bigger than it actually is all sorts of cool designs but more importantly than that they are comfortable at shit they're constructed from the finest material on earth micromodal it is three times softer than cotton that's right suck it cotton and it's naturally moisture wicking. Well, there you go. That's why my swamp ass has been better because it's wicking all that moisture.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Super breathable. It's for sure the finest fabric to ever grace your grundle. It's bulge enhancing, not that I need it, but it is, you know, if you've got little teeny tiny balls, the ball hammock makes your package look huge for real. The ball hammock subscription benefits. Here's what we got going on.
Starting point is 00:38:24 The subscription saves you, 35% and you get free shipping on every pair. No commitments. You can pause, modify, or cancel your subscription any time. Customize your subscription. Choose your assortment and frequency. They make sure that you always have a fresh pair for your pair. They also, here's some additional products they have that are super cool. They have like NFL team suits and overalls and Christmas suits and dresses and seamless thongs. That hits. Four-way stretch Hawaiian shirts with a beer pouch. See, now I'm going to have to holler at them because y'all know you boy, the show likes wearing Hawaiian shirts, but they never make them with the four-way stretch. And I am just constantly
Starting point is 00:39:07 having to buy different shirts because, like, I fluctuate. Like, I was a large last year. Now I'm an X-L and I swear to God, if I don't get my shit together, I'm about to be a 2x. But if I just had the four-way stretch on a Hawaiian shirt, I wouldn't have to worry about it too much. Got a beer pouch on it? That's insane. Retro ski suits. Jesus. They got it all. That's just the tip of the iceberg, and it's both for guys and gals or friends beyond the binary, whatever you want. Ball hammocks by Shinnasty. Your pair deserves better.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Shonesty is letting our listeners get their first pair of subscription ball hammocks for only five bucks. Just head to Shynasty.com. That's S-H-I-N-E-S-T-Y.com. shinesty.com slash red, R-E-D to try your first pair today. That is shinesty.com slash red to get your first pair of ball hammock boxers for only $5.00. Your balls are going to thank you, ladies and gentlemen, Shynessy, S-H-I-N-E-S-T-Y dot com slash red. Get on them and hook your balls up like the show hooks his balls up. But, you know, they got sweet,
Starting point is 00:40:22 underwear for the warmers too for the folks the ballest folks and also clothes and shit like that super cool funky designs very comfortable fabric you got to get with shynessy dress like the show now back to the podcast skee and so i'm not an anime guy and i feel like there's tropes think tropes anime tropes i'm sure that are in there that are totally lost on me because i'm just not part of that world you know that would i assume really enhance yeah the experience of watching that if you're an anime because there's some, I guarantee you there's some anime and country fans out there.
Starting point is 00:41:01 Yeah, oh yeah, definitely. How hard is that hit? That shit is the most fucking awesome How hard is that hit? Right. And there's somebody out there who's like digging that on a fucking level. Like, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:41:15 Like, I would like to love. What about a Japanese person who's in the country music? Right. Dude, they were, they're obsessed with Elvis. Yeah, no. And I'm saying. And they get a hold of that.
Starting point is 00:41:26 Dude, it's a thing over there with just not necessarily country, but cowboys in general because of AR. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm dead serious, man. You said when you first arrived on Thursday, you and DJ drove up from Georgia. We're in Lexington, which is. And you and DJ drove up here. And when you first arrived, you said DJ's got some shit that I want him to go into on the podcast this week.
Starting point is 00:41:49 And I'm not even going to tell you about it. And I just remembered you have got to tell us the story of the ravenry from last week. in. Oh, my God. First, what's the DJ thing? Dude, I can't even remember. God, now, because he was,
Starting point is 00:42:00 what were we talking about in the fucking car that I told you, hey, man, shut the fuck up and tell the boys about this on the podcast. I want to, was it Serpico?
Starting point is 00:42:08 Was it that shit? Well, yeah, we got. There's a five years. It wasn't just that. I mean, I don't even want to get in that. I'm furious now.
Starting point is 00:42:16 I should have wrote it down. I was driving and I was dying so I couldn't get it on my phone. And I just kept saying, I was like, dude, quit. Quit telling me this. Like, So much has happened from that point.
Starting point is 00:42:27 That's so very true. We've been through a lot. That's not. Yeah, dude. It was, yeah. All right, well, I'll tell you this. I was telling him, marinate on it. I'll tell you all the story of what happened to me last week.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Okay. When we were coming back from San Diego. And I would like to set that up. Did we tell the story of the first time I was in San Diego that this happened to me? The first time. The first time, the first time the hotel fucked me after we were coming back from San Diego. This is the second time. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Did we tell us? If we did, it's fucking fine. It was a long time ago. Tell it again. Yeah. So you go ahead and tell that part. The first time I don't know if it's the first time, but one of the times we're in San Diego, because I already lived in L.A. I was driving back to L.A. after the show that night.
Starting point is 00:43:03 And Corey was flying out of L.A.X. the next morning. So he rode with me. And on the way up there, we found Garth Brooks streaming, right? Like on that, for a long time, Garf Brooks was one of them that didn't have his shit out there for streaming. But we found it on Amazon music. So we were rocking Garf Brooks the whole way back. Had to top down on the Jeep. It was hitting like a motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:43:22 halfway up or so Corey wanted to stop at a rest stop because he said he wanted like a snack and I was like man I don't know if there's any like gas stations coming up and he was like we saw a sign for a rest stop and he was like that that'll be fine that'll hit they got vending machines at those I'll just get me a candy bar whatever I really want a butterfinger
Starting point is 00:43:40 I was like okay baby so we pull in there and it dude it's like two in the morning or 2.30 in the morning and this rest stop not a truck stop not a gas station just one of those like rest stops was fucking packed with people at 2.30. There were no parking spots. There was lines for the bathroom. I mean, it was fucking packed with people at 2.30
Starting point is 00:43:59 in the morning. And I was like, what the fuck is this about? So Corey goes in that, goes up there, I park, or I just circle the drive, the parking lot, and he goes to get his candy bar, and it takes forever. Because there's so many people. And he comes back and he's like, sorry, I just really need this butterfinger, you know. And so then we left,
Starting point is 00:44:15 and right after that, like two miles down the interstate, we hit an immigration checkpoint. Oh. I'm a assuming that like word had got out or something. Oh shit. And that's why all these people were congregating at that rest stop at 2.30 in the morning. Because otherwise, otherwise makes sense of that.
Starting point is 00:44:32 No. I've been a road comment for a very long time. I've stopped at a bunch of rest stops. I've seen them like pretty full. Like did you? Yeah, but not at fucking 2.3. I happen to note it being like immigration. Y'all, it was 100% fucking border patrol or whatever, INS,
Starting point is 00:44:49 or whatever it is. And what also is funny and shit. about it is that dude literally the checkpoint was them standing there with flashlights like and it was basically like white good good oh yeah yeah definitely oh yeah we pulled through yeah stop and just like so who flashlight on it's like go ahead but so at the rest up were they all Hispanic I wasn't even paying attention we don't we don't see for you guys I didn't get out of the car and don't see color anyway so that happened it held us up it held us up it held us up quite a bit which will be relative or relevant later so
Starting point is 00:45:21 then we finally get to Corey's hotel by the airport. Now it's like four in the morning. And when I drop him off, right as we're pulling in, there's two shuttle buses full of people who turned out to be from New Zealand getting off the bus to go check in at the same time Corey was. Holy shit. And we got there 30 seconds after they did. So he had to wait in line at 4 in the morning for like a fucking hour just to check into
Starting point is 00:45:47 his hotel. For the record, then when I finally got up there, I was. was like, Jesus Christ, she's like, are you not with them? And I was like, no, she goes, oh, hell, you could have just walked on up. I'm sure they've been, I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I would have. I was going to, hey, y'all are going to be here a long time no matter what.
Starting point is 00:46:03 This is just how insecure I am. We were listening to Garth Brooks, like I said, on the way up there, right? So that had happened, and I'm back at home, taking a ship about to go to bed. Corey's texting me, all this ravenry that's going on. He's standing in line. He's like, God, that don't hit. He's like, yeah, and you know what really don't hit? the fact that none of this shit would be happening to me right now
Starting point is 00:46:19 if I didn't make you stop to get a goddamn butt. But you know what, baby? Then I'd have had to miss the dance. So that was the last time before this that we were coming back from San Diego and I decided to get a hotel by the airport so that it'd be easier for me the next morning to fly out. So did that again.
Starting point is 00:46:45 this last week or whatever and Trey's driving or Drew's driving home they're going to drop me off at the hotel little preface to all this to make it make sense here in a little bit and I'd already booked the room everything was confirmed yada yada yada yada yada while we were in San Diego I lost my credit card and his mind and my mind yeah like on the last episode
Starting point is 00:47:05 of the podcast we went into the whole thing of how fucking how much on one Corey had been in San Diego already so that weekend he'd done all that shit and then this happened And so my theory on that, by the way, which I told you, which kind of checks out, but it's also sucks, is that, like, I'm not, like, I lost my phone. I lost my credit. And I know that to a lot of people that seems like, yeah, something the show would do.
Starting point is 00:47:26 It's really not. Like, I'll be losing my hotel card shit, but stuff that's, like, really important. Yeah. I kind of don't. And it's because I'm always like, right sure I got this, I'm kind of freaking out. I have been taking CBD like a motherfucker lately, and it's really been helping my anxiety. And I think that while my anxiety is shitty, it is also, coincidentally, the thing. thing that holds it together for me.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Like having so much anxiety, I don't lose my fucking computer or leave my cell phone somewhere because I'm so fucking terrified that I will that I don't. So that's my theory on that. Anyways, lost my phone, got it back, lost my credit card, didn't get it back, had to cancel it. So they're driving up and they dropped me off at Trays and I Uber over to the airport. That was my fault too, for the record. We were driving. They were supposed to drop me off at the airport.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Everybody don't know. The LAX is in the southwest part of Los Angeles. Angeles. Me and Drew live in the valley, which is the very northern part. It's like an hour away with very little, it's fucking far away. Yeah. So I was like, when we were leaving, I was like, you know, when I get to your place, I'll Uber to the hotel and they were like, dude, fuck that.
Starting point is 00:48:27 We'll just drop you off at the airport. And I'm like, okay. They're like putting your hotel for the airport and we'll go there on the maps or whatever. And so I did. And then we get to a certain place and they're like, uh, where the fuck is your hotel? We're in Glendale. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:41 And I just put in the wrong goddamn hotel. Actually, now it would be close. We just went to our house and then you fucking over there. Yeah, I was like, buddy, I love you, but I'm not driving you an hour back to the hair. I wouldn't, an hour back home. I wouldn't want him to. Wasn't a fucking wanted him to.
Starting point is 00:48:55 So anyways, that already happened. I don't fuck myself on that. So we get to Trays, and I get an Uber, and we get up to the hotel. So I walk in, and the literal first thing that happens is, as I'm walking through the door with my bags, the woman who is behind the counter steps out from behind the counter and just walks up and goes,
Starting point is 00:49:14 Are you Mr. Forster? And I was like, yeah. And I was like, oh, God. And I was like, yes. And she goes, I'm so sorry. And I was like, what? And she goes, we don't have, we weren't, we don't have a room for you. And I was like, I have a reservation.
Starting point is 00:49:31 And she's like, no, no, we know you have a reservation. I'm already got the Seinfeld shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we know we have your reservation. We know what the reservations were. I don't think you do. Yeah, I'd have a room. Anyone can take them.
Starting point is 00:49:42 Yeah. holding them. So I'm thinking that they literally just like fucked up, forgot to put my room in and now they're full. And which I would have been furious. And I was like, what, what happened? You know, it's like one in the morning maybe
Starting point is 00:49:53 or something like that. And she goes, there was only one room left. That's where we put you. And it and only it flooded completely. Damn. So I'm sitting there like, okay, obviously you'll just give me my money back and then I'll go get another hotel.
Starting point is 00:50:09 And she's like, actually right next door is our sister hotel, the embassy or whatever, it doesn't matter. She goes, we are going to call over there. I'm going to fill out some paperwork right now. We're not only are we going to refund you. We're going to refund you and give you a fur room. So, like, you'll get your money back and then that's good over there.
Starting point is 00:50:25 And I'm like, that's a dean, dean. So, yeah, in my mind, I was like, you know what? All right, this is going to take five more minutes and I just got a fucking free room. Hell yeah. So now I'm like, except for that $50 Uber you had to take. Well, whatever. You know, that's still way better deal. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:39 So I'm up here now. So they fill out this paperwork. work, yada yada yada. I walk over. It's just a little right around the corner to the other hotel. And I walk in, they're like, hey, Mr. Forrester. And I was like, yeah, they're all right, let's get you set up. We've got your room up here and blah, blah, blah, blah, yada.
Starting point is 00:50:53 So I'm just like, all right, cool. And they go, you need your photo ID and a credit card for a. No. Yeah, credit card for incidentals. And I go, actually about that, I lost my credit card in San Diego. But, like, you know, I already paid that room. with my credit cards. Like, they have it on town.
Starting point is 00:51:13 He's like, no, no, I need, I need it for this. And I go, I was like, yeah, but then I was like, you know, I've got the horse bank card in here. Sometimes it don't work. Sometimes it does. Fuck, I don't know. Yeah. Didn't work, of course. So I was like.
Starting point is 00:51:25 If you don't keep up, the horse bank is Corey's debit card. He's got a debit card from a bank that is owned and operated by a horse. Yeah. So that all, that all, and I'm like, I'm like, okay, in my mind, I'm still just like, surely to God, they're going to eventually be like, this is a different circumstance. Yeah, what's the worst you could do? Eat some peanuts? Right.
Starting point is 00:51:47 So they ain't fucking have that. Anyways. I was like, dude, I don't have a credit card. Like, I don't know what to tell. I can't, I don't have that. And he's like, yeah. And I go, oh, I'll tell you what. I said, let me just call my wife.
Starting point is 00:52:00 And she'll give me my credit card number. And then this will be over. Yeah. I've done it. He goes, no, I have to physically swap something. But that can be true. That's what I said. I go, no, you don't.
Starting point is 00:52:09 I was like, because when I call. it online. That's what I said. I said, dude, when I book this, nobody swapped my shit. Right. And he's like, that's just what I, he goes, sir, this is not, and I'm, I had this, I took a step back. His name was Diego, if you're listening, love you, buddy. I was like, hey man, before anything goes any further,
Starting point is 00:52:27 please understand that I know that you do not own this hotel. And I know that you don't want this to be happening to me. So if I start acting like an ass, it's not towards you, but you have to understand I'm pretty pissed off right now. Like I have a flight in the morning. She's like, no, sir, it's okay. He goes, and I said, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.
Starting point is 00:52:45 So I was like, well, shit. And I'm not, I'm like, I obviously could call one of y'all, but I was like, no, I can get it figured out long. I don't want to fucking do that because I'll figure something out. So I get over there and I'm just sitting down. I'm going through my fucking whole back because I was like, I wasn't convinced that I didn't just, my card wasn't in my jeans and it fell out of something. So I'm rooting through all my fucking shit. All my stuff is all over this goddamn hotel.
Starting point is 00:53:06 He's just standing up there playing fucking Deer Hunter on the computer or some shit. And so anyways, keep going through all that. Still cannot find my goddamn card. And so anyways, I get up there and I'm like, dude, are you sure? Like, I can't, like, my wife will give you the number. And he's like, sir, it is just the policy of this hotel that we cannot do that. So I'm afraid about an hour or something has gone by at this point, by the way. It's like 2.15 or something like that.
Starting point is 00:53:31 So I'm like, all right, you know what? Maybe he's not communicating with this other hotel well enough. Like maybe they just called and said, hey, we need you to open up a room. but didn't explain our fucking, there was a leak and it flooded and all this shit. You know, he's already had a reservation. So I go back over there to tell them that. And they're like, oh, yeah, that's, no, I guess that's their policy. And I was like, right, can you just call over there and say, hey, we know it sucks.
Starting point is 00:53:57 He doesn't have his credit card, but like, you know, and they're like, no, we can. I didn't start really freaking out, but I just go, all right, well, I'm going to go sleep on the fucking street then. I guess that's what's going to happen is I'm going to sleep on the fucking street. Is that really what you want? And they're like, no, sir, of course that's not what you want. And I was like, I think it's what you want. Because literally all you'll have to do is go open the goddamn door and let me sleep in there. This is a different situation.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Like, I understand what your hotel policy is. I totally get that and I sympathize with it. But I guarantee you, if you called the fucking residence end CEO and explain this whole thing, you'd be like, just fucking open up a room. Jesus Christ, he wants to want his money on the back end. Just open a fucking room. It's going to be fine. They're like, sir, I understand why you're upset.
Starting point is 00:54:39 but like we just cannot do that at all. What if you don't have a fucking credit card? Well, you did. That's the whole thing. They had, I just mean a human being. You can do cash, but I have no way of getting cash
Starting point is 00:54:52 because I don't have my fucking debit card with me. Because that was their thing. They go, you can use cash. And I was like, I don't have cash. And they were like, well,
Starting point is 00:54:59 I don't know what to tell you. So I can't stay at this hotel any longer because not only can I help me, they literally don't even have a room, at least at the other hotel, eventually this dude might fucking snap and let me in. So I go back over there
Starting point is 00:55:10 I'm sitting down I'm trying to figure it out I then texted the group Y'all up That's all I said I didn't say you know 9-1-1 emergency Y'all up
Starting point is 00:55:16 I then tried to call Natt Because Nat if you're listening I don't really give a fuck to bother you So I tried to call Nat a couple times But it's at this point 245 in the fucking morning Yeah
Starting point is 00:55:25 Nobody's answer And I'm still trying to figure All this shit out And I'm literally So then I go I go on Delta And look when the earliest flight is I'm like Wednesday
Starting point is 00:55:32 I'll just shit I'll just switch my flight till 6 in the morning I'll just go my ass on over the airport Yeah Like I mean It sucks, but like, fucking, it's better than, yeah, it's better sitting outside. So I see one at six.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I'm like, fucking, hey, it's 2.45 in the morning. And then I realized, dude, TSA ain't even fucking there. And they're not. I called up there. Like, yeah, they don't get here to four. So you can't even like, even if I went to the airport, I'd just be sitting there instead of sitting at the hotel. And the hotel had this shit.
Starting point is 00:55:59 Delta don't have no that. The shit being cushions. So I'm like literally losing my mind. I've exhausted what I think is all my options. And so then I was like. fuck he said if I had cash can't get cash but we live in fucking the 21st century I said Diego
Starting point is 00:56:14 he goes yeah I said do you have Venmo and he goes yeah I have Venmo and I go does this hotel have a goddamn ATM he goes yeah and I go okay I'm gonna Venmo you you said what is the deposit he's like 250 I said I'll Venmo you 300 fucking dollars right now and you can keep the 50 I said go get the money out
Starting point is 00:56:33 and then I'll use that as my deposit he's like sir company policy and I was like company policy my ass, dude. I'm going to sleep. I get that. I totally understand. But like, I'm on the streets
Starting point is 00:56:44 if this doesn't work out. He's like, sorry, company. I tried to give him my Xbox, which was in my fucking bag. I was like, if it's that, hold this. You know this is mine. You know it's worth more than $250.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Why? Why did you tell Diego, Diego needs to really needs to reprioritize? I said all this. And he, dude, the thing is like, he wasn't being an asshole to me. Like, yeah, he was. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:06 No, but what I'm saying, He absolutely was being a fucking Diego. Fuck Diego. No, listen to me. Hear me out. I mean in tone. I mean in tone. Right.
Starting point is 00:57:16 Well, that's how they operate, man. My asshole shit. I understand all that. That's terrible. I understand all that. But he also was never trying to shoot me off. He told me at one point he's like, dude, you can sit on that couch for as long as you want.
Starting point is 00:57:26 That's totally fine. I may once you figure this out. So like, the motherfucker's being- If I could just sleep here on this couch tonight, then you can go get me some goddamn money. Okay. At his ATM. Okay. Dude.
Starting point is 00:57:36 But like, I'll defend Diego. little bit and like he literally what like he's got it maybe he really needs that fuck right man maybe he really needs that job like Diego's not was not a white guy if you have an assortained so like I'm not I in my mind was like that's why I kept him like dude I know this ain't you he may
Starting point is 00:57:52 have an asshole boss and he really might need that job so none of that really was his boss even there at 240 no no it was his bar I would have got a fucking room that's that I'm just so Diego was being a dick I think Diego was being scared Diego was a dick so none of that none of that matters but except For that, Diego won't give me the fucking money.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Okay. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, hell, it's like fucking getting close to four now. I can probably just sit up and then go over to the airport. And then I start getting delirious. And in my brain, I'm like, I need to fucking sleep. I need something.
Starting point is 00:58:24 I need to figure this. God damn it, what am I going to do? And I said, I was like, Diego, can you fucking watch my bags? You know, sit him right here. I need to go outside. And he's like, yeah. So I go outside and I start walking around. It's like four in the morning.
Starting point is 00:58:35 I start walking around. Just like, what the fuck can I do? I'm like literally losing my mind. And then I turn the corner and it's a completely separate hotel that I'm fairly certain doesn't have shit to do with these people. Now I walk in the hotel, Deliris is a motherfucker. And there is a fat, sassy black lady that is running the joint there. She's up front.
Starting point is 00:58:56 And I just go in, I go, ma'am, do you have Venmo? And she goes, yeah, honey, I do. And I said, do you have an ATM here at this? And she goes, yeah, we do. I said, if I Venmo you, like, $300, will you give me some money, you know, like $250? And she just goes, shit, I'll give you whatever you need, boo-bo. Yeah, yeah, fuck, Diego. Fuck Diego.
Starting point is 00:59:24 But that's where my-Fug-Deggo. Fuck you down with Diego. That's where my free room was, by the way, though. So, like, I still went back to Diego. I went back, I went back, slamp. You remember when Kramer lost the bed on Seinfeld? I literally went. I wonder what
Starting point is 00:59:39 Diego what you did for that money my man went outside at 4 a.m. came back with 250 cash. Yeah, and that's what, yeah, I mean, he just was like, man, goddamn rednecks, boy, I'll tell you what. Like that motherfucker went and whoops somebody's ass.
Starting point is 00:59:52 No. Also, though, weren't you supposed to get home earlier than you did? Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Didn't some other shit happened with the plane or what? No, no, nothing happened with the plane. I didn't want to tell you all because it would ruin this whole story. He overslept? No, I didn't oversleep.
Starting point is 01:00:06 I fucking changed my flight because I got in my room. By the time I'd been through all of that, I was like, dude, I'll be goddamned if I went through all that and literally lay my head down for an hour and a half. So I just fucking was like, tomorrow's ruined. So I changed my flight until 1.30. Nice.
Starting point is 01:00:20 Yeah, and I slid. And also, I called down there. You know, normally you say, can I get a late checkout? I called down there and I go, Diego, I'm checking out late. He just goes, whatever time, man. It's totally cool. But he just don't murder me, dude. No, I got my flight change because, like, dude, I had to fucking,
Starting point is 01:00:35 hey, I had to jerk off and have a dream. drink, which I did, because I had some of them drinks in my bag. And then, yeah, I went to sleep. And, like, but that was, that was worse than the fucking Switzerland tour bus. Because, like, that only took, like, an hour. Damn. Yeah. Drew.
Starting point is 01:00:50 Yes. If that had happened to you, would you be in jail right now? A similar, no, no, but I wouldn't have gotten. Well, I might have figured out the Vimmo thing. I'm surprised Cho being him and being so jovial, didn't get what he wanted quicker. I had a similar thing near. And it been a fat bike. I would have.
Starting point is 01:01:08 I had a similar thing near the L.A. airport. An Angel, who is a piece of shit, and I hope he dies. We, me and Andy, we're in our room. This is before we lived in L.A., but we were by the L.A. airport, and the air conditioner wasn't working, and what it was doing was just blowing out hot air randomly. And we kept waking up. I mean, dude, I'm like waking up sweat.
Starting point is 01:01:28 I mean, it's literally 89 degrees in the room. Fuck, that. And I walked down there at 3 in the morning, and I'm like, hey, the room's 890. you know blah blah blah they're like we'll send maintenance up they send maintenance up they tinker with it nothing happens i wake back i say they fix it i go back to sleep i wake back up at four in the morning 89 degrees sweating come back down there tell them that again and i'm like i want my money back and long story short they were like we'll switch you rooms i'm like switch me rooms it's 430 in the morning yeah like i'm leaving at six i want my money back yeah they wouldn't give it to me and i told them all to go
Starting point is 01:02:05 fuck themselves and I told Angel I said they because the dude called his manager over because he had just gotten there. Yeah. Now it's approaching 6 a.m. by the time Andy's kind of still asleep sort of struggling to be and I told him something along the lines of. Hey man
Starting point is 01:02:19 I get it like your life sucks and you suck and this is all the power you can build fuck you. And then I you were talking about how they get you. I also called their customer service like you know corporate and that was she didn't want to help me because
Starting point is 01:02:35 the manager had already told me no, but she couldn't, like, get off the phone with me. And then she said something about, I said, they said, well, they said they would switch your rooms. And I was like, yeah, and then we'll get an hour's worth of sleep somewhere else. Like, they didn't get, I didn't have a comfortable night, which is what I paid for. It's 90 degrees in my room. I want my money back, like, switching rooms and my wife's asleep. And she said something like, oh, your wife's too delicate to wake up.
Starting point is 01:03:00 And I go, what did you say, bitch? And she hung up on me. Yeah. If you cuss, they're allowed to. Actually, I didn't even say, what did you say, bitch? I didn't even insult her. I think I said, what the fuck did you just say? And she hung up on me.
Starting point is 01:03:12 I like the dad was how they get you. Yeah, if you say fuck, they're allowed to hang up. Yeah, they do that. They do. I know, I know. I know. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:03:19 I know. I know. I know. I know how they get you. I do. I do want to know how they get you. We're almost one. I want to both confess and sort of defense.
Starting point is 01:03:33 myself. I can't imagine how many people who listened to the podcast were at the late show last night. There were, you know, probably only 60 people there, a hundred people there, I don't know. Oh, God damn. What the fuck was that? What the fuck?
Starting point is 01:03:48 Is that like a dinosaur? In God's name. It's on vibrate. Oh, okay. It sounds like a dying goat, don't it? Yeah, yeah. It does. Can you make it do that again so everybody can hear? Chubbacca.
Starting point is 01:04:06 Oh. I don't think it stays on vibrate. All right. So here's what I happen. Brian came. Brian's here in Lexington with us. He brought mushrooms. I did them in between shows.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Brian comes up and he gives y'all a little bit of mushrooms. And he's like, these are the penis envy. These are the regulars. Penis envy is a very specific type of mushroom. I've only ever done it once. It's very strong. I'm trying to get through this story quickly. I had accidentally taken a fuck ton of penis envy,
Starting point is 01:04:31 thinking it was the regular mushrooms. Penis envy is the strongest mushroom that you can get in America easily. It ain't no joke, dog. it ain't no joke and I took a fuck ton of them and then I was like oh no but it'll be fine like there's time it started hit yeah time is awesome when you're off yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it started hit me I do my whole set and I guess we can tell the story both from y'all's perspective in mind I do my whole set I get through it I'm feeling it pretty strong I know my eyes are as big as stars there's only like a few moments where I like I added very mushroom type commentary but some
Starting point is 01:05:02 of it hit some of it didn't whatever it's fine and I get to the very end and I have a joke that I'm doing right now. Well, before that, let me set this part of it from our perspective. Okay. I'll kick it right to you to what you said. So me and Trey are sitting there in the back on mushrooms, but just kind of have the little tiny buzz, just kind of rolling. Everything's cool, man.
Starting point is 01:05:21 Nothing's a big deal. So we're sitting there and we're kind of talking it because, like, we know, I was like, man, because Drew, mushrooms affect him different than they do us. Like, the amount that will get me and Trey just kind of like, all right, this is fucking great, man. Well, you know, fuck him up a lot more. and so we were sitting there. Y'all said that to me last night.
Starting point is 01:05:39 That's how I am with drugs. I don't think that's true of mushrooms, but you can continue. I know for a fact it's true with mushrooms, because we've done the same amount before, and you were way more fucked up than me. It's not an insult, by the way. I know. I know.
Starting point is 01:05:48 Okay, whatever. Well, anyways, I said that to trial. Like, man, you know, here's a deal, though. That's sometimes Drew will give me some, and I won't even really feel it, and he'll be kind of fucked up. This time, he gave me some. I took it.
Starting point is 01:06:01 I'm kind of fucked up. Right. And he took so very much more than me. God told me how much you took. I think I took about four or five months. That's crazy. Right, that's insane. Yeah, so I said that, and Trey goes,
Starting point is 01:06:14 Trey looked at me and he goes, you know, because you were having a great set. He goes, you know, considering all that, I mean, he's holding it together pretty good, and pretty good was just kind of floating out of his mouth. And then as Drew did this. So I have a joke where in the joke is a story about doing mushrooms, and there's a line in there that's like kind of hard to handle. It's, whatever. I can't do the whole thing.
Starting point is 01:06:37 But then I tell a story about telling that joke. And the joke isn't necessarily anti-cop, but it's talking about how I don't like cops and cops scare me. And there's this notion of people calling the cops on my mushrooms, and that's freaking me out. And I told this joke in New York one night, and someone got upset, I thought. We told this story, this particular story on the podcast before. Okay. So I'm telling that story. Like, I do the joke, and then I tell the story about the joke.
Starting point is 01:07:03 And I talk about how I'm meeting this dude in the meeting. meet and greet and he looks upset with me and I say I'm expecting him to say something like my son died in 9-11 because I in my head that's like the most insane thing that a human being can say after I did this kind of anti-cop joke that would make me feel shitty because the dude
Starting point is 01:07:21 and I have already been fighting. But anytime anyone says it just says that it's like a yeah so I'm saying as part of my story but the way I said it last night on mushrooms is the funniest thing this dude could have said to me was my son died in 9-11. So he said
Starting point is 01:07:39 something like, I'm expecting him to say my son died 9-11, no one like last at that. He's like oh, fuck you. That'd be the funniest thing you could have said to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I doubled down and I berated the audience. As you guys were saying, he kept it together pretty well, I am now berating the audience last night going, oh, come on.
Starting point is 01:07:58 That is absolutely the funniest thing he could have said to me. So again, is my son died in 90s? Yeah. So let me back up just for a visual here. Let me back up just a second. So what I said was, Trey says, man, he's holding it together pretty good.
Starting point is 01:08:11 Immediately, how hilarious would it be if he was like, my son died on 9-11? Oh, fuck you guys. And then me and Trey-Ballarian, then our mushrooms
Starting point is 01:08:20 kicking even harder because he realizes, like, I'm about to have to go up. There's no way. He's not about it. We were literally hugging each other like two fucking Titanic survivors
Starting point is 01:08:29 on a goddamn plank trying to find a fucking light on a boat. And laughing. Oh, fucking God. Oh, fucking God. And I heard somebody squeal laughing as they ran out of the door. Dude, that was me.
Starting point is 01:08:40 I was over there by the booth. I was over there by the booth, dude. It just eruption. Because it was so, the timing couldn't have been. It was. I was so close to being. You were, dude. But you know what it was?
Starting point is 01:08:55 Even not even being there hearing y'all say that, it was like so. You still were thinking the same time. Yeah, yeah. And you know what it was, man? It was the fucking baseball announcer. You're not supposed to. comment on the perfect game. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:07 And so you fucking said it. I mean, drilled the backstop and killed a little boy behind it. On 9-11. Yeah. Everybody, well, we got to go. We'll see you later.
Starting point is 01:09:19 And skew-hoo. One, two, three, four. Mercy, mercy. You fart on me. That's the way that love should be. Baby, you're the only one I see.
Starting point is 01:09:35 So mercy, mercy, fart on me. Everybody now. Mercy, mercy, fart on me. That's the way that love should be. Baby, you're the only one I see. So mercy, mercy, fart on me. Why don't you fart on me? Oh, come on now, good Lord.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Got overdone it there at the end there, Billy. Just got to always have a last damn word, don'ty. Can we take it from the top? top one more time. I believe I can fart better than that. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew. September 20th, 2020, V-M-L-Y-N-R for Zell Jans. At ID PFXE0121.0.
Starting point is 01:10:42 Spot title, 60 Mornings Are Made for Better Things. 60 Second Radio, Fulmex. Mornings were made for better things than rheumatoid arthritis or RA. Zeljans, Tofacidinib, is a pill for adults with moderate to severe RA when tumor necrosis factor blockers did not work well or could not be tolerated. Zeljans can help release. joint pain, swelling, and help stop further joint damage. Zell Jans can lower your ability to fight infections. Don't start if you have one.
Starting point is 01:11:14 Before and during treatment, your doctor should check for infections like TB and do blood tests. Serious sometimes fatal infections, cancers including lymphoma and lung. Blood clots, serious heart-related events, tears in the stomach or intestines, and allergic reactions have happened. People 50 and older with heart disease risk factors have an increased risk of death. Tell your doctor if you've had hepatitis B or C, have flu-like symptoms. are prone to infections or have ever had a heart attack, stroke, clot, or other heart problems or swelling of lips, tongue, throat, or hives. Ask your doctor about prescription Zeljans. Visit Zeljans.com or call 1844 Zeljans.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.