wellRED podcast - #146 - The Past Dont Hit or (Why Can't We {The Democratic Party} Be Friends

Episode Date: December 7, 2019

First and foremost sorry for the delay. We had to record late because we spent our normal recording time filming a brand new sketch for y'all with our friends at Comedy Central! This week Drew fills us in on his recent basketball shenanigans, we discuss what hits and dont hit about waiters not writing your order down, we talk about how much the past sucks, and we round it out by trying to figure out why the Democratic party seems hell bent on cutting off their nose to spite their face hawthorne.co promo code RED Bluechew.com promo code RED 

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

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place? No, Andy won't let me. I have to go to the Y now with old men. But that wasn't the only time I lost my well, the kick of the chair thing, I mean, that was just you know, that was just in the heat of the moment. Another thing. You just fucking went full, Bobby Knight. I was about to say chairs have have a time-honored tradition of getting

a basketball-based frustrations taking out. And I think I like missed a shatter. You know, it was all about me, which I guess it all is. It usually is, yeah. But this, there's this dude Moon, Asian guy. That's really his name. We're not trying to be weird. And he is super He's super athletic, but he's reckless.

And he just took me out. He just fucking took me out. I got a stinger on my shoulder. You remember stingers from football? Oh, my God. I got one from basketball. When it starts here, right here in the shoulder, I'm pointing that. And then it's just all over, and you're like, I know I'm not paralyzed, but if everybody

could shut the fuck up, that'd be great. So I got to say, damn it, moon! And threw a basketball. Yeah, you've got some practice for that. Screaming at the moon. In his backyard, mad at his hell like, God damn it, Moon. Yes, but this is the only time I've ever screamed, damn it at the moon where everyone validated. Shed and light on my failures.

This time I got validated. Like, I felt bad because that was like the second time I'd lost my timber, and I apologize to a few people. And one dude was like, yeah, we got a whole text thread just about how Moon is insane, dude. Don't worry about it at all. So apparently Moon has been fucking people up at the Burbank YMCA for a long time. he is a 60-ish-year-old Asian man who could probably squat a house. Okay. Yeah.

I did not picture him being 60, but that's awesome. And I don't know if this was his goal, but I now pick him. I now pick him to be on my team every time. Well, yeah, you need that. Because I don't want him to guard me. No, you need that. It does hit. Well, first of all, let me do something real quick because this will help me in the editing process

because, as you guys know, we are putting out this podcast a little bit late. Normally it would have come to you Wednesday morning. It's going to come to you Wednesday night. and to speed up the editing process, so I don't have to do anything. I would like to say this. Wellredcom. W-E-L-L-R-E-D Comedy.com.

That is where you can find out where we're going to be on the remainder of our 2019 tour. And the remainder of our 2019 tour is just this. It's December 19th through the 22nd at the, in my opinion, best goddamn comedy club in the country.

Zanies in Nashville. We're doing our special Christmas shows. You can get tickets at well-redcomedy. com. You can also grab our merch. We got t-shirts. got tank tops. We got our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark. We have our critically acclaimed album. Well read live from Lexington. And also

subscribe to our newsletter so you will know where we're going to be on the 2020 tour before my dumbass even does. Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash well-read comedy where this podcast will be available at along with other clips and content to get you through all the times where we're not in your city. Anyways, boys, good to be. here, here we are. Here we are. Where the show is. In the studio in the shows here?

Yeah. For what the second time ever? Maybe third. I think I did one with y'all, then one with Vancey Vega, and then one now here. If you're watching on the internet and you're noticing, we got a new paint job in our studio. It's looking great in here. And also, you got a new fucking Pistol Pete Marevich jersey. Yeah, I do for the people watching on YouTube, I want to make it clear.

I would never wear an LSU jersey if it weren't Pistol Pete Marevich. And I got, I want to say this, my favorite director. two video movie of all time is the Pistol Pete story. Did you see that one? I've seen, I don't remember the documentary one? No, no, no. It's like a little,

somebody actually plays Pete and they do the whole thing of him and have an heart attack. I've seen it where they talked about casting for that and like the kid learning how to dribble and stuff. When he was a kid, so in the movie, when he's a kid, they do this whole montage of him growing up and like he walks down the street, he's never not dribbling a basketball.

He's going between his feet, just walking on the sidewalk, and then he gets older, he's still doing it. And then he gets older. He's like driving his truck bouncing the basketball outside the window of the truck. And the first thing I did when I got my driver's license was drove down the street, tried and failed, didn't head out of it.

Because you were curious how hard it was? Yeah. And I tried to drive down the road dribble to basketball because that was my favorite. And I was just like enamored with Pistol Pete because as a kid, I was like, white guys play basketball. God damn. Him and Jason Williams. And the sort of, I guess, ironic thing about that is their games were almost identical for their time.

Sure. That's not to say that... Little scrappers. And they were doing moves that were about a year and a half ahead of organized basketball. Man, like, he don't... Pistol Pistol Pee was probably a decade. Pistol Pee was a fucking, like, a way long time ahead of his game. Pistol Pee is not...

Disclaimer, this is the worst Pistol Pied impression you will have ever heard in your life. But what I think of when I think of Pistol Pete is, one of the first things me and Drew ever, like, did together was... Drew had me... Drew had me do, basically tell a story that, like, his papal or somebody had told him as a kid, but as Pistol Pete Marevich. Yeah. And so it was me as this little, and you couldn't see my face. It was this little like Russian doll of Pistol Pete Marevich right, that we were bouncing around.

And I was voicing it telling this story from Drew's Pappal as what I imagined Pistol Pete to talk like. Go ahead. But he's from Louisiana. And it was just like, you know, people wonder why I played the basketball. But it's because we didn't have nothing else to do when we was kids. You know, all we had for entertainment when we was kids, one thing, I remember we used to, you know, we'd take a, we'd take it like an old corn cob running across a kitty cat's butthole and irritated to,

and the kitty cat drag his butthole across the carpet after that. And, you know, that was real funny. And that was, and the story. That's how I remember. It's a real story. It sounds like the old black guy in every movie. movie teaching a white kid how to play guitar. Well, we also did, I did Dominique Wilkins basically the same way, but just a little deeper,

which I think he's French. So it was like extra racist. And that was the thing. I was doing essentially the same accent as Trey, but since I was doing a black, I was like, eh, let's just maybe do you. The story, and the reason I cut you off is because the story. Because I was butchering it. Well, not butchering it, but like you left out the context, which is insane, which is that my papa,

and he had three brothers and he had a set of cousins that was four brothers and they fought like cousins and brothers well it's been like six years ago by the way when we did it's story i'm about to tell was 80 years ago they would take corn cobs corey and rub them across a cat's asshole yeah got that part of turpentine yeah onto the sores throw the cat into the older brother's bedroom yeah because and i quote it would go crazy and shit everywhere dragging shit across the floor and he would get in trouble. That's what they did for fun. For fun. So that's, I don't, I thought, I was thinking about this the other day, like for a joke kind of thing. It's when you were, you were talking about the joke that you're working on about, oh, God damn it. What was it about, it was about, it was about polio or some shit? I have a, I have a polio joke right now. Maybe it's he used, it was past, past, not hit shit. Oh, it was me talking about, and then I realize it was just his joke. Right. I have a, uh, anyway, I have a joke about the past not hitting polio's involved,

And before you say what you were going to say, last night I was talking to Katie about what entertainment used to be in the past because I was wanting to add that to my joke. Like spinning a hoop with a stick and shit like that. Mine was going down to see a horse thief get hanged and throwing maters at his whore wife or whatever. That's what they had instead of HBO. Yeah, yeah. So on this, I used to watch a man get hanged. I used to have that joke about dating in the past and how it was mainly pedophilia. But like how it was just like insane, all the things, yada, yada, yada, yada.

I didn't do it for a while. But like, so you said they rubbed turpentine on cats, assholes, shit up. And that was fun. That was like, oh, this is a good day. Entertainment. My granny, I don't know if I ever told you this. I don't think I wrote about it. No, I didn't write about it in the book.

And here's how I know I didn't write about it in the book because people would still be coming up to me going, God damn. They used to, do you know what nosy poker is? No. All right. So my granny and my granny. And my granny used to talk about this with such. reverence like nosy poker that was just first off she would also lead into like you know at the at the dinner table if one of us smiled would get beat uh-huh yes and that was just a true thing like great

like they because her brother would always like at the dinner table would he'd like fart or something and like stare at her because if you smile not even just laugh laugh was very bad but if you smiled at the dinner table and i want to say out of the fart you i mean he was a boy they was a boy it was a girl and also they wouldn't know where the fart came from uh but like you this is your ancestor right they know where the fart came from no but there was

15 of them they were all your ancestors this is just insane that's what I was going to say is this the past or just the fuck is this Charles Potter my fucking great great great grandfather they would sorry I said grand I said grand

I said grandpother because I have a dip in right now but yeah they would he would he would do his best to make my grandmother laugh at dinner so because if she even smiled Papa, who it was a big deal that she was even at the table eating anyways, would take her from the table and go beat her because you're not supposed to... Dinner should not be something you enjoy in the past. Anyways, she would always tell that, she goes, but, you know, we did have good times.

Like, I remember hanging around with my nine brothers and sister and we'd all play nosy poker. And I'm like, nosy poker. Okay, like, nosy, like you're curious about something. Gossip. Gossip. No, nozy poker. There's some sort of game. No, here's what nosy poker was.

Josie Poker was very similar to go fish in the sense that the whole game was at the end you wanted to have the most cards or whatever. Well, at the end, the, so when someone went out, like when you had no cards left, the person with the most cards got their deck of cards and put them together and beat you in the nose with it until it broke this, until it broke the skin and you bled. Like not, there wasn't a set amount of time until you broke. That was your punishment for being out. They would whoop your fucking nose until the paper from the cards broke the skin and you bled. And then you left and then they'd keep playing. And then that's how it would keep going. Do you think it's like that thing?

Past don't hit. Do you think of that thing because reality was so gnarly, fun had to match it? Like, you know, ring around the rosies. About the plague. It's like, oh, it's about the plague. It's like, Jesus, that was a children's poem? It's crazy. And like, London Bridge is falling down.

The first version of Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf eats her and shit. Yeah. Do you think like. Hansling Greed? Because reality was so gnarly, the games had to, or just were to? Or do you think that his family needed therapy? Well, there's part of me. I think all they knew was pain.

And as far as like ring around the rosy goes, I think that's just a matter of like, still to this day, you know, every comic knows you like cope with dark shit or pain or whatever by being, like, certain people just have that in them where they cope with shit by being like flippant or humorous about it. I think that's like human nature. and I think that's part of why like back in the day, like with kids, like, because kids can't process that type of shit. So like... You make it funny. They had not even funny, make it like a game to like find a way to like deal with the situation. I could imagine future generations thinking it's crazy that we told kids,

well, you know, Papa's watching you. It'd be like, that's creepy or whatever. You know, it's like... Elf on the shelf will be creepy one day. It's already creepy. No, it's super creepy to me, but like it's like to parents. They're like, well, it gets them to shut the fuck up. Right.

You know, like, Elf on the shelf is Jesus looking over you. I found the joke you were talking about. My tags were like, Trey, so I got to redo my tags. But the whole premise of the joke was how kids could die back then. And it was like, whatever. They didn't send somebody out to ask questions. No. Just like kids be dying, dude.

No, they. Like keeping a kid alive was an aspiration, not a law. Back in the day, if you wanted to have two kids, you had to have seven kids. I used to have that line talking about Native Americans. Americans. I had that line too, and I thought it was a, yeah, Pat and Oswald had the one he goes, because you want to have a kid? Well, you better have nine because six of them are going to dive the rickets. I think, man, you had the exact same experience because I also, like, I thought, wrote that line

and had it in a bit. I think you told me. It's so funny because in my memory, you told me that. It might have been. Maybe it had happened to you already. It definitely happened to me with Patty. And then you, because in my memory, it was you that told me, you were like, hey, man, you know that, yes, it was Thompson. It was. That happened to me. and somebody blank told me about Patton's line so I cut it then I heard you doing it and I was like like Jeff Blank?

Yeah. Oh I thought you meant like blank like you couldn't remember the person Because Thompson's a redneck hair. I really didn't know That's a good name for Jeff Blank Because he drank so much Blank. Thompson being a redneck hippie

And it was about him like he's always been real into Indians Right? Because of course he is And he's always been real into Indians And one time when his wife was pregnant And this is all true When his wife was pregnant He was telling me

The baby had already been born and Thompson's telling me afterwards, he's like, man, I just, you know, I'm in there in the room with her, and they got her hooked up to all this shit. They got all these fucking cords and why running into her stuff. And I'm watching this. And I'm just like, thinking, man, like, you know, like, did the Indians have any of this stuff? No. And I was like, no, they didn't.

You know, about half their babies died. Yeah, they got killed by blankets. Yeah, right. Yeah, like, but I hear you. And that was the start of the joke. And then now that I've talked about babies dying, then I had a part where I was like, yeah, back in the day, If you wanted to have two kids, you, if you wanted two kids, you had to have seven. And then, yeah, I think you saw me do that.

And you told me you were like, you know Patton Oswald has that exact same joke, right? So I cut it out after that. Yeah, because it happened to me. And then I also had something about the blankets. And I just remember this, I would, that was when the Mayans shit was going on. Yeah. And I started talking about, like, where the calendar is going to, whatever, whatever. Remember that?

Yeah. Yeah, like the world's going to end. 2012. 2012. That's a mine calendar, yeah. And I had a joke about that. Like, these people are going to predict into the world. They got murdered by blankets.

They didn't know shit. Like, wasn't there nothing on the calendar about, hey, when the white people show up, fucking run. And I said that. And I never forget this, J.C. Ratliff in the front row. He didn't even mean to. It got quiet. And so people heard him, like, almost under his breath, go, they were Spanish. And I stopped.

And I was like, Spanish people are white, you fucking moron. And that was fun for me. Shout out, JC, you fucking idiot. My buddy Chris Williamson, who's one of Dale Jones buddies back in the day, he had my favorite MINE calendar joke back, like, you know, obviously before 2012 and everybody was talking about it. And he said, he's like, yeah, you know, the Mine Calendar says that the world's going to end in 2012. And like, I don't know, my last student loan payments, 2019.

There's no fucking way I'm getting out of that shit. I thought that was pretty funny and cute. We should stop paying our student loans because, I mean, fucking, who cares? Most of the banks are in New York. That's going to be underwater. Mm-hmm.

This is a complete and total shift. I think we need to do that anyway. I've wanted to do this. Well, I don't know if this is going to hit or not what we're going to say. I've been, this also is going to belie the fact that I've been thinking about this ever since. And this is like two weeks ago. Drew.

Oh, here we go. Now that, now that there is no living, breathing, person here for you to associate what I'm about to say with. I want to reiterate to you that I believe that servers and restaurants

not writing down orders is fucking stupid and should not be done. That's why I think... Do you remember what I'm talking about? Yeah. Or in that diner. It pissed me off that night and you went after me for it. You want to know. No. Can I set this up for the audience? You didn't go out for the audience. I didn't go after you.

Because it's an audio podcast and they don't know our story. Can I set this up and then let y'all go at it. But that's not why I went after you. I went after you for being a dick about it. I'm going to set it up. You're entitled to your beliefs. I'm going to sit. Can I set this up in a very unbiased way and then let this happen?

Bullshit. No, I am. I swear to God. I'm going to. I'm going to just tell you everything that happened. So, we're in Denver. We go to a diner. We get there.

There's like probably 12 of us, right? And the waitress comes up and she's taking all our order. And she's not writing anything down. She's just boom, boom, boom, boom, okay, you got this, you got this, you got this. I had anxiety about it. that and I constantly have anxiety about things. I'm like, oh, they're going to fuck something up. And we had very different opinions on it.

You were like, all that fucking hits. They can remember that. And Trey's opinion of that was like, that don't hit because now we're all going to have anxiety that they're going to fuck something up. Even if you can remember it, you still shouldn't do that. And I was a server for five and a half years. This was just how I feel about it. Yeah, but that's not why I was calling you out.

I think you called me out because there was an actual living, human person there who I was 10 feet away and you were drunk and there was a table of 10 of us so I understand that in order for the person who's as far away from you at our table to hear you you had to be this loud but you're sitting there screaming about how dumb it is

that's why I called you a douchebag it was douchebag douchebag was the word he does seem to remember he definitely called me a douchev I drove that night I was sober I okay now my interpretation I'm telling you why if I was wrong about how loud you were being then I owe you in a

I don't think that. But that's what my intent was. I was drunk, but I remember at the time still being aware that, like, of course I don't want, because again, this wasn't, even in the moment, this wasn't specifically about her. So I didn't want her to hear me saying this. And maybe she was just playing it off well. But I really don't think she was. She was on the other side of the restaurant when I was saying this shit. Well, what I know in my heart is that I was calling you a douchebag in my, in my, from my,

my intent was to call you a douchebag for the way you were acting, not because you believe servers shouldn't do that. Okay. All right. Well, that changes everything. It does, because I thought it, because at the time it seemed very much to me as a like, was about the, uh, the different stances on the thing. Because both you and Andy were like, no, because part of what I said was like, I was like,

you shouldn't do it because like nobody's impressed by it. And you both were like, we're impressed by it. I was like, okay, fine. But like, like, like, and for the record, I feel like that's when you got loud. And not like loud like, fuck you, but just like hitting, you know, like, because like, I I wasn't thinking you were being a douchebag when I was like, no, I think it's a little impressive. But then you're like, it ain't impressive. I mean, this is how I remember. It ain't impressive. And then I was like, for the record, that is the mode that he jumps in. But I do

agree with him. Like, it's never hit for me. But I'm coming at it from like, I'm a fucking neurotic person. Again, I'm like, there's no goddamn way I'm getting my fucking food. And now, granted, I waited tables in Cookville, Tennessee only. But I did it at different places and for five and a half years. And in my experience, and I said this at nothing is true. like I used to like because I learned this what's the upside potential I learned this from waiting on people I got to a point where like I would seriously fake like I was writing down orders sometimes you said just just to keep people from getting anxiety about it because like because most the vast majority of people in my experience they don't like that they're sitting there watching

it seeing you they notice that you're not writing the order down and the vast majority of people in my experience sit there and are thinking like, you're really not going to write this. You know you're probably going to fuck this up right. And they're just thinking all this, but like it makes them anxious. And then furthermore, even if you get it completely right,

but then the kitchen fuck something up, like that's on you no matter what actually happened if you didn't write it down. If you write everything down and the kitchen fucks something up, like, then, you know. You can at least be like, oh, wow. I hope that stayed on you.

Because you were doing all that at 10 more days. And all I was saying was when you and you, and that was, that was the exact argument you made. And my perspective at the time, the reason I used that specific word was, okay, somebody does something different than you. You're screaming about it within her purview. You're being a douchebag. Like someone does something, like I get your argument that I serve tables, but essentially I was hearing, especially with the volume, I serve tables this way and that's the way she ought to do it.

No, I think that like, I'm saying if I own, if I ever owned a restaurant, day, I would like tell my servers not to do that because I don't think that it hits. I get that. Not four people. Here's what happened that night. Corey already said that was happening and it was given him major anxiety. And he said to me like, because there's 12 goddamn people. He said.

And I starved there were literally eight of us, which still, that's a big party. That's 12. Right. Eight's a big party. Eight's 12. And there were salads. There were appetizers. There were a bunch of different factors.

But anyway, there was eight people. In case you're wondering, everyone, she came back to the table one time. to say wait wait wait oh never mind i think i made up a person and then left and she got it exactly right she did no she did she did get it exactly right your food was wrong before i thought your food was wrong he got a different thing than what he thought he was ordering but he got the thing you were wrong i got the sandwich that i wanted i thought it was he thought it was something different okay but it wasn't her fault she got it exactly right that's true well that don't but before it but

that's sincerely beside the point for me before any of that happened i wasn't gonna I wasn't going to bring it up or say shit but Corey's sitting over here in his head you know worried to death about it and he mentioned it to me. He was like I don't know if it's just me or what but like I'm real anxious about this and as soon as he said that I was like

no dude no that's fucking bullshit you shouldn't because I have and I thought I was about to be met with like a bunch of people like you're just being a fucking line because I have always felt that way and then we were talking about that it got brought up and then it became a whole thing and it escalated but I'm just saying like I stand by

the argument that like, you know, if anybody listening is just starting your job as a server, my advice is to not ever do that shit. I don't think it's a good idea. I don't think it hits for people. I also maintain, like, when we're talking about upside potential, what you said first was if the kitchen fucks it up, then it's just on them because they did that. But also, I feel the type of person who is going to sit there and just be like, oh, my God, like to be super impressed by it.

I ain't going to give you more of a tip than what they were going to give you anyways, because that type of person seems like they was going to give 15% down the board. I think there are. Like someone that's the highlight of their fucking day. Like at macaroni grill, you know, when they come in and... I just feel like your job is to take an order and get it to the kitchen, and it's like no one's fucking business how you do it. Like, I understand.

No, no, I get that. That's true. That's true. That's true. But I also think it's you're serving the people and part of your job is to make them have a good experience. and if across the board that experience is riddled with anxiety because I don't know if they're fucking getting my shit right because they didn't write this goddamn thing down. I don't know, man.

Like, you're right about what the job is. I feel like if that is how much anxiety you have. I shouldn't go out in public. Maybe. Or like, by the way, you're bringing me to your side.

Do you send the food back? No, never, never. I don't have a problem doing that. Never. I would never. It depends on how wrong it is, of course. I think that's why.

If it's like, you know, I didn't fucking order. that. But by the way, I still tip them well. Like, oh, no, no. Hey, hey, uh, this was a mistake. And then you fix it. And I'm like, cool, we're cool. I tip well. I tip well, even if it was the worst goddamn service that I've ever had in my life. Like one time I gave someone 15% for the worst service I ever had in my life and felt bad about it for a week. Right. But so my thing, my thing would like, so when I'm, I try to put myself in a position of like, I've worked retail. I've worked a bunch of shitty ass fucking jobs. And like, I know that maybe, now if they were straight up a

fucking dickhead like jock in god damn west palm beach that's one thing that's one thing but if like somebody like they were a kind they seemed like a kind person but like maybe that night they didn't have their shit together i know look there's been times hell there's been times in comedy where like i don't think you should be able to get your fucking money back from my show just because you didn't enjoy it as much as you thought you were going to i maybe i was sick maybe my wife and me had just gotten a fight before i went to the show you could be having a bad night i'm still going to give you a fucking tip because I know this is how you fucking make your money and I chose to come out here.

But I'm never in a situation where I'm like, God damn, I'm going to give her an extra five because she remembered my shit. So I don't see the fucking point. I didn't mean to change the narrative to be talking about tips. That was, I guess, in a side in my head, but... But the whole thing is kind of about tips, unfortunately

sort of in this country. That whole job is about tips. Maybe. I mean, and that might be why she's doing it. I think I remember on that particular occasion, and I'm not saying this was her motivation. She came to the app order and we put a full order in. She might have just not brought her thing and she might have been like, I got a fucking great memory and I don't need to walk back over there.

The fact that she sat there and didn't take anything down, sincerely, I wouldn't have otherwise just said anything. But Corey leaned over and was like, is it just me or I'm, and as soon as he said that, I knew what he was talking about and I was like, no, buddy, no, that don't hit for people and you shouldn't do it. And I said that and then it became like a debate among the table and it escalated because I was drunk. And then I called you a douchebag, which I probably should have done.

but I did that because I thought she could hear you. Yeah, right. And, you know, you might be right. But like I, like, I just. Because the two waitresses who didn't have tables were at that bar right there on the corner. I just essentially think that like, as he was starting to say earlier, when you look at every, if you have 50 tables in a night, right, just for, you know, whatever, just using 50 as a number. 35 of them at least probably aren't going to give a fuck either way. I'd say 45.

aren't going to give a fuck either way what you do. And if it, let's say it's 40 that aren't going to give a fuck whether you write it down or not, in my experience in Tennessee waiting tables, of the remaining 10, if you don't write it down, of the remaining 10 tables, eight of them are going to not like it and maybe two of them will think that it's cool or it hits for them or whatever. And so I just don't see the rationale for ever doing it. I had a friend, just don't do that.

This is an anecdote. So, you know, it's not proof of anything. But I had a friend Nick Taylor. I played football with him at Marrival College. It was a year. Yeah, a year ahead of me. He was a lineman. He was really good.

He waited tables there in town. I want to say at the Ruby Tuesday's test kitchen. Ruby Tuesdays was based in Maribald. So they put all their new hotness out at this place? Yes. But, I mean, it's Ruby Tuesday, so it's not that hot. Right. But that's, I mean, I'm just thinking about like a Taco Bell

that was exclusively the new hotness. You know you live in a test market. Yeah. Chattanooga. Yeah, Chattanooga is a test market. We do get a lot of new hotness. Yeah, that's true. But that's like at one restaurant you got to drive like this.

You just go to that restaurant. We did that Popeye's chicken before a lot of people did. Y'all get a lot of things for a lot of people. So Nick was one of those. He's like good looking. He's a lot like James. Yeah. And stature.

And even like that big smile good looking. He was just good at being a waiter. So they moved him over there. He got a job there because of what we're talking about. Now, I'll grant you that it was just a sales job. ended up murdering at it. I think he's still with that company. I'll grant you that whoever that person was that was impressed by that. That's kind of weird. I have ants on me, boys. Like ants. Like there's ants on me right now. You have ants? There was one on my hand and now there's one on my

leg. Okay, look, this is very unprofessional, especially because we're filming, but we, admittedly, we just went to, we went to smokehouse for lunch and I had, uh... You got a shit? No, I had, no. Do you need to go? Because I got to get these ants off me. No, I had three or four, uh, no, I want y'all to keep talking while I take a piss, because I had three or four screwdrivers and I really have to pee. Uh, uh, All right, go for it, buddy. I'm sorry. I could, here's the thing, like I said, like, admittedly, I only ever did it in Cookville.

Like, it could be a clientele-based thing. If you're at, like, kind of a fancier place or something that's more upscale, I don't know. They may want you to do that, and that may hit for people, I mean, admittedly. But, like, even if that's the case, like, we were at a diner. Like, I don't know. And, again, I'm not trying to. For the record, I feel like it was impressive because it was eight people. That was my only stance.

But I'm not arguing with you that you're necessarily. necessarily wrong. Like if you were a boss at a restaurant, if I was working as a waiter and the boss was like, don't do that. It makes people anxious. No part of me would be like, man, fuck you. I'm going to do that anyway. Because also I could just like, yeah, I'll just put. Actually,

I just remember it. I used to do that. What? I would pull out the thing when it was like two people and just stare at it. Me too. I didn't write it down. I said that. But I wouldn't never argue with you about that. All I said is I was impressed and the reason I was impressed is because there was eight of us and four apps. A, that's what started it. And

And then B, the escalation was a different thing. But buddy, we had this whole conversation before it came out that she got it all right, which obviously validated you and hurt my case. But I'm just saying in the context of this debate we were having, she had not yet nailed it all. Yes. And I still maintain that. I cannot fathom how this would be entertaining for people. But my perspective of this was that stuff don't impress me. Me and Andy were like, it impresses us, not in general right now, eight top, four apps.

Yeah. That's impressive. and then it escalates to the whole argument we were having and the loudness and blah blah and that was a different thing you know you said earlier if I on a restaurant and I would tell people yeah I can see that I think that that's normal I guess okay I do think if you have so much anxiety that you can't enjoy being out to eat you know

because somebody did that that ain't you I'm about I say I don't personally I just but it's not just him I like I experience I know that that's a thing Like, I experienced that. But again, I was working at an old Charlie. I assumed me. As I walked in, that you were alluding to the fact that I'm an anxiety real motherfucker, and you are correct. And I will not deny that.

Well, that was really a button on this. I was kind of trying to wrap up. They have a scale. Okay. Well, I want to say this just because something I noticed on my way in here, and maybe it's just weird to me. But they, so we're at our studio here, Starbarns industry. They have a scale in their bathroom.

Is that fucking weird to have it worked? to me. I've actually, that seems like a very Hollywood thing. I've never seen that anywhere, but like here it's like, you need to fucking know. It's funny.

You say that. I've noticed it at a few different bathrooms in Southern California. That's definitely a here thing. I've never seen that anywhere. I believe that, but I do think I've seen it

in an office. My mom used to work in where it was almost all women in the office. Okay. And it was like, they would be on their diets together. Right.

You know, they would like do things together and someone would just bring a scale home. Well, that's, okay, so with the women, with an all women office, it's pressure from a male driven society. With this,

it's pressure from the industry to where... Which is a male driven society. But like, first off, it said just... Now, I weighed myself. It said just step on and it'll work and it said error for me. Which I assume is that like they... Hollywood can't register my way.

LA scales don't. Yeah. No, you know what? Yeah, like, look, here's the deal. This can't be right. Here's the deal, man. It only goes to the weight that maybe you should be. You need to change a lot before we can even to tell you how much you weigh. You made a life error.

Yeah. Err, don't hit. So you guys went to the smoke house. Yeah. Oh, that sounds like fun. Well, we just on our way here, when we had time between the Communist Central thing, which you were supposed to come to and didn't. You were, it was fine that you didn't.

You made the right choice. I think that you got the best out of this. You didn't have to get up. Between that and this, we had time to kill, and so we went there in between. Just because I wore an LSU jersey, everybody on YouTube. It was more a, I was like, look, I'm going to need to get some. And first off, I didn't need to get any lunch because I went to Denny's right before I did my voiceover. Why?

Because it's right beside Comedy Central. And it's on the corner there. I know what you're talking about. So I had the- Me and Andy been talking about it. You can make an argument for today and I get why, because the only other thing is that, was that Cuban cafe that we always get at and they've only got four things? I'll defend Denny's to the death right now.

I can't defend it. Okay, I'm going to let you. Here's my argument. There's almost never a reason to go to Denny's because there's almost always a diner or a Waffle House nearby. And I agree with you. I agree with you on that.

It was raining. Okay. Okay. Yeah. But I thought you were going to defend Denny's to the death. You mean your choice today. I'll defend my choice today and I'll kind of defend Denny's. I'll accept your choice today.

I want to hear you defend Denny's. Okay. I'll defend Denny's in these certain situations. You should never choose Denny's. You should never go, I would never, if I got the, if I fucking put into my Uber Denny's mistake, what I did was, I put into my Uber Comedy Central and then it was supposed to take me a certain amount of time to get there. And I guess.

the freeway cleared the fuck up or something and I got to Comedy Central way too early I wasn't gonna eat like my thing was like I'm gonna go there do my thing then eat I got there like way too early even for me way too early and I was like well there is a Denny's and it was raining I knew there might have been other stuff to hit. But I'm telling you I'm already on board

with your decision today I'm asking if either of you can generally speak and defend this. Yes yes yes here's why I can because now when I told you when I went to Vail in Vail, Vail Colorado or whatever and I told you I was like I went to that goddamn It's called The Little Diner.

If you're ever in the Vail area there in Colorado and stop off and go to the Little Diner. It is a fantastic... You weren't in Vail. You stopped in Vail to eat at this place. Well, I stopped twice. The first time, me and Scotty were on our way to tell you ride to do our show there. And Scotty was like, oh, Vail, man, I've never been here.

And I was like, well, we need to stop and sleep anyways. Stop. Asked the front desk. I said, hey, we want to get some breakfast. She's like, you've got to go to the little diner. Oh, it's such a great. And I'm like, okay, I love diners. Don't get me wrong.

But the difference... The difference. between a great diner and a good diner is like, you remember Julian, New York, drives a bus now? Yeah. He used to have a great joke about diners. Yeah. I'm calling Yelp, they got reviews of diners.

How are you going to review a diner? Should all be three stars. It's a diner. I told you I fucking ran into Julian. He was working for MTA. Whatever, doesn't matter. I kicked straight to eat in. I'm sorry.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. So the difference between a good diner and a great diner is like how they got one dish that's hard. But other than that, like, as long as you make, as long as the bacon is like half crispy, half chew. I'm in. I'm fucking fine. It's a diner.

It's a diner. It's a diner. So the little diner in Vail was like, when I had that, I was like, God, I didn't know that it could be this good. But it's like got a chef, right? It's just like a chef who wanted to make a diner. So I literally, this is how fat I am, I asked to speak to the chef. Error. Yeah.

I asked to speak to the chef at a diner. And the dude comes over and I was like, man, listen, here's the deal. Breakfast food is my favorite thing in the world. But one of my favorite things about it is how consistent it is where, like, if you're into that, Like, you know, look, they can't fuck it up too goddamn bad. I said, but what you're doing, I've never had a pancake like this, I've never had hash browns like this, the eggs are better, the what you did with bacon, I don't fucking understand what's going on.

The things you've done with bacon? I'm in Vale, Colorado, and I was like, where are you from? And he's like, I'm from Memphis, and I was like, there it fucking is. Like, there it is. So, but what I'm saying is like, yes, that particular diner was far and beyond better than any diner that I've ever been to. However, for the most part, the difference between Denny's and a mom and pop diner isn't enough to make me go, if there is a Denny's right there, it's not enough to make me go fuck Denny's. But there was a Denny's right there today. I'm saying in general, though.

I would never choose it. But every time you go to Denny's, you walk out of Denny's and going, Denny's ain't that bad. No, not me. Really? I've definitely walked out of them and been like, damn, they fucked eggs up how they do that, A. But B, what I'm getting at is if you're like drunk or whatever and you're on your way home, if there's a dentist, And the difference in the Uber ride is $3.5. I'm going to the money on the park.

No, no, you're right on that. But this was just I got dropped off at Comedy Central. No, here's, okay, here's the thing. This is not me making a personal argument for it. This is me making a logical argument for it. And please, you're so fucking boringly pragmatic. Please let me get to the end of this. I feel the exact same way.

We're going to die boredom in my way? I feel the exact same way that you just described about Denny's about every applebee's on planet Earth. I feel that way about Applebee. Okay. And I think that most of those places are propped up by the locations that exist off the side of an interstate in places where they don't have a better option. It's always Corey's experience today is what you're saying? I think that's a huge, huge part of it.

Okay. But B, I think that there are a whole other type of people out there than we are when it comes to this type of thing that like with the, because like there's Applebee's in Times Square. There's Applebee's in Hollywood. This don't work here? People go there and they know it. Why don't they go to Waffle House back home? I'm generally asking you.

Do you have a theory on that? No, no, I don't. Waffle House is, well, I guess maybe they're not from the South. They're not used to Waffle House and they're used to Denny's. That doesn't make sense. But I'm saying like, I don't agree with it, but I'm saying the same exact argument for the existence of Applebee's as a franchise applies to Deney's in my opinion. I don't get it. I don't get it either.

I don't get it either. Here's how this isn't even argument, but just like, let me run it by you guys. This is how they started. Andy and I were on our way back from something. We were drunk. There's a Denny's in North Hollywood right above the NoHo Arts District area. Yeah. There's also two 24-7 dinners there.

I've Uber ate that danes. And there's five food trucks. You're right. I look at that and I go, why? If you want greasy fried food, there's a 24-hour diner literally around the corner. Right. I think it's cheap. It may not be.

That might be it. Maybe if you're on a date, you're with your boys. You already told them you'd buy dinner that night. You're going to save five bucks ahead. Maybe. Dude, I personally completely agree with you. I'm saying there are evidently, there's a whole other group of people that feel, I don't get it either. But clearly they exist.

Unless it's raining and you're walking and it's a time crunch and it's across the street, I'm never, ever, ever choosing a Denny. I hop. Waffle hats. I agree with you. I agree with you. But what I'm saying is I'm not defended Denny's as a you should choose to go there situation. What I'm saying is I feel like Denny's has been a punch. bag for a long time and

The Yvonne got a great bit about that. And every time I go there I'm like, that wasn't as bad as what we give Denny's like, like, we talked too much shit and it was like, it was pretty fine. Like the pancakes... I've had pretty fine food, the pancakes. And also, for nothing, the price was 1099, I got two pancakes, two pieces of bacon, hash browns, and fucking eggs. The podcast this week is sponsored by Denny's.

Well, here's the deal. One thing, one thing is that when you go to a greasy spoon like that, have you ever noticed that like when you walk out, you still, you kind of smell like the fry cook situation you know what I mean like that's kind of time well here's the deal when you do that you know what you need you need a good cologne and that is why I am so pumped up to talk about our new friends at Hawthorne

are you still in high school like wearing your high school scent like your polo blue or your fucking curve that stuff that was like way too loud and clear when somebody walked in a high school and then you could smell curve you know what they did they went to their fucking truck and smoked pot and they needed the cheapest stankiest cologne to cover it up well don't do that. Quit wearing old spice so girls

think you smell like your dad. Get with Hawthorne because smelling good is important and Hawthorne smells really good and getting Hawthorne Cologne is so easy. All you do is you go on hawthorne.com that's hawthorne.cow. And you take a quiz and here's the, I don't know

about y'all's experience personally. We haven't really talked about it, but my experience with the quiz was crazy because they were like, they asked me all these questions. I'm like, how the fuck is this going to translate to a scent? They're asking me what I like. Do you like moisturizer? or like, where was your, what was your favorite movie in high school? All this, like, weird shit.

I'm like, there's no way. And then I get my cologne and stuff. You get a work and a play. And I was like, man, this is exactly how I want to smell. I like the cologne a lot. That was my experience. I also did the quiz. Let me tell what I love is the lotion.

Andy's been trying to get me to use lotion forever. Every once in a while, I'll rub coconut oil on my body just like when I think of it. Because she's like, I'm like, scratch my back. She's like, start using lotion. I'm tired of being your personal back scratcher. Your skin is dry. Well, that lotion, they send. smells, feels, and is incredible.

And I tell you another thing, they send me that deodorant that doesn't have aluminum in it. It's the first time ever that I can get Andy to wear deodorant. I'm having to give her mind. But look, I got my stinky wife to wear deodorant, guys. That's top of the line. Yeah, and I'll also vouch for their body wash because I've noticed the body wash that I got, I guess because I said I have dry skin. Because like you, I never, like doubted lotion, but I, lotion never hit for me because it's

greasy. I don't like to be greasy. But for me personally, I moved to Southern California, and within like a month. month or two, I was like, Jesus Christ. It's so dry out here. Like, my face hurt. You and I... Denver last week.

I couldn't even open my lips and shit. It was so dry. And so I had to start using lotion. But still, there's a lot of people that make soaps and body washes and stuff that have, like, lotion in them. And they kind of, I've always felt like, because I've used, like, the hotel version. It stays on you. And it stays on you.

It makes you greasy. Hawthorne, the shit they sent me, it is that, but it don't stay on you. Like, you can feel the, it's like, it has the low. ocean effect, but you don't get out of the shower feeling like you're still covered in soap or like you still have the greasy shit on you. And so, I mean, yeah, I've been, I've been very pleased with them. I also don't know if this matters to anybody, but it kind of does to me. The deodorant comes in like this, like, this cool little, like black cylinder. Very cool. And it looks sleek and neat. Everything I have is so cool. Every, every time, like,

because I carry, when we're doing, like, we did a shoot yesterday and we were there for like 12, 30 hours. So in my fanny pack, I carried my Hawthorne deodorant with me. And like, I read, not that you have to reapply, but I, I stressed sweat. And so I was constantly reapplying. And every time I pulled the Hawthorne deodorant out of this cool little sleek circular thing, I was like, people think I spent a lot of money on this goddamn deodorant. But not really.

And it's so easy to get it. You take a quick two minute quiz. And Hawthorne tells you the two colognes that you need. You get a work and a play. Because I've always said you need two different scents during the day. I don't know if this is going to play for everybody, but I used to always, I used a different soap on my balls that I used to use on the rest of my body. Because I thought this was...

Because you ran out of soap after you washed your ball. Right. There it is. I was looking for it too. Nice. Glad you found it. This is my stupid brain. But I always thought like, okay, if me and a girl are fucking around and I smell one way up here.

And then she gets down there and it smells different. She's like, oh, this is unique. What's going on here? There's been a change. I'm not saying that's what you need to use Hawthorne for. But the fact that you have a work and a play, your daytime sin is maybe a little bit more practical. Your nighttime sin is maybe a little bit more excited. like, ooh, this is spicy. This is good.

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fucking play. Dude. It's like, it's go time. It's fucking, this is what we play for. I know this isn't what. I know this isn't what Blue Chew wants in an ad right now, but I'm going to just go ahead and be honest because they're like, just be honest. Give us your experience.

Blue Chew kind of pisses me off sometimes because like I'll take a Blue Chew and I won't even tell Amber. Look at your day. Like, where is this? Where? Yeah. But no, it's like sometimes I'll just have forgotten or we'll be out somewhere and I'll forget to take my bluechew.

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bluechew. Bluechoo.com promo code red. All right. You guys fuck on a full belly? I fuck whenever I can get it. I mean, I can. Yeah. No, here. I guess I can.

Do I purposefully know? If I didn't fuck on a full belly, there'd be no fucking, yeah. Buddy, I don't do anything on a full belly other than just lay around and hate. I don't know. Any, like, action on my balls, like intentional or just otherwise, just like, you know, we're rooting around. It makes me have to fart. No, no, well, dude, that's the thing. We just fart.

Yeah. Like, I'm past that shit. Back in the day. Yeah, I know, but it sucks. No, back in the day, no. If I was starting to date, like, I was, like, getting ready to, like, this is the first couple dates to the girl. there was a couple restaurants that were like off limits because I'm like I need to go to a place where I can get a good meal

but not be too full like I need like a chicken breast or something because like you first date Mexican restaurant out the fucking question hell no one of the... The only good thing about date the first date being in a Mexican restaurant is that when you're at a Mexican restaurant you can fart and everybody's just like ooh fajitas so that's good but other than that like no I couldn't but with me and Amber like what the fuck ever we're married I'll fart In eighth grade, this kid, Roy Harris, who was like three or four years older than us, but he had been held back a lot.

He told the story that took Sunbright High School by storm. His older brother, Bill, had been fucking this girl, and she farted. And he said, and I quote, and I'm going to do it in Bill's accent with his speech impediment. And this is part of what made the story so flames. Everyone was telling the story. He was like, I have been known to fuck the shit out of them. And like, when you're in eighth grade, that's like the funniest thing that you've ever heard. Yeah.

That's it. Oh, well, hell. Hell what? I don't know. Shit. Did y'all know? It's nice to be together. You guys got to get us sponsored by those fucking things because.

Egg crates? No. Yes, egg crates. Jules. Because y'all smoke them things more than you do cigarettes. That's not true. I don't think that's true. Isn't one of those supposed to be a pack?

Yeah. Oh, word. No, yeah. Well, first off, I haven't had, I haven't, I didn't smoke one. I didn't smoke one the whole time I was on Thanksgiving break or whatever because my whole goal was, Thanksgiving break for me was a year removed from actual cigarettes. And once I got to that point, I was going to quit that shit. So I'd had a week off and then we got here and we had a fucking, you know, 12-hour shoot or whatever.

I was there from 5-30 to whenever. And like, I just, I had a 12-hour shoot. That's the second if you said that. I'm like, ah, but I got there, too. No, he really did. I mean, I was there for like two and a half of a half. I knew, so like, I just, I was like, man, I can't, I know I'm, I'm going to be having a Nick fit the whole fucking time and I can't have a fucking, there's no reason to put that

pressure on yourself. There was not. And like, I'm still actively. Now you're back on it? I'm back a little bit. I'm down to the 2% from 5%. Are y'all worried about bubble lungs or whatever the fuck that shit is? Yeah.

Yeah. But here's the thing, though, I don't care to die. I genuinely don't care to die. You don't want to suffer that. Because my thing is like, my thing about, my thing about how there's no. My thing about how there's no fucking, now the bubble lung and shit, every single report that I've ever heard from people getting that, it was every single time they were getting the fucking makeshift bullshit ones. Right. From like, they were like the black market ones. Oh, I don't know about those.

It's never, and here, it's never come from. It's always been like they got them from these people that are putting like hydrogen chloride in them and shit to like do filler for like nicotine. Because what they're doing is they're selling them to fucking kids and shit and they're not coming from the stores. Like people are literally making them like you would make meth, but like, in. a fucking little thing. That's always those stories. And also, I've been smoking those for a year and I do not feel like I smoke cigarettes. Okay, that's

what I was going to say. So there's no fucking way there is bad. That's what I was bad. I can breathe. I'm convinced. It could be like rugby and football. We're like football is worse for your brain because there's way, there's a lot more head bumps because it's constant. Because they wear helmets too. In rugby, they don't wear helmets so they protect their heads more. But if you

get hit in the head in red. Yeah, you're fucked. You're fucked. So if you go harder on matter, or you do it in a stupid way, it's worse for you. Or maybe, like, one in certain number is going to get the long bubbles, but most everybody's going to be fine. I'm just convinced. I do want to quit these, though. I'm not defending these at all.

Like, I want to quit them. Me too. Having said that, I'm convinced that that whole thing is a fucking reaffer madness witch hunt, just like Kratum went through. And the main reason I feel that way is because of everything Corey already said with, like, the specifics of each of the cases that makes the headlines with vaping. And also, like he said, I was smoking cigarettes since I was smoking. 16 years old,

vape now, and like, no one is going to be able to convince me that, like, these are worse for you physically the actual cigarettes are. The only argument I have, I don't think they're worse.

Well, I don't think even what we have, if the, it's like eight people. I'm not saying it's healthy. I know it ain't healthy. But it's like, it's like eight people that died.

Like, that's already not as, how many people die from cigarettes every single day? And again, and again, sincerely, go look at those reports.

Almost fucking every time I see it. It's their kid was smoking these fucking jacked up, like, They weren't even supposed to be smoking, period. I didn't know that. Yeah, because... I didn't even know those.

They do. So what happens is... Oh, my God. My nephew gets them from the fucking... They're not Mormons. Menonites. I'm sure they're not. Okay.

And they're illegal. And the shit... Are the Minanites illegal, you think? Who knows? Who fucking knows what they're doing? But like, there have been reports of, like, inside of there was, like, nitrogen, glistering or whatever and, like, fucking the shit for... embalming fluid and shit like that because they had all these fillers because they couldn't get the real deal shit whereas like these are at least as far on the up and up as they can be because they go through regulations and shit it's the only thing i'll say is when y'all smoke them and some flavors seem to be worse it smells like chemicals to me yeah like it does smell

yeah but cigarettes are filled with chemicals but the smoke part just overpowers that well i hate cigarette smoke way more than i do that shit yeah this goes away I'm not even saying you're wrong. I'm saying the only argument or the only thought that I have in terms of them being bad is it does smell. You know what it smells like? When you go to Starbucks, if you get the fake flavors, it smells like that. Yes, it does. I agree with you. Sincerely, I feel almost exactly about this vape shit the way that I do about Kratom because it's like with all the reports of kids dying from Kratom, if you look into it, the toxicology report was that other shit in it.

They had other shit in there beside, but all the headlines is Kratom. Every time someone fucking died. guys in a car crash and they're like, they were high on marijuana. It's like, yeah, they were also fucking shit housed. Right. And also with Kratum, just like with vaping, like, I have never been hooked on pills, but I've known a lot of people in my life who were hooked on pills. And like, no one will ever convince me that Kratum is comparable to actual opioids when

it comes to the dangers and whatever else. I'm not saying, no, that's one of those things. You can stat it to death, but I've fucking seen it. I'm not saying Kratom is healthy for you. I'm not saying that vaping is. healthy for you. I'm saying I was a smoker and I switched to this and I just know for a

fact that it still ain't good for me, but it is fucking better than what I was doing. Also, I don't get fucking nobody's like... For the record, we did get an email that blew, which is a disposed, they have jewel type things. BLU. BL, yeah, the E-Sig. They have

disposable ones and the type of, they attempt, we were going to get sponsored by. I got sent copy and it just never fucking came up. I was so fucking pumped. I was like, all right, cool. And it never came through. So, blue, if you're listening right now, fucking come through. I'm willing to switch.

And you said a minute ago, you're like, you can stat me to death with it, but I've seen it with my own eyes. But the thing is, the stats don't back it up either. It's just that they don't provide the, when it comes to Kratum, they don't talk about all the people that OD every day on opioids. And when it comes to this shit, vaping, they don't talk about how many people still die every single day from just smoking cigarettes. It did seem quick, though.

I'm not saying it's good. I'm saying it's less terrible than the alternative. It did seem quick, but the reason it seems quick, in my opinion, is because in those cases, they had black market cigarettes. That changes everything. It does change everything. So, like, yeah, if you're fucking sitting there. And by the way, I don't know if it's hydrogen, chloral.

I just know it's some sort of chemical. If you're smoking. I don't think it's that. Whatever the fuck. I was like, I think that's poison. Whatever the fuck. There is something in there. It's black market shit.

Like, it does happen quick because, like, don't know wrong, this is poison, but that is like literal poison that they were fucking. smoking like i mean dude alcohol is literally poison it's filtered by your liver because it's poison and hit so hard and i can't fucking dude i've been sitting here looking at the clock like i i love doing this podcast but i've already had like three screwdrivers and i'm trying to make a six hangover is your body recovering from pulling like that don't hit i don't know where we're everything that hits is poisoning about 15 minutes all right i got something i kind of want talk about but i don't think we got it actually we have plenty of time to sit here just

okay well i there is one thing i kind of wanted to bring up but i sort of hesitate too we've kind of gotten out of it, but I've been sort of paying attention to the primaries, and this is something that's near and dear to me, and I realize that I am specifically, I guess, more in tune to what I'm about to bring up, but I'm curious y'all's thoughts on it, because it's pissing me off, but then I'm like, yeah, but that's the nature of Twitter, that's how these things go, and I don't know if I'm making a big deal about it. Kamala Harris dropped out. I'm personally happy about that. Kamala Harris was the top prosecutor in the state of California for a long time. She called herself numerous times. You can go review the tape, the top cop. I was the top cop.

There's a meme or whatever, a hashtag Kamala is a cop where a lot of progressives are like, we don't want her because she's a cop. And hashtag Kamala is a cop became a thing that trended. Now that she's dropped, some of her fans and some people who aren't fans of hers who like support Biden or whoever else are saying that that was essentially a Bernie bro thing based in racism and that it was meant to take her down. And what irks me so much about that and Internet culture in general is, A, I don't believe that. Listen, if there is a racist liberal white guy out there, he probably doesn't like Kamala Harris because he's racist. Like, that's got to be true. That's how racist act. But the argument seems to be that racism is what led to the Kamala is a cop meme, and then that led to her downfall. And what irks me so much about that is she is a prosecutor. She called herself a cop. It trended. It wasn't a lie. It wasn't any kind of. And then if the.

that led to her not getting elected, if that's the reason why that she wasn't doing well in the polls and she dropped out, it's just so frustrating to me to like, that's, that was the truth, where's the lie? Kamala Harris calls herself a cop. She's a prosecutor. Something gets trending. Kamala is a cop. If that did lead to her having to drop out because a lot of people on the left don't want someone who was in law enforcement to be the candidate. So the truth is now, racist. Do you understand what I'm getting at? Yeah. I guess there could be racist sharing that meme because their motivation is actually that she's black. But you can't stop racist from co-opting your movement.

I think it's just another example of this thing that I've been harping on and we've talked about a lot too. Like forever that like we have this really, really toxic tendency on the left to fucking pick ourselves apart. Like I get, I totally... But they would argue that that's what we're doing when we say Kamala is a cop. Right. I mean, yeah, I still think it works in both directions. I think still making the argument that like, oh, those are like racist liberals that fucking that led to this or whatever. It's still a diversion of that. I am certain there are racist liberals A and I'm as certain that those racist liberals didn't want her to be the candidate. I'm just arguing that if something gets trending that is true and that leads to the downfall of your campaign, that's on you. I don't think, I don't think there's such like here's my thing on like racist liberals. I don't think that is a thing I think that if you're a racist liberal is a conservative that likes to smoke pot

that's how I feel about that No, I disagree. We met them, dude. We met them. I mean, I've told us No, I don't think that. I don't think they're... I thought you can say you're a thing I've told the story. I'm saying it's not real. I'm saying that's not real. You can say, oh, I'm a liberal, but blah, blah, then no, you're fucking not. I disagree with that too. Okay. I think it's weird. It's always been weird to me and it still is weird. But like, I mean, I've met them. You do my old South Democrats? No, no, I'm not.

I've told, and I don't want to tell them. I don't want to tell the whole story again because I know I've told it multiple times on the podcast, but that, that fucking lady in Colorado. Do you remember that? I don't think she's a liberal. That's what I'm saying. But she, but literally every, she, like, she's hard core liberal in every one of her beliefs, including being anti-racist.

She also was racist, but she didn't realize she was racist. Yeah, I guess that's correct. The cliff notes of the story is this lady who was super, super progressive was talking shit about how racist the South was. I told her I didn't appreciate people from places like where she was from, which was she'd already told me was 99% white. I didn't appreciate them talking about the South being racist because they don't know shit about racism in my opinion. She put my foot in my mouth by saying, I do know about racism because my daughter is half black. But right after that, she goes to me. She was like, but I mean, she doesn't act black though. She reads, she's a great

student. She doesn't act black at all. And I was like, that's literally the most racist shit. I've heard in six months. But like, I'm telling everything. about that woman was liberal as thought. And I guess you know, also there was that, remember I told that story about that Hispanic driver I had who was from California was super liberal and called Kanye West the N-word like hard R without a ounce of like weirdness about it. Like, no man, I mean, I'm absolutely racist liberals. I hear you, but then I want to look at like, I'll give a personal they don't think they're racist. I think Corey's arguing that there are racist Democrats, but they're not actually liberal. Liberal people. But like I, I'm saying I don't believe. I don't believe that's

That's fine, but I'm looking at it from the, and again, I'm willing to be wrong and I fucking am. But, like, I look at it in terms of, like, my dad considers himself a conservative person. However, literally everything about my dad, to me, is so fucking goddamn liberal. It's just, to me, it's like he's been, he's from the South and he's been beating to, like, liberals are pussy. So he says he's conservative. I'm like, you can say you're a conservative all fucking day. But if your actions don't reflect that, then you're just saying that you are one. You can say you're a fucking comedian, but if you don't get on.

stage you're not a comedian. So like this woman can say she's a fucking liberal, but if in her heart she has these fucking held back beliefs about race, that's not progressive at all. So like, you're just, you associate a thought. Now you're associating progressivism with liberalism and those are kind of different words. Well, there you go. She's not a progressive. day-to-day actions can do some, can help how you vote and like how you feel about taxes, or have you, you know what I mean? Like, is your dad for raising taxes? I don't know. My dad has said on record to me that Obamacare was one of his favorite things ever happened because as an entrepreneur, like, he was finally able to get a plan that made fucking sense for him. I think that my dad, my dad is also in favor of, like, government programs for poor people to help them out.

And that, that by very nature is he knows that you have to raise taxes to do that. Right. But, okay, I've known a lot of those people, too. I really have. I was talking to Katie about just the other day. But you said, he'll say he won't. Don't say that to his buddies because they're all fucking huge conservatives. You're like everything about my dad points to him being not a conservative, but he'll tell you as a conservative.

And I've known a lot of those people and they're real and you're right. I'm saying people like that lady in Colorado, she's not the flip side of your dad. Because if she was the flip side of your dad, she would be saying, I'm liberal. I always vote liberal. But I think people on welfare are lazy. We need to not tax the rich. You know, everybody should be in. Everybody should be in church.

And she's not that way. Everything she will tell you is a liberal belief or talking point. Okay. But also, she is racist without realize. It's like this racism that's so deep-seated. Because she thinks that acting black has not being able to read. Right. Which is insane.

Okay. But she doesn't realize that that's racist. That's the thing about insane people. Well, I guess that it's just me having to come to terms with there's just shitty liberals. I mean, hell, I had a whole bit about how I am one. But having said all that, I do not at all believe that. I do think there are racist liberals. I'm very confident that they exist.

I've met them. I know they exist. I do not at all think that they are the reason Kamala Harris got torpedo. Oh, I didn't even think that was up for debate. I guess I'm saying generally it irks me so much that we've gotten to this point. All right, let's break it down this way. Kamala Harris as a prosecutor instituted policies that disproportionately affected

black people and brown people. Now I'm not saying that I'm some kind of fucking hero for being against that. But if you are a person who's a white guy on the left and you're like, that's fucking bullshit because that's not what we're about. Exactly. And then someone goes, you're racist because you're against a black woman. I'm going, you just rope-a-dope me and so many other people on the left. And by the way,

it ain't going to fuck me over. No, I'm not. I don't care at all. If Camala Harris became president, it is not going to fuck my life up. It's going to fuck up the life of people who you say you're defending right now. It's kind of like the other, a flip side example of that that also happened was like on the other end of the spectrum when

Marsha Blackburn got elected by the state of Tennessee. Oh, you don't want women to be a little? There were like feminist groups tweeting. I know because I retweeted one of them. It was something like, congratulations to Marsha Blackburn on being the first ever woman elected to the Senate from the state of Tennessee

and I quote I retweeted it and was like that's true but be that as it may she's just the latest in a very long line of fucking soulless heartless and she's a fucking outlier because her policies are diametrically opposed

to women being put into god damn power and she's one of the good ones me calling Marsha Blackburn a crazy cunt is not me being anti-feminine No, she's a crazy cunt. Fuck her. Because policy is way more important than identity.

And that is something that we have to grasp. Fuck Ben Carson while we're here. Sure. He fought a bear, though. Be careful. That's true. But all I'm getting at, and look, if you're out there and you're listening and you like Kamala Harris, that's fine. But if you say you like her, you're saying you like those policies that I happen to disagree with, don't, like, we on the left need to grapple with this fact that policy is way more important than anything else because policy is

what affects people's lives the most I absolutely think representation is important I think identity politics were huge we needed identity politics we still do we absolutely need identity politics and what I mean by that is we need to hear from trans people when we're talking about trans laws we need to hear from gay people sure you know laws that will affect gay people I know that that's super important but what I don't want to lose sight of is that policy is what's going to going to fuck people's lives up or not. Well, if you raise a minimum wage as an example, that affects people. Whoever does it matters, but matters less.

What infuriates me is that when you, that they want to, the conservatives and everyone want to look at like a Kamala Harris or whatever and go like, well, see, she's a fucking liberal person. She's black and here's the things that she thinks. Her, Candace Owens. Look, look, she's black and she's saying these things, therefore they must be true. And I'm like, okay, one black person is saying these things, therefore, they must be true.

However, in Birmingham last week, there was 2,000 black people marching for the fucking opposite thing, and you didn't think that was true. So 2,000 people aren't true, but fucking one is true because they're on Fox News and that's what you want to hear. Because what the conservatives know and do better than us

on Fox. Stick together! Yep. And stick to a policy. Don't put anyone... The only way Candace Owens is getting on TV is if she has the right policy points. Right, yeah. And we, want to include everyone and we need to. We should hear from trans people, gay people, black people

about all these issues. And conservative people. But we should pick the best fucking ideas. Yeah. I mean, this is just like another example. One of the earliest examples of this phenomenon, at least in my opinion, that I could think of, is that like somebody like me as a very anti-the-Lord person, anti-religious in general across the board, like, you know, if I say,

fuck Islam, Islam don't hit. at, you know, period. Yeah. That don't have for a lot of liberals. No, because it's like, no, we need to include everybody. And it's like, I'm not, I'm not saying if I meet somebody who's Muslim, I'm going to hold that against them. That's not saying fuck brown people.

Right. At all. I can also say fuck Jesus and I can meet a Christian and be, like, that's been a point of contention for Bill Maher for years. It's the exact same thing for me. Like, seriously, I feel the same way about it. Me too. I'm not fucking down with Islam.

No. I'm not going to judge a person for being Muslim when I meet. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just like, the ideology, don't hit for me. I can't, neither is Christianity and neither is Judaism. I can't in good faith look at the fucking people I grew up with and go, you're goddamn insane for being a Christian and going to church and then go, but the Muslim doctrine, that's fine.

No, fuck all of it, but not fuck individual people. But it's like, it's the same thing as you, I feel like, it's a different version of the same thing as you being like, man, fuck Kamala Harris's draconian fucking authoritarian. philosophies that she has from being a cop or whatever else and then being like well hold on now she's a black woman you know and that's not like you can't just

what's your fucking problem I'm super happy that a black woman made it this far and you know was relevant to the conversation and this is something else that needs to be pointed out about Democrats as a whole and by that I mean at the top the the DNC Stacey Kemp rules Andrew Gillam the guy who ran for governor in Florida

I fucking love that guy. I love his policy. These both happen to be black Americans. One of them is a black woman. I'm making the point to say, and this isn't my point. I saw this point made on Twitter. I think today, maybe yesterday. Someone argued.

Stacey Abrams. Stacey Abrams. Brian Kemp is who won. Brian Kempis who won. Don't hit. Don't hit. It's not a coincidence that the black female politician that got pushed to the forefront. Oh, not right.

Right. Of course. Look at Obama. Obama was a fucking moderate. He was. Turns out. It seemed like he wasn't. Well,

at the, right. But yeah, but yeah, you know. And so, you know, that is,

I don't know. It just frustrates me. It frustrates me that we set traps for our fucking selves. I know, man. These bricks at each other. I'm with you. When all we need to say is this is a policy I disagree with.

It doesn't matter. And here's why. And then people go, well, you're trying to get in the way of, you know, progress. no I'm not because policy matters more to progress than one person does well the thing is is that

a as a liberal democrat whoever the fuck it ends up being I'm bowed for it's sweet potato absolutely whoever but but but then we need to hold that son of a bitch accountable to the fire right which is what conservatives do you can look at now some conservatives flip like look Trump don't represent me and God fucking bless those people But they're happy to let them appoint judges man Okay sure And that's another reason this shit matters

There's dudes like you know Joe Wash and Rick Wilson Who were like huge fucking Trump At the beginning of people that have flipped And they are hardcore every day like dude And they'll say that they're like I was fucking wrong Not just like oh I wasn't really about this guy They're like I was fucking wrong So if whoever it is that we need to elect

We also need to worry about electing congressmen senators and state representatives who can be there because we do and I know that we've forgotten about this in the past couple years but like there's fucking checks and balances in place that no one's given a shit about because the Mitch McConnell's of the world are fucking paid off

and it's way worse for this country. Sure, that's what I'm saying so we need to worry about that and if we have a goddamn Democratic president we have some leverage but we need to hold them to the fucking fire and I'm making I'm vowing right now because I didn't do this when Obama was the president I was very fucking lazy because everything was working out for me you know what I mean? He's like, we got somebody in, whatever, and I feel like people do that.

This next, I hope we fucking have a fucking liberal Democrat president. I really hope we do. And I also hope that I'm so fucking hard on them that I lose a bunch of fans that I don't give a fuck that you were a fan of me in the beginning. Because like I'm not going to do that whole, well, at least they're a liberal, at least they're a Democrat. I'm not. I want to be as fucking hard on them as I am on Donald Trump. Now I know there's no way it's going to come to that. Sure.

Because they'll at least be competent. Yeah, they won't deserve it as much. because they're a liberal Democrat, just because he's literally the most incompetent motherfucker I've ever seen. But I'm putting this out there to the world that listens to our podcast. For the love of God, let's not implode right now because we need somebody in there. But once they are in there, for Christ's sakes, quit being a bitch and hold their feet to the fire. That's what we need to do.

We don't do that. Nobody normally does, but it's very important. And this presidency has showed me how fuck. If nothing happens from this presidency, I know how important that is. I don't know. I think we've been really good about. The left has been really good. I don't think we did it with Obama. Sometimes too good about it.

We were fucking easy on that drone shit. Yeah, you're right. Now, by the way, now, by the way, I'll say this and I can lose some people right now. Like, I genuinely, even with fucking Trump, I don't tend to go as hard on presidents in certain war shit. Just because I don't believe a lot of that is. Like, I know there's executive orders and shit like that. But, like, as far as the war, there's so. much nuance that goes on with that shit that I'm like, look, war was happening before Obama,

war's happening after Obama, same with fucking Trump. I'm not going to hold their feet to the fire on every single ounce of that shit. Now, if they just decide to invade fucking countries oil for no goddamn reason, whatever, but like, I do get that like Trump and Obama, they're getting all these orders from people who they've hired to know more about war than them. And they're like, look, here's a deal. I know it don't hit. And there's going to be innocent lives loss. But if we don't do this, there will be more innocent lives loss on the other side. So, like, that part, I mean, that's kind of why. I just look at war like, that wasn't him. That was fucking war. I mean, I get your point. There's a permit that's like, yeah, but nuance, I never

killed a baby. I'm with you. Dude, I'm with, I'm with you on that. But what I'm saying is, like, there's a lot of shit that we don't know where it's like, all right, if them babies didn't die, maybe these babies would have died afterwards, and then people are going to go, man, if only you'd have done this, then these people, like, some, dude, we've, until war is gone, it's always going to fucking suck, and no president's going to stop that shit. I'm just, not overly worried about, and it's a very raven statement that the right could point to, but I just feel this way. I'm not overly worried about our side when it comes to accountability because I feel like the narrative has always been, and I think for a good reason that, like,

we've alluded to multiple times this conversation, they stick together to an insane fault. Like, it don't matter what they do. There's no accountability whatsoever. And we do the exact opposite and pick each other apart. Which is why we don't win. So we do have to have accountability. I'm saying, generally speaking, I don't worry as much about that on the left because I feel like our problem typically goes in the other direction. Well, I hear you, but I do think we go too far the other way. I do think that because Trump has been so different and because we are even more so like, God damn it, we really got to get somebody in there that I feel like we may slip into a mode

of like such utter relief for the first couple years that we just don't even give a shit because we're so happy not to see the fucking MAGA hats and shit all the sudden that we're like, All right. Let's take a break. We've been working real fucking hard at our keyboards. I also think that they're going to, they ain't going to stop giving us shit to be pissed off about. Hell no. You know what I mean? Like, we're still going to have a lot of anger to direct. Yeah. And I don't think McConnell's going to lose. I did see where that's, he could die. That sports host is going to run against him. And that dude's got, I think it's, I get other names. It's Matt, something, I think. But anyway, he's got a decent shot. The only reason I know about it is because I listen to the trilbillillies.

I want to raise one more quick, I think it can be a quick question. And the caveat here is I'm not defending any of the behaviors I'm about to describe. They're all wrong. But I'm very curious, and this kind of relates to what I was just talking about with, you know, throwing daggers to each other and the performativeness of it all. Why is it way more acceptable for you to have made a policy in the 60s or 60s? 70s or 80s that was so horrible for the African-American community that were still feeling the ramifications of it and you can say I've changed, I've learned, and I've seen the light.

But if you dressed up in blackface in the 80s or 90s, you and your career are over. I'm not saying your career shouldn't be over if you dressed up in blackface in the 80s or 90s. I'm not defending anyone who put on blackface. Because both of them were. It was a different time. I'm so confused as to how, what? what is admittedly a horrendous, quote-unquote, joke is completely unacceptable, but literally ruining people's lives is unacceptable. I couldn't agree with you more, although I don't know if we fall on the same side of the fence in terms of like,

I think, I feel that both of those things can potentially be forgivable, in my opinion. Not that either one of them should be like, not that both of them should be caused for your cancellation, but that both of them... If you change for the better, no matter what, that's a good fucking thing. Right. I'm not saying across the board. I'm saying potentially, either one of those could be forgivable. I'm going to fucking bury the lead on this. I feel that way about the blackface, depending on the situation.

Like, if you can just be like, look, I was fucking 17 and I'm an idiot and I was an idiot and I'm sorry, but I'm not racist. And we believe you. I'm with you. With the ruining people's lives, there's a part of me that's like, okay, you're not a canceled human. Dude, we're not going to throw you into the street. I don't think you shouldn't have this job anymore. Aside from goddamn like murder and rape, some,

some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, some, maybe used to whatever, but, like, now, like, now, like, here's, like here's, like here. Here's, like, here's, like, here's, like, here. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're supposed to forgive him when I just, I just, I feel like that's another side of the same.

And I'm not trying to open up a whole other can of worms, but I really feel like that's another side of that same argument that I know me and you agree on when it comes to like, rehabilitation versus, like, I'm, I really about, is like being punitive when it comes to, when where prisoners are concerned in this country. Because like, I just feel like we have this, I feel like we have this kind of shitty attitude

about like past transgressions in this country. But here's the difference. But here's the difference. You got a 20-year-old who robbed a grocery store or whatever and the state of Florida says, we're a corporal state and they throw the book at him and they don't try to rehab him and he goes in for 10 years and he comes out worse.

That's horrible to me. Also, that dude probably had like a situation where he was poor at the time or whatever was going on when he was 20, maybe he was on drugs. Then you've got a 20-year-old who's a little bit more privileged but makes a dumb decision in college

to wear blackface and it's fucking stupid and I question who that person is. I genuinely do and I'm not going to forgive them automatically but if they seem like they really made a mistake and they just didn't think about that or they were just truly ignorant, then I'm going to consider that. And then you've got someone who's literally

the most powerful person, one of the most powerful people in the land when they're making these policies. Yeah. When they're making these decisions and it's like, I don't know, man, to become a politician at 33, you have to be going for that. Your whole goal is to shape the future of this country. And we're not talking about throwing you in jail.

We're just talking about you losing your job. I get that part of your, right, we're not saying you should lose your whole life. We're saying you shouldn't have this job anymore. And I get that part. That's the exact same argument that I made about Kavanaugh at the time. It's like, you know, we're not saying fucking hang him on the town square. We're saying he at the very least shouldn't be able to be able to be. be on the Supreme Court anymore.

Right. I agree with that. I agree with that. But he's still very much working. I respected that. Me too, because he's like, look, he's still working in writing books, but he's like, I can't be a public figure writing policies. I did a bad thing.

Let me make a quick analogy because we're about to have to get out of here. But like, I've thought about this a lot. I feel like on the left, like, if the, take two people. One's a comedian and one's like an activist or something, right? And the activist, his story was when he was younger and, you were. up until he was nearly 30, he was like a fucking wizard in the Clu Klux Klan. American history is a straight up, yeah, right. And then at a certain point, that's a redemption story.

At a certain point, he reformed himself, saw the error of his ways and has dedicated his life since then to like repairing those types of, you know, relationships and making that right. But for years earlier in his life, he was like one of the most heinous human beings on planet Earth, right? And I feel like Oprah will have him on. That guy goes on Oprah and gets a standing ovation for like seeing life. and coming in the rights. And like, honestly, I feel like, he should. That should happen. But you take, we should just be like, all right, good, good. But you take, I don't know about standing novation. We need to reward people doing the right. Especially if he's now working. Right. Well, we're not a very positive reinforcement country. I know that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

But, but then, but, and then the comedian, right, it comes out that when he was 25, he had a videotape he made with his buddies where he's in blackface and making a bunch of racist jokes or something, right? But since that's, but since. I burn, I burned the tape. But since then, he's not done anything like that. I didn't burn your chance, and he's ashamed of it. He's embarrassed by it, and he's not that guy, whatever.

But, like, if that comes out, you know, you're going to get fired from Guardians of the Galaxy. You know what? And then rehired if you hit too hard. You know what? But like, now I feel even stronger about the politician, though. That's weird. I'm with you.

I'm so with you. But I feel even stronger in the case of the politician, and it's a case-by-case basis, I think. But most of the time I feel of it's stronger, and here's why. If you show me a politician who was making those horrible policies and then flip sides or became a champion of progressivism because something happened to them, usually, though, what happens is they slowly move left as the country moves a little left, and then they get asked about something. And what you come to find in is they're just an opportunity. They're just someone who's just willing to say whatever.

And then I just, and then I go, you may have changed, you may have improved, but I can't ever know that in my heart that you did. Whereas that guy who goes on Oprah and says I was evil and my buddy's back. Those fucking people will kill you. Yeah, yeah. I was best to say because he probably, you know, had pretty good standing in the clan. He gave all that up. That's a pretty hard thing to do. Well, unfortunately, we do have to go on that now.

Somebody needs the run. Wellredcom. W-E-L-R-E-D comedy.com. Come see us in Nashville. And thank you all for listening to the Well-red show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you.

God bless you good night and skew. Hits. That's it. Klan don't hit. Klan don't hit. Klan don't hit. Take as little as three minutes to see if you could save on motorcycle insurance with Progressive. Come on, you've spent more time than that debating your accessories.

Could use some new riding gloves? I guess I'll go with black leather again. Ah, it just seems so basic. Wait, what if I did white leather? People be like, hey, this guy's different. Or they might be like, hey, this guy's different. Or they might be like, hey, this guy looks like a butler. Yeah, okay.

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