wellRED podcast - #192 - There Aint No Salsa Like Meemaw's Salsa!

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

This week the boys talk about their Meemaws, High School Homophobia, and Drew talks about being honored at his old high school!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.

I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the.

Good evening everybody. It is your boy or morning. It could be the morning when you're listening to this. I hope you're having a great morning, great evening, great afternoon, whatever. It's your boy, the show. Corey Rund Forster here. Wellred comedy.com. W-E-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com.

That's where you can subscribe to our newsletter, so you can find out where we're going to be as soon as things start opening back up and we're comfortable doing things. You can also grab some merch at our merch store. You can get our album, well-read, live from Lexington. Yeah, that's it. And our book, well-read.

That ain't it? Jesus Christ, I don't know what it is, guys. My brain has not worked this week. I don't know if I'm doing too much shit, but it's just nothing's working. Our book is actually called the liberal redneck manifesto Dragon Dixie out of the dark

the thing that changed my life God damn it, Corey. Say it correct. Hey, since everything's weird, we also have other podcasts that you can listen to. My new one is called Through the Screen Door

with Corey Ryan Forster. It is a pop culture podcast with a Southern Twist. Me and my co-host Matt Coon, we do an opening monologue like on the Tonight Show. And then we had this new segment called Bread or Wine

where we watch an old classic movie and we decide if it has aged like, well, like bread or like wine. We do sketches, we do music, a whole bunch of other cool stuff. Trey has the evening skews with Smartmark Agee, and Drew has a podcast with DJ DJ Lewis, our most requested guests of all time. They've got Into the Abiscuit. You should check out all three and take care of yourselves. And also, hey, this podcast is brought to you by Smokey Boys Grill and go to Smokey BoysGrioling.

and get all the rubs for all your meats and also carvevodka.com. Do you want to get drunk like the show? Well, I'm sober right now. But when I do drink, I drink carve. God damn it. It's the best vodka and all of Jacksonville and all of these here United States. So go check that out at carvevodka.com. And carve your own path, you silly butt. Now on with our podcast. Love you guys, let's see you. Bye. They're the... They're the... They're the... Redneck's day like cornbread, but sex. They care. Way too much. We don't give a fuck.

They're the River Rednecks That makes some people upset But they got three big old dicks that you can suck Is that homemade salsa fam? Yeah Did your mama make? Yeah

Do she put sugar in it? Yeah That's the shit It's more like pepper relish But God, that's the jam Yeah My mom, when tomatoes first came in this year

my mom for the first time I've not like man I'm dumb like I'm like obviously obviously it's been four years I'm fine with the fact that my grandmother is dead but I still like get sad from time to time like I just now have started this guy

this is so funny to say out loud I've just now been able to start eating cream sickles again it's been a long four years I agree too. Yeah, that's real. So I've just now been able to start eating cream sickles again. If I see, my granny used for her, for perfume, she used skin bracer, like the green, like the man aftershave shit.

Like that was just her jam. She used it for fucking deodorant. And so I can't even hardly look at that shit when I see it in the, in that grocery aisle without tearing out. You mean like brute or something? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but the, yeah, yes, skin bracer is another. It's by menon. Okay.

So. Like brute type stuff. It's exactly like brute. It's just called Skin Bracer. That's the brand that my Papa used. My Papa fucked was Brute. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. My Papa fuck was Skin Bracer.

It was probably just a little bit more. My Papa would probably go. My dad my fuck was skull. Yeah, my Granny dipped, it was Brut and Snuff. Not when I was alive, but like back in her day, it was Brut and Snow. She'd snort that shit. But anyways, my point is, is that Granny had a salsa recipe. and I loved her sauce and so goddamn much, but like nobody's fucked with it for years because we were,

we've just always been scared like it ain't going to be it. It's going to tarnish the leg. It was like when Charlie and Chocolate Factory came out, you know, but like with food. And so, but mom made it this year for the first time and it was exactly like it. And it wasn't the first time I've cried while eating food, but it was the most recent time that I've cried while eating food and that it was about the food and not just I'm crying and also I'm eating. because that clearly has happened a lot. But anyways, I hope you're enjoying that salsa

because good old, good old Southern Mama salsa, while the furthest further from Mexican, it could not be, does hit. Yeah, I'm sitting here wondering if I even am on the same page and know what y'all are talking about because none of my people ever made what they would even call salsa. Right. They may, it ain't, it's not like chow-chow, right?

You know what you know what's chow-chow? No, it's similar, though. Chow Choward does it. As Corey pointed out, this is just kind of tomatoy relish. Yeah, it's more of a relish. Like, if I was at a fancy restaurant, I had a chakudery board, and that showed up on my plate as something to like put on, I'd be like, yeah, okay, this makes sense. Like, it's a sweet, less spicy, you know, and load it up with sugar as, as we want to do. And it just super, I mean, you will literally never, like my grandmother sauce is my favorite in the world.

you will you could try a thousand sauces at a gourmet salsa place and none of them would even close to taste like this because it doesn't it's not i don't even know why she did it but it's a lot a lot of onion all right but it's sweet though it's sweet has a muffucker sweet with the uny see that's like that that sound i don't i don't think i know what that is yeah it's really it's really good i'll get my god when we're allowed to travel again and y'all think i know my mom i was in salina that had that yeah whenever we're allowed to travel again and y'all come down here i'll get my I'm going to make a few jars. It's the shit.

I mean, good again, sugar. It's the sugar to do it. Y'all. Corey, I think it's beautiful. You still missed your granny. That's not weird at all. I think that not being able to cream sickle specifically is the most you. That's the most you.

I just can't do it. Yeah, because trust me, I've had plenty of frozen confectories in the past four years. imagine you walk through the aisle and get to the Mayfield section and see the box. I can't do it. On God. On God, dude, because, like, you know, it's what taste and smell are, like, the two most linked to memories. And I ain't going to front, dude. I had crem sickles for the first time, like, not that long ago, sat on my porch, had a cream sickle.

And I'm talking, like, bro, it was like doing acid. Like, if I closed my eyes while I was eating that cream sickle, I could almost feel the, the leather on Papaw's chair against my calf muscles. You know what I'm saying? Like that type of fucked up. I mean, fucked up in a good way, but like trippy shit.

Like I'm tasting it and all of a sudden like while I was licking that cream sickle, I could remember the entire 1995 Braves roster, but I don't think I could do it right this second, but I knew it then, you know what I mean? It's like Mark Lempke, Jeff Blauser fucking, you know,

just going through it. Like it was wild. It's wild taste and smell. Both hit, but also because both not hit. that's also tied to that whole we've talked about it before not maybe not on the podcast though but I'm trying to think encoding specificity remember talking about that or a state dependent state dependent memory I think those two things mean the same thing I was telling you about that time

when I got blackout drunk and I could play piano okay if I remember that story correctly and then that the same thing? It's not, no, because you don't, you never knew how to play piano, right? I guess. I mean, or I guess I got blackout drunk so many times and it was just going to lessons, but never knew. I don't know, but now you're right. The thing I'm talking about is like, this study high, take the test high. Exactly, yeah. Yeah. Like, if you can replicate the state you were in. Yeah. However you go about it, if you can replicate the state you were in when you experienced or you learn something or whatever. Yeah.

That will help you tremendously to recall that thing later. So that's just a version of what you're talking about with the eating the cream circles. If I could figure out how to believe in myself again, I'd be smart like I was in high school. Yeah, maybe. There you go. If I could just find happiness one more time. I'll score some touchdowns.

I believe that's more than a cream cycle away, fam, but. Yeah. You can't coach, you can't learn teaching, scoring touchdowns, straight. Did anything funny or raven happen in the little ceremony you had? Drew was honored by his high school. Oh, yeah. Okay. It seems like that's ripe for some, you know.

Yeah, for those of you that do not know, this past weekend, our very own Diamond Drew Morgan in his hometown of Sunbright in Morgan County, County seat. He was honored with whatever. Shut up. Hush. He was honored with man of the decade at his old school, Sunbright Academy. And he is, and they, a white horse and everything.

Tell us about it, Drew. Tell us what really happened. Before you start, so he said Sunbright, Morgan County's County seat. Yeah. I thought you pronounced Tennessee as County C. Because like, I thought you went Morgan County County C. and I just wasn't even going to say word about it or acknowledge it at all because it just felt like something you would do without even...

I've never heard of that food. Yeah, right. Yeah, except for the fact that it wasn't food related. You just sort of changing words without realizing it, just rolling with it seemed very on-brands. Before I tell this story, you just reminded me, what is Kakalaki?

What is that? I don't know, but it's widespread, though. And if it's only, only time I ever hear North Kakalaki used is when someone's talking about where a dumb ass is from, if they're from North Carolina. Like if you was regular and you're like, oh yeah, they're from North Carolina. But if you're an idiot, they're like, they're from North Kakalaki. Or if it's like some dumb shit, they're referencing. You know what I mean? Yeah.

What went down back in North Kakalaki. Right. Or if you grew up in the middle of nowhere over there, it's like when I was growing up in North Kakalaki, it is weird, though, because I don't know what the fuck they. Yeah, like, is it? But, like, I feel like that's a, I don't think that's a, like, a regional, a super regional thing, right? I feel like that's like. And I've never heard South Kakagher. People in a lot of places.

I don't know. I'm going to start saying County C. I'm from Sunbright County C. There you go. So tell us about how you received, as we went over this in text, but y'all, everybody out there's not in our text script. He received the key to the city, which. opens the pharmacy in Morgan County. He was driven in on a Dodge Viper with the top down.

The whole, I mean, they, ticker tape. Go on, Drew. Tell them what happened. Yeah, they elected me mayor. No, I don't know. I think I'm going to have to. The quarterback's always the mayor. Yeah.

Yeah, and the quarterback got hurt of the current team, and that's how they did it. No, I think I'm going to have to undo some of your wonderful story to tell it properly. You don't know. Yeah. They honored multiple people. It's just a thing to do like before football games, Tiger Legends or whatever.

It's like, you know, we don't have culture, so let's create one centered around has been football players. And, yeah, I went. A couple of Ravens things happened. Two specifically. One is a guy who was two years older than me,

I was also being honored. He's one of my brother's friends. He always, like, friended up, you know what I mean? Like, he always hung out with older kids. We grew up together in church, and I wouldn't, like, he wasn't a bully to me, but he's probably the closest thing I've ever had to a bully. Like, he was my brother's friend group's little friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So when I was around. He took it out on you. Yeah, he had to, like, and then when I started getting accolades, he was very good at football, too. When I started getting accolades, it got, I got worse, because like I was taking his place. So they told me I was doing it, and they were like, send us a bio, and I sent him something.

And then I was like, Is it the one that's on your website? I don't know what I said. That's what I was saying. Well, then I found out he was going to be there, and I was like, hey, what are people putting these bios? And he said, let me send you one I got,

the guy who was running it, and he sent me that guys. Oh, boy. Oh, my. So then I had to like make sure I got, all my stats in there. Yeah. So they was better than his.

Okay, so these bios, actually I was wondering, this is what Corey was getting to. We asked about the website, I guess. This is like your accolades and stats from back then. It's not what you're up to now. Yeah, because they're not used to people doing anything.

It's way funnier to me. It could be both. Right. It could be both, it turns out. There's way more potential for radio and they, where are they now? I put all my credits on there, guys. I put all my credits on there.

Yeah. I put all my. stats and all my credits. So that was the raven thing, but here's the funnier raven thing. We're lining up to go out there, and that guy's kind of a buddy of mine. Like we did grow up together, we went to church together. We're sitting there waiting to go out, and the dude

who's organizing it all, he's like, looking at my bio, and he's like, oh, man, you live in L.A. now? And the guy, my buddy goes, yeah, he's one of them, like aggravating me. And that guy goes, oh, I know. I've seen him on Facebook. But here's the thing.

But here's the thing. Your queerness preceded you. Politics don't matter if you're a tiger. All right. Whatever that means, but cool, you know. And then he goes, speaking of politics, I want you guys to remember, as I'm telling the story he told us, that he opened with speaking of politics.

Speaking of politics. You gave up, boy, centimeter window. I went pheasant hunting with my buddy Kenny in South Dakota. We was on our way up there. We drove, you know, I don't get on planes. And we got to Iowa, and my truck broke down. It just blew up.

Motor was shot all the hell, son. I didn't have time to fix that, so I had to get a rental car. Well, all they had was one of them Chevy cruises. You know them Chevy cruises? It's the littlest one they got. You can't hardly fit in there. So me and Kenny had to stuff in there and get all our gear and our guns and everything. We got everything in there but a case of water

But we's packed in there like sardines And I'm driving up there hunting to the camp And I look at Kenny and I go These boys are going to think we're gay Just because they were grabbing it I mean, it's mad enough We're staying in the same hotel room I mean look different beds

I made sure we had two beds, okay? But I got up there I started growing my beard I guess they wouldn't think I was gay And I told Kenny grow his beard out So we got up there Just all bearded up and this little shabby crew Couldn't even hardly get in there

I don't know if they thought we were gay or not. And this time my buddy is about to die laughing because he knows how uncomfortable I am, but I have to, you know, react. So I'm like, well, did you kill any pheasets? Yeah, we got about five. I said, well, that ain't queer. I mean, hey. I love that.

He goes, no, I guess it ain't, man, you're right. Damn. I love the idea of these two guys just in a, Motel 6 in outside of Iowa, just staring in the mirror, hate growing a beard, just aggressively growing bairds. Yeah, yeah. God damn your goddamn beard out. Also, also, I love how that was speaking of politics.

I know, right? Yeah. Speaking of us. Also, it's kind of implied that it's like, I know this isn't what happened, but I like to think that guy had told that conundrum to something, one of his other buddies, like, I don't know, maybe they did think your guy. You think they think we're gay? Hey, you know who'd know about whether you're gay or not?

Drew or senior queer expert. Yeah, right. I mean, yeah, but that wasn't really it. They were going to be around hunting rednecks. So really, that was his expertise. You know what I mean? Yeah. What will they think?

Well, then Curtis, my buddy, goes, you're going to have to sign an affidavit. I think he meant release. He said you're going to sign an affidavit because Drew is going to put you in one of his skits. Well, my mom went to the car wash with that old boy works, and I reckon he was like, hey, you tell Drew, I don't mind if he puts me in one of his skits. I don't get offended like all these people around here, you know? Everyone says he just makes fun of us around here.

Well, hell, so is Larry the cable guy, and everybody likes him. I mean, we're just all tigers. We're just all tigers. We're all tigers at heart, which sounds kind of gay. Have you ever come upon a clown car filled with camo and, Bushlight and thought. Look at them two coyers. Right. Well, I have to say, you know, any comedian knows you get that last thing a lot.

Oh, yeah. You know, you can use that or whatever. But I did. I did. Carmen's online show and I opened with that story. I bet it was great. I mean, I was about to say, but I got to say, like, that actually could be, like, as he said, you know, Drew can use it with his.

skits. That wouldn't be a bad sketch, I don't think. Two old boys going on a hunting trip, ending up in like a little Prius and trying to figure out how to not be gay. So they start trying to grow beards, end up like gluing them on and stuff and decide them what music they can't listen to and if they're going to have to spring for another hotel room, whatever else, all in an

effort not to be construed as gay. Their family... Of course, as all of our old sketches used to end, they end up, fuck each other. I was going to say, their family casts them out because they can't convince anybody that they're not gay. And they've just been, their friends abandoned them, their family abandoned them,

and they're just like, well, hell, blah, blah, blah. That'd be a great sketch. Yeah, for the most part, quit doing that, quit telling us how you can use this. But like, every now and then, it does work out. Well, again, he didn't really say it. The other guy did because he knew how funny it was. And then he was like, well, you can go ahead. But I don't know, man, just the whole, speaking of politics,

here's a story about a time I thought I looked gay. killed me. Yeah, that's great. That's still very much a thing. The whole, you know, that famous Bill Birdbitt from fucking 12 years ago

or whatever now from forever ago. That whole, what are you, a fag? Yeah. How that, like, drives. He's got bananas in his pancakes.

You got bananas in his pancakes. Well, bring one over here. A hole. We'll shove it up his ass. Yeah. Well, it's, what do you need an umbrella in the

brain. It's like, put your shoulders up. You can marry? You're going to melt. Anyway, like that whole thing is still very, very, very. Well, dude, he did another one. As we walked out on the field, one of the guys that was honored or whatever,

his name is Duane Gentry, and he's huge now. Like, give his ass another steroid big. And that guy, the other dude, was like, yeah, who knows, the coach? Billy, whatever. Saw Dwayne, I think he got Manwood. Like, just like, right in front of all the high schoolers. And, you know.

And I don't know if it's like a, he who smelt it, dealt it situation. But like, it is funny to me that, like, those people talk about gay shit so much more. Dude, like, what, like, I mean, yeah, not to say that we're not sophomore in our humor sometimes. but it's honestly usually talking about them. Like we usually bring it up making fun of them or making a lot of them. Because like, dude, I can go so much, so long without, I could, dude, I can watch shows with like seven gay characters and not hear as much gay shit as if I go to a place where there's like five of my old conservative buddies. And all of a sudden it's like literally everything becomes like some version of no homo or like, well, I didn't mean it like that. And I'm sitting there going like, wait, what?

Which part? Like, if I lost the touch, I used to know when stuff might be gay. Like, I don't know anymore. It just occurred to me, though, you're completely right. But the reason he brought that up to me in the context of my buddy Curtis going, yeah, he does live in California. He's one of those. Right. And him going, speaking of politics, is because what happened in his mind was, oh, yeah, Drew is gay.

Right. Speaking of him being gay and liberal. Right. There's a story about a time I was afraid I look gay. Like, in his mind, my politics and men. me being gay is the same thing. And that's very hilarious. Of course, dude.

Of course. And he's not, you know, he's not completely wrong. When I walked in to the field, my cousin Daniel was there. And I walked in with two old buddies. So I was already like, you know, being ribbed from being liberal gay or whatever. And Daniel, the opening line as I walked in, Daniel starts rusting me, and goes, oh, you came back to vote. And so it's like, it is in the front of people's minds. people who love me. No, dude, like for real, whenever I was living in New York and I was with you

this day, I think. Well, yes, when the Supreme Court passed gay marriage and I was walking to work and the way that I used to walk to work, I'd get off one train up because I liked walking through Chelsea. For those of you that don't know, Chelsea is a gay section of New York. It's old guy. Shut up, Dad! But, you know, so I was walking, it's very pretty, because, of what I just said. And so I'm walking through there and I didn't realize that gay pride parade was happening

and gay marriage just been legal. And I'm walking through fucking high-fiving dudes, you know, wearing thongs and shit. It was rad. Like, it was cool.

I cried. Well, I posted about it or something. And, like, I was talking to my sister. And she said, and she did say that some of them weren't, like,

upset or nothing. But, like, people, some people from back home that, like, just thought I was gay. And then I came home, I was talking to people. I was like,

They were like, we, I thought you moved New York and, you know, and was gay. And I was like, why, what about me aside for, would make you think that? And they're like, well, you was posting about gay rights and stuff. And I was like, right, but I'm not gay. And they couldn't get it. They were like, but why would you want gay people to have rights unless you were, and dude, I'm not, I'm talking, didn't get it. And like those same people, I mean, that's not to go in this.

completely weird direction. That's the same people that don't understand Black Lives, like, they can't understand a white person being like, hey, man, maybe with the cops, I don't know, because like to them, they're like, but that ain't you. If you ain't that, why would you give a shit? And it was very telling and very weird. Yeah, well, we were talking just last week about me being, you know, gay and high school a lot of, you know. Yeah, Trey, hold on. What was it again? Trey is gay, Trey is gay, and I don't mean in the happy way. Yeah, yeah. Right. So we're on a bit of a theme here, running thing. Well, Drew's at back. at home in high school.

So it makes sense it's come back up. But I'm saying, yeah, going back to that, yeah, that was all, yeah, that's all real. That's what I was about saying a minute ago, but I had like that whole thing of, like, worried about Simon Gay is still very much a thing. Like, where we're from, even with guys to this day, I don't know how much we're thinking it is still in high school, probably quite a bit. But like, the guys I went to high school, it is still a thing amongst them, not all of them, but plenty of them.

Like, y'all know this story, but I can't remember if I told them on the podcast before or not, but the very first show we ever did on the well-read tour. Not in Atlanta. We did a like spontaneous. Scruffy City Hall, right? At Scruffy City in Knoxville, hey, we're going to do a show tonight and just posted on Facebook and just did it, which was really cool, actually.

But that was the first like show we ever did at all. And at the end, we were out there doing the Q&A thing or whatever. And one of the questions we got was something like, we ever had any like homosexual experiences or something like that? And I sat down for a minute and thought about it, And I was like, well, I don't know. Y'all tell me, does this make me gay? And I told the true story of how in middle school me and a bunch of my best friends,

we used to like jerk off together, but not each other. We didn't jerk each other off. We jerked off all at the same time in the same place. Typically because that's where the TV with the CineMax was on, you know, it was in that same room or whatever. But not always. One time it was just a log in the woods because the mood just struck us right, I don't know. But anyway, like, and I told.

That log was looking at me. Anyway, I told that story and everybody was laughing. It went, you know, I mean, it hit. It was fine. I hadn't think nothing else about it. It did it. It was the next day or the day after that, like very shortly after that. Well, my buddies from high school, who was part of that story,

because his house had synomax at it, called me on the phone for the first time and forever. Rooney? No. Rooney? Yes, Rooney called me. We would. talk like we would talk every now and then it wasn't that weird but i hadn't heard from him in a long time yeah yeah yeah called me because somehow and that's also what's wild about it is like i mean i guarantee you this will get back to him it probably called me later this week of course

this story well here's the thing i'm plugging that i'm plugging that clip into this podcast that somehow that by the next day he had already heard about it back in salina and of course like it seemed like the way he was asking me about it It seemed as though it had been described to him as if trade was up there on stage, talking about how when you and him was in seventh grade, you'd suck each other's dicks and all kinds of stuff like that, you know, or whatever, like, which of course is not at all what I said. No.

But like that game of like rural town gossip telephone or whatever, it seemed like that's what got back to him and he was like, what is that about, man? And I had to tell him, I was like, rural queer telephone. I was like, that is not what happened at all. And it was fine after that, but it was just funny because, I mean, it took no time. Oh, yeah.

For that to, you know, get back to him or whatever. And it was something he needed to clear up very quickly. Especially if somebody is trying to, sorry. No, I'm done. Especially if somebody's like trying to like make you look a certain way because that's something, like, this is maybe a weird transition, but I think it's very related to that. I wanted to ask you all about this. through that conversation about how, you know,

using into skits and I don't get offended, you know, blah, blah, blah. He said something like, I mean, I know a lot of people probably don't like you because you just make fun of us around here. And I didn't, I didn't like defend myself to him because whatever, but I asked my mom, I was like, is that what people think I do? Because, I mean, you know, I'll be making jokes about where I'm from. I also be telling people in Portland that where I'm from hits, and I don't know shit about it or whatever.

Yeah, for sure. And she's like, well, I've never had that. I've had people ask me, you know, do I not get mad that you make, that you, all you do is tear down everything I believe in as far as religion goes? And I just tell him he doesn't. He makes fun of Jesus having abs. Like, you're stupid. So my point of that, well, two things. I'm wondering if it bothers y'all that certain people just paint us however they want.

But two, just commenting on. If somebody wants to talk shit about you, the gossip will go quicker and they will twist the shit out of what it is we do. Yeah, for sure. I mean, the way I always, because people say that shit to me too, like, all you do is fucking tear down the South and da-da-da-da. And my answer is always just like, no. I make fun of the dipshits that are in the South. If you're offended by what I say, then that must mean I think you're a fucking dip shit. That's all that is.

Like, you know, period. Be clear, though. and I want to know if you guys have experienced this. I think he meant making fun of the town I grew up in. Oh, I mean, the only backlash I ever got from that was that Civil War bit that I did. And for the most part, everybody was like, yep. You know, like, it didn't not hit for most. I mean, I'm sure that there was a couple people, but I fuck them.

But like, dude, you know, some of my conservative buddies who like were in the reenactments, it hit for them. them. So, like, I don't know. Like, I've never, I don't know. I think a lot of them take it well. I mean, they hate me just for me. Not that. Like, that didn't really bother him. Well, y'all are both at present physically there.

That helps. I think that helps. Yeah, I, I mean, yeah, dude, from the very beginning of all this, one of the first things was that, like, Nightline piece on ABC where they went with, with me to Salina. And that apparently pissed off a lot of people because they were like, you know, Trey's fucking on national TV making us look bad.

And my whole thing was like, no, the cameras made the town look bad. You know, like, like, the whole point, sorry to an HD.

Yeah, right. The whole, the whole point of that whole thing. And the whole point behind normally what I ever say about Salina is like, it's in bad shape. Yeah.

And like, and it, that ain't, that don't hit. Like that don't hit for me. Like, I, like,

ain't this a damn shame. I wish it was better. Right. And I don't, and I'm not talking about, I wish everybody here wasn't so fucking stupid and fucking redneck. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like,

this is sad, the current state of things here. And I wish this was better. And that's like kind of the point behind all of it always, but they don't, yeah, they do say, they do,

how did you say it earlier, Drew, they see you however they want to or they like, portray you however they want to or whatever. and I mean, that's 100% been my experience. Dude, I shuddered to think at what a huge chunk of people in Salina and say about me if and when I ever get brought up. And not all of them.

I hear from some of them sometimes, and they're like, you know, you've got more fans in this town than you probably think you do. But they're still the minority. You know, that's a huge chunk of people like to you. I don't. Yeah, but I've never, like, I've heard you say that kind of thing before. and I've probably said it too and I know I've been like,

yep, for sure. But I've always in my head imagined that they say that godless, hippie, liberal, commy, such, like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But what was specifically said to me is I know a lot of people don't like you because you shit hunt some rats

and I was like, I think that that has to do with them making it about them. It's kind of what we were. saying earlier, you know? Was that bother you? Like, well, you're not gay. Why would you care about gays because you're not gay?

Like, and a whole not getting black eyes matter because it don't affect them or not getting immigrant stuff because it don't affect them or whatever. And it's like, I feel like part of the small town thing when you like live there and stay there your whole life is sort of like insulating yourself in it. It's a bubble. It's a bubble.

It's a bubble. But would that bother me? It's bubble wrap. It's a bubble wrap. Or whatever, they interpret it as, even if I don't, and look, I do specifically say my hometown a lot. I mean, I do.

I do too. But like, they think, yeah, I don't know. I'm just, I'm not surprised by that at all. I would totally expect someone from Salina who knows me or whatever knows of me. I would totally expect them to say, to make it about Salina specifically.

Like, you're always shitting on us around here. You're always shitting on where you're from. You're always shitting on salina, whatever. like I would expect them to say it. Yeah, I think that bother you? Yeah, I mean, it does bother me. It's always bothered me. But at the same time, like I, yeah, it does bother me.

But I knew, I mean, but I've never been surprised by it, though, is what I'm saying. Like, I took it for granted that that was going to happen and it was happening, whatever, you know, so it don't. I got my backup, honestly. I get it, though. I kind of got my backup. You know, he didn't say it, but I want to be like, tell him, I went on the goddamn view. told Joy Bayhart, she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. But I was just like, I guess that's how it is.

No, no, it is how it is because we are, I mean, we do, all three of us, we do do that. We do that exactly what you're talking about, but they don't, they don't care or they don't or notice that. We do the thing you're talking about too about my hometown. But here's the other thing. And this is true of y'all. But like, all right, the last 30 or 25 or whatever I had on the road, half of it at least was about Andy.

Do I hate Andy? am I ashamed of Andy? You know? A little bit, but right. This is like a little, but I mostly am proud. Yeah. Right. You see what you're saying? I know exactly what you made.

That something becoming inside the, I don't know. Well, like you're frustrated. Well, you know, like Trey said, me still living here, I think kind of does help me a little bit because it's like I go on stage and I shit on myself. Obviously, I mean, okay, yes, I do hate myself for sure. But since I still live in the town, I definitely think it's okay that I shit on it

because like I still participate but I also feel like this motherfucker Do you see what he's doing? No, I don't, I'm saying that's what I'd say to them Not to y'all. You know, you guys, you moved to California. No, I don't believe

I mean, I don't believe. He ain't wrong though. No, I don't make it worse. No, I don't believe. But for the record, I think you should be able to say where you want, I'm saying that that's what I would say to them. Like if they were like, you talk, I'm like, I'm like, why can't I, I live here,

I can talk shit about this. I live here. I should be. be like you can't say shit to me. Also, y'all fucking talk shit about this place all the time. You just don't do it for money, you fucking idiot. My thing, though, is that... Now, that's a very southern thing about family in general.

You know, we don't let anybody talk about us with us. Well, dude, that's the thing. That's the thing. If some random motherfucker had just passed through my hometown and they just went on stage and started talking shit about it, the parts that I didn't agree with, I'd be real mad about, you know? But I think it's a lot of... I think with me, it's a lot of...

Like I always am constantly thinking like, oh, everybody around here fucking hates me. But then like when I, in the rare occasion I ever go out to, everybody talks to me and shit. I think it's more like the squeaky wheel gets the grease situation. Like I hear the ones that hate me. But like, because I found out recently just through my sister that like, there's a good amount of people I went to school with that listen to this podcast that I had no fucking idea. Like they haven't text me and said, but they love it and they enjoy it. They just don't, I guess, bother me with that information. But if someone hates me, they let me know that.

day. You know what I'm saying? So like there's probably more love than I'm, than I'm giving credit for. But, but yeah, no, I don't know. I don't know. But again, yeah, no, I do feel like since I do live here, people's perception of me is a little different. They're like, man, I mean, fuck, I still see him on his golf cart, you know, like he's riding right. He's here. Oh, hell, Corey, he rides his golf court. I do. People honk at me all the time. They think it's hilarious. Try to knock my fat ass off. I should say, I feel like it would be unfair for me not to acknowledge this now that I've realized it. I opened with the story making fun of the guy, kind of.

I mean, it was hilarious the way he laid that out. That's just point blank hilarious. The discomfort he clearly felt by Curtis bringing up my politics immediately, blah, blah, blah. But, yeah, I'm like trying to play victim now. I'm like, yeah, I don't know, man. Apparently all the thing I do is talk shit about him, but I open the podcast talking shit about him kind of. And Travis is a great dude who's like involved.

the reason he was down there is because he loves being around the community. He's been involved in the fucking athletic department forever, voluntarily, no money. You know, I mean, he's a good guy. Yeah, no, I mean, that's like, that's the thing. I don't, just being honest, I don't, they're not wrong about, like, part of it. It's just that they don't give us any credit. You're different. I'm just kidding.

They just don't give us any credit for the other side of it, I feel like. It's the only thing that makes it bullshit. Because, yeah, you're right. No, I make fun of Salina all the time, all the time. Of course I do. But, like, I'm also defensive about it and got love for it and say that stuff publicly all the time too. Absolutely. But, y'all, but, like, I don't get any credit from y'all the people that, you know, hate me.

I don't get any credit from y'all on that. And that's the only part of it that's bullshit. They're not wrong when they say, like, you know, that I shit on it all the time. Because, I mean, I do. It's just, there's more too. That's what we do. I know, I know for sure. I know.

Dude, people from New York, comedians from New York, shit on New York all the time. But I guarantee you they think it's the greatest city on fucking earth. What are you going to do? You write what you know. And comedians, like comedy by nature is making fun of, like what am I supposed to do? Go on stage every day in my life was just a barrel of fucking roses. We'd get up. We'd go to school.

They'd say, not Martin Luther King Jr. today. We'll get to that later. And then we wouldn't. And what the fuck do you want me to do? It's part moving away. that's definitely part of it it's more than that in my opinion the more I think about it I think it's like going and looking for

you know what I mean like if I made fun of my town but like was very much like but the Republican Party is the only one for the working white man absolutely I think they would they would overlook it just like they overlook and Travis brought this up Larry the cable guy well Jeff Foxworthy who ain't even from there ever

Jeff Foxworthy all he did was make fun of rednecks but it's a celebration I mean he fucking straight up like tell like go pick a random 10 you might be a redneck Jeff Fox with a joke. Do any of them paint us as valedictorians? No, but that's okay because you know what I'm saying? That's totally fine. But again, they also probably agree with most of Jeff Foxx for his politics,

or he just didn't talk about him, period. So I mean, yeah, you're 100% right, dude. Yep. Yeah, you're right. I am right. You know what else I'm right? Trey, let me ask you this. I don't know about you, but I just got my hello freshman.

box in? Yes, me too. What'd you get? Well, mine came in Saturday. I've already cooked two of them. I got an Italian Sunday supper, which like meatballs and tortellonian shit, which was very nice. And shit, what was Saturday? I've already forgotten.

I don't know. I've got some tacos in there, and I've got some, I've got a steak in there. And I had something else that I made on Saturday that I can't believe that I forgot already. But I forgot that's the thing. We just, we eat so much Hello Fresh that it's easy to forget things because we're just There's so much variety. So much variety. That's hard for me to remember because they offer so many delicious options every week to help you break out of your recipe, right?

And try new things, Corey. That's what's great about. I know. I know they are America's number one milk kit. Hello Fresh offers convenient delivery right to your doorstep, which is where I just picked up my box that featured their Hall of Fame, Firecracker Meatball is one of my favorite things in the world. It comes right to your doorstep for easy. home cooking with the family.

The recipes are super easy to follow. They're quick to make. I've told this story before, but my wife used to not think that she could cook. She's just straight, and she's like, I can't cook. I can't do it. I was like,

whatever, I'll do it. You know, I hit. And we started getting hello fresh. And then she's like, I'm going to go in there and try it. And it was amazing. And I was like, see, I told you you could cook. And she's like, I just did what it said.

And I was like, you mean you followed the recipe? That's what fucking cooking is. But seriously, if you're out there and you think you can't do it, I promise you can do it. They make it super easy. HelloFresh also cuts out the stressful meal planning and grocery store trips so you can enjoy cooking, get to dinner on a table in about 30 minutes or even less. Am I right, Trey?

That's right. It also is cheaper. You could save up to 40% by using HelloFresh versus shopping at your local grocery store. And the reason that works, here's the number one thing I've always loved about it is they send you the exact amount of whatever ingredient you need for a meal. Like I used to decide, okay, I'm going to cook this and this over the next couple days ago to store to buy the stuff. But a lot of times the way the store works, you buy more than you need

for just one recipe. And then the rest of that stuff sits in the drawer and you end up throwing it out later and you waste money and food and none of that hits. And you avoid all that with Hello Fresh, which is what I like about it. Me too. Oh, dude, so many, so many things. We talk about it. I'm so glad they're sponsors now because we talk about it off podcast all the time. Hello Fresh's gourmet recipes like their balsamic fig surlo and are over 60% cheaper like Tray was saying. there's something for everyone, including low calorie, vegetarian, kid-friendly. 90% of their ingredients are sourced directly from growers to ensure the freshest recipes delivered to your door. Like Trey said, they deliver pre-portion stuff.

Their streamlined supply chain means that produce gets to you faster and fresher than the grocery store. Which hits. So here's what y'all need to do. Go to hellofresh.com slash 80. That's the number, 80, 80, red, RED. Hellofresh.com slash 80RED. Use the code 80RED and you get a total of $80 off across five boxes, including free shipping on your first box.

So tell me that don't hit. Hellofresh.com slash 80RED. Use the code 80 RED and make a hit. 80 red. That was my favorite audible when I played quarterback. That's actually why they made it. Was that a tight end seam by chain? Uh, yeah.

There you go. I know stuff. Hellofresh.com slash 80 red, good stuff. Uh, thank you to our friends at HelloFresh for sponsoring the podcast. HelloFresh has just become such a huge part of my life in helping me live the lifestyle that I need to live. Also, something that's really helped me in my lifestyle, Trey. And I know that you've really enjoyed it too. Lucy, Lucy Nicotine Company was founded by Caltech scientists and former smokers looking for a better

and cleaner nicotine alternative. Finally, my God, it's a tobacco alternative that does not suck. That's right. It was research and developed for three years to be made for people, not patients. Lucy's got a nicotine gum with four milligrams of nicotine that has three flavors, winter green cinnamon and pomegranate. Y'all know I don't even like cinnamon, and I think the cinnamon, Lucy, hits for me. All three of the flavors hit for me.

If you're more of a lozange type of guy, you can get Lucy lozenges too, and they come in a cherry ice flavor. What I like about Lucy is, if you don't know how these things work, you chew it and then park it. You chew it a few times and put it in your lip sort of like snuff. I never really like snuff, but I like to put things in my lip right there. We've done it with Cheetos. Cheetos and puff chaw.

Put it down there. I've done it with a beef jerky, put a beef jerky chawl down there. And Lucy's like a nicotine chaw. You put it down there and you save it and it lasts you a long time. And I'm into that. I'm into that too. It's super convenient. It's discreet.

And another thing I've talked about on here that is just, it's just true. So I'm going to say it again, if you hadn't heard it. I accidentally quit smoking. I hadn't had a real cigarette and going on two years, but I'd been vaping. And I really had no intentions on quitting.

But then Lucy was like, hey, let us send you some products. So they did. And I started chewing the gum. And next thing I know, I just haven't had nicotine and going on. Now it's going on. on like 12 weeks or something like that.

And I don't chew the gum. So Lucy's stuff is so good eventually you might not even have to have it. I don't know if they want me to say that, but I'm telling you, I'm off the junk, baby. Which I mean, you know, that's the real idea behind these cleaner nicotine alternatives like Lucy's to get you off the junk. And if it works, well, then there you go. What more do you need to know? So well-read listers, you go to lucy.com. So just C-O, Lucy.

So just C-O, Lucy. And use the promo code red, R-ED, you get 20% off of all, products including gum or the lozenges. That's lucy.com. Redd at checkout. Also, I'm legally required to give this disclaimer warning. This product contains nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Lucy.com and use the promo code red. Absolutely. Also an addictive chemical. Hello, Fresh, baby. Thank you to all our sponsors this week. We appreciate y'all. And now back to the show. Screw.

Drew is gone. I know. It's funny. I love it. I had the copy pulled up, you know, and I came back and Drew was just gone, which I hit for me. It was funny. I can't pull up to coffee on my phone unless I leave. But then y'all got to Lucy and I don't smoke, so everybody knows that I don't smoke, so I couldn't do that one.

But y'all already done a hell of fresh. You know, do a roundup here in the last fourth or third of the podcast or whatever. There was something I left off of the dentist story that I wanted to tell y'all. It's very brief. It's like a dentist. Dentist. Dentist, yeah, the dentist story from last week. I think that was last week whenever it was.

I meant to tell you all this, too, because I thought it was funny. It's about Benton, my seven-year-old, who's a lunatic. That morning before I was going to the dentist. He's seven now? He's almost eight. He'll be eight in like two months. Brough. I don't know.

Bishop's turning nine in like a couple of weeks. It's almost ten goddamn years. That don't hit. Wow. It's also halfway to 18, which is an adult. So like halfway, that's insane for me to think about too. But anyway. Yeah, but that ain't how it works because the adultness comes to the last three years.

I know that is definitely true, but still just objectively speaking in terms of the amount of time, it's like, you know, it's crazy. It's wild. Anyway, the morning that I was going to the dentist appointment I told you about last episode, and I hadn't been to the dentist in literally 16 years. I was laying there in the bedroom and Benton came in there to ask Katie about something, whatever, and he's taught,

he, he, I barely even know how he talks, like, regularly because he pretty much never talks in his regular voice, like he always talks to silly voices or whatever, like all the time, pretty much.

So he come in the bedroom to ask Katie something or something another, and she had mentioned, he heard her mention the dentist that he was like, what, you know, and she goes, dad's going to the dentist state. He's like,

why are you going to the dentist? You know, like a clown voice and she's like, well, he's just got to go to the dentist because, you know, it's good to go to the dentist. He's just teeth thing about and he's like, all his teeth broken or his teeth made out of wood, you know, whatever, like just like crazy shit or whatever, being very ridiculous. And Katie's answer his questions and then she goes, she goes, no, Benton, you know, Daddy hasn't been to the dentist in 16 years.

And he goes, he goes, oh my God. It like sobered him up, which is impossible to do. Like, he was being such an off-the-wall goofball. And she's like, he hasn't been in the dentist. It's 16 years. He just got real serious. He goes, oh, my God. I love how she puts your shit on front street just to fuck him up.

Yeah, it was funny. Like, he sounded like, you know, like anytime they sound like adults briefly, like the like gravity of adulthood or something is always funny. And that's what he sounded like. He responded to that, like, you know, your average adult would, which cracked me up, especially coming on the hills of him being so wild, you know, right up before that.

I just, I just can't get over him. I just can't get over him being that old. I mean, I know we've been boys for a while, but like, I mean, son, that's just, that was my little sack of dough that used to sit on my head. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Wild.

He wilds. I also would like to, because we've sort of developed a bit of a recurring segment here. which is teeth no chose personal journey oh yeah

personal sobriety journey sober baby is there anything to update this time have you reset no it's the last time nope I haven't it's been I haven't made it

I haven't not gone at least two weeks and we're currently in week two since the reset feel fucking great and I still maintain that's the way to go because like

you know what I'm saying like I'm still getting the benefit I mean, I don't know. I know. Or just out advocate for that strategy. If you've got to, listen, if you've got a problem, if you've got a legitimate, I don't think that I have a, I have a problem with binging everything.

It's not specifically alcohol. And I say, like, I've never had the fucking shakes. Like, it don't, you know, it don't bother me. And now the first time I was kind of worried after I, I didn't drink for five weeks and I drank, I was like, what's going to happen is you're going to drink Saturday. and then you're going to drink Sunday and then you're going to have to drink Monday and then you're back in.

But it wasn't like that. It's just a nice little fucking... No, if you've got a fucking problem, please seek help. You need to quit totally. But for me, who is just one of these like Benji type people? It's, you know,

we'll wean off situation, get drunk every couple weeks, feel bad the next day, curse God, but then actually don't boost for a couple weeks. Doing good. Food-wise, it's still pretty rough. I ain't going to lie.

Before we get into what you've been eating, I need to know something about the drinking. Okay. What's the social rules? When, for example, we go back on the road. I don't know. I haven't figured that yet. Fall head first on the way off the wagon.

Are we allowed to make, are we allowed to say that? Can we talk about how much it hits that you went drunk for three days? Am I? Is that? So you need permission now to do how we've always lived? I'm not necessarily asking you. I guess I'm trying to converse about, like, you're saying you're not an alcoholic.

Yeah. And you never have the shakes and you just like bingeing. So if you go back to that, if I make fun of you, am I kind of making fun of an alcoholic? No, I mean, look, I'm giving you the clear right now. You're making fun of someone who can't control themselves. Buddy, because my thing is, like, I treat oatmeal cream pies the same way. It's not the alcohol. It is me.

It's not the fucking alcohol. Like, I don't, it's not. Like, I, it's, I, I, I just been shit. And I do like getting drunk, getting drunk hits. But being, but I'm starting to outweighing the, how much fun I have drunk versus how fucking miserable I am hung over. We're starting to get into this, like, I, I really enjoy going for a walk now. Like that's fun.

But no, dude, a lot of this is because, like, I'm like, okay, you've got to, like, if we went back on the road tomorrow, hypothetically, everything opens back up and we're back to normal. Yeah, I think that I would fall pretty much ass backwards, especially because, dude, you all know the first time we're going to get drunk because we hadn't seen each other. Oh, dude, so drunk. And we deserve that. I think we can do acid instead. I think that like December Corey, who has been like, you know, trying to figure out like, okay, man, just stop drinking right now. You're plenty drunk and you can go to bed. I think by then I'll have it figured out to where I can be on the road and still have our social drinks and not be waking up.

screaming at 9 o'clock in the morning because I've only been asleep for an hour. But I don't know. Like, I don't know. It's just a slow. I'm just trying to work on my stuff. But yes, absolutely, dude.

If I start being a fuck shit again, make fun of it. Like, go back to always, like always, what we do. I don't hit. I just need to control the fucking food.

I want to hear about the food. I advocate that we start taking acid. I haven't tried it. I just like regularly. Go ahead, though, on the food. Mm-mm.

Well, first off, minutes before this podcast, I ate re-heated Arby's. Now, I re-hated it in the oven. Okay. Well, that's not an animal. Yeah, dude, I wanted them bit crispy.

I have eaten three ice cream cones, not today, but in the past two days. Yesterday for two meals, for, what is 10-15 to you? What does that mean? What meal is that? The time of day. Brunch or breakfast? Yeah, I'd already ate breakfast, so second breakfast. That would definitely be breakfast for me, but yeah.

It was brunch because I'd already had my biscuit, and then I guess for brunch, I had a big old bowl of ramen noodles. And then- Is that where you overcook at egg? Yes. I didn't hit. No, it didn't hit. No, it didn't hit.

I ended up putting just a raw yoke in there, so I made up for it. You hiccup, but for a second, I thought you were just about to cry. That's just how I talked now. I ended up. Couldn't make up for it. So I did that. I did that. And then Amber got home, hung over his piss.

And she wanted fetichini, like this, fedet dis, just kind of like, I make it a lot on Sundays where it's literally just the, what's it called? It's literally just cheese and butter and pepper. You know, it's nothing fancy. That actually, oh, pepper, caccio et pepe. Yeah, it's similar to that. Like, and I put an egg in it. You know, the fancy cheese with just butter and nothing else, that's actually what Alfredo really is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just that Alfredo has gotten bastardized by fat Americans. No, I know. Cream and shit now. Well, so what I do is I make it pretty much the standard hitting way you're supposed to with a little bit of pasta water for, you know, to get it up. Got, I cannot stress enough. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're listening to this, reserve at least a fourth a cup of

pasta water when you're making your pasta. and starchy helps it. So I make it and like it's, you know, it's pretty much good to go. But then I do put a splash of cream in there just for a little nice color. But then I've got the good pepper, got the good parmesan grinding.

I zest a whole fucking lemon in that bitch. Cut up some tomatoes. It's good shit. But I'm, but I ate that an hour after I ate that bowl of ramen noodles. And then for dinner, we had first Arbys. And then I had,

and I got a contingency Arby's that I thought maybe I'll get high. later and eat that. And then I ended up reheated that right before we did this podcast. And dude, here's the deal, man. It's only a matter of time when we get done with this until I do it again. Until I'm making,

I'm making my hello fresh buffalo crispy chicken tonight. And I will definitely wash it down with a fucking other cone of ice cream. A cone, ladies and gentlemen. I'm making cones. You try to think of how to begin this line of questioning. because I don't, do you make it sound like, the way you talk about the things you eat makes it sound like you're just like gorgeing yourself on these things. But I've spent a lot of time with you. It don't finish nothing.

You eat all. You name all these things that you're eating, but be honest, are you like, are you not really eating that much of any one of these things? I want you to think about something. No, I have a follow up question for sure. I want you to think about some. I want you to think about something. When we were on the road, I was boozing a lot, which takes up a lot of my calories. I was also smoking cigarettes and vaping, which suppresses your appetite.

Son, when I tell you that I'm not only finishing these, but don't even feel full, and it's often coming straight out my ass. No, I'm finishing up. Dude, that's the thing. We're on the road. I don't want to fuck my buzz up. And I'm also full from, like, having three vodka, pineapple, fucking whatever. So I ain't drinking.

so I'm replacing it. And also my fucking dumb cave brain is going, well, if you ain't drinking, then you can have as much of this as you. Because by the way, that used to be how it was. It used to be that. Because I told you, I didn't drink for five fucking weeks. I gained two goddamn pounds.

Then this past two weeks, I ain't drank. I've gained one. So, like, that don't matter no more, but my brain still goes. You need the carbs or you need the sugar or whatever the fuck it is. Or treat yourself. If you're not going to drink,

you may as well have this fucking ice cream. And it don't work no more. And it don't hit, neither. Well, here's my follow-up, and I know that, like, given the context of this, it's one of those things that, like, it's wild that I am as fat as I am, but you got to keep in mind, I still do this anyway. This does not stop me. But if you're really, like, eating all of those every time, the thing that blows my mind the most about that is, like, I can't, I can't do that and then, like, do stuff. Like, the reason I, I really only eat,

like, well, I'll end up eating three times a day because one of them's right before I go to bed, We've talked about that before. That don't hit. But other than that, like getting high and being a dumb ass right before bed, I eat twice a day, lunch and dinner. And lunch is usually pretty small. The reason for that is I have shit to do during the day. And I can't.

If I eat like a big meal at all, like it fucking ruins. No, it does me. I mean, if you're eating all these different rules. Well, that's not every. That's not. And doing all this other shit you're still doing. For the record. I don't know how you do that.

For the record, that's not every day. like that I obviously I couldn't do that every day um because again like you're looking I'll believe in you I weigh two 30 I should weigh 300 if I did that every day um I don't but I mean yeah no yesterday I did that and I still fucking goddamn I did like seven cameos I wrote uh three stories from my podcast I recorded some most of this was like on my ass like sitting on my ass and the most energy it had to do is like stand up to go do butter cream on cameo and I think maybe that just that that's gets it out of me, like screaming and pacing around my yard. Maybe I use a little bit of energy that way.

But like, no, I mean, if I had done, if I had had a ramen noodles for breakfast, I'd be passing out during this meeting. All I've had today is Arby's, is what I'm saying. All I've had today is Arby's. Yeah, but I couldn't even, I can't do anything heavy. Like, and you said, I'm just sitting on my ass. I hear you, but it's not just like I can't go hiking. I can't find motivation.

Like eating. I drink a lot of coffee, though, too, like a ton. it probably cancels it out. That, that too. If I ate like that and drank a lot of coffee, like together, my, I know you're saying it's coming out of you all the time. So I guess that tracks because my guts would just be. Oh, fuck. Mine are.

Listen, like, was that old Louis Joe for doing shit? I'm always 15 minutes away from a, I'm in a 15 minute period of diarrhea, either just had it or I'm about to have it. Okay. Well, I just makes it more sense, but I know it's wild way that you can do. the part because like today we had a meeting before this then we have this then i have a another i have an interview show thing right after this and that that'll get done at like two o'clock my time and then i don't have another thing another like appointment thing until five and because of that like this morning when i woke up i decided i'm eating lunch at two o'clock like i i was like i can't

eat before going into that big block of things i have because it'll fuck me up if i do that like it'll just make me sluggish and shitty, sluggisher and shittier than I already am, B-Rabbit, but it'll just make me like that. So I got to wait till I have that three-hour window. I can eat lunch at the beginning of that three-hour window. By the time the three hours is up, I'll be able to do the thing.

And I have to do it five. And then I'll eat dinner after that. And then I'm done for the day. Like, after I eat dinner, I ain't doing shit else but hang out with the boys or whatever because I know how I am it. Don't. Again, I can't do it.

Again, if I wasn't, if I was still regular me, boozing like a fucking like a rat pack member then I too couldn't do it. I couldn't pile all that on hung over without it kill me. I just think that like my body's so used to turmoil

that that at least when at least if it's sober turmoil my body's like well alright we can handle noodles you know this will be fine we'll turn this in fuel I don't know if it's all this food coffee poop talk but I'm

I'm about to have to go blow up at tour a look myself. Before I do that, hop off here, I want to plug. I'm going to be at Zanis. When you're listening to this tonight, Wednesday, I'm going to be at Zanis on a showcase show. I'm going to go check it out. I'm going to get back on a stage at a comedy club. We'll see how it goes. Oh, wow.

I come back and say, I regret it forever. Everyone got COVID and we're all going to die. Or I may be like, man, it fucking worked. So we're going to check that out. And then Friday, DJ and I have a very special Friday version of Eat Fruit Fridays, the church that eat fruit and fuck. It's going to be at 9 o'clock, 9 8, and it's going to be a Halloween show.

We're going to go full bore. So I'll just, I'll release all that on my socials. I just wanted to plug those. Boys, I've got to go. I'm about to shit myself. Later, later. Well, while we're plugging stuff, the through the screen door podcast with Corey Ryan Forster,

my co-host, Matt Coon, we will also be doing it. I won't say it's a completely Halloween-themed episode that's coming out tomorrow. but in our newest segment, bread or wine, which if you're not familiar with our podcast, bread or wine is a segment where we watch a classic film that most people hold in high regard

and we determine whether or not it has aged like, you guessed it, bread or wine. As I said on that podcast, we're not attempting to like put things through a 21st century lens and go all like woke bullshit on it. I mean, don't hear on, that does come up from time to time, but really just from like a cinematography standpoint and the acting.

And this week, we reviewed the shi- standing Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece starring Jack Nicholson. So if you tune into Through the Screen Door, you can check that out and all the other cool segments that we do there. Every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcast, Trey Neal, also has the evening skews.

Tell them about it, Trey. Yeah, live on Facebook and YouTube and also apparently Periscope. I'm still a little iffy on how that even works. Shit, that's still a thing. No offense. Twitter owns it. Oh, right.

I attempted to go. I was attempting to be live Twitter, but, you know, Twitter has time limits and stuff. And also, apparently, that's not even how it works. But what happens is it just tweets a link and that link takes you to Periscope, I guess. Most people watch it on Facebook and YouTube. I'm a Facebook page or YouTube channel. Every Tuesday and Thursday at 5 Pacific time, me and Smart Mark, over all the news of the day.

So, yeah, you can check that out. Yeah, I guess that's about it. Yeah. Also, shining definitely wine. shining nuts. You think so? Yeah. I won't get into it because I want to let people, you know,

listen to my review tomorrow, but we'll talk about it off podcast. And for those of you that do listen to Thur I really, really appreciate you. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. For those of you that haven't, please check it out.

I love it. It's a labor of love. It's like a variety show. I open up with a monologue. We do several segments. There's a movie review. We've got sketches. We got music.

It's a whole fucking thing. And I love it. And so I hope you check it out. and check out Even Skewes. Also check out Into the Abisket by Drew Morgan and DJ DJ Lewis. These are all the Well Red Sister Podcast. And love you all and Skew. You!

Thank you all for listening to the Well Red show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night, and skew.