wellRED podcast - #159 - Was Curly Bill Gay?

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

Among other things, this week The CHO points out something he never noticed the first 178 times he watched Tombstone and Drew gets DJ LEWIS on the phone to talk it over.  wellredcomedy.com for ticketshellofresh.com/red10 Promo Code RED10 for 10 FREE MEALS (with FREE shipping!!)

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

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Hello everybody. What's going on? It's your boy of the show, Corey Ryan Forster, well readcomedy.com, w-E-L-R-E-D, comedy.com. That is where you can find out where we're going to be on our 2020 tour, March, 12th through the 14th, Raleigh, North Carolina, March 27th, New Orleans, April 2nd through the 4th, Indianapolis, Indiana, April 16th through the 19th, Washington, D.C., April 25th, Atlanta, May 8th, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, May 9th, Seattle, Washington, and June 20th, we are at the Minneapolis Comedy Festival with some people you may have heard of,

like, oh, I don't know, Burt Crisher, Whitney Cummings, Nick Offerman, and Jeff Foxworthy. It's going to be a great time, so go to well-readcom to grab those tickets, you're there, subscribe to our newsletter so you will know where we're going to be before my dumb ass even does. Also grab some sweet merch, our book, The Liberal Redneck Manifesto, Dragon Dixie out of the dark, our album, well-read live from Lexington, along with some hats and t-shirts and posters and shit, all sorts of stuff on there. Anyways, this podcast, as always, is brought to you by Smokey Boysgrilling.com. Go to Smokey Boysgrilling.com to get all the rubs for all you meets, and also carvefodka.com.

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Next that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. So, hey, I wanted to talk about something that, that, maybe you've now you there's no way you've noticed it before because if you'd noticed it before we would have talked about this i was rewatching tombstone for the sincerely over a hundred times like there's no way i haven't seen that movie over a hundred times i was watching it this weekend with some of my friends and so we all know that like you know jason preasley's character in there he's like they don't ever come right out and say it but i mean he gay right and what in tombstone yeah yeah they i think

they kind of come out and say it. Yeah, like, but they hint around it about you're definitely supposed to know, especially at the end when he's with Billy Zane and he's holding him and stuff. He says he's wonderful and beautiful. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So I was rewatching the movie. And again, I've seen this movie hundreds and hundreds of times.

And as we're watching it, one of my buddies goes, you know, I never noticed, but Curly Bill kind of seems gay. And I was like, no, I was like, Curly Bill's just wanting them, like, eccentric gay. dudes, like, he's just, like, super confident in his masculinity. And, like, you know, when they're at the play or whatever, he's got his arm around Jason Priest's character. And, like, I was like, no, to me, that's just like, look, I'm just letting this little gay fella know that I'm cool and he's my buddy and whatever. And then at one point, Billy Zane comes out and Curly Bill goes, that's the prettiest man I ever saw. And I was like, yeah, but that's just, that's a man that's confident in his sexuality. He can say that type of stuff. Like, he's not gay. He just, he just is this, like,

you know, but my, my sister's father-in-law, Mark, he's. He's a super masculine dude, but like he also loves the BGs and like, he'll straight up, you know, like, oh, that's a really handsome man over it. Just someone who's super confident. And that's all that was. And then Curly Bill gets super into the play. And they're like, look, man, he really loves the arts. I was like, right. It's, oh, it's, I love the arts and I'm not gay.

Yeah. Exactly. So like, that's all going through my mind. I'm like, man, you're all wrong. And they're like, well, dude, sincerely, at this point, he's done just as much gay shit as Jason Priestley is. And I'm like, ah, nah, that ain't it. Then we get to the scene. I've never noticed this before in my life.

We get to the scene where Curly Bill, right before he kills Dan, or Fred, the town Marshall or whatever, he's in that opium, right? And he's smoking opium. You got that old Asian dude. Yes, dude. And I always was like, yeah, he was like, that guy was holding, handing him a pipe or something like that. No, we rewatched it like five or six times.

He's like cupping that dude's face and like turning around. around as if they just got through making out and shit, dude. Holy shit. Powers booth. Rest in peace. Go back. Go back and watch it, dude. Again, like, they weren't kissing, but he, every time I watched it, like, I just filled

in the blanks in my head of like, yeah, he just handed that guy a pipe. There's no pipe. And he was holding the side of this dude's face. And my buddies, of course, like, we got to go back and watch it again. You know, sometimes Asian women just shave their hands. I was like, no, dude. No, they don't first. I mean, I'm sure they do, but that's not like a thing.

But they needed it to be a thing so bad because there's no way Curly Bill is gay. But we went back and it's like, no, dude, that was an Asian man. And he was just laying in bed with the dude. So like, I think Curly Bill gay. Every character named Bill in Tombstone is gay. Uh-huh. Except for Billy the kid, but Billy the kid ran off during the battle of the

okay corral, which like some would consider pretty gay. Well, we have solved it. So I don't know, man. It just fucked me up because, like, it made me, like, obviously I don't give a shit if Curly Bill's gay. Hell, that honestly adds more depth to the character, but, like, I cannot believe that I've never even come close to putting any of that shit together. And for the record, I may be wrong because, like, I googled is Curly Bill gay?

And there wasn't one think piece, not one Reddit fucking thread. And, like, so maybe I'm to, We're the first people that put it together. I don't know. God, is there a way, I'm sure there's not, and I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. Is there a way we can call DJ and have him on the podcast right now? Right now, I could put him on speaker. How would that sound really?

Or you could put him, if you put the, if you call him on your phone and you put it on speaker and you put it up to your microphone, I think we, I think it could work. Right, let me see if he answers now. You're not, you're going to be able to hear him. He's not going to be able to hear you, okay, Corey? Right. That's accurate. Also, I called him on the way over here, and he didn't answer.

He does that sometimes. You'll call, and then he'll immediately text back, and you're like, oh, are you busy or something? He's like, no. Just, oh, baby. This is prime time for space news. Yeah, I can hear it. Speaking of, End of the Obisket, Patreon, we're going to release the space news. It's already out.

By the time you hear this podcast, it'll be out. DJ, you know, it's got space news behind the paywall, and buddy we're talking about underground bunkers we're talking about wars and treaties and damn it i'm going to try him one more time uh sometimes he's gone twice in a row he's like you know he gets the hint that you need him yeah right i don't think he's gonna answer no he's not going to answer rate subscribe into the abisket share it do that with this podcast when's the last time you told you somebody about the well red podcast guys tell somebody about it yeah if you if you could just tell uh one person about the well red podcast and i'm sure about there's like i did i've only got one friend

they listen too we're both of your fans right uh all right well i my mind's blown wait i'm gonna tell him i know right i told him call me i'm gonna tell him it's about tombstone guarantee oh yeah he'll fly to l a he'll pull over he's probably driving yeah drunk I'm going to shame him on two podcasts. I shamed him on ours. Some bitch got off work at 10. And he was like, and I went home, you know, because I had to come up here. And it takes me about an hour, so I had about an hour in between my ship.

And I was playing with this snake dray made. And anyway, I had about six beers in the fridge. So I drank them all in 30 minutes. Then stopped and got some more in the way. I'm like, dude, don't do that. He's like, I'll be fine. I'm like, you might get arrested. Like, I don't think you're going to die, but you might get arrested.

Here I'm putting his business in the street. Where's he working at right now? Dollar General. You need to go see him. Oh, yeah, yeah, I do need to go see him. Yeah, he's a no-limit soldier in the Dollar General's Army. Is he working at the one over by... The one he walks to?

Yeah, okay, so yes. Well, I didn't quite hear over by the laundromat, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was your theory? Or that's, that was your theory. I thought you meant you had a theory as to why we were late. We'll keep talking about Tim's time. No, no, I didn't have.

My theory as to why we were late was just because of time and space being a construct. And not hitting time nor space. No. You said you had a theory that you wanted to share with me. No. Well, I had a theory about why we're lazy just because dad's not here. But I have another thing I want to share with you that I've done. Yes.

And I want your thoughts on it. And I did talk about this on end of the abyss. But if we do have double listeners, DJ's perspective is obviously going to be so different than yours because he is space. Yeah. Last night I ordered a DNA test. Something that I have. sent that bitch. I'm 100% scared.

I haven't taken it yet. Okay. Because I, it hasn't come in the mail, but I've been against those. I am against those. Here's what happened. I was scrolling through, I saw an ad for one or something like that, or maybe an article about them or something. It was talking about finding out the health benefits and all that.

And I was like, yeah, I mean, that's, you know, it would be kind of cool. I don't really care, like, where my. genome came from like what part of white I am you know what I mean what part of white is he fucking all of them I know that exactly yeah because I mean look at I I mean we're fucking white there's not gonna be too many surprises in the right it's like which atrocity are my people responsible for exactly and at this point with me not knowing I can just pretend well it ain't that when I'm one of the exactly I don't need to know exactly my family in America didn't own

slaves like why would I want to ruin that unblemished record Yeah. But I have been curious, and I've been more curious about the health benefits. There's a lot of stuff in your DNA where you can figure out what kind of diets are best for you, what kind of foods cause inflammation because they know a lot more about that now. So I've been curious about it. But I've been against it because, like, dude, that's some nefarious shit. There's no way, even if a company now, right now, is founded upon goodwill and good science and good intentions

and letting people know what their DNA says about what they should. should eat, what they should avoid, what kind of medicine, you know, et cetera, et cetera. But that information lives, and then the person who found out of the company dies and maybe their little shithead kid, yeah, you should have tested their DNA. Maybe that little shithead kid is greedy. He starts selling that information. The government, who knows what they're going to use it for? And last night, I was scrolling, I was reading, and I was like, man, I'm curious about this,

but it's so evil in the fairness. And then that kind of hit me, it don't matter. I'll be dead. And they're already doing the evil shit. They've already got every fucking Tom Dick and Harry's DNA in America. They already have everyone who's ever been arrested's DNA. They're already doing the bullshit. Like, this is like making sure you use a real straw in the face of the entire country of China producing 70% of the world's greenhouse gases.

It don't matter. Learn what vegetables are good for you. But I'm still nervous. It didn't even cross my mind that that was like a benefit of it was your diet. That's how they got me. That's what put me over the top. Right, yeah, of course. And I've heard about that stuff before through,

there's like, you know, blood tests at certain doctor's offices that you can get. I don't know. I'm certain like it's a secret thing. Just like a lot of doctors offer stuff like that where they're like, you can get a full blood thing done. Sometimes you're interested in to pay for it. Sometimes it won't. And we can tell you certain things about, you know, what you should avoid, blah, blah, blah.

And look, I'm sure it's bullshit. And DJ's response was they're going to start advertising to you, which I thought was funny and something I hadn't thought of. Like I get my test back. Like how Google steals your information? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I get my test back and it says like, oh, you should be on a low carb diet. And next thing I know, every ad on my phone is for low carb diets. I mean, I'm not there.

I mean, to me, of course that would happen. Yes. But my thought with that is, eh, I've been wanting these goddamn ads to get better. You know, it's about time they give me something I need. At least give me something. Yeah. Yeah, well, my thing with that whole DNA thing is like, it's a, you know, you can find out, you know, like, oh, your ancestors died of this type of cancer and this shit runs in your family and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, man, that's just going to worry me more than it does give me a peace of mind.

That's what Andy said. And my response to that is true. And I know that's probably like a stupid, go ahead. No, go ahead. Well, I was going to say, I know that's like a stupid show. fucking way to look at the world like oh i'd just rather not know i'd just rather be taken by surprise but like there's part of me that kind of does feel that way i'm like man if it's anything so bad that it's just it's going to take me anyways like i don't want to have to like be worried about it for a while

and then also get it and then also die you know what i'm saying yeah it's wild how similar you and and and she basically said that and um and i'm going to tell you my response in a minute, but then she told me this story, apparently in China. This is according to Andy in a documentary she saw, so I apologize if this was incorrect or only applies to the Shang Hu region. But if you go in for something, for tests, the doctor don't tell you your test results. They tell your family. It's your family's responsibility to do what's right based upon those test results. So if you get a certain kind of test and they're like, your cholesterol's high, you've got to stop eating fatty stuff. Then your family, they don't even tell you.

that they just stopped feeding you fatty stuff so this documentary was based upon this the girl who made it when she was a little girl i'm sorry it was not a documentary it was a it was a um it was just a movie but at the end it comes back to reality here's what happens a young girl is raised mostly in america she and her family learned that her grandmother has three weeks to live from lung cancer and they per tradition don't tell her but this 13 year old girl has to live with that and is so upset and she can't cry around her grandma she's supposed to be stoic and she struggles with it

and then throughout the course the movie the grandma doesn't die after three weeks and the little girl I guess like kind of learns that some you know it's like she grows up kind of and then at the end you find out that it's based upon the director's actual Mimi and it shows footage of her doing Tai Chi and it says we were told in say 1996 Mimi had three weeks to live. Mimi died in 2018.

Wow. And so like the idea is worrying about, like your body will heal better if you don't know. Right. Like what was she going to do? Exactly. Like if you got, if someone tells you got three weeks to live, like, okay, So this dude that my dad, and I'll get your opinion on this because I go back and forth, this dude that my dad knows just found out that he has a brain tumor.

And like it's, they just called it, but like it was already, it's too far gone. You know, like he started having headaches he couldn't see. He gets there and it's like, man, it's stage four. Like, buddy, we can't, we can't get it all. And they're like, we can do this surgery and it will give you like, let's say you got three months right now. this will give you nine months. You know what I'm saying? Or a year.

And I was just like, I don't think I'd do it. You know what I mean? Because like, that's just longer to live knowing I'm still going to die. Yeah, I know that wouldn't hit. I know I wouldn't fuck with that shit. And dad's like, well, yeah, I hear you. But like, now that I have grandkids and stuff, you might think of a little different. Because like, that gives you more time with them.

And I'm like, yeah, more. But what kind of time? You know what I mean? Like, not good time. and just more time for everybody to be like, clocks running out. And so I guess to me, like, if they hadn't told me my brain was right,

and they were just like, oh, yeah, we don't know, man. And then, yeah, worst case scenario, I go die in three months. Or I probably die quicker because I just sit there and think about it with the part of my body that is cursed, my brain, and then I make my brain worse. Right.

I can see the stress making things worse, obviously. My thing with it, though, is, well, first of all, Well, in terms of the medication, no, I'll never, ever fight in anything. I mean, that's easy to say. It depends on the prognosis. Like you said, if it's like, if you fight it, you might extend it by year. Fuck that.

Right, right. That's what I'm saying. If they say, if we fight it right now, there's a chance we can get it. Right. And you'll be good, then absolutely. Even that, I'm a young man. But if they say, right. But I still would have to be like, okay, man, I'm fucking 32.

Like, yeah, I got a lot of shit I want to do. But if they said, if you fight it, we can maybe give you a, you. year, I'll be like, man, what the fuck is a year? Who gives a shit? Right, but my thought is, it's like, what's the real chances? Because if you're going to tell me that I'm going to try to fight it for three years, be miserable, be sick, everyone around me is going to be sad, depressed, they're going to have to watch me die slowly.

It's going to be horrible. And that's the last three years in my life versus, and this is why I want to know. This is why I don't like the Chinese version of this. Finger traps and the way they deal with death. I'm against the Chinese versions of them. I want to know so I can like, you know, do stuff. Right, right. Like, I'm trying to see Spain.

Go skydiving. I'm not going skydop. Fuck that. But, like, you know, I want to see Spain. I'm going to eat steak every day until I hate it. And then I'll stop. And then I'll drink bread. You know what I mean?

Like, I want to do stuff like that. And it's like, well, you should live your life that way. I try to. That's expensive. First of all, second of all, it will kill you. You can't live. the way that I would live if I knew it had a year. I'd do heroin.

Like, y'all don't, y'all have a different last year in mind to me. You're like, you should, you should go take walks on the beach every day if you got a year to live. No, that ain't what I'm talking about, dude. I'm talking about putting a fucking speedball in my arm and going to a Molly Hatchet cover band concert. Like, I'm getting down. So that's why I would want to know.

Yeah, like, I don't know how many, like, you see it all, especially now with Instagram, you see it even more like the phrase, you know, treat every day like it was your last time. on earth. Like, I see so many people who I consider smart people saying that. I'm like, you can't do that shit unless it really is one of your last days on earth. Because like, if every single person lived as if it was their last day on earth, we wouldn't have houses and roads and none of that shit. Yeah, who the fuck is putting money in a 401k on their last day on earth? Or for that matter, is doing a damn podcast. I wouldn't be here right now. Right. No. No. Like,

I would still, like, I would still probably do stand up on my last day on Earth, but like, not an open mic. No, I'd be knee-deep in shrimp. Need deep and pussy. Like, there's, yeah. I always, but I think about that, too. Like, people are like, oh, I want six more months with my kids. I'm like, yeah, but think about them six months extra worth of hospital bills that now their inheritance don't hit as much. Yeah, man.

Yeah. I mean, is that, am I right? Am I off base there? Like, it's going to cost you a lot of goddamn money. And that's why I would want to know. I wouldn't want to do the Chinese version. The other thing, and it's so funny. Like I said, you and Andy think so similarly.

It's like, you know, why know? Like, why I live with that? But, like, dude, in terms of the DNA test stuff, I already know. You know, she's like, what if you find out you're more than likely going to get Alzheimer's? I was like, I am more than likely going to get Alzheimer's. Man, my flow had it. My mom's probably going to get. I know that shit already.

And she's like, but this thing, you're going, I'd just be worried about it. And I'm like, you would be worried about it. I already have a level of worry about cancer, Alzheimer's, you know, certain diseases. Actually, it's just mainly those too. Because one wrought you from the inside and the other one makes you crazy. I'm already worried about them. If they give me this piece of paper and they're like, yeah, it's like a 40% chance, that's not going to change how I feel.

I already feel like it's a 40% chance. And when it happens, I'll be more prepared for it. And that's the difference between me and Andy. And I don't know if it's a difference between me and you. I've made plans for all these things already. If I get Alzheimer's, I'm going to start doing heroin, and then I'm going to kill myself. Like, that's what I'm going to do. That's not dark.

That's not macab. That's not sad. That's me saying there's no fucking cure and I don't want to go crazy and you die anyway. I'm just going to fucking end it at a certain point. So there's nothing on that piece of paper I don't think that's going to scare me. It will just help me maybe, you know, do some things. And then she's like, well, I'm going to see it. And I'm like, I'm not showing you this.

If I show you this, you. you will be stressed and you will lose sleep and you're going to try to get me to do stuff it don't hit she's like yeah I'm going to take care of you I'm like no I just took a DNA test turns out I'm 100% now having to eat vegetables every goddamn day fuck that no it don't hit

so would you take a deal test I mean I wouldn't mind eating vegetables every day but I don't know man like the and him fixed would I what Only vegetables that Andy fixed. No, that don't hit. Right. Would you do it in? I mean, I don't know.

There's part of me that wants to know some stuff. That's my whole life theory right there. There's part of me that wants to know some stuff. But I don't know, man. Like you said, like, I mean, you know, I've been told like, oh, yeah, we're Scots-Irish on this side and fucking whatever on this side. And I'm like, all right. Well, there you go. That's all I know.

And like, yeah, I too know that nobody in my family owned slaves. And the reason I know that is because my mom and daddy wouldn't have been the first motherfuckers ever in both our families to go to college if goddamn there was old slave money filtering through. Well, I mean, unless they lost it. I mean, you know, I'm not trying to say you're wrong, but I looked into it. And the reason why I looked into it is I was curious because some families would have like one. You know what I mean? But anyway, go ahead. Right.

Well, okay. Another side to that. Yeah, that's accurate. Like, yeah, somebody could have blown through their slave money. but like I also have family members who if somewhere down our line back in our line there had been slave owners, they'd have been real proud of that, not a heard of it. You know what I mean? They'd be like, my great, great, great, great, great grandpa, own slaves.

Ain't that something? I'm like, God damn it. Yeah. Like most of dads people are like from Pennsylvania and shit, not that they couldn't have slaves and stuff, but like, and Mamas was just as far back as we know, just poor as fuck. Right. So, I don't know. I don't know. I just want to, maybe that should just be mysterious.

Long more mountain people on both sides. And yeah, I mean, you're right. Like, I'm going to, it's, you know, it's, it's a fucking, it's the worst game of roulette you could play where you just learn what atrocity your people were responsible for. I'm somewhat prepared for that, I guess, because like, you know, well, it's just like with the Alzheimer's. I've made peace with it. I know it. I know it ain't going to be good news on this piece of paper. But there might be something I can use to improve my life and or there might be something cool on it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm hoping that I'm Welsh. My last name is the most common name, most common Welsh last name. It's like Smith and Wells. Oh, word? Yeah. And I'm hoping that I am Welsh, because the Welsh have a pretty unique history. But, you know, I guess, I guess on that note, it'll be disappointing to find out I'm not, like, that I'm like one fucking 30, you know.

I got the last name, but that was very much not who I am. But it is what it is. Right. I wonder how many rednecks have taken the 23 in me or whatever it is, DNA test, and just aren't saying anything about it because they found out that they ain't Indians. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, I'd say at least 23. Several of those. Andy's family, they've been saying they were Indian for years,

and, you know, Andy's got those almond eyes that, you know, You know, ain't white people. I think they call, man, I don't know what they call it. There's like a fold or an extra fold or not a fold in your eyes. I don't fucking know. It's going to sound racist if I get more into it, but I'm just saying facts. And he ain't got white eyes. And they've been saying they're native for years, and it turns out they're Arab.

And that's very hilarious because of the politics of her family as it relates to the middle. Yeah. My sister did that whole DNA thing. and like, Yeah, well, her brother did. Our family. So it's the same. Just look at hers.

You don't have to do it, buddy. That's actually true. But she found out that like, you know, my dad's been for years. So I'm like, you know, my mama was, she had a lot of Native American in her. And I've just always been like, yeah, dad, everybody. That's the fucking big joke. But turns out, Kirby went back and looked. She was legit on a registry.

Like there was a back in the day, like they had a list, which is weird. But she was legitimately on a. Cherokee registry. It's not weird. Got to give it up to dad. It's not weird. It's how you commit those atrocities we were talking about. And that's the thing that we didn't get into on any of the abisket.

And that's the other thing that kind of worries me, makes me feel uncomfortable about this information in general. Let's say I have kids. And let's say 200 years down the line, black people organized in this country, they fight back, they demand reparations, they demand true freedom, they do all these things that Killer Mike has been saying. that they do. And they should and they do it. And it goes well and they decide, you know what, fuck it. We're going to have our own country and they build Wakanda in the middle of Atlanta.

And everything goes good and expands out from there and we got peace for a little while. Then we go to war and an evil person who happens to be black and from that community decides to commit genocide on white people. And you know, you could argue we deserve it. Although the people that they'd be committing it on would be the, you know, the descendants of the people who were evil and white. They wouldn't be doing it themselves. Anyway, then they go get them list. They've already got a fucking list. You know what I mean? Like, dude, and you go, that's crazy.

I know it's crazy, but everything that's ever happened is crazy. I mean, eugenics was Hitler's whole fucking thing. So there's, if you do these DNA tests, it says somewhere what percentage of what you are. And none of that shit matters other than like for your health and like, oh, it's a quirky

history thing. But it matters to some people. There's fucking people out there, and a lot of times they're power hungry. It matters a lot to. Or let's go what's more likely. If you're uncomfortable with me making a black dictator do that wild shit, that makes you uncomfortable because you're a white person and you're like, that would never happen. Like, you know, okay, so you're

saying, you know, races aren't equal. Races are equal and part of that is everyone's capable of evil. But that aside, if it makes you uncomfortable, let's say you find out you're 15% not white, and the fascists continue to take over this country like they are, and they draw the line at 13.

Right. My 15% ass is getting shot. They're throwing me in a Yeah. Oh, DJ's gone. Man, wouldn't that be something? Yeah, baby. What up, baby?

Can you turn that music off? Yeah, what's that? Corey, you can't hear him because there's no way for you to be able to hear him because we're on the podcast right now. Oh, yeah, baby. But he has this theory that him and his friends came up with on the hundredth watching, hundredth viewing of Tombstone. I'm going to walk you through it

You see Curly Bill at the play He's got his arm around who Billy is the character's name Jason Priestley is his real name They watch the play Billy Zane walks out on stage Right? What does he say?

Yep He says That's the prettiest man I ever saw Yeah, okay, you're that dude Yeah, Curly Bill says that Okay. Corey, what was the third one? I know the last one.

What's the one before the last one? Well, first off, he's super into the play. He's super into the play. He's the one of the Cowboys who's like, they're all shooting and spitting and stuff, and he's the one kind of trying to get everybody to be quiet because he wants to watch the play. All the Cowboys are shooting, spitting, disrupting the play, except for Curly Bill and Billy, and Curly Bill makes him shut the fuck up, say him watch the play.

All right. All right. Then when Curly Bill's in the opium dim, When the witness comes, got that mother boy, he wanted to watch it too. Yeah, Billy. Billy. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

That's part of the theory. Hold on. We're getting there. And then in the opium den, when he comes out shooting, and he ends up killing the marshal. Yeah. Do you remember what he's doing in the opium dam? That's right now. He's fucked up, and he's cupping the face of an Asian man.

Okay. with his face towards him and his back to the camera. Is Curly Bill gay? They all gay. I didn't know they're ever even a question. Cowboys be fucking butts, man. That shit just came. I mean, that was just, that's what they did, man.

Cowboys be fucking butts. Well, that is beautiful. Hey, just so you know, cross-up. situation from end of the abisket, Corey and I are talking about DNA, and one thing that has come up that we didn't bring up is that's also how you end up on dictators' lists. Oh, yeah.

You know, like, what I was saying is just now, I was like, yeah, okay, maybe I find out I'm mostly white, but what if I miss the cutoff number when the fascists truly take over? They made the cutoff number 15%, but I'm 16% not white. Now I'm dead in a ditch, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's exactly how it works.

And I'm the one who gave him that information. Listen, I would love to keep you on here, but you and Corey can't hear it. He can hear you, but you can't hear him. And also, it sounds like you keep running over a deer. So I'm going to have to let you go. But thank you. That was beautiful. I could not have planned it better.

You, baby. I know. I told on you on this podcast, too. I've been telling everybody. All right, you need to talk up. God damn it, man. He's going to go to jail. Fuck.

Oh man Well Rest in peace DJ Sorry I'm Trying to fix my phone right Well god damn There you have it DJ's theory is of course

Curly Bill's gay They're all gay Cowboys be fucking butts Well that's as good of a theory as I ever heard It would explain Why Ike is so volatile and angry all the time He's in love with Curly Bill And he's ugly

And he's ugly and nobody wants to fuck his stinky butt Right, and he's a little in love with White. Yeah. Curly Bill also had, he was the only one of the group that had like flamboyant boots. Like he had the playing cards on his boots and his hat and shit. So he had an air about him. Oh, he definitely had an air about him. And I'd realize Billy Zane is the actor who portrayed the actor, who was also gay.

Yeah. So I think my Bill theory is checking out. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Okay. That checks out. Yeah. I'll at least give you, I'll give you 50% probability on that. But I'll tell you what 100% hits. On the bill theory?

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That's cooking, baby. Yeah. Well, I'm glad DJ called in. I was going to cut the other stuff about him being drunk, but then here he goes. No, it's already out on our podcast. He's put it out on that. He knew what he was doing. If he does get pulled over, he'll get some heat.

He's fucked. Oh, he's going to get a lot of heat. And deservedly so. I want him to get heat. He can't be acting like that, man. Well, I mean, I definitely don't want him to get pulled over because there's a lot of ramifications. He's like, I'm fine. You know, I'm just going to be on the interstate.

I'm like, dude, I'm not saying you're going to murder a family. I'm saying you're going to get fucking pulled over. And with your record, you're fucked, dude. Yeah, you're fucked. And I can't have that. No. I don't want to. Like, it's hard enough for me to go visit people at their house.

I definitely can't, you know, go see you at jail, man. Don't let me do this shit. Right. Well, um... Speaking of getting heat, you did something, uh, this weekend that really hits for me. Um, you watched A.W. wrestling. Buddy, I did. Uh, and I've watched it before, by the way.

And I've watched some of the W. Who are you with? Who'd you watch it with? Mike Malloy and Dave Boree and, uh, Danny. That's what I thought. And, uh, Andrew, I forgot Andrew's last name. But Mike, Dave, and Danny are. my boys.

Dave Boarie is the voice of Comedy Central. If you watch Comedy Central, you hear someone saying, up next, well-read comedy. You'll never hear that. It's Dave saying it. And Mike runs Fated, which is my favorite show in L.A. I'll be on it April 10th. And Dave helps run that too. But anyway, they get the pay-per-views.

It feels like they kind of rotate who gets them. Because I went over to Mike's house once and watched a W-W-W-E, is that what we're calling it? now. WWE, yeah. I'm out of the game. Yeah, I'm out of the game. You know, I haven't cared about wrestling in a while.

You've gotten into it. Conrad's obviously into it. We've been hanging out with him. I've kind of gotten back into it. But it's very much like, oh, I get it now more than I did. You know, I was just a true believer when I was 15. I knew it was fake, but I didn't know about all that. But now that I know all the tricks, it's like, oh, it's cool to see what the tricks are, but whatever.

I didn't feel emotional about it. It was just like, that's kind of cool. I'm glad I kind of know about it again. You know, see the young guy, see who's new. and seen as crossed over into being a movie star, much like The Rock did. That's cool. And then I watched AEW once, and it was pretty good. And then I watched AEW this weekend.

And, buddy, I'm hooked. I have a new favorite wrestler. I try to buy his t-shirt. It's sold out. His name is Orange Cassidy. And Orange Cassidy. And Orange Cassidy is the coolest person I've seen. He's the coolest.

American, because he's not cooler than Tom Hardy, that I've seen in entertainment in decades. Yeah, he's awesome. He's as cool as Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise were in Top Gun. So for those of you that don't know, Orange Cassidy's whole gimmick, and in wrestling, that's your, that's your schick. His whole gimmick is that he's a kind of a lackadaisical kind of lazy bastard. Like he goes in the ring, he immediately puts his hands in his pocket. And he's just kind of like, you know, I don't really want to be here. He's dramatically puts his hands in his pockets.

Yeah. Because he taunts his enemies with his. And the criminal goes fucking crazy. Yeah, he's got this layback attitude. And then it drives the opponent's crazy. So they try to hit him. And then he ducks all their punches and moves. But he does it so smoothly with his hands in his pockets.

It's unbelievable. And Corey, I know you didn't see the paper view. Yeah, he'd be doing back flips and shit with his hands in his pocket. It's wild. I don't want to ruin it, man. He did a move with his hands in his pocket. Like a. counter where he used as, I can't even, you got to see it.

He did like a finish. It was crazy. He's crazy. It's great. I've seen him live a couple times. I remember when he first, like, he first came on the scene. Like, I'd heard about him in the Indies and stuff. And then they're like, oh, he's going to go to, um, he's going to go to A.W.

And I was actually there the first time he popped out in AEW. And like, I remember all the people around me who had like seen him in the Indies. And they were like, yeah, man, this, you know, this type of stuff, this gimmick, it works in the Indies because like it's like you know you're in a little gym there's 35 40 people and like they're all laughing. They're all in on it. But like it's I don't know if this is going to get over with with like mainstream like television stuff. Like I just don't know. And I've talked to all of them since.

They were like man, we were fucking wrong. This dude is over like Rover. Like I've seen him at Starcast a lot. Like his table is always packed. People wanting to come see him. And of course he knows sales everything. It's awesome. And I would argue and it's so easy for me to say because I didn't.

I wasn't aware of him until now. To me, it's made for a TV audience as much as anything else. It's so hilarious on TV. And he's a great wrestler. And Mike made the point. Mike Malloy made the point. Mike Malloy wrestled in the Indies. Was very involved in the Philly scene.

His buddy, Andrew, who got the pay-per-view, you know. You've met Andrew. He goes to all the stuff. He books the comedians. Matter of fact. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't remember his last name. So you got those very high level.

You got high level fans there. You got Dave Bory, who loves wrestling and has pretty much not ever stopped watching it, but never, like, been as into it as the other two. You got Danny who's gotten into it in the last two years because he hangs out with those guys. And then you've gotten me who's seen three to five matches total in the last three years. You've got every level of fan. You got brand new Danny. You got coming back into it, me.

You got always kind of been into it, but not really, Dave. if you got super into it and wrestled Mike and then you got like, it's part of his career, Andrew. Yeah. Orange got over on us all. Like everyone was loving the match. Even people who knew his gimmick,

like Mike, there were some things he did that I don't want to ruin for you. You got to see the match where it was like, fuck, man. And for me as a performer, it was like,

there's two things specifically where I was like, I guess to make it analogous to comedy, it's like one was the perfect joke. You know, we're talking closer. The premise is different. unique. I couldn't see any of the punchlines coming. And then the other thing that he did was like the greatest act out I've seen in years. Like yeah. And again, we're doing analogies that don't quite work,

but the point is it wasn't he was technically great. They were technically great. He was over. He was in it. There was one thing he did in particular. It was so subtle and it was it was awesome. Oh, it was awesome. Yeah, actually like to me like there's two phases of my wrestling fandom and And I'm sort of enjoying one more than the latter, and I didn't think that I would, which was like, when you're a kid, it's like, you know, Santa Claus is real. You know what I'm saying? Like, Santa Claus is real. This shit is awesome. And then you get told that Santa Claus isn't real.

And it's like, and then you're out for a second. You're like, man, fuck this, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, we have to have to say this. It's not fake. It's a work. Because fake is an offensive term I've come to learn. It's a work. So, like, you find out that it's a work.

And you're like, oh, my God, I've just been lied to. This is bullshit. And I'm fucking out. And then I guess I'm at the point now where it's like, then Santa Claus starts hitting for you again as an adult because you realize what it represents. I'm a talent Santa Claus. And then also as a comedian and as a performer, now that I know it's a work, I watch it so much differently, but with so much more of an appreciation. Because even though I know it to work, if there's even five seconds in a match that they can suspend my disbelief and make me go, okay, I know this is a work, but that seemed like a shoot.

I think they really might hate each other. And I'm sitting there tricking myself. When it's that fucking good, I like it even more now because at an artist, I'm like, these guys are really fucking good, dude. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, like how people think. And Cassidy, man, it's...

Go ahead. What were you saying? I was going to be a dumb joke. And now because of timing, it'll suck. So go ahead. I was just going to say, Cassidy, man, his whole gimmick's great. And like, when he first came out in AW, he wasn't doing... matches like he would just come out for like a comedy spot and like slow kick somebody and then

they'd kick his throat over the ropes and then that was it but like I actually saw him go at an indie event GCW in Chicago I was out there for a starcast and the night before um I think it was AW all out that I went to that was the pay-per-view I saw him wrestle gang greel and he could actually he was sitting there doing backflip kicks with his hands in his pockets and shit and like it was it was awesome I also got to see Jerry the King Lawler put my favorite wrestler mansor through a table that night while I was sitting in the back wearing Jerry the King's fucking crown son it was a wild night I love god damn I love hanging out with Conrad that that is yes it sounds fun does he have Bell's palsy is that what's going on with his face who isn't it is it Jerry or I get them all confused no it's J. J.R. J. R has Bell's palsy yeah he he's had it since 2001 right and so I was like looking I thought it didn't it doesn't look like it's not droopy, his lips look weird, I thought he got stung. I was like, is he have an allergic reaction? And everyone goes, no, it's like a paralysis, yeah. He's got Bell's palsy, and, uh, and I

hit him with the joke that I hit you with when, when you guys found that I had Bell's palsy, or I claimed that I have Taco Bells, I said he's got Taco Bells Palsy, and I just wanted you know that went over very well. Um, of course, of course. All right, a few things. Okay, first of all, I agree with what you're saying completely. An analogous thing that I do think is perfectly analogous. There was a TED talk a few years ago. There were two. I didn't realize they were related,

but they ended up being related, at least in my experience of them. One was about comedy. It was based on a book where, I want to say, it was an anthropologist and a psychologist tried to write a book

about why things are funny. And they studied a bunch of different things. I bet that was fucking great. That was exactly my reaction to hearing about it. It was like, ugh. But I got really, in the TED Talks for a few years, and I had avoided that one for a while, and then I decided

to watch it. And my thought was like, either this is going to be bullshit, or it's going to like ruin stuff for me. Yeah. And the TED Talk only covered a piece of the book. So I can't vouch for the book, but the TED Talk was about one particular theory. They came up with a few theories of why things can be funny. And one of them was called the benign violation theory. And the The best way I can illustrate it is the one they use is tickling. If you tickle somebody, brain scans prove that it sets off their fight or flight mechanism, but only lightly. And then people laugh for some reason as an uncontrollable response to that. But if you try to tickle a stranger, nine times out of ten, they won't laugh.

and the reason why is their fight or flight gets through the roof. Because who the fuck are you trying to touch me? Yeah, because they don't fucking know you. Yeah, I'm not ticklish. And you can't tickle yourself because you can't set your own fight or flight off. Right. So you don't laugh when you rub under your own armpits. The way they compare that to a joke,

the way they compare that to a joke is a dirty joke. And this is where it made so much sense to me. And it actually turned the corner with what you were talking about where it's like, oh, this isn't ruin in comedy at all. This is fucking wildly interesting. Yeah. There's people where you tell them a dirty joke. My mother comes to mine.

You've gone too far. You didn't brush up against the line. You didn't brush up against their fight or flight. You sent it in the overdrive. It's not funny because it's repulsive or scary or whatever the right word is. Their fighter flight kicked in, but now they're wanting to fight or flee. And then there's other people, comedians specifically. and other types where it ain't dirty enough.

If you want to make this person laugh, your dirty joke is going to have to be about like, I'm going to get gross here, I apologize, but this kind of goes into what I'm saying. Your dirty joke to make a comedian laugh is going to have to be about like fucking an eight-year-old in the shower.

And the reason I say that specifically is there is a very funny joke about that where it's like, what's the best thing about fucking an eight-year-old girl in the shower? You get her hair wet, slick it back. She looks like a six-year-old boy. Now that joke, it's kind of...

It would make a lot of people... That's disgusting way. Oh, of course. And because it kicks in their fight or flight, they're grossed out. I'm sure a lot of people listening are grossed out right now. And it's like, that's not funny. It's just dumb and gross. And then there's like dirty jokes that kids like, you know, like a 13-year-old loves.

But you and I would be like, it's not, okay, I guess it was kind of clever. Where I can't think of one on top of my head, but the point is it doesn't set off our flight or flight. It would gross my mom out, so she's not laughing. Me and you aren't laughing because we're not even, it's like, tickling ourselves. There's no threat. There's no danger. There's no, nothing's tantalizing about this. I found it so wildly interesting. Now, there's certain jokes, wordplay jokes, puns, you know, etc. that don't fall into the benign, what are they, benign violation theory. But for certain jokes, that's exactly what's happening. There's a violation of norms and an

expectation that's not met in an absurd way. And some people, you didn't violate the norms, wrong enough to make them laugh. And some other people, you violated them too much to make them laugh. Well, I find that wildly interesting. That is wildly interesting. There's like, I guess, a less disgusting way of the fucking a child in the shower to describe it would be what Tina Faye always said, about comedian specifically. It's one of my favorite quotes that anytime someone's like, you know, what does it take to make a comedian laugh? Always go back to this. Tina Faye said, to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old woman and push him down the stairs, but to make a comedian laugh, you push an actual old woman down the stairs.

And that's very true. Right. But with the thing about, let's say your mom, I could see it going kind of the opposite of how tickling works. So like, tickling works. When if someone you don't know tries to tickle you, it ain't going to work because they're like, why the fuck are you touching me? Get off me.

Whereas if someone you know tickles you, they trust you enough to let you in, but they're still like, oh my God, get the fuck off me. So like the opposite of that would be, in my opinion, like, if your mom hears you tell a dirty joke. She don't like it because it came from your baby boy. But there's a lot of times where I bet you if she heard that same joke told from Eddie Murphy, because she don't know him, it's fine for her to hear it. Does that make sense? Yeah, because it's more of a violation. It goes back to the same thing and how my brains work and fight or flight kicking in, you know. And it's used to when I would write a dirty, dirty-ish joke or whatever, and I wanted to run it by,

because I was living at home. The only people I could run shit by was my parents. If I would tell them this dirty joke that I wrote, they would be like, oh my God, Jesus, not that. Can't you just write clean? So I learned this trick, which was, if I thought of a dirty joke, I would tell them, hey, I was watching YouTube and I heard this joke and I would tell them and they would laugh, even if it was like, if I had said it came from me, they'd have been like, that's awful. You need to write better. But if I told them it came to somebody else, they'd laugh. You were working them. Yeah, but every single time. It was a work. I was working them. And if it really hit, then I would be like, yeah, actually, your boy thought of that. And if it didn't, you were like,

Yeah, that guy's an idiot. I don't know why he wrote that joke. I didn't think it was funny either. See you guys later. Exactly. I'm going to go do heroin in your guest house. I think that it's also very similar to, or no, it's the same thing. It's what's going on.

You ever notice, I know you've noticed, we've talked about it before. You tell a joke that is not racist at all. It's not even really dealing with racism, but you're commenting on racism or you're talking. about race in a way and the white people look around yep and and see if a black person's laughing if there is a black person there and then they kind of like breathe out and they start laughing another thing we've talked about if a if a comedy club is too bright and the audience can see each other they won't laugh as much yep it's a big reason why you want the comedy club to be dark as a performer you want the crowd not to be able to see each other it's because of what we're talking

about like that fight or flight part the violation of the norm of of you know polite society is funnier but but that that that fight or flight part of their brain will get heightened if everyone can see them now they're even more uncomfortable yeah because every every time you tell a dirty joke or something to like a let's say a mamaw or old like every single time you do it they they're every time they laugh they cover their mouth and that's an that's an involuntary like oh you can't see me laugh but when the comedy club's dark people don't have to do that shit because they're like we can laugh in anonymity but yeah if it's the rooms lit up people are like i can't be seen laughing at this shit if it was if i was at home however

this would be a fucking banger all right so then i said there were two ted talks there's another one about music and i honestly don't actually remember which one i watched first in my mind right now i watched the comedy one and since then it was good i kind of gave myself permission to watch the music one it could have been the other way around i go back and forth and my life on which is more sacred to me comedy because it's something I love so much and like I'm obsessed with it it's what I love to do I love figuring it out you know the workings of it I love doing it myself versus music which is more of like an escape and almost religious experience for me you know like that's where I go to get entertained like the way people feel about seeing comedy

that's how I feel about seeing music so I don't know which one I watch first but there's one about music too but i definitely had the same thought of it where it's like i don't want to secrets i don't want to go behind the mask you know what i mean like yeah i don't want to say how the sausages made right the wizard of eyes kind of thing like don't pill the curtain back let me believe in the wizard uh which not the first time someone in my accent and said that uh first time we just talking about art so and sorry my throat's getting scratching the music one was about how music's kind of in A inside of us. The first demonstration the guy does,

he hums the pentatonic scale, but he doesn't do the last note. He points to the crowd, and they all just nail the last note. And he's like, we've done that with six-year-olds, and they get it right. And he's like, there's no way to prove

that they didn't hear it as a baby. You know, and you can't test it on a baby because they aren't capable of that. But the pentatonic scale, you know, the end of it feels, right to all of us. Sure. And man, the whole thing was like that.

The whole talk was like that. It was awesome. So it's like I thought of those two stories because of what you were saying about wrestling being better now that you know all the ends and outs and how the sausage is made. That's unexpected for me, but it is my experience. And I don't know if it's getting older. I don't know if that used to not be the case. And now that I'm getting older, it's the case.

Or if I was just such a cynical young person thinking I would have. hate, you know, because there's still a part of me that worries with the comedy thing. It's like, yeah, but you let academics get a hold of your art, it does change it. You know, eventually it becomes a formula, and technicians start doing it in a way that's, like, and I still kind of believe that, but there's also a part of me that loves learning all that shit, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love the behind-the-scenes shit now, which, but at the same time, it's like, well,

I have to now because I know all this shit. so like of course I'm going to dive into that but I can't really but you know I can't not true with music though on it no that's not true with music and I don't really like I wouldn't want really to watch someone break down the technicalities of how a hit song is made I don't think are you sure no like maybe I don't know like with comedy obviously I want to know that because I am and like that's my world like I need to know all that shit like I know that it's a fucking And like even if you don't think there's a formula to what you do, there kind of is one innately that maybe you just can't describe. But like everybody's got their own formula for like how this joke goes and how this joke goes and blah, blah, blah.

But that's my job. I don't escape into comedy. And I am very like, I'm very fucking sacred about comedy in the sense of like I look like music is all around me. Music is my escape. But comedy is my fucking world. So like if I see if I see bad music, my thought is, oh, well, that's just bad music. I won't listen to it. There's something out there for everybody.

But when I see bad comedy, I get real defensive because I'm like, God damn it, people are going to see that and think that's what I do. And I'm sure there's other musicians that feel that way about when they see shitty music, whereas I can just go, hey, whatever, man, there's a bunch of stuff and some of it's shitty. But with comedy, I take it as like a personal offense when someone is just a terrible comedian. I'm like, God damn it, you need to leave. Well, it's just personal experience, but I'm now thinking about it realizing the things that happen with me were with the comedy thing, it's like, I was afraid of it because it was like, yeah, but like, I worked really hard to figure all this out trial by fire. Please don't give people cheat codes.

Which in retrospect was stupid. Because, you know, you're funny or you're not, first of all. And second of all, you know, you can tell somebody how music, like, taking it back to music, you can teach someone to play the clarinet. But, you know, motherfuckers wanting to see you in concert, that has to do with your art. And then when music, my defensiveness was what you were talking about, where it was like, don't ruin the magic for me. But I got to tell you, it didn't.

It made it more magical to me. Like that whole talk made it even wilder and more magical to me. Well, and you know, that's interesting because I could probably make the argument for like if someone watched an hour long thing on like dissecting jokes and why things are funny. But it's like, well, that ruins it because they need, they won't. I'll be like, no, I don't think it does because now they, every time they watch an hour long special, they no longer have. in their mind like yeah that dude it's just funny to you how much fucking effort and how much science was behind what this person did maybe they would enjoy it more so yeah you're right i'm full of shit well no i don't think you're full of shit because with comedy there's a counter

thing there where it's like you know what's the mark twain line a joke's like a frog you know it's great till you dissect it or something like that right if you dissect it it kills it Yeah, if you dissected it kills it. Like, people need to believe that Ron White just has a shot of fucking scotch and goes up there and tells you about this time he was on a boat. But that's not accurate. Right. And you and I laugh less than common or normal regular comedy fans because we've worked at it so long and knows so much about it. And so maybe people would laugh less.

And if that is the case. Yeah, it's rare that... Go ahead. I'm sure it is for you, but it's rare for me that I'm watching a song. special, even the greats, even some of the greats where I'm watching a special and at least 70% of the time my brain wasn't filling in the rest of the joke.

You know what I mean? Like even if I hadn't seen it. Now, the truth, like sometimes with like, Malanian, obviously there's the 30% that I don't get, which is what makes them the greats where I'm like, God damn, I really thought I had it and I didn't. But like, even the greats, I can still fill in a lot of it because I've done comedy and I know

how it fucking works. So like, yeah, it is, it's so impossible to get comedians to laugh the same fucking way. that civilians do. So when someone does, that's why we're like, that's why we tell people who the greatest of all times are.

We don't let fans decide who the greatest comedians of all times are comedians are the ones who make that Mount Rushmore. And we just tell y'all and if y'all don't agree with it, well, you don't know fucking shit. Yeah, but musicians are the same way, dude,

but they'd be talking and like most of the time my eyes start to glaze over. I'm like, no, I've never heard of that fucking guitarist, nor do I give a shit. You know what I mean? Right, who cares? Right, who cares? But we got to wrap this up, brother.

Yeah, we do. Come see us on the road. Well-read Comedy.com, W-E-L-L-R-E-D. Comedy.com here in the next couple weeks we're going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina. Come see us, Raleigh. Raleigh, come see us. Like, it's North Carolina. It's Goodnights Comedy Club. It's one of our favorite clubs in the country.

There's going to be a whole slew of new jokes. There's probably going to be a tiny horse there. March 12, 13th, and 14th. It's going to be fucking rad. There's still tickets available. I'm almost mad. There's still tickets available. North Carolina, y'all are our people.

Let's fucking do this, Raleigh, Dern. Let's do this. Then New Orleans, then Indianapolis, and then after that, you'll just have to go to well-read comedy.com and look for yourself. And it's also subscribed to our newsletter so you'll know where we're going to be before. Hell, before we know where we're going to be. We can't even show up the podcast on time. We've got to fucking look at everything before we start making ticket changes. Don't count on us for anything except making you laugh.

So come to the show and we'll do that. There you go. Well, thank you guys so much, and we'll see you next week. And skew. All right, I'm going to go get Brandon and I got to run, buddy All right, buddy out of two Oh, DJ says back in the day You could love a man, Greeks, man, all they did was wrestling

Fuck butts Bye, buddy Thank you all for listening to the well-read show We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go Tune in next week if you got nothing to do Thank you God bless you good night and skew