wellRED podcast - #161 - STAY INSIDE WASH YOUR HANDS AND LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST!

Episode Date: March 17, 2020

looking rough out there y'all. hope you're safe. no dates to promote as they are all canceled at present. podcast will still come at ya every wednesday. we love you. be careful

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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Hey everybody. It's your boy the show. It probably goes without saying, but I don't really have to sling you to well read comedy.com and let you know where the tour dates are going to be for 2020 because as right now there aren't any. They have all been canceled or postponed, and the ones that have been postponed. We have got some new dates, but we'll also just have to see. Nothing's completely locked down.

And we'll let you know later. But that's not the point. The point is right now everything's canceled as it probably should be. And please guys just stay inside. Be safe if you can. You know, I know. And we don't get into it on this podcast, but next week's podcast, which is already recorded, we sort of get into like the, it's fucked up out there on account of

Like some people really, really, really need to work, but also we're really, really, really don't need to leave the house. And it's screwed up. So if you can stay inside, please stay inside. Everybody be safe. Wash your goddamn hands. All that good stuff. Man, it's rough. I don't know what else to say other than that.

And other than, you know, like I said, all our shows are canceled. And we've had to put a lot of stuff on hold. But the podcast will still come to you every Wednesday. No matter what, I think our studio probably will end up. being closed down too, but I've got Skype and I can get the boys on it. So, like, every Wednesday you still can look forward to this. And I can't promise anything, but, like, hell, fuck, you know, I can probably drop some bonus stuff because I know everybody's running out of content.

They're struggling to get through everything. Like, they've already got through everything. Like, everybody, like, I've already read fucking, like, 200 comic books in the past couple days because all this shit, like, it's weird, man. If you do want some bonus content, you can go over to the well-read nation page on Facebook. It's the official, unofficial, official fan page of the well-read comedy tour. I mean, apply to it's a private group, which is pretty sweet, but it's a private group that has got almost 8,000 members since like fucking October because Lori Whitman and company are amazing.

You can join there. You take a little quiz and make sure that you are a well-red fan or whatever. And I've got a bonus podcast over there that I've been doing called Sunday Dinner with Corey Ryan Forster. And I've been doing some sketches and some interviews and stuff like that. So there's some bonus content for you to check out. But other than that, like I said, stay safe. Stay on Twitter and stay being funny and stay responding to our shit because you were the wind beneath my motherfucking wings. And I love you so much. But other than that, here's the podcast. And y'all be safe. And again, expect a podcast every Wednesday. Love you. And also, God damn it, I should mention that for the first 30 minutes this podcast, you're going to be able to hear me, but I'm only in the background of the other two boys' mics because we had some technical difficulties with their mics, which eventually, made me, it's a whole fucking thing.

Audio's weird. But for the first 30 minutes, you won't be able to hear... Again, you can hear me. It's just not going to be as clear because I'm in the background there mics. And then, somehow, after 30 minutes, the whole shit just cut off. And so me and Trey had to record

it's... I'm sorry. Just... It's good. It's good. It's just the first part you can't hear me as good. Even though I'm loud, so it's fine. Don't worry about it. I don't hear it. I'm sorry. Love You Shkew. They're the... liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a

fun they're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset but they got three big old dicks that you can suck well here we are well well here we are we're here in the raven's nest Raleigh, North Carolina, for anybody listening that hasn't already seen from posts and stuff on social media, what happened was we had, we've been on a break from tour for like two and a half months, and our first dates after that hiatus were set for one of our favorite clubs in the whole country.

Charlie Goodnights here in Riley, North Carolina, one of our favorite cities. We've always had a great time here. Where we are, physically present. We are physically there right now. We've been looking forward to it. And we've been talking earlier this week. We obviously have been concerned about the coronavirus and how that would go.

And like, I mean, should we, should we do it or what? But we still, you know, we had tickets sold to these people who, like, still wanted to come. And we appreciate the shit out of that. So we were like. And we give our fans shit sometimes for being old. Y'all ain't that old. Right. And if we were like, look, if these people are wanting a show, then we're not going to not give them a show.

So, you know, we'll get. We're going to do it. To quote Patterson Hood recently on Twitter, you do the fucking gig. Right, yeah. So we all flew in, including Corey, because Corey was in L.A. too, for a separate thing you got going on. So all of us flew from L.A. today, the day of the first show, Thursday. And Corey got here super early because he had a red eye. But then I got in at like 4 o'clock, and I got to my hotel room, and I'm not kidding.

I walked into my hotel, kicked my shoes off. and sat down on the bed and our agent called me and said, hey, have you gotten to the hotel yet? And I said, I just got here and he goes, you think you could maybe get back to the airport? And I was like, what are you talking about? And he said, I literally just got the call just now that the governor of North Carolina has banned all gatherings of people over a hundred, you know, people apiece.

I was like, well, we could still do a few of them then. but. That's what I said to Val on the phone. That's so funny because when Seattle said they're like, you're going to have to cancel Seattle because they're banning anything over 250 people. I'm like, we can still fucking do the show. Well, it's funny you even bring that up because when Val called, when I finally talked to Val when I landed,

I was in the air when y'all found all this out, and I had to have the message and you texted me, dude, you just got here. If it was two hours earlier, literally, my ass wouldn't have got on the plane. Right. You were in Atlanta. You could have just got a flat shirt back to that. No, no, no, I had to direct. Oh.

Oh, okay. Right. Yeah, yeah. And so, like, yeah, I would have just been home. But me and DJ Lewis got some shows coming up. We ain't canceling them. I was custom. I actually, I got the best deal of anybody.

Well, what I was, before you said that, what I was going to say is when I talked to Val, he, I don't want to name any names, but he was like making jokes about the Seattle band, you know, from some of his other clients. because I said what you said, Drows, I go, hell, we could have done the late shows. And, no, it was the other way around. He was making those jokes. And I was like, yeah, I would laugh with you, Val, but we could probably still do our late shows. Yeah.

Yeah. But either way, we got here and then found out as soon as we got here and Drew wasn't even here yet that we're not doing the shows. And obviously, you know, wasn't our decision, wasn't the club's decision. We were looking forward to seeing everybody. but, you know, our hands are tied. And, I mean, obviously, we did see the writing on the wall.

We're like, dude, Wednesday, this is Thursday, March 12th. And last night, Wednesday, I felt it was like when everything really started going tomorrow's Friday the 13th. Yes, that. And also, I know you're saying the date because you're laying out how our brains have worked this week because that will make people understand our thought process. But since everyone is dying right now, it almost sounds like you're going, it's March 12th.

All right. Dave, day 32. We're in a hotel room. Yeah. I was going to say, like, admittedly,

this has really not been that bad for me in terms of, A, I didn't have to pay for my goddamn flight because the nice people at Game Show Network were nice enough to pick this up, too, because I was out there doing a thing for them. And also, I mean, you know,

I'm not right next door to the house, but I'm here, you know. Yeah, I'm going to see Mom and Dad tomorrow. Yeah, like, I'm either going to, I've got a flight for Sunday, and I'm certain that they'll, But once I finally get a hold of belt, because God damn, as you were saying earlier, what the fuck is the point of even being diamond?

Right. You can't get some money on the phone. Usually I just go right through. It's the greatest thing ever. Well, when I changed my flight, I did it at the airport because y'all had all the information and you guys told me to do it there because you can't get through on the phones. And I made a little joke about that to the woman because I was curious what she would say about it. Because I figure she's annoyed that she is instead of checking in people to flights and dropping their bags,

dealing with me wanting to change a flight. And she was like, yeah, I had a lady earlier and I couldn't get through to him. Delta can't get through to Delta right now. Yeah, everything's crazy. But what I was going to say is I feel like, so today's Thursday, March 12th, I feel like last night or yesterday after, yesterday afternoon, yesterday evening, March 11th, a lot of shit like really happened all at once. Like shit got real all at once with, within like 30 minutes of each other,

Tom Hanks came out and said he had tested positive for coronavirus. The NBA suspended its season, and there was another huge thing that happened. The NCAA tournament. Yeah, they announced they were going to have it with no fans, and now they've canceled it completely. And then in the intervening 12, 18 hours since then, the NHL has suspended its season entirely. What does that mean, by the way? Does that mean there's a possibility of it coming back around and us having playoffs? Yes, I think for both. NBA and NHL both want to eventually resume the season.

And I don't know if they'll cut some of the games off in order not to push it too far into the next year or what, but they want to come back and keep doing it. I don't think they'll do the season. If I was either of them, I would just say, your record now is the playoffs. Well, and that may end up being what they do. But anyway, just a lot of shit has really popped off in the past 24 hours, and, you know, including affecting us. and so now the last episode y'all will have heard was me talking about people overreacting and i like to say i tried to stress on there that i was and i still stand by that like i'm just saying this one out first that way it retroactively looks dumber okay that's great that's a good idea yeah because people haven't even heard that yet because we won't get into it it's not our fault well still by the time people hear this they should have heard that and i was talking about how people don't

hit but what I mean is what I mean is you guys remember Mr. Show it's my favorite mr. show sketch where they pre-tape the call-in show we're doing that right now you don't remember they pre-tape a call-in show I can't that's the whole premise of the sketch and David Cross is just falling apart as people can't understand that if they're watching him now oh right they need to talk about a different thing he's talking about but just like people like hoarding bottle water and all that the the the hoarding that's going on and people like that level of panicking, I still think is bad, you know, and ought not be happening.

Because I think people get like, you know, you think about people that have like genuine needs for that type of stuff, you know, hell, people with cancer or whatever, like that might not be able to get any of it now because of all the Carons who have courted everybody else's and it's like that just don't. So I stand by the fact that that don't hit. But obviously this is a huge global health crisis. Well, I think we agreed. The problem was people were overreacting in their day-to-day lives, and the government

in this country was underreacting to a massive degree. It's like that weird dichotomy. But do you think that, like, there's a, the federal government has absolutely been underreacting, but I feel like on a, like a state-by-state or case-by-case basis, people have been trying to step their, right, right, exactly, yeah, but they've been like stepping their game up, I think, in terms of, NBA stepped its game up, NCWs. Well, I mean, the state of North Carolina doing this, you know, like the federal government didn't make them do it.

I want to say something about that real quick, Trey. Okay. The, I think this is true. I don't think. No, I'm going to check it with Trey because he'll know. No, I don't. I don't. I know what you're dumb about it.

I don't know. I haven't checked. It's a different government. I know what you're going to bring up. Here's what, no, it is. I know it's a different government. Oh, okay, all right, okay. The governor who put the H1B1 law, did I say it right?

Did I say it right? They got the numbers right. Yeah, the bathroom bill, yeah. The one that launched your career into effect is gone. Yeah. If the current governor in North Carolina, his wife came to our show. Oh, that's right. That's why, yes. He reminded me that.

That's right. He won, in a large part because of that bathroom bill. Yeah. There's a Democratic governor of North Carolina right now in large part because of the last Republican did it. Well, that motherfucker owes us, man. He should have called us beforehand, you know? He should have owed you. Yeah.

At the very least, he should be feeding him right now. His, yeah. Just learning that it's all real, the Illuminati. He's like, uh, what age do you like them, sir? Exactly. All right. We did do that. The answer would have been 22, everybody.

So how much? Not, no. Not to just dive further into. of the terror and all that. But like, the thing is, it's like, we're probably just getting started, right? Like, we are on the front end of it, but I do think because of how people are reacting that we will, what they call flattening, flattening the curve. Right.

What, now, this is what my mama said. She's a nurse, but she is a nurse. There's no mini bar in here. Yeah, but it had nothing to do with her knowledge of anything. It was something she read and I, you know, it very well could have been Fox News or some shit like that. Is there an alcoholic drink I can have in this room if I replace it soonish? He's got that one. He's got two. I've only got one.

I don't give a fuck. She read that this is one of the rare diseases that it actually doesn't do as well in the warm. I've heard that too. Most diseases, like they incubate in the warm and like they grow because. because that's how bacteria work. But this one actually, it does better into cold. And as we, as a country now are approaching spring and everything's getting warmer, that's going to help level it the fuck out.

Global warming will save us. Now, right. Now, whether or not that's true or... I have also heard that. The veracity of that, like, I don't know how much. Right. Who gives a fuck? Sometimes the podcast doesn't even come out.

It's okay if there's air conditioner. Yeah, if you guys can hear the air conditioner, it kicked on because... I have a... It don't do well in the warm. We're trying to freeze this disease. This is going to be terrible for people here, but I'll ask it real quick. Do you use Alphonic? That can knock out.

Yeah. Yeah. Swish it up. Alphonic changed my life. Yeah, they won't be able to hear that shit. My understanding is that, and this is ironic because of what just happened to our national icon Tom Hanks. I've heard that Australia has until this point not had as big of a problem with it as other countries exactly because it's been hot as hell there.

And now they're going into their winter now. So it's the opposite for them, but that they've been better. Most of their winter for the record, though, is like low 40s at night, which I'm sure it's cold enough to spread that disease. I'm just saying in very few places there and a few mountains. But it's funny. Just like reportedly, they've had it a little bit better than a lot of like countries have, and they still manage to infect Tom Hanks, our America's sweetheart. I got Tom. Thanks a lot, you Aussie Cunts.

You mean. I just, he didn't even get age from Jenny, and he know he fucked her all. He had a kid. Oh, you got to do. Of course he fucked her all. Exactly. Let it out, son, it's into the world.

I do want to say one thing in seriousness about DJ and I's shows. When this comes out, that we have already done them so it's not really a plug that was a joke earlier well it's not a joke because I'm going to have to defend that I feel like to you guys defend what

having done it yeah not to YouTube but to the world yeah well I kept I thought about it dude I well I kept thinking before they canceled these shows I was it the right thing to do right I kept it's tough yes I kept thinking

I kept thinking like man should we like should we cancel these ourselves you know and well my what I when I you were talking about that.

I don't happen this way if I'm being honest. Right. It took it off of us. Yeah, right. Well, what I said to you was, it's not like a music festival or a sporting event where people come from all over the country and bring shit in with them. We're the only people traveling, you know. Yeah.

It's contained inside a community. And I stand by that. DJ and I talked about it. He was all about it. I mean, his whole thing is, we're all going to get it anyway, baby. Let's party at the end of the world. And I was like, yeah, but what if I would legitimately hate if we gave it to someone and they got super sick.

We're, God forbid, died. Right. We've got old people. I couldn't live. Okay, but we got, here's, who's our,

as far as older people goes in our fan base, who is it? Older gay men and older southern liberal women. Yeah. But they're southern and they're liberal. Yeah,

yeah. Buddy, they've been through way worse shit than a goddamn virus. Both of them groups are tough as goddamn nails. Well, yeah, but. The virus was,

you know. Okay. But, you still don't want to throw a virus on top of that. That was, just me trying to hit. The serious answer was every single

show we have, the room is capped. One was capped at 100, and they took 10 seats away. The literal rule in North Carolina right now is 100. We're talking about statistics when we should be talking about human beings' lives. I know that. I don't want anyone to get sick.

But the reason they capped it at a certain number is mathematically it is actually less likely at a certain number to be spread. That's a fact. And I've I'm going to put out if you don't want to come and you want your money back

you can get your money back but if you do want to come we're going to fucking do it make your own decision like is it right? I don't know like I told Andy this morning

before I left if this is before I knew our show was canceled I was like yeah but like if someone literally got coronavirus and died

like imagine literally one person who came to our if we'd had these shows this weekend one person came got it and then died like dude i would that shit would follow me to the end of my days man yeah i would like well i bet it was the fuck one of the three dudes who was just at lax yeah it would be blamed on

well either way either way either way it would be like we were the reason that they we were the reason they congregated in the first place so like even if it didn't come from us it still would i still would i still would feel responsible for it but here comes the other side of you know class privilege or I don't even know how to say that right, but here's what I'm getting at. The other side of my conversations today, and then this ultimately led me to the decision that I'm to have the shows, is I talk to a few people. I won't name names, and it's not just me and DJ who are going to make money off these shows. And legitimately, I had conversations with, I had conversations with, like, one person who was like,

it's fine. It's not going to be a big deal to me. I had conversations with a few other people who were like, I need this money. and some of my waiters need this money and it's like fuck yeah well I mean right well that's the other part

yeah I mean it's a huge hit to the economy period when you look at all these events they're getting canceled because especially I do like March Madness or like South by Southwest or E3 E3 and shit like that bartenders servers

all these people come into town who don't have salaries right right right there's some people that work in like the promotion game that like they do like they do like three or four of those big ones a year and that's their nut yeah so like that like that those motherfuckers like those types of festivals they're their own little economy situation like yeah there's some right some higher ups that south by self with are fucking taking a hit right some higher ups are

some bartenders and those towns like i don't know the CEO of fucking south by i meant like people who their whole job is promoted i wasn't trying to call you out i'm saying that like the people i'm talking about they're not going to take a huge hit but they'll take a hit they're questioning how to pay their rent this month. Dude, all these, like, productions for TV shows and movies and stuff that are, some of them are already being suspended or probably going to start being suspended. That's also, like, it's not just, you know, fucking Tom Hanks or whatever. It's the grip and, like, all the, like, crew people and stuff on all of those productions.

And, like, the movies that are supposed to come out are being pushed back until later because they know that people aren't going to come out to the theater to see them and all that. and there's like that effect i mean you know the fucking people that work at a goddamn movie theater they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna have they're gonna have they're gonna staff fewer people because nobody's gonna come in and it's like there's just like ripple effect that you know really reverberates throughout the entire economy from this it's gonna be bad we're all we're all lucky i'm lucky in a lot of ways amber uh she's a saver uh and i've got a couple that aside from tour and i do have a couple other strengths

of income. However, if I didn't, like there's just straight up comedians out there that's what they do. They're, I mean, artists that tour for a living, that that's all that they're fucked. Even the successful ones, if they were in the game a long time, we had a conversation me and Val, about Brad Williams. I don't want to get in anyone's business,

but he was like, yeah, Brad, and I don't think, I think Brad did this publicly, so I don't mind saying it. Brad in Seattle, he's got shows in Seattle, he changed the number of tickets so that he could fit under the number. Now Brad's on Showtime.

I think he sold a show recently. He's probably fine. But I also know Brad grinded for 20 years on the road. I also know it's inside him to be like, no, no, no, no. If there's money on the table, you go get it because there might be three dry months. You know what I mean? Like, that's inside you. If you have had three dry months in your life, you're going to fucking go for it.

And also, all the people that work at good nights this weekend, they're just not working. And they don't. And our people tip well. Our people tip well, yeah. Because they're Southern, but they're not Christian. Because y'all are good people. Yeah, this is a good way. Yeah.

Yeah, we can't overstate enough. Whenever the well-read boys come to town and it's because of you motherfuckers out there listen, people get excited. Not to hear our dumb fuck comedy, but just, you know, no. No, that is true. If y'all don't know that, yeah, that's true. The staffs of the places that we perform at tell us all the time how much y'all hit

for them. You know how to hold your. liquor, so good for y'all. And that obviously makes us feel great too. But yeah, now all those people, yeah, they don't have sick leave. They probably don't have money saved up or whatever. And they're just not working this weekend. And that sucks. And so me and Corey were talking about this at the bar earlier, Drew, like that. If only there were candidates running who had campaign. Right. Okay. Well, on that note, do you think, and I'm not, I'm not trying to spin this into a great thing or nothing, but I'm just asking a genuine question here.

I feel like such a huge thing amongst Republicans in particular, it always just comes down to the economy. Because like Donald Trump, and he, I don't think he deserves any credit for this because the, right, because the implications of economic decisions are, you know, they're pushed out for years. So I don't think, also, it's literally been happening since 2009. The comeback started in 2009 and we're doing good since, right. So I don't, I don't think Donald Trump deserves.

Heard inherited a very good economy. Absolutely. 100%. He don't deserve any of the credit for it. But still, those people are like, you say whatever you want about Donald Trump and they're like, look at the economy. Look at the unemployed, all this shit. And like, obviously this has terrible implications for the economy. But if it has like truly terrible implications for it, what kind of impact do you think

it's going to have on the election? I think this could really actually, all the other. shit that he's done, but in the Teflon Don and all this, it hasn't, like, impacted him really. Yeah, now he killed Tom Hank. I feel like this is, this could actually be a thing that truly

sticks with him. And you're asking me if I agree with that. Yeah. The short answer is yes, maybe. Right. I mean, that's how I feel too. The long answer is, I think they ain't going to blame him for a goddamn virus. His, his cult ain't, but what if less people

all right, man, there's so many ways to get this. We're about to take a real dark turn on this podcast for us. We're about to get real cynical and we're about to talk real Machiavellian shit. Okay. Before we do that, let me put my heart out there for people who know, you know, where my heart is. I want Bernie Sanders to be the candidate. I don't think he's going to be. I think it's a 95.5% chance Joe Biden's a candidate. I think that number was 99 before this.

I think we've got a debate on Sunday that'll probably get canceled. But if we have that and fucking Bernie can talk about how. Medicare for all. You know, Biden can say that he's for these things. Right. You know, who would have been good for this coronavirus, my platform, blah, blah, blah. But I don't think that's going to happen. I want it to.

And let me say this too. Before anyone out there calls me on being cynical, I realize it's actually closer than the media is calling it because California hasn't been counted yet. And Bernie's actually only down nine delegates. I know that. I thought California came in today for Bernie. It did come in for Bernie.

So then he's only down, as far as I know, that should have made him only be down nine delegates. That aside. I think it's going to be Joe Biden. So my answer is yes, maybe, because can Biden hit him in the debates about that? Absolutely. Will he? He probably will.

Will it be effective? I think so. I think Biden's move, and as a guy who wanted Biden to lose the primary, I've been shitting on this move. But it is a move I would enjoy him continuing to employ in the actual election. He's going to claim credit for things Obama did because he was his VP. I mean, yeah. So he's going to say, yeah, like the economy was great on my watch. He inherited it and look how it.

Maybe it took him three and a half years to fuck it up, but he did fuck it up. That's what he should say. I do think it's going to help. Here's the Machiavellian term. To win this election, we need to suppress Republican voter turnout in a legal way. In a legal way. Yeah. No, I agree.

I actually wanted to talk to you. I wanted to talk to you about this. My friend Rich has this idea that I was waiting to see you in person to talk to you about. Actually, I did talk to you about it. You did. And Rich is a political actor and like, I shouldn't have said his name. Corey beeped it out. He's not going to beep it out.

There's people talking about like stop running ads that are pro Joe Biden or pro Bernie Sanders or whoever the nominee is. Don't even say Trump's name. Just get people to lose. hope and feel despair so they won't go to the polls. Because if you look at Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and Virginia, states Hillary lost by various margins but all small, if 20 to 80,000 less people have voted in those states, depending on which state, literally 20 in Wisconsin, if literally 20,000 less people voted, not voted for her, less people voted.

We'd have a completely different outcome. That's where I think the. Teflon dante's going to go away. The Trump supporters, they don't give a fuck, and frankly, the hardcore ones are dumb as rocks. They legitimately will believe that this is a conspiracy of the Illuminati against their

boy, and it's proof in their mind that he's pissing the right people off. But that farmer who just hated NAFTA and couldn't stand Hillary because he's half sexist, but also because she's legitimately kind of cold-hearted and left him out to dry, and so he voted for Trump. He's not going to vote for

Joe Biden. What if he just don't vote, though? Wouldn't that be something? Yeah, yeah. If we have low Republican turnout, that's our best shot. Hey, everybody. Let's take a quick break from the podcast to talk about one of our new sponsors over at Keeps. Keeps. Why Keeps?

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And now back to the podcast. Skew. So just so everybody knows, you're about to jump forward in time about five days. When we recorded this podcast, we were in a hotel in Raleigh, about to do our show. Well, not about to do our shows. They've been canceled. and we got about 26 minutes or so into the podcast, and it just, on my end, it just sounds insane.

Like, I don't know what happened. The microphone's just screwed up, and you can't really understand anything we're talking about. So, me and Trey today, or excuse me, it was Tuesday. You're all listening to this today, as in Wednesday. Tuesday, me and Trey to make up for it, we hopped on Skype, and we had a nice 30-minute chat to supplement the rest of this podcast. So we're very sorry, but,

here you go. Here's me and Trey. Love y'all. Stay safe. Stay hydrated. Wash your goddamn fucking hands. Love you. Scoo.

Yeah. So, well, that was Raven. What just happened, everybody. In your ears, it just happened in real time. But for me and Corey, it's like five days later. Which, honest to God, seems like a fucking lifetime. Yeah. So as we told you at the top of the podcast, we were recording and, I hope,

hotel and Riley, North Carolina, and shows got canceled, coronavirus, all that. Well, the file fucked up right in the middle of it, and now we're having to re-record for the back half of the podcast, and it is now, like I said, five days later, everybody's in quarantine, coronavirus in full swing, nothing hits. NFL free agency's hitting, so there is that. Yeah, so far. That's about it. Other than that, that's about it. Yeah. I feel like they're making, they're just making all these wild-ass moves because they're like, I mean, you know,

the season ain't really going to happen. So who gives a fuck? Yeah, it's definitely some wild shit going on. I know our people generally don't give a shit about football. But, yeah, I mean, the biggest one, Tom Brady leaving the Patriots. Crazy. Never thought I'd see the day. No, and as I pointed out earlier, like, I'm not, I wasn't even trying to seem poignant or, like, make it, make some grandiose statement.

But, like, my literal, like, the only, the only memory I have pre-9-11, like, it, within the same year. I've got plenty of memories of being a kid. But like, if you say, what's the thing right before 9-11 that you remembered, I'd be like, oh,

Tom Brady joining, you know, backing up Drew Bledsoe and fucking all that shit. Like, that's the thing I associate 9-11 with. It's like Tom Brady literally came in with 9-11 and then is leaving with the coronavirus, the two most arguable flashbulb moments of our entire,

me and you's entire lifetime. It's just fucking crazy to me. It's like Mark Twain going out with a fucking hellbop comment. or some shit. Yeah, I hadn't really thought about it that way until you put it like that. But, I mean, yeah, it's pretty wild. The greatest of all times career being bookended that way is pretty fucking nuts. A less insane part of it that also very much hits from me because I just think it's funny.

And this is not my observation. I saw this somewhere else, but I loved it. Tom Brady ended up leaving the Patriots on the first St. Patrick's Day and living memory

in which all the bars in Boston are closed. Yeah, it's like, it's sitcom-me. Very much. Yeah, it's a,

yeah, it's like the setting for the fucking purge or something. Like, but, you know, drunker and sadder and probably,

and more racist. I don't know. I've never seen The Purge, but I'm not sure that's all that. Yeah, I think the Purge was like, honestly, like, pretty open-minded as far as race goes. Like, they were just fucking, you know, anybody's on the table. Yeah, I don't think. I mean, I'm sure there was somebody, some people during the Purge that probably killed more blacks than any others, you know.

Well, I think, I've never seen any of the Purge movies. It's just not my thing. But my understanding of them is that they're like, I think they're supposed to be, like, social commentary or at least have some. commentary to them. Well, so my assumption is that, like, they at least a little bit deal with racism, but not that the movies themselves are racist. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, no, it's, yeah. I've never seen the purge, but I've seen, there's an episode of Rick and Morty called Look Who's Perjing now. And, you know, because like every single Rick and Morty episode is loosely based on a sci-fi movie or something.

And so this one was, this one you're talking about, actually. Yeah. I haven't even seen that many Rick and Morty's, but I've seen. that one, then it's fucking really good. Yeah, and it's, you know, there's a lot of social commentary in that. What would like, you know, they find out that ultimately it was like the rich that was making the pores do the purge so that they could get rid of them and yada. It was classist or whatever, but yes, I mean, so I mean, uh, I do, I assume I've been

thinking the whole time. I've been thinking this whole time, like, of course, this is how my stupid fucking writer comedian's brain is. This is going through my mind the whole time. It's like, ugh, this time next year, there's going to be so many goddamn rom comms come out about two people who got quarantined together and they're all going to fucking blow except for if what you're if somebody is currently pinning the what happened when the bars closed when tom brady left boston that shit's going to be a bigger yeah absolutely i

agree it should at least be some uh like fucking student film from some boston comics or something absolutely under them to come up it's definitely a good uh a good premise, but it's just, I don't know, it's just, the hits just keep on coming, man. I mean, obviously that particular thing, I don't, it doesn't affect me outside of, you know, me being a sports fan or thinking that part of it's funny or whatever. It's not, I ain't losing no sleep over Tom Brady leaving, but it's still, it's just like, it's just a whole bunch of wild shit. One way, one after another, ever since 2020 started, like, you even, of course, you're

going to remember when I say it, but like, I bet until I mention this right now, you had pretty much completely forgotten that we were talking at one point about going to World War III with Iran because we killed that dude. Actually, yeah, I had forgot about that. Like, I was sitting here thinking, surely to God you're not about to bring up Kobe Dine because I ain't forgot that shit. No. No, but everybody forgot that Iran thing, you know. But like at the time, that shit was crazy when that happened. Yeah, it sure was.

Australia burned. Burned. Oh my God, dude. Burned and burned and burned forever. And, you know, that are, and then I, yeah, obviously, Kobe, the coronavirus. I mean, I'm certain there's multiple other major things that I am forgetting right now. But it's like, it's halfway through March. Yeah, dude.

Like, we just getting started. It's been insane. Yeah, because like, I remember, you know, in 2016 was like, it would, don't get me wrong, every single year is always started by one of two things. You know, it's either people saying, this is going to be my year, or it's always like, whew, at least it ain't, you know, insert last year here, because that was the worst year on human record. So like, the argument to be made is like every single year you can make the argument that

it was the worst year on human record. And every year you can probably make the argument that it was the best. But I remember in 2016, it was like, man, I know we always say that, but God damn, this is really getting wild. And it was mainly just because. celebrities were dropping off because like, you know, by 2016, just because of how time works, all the rock stars from the 60s and 70s were like entering their 60s and 70s and like, of course they're going to fucking die.

But like this year, it ain't been that. It's been literal worldwide fucking pandemic level catastrophes one after another. And yes, I include Kobe in that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no, it's certainly off to a rollicking start. There ain't no doubt about that. I mean, I mean, sincerely, if it continues at, like, the pace that it has set for itself so far, 2020 is going to have to end up being the goat, at least in, like, modern, like, you know, the living memory of most people on Earth right now.

Since there have been podcasts. Yeah, at least, right. At least it's. And by the way, speaking of podcast, if you're listening to this and you're one of the, I assume, several people who skips the. intro of a podcast where I'm certain I'll be talking about this. It should go without saying, but like pretty well all of our upcoming dates, if it's on our, it's not happening. Like they're post, you know, not canceled, they're postponed and we are, we have

rescheduled several. We're not probably at liberty to discuss when they've been rescheduled. But like, you know, it's not like these are canceled. We're never fucking doing it again. That's definitely not the case because at least, you know, for two of the clubs, at least they're in my fucking top five favorite comedy clubs of all. all time. So, like, I'll come back every year, even if it's just me hanging out to see a show. But, like, um, everything the well read tour has on the books right now is postponed.

And definitely and we're very sorry and like it sucks. But like, I mean, I would say, you know, we're doing what we have to do. But hell, it's literally not even our decision. Even though it is a decision, I would, I would ultimately make that decision. But like, kind of fortunately for us, we didn't have to. We were just told, hey, you're not doing this. We're like, all right, fuck it. We were right.

And that is true. and also beyond that, we don't really have any real say over the, you know, resolution of it. I mean, obviously, we could refuse something if we think it's complete bullshit or whatever, but what I'm saying is as far as, like exactly what ends up happening in each case. And the hope is that, like you said, they'll all just be rescheduled and, you know, everything will be fine just a little bit further down the road. But that also is kind of out of our hands. It depends on a lot of other factors.

the venues and what they, you know, what they have booked out and for how long and, you know, what else they've had fucked up by, uh, by all this, you know, so there's just a lot of things to consider, but we certainly are going to try to work it out. However, you know, we, we, we ain't going to fuck nobody over. We're going to do the right thing one way or another. It just might take us a little while to get it all figured. Yeah. And I mean, you know, I can't speak for a couple of the venues because we've never worked with them, but like for the most part like your you know your good nights and your uh dc improv and and whatnot like i know that they are ultimately i can speak for them and saying that they're going to do the right thing like

they'll make it right by you i don't know how they're going to fucking do it but like it'll you know it'll work out and uh you know at times like these we um honest to god you know nobody probably should be thinking like what am i going to do with these fucking comedy tickets but like i do understand it's still money so you know i don't know yeah we didn't get none of it if that helps. Right, yeah, right. Yeah, no, man, this whole coronavirus thing, it's just crazy, dog.

Yeah, I'm going to have to add this to my ongoing series. Coronavirus don't hit. Don't hit. Yeah. Yeah, the hotly anticipated sequel to 9-11 don't hit. Yes, yes. There's at least Hitler, Don't hit had hit Lord yeah that was a yeah that was a prequel a prequel obviously yeah

yeah yeah started series started with 9-11 don't hit yeah and it don't but yeah no coronavirus certainly coronavirus certainly has not hit and like honest to God man like we're we're very very fucking early in the not hits uh no god like it's and i don't and honestly to God, I don't even mean the death. That's a given. Like, that fucking sucks. And God, I hope that we can all just take care of ourselves. But like, dude, like, this is, like, me and my buddy were talking about it last night of how

fucking scary it is. Because I was telling him, we were talking about like, you know, dude, people, some people, like, dude, hell, most people that have a job live paycheck to paycheck. That's just true. That's just accurate. A lot of them can't even do that. A lot of them can't even live on their paycheck to paycheck. But if you, if you get in a paycheck in America, most likely that, that's sure.

shit is gone by the and you need that other paycheck to hit. And I was telling him, I was like, man, we're living in a world. We're like, people have already missed the first one and it's fucked. And it's just going to keep getting worse. And I said, here's why I know it's scary. I'm one of the most fortunate people in America, like of the people in America, like, speaking people that live paycheck to paycheck. I'm of a not the top 1%, but like, I'm of a high percentage of people or low percentage

of people who are like, I'm comfortable. I don't live paycheck to paycheck. I'm fine. And I'm still kind of fucking worried. So, like, I know it's bad out there, man, and I just can't even fathom what the next month looks like, what the next two months look like. And then, like, even once shit starts to get better, like, just the fucking, the ramifications that I don't know if you can put that genie back in the fucking bottle, man. I know. And, like, I mean, here's how you know that it's like, it's about to get bad as the fact that as what?

I mean, that's definitely, I mean, there's a million ways. you can tell. Obviously, shit is bad and is about to get worse, probably, for a lot of reasons. But what I was going to say is the shit that came out today, or at least I've just recently seen it where the fucking the Trump administration is giving money. Yeah, this $850 billion stimulus package in place that would send money

directly to American citizens. And like, that, for them to be, like doing that. I mean, hell, even considering, let alone just going ahead and doing that, this or this administration specifically, like, dude, it's bad. Like, because that's the time they wouldn't have dreamed of, even mentioning, like, it would have been blasphemy for this administration to even acknowledge the existence of a plan like this. And then now they just come right out and do it. And, like, should tell you everything you need to know about like just how fucking bad it's going to get. And, and, you know, honestly, even though, like, clearly, like you said, in order for them to have done it, they were like literally, they had to be almost at fucking gunpoint.

But, like, still good on them. I'm not going to, like, just let that one slide. Like, fuck yeah, you know, appreciate you. Like, it does seem like, at least for the past day and a half, which is not a lot of time. Like, I think they've really started to take it serious and realize, like, oh, Oh, fuck, man. We need to, we need some competence on this issue. But before that, though, man, they've really, they've really fumbled the ball in terms of how they've dealt with it.

But like, yeah, good on them. That stimulus package. That's like, that's it. That's a fucking start. And we fucking need it. Yeah, absolutely. I just don't understand. I don't know, man.

I don't understand how. I mean, unless they do that and do more of that and just keep that coming or whatever, I don't understand literally. how it's possibly all supposed to fucking work. Well, where are they going to spend the money? Well, I mean, I think that, you know,

they, as long as fucking grocery stores and whatnot stay up, my understanding is so far, thankfully, luckily, the, like, the U.S.

supply chain for goods and stuff is still intact and operational. So I know that, like, all the stores and stuff ran out immediately, but they're supposedly

being restocked. and that isn't threatened, at least as of now, the way I understand it. And I think as long as that's the case, people will be spending money on just, like, you know, basic shit that you need. But I just mean, like, I just mean, because of what you were saying, like, I mean, are we really going to have people, like, quarantined to some extent for fucking, I mean, literal months? Yeah, yeah. Dude, that's, I mean, I can't even, that's crazy. I mean, if it's what it's got to be, then it's what's got to be. But I'm saying, like, I just can't even, right now, yeah, three whatever days into it,

I just can't even fucking wrap my mind around where we're going to be in two months if that is how it actually plays out. Yeah, I mean, dude, it's, it's fucking like, you know, we, I've, when we as kids and, and, you know, in school and whatever. you were reading about the great depression, like it all just seemed like, oh, right, well, that such a thing was such of the time. We,

that could never even remotely, something like that happened again. And like, man, like, fuck, at least like during the depression, it was just a financial thing.

Like, people could at least walk the fuck outside. But like, now it's like financially crippling plus like, hey, don't go out there because you might fucking choke to death and die on this goddamn virus. Like,

I don't know. man like shit's about to collapse and it ain't going to hit and there's good i mean fucking crime is going to have to go up and like it's just a ripple ripple effect of of just fucking not hits yeah god damn coronavirus truly don't hit no it may be the least hitting of them all well that's the thing like yeah i was like this is this is like a thing that everyone who is like making memories right now on planet earth is going to remember this shit forever you know yeah like that don't that don't happen much and like you know and you know i can remember too what in my lifetime it's 9-11 and this

yeah right i agree and i and if you live in the south when the braves won the world series but other than that and when dale earnhardt died okay actually yeah three right yeah if you're from the south but if you're talking like globally and i do entity 9-11 did raise to that standard globally just because of, you know, what America is globally and whatever. But, but, you know, 9-11 was, it's not like it was perceived universally the same way. Of course, not. Right. Yeah.

For some people, it really hit. Right. For some people, 9-11 did hit. Yeah, right. Exactly. That's so weird to think about, but so true. It's very true. Whereas this, though, is not really like that.

You know what I mean? Obviously, there's the people that are like that think it's a fucking, the idiots who don't believe it or whatever the fuck else. But I'm saying like as far as just generally speaking between cultures, the perception of the coronavirus is, you know, it's like, yeah, it don't hit. It could almost, right. It could almost be argued just because of how many people there are in the world and how shitty America is to all those people. that 9-11 perhaps hit for more people than it did not hit. Yeah, I mean, it's possible for sure. Yeah.

I don't know. I haven't done the 9-11 hit, don't hit math. And honestly, don't. No, it's not a good idea. No. Yeah, I don't know. I think most of it, and I know you're just making a hit, but I think that a whole lot of places,

their primary thing I bet at that time was like, oh this about to be some shit that's probably not going to head for the world you know what I mean yes obviously it was terrible it was so funny to think about somebody seeing 9-11 and go oh this about to be some shit yeah quote Japan oh this about to be some shit oh my god man you just said Japan and I got to have some shit oh my god man you just said Japan and I got to have some Um, yeah, which I have plenty because we went fucking quarantine shopping yesterday. Yeah, we, uh, I, so outside of you making your own noodle, and then we, when I say noodles right now, I specifically mean like Asian style noodles, whether right, uh, low main or whatever the hell. Outside of you making your own at your house, are you, are you, you have any options there? Uh, we have one.

You mean like if you mean aside if coronavirus wasn't happening do I have a place to go get ramen? No, no, no. No, I mean right now with coronavirus like we like we still got all the restaurants and everything in LA are closed but not for delivery. Like delivery is still a thing. So I can still get pretty much any kind of food I won't. Oh, well, I mean, you know, I don't have delivery for shit except if it's unless it's dominoes. Like where I'm at like Chattanooga has a pretty good ramen spot called a. 21, I think it's called 21 Jack, but like, I'm not, and I'm, and I'm, I bet they're still open right now, but like, I'm, you know, as, as, as, as a lackadaisical and loose as the show usually lives it, fly by the seat of my pants as I am, I'm actually taking this social distancing, uh, pretty serious and I'm not leaving the house. Like it's, and I'm, you know, I'm not the most like I know how I come across on the podcast, but like, Trey, you, you know this about me. I'm not, it's, I'm not the most social butterfly anyways. Like, I'd try not to.

do nothing anyway so this really ain't this ain't so far now i'm gonna end up going stir crazy just the simple fact of knowing i can't go do something will inherently make me want to go do a thing that i wouldn't have wanted to do anyways but like right now like no i'm i'm attempting to respect the whole don't leave your house don't risk if you can like i'm staying here i'm on the forster compound we got a nice place you know here and uh i've been up in my attic watching wrestling if we lose the internet during this shit though who boy my internet was out briefly earlier, but if being out, got that in my mind,

that's like, oh, my God, if the internet goes down, what are we going to do? I'm in this house with my wife and young sons and, bro, I'm telling right now, if it ain't no Netflix about, it's over. I don't know what the fuck. I mean, we've got some board games, you can only play so many board games.

Color so many coloring books, man, fucking. Yeah, we've got a bunch. Yeah, we've got a shit ton of board games. and me and Amber, during our quarantine shopping yesterday, we got like six or seven, like, 1,500 piece puzzles or whatever. But like, and I also, because of our age, we do have quite a hefty collection of DVDs, unlike I'm sure some people, honestly,

just like four or five years younger than me, like probably don't even have one DVD. Like, why would they? I know, shit load and fucking Katie got rid of them. And I, you know, I couldn't really argue with it because they did take up a lot of space, which is at a premium when he lived. in Southern California, but I've also, the past couple of days, thought about that decision on her part.

Just look at her with my eyes marrowed. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You thought she was hitting, didn't you? It's funny. It's funny because, like, I, too, have thought to, to amp, because we got all these DVDs. I thought, you know, we should go give these to the thrift store or something. That way, somebody that don't, can't afford Netflix or whatever, they can come stock up,

get a DVD for 25 cents or whatever. And then I've, but I've never done it. And now I'm so thankful because, like, yeah, I'm thinking, like, dude, the internet. that fucking goes down because mine started buffering a little weird yesterday too but turns out just I had a bunch of shit running but I at the first thought that went through my mind was like not now God you cannot fuck not

not two things I'll give you Corona but you can't also take away the motherfucking internet because what we're gonna do yeah yeah and I mean I through the record I also am not leaving my house we haven't we've still haven't been having to go

out like Katie had to go to Target yesterday because she read on Facebook that Target had milk again because like that's how it's been. And again, my understanding is that's going to be rectified. We have not really been able to do like extensive prep shopping yet because of how insane everything's been out here and how quickly everything got gone. But so we've had to go out a couple of times, but only when necessary. But I just was wondering if, because I know the chikamaga is right out right there outside

Chattanooga and I was wondering if you were in. delivery range of any mess or there's a only fast food stuff yeah and I'm you know I'm gonna use this as an opportunity not to fuck with that so speaking of fucking milk yesterday when me and Amber was grocery shopping we we only had one big ass buggy but like we also split up throughout the store like hey I'm gonna get we're at Walmart and there's a bunch of people there says like hey I'm gonna go get this while you go down this island blah blah blah so I didn't she's the one that got the milk and I didn't need I wasn't paying attention to what she got, you know, because I mean, she know what I like.

So I wasn't even paying attention to it. We got home and I fucking pulled out a goddamn half gallon of fucking milk, one half gallon of milk. And I was like, Amber, what the fuck is this shit? And she goes, half gallon. I was like, why did you only get a half gallon of milk? And she goes, well, we, sometimes we have to throw milk away because, you know, you're the only one that drinks milk and you're gone all the time.

And I was like, are you hearing what the fuck you're saying right now? I'm about to be like, it ain't that. That this half gallon Fend to be gone today And by the way, it almost very is Yeah, right. Of course it is. Yeah, I mean, I had three bowls of cereal.

That don't hit. Well, so, okay, so like, what are you going to do about that? I mean, I just won't have milk. That's fine. Whatever, I got all this other shit. Like, I know how that sounds, but I got plenty of cheese. Yeah, right. Okay, dude, I'm out of cheese.

Oh, that don't hit. No, it don't hit. Nothing hits. I'm also certain that there will be a way for me to get more milk if I needed it. I just believe that. Just because I live near so many cow. Right. You know what I'm saying?

I mean, I also, unless the shit is just wrong or whatever, I think that you can, you'll be able to, if I know you don't want to leave the house, but if you do leave the house, I think you would be able to go and get some milk if you want to. if not today, then, like, soon, I think. Like, I don't think it's going to be, like, unavailable to you. But, you know, who knows? I don't know shit. Just being hopeful. I don't know. It's going to get raven in a button.

I don't know. Nothing hits. Man, it's, you know, we were talking about, like, we fucked around. We're not fucking around. We did the right thing. Like, we have some group projects going on that don't involve our stand-up. So we took, like, the first two and a half months off of this year to work on them and right on them. And then of course the very

second, the very second we decided all right, let's go back on tour. This happened and we're seriously facing the possibility of not having another show till like, I mean, literally August. Like, as a matter of fact, that's just what it's going to be. Like August will probably

be our first show back. And in that time, because I've been working with y'all on stuff and y'all are on the West Coast and I'm over here, I've been working on y'all's time. and it just so happened to work out that every single time I was about to go like any of the open mics of the shows that I wanted to hop on in Chattanooga that were like good that I could do it happened to be a night where we had a writer's meeting or where we were doing a podcast or we had to do this and I was just like I you know I didn't take advantage of some of them and I what I'm trying to say is I have not done stand up in the year 2020 yeah man that's fucking crazy and because we're not supposed to go outside and social because we're not supposed to go outside and because we're not supposed to go outside her social distance and like open mics ain't going to be open and

nothing's going to be open. I might go to August without doing the thing that I've done every week since I was 16 years old and it is fucking fucking with me. Like I'm not I'm not like upset. Like I don't think I'm a I'm not like invalidating myself but like it's weird as fuck. Yeah. No, that's wild man. I mean I've been I've been doing some out out here in LA and stuff. but I mean, I don't know. It's been at least a, at least a few weeks for me at this point. Obviously, yeah, it's going to be a lot longer. The only thing that kind of helps me in my thought process is that by the time we come back,

every single comedian on earth will also be rusty. It's just that like I had two months, two months ahead of time. So like it really kind of won't matter. Like I kind of got away with one, honestly. But, but I don't know. It's weird, dude. Like, I'm about to, I don't know, I just can't even, I can't even shake it, dude, this whole thing. And, I mean, you know, it's affecting me less than it's affecting so many people.

These are my fucking white dude problems, I guess, with the whole coronavirus. But, like, it's fucked up out there. Y'all be safe. God damn. Stay inside if you can. Yep. Yeah, you said it, baby. And with that, I don't know, are we good?

Yeah, we're good. Yeah, I need to go whileer on the fear. Yeah, me too. a while and uh eat some peanut butter out of a jar watch friends. All right. Well, nothing hits. Nothing hits. If y'all, we'll see.

We're going to like slowly descend further and further into lunacy on this podcast. I think maybe over the next like as you know, over the weeks because we're going to keep doing this because I'm assuming I'm assuming what I guess what we're going to do now is every episode presumably will be. remotely done like we're doing right now. Yeah, because the studios are going to be closed, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm right.

So, yeah, well, we'll see how that goes. It's probably going to get wild. And we ain't going to have nothing else to do. Like, usually it's like, oh, I've got a window of time here. We're going to end up. There's going to be, y'all are going to hear some fucking five-hour podcast here in the next couple months. All right.

Well, fuck it. We'll see y'all next time. Love you, skew. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go.

Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and, Skiw. Wash your hands, baby.