wellRED podcast - #144 - THE BEST OF THE WELLRED PODCAST VOLUME ONE!!!!

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

Not much of an explanation needed here, its a best of podcast! I had SOOOO much fun compiling this that i'd love to do a volume 2 real quick so if you feel your favorite moment wasn't included, drop us a line on social media (@wellredpodcast on twitter would be the easiest) Listen. Subscribe. Download. TELL YOUR FRIENDS. And leave us a 5 star review! Thanks in advance. we love ya! wellredcomedy.com for tickets to shows!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast they're the at progressive we know how much you love your recreational vehicles so we decided to record this

commercial in an RV with a family on vacation mom who are these people oh that's flow and Jamie they're recording a commercial sweetie don't they do that in the studio oh normally Enough. But we wanted to feature a family who bundled their home and RV and saved with Progressive. Yeah, it looks like you're all out of chips. Okay, I think we'll just drop you off at the next gas station. Bundle your home and other vehicles with Progressive. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company affiliates and other insurers,

discount not available in all states or situations. Yeah! I just downloaded some, well, I paid for them up front, but there's these royalty-free loops that you can use on podcasts or whatever. and this is one of them is called Turn Up the Watts and as soon as I heard it I was like wow ain't this just the fucking opposite of our podcast I'm using it

this is the well read podcast Best of Edition Volume 1 we've never done one before but I wanted to do one because my dad recently has started listening to our podcast and he kept saying he's like hey what I want some of my buddies to listen but what's the best episode

for me to like introduce them to the podcast with And I would go, oh, well, it's this one or it's that one, or you should do, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And then I was like, fuck it. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to compile a best of just for my dad. But while I'm doing that, we're just going to throw it out to everybody. So this is the well-read best of volume one. And I say volume one because I had so much fun compiling this list that there will 100% be a volume two.

That's where you come in. If there's anything on here that you thought, oh, that definitely should have been on there. Or like, what the fuck was the show thinking this should be on there? All you got to do, drop me a comment. Send me a direct message on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. I'm Corey Ryan Forster on all of them. Just holler at me, and I will be sure to include it on volume two. And then probably, because dude, this volume one, it's only like three clips.

And it's an hour and a half worth of shit because we're very long-winded in some of these moments. We're absolutely insane. I'm not going to tell you what they are. I want you to listen them through. But again, like if you hear one and you're like, oh, this definitely was fun. more than that. Let me know. This portion of the podcast is always brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com to get all the ropes for all you meats. Also carvevodka.com. Go to carvevodka.com and carve your own path, you silly butts.

That is Jacksonville's first and only craft vodka distillery. Well-red comedy.com. That's where you can get tickets. It's W-E-L-L-R-E-D. Comedy.com. Spelled just like the podcast, by the way. That is where you can get tickets to see us on the road. We've only got two more dates left in 2019. We're in Denver this weekend. And let's see. Sorry, I had to breathe. December 19th through the 22nd.

We are at Zanis Comedy Club. Tickets are going quick. So grab those at well-read comedy.com. And we're going to be coming back on the road in 2020, but we haven't figured those dates out yet. But we are working on them. So we love you. And enjoy the well-read best of tell your friends. Download, subscribe, and leave us a five-star review.

if you feel like it now on with this podcast. Skew. They're the liberal red necks. They like cornbread, but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fuck. Next that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Your butt to the list of people on this pod.

That's a mention. Craig Ryan, corner, right for Mr. Morgan, and special guest, Mr. Butt. Well, we're in Canada, so... Moshio Dairy Air. Monshio Dairy Air. Oh, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ma, ha, ha, ma'o, ha, oh, gosh, oh, God, this is ridiculous. No, pion pion, pion.

This is we... I was fixing to say, we discovered, like, the biggest scandal in modern political times in America, and now we're doing butt jokes, fighting over Taylor Swift. That's why we're here for people. And far in the microphone. So I'm not including that clip because I consider it one of the best of the well-read podcast. I'm including that clip because I came across it the other day while trying to find some of the best of the well-read podcast. And it occurred to me that that was the moment that we found out what this podcast was. For the first several episodes, we thought, well, you know, Trey got popular because of his political videos and we wrote a political book.

and we have sort of a politically themed comedy tour. So naturally, that's what this podcast will be. We're going to talk about politics. And somewhere in there, we decided, well, we're not really decided. We just started talking about butts. And one time we were in Canada and Trey farted. And then we started goofing off and having a good time. And we realized, oh, wow, that's what the podcast is.

Not that we won't cover politics. Of course we will when something insane happens. but this podcast is our one, it's our one thing that we just use to goof around and to be us and to let loose. And yes, very often that means, that means farts. And that's why I wanted to share this clip as the jumping off point for the best of episode, because it's the moment that I feel truly made the podcast what it is today. And thank you so much for tuning into the well-read podcast. I decided to put out a best of episode today because I thought what better episode for you to share with your friends who you've been trying to convince,

hey, you should listen to these goofy fucking guys, but you don't really know which episode to point them to. We'll do this. This is the best of. We're going to get into some super goofy stuff on this episode, some great moments, some funny moments, some moments where I seem like a big old dumb dumb. and in no more clips from the well-read podcast, did I sound like more of a dumb-dum than the one we're going to start off with here.

It is the infamous pap-paw Batman argument. Here we go. Skew! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, pap-paw. Pap-paw. Is that for me? Yeah, Corey informed us that one of his goals in life is when he gets older and is a pap-ball

because old people can get away with anything. They can. Sure. I agree. I told you my plan for retirement. I'm going to start doing heroin at 75. Yeah. Well, me too, but I'm going to be a heroin murder and ass papaw. Corey wants to murder people when he's a papaw. People that deserve it. Right. Yeah, I'm going to be a ventilent. Vicholentia. He wants to be a papal. You're going to be a vigilante. He'll get to it eventually.

That's pretty good. Yeah, no, I do. I'm not going to beat the shit out of them. Obviously, I have to have a gun. I'll be old. But you already got gal. Yeah. We're going to have. Me and Drew were telling it when he said this. So, like, he's not going to be able to do that. He can't just go and just do that.

Hey, even if you kill the first person, you're going to get caught immediately. You're a fucking pap off. No, that's why. That's exactly why I won't get caught at first. When you kill. That's exactly why I won't get caught at first. I will be no, I will not be a suspect because I have no motive. I have no murder.

You're going to see. You're going to, like, serial kill these people, like sneak in, fucking get them in the dog. I'm a pat-ball. You made it sound like you were just going around, go up to the house. Go to the house. Just when you kill futuristic. Alex, hey, are you bomb-off? Peg him in the fucking head.

When you kill... They're not going to suspect me at first. When you kill futuristic Alex Jones. Yeah, that's me. When you do that, you think you're going to get away with it because you're going to be an anonymous path. Not forever, but I guarantee you for a couple months because I will have no motive. I don't think you have murder in your heart. I do for scumbags and shit, but like, what I'm saying is they will not ever go,

well, it must have been the 85-year-old that's never... that doesn't have a big time criminal record. Like, I'll have no motive. No fucking motive. You want to be able to drive away from there without running into a fucking tree on the side of the road because you're a pap hall. You're a papal. I'll be fine.

I can walk off. People think I was dropping off chop. You can't walk right now. You're right now, you lip. You ain't going to be able to walk. You're 29 and you got a gat. When's the last time you heard a gunshot and actually fucking thought somebody got killed? I heard gunshots literally every goddamn night.

I said, you'll be so slow as a papo. You'll be so slow as a papo. Yes, it will. By the time somebody hears a gunshot and then looks out, you will not have made it to the end of the fucking driveway. What I'm telling you is, I suspect. I hear gunshots. I hear gunshots literally every day where I live. I never once even fucking remotely go outside my goddamn house.

Alex Jones ain't going to be living on the fucking mountain in Chickamauga. That's true. Okay. You're going to be in a neighborhood. What if I got one of them guns from like a fucking no country from old men and things that he just puts those. Those cow killer guns? That cow killer gun? Nobody will fucking hear it.

Yeah, but then you got it. rack and if I was getting it as your oxygen tank. That's what I'm saying. It would look like an oxygen. How are you going to get it up to their head? There's a papo. You got to be quick. They won't let a pat-ball do that.

You don't have to be quick because if a pat-ball is doing something, you're like, well, this is a pap-off. What's going on? What's he doing? He is furious. We think he won't be able to get away with murder very easily. Hypothetically. No, and again, when he's 85.

This is the most ridiculous we have ever been as a group. I'll eventually get caught. I know that for a fact. What I'm saying is for a while, no one's going to be like, It must have been a pat-paw. I'd fucking get away with it for a while. And also, if I was only killing these sacks of shit that I'm talking about killing it, I think there'd be a lot of people that wouldn't want to fucking turn me in be like,

no, let the pat-paw killer stay out. I'd be like fucking Batman. See, this is how it started. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pat-Paul. He just comes to a circle. He said, I'd be like Batman. That's what he said before.

They want me to do Batman. This is what he said, this is how it started. He said, when I'm 85, I'm just going to be just murdering people who deserve it and just mainlining heroin. I'll be like a papal Batman. And I said, we've been watching two different Batman's. No.

He don't know. He's never watched Papal Batman, which is one I'm currently right. That ain't Papal Batman. That's maybe Papal Deb Pull. What is Bruce Wayne going to do when he gets all? That'll be it. You can't fucking catch him either.

He's still going to be trying to do it. So he'd been doing his whole life. You ain't Bruce Wayne. Don't I'm saying. And eventually Batman will need to. He is Bruce, though. You'll need to quit being Batman. But that's all he's ever known.

He is separately Bruce. And Wayne, God damn. He ain't Bruce Wayne. What I'm saying is, eventually Bruce Wayne will turn 80. He's in fine shape. I mean, if he gets killed, no, but he takes exceptionally good care of himself. You think he's going to want to quit playing Batman? No.

What was that? He does what? I don't know. Did I say a food again? He takes exceptionally good care of himself. Now you're talking about, well, Batman could do it. I'm saying I could do it. That's our own point is.

You ain't Batman, dog. What I'm saying is he's going to live a long time. I could randomly live a long time. Keith Richards doesn't take an exceptionally good care of him. himself and he's lived a fucking long time. He kind of looks like a pap all Batman. Yeah, and he can fucking kill people. Nobody will be like, yes, Keith Richards did that. Right, but that's

Keith Richards, dog. You ain't Batman or Keith Richards. Let me go and tell you what's going to happen when I'm 85. I'm going to start murdering the fuck out of people, and I'm going to if y'all are still, which y'all won't be, I'll be the one that lives, both y'all. But if y'all are somehow alive, I ain't going to come to your house and kill you, which I

could. But I'm not going to, I'm going to come to your house and go, hey man, look up on a fucking internet. You see them nine murders? You boy. You boy did that shit. And then I'm going to fucking jack off my limp, dick, smoke a pipe, and leave your goddamn house forever.

I ain't letting you come over, because you might murder me. First of all, I won't. Second of all, I only murder people that suck. You all don't suck. But your plan, though, for murdering people that suck, to be clear. You are going to drive to their house. Drive to their house, walk up their front steps, when they open the door, cap them

and leave. As an 85-year-old papy, Paul, and you think you're going to be able to just do that. For a while. No way. For a while. Absolutely no fucking way. Who would suspect me? It's not about that you'll get caught.

Maybe. It's not about suspecting you. I never said I wouldn't. I've said I'd eventually call it. I could murder at least 10 people that way before. He's just doing the same fucking day. Yes, I'd do it in the same fucking day. There's the murderer on the loose in the Chick-a-Morrow area.

And the scumbags are talking about him the pap-ball killer. I'm talking about live alone. They don't fucking, they do. They don't fucking. He hides his gun in his oxygen tank. Here we have him on video. That's the other thing, dude. In the future, there'll be cameras everywhere.

Everywhere. Everywhere. I could kill 10 people in one day. As a papo. As a papo. As a bad of here on video. It's a good thing you're going to be waking up early. This is in the future.

This is in the future. You can tell he's a papo in this grady video. You said I'll be slow. Diabetic gout shoes. No, fuck y'all. If we're in a future that has goddamn cameras everywhere, I bet we got one, I got glide shoes and shit, so I'm going to be slow like a fucking papaw. I'll be on a goddamn, like, fucking, where it's on my goddamn back and I hover up to this motherfucker, shoot him in a goddamn head 10 times later.

Yeah, they're going to catch up to me, but I can kill 10 motherfuckers as an 85-year-old. Garren fucking cheap. Why do you want to kill? Because these are bad people that need to be gone from society. There's bad people right now. I don't want to go to papal, do you. He can't get away with it now. No, that ain't it.

He's a 29-year-old man. It's sitting outside the realm of possibility. That's not it. when he's 85. This is the stupidest fucking thing. Easy money. No.

It's because I have a life. It's because he doesn't care. I have a life ahead of me now. I don't want to go to jail as a fucking 28-year-old. Hey, unwinds a little bit. I'm saying he's an 85-year-old. I'm with you. I know I'm going to get caught.

That's why I'd wait to 85. Because going to jail is an 85-year-old, vigilante papal back, man. You ain't even getting treated bad in jail. Jail will be better than the retirement home that your motherfucking ass would be in. If you didn't go murder these people, if you go murder these people, jail will hit so fucking horrid about.

Yo, this is that Batman Papal that fucking killed everybody. Why? Do they do everything from the sundry? You just said because they're bad. I'm talking about... Everybody who's ever killed anybody said that. No, I'm talking about these people because our system is fucked up. And there's some people that go...

Do you want me going on this? Because that's the real reason I fucking brought it up. I'm talking about people that absolutely should be in fucking jail where there's marijuana victims that are sitting there for 15 fucking years, but a goddamn child molester gets out in fucking three. So you want to murder? her child molesters. And fucking baby rapers and shit.

People that... Them's the same thing. That's what I'm saying. People that literally don't, like, they get out for some goddamn reason while some dude fucking smoke the joint in Birmingham, Alabama, and he goes for 20 goddamn years. These people that, like, dude,

a lot of them are going to reaffend. They shouldn't be the fuck out there. That's basically murder. You've just killed an entire kid's life. How are you going to find these 10 people? I have an app on my phone. That's why the fuck this even got brought up. What if one of those 10 people that shows up on your fucking

petter-assed app is a guy that took a pissed by a school yard when you can look up what they did on that out. So you're going to find 10 pedophiles within like murdering distance for a pap hall. Well, they do be living near each other because there's only certain places they can live. I guarantee you. That's what I'm saying. A lot of them are out in the country where even if they did call the fucking law, it takes them 45 fucking minutes to get out there. I could do it.

Just wound up. 10 in a fucking bro. You're more passionate about this than anything other than IPA. It's just, no, because you told me there's something I can't do. You know how I get. I got that fucking Marty McFlaude bullshit. You can't do it. But that's a son.

I'm still Easily can do it right now But I don't want to go to jail The rest of my fucking life of You can't easily do it right Easily I ain't with you Period

I have no motive That is the main reason They catch people If you go on a 10 person Now if they hear this Of course I'll get fucking caught If you go on a 10 person There's no personal motive

I know somebody When they go When they go to investigate They go to They go to ask the family Is there anybody that could have done this They were never going to mention me Because I don't fucking know them

That's what I'm saying. There's no fucking, usually when somebody gets killed, they're like, who, who has had to argue with them? I want to change the subject for like seven reasons. Evidence and shit, you leave behind it. Especially when you're a pap on, you got damn skin and hair. Of course, you ain't got no hair to begin with, but whatever else is falling out. There's a great point. No DNA.

I have no hair. Won't be there. There's more to it than just that. Also, the gun, you are powerfully dumb. It's just crazy. You think this. No DNA. What do you mean?

I got no hair. No DNA. It's fine. It's not the only kind of it. I was being funny. I'm very aware of that. It's not just about, like, what makes you suspicious. Also, you said you could kill 10 pedophiles in one day.

Do you know how close they live in the South? Wait, wait, wait, wait. We started Alex Jones. Do you know how close they live in the South together? A lot. I have an app on my phone. And not get called. Why do you have an app on your phone?

I found out about it. I was like, is this legit? Sure, fuck it was. It probably ain't. I mean, that seems like something they're going to make money on it. They have their fucking criminal background. Seems like it ain't legit to me. But,

fucking look it up. They have to register. They made an app for it. I don't see how the app, who would get that information and then put it up to that app. There's definitely websites for the app. It's the fucking app. It could be super easy to hook one of those websites up to an app or whatever.

They do it for people moving to different neighborhoods. You can look up how many fucking peddress. Fuck that. Huh? I said, I ain't with that. Fuck that. That's fine, but it exists. It's bullshit.

Why? Because that's some nanny state bullshit, first of all. Second of all, just like. Like, Trace said, but they have to register, period. Now you get, just like Trace said, you've got people who got caught pissing near a school. But they have exactly what they did. According to who? According to what record?

Do you know people who work at courthouses who put records in? Do you know what this fucking do you're like? It's not that there's an asterisk by their name. What there is is, it was like public fucking, you know, had their pants down in public or whatever. It's like exposure. I am asking you, Corey, if you think none of those are wrong. Do you literally think those are wrong? I'm not killing those.

I'm killing the ones that are like fucking child molestation. What if it says the wrong thing? What if it says that? And I guess, no, I guess you're right. No, I guess you're right because there have been death penalties carried out on someone who

absolutely didn't do anything. Yeah, well, that's nothing. One if they weren't guilty, but they were left. If they were bad man, you could be operating outside the law.

Because they were facing life, but they weren't guilty. Or what if they did piss by school, but the thing accidentally confused them with another? Sure. that would suck, man. And like, you're not talking about... You're going to talk about

about that. I'm not going to be that for another 60 years, dog. Like, you're arguing with me. You want to have this fight with Pac-Ball Batman. I'm not that guy yet. I don't want to have this fight with you. I think the existence of this app is disgusting. Maybe if I had kids, I'd feel different. But what I'm saying is, they have to register anyways,

and that register was always something you could look up. That's what the point of the register was. Now it's just an app that you look up the registers. I understand what you're saying, but like, it's just an extension of what already was. like registered sex offenders. It was an extension of what already was, but that's the problem with,

in general, with like the police state and overreach. It's always an extension of what it was, and the next thing you know, you're going to jail because you had a bad thought because Papo Batman reported on you. Hello, this is Papo Batman. There's a show in my fucking name. This is now the sequel

Minority Report meets Pat Paul Batman. I'm in. I don't really know. Pat Paul Batman is now murdering people for thought crimes. Exactly. And that's not right. And again, that's not me. That's me in 60 years.

Don't argue with me. Man. This got weirder than I expected when I thought it was fine, Papal. It's just. I did love, no, no, no, no. Yeah. You had to do it. Papal.

It is funny. But, like, yeah, it's just, I don't know. I just, I think it's insane that you actually believe that you could pull that off. I am going to do heroin. There's no way. I'm also going to do heroin. When I'm old. Yes, there's, listen, you can't do hair one.

and kill people. I'm going to be all the heroin. I agree with you on that. I'm 100% I've done. I've talked to Adamantly about how I've done heroin. No, you definitely, you might murder yourself. That happens a shit time. But like, no, you ain't getting to fuck up to go kill somebody.

Okay. Now, while I admit that I still part of me believes that I 100% could do that, I will admit that in hindsight, I think it will be a lot harder than what I was coming across as believing it would be to, and a half years ago when we originally recorded this podcast. But as the guys will point out, that's just something about me. I constantly believe I can do anything. And even when people provide, and I'm putting this in huge air quotes, facts that prove that I would not be able to do that thing, I still usually maintain that I could do that thing. So if that clip was all about

one of my quirks, which is believing that I can do anything, this next clip is about one Drew Morgan's quirk and the quirk that Drew has is that he believes everything is binary. Drew has this thing where if he likes a thing, then, like if Drew, if Drew likes vanilla ice cream, then fuck chocolate. It can't just be vanilla and chocolate both exist and you've got your opinion and I've got my opinion. It's no vanilla's good, fuck you, chocolate can suck my goddamn dick. And that's exactly the attitude he brought to the debate on whether or not Bob Seeger. or foreigner were the better band. That was never the argument at all.

We were just talking about how we thought Bob Seeger hit, and apparently foreigner hits harder for Drew, and so Drew farted on all of our fish, and we had this argument. And so here we go. The great Bob Seger versus foreigner debate. We're fucking ridiculous. You stood on top of your chair at an Irish restaurant.

You spread your butt cheeks. You farted on my fish. You farted on my fish. You farted on my fish Bullshit Yes you have Fuck old bait No fuck you

Fuck off Fuck old bait Dude Bob Sigur fucking sucks You farted on my fish You farted on my fish You said fuck Bob Singer That ain't it That's the problem here

Fuck old bait So I've been waiting You farted on my fish VTO County Fair I fucked everybody's mom You farted on my fish You farted on my fish You farted on my fish

You farted on my fish Fuck old babe. You're like adult contemporary. It's no alternative. At all. Okay. On that note, I want to rehash something that happened at lunch earlier because it hit for me very hard. Did I do something dumb?

No, please don't say anything until I get through the whole recap. So we're sitting at this Irish pub in this mega mall situation in Columbus, outside of Columbus, Ohio. And they're playing. It's a city. They're trying to act like it's a city, but it's just a mall. I think Easton itself was already a thing. This is the Eastern Town Center that we're in. This is where I like to refer to.

This is a fucking affront to God is what it is. These are so common though, man. This is just Turkey Creek in Knoxville and fucking Mount Juliet. Turkey Creek's in the middle of a town. Look out that window. There ain't nothing that way. Maybe it's all on the other side. I'm just saying it's a very common thing.

I know because we stay doing Funny Bones, and Funny Bones are always in this, which is a big shopping center thing and Funny Bone's hip for me I'm not talking shit about Funny Bowling I love them Like this is just Easton This is all it is a mall

That ain't true of Turkey Creek That's infaring it I don't think that that's true though That's the Easton Town Center Okay I think Easton is a separate thing I'm still with you though Fuck all that

But like anyway We're at an Irish pub In a fucking Midwest Mall And so naturally They're playing a bunch of bullshit on the radio or over the speakers for the most part and so at one point they're playing and we'd already

commented on it and at one point Rascal Flats cover of Life as a Highway was playing and Drew pointed, we kept pointing up at the speakers to make fun of the music it was playing he pointed up and he goes this is like the most dad rock song of all

time and I said no I don't think this is dad rock I think dad rock is it's funny because like genuinely part of what happened is I got offended as a dad, I think. I'm just like, don't you fucking disparage dads with this bullshit. This is mom rock here. But I was like, I feel like dad rock is like foreigner. And then you said, fucking foreigner hits. I was like foreigner does hit.

Or, you know, like Bob Seeger, that's fucking dad rock. I wasn't comparing those two bands at all initially other than saying they were both dad rock. But when I said Bob Seeger, you said, dude, Bob Seeger don't hit near his hard as fucking foreigner. And I stand by that. And me and Corey, me and Corey were just,

initially were just like, well, I don't know, I don't know about that. Sure. And you were like, what? What?

It was like, well, I mean, dude, Bob Singer hits pretty hard too. And you were like, fought Bob Singer. No.

Initially, he was like, as foreigner, what the fuck are you talking? This is all about my passion for foreigner. Fast forward. Fast forward, fast forward 30 seconds later,

you've gotten, you went from being lukewarm at worst on Bob Seager to literally screaming, Dude, Bob Sigger fucking sucks. He just out there fucking... You're so liberal, he has to defend every type of foreigner.

He's like, he's writing fucking showtune. And I said... He's pointing both directions dancing around. Bob's sugar fucking sucks, man. And to be fair, foreigners also show tunes. It's a way fucking better show, though. What song is that? You're as cold as ice.

But you don't. willing to sacrifice my... This is like... This is like when we had the conversation about Tony Choshals. That's air supply. No, it's not. It's not.

It's foreign. Oh yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. Urgent, hot-blooded, dirty white boy. Jukebox Hero. And that one guitar... Which is a better version of Turned the Page. It's a turn-the-page who's being honest with itself about what it is. I think Jukebox Hero is a better version of

the fucking... Travis Tritt. No, the little Johnny, Johnny Pettis Homecrown. It's the same as Duke Boxera. Don't you disparage Travis Tritt. Don't you try to distract me. Hold on.

Listen, Bob Seeger, there's the reason that Bob Seeger songs are used in commercials. You didn't have to go hard in on fucking Bob Seeger, though. But I don't mind doing it because Bob Seeger is overrated. But I'm saying, we weren't initially, sincerely, I wasn't making any value judgment about one versus the other. I was just given two examples of Dad Rock. They both hit for me.

I get that. Two minutes later, you're fucking screaming about how much you hate Bob Sigur. That is true. That is true. You yell as loud as I've ever heard you yell. You stood on top of your chair at the Harvest Restaurant. I did all that. I did all of that.

You farted on my fish. Of foreigner. Yeah. That was it. It had nothing to do with Seeger. It didn't have to be that way. It never does. It seemed like you had a lot of favor.

No, we all stopped thinking about Seeger because that's what you do. He's a berm. This is. No. No. No, man. My Seeger fucking heads, dude. My three.

Burms can hit. Foreigner's a berm. Sure, but they hit. Way harder. Way harder. This is like when we had that discussion about... Remember the foreigner's versus Old Bay? No.

You don't remember the foreigner belt on Aquitaine Hunger Force? I don't hope somebody got my foreigner belt. The Digi Monsters had a for... Yes, right. God damn. We got the foreigner belt. And they hit a button and it turns you into a foreigner's song. It made fucking Carl's Head... Connect Four Head Games.

Oh, head games. I get it. Yeah, when are you going to turn me back, for real? somebody got me head games this is great that's fucking phenomenal no i want to go back and we've been talking about aqua team for a couple of days i'll go back and watch that show i would pot and just in keeping we're talking about things you do that don't hit you know from our this clearly hit for you i made your dinner entertaining but like oh we talked about it long after you abandoned us and we're cracking up laughing about how raving and just full on drew it was

every time he kept telling the story we would laugh harder yeah but you guys would apparently change the story no no no you got on the loudspeaker at the restaurant and you told everybody. Yes, that 400 hits. Bob Seeger don't hit. I didn't say Bob Seeger's name. When I got on a loudspeaker, all I did was a really, really sweet rendition of Jukebock's hero, and I did punch a bartender. You cut your arm and blood into suit.

But I didn't say his name. Okay. It was implied. Fair. Remember when we were in Maine, and I was talking about how Old Bay hits. Bob Bay don't hit for him. It don't hit for him. It don't hit for me.

It's the Bob Seager of Seasening. Right. Okay. Yeah. I was in between y'all on that one. Okay. Here's all I was ever saying. was that Obey also fucking hits

He turned to this whole thing About I was like You're telling me You'd rather have Obey In any, in literally any situation More than fucking Tony Chachis I was like no

No, I'm not telling you that But that's a fair question Obey also hits Fuck Obey Because we live in a fucking society Where also hits is good enough And I'm fucking sick of it man We could have Tony Chachos

If we'd demand it If we would stand up, take to the streets And be like We want foreigner and Tony Chachos And nothing less God damn it, in our malls. I mean, I'm not going to disagree with you that we shouldn't take to the streets. I do.

I disagree. You just take what comes to you, man. Why don't we also want Bob Seger and old bay around? They also hit. Kind of. Like, no, no. Against the wind is great. Which is, of course, that's the only one I like.

That's my theme song. Against the wind, yeah. Run against the wind. He's so, dude. I'm not why. You're not backing me up really with this. Because this is hitting from me. Bob Seeger's a cover band.

I agreed with you. As a person. Bob Seger hits harder. They're harder? Yeah. God damn. Way harder. I just, there's no way.

I've laid them out. You tell me what he does. I also did some research, and even on album sales, Forner has Bob Seeger by five million albums total. But Bob Seeger, they sold 80 million, and Bob Seger sold 75 million. He also hits. Well, I think this is a fun argument because it makes sense that their album sales. You said Bob Seger sucks.

I did not, I did not, but he does. I didn't say that. But I feel that way. To death. And I hope his whole family dies. Yes. Yes. I didn't say that, but I was interpretive dancing.

Yeah. If there's an argument and he's on the other side of it, he goes forward versus Bob Singer. Okay, but you realize that he's saying that I got on the loudspeaker and he's saying all these things I didn't do because I didn't actually. You did say, fuck Bob Singer. I mean that. I mean, you know, I've told people I love the most to fuck them, you know what I mean? You love Bob Singer the most? Yes.

I think that this argument is interesting. Of course they have the same amount of album sales. Like, they occupy a very similar space in our culture. It is dad rock. Yeah, it is dad rock. But I think foreigner is superior dad rock. I mean, I think I've listed out all the songs that have that prove it. Singer's got like three decent ones.

I actually don't. I'm not arguing that Sager hits harder than foreigner. Okay. What are we arguing about then? Because that's what I've been arguing about the whole time. No, you said. You started earlier. Again, I wasn't talking about who hits harder.

I just brought them up. Okay. But the first thing I said was foreigners way better than, You said way better. And me and him were just like, literally we were just like, well, and then three minutes later, you rich a shirt off, shirt off, threw it over, kicking Shepard's pies over. Well, I had to show everyone my foreigner tattooed. No, I'm in aggregate. Foreigner does hit harder than Bob Sager, but.

What would I do wrong? You said, fuck Bob Sager. That ain't it? That's different. Any kind of a dick. Wait, wait, wait, time out. Also, I just met fuck Bob Siger. Isn't he an asshole?

I don't know. Foreigners, probably an asshole, all of them. One of them is. Yeah, we know how foreigners be. Yeah. Especially the British ones. Ain't they British? Probably.

They're actually half British, half American. I did some research. That hits. See how much harder they're hitting? The more I know. That's why they're called themselves foreigners because they were foreigners in both places. So creative. Yeah.

Better than Bob. Bob hits. Silver bullet band hits. He also fucked with a bunch of muscle shawls motherfuckers. He did. He paid him to be his backup. Yeah, well, so. He hits.

Yeah. Hit her, you know. He also has a duet with Three Doors Down and Uncle Cracker did his song. You're going to really just start shitting on Three Dors Down or that? No, but you can't bring up the muscle shows guys and not understand. What Uncle Cracker song? No, that was Macy Gray, which I thought was Bullseiger. Well, not Macy Gray.

You thought Macy Gray was Macy Gray. Not Macy Gray, though. What's that, Obie Gray? Is it Obie Gray? Terry. Yeah, Obie Gray. Put on the beach, boys, I'm here you myself. No, that is Bob Seeger.

That is Obie Gray. Okay, Uncle Cracker did that. And when I was little, I thought that was a Bob Seeger cover. Because of old time Rock and Rob. Right. Oh, God damn. Beardt, fuck Bob Seeger. That Macy Gray looking motherfucker.

I'm pretty sure that I've told this story. Obey. Well, if we're going to shit on me and Drew, then it's only right that we shit on our benevolent Lord Trey Crowder. is one of my favorite clips of all time. And this is when we were not, this, God, one of my biggest regrets in the world. So obviously everybody knows, well, not everybody, if you don't know, we've been recording our podcast on the road on video and you can get them, sorry, I have to breathe, you can get them on YouTube.com slash well-read comedy. Obviously,

this one is a compilation, so it was not filmed. But one of my biggest regrets in the whole fucking world is that we weren't recording when this particular argument went down. Because if you guys could see Trey standing up in the middle of our hotel, just fucking like walking around, clucking like a goddamn chicken when he was trying to, not trying to, he succeeded at making me and Drew feel like the dumbest pieces of shit in the world for insinuating that it might hit if T-Rex is. had feathers, it would have broke the fucking internet. Like, people that didn't even know shit about us or shit about the well-read

podcast, if I could have isolated the clip of Trey fucking walking around matter. I know that, like, there's probably a lot. I guarantee there was a lot of people that listened to that clip and was like, oh, these motherfuckers, they're putting on. There's no way that they're really that upset at each other or that Trey's that upset about this. I'm here to tell you right now, I love the guy. I have the most faith in him as an artist and as a performer.

but Trey Crowder is not that good of a goddamn actor. He was fucking furious, and you can tell in this clip, when we discuss whether or not it would hit if T-Rexes had feathers. And, oh, boy, yeah, just take a listen. Good fucking God. Can I go out on a limb here? Fuck the past. The past sucks.

Well, this is another reason we're superior to sharks. They don't have podcasts. Or pass. They don't have a pass. don't they just been the same okay so on the subject of life and how insane life is okay here's the thing i read recently uh if you if you stand up and you hold both your arms out straight out in a cruise in his will house he's been reading books and stretching his arms out look at a crucifixion pose okay okay and the length from the tip of your left middle

finger to your right middle finger. If the length of life on planet Earth, life in any form. Is this your arm stretched out, Kevin Garnett? Anybody. It doesn't matter. But your hands are so long. It doesn't matter. From your left fingertip to your right wrist, right?

So 90% of the length is just bacteria. It's just single cell. life forms. Sure. And then beginning at your right wrist is two cells. It's multi-cellular life forms, right? Yeah. Okay.

If you took a nail file, any Rite Aid brand nail file, and you ran it. That's how white trashy is. He went straight to Rite Aid. And you ran it. If I were going to say Walgreens, he says Rite Aid. Any Gucci brand nail file. And you ran it one time. Mm-hmm.

over your right middle finger. Then you could return it and get your money back. If you, if you ran that nail file one time over your right fingertip, you would erase all of written human history. That's like, your right hand is not just human history. It's multi-cellular,

the dinosaurs fucking everything, all everything other than bacteria. It's just your right hand. And human, humankind, human kind, is just the very tip of your right middle finger. That's,

right. We're the dust. By the way, that's a nail file. Dinosaurus is wild. Dinosaurs is wild. They're super fucking wild. Insanely wild.

I know. That's what I'm saying. Dinosaurs existed so much longer ago than. And so much longer than. Like, you think, You think about like longer than us,

right? They've been around for millions of years. Right. Dinosaurs, any of the, like, man hasn't even approached

existing. From the time we walked out of the caves to now, we're not even one hundredth of a percent of existing

as long as the T-Rex did. I hear you. What about how, since they found out they was birds? Yeah, they got feathers. The Tyrannosaurus rink got feathers. And they was probably, like, very multicolored a lot of them, especially considering where they lived.

Because, you know, growing up for years, they was just old-ass lizards. Gray. And they was all gray or brown. They was wearing pastels and shit. That's a concern. But that does hit. Right, but it didn't hit. You know what I mean?

Like, a T-Rex being pink and purple. That's, fuck, that hits Supreme. For you? That don't hit for most people. No, most people want to be great. Y'all, uh-uh. Are you shitting me? Yes, and I'll defend the fuck out of it.

The people who you're talking about, they like Mountain Dew. It's lime green and red. They like fucking NASCAR. Every car, but one was bright. He was the best, to be clear. My point is these people love bright colors. Monster energy drink. Monster trucks is bright green.

Bright shit hits for everybody. The literal Raptor, the literal Ford Raptor. has neon on it. Neon size? I'm with Drew right here. Chrome. That was a fucking whole... Chrome don't fucking count.

We're talking about feathers. We're talking about pink and purple. Actually, that's right. And also lime green and blue ones. Just the colors that the Wembers wear. It's also blue and lime green feathers. Then rednecks don't like that shit. I don't hit for them.

No. Those colors absolutely hit for them. What? I don't think so. You know, because I wore a pink shirt and everybody's like, You weren't a pink shirt. Not just pink. Y'all just keep saying pink over and over again.

Their feathers were also blue and green, and those are the only two I have, but those are fucking colors. You're literally describing Rick Flair, and this is kind of checking out. He's a goddamn dinosaur. That's all he was. He was a velociraptor. He crowed around on stage. Woo! Yeah.

You don't know what he's saying. Okay. He had feathers? You yourself have seen pictures of what people say now that a T-Rex looks like. Are you telling me that when you see these new pictures with these fucking multicolored feathers on it, you didn't think to yourself, well, that don't hit. No. I'm glad.

No, actually, they hit harder for me. Yes. Y'all are so fucking full of shit. No, no, no, it does hit so much harder as birds. Fuck. They're fucking birds. In the gray ones, I agree. I'm a jury on this.

Think about Jurassic Park. If they had feathers, it hit way harder. Way harder. Are you kidding? Are you shitting me, dude? Remember when Sting dressed like? 100%. Both things were gay.

The best thing. The best thing was not. Hold on. Hold on. All shit. Everything's better gay. Everything is better gay. No.

No, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. All right. Hold on.

Everybody shut the fuck up right now. Matt is better. Everything is, which is gay, it's better. You're going to tell me right now that you think that Wolfpack Sting was better than fucking original original 1993. green and pink stain, you've lost your goddamn mind and my respect. Or you're going to tell me that fucking rednecks like the ultimate warriors. What the fuck ever.

The T-Rex of wrestlers. Fuck all that. In Jurassic Park. If they had wings and feathers, feathers, baby. Oh, my God. Look, we get it. You feel differently.

You're literally screaming at us that we don't feel this way. In Jurassic Park, in the scene in the fucking jeeps when the T-Rex shows up with the fucking cups and the ripples of the water of him walking up. If that motherfucker had walked through that gate with pink, blue, and green feathers on it, y'all are fucking stupid. Are you kidding me? That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life.

You are full of shit. That would have looked so fucking dumb. No, it would have rolled. If that motherfucker walked through, pink, green, and blue. Mostly blue. It would have been mostly blue. It would have been mostly blue.

Oh, my God. It would have been. Most is the dumbest y'all have ever been. You're so full of shit. Oh my God. It would have hit so much harder. Are you serious? Absolutely. You're serious right now.

That hits way harder. That hits way harder. If that was a dinosaur. Than a fucking Tyrannosaurus wrecked. We're not that. But here's the thing. But if we're not that. We're not that.

We're not. We're not taking a. We're not taking away. Listen to me. We're not taking away. Yes, you are. We're not taking away the Tyrannosaurus wreck. We're giving him feathers and fucking great colors.

He was. would have looked stupid. He would have looked stupid. Not would have. That's what he looked like. That's fine. The fact that... No, no, no, no.

The fact that that's what he looked like is one thing. This motherfucker looked like a jack rooster. You think that don't hit? That does hit. That does hit. It does hit. It hits so hard. It hits way harder.

If that scene would have ended with a gigantic rooster, fucking rooster walking his ass out there. If it had been dumb. As fuck. He ain't walking the same way. Dude, fuck that shit. Y'all are...

He was a rooster. Look at how his arms is. I know that. I'm talking about cinematically. Sitting here and acting like... Trey, will you stop screaming at us for two fucking seconds? Will you stop screaming at us for two fucking seconds? Will you stop screaming?

I'm not going to stop interrupting. You've been doing it to me for 15 fucking minutes. Stop screaming for two fucking seconds. The notion is never actually, fact, or in what we were arguing, we were just fucking with you. I wasn't. That shit would hit way harder. Sure, but the idea

that was never that he was a complete bird. Look at some of these fucking pictures of it. They hit so much harder at that gray ass piece of shit. Y'all are so fucking stupid. You're so fucking stupid. You're a goddamn moron. He's not like, he's not like,

that was a turning point in cinematic history. No, it wasn't. Yes, the fuck it was. No, that's true. When the fucking T-Rex shows up in that movie, you're out of your fucking mind. No, that's true. And if he would have showed up with fucking blue and pink feathers on us.

Oh, my God. Or do you know how many shoes that comes down? Oh, my God. Nike would have had a fucking crossover with them, motherfuckers. They'd have the feathers. These Jordan Faisal had the feathers coming out these bits. You would have had feathers down on them. By the way, Tray, hold up.

Dumbest shit. Hold up, Trey. How could be the dumbest shit we've ever said when you won't even let us say it? Hold up, Trey. You won't even let us say it. Hold up, Trace. The Popeye's family feast. Why is everybody suddenly family with

Popeyes hits the table? Feed all those cousins with six pieces of our bouldy season signature chicken. Two famous chicken sandwiches, two large mouth-watering sides, and four flaky biscuits. That's enough for cousin co-worker, cousin roommate,

cousin neighbor, and all his billion cousin kids. You've got all the cousins coming. Even the ones who aren't really your cousins. All for $2999. Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants prices may vary additional terms apply. we're not drunk

our manager Trey I will I'm on your team right now that was a huge moment in cinematic history that was a fuck that Steven Spielberg when the draft

what I'm saying is if that fucking T-Rex had come out looking like Libera Rashi fend to play the candelabra it would have hit way harder that's so stupid hell yeah

and his arms are too short and he can't reach the high notes or the kids that use his nose oh man bomb bomb after the build up of that scene of the cup of water No one would have laughed if we all knew what he looked like.

And if it came out looking like lizard Rachi, that people would start laughing, they would have been like, this is fucking a lady. Oh really? Did they say that about Muhammad Ali when he came out wearing his robe tray? That motherfucker was flashy as shit.

He made a fucking statement. That's how that goddamn T-rex would have done if that motherfucker had to came out to battle goddamn Newman from Seinfeld. That's what it would have been. You don't know shit. Yeah. Also, hold on.

In your mind, is that thing happening? This is ridiculous. But we grew up with gray? We grew up with gray. Because hold on. I didn't think that's what the conversation was. What I'm getting at is, like, once you know, once you know, like, I see what you're saying if our whole lives we knew that the T-Rex

was gray or we thought we did or brown. And then that popped up. Everyone would giggle because it would be totally unexexam. But now that we know, and I'm, I would absolutely have laughed in that moment. You're completely right. But now that I know, and I process it, and I know that's what they look like, it is undeniable to me that feathers... Me too. Look fucking rat.

Way better. And I already know how vicious they are. It's a fucking rat-ass, hunter-foot chicken dog. You know what I'm saying? That's rad. Muffer laying eggs on your head. Dude, even just saying the velociraptor could fly a little bit. Yeah. Imagine like it fron and...

Even just saying that, it's a hundred-foot chicken. You're so wrong, man. You're so wrong. Are you fucking kidding me? A hundred-foot chicken? You think most people are like, oh, 100-foot chickens? God damn, that's fucking cool. Yes, that's what dinosaurs were.

What about a hundred-foot lizard? That is what dinosaurs were. What is cool about a hundred-foot lizard? That is what dinosaurs were. Wait, tell me, what is cool about a hundred-foot lizard that would be any better than a hundred-foot-chic. If it's a chicken? Chickens are badass. Oh, my God.

Especially roosters. Oh, my God. Your lizards just lay there. Chickens do not hit. They hit to eat. They hit so much harder than your fucking bullshit, gray-ass, leathery, fucking skin, dinosaur. You're a fucking moron right now. Chickens hit harder than alligators, Camodo dragons, crocodiles.

And they all have feathers, too, motherfucker. We ain't done talking about them. Also, most of the lizards you name it is wild fucking colors, dog. And they hit because they're wild colors. No, they're not. No, they're not. No, they're not. No, they're not.

No, they're not. No, they're not. No, they're not. Unreal. You're on, your bono, chomotas, comodo, drake. They're all the same. They're bright green. You're not fucking rainbow.

Are y'all out of your fucking mind? I don't even, dude, I don't even know you right now. What the fuck are y'all talking about? Pink alligators. Dude, that would be so red. Fuck green. Are you kidding me? That gray-ass green bullshit, a fucking pink alligator?

You're a fucking moron. This is so stupid. No, it's not. Yes, it is. A fucking feathered ass, it's the same size of the transaurus wrecks. If the hit this thing to be for a murder lizard was pink and blue, crocodiles would be pink and blue. No. But they're not.

Because that shit don't hit, motherfuckers. Bullshit. That shit don't hit. They're dead. Crocodiles ain't dead. But the dinosaurs are? All the pink and blue motherfuckers are dead. All the pink and blue motherfuckers are dead.

The ones that ain't dead are fucking green. They're bright green. They're neon green. We got... Dude, I can't believe we ain't had nobody from the hotel call up. How many times have me and you had the hotel call up from us just sitting there laughing at a Cohen brother's buddy? But those were like, they're partying next door. You guys need to come up here.

It's disturbed me. We're about to get the cops called because Trey is beating his wife, according to whoever's next door. Hey, can I tell y'all something that I told Nat like a little bit ago? Nat knew it the whole thing. time as you called it. I fucking actually agree with Trey. Like, I don't think the fed. Like, I'm totally on your team, but you was getting riled up and it hit for me so fucking

hard. But, dog, I'm way on your team. That gray lizard shit is way darker. It's Godzilla type. Fuck this fucking blue and pink bullshit. I ain't with it, but like, that was fun as shit. I told her a long time ago I said, by the way, I agree with Trey, but this is going to be really fun for me.

And my God's son, that was amazing. y'all do that shit to me all the fuck well no you don't y'all never agree with me i was and i and dude that was fucking rad god that was fucking funny i argue with my heart well guys i mean i don't know how you can get past that who lord was that not something else uh and now before we get to the very the very last clip i think quite possibly aside from maybe pat mal papal batman the most requested clip now i'm going to say this is the most papal batman maybe the most internally talked about but this the last one that i'm going to share is definitely the must requested clip but before that i want to share a very quick clip that just tickles me uh this is the

uh this is the inception of pussy dick butts skee anyways back to these god damn chickens buddy i don't know i won't keep talking about decks yeah i mean i'm gone no no you ever seen a chicken's dick well yes that's what we call a bar mitz where we're from no oh god i have Have you for real saying a chicken's dick? They just got them pussy dick butts, right? Pussy dick butts. Yeah, they do. I mean, don't they?

Oh, pussy dick butts. Pussy dick butts. Don't all birds have them pussy dick butts? I heard of veterinarian one time. Oh, yeah, all birds, they got them pussy dick butts. All birds are they do. They do, though, right? All birds is a shoe company, and that should be their slogan.

All birds, we got them pussy dick butts. Pussy dick butts. Pussy dick butts for your feet. so what you're saying is they just got a hole and they just rub their holes together they just fucking chicken scissors all day chicken scissors chicken scissors from the makers of corn dog tie come get your dick up boy skew pussy dick butt pussy dick butt

pussy dick butt what does make a male or female A shave a pussy dick butt. Shave. You know, how are you going to shave? I promise you that. Why are you trying to shave a bird's pussy dick butt?

Duh. Right. I mean, if you're a bird, you're trying to evolve, Trey. You goddamn, you're out here with these Caribbean chickens. How are you going to compete? I believe they pluck. Okay. Well, how do you pluck?

A pussy dick butt. Real careful. I don't know. I ain't a pussy dick butt, doctor. You are the pussy dip butt officianto. No, no, I don't want to be that. Well, this is destiny, man. I love to hear a chick and be like, God damn, you need to trim your pussy dick butt.

This is getting a little out of hand. We're never going to evolve back into our former selves. Both male and female birds have what's known as a cloaca. Pussy dick butt. That's Greek for pussy dick butt. What's it called? Cloaca. The cloaca is an internal chamber that ends in an opening, and through this opening, a bird's sex organs.

Okay, here we go. testes or ovaries. I was going to say, like, what's the, how do they differentiate? How are they not just unisexual or whatever? Uh-huh. But that's it. They still got balls and lady balls, uh, but they just don't have the outside part. Okay.

Keep going, though. That still doesn't explain to me how they copulate. Uh, ends in an opening through this opening of bird's sex organs, testes, or ovaries, discharge sperm or eggs. So, discharge eggs. Well, I mean, yeah, they're burnt They lay eggs So here's what I think happens Okay

Old boy bird Walks up Gets his coacula out Situates his pussy dick butt Over his old lady's pussy dick bun Over it Yeah Like a

They start checking scissors Right Like a funnel And he sprays his Birdges Okay Into her pussy dick butt Okay

fertilizes her eggs and then she later shoots those fertilized eggs out of her pussy dick butt into a nest. Did you know? And then they be... And I think you guys told me this actually on the podcast. So of course you know. They'd be putting them eggs out no matter what, right? Yes. Yeah.

And if they're not fertilized, they don't ever hatch or whatever. And what we eat is unfertilized chicken eggs. Yeah. So it's like chicken periods, really. Oh, my God. Pocenta. Chicken periods is what they are. I know.

I'm crying. Today's podcast is brought to you by chicken periods. Yeah, and pussy dick butts. Yeah. Pussy dick butts. The makers of chicken periods. Brought to you by Coacula. Coacula's a pretty good word.

It's not as good as pussy dick butt, but that ain't bad. We've really done it today. We have. Yeah, I wasn't ready for pussy dick butts. So we get the pussy into dick part, right, obviously. The same. Yeah, where's the butt? The same opening also serves a less sexy purpose.

The expulsion of urinary and digestive waste. So, I mean, it's literally a pussy dick butt. And a urine, though. But that's the put your pussy and dick is your urine. It's wild. Anyway. All right. Now for the final clip in the well-read podcast, Best of Volume 1, just Volume 1.

So remember, if you didn't hear your favorite clip here, Leave it in the comment, send me a message because there will be a well-read volume 2 because this has been super fun to go back through everything. So yeah, but anyways, the last clip, and it has to be the last clip because this particular clip is 32 minutes long. It could be a whole episode just by itself. In this particular one, we had just gotten back from doing a show in Fargo. and me and Drew were attempting to explain to friend of the podcast, best friend of the podcast, the most requested guest that we've ever had and will continue to have. DJ DJ Lewis, skinny bumpkin himself, we were attempting to explain to DJ our, the

situation with us in Fargo and how we got maced and how I felt like I almost choked to death. And we thought we had a pretty good story going. We really did. But little did we know, which I don't know why little did we know, we should have fucking known that DJ, of course, had his very own story about Mace, and it was just going to blow ours completely out of the fucking water. So without further ado, my opinion, the most requested story on the podcast, we're just going to call this one butthole Mates with DJ Lewis. And we hope you have enjoyed this recap of some of the greatest podcast moments. and send in your contributions for what you think is the best.

But here we go. Butthole mace. DJ Lewis. Skew. So a little context that, I mean, I'll probably get into it a little bit in the dates portion, but we're doing this Sands Trey, and not because we wanted to, but because we kind of had to. We were. Let's just tell that story.

Let's you and I tell DJ and try to get him to understand what happened, and then I feel that'll be a good experience for the listeners. For sure. So you go ahead. you laid off. Well, you were on the right track in terms of we try to do this podcast with Trey, the last night of the last leg of the tour. We were in Fargo, North Dakota.

And we were going to do it in Minneapolis, but we just, we're lazy, we fart, we drink, it was like, fuck that. Minneapolis is cool, you know, sold out show. We got to go to Fargo, and we have, this time, we have flights. And for the first time, we had later flights. Normally, it's like, we don't want to do the podcast last night because we got to get up at 6.45 in the morning, but that wasn't the case.

But we had 11 a.m. flights and I had a 5 p.m. flight. I was just hanging out in Fargo all day. We could talk about that. I'll tell you guys that story. I would love to hear about Fargo. Here's what I did all day. Not a damn thing. Anyway, that's the whole story. I'm so disappointed. Well, DJ, I'm trying to tell you a better story.

You're sitting on this couch looking at me like we're about to go on five dates, and then I'm going to ask your dad to marry you. I just put these on and they're new bridges. You got new bridges? No, they're old. No, I just washed them. I don't know. Try to rub that tidy.

Just what detergent bills like that ain't for it. Yeah, man. Just finally try to use one of them dryer sheets, but you'll say you what. God day. Y'all tried them? All right, sorry about that. Yeah. Dyer sheets?

All the time. I've tried them. Sometimes I don't have time to do a wash, but I want shit to smell good, so I just put stuff in dirty clothes in the dryer with a dryer sheet and then wear them. You ever been a son-bidgett's car that had one of them in there. Oh, Jesus Christ, though. Yeah. In college, some of the piehead kids would put a bunch of them into a... They put them in their vents

And then they'd put them in their Into a paper towel tube And then they would just After they smoke They'd blow it out into that And then that would supposedly keep the RAs From smelling the weed Yeah, I've seen people do that

I mean I think it does a little bit It won't do the shit To a fucking two-day-old crystal bag This fucking I tell you that That's fucking little tiny hamburger Oh God They're te

Those are the smelliest day after shit Thing ever Yeah your car will smell for at least two or three days. Yeah. Crystal's good for about an hour. Yeah. The hour you're eating it.

And after that, everything else that happened. You gotta get that shit, how old, buddy? The fuck out. Yeah. It's like a metaphor or something you can draw from, like, who really is fucked up in this country in terms of how your group fights oppression. It's like, college white kids. It's like, what do you do to fight the man? We blow our weed into a private house.

No, in the really rich kids, it's a dryer sheet. Yeah. What the fuck you're talking about? We got saved them briar sheets. God damn. That's deodorant. That's what we rub on our chest. And also, they really fucking start a bombfire real fast.

Yeah, they go up. Yeah, they go up. It's all them chemicals. Anyway. Sorry. No, you're good. We was in Fargo. And we were doing the podcast last night, as Corey said, because we didn't have early flights for once.

And we're like, we're just going to do it. So we kept putting it off, kept putting it off. And then we got to where we had to do it. Well, then we also kept putting it off because the bomb. we went to after the show. That's what I was to say. Yeah. We found out that there was a casino in it, and Trey, like a moth to a flame, had to go sit down at the blackjack table.

Couldn't get him to leave. Literally, we said, yeah, there's a casino in here when he walked up. Didn't say a word for it. And I couldn't get another sentence out of my mouth. He was walking away. I made him come back because a fam was there being very sweet waiting on an autograph. There were other, there were like six people around. He walked up to us.

Corey goes, there's a casino here. and he didn't even look at anyone else. He didn't realize they were with us. He was just like, oh, here we go. Like the winter soldier just been read that code or whatever the fuck it is. He just like, must kill everyone. Like the matrix number started coming down. He started, yeah.

0-1-1-2. So he took off. He came back. He wasn't asked the people and all that. And then we were like, we're going to order a pizza to go. And they brought out our pizza not to go. And in fairness, I asked for it to go box that did. and come in time.

And we had, someone had bought us beers. So we had full beers. We knew Trey had a beer and he was gambling. So we were like, all right, we'll just eat the pizza here.

It's a big deal. Yeah, we'll put off the podcast another 20 minutes. The pizza was for all three of us. Corey and I ate almost all of it in about 10 minutes. Without even realizing it,

we just, Drew just looked down. He's like, oh shit. Now look, there's like three, four pieces left. It's probably enough for Trey.

It's probably like almost a third, like a little under. It would have been fair. But then we thought it would be hilarious to just, eat the rest of the fucking pizza when he came back from gambling.

Well, especially because he came back and he was pissed and I go, well, you gambled and you lost. And to be fair though,

he had been gone for like an hour and the pizza was just sitting there and in my defense also, I ain't never had a pizza with sourcrout on it

and it was fire. It was a good pizza had ham, pineapple, and sourcrow on it. That's what I do it in fine. It was a Hawaiian

German. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. So anyways, then we did more shots Did more shots.

Ordered another pizza. Yeah, ordered another pizza. And then we're like, all right, fuck this. We got to go back to the hotel. We got to do the podcast. Take the pizza with us. So we did. You stopped.

Yeah, we get there and, you know, still not satisfied. We had to go to the sundry. I wanted to get sleeping pills, which I did. So I'm getting the sleeping pills. I get the sun chips and I get like a gatorade or something. And I'm up there. And y'all are, you know, very nicely holding the elevator for me. But the guy, Bruce, I remember, an older,

balding gentleman who was i'll never forget this guy as long as i live he was at the front desk and he's on the telephone and like it's not a normal front desk call i can already tell he's very flustered he's just like uh okay i do i need to call the cop like do i need to call the cops what i don't understand i just please calm down please calm down i don't get it and i'm sitting there they're looking at me like do we need to go and i'm like yeah y'all get on the elevator i'll go i didn't hear what bruce had said no they didn't hear watching you interact with this dude They didn't, there's a part that I saw that they didn't see, and then there's a part they saw I didn't see.

And so we're about to overlap them. Simultaneously. So they go up and then. I said that word so wrong. That's the most wrong I ever said a word. It's great. I think I said Simon Tameously. Simon Tameously.

Which is the dude who used to sell insurance to my dad. Right. Yeah, Simon Tameously. God damn it. Here comes Simon Tameously. Ain't nobody like Simon Tamey. That's a creepy bastard. So anyways, he's sitting there and he gets off the phone and like breeze this sigh of

not relief, but like of like, oh God, I'm about to have to do some shit. And I just go, hey, I'm just put these on my room. He's like, can you just, can you just give me a second? And I was like, yeah. And he comes back up and I was like, man, I can tell you're having a rough night, man. He's like, I don't know, I don't know what's about to happen. I don't know what's going on. I really don't.

And I was like, okay. And so I'm hearing that. And then he starts to, he starts writing the stuff down. And about that time, this dude pops off to elevator. Kind of looks like you, DJ. shirtless skinny dude? He's a shirtless skinny dude. Here's the overlap.

Here's the part I don't know about. Get off the elevator. Drunk. I'm drunk. I'm drunk. Yeah. He's drunk. Fired up.

And we hear noise and I honestly thought it was a party. And there's a smell in the air that smells like someone got like really hot Indian food. And it's like kind of starting to make my eyes itchy. And I turn to look at Trey and he just goes, who. He looks like he can't breathe. starts coughing. He goes, it's Mace! It's Mace!

And I turned down the hall, and there is this skinny, white dude in brown pants, no shirt with a fucking bandana over his face sprinting towards me and screaming people behind him choking on Mace. Trey falls into the floor. The dude gets a foot from me and jumps on the elevator. I'm still, like, a little bit like, what is happening? Why is there Mace? And in my head at that moment,

Someone like accidentally made, like I don't, I don't even know how you would actually do that. So was an accidental maze. No, it was not. Like, I'm still in such a good mood. I got pizza. I made Trey mad. Like, my night's going so well. I'm like, oh, and here we are at this hotel where someone I guess was partying too hard.

You know how it is, man. Partying too hard? Somebody got maced. Nah. This dude is running from them. I think he robbed them, which I can get to that later, why I have that theory. Trey is falling out. He's like freaking out.

Tell him, get in the room. the room so he can breathe. I now can't remember my room number. I don't ever remember hotel room numbers. I just can remember where they're at. We got to where it was at and it didn't look familiar. So I went and put the key in the wrong door. Now I'm starting to get it a little bit in the eyes.

Got into my room. Trey's coughing super bad. Like, we're like, what the fuck happened? And that's when Trey's like, dude, something's going on. And I'm starting to realize like, yeah. Yeah, this isn't normal. This isn't just a normal party. Not for nothing.

We weren't at some like streetside motel. We were at the Radisson. That's not the nicest hotel in the world, but like... It's not a trap. It's not a dope trap. It ain't a trap. So like, it seemed very out of mind. What the fuck is happening right now?

And Tray is just like, dude, something's going on. And I'm like, yes, I got maced. He's like, why would they have got maced? And that's where I'm like, oh, shit, that's a good point. Like, this ain't no accident. So we smell it. I hear you in the hall. Well, first off, I got to tell you what happened at the desk, because while this is going

on, I'm just down there like, please give me the sun chips. Well, that dude you're talking about, shirtless skinny dude, comes out of the elevator and just starts screaming. And it looks like he's fucking foaming at the mouth. He's coughing so much. He goes, I got fucking maced. Why he's running, him running while he's maced is pretty fucking impressive. It was something to see.

I think he did the macing and was pretending like. Yeah, and he was doing a good job of it. But so anyways, this is all happening right after the dude at the front desk. It's like, I don't know what's going on. He's trying to ring up my chips. This dude fucking busts out of the elevator starts screaming. I'm getting maced.

I'm getting maced. Now, don't get me wrong. I am slightly alarmed by this. But, you know, I've seen some shit in my life. I wasn't nearly as alarmed as Bruce was. Right. Bruce, I just go, oh, my God. You're more alarmed at how long.

It's taking him to fucking get you to sun chips. He's sitting there writing down my shit. And he goes, you know what? How about I fucking quit? Oh, shit. How about I just fucking quit? No, shit. Bruce is out.

Yeah. I'm fucking out of here. I'm done. And so I just grab my shit. And I go to get on the elevator and I hit the button. And the first thought I came through my mind, I was like, what do you want to bet? This is all taking place on the 13th floor right now. What do you want to bet?

I get off the elevator. I turn to the left and there's all the people he was talking about just outside going insane. And then I start feeling it and smelling it. It gets in my eyes. I look over. Trey and Drew are like, get the fuck in the goddamn room. So I run going their room. Trey, you ran in my room.

I ran in your room. And so then it starts hit. Trey's already fucking losing it. And it's starting to get to me. And I'm going, oh, God. And every time I take a breath, there's that hardcore tickle. And I'm coughing. And I'm getting nervous.

I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't breathe. And Drew's like, go get the podcast shit and come in here and let's just start doing it. And I was like, it's already set up in there. Let's fucking go in there. So then we go into my room. And like, you and Trey took off. What's wrong with you right now? You look like you're being affected by something.

Which is hilarious. That's insane. And we're about to get to that because that's really funny. Yes, my eyes are itching. It's like you have a cat. I know you don't, but this is what happened to me when I come into places with a cat. You and Trey took off and Trey didn't leave the door open for me. Yeah.

And I heard it closed and I was like, fuck. So I put a towel. I went and put a towel in my head. So then I walked through the hall by myself. When I did. With a towel over here? Yes. A very large, very large man.

And that affected me because it's like, Mace, don't care how big you are. This dude's like jacked. He's in a tank time. He walks by me. He's coughing. He turns, looks at me like, I'm going to help him. There's blood all over the towel.

He is coughing or sneezing up blood. And he says, I got maced. And I just look at him. I beat on your door. When he all lets me in or whatever, at this point, my feelings on this is a room got maced and it's affecting us because it's floating down the hallway. But it's fine. But, no. You and Trey are not fine.

No, not fine at all. So I immediately, Drew gets in and I, like, he, And I'm with him at first. He's like, let's start the podcast. I'm like, all right, this will subside. And it just fucking don't. Like, it's getting worse. I can't breathe.

I start just fucking puking on the floor. Like, I'm trying to run to the bathroom. And every time I go in the bathroom, that's where, like, the smell's coming in. So it's worse to go in there. And the maces hit me. And I'm like, fuck. So I throw a towel into the door. I'm puking in the toilet.

I come back in. Drew has now started the podcast because, and by the way, he is laughing like a maniac because he's like, I don't get, he's like, this ain't affected me at all. And we're sitting there like, Do you think we're lying? And I'm fucking yacking on the ground. Trey's on the floor. I got a very funny picture of him on the floor. I think they're going to get it together soon.

So I'm like, let's start the podcast. I'll start interviewing them. We'll start telling this story. This will be a great way to start the podcast. But as he starts puking and Trey's like, I can't. I'm choking. It's funny, but I'm like, they're fucked up. And you know what?

And I'm not. And you know what? I'd like to take a pause real quick. And I'm going to play you what Drew recorded of us so you can know that this is true. I'm going to play that right now. We have been maced Well, ratters I don't know if you can hear

Corey gagging We got back to our hotel I'm just going to tell the story As best I can I'm buried drunk And unlike literally Everything in the world I'm the least sensitive to this

Where I need to puke is where it's the worst And I can't go over there Corey wants to go puke in the bathroom right now But he can't walk that direction Because by the door it smells like mace We get to our hotel We go to the sundry You know we gotta get some chips

Y'all know how it is And then we come upstairs to our floor Tren are the first off the elevator Trey's better to go downstairs How do you go downstairs How are you going to walk through it? You better You need to put over your head something

Because it gets in your nose Whether you're breathing or not We got off the elevator We got off the elevator and it smelled immediately like peppers in a weird way. And then I started choking. I looked at Trey. Trey started choking.

He's about to puke. It smelled like mace. And then this shirtless white dude was running down the hall, looking like a carny. Didn't he look like a jocalo kind of? And there were people behind him. You're hitting, but we're not going to be able to answer you. I'm about to fucking die right there. Of course he's dying.

Again, for whatever reason, I'm choking, but not the most sensitive to it. the whole floor of our hotel room was maced the whole floor Corey came up after us I heard him joking we got him in our room we went back out when to go to Corey's room and do the podcast and a dude was bleeding into a towel a giant a giant man a very large man very muscular was bleeding into a towel I saw him and he goes to me Corey's spooking it's not funny but a little this

oh man trust me I just heard of humor but I also can't breathe right Corey says he understands a humor, but he can't breathe. This giant man, he looks at me, and he just says to me, someone tried to get in my room and murder us, and they maced us. That was what he said to me. The motherfucker in this hotel right now who is spraying this shit everywhere. There's a fucking people, man.

Apparently, there's just somebody running around mason people in this hotel. This is real. Also, I need to take a fucking shit, but I can't go in there because it got that pepper. Corey got a poop. let his pepper in the bathroom. My head hurts so fucking bad, man. I bet it's some coffee, too. Oh my God, fuck.

Dude, it's... How the fuck am I going to sleep in here tonight? How are you? We're all on this floor, dog! God, fucking damn it. We're all right here. Oh, it's... Dude.

This might be the first time that I ever, like, call and ask for a refund on some shit, because this is fucking... I mean, I'd ain't the goddamn hotel's fault, but Lord God. I can't fucking sleep like this. It's in my fucking eyes, man. Fuck, dude.

My left eyes, etching. Fuck. I think it's... And I don't know... I don't know shit about any of this, but I think it's... I think it's dissipating. I think that it was... It is, but my head is so fucking bumping already.

I think that whoever did it fucking did it, and it's... It's dissipating now. I think it's fucking... But dude... God damn, man. But it's not, I don't think it's that, I don't think it's like, it's definitely that. Pepper shit.

I know people listen and think that, like, we're probably fucking up with something right out, but we're not, man. Like, like. No, y'all are both furious that I have the mics out. I'm not furious. I'll get the humor later. I just don't expect much out of me because I'm literally vomiting into a fucking trash cat right now. Well, all I mean, you, y'all didn't want me to start recording you.

No, that's not true. I wanted you to. quit asking me for directions on how to record it because I was choking to death in the bathroom and again I can't get over but it makes sense like I'm sensitive to things that hit this don't hit so it has oh my peeves smell so bad your puke's thing god damn it's because we had a whole pizza a sourcrow right dude what the fuck man well honestly what this happened you're talking about well okay while I'm here uh since I'm we're here we're doing a goddamn is this actually still recording.

I think so. All right. Fuck, man. Okay, let me make sure, let's see. Levels don't hit. Dude, no. Are you on microphone one right now? No.

All right, well, we're just whatever goddamn mic I'm into right now. We'll be right back. We love you. All right. So that's what I was doing. Like, and that goes to show you that I was fine. And I thought in my head and, and I was being an asshole, but I really didn't think, I didn't know how bad you guys were fucked up because I wasn't.

Because I wasn't fucked up. And also, you were very drunk. Well, and I'm always the most sensitive. This goes back to you just asking me about these itchy-ass eyes. I'm walking into your house. You haven't cleaned the basement in a week or something. Oh, shit, ever. But my point is, this is a normal basement.

You two are just sitting here hanging out and my eyes are red. When I smoke weed, I have panic attacks. If I get too drunk, I can't sleep. And then for three days I'm depressed. I am the most sensitive motherfucker ever in the world. But not when it comes with Mace No, but Mace me all day It's what we figured out, DJ

It's weed, booze, uppers, basements It's fun shit that I can't do it So this ties into it Me and Drew got in a bit of a scuffle And it was fine But here's the thing I was outside I wasn't that drunk

Like I was kind of fine But I was outside of my mind on Mace I've been coughing I've been puking My head Outside of my mind on Mace Mace Secondhand Mace

The third best rapper I've never had that bad of a headache in my life because I'd coughed and, like, sneezed and puke so much that my head was just throbbing. And Drew is trying to get me to help him do something on the podcast. False. No. I was for a second. And then you said, I can't do it. And I said, okay, that's fine.

Then you said, I'll do it, and you don't know how to do it, which is true. You don't. I was just going to hit play until it worked. I was trying to listen to what we had recorded. Whatever. Whatever. There was a question of whether or not I had recorded any of it, whether or not the mics was plugged up right? This is just a cluster fuck of...

It doesn't matter. All I'm screaming at me. I'm sitting here saying... I can't help you. I'm going, I don't need your help. And he's going, yes, you do. In my mind, though, in my mind, really, though, what I wanted to communicate was, Drew, I'm vomiting. I don't give a fuck about none of this.

Shut the fuck up. But I can't get that out, and I'm about to die. But I'm communicating. You don't have to give a fuck about none of it. Like, okay, I don't need you. I think you both have very valid points. It doesn't matter. None of it matters.

We both apologize. We both fine. But I still... I'm still yack. He came in my room two hours later. I apologize. Oh, I know. Well-red family.

Anyways, I'm fucking, we're both screaming. It's both very hot. So Drew's like, fuck, I want to do, da-da-da-da. And I fucking shove him. Like, I did. I pushed him. And then Trey immediately got between us. We start yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, whatever.

Again, I still kind of don't care because I can't see. I can't breathe nothing. Well, anyways, I yak again. And I thought Drew had just went to the bathroom. So I sat down and I'm trying to get everything. ready and I go Drew were you on channel one or two and Tray's like Tray's laying in the floor like and he goes

dog he left and I'm like oh really I thought he just went to the bathroom he's like no no he left well anyways flash forward me and Tray are sitting there trying to just put this together like what the fuck man well then I get a phone call okay before you did that before you got a phone call I go back to my room

then no you're right sorry keep going that was later keep going so I get a phone call and it's security and they're like hey what's going on up there and I go, well, how much time you got? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think y'all know a little bit.

Yeah. It's like, dude, I think somebody got Mason. He goes, no, your room in particular, we got a call that there was a fight. And I said, no, no, no. I said, listen, me and my buddy got a little mouthy. I said, that's all that is. I said, because it's just, it's just heated up here, man. I don't know what the fuck is going on.

It's Mason there. So the dude goes, well, I'm going to have to come up there. And that made me mad immediately. But I did, I go, they've got to investigate all this shit. I said, you know what, come up here. I don't care. You red's already up by that time. It's up.

You might have welded to be, yeah, come on up here, Mark. So I told him, I said, come on up here. I said, I got nothing to hide. I want to make, you know, I don't want to say no, hell no, because then they're going to think I'm the motherfucker that Mace. Right. So I said, come on up, whatever. So anyway, as a security guard fucking comes to the door,

knocks something. I open it, like, and then show him the whole room. Like, hey, here, look, nothing's going on. Now, the reason I left is, I was like, if I don't leave, I'm going to fight with Corey. If I had been there during this as drunk as I was, Oh, dude. Go ahead.

Because I about did something and I wasn't that drunk. So security guard sits there. First off, let me preface this. So it's not the police. This is a security guard. He has a rag over his face. Because of me. Because of the face.

He realizes something is going on. He goes, he takes the rag off. And he's like trying to come in my room. And I'm like, look, ain't nothing going on. You know, look, we had, listen, me and my buddy got a little heated. He's got his red at, though. I said, we got a little heated. Like, oh, your shit going on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said, look, we got a little heated. He's gone now. I said, but it's honestly just because we can't fucking breathe. I said, and I pointed to my floor. I said, that's my puke right there from Mace. And he goes, that's always a good plan to the security guard. This is my puke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he goes, so, you know, I don't think I need to tell you. I don't want to have to come up here again. And I was like, you will not. I said, I don't know how to tell you. I would have told that motherfucker. You should come back up here and get rid of this fucking Mace. If I want to fuck going on with that shit.

You should be literally. Yeah, you should be literally. Dude, you're not. Is there not an investigation something? I said, I'm trying to. Y'all just makes each other and just fucking, what the fuck?

Excuse me, there's a noise complaint. We were down there investigating the attempted murder and someone alerted to the fact that you may have raised your voice. It's actually funny to say that. I'll get to the whole, is this normal or not thing in a minute.

So the guy, he's like, I don't want it to come up here again. I was like, I just told you, I said, me and my buddy got in a little scuffle, but it was literally just because of how insane all this is. He's gone. It's fine.

He goes, well, and then he kind like steps towards me and goes, I don't want to have to tell you what will happen if I have to come up here again. And I said, are you, and then Trey stood up and goes, are you fucking serious? I could hear we go, are you fucking serious? And I go, are you fucking kidding me right now? I said, there is Mace. I'm trying to go to bed. I'm fucking puking.

And you're going to come at me with this goddamn attitude. And he stepped in my door and I pushed him out. So get the fuck out of my goddamn room. And I slammed the door in his face. Yeah, he did. Then I locked it. Well, about five minutes after that, me and Trey were sitting there kind of laughing over it. But I was like, I won't fuck that security.

We look out the door and there's the police and I was like, man, I was like, you know good and well. That security guard went down there and said, these fucking rednecks are the one that did it. He shoved me out of the goddamn room. I know it for a fact. But, I mean, you know, after that, that was it. Drew came back in my room an hour or two later and we chatted. And again, we were fine because rednecks can shove each other and be fine an hour and now. I didn't shove you.

On the way, we didn't shove each other. I'm about to fuck her up in my basement. I'll break you and your pig On the way to or back from your room I saw a cop talking to a girl She was fucked up Like she was drunk She the one with the stomach showing

No, you asked me about that Yeah she was hitting for me And he was like interviewing her You could tell they had been separating everybody As the cops do Because he had her out of there And when I heard him say to her You can just tell me

They've already told me It doesn't matter to me just where are the drugs or whose drugs were they and she was like there were any drugs sir what i think happened is they were partying and someone decided to steal all the drugs yeah everybody there or whoever was bringing the drugs got uncomfortable and maced everybody there and i believe it was old boy without his shirt on and his plan on getting out was i've been maced and then he's dipped right right which there was that one dude that ran up and we went out in the hall for a second that came up and was like a dude broke in our room tried to steal everything

and Mastus, which I mean, yeah, I buy that. There was some shit going down in Fargo. There's probably always some shit going on in Fargo. So, hilarious, you would say this, okay. So anyways, the next morning, I get up, and I'm like, I wonder if this has already been on the news. You know, Fargo ain't that big of a place. If there was some big drug bus, I bet you it's been covered.

The fucking law was here. So I just look up Fargo, Radisson, and Click News. November 30th, 2017. panels falling from Fargo Radisson create public safety concern. I'm like, well, that ain't their fault. Whatever. October 6, 2017,

Radisson in downtown Fargo, lockdown is finally over. Then the next... What? The downtown Fargo, Rattison is a trap house. You shed me. December 2017.

SWAT team, Fargo police respond to disturbance at Radisson. The SWAT team. The disturbance. And it's like, The goddamn Radisson! It's a 16-floor hotel. It's got literal law offices on floor three.

There's a spa there. Yeah. Is it nice? This is a nice spot. It was pretty tight. But like, so all that shit. You know, did some meth. You got a mass.

Like a swat team showed up. And disturbance. Oh, you know. How many disturbances? What kind of disturbance? That new treatment. Just put this mace on your house. You cry for four hours and you feel like a new man.

I got mace frotted a butt hole one time. Dead in my butt hole. Well, I was going to ask you if you'd ever been in a mess. Like a dare. No, I'm not. The cop was like, came up to you. You were just like presented. You were like, ah.

You just put your ass cheeks apart. I'll give you a tar. Yeah, they're so used to the cops coming. You're like, shit, I know the drill. You pulled down, spread your butt cheeks, and they just sprayed mace right on it. I was in a, I was in a hole in a county jail one time, and I was in there raising hell, and they just, there's a whole solitary. Yeah. You're raising hell by yourself.

Please describe raising hell in this scenario. Well, I was but. I was kicking my door as hard as I fucking could and telling everybody I was going to kill everybody. So that was pretty much telling them, tell them, and I was going to try to sling. We've got a two-one two here. We're going to need a butthole mace. Well, what happened was, this is what happened. They turned all my water off, right?

And then they came in there and they dropped my little flat. And they got what they got in there is they got these like fucking. How long did your water been off? Just when they came in there. Like they have a search team like this big ass leg. Oh, sure, sure. I thought you were saying that's why. you were kicking the door.

Oh, no, I was kicking the door. I don't even remember, man. I was being an ass-on. We'll see how this guy does without water. Yeah. I think he's gone without it for several days. Yeah, man, I was in it. I was going through some things.

I tell you, I have a lot of my mind. I was trying to explain that the best I could. Right. You know, butt-necked and kicking the door. Just really to have the words for it. So I would act up. We have all been there. Let he who has not ever kicked the door.

He's sitting there trying to cast the first kidney stone. Trying to tell him what was up. He's like, you know, I've always heard actions speak louder than words. Let me see what. Fuck you. Fuck you. Just balls flapping everywhere. I don't give my fuck.

So they came here and took my damn while a little child flap down where they feed you the tray in this little, in the hole. And they got these things like a damn, like a damn, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a. Like a fire extinguisher. Sure. But it's full of fucking mace, dog. And like I turned around. Holy shit. Yeah.

And I turned around real fast when I saw it coming through my flap. Yeah. And buddy, it shot me right in the asshole. Yeah. I swear to God. That shit right now my fucking nuts. My fucking dickhole. I was dying.

Oh, my God. And I told him my fucking. I was begging them. I said, I said, I'm so sorry. I swear to God, I never fuck with them folks ever again. never did anything like that again. This shit fucking changed my life, man. Got right with the Lord.

And, uh, yeah. Yeah, that's how fascism works. Yeah. That's fucking they beat you until you give up or die or wish you was dead. Lord. So, yeah, so next morning we go down and we're trying to make sense all this shit. And we just walk down in the front desk.

Everybody's just down there. Hey, welcome to the rat. Like, like, you know. Swat team went here. They put our, uh, our receipt under the. I thought for sure I was going to open it that it was an apology.

Sorry about the mace. Yeah. And so... Nothing. Yeah, because considering what they've been through, you'd think they'd already have one type of the fuck up. Right, right.

So we go down there and we're just walking out and they're like, hey, see you guys, are checking out, have a good day. And Trey goes, hey, before we go, um, what the fuck happened last night? And they're like, what are you talking about? And they're like... They tried to, they're like,

and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, they go, what are you talking about? And they go, last night. And they go, oh, well, you know, we weren't on that shift. And I just go, right, so when y'all came to clock the shift that we did last night. Nobody said it a goddamn

yep, you know, normal night at work here, guys. Directly off. Are you shitting me? Come on, dude, it might have happened at that fucking place. Yeah, I mean, dude, it's very normal. We're like, oh, fucking not do that, whatever. I said that, and they go, well, you know,

we're not exactly allowed to talk about it. And Trey goes, I slept breathing fucking pepper spray last night. I understand if you're not allowed to give like names of people and shit like that. Right, right. But you absolutely are allowed to give me something. Yeah, be like this fucking dick yet trying to rob it some bitch and then they got fucking made something. So, and I, so I called, who do I call it? I called Amher. I was telling her about she's like, you need to fucking complain to management. I'm like, that ain't my style. So my

style of complaining of management is I just made a Twitter thread about it. I told Radisson, I went through this whole thing and ended it with like, just to let you know, I know this ain't your fault, but next time I'll whip your goddamn security guards ass. And Radisson responded to it. They're like, oh my God, we're so sorry. Please send us an email detailed what happened. I was like, oh, you know what? I'll send you a link to this podcast. How about that?

Yeah. And so, but they ain't going to do shit. No, but we're going to tag Radisson in the post of this. Oh, without a doubt. And well-read fans out there, tweet this podcast out and tag Radisson on Twitter in it, please. Please. Uh, hashtag butthole mace or whatever. Lord, thank you so much, everybody, for listening to the best of the best of

the well-read podcast, volume one, well-readcom, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. That is where you can find tickets to see us on the road. We're going to be in Denver this upcoming weekend at the Oriental Theater. And then after that, it's only a couple more dates in Nashville, Tennessee, at Zanee's Comedy Club, December 19th through the 22nd at Zanies Comedy Club, our special Christmas slash homecoming shows. Sign up for our newsletter.

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Fuck that one up. Love you, bye. Skew.