wellRED podcast - #207 - Mattress Stores are a Front and 2Chains is Hemingway

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

RE-RELEASE (I was told it didn't properly upload to some platforms... so sorry!) On this weeks episode the boys go down the 2Chains lyrical rabbit hole and also discuss business models that confuse them Sponsors:Lucy.co promo code RED Talkspace.com promo code WELLRED

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the skew universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for just when I did something stupid? Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

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Even the ones who aren't really your cousins. All for 2999. Love that chicken from Popeye. Limited time to participate in U.S. restaurants. Prices may vary additional terms apply. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Well-read podcast. Well-readcom.

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Well read, live from Lexington. That's our album. T-shirts, hats, all sorts of bullshit. Also, if you like this podcast, I would say there's a fair to middling chance that you're going to like our other podcast. I have through the screen door with my buddy Matt Coon. Trey has evening skews with Smart Mark Aegee and Drew, who currently is absent, but we'll be here in just a second, has Into the Abisket with DJ Lewis.

I actually was just on Evening Screen. and I had me a fine time. Thank you for having me, Tray. Oh, yeah. No, you weren't just on there. You're the senior Georgia correspondent, as everybody knows. Been on there multiple times. By the way.

It always hits. Whenever I signed on as senior Georgia correspondent, I didn't know how much that was going to be a thing. I mean, I didn't need, I mean, it's not surprising to me because, I mean, you know, we were joking about Georgia becoming the center of the political universe or whatever before that even happened.

just because of the election and whatnot. But then still, yeah, Georgia. And, well, it's also that it's not just Georgia. It specifically is your part of Georgia that stays whiling out and being on the news and stuff and remaining relevant and not in a hitting ways. No. Do you believe in destiny? Yeah, I do now. I mean, it really, like, I was, I just did the God pod, our friends other at the God Pod.

and they were like, you know, it's, it's really like this is what your whole life was leading up to. And I was like, I mean, it's kind of wild to think about like nobody fucking, it's weird that to me that we've, people that have listened to this podcast for a long time know that like us thinking that my area is wild is nothing new. Right. But like for it to actually come to a head and boil over into like the actual zeitgeist is fucking bizarre to me. Yeah, it's validating or whatever for me too, just because, like, I remember, not that you ever denied that Chickamauga or that area was wild, but you did. I feel like for a while kind of have this thing of sort of being like, come on, y'all know how it is. Right. Because, like, I'm from Clay County, Tennessee and Drew's from Morgan County, Tennessee, which are comparable in a lot of ways.

But we were always like, dude, I'm telling you, you're right. They ain't all like that. That's why this is so crazy. I think of my hometown and it's like seemed red asses hell and wild to me. Then you talk about Chickamauga though and it's just like, God, damn. So like. In my defense, I'd never knew anything different. No, I know.

Yeah. How would you have known? But yeah, it's like, and at times I would think like, well, maybe more of them are like Chickamauga and it's actually like our part of the world. Because Morgan County and Clay County are pretty close together actually. Right. As the crow flies, I was like, maybe that's. just a slightly less red-ass type of place.

But no, and now we see, like, no, Northwest Georgia is just like a noteworthy level of red-ass insanity, like on national scale. It's kind of a bummer, too, because, like, again, I did think that, like, Chickamauga was just the norm and that you were being insane. And now that I know that's not true, like, it upsets me knowing that I could have had a better a red ass experience. You know what I'm saying? But isn't it crazy for you to think that like,

just compared to where I live, like where you live ain't that bad? Yeah, no, it is wild. Everything about that is just like relative in every different direction. I know that sounds like nonsense, but I know what I mean by that. Like, for example, yes, it's wild to me.

Like, we were hanging out with BJ Barham from the Band American Aquarium, and he was talking about how they had just recently, or no, a guy that had just joined their band was from Cookville, Cooble, which is near, that's like,

and I said this, I was like, oh shit, you're from Cookeville. I'm from Salina. And Cucville is like, all the other guys in the band had since, at least been through Cucville or knew a little bit about it

because of this dude. And they gave him shit all the time. They fucked with him all the time for being from this like super redneck. Yeah. little place and I told them. That's a big city. Exactly. I could tell they thought they thought I was like bullshit in them or something,

but I was like, no, I'm not fucking. I swear to God, Cookville was like the city to me where I grew up. Like going to Cookville was like going into the city. And thinking about the fact that like Cookville is redneck to most normal people, it was like metropolitan to me because I'm from Clay County. So that tells you how redneck Clay County is.

Right. And I'm saying Clay County, don't hold a fucking candle to where you're from, Walker County, Georgia. And so it's just like, it's just layers of redness, you know, it's wild. Drew, what was your, what was y'all's like the city? Oak Ridge, wasn't it? Oak Ridge, yeah. Yeah.

Which is also, that's also funny if you know, I, if you know anything about Oak Ridge. Right. It's like, yeah. It had the Grove movie theater. Remember that, Trey? Yeah. I mean, we performed there, but they had a movie theater, and then they had a mall when I was younger.

Now the mall. It was one of those like mid-sized malls. Yeah. And I don't even anyone knows anything about malls, but like there was this weird push to make malls real big and nice in the late 90s, early 2000s. And that's when Westtown Mall became what it is now in Knoxville, and it kind of killed Oak Ridge's mall.

Yeah, the little malls, they always just like, basically it was like five stores in a Sears or five stores in a JCPenney, like they are at a Macy's. Like they had the big one and then a couple things could leach off that. That's exactly how Cochville is too. Right. So is the exact same thing. Is it still there? I don't even know. The whole time I was going to college and everything there, that was the situation with the mall.

It was most, it was almost completely empty two or three little places and a Sears on one end of it or JCPenney, one of the one of the two. And that's all it was. And it might, yeah, maybe none of that now. I don't know. I haven't been there in a long time. We had a Sears and a pennies. I think the Sears is still there. The middle part of the mall is all but empty.

The pennies is gone because of Westtown Mall. And then Turkey Creek popped up in Knoxville, and that killed Marivel's mall when I was in college. When I got to Marivel in college, Marrival had a little mall. And by the time I was gone, almost all the stores were gone. Because people were like, fuck this. I'm going to Turkey Creek. 15 more minutes worth of a drive, but it's everything, you know. How you feel?

Go ahead. I was asking Drew how he's feeling. Did you get a little shisty last night after the... But yeah. Yeah. I think y'all froze. I got drunk. We did it a little bit, but it was kind of funny.

I don't know how it'll come out on the recording. Yeah, right. It froze in such way. That's what I did. Yeah. It knew. Yeah, because Drew is a Chiefs fan and it didn't hit for the Chiefs yesterday. I'm totally fine.

I would not, you know, going into detail on it if you don't want to. If you don't want to talk about other things. Yeah, I think that would probably be better for everybody because we're going to make each other mad. Well, and they don't give a shit about, we have five percent of our audience like sports. So for you five percent, you know, it hit for me. Yeah. But I was going to say, like, we're talking about malls. and stuff,

I don't, I find myself not understanding a certain store's existence all the time in present. And I'm not talking about the pandemic. Especially with the pandemic. But I'm saying before the pandemic ever started,

that's not even a factor for me. Like, no, just like, our bank in particular has a shitload of the types of things I'm talking about. But you see these types of stores anywhere where it's like specialty stores that still exist like a, like a, like a, like a, like a,

vacuum store or something like that or like a you know the markups just got to be insane on that shit and i don't know who like how many people have to go in there per week or whatever for them to pay their bills wow to me that that amount of people are doing it katy told me once but i know this can't be true for all of them but i never knew this and it made sense to me she told me once a lot of those like specialty or boutique type stores or whatever, they also, they mostly sell shit on the internet one way or another. Like they mostly sell stuff on the internet,

but they do have like a little physical storefront or whatever, but they do a lot more of their business on the internet. But she was talking about like, you know, like special, like little boutique clothes shops that specialize in like goth shit or antique shit or whatever, like that type of,

thing. I still don't know how there's like a ham radio outlet on Magnolia Avenue out here on Burbank. I swear to God. No, I know I've seen it. How is that, how is that a thing still? What is even, I don't know. What's a ham radio? Is that, what, is it a CB? Ham radio like, all I should know. He should. I know, hilarious. He got his start on ham radio, actually, people don't know back in the day. That was that. Yeah, that was that. Yeah, That's the Southern Valdville. They're doing ham radio. Ham radio, baby.

You were allowed to say slurs, but no one wanted you hear you do jokes about Jesus. I'll tell you that right now. Only on the AM, baby. But when I was a kid, I had a, actually, you know what, now that I'm thinking about it, wasn't a ham radio, it was a transistor radio. That's a CB. Right. It was my pap-paws, and it was like this little, it was like little and metal and looked cool.

And I don't know if that was a brand. Was ham radio just, that was a brand of. radios or does ham mean something? Well, it's clear none of us know, so I'm going to look it up real quick. While you look it up, do y'all remember at song? I had a six transistor when I was a kid under my pillow. I kept it hid. It was a 90s country song about listening to music secretly at night.

It really hit for me. I don't know that I did. That's the only part. I had a six transistor when I was a kid under my pillow. I kept it hid. And then the sounds would come to, I don't know. He would listen to like Philadelphia, Phil Harmonic and stuff. It was a pretty good song.

It was cute. I don't remember that, but I do. This is pretty much what I thought it was, but I don't know how it. Okay, I'll just, I'm not going to read this whole thing because it's a huge Wiki article, but amateur radio, also known as ham radio, is the use of radio frequency spectrum for the purposes of non-commercial exchange of messages, wireless experimentation, self-training, private recreation, radio sport contesting, and emergency communication. that this became a very popular hobby type thing for a while, but like decades ago, I thought, like 60s and 70s and shit, I thought, where it was like people could, yeah, it was sort of like, I guess like getting in like a chat room on the internet or something like that. I remember I've read stories and stuff before about like a live podcast, particularly dedicated ham radio operator who managed to connect with and communicate with the international space station. He like somehow connected with the astronauts on space.

station from his ham radio and was like going back and forth with him and stuff like that. So it's just like a hobbyist radio type of thing. But I always very much, even like from when we were kids in my head, ham radio was like a, you know, relic of a bygone era that didn't really happen anymore. But do you think that in- Right around the corner? Well, two things. One, do you think the industry has a need for them that we can't wrap our head? Like maybe they shoot in places where there's no cell phone towers or they used to.

And that kept it going. for a while. Right, because if it's out there, you have to imagine it's some industry shit. And then the other thing I'll say, I went to, I got Andy a telescope for Christmas and I went to a photography shop

in the valley that also has telescopes and it's the only place in L.A. that is a place, like a physical storefront that has telescopes. Like everyone else, you can get them online from, you know, they're California made,

but they don't have a storefront, right? When I tell you that it, It is the fucking busiest place I've ever seen. The dude, I left a message for the telescope guy to call me back, and he called me back three weeks later. I already bought one off the internet. Now it was around. T.

froze for you. It's more. Yep. I mean, you guys. I'm back now. Maybe not. Am I bad?

No. But you sound real bad and your face is still frozen. Yeah, you don't. I think you're back now, I think. Okay. Well, all my point is it's a little different with telescopes because kids want telescopes. So there is a bigger industry. But I was just saying maybe there are enough hobbies in a city this big to support one store.

You know what fucks me up is, and maybe this is going to sound dumb right when I say it. But I think if you think about it, it won't sound that dumb, is mattress stores. I swear to God I was just about to bring up mattress stores. But yes, I swear to God, but go ahead. Because, number one, mattresses last a long goddamn time, like a long goddamn time. And especially like in places like this, you just like, like, if your grandma dies, oh, oh, hook up new mattress.

You know what I mean? Like, people aren't just going out and buy, like, imagine. Ooh, she's dead. But you know what I'm saying? Like, you don't, nobody just willy-nilly buys a mattress. They're fucking expensive. Like, we bought, when we first started hitting, me and Amber were dating. We weren't even engaged, but we were dating and I knew he was going to move in together.

and I bought a super hitting expensive mattress, but obviously with the thought of like, we will have this mattress for 20 fucking years, you know what I mean? And like, it's not just like, oh yeah, there's a bunch of people that live around here and there's one mattress store. There's like, it's always mattress row.

You know what I mean? Like so many fucking places that sell mattresses. And it's like, I've been in it. When I was in there, I was the only motherfucker in there. And I know the markup is insane, but like, again, it would have to be, because, like, who the fuck is buying mattresses? I think some people buy them more regularly.

I got a friend. Hotels, keep them in business. Chad Boshane is his name. Chad's a musician at Knoxville, but he's always had other jobs. He's like one of those, he's like you, Tray. He's like, I fucking refused to be a starving artist. For a little while, he was like a pharmaceutical rep,

and he hated it. So one way he tried to get out, he, like, started basically a mattress importing business. And what he was doing is he was selling Chinese-made, phone mattresses like the memory phone stuff, two mattress stores. And to hear him talk about it, I think, I think you're the exception. Even if maybe all three of us are the exception. Andy and I have bought three.

Here's the story with that. We bought one when we got married. When we moved to New York, I was like, let's just leave this at your mama's house and your old bedroom. And I'm just going to get one up there. Yeah, I get that. Then we left and then we got another one in New York. we did it again when we came out to L.A.

Because I didn't want to travel with it. Yeah, I mean, I can see not wanting to do that. Now, this motherfucker here, again, I spent a lot of money on it. I'm going to take this bitch wherever I go. But I can definitely see that. But like, did you buy... Kids grow? Yeah.

Did you buy a new mattress every time? Like, new. In New York. In New York, I think we bought used because we were poor. Right. And we found one, you know, it was like a nice couple who I think was leaving the city and they'd only had it for two years. But the other two times, yeah.

I mean, if I'm honest, if I have the money, use mattresses weird me out a little bit. No, me too. I know that. But, I mean, like, we're also talking about you're having to move to New York. Like, when you're moving to New York, there's a couple things that you normally wouldn't do

that hit for you that you just have to go, well, fucking whatever, I'm going to do that. You know? Yeah, there's a lot of things you got to do oftentimes that don't have for you. No, I know. Maybe, like, we're not thinking about people moving, people moving out.

You go to college, then you get your own place. Every year, I have to assume people move out of their parents home, a certain number of people. I just figure they take their goddamn bed with them. Well, then their parents would probably have to replace their bed because what are they going to do with that bedroom? Yeah, I guess you're right. So the reason I was going to bring up mattress stores is because I'd seen on Reddit, of course, a conspiracy theory get posted that mattress firm, which is like the biggest.

It's a front? It's a front. Hell yeah. Because people, nothing ever, there was no substantiation. This is literally just Reddit conspiracy theories. I believe it. I believe it. But it was that mattress firm was in fact a money laundering operation because

they went into all the numbers of it. They said a lot of things Corey already said where they were like, dude, you, how often do you buy a fucking mattress? Nobody likes buying a mattress. They're expensive. And look how many mattress firms there are. When you look at the number of mattress store, I just saw this a minute ago, not just mattress firm, but mattress stores.

in the United States, there's almost as many of them as there are Starbucks, and that's fucking insane. Dude, what? See? What? See?

Starbucks? Yes, right. Not, again, that's not just mattress firm. That's all mattress stores. Still. But yeah. And so a lot of people are like, there's got to be something up here.

And then other people in the thread, like, look, man, all that it is is that the markup on mattresses is like higher than almost anything else. So you sell two, you're good for the month. Exactly. Yeah, pretty much. That was the counter argument.

It was like, yeah, people don't buy them that often. They're not that busy in there, but you don't have to sell very many because they're expensive as hell and marked up like crazy. They don't actually cost them. They don't go bad. Yeah. So like you don't have to sell that many to, you know, reach your quota or whatever per month. And so that makes them like a, I guess a more. attractive business for people because of that fact or something.

And that's why, but I still totally agree that there's something weird about the sheer number of mattress stores. Mattress firm is obviously a huge, huge outfit. But if I'm not mistaken, the way my buddy's company worked, he would have to convince the mattress store owners to put his products on the

floor. And then if they sold, they'd get a percentage of it. So in some way, ways there was little red. Like, it makes sense what the response on Reddit was because it's like, I just got to sell a couple of mattresses. The only decision, and if the business model is,

I don't buy them from you, Chad, I just let you put them on some. I just give you some of my floor space and I get a percentage. You're kind of a broker, you know? The mattress store is a broker. God, that is wild, though. I feel that way about Cologne, too. What about it?

The Cologne. Christmas carries Cologne. Well, I, I actually use Cologne. Like, I'm a Cologne guy. I know where you got to say. Okay, yeah. And I've had the same goddamn bottle for so long, and I fucking use it.

Like, even if I'm just at the house by myself, I want to smell nice for Amber, you know. So I'll put a little sprit from I get out of shower. And I've had the same bottle for so goddamn long. And yeah, dude, like, obviously the liquid in this thing doesn't cost them $70, even though that's like what's some high, but like, all I'm saying is, like, I don't know, man. Like, how often do you? Do what? I've worked in that industry.

Have you? Like, how often to pay motherfuckers buy Cologne? Seasonally, I have. They, and, and the Cologne companies have to hire seasonal work around the holidays. And my understanding is around Christmas and Valentine's Day is where they do like 70 or 80% of all their business for the year. Like a fireworks, Stan. Right. And it's like we were just talking about.

So Macy's exists. And so the company. alone people just have to get a space inside Macy's or whatever, you know, and then if you make a bunch of money, and then the markup, like you just talked about. Oh, yeah, it's insane. And then also, Cologne is different because women, women buy perfume and Cologne. I sold Cologne to women for men. Yeah, I'd say that's the, I mean, all Cologne I've ever had has been bought for me. And what I was good at is a woman would come to buy her man Cologne, and then I would also sell her one or two perfumes for her while she was there.

I did not know that you did this. Yeah, man, me and Andy. Andy was better at it than me. I got better anything. Yeah, well, she stunk, so it was like there was a thing. Right. I fainted our near, wait, that was her. Andy, which one of us fainted?

You? We both hated it. Which one of us fainted? My brain does not work. Well, we both got sick from it, but she fainted one day because it's like, you just smell it all. I don't know. much smell good.

Too much, man. I'm actually like, I'm actually like low-key, allergic to sandalwood or something. That's my favorite smell. Makes sense. I love it. I love the smell of it,

but like, that's fucking hilarious. But like, my throat won't all the way close, but like, if there's sandalwood present, I'll just kind of be like, all that.

You're literally allergic to me. That checks out. And I get a headache. The cologne that I wear, that's the number one cent behind tobacco, which is like everyone. one's baseline or whatever. Right.

And I don't know if you guys knew that, but the tobacco industry makes a shit ton of money through the essential oils. And then, and then, oh, my, and then any nice deodorant I have, like sometimes when I'm on the road, I just buy whatever.

But like, any nice deodorant I have is a sandalwood base. Yeah, but for the record, like, it took me a while to figure that out. Like, because I rotate colognes. Like, I have, like, again, I told you, I use cologne. all the time and I've pretty much been dipping out of the same bottle, but we had a company give us a couple bottles. So there had been like some rotation situations. And the way that I found out,

I was always like every now and then, like a couple days a week, I would just be like, you know, and I'd get a real bad headache. And then one day I realized, like I started being that way and I associated with that smell. And then I took away all sandalwood, uh, loations and everything. and I was like, oh, that's fucking totally it. And listen to this shit. So Amber has some sandalwood scented candles that I've been like, babe, you know, you can't do this. Like, this isn't a thing. And I'll go in there.

They hit for her real hard, though. No, but it don't hit for her to not do it. And so she does it. She'll be like, well, I'm burning it in the front room. And I'm like, yeah, I'm in the den literally going, ah, and then like, I'll come home from off the road. and I'll walk in the house and I'll immediately have a headache and start coughing. And she's like, oh yeah, I burned the sandalwood candle today because I forgot you were coming home. I'm like, just give it up.

Can you not give it up for me? Like, fucking give it. I gave up my life for you who cannot give up the fucking candle. But Corey, I'm just burning it. Like, what's like literally the most thing you could do in terms of somebody being allergic to something is to set it on fire. I know. And like, dude, and listen, our house, we do have a big house. I'm very blessed and fortunate.

But it's not big enough to be like, I'll just light it in the front room, and then you'll be fine. It's not like we have a West Wing, you know? We don't have sandalwood wing money, baby. Yeah, exactly. I can't go fucking corn to it. So, like, she will straight up, look,

it wouldn't surprise. First of all, she's listening to this right now. If she's down there, she can hear me because I'm loud. I'm going to walk down there. There's going to be a goddamn sandalwood candle that she's fucking burning. Speaking of tobacco, by the way, guys, Lucy Nicotine is a company founded by Caltech scientists and former smokers looking for a better and cleaner nicotine alternative. Finally, tobacco alternatives that do not suck.

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of how you're feeling during this really chaotic period. And for that, I wholeheartedly recommend TalkSpace for therapy. You can sign up online and start therapy the same day as you sign up. Depending on the plan you choose, you can text, video, or send voice messages to your licensed therapist. So it's incredibly convenient to have virtual sessions from the comfort of your home. That's right. It's affordable. Talkspace is a fraction of the cost.

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Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure you use the code well-read, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show. That's well-read and Talkspace.com. All right. One more for y'all. If you may, if you, if you, were here last week, you know that we for the first time did a little stereo show. And by stereo, I mean the app. Stereo is a free live broadcast social platform that enables people to have real conversations in real time. It allows podcast creators to build a more intimate relationship with their fan base by engaging them in direct conversations.

And the well-read show is excited to offer our listeners a new way to interact with us. You join us every Friday at 12 Pacific 3 Eastern for a live show on the stereo app. So you download the stereo app, which is completely, totally free. Then you follow any or all three of us. Every one of us is on stereo as just our name. I'm Trey Crowder, Corey, as Corey R. Forrester. And Drew, is it Drew Morgan or Drew Morg? Just Drew Morgan.

It's finally available. Just our names. So you follow us on the app there. And you'll see on Friday at noon Pacific 3 Eastern, a show will pop up, a well-read show will be going live, and you can join it, and you can leave these little, like, voice messages that we play live on the air and respond to it's pretty wild. Yeah.

It's a fun time, a lot of fun stuff on there. We are still trying to figure out whether we can all three be there at once. We think it might be. Okay, all right. I figured it out. All right. I think, but I don't know how long it can last. Now, I know this weekend, it's just going to be me and court.

because Trey has an engagement. And what I did last Friday is I interviewed Trey, almost like I wasn't his buddy, but just like some journalist or whatever. And I'm going to do that with Corey this week is my plan and talk about the show killing it during the pandemic. Oh, God. But you can call in and people can call in.

You can just click the calling button. And look, I'm not promising you I'm going to answer if y'all call in, but I might. And like you just said, Trey, they can leave us voice. males too. So the way the three of us can talk, Trey, is I think two of us can do the conversation and another one can call in. Okay. Well, yeah, join us every Friday, New Pacific 3 Eastern on stereo app.

Yes. www. www. stereo.com forward slash and then just Trey Crowder or Drew Morgan or Corey R. Forrester. Yeah, that's it. All righty. Hey, how about it? I was thinking of something.

I texted y'all this so it's not going to be a surprise. to you. I wish I hadn't, but the audience won't know where the hell I'm going with this. I realized something the other day, you know, I'm a big, I think we're all pretty big two chains fans, fans of the Titty Boy, fans of Two Chains. And I realized something while listening to his, specifically his guest verse on a song, No Problems by Chance the rapper, and that is that Two Chains reminds me a lot of Ernest Hemingway. Yeah. Yeah, yes. Go on. Well, because, see, if you know anything, if you know much about Ernest Hemingway, you know that he was known for his kind of understated, no-nonsense approach to writing.

He trimmed all the fat off. There wasn't no fat. He wasn't flowery. He was straight to the point, cut right to the quick, but still told the story effectively, right? And I think that To Cheynees does the very same thing. Here's the part of the verse that made me think, oh, two chains are Hemingway. He says, he says, I, I, captain, I'm high, captain, so high, me and God dapping. This my blessing, this my passion, school of hard knocks.

I took night classes. And that's it. That's the whole thing I'm just saying. No fat on that. very, like, very concise and effective, in my opinion. So, yes, he is the Hemingway of rap. He is for him. That whole Hemingway thing was referred to as iceberg theory,

because it's like only the top part is above the water and all the subtext and everything is under the water, like an iceberg. So they called that iceberg theory. And I think that iceberg theory actually sounds like some rap shit. Well, Iceberg Slim is like one of the most famous pimp, right? Yeah. reference him. I think two changes for whom the bell chose.

I think that I like that iceberg, that theory that like the subtext thing, and I think one thing that two changes is great at, rap is full of bluster. And obviously that versus too. There's a lot of braggadocious going on there. But

he's somehow really braggadocious and understated. It's really spectacular. It really is kind of crazy how like two chains has figured out how to paint a huge picture with just five words, you know, like at a time. Because that's true.

That kind of is his cadence. Like, he says like five things. And then you go, huh, wow. How clever was that? And then he's on to the next thing. But like, it really is nuts. Like, I think a lot of people would think, like, oh, this isn't, this is too simple. But realistically, if you need all these words to get your point across, don't you suck?

or sell. What's some of your favorite Two Chains lyrics, Cho? Do I? What's some of your favorite two chains lyrics? I was actually just about to... I know you're a huge fan. I am and I was just about to look up

Fez watching. Yes, there's a lot of good ones in Fed's watching. I would just, I mean, if you would allow me, I would just like to read Fed's watching. Is that okay? That's fine with me. You might get tripped up here and there

with a couple words you might have to skip, you know, just knowing. knowing two chains as I do, but sure, go ahead, yeah. All right. What? Oh, right. You just got it? You just got what I'm saying?

Yeah, I thought you meant like I didn't know how to pronounce Garsohn. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, at all. No, yeah, you're right. That's hilarious that you interpreted that way. That, like, yeah, with a two-chained song in particular. Yeah, no, he'd be saying the N-word, yeah. Yes, especially that particular two-chain song, the idea that I'd be like, I don't know, Corey might be a little too articulate and highbrown for you to read.

I don't think. I really thought that's so funny. That's hilarious. By the way, maybe he doesn't in that time. He says it soon. He says it once and I won't say it. All right. Starting with the verse.

Dreads hang on designer everything. Mr. Como de Garsoe. Mr. Alexander Wang. Mr. Chain. Pinky rang. Flow insane. Ho insane. Man these shoes I got on.

the hardest I've done seen. It looked clean when you pour it. I remix it, make it dirty. If she got good head and text me if she got good head and text me, I text her back and tell her, hurry. Hurry.

This that category five when I walk into the strip, this is so great right here. This is that category five when I walk into the strip club, throw it high, make you in George, Washington head butt. OGs never fed us.

Now young blanks, gentlemen with attitudes, fed up, bawling so hard, I deserve an and one. Bacon soda marketing. I'm getting it, ain't I? Obviously, you a bitch,

you a ho. That's just my philosophy. That's just his philosophy. And this is great too. and I'm known to kick it like the captain of a soccer team, Billy Jean, red leather, same color red lobster. Yeah. And she brainwash you, head doctor.

Yeah. I'ma be fresh as hell if them feds watch him. That's, I mean, he says so much without saying all that much. You know what I'm saying? Like throw it high, you and George Washington head butt. In that line right there, it means I'm going to throw this motherfucking money into a goddamn stripper's face. You know what I mean?

And he never had to say that. Let's keep going. Oh, he says it again. Who would have thought? Grams to Grammys, two guns, Yosemite. Young gentlemen put their glock in your ass. Fuck that Heatherby. Pumping that amphetamine.

All this dee I'm peddling. I be somewhere settling, somewhere that you have never been. To the top, you've never been. God, this is so fucking good. Here we go. You might need a respirator, money on them rise like I'm counting in an elevator. God damn it.

You're going to need a detonator swimming with them barracudas, close the docket on that motherfucking prosecutor. This Armani, this garvanchi, I parachutes you, and here comes the poet Loria himself. I'm so fly, I jumped out the air wearing Gucci. Tell them, I'm raw talking California rolls, smoking California weed with California hose. true this next part is so great

it's the best in the whole song sending flicks to my partners in the state pen I just got some pants made out of snake skin see them shades

you got on called ray bands and the shades I got on cost eight bands and that's it so song my man

correct me if I'm wrong there but that piece says send them flicks to my partners in the state pen yeah I just got some

pants made out of snake skin. Yeah, I assume that he's sending a videos of him. Yes, hitting, right? You hitting and saying, like, showing all his buddies in the pan. Like, look how hard your boys hitting out here. You've got snake skinned pants I got, fam, to dudes. It's like serving hard time.

Look, here's the deal. I'm sure it hits for them. One of two things, it's one of two things. Either, either, two chains wants you to say, I'm sending these videos. of my partners in the state pen of me wearing pants made out of snake skin or it's just two separate thoughts like he was just like he was just like i'm sending video you know flicks to my partners in the state pen separate thought i just got some pants made a snake skin like it he just

remembered it and when you remember that you just like oh hold on fuck what i was saying you know what i mean yes but either way i think the man's a genius i agree completely yes it sounds like i mean we're just, I don't know, we're just appreciating the, the chainsiness of it all, you know, it's just like, two chains, just his thing. Like, I don't want anybody to think, like, we all, I know all three of us, like, genuinely fucking love two chains. Yeah, and like, unironically in it. Interpret what we're talking about here, but like some other, like, one-off two-chains lines

that I always like, there's one he says, uh, rest in peace to all the soldiers who died in the service. I died in her cervix. And man, that will make you want to fight a war or nothing with. And then he's got another one. He's like, my wrist deserve a shout out. I'm like, what up, wrist? My stove deserve a shout out.

I'm like, what a stove? By the way, Amber does that sometimes. I do that too. When she's drunk and we come home, she'll just go, what up stove? What up stove? I'll just be walking through my kitchen, not even drunk. Sometimes I was like, what up, stove?

Y'all don't be, y'all don't do it to your wrist. You don't what up your wrist? I don't have nothing on my wrist good. Yeah. So for the record, is I, you know, my understanding, right, yes. Like, you cook it on the stove. The wrist is, watches are important. I think it's his watches, yeah.

I think it's, I think it's that he's got a roller. You got to keep time in the crack game or something. I don't know. Here's one of my favorite things. I also want to talk. about, you know, as rap ages, there's ways you can do that as a rapper. Like, I got to be honest, sometimes I wish him and him stop putting out music so we could keep him in the goat pantheon, you know what I mean? And like Snoop Dog did kind of stop, and I think that was the

right move for him to just be in commercials and hit, you know? Right. Two change is a little younger than them, but not by much. And I, this is, he's like somehow make him be an old cool in gray area. It's my favorite Two Chains hook. I just sat up on the stand, told a lie straight to the honor. Old enough to be your daddy, young enough to fuck your mama. All this shit, all this shit that I have done, I cannot believe in karma. Old enough to be your daddy, young enough to fuck your mama. Boom, boom, boom. And then he goes into young enough to fuck your sister,

young enough to fuck your Annie, I ain't messing with your granny. I just jugged her out of them zanis. True. True. That's, hell yeah. Like, he's making 43 look cool, you know? Absolutely. No, he rolls, man.

I love Two Chains so much. I gained so much respect for him when, I don't know if y'all watch the, God damn it, what's it called, Rhapsody, or whatever, it was on Netflix, and they had, like, every episode was on a different rapper, and they didn't want on Two Chains, and he was just about to go on the Pretty Girls' Love Track Music tour,

and he got injured, he broke his leg because, this is one of my favorite, because he's redneck, man. his fucking buddy his not maybe not buddy his neighbor was whaling out on his goddamn four-wheeler and i guess two changes just like i'll show this motherfucker so he started whaling out on his four-wheeler and he broke his goddamn leg and they were just like well we're supposed to start the tour in like four or five days like we're going to have to cancel it and he was like no it's in atlanta i can't fucking cancel that thing so this is like you know if you don't when i'm sure when fucking like jule first went on concert. It's like she could just be like

a woman on a stage with a guitar and that was fine. But a two chain show is a like he needs to be able to walk in order to do that. Like it was choreographed. Like it was a whole thing. And he basically had him redo the show. He orders a

fucking pimped out wheelchair with like rims on it and stuff. And he has, he hires these two new people to push his wheelchair to the dance of the song. And stuff like that. Who wills?

And he was, yeah, yeah. And he was like on stage telling him, he's like, yo, if this, if my first concert back had been in fucking Maine, I'd have said, fuck this, but I can't do it to the A. I got to show out. And so, like, the fact that he just changed his whole show to be like, yo, push me around in this wheelchair. It'll hit.

Like, so much respect for that guy, man. Yeah, and it did hit. It did hit. I saw it. Yeah, it did hit real hard. All right, I got another thing I wanted to ask you all about. So let me ask you a hypothetical here. This may even have happened to you before.

Then I'll get into the actual details of the story. Let's say hypothetically you're sitting on your couch. Is this for both of us? Yeah, sure. Sometimes it's for both of us, but I definitely know who you're talking to. Okay. Like, if this is about to be a dumb thing? It, yeah, but not in the way.

you're thinking. Or is it about to be an asshole thing. Right. Yes. Yes, it is, but not in the way you're thinking.

It's about to be a dumb asshole thing? Yes, it is. So, since y'all set it up in that way, if you're sitting on your couch and you smell a fart, yeah.

Okay. But you didn't farted just now. I bet. And you're not aware of anyone else. Like, how alarmed would you, what would your reaction to that.

Well, I have a dog. Okay, if the dog was in a whole other part of the house, nowhere in there. There ain't nobody in the room. What would you know? Go start. What I know, I know you want to hear and what is the truth?

Yeah. I just assume it is me. See, yeah, I know. I hear you. Because I don't, like, here's what I freak out. I think I've definitely, I've definitely farted and forgot before, farted and not noticed.

Sometimes they're, like, timed. You know what I mean? Like, you'll fart and it takes it a minute to, like, stank bloom yeah right but but then but then wouldn't you kind of recognize it yeah no mine are pretty distinct see all right and you can tell right your own like all right here's what happened specifically first of all i was pretty high the boys were long since asleep it was like nine 30 or 10 you were high and you were like who farted no katy started it but like here's exactly what happened i was pretty high so that definitely comes

compounded the issue in my brain as this played out. And I was watching this Amazon, this indie sci-fi movie on Amazon, which I actually really, really liked called The Vast of Night, just a side recommendation there. But anyway, I was watching that.

Katie was dick around her phone, not paying any attention at all. And then at an end, suddenly she goes, oh my God, really, try? And I was like,

what? And she goes, did you fart? And I was like, no, I didn't fart. She was like, okay,

fucking seriously. And then, I smelled it, right? And it was like, it was fucking bad. Like, it was real bad. But, but did smell like a fart, but a real bad fart. And I was like, I was like, Katie, that, no, I didn't. So it was her.

I was like, when, but why would she, do you think she thought that like, she didn't think it was going to stink? Then it stunk so bad. She tried to, like, blame it on. But, yes. So she's like gaslighting me with the fart. Gaslighting. Yes.

No, dude. I'm serious. Like, she goes, it turned into a whole thing. She was like, shit. Right. I don't think he farted. And she, she did gaslight me with this, whether it was her or what it was, because I, that's why I wanted to bring it up today.

Because like, a little bit, I was like, she farted. I was sitting there like, after a little bit, I was like, goddamn. Did, no, I did not fart. I know I did not fart. I was like, also, that did not smell like. I know what my fart smell like. Yeah. And it weren't that.

But do you know what her fart smell like? dude they're honestly very rare believe that or not but I don't I don't I didn't recognize this this was by it smelled like it smelled like like the cat like a cat fart or cat shit where was the car where was the cat the cat was in a completely different room

I went back into that room to check for shit it didn't stink in that room there was no shit the smell wasn't where the cat was but cats are very ninja like right he could have came in and then went to his room and honestly, I hate cats so much. She's a little girl, but... Probably did it on purpose.

Honestly, the cat's probably trying to come between y'all. No, it was Katie. That it's for you. You know what I mean? That the cat's got your back. Katie fucking farted, dude. Because I was a little high, I started getting all, like, it started kind of freaking me out because I see it was the whole thing where I was like,

I was like, Katie, I was like, I was like, what, who? I was like, what was that? You know, because she was like, it was you. And I was like, no, it wasn't me. I was like, uh, You know, when I got to, I was like, let's just, let's both just humor me and just assume for a second that it wasn't me. Yeah. Are you not even a little bit freaked out by that, given that it was because like, where did the fart come from?

It was Katie. And I'm all freaking out, not freaking out, but it was like messing with me for sure. And then we got in the bed shortly after that, we're laying there. And it died, the conversation died down. I brought back up, I was like, I was like, you still, you still are just sitting. And you're thinking that it was me that farted, right? Because I'm telling you it wasn't. So that's weird.

And she was like, yes, I know it was. And then I was like, why would you lie? And I farted. I farted now. And like, and like, waved in her face. I was like, see, that didn't even remotely the same thing. And she's like, and she said over it. She's like, Tray, stop it.

I was like, smile it. Smell it. I don't smell nothing like what was in there. I'm telling you. Exhibit number one. Your honor. I literally, I literally, I was like, I was like, smell it.

And I was like, yeah, the defense rest, your honor. Yeah. That's the closing for argument. Dude, I really wish that I could be like you and have me and my wife sit there and be like at all surprised about some type of fart. Me and Annie have had that argument. Me and Amber, me and Amber have never had that argument and both just assume it was the other one and never say anything. But if we do say something, like there have been a couple times from I would just, I'll just be like, oh my God. And she's like, what?

and I'm like, what, fucking what? What you mean what? And she's like, what? And I'm like, you fart and she goes, oh, oh, like, yeah, actually, like a while ago, but she's like got a blanket on and she like, she's one of the end that when she wraps up in a blanket, she like swaddles herself in it. Burrito. And like, the fart stays in and then she'll, like, roll over something and the fart will come out.

So, like, actually, it is an old fart. Like, to her credit, it is an old fart, but it's new to me. You know what I mean? If you haven't smelled it. If you haven't smelled it, it's new to you. Kind of like your first car, you know. So. Farks mail.

Andy and I've had that, but it never blew up. I guess we just both just... It did really blow up. Like, I don't know. I guess what I mean is... We hadn't. But it became a thing for sure. I don't think it's ever become a thing.

And I think it's because pretty quickly we both just decide the other ones as a liar. And it's like, yeah, we know that about each other. Let's just move on. Yeah, because they... Right. Amber, like, has never been like, uh-uh. She's just been like, I guess I did, you know? So like, you know, but.

Andy's just like, it was you. And I'm like, no, it was you. And then I guess she's just like, that one of us did. I think the fact that Katie doesn't fart a lot is like, that's the, that's kind of what's doing. That's what it is. Like, she farted. She thought basically Katie farts all the time, but they don't ever smell.

That's the thing. Some people are like that. And then she farted. She thought she could do that. and she farted and it did not hit and she's like our relationship can't take this change you know what I mean like this is like and then she was like he's fucking fat and dumb and high right now I guarantee you I can just not say anything and if he smells it I'll be like I'll just be like oh my god tray and then his fat fucking dumb high ass sorry tray well like there's no way he won't think it was him like there's

no way that that fucking guy right there my husband my piece of shit who I've seen I know his eating behavior there's no way he doesn't this is how Katie sees stray according to glory I'm being Katie not me there's no way that that guy doesn't think that at all times his assholes just loose and open and just

seeping farts like he'll believe it because he's such a piece of shit that's what happened and that's a good theory how it played out I guess because but like it's weird because like I know that I have farted and then forgot about it or whatever we all have A version of this has happened where she's like, did you fart?

And I was like, oh, shit, maybe, yeah. I think maybe I did. But last night, for whatever reason, I don't know if it's because I was watching that movie and I was high. My brain was very present. I wasn't like spaced out at all. So like last night. And you know what your fart smell.

And the way it smelled that too. So last night I was very confident. Like, no, I was like, I was like, I know that I do that. I'm aware, but I'm telling you right now. He who smelt it. That did not happen this time. He who smelt it, and also when you hear it on you,

you'll have it. I was different theory. When you see hoof prints, think horses, not zebras. It's her. She farted. All right. The reason he brought that in

is after you hopped off the call, your sister explained to us how doctors, when they see hoof prints, they look for horses, but some people's diseases are zebras. So, Corey clearly didn't learn

the correct lesson. No, no, but I'm saying for the, she said only in these rare cases of like fibromyalgia and stuff. But I'm saying, like, most of the time it is the most simple explanation. I think it was the cat. And here's why. I was kind of with you, Corey, until Trey said it smelled like cat shit and cat farts. You were stoned. You were focused on that movie.

If the cat fart happens, but neither of you smell it for 30 seconds, that is enough time for that cat. That cat could have went to the store and back in 30 seconds. That's true. That's true. Let's reassess or revisit one of the gnarliest stories you've ever told on the podcast. Your cat's guts exploded. Its guts ain't right. It's going to have gnarly farts every once in a while.

Especially if it ate a bird that day, wasn't on the regular schedule program. It probably ate a bird. It's the minute it's tired of being quarantined. It went out, Matt. It ate a bird and it farted it out. A few things about that. We've had her for a year now. So, I mean, I've definitely smelled that.

That's crazy. Yeah, I've definitely smelled. The pandemic is wild. I've definitely smelled that cat's farts. And they don't hit, but they're not, they don't hit, of course. But they're not like, they're also pretty infrequent. And I know I did say it's, but what I was trying to say is like, this one I'm, we're talking about here, the fart in question was like, it just smelled so bad. Katie.

That it almost smelled like inhuman is what I'm. Haiti, I'm telling you. Rather than, rather than, oh, I know that smell. That's what my cat's fart smell like, because it wasn't really that. It's just that it stanked so bad. It's like, goddamn, that's like something else. Also, the second thing I want to say is it's still possible what you're saying. But when I told you, I found the cat in the other room. She was in the boy's room on the top bunk, apparently asleep. When I walked in the boys room sniffing around, when I walked in there, the cat go, and like, and got a little. Daddy. Sorry, boys. I just farted a bird. And I just, she's saying, it very much seemed as though I woke her up and she was on the top bunk in the back bedroom. Cats don't have no conscience. Really doubt it was the cat.

Farting in that room didn't mean nothing to that cat. And so it easily went to sleep. That didn't mean shit to that cat. It didn't mean nothing to that cat. It doesn't mean nothing to the cat. So why would she come from the boys room into the living room just to fart and then go back in there? Oh, she'd been in the living room for a while secretly. I'm telling you, ninja cats.

I'm telling you the one of the first established... I wouldn't rather believe his wife is gaslighting him. I just believe the second... I believe that. I believe that the cat farted.

I know what I saw and what I smelled and I don't think the cat theory tracks. I just think that I agree with you and I think that we're ignoring one of the fundamental rules of the universe that was one of the first things that we ever learned as human beings,

which is, say it with me. he who smelt it. It's 99% of time. Let's put a poll out. Yes, please. Katie, he'll love this. Katie?

Katie. This shit. Trey. Now, do we got to include Trey in this. Right. Was it Trey, Katie or the cat?

Still a possibility that I farted and forgot, which is still what Katie thinks. Okay. So, well-read listeners, we're going to put. Wait, hold up.

It went away, right? Like a fart does? Yeah. Eventually. Yes. When you say eventually, did it last a normal fart time or was it like 10 minutes? That's always hard to tell in my opinion because like, you know, how thick the fart is. Your nose also adapts to a fart. So it's like, is the fart gone or have I just adapted?

So it seemed pretty normal. Now you're, you have merely adapted to the fog. I was born in it. I was born. Mold is by it. John Paul Fartter here. Hey, I want to, can I book in this podcast with something. Yeah. Rex. Hold on.

Before you do that, is this about farts? No, no. I just, okay, before you do it, I just want to say,

it's possible that it's like something in the vent. We thought it. No. We thought that. Katie put her big ass up to the vent and farted. That's what happened.

Heller I said it. Okay. I know you. I'm, I'm, I'm hip to your game, girl. Some of the,

and yeah, I do need to, we got by five minutes left to, and then I need to go. And then I need to go, also buy, and I want to hear Corey's book in, but we did, the vent did come up ventilated, duct work thing, maybe something died up there, whatever.

But our, right now our unit is on, it's not, the fan is on set to on, not auto, which means it's always blowing. And so I don't know how that would have worked. You know what I mean? It came out of nowhere and then went away. I don't know how that would have worked with the setting. We had our heating, heating,

it's set on. So the poll, I guess Cho should do it because Trey could be biased in his structures of the question. And Corey obviously has a bigger platform than me. I think the poll is, who did it, Tray, the forgetful farter, Katie, the gaslight and wife, or the exploded gut cat. Yeah, that's how I'll frame it. What did you call Katie?

The Gatslight and Wife? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you, listen, I fucking, I might, I think next week, I'm gonna, y'all won't remember, but I'm gonna call Katie next week when we're doing the podcast and put her ass on here. And I'm a blind star, I'll be like, bitch, did you fart? You can put her ass on blast. Let's see what she said. Like, don't give her no warning.

It's like, you fart! Kate, you fucking fart! And see what she said. Because I guarantee she'll get scared because she knows it's a lie. Here's what I wanted to book in the podcast with something that we mentioned briefly earlier and then didn't want to talk about. And so we can very briefly not talk about it now right before we get out of the podcast. Oh, good. Rex Grossman.

Rex Grossman has a higher passer rating in the Super Bowl than Patrick Mahomes. Isn't that fucking crazy? All right. Well, if we're going to do that, then let me say, it is really, truly, I got to be honest, it's super impressive, you know, how Tom Brady made sure Patrick Mahomes played the worst game of his career. I mean, what can you say, guys? He's the go, holding him to nine points. Fuck all of you.

Fuck Tom Brady. Fuck everything. MVP. Three touchdowns in the Super Bowl. He left. Good. Well, hey, hey guys. Thank you for listening to the well-read podcast. Download, subscribe, tell all your friends.

Go check out our other podcasts. I have through the screen door. Trey has evening skews. Drew has End of the Obisket with DJ DJ Lewis. Trey, any parting thoughts? It wasn't me. Ooh, going shaggy on us. All right.

I did not fart. We love you guys. and thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you. Good night and skew. My voice broke.

All right. All right. Bye. Bye.