wellRED podcast - #15 - The Senate Sucks, Corey Has Gout, and Dreams are Hard!

Episode Date: May 17, 2017

This week the boys sit down in the green room of The Funny Bone in Liberty Township, Ohio! Among other things they discuss how everyone can't follow their dreams, Corey's recent Gout diagnosis, and how the Senate is just THE WORST!!! Thank you all for making us the #2 podcast on iTunes last week... that was super cool of yuns! For tickets, our book, and all sorts of other good stuff.. go to wellREDcomedy.com See ya next week... SKEEEEWW!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah.

So that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

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what's happening everybody well read podcast new episode episode 15 man last week y'all made us number two on iTunes sincerely appreciate you keep downloading and subscribing and telling your friends well-read comedy.com, spelled just like the podcast, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. That's where you can go for tour dates. This week, we're in Richmond, Virginia, Virginia Beach, Virginia, and Bethesda, Maryland. There's a couple tickets left. You can grab them on the website. Then we go on to Huntsville, Alabama.

Then we're doing Largo in Los Angeles, going over to Canada for a brief little stint. Madison, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, Boston, Massachusetts, and then a weekend in Lexington, Kentucky. We got more dates coming at you on well-read comedy. Go there to check those out and buy tickets and also pick up our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie, out of the dart. That's about it, guys. Enjoy this episode, and we appreciate you for subscribing and keep telling your friends. Askew! Well, well, well, excuse me!

Hi. Hey, buddy. Where are we? That's a good question. Date. No, no, no, not date. Excuse me. We were in dating last night.

We were. We're in Liberty Township or Cincinnati, Ohio. Right outside of Cincinnati, Ohio at the Funnibone. This is our third Funny Bone in a row. We did Columbus, Dayton, and now, hell. We go home for a little bit tomorrow. It is Thursday, May 4th. And may the 4th be with you, my friend.

Oh, that's right. It is Star Wars Day. That's right. We're both pretty big fans, Star Wars. It's Star Wars Day and at midnight, Guardians of the Galaxy comes out. So it's pretty hardcore nerd Vana today and leaking over into tomorrow. I don't know if that was planned on their part, but everybody's already pretty hyped up. I don't know.

That reminds me, we were talking just a little bit ago. I saw this video, this YouTube video. It's a pretty popular channel on YouTube. It's called Every Frame of Painting. It's a cinema. YouTube channel breaks down different. It's like, you know, like film school type shit. That's the difference between me and you.

I'm usually on cinnamon YouTube channels. No, I fucks with them too. Not cinnamon specifically, as you know, cinnamon don't hit for me. But I also yesterday was looking at spaghetti squash videos. Yeah. So, I mean, I like spaghetti squash. I do that also. I never fuck with spaghetti squash.

That's part of why I was looking at it. Have you really not? Yeah. Oh, it's done right. I mean, it's really good. It's wild as hell. it is wild it straight up looks like noodles what's it tastes like though

I mean squash yeah I mean yeah it's more grainy and fibers or whatever like if you're you know anyone who's like oh no it's absolutely the saccharger who you just go replace this with pasta like dude if you're someone who really fucking loves pasta like me no but it's cool man it's a really good consistency and like the way I look at spaghetti squash if you do it right

you can kind of make it replace the consistency of how browns like it kind of has that potato-wee type texture and I mean I fucking dig it I put some marinera sauce on it I really like it well see I like I love pasta but I mean I also really like squash it's good so like dude it's good I feel like because a lot of times like super like healthy like healthy options healthy substitutes for stuff oftentimes are just straight bus shit right right but I feel like that though I like that though I feel like I could get down with it because I like swash too.

You also like that thing. Right. Well, like my thing too with, my mom started doing this not long ago, and I thought I'd hate it just because of what it was replacing. She, when she was trying to cut carbs out, she replaced mashed potatoes with mashed cauliflower. And I was like, well, I'll hate this because of how much I love potatoes, but I like cowflower, and it's super fucking good. Nothing will ever take the place of potatoes, but it does a pretty good job. That's another good one because when I first. found out about that, like read about it,

my immediate reaction was, oh, fuck you. Right, yeah. That, no, I'm not, that ain't even close. Don't try. Who the fuck are you fooling with that bullshit? Right. That's why I thought. We were talking about yesterday, I fucks with hello fresh.

It hits for me. I'm not going to be into it too much because if they want me to do that, they better, you know, start hooking it up. Yeah. But one of the things that's been a side item, in my hell of fresh more than once is mashed cauliflower. Yeah. And you're right.

It's good. I think of it now. It's also good. It's not the same. No. But it's also good. Yeah, I don't think of it in terms of that anymore. Sometimes I really just want some mashed cauliflower.

I'm not trying to fucking tease my brain into going, this is like potatoes. It's just like, no, this also is good. Right. Because I like cauliflower, man. That's how I do. I dig it. Feel about spaghetti squash. Yeah.

I mean, theoretically. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Don't go in. into it with those thoughts. Just go into it going, hey, here's a food that's good. Right. But if you want pasta, God damn it, eat pasta. Come in. Come in. What's up, buddy? Hey,

thank you very much, sir. Thank you so much. Appreciate it, buddy. Got a set of headphones hand delivered here to this green room we're in. Corey, I believe, is determining that it, in fact, don't hit, though. Is it not going to fit? Oh, it will fit?

Okay. We thought we had the wrong port here for a second. but anyway we were starting to talk about oh right okay I remember YouTube channel called every frame of painting

oh yeah my movies they had all their videos are good and I watched one yesterday that I thought I'd never thought about I thought it was pretty wild and it basically the premise of it was

and I ran this by you earlier I said give me some start war's music and you do do do do to do you make some giant bomb music dan-d-d-dun-d-dun down down ten after dan to dandu boom yeah jails you know do do do do do do do not then what was it was it was it Jurassic Parks another good one there's music playing a screen room right now like it's hard to think. But anyway, basically, most movie busts can come up with all those.

Harry Potter's another one. And then the next question is, now give me any music, any score, original score, not just like soundtrack, any original score from literally any Marvel movie. Can't do it. You can't do it. No. When you make your brain, you can't do it. And that really blew my mind because I know, me too.

I love those movies. Marvel fan. Right, I love them too. never thought about that but like you can't do it and that's kind of weird because those movies are they place themselves among that class of movies yeah and they're kind of unique i feel like with those major franchises in that way which again was the whole point of the video but i thought that was pretty wild well i said to you before i think after me and you saw it and it still holds up to the day like guardians of the galaxy volume one volume two ain't come out yet but that's literally

one of my favorite movies of all time it's a fucking awesome movie any genre I don't mean like as far as you know that type of movie I was like no no I put that up there with any movie I've ever seen I fucking love that and not no couldn't even hum you half a tune well

but I mean and here's the thing I'm sure I'm wrong I'm sure there are there are I'm sure it has its own score and everything but like when I think of that movie I just think of you know the super awesome Which is all like old 70s and 80s songs And it's fucking killer

But that's not what we're talking about Yeah, and I also knew those songs before I ever saw the movie Exactly, so it's a little different And that's relevant because today is Star Wars Day And Garry of the Galaxy comes out tonight at midnight Oh, did you plan that? That's how... No.

That's good. That's why... That's how the conversation got to this point. I thought we was going to talk about that anyways. Am I wrong? About what? The music? Yeah, the music.

No. Oh, we really weren't? No. Oh, okay. Well, shit. My bad. You said, may the force be with you at Star Wars Day. Then you said Angar.

I directed it. This was literally seven minutes ago. Yeah, dude, so much has happened between now and now. That dude came in with headphones and fucked this whole thing. Right? Just blank slated you. That happens to you a lot. Dude, so much.

I really do. Probably more than anybody else I know. Yeah, I mean, it's dangerous. I mean, but it's luckily in what we do, it's always something like, this. Like, I will just forget what we're talking about on a podcast, but yeah, I'm absolutely going to have Alzheimer's runs with my family. It's probably already happening.

That's just happening to me young. I don't know shit. Well, speaking of your afflictions, varied and numerous, though they may be, we've added a new one to the list. You are utterly 100% convinced that you have gout. Yeah, no doubt. No doubt, gout. No doubt.

Well, yeah, and it's really... You ain't been to a doctor. It's 100% self-diagnosed. I don't do that. I don't go to talk. I don't either. No, well, dude, okay, so I had this thing come up on my foot, and it's like a knot on the side of it.

And, oh, here's Drew Morgan, ladies and gentlemen, just walked in the room. We didn't mention the fact that Drew wasn't here at first. No, we should have hopped it up. We should have shit on him a little bit. What's up, baby? I can't believe y'all didn't shit on me. No, we did.

The way you just said my name with such derision. I thought that's what y'all have been doing. No. I meant to, actually, when I was thinking about it. about it before we started, that's what I meant to do. Uh-huh. But then he derailed me with Star Wars Talk. We've already been on like three different tangents.

Y'all got Port? She said that another comic that was here had asked for that and then didn't drink it. And she was like, and we don't sell it. It's not in our menu, so y'all just want it. Y'all ever fuck with Port? No, I mean, I got something right there. It's a rich man's drink, ain't it? It's like a strong, strong wine, right?

I was actually thinking it was the poor man's because every, well, the reason is every blues song I've ever heard about an old Why no? They were into port. Because it's strong and you can get the cheap version of it now. Okay. But like... It's strong? Yeah.

It's like half liquor. So it's like a cheap way to get drunk if you get cheap port. But like it's like champagne. You can get cheap versions of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, for sure. But it's classic. And I'll say this.

I think there's going to be like 80,000 people tweeted. It's like, no, you fucking white trash, idiot. Yeah. It's called pork because sailors used to get it at fucking port. That's, well... Banging whores and... That's where my brain on. Literally, they all...

I've been in traffic. The first time that I ever heard of it that I can recall was in some movie. I actually think it was that remake of the man who knew too little that Bill Murray did. I love that movie. Remember there's like some upper crust side characters? That movie's like brother or brother-in-law or something. They fuck with port. I'm white trash.

I was like 12 when that movie came out. I didn't even know what port was. I think it's meant to be a dessert or digestive. It's like 20% alcohol. I just checked. You know, that makes sense because all the cheese balls that are made with wine, it's always port wine cheese balls. They wouldn't just throw in port wine if it wasn't fancy.

Isn't it like wine's like 15% usually 12? 12 to 15, I think. That's 19. Okay. Well, hell, yeah. So I was introduced to it in South Africa, which if you don't know anything about South Africa, if you're in college there at Rhodes like I was, it's a lot of rich people. And they would drink pork because it had a lot of alcohol.

alcohol in it. Well, no, I did. That never... My knowledge of port was the song Let Him Roll by Guy Clark. He talks about the old dude that lives. Yeah, you know, and that dude's completely destitute.

He kind of runs the hotel there and he was a... I can't remember the line, but his eyes were something due to the, due to Loss and the White Port wine. And that guy absolutely can only afford shit. But you're right. You just get a cheap port. right okay well anyway you got gout anyway and you aren't going to be able to get health insurance to take care of that now

shit i better go get that quick huh i better go monday you've got a pre-existent gout i'd say you are wholly uninsurable yeah but i mean i got insurance right now how long before this shit happens that i'm canceled well the senate just announced and i didn't get a read it i literally saw the headline on the way here and i know when you guys hear this everyone will know by now but i think the senate has already come out and said we're not fucking passing that and we got our own plan. Oh, cool. I'm good. So I just need to go get it real quick.

Now, my thing is, I had this thing come up on my foot and it's like really hurt and it's on the side of it and I felt it and it's like super hard. So I was like, I must have, that's a knot. I must have kicked something when I remember when you saw my knot, I got a freak knot on my foot. Yeah, and I was like, I got one of them and I was relieved that somebody else had one because I've never had anyone that had one of these. It just came up though. So my relief is gone.

You help out. It just came up. And so I was like, it started hurting and then it went away and then it came back and I was like is it possible that I kicked another thing on the same spot and I have this and then I started remembering my buddy Shrey shout out if you're listening who used to run Ed's gas station in my town

he had gout and it would like come up when he'd drink beer a lot and he'd limp and I've been limping the past couple days straight to Indian do what sells us yeah yes Shrey had gout yeah has current still has I didn't you say he's an Indian guy in Chickama and everybody just called him jimmy or something

my gosh. No, no, no, no. Shrey, it was Monty. When I first met him, everybody was calling him Monty, but I'd met him before when he first was opening up the store. I just kind of wandered in, and I was like, whoa, wait, why's everybody calling you Monty? He's like, yeah, you know how

white people can get where, like, when they can't pronounce somebody a certain name, they'll just give them a white people name. I was like, but you're Shrey. That's not even, that's not that hard. Like, it's almost Trey or Sherry. Like, it's real close, and he's like, just let him call me Monnie. It's just easier. And all these rednexters

come in like, what's up, Monty? And I'm like, good Lord. All right, whatever, he's Monty. But anyway, so I was like, fuck, I think this might be gout. And it goes along with, like, you get gout from high, you'll, is it, you'll syric. Alcohol and red meat. And what do I stay eating? Steak and alcohol. Then

literally, I just, dude, I looked up gout the first picture. It may as well be a picture of my foot. So, this isn't one of those contrived things. Was the third picture of beehead? Yeah. But, Like, this isn't, I do have some contrived hypochondriac bullshit about me, but I'm telling you, it's like a picture of my foot. I have all the symptoms.

I've lived the life that you should live in order to get gout. So this is not a surprise to me. It's also, it ain't life-threatening. I'll be fine. But I absolutely have gout. Well, that's my favorite part because there's some shitty, terrible part of me when I know all my parts. That's been wanting you to get something. Because the way you live, it just, it ain't fair.

No, it ain't fair. It ain't fair. I've got heart diseases. I've got this not. I don't want you to die. No, but, yeah. Gout and all that hits. But I'm bald.

Like, I still have to have that. But that ain't your fault. I don't want you to be bald. That's not my fault. But what I'm saying is, like, I'm miserable because of that. So you should be able to, you know, be happy about that. I don't want you to be miserable. I want the universe to make sense, which is why I'm always so unhappy, Corey.

Right. But yeah, no, anyway, so I got gout. I know you always take it personally. And I understand, but it's not that I want you to suffer. I just want the universe to be fair. You want all this to make sense. Yes. And if I keep on going and don't die, it don't make sense.

It checks out. It checks out. Speaking of the universe being fair or whatever, me and Corey were talking earlier, Drew, and I said I wanted to bring us up on here. We actually, all fair, have talked about this a lot. And I also think I got into this on somebody else's podcast at some point, but I'm not entirely sure. Something on the internet reminded me of it.

You know that video of Jim Carrey at that some college's commencement. He gave a commencement address at some college. And if you're listening, you ain't heard. it, Google it. Were he shits on his dad? Not well, yes. Essentially, yeah. But it went mega viral and it's always shared around a lot, especially by young people

or artistic types or whatever because the whole... He said artistic. Artistic types. Essential, whatever, the main point of the speech that Jim Carrey gave was like, you know, follow your dreams. But basically what amounts to is you said he's shit on his dad. He talks about his dad was, I think, an accountant. He was an accountant.

He was an accountant. Something like that. His dad was an accountant. for years, but his dad didn't want to be an accountant, but he played it safe and became an accountant and was an accountant for years. Then when Jim was like, I don't know, 12 or whatever, his dad's firm, closed down, his dad got laid off. They were destitute for a while.

Shit weren't really bad. And he said, well, he took away from that was, um, you can fail at something you hate. Uh, so why not try to do something that you love? Wait, that's my quote. I used to tell you that all the time. That's not your quote. Yes, it is. I used to say to you all the time.

There's objective proof that it's Jim Carrey's quote. He doesn't say that in that video. Yes, he does. But anyway, the point is the opposite. He absolutely. That's like the quote from that video. You can fail at something you hate. What I say to you was, we've been successful for so long as stuff we hate.

Why don't we try something we love? And I'd instill that from Jim Carrey. That's what I was thinking of. Yeah. Well, that's like the opposite. That is the opposite, but it gets it the same thing. It's the inverse. Right, exactly.

Anyway. That didn't hit for you, though, did it? I absolutely, absolutely love Jim Carrey. I'm a huge fan of his. I hate that video. I hate how popular that video got. Like, I think not only is that kind of fundamentally bullshit. It's also, like, nearing on irresponsible or, like, dangerous to spread that idea to young people.

I know you do. Well, I agree with your logic. Here's... Also, the reason your right makes me mad. The reason your right makes me mad. Before we even get into it, let me give the disclaimer of, I realize that this is a hell of a thing for me to say. I've become conflicted about this belief since I have found success myself.

And so I realize it seems like hypocritical, but my own personal recent successes don't change like what I perceive to be the objective reality of the situation, which is that you were able to pursue your dreams because the job you had, correct me if I'm wrong, you had to work 37 and a half hours a week, but you still made enough money to support. Like you weren't allowed to work more than that, right? Or 40? No, that's not true. Did you work more than that for the federal government?

No, I didn't, but people there did if they wanted to bank hours or whatever else. You could bank hours? And then how's that work? You get to be off later? Yeah. That's a side point, but that's interesting. So. But I never did because I, fuck that.

And you had dreams. Right. I think that that follow your dreams mentality came about really. We were taught that. And I don't disagree. I used to have a bit about how telling kids you can be anything you want to be just to be happy ruins them. But like it was born out of a time when our economy was doing well and people had 35 or 40 hour work weeks. And I think that the thought was like you can support yourself while you pursue photography at night.

And it feels irresponsible to tell kids that now. because, like, if you go get a regular fucking job, you will be working 70 hours a week. And, I mean, do you see what I'm saying? Yeah. You can't live in New York in a fucking tiny apartment while you try to be an actor. You've got to have 19 fucking roommates. There's a million people doing it.

Like, things has changed since that philosophy was born, and that makes me sad and angry. Yeah. And not, but I still fight the idea of like. I feel like you're agreeing with me right now. I don't know what I say. But here's why I fight the idea of agreeing with you, man. I still think you should follow your dreams.

I think that you should have a backup plan. A backup plan? Or enough, what's the word I'm looking for? Well, guts, to either admit it's over. Like, if you've pursued it for a certain amount of time and it's over, or don't complain. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, if you're 35 and quote-unquote a loser

because your dreams didn't pan out and you threw your life away, don't have five kids, don't sit around and hate, don't become a goddamn Trump supporter and say, it ain't fair and the reason I can't get ahead is because of fucking the brown people. No, like fucking you tried to be a

goddamn juggler or whatever and it didn't work out. Here's what I... Your echo and kind of what I said earlier and I'm in the middle a little bit on both y'all which is I'm fine with... You tell whoever you want to support your dreams

and follow your dreams. I'd be an asshole to say you shouldn't do that. My thing was I didn't like the element of the speech where he was ultimately... I know he didn't mean to do this, but kind of shitting on people who just

take the practical way. Okay. Like that there's some, there's no merit. Hold on. Wait me if I'm wrong. He was alluding to the notion that his father wanted to do something else and did it.

And hang on. I do want to get into that. But before we get into that, because I don't know if that, and you said that's not what he was trying to do, but I don't know whether he really was doing that or not, but that does happen a lot. Shit ton.

Especially from like creative people. And that also really pisses me off and always has, but we can get into that in a minute. When we act like, We're better than people. I hate that too. I hate that too. Who are accountants or fucking what,

or janitors, the whole gamut of regular jobs like, oh, this pussy didn't follow. Yeah. They'd say, what a, can you imagine living that fucking boring,

like that. Yeah. I hate that shit. And you know what? That pussy, that, and I'm putting that air quotes, buy his tickets to see your show.

If you're lucky. If we were lucky, if we were all artists, no one would be in the goddamn crowd. Absolutely. But what about the guy who, or girl who did want to be, something.

different. And then you, and I know you've known people like this and they, and they're miserable. You know what I mean? And like, I can't help a look at those people and be like, you should have been a little braver. And they're, you know what, though? In 95, 95, I'm pulling the number out of my ass, but it can't be much off. In 95% of cases, it wouldn't have mattered if they were much braver. I agree. So they would have, they would have, they would have had that inside them that I know I tried or whatever. And maybe. And that's important. And maybe they would then be able to make peace with it and be happier, but to be fair to you, that's not what Jim Carrey said. No, exactly.

Right. So I think we basically do agree, because all I'm really trying to say is if you have a thing you're very passionate about and whatever and you're young and shit, absolutely, you want to pursue it. Good for you. Go do it. But, A, people need to be more realistic about that and about what that means and about what the odds really are.

and B, you cannot have the entirety of your self-worth wrapped up into that. If and when that ends, it is over, you have to be able to move on. You can't tell a quote-unquote artist that, though. I mean, how often were you able to practice that? I'm not saying you never were, but sincerely. And by the way, imagine if you didn't have kids,

how hard would have been? Way harder. I know talking to you the thing that you were, like before we made it, the thing that you were most proud of was your kids. And after that, like me, you sort of, even though you were success on paper, I mean, part of our conversations about making it in this stuff was that even though we were successful, we felt like we had fucked up somehow.

Yeah, but I know. But, and I was trying, I was actually working really hard psychologically on being able to, uh, accept and be okay with something other than what I had dreamed of because all that matters in the end is that you're satisfied or happy or whatever. Sure. And like, and I,

and no, I wasn't there, but I was hoping to be able to get there, but then, you know, but then I hit, so, fuck.

Yeah, I think, I can tell you right now, but I'm not a surprise anybody, my entire self-worth absolutely wrapped up in what I do.

And, but now, do you disagree that that's not healthy, though? Yeah, that's what my point is. Right. You shouldn't do that.

Um, sincerely, and it always was, and it still, I mean, I still, I still, I still, I still, my identity is I'm a fucking comedian.

That's who I am. Even when we're not on stage, I'm a fucking comedian. And I felt that way forever. And I was like, if I don't make it, I'm going to be fucking worthless. When me and Amber started dating, I started to go, okay, I do think that as long as I could be good at something, I'll be happy. And then two weeks later, we hit, so I've never had to go down that avenue again. But yeah, no, it's not a good way to be. Because, dude, you talk about, I would get embarrassed.

Like when I would like almost lie to my friend, I wouldn't go out on a weekend because I didn't have anything booked. I wanted people to think I was out working because if I wasn't the thing, you know, I've been doing comedy 10 years up to a certain point. He's not working. What the fuck he's failing?

I would like, I wouldn't necessarily blatantly lie, but I would certainly exaggerate. No, everything's fucking fun. That makes me like feel sorry for you and then also make me think like, why would they think that, like, like, why would your friend, like, as if your friends are that obsessed with your career

that's where they're talking about in? I know. I mean, I'm the same way. No, that's the psychological. Like, looking back on it, it is absolutely stupid. Well, here's another thing. And I say that he had no choice. Yeah.

I mean, he being Corey. Like, what choice did he have? He would have, in my opinion, no offense, blown his fucking brains out if he'd had done something. I would have. What I think the problem is for me personally, and I think you kind of agree with this, but maybe not, is, and Mike Roe gets into this a lot, is this notion, this notion, this notion that we all have to do something that can be celebrated on Instagram or

this ego narcissistic driven culture you know being a comedian's cool being an actress cool being a musician's cool right and so people want to do that but they don't really they don't love fucking music they're not obsessed with comedy they haven't been thinking about acting and how acting works since they were four or five years old it just seems cool to them it's a cool thing to do

and we're never going to be able to get rid of that completely because it is fucking cool but I do think we can make strides in our culture to make people be like hey you guys realize like how fun it is to be the richest plumber in your city sure You know, like, you know, build your business or whatever. You work with your hands. That's very satisfying. You're your own boss.

And then you have a shitload of money. Well, my dad, my dad's not in. A sweet boat. My dad's not in entertainment. He does very well for himself and is a fucking happy dude. I do, knowing my dad and how creative and awesome he is, like, and he's written a book, but he did that, you know, just. Later, when he had time because he was his own damn boss. No, exactly.

That's my point. Like, I do, I think when dad was writing that there was part of him was like, man, you know, I really wish that I could. have done this maybe when I was younger. Dad didn't have the chance that I had because, like, I'm first generation I can kind of fuck around because dad does cool. Dad didn't have that. So, circling back to Kerry, we don't know. I feel like one of two things happened there.

Either Jim Carrey doesn't like his dad, I mean, he's on record that he doesn't. And he's like taking that out on him and that's really shitty. Or maybe his dad was shitty to him and the family because he was a failure. Yeah. And that like skewed his view. Here's the thing, though, that Jim Carrey video went viral, but, dude, there's countless, countless, countless examples of celebrities in whatever field echoing basically those same sentiments. The opposite, what we're talking about is very rare. Bo Burnham went viral making the same point that we are making once when he said, look, Taylor Swift tells somebody to follow your dreams.

It's like a lottery winner being like, liquidate your assets, pour it all in the person. Powerball. It works out. Right. It's like, sure. But I'm saying, but he's real smart. It's survivorship. It's survivorship bias. Absolutely. Well, people don't think about that.

But I'm not sure it's Jim Carrey's responsibility to think about that. It's fucking colleges need to balance it out. Right. Don't just bring in Jim Carrey and Taylor Swift. But it's not just Jim Carrey, though. If you're in a position to be at a podium speaking to a whole group of people, that's going to be there almost no matter what. But you're not ever going to make it.

But you're not ever going to make it to that podium. No one else is if they don't imagine themselves there and think I can be X or Y and be successful. Right. So, of course, they're going to say, I don't like the way Jim Carrey said that, but I don't blame people for saying that kind of thing in a graduation. You need to dream big. You just need to be realistic about it. And so many people when they talk about following your dreams and stuff like that, they leave that part out. They imply that it's like, no, follow your dreams, work hard, practice, be as good as you can, whatever else. And one day, one day. And that ain't fucking true. I agree with that.

It's not even a little bit true. I agree with that, but I think it could be true if we'd also talk about, be honest about what your dreams are. Right. Very few people would be happy with my life. I have three hours of sleep today right now. I just saw my nephew and niece with my cousin Tasha. Tasha is my best friend. I haven't seen her in three fucking years other than at Christmas.

This is the first time outside of Christmas I've seen her in three goddamn years. So many people who think they want the life highly, don't. I'm so glad you said that. So do follow your dreams, but make sure that your dreams. but make sure that your dreams are honest. Like some people's dream, if they're honest with themselves, really would be to, like, fucking work here and love this person and take my...

And that's beautiful. Dude, I'm so glad you said that, because I was going to say, like, if anybody listening to this, it's like an aspiring comedian or whatever or musician or anything, like... Don't do it. Like, here's the...

Well, I'm not going to say that, but here's the deep, dark secret. I was kidding. It ain't some fucking miracle catch-all, by the way. It's really not. Like, does it help? Yeah, it helps a lot. sure.

It ain't like it just fixed all my, like, depression issues or self-worth issues, like, satisfaction with myself and what I'm doing everything. It ain't like that shit just went away. It didn't go away at all. Like, I still have it. I mean, yeah, I'm a working comedian now, but, like, it wasn't like just flipping a fucking switch or something. So, like, that goes back to what I was saying about not having the entirety of your self-worth wrapped up in one thing because, I mean, hell, even if you do find some level of. success in it. I don't know.

You just have to have a more balanced life than that, I guess. I mean, I don't know. I mean, we can only really speak for us as comedians, right? And I guess that's why I give those people who make those speeches a little bit more leeway. It's like they're just talking about what happened to them and they were asked to come there to talk about what happened to them. And I'm all about encouraging 20-year-olds to pursue their dreams. That will cause them pain.

I think where I've come full circle on that, though, is, it's good to go through that. It's good to go out in the world as a fucking 23-year-old and think you're going to beat it and conquer it and do all the shit. I mean, I did it, dude, and failed. And I'm not talking about comedy. Like, I think some part of me thought, on some level, I'm going to go be a public defender

and, like, be this fucking person for 40 years who just fights against injustices and makes it home every day by 7 p.m. And, you know what I mean? Wins all the cases I'm supposed to win. and that was so fucking stupid and I-e but getting that beat out of me was really important

yeah but you had a law degree and I know like you regret going to law school but I'm saying anymore I used to okay well I'm saying it is important to getting that beat out of you but what if and this is where it gets you know potentially a little personal

because of old Cho over here Corey but I'm saying what if you go through that you get that beating out of you and now you're there you have no skills you have no any training, no nothing. You devoted everything to that, and now you realize it is well and truly over. Like, it ain't happening for me.

It's done. Now you're 30 years old with fucking nothing, by the way. Then what? Had you not said, if you had you not said, you know, no offense because of the show, I wouldn't have even taken offense to it until you fucking said that. Yes, you would. Have you already brought it up?

Well, about how it was everything. My sincere response to that. Oh, you're right. I don't. I mean, like in terms of a judgment. job market. My sincere response to that, Tray, and I don't know if you're going to agree with this, is even if our culture was different and better, we still have those people, and we'd have

two categories. The giant egos, who just really thought that they were supposed to be something special, whether it be an actor or a politician or whatever, and if they failed, again, man, they needed to. And then you have really passionate people, and dude, like those people, those obsessive types, I mean us, my wife, like, they were going to do it anyway, man. And as much as it might hurt at 30 to realize that listening to Jim Carrey's speech and basing your whole life off of it was stupid, there's a lesson to be learned there.

You can still turn it around. And if you can't turn it around, this is so awful to say, if that ends up, quote, unquote, making you a loser. You're probably going to be a loser anyway. Yeah, kill yourself. It'll be fine. Well, going back to the other thing, though, another. another that Corey alluded to earlier. We need interview Mike Roe.

Another aspect of it that always... I could... My house potentially make that happen. We have a mutual contact. Oh, Matt at Attention Media, they work with Mike Roe. Oh, that's right. And with me. So, hook it up.

All right. Well, anyway, another thing that always bothered me about that whole deal was, like, I heard so many comedians over the years, shitty ones at Open mics, talk about, and I mean, and some, professional ones too, talk about the people who don't do

the accountants of the world, you know, like those, just fucking regular fucking people. And would talk about it with such like, just derision, derision, derision and like condescension of like, you know, like, can you imagine leading a life like

that? Like, that was a general mentality of it. And I hated that shit then. I still ate it now. I've always hated it. In fact, I used to tell you all the time before I broke through or whatever, I used to say all the time, like, I was so jealous of those people. Like, sincerely, like, I wanted,

I wished that I could, like, that I could not have whatever I have inside of me that made me want to be a comedian, made me want to do this or whatever. I wished I could be genuinely happy with that kind of lifestyle. Like, I envied it. Yeah, I don't. as far, you know, the opposite of, like, looking down.

And I've got great friends who are, like, who lead that lifestyle and who are happy or as close to happy as any human beings I know. And, like, it just pisses me off when people, like, shit on that. I think we have a skewed view of how bad that mentality is because of the world we're in. What do you mean? I don't think if you just are out living your life in the world, going to bars or whatever, and not spending all your time around comedians or actors or whoever, that you feel, quite that, like, you know Hollywood feels that way about quote-unquote regular people,

but I don't think that you necessarily think... Well, I'm talking about artists creative type. I'm talking about them specifically. We are the worst. Yeah, I don't... Do you remember when you told me that I think this is the only time I've been mad at you, like mad at you? Oh, God.

You said to me and you meant it. Like, we were talking about something and you go, I think you should just be a fucking lawyer. I mean, this was like a year and a half ago. I told you, well, that's because I was feeling that way at the time. And also, I believed that. and I still believe now, and I'm sorry if it, like, offends you for whatever reason, that, like, you'd be really, really good at it if you actually cared and poured yourself into it. Yeah, I'd be really, really good at most things, Trey.

Turns out I'm really good at comedy. But you have a lot of me. I'm just saying. At the time, weren't you really good at contracts? Yeah. Well, won't you go do that? This heads for me. I knew this is going to happen.

Why don't you go do that? Neither one of us hit at the time, Drew. I was doing that. I was being a lawyer at the time. I know, but you, you can. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I love being a lawyer.

So in my mind, I took it as, well, I'm being a lawyer. Really, he's just saying quit the other shit. Focus more on law. Because the grass is always greener is why. Like, logger, dude, logger's one of the, one of the, like, three careers I was told that I should be. Right. You know what I mean? Like, every smart kid is.

Every smart kid in a shitty town is told. I got told that. You'll be a lawyer, a doctor, or like a politician or businessman or whatever. That's like, that's it. But the main two, law year, doctor. You ever notice how teachers never tell you to be a fucking teacher? Of course they don't. Well, where I'm from, they do, but some of them.

Ball coach. Yeah, you're coach ball. One coach told me that he would work for me one day. Like, he thought I would get a teaching degree and end up being an administrator. But all the other teachers, none of them said be me. Also, dude, I never really wanted to be a log year, but like we've talked about this before, too, like, law shit, like the terrible law shit that you hate, like the practice,

or whatever, but better examples like a few good men and that kind of shit. That ain't what is like. It hit. I know, I know that. I know that. That's my whole point. I'm saying you know that.

But like to me, being a lawyer seems like it could hit. If you hit at it real hard. Don't give me wrong. Being a government, being a great contracting officer is not the same thing as being a high level. Now, listen, you're right about that.

Power attorney. You're completely right about that. Because to be right about that. To me, it seemed like it could be pretty fucking cool. And to be fair, you can have that. I was super happy with the identity. Do you know what I'm? Like who I was as a person as a public defender.

Doing it was fucking, if doing it was fucking, like the actual doing of it was fucking killing me. And I feel like your situation was the opposite. Doing it was easy. But being that person was fucking killing you. Yeah. It was the opposite for me. Like, doing it was really, really hard. Being that person, I felt great about myself.

I knew that I was doing something good, you know. Yeah, and I was good at it. It was the exact opposite. I think I was built for government work. I think I'd have crushed it that. You absolutely would. And not like your level of like having actually negotiate the shit, but like if Ron Swanson is to be believed,

I would have fucking destroyed. Like in a Parks Department situation, I'd be the guy. Well, on the one hand, yes, but on the other hand, he just referenced a few good men. Being a lawyer ain't really like that. Sure. I assume Ron Swanson ain't really like that. really what it's like.

No, but I also, I do know some government officials, and I know some people. I know some good old boys. No, the stereotypes about government officials is pretty accurate. Well, when I watch Parks and Rec, there's some people from back home that I know that work for the library and work for the parks this or whatever. And I'm like, that seems about like how it'd be, you know. Well, here's the thing, man. Now, I like to buy shit all the time, so I prefer the entertainment business. Well, here's the thing, though, like, as far as that shit goes, it was a sweet gift.

Yeah, for sure. For sure, man. Great health care. That's why people get wrapped into it and don't ever leave no matter what is because it's a very sweet game. And I don't blame them. It's easy to get very complacent. And that's why I used to say, like, I wish I could just be satisfied with this.

You know, I really do because this is a pretty sweet gig. And I realize that objectively, but this is not. I can't do that with my life. That colors your view of this conversation in the same, but then the same way that my view is colored but by opposite set of circumstances. I don't know. Because my problem was not that I like was so unsatisfied. Do you know what I mean?

It wasn't like, oh, I desire so much more. It was, oh, God, I can't do this. Yeah. It is killing me. It's hurting my marriage. It's giving me high blood pressure. I'm not tough enough, you know, emotionally, et cetera, et cetera. And comedy was such a fun release.

and then I got obsessed with it and I thought oh God is this possible can I do that so I think that colors this whole our whole views of this conversation you existed as a government worker and you were like God I wish I could be happy here

whereas I was sort of saying God I wish I could stay here but I can't yeah that's what when you said you know a lot of artists look at those people with derision like oh how could they live like this I said the same thing but I didn't mean it in disgust

I'm just like how the fuck do you do this? Like I wanted to know. You know what I'm saying? I wasn't like, ugh, how could you live? I was like,

sincerely tell me, just fucking tell me, I'll do it. I swear to God. Well, yeah, but it's not, it's just how you're wired. I know.

It's not a thing. But I've never once thought, what I'm saying is, I've never thought them to be shitty people. But see, what I'm saying is, there's a whole lot of people out there that are wired.

Yeah. To be not that. Who are wired to, you know, be any kind of, artist or creative person at all. They're wired that way. They ain't gonna make it.

But they ain't gonna make it. Right, right. For sure. Yeah, that really sucks. That's just the reality of that situation. But that's... That is the reality of that situation. Let them fail.

Well, that's all we can do. And that's fine. But like, we, people... I agree with you, but I feel like you're kind of just brushing away what I think is an actual problem. Like, don't you think that that's like a thing that is like... perpetuated of two young people. Here's what I do think we are going to disagree.

That's a thing that we put in their mind. Here's where I do think we are going to disagree. And that's where my problem is. Right. Here's where I think we are going to disagree. This is like what we were telling me out with the justice system last week. We agreed, you know, if you got to make an error, error this direction. Right.

In this case, I'm saying if we got to make an error, make the error in that direction. Make the error in telling too many people believe that there's supposed to be something. but they ain't. I don't know why. I think it's just because I feel like I have to say that because I'm living my dream. Because you're one of them. Yeah. I know, right.

And I mean, again, I started this conversation by saying I realize this is like it seems like hypocritical or whatever of me. But like, I don't know. I just don't feel that way. That's also how we end up with so few like. I'm also. I can't, you know, STEM majors and all that shit. Like public defense was a fucking passion of mine. I never did what you did.

Other than when I quit public. defense to help myself pursue comedy and then I did horrible legal work. Do you know what I mean? Like I always followed the crazy passion because everyone told me in law school. No, no, no. I did too. I've told you all this before. Literally the only reason I have an MBA is because I went to college and said I want

the most versatile degree that I can think of so that whatever gives me the best odds at getting a good job that I can pay the bills with while I try to be a stand-up comedian. No, no, I know that. What I mean, though, is like, that's how I ended up there. Right, but that was like, I know that you weren't just like. The passion was always the comedy and everything else. Right. Well, I guess that's what I mean.

Like from Jump Street. That's what I was trying to do. I have been such a fucking pursue the passion. I don't know, man. I'm just not going to look at anyone in the eye and be like, look, dude, you're probably not going to. It's not going to work out because it fucking did work out. I had a lot of heartbreak, but don't you think that everyone has a lot of heartbreak?

I've also. I totally. agree with that man because i don't want to look to anybody in the eye and say that this is this is a hell of a thing to say what i'm about to say i don't want to look at anybody's any young artist eye and say that either like dude you should just quit uh but i wish somebody would right i just wish somebody would do that i'm saying exactly to give you a lot of saying to and we don't do culturally we don't do that but nobody can talk to those people they've seen their own goddamn tape.

Maybe that's, you've ruined into so many egomaniacs. Maybe that's what they need though is someone, of course they're not gonna, nobody can really fairly assess themselves.

They would be like, that dude's jealous. That famous comic, he thinks I'm coming for him. I know I'm on the right track now. I would like to say just so, because that,

that is a thing for me to say now, I fucking heard you say this before your videos ever came out. No, yeah. I've always felt this way. I just wanted to make sure people knew, like, we've had this conversation long before it seemed shitty of us to have it. We were basically having it talking out loud about our fucking selves.

Right. You know, but like, so, yeah, this isn't they just now that we... We were just begging someone to come tell us. I just wanted to make sure that this didn't come across as a, now that we've made it, we want to close the door. Nobody else try a situation like, no, we've had this conversation before. Well, if anybody thought that, fuck them. I know, I agree. Well, see, because here's a problem, and this is what you've been saying this entire time, Drew,

I would think that and I'd be like Yeah, yeah, that is how I feel Because again, this is what I've always said And then the automatic rebuttal Before I went viral Or any of that stuff would be like Okay, well then why are you doing? I'll be like, well, I hit.

I'm really good though. Yeah, you don't. I'm good at this. And literally every fucking artist feels that way And I understand that. But so many are wrong. So many. Well, dude, like we were talking about earlier,

that it doesn't matter. A whole lot of them So many great people don't get anything A whole lot of them that aren't wrong That are 100% right They're very talented They're very good But it don't fucking matter

No it don't matter Because I mean that's just the reality of the situation And that sucks That does suck But that is Dude I've been This is no secret But in so many different interviews and stuff

I've had When talking about things like Our timing And what my point of view is And all this different stuff Whatever like It literally The confluence of factors that had to come together, the perfect storm of fortuity for me to be in this situation that I'm in right now is pretty fucking unreal.

It's very unreal. And I'm saying that it takes that plus talent, those two things to be able to fucking do it. And that's so unlikely. You know, that's why the percentage is so low of the people that actually works out for. John Ham. That's why I can't tell him not to do it, but I'm saying that's why people should tell them not to do it. Because the odds are so shoo. But I get what you're saying, too.

To be fair to teachers. I get what you're saying about Jim Carrey types. To be fair to the teachers of America. Right. You know, my mom's one. My cousin Tasha, who that's why I was late. I was visiting with her and her kids. My fiancé is one.

I mean, they don't be telling all the kids. You could be anything. In fact, in fact, I alluded to it earlier, I used to get, I was like, I was the smart kid in my school and I used to get told all the time here's how it would go I'm sure you got the same thing I would get uh you can be anything you want you don't understand like you've got you're holding the keys in your hand you can do anything you want to do uh you can be a doctor a logger whatever and if I would say to these people uh why think I want to be a comedian or I think I want to make movies they would be like what no no you know you know

They would, like, seriously horrify them. They're like, oh, my God, he's going to waste it all. He's going to throw it all away on this stupid bullshit. So, in fact, I mean, they were telling me the exact opposite. I would say, to be fair. Usually, I would say writer. And they would be like, oh, like a journalist. There's something super private.

And then I would just go, sure, and walk away. Yeah, and once again, I had a very different. But I mean, you know. His sister says, hey, when you grow up, could you do that, please? Seriously. Somewhere else. Somewhere else. No, I mean, I was, but, you know, we mentioned earlier, I really have sincerely had a pursuit of exactly what we're doing right now since I was five.

And then when I was in second, third, and fourth grade, I was writing short stories and doing sketches in front of the class. I, me too. I know. I know. I had on the video store since I, literally, this is all I want to do as long as I can remember. But my difference in the teachers. I made a music video to Amish Paradise. Yeah.

But we dressed it up. like Arabs because in our sixth grade minds Dude I've been making shitty homemade sketches That's not the point Improving my buddy's basement and shit Not the point I wanted to be nostalgic

Not the point I'm trying to make The point I'm trying to make is I understand why they told that to you Mean you have very different situations Right The reason that they would go Sure Corey do that It's the only thing you ever gave I wasn't

They knew I wasn't squandering anything And they were like no this really This thoroughly is what he's going to fucking do Yeah this is it Now, he's got it. The boy's got it. Let me tell you, but this is all he's got. Can you make the argument that that is what molded him into who he was saying,

I'm going to get this good job and blah, blah, blah, and molded you into that, I have to do this or not? Because your whole life, you were, because kids are smart. That's what I was trying to. Even the teacher doesn't say it to their face. That's not the point I was trying to make. But maybe teachers shouldn't do that to kids like, Corey. Maybe they shouldn't be like.

Well, no, also. God damn, I hope you can make because that it's all you got, boy. Well, I was going to make, no, the other point that I was going to make, too, is that by the time I was in, It wasn't like very early on. Well, yeah, this is very early on your life. By the time I was in like third and fourth grade, my dad had started doing significantly better than he was when I was first born.

I think they also saw that. He's like, this kid can't fail. So it's fine. Like if he goes out there and does this shit and squanders, he'll be okay. With Trey, I don't know. They didn't look at him like that at all. They didn't have me and Trey can fail either, but it was for very different reasons. You know what I'm saying, though, I had a safety net and they knew that I had a little bit of a safety net.

No, you're right. No, they, I'm saying, I think part of the reason they were so disappointed. pointed when I would be like, oh, I want to make movies or whatever, was because they knew my personal life situation. They knew it wasn't great. Right. They knew that I made these great grades and I was real smart or whatever. And they were like, he can escape, you know.

Yeah. And then when I, and that's what they were trying to tell me. And when I would tell them, oh, I'm an artist. They'd be like, oh, no. Oh, child, what is you doing? You know, like, you came so close. Or, you know, you had the ability to. You could get the fuck out.

With you, like you said, they were like, he's going to be fine. He'll be fine. Let him go do what he wants to do. That's 100% it. I don't think they were looking at me like, he's otherworldly talented. He will do this.

It's just like, yeah, if he fucks that up, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. Or this is elementary school. He'll grow the fuck out of that. He'll get practical. Yeah, we've got to get on stage soon. Do y'all want to talk about anything else?

We spent a long time on this. Yeah, we have. This has been kind of the whole, we talked about Mike out. We talked about this. Look, that's literally it. Well, we can go back to the guy and talk about the insurance a little bit more. Look, kids, follow your dreams, but just keep a level head about it. Only if they don't get rid of Obamacare.

Like, if you can't get insurance, it's real hard to follow your dreams. And also, like Drew said, be really honest with yourself about what your dreams really are. Like, yeah, being a movie star seems cool, but if you're not genuinely passionate about it, don't become a fucking actor. Figure out what you really do want to do. But when you figure out what you do want to do, you know, fucking put your heart into it. And if you fail, kill yourself. You've got to be a monkey, but your gorilla.

Put so much of yourself into it that if it doesn't work out, you are so drained emotionally that you have to jump off a goddamn bridge. That's what we're trying to tell you. We are broken. Sure. I feel like there's a lot of people who are saying. Well, my entire thesis... By the way, don't you do that.

Literally my whole entire point when we first started was the exact opposite of what y'all too just said. Without a doubt. Don't wrap all yourself into it, so you won't want to kill yourself. If you don't... Yeah. But if you're going to do something, do it big. I don't know.

Where are we at right now? How much time we got? Yeah, okay. We got a little time left. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Well, Trump made an executive order today. Just like fucking, you just signed it.

This is what he did. I was really enjoying that conversation. I know. That conversation was happening for me. This ain't on you, by the way. Then we got to talk about real shit. Yeah, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. He instructed, this of this.

He instructed the IRS. how was it worded? I think it was to give more leeway consideration. Long story short, it's the law right now that you can't have exempt status as a religious institution if you support specific political candidates. Trump instructed the IRS through executive order. He didn't overturn a law. He just instructed them to interpret that loosely, basically.

It means literally nothing. Now, listen, as a slippery soap thing, you know, if the Republican Party gets on board and starts changing in actual statues, it could be fucking horrendous. Right. The idea of that happening is horrendous. But what he did today accomplishes nothing in my fucking opinion. Right. Except now all these churches are going to be like, see, we told you, that dude with four wives and 19 kids who never ever even claim to believe in God, he's our dude.

Yeah. He's Jesus himself. Yeah, because he just threw them a bone that had no meat on it whatsoever. And that disgust me and that makes me mad because throwing folks like that bones, Is such a problem with the Republican Party. Sure. No shit. Pander, pander, pander.

Yes, because it... Pander, pander, pander. Someone made the point today... I got laws in the Senate. There's no... There's no moderate Republicans. We should make a parody of that song. It's all we're just about the G.O.

Pender, pander, pander. I got laws in a city. Quares. Quares. That joke is for eight of our fans. And they're the ones I want to hang it. I want to overlap probably. In the designer fans.

Designer, government, and lacking the irony and getting it. Yeah, that bin diagram, that's a very small. The name of the group will be intelligent designer for this particular. Well, that was my favorite fucking... Remember all the puns we made for Corey? Y'all, we recorded a... thing that didn't get saved. And it was, Corey got into telling us this really

sad story, and I won't repeat it unless you want to. I don't remember what it was. We were violently drunk. And Tray and I had heard the story before. So we were making jokes the whole time. And we just, we got on this thing where we were just making puns about movie directors. Oh God, I forgot all about that. We were calling

Corey. Orson Swales. Yeah, we were calling you, Orson Swales. Richard Link Tater. Richard Link Tater. Sheet. Steven Squilbert. Steven Squilbert. That's because I'm like a pig.

There was a skew one. Stanley Schubert. Stanley Schubert? Stanley Schubert. Was Kathleen Pigolo? Catherine Pigolo. Well, anyway. Christopher Cholan.

Yeah, Christopher Cholan. Yeah, that was one. What was the... I mean, we can't get into it, but what was the sad story? I was I'll tell you what it was. We'll tell you what it was. I don't want to do it right now in case you don't want to talk about it. For sure.

I was blackout fucking drunk. really. You should go back and just listen to that whole sound file. Yeah, it's on there. Yeah. Oh, I thought we didn't even get it. The other night cut off in the middle. It just died.

Yeah. The battery's died. We came home after a show and after hanging out. Blitz drunk. With our buddy J.D., New York Times best seller, J.D. J.D. Vance. Hillbilly L.G., great book. Yeah.

We were hanging out with J.D. and Columbus. Yeah, let's sell him a few more copies. He kept, you call. He kept his shit together. We got blistered. I was actually sober, but only because I hadn't drank any until we got to J.D. Right. Then we went back to hotel and said, hey, you know what it hit?

We record a podcast right now. Y'all never believe this. That entire podcast was about nothing but how huge of pieces of shit we are. It was all drunk driving stories. Now, to me, though, this ain't that sad. Oh! That's not, yeah, I don't want to talk about that. No, you're right.

God damn, I'm glad that shit got deleted. And that story led into Steven Squillberg. I was sitting here going like, I'm fairly certain I told the story about how I got a DUI in a field one time, but I told that which is sad in retrospect. We shouldn't be talking about this right now.

Because people are going to demand that we release. We'll talk about it next time. Yeah. They're going to want to hear that fucking and I'll tell it to them. They have to keep tuning in. I'm talking about that file. That, when we were sitting there drunk. You know what? We may release it at one point.

We will release it at one point. We'll release it at one point. We are now announcing a subscription service. Yeah. You sign up. You subscribe. Every week you get a free drunk edition. That would have for me. We just get hammered drunk and do one.

But you're not allowed to comment on it at all. Or share it. Or anybody don't pay it all. No. Or you're done. Or, uh, Judge. Turn us in to the community.

Yeah. Like, look, This is the justice system. Are you not entertained? Ah, we're just kidding. Well, fuck. We got to do this show. I'm glad.

I was happy that the Senate announced. I haven't even looked at it, so I'm not even sure the veracity of that. I just saw a headline from a journalist friend of mine on Facebook, though, so I trust him. And the Senate just said they weren't going to pass that shit, because I was fucking furious about that. And I'll just tell you all real quick, why. I'm going to get worked up.

They exempted their own families. Did you all know that? Like, the new health care law didn't know. apply to Congress. Yeah. Well, that's right. We talked about... And that was the Senate, to their credit, even conservatives in the Senate. That was their whole fucking problem with it. They were like, uh, I can't, you know, even me. Well, that's how like it's been ruled unconstitutional to drug test members of Congress,

but like literally just them. And the federal government drug test people all the time, but not members of Congress. They all, they stayed doing that shit. Well, I mean, they stayed doing drugs, too. Right. That sucks. It's very hypocritical, but fuck I get it. They're the ones that make the law. Of course, they're going to hook it up. You know what I'm saying? Like, fuck.

Well, that's the problem. I mean, and, you know, this ain't a big revelation here. It should be good for the ghost, good for the game. Well, no, I was going to say. I think Plato was the first one to say, be like, the people who want to lead. What do he do? He thought Plato like ice cream shop. I was like, was there a Senate here about Plato out of here?

Plato came out in favor or something. What the fuck did they do to Plato? I can smell Plato right now. Is that what you? They say what sin is the strongest sins tied to memory or whatever? But I thought you smelled something and it puts you in a different place. I think obviously it works in the other direction. That happens.

That absolutely happens by saying I could do you. Play-Doh. Oh, I smell it. I can say that. I can do that with that. Everybody who wants to lead is exactly who we don't want to lead. And the people that need to lead are the ones who don't fucking want to do it. And I mean, and that goes to what you were just saying.

Like, yeah, who wants to be a sinner? Somebody who wants to go hook it up for themselves? Who is it that? Somebody had that joke a long time ago where they're like, It was Play-O. It was Not too, like, that women It was silly, putty.

I think it may have been Nick DePaolo. This sounds like his joke, but if it's not whatever, but somebody was like, yeah, women finally got the right to vote in 1920. Yeah, it was where he adds. Women finally got the right to vote in 1920. Fellas. How the hell do we lose that?

He goes, what he said was, he was like, you know, used to, he's talking about how much women don't hit. And he's like, you know, used to, we didn't even let them vote. And then we had a vote to see if they could vote. Yeah. Well, how the hell did we lose that?

No, dude, that was Girald. It's Orney Adams. I promise you 100%. It's Orny Adams. Well, do you know how? We lost the vote. Come in. Hello, hello.

No, you're fine, buddy. Come on in. What's up, Austin. You're fine? I need a beer and a shot. Heineken, I guess, and whiskey. Bourbon. You got makers?

Yeah, we got makers. Fuck yeah. Let me do it. I'm about to get shit on on our podcast. I'm sure. Let me do, because I'm only having one. A, Yeager bomb. and whatever.

Do you have any IPAs? Boom. Can I get a vodka tonic with a lime, please? There was a drunk history on the suffrage movement and I hadn't seen it. Andy told me about it. My wife told me about it.

I think Jen Kirkman played in it. Okay. And apparently one of the dudes in the state of Tennessee specifically and I don't know if it was for Tennessee getting the women the right to vote or just the Tennessee senator got a letter from his mama.

Like, you better go down vote. Right. Oh, that's interesting. some Tennessee shit though right there like boys I know he's going to keep having the fun but fucking mama got my mama happy yeah that checks out but yeah I mean that's all I'm saying

like dude it's absolutely shitty but like what do you expect these people are absolutely just going to take care of themselves and they're the ones that get to do that right so fuck I mean you're right you're 100% right but that's just sort of the whole point it is about how shitty that is my point of course it's shitty but like people just like I don't understand I

I understand yeah Well, how can they do that? Because they're the ones that do stuff. They do all the stuff. All right, well, we got to wrap it up. Corey's got gout. Don't follow your dream. Send it don't hit.

All right, we'll see y'all next time. Ski-i! Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God. Bless you, good night, and Ski.