wellRED podcast - #200 - HOLY CRAP WE MADE IT TO 200!

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

The boys reminisce, argue, and some old friends stop by to celebrate episode TWO HUNDRED!!! guest appearances by Roy Wood Jr, Todd Glass, Elizabeth Cook, George Wallace, Hayes Carll, Tony Kamel.

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

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Hey everybody. It's your boy the show, Cory Ryan Forster, and I'm happy to be saying that for the 200th time. This is our 200th episode for all of you who've been with us from the beginning. Thank you so much. I know we had some people leave us. I'm sure. I'm certain of that. There's some people that were just like, I don't know. They farted, I think. For those of you that have been here from the beginning,

my God, thank you. For our new listeners, thanks for hanging out. We appreciate you. We've had a blast doing this podcast. It's been different this year because we've been having to do everything on Zoom and we haven't been able to hang out.

We've obviously adjusted. We've gotten used to it. It's still not the same. We miss doing it together and we miss being able to see you guys in person. But 200 episodes, man. We talked about that. this in the podcast and it's true.

This is the longest job any of us have ever had. That's like being on the well-red tour. That's crazy. So this episode, we reminisce a little bit about previous episodes. Honestly, I think there were some parts we forgot. This was the 200th episode

because we just fell right back in our ways of just shit on each other. And, you know, like normal. Kep it, hunt it. There are some guest appearances in this podcast. It's a celebration. and we thank you guys for celebrating with us. Remember also, after you get through listening to this podcast,

to check out our sister podcast. Trey has the Evening Skews with Smart Mark Aegee. Drew has Into the Abisket with DJ DJ Lewis, and I have Through the Screen Door with my co-host and producer Matt Coon, a pop culture podcast with a Southern Twist. We've been having a lot of fun on all three of them. I'm actually getting ready to make an appearance on the evening skews with Trey tonight. So better go do that.

Enjoy this episode. Tell all your friends. Give us that five-star review if you haven't already. And most importantly, enjoy. And thank you for helping us get to episode 200. Oh, actually, also, to catch you up, I hit record in the middle of a conversation and decided this will be the start of the podcast. So some information you need before you jump right in. We had been talking about our metabolism being that don't hit anymore after you get a certain age.

And Trey was talking about working his fat ass out on a peloton and it not matter. And so that's where we are when we start this episode. Love you guys. Wellredcom. W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com. Quit plugging shit, Corey, and get on with the episode. 200th episode, baby! They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread, but sex.

They care way too much, but don't give a fuck. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you. can sun. Like 50 straight days or something like that on the Peloton back and in 50 days, it's like 90-something workouts. So like, I mean, yeah, it's a lot before that. What?

Fuck that. Yeah, dude. You just honestly need to fucking end it. Like it's over. Yep. Can you watch porn on that little screen? What the fuck are you doing? It's a, it.

Going home. hard, man. It sucks. It doesn't matter. Of the 20 pounds that I've lost, zero of those pounds has come out of my face at all. So like, in most of the ways I still express myself to the world, because like now we live on the internet, as we've talked about in our podcast, you only ever see me from here up anyways. So like all the progress that I have made is for not. All right. Well, to quote a literal comedic genius and one of the most successful showrunners of all time do not dare lose any more weight. You don't need your face. If I don't need my face, then it wouldn't matter that I lost it. You don't need it to be skinny is what I would say. I do.

I need it to be skinny. Listen. Okay, but you brought up what we do. Well, here's the deal, guys. You brought up what we do and how it's focused on your face. And I'm saying it's better for what we do to be round. Well, I think that's, well, what I'm, what I'm, he knows how I feel about this. What I'm here to tell you guys is that it doesn't matter how you or I feel. I've lost 20 pounds and none of it came out of my face. I can't lose that much more. Like if I lose 40 pounds... The only reason I brought it up is you brought up what we do.

I think in terms of what we do, it's better that your face is jolly and round. Then why don't you get fat and be funnier? Well, we can actually... It all goes to my belly. Right. That's, okay. Fair. But what I'm saying is...

And I just look like a dude who like complains. about capitalism and, you know, cancel culture. Right. See, we've had this conversation a million times before. I don't know if we ever had it on mic or not. And I know what's going on. I'm going to get vilified like a motherfucker for all the stuff I'm about to say. He just cracked his knuckles, ladies and gentlemen, if you're not watching this on YouTube. But like, it also, I understand why I, this, if I was you, if I was in your position,

this would drive me crazy to, I admit that. But that don't mean, I'm not in your position. I'm in mine. and I very much strongly believe in what I'm about to say. You, it does apply to you differently than it would apply to either me or Drew. It's like Drew just said, like I'm like a pretentious fuck. Like being fat, don't hit for that. Really, Orson Wales, for most of his career, honestly.

Corey, most of his career. And you don't even do the fucking citizen cane part. No, you're right. I know. He has insulted both of us while elevating himself in under two sentences. I know. Let him keep going. No, but he thinks that he needs to be skinny to be who he is.

Yeah, right. It would help, right? Because I tell people how to live and how to be and what they're. Pretentious fat people bother people. It bothers them. They don't like it. Who the fuck is this guy? A piece of shit telling me what I think you're that?

Of course I do. That's my point. That's why he got a V-neck on. Look at V. I can't, like, I don't hit for me. But you're the Cho. You're the fucking. show you're the cherubic

everybody loves the goddamn show you just fucking you're a joy factor and all that stuff but your whole entire brand and everything you do you're trying to get skinny is a big dumb burger it's not what it's supposed to be you can be like it hits harder for you to be cherubic

and round and the offensive part personality and the way that you do comedy which is not the same as the way I do it or Drew does it so the same rules don't apply to us I know firmly believe that but here's what you're saying is And I agree with this is that like if I don't lose weight, it's fine. Of course it is.

But what the offensive part? What in the motherfucker is that? We don't know. There's a fucking helicopter above my goddamn house. The offensive part of that. Don't lose no more weight. Is assuming is assuming that if I wasn't round that all that is out the window, that every single characteristic you just described.

The cute thing is out the window. You'd still be able to be funny. No, it's not. I'd still be cute. you beat no you be okay you would be don't make me say what i'm telling how much tray how many times have i had to tell you this it's true this is my skull dude i know that's my skull there's no fat there like it's gonna be round and also i've lost 20 goddamn pounds and none of it came out of my face meaning that if i lose 40 maybe a little bit will and it'll still be round and that's as much as i

can fucking lose so you'll never see me skinny it ain't possible you remember, I know you do, because we got into it multiple times. When we talk about the hats, you are on the exact opposite side of what I'm saying. You told me, and I conceded the point. I told you, I was like, you know what? You're right about that.

You were telling me about not releasing the bee, not free in the bead, not ever, like you always wear hats. And you were telling me, you were like, look, man, let's be real here. My whole thing on stage and the whole thing that I do and whatnot, it has a very different feel and a very different connotation coming from this. And then you take the hat off and you're ring balled and you're like, look at this.

This is an angry old man. It's like it don't play the same. And you know that I'm right. And I told you, I was like, you know what? You are right. I can't argue with that. I think you are correct about that. But I don't see how that doesn't, the same logic doesn't apply.

Because none of that has to do with being fat. Like what's the fat do? What is the fat dude? Are you shitting me? What's the fat dude? I'm saying, I still look like everybody's good old boy cousin with like if I was a little bit thinner. And dude, again, my cheek, like, when I was 180, my cheeks was still big.

Like, I have a chubby cheek face. So, like, what I'm saying is also another thing, too, bro, if I was to lose fucking 40 pounds, I still look fat on screen. Like, on screen, I'm still going to look fat. Like, y'all are acting like I'm going to get, you're acting like my body is going to change. Like, I'm never going to, dude, I could lose 80 pounds and work it every day. I'm never going to have a chiseled jaw. That's not how I'm built. That might be true, but you just asked us, just giving us no respect with how much we know about comedy, what's the fat do. Then get fat,

is what I'm saying. Then get fat. Look, look at that. Look at that dumb outfit I had. I think that's hilarious. The point is, is that nobody thinks that they can pull off fat. Nobody thinks that. You're like, no, it'd be different if I got fat. I can't pull it up, but you can. I've seen both of y'all fat and I think y'all look cool fat. That's the thing. From the outside point of you, everyone... I'm not saying we don't look cool. It's different.

It is different, but it's... Dude, dude, when I've seen you with your goddamn t-shirt pulled up and your belly hanging out, it's funny. It's funny. I know, but not when I'm up there telling people how to live their lives. Do I not do that? No. On our fucking album, my was the most political set. It was political, but it was still telling motherfuckers how to live their goddamn life.

lives. No, you were telling people about the people in your hometown living their lives wrong, and everyone was like, hell yeah, brother. Right. What part of me being fat does that matter? Like, how did me being fatter? It helps it, but I think what we're really debating is it would hurt Trey and I. Yeah, for sure. No, I'm not even, look, I'm not even, I'm barely putting you in this. Like, you're making this a good podcast right now, but like, this is really Trey. Like, you're fine. This is really Trey. Trey's the one that this would really, really disturbed the most. There are times when I wonder if...

Oh, if you got thin? Yeah. There are times when I wonder if Trey got thin aside, like, do you think if Trey was like shirtless with a hat out? Like, if he dressed like Larry the cable guy but did what he did, do you think it would help or hurt? That's how he started. That's how the bucket.

It definitely helped. You know how much I have swandered by letting myself go over these four years? I'm saying if I was in, if I had been in, really good shape from the beginning throughout the whole thing. It would have been better for me. Yes, okay, maybe. You can. Yeah, I think that's true. I don't think Corey, don't need, I don't think that applies to Corey. Nobody wants that out of course. I don't think it does either, but I personally would rather be in shape. And I fine. That's not what I'm arguing. Yeah. Okay. But hold on. What I'm saying is I'm fucking talented enough to where if I wasn't fat,

I'd still be fucking funny. So I'd rather be healthy and happy and maybe 10 to 15 percent. less successful per your fucking standards and like feel good about myself. I don't hit for try. No, I know that. I'm just, what I'm saying is like I found out recently that I'm more than just fat and bald. I hit, God damn it. And the outside should reflect the inside.

Corey is in his eat, pray, love, eat again part of his life. Listen, Trey, I want to say something, though. You did start out shirtless and in a hat. it did help you take off. How's fat any different than that, though? Like, how can you argue you can't be pretentious and fat, but you can be pretentious and dress like Boomhauer? I know so many pretentious fat people. Yeah, I don't, I'm still, you're one of them. Yeah. I know. Like you're wearing a black v. Neck. We're not fooled. I know. I feel like I'm confused now because I don't like, I was attacking.

Hold on. To alleviate the confusion, I thought you were kind of saying, Trey, that you need to not be fat to make what you do work. And I'm starting to wonder if that's true. No, I think it would not. I mean, I think it's like, I guess I'm saying a different version of what Corey's saying, except like I've proven my side of it because I've been fat. Like I can survive well enough. Doing what I do can survive my fatness. I think it's unquestionable, although plenty of could question it, I guess, that I would be much better served to not be fat. given the thing that I am. Especially.

Which is what Cho is saying, but in reverse. Especially in acting. Especially in acting. Well, I want to do that. But see, okay. No, no. You're going to get way more role of being mad and jolly. No, because you can put on fat.

You can't take it all. No, no, no, no. No. This is another thing. And again, I don't, I'm, I don't mean any of this in any kind of negative way at all. That's just true. Like, especially in acting, there's like, everybody's got their types and shit and all that type of thing.

And again, you're cherubic and fun-loving and chloe and all that. And that will be reflected in the types of roles you audition for. And for those roles fat is... I know, but I'll still look fat if I'm 40 pounds down. Like arguably hits more. But I don't...

Those are not the roles that I audition. I audition for the other dude who isn't that... I don't audition for fat dumb and don't hit people, Corey. So it wouldn't be good about it. He can't pull it all. in a way that people love. I mean, I'm just saying so, I hate being on his team. They shouldn't be fat.

You know I hate being on his team. But all I'm saying is, is I'm still, if I lost 20 more pounds and considered fat on screen. Yeah. Like, dude, David, Dave Ketner. Don't you get it? I'll still not hit. All I'm saying is Dave Kekner, who we've met, Dave Ketner still plays the fat, the kind of fat dumpy dude.

And you've seen him in real life, he's not actually, but on screen, he still plays it. He a little dumpy. He is, but not as much as you think he is on on fucking screen, is what I'm saying. That's fair. Like, no matter what, I'm always going to play fat dumpy, but in real life. But I could be the guy who everybody sees me in real life and goes, oh, he's not that fat and dumpy. Yes, but you said, you said, yeah, but I ain't lost any weight in my face. And since what we do is all about our face, I need to.

And we said, no, you don't. So my stance is lose your 40. pounds, but I don't think your face should change for what you do. It won't. It's what I'm saying. It can't. It's impossible. I'm going to be the most shocked human being on earth because, dude, I'm telling you,

not a bit in 20 pounds has come off my fucking head. Nothing. Nothing. It's a cake pop. And I've done it. And I've lost weight the healthy way. Like, I haven't done any fad diet. It's been just eating good.

A lifestyle change, as it were. Like, you can't just go on a diet. I just live a different life now, which means to me, like, I will eventually, if I just keep living the way I'm living right now, get to the 40. But, bro, my head's still going to be a goddamn balloon. I just might be the string. It's our 200th episode. And instead of doing anything remotely to start off with celebrating, we've just screamed it,

Corey, about how he needs to stay fat. We're keeping it 100. We are. That's what I was saying. I don't know how well it will play, but this is just like, to me, for my person, This is such an ongoing, you know what I mean? Like, this is such a thing with us as a group and has been for so long that I feel like it's appropriate to talk about on our 200th episode, even though I don't know how much of that the audience realizes or whatnot, which is pretty typical of us, by the way. Round clown to get down.

Speaking of it being our 200th episode, I do want to share something with you guys. Hey, because this is the audio version, not the YouTube version, you can't actually see what's going on right now. But what I did was I got a couple of our old favorite guests. to pop on and do a video shout out. And because I'm stupid and didn't tell them to, like, all announce themselves, they are as follows, Mr. George Wallace, and we got Mr. Hayes Carl, we got Elizabeth Cook, we got Tony Camel, we got Todd Glass, and we got Roy Wood Jr. that dropped by.

So, yeah, I felt like I had to come in here and explain myself, because otherwise it might be like, wait, what is going on? Is that George Wallace talking? So, yes, that's what's happening. And I tried to surprise the guys with it. And, yeah, that ended up not working out because I'm technically stupid. So here's some shoutouts from our favorite guests. Scoo!

Hello, everybody. It's me crazy. George Wallace. What a wonderful time for a shoutout. Let's do a shoutout tonight to the top five reds in the world. The top five, the R-E-D-S in the world. Reds in the World. You got your red parks.

You got your little red riding the hood. You got your red light. You got your Rudolph, the Red, No Rain, Deer. And then, of course, you got the well-red. podcast. That's right. So many more Reds. Glory, All Red. I can do a lot of Reds, but those were the top five. I'm George Wallace. I want to wish you

a great, great congratulations to the All and Well Red podcast. 200 edition. 200. That's a lot of shows. 200, I tell you. Well, Red. Hey, this is Hayes Carl, and I just want to congratulate my friends, Drew and Corey, and Trey. or as I like to call them,

cordutra, for their 200th episode of the well-read podcast. That's a huge deal. And fellas y'all are doing a lot of good in the world. You're making people laugh and making people feel less alone during these strange times. And that's worth a whole lot. So keep it up. And here's to another 200 episodes of,

True cordedra. Love you guys. Happy 200th show, well-read, comedy, boys. I didn't think you had it in you. You did good. It's all about the boats this year, 2021. So, yeah, let's do it. What's up, honkeys?

Tony Campbell here from Wood and Wire. Congratulations on 200 episodes. I'd say that's a pretty damn big accomplishment for a bunch of degenerates. As a degenerate myself, I couldn't be more proud. Anyway, thanks for having me on a couple months ago. It was an honor to be there. You guys are doing God's work.

So, Corey, Drew, and Trey, keep it up. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. I tried to think of something funny to say, and I decided to leave that up to you guys and give you a bluegrass lake in honor of your 200th episode instead.

Cheers, fellas. Hey, what's up? It's Roy Wood Jr. from The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, wishing them well-read boys a happy 200th podcast anniversary. Is that what it's called a podcast anniversary? Or just an anniversary? I'm surprised you,

I'm surprised y'all can count to 200. I mean that respectfully. Respectfully. I'm just saying, man, you know, Southern boys. You know we can't count. I get up to 197 and I'd be like, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I up this high? Congrats.

Here's to 300. That's what people always say, but they don't mean it. They don't mean it. Well, here's the 300 more. No, don't do 300 more episodes of this shit. If the world is still that fucked that y'all do 600 episodes, at the 600th episode, y'all just have to stop. Okay? Y'all just have to go, listen, we tried to change the world.

We tried 600 straight times. Shit didn't work out. It's not your fault. Love you. editing this wow I hope mine's the best I'm gonna tell you right now look at that got a little little fanfare going hold on there we go happy 200 episode oh I hope mine is the best video you get I really would like it to finish it you know what I mean you played at the end it goes black put some fireworks and post I mean do something with this shit don't just edit a shit

reel together with one after the other. I mean, put some work into it. I really am putting work into this, okay? So let's go big. Jennifer, whenever you're ready. Oh, sorry, 200 episode to you. Happy 200 episode to you.

Episode. That made me emotional. It kills me. Yeah. How about cried? I honestly. Roy too. So fucking funny.

Roy killed me. I was, I'm sincerely, this is going to sound weird, I'm sincerely glad it didn't keep going because I thought, I was like, I'm going to lose it. You know, I mean, I knew Adam Sandler wasn't at the end or whatever, but I was like, I'm going to lose it. I'm going to fucking lose it. Well, there's no way not to end with the Todd Glass, but yeah, dude, Roy, so Roy was the first person I reached out to, I texted him and because I think it was like, yeah,

it was his birthday too. It was a happy birthday, but we had the same birthday. And I was like, if you, hey, if you wouldn't mind, I'm just asking a couple of people, people that have been on the show, some of our favorites to do this video. And like 10 minutes later, this motherfucker sends me like a huge file. And I'm like, oh, my God, he really did something. And dude, when he got to that, if y'all are doing 600 episodes, just fucking quit. You ain't going to change the goddamn world.

Son, I about died. I was like, man, Roy truly encapsulated what this podcast is all about, trying to save the world and failing. And we've made it to 200 episodes. Here we are. Here we are. Here we are. Episode 200.

Did y'all, uh, did y'all think we would? Um, I've, no. Not at all, especially if people don't know the turbulence that we faced starting the podcast. Like, I don't even think you can get the first five episodes anymore. Like we had to take them down because they just fucking sucked so bad. Like basically, we were, we just started touring, we started touring, we started touring in what, July of 2016 or something. And then we were on the book tour. press, the tour press for the book or whatever.

And we did Burt Chrysher's podcast. And when we did Burtz, he was just like, hey, what's your podcast? And we're like, yeah, we don't have a podcast. And he's like, oh, you got to have a podcast. And we're like, yeah, that's what we keep here. And he's like, no, seriously, I think it's like illegal for you to be a comedian and not have a podcast. So we started us down this journey.

And we sort of just, as we always do, a lot of things, just announced that we were going to do a thing before any of us knew how to do the thing. And we just kind of fucking started throwing them out. there. And so no, I don't know, man. I kind of, 200, that seems like maybe there's a part of me that thought, oh, yeah, we'll, we'll have a TV show by then and we'll have time for it. Yeah, I definitely thought and hoped that last thing for sure. But hey, you know, it's all right. This hits too. No, I would like, I mean, I do. I've always liked doing it and still like doing it. So even if we were, you know, like actually hitting in the world, I would still like to keep it going.

keep hitting um i i've expected to keep going i'll be honest i was heard of and this is so raven i had sort of the opposite view of i had the roy view i was like well i guess we're doing this for the next decade now it is cool that like i don't know being at 200 we're we're almost we're getting close to our five year anniversary as a as well read you know as a group we've of course been together forever doing stuff uh but we're we're getting close to like the five year anniversary of the 200th episode. And it does kind of all get surreal for a minute because so many things in entertainment, you know,

don't last and you have ideas and then you stop doing that. But I don't know. This is the, now y'all used to have like jobs. I didn't have that. So this is definitely like the biggest commitment and longest I've ever done a thing is this podcast for sure. Like for 200 weeks in a row,

I've clicked publish on a thing that, had our stupid voices and opinions in it. So, you know, again, I'm kind of getting emotional here. This is like a lifetime milestone for me. Yeah, a couple things. One of them, just last night, I was listening to one of the podcasts that I listened to. And it's a, you know, I listen to mostly show business or comedy podcast. And the one I was listened to, the person being interviewed and we ain't got to get into this whole subject at all was Ari Shafir or Ari Shafar, wherever you say his name.

Literally doesn't matter. Yeah, anyway, so you can imagine how that went. But so, all right. Everybody, Arish Affairs guy kind of got a whole dickbag thing going on. He's the guy that said the shit about Kobe and Twitter got all after him or whatnot. He just kind of made a career out of like being a bit of a dick. And that's relevant to what I'm about to say because on the podcast he was on, it happened to be, it was right after the 200th anniversary.

And the host of the podcast mentioned that he had done 200. And even Ari Sheffir very, very sincerely, I thought he was being an asshole at first, but he wasn't. He made it clear that he wasn't joking or being sarcastic or anything like that, got very sincere about it. And he was like, you've done 200 of these? He was like, that's really impressive, man. Congratulations. He was like, that's not. He was like, no, I'm serious because like people either don't start it or if they do start it, they quit.

It don't last. They start hating each other. If there's multiple ones, they just say fuck it. like, no, that's lasted 200 episodes. That's a big deal. Good for you. And I just thought I'd bring that up because, again, given the source, someone who's never positive about anything that I can see for the most part,

even he was like, yeah, 200 episodes of the same podcast is something to be proud of. The other thing is we are coming up on five years as well read, like five years together in a formal capacity. And it is not. Still not quite, like you said, we had jobs and stuff. I was at the DOE, which is my longest, like, same place job. Yeah. For six years almost.

So, but still, creeping up on it. And it's wild to me to think that I'm even getting close to having been a professional comedian for as long as I was a, you know, business professional or whatever. That's wild for me to think about. I think that it's my longest job because I was an attorney for a little over five years, but I did. document review for like a year and a half. So I'm like, I'm getting emotional too, Corey, because if I think about it,

you know, you said it's your longest commitment. I think other than my commitment to Andy and my commitment to the truth, this is the longest commitment. Yeah, you've been in that game since knee high to a duck, fam. Yeah,

I can remember. I can remember going back. My father looking at me. Dad's got COVID, by the way. He seems to be fine. fine. I just wanted to get that out there. So that's Raven and Raven News.

I have no idea why I just said that in the middle of all this. Bown, wow, wow, wow. I didn't have time to pull up my sound effects machine. I started thinking about being a dick as a bit. I guess Ari Schafer made me think of my dad. I don't know what happened. Ari, the chauffeur.

Hey, yeah, but not to toot our own horns in that regard, though, but like, sincerely, these past like, oh shit, I don't know, 30 or so episodes like in the pandemic era of us being on Zoom, that kind of, you know, that, there were some challenges with that, just like getting used to the chemistry and stuff, but it's like, well,

we didn't have shit to do else anyways, but put up these episodes, whatever, but like, to Tudan Horn a little bit, a lot of these episodes were also during the middle of a grueling tour and multiple projects. So, like, it's not, like, what I'm trying to say is,

there were many times that it would have been easy to quit even if we didn't want to quit the podcast. It was just like, look, we can't do it this week. And like, you, a lot of times with anything, with any human being, you miss one thing, the habit's over. It's fucked. But like, we've some, now some weeks have been lesser than others because of that. But like, we've somehow made it a point to do the 200 episodes. And for the record, when I say 200 episodes, it's 200 well-read style. I'm not counting the tiger by the tail. Because if we count tiger by the tail and a lot of bonus stuff, we're damn near it, you know, 250 or something, but like, no, it is, it is fucking crazy.

And it is weird that it's wild that we're coming up on the five year. I take it this, we're going to count this year as a red shirt year. Yeah. I hope so. I fucking hope so. Yeah. I mean, it's funny. It should be easier during the pandemic.

And obviously in a lot of ways it is, especially like the editing. I know from my own podcast, Corey, that that's much easier. And I'm glad you got that break. But I think the alcohol insanity, it, like, it is a little. little scary for me to admit this. I don't think I could have done the 200 episodes while touring if it weren't for booze. No, I hear you. Not and been entertaining.

No, I hear. Or if we, I don't know, there's probably, it's like, but if we did just cut it all out together, then we would have leveled out because like now that I've been kind of off the sauce for a little bit. And every time I do drink, it's just like. In the spirit of Todd Glass. Oh, he's off the song. Oh, he doesn't drink anymore. Oh, Corey's got energy now.

But what I'm saying is barely still, though. It's my point. Like, I'm actually the healthiest. I've been in a very long time. And I'm like, I kind of, I keep thinking about like, okay, you know, the vaccines here. We're going to get. I know that like sooner than we thought we're going to, like, we'll be getting back on the road. You know, if everybody gets the vaccine, place will be opening up.

And then I started thinking about the road and like thinking about days past. I'm like, dude, you're going to die. you're going to die like i was pickled for so long like it's easy to keep going once you've done it but now that we've taken this long break like dude i think there's kind of no way around it that first run is really going to be something like yeah yeah it's not it's going to be like all right this is how we live again or like all right that was fun let's let's you know go back to how we live during the pandemic when you see our show announcements drop and it's the first weekend back guys I want you to know that you're taking one of the raddest and coolest gambols of your life.

Yes. It might be the greatest well-read show of all time based upon pure joy in our hearts and booze in our veins. Or, or it could literally be a slurry shit show. Well, I can tell you it won't be the worst. I can guarantee you that it won't be the worst. Even if it is a slurry shit show, we've done shows that weren't slurry shit shows that were still bad. And by the way, not because we didn't, you know, sometimes all the factors just come together. It's a Sunday.

There was a blizzard. There's 10 people here. You didn't use a microphone. Yeah, there's no microphone. It's only one family. Their grandma just died. Like, I'm saying, like, the first show back from COVID, I feel like our performance is going to meet everyone's whatever expectations are because everyone's just going to be like,

holy shit, we're in a building. That's good enough. Yeah, they're just going to be happy to be. there, dude. And I honestly, I'm way more worried about the audience than I am us. Yeah, for sure. They're not going to remember how to act in public. And I won't be able to blame him. I won't be able to just like, you know, hush them and tell them, shut up or I'll kick you out. I'm just going to be like, you know what, buddy, let it out. Go ahead. Bring your gun on stage. I don't give a fuck. It's going to be so hilarious if like my literal first interaction on stage

in over a year is me getting a fucking heckler kicked out. Like immediately right back to the lines like no no opening joke applause nothing it's just somebody's like you fucking suck like they're not as funny skinny their first show fucking back in you know a year they just they get hammered just a heckle like i can see that happening but yeah man 200 episodes five years countless guests countless top really about five topics we've still only talked about five things yeah pretty much yeah especially this year three of them how much we hit. Yeah, and that's fine if we talk about how much we hit on this episode.

Normally I would be like, hey, guys, let's refrain from jacking ourselves off. Corey, the bastion of self-restraint when it comes to hitting. You're right, but it's totally fine on this episode. If you guys would like to bring up any memories of how hard we hit, that's totally okay. Yes, I would. But first, let's talk about one of the things that we often have talked about, one of the five subjects, nicotine. Yeah. Lucy, Lucy's back, guys.

Lucy nicotine, found it by Caltech scientists. Finally, tobacco alternative that does not suck. Research and developed for three years to be made for people, not patients. As you all know by now, Lucy's got a nicotine gum, four milligrams of nicotine, and it comes in three flavors, winter green cinnamon, pomegranate, all of which hit. But if you're not into any of those three, you can also get a lozenge instead in cherry ice flavor. One of the hit-ness flavors out there, I feel like.

Cho, I know it's done, did losing, Lucy and it helped him like quit nicotine entirely, which is a very valid use for nicotine alternatives. If you're degenerate like me, you can also just use it and keep using it. Baby, that's what I do. That also hits. It's still better than cigarettes and nobody will ever tell me that it's not.

I heard that. Yeah, that's, you know, they keep me off to real tobacco and I appreciate them for that. Yeah, likewise, man. Like, again, you know, and this is a personal testimony. I'm telling you true. tell you, even if this wasn't the Lucy ad, I accidentally quit vaping. I had to quit smoking. I haven't had a real cigarette in over two years. And now I haven't had a vape in like, I don't know,

getting close to three or four months, literally just because our good friends at Lucy sent me the gum, I fell in love with the pomegranate and started just chewing it. And the next thing I know, I ran out of my pack. And then one day, I just didn't reach for the vape. And I didn't reach for anything. And now I'm a completely nicotine free. So you can go to Lucy. Oh, Corey's nicotine. He quit stuff. I don't even eat. Listen, I still,

I still eat Fritos and she does like there's a fucking gun to my head telling me to do it. So, so don't think that, don't think that I've turned around too much. But go to lucy.com. That's Lucy.com. That's Lucy.com.

It's red. It's red. Yes, you use that promo code red, RED. You get 20% off all products. That's gum or lozenges. Lucy. So use the promo code red at checkout.

out, as always, we are legally required to give this disclaimer. Warning, this product contains nicotine, drive from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical, which hits. I always add that part. Lucy.com and be sure to use that promo code red. All right. It does. This is exactly what you want it to be.

Yeah. Yep. I know. Hey, I got us a little gift for the 200 anniversary. I have to back up from the microphone to show you. Penus. The size of it. Nope.

I've never had to back away from a camera. to get that. Oh my God. God damn it. Drew, say something so it highlights your... I will post... Is it picking me up?

Yes. I will post a picture of me and or Andy holding this so that everyone can see it and understand how big it is. I actually ordered this to put on my mantle for the well-red

holiday show and it got here too late. And I don't know, I swear to God, I chose 30 by 30. This is the only way we can fit them both. That's why you can fit them both. It's a picture of man Corey naked together.

Was that the night that we ate banana pudding together, or was that the night we ate sandwiches? That was not y'all ate to me edibles, and y'all sent me this picture right after I left, and I'm pretty sure the context was something like how quickly y'all got, nude. Oh, yeah. I thought that might have been the Brian Denahe night. No. See, both the Brian Dinahe night and the Banana Puddin night are sadder in my mind. Yeah. Meaning like they weren't,

they weren't at the time, but it wasn't just like jubilation that you see in that picture. Both of those times was us being like, we'll be fine. It's okay. This is fine to do this. This still hits. Brian Denahey hits. I don't even know that night if y'all were running. And I think since y'all didn't have food you took your clothes off. Yeah. For anybody that doesn't know what the Brian Denahey moment in our life was, which, because that's a hell of a thing to say, me and Trey one time made a sandwich buffet on a hotel ironing board and sat there and ate sandwich after sandwich after sandwich, using the logic, it's okay if we get fat because Brian Denehy, Brian Deney, he had season, a lot of movies. He was very successful and he was fat.

So we would take a buy a sandwich, look at each other and go, I didn't. He hits. He does it. Did it. He did. He was alive at the time we were doing this. He hits a turn. Yeah, it wasn't a memorial. It's also, it's appropriate that the guy used for that example, has since, of course, died.

You know what I mean? Of course, he's no longer win this. That's what happens when you, you know, live that way. What he does? Just being fat and not hitting, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I don't know. I don't mean any disrespect. but it's got to be,

it's got to be something like that. I assume it was a heart attack. I think it was a heart attack. Now, granted, look, Brian didn't he, it's not like Brian Deney was pretty old. Like, dude,

he was, he was an older guy in Tommy Boy. Right. Tommy Boy came out over 30 years ago. Well, no, not over 30. Tommy would came out about 27 years ago.

So like, if Brian Denehy was fucking 50 there, and he definitely was, then like, honestly, he made it a pretty good way living the way he did. You're right, you're right.

So this is coming off the dome, but I feel confident in my choices. I want to highlight the ultimate moment of ravenry for each of us three co-host over the history of the podcast. I've got, again, I feel good about my three choices. I may prove you wrong on the podcast by being really raven in a minute, but go ahead. So I think Corey's is without question. Corey's ultimate moment of ravenry is Papal Batman. Right. And he claimed that at 80 years old, he could do heroin and murder people and not get caught and be a vigilantee child.

Child molester murderer. He would murder a child molester. Yeah, right. That he could do that at 80 and still believes it to this day, I'm sure. Not the heroin part. Okay. My ultimate moment of Ravens. He's reasonable.

When I drunkenly had a fit about feathers on dinosaurs. Yeah. Which I don't have many regrets about either. but that was, I was on one that night. And Drew's, I, in my selection, my nominee for Drew's ultimate moment of ravenry is, of course, Bob Seeger. My God. Fucking Bob Seeger. Drew going off on Bob Seeger, farting on Corrie's fishing on that.

That was the farted on the fish episode. It was, yes. Yeah. Those are my nominee. I never farted on fish. If I'd like to dispute any of those or just to sparted on a dolphin one time, but he deserved it. I don't think I can dispute that. No, I thought you were going to say when I cut,

I thought you were going to say when I cut braces out of my head, but that was just a story from the podcast. I didn't do it on the podcast. I wouldn't really count that. But I hear you, though. But yes, that's another good one. But yeah, that's a story from before. With Trays, we really don't have to go back that far, in my opinion,

for what I think is it could very well be last week when Tray basically said that one time he was reading a book on string theory and found a little bit of it too hard to comprehend and then thought to himself, huh, is this what dumb people feel like all the time? It's hard to beat that, condensed, better than bullion ravering. That's the, that's the concentrate ravenry right there.

Yeah, for sure. That was almost a parody of himself, Ravenry. like the the the how mad that motherfucker was about the dinosaurs because it was true and here's how you know it was true tray's not a great liar he's the worst liar ever like he can't he can't do that unbelievable bad which was so funny because like i know that there's people that listen to that episode and like there's people that genuinely and i get this i probably used to be one of these people there's people that think that everything in entertainment is pre thought of and bullshit and a work and all that it's funny because there's also people that think the exact opposite.

There's tons of people who think that a stand-up comedian on stage is literally, that's a funny person who's just talking. They just started talking. It's one of the other. Like nobody, nobody, no one person believes it's a mixture of both things. Well,

I think the conclusion is people are, in fact, dumb. Right. That's it. They're dumb. So I don't understand strength theory. I don't know what the percentages of people who were listening to that and

we're like, oh, I mean, this is funny, but like, Trey's obviously just playing. a character here he's doing a bit like guys i'm here to tell you if you still hold on to that allow me to uh pull pull that off of you that motherfucker was being serious because he can't lie

he was so god damn now i was well of course i admitted in the podcast i was just playing a part to get him riled up but that motherfucker if you hear tray say something like i again he doesn't have a tail he can't lie and i don't mean like in a fucking abraham lincoln he's so good kind of way he's just fucking bad at it if he could figure out if he put enough energy in a figuring out a lie as he does figuring out how to come across as a smug motherfucker, then he would be the politician that a bunch

of you pieces of shit want him to be. It's crazy how he's so good at lying to himself, though. Right, I know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. See, there's a perfectly example. Right. He does balance it out with like a pretty good bit of self-loathing. That's the

only reason that I dispute that statement at all, not from the other side of like, you know, of course, you know, I do lie to myself to survive, I guess. But, but yeah, it's definitely counterbalanced by the other end of the spectrum of just going in on myself. Yeah. Nobody hates Trey Crowder like Trey Crowder. Mm-mm. No. Speaking of works and entertainment being a lie and Ravenry and moments on the podcast. Corey, you tried to tell me.

that I not only couldn't even lie my way in to the Masters, wouldn't be welcome there, couldn't hang out with those people, didn't know how to be around civilized society. And then when I went on a rant about how putting on a suit and lying to rich people was literally my fucking job, and I was phenomenal at it, you hit me up the next day. Well, your mic cut out, buddy. Sorry, I couldn't fix nothing I could do, you know.

All my points were made. and then the mic cut out. So that's my biggest slight of the, of the, I vaguely remember because that was a hotel room moment, right? We were drinking and shit post show or whatever. I can remember that argument happening. That seems like that was very recent. Am I wrong?

It was that long ago. It just feels like quarantine is so fucking long. Yeah, it does. But hold on now. I remember vaguely, because like I said, I was just a spectator to that argument. and I can vaguely remember that it did happen. You're saying that Corey just got his heads out there.

He got the front end of the argument, and then he just cut all your shit out. You're honestly better for it. You were talking a bunch of bullshit. I probably saved you. Nope, nope. You told me that I didn't know how to put on a suit and act around these rich white people.

Yes, you did. Well, first off, if you wore a suit to the masters, they would think you were the biggest idiot in the world. Told me. Show you what? That's what you told me. You, you, because here's the thing, you would go too far. Mm-hmm.

Because, and here's the thing, if you weren't going to go that far, then you wouldn't want to go there anyway. It's like you're only going to go there to do something fucking wild. Mm-hmm. And you would and you would get kicked out. Also, you couldn't even fucking get in. I maintain it. I could, yeah, I know.

That's what you said. I couldn't even get in. You could just buy the tickets. Okay, I was about to ask what that part of it was. Well, first of all. I know there's like a lottery and all that shit. There's a lottery, so Drew would have to pay a, if you don't get the tickets in the lottery,

Drew would have to pay a substantial amount of money to do something that he really don't want to do, which he ain't going to do. I got money. And then, but not to do this, not to go to the fucking masters. I do, I got masters money. In order for you to-

I think the argument, Craig me from wrong here, Cho, Drew, I feel like what he was saying, what he is saying now is that like, you, you know, rich people don't, hit for you on such a level and that the masters is like the epitome of like rich white people culture in this country. And so therefore, there's no way you could go to that and conduct

yourself in a way that did not lead to some sort of scene or incident that got you kicked out or found out or something like that. Is that an accurate summation, Corey? Because I got to I could totally understand that argument for sure. Thank you. Thank you, Judge. I understand the co-counsel's argument. And my counter, which got cut out, was I understand what he's saying. I understand why he's saying it.

The notion. You said you would go there and hit for people. Yes. How? What would you do? Because if you're doing anything wild at the message, they're going to hate you. I'd hit for people. You're not supposed to be, how?

What would you do? I mean, I have to go there, you know. But I'm saying, survey the scene, get to know them, you know, I need to how people smell before I know how to hit them. That will not hit for them. If you're- It will hit for them. No, it won't.

I can hit for people. Not there you can. Yes, I can. They would hate that. That's, nope, hit what? You don't even know what I'm going to do. You're saying that they would hate me and that I couldn't pull it off. You would literally have to hit in silence.

And this is what I'm saying. You have never once exhibited the behavior to make me believe you could hit in silence. That's because. That's because you don't even listen to me when I am fucking talking. So how the fuck could you know what I do in silence? This is exactly what I'm talking about. No, no. No, no.

No, I would not. No, I would not. Let me tell you what I would not. Let me tell you what I did every fucking day. You tell me I can't hit around rich white people when literally it was my job. And I hit it. Talk. You're not supposed to talk.

I know how to be quiet? You know how many times I got held in contempt? Then how are you going to hit for them just by your face? Zero. Just looking loud of my kid. Look at me. I hit. How do they hit for each other there?

They don't. They're not there to hit for each other. They're there to hit for each other. Yeah, they're there to hit. They, watching golf and being quiet hits for them. Yeah. That's what hits for them. Not you.

I would hit. You would be such a mistake there. I would hit. It's so infuriating. The idea that I don't know how to conduct myself around these people, I literally walk into fucking marble buildings with columns on each side and deal with the same types of people every day. So, you can't.

So you can't talk at the masters. There's nothing for you to do to hit. And anything you did in order to hit, they would be mad about because you're not supposed to talk. There's a huge difference. Devil's advocate thing I'm going to throw out here. And I feel like this, I don't know that it will work at all for Cho,

and it might somehow end up upsetting Drew, which is not my intent. Corey, I think, because he, we knew Drew as a logger, but we didn't see him in that capacity very much. Our only experience with it at all is we have hung out. out with a few different groups, and there's been a bunch of different groups and subgroups

of people that Drew went to law school with, right? We weren't there at law school. You're still getting my point. I'm not saying that he doesn't. Hold on. The people that Drew's law school people, some of them, who we've hung out with, I would say seem like they could be a little master's to me. I agree.

I don't understand what you don't get about what I'm saying. If Drew went to a bar with some of these people, yes, he could hit for them. at the Masters he would not hit for them because at the Masters you are allowed to hit. There ain't no bar in a clubhouse? No. There's not like a post-golf hangout?

No. You leave the Masters. I'm saying at Augustine National you would not hit. In front of these people, of course. I never said you couldn't hit. I would hit. Just by standing there in a suit,

I'd hit. You ever seen me in a three-piece? I look for a day. They would hate it. No, they love it. So, all right, now I'm, because, you know, I mean, I'm trash too. So, like, when you do get an opportunity

to go to the Masters, that experience all at the end of the day, all it really is is you get there, you get onto the grounds because you have your ticket. I understand the protocols of politeness when watching golf and you're not allowed, I get all that. But you're in there doing that. That's all you do.

And when you leave, they don't have any kind of like, pre-game or any kind of, like, any kind of hitting situation. They don't know that and that don't. They got beer. It doesn't hit for you because you don't like golf. Like that's what I like golf.

But yeah, I'm saying like people who love. You go get a beer. You can't talk. You can talk amongst your friends, but like quietly, like you're already there with somebody. I'm great at whispering.

Okay, whatever, dude. So it's like, you can, it's like going to like a fucking Ray La Montagne show or something or somebody. Okay. I had a Ray LaMontaine show. About a three-a-a-Montane show.

Somebody. I'm just trying to pick up. an artist where it's like you really got to in their shit yes you got to be quiet sit there you got you're there to sit and you're there to sit and appreciate yeah yeah now like happening and then you fucking leave now like pose to like football games NASCAR races all these other sporting events people show up and they fucking throw down yeah and also a game happens right it's not like that none of none of that at all happens you're because most of the most of the place that you're on is the course and there's always somebody near you shooting

you know what I mean so you're supposed to be quiet like there's kind of places where you can go and like talk at like you know outside level like over at the gift shop and stuff like that and yes it's not that you can't walk over there but like most people when the masters is going on they want to be watching the fucking like that's what they're there for it's not like the like like i'm sure people go the kentucky derby that don't like the kentucky derby i don't think many people are just going to the masters that otherwise don't really like golf and if they do they wouldn't go the next time because they're like well I mean, shit, it's just pretty much golf.

You know what I mean? Well, we're like sort of inside of a bit right now because it don't hit for me at all that you think that I couldn't hit for these people. And by the way, almost a free-sum. Absolutely there is. You don't understand it because you don't only know one way to hit. I know how to hit subtly.

But that outside, you're telling me that at the Masters with all that money around, people ain't making business deals, I just don't believe that. Maybe. Aside from this, like, fake argument between me and you, I just don't believe that. Maybe, okay, maybe there's some little cabins where the actual fucking super rich people hang out that nobody hits for except other super rich people.

So you didn't see anybody having conversations. I'm not saying you can't have a conversation with somebody next to you, but we're talking like, this is my buddy. This is someone I'm comfortable standing real close to. Okay, let's watch this next shot. You know what I'm saying? Like it's not a fucking. That's what you did? Yeah, I was with my dad.

And I had a blast, but I like golf. And your dad didn't meet nobody. No. he didn't. I was there. Dude, you're talking to someone who's been there several times and you literally don't know

a goddamn thing about it. Like, I'm telling you, like, it's not a place that's fun unless you really like golf. I get the argument. I totally do get it. I feel like we're separate from what we were originally talking about.

I just don't believe people don't be talking at these things, especially if they're with their buddies. I didn't say they don't talk. They talk to who they know. You're not meeting new people. I did. constantly trying to be quiet.

I mean, that's fine if you think that, but you wouldn't, because nobody does. I know it. There's a will. Nobody hits at it. It's not like it. That's the part about it that's funny to me. Like, I totally, I totally believe you. I'm not arguing with you about any of it.

It's just, I never thought about, again, I've watched God. I know, I know there's a lot of rules in golf, and I know being quiet and all that is one of them. I know all that and I get all that. Still, I just never considered that, like, when you. go to a major like that that it's such a, I don't know, like limited experience. It's still, I didn't know how I thought it worked. I don't know if I thought they had like the clubhouse or a bar or like beforehand or like

the parking lot, like the tailgate or whatever, but I just assumed for sure that it also was like a party, you know, it's like everything is. There's little areas and stuff. But again, like nobody, everybody there wants to watch this thing. You know what I mean? I've probably there's probably like women that sounds very sexy I didn't think they were even allowed

okay let me let you think I was trying to hit for let me let me rephrase that the person that came with a spouse that was the least interested in golf that could be male or female you know what I mean but they're for those people they're okay sure go over there and hit for the people that fucking don't hit that's great yeah you're right Corey the people over there

drinking are the ones who are losing not watching grown men hitting a fucking ball around the gun. They're not getting rowdy. Oh my God. He made it disappeared. It's unbelievable. It's so great that you think you're hilarious right now. There's so close to the course. It's so great that you're getting mad right now. I'm not mad. I get it. You've been to the Masters.

And I'm just telling you there's not a party and you're doing that thing where you want to argue you want to argue a thing about. I'm not talking about golf, Corey. This has nothing to do with golf. You just said there was an area. You just said there's areas where people go hang out. You just said there'll be people there. Now what you're saying is

That doesn't matter. I don't give a fuck about a party. Who said anything about a party? You said I wouldn't hit for these people. This is the dumbest fucking conversation. I do hit for these people. I've always hit for these people. I hate these people, but I hit for them.

If you go over there and do whatever it is that you would do in order to hit for them, it would not hit for them in that moment because you're at the masters. Corey, do you think I'm at court hitting for these people by being like, y'all want to do a shot? I know how to hit for these people. I've been on their fucking boats. then I concede.

I think that you would hit at the Masters that you will never in your life go to. I'm gonna go this year. I hope you do. I'm going. I'm gonna come back with three new friends. No, you won't. Yes, I will.

You won't like them. No, they won't, yeah, you're right. I mean, they won't be my friends. That's a good point. Yeah, like, dog, again, like, I know you want to win this and I'm giving it to you. I'm conceding, but like, no. Like, it's not built to hit.

It's built to hit for golf fans is all I'm saying. I understand that. If you went to a bar with all these people that were there afterwards, I have zero doubt because I've seen you do it that you would hit. I'm just saying it is not an environment in which to hit. But you said I wouldn't hit for them. That's what the story of them. I said you wouldn't hit for them at the Masters.

Exactly what I said. What are the other big rich white people things like that? Because I'm sitting here thinking. I'd say Kentucky Derby. I know, but right. Obviously the Kentucky Derby except like everybody knows the Kentucky Derby. Derby is a party. Because you don't have to be quiet when a horse is running.

Right. Tennessee. Derby is a party. It's tennis. But I was trying to think like, yes, like Wimbledon or something. Andy worked Wimbledon. You don't. They don't really party there, right?

Well, Andy worked it once. That's where Halley Baldwin grabbed her ass. Andy worked Wimbledon. There's like a clubhouse. I don't know what to call it. Like a press box? it's like it's probably beside the press box it's a catered party and like if you're if you're a hitter is an open bar and if you're not there's a paid bar right so there's like a section for ale ball one and then there's a section for just whoever had their ticket wimbledon the wimbledon is in the UK yeah what's the one that's in Queens I don't know is it the US open or something they have open it's a major it is a major it was I think it was a Jason to or maybe inside the Mets

stadium. Wimbledon is one of the four Grand Slam tennis tournaments. There's the French Open, the Australian Open, Wimbledon, and the U.S. Open, right. So it had to be the U.S. Open if it was one of the Grand Slams or whatever. I also feel like I need to say something right here. Otherwise, it's going to seem like we're jumping around

and we were. We recorded two episodes this day, one with next week's guest, who is Whalen Payne. And I can't wait for you guys to hear that interview. He showed up in our waiting room a little early and we weren't really through wrapped up yet. So we hopped on with him, did that interview, and then hopped back on to finish this episode. And that's why here in just a second, when I stopped talking, it's going to

seem like Drew's talking about some old shit. So I had to cut it and put, look, man, some things don't change. We're still fucking stupid and jump around too much. But anyways, here's the rest of the show. Love you. Bye. Skew. Yeah. All right. Well, I don't know if this should be on or not. I want to say I'm sorry. I really thought that my Raven slight would be funnier and come across as a bit, and I feel like it didn't. What are you talking about?

I don't know. I just felt like we got lost in the fight about the Masters. I mean, I was doing a bit. I guess we're just really good at doing a bit because... Okay, good. I mean, it's Raven that it hit for me, I guess, but it hit for me, so I feel like it could have for other people. It's funny.

You know, we'll cut all that out. Cut all that out. Then here we are. Here's the outro. Oh, all right. Here's a, I hit for people at the Masters. But here's, here's me hitting for a group of people I never would have thought I hit for and being completely raven. This is so embarrassing and so funny.

And I kind of don't want to tell y'all and do want to tell you all. So here's what happened. I get a DM or whatever from an account that is a skeleton and its name is a flat McDonald's Sprite. Okay. Those don't exist, by the way. That might be the joke. Maybe that's the joke. A skeleton of an avie of an avatar,

and the name is a flat McDonald's Sprite. The message reads, I just toasted my bush because the favorite comedian retweeted me and tell Andy also she's amazing. And I wrote back, You did what now? I'll tell her, but please tell me

what that means first before I do. L-O-L-L. Now, I went ahead and screen capped it, sent it to Andy and was like, a flat McDonald's Sprite thinks you're cool, and maybe masturbated to one of my jokes. Oh, I don't know. Toasted Bush meant like burnt their pubic hairs off. Okay. What do you think it meant, Trey? It could also. It spelled B-U-S-H.

It definitely sounds Australian for jacking off. Right. But if it was my buddy Charles, I don't know Charles. He would literally mean like he toasted his Bush life to you, even if it was spelled, yeah, right, because Bush is a bear that you can toast people. But that isn't how it's spelled. A day later, I forgot about it, a day or two later, you're one of my favorite comedians, and you retweeted me.

So I had a Bush still spelled BUSH to celebrate. And side note, Andy is amazing and existing. I write, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I sent her that message, as you requested, and said, I think a McDonald's Sprite, masturbated to a joke of mine, but this is honestly way cooler. And then I realized, I don't know who I'm talking to. I just can't be out here willy-nilly, no pun intended, talking about masturbating.

So I wrote in parentheses Bush, me and Perverted comedian, they wrote ha-ha-ha, and I go, I just realized I don't even know if you're a man or a woman or whatever, and I'm sorry if that was gross or uncomfortable. I'll raise a bush spelled correctly to you, and they write back, thank you, sir. I'm a 22-year-old college girl. my boyfriend got me hooked on your pocket. I wanted to light my bush on fire when I read that. What is it?

Just walked in, I just wrote, Jesus Christ never show that to anyone. And they're like, yeah, don't worry about it. So because of a spelling error, we're here.

Because of a spelling error and an avatar that was a skeleton, I'm just like, yeah, okay, I guess we'll talk about masturbation. And then like, I'm an idiot. Do we believe that that explanation at the end of who they are?

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? She's talking about her boyfriend. I know, but it's just a very, there's a lot of the internet things going on. Yeah, it's almost too much is what I'm saying.

Right, the skeleton avatar, the name and everything, the misspellings and the innuendo, whether and, you know, intended or not, whatever, all of that.

And then for me, when you got to the part where the skeleton person said to you, now I'm actually, I'm actually a 21-year-old, new bile, I added that word, college girl, freshly,

freshly single or whatever it was. That's what I said, though. I realize that you're doing a bit. I'm kind of doing a bit. When you first said that, my brain automatically went, okay,

just because it's the internet we're dealing with here. And you know what I'm saying? That's like a classic. Yeah, somebody's trying to like add to the bit. That's a classic the internet move, I think, to pose as a 21-year-old new Biles scoogers. I totally get that. I think they're telling the truth. And so now, if they're listening right now, it's even funnier that we've gone here with it.

You know what I mean? And the reason that I think they're telling the truth is I then went to their page. Yeah. And they're telling the truth. Oh, okay. All right. So it's, anyway, it's just so fucking raven. I just, to me, a skull sent me something I didn't understand.

And I thought it was like a joke. And I was like, I mean, I showed my wife. I was like, look this, Andy. Somebody masturbated to me as a bit. And anyway, I just feel like a gross uncle now. That's the old, that's the type of old I am like, yeah, because I know millennials like, we're, we are to the new generation what fucking Mark and the Gen Xers were to us, you know, at the time. And like, I see myself.

And to me, I don't, I can't wrap my head around like, why you wouldn't want your profile picture to just be you and why your name would not be your name. Like, that's, like, it makes like, you're allowed. You're obviously allowed. But like, there's part of me that gets genuinely mad when I see that. I'm like, how am I supposed to know? Why don't you just be yourself? But you know what's funny about that when you're like, when you think about it, though, is that like when the internet first started internet. We all did that shit.

It was the exact opposite. Right. Every, every, that was like the whole, that was the whole thing. Yeah, on my space, nobody saw your face. Nobody knew your real name. You, you know, had the courage of anonymity. And that's why everybody started using hate slurs and gay stuff and all that, you know, being mean and shitty. That's how the internet got to be that way is because nobody knew who anybody else was.

Right. And there's still plenty of places on the internet that's like that. Reddit be that way. So if the internet got founded on this principle of like, I'm old and stupid, I get it. Avatar, but, but when social media, I mean, that has definitely shifted for sure. It should be an extension of you now because it is. Right. Right. Yeah.

Because I know exactly what you mean because me and Mark do even excuse and take comments and stuff. The ones from YouTube are usernames. The ones from Facebook are just people's names. Well, what, you know, that's how you can always tell it's like from YouTube. And I always kind of think this. It definitely is striking when you go back and forth between like regular person names. names on the internet and then like, you know, puff dragging 64 or right. Yeah, whatever. Like it, well, what it, what it really is is that I, I, as an entertainer and a look at me,

look at me type person, you can't fathom someone wanting people to know who they were. Right. Because of us, that's the whole thing. And I think that and yeah, and I think there's a little bit of me that's like the anger, which most anger from old people comes from jealousy and not understanding something. It is like, I, I'm, I'm, so mad that I can't live my life that way. Like it'd be, there's part of me sometimes that things it'd be so, it would be so awesome to just float through the internet and just fucking cause chaos and not have to worry about anything.

And there, but there's a lot of people that do that. They're Russian trolls. But like, I think that's what it is. Like, I just, my brain's not wired to be able to understand why anyone wouldn't want credit for the hits that they do. I don't know if that's what flat sprites trying to do or not do. but I do think it's funny that we are literally, for a second there,

we got on telling young people how to internet. We are truly becoming the old people. I know. They aren't doing it this way. I was talking about how the internet started and I was there. I don't care what these young whippersnappers got to say about that. I was fucking there. I was there at Woodstock.

Well, here's a deal. Don't tell me about music. I was on warp tour. I truly believe this and I've always, I have to believe this, is that you're, you're never, there's no avoiding becoming the old person. Because honestly, if you're, but if you're old and you're trying to,

and you still kind of are cool, that looks even weirder than just being the old person. It's, but you can't be the grandpa Simpson mad at the clouds. Like, realizing you're the old person, but also realizing like, but I know I'm being the old person and I'm being wrong. Like, that's where, that's the only place that you can truly exist and it be like, honest of like, look, it don't hit for me, but I know that it's, I know it's how things are.

And whatever the kids these days are doing, I assure you, it's right. And here's how I know that. Because when I was their goddamn age, I was right. You know what I mean? So like, in order for me to have been retroactively right, they have to be now. You just reminded me of a theory I have. I have a theory that every corny sitcom's dad is that sort of like, I know y'all don't care about what I have to say.

no one ever cares about what dad has to say, but I'm right. Because the writers are experiencing exactly what you're talking about. They're all like 35, especially in the 90s, they were all 35-year-old Jen Xers. Yeah. Or maybe they were bummers. But anyway, they were all 35. Culture was leaving them behind, but they still wanted to be relevant. But they knew they were smart enough to know no one cared.

So they just wrote the dad as themselves. For sure. Yeah, I definitely think there's something to that. And Corey, what you were saying earlier, I agree completely except. to make the distinction of if it's just a regular person who wants an anonymous profile or whatever, and they're just doing like regular internet type shit, whatever. But all these like novelty Twitter accounts and things like that, like that drill guy we were talking about or like the dude,

whoever it is that runs God's Twitter account and those types of things, people who like do make a conscientious decision to go on the end. internet and seek the hits and seek attention and internet fame and stuff like that the way that we have but people who choose to do that and choose to do it anonymously that's why i agree with you completely i'm like i don't understand that like i if you like those are if i'm going to be out here and i'm putting effort into hitting okay i want to be clear about different in case they're listening hold on this the person i'm talking about doesn't i don't think how to i know like now I just want it to be clear.

We're talking about broadly now. Yeah, yeah. So like in the, in this, the God sense is like, okay, well, that's a God parody account. I'm sure that that somewhere you can find out who that motherfucker was. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's a different thing to me than like, I do know some comedians who are just like, and they're all up and comings. And maybe this is why because this is a dumb thing to do.

They're like young comedians that I see that like their fucking Twitter name or their Instagram name is like super complex. So if somebody like saw them at a show and wanted to look them up, like they would never be able to find them because their name isn't their name. And that to me is just a rookie mistake and kind of dumb. But then again, maybe I'm they're young. Maybe this is the hip hip fucking way to do it. But like with God, it's like, yeah, this is tweets from God. It has to be called that. You can't ever find God when you're looking for them. 100%. But like, I do see some people and like, I'm like, hey man, how do you, you want to build a social media following, but like nobody can fucking follow you. Like they can't, they can't just find you. You. They can't just find you. I don't understand that. But again, I have to assume that since they're young and up and coming, they're right and I'm wrong. Because, like, I just now figured out Twitter and I, and now TikTok's the thing and I don't fucking know how to do it.

So, like, I can't, I don't know, man. I'm not right about anything. Man, I don't know if I figured out TikTok, but I do understand some things about it. And it's, it's dark and just, I've even stopped trying. And I was doing well. And it wasn't like I was failing. It was like, this is just weird. Anyway, we're just old.

I'm old. I just want to be old. God, I want to be old. 200 episodes worth of old. That's what it is. It's appropriate thematic closing here, I think. Talking about how, you know, the utility of trying not to age and the reality of death looming and that sort of thing.

Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Yeah, we've gone through a lot of changes personally. This podcast has gone through a lot of changes. It started. with terrible sound quality. Most episodes being recorded while we were driving. This would be fine.

This will be fine. I did see a couple people comment, though. They're like, I really missed the ones y'all recorded when you were like in the car. And I'm like, you're the only one. Yeah. Nightmares. That's how nostalgia works.

They remember the good stories, but they've forgotten how mad they were at their speakers. Of course. So it started with that. And then right as we were finally starting to figure out how this thing worked, three and a half years later. or a pandemic hit and we were forced to shift even more into Zoom, which is how it is now.

I think that we've sort of gotten used to it. And honestly, to me, it just feels like it. Now that we've gotten used to it and we've gotten over a lot of late, it just feels like normal now. I do miss being with you guys. I do think that they're, it's, I think we've had some great episodes over Zoom, but there's a huge reason,

obviously, why when you ask people what their favorite moments of this podcast were, every single one of them was a podcast that I know for a fact we did right after a show. You know? Yeah, 100%. I mean, yeah, I always, not that you guys weren't, but I mean, you know it was always a whole thing. I was always a big proponent of trying to do them in the room together as much as possible to the point to like when this all started, the pandemic and the Zoom stuff, in my head, I was like, this is awful.

But it's just the reality for everybody. So I accepted it. And now, so many months later, I mean, hell, I've definitely adjusted to this, but it will hit when we can get back in the room together. I just want to save just so everybody knows because they don't know they should. Me and Drew, frankly, mostly just show up and talk. Cho is the one who has shepherded the podcast for 200 episodes and deserves the appreciation and acknowledgement of that.

He's the one that figured out how to navigate all those early issues and fixed them. It still took me a little bit too long. Burgeoning podcast impresario over here, Cory Ryan Forster. He's a network. Yeah, the network coming up. But yeah, that's all because of me, really, in this podcast. So you're welcome, Corey.

But thank you also for, yeah, being our podcast guru. What will we be without you? Well, I appreciate that. There's really, honestly, not that much to it. That's all right. Well, you know, when we do, you know, this episode, today we've done it special. A lot of people don't know. We've also recorded the one for next week. And there is going to be a lot of moving bells and whistles. But I'm happy to do it. I enjoy it.

It's my labor of love. It's, it's been fun. It's been sincerely, guys. As I said, it's the thing I've done the most times in a row in my life for 200 weeks, save for like, honestly, I think like one time I had Drew do it. even if I wasn't able to be on the podcast, I've at least been the one that hit published. So, like, every Tuesday, I've had a specific thing to do for 200 weeks in a row, and that's fucking crazy to me. And I wouldn't have done it if we didn't have a fucking blast doing it. It's genuinely one of my favorite things that we do.

Yep, here's the 200 more. Nope. Yeah, yeah. That 200 is fine. 400 total is fine. Actually, that's pretty good. No, we're going to 1,000. We're going to die doing this, boys.

I know that part is true. I just don't know if it'll be at a thousand. A thousand or death, whichever comes first. Yeah. All right. Here's the 201. Oh, this will make my life easier right here. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show.

We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God, bless you. Good night and skis. Excuse. Thank you, everybody. But I don't know what to do. with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

This motherfucker knows exactly what to do with scrambled eggs. They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread, but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fuck. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck.