wellRED podcast - #17 - Dreams are Hard (Part 2) with Bryson Turner!

Episode Date: May 31, 2017

This week the boys continue the conversation about dreams (From #15 - The Senate Sucks, Corey Has Gout, and Dreams are Hard!) with "former" comedian Bryson Turner. Is happiness the true dream? What makes a person brave? Can you ever really give up on something you love? Let's dive in... Well ok, full disclosure... before that we sat down in our hotel in Bethesda, Maryland for about 15 minutes and made fun of Corey's very odd and very unique "Speech Problem" that he has recently developed, cheesecake, and obesity.. all of which are slightly related.wellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows, shirts, and a copy of our book! The Liberal Redneck Manifesto: Draggin' Dixie Outta the Dark This week (June 1-3) we are in Huntsville, ALJune 8th- Los Angles June 10, 11, 12- Doing a stretch in Canada! (Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton)June 22 - Madison, WIComing up Soon:Chicago, Tulsa, Kansas City, St. Louis, Boston, Las Vegas, Lexington... CHECK THE WEBSITE, Y'ALL!!!! Skeeeeewwww!!!!Ok, NOW let's dive in:)

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid.

Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help.

So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the. This spring at Target celebrate the sun end designers Fee Noelle, Agua Bandita, and Road, each inspired by the vibrant colors, patterns, and textures of their worldly backgrounds.

With breezy dresses, stylish swimsuits, and of the moment accessories, these designers endlessly versatile pieces will take you from beach to street to brunch and back in chic sunny style shop the limited time target spring designer collection now in store and on target dot com where are we going where will we be go to well red comedy dot com and see for t-shirts coosies are book and more just click the link to our online store i'm very sorry this is corey i'm a moron hey here's some tour dates for you guys this weekend we are in hundred Huntsville, Alabama, then June 8th, Los Angeles, California, June 10th, Vancouver, British Columbia, June 11th, Calgary, Alberta, June 12th, Edmonton, Alberta, June 22nd, Madison, Wisconsin, June 23rd, Chicago, Illinois, which just sold out, thank you very much.

July 8th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, which is about to sell out. July 13th, we're in Vegas, August 25th, Kansas City, Missouri, August 26th, Kansas City, Missouri, August 27th, St. Louis, Missouri, September 8, the historic Wilber Theater in Boston, Massachusetts, and then September 14th through the 16th, we're in Lexington, Kentucky. So all our summer dates are up at well-readcom, spelled just like the podcast, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, and we're about to put on our fall tour schedule. So y'all check back, go to our online store, buy a book, you know, all that good stuff, and remember, keep subscribing to the podcast, tell your friends, and leave us a review.

It really helps. Thank you guys very much and enjoy this episode. Ski-you. Welcome to the Well, Richer. We are delirious. Sorry, guys. I'm looking at Tray and Corey. I haven't ever seen y'all look more just fatigued.

And I'm saying something for y'all. I was just staying looking tired. Yeah. I was just sitting here trying to adjust the levels like, why the fuck is my mic the same no matter what I fucking do it? And it was the levels on a mic that does not even goddamn plugged in. Well, what's funny extra about that is I am who told you that's what you're doing. I watched you for 20 seconds without. I was also like, yeah, man, I don't know why it ain't working.

A bummer. Fuck, I guess it's broke. I guess we have to quit. I guess I retire from comedy now because this Mike won't adjust. Ballgame. We're exhausted. We're at the end of a six day, right? It's only five.

I was just, I feel like people don't really have much sympathy for that. Oh, they don't blame them. Oh, no, for our dreams coming true, which is what we're talking about today again. Yeah, it's a follow up. Well, I've said this, and I'm pretty comfortable with this phrasing of it, all my problems are the problems I've been wanting to have for you. years. Champagne problems.

Well, I don't have champagne problems. I just mean like being tired from touring. Also, that's not true for me. Not all my problems. Well, right, but most of them. My problems with my, just everything about my body other than being tired.

Those are, that ain't got shit to do with this. Actually, it does have shit to do with this and this has made them worse. Being on the road? The road. Ugh, Lord. I've gained like 30 pounds since we started. this tour. I've gained a solid

15, which looks like 40 on me because it all goes to one place, my basketball belly. People. People. People. That's somehow Keebler else. I'm saying, I'm saying foods again. Corey has this thing where sometimes he strokes out and just says food in place of regular words.

Like he said something Rosh you later. The two that I can remember right now, but he's done it multiple times. He said something about, I think he was like, I think you were quoting a rap lyric or something. I don't remember,

but you were trying to say, like, for example, let's say, use a bitch. I know the word was bitch. And you said, sorry,

everybody. You said biscuit. And use a biscuit, boo, boo, and you didn't know, you kept going. And me and Drew were both like,

wait, what, what? And what's? You were like, bitch. I said bitch. I said bitch.

No, you, no, Corey, you said biscuit. You're like, I said biscuit? I mean, biscuit's hip.

But what I'm a bad. Well, what's hilarious about this is, and we have told Corey this, so he's not learning anything right now. He did that once. And then Trey and I decided. He did it more than once. Well, Trey and I decided to act like he was doing it more than that. Oh, I forgot about y'all doing this. To freak him out.

But then he started doing it. He kept doing it. And I was like, well, it ain't even a joke anymore. And then I wasn't sure if we had just predicted the future, if life was copying art or if we had given you a complex. That woman, to me, that could be it. Like, I'm thinking. The last one, the last one I remember was Corey was talking on the phone.

We were waiting for our hotel rooms to be ready because we'd gotten in town early and the hotel rooms weren't ready. And so we, you know, left for a bit and like an hour later. Corey called him because we're like, oh, man, we need to get back to the hotel. Call them, call them since the rooms ready.

So he calls over there and he's on the phone. And we're just sitting there waiting to see what happens. And he goes, yes, this is, Corey Forrester, I was there a little earlier. So I was just checking on the rooms. Are the rooms ready? They are? They are.

All three of them? Okay. Rice. Thank you very much. He was like, the rooms are ready. We're good to go, guys. We're like, had we? You just said rice.

It was like, what? No, I didn't. Like, yes, you absolutely did. It's often carbs. It's usually carbs. And then he, now he's hearing. Had we just eaten Typhoon? We were eating Thai food.

Okay. it happened but he now is hearing it too the other day and admittedly this word is close but me and drew were in the back seat of a car and i Uber riding cori was in the front and drew looked at me he had went clothes shopping that day and he said i found this store it's called urban sheep skate and so i was like oh that sounds like it might hit for me so i went and checked it out and uh it did not hit it was not good and when he said it did not hit it was not good i saw cori turn her around in the passenger seat and just look so disappointed, so let down. He looked so sad.

And I thought, I was like, why is Corey upset about this? And then as I was thinking that, Corey goes, cheesecake, urban cheesecake, it didn't hit. Like, no, that's not what I said. And I realized I was like, oh, that's why. There's someone should make an urban cheesecake. Hell yeah. I mean, because New York cheesecake.

that's one of the Hittner cheesecakes. For sure, yeah. I mean, that's the all-timer. It's the boag of cheesecakes, I believe. I thought the strawberry on top was the, you know, the most ubiquitous cheesecake. Is it New York style? Wouldn't you say New York cheesecake? I would say the most.

Because, I mean, to me, that's like the standard of the New York cheesecake. Right. Yeah, I feel like. Okay. And then you start from there. Guys, I have to default to y'all on this. Although, that is my favorite dessert. That's what my mama made me.

my birthday every year. You know good and well as mine. She put strawberry on it though. Yeah. And we get to the yellow kind that you just get out of the box. And mom's always like, you want me to get you a nice one this? I'm like, no. No.

I want you get that Sarah Lee or that Save a Lot brand. No, I agree with you 100% on that. And I want to want cheesecake so bad. God damn it, I know. I don't want to go to Save a lot. I was at a Save a Lot in actually. That goes one right by my old house in Porta. And I observed this and, you know, this is just me reporting the news.

No one blamed me for what I'm saying here. I saw a Mexican fan. family and the two kids was the fattest kids I had seen outside of Sunbrite or saline or someplace like that, like what we're from, Tray, and the real rural parts ever of all time. Like this kid was so fat, his jaws was like taking over his nose. And I wondered, is this the first example of that particular family achieving the American dream?

Right. They are Americans. Childhood obesity is like the signpost that you're making it. Mexico, the country actually overtook America as the most obese country. in the world. A couple, a couple months or years, whatever it was.

It wasn't. Not everywhere. And I understand that there are actual starving people in the world. I don't want to be insensitive to that. But a weird thing about modernity is a lot of places, poverty means obesity. Yeah. Well, here it goes. It's because cheap food buys you like shitty food that's non-nutrition.

Preservatives. Calorie rich or whatever. Eighty calorie type of shit. And because they're. No nutrition education. Well, not only that, but in order for them to be cheap, they have a lot of preservatives in them. They last on time. preservatives always have a high amount of sodium.

Sodium makes you retain water. Therefore, when you eat things that are high in sodium, which fucking spam, potted meat, all that shit, you're going to look fatter even than you technically are because you're retaining water. So that little baby was just retaining Agua? Yeah.

Corey, giving the big bone defense. No, no, no, no, it's not the big bone defense. There's that foxworthy joke. But think about how much salt. I'm not fat. I just retained water. I said, so does the hoover damn. I see her burn up a new pair of corner

Roy Pants walking across the living room. No, I'm Miss Foxworthy. I'm definitely not saying that I'm not fat. I am fat. But a huge reason as to why I'm fat, I eat salt on everything. Wait, who said you was fat?

I mean, we'd be saying it, but who said it now? He said, oh, Corey trying to use the big bone defense, which is the defense. Oh, I thought he meant in defense of the little Mexican child that I had seen, but you took it as for yourself. Well, okay.

Again, it's been super defensive of this all. Okay. And you're right. I know I have. He said you're right, but only to prove your own. Exactly. He's getting defensive about being defensive. I have and I am and most of them.

I was wrong and I shouldn't have been. But please do not for one goddamn second act like that it is not just part of what we do to shit on me. Really all of us for being fucking fat. But I'm the bee. You literally, it's the bee in the bumble. My belly and my head have nicknames from y'all. Your honor, I'd like you to instruct the witness to answer my question. Questions.

Can I treat him as a hostile witness at this point? Sustained? Carry on. Close enough. I don't know. Have you or have you not went from zero to... God, David, I'm just telling you this one I'm trying to see. Five times in the last three days.

Yes. And this is one of them. And four of them, I was not justified. This one I am. All the ones. I feel like in every... Not on a podcast. No, I'm just saying I probably was defensive, but you can't say like,

what do you do cori why are you getting defensive about us in your weight we always talk about how fucking fat i am that's a thing me too i said i said all of this for the records this particular time sir i was not like saying you shouldn't have been defensive i was just saying out loud that i was confused about what was going on because i genuinely thought you were defending that boy and then you said i'm defending myself and then you said something about being bad or that i'm sorry that tray was defending that i'm confused i forgot why i don't have to be on tour with y'all he don't Speaking of fat Mexican kids, this one time, me and my wife were eating. This was when we were still dating.

We went to eat Chinese food, Chinese buffet, and, you know, they all got the same shit. All of them have all the same offerings, and those offerings hit for me. Well, as far as desserts go, they have those, like sugar rolls. You know what I'm talking about it? I just like sweet rolls. Cory, I know. Donuts. I know you're called Chinese donuts, aren't they?

Well, I don't know. Whatever the hell they are. Chinese donuts. in Chickamauga. So, Katie had been... I think Corey almost just puked. After being the pips of about being called fat,

and literally almost vomiting cake. I know. So, also, I'm just sitting here looking at my microphone. And I use this one every time. What is it? Foodstay. It's covered in wine.

Wine. It just spits out of my mouth. Spittle. You got to smell it. This is why it's peggles are Corey's microphone. God, okay. My favorite thing about this podcast is it will be the explanation for what happens. To my God.

It's going to be well documented. Yeah, we ain't leaving no mystery. Sorry, you and Katie was eating Chinese donuts. She was talking about, and we were towards the end of the meal, and she was talking about how excited she was about the sweat. We weren't eating Chinese donuts. We were eating Chinese food, and she was talking about getting some sweet rolls, right,

Chinese donuts, whatever. That was her favorite part. She was excited about it. So we get up and walk back up there. And as we're walking up to the buffet, I'm looking over her shoulder and we're approaching the donuts and coming the other way is this really fat Mexican kid. And he's not going for the donuts. He's literally like just walking back to his table.

But he stops right beside the donuts, turns his head and just project. tactile sneezes all over him. Like he's just like walking. He's like, mm-mm. Because he was short, so he was under the guard. You know, they had like the sneeze guard. Yeah. And he was at the perfect height.

He just stops. Pugh! He kept walking. And Katie just immediately stopped and like slump down. Like her body language was so disappointed. And I fucking died laughing. She like took on the posture of a Chinese. Don't.

Oh, that's funny. Man, every time I go to a buffet, which is infrequently lately, to be honest, but back in the day, those guards are designed for adults. And, like, you see kids at them. It always grosses me out to see kids. No offense to kids. Because they're always snoddy. Kids are gross.

They're sticky. Jeff Blank used to have that great joke about how child molesters must have a shitload of disinfectant and clean her on. Yeah. Oh, that's fucking funny. Well, anyway, we're on the road. Corey's spitting wine all over everything. We're complaining about being tired when, sincerely, I feel so happy that this is what's making me tired.

For sure, and I'm just carb crashing. And it's close to our one-year anniversary, and I think we've mentioned that last week on the podcast, and I'm fucking, a year ago, I was tired because I had to get up at six in the morning and go review documents. So this is better. So we are talking about dreams again. We wanted to bring that conversation back, y'all. We did that podcast, not last week, but the week before. We talked about people pursuing their dreams versus people, you know, quote-unquote, giving up, but how, you know, why do we term it that way? Why do we call it giving up?

And why do we tell everyone, oh, you can do whatever you want to do, is that true? And I decided to call an old buddy of mine named Bryson Turner, who y'all have met but don't know as well as me. Bryson's a comic that I met in New York City when I first moved up there who really had the city by the balls as they say in terms of the comedy industry. And those balls are some hard balls to grab. Exactly. And I don't want anyone to think like, oh, he was about to get his own TV show. It wasn't that, but he was getting to the point where a lot of people were noticing him.

He was getting attention. He was ready for that attention because he'd been doing comedy for so long. And he was funny. And actually, I'm going to play a clip real quick right now to just sort of lay the groundwork for that. Jews are annoying like Boston Red Sox fans are annoying it's the same thing

Boston Red Sox fans Right I find them very annoying because they're always talking about how big an underdog they are They're always talking about how like Oh man it's so hard to compete with the Yankees You know like oh what was us

And it's like annoying because Lately Red Sox have been pretty good the Red Sox have been doing very well they've been doing almost as well as the Yankees you know but but the thing is before this last stretch that's been going pretty well the Red Sox were doing

awful for like a really really long time things were just awful And it was just one, one tragedy after another for the Red Sox. And I know what some of you were thinking. You're like, yeah, but didn't they kind of deserve it? Because they had that one star player and they gave him up.

And then he became like a star for their biggest rival. He became the best Yankee ever. The Yankees wouldn't be the Yankees without Babe Ruth, you know? But even with that, I mean, nobody deserves what the Red Sox had to go through. I don't care what curse you think is on them. They don't deserve that, you know? So that's why I understand that. So if Red Sox fans want to walk around with their hats and they're all proud and stuff,

more power to them that's what I say good people good people the garbage smells but they're good oh that's fantastic my favorite part

and I mean you know this is probably objectively the best part with that baybrooth Jesus part oh man they're they

you know they got rid of their star player arguably the greatest Yankee of all the time oh man That's fantastic. Comparing Jews to Red Sox fans.

Well, that was Bryson. That's a great joke that he has. It's one of my favorite ones that he's. He's got a lot that I loved. And I watched him go from being that guy to sort of like stepping away, doing his own thing. And then he disappeared, literally into the night. And we get into that a little bit on this podcast. And he talks.

We go in depth about a lot of things. It's a long conversation. But we go in depth about a lot of things, including. and dreams and I really enjoyed it. Do you guys enjoy this conversation? I had a fucking blast. I think that's when you spit the wine all over the... Now I was drinking white wine that night.

Oh, that's right. No, it's on here. You just can't see it. And I had, I personally had a really good moment there with Bryce and I don't want to give it all the way, but, you know, I've had some strong opinions about what he did and how he chose to do it, and especially, and he and I've, we've addressed this personally, about the fact that he just fucking disappeared and nobody knew about it. Right.

But, you know, just like that decision and the decision to give up on what was once upon a time a big dream and that it no longer is really for him. And anyway, I think you guys will like it based upon how much you guys liked the last episode. Trey and Corey and Corey are literally just staring at me like, can we go to bed? That's my dream. I'd love to have some dreams. I'll let your dreams be dreams, baby. I think we've said it before. Trey's the sleepiest woke motherfucker I've ever met.

I can't wait for that to organically come up in some show. something that we can i don't think you heard this is what i said when i was taking pictures and he was reaching his arms out to like gather people for the picture after the show i have very long arms and his arms are huge i said god damn tray you could have played the cross and the church play i could just climbed up on him and hung myself there oh that is that's appropriate for you to be the one to do that that's a joke about me having a messiah complex yeah that's fair says the guy who literally i'm your cross to bear i guess you saying that i have them i'm your bar to trouse i believe you saying i have

him a sci-complex is a hell of a thing for you to say to me yeah yeah yeah that is true i'm truly the only humble one in this group anyway most humility without a doubt i'm the best at being humble though yeah i'm not pretty goddamn good at you got the most but i'm the best at no fucking way you better being humble that i'm okay well i agree to disagree you pieces of shit anyways we love you guys very much and enjoy this interview. Skee. Skee. All right.

We ready, Corey? Oh, we're going. We've been going the whole time? Yeah, just because we can then just jump in whenever. He never edits it, though. I literally edit it every goddamn time. It always starts out like this. I wanted to start out like this.

This is when I'll jump into it. Right. Right. With my four Doritos. Yeah, just two in a minute. Right. Right. And Turner, welcome to the well-read podcast.

Thanks for joining us, buddy. We just had a show here in your new hometown. You saw some of it. Is that right? I did, yes. You had to work, so you were a little bit late. Hey, buddy. Good to see you. It is great to see you. So the people listening right now have heard a little bit of an intro of you

when we played a clip of your stand-up, and then just to... I'm going to tell you how I remember it, meeting you, okay? Okay. And then you can chime in in any way that you want to. I was at a mic. I was at the creek in the cave in New York, very famous in the comedy world, and it wasn't going well as it never did there for me. and there was this goofy dude in the front who was like,

not really laughing, but like sort of chuckling halfway at my punchlines, you know, the appropriate spots where you do when you're in a fucking audience of comedy. Sorry, all my hatred for the creek is coming out in this, which is not what this is about. And then you asked me to go to another mic with you afterwards.

You introduced yourself, you're very cool, you're very funny. And I was like, yes, of course. And we went, and I began to notice almost immediately that other people responded to you in a very strange way.

they almost revered you it seemed to me and that was strange because I didn't know who you were and while you were funny that night you know you didn't no offense murder me or anything you need other comics right yes yeah yeah and so like like five people went with us and like people were like oh I want to go you know what I mean it was like this is the cool guy and I thought oh he's like good alpha or whatever which is you know cool and then that kept happening throughout the first month of our relationship and at some point I was like who is this dude so I googled you And the first thing that popped up was a video with like 5 million views. And then I asked somebody that I knew.

And they were like, oh, Bryson Turner? Yeah, he's like the best comic in the game. And I was like, oh. And that, but it was by that point, we were basically buddies. I wouldn't say friends, but we were buddies. And I was kind of happy that I had become at least somewhat tight with you without realizing that you, you like how to following. People call loss on your acolyte. Yeah.

Thanks. What do you say to that? Yeah. I don't know. No. Thank you. I think that's what you say. But,

geez, man. I mean, yeah, I'm the shit. I don't know. What do you want? First of all, just real quick,

like, biographically, how old are you, where did you grow up? When did you start doing comedy? And if those, if these two answers are separate, when did you move to New York for comedy purposes?

If it was for comedy purposes. Give that brief, quote-unquote, comedy bio that is not very brief. Sure, sure. Well, yeah, that's a little tough for me because I bounced around. I'm born and raised in Pittsburgh and loved it. Still love it. Flawed town, but it's great. School in Ohio, Ohio University.

Are you a Penguins fan? Yeah. Well, I hope the predator's fucking, you're my anime for the next few weeks. Why are you pretending that you actually feel like he matters? Why do you feel obligated? buddy because I'm a proud southerner that's the thing with us

we got a lot of pride especially when it's unearned we feel like we have ushered in this reign of the New South and to have us then win hockey too we're like yeah we're back god damn this might be the only rise that we'll ever do

again Nashville predators are like the tiger woods of southern hockey like you guys you need that they're the only black guy it over. Yeah. Like it's not a good start.

You said it. Yeah, you get three strikes. Anyway, I'm sorry. You went to college in Ohio. You're from Pittsburgh. I mean,

yeah, from Pittsburgh. And so I went to, I went to D.C. I had a great experience there. I went to Austin, had a great experience there. And then that's when I came up to New York.

So you were a comic in both those cities to be clear. Those cities, yeah, yeah. Did you move to those two cities for totally separate reasons? And you were just doing comedy while you were doing it or was like that like part of oh shoot hey listen before this just shout out to Vanessa that's my fiancee that's that's why that's why I'm here that's why she's and I'm

look I'm I'm drinking a little bit and I'm drinking I checked with her to see how many drinks I should have and that's not I'm not whipped I don't want that that's not what I'm saying you're not going to get that from the three of us no I'm going to give you shit over that. Okay. Yeah, me and Drew, Mary Corey is getting married. Yeah,

absolutely, man. Yeah. We know our roles. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I got a text from, I showed you guys,

well, I freaked out about it in front of tray. I got a text from my fiancee the other night. This is so fun. That was a picture of a bunch of clothes of mine on the bed. Two different pictures. Yeah, two different pictures of just a shitload of clothes of mine on the bed.

And my fiance said, hey, which one of these do you want to keep? And I wasn't aware we were throwing my shit out. I didn't know that was a thing. The only thing that was funny to me about it was two piles. Yeah. And you had to pick a pile. Yeah.

Even if you were ready to throw some clothes away, you couldn't pick some from one pile, some from the other. It was which pile of these? And I thought about it for a second. I was like, uh, that one. Go ahead. And then I got high and my brain started fucking me up. And I was like, oh my God.

Is this it? Is this what my fucking life is? I don't even get to have goddamn clothes anymore? What the fuck? So, like, again, I hear you. All right. You ain't going to get shit from us. So shout out to Vanessa.

Yes. Yeah. Shout out to Vanessa. Did you move to Austin for comedy? Yes. Did I move where? To Austin for comedy. Yeah, I did.

Yeah. And you won the first Austin's funniest contest. Is that right? No shit. No, no, no. I won the, I think it was a 20-something. Oh, okay. Oh, it's been around forever.

Yeah. I mean, it's a huge thing. I mean, and actually, I have some, like, real guilt. I feel like I came down there like a mercenary, man. I feel like I took advantage. They had a really good thing in Austin, man. Like, it's... And you fucked it up.

I did, man. I was in Northern. I came in and I was like, I want to win. And they were like, fine. And then you did? Yeah. God damn, Yankees. Yeah, I was, yeah.

But it was like, it's a lot of history there. You know what's weird? Like, I'm in my head. Like, I'm trying to figure out the pecking. Because really, I care about Drew. I understand. So it's like... But I'll consider us buddies.

No, I think, but that's the thing. Like, I feel like the three of the three of, us could become really good friends even though we never will. But so also, that's just you're excluding me immediately. You said the three of us. You're like, yeah, you drew and Corey. He excluded me. Brother's like this motherfucker.

Absolutely. He excluded me, I think, because I'm already his friend. No, this is, because I feel like I feel like I can still be friends with Corey because at some point I might be bigger than you. Yeah. Yeah. But you. It's too late.

Well, you're trying to become friends with me. You've just made a huge mistake. No, I'm kidding. No, you're absolutely right. You moved to D.C. Why? Okay, let me ask you. Okay.

You have listeners, and they're terrific listeners. I present, like, they found you for a reason. Brisele don't want to do the background information. Why didn't care about some semi-retired comic in Virginia Beach? Well, because what I specifically want to talk to you about is the semi-retirement. All right. And I feel like in order to set that up... Who cares about the past?

Well, I do feel like in order to set that up, people need to understand, because I think this is a big part of your semi-retirement. Okay. I know a lot of comics who have quit or retired or whatever the right phrasing is. Yeah. You're one of the few that I know who I feel like quit at a time when things were going a certain way. Other comics were like, he's next. People in the industry were trying to set you up at a certain way.

Yes. And so I was simply trying to lay the groundwork of that. But there is a briefer way to do it, which is to say, You featured at the DC Improv a lot. That was one of the best fucking clubs in the country. You moved up to New York. And right before I got there, you sort of had the city by the balls, according to other people. You've never said that to me, but other people have told me that.

Go ahead. Let me, yes. Now that I understand what you're looking for, let me find that short version. Okay. I worked really hard from when I was 18, from when I was a kid, I wanted to do common. I started at 16. Yeah. I remember an open mic when I was 15 years old at a coffee shop in town.

and I didn't have the guts to do it. And I remember being devastating, so I was like, I'm 15, it's over. Like, that was, because for a decade,

I had dreamt of it. By 15, yeah, and so 18, when I went to Ohio University, I had a professor named Keith Newman, and I took a class on comedy history. You could get out of an exam

by doing a stand-up set. Really? Yeah. I didn't know I could go to college to do stand-up. That's my moment. I mean, whatever the, whatever my degree says, nice. Cory Parton's so loud it might have been picked up by the mice.

I'm so sorry. No, you're not. I thought it would be silent and y'all just know about it later. How did you think that was going to be silent? He's fucking lying. Right up against your lips. Just so you know. Yeah, yeah.

He sounds good. Thanks. But no, still up against your lips. All right. um how's that even in the room of three quote unquote progressive white dudes it's like as soon as

something's semi homo erotic we're like ooh let's make jokes and they were great yeah put it against your liars I was born in the 80s it's all still no to me so yeah so Keith Newman

I went up with Damon Cameron and a couple others and me and Damon kind of stood out And we were friends from that day forward. He's still a good buddy of mine out in Cleveland. That's the one of whose number you gave me and you were like, call this guy. Yeah, I was like, he's one of the weirdest friends I have.

He'll just give you a dude's number and be like, you need to just call this dude and tell him I said it and just have a conversation. Okay, look, I got off Facebook like two, three years ago. Best decision, one of the top five decisions I ever made. Especially for your career. We can talk about that. I'll trade a career for a happy life, you know? Yeah, for sure. I mean.

No, no, buddy. preach. That's a foreshadowing there, brother. That's what we want to get into. Okay. But no, I gave you Damon's number because, because like that, that's all Facebook is. It's just like, hey, you know this person who also knows this person. Like, why can't a human being do that and be like, hey, this is a friend? You have a lot in common with it. You've never met. You'll never meet unless I make the connect. Why isn't that a thing? Yeah. Well, like, if you, because if you just put them together in person, you're like, hey, that happens all the time. Hey, this is a buddy. I think. you get along why is it weirder over the phone that's just another method of communication because it felt like um uh there used to be pin pales friend blind date and that was weird to me yeah no i know i know buddy i'm on i'm kind of more on your side it is weird but why is it weird is logically correct yeah that's what in reality i was like i'm not calling a dude i don't know

i think this is why women are crushing us i do know right yeah i don't want to talk to the phone to guys i know already yeah if me and you ever talk on the phone or me and try or you and he is the He's the worst. No, he's the worst. No, he's the worst. And I'd say I'm probably objectively the best, but I still feel similar. Like, if we call each other, it ain't to just be like, hey, how's it going? It's, I've got a sketch idea.

What do you think about this? I always pretend that that's why I'm calling Trey for like three minutes. Then he gets to say this shit. What are you doing, buddy? How's Katie? How's the kids? Can't we text? God damn.

Fuck this. I think the reason that that's not a thing is because, well, and they've already, again, I'm that. I'm that way about the phone. Don't hit for me, whatever. But like, if, for example, Drew's friend, one of Drew's best friends, his wife, is a big practical joker. And they decided they were going to play a play a play.

Miami. Yeah. And they decided they were going to play a practical joke on me. And she was going to pretend to be this insane, obsessive, stalkery fan of mine. and it was so great so when so when she first called me she you know she was playing it's like hey train my name's whatever and i love you so much and then she said uh i got your phone number from uncle tim who is my that's my uncle he's all all over facebook all over my shit on facebook like when somebody shits on me

uncle tim will go in on him whatever like so literally dude all the time oh it's great and it's the best he's awesome and so it's he's very there should be a podcast of just uncle tim reading shit that people shit on you for and then going in. It'd be phenomenal. And so it's actually pretty plausible. Right. That's something like that could have happened. She got in touch with Uncle Tim on Facebook.

He gave her my number. And so that's what she said. And the minute she said that, I was like, God damn it, Uncle Tim. Like, I was so furious that he had given this person my number. And I feel like whether she could have been the coolest person. It could have been not a practical joke. She could have been the coolest person in the world. but and again, this is me hating talking on the phone and just being a general shithead.

But my initial reaction is going to be like, oh, what the fuck? Like if whenever somebody says, Drew gave me your number or Uncle Tim gave me your number, whatever. Right. The first thing I'm going to think is, great. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know this person. And so that's what, whereas on Facebook, Facebook is whatever.

Somebody can find you on Facebook and send you a message and you can just be like, well, fuck that. It's not the same thing to me. And so, you know, like I get it. But at the same time, I know you're, when you hooked, drew up with that dude, you knew that it would be cool on all front. So it's fine. So it's not the same thing. You know, he's making a face. I'm saying that's why, to me, that's why it's not.

You said, why can't people just do that? I'm saying that's why I think people can't just do that. Well, that's for that reason. Okay, yes. Yeah, because people already have, in a way. I was doing something semi-shitty because I'm like, hey, you already have a full life. You only have 24 hours in your day, but you know what?

Add this friend in Cleveland. Well, what about the friend in Cleveland who, would you have warned him or whatever, or did you? Probably, I don't know. But you know what I mean? Like, he just gets a phone call one day. Oh, that's true. That's weird. Yeah.

I don't know if it's weird or not, but I think it is. But I think you're right that it shouldn't be. That's what I'll say. That's kind of my point is that you're in the weeds. No, you're absolutely right. It's weird, but it shouldn't be. We should just be able to talk to people. That should be a fine thing.

I just don't like people. I'm a trade. People suck. You should be allowed. Have you ever talked to people? Yeah, no, they're the worst. No, you should be allowed to say, I don't want to do this. But what I'm saying is it shouldn't be weird to just be like, I think y'all would hit it off.

Why don't y'all talk? Right. You know? Yeah. Bryson, I sincerely think that you're saving the world. And us three are the worst. No, I, no. Here's, okay, let me go, let me go there with you.

Because I think you guys are doing a real cool thing. Like, I think what you're doing is legit cool. Should I keep going? No, keep going. Oh, sorry, we turned the air on. And it sounds really fucking weird, but y'all may or may not be able to hear that. Hey, everybody, just for two seconds, even you podcast listeners, shut the fuck up. No, it sounds pretty weird.

Turn it off. So hot. Okay, well, fuck it, leave it. We'll talk about her. It's fine. I think it sounds okay. Fuck it. Go on, Bryson.

People know what air conditioners sound like. Can I tell you this? And I don't think, I haven't done as much professionally speaking, but. Drew, for everybody listening to hump, just punched the air conditioner. Just got to Fonsu the air conditioner. It did not work. Sorry, Bryson. No, no problem.

I think this is the type of thing we talked a little bit about before. Like, if I don't. smoke anymore. And if I was smoking, that would be weird to me. For sure. Because you just said... We're talking about smoking weed. Right. And you just said, I think you're saving the world.

And then immediately this thing kicks in. And I'm like, oh, man, second biggest podcast. Everybody's hearing it. Yeah, yeah. We know now. You know, like, the problem with marijuana, and the reason I can't do it anymore is because it is like, a drug for me that makes me think I matter yeah and I don't like no individual

really matters right you know in any way that you have to worry about like you just have to do your own thing that's the that's the only if seven billion people all did not die in their own thing at the same time we'd all be like okay look trees let's talk about them environment like let's just let's make that a priority let's let's all kind of come together sure and at least acknowledge that collectively we all have that in common that the environment is the one thing we all have in common I am kind of high and you're fucking me

up right now how did you get? I hit that whoopee pan but anyway go ahead but is that the whooppy pan? I put it back in my room I'm sorry oh no no you're fine I'm fine with that let him go no it's okay

no it's not you it's fine if I do it's exactly yeah we're still go ahead right yeah we don't know each other that well right yeah no I'm going through and I do feel I've Well, let me follow through on it. So that's why I don't smoke anymore because I do think that's, I used to be worried that if I did a podcast like this, that I would get fired from my jobs because, you know, I teach, I teach kids, I coach kids, children. Right.

You know, people who, you know, parents care about who their kids are around, you know, and I kind of understand that in a way I didn't. Dude, when I was in high school, we got this new teacher one year. I'm not going to say her names. I don't know how that shit works. But we got this new teacher one year who was like, she was like 23 pretty fresh out of college. And she was a smoke show. And so all the dudes loved her, you know, everybody was obsessed with her, whatever. And one of those guys being a teenage boy, eventually somebody found out, discovered whatever,

that she had been on Girls Gone Wild. One of the Girls Gone Wild tapes. And this was back in the early days of Girls Gone Wild. Because eventually it just became like straight. up just porn. This was on one of the early types where it seriously is just chicks on spring break showing their tits and just being whatever, right? And that's it.

That was it. So this guy found it. He showed everybody else in school. Everybody came over. You're going to believe this. You know, whatever. And we're like, I fuck you, man. And he turned it on.

And sure enough, it was her. And literally all it was was her flashing her tits on Girls Gone Wild. Right. She got fired in less than a wist. week. Less than a week. Because, according, it's a small town. Word got around quickly, and they fucking bounced her ass like that.

And I thought it was fucked up then for different reasons that I think it's fucked up now. But either way, that shit ain't cool. But, like, I mean, yeah, you're right, man. Like, that's definitely what you're doing with kids and parents and, you know, you're in the community, man. Right. That shit. People care. No, there's a.

And we're going to totally tweet at your school. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. We're best friends now. Well, that's the thing. I'm a substitute teacher. So you could, I have like 30 schools. But Corey probably follows them all, though.

Without a doubt, it's a second career option for my. No, we talked about, Drew and I talked about this when we were years ago and we're up in New York about how at some point there was going to have to be a turn in politics. Right. where you just won't be able to fault people for what they've put online in the past. Because kids now don't realize the permanence of the Internet. So it will become true for everybody is what you're saying. It will reach a point where literally everyone has some kind of, I was a young, dumb-ass thing online. There's titties.

Who cares? There's tits. I totally agree with that. Totally agree. That's like the fifth point, but you're right. That's, Corey, there's tities. There's tities. there's titty.

That was your, that was a philosopher show. Yeah. I think all the time, we've talked before about how there are titties. I'm so grateful that that wasn't,

that we barely missed out on that. That was hilarious. I'm glad there aren't videos of me at 13, 14, being the fucking person I was out there just on the internet. You said,

we're the last generation to miss that. You said, but you said, but you said, And that's why they say we're millennials. How? We're like those, it's different. Four years younger than this, all their shit's on the internet.

But you said kids don't realize the permanence. I think they don't care. Because it's for everybody. Because it's just a part of their lives. Yeah, I don't mean to devalue their experience because they're having a different experience that we are. Well, but no, here's the thing is I'm selfish. I care about me and I care about making money so that my kid has food. You know what I mean?

So the thing is, here we are, and you guys now, and this is why I'm so happy for you guys, because you guys are making a living doing this. Yeah. That's amazing. That's so cool. And here I am not doing that. So it is one of the things that I think that in 10 years from now, the stuff that I have from my earlier career online, which includes some podcasts where I just said some

dumb stuff. You know what I mean? Like you just, podcast, you're so frustrated because you're in this room right now. You forget that later it will be way more people.

Exactly. It happens to me all the time when people say, oh, I was listening to the podcast and blah, blah, blah. Right. Am I chiropractor?

He's like, oh, fuck. I went to give her adjustment. And she was like, hey, tell Trey he was wrong about women breastfeeding. They can drink, just not a lot, blah, blah,

she explained the whole thing. And I was like, oh my God. Well, to me, you listen to the podcast. Yeah. It's like, this is. is a thing that I was like oh my god Trey is always wrong thank you yeah

thank you so much for saying that internet yeah literally all the time yeah it's finish that thing about being cool sorry oh just just the idea is that you're right by a nose we missed it so just so close but anybody

older than us didn't miss it by a nose so the parents of these children are saying how could someone who is an adult, who is in a position of authority for my child, have made these horrible decisions in the biggest terrible person. It's like, so were you. No one gave a fuck. Right.

There was no Snapchat. But then they would say, yeah, but I would never do that publicly. It was a mistake. I was, right. I sincerely believe that that in particular won't change until you're right. We missed it by a nose, but dude, those of us in our generation who have kids, some of us will still be those people. Despite the fact that we missed it by a nose,

we missed it, period. So they will still be like, like, like, Drew just says, like, well, I didn't die. I'm the same age. I didn't do that shit. I do think once our, because I have kids,

I do think once our children's generation is adults. It will be ubiquitous and true for everybody. And I do think they will all be kind of like, it will be different in the way you're saying. But I don't think that's going to happen with us. I think it's going to be the next one. Well, I think anyone in college right now. However close we missed it, we still missed it.

Right. I think anyone in college now. Which apparently is millennials, and that's been wild to me for a minute. That just ain't us. I don't know how I am. And it's not like a, fuck the millennials. That's not what I mean. I don't know how I'm the same as a current 24-year-old.

Their life has been so much different than mine. Dude, insanely different. Yeah. But so, all right, I want, go ahead, Bryson. A quick, funny point here is, after your guys show, great job, hilarious, come back again, everybody's listening whenever they come in town. They're great. After the show, I'm hanging out, and I'm watching as people filter out. And I said, you know what, I'm new in town, but let me just check.

Let me look at the people. Wouldn't it be funny if I knew somebody? Right. And as I'm looking, I swear to God, the guy walking out, assistant principal, at the school I worked at today. No shit. No shit. He's apparently a fan of the liberal redneck.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. Did you say what's up to him? I did. I gave him away about it. I was like, hey, what's up, dude? I mean, but no, I have like a real shot at a job at that school. And not if he knows I know you.

I disagree. No, I disagree. I think we don't. I mean, if he was there of ours, man. If he was there, then maybe you could use that. I work the opposite direction. Yeah, like, I mean, maybe. Should I go into his office and be like, hey, check out their next podcast?

FaceTime with us. Because here's the thing. During the interview. Hey, if you're listening, assistant principal, give Bryce and Turner a job. He's got a real good guy. He's super smart. I won't say what school it is, but I will say it is an underrated school. I love the school.

And it is, and that's as close as I'll get to selling out. Because I've had options and I've chosen not to. But that is, like, that is the fear. is that somebody would find out that I have this kind of history that you're friends with us but here's exactly right yes yeah right and but the thing is in the present reality like I try really hard like I work really hard like I connect with kit

like I really try right so I don't think that I have to worry as much as I worry because I think even if somebody were to have a problem with it somebody else would say would defend you yeah they would defend yeah I think if you it's uh I heard

I heard Trump say because I know earlier you guys were talking about Trump and uh listen to what you said it was great and um but he's at around a hundred day mark he said boy I didn't anticipate this being such a hard job right who knew

who knew the presidency would be so hard this is such a hard job and I thought about it and I was like well that's it's not exactly right because no job is hard but if you care but it's hard to do a good job at any job

it's hard to be good at any job so that is totally agree with that yeah I agree my my fiancee is a teacher and I literally when you said I shouldn't worry as much as I worry dude to me

just knowing her that job is just like 98% worry she worries all the time if she but she's a second grade teacher am I going to make the impact I should make on these kids? Are they going to, am I being respected? This is important. These are fucking kids.

This is the next generation. It's all worry. And most, if you want to do a job right, you fucking worry, period. I worry all the goddamn time. And I'm not even important like you. Given a damn is 90% of most jobs, in my opinion. Sure. Yeah.

Well, you clearly do. Yeah, obviously. Well, and the thing is, no matter what the job is, you get better over time. Nothing helps like experience. Right. And so, and I mean, that's true in common. Right. That's the thing, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, and, and so to worry is kind of, I think it's a very healthy thing. Sure. Like, Drew and I joked about it. I was a, I'm a basketball coach now. Yeah. And I think I was the worst coach in Virginia. I think I, I think I'm, I think I'm probably, that's true, but it's funny to think about.

Varsity basketball coach. You're an open mic coach. I'm an open mic coach. Great premises. Well, thanks. Such great premises. You just can't drive at home. This motion offense is fine, but why is he playing point guard?

I tell you, I swear to God, I had a moment where a ref made a bad call, and I, my, my heckled him. My heckle, I held it in, but I won, and it was good. It was good. I had, because I wanted to, like, I wanted to talk to the, I wanted to tell the ref he was bad. What I, the idea I had was to go to the other ref, and while he was like calling the foul, I was going to be like,

hey, I'm going to let you finish. I'm going to let you finish, but he just had one of the worst calls. You're in Tony. You're in Tony. All time. Yeah, I wanted to cut you. And I held it in because I came about kids.

You're not going to make it. You've got too much comic left in you. So now that you said, I feel like this is a good segue back into what we're talking about earlier, because I had the same thought. You said that. I was like,

I'm fucking once a comic. Always a comic. I was a comic. I was a comedian. But so that's the whole thing we were trying to ultimately get into, which is you, so, you know,

you started back up, back, but like Drew said, when he met you, you were a guy who was fucking on the come up in New York City, which I don't, I've never lived there, but I know enough to know that that's extremely hard to do as far as comedy goes.

Sure. And also just, uh, from my, perspective drew showed me some we you weren't there hadn't met you went across pass or nothing I was just in New York hanging out back before all this shit I was just up there for some other stuff and Drew showed me some of your videos and I was like that that motherfucker's hilarious so fun including the clip that we that

we played earlier but also another one that he shared with the whole like well fuck it but the whole with kids and lying to them for good reasons as far as well as I just told him that joke. But anyway. Oh, God damn it. That joke's so funny. So I'm saying even like, you know, comedians have higher standards for other comedians. And I watched your shit and I was like, that guy's fucking awesome.

Right. So. What happened? No, that's not what I mean. No, I'm going to ask you what happened because I could tell. I could tell you're still funny. You're still a funny guy. But that's the whole deal.

It's like you were, you were doing that. It was happening. And from an outside perspective. seem like it's going well. You're a very funny, you're a very funny, dude. So then what happened? Because you, my understanding is you stepped away from it, right? You don't do comedy anymore.

You haven't done it in a while, right? Let me catch it this way. Was it your dream? That's a very good question, actually. Was it your actual dream? Great question. No. I hate you so much.

No, that's, No, because he's that good and he didn't give as much of a fuck about as I do. That's such, but that's super important. I think we talked about that last week. Drew said, Drew said, what he thinks is most important is that people are honest with themselves about what their dream actually is. Right. Like so many people think it would be super cool to be an actor or a rapper or a comedian or whatever. But it doesn't, that doesn't mean that it actually is their passion.

And that's what people need to be, is more honest about what really is their passion. Let me ask that's a very good question. Did you think it was your dream? I did. For how long? 20, 25 years. And then you realized it wasn't, can you tell us why? Because that's what I realized you meant after you said that.

You said, oh, no, it wasn't my dream, but you meant, I now know it wasn't my dream. But back then, when I met you, it was. That's what I thought. Yeah. Yeah. There was an interview that I saw with Don Chietel. And he was doing a, I think it was like a dizzy Gillespie. What's the guy's name?

He was doing a biopic about a trumpet player. Oh, yeah. It was Miles Davis. Miles Davis. I actually think he, like, directed that, too. He was like, that was his whole thing. And, you know, there are just certain moments in life that, I mean, we each have a different life in different moments kind of our turning points and I didn't realize it at the time I just

thought it was funny but the the person who was interviewing him was kind of fawning over him and she was like she was like what was it like to like get in that character and I had just started I was tutoring in some inner city schools in New York for Kaplan trying to prep kids for SATs and it was a real job and it was so different than the movies that you'd seen you know like those cliches where you go in and save the day

and it's like you don't save the day because you weren't Michelle Fiver you know what man I reached these kids dangerous minds yeah yeah I was walking through the valley of the shed you're a white guy coming to air and you save them all you reach the kids

you fucking save the day the goal gall. The, the, the, the, and I apologize to my students who may be listening in the future. That thank you saved them and you did. The balls. The balls on someone to come into a school filled with teachers who do it every day, who have done it for years, who have built relationships with students for years. And then to be like, don't worry, I'm white.

Right. I got this. I'll turn these kids around. The good skins here. Exactly how I feel about those missions to foreign countries. Yeah, man. But sorry, we'll get in the weeds if we go into that. Sure. All right.

So he answers this question. And I just realized, like, you know what? Like, he's acting. There's nothing new with what he's doing. If he's so good, then why doesn't he become the new best trumpet player in the world? There should be no movies. because anybody who's talented enough to pretend to be an inspiring teacher should just become an actual inspiring teacher.

Jesus Christ. Live the lie. Let me tell you why I respectfully disagree with that. Okay. Because. Trade don't want to teach. Teachers for all. No, teachers matter so much more than regular people.

Teaching is actually the other thing that I actually thought I could be happy doing. Sure. But what I'm saying is if if that was the reality, Yeah. Like, actual teachers, and this is shitty, but it's just true,

people never hear or learn their stories. People don't ever, people that have nothing to do with education. Yeah. If it weren't for good, not Michelle Fiper's shit,

but like good movies or good, good media about it, they would never, they'd never think about it and they wouldn't give a fuck. Like, to me,

in the world of entertainment, when people portray, these like actually noble and important jobs, I do think that serves a purpose because it makes all the rest of the regular people who do, who are truck drivers or, you know, janitors or whatever. Right. It makes them give a fuck or at least think about that job, which would never happen if there were no movies about that job ever or no songs about it or whatever.

I agree. I agree. Because I think what you're touching on is there's a certain arrogance. in the entertainment world. Yeah. That we're super... Yeah, for sure. Well, there's plenty of variants,

but there's a specific one of, oh, my God, we're so important. And part of that's like what draws our personality types to it, right? I mean, there's a lot of ego involved. So I hear what you're saying, Bryson, but I agree with Trey that there is the role of the storyteller in society and tell other people's stories. And there's a responsibility.

Right. And there's responsibility to tell those stories well. But if I'm hearing you, correctly well go on with that you thought that about don chito how did that apply to bryson turner's life um he was the don chito of his time that's what i was that's what i that's what i that's that's what i got from just because well okay so i'm this is uh do you mind if i get one more uh drink would that be right i don't know if bryson i hope you get everything eat that goddamn pineapple we literally get whatever you have to sleep on my bed tonight i'll go down and

there and fucking get more money. Get whatever you want. How much we've come up at the Well Red podcast. Not do we have drinks. We have a whole pineapple. A whole pineapple. Just sitting here that we have an...

A ventress gave us a pineapple before we left the club. What do you want? You want another... If there's... Look in there. If there ain't nothing in there, I'll go get you with a bill of that. There's Miller. There's Miller lights in there.

I'll go downstress in this conversation because I'm stupid. I'll go down there and get us more bills. Can I tell you just... And this is... That's me wanting to go. What do you want? What do you want? What are you want?

He just wants to go smoke a cigarette and get some of it. Pause the goddamn tape. We're having a drink break. Okay, cool. We're going to pause. And we'll be right now. We'll come back even more fun. This Don Cheadle thing, and you take it from there.

Sorry, I stepped on your outro. It ain't paused. It's like, forgive him for being racist. Yeah. Or well, pointed Bryson, because you're going to tell us about Don Cheadle. Now, here we are. We're on. Don Cheadle.

You were talking about Don Cheadle in that moment, and you were about to, I think, apply it to your life. Yeah, it wasn't a moment at the time. time but sometimes you just look back and you remember and i i thought like a like a comic i think at the time it i said oh that'll be a good joke and but it wasn't it it was a good life lesson instead you know like i i i it was not my dream to be a comic because i didn't want to just be a comic right that wasn't that's all you'd ever done right that was all i'd ever done and if i had um like i'm i'm I would be thrilled to get to do comedy and Venice and I've talked about it.

Like we'd love to be able to tour during the summers. But I like teaching. I actually enjoy the kind of watching brains kind of absorb. You know, and I've heard of elementary school teachers say this a lot that like, it's almost like it's amazing to see a kid kind of say

to see at a kuh, to cat, like to witness the first time a brain develops language skills. I hope this isn't douchey to bring up, but I'd like volunteered when I was, when I studied abroad. And I taught a kid to divide. And it freaked me out how good it felt. And like that's a very like selfish ego thing to say. But like all I have is my experience, right?

No, I don't. Freak me out. Here's the thing you'll use forever, and I taught you that. And watching his little face light up, and he looked at me like, I did that. And I was like, fuck you did that. Dude, I've never been a teacher outside of the role of being a dad. But like when that kind of shit happens as a dad, it's fucking, it's insane. It blows your mind, especially when it's, because you're talking about you're sitting down to teach them division.

And then he gets it. And that's very, very cool. But like, whenever one of mine says something that, like, I had no idea. that they had grasped or conceptualized. You know what I mean? Like when it's almost like a surprise to me, that shit's fucking insane. Did you and Katie ever fight over who gets their credit?

No, no, no, because a lot of times we're both just like, how the fucks he know that? I used to, I used to teach, or not teach, but I used to watch kids at a daycare. But I mean, I also would, they would ask me stuff, and I would tell them things. And this one time, this kid, kid named Graham, who I'll shout him out.

This was fucking 11 years ago. He's all enough to listen to this podcast now. Graham, if you're listening, you were my boy. You're still my boy. But one time, and this is probably a bad thing that I did, but he was getting picked on by this older bully. And he's like, he had a little speech

and pet me. He goes, hey, clues is picking on me. What do I do? And I was like, dude, here's the thing, man. If he's picking on you, I know who you are. I know your pedigree. I know your family.

Take him down. That's what I told him. Just a little kid. And then we were out in the playground. I didn't know any of this is going to happen. But I look over. And Cruz, his huge kid,

was picking on Graham. And Graham jumped up, like Crow Hop jumped up and decked him in the face. This kid's like four years older and huge, way huge than him. And I ran over there. And I was like, oh, my God.

Graham, what happened? And he looked at me, a five-year-old kid and goes, he called me a fuckle. and so I hit him in the face and I was like yeah you uh you should have done that and the thing is

I taught him that and Cruz never picked on him again and now I know I'm wrong I shouldn't incite violence but I told Graham to do a thing you was right I told Graham to do a thing he did that thing and it solved his problem and I was and I was like you know and by the way because of where I live I didn't get in trouble for that because

because Graham's mom was just like fuck yeah you told him my kid to punch a bully. Cruz's dad is an old hardcore biker dude and he was like my son was picking on a fucking younger kid fuck him, he should have got hit in the face. So I never got in trouble and it was all five but like I had this

weird. We do some things better in the South. Yeah, I had this weird moment of like, I know that I technically should, by the book, shouldn't have done that. But I taught him a thing and he did it and it resolved it. And Graham's been my boy ever since. It's Robbie's cousin. So like I felt like, okay. What's up Robbie? Yeah, what's up Robbie? I can do this. But like, yeah, I was, you know, I'm not a

dad, but I was like, fuck yeah, that felt really good. as a comedian outside of just like teaching them things they need to know like actual educational shit whenever one of them is like genuinely funny oh yeah and y'all both knows you around my boys a lot they're both hilarious but they're typically hilarious in the way that four and five year olds are hilarious but like but anytime but anytime one of them like the best example the best recent example is when Bishop, my five-year-old, uh, was arguing with my wife,

Katie, his mama. He was arguing with her. And I swear to God, he told his mama to shut her coffee hole. She's a fucking Starbucks drinking white woman. And that, and that's one of those things were like, I should have been like,

hey, you don't talk to your mama. You don't talk to your mama like that. But, a comedian, I just fucking lost it. I'm sorry, I can't. That's amazing. That's a funny of you. So those moments you're talking about, I mean, you've, I'm trying to think of how to say this.

From listening to you, it sounds like what you realized, wasn't necessarily that stand-up comedy isn't a dream of yours. But it wasn't the dream or it wasn't enough to sustain you. I don't think it's. Or maybe you dreamed again. Well, you could have two dreams. Yeah, I don't, I don't mean to. And I've really, I mean, this is not a criticism of anyone's life outside of mind. Right.

But for me, my experience has been that I don't, I don't think for me it's healthy to have any dream except to find a balanced life. Man, hell yes. Yeah. So, hell yeah. So sincerely. And figuring out, so in leaving New York, which by the way, just on a personal level, you did it in the middle of the fucking night. Oh, you were just God. Yeah.

Like, he was just gone. Only some people are going to. The people who get that one of it. Mayflower showed up and moved the franchise to go to Indiana. You know who's going to get that? None of our fans. All right. But, like, yeah.

Sorry, I was trying to ask the question. I didn't mean to put, like, the wrong terms on it or whatever. And so you're saying your dream is to have a balanced life. But that wasn't always the case, correct? No, it was. When did you, like, realize that comedy was in the way of that? Um, Well, I think that, I think, oh, good question.

I do think I don't mean to be kind of, I think Vanessa, like just the conversations we had helped to progress my mind in that way where it was kind of like, oh, there is more. And you fell in love with a woman, not a girl. Right. Yes. You saw things differently. Yeah, you see things differently. you start to, when someone, she communicates very well and very patiently. And I think if you're going to be in a relationship with a comedian, then you have to be a patient communicator.

Without a doubt. So it is, you know, but she is. She's both. And so she was able to kind of communicate the idea of that it's not all my story. Like I do legitimately think, and I don't mean this. as a joke, but I think I am a narcissist. I think that that's like a real thing that I actually am. And so to...

Most of us, I think, probably are, too, at some extent. Right. And I think that, I think probably our society encourages it because it, it, it, it, um, it encourages consumption. We just elected one. Right. Well, that really ties into this conversation from last week that we're trying to build on here in a way, when we say to people, young kids.

You can be whatever you want to be. I think if a young person has those tendencies, that's feeding that a little bit. Okay, let me quickly. So before, I was late to your show because I was working at CTAC Rec Center, which is part of the city rec center. Shout out CETAC, all the kids there. Assistant Principal, hire him. Hire Bryson.

Sorry, go ahead. So, but the thing was, when I was in New York, part of me, I said the way that I kind of eased my way off of comedy was I dove into basketball real deep. Remember when we talked about coaching together? Mm-hmm. I wanted to do that. And you left in the middle of the night.

You, like, grew up playing your whole life, like played all throughout high school, like you were super into it, like the way he was? Not at all. No, he was... No, I wasn't. I thought the game was neat. I mean, I'm always...

Because you're a tall guy. You're a taller dude. I was a baseball kid. I was a baseball. I was just born... I loved it. But I grew to love basketball, love the sport.

But, no, I was terrible. I was awful. And part of the reason was, looking back, my family was not an athletic family. We were a Christian family. I didn't, I was talking to Vanessa last night. I like how you did it either or with Christian and athletic. We're Christian. We're Christian.

We're not Mormon. Yeah, exactly. We're not Mormon. Mormons are super athletic. I say, fuck that. Mormons are, yeah. We've talked about that on five podcasts. Oh, well, all right.

I'm sorry. I yeah I uh no I I um I every year grown up I went Christmas caroling and uh I don't I did I thought everyone went Christmas carol I thought that was just what everyone like Saturday before Christmas is what you got to do you know like I just I was born and raised into a family that we didn't we valued music over sports athletics not all kids are the same so I had an athletic bug and so I said screw it I'm gonna I'm gonna dive into basketball and I I, when I go, like, in terms of dreams, this is, this is kind of the core of what I believe in terms of the last podcast. I think you absolutely say, pursue your dreams. I think 100% you say, pursue it, because I said, I didn't say, you know what, let me work on my jump shot. I said, I'm going to make the NBA. I was a 29, I was a 29 year old that couldn't play basketball. And I said, I'm going to make the NBA.

And so that. As a player? As a player. Yes. Yes, as a player. I put it on Facebook. Me and you could be for him. Go on.

We're the same person. Uh-huh, yeah. I think we could. Hubris out the butthole. Let me tell you. Yep. Yeah, hubris. And because that's the drink.

If you're going to play basketball, that's the ultimate, that's the best league in the world. So I said, I'm going to play in the world. By the way, by the way, he's considered other league. Four our listeners, you are a tall guy, but what are you, six four? Six four. And six four. The wide is best. extremely white.

I mean, you look like you're a good shape, but still, you're a six-four white guy who started playing basketball at 29 or around then. That's right. So, you know,

saying, I'm going to make the NBA. Was not a realistic. That's a long road to hoe, buddy. It's a long road. Yes. Yeah.

And so I have, I really, I had that mentality, and I made that my dream, and I allowed that to be my real dream. And I have failed so spectacularly. I'm so bad. But,

I have gotten a lot better. And so what I was doing, because I couldn't be at your show, was I was working at this rec center where I go and I play basketball with these kids who come in, and they freaking love me. They call me bird. And I like... Best compliment.

Best compliment you can get. I think it's because you look like a bird. I think it's the nose. But I'm not worried about why. Yeah, Larry has nothing to do with it. They don't even know he exists. Yeah. But no, I get, but here's the funny thing to me is I pursued that dream, failed,

and every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I get paid to play basketball. I'm a professional basketball player. Did it hurt you to fail at that? Oh, wow, that's interesting. So you just said, and that's true. I think, did it hurt you, though? No. That's not a real dream.

I think what you're, I think what you just said is in line with what. what I said last week on the podcast, which is, I never said don't follow your dreams. I said, follow your dreams, but don't wrap the entirety and yourself worth up in achieving them at the highest level. So, like, you're like, yeah, this is my dream. I'm doing it. But then when it didn't happen, now you're like, but hey, I'm doing this and it's cool and everything. And so that's a healthy attitude to have about it. I think a whole lot of people don't have that same attitude about whatever their dream is.

100% agree. And here's why I disagree with you, Drew, that it's not a real dream. Because I'm ready for the call. Who's all the bite up, baby? The Spurs got swept because they didn't have the bird on the team. My high school baseball coach every year since I've been on high school, I've seen on Facebook, he makes the post in the draft. Like, well, for the 38th year in a row, I wasn't selected in the Major League Baseball draft, maybe next year.

Yeah, that's an awesome coach. Yeah, like that. There was a guy who had a bet on premium. Great pain. Thank you for being a huge fan of mine. It was a black comic in the late 90s, early 2000s on Premium Blend. Just like, that's all I remember. DeWain Perkins.

Was it Perkins? You realize you're not going pro? Yeah. He's like, every man's got that moment in their life and they realize they're not going pro. He's like, until last year. And he was like 32 at the time. I was like, I don't know, man. I work on this job.

jump shot a little bit. Maybe I get my 40 time down. I got good hands. Yeah. He's like, you know what? I don't think I'm going pro. I don't think it's going to happen.

It's Dwayne Perkins. He just put out a new special. That's a random plug. It doesn't matter anything for us. But, yeah. Trey can't relate to this at all because he didn't ever think he's going pro in sports. No, I didn't.

No, I mean, I really didn't. I played football in high school, but I was a fucking six-foot-tall, 185-pound guard, like offensive lineman at a tiny little fucking school or whatever. and I never had any aspirations at all athletically because I fucking knew that I couldn't.

But, but during that whole time, I was like, well, yeah, but I'm going to be a comedian. I'm going to make movies and shit. But I wasn't doing, I wasn't doing fucking anything because I'm from this tiny little shit town and none of that was happening. But you were doing improv with your friends and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah, you're right. But the whole time, but again, it goes back to we were actually talking about during the break. like that that wasn't a real it was real to me but I'm saying like everybody else I was around you know that they didn't take it seriously but I very much so did right this is like no I'm gonna do

that my first dream was the NBA and I was serious about it and I was like when I was eight you know what I mean like a lot of kids I didn't let go of it till I was 15 and I remember when I did not like the moment but the general time period and it did it did kind of break my heart like I was good at basketball but I wasn't great I was probably great quote unquote at like 12 or 13 because I was obsessed with it compared to other 12 and 13 year olds. I was really good. But then puberty, athleticism, et cetera, et cetera comes into play.

I meet a girl. You know how that is? And at like 15, and I remember it kind of broke my heart for two reasons. One is my grandfather was the only person who ever truly believed in me. People were like, my mom and dad were like, great, yeah, cool, go for it. But you could tell it. You know what I mean? You could tell my dad was like, look, dude, you're going to be five.

They're smart. Yeah. Right. But my papal was like, yeah, he's going to do it. I know he is. And it, like, hurt me to fail him, number one. And then number two, it pissed me off that my dad was right. You know what I mean?

Like, but I got over that, of course. It's so funny. But we were talking about, like, sometimes it crushes people to, like, not. Yeah, sometimes. Before my, so often, man. Before my granny died, she, and by the way, being a professional golfer was literally never a dream of mine. Obviously, if I could snap my fingers and do it, I would.

But, like, my granny was so, sweet and so like your pat-ball and just believed in me that I would just play golf regularly like with my buddies and she would sit there and tell my parents she goes he's going to play Tiger Woods he's going to play Tiger Woods and my parents are like hey no

and I would go great he's 38 and I'd be like Granny no she goes hey you don't ever know and I was like yes I do he's literally the greatest in the world I play twice a month and get drunk she goes well you just keep thinking that you'll see so she died and thinking I was going to be Tiger Woods

So, like you said, like I said, I never had any athletic aspirations at all. And good, yeah, for good fucking reasons. Yes, that's what I'm saying. But for that whole, I'm sorry. For that entire time, I had a lot of good buddies, you know, who did. Because that happened just like you, you know, whatever. Like, I mean, guys who were fucking phenomenal athletes in Salina. And that whole time, I was like, I love this guy.

He's my buddy. But there's absolutely no. fucking way that's going to happen. It is what I was thinking, but at this, I was like, that's ridiculous. They can't, we're from, that's not going to happen. It's a fucking mid-sized white guy from Salina. There's no

fucking way he's going to be a professional athlete. But while I was saying that, I was sitting there in my mind being like, well, but I'm going to be a fucking famous comedian though or whatever, you know, and I, and unlike them, I wasn't playing. You know what I mean? Like, they were playing,

they were playing and succeeding. I was just like cracking people up at recess and shit. I wasn't doing shit. But I genuinely had that belief. It's like, yeah, well, but that's what I'm going to do in my life. And the thing is, they're very analogous. Like, as far as the odds go, the odds of going pro in any sport and the odds of going pro in entertainment. I disagree.

They're about the same. I disagree. Really? Oh, no. Here's what. Come on, man. Really? To be famous, perhaps.

But just getting good at comedy and being nice. Getting a job. working. You can make some money at it, touring. Yeah, like, I'm not as good as much as a luncheon-lancher kind of. Are you including at all, like, coaching jobs or, like, front-office jobs and shit like that?

But some of your buddies could have been coaches. Yeah. You know, and I've got buddies who I played college football with, who when they got there, some of them when they were 18, even though it was a D-3 school, we're like, I'm going to the NFL, but a lot of them are coaches and stuff like that. Yeah, and also, if I break my ankle, I can still do this year. Like, there's so many more factors.

All right. Well, okay. Sorry, Bryson. No, I, um, no, go ahead. Well, you were talking about pursuing your dream of being a basketball player. I guess I'll believe you. It was a real dream. Right.

What a weird. What a weird for a friend would be like, that doesn't count. That's not, that's what your friends do. They're honest. People don't value that anymore. People don't want that. Yeah, we're not buddies. We're friends.

I'm going to tell you like it is. People don't want honesty, which we did. If we did, if I'm mistaken is what you told Patrice O'Neill, right? What did I tell? That people don't want that. what he does people don't want what you do oh you are the best at it just nobody wants it well i yeah i well the point i made to him was that hold on wait can you yeah explain he told me that story the other than i could well you retell that what he's talking about it was you patrice

o'neill what no i just i was very fortunate i i i i liked patrice a lot as a comic i think he's he's a fucking he was a fucking genius for those of you who don't understand like i don't think we've explained this enough that how Bryson, how good Bryson was. If you Google Bryson's name, the related searches are Mike Epps, Mitch Headberg, Andy Kaufman, and Billy Conley.

Mine is just farts. All right, well. So, yeah, you used to know Patrice O'Neill, who is one of the best comedians of all time. He is, to me, one of the best comedians of all time. Not to you, period. We all agree with that.

Period. It's objective. I think that's into the, yeah. Yeah. I thought we let him tell the story. Um, well, it was, I was very fortunate. But I don't want to, I actually want to, I actually want to walk that back because I've claimed in the past that I was friends with him. And I didn't say that for the record.

You never told me that. I got to. But let him tell the story. I have claimed. I've claimed it. And we weren't friends. I, we had maybe two or three good conversations person to person. And I don't know if that qualifies.

You know what I mean? Like, he had real friends. He had people that he spent years with coming up. I was fortunate enough to have a couple good conversations. conversations with him. And one of them, I challenged him and I kind of threw him off. And the point I made, he was kind of saying, why can I follow anyone in New York in this mecca and crush? And I own every room I'm in. And, you know, Joe Coy's bigger than me. Like, why is that? He didn't understand it. And my point was that you might be giving people the truth. in a way, I mean, it was his

truth. And I said, what if the point that I made was what if the truth is bad news for women? He was not liked by women. I don't think his act was enjoyed by women nearly as much as men, on average.

Right. And I think that was part of the reason that he didn't experience the success that he could have. Because it was not a fun message to get as a woman. Right. It was hard to hear. It was hard to hear. Right. It was hard to hear. It was great, but it was hard to hear. I agree. And we all agree. And we are four men, we are four white men in a room right now. So he was, he was in a way preaching to us, but I don't know. So that was my point was,

you might be not succeeding because it's just bad news. You're doing an amazing job of delivering some bad news. And there's a ceiling when you're going to, when you realize that it's bad news on planet Earth. You know? And so he, I think he gained a certain level of respect for me just because I

just because I twisted his brain a little. You know, because he was like, oh, I never, yeah, maybe that is just why. And I, you know, I threw him off in a Denny's, you know. It wasn't a friendship. Well, what do you think about it? That was fantastic.

And you already, I cried. That's the second. The third, when he died, that's the third most I've ever cried. My dad, Scott Bencherro, Petruza. Well, and you already said, like, yeah, I knew the guy, but, you know, I'm not going to say we're friends. Right. But, but what do you think about? Because the narrative I always heard, and I never met Patrice, huge fan, loved him.

Never crossed past once. Never met the guy. But after he died, obviously, there was a whole lot of comics talking about him. And I listened to a lot of it in, like, Chris Rock, for example, said, on Opie and Anthony, he was like, he was talking about Patrice and, and the narrative he kind of put forward was that he couldn't get out of his own way. Right. Like the reason, the reason that he wasn't this huge star that he absolutely deserved to be

was, was not necessarily the shit he was saying or the materially had, but it was that he, he just had this thing where he couldn't get out of his own way. He'd go in a fucking meeting with like network executives. and shit. And this is actual story Chris Rock told. He would, like, come in, walk, walking room, sit down and just look at him back. You fucking hate me. You fucking hate me. You don't want shit to do with me. None of y'all want shit.

Like, literally first words out of his mouth. And Chris Rock was saying, I was telling him all times, like, man, you have to play the game a little bit, you know? Yeah. That whole office shit when he said, like, he was on, like, the first season of the office. And they were like, we want to pick you up as a series regular. And he was like, if we can do it in New York. And they were like, no, it's. it's in L.A.

We're going to film it in L.A., and he's like, yeah, well, fuck that. He just didn't do it. He was like, I'm not moving to L.A. I respect the fuck of that. I mean, I wouldn't do it. That's why I respect it. He's a better man to me.

I'd be like, yeah, absolutely. I'll move to Ohio and suck every dick ever. Let's be on the office. Yeah, I mean, well, he didn't know the office was going to be in the office. And it's, um... That's true. Their first year was pretty hit and miss. Yeah, well, it wasn't the explosion that it kind of...

Right. But it was a Steve Girl vehicle. so he should have known that it was a good career move. But I'm not here to like, you know, rehash moment to moment. But I don't know. I love it. Honestly, that's an unfair question to even ask you. Is that kind of true?

Have you thought about that? Is Patrice doing what he did? Did that make Craig Robinson the star that he is? Yes, absolutely. It had to have been. No, that's 100% sure. I've read about that. I've never read about it.

It just kind of now occurred to me. I was like, holy fuck, Craig Robinson owes his career to Patrice not giving a fuck so my my step kid is amazing and um and she's man she's she's a she's a trooper because she doesn't hate me and she should i'm this i'm i'm how old is she's uh she's 16 okay so um and and uh she she should hate me because like i didn't she's 16 yeah right yes she's a she's a teenage girl so i'm associated with her mother so she should hate me and also I'm taking the place of her father. I'm the worst.

I'm Joe Chill. I killed her family. I ended. So she should just despise me. And she doesn't. And she's also just a great kid. But one of the things that made me the happiest in the four or five years is she loves the office.

And she was watching an episode with Patrice. And he did something. And it was just his face. Like it was Michael did something. And Patrice. his face and she cracked up. And it felt like it felt like a grandpa

that had died. It was like that type of and maybe it's not healthy for me to a moat like that. And I'll say just for, it's funny to me that we're talking about Patrice because there are, I do believe that the internet,

how it works is people will follow individuals. Like you, I'm showing up on your podcast right now. But at some point there will be people who do a deep dive of me. For sure. And you check out, it's been two or three years

since I've done a podcast. So somebody who wants to be a fan of mine can kind of like climb the ladder or the rock wall or whatever of my internet. And right now, everyone who has been listening to this is like,

ah, shitty, went down the Patrice thing again. Like I bring him up every time I've ever... We brought him up. In your defense, we brought him up. No, but I do think he's worth bringing up because I... For sure. Yeah, I think him and Burr, I had, I was very fortunate.

In terms of why am I good? You know what I mean? Like, why... That's a big reason. When you're around greatness, you're absolutely, you absorb it. They benefit from that, from me with that all the time. And it's not lost on me how fortunate they are. And this is the first time I've actually brought it up to them.

But, like, sincerely, like, they're so... lucky. It's funny to me that none of our fans know which one of us said that right now. Right, right. And don't tell them. It's fine. They'll just have to assume. Can I tell you?

We all know who they'll assume. Corey, Corey, can I tell you? The right one. Yeah. Can I tell you the thing I'm most afraid to tell you guys? Yeah.

And it's just, who do you think the funniest? No. This is, it's awful for you, Corey. Oh, that's great. That's it always is.

Please, go on. He's about to call me Larry the Cabo guy. No, here's my defense. My defense is, I know Drew. Okay? All right. Drew is the one that I know.

And we're very sorry. I am too. It's a bummer. It's unfortunate, but here we are. Trey is the one that hit. Right? Isn't that that's the southern term? It is.

That's our word. Now he heals. I didn't hear it. So. He does. So, so, so Trey, I know, so I know Trey because he hit. We were watching videos. We watched you on the view.

Vanessa and I watched you guys on the view. I was on the view. And it was surreal and it was cool and it was neat. And I said, she asked me a question about doing the podcast and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, no, I'm doing it with all three. Drew, Trey, and the one with the hat. I just couldn't remember your name.

That's okay. That's yeah. That's okay. When I looked you up earlier, I accidentally put him Bryson Tiller. And I did. Yeah, but I didn't know. He's a musician. I didn't know that.

But for some reason that was in my mind. I didn't know who that dude was. but my point is is that I don't give a fuck about you either right there you go and also I was on the view that sincerely makes me very happy that's hilarious

I want to know and we've touched on it and the one with the hat man I've asked you this over the last two years in like seven different ways and I'm trying to think of a new way to ask it and I don't know if I can but I don't

The way I ask questions, unless because I used to be an attorney, they sound very leading. Leading and what's the word? I can't even cross-examining. Oh, spit it up, bro. Why? Did you quit? And I mean that with the utmost curiosity and with the complete floor open. Not that you owe me an explanation, but since we're doing this podcast about this, so you had this moment where you realize I don't have balance in my life.

Why did that mean comedy had to almost go? away completely. So this is something that I didn't understand because everyone has a unique life. My life has been unique. I won't go into details, but I'll say the reason I stopped doing it was because I didn't need

money. That was why. God damn. Okay, so, but most people don't get into comedy for the money. Exactly. That's why I was having struggled in comedy for so long. I did honestly, if To me, if you're doing comedy for money, what the fuck are you doing in the first?

I told me a lot of that shit. I thought so many people there said, I want to get into comedy. I said, let me tell you this. If you're doing it for the money, don't. Don't do it. If you want to do it, do it. The most successful comics of our generation get to the peak. And at the peak is a commercial for Bud Light.

Yeah, Amy Schumer just did one. That's the peak. That's our peak. Okay. It's getting a chance to do a Super Bowl commercial. Can't wait. We're you. I love you.

What's my last name? Corey. Ham. Corey. Harry. No, I love you too. I was just bullshit.

It's just going to be a funny soundbite. Fat sir. I'm selling out immediately. I want that goddamn buzz like. Cory ham fat sir. But I can't, yeah. I think it will be funny.

What would be cool is, if we end up, is if, on the off chance, that the four of us end up, like, if I, if we matter in 20 years. Right. But also, but if we actually meet up a couple more times over the next decade, become friends. Let me tell you what I'm going to do. Let me tell you what I'm going to do. Their Budlite's going to call me one day.

And they're going to be like, and once you do a commercial, and they'll be like, hey, do you have anybody else in mind? I'll be like, I got this guy. I'm going to call you and you'll have forgotten about this. And I will throw this in your goddamn face. Oh, yeah. I want to know what you mix. I didn't understand that.

I'm so sorry. Oh, okay. So, no, as a counterpoint, and obviously among comedians, he's like, yeah,

this is the funniest guy on earth right now. But like, okay, with Louis, he, he had Louis, the show on FX

that he was the altour of, did the whole thing. Also, Dave Chappelle, had a Chappelle show. I mean, I don't know. I just,

I just disagree with that, man. I think you get to a certain point, and you have, you get opportunities to have something that you put your name on that is way, way more than just a than a Bud Light commercial. And even just being a straight up stand-up, I think there's plenty of examples of that at the very, very top. But that's what you said. You said at the very, very top, the ceiling is Bud Light commercial.

That's probably not fair. I don't think that's true. You're right. You're right. It's not fair. What I'll say is I am, I had a father, same as they're. everybody else on some level. And he just passed away.

But he was a stubborn man. I think that he was a good man, but he was a stubborn man. And I am also stubborn. I picked it up from him. And so, to me, I think that I'm right.

That's just, and you and Drew hit it off. That Bill Hicks quote, I don't, I don't mean to, it's like, I don't mean to sound bitter and shitty

or something like that, but I am, so that's how it comes out. I can't remember the three words, but that's a shitty way of saying. I get all that. You feel that way, but I'm so sorry for being dense. How do you feel? Okay. You're saying that you quit because you didn't need much. So you're saying I didn't need to pursue it for the monetary interest.

I'm reluctant to put it on the table because I don't want to make you guys feel like sellouts. That's not what I'm getting it. You'll never make me feel that way, but please try. I disagree with the concept, the entire concept of an entertainment industry. I don't think it's healthy. Oh, I agree with you 100% on that. Do you? So this is like the Barry Cremont's thing. But I want to be unhealthy for the next 40 years.

Gotcha. This is like the Barry Cremons thing kind of. What's Barry Cremins? Barry Cremins quit because he said he was doing a lot of political humor in the 80s, and he said, I'm up there and I'm making these jokes and I realize not only am I not helping the things that are important to me that I'm joking about, I might be hurting them because people are laughing about them instead of doing something about it. Yeah, I mean, you know, they don't know, but you know, I never released my second special,

but you know the title. And I don't want to say it because I have jobs with kids. I don't, I try not to use the F word anymore, but it's, it's, it's. Bryson Turner, fuck Trey Crowder. Is that the bad? How have you, it's very analogous to that. In a lot of ways. Proof tonight

But No, I don't think it's healthy For people to Kind of watch other people Live their lives. I don't think that's a healthy concept. I think it's legitimately... Isn't that only comedy that you're talking about?

Because you're not watching actors live their lives. You're watching them tell stories. Yeah. And this is the thing. I may go back and forth over time. Like, I may legitimately feel very inspired by films and TV shows and feel like they have power and meaning and blah, blah, blah. But right now, I just don't. Right now, I think it's not a time to pretend.

Like, there's a real, like, we have a real problem as a species. Like, we woke up, us, our generation, we woke up, and we are the species in charge of the planet. it. Like, none of us should feel bad about that. None of us should feel bad that we're in a situation where, like, industry has caused these kind of pollution issues. But we should acknowledge it. Right. Like, that's a, that's a real thing. Like, there are other species that, that are trusting that we're going to get out of our own way and realize that, like, we can't, like, there was some video this week of, like, a sea lion pulling a global warming. I saw that. There's like a sea lion that pulled a girl into a... And they had been fucking with that sea lion for a minute. And this was... They told me... They told the girl, if y'all didn't see it.

Anybody listen didn't see it. There was a young girl. It was like, I don't know, eight or so who got pulled into the water by a sea lion off of a dock, a boat dock. And her papal, they were Asians or whatever they call pap halls, but are... Pim-Pum. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's racist. I'm very sorry. He jumped in. And the sea lion let go over, though, but he jumped in, grabbed her and got her out. And so she's fine. But that's the clip everybody's seen is this seline jerking into the water. But they, her, their whole family had been like unknowingly antagonizing this sea line. They didn't know it. They're like, oh, look, sea lion. Whatever. But the sea line was like, he was pissed off.

Yeah. Doesn't have. They didn't know that, and then they told her, sit down, we'll take a picture with it because he was sitting there bobbing. And so she sits down in front of them, and he fucking snatched her ass and jerked her in the way. I have a similar story after this, but go ahead. And just since a lot of your listeners are going to go ahead and get off the train, whenever I say this, let me just say before, whoever your listeners are, they're listening. Yeah, pursue your dreams, but don't feel bad about failing. No, man, yeah. Because failing isn't failing.

Whenever you make lasagna, after you put. Which you just did. Yes. He microwaved it. You put a layer of noodles down and there's no lasagna yet. It doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're on your way to lasagna. So you can't feel bad the whole time.

That's really good. It's also about lasagna. What are you going to say about the sea lion girl, though? This is what I'm saying. I actually think all these movies they're coming out with where it's like Pixar and they're animals. Uh-huh. To me, that is, and I am offended by Blackface.

I'm offended by it. You think we're doing like Seal Face? I think it's Seal Face. Hot tape. Thank you for taking that spam, Brise. To have a five-year-old, you're growing up, and by the time you're 10, you presume that every animal is happy with humans. We're anthropomorphizes these things too much. Right.

We're giving that we're giving tacit approval. Right. We're making it seem like animals are very happy and they're very satisfied with how the world is going and they don't mind. Like, I left Brooklyn. The seal was fighting back. That's so goddamn funny. I left. I wish I did comedy.

Yeah, we all do too. I left. That's what this whole thing has been about. This is really an intervention. It's like an intervention. It's an intervention. You guys. You quit in your dreams, piece of shit.

shit. He got a new dream. Can I tell you I started doing, I'm not going to say that. But I think if I become a better teacher, I'll start doing, this is the thing. When you quit stand-up, right, you incorporate, you don't forget what you did. You didn't not do it. You got that muscle memory still, too. So you just become better at whatever the next thing is you do.

Because that's a stand-up comedy teacher. You're the best person on our way. Do you do, do you have a type five for these 16-year-olds? Oh, my God. Are you killing it? the same shit every night? Do you work on new material every day? Do you rip? Do you riff?

That's the reason. That's why I need to say a sub. I don't want to write. Okay, listen. Before, before. You're not a deadlineer so you can get away more. I got to tell this little, and again, it will not go anywhere, but I have to say it because it kind of goes along with your thing. Please. I saw this article today. This dude was out leading a hunt in South Africa, and they

were trying to shoot these elephants, and the elephant fell When he shot it, the elephant fell over on him and killed him. Like, it fucking murdered his ass. That's funny, and that dude deserves that. But when I see these articles being shared about it, I also think he probably has kids. Sure, and he does have kids. God damn, they don't deserve that. No, they don't, but you can't skip the irony in that.

Oh, I know. You know, so again, it's just, that reminded me that. I just saw it today. I thought that was a funny. I'm a shitty. I'm a shitty person, so when I saw that, I was like, an elephant fell on a dude that shot a elephant. Elefa and killed him.

Good God. I know he has kids, but they're better off. They're fine. It's okay. Who gives a fuck? Anyways, go on with your shit. I don't want to let the comic come out, but I bet even his kids are like, that's pretty funny. Wait, wait, wait.

How'd that die? An elephant fell on him? God damn. Can I get a scholarship for that? Did he look like an accordion when it came out? Because that sounds cartoony. What happened? Anyways.

So, back to our guest. So, and I'm going to. overly simplify this to the point of being probably way off, but this is what I'm hearing. You're comedian doing great at it. Things are going well, but at a certain point, you realize that your time, energy, everything could be better spent doing things that matter because the whole entertainment industry, like, well, this isn't, this isn't really do anything. I want to actually do something. And so you, like, became a substitute teacher. Walked away from it.

Walked away from it. You did what most comics do to do comedy. Right. You just went backwards. You did a substitute teacher later. No, I, well, and honestly, whatever, whatever your rationale was for doing it. Sure. How has it gone?

First of all, how long has it been? and how is that going for you, how you're feeling about it. Do you ever think about coming back? Sure. Okay. Part of the reason that I'm struggling to kind of give you clear answers is because I'm still figuring it out. I mean, like you're catching me in a moment. You know what I mean?

Yeah, man. In a transitional offense. Yeah, I had a conversation with a guy at a party about religion one time and I realized I was in the middle of transitioning. Like, while we were having that conversation and blew my mind. So I feel for you. Make sure you cite the clip of Drew saying he was in the middle of transition. We're going to need that. It's already locked.

here. Yeah. So, so the questions are, let me answer as quickly as I can. What are the questions? First of all, is that kind of sort of what you were feeling?

Secondly, since you made that decision, how has that gone and how do you feel about it? And the third question, are there any regrets and or are you thinking about coming back to comedy, whether you regret shit or not, you know, just start you're thinking about doing it. It has been very difficult. It has been really, really difficult.

I developed a skill over a decade, and that was how I defined my value. I think in every profession, you know, we kind of, surgeons. Surgeons think that nobody else matters as much as them because they're surgeons. You know, I mean. We've talked about that before. Yeah. Like, so there's lawyers think, well, yeah, but we're lawyers. Teachers do the same.

Right. Yeah. We, trust me. Whatever direction that we go in as individuals, we, that, to survive to justify. You don't know what we did. Parents, am I right? Lord. God, the word.

Absolutely. Comedians. It's true. That's true. That's right. That's true. There's memes for everything. Like, you don't know about a nurse's life.

Yes. Yes. Right. So it's whatever we invest. ourselves in that's we define value as what we have developed our value in yeah and we may all be right and you're saying that's why it's tough

it was very difficult but isn't that or wasn't that also sort of the problem that you had it was it was because I think um you know I I had a feeling that I was not here's what it was was I got to a point where I was having that success that you're describing and I wasn't happy and And I saw people that had even more success than me.

Who weren't happy. And I said, okay, I think that what I may be missing on here is what, what am I aiming? What do I think happy is? What do I, what am I waiting for? And I realized, I've soul searched and I realized I was jealous of multiple people, which didn't make sense. Like, I was jealous of Dave Chappelle's life and John Stewart's life. And it's like if you're really... Right.

Two people choosing two different lives. So to be jealous of two people didn't make sense. To be jealous of one person makes sense. Right. With comedians. Right. Both comedians, but... That's the only thing they have in common other than that.

Right. If you're jealous of two people, what that meant to me was if I got to be the next John Stewart, I'd be sitting at that desk jealous of Dave Chappelle. Right. So it's interesting. So I started to say, well, okay, I've got to just create the life for me that I want or else I'm just going to be jealous. Just a very regular, normal, whatever life that you currently have. When you make it all sexy like that.

No, but I will say, and this is, it's like it's, I mean, it's, we talked about it. By the way, I'm jealous of you. You say you're jealous of John Stewart and Dave Chappelle, and we've talked about this a million times. I'm jealous of you. Okay. I don't understand. Like, I'm listening to you. I respect everything you're saying.

Yeah. I don't understand it. I can't put myself in that position. This, like, this is my life. Yes. And, and I, but also sometimes I'm not happy. Well, also, it's your value. It's my value.

It is my value. It is my value. Yeah. And I don't know, like, I'm listening to you going like, God damn it, I should teach. But keep going, what you were about to say? No, yeah, I mean to interrupt you. I wanted to bring that point up. I feel that way.

No, I, and I do, it's cliche, but like, the, I call it the Vanessa factor. Like, I just, for me, and I don't think like, I'm not like, oh, man, everybody should try and steal my wife. I mean, I think people have a person that just they vibe with. Sure. And for Vanessa and I, it was, we, we. met and we had like a real desire to like be honest yeah like that was the number one on the list for both of us and we were like okay if that's the number one everything else can get reorder like we can figure it out as long as we want to be honest with each other we're going to keep being

honest forever right so it was kind of a cool that's priority one right so it's like we can we can talk out all the other stuff sure if you have the real desire and and so we both did and we both do And so that has made it easier for me to talk out some of these issues because it has been torturous. It has been awful. I mean, there are days when it's like, I'm, like I said, I'm a bad coach. In five years, I might be a college coach. Like, I like coaching. I enjoy it.

You're going to be an NBA coach. I'm getting great. I mean, you're probably going to make it. I'll make, this would make an interesting podcast if I get hired as an NBA coach someday. But. Oh, you'll have it. but I mean but

but I'm enjoying the failing but I also I mean I'm human I hate failing I hate it it's awful and so I wasn't

failing at comedy at a certain point but also New York was eating me alive I think that the desire to have strangers love me was eating me alive

it wasn't healthy for me and so it just and also I was raised in a very conservative Christian upbringing. And so it's like the energy of it, it was tough for me to, you know, when you're going against your family, it feels weird. Even if you believe in it, it feels off.

And it's tough. I mean, that's, it is honestly like a similar thing as what I experienced with some students, where I'm telling them to be good students. And they're saying, my home life is not ideal. my home life is not really supporting this supporting this yeah is not valuing this and

they almost feel like rebels for making good grades yeah Jesus well you I mean that's so hard I mean it's it's such a you know and so that was probably a part of it for me too I mean I don't I feel very weird talking about me I feel like it's that was the point of this podcast

yeah I tell you what I'm here and now it's like to me you're a guy that's you're still actively trying to figure it all out

and you know you're trying to put your finger on it and I totally relate to that and also I can tell you as somebody who man I had this day job for years and everything I was doing comedy at night and in my mind

I was like if I could just and I was like I was like discontent and shit all the time all the time yeah as far as I was so, I was so happy with my family life as far as my wife and my kids, everything. And none of that has ever changed. But I, there was more to it for me than that. It was about me personally.

And my feeling was, I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. This isn't right for me. I'm fucking, I wasn't fulfilled, right? You thought, now you felt that way doing comedy or you felt that way not doing it as a comedian? while having a day job, doing the day job, and that's how I feels like I'm not. And I told myself, I was like, if I could ever, if I could ever just like break through and become a comedian like full time and have success in that, that would, that's it. That's the missing piece.

That's the missing piece for me is that if I can make that happen. And I said this on last week's episode, I have since done that. I've made that happen. And it's, it's gotten better. Like, absolutely, that's better. like I feel better about myself and about a lot of things. Yeah. But it wasn't this just magic cure-all that I thought it would be at all.

It's, there's still shit all the time. I still have those feelings a lot of time. Like, what this still isn't, I'm, you know what I mean? It doesn't, it, there's no, like, magic pill. That's, even if you achieve your fucking dreams, it's not a magic pill. You have to fucking, yes. There's something, there's something else. There's more to it than that.

There's a. Me and Drew have talked about this a lot. Personally, maybe just by ourselves, it was the magic cure-all for me. And I don't know that. He's a different human being. I don't know that that's healthy or not. But, like, sincerely. No, it's not.

No, yeah, you're right. It's not. But he's a different human being. I actually talked to my friend Janet Williams on the phone today, and she knows that I've suffered with anxiety and depression. She's like that. She's a, how is everything going? She's a comedian also, by the way. And she's a comedian.

Tennessee tramp, very funny. And I told her, I said, Janet, I don't know if this is good or not, but like, since, and this is our year anniversary on tour. Since all this has happened, since I found success in this, I can't tell you a thing that I don't like about my life. I love it. And I mean that. I wake up and just go, fuck yeah. Every day. Every day, I go, fuck yeah. I get to hang out with my best friends who are also comedians, do comedy with them, do a podcast with them. I also am engaged to the love of my life, which just randomly happened alongside of this. But like, dude, I, like, it really, And I'm not saying I can't creep back into it, but boy, has it helped. Can I just one specific example? No, you probably don't. One specific example, like, what about, what about the way you are physically? Like your body and the way you feel every day and all that shit, like none of that ever bothers you?

That doesn't get you down. I just laugh at all. We all, we laugh everything off. Well, no, but you don't wake up and think like, God damn it. No. I feel like shit. I'm fucking, why do I, why do I drink so much, eat so much shit, smoke all these cigarettes, why am I doing all this shit that's fucking stupid? Like, you have, you're telling me you got none of that anymore now?

No, when we talk about. Because I know you do. No, we talk about that from time to time, but my thing is like, and I sincerely believe this. And again, this is not healthy. But I'm like, okay, part of my lifestyle, part of comedy is eating wrong, drinking too much, hanging out with your buddies. It's, fuck, it's 2 o'clock in the morning we're doing a podcast. And I'm drinking. I'm getting hammered.

yeah that's not healthy but i'm also having a blast and i and part of me internalizes is like dude if what i do only lets me live to 68 what an amazing 68 years those are as compared to cori was such an optimist we know what i'm saying yeah well i think about no i think 42 but dude honestly in my opinion either way like i look at my grandmother who i loved and she seemingly had a good life but she was boring as fuck man she sat on her porch every goddamn day she didn't drink, she didn't smoke. And yeah, she lived to be 96, but she also had fucking Alzheimer's. And for a lot of the part, didn't know what the fuck was going on.

And honestly, I don't think she lived her life. So to me, I'm like, cool. Being 96 would be awesome. But I'm, dude, I'm fucking living, man. I'm living my goddamn life. And every year that I have is just, there's so much substance to it, especially now that what we're doing, then I don't really give a fuck. I'm like, nobody gets to do this and I get to do it. This is fucking cool.

You know what you want. Yeah, I do. And I'm doing it. You don't. You don't want to be healthy, though? And I do. I do. And I do.

And I believe that I'll get there. And I'm starting, honestly, you can, we, I do live like a bag of shit. But I slowly, we talk about it every night, man. I slowly make subtle transitions. I haven't done drugs. I haven't done hard drugs in a full year. Well, I mean, like sincerely since we start this. For another hour about whether or not Corey's happy.

But no, that's it. But that's a huge thing about me being happy. Since we've started this tour, I have not touched hard drugs. That's true. No, and no, it is one thing. And I'm not, and it wasn't a, it wasn't a conscious decision.

Just let him be happy. No, I'm saying, I'm not trying to, but I'm saying, Drew, but like every, we talk about, all the time, we'll get into conversations

about how like, sure, we fucking live wrong. We do live wrong. We do. We do. No, we like to. No, no,

no, no, but, then that's true, but what I'm saying is, since we've started this tour, I haven't done heroin one time. I've only done coke twice, and I've only taken,

like, three pills. I used to do all that shit literally every day and all the time. But now my life has purpose and I don't even want to do it. I used to it was like there was this void and I would fill it with heroin and Coke and Adderall and booze. I still feel it with booze, but that's just because we're doing a podcast and I just stay the fuck up. I haven't done hard drugs and I haven't wanted it.

I don't buy that. You're pouring all that shit into something just the way that I am. Comedy. No. My career. No, I mean, pouring all that shit. I'm talking about booze and cheese and butter and all that. shit.

They're still part of your life. Like, there's something there. I'm not saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying. I'm not saying.

I'm better. I'm saying I'm better. I'm not saying it's done. You're definitely better. I'm better. I'm better. That's literally, I'm saying I'm not cured.

I'm better. Let me flip it. Let me ask. I forgot you here, Bryce. Let me ask you guys something. So this podcast is very cool. Thank you.

That's not a question. All our fans are in the Q&As. Right. What do you guys? What do you guys? I say to the people listening who have the same life but don't have the comedy.

I don't know, man. Okay. I'm not, because I'm not arrogant enough. I don't, I don't have an answer. All I know is I got what I wanted. I'm very lucky. Some people ain't going to be so goddamn lucky. Well, that's all I know. That's the point of this. That's the thing I was saying a minute goes, you know what you want and maybe you, Bryson, don't. And I don't. I'm not sure

I know what I want still at 33. And I guess I am I would say to people, spend a little time trying to figure out really what you want. And then we said this last week on the big dream conversation, which this is actually longer now. Be honest with yourself about what you want. And that's something that I was sitting here thinking about while y'all were talking about all that. I have waffled.

And this is, you were talking about honesty between you and Vanessa, we'll have an honest friend moment. I often waffle. I've waffled back and forth over the last two or three years between thinking that you were the biggest coward that I knew or the break. The bravest person that I knew. And where I'm at right now, and I want everyone to know I might change my mind because I'm kind of a dick and I might go that back. But I'm at brave right now. No, I'm at brave too. And the reason why is you still kind of want comedy.

There's a part of you that still enjoys comedy, but you looked and you said, this isn't making me happy for whatever reason. And then you had the guts to go figure out why. In the middle of you finally getting some things that you want. And in the middle of getting some success, that's insane to me. And the reason I said I waffle just said by way of an explanation, because I just dropped that on you is there were times where I was like, oh, he got some success and it scared him. But now what I'm realizing is it scared you because it wasn't.

It scared you because it wasn't making you happy. First of all, thank you. Can I tell you, I really, when we were in the elevator coming up, I was like, I think I might cry during this podcast. I swear I got, I had like a real. I think I have. It might come out. Like, I don't think it's going to come out, but like it.

What can we do? To me, it means for me as somebody who, quote unquote, could have been A, B and C. Could have been one of the greats. Could have been whatever. it means so much to have guys who kind of have done that, who have become a real thing, to kind of look at me and it's like, well, yeah, it's just the four of us, though.

Like, to be seen on that level. Oh, without a doubt. I mean, but it, but it means a lot. Like it, it does. For me, as somebody who may own, I may spend the rest of my life teaching and coaching. Like that may be like a real thing. That might be my life for the rest of my life.

Like it means a lot to be. And let me tell you something. If that's what you want, I hope that's what you do. Genuinely. And I'll say this. What I want to do, and I don't know if society allows it, I'm not sure. I think I'll probably find out at some point here, you know. I want to do both.

I don't think that you should have to choose between comedy and, an honest, hardworking life. I'm actually 100% with you on that, by the way. I really am. I am too. I want to be a farmer. Is that weird? No, not.

He's not anymore, but for a while there, while he was in movies and making shit happen, Rob Wrigal was still in the Marines. He was like, I mean, like the reserves, but he was still having to go and do the Marines. Like, he was actively in the Marines while he was in fucking, you know, step, right? Maybe not. But you know what I mean?

for a long time there he was doing both. What I'll say is, the one thing, like, I love comedy, and so I grew up with it, I studied it, and blah, blah, blah. I do think that that the clip that you opened with, that Red Sox Jews bit, objectively, I hear that, and I say, I mean, I went through a lot building that up. I had a lot of difficult conversations trying to figure, and I had some difficult sets.

like if if there's a really good bit chances are that comedian earned that bit yeah i agree 100 and i earned that bit like i i went through fire for it and not as much as juice hey don't sell yourself short everybody we shout them out they played a part but uh but um it has like a thousand views you know what i mean like that is that is that is something I do understand that at some point that will catch a wave and I kill myself. The internet will find it. The internet hasn't found it yet. My friends have found it.

Right. But the internet hasn't found it yet. And when it does, Vanessa and I've talked about, I may have an opportunity similar to yours. Right. where somebody recognizes, oh, if I, if this person were paid to make something or to do something, then somebody else could make money off of me. Sure. You know, you're right.

And that's essentially what you're saying is that's the level I had gotten to, or I was talented enough. I had developed the skill enough that somebody else could have made money off of it. Yeah, and that's the thing I've heard from what is, don't worry about how much money you can make. Worry about how much money you can make someone else. Yeah. That's when you'll be successful. Yeah. Yeah.

Because that's the thing. Fuck your money. If you can make somebody else money, they'll let you. They'll let you. Right. That to me, and that will be an interesting conversation someday for us to have. And I think, honestly, I probably will take it. I think, and the decision will be, it will be Vanessa and I taking that.

Sure. And, Vanessa and you, and at that time, on behalf of your soon-to-be newborn. Yeah. We'll have a kid in college here in a year. I mean, I didn't anticipate that. That's a little surprising. So that's another reason. Well, I couldn't wait.

See, here's the great thing about sending them off to college. Didn't fuck them. After that, I mean, then you can do what you want, you have, Vanessa. But you've got a newborn on the way. Yeah, and they'll tell their friends and they'll come to your show. And it'll be, wouldn't you love that? Wouldn't you love them people to be at your shows? Well, you wouldn't that be so much fun.

One thing I will tell you as far as the newborn goes, just speaking of a personal experience. Yeah, yeah. here's the disclaimer at the beginning you have to have a partner like your your woman or if you're the mother the dad whatever your guy has to be fully on board and supportive but if that is true having having kids does not at all have to be a impediment to you having your dreams right at all yes and i mean i'm living proof of that and i used to have a good friends I mean hell Drew Drew was always way way cooler about it but also he was but he still

kind of had the same mentality but I had other friends that I knew other comedians I knew coming up who would just tell me and they didn't they weren't trying to be shitty they really weren't they meant it as a compliment but who would tell me things like man I tell people all time I tell other comics all the time if you if you didn't have kids man you be you be out there fucking crushing or whatever you know and I and I would I I I I would would always hear that and be like, well, I'm still going to crush it, dog. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I think in my head.

Yeah. And, like, again, I have done that. Yeah. And, like, comedians with kids are in the minority because comedians are, you know, children in a lot of ways themselves. They're fucking man children or whatever. But there's also plenty of examples of comics who have done it. Well, I'm one of them. And it doesn't.

He's got five. It really, really, truly doesn't have to be an impediment at all. But if you have a partner who is on board with you and who is down with it, to be clear. You can absolutely make it happen. I brought that up not to say, well, you're about to have a kid, so I don't know how you're going to do both. I was saying that those decisions you're talking about making existentially, because that's always what freak me out about kids.

It's not like, oh, how do I have the time? It's just like existentially, you're going to be making a decision now with the weight of family for three people and one of them is completely helpless and I sincerely believe this is knowing you only for a few years but knowing you during those few years I think you're about to get a lot of clarity in your life I think it's going to change you in a lot of ways as far as that goes though here's how I always looked at it and this is the way somebody like you for example in my opinion should also look at it this way which is I was always like if I if it comes down to it I got to quit this day job with all this job security and like making good money and health insurance and all my family and everything to go like pursue comedy I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat because I know that if that goes south and I still feel this way I'm going to be all right you know what I mean like I'm going to be fine I've got a fucking I've got a master's I've got job experience all this I'm a good employee whatever I'll be fine I'll just get another job and it will

be fine. Right. And so it wasn't this big, I'm just tossing my whole family up in the air to pursue this thing at all. Because it was like, even if it does go, again, it still can. Absolutely. The shit can go away tomorrow. If that happens, I'll be fine.

I'll just get a job like I had before and we'll be good. And I think a huge part of that also is the fact, me growing up the way I did in the background I have, whatever happens. Backs against a wall, no matter what. happens with comedy, my kids will never, ever be in a situation like I was growing up. So who cares. You're already out of the way. Exactly.

So we're going to be fine. So it's sincerely, it was never a big, like, decision or a big risk to me for that reason. Because I sincerely believe that. And, you know, that ain't true necessarily for everybody. But like, you know. Real quick, if you're not too uncomfortable with it, are you super excited about becoming a dad? Yeah. That's awesome.

Yeah, I am. Well, hey, guys, thank you so much. I think that's a good spot to end it, unless you want to say something else. Check out the substitute teacher tour, Bryson will be on. Go ahead. I'll sell out now. You know, I think, I swear to God, I'm sorry to steal your, but I don't think, you're not talking about like meandies or any of that. Are you doing that bullshit?

No, not, yeah. I'm not wearing meandies, but I do have some. It's not yet, but that might be coming. I just actually have them, and they're great. This isn't an... Is that for real? Is that for real? Because I doubt it. They're in...

I'll pull them out. How can something be three times as soft as cotton? How do you define softness? How can that be a real statistical thing? Well, he's looking for those. I'm not looking. They're right here. Why were you asking us?

Am I gonna... Me undies. I have them. They're fantastic. Here's what they're... Let me touch them. They are soft. Let me tell you this.

Let me tell you this. Wait, these aren't any softer than mine, These are twice a soft. This isn't an advertisement. I hope... I hope... Here's what it is, though. This pouch right here,

you can sit your nuts in them. Let me see it. I have an identical looking... And they feel the same of these that I got at Jackson. Remember, Jackson, Manhattan? Yeah. For like $3.

They were just this soft. That's fine. But did they have a pouch that you literally can rest your nuts in? That's fine. And by the way, I'm open to that. And I hope there is good. I'll get those next time.

Meandies ain't paying me a goddamn thing. Why'd you ask that? If they ever come out with a pair of underwear that makes space for a left ball that's way lower, I will advertise for that. But I'm selling out if I don't know. That's what I need. But here's the thing. Oh, I can't transition from that.

I was going to, I swear to God I was going to hawk. Like, I'm a really good, too. I'm a really good. You're really good what? I swear to God, I'm a really good. tutor. I'm like the best, like I'm so good at SAT math. Okay, Virginia, you have a tutor podcast? We need to plug? No, like, he wants a job as a tutor. Virginia Beach area. I was crushing it. I was crushing it in New York as a tutor. Where can

they find your tutoring services? Nobody knows. I mean, you would have to. Probably see so. They probably let Tudors on CISC. Our fans are going to get that joke. That was great, Corey. Thank you. Bryson Turner, if you're in the Virginia Beach or a greater area. But here's the thing. And it's all greater. Bryson Turner.com, you can get a hold of me.

And honestly, somebody paid me five bucks last month on my special, like on my website. You can pay me on there. Oh, I'm never going to do that, but that's awesome enough. Never do it. But I, the five bucks, it meant,

it, I can tell you, it actually meant a real amount to me. Like, it meant something. Damn, someone hired. Yeah, you're going to be. Yeah, you're not doing that well. Yeah, exactly.

Could have gone a lot better. This is the whole podcast. I'll say Jones because I don't know your name. Hire him as a permanent gig. Sure, sure. And then if you need a tutor in the Virginia Beach area, Bryson Turner is your man. And also, can I tell you, I told you this at the club when I was, I said, dude, I'm super excited about this podcast. Mint it.

Yeah. And it lived up. You're fantastic. Thanks, I really appreciate it. Thank you for coming on. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Bryson. Appreciate it, buddy.

And, uh. Skees. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night and skew.