wellRED podcast - #149 - Merry Christmas from Zanies! w/ Lucy Sinsheimer and DJ LEWIS!

Episode Date: December 25, 2019

Merry Christmas and Happy holidays to you all! If you get some down time today listen to this ludacris convo between the boys and Zanies booker/manager/getter of done shit, Lucy Sinsheimer! we talk about russia, serial killers, lunacy, and first times! wellredcomedy.com  

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore,

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Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas.

Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com

slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. Everybody, it's your boy the show. I sure do apologize for the fact that the podcast came a little late this past week and by late, I mean literally a day before this one's coming out. We had some technical difficulties and then it was the holiday shows that Zanies in Nashville, and it just got away from us. But we would like to thank everyone who came out to those shows at Zanies and Nashville.

They were truly remarkable, and we can't wait to see you guys next year. This podcast will be coming to you on Christmas Day. Hope everyone has a great Christmas and holiday season. I'm sure nobody will listen to this until after they spend time with your family, and I encourage you to do that. That's what the fuck I'm going to do, and I'm going to be doing that for the next couple months. while we're on break working on some other projects, but the podcast will still come to you every Wednesday

and you can check out well-readcom, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, to find out when we're going to be in a city near you on our 2020 tour. Thank you guys so much for making 2019, one of the best years of our lives. We love you so much and skew. Okay, DJ.

Yep. So here we are. here we are we were just talking about you brought up that there are these it's a service that if someone from another country has questions about our

what was it so the other day Katie was watching 90 day fiancee and it was a guy on there who met his his you know foreign woman by this service that this first I'd heard of it were like

people who in other countries who are trying to learn in English can like use this app or service room or you want to call it and get on there and like talk to people who will assist them in their effort to learn the English language and they're doing that he met a woman who he's now marrying or whatever deep so before we get to DJ so boy's like there's a way to get one yeah well you know that's that he did he sit out to do that is that why he used it as a dating app was it like was he catfishing like how What is going on in this? These people on this show.

You talk about gibronies. Okay. The dudes on there. Like, they're just, yeah. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying. All right. You ain't heard a 90-day fiancé?

No. It's a cultural phenomenon, I reckon. I don't go a fuck about it, but I have some. I watched it for research, and I get why. Yeah. Like, I get why it is a cultural phenomenon. Is it gripping? Don't people meet, like, the Nigerian princes that send spam emails?

Yeah. They meet the real ones. where if you send, like, the man behind the phenomenon. Yeah, you send $50,000 and all that is that. You think in Nigeria that's like their Mark Zuckerberg? The Nigeria Prince guy. That's hilarious. But anyway, DJ, the show's incredible because it has all the trash.

Y'all think it's ever worked out for anybody that they got. What got with, like, they started, like, emailing each other some money and maybe, like, two of them realized that there's a misconnection. No. And, like, some of them all got, like, hooked up. You think you asked me if any of our mammals ever fucked a Nigerian probably. That's not what I'm saying. Okay.

All right, never mind. Go ahead. I just want you know the show is truly great because it has everything that a reality television show is supposed to have. Trash people, high stakes. The stakes couldn't be any higher. Are you going to get married in this 90 days? You've never met this person. You've got 90 days to marry them.

Oh, my God. But your family ain't ever met them, so you might decide not to marry them. That's how frivolous marriage is. Well, I mean, sometimes they met and they spent a week together. A week? I hear you. Okay, look, you got to, first of all, this is an insane tangent that I started, but still, we're here now. You got to think about, like, dude, it's the, it's not the first or the second world.

We're talking, this is in the third world, all the way down in the third world. Sometimes that one old boy was from Jamaica. That these women are coming from. Man, the third world part of Jamaica, you're right. And I'm saying, you said, oh, there's, it's frivolous. There's going to get married after a week. I mean, to get to America from, you know, fucking

the Philippines Azerbaijan or whatever sure yes like how many years ago would like if that had happened like would that have been taboo what

you remember Pocahontas remember that bitch yeah also you talk about knowing each other for a week my mom and Papal knew each other for three days which by the way was half

her fucking life almost she was like 15 at that point you got our buddy Tushar his cousins get just married without their consent I think Right, am I wrong?

No, I mean, I don't marry your cousin. I don't know that Tushar's... I don't know that Tushar's cousin did that, but that is a fucking thing. I'm saying in India, they still have a range marriage. And they just make that a game show or what the fuck ever? They have a reality. They should. No, they made it a reality show.

They just make that a reality show. So instead of the real world where it's like, we're all fighting because you didn't do the dishes, they're fighting. What are you going on the world on the earth? So the laws. Here's the point. No one's trying to tell you that this is good. We're trying to tell you that for a reality show, it has all the right parts. But it don't seem like that's...

It's immoral? No, shit. Listen. I don't seem like something I want to watch. Listen. I don't watch it either. No, it's terrible. It's terrible.

But listen to me, if you get... There's a bunch of different visas you can get to come into the country, right, if you're working a job or something like that. You get a fiancé visa if you're engaged to a person and that allows you to come in... Fianceas get all the visas, am I right? There we go. But the limit on that is... 90 days and then you have to go back to your country. If you don't get married. If you don't

get married. So there's find somebody who's going to do that for them. Yes. And follow them around with cameras and shit. Well, okay. We do on a tangent. Here's the deal though. None of that sounds good. Go ahead, Trey. You went off on a tangent Corralus back in. Sounds like somebody's

house. One of those dudes on there met his Russian bride because he was going on this app for people who were trying to learn English and helping them learn English. And she was one of those people trying to learn English. So I know that that's a thing. Somehow or another along the way out there in the cosmos,

DJ found out about this service. Is it dual-lingo? Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole reason I hit record. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lucy's here, everybody. We're going to introduce her in two seconds. It's great. Lucy wants to know if it was duolingo.

Yeah, some ass like that. I got it on my phone. I mean, I could tell you, but, yeah. So I got on there. Trying to help the folks. You, DJ Lewis, but I didn't know. But I didn't know. I'm trying to help people learn English. And how'd that go?

Not good. No, yeah, yeah. I only took like a couple of like requests things. You got to fill out like a bunch of stuff, but it's not like really hard. It's not like a test. You know what I mean? Yeah, no shit.

Yeah, yeah. Get in there and then, you know, start helping the world. Can you give us an example of the form? basically just like you know are you an American citizen what do you do you know Blasez-Qua what's your name nothing like okay you're not looking for your credit score or anything like that you know what I mean then you like log in obviously I would not be able to do right then you log in you and wait for what to happen a request from the other side I'm not better to hit

yet but like what's it's it's like linguist yeah you know what I mean like a legal like a English, yeah. When they hit you up, what happens? They say, like, okay, well, I'm writing this about, you know, this, or I'm trying to, I think, one of the people. But it's in English? Yeah, they're asking me. So they speak like broken English? It translates black is what I believe happens. DJ speaks very broken English.

So it's like Google Translate. They're typing in English. Something like that. Yeah, but they can ask you specific questions, too. Like what? Like, what were your interactions like? Somebody asked me about something in the New York. work or something and I think I don't know number one you had to answer it back you know what I'm

saying that's where the real problem came in it's what you had to do stuff I well I volunteered to do stuff and it turns out I had to do stuff yeah man there was a whole other side of that DJ huh tell you something might be more up your alley you similar there's a very similar service for blind people yeah or you sign up for it and then they just ping you on the app and you look down and it's just a picture or something it's just hey what's this say. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or like, what is this fruit? Yeah, right, yeah. Is this a fruit or a vegetable? Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to shop. DJ just came up with the one question and no one knows how to answer. Yeah.

What is the tomato? Yeah, so I ask you a tomato. Well, technically. So yeah, you could handle that. Hell yeah, I could. So you said you had to answer them? I guess you had to. That's what I'm trying to tell you.

I didn't. You got on your own, buddy. No one will tell you. Did it show you pictures of them? Was it ever like a beautiful woman? I got some requests and some emails. You know what I'm saying? After I had already like

kind of like not fucked with the app. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what they, you know what I mean? No one here. There's any idea what the fuck I mean. You feel like that app.

You ever have been out of app or like, okay, you get rid of your like Facebook but your Facebook will send you like a fucking message for like notifications. Yeah. So I'm still getting notifications in my email that this app exists. You got any right now? Yeah, that's what I was saying.

I'll go get my guy down. Go do it. Go get it. Let's introduce Lucy while he's doing that. Here we are at the Zanis condo. Yeah. Guest house. I don't know what the caught word.

The condo. Yeah. How are you? I'm good. You want to tell everybody who you are? Yeah. I'm the booker at Zanis slash managers slash jack of all trades. Yeah, you do it all.

Yeah. Yeah. And congratulations on purchasing a home. Thank you so much. It's very exciting. exciting. In Nashville? In Donaldson, but by the airport. It's still Nashville limits.

Yeah, so if you're out there and you've ever seen us at Zanis, Lucy was the person stupid enough to make that happen. I'm so sorry for everybody who's come to a show. Just kidding. Yes, us too. If we were planning on giving you like a houseworming gift, like say a, what they call gift card, what store do you think?

Because I was thinking Home Depot and then I was like, well, I don't know. Well, maybe she don't need to go to Home Depot. I feel like Home Depot is for people that are, like, good at making things. I didn't want to say it. That's not me. Yeah, I didn't want to say it. Like, I need to hire somebody. Yeah, I didn't want to say.

They got Cheetos in there. Put together a couch this weekend for the first time. Power-Ru-R-I. It was from World Market, and it did come mostly put together, but I screwed on the legs, and I've never been more proud in my entire life. The best I've ever slept was after finally getting a fucking IKEA couch put together. Yeah. It feels good.

Even if you did a bit. minimal work, it still feels like when me and Amber first got together and started like, I guess I was moving some of my stuff in and we were about to actually start living together. She went and bought a bunch of like furniture in terms of like

a desk and an end table and stuff and she bought the cheaper version that you have to put together and that's when she realized how worthless I was. She just was like, here you go and I was like fuck is this. It ain't done yet. So here's what I did. I have a friend who works at the club who's in her 40s and she's a lesbian

and she came over the second day and helped me build everything. Hell yeah, yeah. So I will say it will really benefit you if you find like a lesbian in their 40s to help you with that. I went to Cleveland with some friends a few weeks ago and some of my friends who were with us,

they had grown up in Cleveland and they had friends there and long as they're short, it was a group of lesbians. These people are so handy. They're so handy. Not just like they can build couches. I got hammered drunk.

They were taking care. hair me, rubbing my head. It was like, it was like your uncles will fix your car for you, but make fun of you the whole damn time. Imagine if they fix your car for you while rubbing your head, man. Yeah. No, I don't hit, but... It does hit. All I had to do is... If your uncle was rubbing your head? No, people. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I did do is take her to the Waffle House, and she put it together off the couch and a chair for me. They had chapstick, like, unused, like, just in case. Somebody needed it, and they

gave me new chapstip. They're very well prepared. I got beat by a lesbian in a karaoke contest once, and she grabbed her crotch and told me to suck her dead. What she's saying? I don't remember. Didn't matter. Man, I feel like a woman. Natalie Merchant. I wish I could remember.

I did. I did. DJ's back. Did you find the email? I did TikTok by Kesha. Hell yeah. A song hits for me. Yeah.

Yeah, thank you. We talked about it last week. It was the finals. I'd already advanced. I was rapping the whole way, and that's why she didn't like me. It was down to me and her, and she was like, because I've been doing Will Smith,

Smith's songs and stuff. You know, I was getting through on showmanship. Of course, yeah, yeah. And anyway, she had been singing and I got up there and it was just me and her. Before we started, I put my hand out and was like, good luck, you know, or whatever, and she just didn't shake my hand and looked at me because

this ain't a rapid contest, it's a singing contest, you asshole. And I was like, all right, and then I think this is about something else, but sure. And then she beat me and told me to suck her dick. What did you close on, another Will Smith? No, I don't know. I In the finals, I did...

It was Will Smith. I did Kesha. Oh, TikTok side. Yeah, TikTok, yeah. I mean, she kind of rules in this story. Suck my dick. She seems great. Wrapping piece of shit.

Fuck Will Smith. Yeah, I'm not... I picture her as Jen Snyder for some reason. And then it makes the story awesome. DJ, how many emails do you have? Yeah, who's emailing here, AJ? He should have said, not... It's just...

I remember the name of it, so now I have to find the original fucking chat thing, because I had so many weird, fucking emails. I got like all this reverb and isotope, fucking crazy. Got damn. Isotope? You ain't no shit. Like fucking chakras and your Astro-Shodh shit. You have pho news. You're got-am.

You're in tune with your shockers? Yeah, man. You know, bitch. Like the yoga newsletter, my fucking free dominoes pizza. Fucking billion of them, man. Horse skulls, weekly.

Yeah, exactly. DJ, how many damn emails you got? Well, we had a meteor shower last. week it's been pretty busy actually I swear to God I've got to get something going on it it's a nightmare I got to get organization was that just a blanket statement yeah yeah all of it it now my email is I went over here to these uh Facebook messages but then I got lost started looking at my toes but now I'm back here at the chats I'm going back and find the original chat that the girl sent me the bullshit in that I sign up with and then I'll find it through

that day so I just look for sure you Should we keep going for a minute? I mean, baby, this shit's life, it's America. We're over the 8 of 21. It's their fucking oyster out there for a motherfucker right now. Didn't they just change it to where you've got to be 21 to get cigarettes? They're trying to. Not here, not in Tennessee.

I still get carded every time I buy cigarettes. Really? Oh, well, look at you. Motherfuckers just giving a minute to say, I'm sorry. Just apologize. It's like, yeah, maybe little if you need one. Went a bad day. The thing that hurts me, the most.

most is it's the shell station I go to every day. Do you think something changed? Hey, is your Dollar General a bunch of dicks about fucking card you? I don't buy cigarettes at the Dollar General. I buy them at the shell station. Hey, but

speaking of this, Big City, I guess. Speaking of this Dollar General being dix, although this was just funny. No, listen, there wasn't my name. They weren't rude, but you saw us earlier walking into that Dollar General. We got in there, and we was buying various accoutrements juices and shit and Corey is that what a

accoutrement means no I don't think so Corey had a jug of pineapple juice and it looks like a jug of pineapple juice I guess like it's it didn't look like the other juices you know because pineapple juice is kind of a weird juice I suppose I'm trying to justify this dude's actions in a minute and Corey had pulled it down off the shelf and as he's pulling off the shelf the dude that I don't you didn't realize he worked there no I had No idea. He was at the register when we walked in and said, hey, fellas, how's it going? That guy.

Yeah. So a dude that worked there, when Corr's pulling off the shelf, he's walking behind Corr, and he goes, the fuck is that shit? Just roasting me for getting pineapple juice. He was like, pineapple juice. He was like, no, that's from concentrate, bro. No, no way. You got shamed by a dollar general employee for what you eat.

He did. Hey, but good looking out for him. Yeah, man. DJ, did you find them emails? Yeah, but like, Well, God damn. Okay, but hold on. Hold on now.

He's fully put in the most of that. What do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah. If he's going to walk around telling people, hey, that's bullshit, you don't need that.

Well, he might have had a better, what if he said, he's going to spend it all day. At the dollar general because it's all bad. I love dollars and a little hits. Yeah, man, that's what I'm saying. You get that.

That's from concentrate. What you need is this 100%. They ain't got that. That's my point. But he didn't know that. Of course he knows that. The cranberry juices I got... How's he going to know?

He didn't even know that was there. He don't know shit about this dollar general. You checked the date on that thing? No. The cranberry juices I got there says in big letters. It says 100%... I saw shenanigans. 100% cranberry juice.

And as I was walking up, I read that and I literally scoffed. And then when I got closer to it underneath the big letters and smaller letters, it says, and three of other additional juices from concentrate under that smaller letters with additional ingredients. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Which is absolutely, I mean, we should really talk to somebody. If anybody knows anybody down there at the dog general down here. Corporate?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Corporate is in Nashville. Yeah. They're based in Nashville. That makes sense. I say you storm the grounds. No. They're doing the Lord's work.

I just have a question. What are you drinking? Oh, Lord. This is, I'm shaken by whatever this is. This is true move after dark, Mexican-style chocolate milk. It's Mexican milk. Chocolate drink. Chocolate drying.

Oh, it's not even chocolate milk. Oh, no, it's like milk. It's just in a different color, my bad. And what is that? It's dry. Mexican milk. Yeah. Is it spicy?

Yeah. Lece Mexicano. We don't do it. Oh, it's fucking good. I'm about to knock your goddamn head back. That is very good. Chocolate milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's that true mood. That's that hitter. That's good. Yeah. You don't like chocolate milk? No, not real. I don't like any milk. Well, I mean, I don't be fucking with the regulars.

The regulars is not. If I see an adult drinking a glass of regular milk, it's weird. It's weird. I wish our old are. I could see Corey's face out now. Well, Red fans, Lucy and Corey have a special relationship. They love each other very much, and I think it's in trouble right now. I told Corey several times.

I'm just going to chalk it up to the fact that you're Jewish. I'm just going to make, like, well, you know. There's nothing about that. It's just disgusting. It really is. It really true. And I've seen an adult man drink free. Three glasses of milk in a rush.

Corey. DJ, you've been... It's horrible. You've been coming over that milk all night. It's been hitting... That's special. That's special. If that ain't drank, that's drunk.

That is drank. You mean... You mean like you think it's weird when someone sits there at a restaurant and drinks a glass of white milk like a cereal killer. So I went to Waffle House recently. I would still do that.

With my boyfriend and his roommate who's about 6-7 big dude and he drank three glasses of milk at the Waffle House, and I was more than distraught. Yeah, I definitely will do that. When it's dessert time, you ask for milk. I always ask for milk. Not even with dessert?

Do you judge adults for doing it? I would never drink a glass of milk, period. I just meant, I thought, you know, just going in there and drink it three minutes, but, like, you got some cakes. Dude, we're talking about some pines. Come cookies. That was these. When I first got the oven.

If we were talking about, yeah, then milk is a very, very problem. I thought DJ was about to break into song. When I. about cookies. Cookies. We're talking about cakes. I'll drink a glass of milk, but I will say I would drink a glass of true moo after dark. That has changed me.

The first time I ever flew first class. I'm going to shit when I shit, it's going to be back. There's almost a thousand calories in that box. Oh, yeah. The first time I ever flew first class, I was just like, well, up here, it's anything. And we'd had champagne and done that whole thing. And then, like, they came around with, like, the complimentary Biskopf cookies or whatever. And I was like, yes, and I would like a glass of milk with mine.

And they were like, oh, we don't have milk on the plane. Yeah. And my level of first, like, what the fuck are you saying? And then coupled with, like, everyone. If I'd ordered milk and got the milk, people would have forgot it, I think. But because I ordered milk and then was told very loudly, sir, we don't have milk on this flight. It was one of the single most embarrassing moments of my life.

And as soon as I did that, everybody was like, knew it, upgraded. Knew it, knew it. I knew it was a gigantic child. I knew he had that jack disease. Yeah, I fucking love milk, man. It's no surprise. DJ, I also would like you to talk about something. It's recently come to my attention that your father is trying to turn his house into a boat.

A pirate sheep. A pirate ship. I was going to say boat. The pirate ship. Yeah. Something, yeah, the boat, trying to turn into a boat because he says that the goddamn,

the fucking chicken-mogging dam is going to bust, and it's going to flood the valley. So. He wants to, like, take off on the guy down. Here's my favorite thing about it. DJ's dad thinks that the area in which we're living one day is going to flood, like, oh, brother where Arctdale type shit.

You know what I mean? And instead of being like, oh, well, I probably should get the fuck out of here. here. No. He's... Make us a boat. So,

the pirate ship. What's the first step of turning your home into a boat? Listen, he talked to me about it. He talked to me about it. He talked to me about it. And mainly, this is what,

number one, the first thing you do is going to get a fuck load of pallets and two by fours. Okay. Wood, yeah. Yeah, and start making, like...

Yeah, you got to careen that. Yeah. Is this a mobile home? Yeah. Well, yeah. So, like, once that water goes out. Ain't mobile enough.

Ain't mobile enough. It ain't mobile enough. enough yet. Trying to make it super mobile. Making a super mobile home. This could be the new thing, dude. He might be on to something. Everybody's crazy until the world catches up to him.

I mean, the trailer that floats. Rising oceans are already very popular. Houseboat. It's just a houseboat. How many fucking fucked up crazy things has my dad told us and it been goddamn right? Like, fuck it. Dude, I'm, his dad.

Did he predict 9-11 or something? He may have been there. Dude. I ain't gonna lie, man. I ain't gonna lie, dude. Now, again, hot take, I think this Putin guy's a little much, but back like 12 years ago when I was fucking, like my first feature weekend for Cousin Ricky,

cousin Ricky just sat over on the fucking, on the other bed, like reading legit, like Russian newspapers and shit like that. Cousin Ricky was a fucking madman. And you used to talk about that shit, and I'm like, Ricky, what the fuck are you over there reading? He's like, oh, Putin.

on one and I'm like the fuck and then we go talk to Donnie's like it's god damn puttin I'm telling you it's I'm like yeah of course the dude the fucking dictator from Russia don't hit again like what and then like he's like no I'm telling you dude this shit's about to really pop off like they're doing some stuff here that like it's going to affect us man

it's like fucking 12 years ago his dad was on that shit and we're like get the fuck out of here with your goddamn Putin shit and here we are so you're saying that because the guy knew Putin was bad news a little over a decade ago we should we should turn our houses in the house exactly what I'm saying it's not a bad idea

you got the means in the way if you live in a trailer I know you're laughing so hard I know exactly what you're saying if I could turn my house into a boat right now not with like two by fours and palates like your crazy dad but like if I can do it the real way

I would have done it a week ago were you shitting me that's not a bad time to turn your house into a boat No, that's really not. This week's podcast is brought to you by trailer boats. There's never a bad. They're just called houseboats and they're hugely popular. They're way expensive.

This hits. But trailer boats are cheaper, Tray. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if maybe it's only Salina that houseboats are just floating trailers, but that's what houseboats are. Yeah, we don't have... Floating trailers. Where I live.

Yeah, because every houseboat I've seen is like, oh, wow, this is a rich person got this houseboat. We had a houseboat in the hall. A partoon with an umbrella. Yes. No. And a dream. It's a float.

Buddy. Well, we used to rent houseboats for our family vacation. And in retrospect, they were trailer-like, but they were nice. I know what you're talking about. The ones that you ran or whatever. I'm saying most of the ones that are docked in Salina. Yeah, I've seen them. They're floating trailers.

They're floating trailers. And they hit. I hit. I'm just, all I'm saying is I'm on your dad's side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. You're just not ready to give him an award for being this forward thing. A trailer that's a boat, hits. God.

Been hitting. I've been saying it. He's been saying it for at least 12 years. I just want to give my heart out of it. I'm somebody to add on to this. Like, that's right about my dad. But listen, in the same thing, and God bless it, man. I always give him a chance every year.

And my heart goes out to anybody who's struggling with a loved one who's out of their goddamn mind, whether it's made with Fox News or whatever the fuck. Because I've been dealing with my dad. And yeah, he's insane in that way, which sounds real cool. but he's also insane in the way that he went down to like the local normal chapter and got extremely mad because apparently

there were too many ugly lesbians in the meeting. He did not shut the fuck up because he was trying to start a guitar church. Yeah. This is God. Which turns out is just a church.

What's a guitar church? Yeah, the guitar church is just a regular bassist church. Don't talk too much about it. I'll lose my wife to your father's cult. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, that was his first order of business when starting to get to our church. It was like, man, I think it's a good idea, but Goddamaged a lot of ladies' men here.

Yeah, yeah, guitar church. I'm saying, with weed. Yeah, right. He's going to be some lesbians. And we hear a houseboat. Yeah, now, now, but, man, it's so hard to fucking deal with him. It's like, I get there and he starts going off like that, dude, and I'm just like, well, dad, it was cool when your house was just a boat. Well, so I haven't taught, like.

But now you're insane. I was just talking about, like, I haven't taught your dad in a very goddamn long time. Bittersweet. And, but, like, he was on Putin, like, 12 years ago. Yeah. So what I, I guess I need to know, like, what, what's he on about now? Like, now that his Putin shit, a lot of it's come to fruition, like, what's his attitude? What's his next prediction?

Oh, he's going to go down into the fucking Grand Canyon, right? Okay. Get them super pie. What are they? The Supi Indian. Yeah, yeah. What are they up to? Yeah, yeah, he's on this because they got aliens and shit down there.

He's going to fight. You had to fight like a goddamn one level is goddamn giants. One level is aliens. And then there's just like a fucking shitload of snakes. Can you imagine getting through the giants and the aliens and then they're like, and now it's snakes. Just bite you? This can't be the big boss. That's kind of anti-climatic.

You sit down on a rock to take a break and that's how you go out. Yeah, I was thinking that sounded like a pretty kick-ass like RPG video game until the final level was. Just snakes. Man, are they giant or alien snakes? When I got to the aliens, I'd be like, God damn this fuck kicks ass.

Yeah. Like, regards, like, I've seen aliens, you can go ahead and kill me because I'm done now. Are the snakes giant? That's what the snakes are there for. Or the snakes are there for?

They're alien snakes. Yeah, maybe. Y'R has been like, this is my fucking dream. We're asking like you're just my dream. These are my aspirations here. We've got to get DJ's dad on the podcast.

Yeah. Yeah. What's your dream day, oh my God. You know the Grand Canyon? He wrote a book. He wrote a book? You wrote a book?

God damn right, he wrote a book. Do you have it? I'd say it. Is it on Kind of a manifesto? Is it more of a manifesto? Yes, it's a manifesto. Dude, I swear to God, dude. Oh, fuck.

I swear to God, it's out. You might be able to find it on, like, Google books. What's it called? Oh, shit, hold on. It's not an amount of money. Are you going to look through your email? No, sure. It's going to take another hour.

I swear to God. send out the emails with the shit that's in there and then the fucking the goddamn with the you remember what it's called? God damn it. If you can remember the name we can find it for you. It was written by Rodney Bishop. He changed

his name. Okay, that's not your dad's name. No, no, no, no. No, he changed his name. Rodney Bishop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that for anonymity? Yeah. In case the wrong people read it. Right. God damn it. Wait, is this it?

let me see no there's no way that's it please the 13th profit there it is there it is the 13th prophet shut the fuck up let me see the cover

I think his phone just got a virus when he looks up in his dad's book it's got one star yeah there's been one review did you review your dad's book to get back at him

for your childhood that's it that's fucking it what's the one store review dude go ahead and order that it's $7.77 all pay for it you guys

Y'all blow my dad's fucking. Y'all blow my dad's book up. Hold on. You can't get it. It ain't digitized. What's the one-star review? It says I could read it for free, but... No, we got to support it.

You have to support it. Also, buy it. Don't. Don't buy it. Listen, I was kidding. Nobody buy it. If you can't read it for free, don't encourage this motherfucker. Do not encourage this.

Buy the book. Do not buy the book. Do not buy it. I just bought it. Don't buy it. Just read for free. Read it. I'm using Zanis company credit card.

So that goddamn boathouse is just going to pay for its goddamn self. Listen to this man. No, you're right. He's going to find out somebody bought it, and then he's going to talk to DJ about it. He's going to talk to DJ about it. He's fucking insane. Buy the book. Speaking as a person.

The well-read podcast is sponsored today by the 13th prophet. The 13th prophet by Rodney Bishop. get it on Amazon right now. The 13th probably... What if God had a message for us? That's what it says. Wait, please read the synopsis.

I'm going to join Kindle or some shit. You mean like if he was like a stranger on the bus or something? Trying to make his way. Is it really what... The angel's name is dude, man, dude. Your dad is a fucking genius. The more I learn about it. In the very beginning of it, he says he wants you to sign.

the first of it, right, sign your name on it. Yeah, he wants my honor. And he wants to talk because you're going to sign your name that you will like do something with the Lord and give your name to the Lord. And he also tells him, he said something to Johnny Depp. He wrote a big thing to Johnny Depp in there. Did you realize how badly

of a job you're doing of convincing people to not buy your book? Like, this sounds fucking awesome. Everybody, listen, do not buy this book. You've convinced us all that we don't want to meet his son, but we want to read this book. I can't tell you to leave a shit thing or don't say anything about me you. Definitely don't mention me, okay?

Okay, look, that's fair. Sincerely, y'all. Buy it four times, give it to everybody, but do not mention that you got it from DJ. Yeah, that's a wild ride, boys. Shit, the damn bad. My mom are crazy, too, but she can't write a book crazy. Hell no, she ain't write a book and nothing. I bet you could just take her best text

and put them to print. He used to drive us to the comedy catch. Me and my brother leave us upstairs during the first show, right? Oh, for those of you that don't know, DJ's dad was a comic back in the 80s and 90s? Yeah, yeah. Did he go by Rodney Bishop? No, he went by Don Lewis. It's pretty cool.

Like, me and his faces are on the goddamn, anyways. So, goddamn, so he would leave us on the goddamn top of the goddamn comedy catch. Be gone, dude, he would leave us, he would forget us up there. Was he good or was he a hack? I'll be quite honest with you. He was not, I mean, he was very funny. Pat, Pat Nixon said he was the funniest man he ever walked in a room with. There you go.

But he was also talking to me, and that was my dad. So what the fuck? Yeah, but Pat, Pat don't pull punch yourself. Yeah, he's honest. Yeah. I don't know. To a fault. Yeah, so anyway, there he go.

And about a lot of things. Oh, and then go home and read us the Bible. So we'd be in the club. We'd be in the club all night here and all kind of fucks and pussies and goddamn cuts and shit. seeing that shoot dope in the back of the goddamn comedy club, you know what I'm saying? All kind of fuck some pussy. Yeah, yeah. In the 80s, why they're just smoking cigarettes?

You know what I'm saying? God damn, uh, anyway. Yeah, they was all kinds of fuck some pussy shit. Yeah, Tim Wilson up there talking about chain smoking cigarettes, talking about serial killers. We really missed it. But I was like, fucking, fucking eight. How long has it? You turned out fun?

been there. Dude. He's like a really good writer. Yeah, buddy, he's a fucking smart motherfucker. No, yeah, nobody's saying it, but he's just out of his goddamn mind. I think you have to read the whole thing

to figure out how crazy he is, though, because it's like, it starts out, I mean, maybe I'm just easily duped. All right, here we go. It should be noted at the beginning that the Bible is fiction for the non-believer and non-fiction for the believer. But what about the partial believer

or the prove it to me and I'll be a believer non-believer? What about them? Just thought I'd say something. something, don't you think it's about time someone did? I do not. I repeat. Do not believe that what I'm about to write is true, and at the same time, I am completely convinced that every bit

of what happened just as I'm about to tell it. Or maybe a greater part of it is true, and a lesser part of it is not. I mean, so far, he's sounds pretty reasonable. I'm fucking in. All right, let's not ready. Hi? That sounds pretty crazy to me. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, no, it's not just you.

That's great. That's some, that's some, I'm just going to skip ahead to day five. Well, thanks. That's the day God made the turries. On day five? Well, there's 13 days on this one. Lord, we're in the weeds here, Cho. Yeah, that's fine.

Is he just rewriting the Bible? I'm not, okay. It's just stories of shit that's happened to him. Tell you, I'm not going to my buddy's house. Yeah, fuck that book. Fuck that book. If you want to know what's in that book, which I feel I've read some of it.

My life has changed forever. If you want to know what's in that book, you've got to buy it yourself. Get it on Amazon.com. It's called The Libre Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark. Yep, it's available in paperback on Kendall and on CD if you're a fucking moron.

We'd just like to hear his talk. Those people listening to this podcast, May, Corey? No, but like you just get it on the audio version. Like, if you get in a CD, like, I don't want your business. Why got this in my head? I do. Buy the fucking CD too. We've had 10 people buy it.

I've looked at the Matrix. Hey, well, I got this in my head. I'm going to tell you, and this is just a word, this is a tell of caution right here. So I was at the food line, over there by a Jesus truck down there and Chickamauga. Buddy, that fucking Jesus truck, man. Something else ain't it, dude. Dude, they have a fucking, just to, I'll let you go, but just to set this up, there is a truck at our food line that is just parked there every single day.

And when I say a Jesus truck, it's literally a goddamn full 18-wheeler that has just, like different fucking murals of Jesus all the way down the side. And I guess this person... There's never a dude living in it? There's never a dude in there. No. And, but have you seen it gone in a while?

No. Are they just trying to spread the good word? Yeah, it's something like that. Yeah, I don't... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody had an 18 wheel and it's parked in there and again. True. Anyway.

There's a Jesus bus in Oak Ridge. You've seen that Jesus bus? But it drives around, and ostensibly, if someone sees that and it's curious, they can talk to the person driving and learn about Jesus. I've lived there for years. I've lived there for years. I've never saw. I've never saw.

I never saw like anybody interacting with anybody on the gym. That Jesus bus is metal as fuck too. It's like the passion Jesus bus. This one, hey, here you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's all that. This one is the same guy. He was a client. But he don't drive, though.

He just parks in the goddamn food line. And it's a... It's a pristine 18 wheel. Probably not supposed to talk about this. Here we go. But when I was a public defender in Knoxville, that dude was a client of ours. Okay.

Like he, you know, he got a record longer than fucking anyone at this table. For what? All kinds. Stealing. Youngers? No, he didn't do that one. No, no, no. It wasn't know like a idiot. No, dude, still.

Still, that's fine. He's like fucking babies. I'm saying he's a con man. All right. And like, you know. The guy with the Jesus bus? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. No. Yes. Yes and no. Usually the con man version of Jesus is pristine, white, chapel, gold, fountain. We're all going to be rich. This dude is like, we're all going to die in hell.

and be bloody. Usually that's not a con man. Usually that's a true belief. Usually that guy believes his shit. I don't know, man. It seems like all the motherfuckers are like that and that's what they be doing bullshit. They all like, we all gonna die and go to hell. So DJ, you were at the food line next to the Jesus truck. But wait, the Jesus, I do want to know the story, but just real quick, this Jesus truck is just a billboard. You can't like go get a pamphlet. There's no guy there to talk to. I ain't seen him. Nor do I want to. I love the idea that like someone just going to walk by a picture of Jesus and be like, you know what? I've been thinking about it.

Exactly. I'd like to. somebody to take me there. Maybe I could be converted. Come on there. That's your problem with Christianity is all the screaming and the pamphers. I just ain't seen enough trucks. If I'd have seen more trucks, I believe. I don't know, there's a lot of trucks. So, DJ, you were, you were, you were, you were at the food line next to the Jesus truck.

Shitty kitty. Getting some fucking groceries. Shitty kidding. Not a great spot for groceries. No, not, well. He's learned. Groceries are new for him. Yeah, he just started.

a couple weeks ago. We're real proud. So, like, uh, so, uh, I ran into a dude that I had known from a buck in a day when, when I was, you know, doing a lot of wrong. Is he also on groceries now? Yeah, no, yeah, well, he was, he was there. I didn't see him. I had to go drop my groceries off. And I was like, hey, man, how you doing it? He seemed like he was doing really good, right?

Yeah. Well, I didn't put up my filter. You know what I'm saying? And he was like, hey, man, I said, have a couple beers, you know, smoke a dude, fucking play some music. And I was like, well, goddamn, you know, I ain't got shit to do. Fuck yet, buddy. I go over, well, whatever, it ended up getting fucked up, you know what I mean? Like, goddamn, but just like, I'm drinking and stuff. I was like, hey, man, I'm just going to fucking lay down.

DJ also sleeps now, that's new. Oh, I know this story. Yeah, he told us to keep going. Yeah, well, so, goddamn, I was in there. And I was like, hey, buddy, I'm just going to lay down for a little bit. Man, see if I, you know, get a little rest, and then I'm going to get on out of here because, you know, I probably don't not be driving. And he's like, yeah, that's cool. So I lay back.

So I'm going to get, I'm going to drive on out of here. Yeah. After I get a couple of wanks. I'm just lay down here on this couch, right? So I lay down. I got down. I'm laying down there for a little bit. And, like, not very long after I lay down on the couch,

like, I hear him audibly, like, listening to porn and smoking meth. And baiting off. In that order? All those things. Simultaneously. Smoking meth first, and I was like, God damn it. I was laying there, and I was like, God damn. Not again.

You can smell it. Yeah. You know, I could hear the goddamn torch lighting. You know what I'm saying? I was like, oh, fuck. And then right behind it, goddamn, here. And I was like, this motherfucker. So I grabbed my shoes, left the room, left the house of me,

drove home, I got home. My husband was like, 15. 15 messages on my phone. Like, hey, buddy. Everything all right? You left enough. I thought we should have it a good time. You hurt that boy,

he's like, everything cool, right? You left? You was acting real weird when you left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seemed like something was off. Yeah, I was like,

he thinks, he tells the same story and you're the asshole. This somebody came over, drank all my beer, smoked all my weed, but as soon as I wanted to do what I wanted to do,

he was too good to have. I started jacking off, and he fucking left. To be fair, he thought you were sleeping. I had just like, there ain't no way in the hell I'm asleep. Yeah, well, you think he's trying to creep on me? Y'all never masturbated while somebody was sleeping in the sinker.

I mean, yeah, absolutely. But not like as I'm smoking, man, salute. Okay, all right, if, if I may. It's easy if you're a female. I was about to say, I was about to say, Lucy, yeah, it's a little bit different if you're a girl. You can kind of hide it a little bit. We got to, we got to pull something out. Yeah, and then there's like, you're right.

I mean, like, it went like he had lubed up. Also, have you ever heard somebody? He broke out the luberderm, dude. Also, yeah, he's over there. Have you ever seen somebody jack off on meth? Because it's a lot more aggressive. Oh, it's totally different. Well, let me tell you, okay.

Like there's more in their game, okay? They're like pulling it off. Oh, yeah. Something's going to stop. Yeah, yeah. For a long time. That's where the answer is. There's rub burn and fall.

That's where all the love is. Yeah. That's where I'll let me love. Like a roommate? I've jacked off, I guess, I remember a roommate that was asleep. I think that's the only scenario. Oh, for sure.

Well, I had a brother. It's so easy when you're a girl. Nobody knows what's going on. It's a quiet process. I mean, I, you know, I mean, I don't, I think this is fine. I have a wife who falls asleep early. Sure, sure.

And I'm not getting out of fucking dead. You won't be canceled for that. Yeah. That don't care. Oh, I wouldn't work shit. She can cancel the fuck out of me. She just canceled them goddamn credit cards. White Bobcat.

Well, God damn. Yeah. So this is, you know what? That makes an actually very appropriate segue in what I was going to ask you about, DJ. You know what? You ever heard of Sonder? You know what Sonder is, DJ? Like from the bottom.

That's how you get from one place to the other. You sonder. Snore. That was a bird. This is like a mouth sharp. mouth sharp Luce he just threw up all over court Good joke

You made a woman puke right I did that once that's the greatest feeling in the world Oh it's amazing well I don't know if I made amber Puey no I didn't Hempers Hell yeah buddy All the time you're kidding me You're dead

Or just your disgusting nature She just upset the person so much. Because she was laughing. No. She drank too much warm wine and tried to suck my dick. That was the first time we had sex. And she threw up all over my shit. Didn't you end up bleeding profusely?

Yeah. No, yes, yes. So that was before all that shit. So that was before we got to this point. First time we ever had sex. So we started dating after knowing each other for a very long time. And she made me wait for a while, which did not hit. women don't do that shit

and so anyways yeah we were out in her goddamn hammock right so we're on her little porch swing with the hammock and she was sitting there and she was drunk because you'd have to be to want to fuck me and so don't spit on them again let's see

so she we're sitting there in the hammock and she goes she goes we started we were making out and she goes hey have you ever you're sounds just like her she goes have you ever made out in a hammock and I was like

and I don't know if this is what she wouldn't hear but I was like, yeah. You're not blowing my mind. Not blowing my mind yet, Tettys. So, that's what I used to call her. So, that's why we got together. So anyway, she's like, I was like, she goes, oh, well, have you ever, she goes,

have you ever fucked in a hammock? And I was like, no, I have not done that. And the reason I haven't done that is because I thought, I can barely be in a hammock. Like, yeah. Like, I won't get in a hammock. I won't get in a hammock if there's someone watching me. Like, if someone leaves, I'll get in a hammock and be like, look, I got in here, you missed it.

You know what I mean? But I'll never try to get in a hammock in front of somebody. But we got in the hammock, right? And so we're sitting there and we're trying to do it. And I'm on top for so many reasons. And so I'm sitting there and I've got one foot on the ground, right? And I'm sitting up here. And I mean, this is obviously an audio medium, but just go with me.

I've got one foot on the ground for leverage. And so I'm sort of like rocking the hammock back and forth like this. And I mean, like, I'm getting it in. it may have been part of the hammock. I don't know. We were both drunk. But still. So I'm doing my thing.

And then I go to like give it to like true business. And I fucking take a step back for leverage. And I stepped on a wine glass. Like, and the wine glass. And dude, it just fucking shattered. And I looked down. You're so lucky. And do.

You know the sons of Bill, the band we like? Yeah. You had to take a three year break because the lead guitarist fell on a wine glass. And it like shattered tendons and shit. Well, I'm getting there. It's not that bad, but like, so that happens. And, of course, now, we've been waiting to have sex. Yeah, stop.

No, no, I didn't stop me. She didn't know what had happened. All she was, I just went like that. I looked down and, like, I'm spurting blood. Yeah. But I'm just like, no, no, no. So, like, but I'm sitting there and I'm looking. I'm losing a lot of blood right now.

So I can't get off. And she's like, are you okay? And I'm just like, yeah, yeah. There's enough blood in my body to come. right. I'm like, balls are just shoving cold. Get her wrong.

This is what we play for. So, so, so I'm just like, no, it's fine. And so she goes, what's wrong? And she looked down and she goes, oh my God. And I was like, that's good.

She goes, no, you're losing like a lot of blood. And I was like, okay. And she goes, just, just go to the bathroom. I'll meet you in there and we'll fix this. And I was like, okay. So I stumbled in there to the bathroom, try not to bleed all over a, floor can't do it. I'm bleeding everywhere. I get in the bathroom. Can't find anything to help me.

I don't know. She's supposed to be right there fucking behind me. And I'm saying, like, well, she'll be in here in a second. I wait. Like five minutes pass and like a liter of blood goes through me. And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm now screaming, beating on the window because I think she's still out there. And I'm like, what the fuck? And finally I'm like, well, shit, I've got to go out there. I've got to go out. I've got pressure on my toe trying not to bleed everywhere. I go in there. She's just butt-necked passed out on the couch. Like, had just walked straight in there. So, I...

Best sleep I've ever got my whole life. So, I... This is just... She fixed up right now. So I stuck my foot... She didn't take a nap, real hard. I stuck my foot in the toilet. Because, like...

Because, like, yeah, there wasn't a shower right there. Because they were just, they was just bleeding. I was like, I got to stop. So I stick my foot in the fucking toilet. Get down. Yeah. You did not get got at all. You have gangrene in your foot.

So I shoved his foot in the toilet. So I shoved my foot in the toilet. And then I was like, this is fucking stupid. So I turn on the goddamn, I turn on the goddamn, what's it called, the tub. And I go there. And I put my foot under it. I wash everything off. At this point, I'm putting the toilet water.

I found, I found a wash rag, right? So I get the wash rag and I tie as tight as I fucking can around my toe that is cut. I hobble in there. there, I wake her up and she's like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, and she goes, oh shit, how's your foot? And I was like, it's fine, I've lost a lot. I'm very fucking pale and she's like,

do you want to have sex? And I was like, yes, I do. I was like, fuck that. I was like, fuck that goddamn hammock. I was like, fuck that goddamn hammock. All right, so we get fucking, we get into her bedroom then. So we get in there and she's like, all right, she lays down and I'm like, yeah, I'm not at all heart anymore. So like, you're going to

blood blood. None. So I was like, you're going have to help me. She's like, okay. All my dick blood's in your shitter. Gypsy's spooker. My dick blood in your toilet. So, now we're married in eight states. So, so, she starts jacking me off or whatever. I'm sorry, baby, if you're listening.

She's not. She's not. and then I see the look in her eye and I'll know it now and she just fucking, she'd been drinking real warm wine on the porch and she fucking, dude, she went

she was the finest. I only the finest of warm wine, dude. It may as well be in the goddamn microwave. This was fucking August in Georgia and the wine had just been sitting there by a hammock. So she goes, blub, blub, blot.

all over my shit. And the thing is, it was mostly the fucking wine. Like, it was all purple, all over my dick, all over the fucking bed. And she's like, oh, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. This is the first time we were having sex. And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I guess we're just, oh, I'm so sorry.

We'll have to try again tomorrow. And I was like, damn that. And I went to the bathroom, got another towel, washed my dick off, went in there. We'll not be denied. No, went in there, blew the back out, exaggeration. And came. And now we're married.

And now we're married. And now we're married. You had to marry. She peels on your day. Oh, oh, oh, oh. In her shit toilet. To this day, I have no feeling in my right toe. Yeah.

I've told you that before. It's not the whole right toe, but it's so if this is my toe. I don't think I'd have feelings anywhere. If this is my toe, I can only feel this part of it. The other part is if I walk, it's, you know, when your arm's asleep and you touch it, it's that vibrating thing. Every single step that I take, I feel that. So we can.

We can't break up. We can't get divorced because I feel her every time I walk. And every time I walk, I think about stepping on a wine glass and her sucking my dick and throwing up on it. I feel like we haven't given enough credit to Amber because if I ever throw up on somebody's dick, I'm done. Oh, trust me. Emotionally she was. But she still kept going. And like, good for her. That's a good woman.

I would have been like, bye. I'm so glad and sad. They're going to love that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm so sweet. Lori, I'm like kind of curious. that I didn't know this story before I officiated y'all's wedding.

I've told you this story. This is a Christmas story for sure. And also, the one detail that I did not know or at least don't remember knowing was the toilet water. Right. It was right. But you got to understand, man. You got, you should, I wish I had taken pictures, but like we cleaned it up before.

Buddy, she had tile bathers. Like, I'm talking like, it looked like Hitchcock. Like, I had lost a lot of blood. And I would. So, well. Did you cry at all? Yeah, me and pride didn't have far to fall at that point. But yeah, man, no, I lost a lot of blood, and she threw up on my wainer.

Good for her for keeping going. Yeah, but no, never because I told a good joke. I'm proud of her. Wait, what? The whole thing was if you ever made a girl puke. Oh, yeah, my bad. I was just putting a bow on it. I forgot.

I was one who asked. Buddy, you slated me. As soon as you put your foot in that and told her, I forgot about everything, including DJ's dad's book, man. Including how we got to the conversation. Yeah. But, hey, that's a beautiful story. I'm going to play that recording at her funeral one day.

She was a good girl. Which one of you all think, you think me or her die first? Yeah, for sure. She'll kill me. Yeah. For this, probably. She won't listen. No, she will very much.

But she has friends that work with her at school that listen, and they'll be like, oh, shit, heard you on the podcast. this week. Heard about that time you puked on that dick, girl. She said, Wait, how'd Corey know about that? We're in there. I've never tagged it.

I'm sorry. You still keep thinking about your foot being in that toilet. Oh, that's fine, man. You put a cut foot in a toilet, bro. Yeah, again, I wasn't thinking a lot. Lost a lot of blood. Like, arguably the worst place you could put in. Yeah.

In America. Oh, yeah. You'd have to leave the country to put it in a worse spot. Yeah. I agree. Again, not a good move. I wasn't thinking a lot. Wait, what's worse? Your toilet or just like the sidewalk in Hollywood? Like a puddle of water in the sidewalk in Hollywood? I mean, it had been flushed.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think for your own psyche or your body? Bacteria. I say it's for your body. Dude, it's shit water. That's pretty much. What, you know, Hollywood? No, the toilet.

Oh, yeah, I don't either. I don't think it's that bad if you keep it clean. Oh, there's poop. He's not pooping and not fleshing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's still poop remnants. They're still poop. How much poop do you think is right? You know this man.

There's still poop. These two and I have your back. You're not going to hog with it. That was before I was sitting at her house. So it wasn't mine. But she stayed shitting. Yeah. Did she have a roommate?

Oh, she had so many roommates. And one of them, she was taking some shit. Or she was taking some shit. Or she was. needed to take a shit for 15 years. I don't know what you're going. No girl is leaving the shit in the toilet. You flush it.

Yes, but they're cleaning it. They're cleaning it, but they hadn't cleaned it right before. You don't know that. There is poop. Did you know there's, this is your first time? I appreciate what you're trying to do for Corey, but there was poop and there was big toe, and that's why you don't have feelings in it anymore. It's not because you got cut.

You're big toe. gave up. As soon as you dipped it into the water, your big toe said, fuck this, I'm out. I don't know the girl that was taking the shit you're talking about, but I think I do, though. It's based off that, and it is killing me. Boys, you're taking some shit.

You know how they name Lou Gehrig's disease after him? You could probably get your own disease based on your toe. You ever got that queen? Only two men had it. Yeah. Only two men ever dumb enough to do this. It was Corey and

Stevo before he got sober. Yeah, well, I mean, we can leave now. Let's do it. All right, guys. Wellredcom, W-E-L-R-E-D comedy.com, wash your feet. Jesus washed people's feet.

That's true. You can look Sonder up. It don't help. And buy DJ's dad's book. So. Ski-S-Hoo! Sondre. No, no

Suture, yes But they'll saw it If you're a robot Sauter No yes But they also What's it When they burn

They burn They burn Yeah yeah Yeah but Cotterize Cotterize is what I was saying All right We got it