wellRED podcast - #178 - Beans & Politics! + What Makes a Word Funny?

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

This week the boys talk about beans, what makes certain words funnier than others, they break down some old bits they've seen on stage throughout their careers, and then it gets PRETTTTYYY heavy into Trump and the election and riots and martial law and... well we cover it all.WE ARE DOING A LIVE ZOOM SHOW ON THE INTERNET ON AUGUST 7th!!! For Tix, go to wellredcomedy.comadamandeve.com promo code WELLRED

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a

fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Well, here we are. Here we are. Welcome to the podcast, everybody. I wanted to start it out with a classic technique where we butter y'all up and then ask you for something, a time-honored. Yeah, all our mammals were in, did Mary Kay. We know how this goes.

Yeah. No, me and Drew were talking the other night in person just about how wonderful our fans are. But it's true. We, just so everybody knows, everywhere we go, which is nowhere anymore because the world ended, we never go anywhere. But back when we used to go places, the staff of those places, if we were coming back, like if it wasn't the first time there, invariably every single time in every single city, the staff would say something to us about how they looked forward to when to our, to, our weekend, not really so much because of us, because we don't hit, but because of our

friends and how great they are to deal with, how great our fans are to deal with, and they're sweet and nice and they tip well and all this. Friend of the podcast, Carmen Morales has told Drew recently, right, Drew, basically the same thing that we have the nicest fans. Yeah, and I think on a couple occasions they, I don't know if they meant to, but they kind of outright have said like, and by the way, it's not really because of you guys. Yes. It's because of your fans.

Yeah. But anyway, I mean, I just, I appreciate that because not everybody's like that if you're not aware at all. Some people have awful fans. I mean, human beings buy and larger pieces of shit. Yes. But, you know, if it's like some comics that I probably love without naming any names, I bet their fans are sort of rough because they're like a good time.

They're loud and drunk and that type of thing as part of their sort of whole deal. Or like, you know, just, well, whatever. We've got to talk shit on anybody in particular. But there are people who, the staff of these places say the exact opposite things to us about. They'll bring up other tours or other comics to be like, unlike these motherfuckers who, oh, my God,

what a nightmare those dip shits are. And so I'm, and now look, we got plenty of dipshits too, I'm sure. Yeah, some of y'all are dipshits. Don't get me wrong,

but usually y'all are the better type of dip shit. But anyway, I just want to let you know how much we appreciate it and appreciate y'all sticking with us and everything. And so now for the request, if you haven't seen it already, I want to let you know that we're doing our very first quarantine comedy show, but because we are who we are, we're calling it,

quarantine comedy, and it's a virtual show. It's live on the internet. It is live when you see us joking. That will be the moment in time in which we are joking. We'll be right there with you in that moment in a virtual space. So you go to rush ticks.com and buy a ticket for it on the night of, which is Friday, August 7th at 9 p.m. Eastern. you click a little linky and it takes you to the virtual show and we'll get started.

We're going to tell jokes and have a little after party and hang out and stuff. I'm sure while I'll be drunk. I'm sure I'll be drunk. I know for a fact. I'll be drunk too. But no, it'll be fun. So, you know, you ain't got a babysitter or nothing. Just sit them in front of the TV or send them in the room or whatever. And then you go in a different room and turn your computer on and, well, I'll hit for a while. It'll be fun.

You can find a link on our website. and on all of our social media if you don't want to search out rush ticks. I mean, these links are going to take you to rush ticks. If you don't want to go to that website, I don't know what to tell you.

You know, go fuck yourself. I'm in a bad mood today. But it's well-readcom. Obviously is our website. And it's just right there at the top. It's the first thing you can see. It's a picture of all us.

What? It's not. No, it is. It's the only thing we got. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be hard to find on that. I thought you were about to tell me, wrong. I was like, goddamn, they switched the website in the past two seconds because I was just

on there. And I would like to piggyback on what you said. I will absolutely be drunk. Because I found, you know, when we go on the road, don't know, we all three drink before we do a show because in my opinion, it would be irresponsible not to. If only for the fact that we... For the fans. It's for the fact. Well, like, I think of it in terms of like, we are allowed to. And so for all the people who aren't allowed to drink at their job, it would be real shitty of us. I've been saying it. You know what I mean? I mean, that's true. privilege. Like they,

like, use your drunk privilege. Yeah, they're there to live vicariously through us for 90 minutes. And like, if I had to go out there. There are, there are sober kids in Africa show.

Yes, they are. It just wouldn't make sense to not get drunk. I find, when there are sober kids in Africa. I find that I've actually, I've only done two of these Zoom shows, but the first one I was just super nervous for because,

I mean, it was just doing something new and it's been a long time in my life. since like my profession at least that I've done a new thing. I mean, you know, writing the pilot that was new and scary. But so I got super, super drunk. And it turns out, oh, man, I had a really fucking good time. Like it was not the weird experience. I mean, obviously it was a little weird, but like it was a goddamn comedy show and a lot of fun.

But I have found that when, yeah, I can go back and forth to my kitchen and take a pull of whiskey between jokes. It's just, it's going to get, it's going to get wild. So I'll help you join us on August 7th and get those tickets at well-read comedy. Yeah, right on. Well, all right, moving on. But can we not move on quickly, just briefly, I want to say, and I think you'll appreciate this, Trey.

It reminds me a pat-all bat man. It reminds me of the time Joe did a whole bit about how he was sober and mushrooms were helping. There are times when Corey, I think he's doing a bit, and I try to jump in on the bit. And I think you also realize it, oh he he wasn't doing a bit like i mean it was funny but he meant that from his heart i was oh yeah we're doing a bit about how people got to live through us and he's like exactly

yeah i was like oh we weren't okay no i no i mean that i mean it's like when when burt crasher found out that Andrew wk didn't party that don't hit you know what i mean like you don't want that it's like everybody everybody just these are not things a party or says to another part of you bro. Just to another partier, dude. But like, what I mean is like every single person that,

that is at a comedy show drinking wishes so bad that at their job, they could be drinking. And what fucking piece of shit I would be to be like, no, I don't do that. Even though I'm allowed. I just completely take that for granted, you know,

whatever. I'm just not that guy. I'm a good person. For sure. And you know if you've seen this live before, and I mean maybe there's an exception. No, I can't think of any exceptions. We're talking about drinking and we do drink,

but like we are, it will still be a good show. We don't, we don't, like, we don't ever get up there. Oh, I didn't mean like I'm going to be out of fucking hand. Sam Kinnison in the early 90s or anything like that. Fairly making sense. It's not going to be like that. I've always made sense, but everyone listening right now is like,

y'all have told no less than three stories about Drew doing mushrooms and screaming about nine of luncheons. But I have a deposit that that is still a phenomenal show. Yeah. Oh, dude, that's the thing is that, like, me and Trey were laughing real hard when you did that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So was the Secretary General of the State Commonwealth of Kentucky?

Yeah, they had a Commonwealth there. Speaking of what's funny or not, one of the things I wanted to talk about this week, just a silly subject, is what makes a given word funnier and y'all, opinion. And here's what got me thinking about it. Last week when Trump was on his beans kick, he was all about beans last week. Just taking so much of my material. Yeah, I know, right? This fucking hack. He, uh, right. Well, okay, to that, to that end, you know, yeah, it totally makes sense that you, the show, would have a lot of beans material. Like, people hear that and they're like, yeah, I guarantee he does.

Yeah. Because that's what I got to thinking about was like, people started sharing old bean memes. Like there's that old, the old pap balls, like, I'm thinking about those beans. Yeah. And then of course, the tweet that's, this eating beans. Yeah. The dude in the movie theater or whatever.

And I just started, I was like, man, there's a lot of bean stuff out there. Beans, the bee, the bee sounding beans. I know. Well, that's wrong about saying. I realize it's like the bean. It's because beans, I think beans are maybe like, the very funniest food. They are.

Is there a food, right? And why is that? You can't, because it's not, for people that don't, well, it's the far. Think about shit like this, you can't just replace beans. It's a lot. Parts are part of it. It's a lot, partially the farts because I think, like, you know,

the word. The word does a lot for it. But like, like, I think that if the, if the song had been, you know, legumes, legumes, they're good for your heart. The more you eat them, the more you fart, we legume, it wouldn't have got over as much as beans. But like, because of that song and then you've got, the famous scene in blazing saddles.

Like, no matter what, even if you are the most serious, sophisticated, you know, lady, her ladyship, when you hear beans, you think of farts. You just do. And again, the butt, hard butt and cuss sounds like they just fucking feel. I would also say that in our accent and in most like urban black accents, beans it just God,

Baines. Baines is funny. Beans. It's all funny. On the opposite spectrum of that, like the always go-to health food used to be like eat your broccoli. I think it's a lot to do.

And you know, broccoli's not like the most healthy food, but it's always the punchline was broccoli. I think I guess it's turned into kale now, but that's still a c-c-c-c-sound, I'm telling you to it. Well, so I wrote this down and was going to bring it up because I was thinking of

as the word. I was thinking about the word as like beans sounds funnier and I think like Baines does but it definitely is hugely has to do with the farts part of it for sure that I admit I wasn't even really thinking about

because like you think about the way that's the way the word sounds beats is almost the exact same word and it's nowhere near as funny in my opinion. You forgot about it. Right. Right. Yeah. I'm upset.

You forgot about farts. I didn't forget about me and Corey in different ways. I didn't forget about the farts. I just in my head was like, why is that word funnier than other words? And I wrote a note down in my notes and I didn't think about it anymore. But it's not, with beans,

it's not about the words. It's about the farts. It all comes back to the farts. Do you think beats having a, it's a homonym, homo-o-phone? What? beats has a word that has nothing to do with food do you think that takes away from it you mean like beats by dray and shit like yeah yeah i damn it i when i was a young comic

uh and beats by dray had just come out i had a joke that was all we could afford was pickle or some bullshit like that so i realize i have beats material too that was old and shitty but i had 15 minutes i had 15 well it wasn't 15 minutes it's probably 12 minutes on beans though Well, I want to be clear. I'm positing that as a possibility for what you were just saying, Trey, because I'm not willing to let go of the idea that beans sounds funny as well as is associated with farts. The farts, as usual, farts are 80% of the comedy. But I still think it's the funniest or one of the funnier sounding food items.

Yeah. And beats somehow escapes that. I mean, I agree with that. I agree with that. And I don't know exactly what it is either. It's just weird. Some things are just, something sound funnier.

It's like, and I think some things just are funnier. Like, one time when we were working on our pilot, I think it's okay to talk about this now because it's just one line from it. Obviously, that pilot didn't happen.

Definitely allowed to talk about the thing that doesn't exist. Yeah, I know we're allowed to. I just meant like, is it a good idea? And I don't see why it wouldn't be. We were talking about a line in there about where one of the characters said,

the town next door, basically, the town the town next door, they've all been up to the, and they've all thought they're better than everybody else ever since they got that prison at first. It's like ever since they put that prison in, they think they're hot shit, which I think is funny.

It is funny. But I was advocating for, I was like, make it a women's prison. Yeah, I remember that. I was like, ever since I got that women's prison,

they think they're hot shit. And our showrunner was like, why? He's like, that's adding an extra word. Why is that? Hat on a hat. I was like,

it's just funnier. And he's like, why is it funnier? And I was like, I don't know. That's just funnier. I mean, I mean, yeah, there's, you know, there's a lot of things. Like, I can't understand, and he's a more brilliant comedy writer than me without a doubt. But, like, I can't fathom how you wouldn't just know that's funny.

Like, being a specific prison is way funnier. Like a women's, like, my brain immediately starts building. Also, it's like extra funnier for it to be uppity about, which is why I wrote that joke, Trey. but you were advocating for it. But I think that it's partially that the more specific, beans and farts, all right? You think about beans, you think about farts. Women prison.

Why would that be more uppity? Because, like, having women's shits uppity. Like, I'm not saying women are upy, but their stores are uppity. Yeah, their fucking clothes are uppity. Like, they have nicer shit than us. Of course they have nicer prisons. Why wouldn't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. No, again, it's definitely funnier to me. And I don't, I don't like to always get into the, why is this funnier than this? Because, like, what's the old expression? Like, comedies, comedy's like a frog. Like, you can dissect it, but after you do, it's dead.

Dead. I kind of do like it, though. I mean, I go back and forth. Yeah, I don't know if I like doing it publicly because it does kill the joke, but among us, I like doing it kind of. I don't know. I guess I don't. I was going to fight with me about that joke. No, no, no, I'm saying. I'm saying like I like doing it with with beans and farts but like you know I can't stand it when I have to do it with something of my own because then it's like I don't know if I'm having to explain it it obviously didn't fucking work I don't know I'm sure it is it's when someone says it didn't work or things it didn't work or didn't get it like on Twitter yeah and then you while you're explaining it you know you're killing it oh I just don't do that anymore I just fucking either delete the tweet or get off fucking Twitter right right right but if you're doing it like in a writer's room it's like it's like in a writer's room it's like it's like you're like, yeah, I don't know. I didn't understand why I didn't get it either. Yeah, you definitely do have to defend the shit in the writer's room. But like, that's just one of those from like, well, first off, it's just one more extra word. And like, I mean, it just, it just is funnier.

A women's prison is funnier. Like, Orange's the New Black was a comedy. Oz was dark. There you go. Women's prison's funnier. I don't think I said in the room what I just said to y'all, but I truly believe that. If we're making a joke about it being up and, yeah, women. stuff is always nicer. Their stores are nicer.

Restaurants geared towards them are nicer. Anything that's women-specific in our society is nicer. Sure. I think it's also, there's a factor out to it that's like the idea that people would brag about it being specific, like, it's all kinds of regular. Anybody can have a prison. Anybody have a regular prison. That's true. We got a women's prison. I mean, women's prisons you know about. You know how badass our women are? God damn. That's, that's, that also makes it That is true. You might have added women to it because if that was your motivation, that's fucking

great. And if I did do it, I'm brilliant. I clearly wasn't the one. I didn't do shit, but I did think it was funnier if that means anything. Well, it was funnier. Whoever it was, it's funnier to make it women's. And I think you're actually more right. I think the thing about it being uppity, people are bored for the exact reason we said

they'd be bored. And I'm into it because I'm a nerd. But it is definitely funnier because of the uppity aspect. of it. It's definitely what you said. It's like, yeah, yeah, look, man, every fucking piece of shit small town in this fucking country has a prison. But we, ours has a book club. And you can't do kids prison because then everybody gets a, that's too far. That's like, yeah, but that makes it weird. I want to put women in prison. Hell yeah. Speaking of, here's something I wanted to bring up at some point on here for a minute. And it has to do with like,

something being funny or not. I hope people listen and find this funny because I always thought this was hilarious. It's actually a shout out to an old boy that started comedy with me and you, Drew, but then quit years ago and I ain't seen him in those years since. No, not Derek.

Who rules? Shout out of Eric. Paul Pee? I love Derek. No, not Paul Pee either. We were talking about President. We went opposite ends of the spectrum, but opposite of Ravenley.

This guy's kind of in the middle of those on the spectrum. Do you remember Jimmy Wilder, Drew? he's definitely on the spectrum hell yeah I remember Jimmy Wilder was just like old boy from a redneck little town and was pretty redneck

but he was like a one-liner comic he did like it was like Mitch Hedberg style stuff but out of this guy's mouth you know and he was like he started around the same time as I did and at first it was real simple ship where he would be like there's a somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean there's a ship or there's a freighter

And somewhere in Atlantic Ocean, there's a freighter carrying a cargo with nothing but potatoes. And every one of them is carved in the shape of a wiener. It's a dictator ship. Stuff like that. I remember this guy. When he first started out, but then, and he always hit for me. But he started getting like pretty quickly, he started getting way weirder and more subversive. Yeah, you can only go one direction with that.

Well, I think it was partially, and I'd love to hear your theory on this tray. I think it was partially like this dude was the weird redneck. And dictatorship made them laugh. He finally found some other weirdos and was like, oh, soon. It's time. Yeah, probably. But either way,

he started getting weirder and more subversive and stuff. And I've always remembered this bit that I'm about to relay for y'all. Because let me preface it by saying, and I've told y'all to this before you're going to remember it. But for the audience, anyway, when he did this, when I saw him do this bit, buddy, it died.

Like, it did not go over. People did not like it. I immediately remember the bit. At the side splitter. At the side splitters. That's why I'm laughing. I was in the back losing it. I thought it great, but the whole crowd,

they hated it. And here's, and I'm paraphrasing, and I, you know, probably were not do this, but again, he quit comedy a long time ago. It's fine. But here's a version of the. You also giving him credit. Yeah, I am giving him credit, because I've never, forgotten this, but he in the middle of his

said, he's like, he goes, hey, this might make me gay. So, let's say I go out to a bar and I made another man and we hit it off and I bring him back to my trailer with me and we get in there and he crawls into my bed and I crawl into bed with him

and I kill him and peel all the skin off his body and then I lay there beside his corpse and I get real up real close to it where like my breath is on his face but our lips don't never touch it we lay there like that all night long does that make me gay I would have been dying I know because it's like that those jokes like does that make me gay you think that's going to go one way and then it goes the fucking complete Bates motel Also, like, to me, it's him making fun of that whole, it's him making fun of that whole, does this make me gay thing?

Yeah, like, this is how stupid that is. Yeah, right. And, but, buddy, that Knoxville audience was not having it. They didn't like the gay murder satire. I mean, it's also one step further where it's like you're making fun of that type of joke, but it's also making fun of men who, like, even in that situation, the person that's totally comfortable with doing all that would still be like, I don't. I ain't queer.

Yeah, exactly. I'll wear their skin around my goddamn feather, but I ain't queer. I ain't gay. Yeah, no, exactly. I always thought it was like kind of low-key, brilliant. Yeah, it is. It just didn't work at all. I can't believe that Knoxville didn't like it.

Jimmy. You know, well, I would love to be there at the table if the comics tried to fix it for him. Like, almost tongue in cheek. Like, yeah, I don't know what happened, Jimmy. But I do think part of it. it is. He presented it so like immediately. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like that's what like that would have worked on the internet a little bit. You know, it just, it's like this dude is standing right in front of you talking about wearing another dude's skin. Yeah. I don't necessarily blame. There's plenty to blame the people from Farragut for when they hate your jokes.

But I don't necessarily blame them for being like, wait, what the fuck? How early, how early into his set was it? I mean, I don't remember that. But I don't. think it was, I don't, I don't, I don't think he opened with it. I was right. I was going to say, if that's your closer and you slowly build to I'm this weird type of dude, then it probably works. But yeah, I mean, if you just walk up and just that's your thing, I mean, again, I, me, Corey, the comedian would immediately be like, okay, here we fucking go. This is going to be

awesome. Well, he also, I'll say about him, this is way dumber, but I've always remembered this too. is up there. He was up there on stage one night and somebody had told the manager of the comedy club they'd do shit like this, had told him there was a birthday girl in the house. So he said, there was a birthday girl in the house and she was like, woo. And he's like, I'm going to buy you a drink, sweetheart. How old are you today? And she said, I'm 19. And he goes, 19. All right. Rusty. Rusty was the bartender's name. He was like, Rusty, hit this gal of Coke on me. Because she's not old enough to drink it. He tears back to her. And he goes, well, honey, you got a boyfriend? She goes, no. He goes, Rusty, make out a diet Coke.

and that's just good clean fun right there dude that is so god damn funny especially because I know him and I can hear him doing it and I know how quick it was I don't know it was it was like that buddy I just know him through y'all but that is just such a fucking tremendous host improv moment that I'm certain I'm certain that that had to kill right that absolutely dude that

murders. Jimmy would do pretty well. I mean, I don't mean to imply he ate a dick all the time. He had some really good sets. I mean,

I thought he showed a shitload of promise. Yeah. But then, you know, he fell in love. And that didn't hit for her. So. Yeah. Speaking of love and women

should be in prison, Amber hasn't done. Oh, yeah, we said it as a joke. I was like, I forgot. I was like, what? Amber, Amber hasn't done a God it's, you know, y'all record and it's 1249 there, but it's 3.49 here.

She hasn't done a goddamn thing all day. And I told her, I was like, hey, by the way, and she just laid on the bed reading a book. And I was like, just, you know, not that you were going to do anything anyways, I'm going to be recording a podcast here in a second. She's like, oh, okay, since then, she has walked behind me and slammed every single door and had a conference call with three of her other friends who ain't doing shit. And just, you know, again, so I don't have anything. to say about that, but if you keep seeing her, that's why. She knows we're doing this and she knows

that it's getting on my nerves for her to be doing that. Yeah, I had seen her chowling about back there. Yeah, and again, can't stress this enough. Had completely resigned herself to the bed for the rest of the day until I told her that I'd be in here doing a thing. Man, this is a weird transition maybe. but speaking of people who are not doing not shit, but are doing shit, I talked to DJ this morning, and I, look, man, as Trace said at the top, we got the kind of fans in fucking comedy.

That's true. Like, the literal only complaint I could ever have about y'all is that y'all are too good. Like, you're just so fucking good people that sometimes you make me be a good person and that don't hit for me. But I talked to DJ this morning. I don't think y'all need to hear this necessarily

because y'all are good people. people like man fucking treat people right if you are out at a restaurant or a store or whatever right now the people who do have to work during this shit everyone's stressed so everyone is bringing that stress into the store or whatever and and he's worn out man DJ's worn out you know like he the way he said it to me was I'm tired of arguing people I don't know what this like what am I gonna do call the cops on them I'm not going to do that you know but like I'm tired of you only get too bags of toilet paper. Like, you can't have no more, buddy, you know, to put it in his words. But you can't have no more. The Dollar General done told me you was allowed to have this much.

And I can't go above the general's head. So, you know, if you're going out into the world and you're trying to support people or whatever, just make sure you're treating them really, really kind. Yeah, and I got to tell you, that kind of worries me, not just for DJ, but for humanity, not that I don't stay worried about humanity, but like, if DJs, reaching a breaking point than a lot of other people done being there. You know what I'm saying? Well, that's sort of his point is everybody's breaking. Right.

But DJ is like one of the most resilient human beings I've ever met who can take pretty much anything from either side of the spectrum that you throw at him. So if he's getting a little worn out about something, then God damn, buddy. But yeah, like what Drew said, quit being bags of shit. Well, buddy, you know, coming off of him being such a good person, I mean, he's got him. for these folks. He's like, man, they're scared. I mean, you know, he's like, if you're shopping at the Dollar General and Chickamauga regularly, like, you're probably not killing it financially, necessarily in life anyway. So he's got a lot of, yeah, my sister goes there all the time.

There we go. They're scared too, and it's affecting each other. And, and dude, y'all know me. I'm not one of these people who's like, we just need to be kind and everything will be fine. That ain't going to solve so many of our fucking institutional problems, but we still do need to be kind. Yeah, absolutely. I used to think, because I worked, I served the public literally as a server for five years and I was in college.

And I used to think that, and this isn't feasible and would never happen, but you know I in a lot of countries, they have like everybody, every citizen, every able-bodied citizen is like required to do a year or two of like military service or whatever. I used to think that like we should do that in America but for public service.

Not necessarily just working in a restaurant, but retail anything working with and serving the public, people should be forced to do it for like six months to a year or something when they're younger because, I mean, it like really opened your eyes to how not to treat people and how shitty some people can be. And that was during like the best of times. You know what I'm saying?

I was working there during the George Bush era. Things were hitting for these people. Cookville, Tennessee. And, and, um, but I've, I've thought before, like, how hard it would definitely be to be working in public service right now during a fuck, during this pandemic when people act in the way I know people are acting. Yeah. It's got to be.

No. And another thing I'll say about it, kindness isn't just manners. You can't be out there politely with a smile on your face saying, okay, but I'm going to have four bags of toilet paper. I know, I know, like, no, like, you're just, you're just going to, that's not being kind either. You know what I mean? Like, it's not just being polite. Right.

It's just fucking being kind. Right. Yeah, no, absolutely. But, you know, I don't know what Tray said. I worked in retail forever and I worked in a restaurant. And it definitely, not that, now, I was, I was raised by two good parents who were always respectful to servers and blah, blah, blah. So I feel like I would have done it anyways. But I feel like, because.

of all that, I'm even more on the side of the weight staff or wherever, whenever I'm somewhere. And I also notice more shitty behavior now. Like, I'm just like, like a spider sense goes off when I see or hear someone just being a fucking dick for no reason. I'm like, there's literally no reason. Like, if you were in a good enough mood to go to a restaurant and sit down, then be, just be, fake it, god damn it. Like, if you were this sour of a piece of shit, stay the fuck at home. You know, like, I don't understand it. But I, I don't know. Those people are working hard, and right now they're working insanely extra hard and having to do more takeout stuff. And it's just not a good time. So like Drew said,

yeah, man, like being nice isn't going to solve. And tip them at stores. I'm, man, I've been tipping my cashiers at the grocery store and the people bagging me. And at one point, they were like, we can't take that. It's against the rules. And I mean, y'all know me. Like, I'm kind, but I'm an asso. I just turned the managers right there in their little box. I go, hey, I'm going to give them $20, okay? And it was like, they're like, oh, okay. It's, fuck that. I'm sure that manager was very happy to take that $20 after you left. I hope so. If I find out about it, I'll beat them with a spoon. You should treat people well. You know who you should treat the most well,

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Wow. Okay, I'm into it. All right. Obviously, we're doing a bit, but in all seriousness, me and Andy got that dick mold. Did I tell you all that on a podcast or in private?

I thought you got that taken care of, but go ahead. He was in the woods. He was in the woods too long. Yeah, got that moldy dick. Dick mold. I can't follow that. Well, I had a couple other things I was going to bring up,

since we're talking about things that don't hit, not Adam and Eve, they do hit. Before that, we're talking about how people don't hit. I used to do this bit. I still was doing a version of the bit, but it used to be set up by me saying, And I get annoyed by people acting like we are all getting dumber as a society because that's just really not true because I know we're dumb now. But think about how fucking dumb people used to be.

That was my main point. And honestly, I stand by that. But I used to bring up idiocacy. I wouldn't say it's my favorite bit of yours. But I think it was the one I was always the most jealous of. I agree. It's the it's the bit of yours that I almost accidentally write once a week. you know what I mean like I'll start in the middle of something and I'll be and I go oh wait this ends with

this ends with trace bit fuck so anyway every now and the beginning of it would change putting it on the night or whatever but sometimes I'd mention I would specifically mention idiocracy and be like yeah people love to say idiocacy it's a documentary it's like no it fucking isn't and I used to say that so then the other night I'd say all that just to say the other night I don't remember what brought it up I saw a clip on the internet or something for mediocrisy or some such. And I realized that like, tell me if I'm wrong here. I swear to God, I think I would vote for Dwayne, Hector, Elizondo, Mountain Dew, Camacho over Donald Trump. Absolutely.

Like literally. No, no, I would. Real. Former porn star fucking AK-47, all that shit. if it was him or Donald Trump in real life, not a joke, I think I'd vote for that guy. I know I would.

Sincerely, that's how ridiculous things have gotten. It's like literally dumber than idiocracy. I think my answer is yes and no, it is. And not to get serious, too serious, but like this shit with him deploying the Department of Homeland Security, it's here, fellas. Now, let's save that for the last segment because I don't think we're going to get a lot out of that other than fear and we're descending into a nightmare situation. So for that reason.

Close with it. Yeah. Close with that. Lain them wanting less. Exactly. You guys are finally starting to understand me. It's making me having a brand on y'all last week. Now you're finally starting to get me.

For that reason I would, for the judge's reason I would. then just the nihilistic part of me, if that was who the Dems offered, I'd be like, least he's rad. At least he's rad. He's rad. But also, like, if you think back to that movie, he, like, wanted to do the right thing inside the country. He wanted to surround himself with the best and brightest.

That's why he hired not sure in the first place is because he was the most brilliant guy around. And Camacho was like, I need this guy on my staff because we've got to do something. something like my show he was a show that seems a huge show and shows don't have any natural enemies they're just like oh he hits bring them in but there wasn't no malice or anything in him he wanted to do a good job you know so I think he's genuinely a better candidate seatbelts restricted plates hey on that note kind of sorry I uh this is quick I tweeted well to both of you but just because you brought up the point. You know, you have like, well, you don't know,

Trey, because you're famous now. But, and butter, you kind of are too. But Buttercream Dream, if you could remember before you became the Buttercream Dream, you have a tweet where you're like, where you're like, yeah, I know this is, but this, but I know you're not supposed to think this, but this tweet's going to get a million likes.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. I tweeted something like, y'all, I just watched the DVD extras of idiocracy, and they predicted that people would be, tweeting, our country has become idiotocracy. Yeah. They really did predict the future. And it got like 20 likes.

Yeah. I've found, oddly enough, it can very much go the opposite. Like, when I post something that is going to be amazing, it's nothing. And then I'll post something that was just a throw away, whatever. And it's just... And I don't... I don't... Now, you did kind of know Buttercream Dream was going to take off, I think.

Oh, I wouldn't have done that if I didn't think this could be, this could be something and be a thing. But the one, and I honestly, I can't remember what was about, I just remember that the one that got the most views was the one that I, it wasn't the dumbest. It wasn't the dumb. It's just one I didn't like, well, this will do good. But like, and then the one I did the next week, which I was like,

this is fucking it. You know, it did well, but it just didn't do what the other one did. And I mean, that could just be, you know, one specific person with a lot of followers re-twitted or what the fuck ever but like yeah you never you never god damn if you knew i mean that'd be something it it didn't like go mega viral but that car

is a stupid car thing i did i literally sat on it for a month because i was like this stupid yeah it's the best i've ever done yeah no but no i mean i you know i knew the buttercream room was it was gonna be a good idea i'd thought about doing something with wrestling for a while my first uh thought was i was gonna do a series called wrestling with my emotions where i just cut like every week my opponent was my depression and I would you know I but then I started to do that and then I was like

I'm gonna run out of shit to say about depression's gonna win is basically like like I know you know this ain't gonna be good and then depression's manager called yeah and then and then my buddy sent me that that belt and I was a fired up about something and I was just gonna go outside and literally just pull a tray and just screaming to my phone about a thing I was upset about because I didn't write nothing and whatever and I just on my way out the door I was like I'm gonna grab the belt and I put it over my shoulder and like, duh, people clicked on it just because in the thumbnail, there was a fucking idiot on the belt. So, you know. Yeah, which brings us back to the idiocracy. Not that, not that everyone who likes that's an idiot, but it's like you do have to do visual

shit. That's just competition, though. That's not because everybody's dumb. That's just like you're competing with... You guys stand out. Yeah. Somewhere and another. Well, I mean, yeah, right. Like, I'm another white guy on a hat with a beard, so fucking put a belt on. Obviously, we're not getting dumb. That's why your bit was. accurate and all that. But do you think the fact that dumb people can talk to each other, not just as neighbors, is

making this time worse in some ways? Part of the bit for now have a voice was that we're not getting dumber, it just seems that way, because this is the first time in human history that dumb people have had a voice, meaning right. No, I remember that part.

Nobody used to know what dumb people thought about anything. But let me clarify. fucking right. Let me clarify. That was my favorite part of the bit, but that was very banal. Yeah. That was like, they're not getting dumber.

We just know who they are now, but they know who each other are. I'm asking you, do you think it is worse, not just perception-wise? Yeah. Because they can say to each other, check out QAnon. Right, right. This is the truth. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I definitely think that that makes it, that definitely makes a difference because, yes, they can now talk to each other. and tell each other, we are really too smart. They're not, they say we're really weird, be smart and not them. Very related. I completely agree with you. You're right.

Does that make us elitist? Yeah, fuck yeah. We are. Like, we're telling me, yes. I'm better than. They don't hit. I don't like, I. Yeah.

I can't fix it either. It ain't my fucking. I am. I'm that. Fuck yeah. Put that on my gravestone. It ain't my fault. They're fucking stupid.

I think it's, I think it's a, it's a numbers game too, because it's like, not only did back in the day, did dumb people not have a voice and now they all have a voice. Back in the day,

there were no such thing as dumb old people because they would have died before they got to be old. You know what I mean? But like because of medicine and technology and shit, there's a lot of dumb old people. And there's just more fucking people, period. And then there's just more of everybody.

There's more of everybody. And those dump two dumb people meet and fall in. and dumb love and fucking have a dumb fucking kid. And then again, they get old. Back in the day, if you were- Ain't that America. Yeah.

Well, dude, back in the day, if you were fucking just dumb, you would just, you know, walk through and snort polio and then you were fucking out, which people, they're doing that now, by the way, they're bringing that back. But like, I was about to say, though, I've been very disappointed in COVID. I thought it was going to kill only the olds and the dums. And like, look, I'm not happy about that. I feel very sorry for those folks. But I was like, well, at least we'll do better.

But that ain't how it turned out. They lied to me. Yeah, disease. No, dumb people, Chow is like, Cho is partially right and also is funny what he said. But, like, everybody also knows that dumb people have an incredible resilience, too. Yeah, they do. Like, dumb people are hard to kill, actually.

It's the lack of stress. It's the lack of stress. They just bounce around, like, just bounce between getting kicked by a horse and running into a wall and all this shit. Well, just keep on, keep on not hitting, like, I don't know. what it is. That's true. They don't ever have existential crises.

I had not even a bit, just like that line of like, that's the sweet spot where you're like, just barely too dumb to ever have an existential crisis. That was in this. Yeah, I had that in mind. Yeah, it was a,

no, no, nobody's ever woke up going like, oh, am I hating the Jews enough? Yeah. Saying after they're saying, am I hating the Jews enough?

Like they, yeah. But, every day they leave it all on the field and they go to bed fucking completely erected. They absolutely do. They have it all on the field. They have light hearts. Yeah. Well, that's the secret, man, to both happiness and being borderline unkillable. And that's why I'm a little jealous of sociopaths

because they also have light heart. But I think even like what we're talking about just like, again, I know how it seems right now. I had to change the way I would even get into the bit because I could feel people at the beginning of it the way I used to get into it. I could feel them being like, I don't know, buddy. Yeah. I kind of think we are getting dumber. But I stand by the general premise of it, even today, without stupid, everything is. Because like, it's just objective. We're talking about how many dumb people are out there. I'm just doing your bit now, but people used to use leeches for medicine. Right. But also, like, if you think, like, what society was, like, people with money,

And they were the only people that ever got educated in any way back in the day were like nobility, royalty and the super wealthy were the only ones that ever even learned how to fucking read. And that was back then, that was, you know, what, the top one to five percent or something, 10 percent maybe of all humanity. And then everybody else was just playing in the mud, fucking fucking butt holes and fucking talking shit to dogs. Having a good time. Having a real good time. As long as you didn't get put in stocks, you know. Yeah, God, that would not have hit. You would have got ended up in the stocks at least.

Well, it'd show. They wouldn't have had one big enough. It'd choke my fat neck out the first. You know how many kids just be throwing fucking poop at my head just all fucking day? Absolutely. And never missed. Your hand with a mater. That's Friday night.

That's T-G-I-S. I'm already talking a day. Go throw miters at the ball board. I'd have got killed by a fucking cobbler because of something I said that he didn't like. He'd just hit me with a. fucking rock. Yeah.

Everybody would cheered. Yep. And that'd been it. They would have, like, pushed you with their foot into some dirty creek and you know, floated away dead forever. Yeah. Yeah, what a wild time.

But probably they would do that to me when I was defending the guy who murdered you when you were, like, fat and 12 talking about, well, actually, and then somebody had just been like, get this fucking kid out of it. Well, I probably wouldn't have been fat. That's one of the things. I was talking about Troy. Oh, right. That's one of the things that we act.

I mean, that's just objective. We are fatter as a country now than we've ever been, but not. Dumber. Without a doubt. But like, man, and that's so crazy like thinking about you just being murdered by a cobbler and then him just kicking you into the river and that being that. Like that really would have been that.

Like that have been it. Like back then if you, like, there's people that have bits about like, if you did a thing and no one saw you do that thing, there is a 99.9% chance that you were just going to whistle Dixie all the way fucking home and be fine. Yeah, I've always wondered, Jesus Christ, I'm about to reveal a lot, and I probably shouldn't even give anyone out there listening to any crazy ideas. But these people who get caught killing their kids, you're not kill your kids, obviously. Yeah, we'll say, we've said that a bunch.

We've said that a bunch. Just move. And just like, don't. Like, how don't, that's the equivalent of what they did back then. Who the fuck know? No, no anybody knows where your kid is. Right. Just leave your town and go to a new town and be like, yeah, I'm new here and I don't have kids.

Who's going to question right? I mean, I agree. Abandon them. So the idea of anytime some new child murderer is caught or whatever, when the headline pops up that Drew is sitting there thinking, what a fucking idiot. How do you get caught? Relocate. Well, it ain't my, it's not like they had a job that it would show up. for it's not like the local lion's club is like little timmy didn't come in just we moved i got to tell

you man i've read a couple headlines and and then clicked on them and read the story about some mothers uh you know drowning their kids or whatever doesn't never really seem like they thought it through too much you know what i mean kind of seemed like a spontaneous yeah very much so most of the time yeah i'm glad we got the uh dick advertisement hey drew drew now do the thing that people are going to get depressed about. Here we go. America is slowly descending into borderline anarchy, coupled with fascism, which seems like it

wouldn't go together at the same time, but that is definitely what's happening. Both sides are blaming each other. If you look online, a lot of these centrists who are always right down the middle in every issue, because they're fair, they're very much like, well, these crazy kids in Portland are anarchists, and then the government is crazy, and they're fascists, and that's not fucking fair to me. I feel like one group is like,

we're fighting for our rights and we just want to live here and I don't understand why people don't agree with that. And the other one is a man who has literally gone through every fucking branch of his own government and the judicial department that he can to fucking break these protesters. That's why he's now settled upon the Department of Homeland Security. If you don't know, the Department of Homeland Security is now occupying Portland and they have plans to do it in more major cities. And if you don't know or care, if you're like, that sounds like a bunch of words, Department of Hong, blah, blah, blah, blah. that's literally the occupation of these U.S. cities by a federal army. It is the closest to martial law that I could think of without declaring martial law.

The reason he hasn't declared martial law is he knows he can't get away with it right now. And we have to stop underestimating Trump. If you cannot buy or fathom that he's a smart person, then at least buy or fathom that he has smart people around him who very much want crazy things. And they've gotten a lot of them, not in the future now. They've already closed down our borders. They're already putting little kids in cages at the border,

which sounds like something out of a fucking concentration camp movie, but no, it's happening right here. And now they've sent what is essentially a standing army to Portland, and they're planning on doing it in other cities. And if you hear that, and I don't think any of our listeners do, but maybe some of them do, and you blame it on what. I don't know what you're blaming it on. There might even be, let's say in this,

there's a fucking reality where there are people in Portland with like pipe bombs blowing up government buildings because there's some kind of left wing crazy people. There's things in place to defend against that. You don't need the army to defend against that. That's not what's happening at all. What's happening is it feels like a dress rehearsal for a plan to take any city that has a liberal mayor. and make them, make an example of them, occupy them. And I'm freaked out. And I'm kind of tired of pretending like I'm not freaked out.

Because you know what I mean? Like that whole, like I don't want to sound like a tinfoil hat person or I don't want to just be this extreme leftist anything because then I can't talk to people like where I'm from because they have no sense of this because they live in rural America. And it feels like TV to them because it is TV. But I'm tired of pretend. like I'm not freaked out. Well, that's my A, and then I guess my B is,

even if these centrists I see on the Internet who are trying to make sense of this by going, well, these crazy anarchists are doing this, and that's why the response is this, that's all so crazy. Society's falling apart. Society is falling the fuck apart, and we're months away from feeling it in our pocketbooks

and in our schools. We're going to send kids back to school. school. It's all happening at the same time. What? Kids do die. People are like, well, only one percent of kids die. That's one out of a hundred. At a normal fucking school, that's like six kids. And if you're confused about how I'm conflating to issues because I've been drinking during this podcast, I apologize. That's my fault. But what I'm saying is two things are happening at once. There's a concerted effort to occupy liberal cities and we're just pretending like COVID isn't that big of the deal so that we can quote unquote, we go back to the status quo.

And both of those things are terrifying to me. They're also both related because like, and I'm part of this is maybe just what I'm telling myself, but I feel like it's like this is not just the general decay of American society. Okay. This is what happens in year four. Yeah. Of a fucking. administration or a regime like we have been under. Like this is what happens when you are completely rotten at the head. It's not a coincidence or anything like that. Like this is a direct result of that.

And what I keep telling myself to sleep at night is that we are finally getting towards what will hopefully be the end of that. And there's still so many, so many gates to overcome, so many obstacles to overcome between now and then. What if they're already fucking with the mail? because they're going to try to steal the goddamn election. What if they, like, refuse to leave somehow or another?

There's a whole transition period for months where they'll be, like, lame ducks and what the fuck are they going to do then? And that all is very frightening. But what else you had to hang your hats on other than it's like three and a half months until Election Day, we've survived this far. And, yeah, it gets worse. Every single day, it gets worse. but like just maybe we can just make it to the finish line.

Because I really think if we do get them out of there without like this whole country, without something crazy happening, if there is a blue wave in the election and we get them out of there without violence or whatever, I think that most all of this will then begin to get better and heal after that. Yeah, I agree. I got an op-in. Well, I was just real quick, I was going to say, Number one, I agree.

And I used to be like, well, goddamn, you know, in Donald Trump's, if he gets to the point where he's, you know, the lame duck president or whatever, like, well, at least then he won't be actively trying to, you know, do shit. But then I think, well, goddamn, I mean, he fucking spends eight hours on the golf course every day and all this shit still happens. So, like, it doesn't even need to be him there. It just needs to be his party in control. And then another thing I'd like to say, and this is just forward thinking on my part, Donald Trump and his regime is, I mean, kind of a direct result of them attempting to swing the pendulum back so goddamn hard after eight years of what they had to deal with, which was a black president. And I'm just worried that like, what basically what I'm saying is when, if we get in and if everything shifts back, we cannot just be like, okay, good Democrats are fucking in power. otherwise in four to eight years afterwards,

I know that you think it can't get worse than Donald Trump, but a lot of people thought that about George Bush, and then here we are with Trump. So like, that's scary to me too is what we do with it once we get it. Because we've really, as you've said a lot, we're just not winners anymore. We've never, we suck. We're not really great.

I don't know, man. We don't do a lot except bitch sometimes, which we should bitch. I'm just saying I still worry about our party and like what the fuck we're going to do if we do get back in power. to all say. Man, I was going to say I have an optimistic and a pessimistic response, but you just obliterated my pessimism by being super pessimistic

because you basically just said, yeah, we might win, but, Tray, have you considered the fact that we don't hit anymore, have a hit in a long time. Every time we get someone who do hits, we undercut them like a motherfucker. Am I wrong? Because we'd rather hang on to power than we would actually have new ideas in there. I think the only real hope, I think it's more about we,

our main problem is that we are ineffectual, right? And so when it really, it still is... That's not our main problem, but go ahead. Well, one of our main problems is that we are ineffectual. And when the opposition is so fucking insane and hardcore, and we are huge pussies, then you end up with them just sort of doing what they want. I think the real hope is that,

and I don't trust them to take... any reasonable lessons away from anything. But I think the only real hope is that if there is a blue way, if they get the shit kicked out of them in November, the right, that might be the one and only thing that could make them realize, like, we don't have to recalibrate a little bit, or we are done. And then if they do that, surely it would have to be back in this direction.

It wouldn't be further that direction. Well, no, it would have to be. they become more reasonable, then it might have a larger effect on, you know, how it's a whole in this country. Well, I was going to say, luckily, like, if we somehow got the presidency back for eight years, in those eight years, a huge percentage of those people will be dead. Yeah, right. That too.

I mean, that eight years is a lot. Yeah. Every, the kids. Especially without the will to live. Like, the will to live will be sucked smooth out of them. So, like, you know, that'd be good. Go ahead, Drew. I'll give you my pessimistic reaction and then my optimistic.

My pessimistic reaction is it's already here. I mean, that's what I open with. And you touched on this, Trey, but like, yeah, I hope we win in November. But like, what does that look like? Like, how much do we have to win by that he and that regime can't massage the numbers, trick people? I mean, look, there's a theory that I heard, and this might be a little tenful high. This is as wild as I'll get because I hate hyperbole. We need actual facts right now.

This is those wilds I'll get right now. There's an idea of like the whole no more moratorium on evictions. And as you mentioned, fucking with the mail, if everyone's homeless and or the mail ain't running, you can't do a vote by mail. Especially if everyone homeless or most people who are homeless, you know, ain't going to vote for you or you think they're not. I don't trust pessimistically,

coupled with what's going on in Portland and supposedly about to happen in other cities, that we're going to have a fair election. Right. So even if we are going to win, I'm pessimistic about the prospects of that even fucking mattering anymore. Right. Trump is a moron, but he's clearly got some smart people around him. William Barr, who is the head of the Department of Justice, made his career arguing that Article 2 of the Constitution as it relates to the executive branch has been misinterpreted literally the whole time America's been a country and that the executive branch should have more power. he's argued it every time he's been in a place to argue it like we knew who he was his whole thing

his whole career has been twofold one uh the executive branch should have more power congress should not be allowed to impeach him or doing this bullshit he was very quiet when they get it to clinton i wonder why but for the most part he's been consistent with that and two he's like super catholic and thinks we need we need to get back to god's law it's not a coincidence that he came out of retirement to go help Donald Trump. And it's not because he likes Trump. It's because he recognized that here is someone who might grab

power. Yeah. And that's happening right now. And it's real. And that's what I'm saying about my, you know, bringing the pessimism into it. I don't know if we can win an election. It's, it's already fucking unfair, in my opinion. My second part of my pessimism is like, you know,

look who we're running. even if we win I don't know how much but it'll definitely be better than Donald Trump and I want to say that to anyone listening right now you should fucking I think you should vote for Joe Biden like I get hating him

I really do but look at our country's cities are being occupied yeah and I mean it's like you said it's hard to believe in the process when I mean god damn dude the Democrats couldn't even get a Clinton elected president against against Donald Trump.

And it's funny too because if you ask anybody about the Clintons, they literally are just the puppet masters for the entire world and control everything. But yet somehow they lost. So like you can't believe one and not believe the other. But then if you go further the other way down, I'm like, I do think that that group of people wields a considerable amount of power

and they still could not get the election. So something fucky this way comes. Well, in my last pessimistic note is Donald Trump has already overcome so many things that are in place to keep people from being despotic, fascistic rulers. Case in point, the Department of Justice I just brought up. Case in point, every person in the FBI, he's fired. Andrew McCabe is a lifelong Republican. Robert Mueller, who he dragged through the mud when he tried to investigate him,

is a lifelong Republican. I don't know if Comey's a lifelong Republican, but I know at the very least he's a moderate. My point being is like, I mean, he made Andrew McCabe this fucking, horrible any of me. He's brilliant at playing personal politics. He has the internet and the Q&on people believing that Andrew McCabe is a liberal shill who wants to investigate Donald Trump and pardon Hillary Clinton for no reason. That's a lifelong Republican. You couldn't get more like, you know, we as liberals, if we sat down and talked to the dude, we wouldn't like how he feels than Andrew McCabe. His parents are attorneys. He grew up rich. He went to fucking Yale. Like,

Right. He's made him the enemy because he investigated him. He's already winning that game. So that's my last pessimistic thing. Here's my optimistic thing. I do think we can win. I think the reason he's using the Department of Homeland Security is because he knows the National Guard won't do what he wants.

I still have some faith in the quote-unquote idea of America. I still hope, believe whatever in my heart that there's enough people who aren't QAnon fucking blitzed in their brain, even if they are Republicans, that they won't, you know, like if they get an order, go do this,

they just won't do it. Right. If he says, I know I, you know, I didn't actually lose this election. It was rigged against me, he helped me keep in power that the army won't stand for that.

Now, for the record on that note, I have no faith that the Republican Congress will do that, but I do have faith in some of these institutions. but I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know why I've never put my faith. This makes me feel desperate. I've never put a lot of faith in these institutions.

Well, I mean, right now we're experiencing, if trickle down ever worked in anything, it works for the GOP's favor in the sense of like the two greatest things that that party ever did for themselves was positioning themselves alongside the Southern Baptist Convention, which the Southern Baptist Convention wanted to do for their own gain as well. But when the GOP became officially God's party and then another thing, which was it kind of started really during the George Bush administration

when they kind of had this campaign for anti-intellectualism and how knowing stuff ain't good. Because like before that, before that the Republican candidate was Bob Dole. I mean, you can say what you want about Bob Dole in terms of like his pot. He wasn't a fucking idiot. He was never, never once has there ever been. Oh, look at what dipship Bob Dole said. But as soon as Bush gets in, they start down this anti-intellectualism train that basically, number one, they're the party of God.

So if you go against us, you must not be a Christian and all Democrats are atheists. And then number two, anybody who ever says anything bad about us is just think, they just think they're smarter than you, and they're just in a way,

and they don't know. And those two things right there, man, are almost impossible to combat because religion is impossible to combat because it's unprovable and completely faith-driven. So you can, it doesn't, facts don't matter in that respect to somebody.

And then anti-intellectualism is impossible to combat because there's no way, that you can argue for it or against it without seeming like you're being the intellectual that they've been groomed to hate to begin with. So, like, I don't know what to fucking do in that regard. Well, that's why I don't think he's dumb at all and you've taken me yet again back to pessimism.

That's why I don't think he's dumb at all. He took fake news, which he didn't invent, and he turned it into his own weapon. Yeah. He took fake news, which is the idea of mistrusting some people in the media, and honestly, was lobbied at Fox a lot. Sure.

And he turned it into a weapon where it's like, that's my turn. He did the same thing with Deep State for the record. Deep State originated as a term that had to do with like how if you work for the government for 10 years, then you can go get a job as a lobbyist or working for this private contractor or working for this law office as a partner. Like you know, they make you partner because of your connections. And there were these writers kind of recognizing that's bullshit. Like, and that's where the sort of the deep state term came from.

It's like, man, we're starting to be ruled by these people. who swing back and forth between Washington, D.C. and the private sector, and they're just giving their friends these contracts. And that's a good critique. And Donald Trump took that, and he ran on it. He ran on draining the swamp, remember? Yeah.

Yep. And now he's made it to where anyone who, Comey, McCabe, anyone in Washington who says that I'm corrupt, they're part of the deep state. Yeah. And again, that's where I go back to it. He's not dumb or somebody around him, mate. Well, I mean, the guy who has been in the news in the past couple weeks

because Trump just commuted his sentence was Roger Stone. I mean, he was the architect of that initial thing. And I mean, yeah, that's the thing is like, I would never in my wildest dreams accused Roger Stone of being stupid. He's a fuck. That's the unfortunate thing about genius is it doesn't, genius itself doesn't have like a left or right by. Yeah, like genius.

is what genius is and who you are as a person is how you're going to use that. Hitler wasn't a fucking dumb guy either. And I'm not making the whole like, oh, Trump's, I'm just saying, like, genius is a term that,

like, it itself doesn't mean specifically, it just means you're fucking smart, but he's evil fucking, he's a goddamn Batman villain, man. Like, it's crazy.

Trump, Trump sure ain't Hitler, but we do have cops, uh, where we don't know their badges and they're taking people away and unmarked rental vans. Yeah. It feels a little secret piece. S.S.

shit. No, you know, you're right. Don't hit. No, don't hit. Hitler don't hit. No, Hitler don't hit. I've gone on record as much as the working title for the second in my don't hit trilogy. Yeah.

Beginning with. Genocide. 9-11 don't hit. Hitler don't hit. And then genocide don't hit. That's the third in the, yeah, in the don't hit trilogy. Right. that's going to be the nothing hits trilogy and i'll be honest with you we could probably cover a lot of

that genocide in the hitler movie you know so we'd probably do do another one we could i mean you know there might be people who i've heard of holocaust deniers but i've never heard of holocaust don't hit deniers right right if you believe in the holocaust then you believe it did not hit. That's really, that's really, you say that because like most Holocaust deniers are the people who would have really loved the Holocaust. Well, that's the thing. They're not allowed to be Holocaust, don't hit deniers.

Right. So then they just started. So that didn't happen. They have no way that happened. That would have hit too hard. I'd have heard about that. You did hear about it, Bill. That's why we're conversing.

This don't count. All right. Well, about that time, is it? Yeah, August, August 7th. August 7th. Trey, give us your brilliant wisdom here. Make everybody feel better. Oh, what?

What do we do, Dad? I already told you, all I know how to do is just survive for three and a half more months. I'm worried about the election, too, but I'm still up to. Each individual state is heavily involved in how elections go down, you know, and so many of our states are still sane and, powerful and stuff. And I think that as far as like if we win, what's he going to do after that? I really do worry about that.

And the only saving grace is like, and Tori alluded to it, it's like, I hope that if he loses, he'll have like a tantrum, but then sort of just be like, just fuck off. Because like, I don't think he wants, I don't think he likes doing the job or anything. He doesn't. I mean, like he, like, I don't think he enjoys. So I think like he, and I'm not saying I believe this. I'm saying I hope that he would like flip out in the immediate term. But then after that, be like, oh, I don't have to do any of this anymore.

I can just go get started on my TV network or whatever I'm going to do after this to build all these people for, you know, billions of dollars. I'm just going to do that. Who gives the fuck. I agree with you. Fuck this stupid house and this stupid job. That comes down to who's in his ear. You know, if someone.

points that out to him, and then if someone points out to him, you know, the other, one thing that worries me about that notion, though, is you're right. Like, I don't think he wanted to do it, but now that he's got it, I don't think he wants to let it go. I agree with that. He's not going to, like, just go quick. He's sure as hell ain't going to have, like, a concession speech. The night of, where he thanks the campaign. Like, he ain't going to do it. He, none of that. He definitely, I don't think, wants to be president. But one thing that I think, and I think everybody that has watched this man for, you know, of three decades of him being a fuck shit, knows that he does like the sound of his own voice.

But I think that he has really found out in the past couple years, like speaking in front of large groups of people and getting these immediate reactions, I think he's really falling in love with that. So like, A, yeah, no, he's not going to go quietly into the night. But B, what I'm saying is like,

after he gets out, that motherfucker's going to start touring. Like, he's going to absolutely start touring. Absolutely. And, oh, God. And I'm fine with that. I mean, yeah, me too. but like that's well unless he's like

stolen up violence like like you know most presidents like I mean yeah Bush does his charity stuff and him and him and Clinton and all them hang out as the super friends from time to time and eat fucking caramels but like you know for a long time after

their president you don't really hear from them for a while because they've just done one of the most stressful things in the world so they kind of lay low they go wind surfing Trump ain't we're going to be stuck with this motherfucker in our face every day until the day he fucking dies. Or we do. Which hopefully won't be too long, you know.

He is fat and old and dumb and don't hit. But again, you know, they stick around that type. They find a way fucking just living off just cheeseburgers for fucking 70 years. It won't happen to me. He'll live in. No, hell no, because you hit. I do have. It's the only ones that don't hit to fucking stick around forever.

Or it gets fucked up and I care and both of these are going to kill us. No, just hopeful notes like, don't put all your face. Everything looks really bad for him right now. It's part of why he's freaking out so much. Like, in terms of the outlook is not good. Like, unless they do some fraudulent bullshit to steal it, which again, even if they do, I don't know what hour. I mean, it'll be a goddamn civil war possibly if that happens.

Like, because people are not, I'm not going to just, people will revolt in some capacity if it seems as though they literally stole the election. And if they don't steal it, it is not looking good for them right now, y'all. It's not like, and I'm gun shy over the last one too. We got punched in the fucking mouth in 2016. And ever since then, I've been superstitious about jinxing it or anything like that. I very much get that. But like just speaking in terms of the information we have and what the outlook is, like,

it does not look good for. Yeah, I mean, that's what I was in right now. I was going to say that too because before this past election happened. Like, yeah, it's hard to point at another time in history where a president would have had this bad of a four years and he's not fucking straight out the door. You know what I'm saying? And honestly, going back to me, trying to be an optimist, boys, maybe this bullshit move he's doing will make some of our very leftist friends actually vote for Joe Biden. Where they're like, you know, where there was a. time period where they're like, I'm not voting for a barely

different fucking piece of shit old white man, which is fair, versus okay, I'm just going to vote against a literal fascist. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Fucking vote against, whatever. I don't know what's telling you, but. Yeah. Before, I know you're about to

plug the show before you do that, let me just thank people. I know, I'm drinking and I'm talking too much. Uh, and Corey podcast. I was, uh, I've been somewhat overwhelmed. literally trying to respond your emails. Thank you guys so much for buying the special

and giving me money and all that. And I hope you like it. Thank you. Oh, yeah. On my end, too. Thank you so much for buying my special. Right as soon as I put it on sale, my air conditioner exploded.

So that really came in handy. The Ravens News, they're like, this boy, about to get some money in his Venmo. So yeah, I appreciate that. But as Drew was also alluding to August 7th, You can see us at the well-red quarantine show. Tickets are at well-readcom. W-E-L-L-R-E-D.

Comedy.com. It will be a live-streamed Zoom show that we have never done together, the three of us, and it's going to be a lot of fun, and we're super fucking excited about doing something together for people again because it's been too goddamn long. And for me, it's going to be probably 90% completely new material, and the other 10 will be repurposed material. Everything's different now.

It's a big part of why I put the special out, and I got new ideas and I've been alone with my wife for a while and I'm going to tell you guys about, you know. Yeah. I didn't think I could possibly write more I'm fat material, but I did it. But then the pandemic happened. Yeah, I did it. Then he sat at home for three or four months and lo and behold. Nevertheless, he persisted.

Yeah. Anyway, yeah, it's all new material. I mean, with whatever, like you said, five, ten percent exceptions, repurpose lines here and there. But for the most part, it's going to be all new material from all of us, whether you've seen us on the road or anything before, you won't know about this. So come and come check it out. August 7th, 9 p.m. Eastern,

right here on your computer. Schu-ch-ee-ew! Thank you all for listening to the World Red Show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. good tonight and skew Hey, what's up everybody?

It's your boy the show. Let's do some post-show plugs. Why not? Who gives a damn? Everything's different now. This is the new normal. Fuck it, strap in. Post-show plugs. As you may know, there are two spinoffs to the well-read podcast. Now, one, Mr. Dollar Store, Drew Morgan, and our good buddy DJ DJ Lewis have been doing for a while.

It's called Into the Abisket. It is a comedy podcast with a dose of the void. join Drew Morgan and Dr. DJ DJ Lewis as they journey through all things dark, sadness, heartbreak, loneliness, death, the empty feeling you get when you choose the wrong sandwich. This podcast covers it all. And I love it. And I've been a guest several times. And it is a whole lot of fun. You obviously know and love Drew from this podcast. And if you've listened this podcast long enough, you know DJ DJ Lewis. He is our most requested guest. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me. me if people were just like, why don't y'all just shut the fuck up and let DJ do everything because he's that great. So go check out their podcast, subscribe to their Patreon for some bonus content and give them a like and a review and a five star and all that good stuff. And I just had a brand new podcast that was released yesterday called Through the Screen Door with Corey Ryan Forster. And on it, it will feature daily bits. It will feature recurring segments.

Open monologue. It's loose. It's fun. It's half-written. It's half-improved on the moment. And we just had a blast doing it, me and my producer, Matt Coon, on yesterday's debut episode. We talked about in one of our segments this week in Southern history, I wrote a little story about the Scopes Monkey trial, which happened. The final day was July 21st, 1925. We also review terrible movies. Yesterday, we reviewed Green Lantern. And I defended Ryan Reynolds for a little bit.

In fact, I defended Ryan Reynolds for so long. My producer had to edit out 28 minutes of it so that it would still be a fine podcast. Because I don't know. I just unhinged my jaw like a python and start just shooting out. It's Ryan Reynolds, man. He looks great. So we do that. I also do some redneck movie monologues.

And there's a dipshit of the week segment, a bright spot of the week segment. It's great. It's a little variety show that I'm really proud of. And we've really had a lot of fun doing. So go subscribe to that. join our Patreon if you'd like to. But, you know, other than that, just share with your friends. And I hope you enjoy.

Hope we're giving you some bonus content for you guys to enjoy during these weird, weird times. And I love you guys, and y'all have a good one. Ski-you. The Popeye's Family Feast. Why is everybody suddenly family with Popeyes hits the table? Feed all those cousins with six pieces of our boldly season signature chicken. Two famous chicken sandwiches, two large mouth-watering sides, and four flaky biscuits. That's enough for cousin coworker, cousin roommate,

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