wellRED podcast - #216 - Sweet Tea Has Caffeine, Drew Lost His Car, and Corey Is Going To NOLA!
Episode Date: April 13, 2021This week the boys talk about times they were dumb, drew losing his car, and Corey wonders aloud if he is re entering the world in the right way...
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And we thank them for sponsoring the show.
Well, no, I'll just go ahead.
I mean, look, I'm money dumb.
Y'all know that.
I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life.
And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion.
Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing.
But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending.
A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis.
I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people.
Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people,
people across the skew universe, I should say.
Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?
Do you even know?
Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,
getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane?
Because that's a thing that we do in this society.
Do you know how much you spend on that?
It's probably more than you think.
But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better,
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pertinent two years now or something like that.
Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,
but I got an app,
lovely little app where you could, you know,
put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts
and stuff like that.
So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two,
those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies.
You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas.
Yeah.
So that was money.
What was that a reply gift for?
Just when I did something stupid.
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They're the they're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fuck.
They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people.
I know that you're
They got three big old dicks that you can sun
I know that I definitely have more of these than the average person
But like you ever have like because you're you're well and well into your 30s
Happy birthday by the way.
Yeah, thank you.
Just a thought that you realize you've had and it'll just blow your mind how fucking dumb it is.
Oh yeah.
I think what do you mean like well I mean I know me and you have we thought we
invented the breakfast burrito once.
Okay.
So there's, along those lines.
You mean as an adult in your 30s where you remember an old one you had?
Oh, well, I don't count that.
Oh, that happens.
A new one.
Yeah, we talked on here before about like realizations that made you feel stupid.
Like the one that I brought up was like I was fully an adult, probably late 20s before I realized that dandy lines was both.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Right.
I know you know what I mean by that.
I never put it together.
It's both the pretty one and the.
Yes, exactly.
I didn't.
And then when I realized, I was like, my God, how did I not know that until now?
So I've had plenty of stuff like that.
Or do you mean like an idea?
We like, oh, this will hit.
And then you're like, I'm an idiot.
No.
Well, again, I have plenty of those too.
But the dandelion was a really good example of what I mean.
Like, it just occurred to me like, I want to say.
say like maybe two or three weeks ago that the temperature of tea and coffee doesn't affect
it like in terms of me getting in the caffeine.
Like I've always been convinced.
I've always been convinced in my mind that hot coffee goes to work on you quicker.
You know what I mean?
Like I mean, I could see why.
For no reason.
Like I never thought, please, please don't think that I thought about it and was like,
because hot make better.
Melts through the tire.
It melts through the tired quicker.
Like, I've never had that thought out loud.
I've just always, like, in my mind, a hot cup of coffee is like,
whoo, now you're awake.
Whereas a cold brew is like, yeah, it'll get to me when it gets to me.
But the reason that I was, like, I finally did just start thinking about it.
And I was like, that, it's none of that.
Like, maybe the hot wakes you up a little bit.
But, like, that ain't it.
Like, the other night.
So I just drink.
What made you suddenly realize you have been wrong all this time?
So I just will sometimes drink a gallon of sweet tea before I go to bed and wonder why I can't sleep.
And then I was like, oh yeah, the same cap, like a cup, a glass of sweet tea.
And by the way, diet, like, I'm not a lunatic, diet, splenda.
But like, in my mind, I would never have.
a caffeinated Earl gray warm tea before bed because that's insane.
But I'll totally just have a glass of fucking tea.
You know what I mean?
But in my mind, that's cold.
So it's different.
Right.
Okay.
I don't like, I mean, we've taught before by how, like, how, I have, like, when it comes
to weed, I have little to no tolerance at all, despite the fact that I fuck with it regularly.
It's like I can't build a tolerance to it.
But when it comes to, like, things that wake you up, like, such.
is the degree of my sleepiness.
Yeah.
Sleepiest woke motherfucker on earth.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm like,
I am so tolerant, physiologically speaking, of like caffeine and stuff that like,
I was kind of surprised to even learn at whatever point I learned it, that sweet, like tea,
like in sweet tea, that it was even supposed to work that way.
Right.
I mean, it's got caffeine in it.
Like that.
I had,
I mean,
I've known that for a really long time now.
But I was surprised to learn that because I was like,
I've never in my life felt physically affected by sweet tea.
I mean, you know, my soul is lightened and improved.
Yeah, but I've never felt more awake from it at all.
So, you know, if I drank a bunch of sweet tea and then couldn't go to sleep,
it wouldn't occur to me that it was a sweet tea.
You've never been able to not, that's never,
I've never been in a situation with you where you were like,
I just don't think I can sleep.
Yeah, it's true.
It took me, when we first started touring heavily,
I couldn't fall asleep on planes to save my life.
life. And because I've never had trouble falling asleep, it was driving me literally insane. I was
losing it. But, you know, I adapted. I overcame. You sure did. And now, now I have like a Pavlovian
response to getting on a plane. Yes, you do. And I just pass out. I'll say there, head back. Like,
I'll wake myself up making this noise. Yeah, I've seen it. I do that 15 times in a, you know,
two hour journey or whatever.
just annoying the shit out of everybody else,
but it's hitting for me, you know.
Yeah, I mean this with full offense.
No one looks dumber on a plane than you.
Yeah, I'm wearing like sweat shorts.
I've got flip flops kicked off.
I can just doing all the shit I just said I do.
Just, yeah, just mouth agape looking like a fucking just a pissed off basset hound.
Didn't a rich white lady once complain to the flight attendants about,
you because you were hitting too hard essentially in your headphones.
And then you also, before she complained on that same flight,
you had gotten upset because they didn't have milk and she saw that.
Yeah.
Which that made it hit for you less later when she got involved in your life.
Yeah.
So you hadn't said anything yet.
And you asked for milk and you were like, why ain't got no milk?
Yeah.
And then later you found out you didn't hit for her already.
And you're like, God, damn it, she saw me get mad about milk.
Yeah.
Yes.
All of that.
on one flight.
And I remember that because I remember I had my,
I just got these,
God damn it.
First off,
you know how insane it is to not have milk on a flight?
Secondly,
I had just gotten these new,
dad had got me these new like noise canceling
super hitting bass headphones for Christmas.
And yeah,
I was,
I'm pretty sure Mac Miller had just died.
So I was going through that.
And I had all that I had him in the headphones.
And it wasn't,
she didn't just,
she didn't just tap me.
and go, hey, sir, they're just a little too loud.
People around you can kind of hear you.
She literally pulled them off my ears and goes, are you serious?
Hold on, wait.
The flight attendant did that?
Yeah, I pretty sure it was a flight attendant.
Or was it was the lady in front of it.
Dude, I was fucked up.
The way I remember it was the lady in front of me.
It was the lady in front of me.
Plain to the flight attendant.
Yeah, but I didn't know if you meant, it was the flight attendant or the lady who did that to you.
Because if it's way funny.
I think that I'm making it.
But I think.
in my mind I'm sort of making them amalgamation of two,
like a two-headed beast that I didn't hit for.
Yeah.
Because,
because,
because like in,
in such a classic sketch fashion,
earlier in the flight,
when I said,
do y'all have any milk?
And they were like,
no.
I said,
cool,
I'll have seven bottles of white wine then.
Like,
you know what I mean?
I just flipped.
Well,
if I can't be a child,
I'm going to be a fucking white woman.
And I just flipped on a completely different,
dude,
I fucking,
that,
can still you ever i can like i can feel that that exact hangover third time in space that white wine
hangover from like a a plane which is a very specific like you're tired you're fat you're swollen
a plane hangover is fucking rough yeah the plot hangover lag on top of you know just regular drunk
and whatever else and fatigue and all that it don't hit dude i think the one thing now that i've
thought about it for like i mean over a full calendar year i know how it how it's always
been like we're on the road and it's the last day of the tour we're like i'm getting up
fucking early getting the first flight so i can get home i'm no longer doing that i'm just going to
get in late because of what we're just talking about like it's almost never worth it in my
opinion i know that i can get home and go to sleep but like dude just try put yourself there right
now we haven't been there in all in over a year put yourself there right now it's 530 in the
morning we just had a sold out show in austin the night before and your alarm goes off because you've got to
get to the fucking airport.
Oh yeah.
I mean, I did it.
I did it every time.
And I'll keep doing it too.
Yeah.
Just because.
You got kids.
That's different.
Right.
I got kids that does make it different.
The other thing is like logistical though actually like living in.
I'm not trying to land to LAX at 5 p.m.
or 6 p.m.
Or whatever.
Oh, right.
Like.
Yeah.
Because you like always lose three hours coming back or gain it.
I gain three hours.
It gets earlier.
Well, you know.
Yeah.
Dude, that's another thing I don't miss is time.
yeah time don't hit no time don't hit but like i don't have to like not traveling like i just got
know pretty much the one time right yeah which it hits it does hit no one time yeah yeah how was your
birthday uh well i'll talk about the birthday and just a second people are wondering uh because we
haven't acknowledged you don't think drew i doubt they're wondering but go ahead drew dead we don't know
we just ain't here i don't know i don't know we tell you i don't know he'll know he'll know he'll
know he'll show up or he won't i guess we'll see he hasn't told us anything it's so funny too
because he's been texting in the group chat with mark all morning about other stuff memes and
shit yeah up to like 15 minutes ago he literally just called me an idiot like 10 minutes ago
and just fucked off uh as far as the podcast is concerned my birthday uh ended up hitting but it
looks so like as we as i told y'all is this my first podcast
back. Here's fucking Drew.
Well, speak of the devil.
Yeah. We summoned them.
Yeah.
Was I summoned?
Yeah. We were just talking about how it was funny to us because you had been all up in the group chat pretty much all morning with memes and stuff like that up to and including like right before the podcast started.
You had been in there talking about how show didn't hit and stuff like that and laughing at Mark's shit or whatever.
But then just disappeared and we had no idea what the explanation was.
was for that and that was just funny to us but then now here you are.
I wasn't talking about how show didn't hit and it was 1140 and then you realized that we needed
to do a podcast at 1150 which good on you buddy.
Oh yeah. To be fair actually it was Mark who said I didn't hit. It was just in response to you
and I unfairly. No, I didn't I didn't realize when I had like I had been taking it for granted.
I realized we had not confirmed with each other that it would be the typical time and I wanted to
make sure that that was going to be the case because I had just been taking it for granted it
would be 12 the whole time. Yeah, I did too, to be honest. The problem is I don't ever know what time
it is anymore. Yeah, we're just talking about time. Don't hit. Yeah, we look at the way. If we'd
had the conversation like we usually do, hey, we start at noon, I would have set an alarm because that's
what I have to do, even an hour out now. If it's an hour out or more, I have to set an alarm.
I've been that way. I'll forget.
But.
Draper thought we were doing it right now.
Cho had asked me how my birthday was.
I was going to say it was fine.
As I texted y'all that morning, which is true.
First thing I happened, I woke up.
I got an email, a work-related email that did not hit.
Not like hugely didn't hit, but didn't hit.
Pretty par though, honestly.
Yeah, definitely.
But still, the timing of it.
Yeah, pretty hilarious.
And then I got out of bed and walked over to my.
my closet, my closet has sliding doors that also don't hit. And I was trying to just slide it over
and it popped off the rail, fell the foot and a half or so from the elevated part of where my
closet is. This big ass sliding door fell by a foot and a half directly onto my big toe and
smushed it. And, you know, it was blood and swollen and all that. This was the first thing
that happened on my birthday. And then at the, then everything in the middle was just fine. And then
that night it was reported falsely until the next day that DMX had died.
So I thought my favorite artist died on my birthday to sort of cap it off.
But no, he didn't die until the next day.
But in the middle, Katie had, we were just talking on the podcast recently about how it would
hit to have, do that thing.
I think you were talking about Conrad doing it.
But like, it's a thing you could do where you get a movie theater to yourself.
Yeah.
No, you know who did it.
I mean, rest in peace, man.
that idea was given to me on our stereo show.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jason, the guy for listeners who was on stereo with Drew and he was at our podcast network,
one of the top dogs at the podcast network and unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.
Yeah.
Oh, I assumed that y'all had addressed that while I was gone.
I was actually wondering if I need to say, you know, our condolences to Jason.
He was a good dude.
And that does definitely sound like a Jason recommendation.
Hey, just ran out the whole fucking movie here.
But he sold me on it.
I mean, that's, you know, it's maybe, I don't know, we didn't, you know, I'm tripping over my words.
It's a testament to the kind of guy he is that he just, he sold me immediately, son.
He's a salesman, dude.
He's so excited, you know, well, he was excited about it.
You know, he sells stuff he cares about.
It does.
It is a hitting idea for the record.
Yeah.
It, yeah, and it did hit.
Katie did that for Kong versus Godzilla.
It was funny because I know I told you all this stuff.
I don't, I didn't tell that on here.
I don't think.
It was funny because Con versus Godzilla came out a week before.
And I didn't know Katie had rented this theater on my birthday for that movie,
which is like, again, great because that's, you know, you ain't been in theaters for a year.
That's a theater movie right there.
Hell yeah.
Giant monkey versus giant lizard.
That's like theater personified.
But I didn't know that.
She was trying to keep it a surprise.
Now, I maintain she should have known that what happened would have happened
because what had happened was it came out a week before my birthday.
And on that day it came out, see, it was streaming on HBO Max because all Warner Brothers,
all their movies for this year are in theaters, but also streaming on HBO Max if you have it.
And we have it, of course.
So the day it came out, Katie came home from like Target or whatever.
It was like, all right, we're about to eat dinner.
And after that, you know, what we're doing?
Because the boys were in there.
I was like, we're going to watch King Kong versus Godzilla.
And they all were like, no.
Like the boy, Katie was trying to be like, no, I thought maybe they would like go swimming or something like that.
But the boys, because they don't understand.
Oversold it.
Yeah, they were like, they were like, no.
No. And I was like, what?
What are you talking about?
I was like, maybe I didn't hear me.
I was like, it's King Kong versus God.
Godzilla. It's a giant monkey fighting a giant lizard. Are you serious right now? And they just
keep saying, no, no. And the way I get so mad. And Katie also is like, you know, she's like also
not moving on it at all. She's like, no, I don't want to do that or whatever. And so I'm like,
why? And then finally I'm like, okay, fine. Y'all do whatever hell you want to. I'm going to watch a
goddamn movie. You know, like, no, no. She's like, no, you can't do that. And I was like,
What are you talking about?
I can't watch a movie when I want to watch.
I would have been so mad.
Yeah, I was like, well, you know, who the fuck is you?
How are you going to tell me?
I don't give a shit if y'all don't want to watch it.
That's fine.
It's stupid, but it's fine.
But I'm going to watch the fucking movie, you know.
And then fine, I forced her to be like,
you can't do that because I rented a goddamn movie theory out for your birthday
for that movie next week, you idiot.
You know what?
And I was like, oh, uh, yep.
Well, okay.
Thank you.
That will hit.
did you boys know that the surprises
they did she had told them
and that's why they didn't understand nuance and stuff
because they understood the situation
but they couldn't try to like play it smoothly
they were just saying no no
but did they hear did the
did the reveal come in front of them
or did you guys play it like you were surprised for them
no they were standing there
when all this happened
yeah they were standing there throughout it
They just got a masterclass on how they're going to be.
Yeah, and then, but the movie did hit for me quite a bit.
Again, it's one of those, like, I'm a major mark for those,
Kaiju movie or just monster movies, creature features, that type of stuff.
I love all that shit, especially when the creatures are huge
and especially when one of the huge creatures is a big ass monkey.
I'm really into that particular genre of movies.
So that hit, and then we came back and played PlayStation,
and Katie tried to make cookies and fucked them all up,
which is fine because she got a cheesecake from Porto's after that.
Oh.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, birthday was, it was fine.
I looked up a runny white recipes, and I was going to bring you some,
but they were all so different.
I was like, there is no way to get it right.
Like, the first five recipes I looked at were all different.
And then I was like,
you want to know what's funny?
I mean, you probably saw this when you were working through the,
the recipe.
there. So when we say running white, we mean the type of Mexican cheese dip.
Aaron.
In restaurants in the South specifically, which is what we all grew up on.
It's just, it's trash and it's the best trash ever made.
And you can't get it in California because it's not authentic, which broke my heart.
Broke my heart when I moved out here.
Because everything else in LA is so goddamn authentic.
Authentic, right, exactly.
But it's not authentic, so you can't get it out here.
And what's funny about it being not authentic and it's made for fat,
fat, dumb, and don't hit white people specifically, and Lord does a hit for us, is if you look it up,
the recipe includes, sometimes it's another cheese or two, but one of the main ingredients in it
actually is white American cheese.
Yes.
Because it's white American cheese and those canned green chilies and the, the rotel chilies.
Yeah, the rotel chilies.
And what's in the, did you make it?
Katie did once.
for a previous birthday of mine.
Did it hit?
I mean, it did not hit.
She got it closed.
It just ain't the same.
I think I remembered that.
I think I remember that.
I think I was looking at those recipes and I was literally like,
he ain't going to appreciate this.
Fuck him.
That's such a great.
That's so great.
He can appreciate his.
Fuck him.
Yeah.
But no, it was.
You say, yeah, that sounded just like you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I do a good Drew from time of time.
dude, I'll tell you how I'm, I'm kind of frightened.
I'll tell you what I got coming up this weekend that I'm kind of fucking real nervous about.
A wedding.
It's a wedding in New Orleans.
Yeah.
What?
I mean, it sounds super hitting.
What are you nervous?
Dude, I was this close to going to New Orleans this weekend to see Russell.
So here's the deal.
Here's where I'm okay with it.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, because it's a just, it's a, the reason they're doing it in New Orleans because they didn't want anybody to come to their fucking wedding.
It's a brides, groomsman only, and the parents thing.
Everyone is either vaccinated or has had the virus within 90 days.
So the best bubble we can be in, it's at this, you know, private venue gimmick situation.
So like I'm cool with all that.
However, I just like, I don't know, man, my first kind of like back into the world being New Orleans.
It seems like I should have more of a, that's not a good tub berth.
You know what I'm saying?
because New Orleans, not New Orleans?
Because that's why I didn't go.
No, I meant just...
Yeah, well, I just meant like, oh, definitely, Amber,
that she's never been in New Orleans.
She's like, I've never been in New Orleans.
I was like, well, you're not really going to get what New Orleans is.
There's no fucking parades, man.
Now, to me, to me, that halfway hits because, you know,
I don't like a lot of people.
I just like the food and shit like that.
Yeah.
But I'm still afraid that, like,
if a place could be wild right now,
that will be the number one wilds,
They may have
have been having parades and shit
but I,
yeah,
I was about to say,
they may not be
having parades
and whatnot,
but I,
I think they'll still be going in.
Right.
I don't think you'll notice
that much of a difference,
frankly.
But,
and I'm about to show my ignorance here.
Both you all know or should know,
I would think,
like,
if this is dumb to say,
I apologize to the world,
but if you're vaccinated,
like,
does it matter?
I don't know.
Like,
I mean,
shouldn't it pretty much be fine?
Like,
once you get vaccinated,
I think, look it like, or is that stoop at the side.
So I kind of know.
So I kind of know.
Trust me. That's how I feel.
Right.
So basically my understanding is they don't make you immune.
They make it to where the disease can't kill you and probably won't even
hospitalize you anymore.
But that means that you can technically spread it.
So the balance that you got to look at, in my opinion, in terms of touring,
which is the only way I've looked at the question.
Like, I'll be honest.
I've gone to a fucking patio.
But the balance of the lead in terms of that stuff is like when other people have the opportunity
to get the same protection you've gotten once you've gotten the vaccine.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Like once everybody gets the opportunity, it's like, well, at some point, if you're not vaccinated,
that's on you.
Right.
But at this point, and by the way, the science I don't think is 100% clear.
But my understanding is where the CDC is.
is they're saying no one's fully immune.
It's just that we have the antibodies to beat it now.
Right.
So I think they think we can still spread it.
Well,
if you get it,
you can still spread it to somebody.
See, that sucks.
I think, by the way.
Yeah, no.
It's very confusing to read these fucking arms.
No, no, no, for sure.
I know, but like that kind of don't,
that sucks for me because like I've never,
y'all know how I am.
I've never really worried about getting it.
I've always just been worried about like giving it to
my sister who then gives it to my dad and then he fucking dies like because i have two schools
of thoughts on it was like number one i mean don't get me wrong i know i'm not young and i know i'm
not that healthy but i'll probably be all right and if i'm not then fucking well that hits too you know
like i get but like i've always just been worried about like mom and dad but like now they're i
think they're they're vacked up or whatever i guess really like now that i'm saying it all out
loud, it's kind of just an optics thing for me.
Like, I'm still, I don't, I still feel like, even though I'm Vax and I know that we're
going with a group that we're all going to be together.
And if I go into a place, I'll fucking wear a mask.
I'm still just like, do I look like an asshole?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Not in New Orleans.
You're talking about you mostly posting shit.
I'm serious.
Like, no, I know.
I meant like saying this out loud on the podcast that I'm going to New Orleans for a fucking
wedding.
Yeah.
I'm going to Mexico in two weeks.
All right.
Well, I do not.
I'm not going to get in the specifics ever right now,
but I've gone to,
not New Orleans,
but Louisiana recently.
And dude,
it,
like,
I think I'd hate to say this,
but I think it might be a situation where if you walk in a place,
oh,
did you say if you walk in wearing a mask,
you look like an asshole?
No,
no,
no,
I think that is what will happen.
Yes,
no,
I know,
no,
I know that.
Yeah.
I know that.
I'm saying,
like,
I'm saying optics-wise to our listeners here on the,
I'm trying to figure out how,
how I seem to ARP.
Dude, I don't give a fuck what those type of people think about me.
Like, I get, dude, I trust me, I live in Chickama, I live in Marjorie Taylor Green's
district, and I've been wearing a mask for a whole guy over a year.
Right.
I know, I know what it's like, you know what it is.
Yeah, dude, on it, like, I won't say a daily basis, well, a daily basis, I get this,
this, just like, like, look or whatever.
And then every now and then, like, I tell you that one dude in the fucking gas station,
just turned around, this old man, he was just sitting there and he just turned around.
and he goes, you fucking chicken shit?
And then just fucking walked off.
That could have been about anything.
That's true.
It could have been about anything.
And how many people were in there?
Yeah.
It was just me.
It was pretty clear and pointed.
But my point is like, okay, look, I've got my goddamn vaccine.
I feel like I've done all the right things.
Is it cool if I go to fucking Cafe Dumont and don't feel that bad about it?
Like, is that okay?
Yes.
Dude, I think so.
Okay.
At a certain point, it's got to be.
I know.
There's another study that's like, that's not true.
We don't have any evidence you can spread it once you get fully vaccinated.
Because part of the efficacy is that your body beats it so quickly that it doesn't fuck you up.
That also makes you less, you know, spreadable.
According to one thing I read, it's confusing.
You know, Corey, you said this in the podcast when we were complaining about conservatives.
It was like, we've all got to do what we can.
We've all got to do our best.
And you were complaining that it's been two weeks.
And all these people were like, what else can we do?
Right.
It ain't been two weeks no more.
Right.
And everybody's got access to a vax.
Maybe not in New Orleans.
I mean, that's something you might want to think about or look into.
Maybe in Louisiana, not everyone could even be vaxed yet.
But, you know, at some point, that's the case.
Like I said, for the most part, the wedding party is going to be in one,
location that nobody else is going to be.
I just,
I know me.
I'm going to be in New Orleans.
I mean, God,
I'm going to be right there next to Dumont and fucking where the oysters is.
And they're going to have patios like a motherfucker.
Like,
I just don't see,
I can see myself right now going,
you know what?
I'm going to be a good person.
And I'm just going to do the wedding party stuff.
I get there.
I have fucking two shots of goddamn will it.
And then my ass is going to slurp down fucking oysters.
Well,
I just know.
me on a patio.
I was got to ask you because you'll be drinking.
You'll be drinking and that you'll be drinking and that will definitely change things.
But I was going to ask like.
It'll also kill the vaccine problem.
When I'm out and about for whatever reason now, like when I went to Louisiana,
the airport, Louisiana, all that, I felt, I don't know.
I don't, y'all know I don't have like anxiety problems or whatever, but like I just wasn't.
It was weird.
Yeah.
No, this is weird.
Because I haven't been, I haven't been,
except going to the grocery store and shit like that, you know,
and like,
I, you know,
didn't necessarily think it would be,
but it just fucking felt weird.
I feel like just kind of,
it just felt kind of off being out and shit.
I don't know.
Well, dude,
you got to think about that and you got to read some of this stuff yourself
because everything I just said could be completely wrong by now.
I mean,
there was an Israeli study that a lot of people were saying,
I came very close to only getting one Pfizer vaccine because the study in Israel was like,
you get like 89% effectiveness from one dose, jumps up to 95 after two.
And everybody talked about the second dose being horrible.
And I was like, six percent for a fucking terrible 24 hours, fuck that.
Yeah.
Well, Fauci's now saying that study's maybe not reliable or it has some weaknesses.
So my point is, this is scientists and us doing our best.
Just do your best.
If you get drunk and eat oysters, get them to go.
Get them on the patio.
I feel like patio's fine.
It has to be.
I'm vaccinated.
Patio's fine.
If you do the research and you think about it and you decide it's fine, then it's fine.
Because you're not an asshole who's a nurse.
The fact that you're going through all these things in your brain is proof that you're not an asshole or a narcissist.
It's just so weird, man.
Like it's just such a goddamn weird feeling to be like,
Like it feels like such a genuinely it feels like a fucking sci-fi movie that I'm like I'm having to like reenter the atmosphere.
You know what I mean?
And I'm having to go through all these fucking steps to make sure that my stomach doesn't explode or something like that when we when we reach.
It's crazy.
And we might be wrong.
And this all this stuff, not you personally, but generally everyone's attitude may cause another outbreak of a different strain.
And we're going to be right back to square one and it'll be a nightmare.
But you know, fuck, bro.
well dude i can tell you square one if we don't start as it right i was about say i genie i don't mean
this and i don't mean me i don't mean us but like if tomorrow they came out and we're like by the way
we're back to square one and we're going to have to go through all of this again we as we would not
survive that like that would not that would not like literally everyone including so many liberals
would be like yeah well all right at this point it's it's thanos you know what i mean like we're just
doing it. I just, I feel like that's how it would be. Again, not with me personally. I just know how, like,
a lot of conservatives treated the one go around. They don't say they got, they got there in May.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, there's no doubt if that, if what you just said
transpired, they would absolutely say fuck that shit. And they would just be like, yeah, let everybody
needs to die. Again, that's what they said then. They were like, look, it's some old people need to
die. So businesses could be open. Then that's just what needs to happen. And in Florida, they lied
about the case. You know what I mean? It wasn't just like, yeah, old people need to die.
And it was also like, and we will say they die of pneumonia. We really don't give a fuck.
And by we, I mean, the fucking governor. We're not talking about like some evil corporate making a bunch of
the governor of Florida was like literally. I mean, this is all documented. It was like, hey,
official state records change all that to pneumonia. And then the girl, the woman who tried to
out him, the whistleblow, he sent the cops to her fucking door. Like, we're already living in a
weird, you know,
1984 or whatever nightmare, dude.
Go eat some oysters.
Yep.
You know what else you can do?
What's that?
Get some Lucy.
Let's some nicotine.
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All righty.
I got one of my silly things I wanted to ask you all about.
The goddamn Chupacabry.
Oh.
Haven't we done this?
Have we talked about the chupacabry?
Well, I found one that time.
Okay, I'm so glad I brought this up.
I don't.
He showed us a picture.
Yeah, and y'all didn't believe me.
I still don't.
What?
Chris, there's chupacabra outside of his house, dude.
I fucking saw it.
How long ago are we talking about?
Three years.
Okay.
That you showed it to us or that you saw it?
He showed us a picture of a chupacabry?
No, he shows a picture of something.
I mean, the picture comes from like a brick phone, bro, because you took it with a potato.
I don't, I don't have my phone on me right now, but next episode, I will have, I'm going to get Chris to send me a picture of this goddamn cheap.
looking thing that he sent us.
It's a, well, yeah, it's a chupacabra.
Like, it's a devil dog.
Ain't that what chupacob remains in Spanish?
Devil dog. No, that's L.D.
That's Diablo.
Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's just a
dog with too many chromosomes and rabies is all it is.
But it looked wild as hell.
It could have also been, uh, I saw a,
I'm so glad I asked because I didn't,
I didn't, I didn't have no recollection that show as a believer.
Uh, what do you mean?
Oh, hey, you believe in this fucking cup.
right here? You know what I'm saying? Like, what do you mean? A believer? It's not like Santa Claus.
I can't believe you don't remember. It always cracks me up. No, I don't remember. I'm a
Trey Cruder at all. Chupacabra, Corey, Truther is what I'm becoming right here. Chupacabra,
Corey, in Spanish means goat sucker. See? Because it sucks goats blood out. Yeah.
But I saw an article from this couple in Texas. Amber!
Yeah, get his phone. I want to get Katie in here. Trey, I'm
I cannot believe you don't remember this.
This to me is more unbelievable than the chupacabra.
It makes more sense to me that a chubacabra is real than it does.
The trade crouter don't remember Corey Forrester sending us a picture of a fucking dog with too many chromosomes and saying.
The other thing it could have been, which I've been trying to say for a minute, is a couple in Texas caught one.
And they were like, we got the chupacabra everybody.
And what it was was a raccoon with advanced mane, so it had no hair on it.
And if you think, you'd be like, I could tell a raccoon with no hair.
They look wild.
They look wild.
You're saying a bear with no hair?
Bears with no hair.
They look wild too.
So I'm saying, that's probably what you saw.
Something with no hair.
Listen, I'm okay.
Fine.
Sure.
No, keep believing it.
I'm just saying, dude, it's goddamn head, man.
Like, do you remember when in the mask, when his fucking dog accidentally puts the mask on?
That's what this fucking thing looked like, except graham.
And I will admit there was definitely some mange.
Like it had some fucking like rock gut, you know, going over here and the side.
But like, dude, I'm telling you, man.
Like, Amber!
Dude, I hear her down there.
I just can't believe you don't remember all.
Will you bring, will you text?
Hey, was it on the show?
Am I repeating show stuff now?
I think we did it on the show after the fight on text and he sent us the picture.
No, send it to you and bring it up here.
I don't have my phone.
I'm in the middle of a show.
It's very professional.
I got, yeah, I have no idea.
But what do you all know about the origin of it?
I don't.
Anything at all.
Like, when do you think, how do you think it originated, you know,
because it's part of crypto zoology, right?
Honestly, probably some Mexicans saw a bald raccoon.
I think, didn't something get into their livestock?
And then somebody said they saw it.
I think it just, I think this happened.
A bunch of dead cows.
them all the time. But cows die in an area and almost always some folklore comes up. In my area,
it was the died and witches. All these cows died and these three sisters lived on the hill who
everybody thought was witches because they never got married and, you know, they were ladies.
Yeah. All these cows died and everybody said the milkman stopped going up to the died and witches
house because of the snow and so they put a curse on everybody's cow. Because he deprived him of milk or
because he wasn't dicking them down no more. Well, you know, that was tough to do.
call this you know
it's weird
mung sisters
god that's so fucking funny
isn't it great
i bet they
bunch of cows are dead
i bet those ladies are witches
yeah yes exactly
but what do y'all think
i think actually it went
those ladies are witches
because otherwise why would they be
not married
right then the cows died
right and then it was like
them damn witches did it
katy
you ever seen chupacabra
as your daddy
She sounds so mad.
Andy,
I yelled at her.
She wasn't expecting that.
Right.
Amber sounded mad too.
Does anyone in your family
ever claimed to have seen a chupacabra?
I really thought she was going to be like
that she was going to say, yeah,
that she had a little cousin
who had shot a chupacabre or something.
But just take a guess if y'all don't know
when it like came to be.
Okay.
When the folklore dates back to.
I bet you it's earlier than you think.
I don't think it's old at all.
1934.
1887
1995
shut the fuck up
I know
I was also blown away by that
I was like 95
it's wild because I do remember being a kid
and
Chupacabra favor
right
but I didn't
but I didn't assume it was old
yeah right
I didn't realize that was like
the first
that's like when it started
tell you nothing's kind of wild about that
the name
was coined by a
Puerto Rican
Median.
Hell yeah.
Silvio Perez, Puerto Rican comedian and radio DJ,
who coined the label in 1995 while commenting on the attacks.
So it's like Drew would say it was livestock,
eight sheep in Puerto Rico discovered dead with three puncture wounds in the chest area
and reportedly completely drained of blood.
And that was the origin of the Chupacabra.
I mean, Puerto Ricans are so much cooler than us.
We have something like that and everyone's like,
it was Satan and them witches.
and they're just make up a whole new thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I definitely always thought Puerto Ricans were better than us.
I mean, look, Corey's, it just happened with Corey a few years ago, apparently.
But, like, in Salina, there was, it was a guy.
It was like, got a Chupacabra, killed me of Chupacabra.
And it was, like, I just, did y'all have that in Sambriot?
Do you anybody ever kill a Chupacabber?
Or was it like a thing?
Oh, people claim to, son.
Man, now that I know.
No.
He's ever produced a pitcher.
Now that I know.
it only goes back to 1995, like, I know I'm full of shit.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, much like every...
You were going to believe it if it was from the 1890s?
Yeah, like, much like everything in the South,
if it can go back far enough to have plausible deniability
of some sort of, like, mystical, but like,
ain't no mystical shit happened in 1995 except for mystical.
That's what I got in, too.
He was crushing in 95.
It ain't no doubt.
Lewis Black had a joke about that with Scientology.
I don't remember exactly how he went,
but he was like,
and they compare it to the Catholic church.
They got robes.
Their stories,
2,000 years ago,
it fucking made sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Sarah Silverman's got a bit too where she's like,
she's like,
Scientology's stupid because their guy
had a driver's license.
Yes, 100%.
100%.
Yeah,
any time people try to bring up,
it's like,
think about how crazy the shit is,
Christians believe.
It's always like,
yeah,
but dude,
think about how dumb everybody was when they started believing it.
And then they just like kept believing it on.
Like anybody you try to make some new shit, like QAnon, right?
Like that's new stupid shit.
That's new stupid.
That's new stupid.
That's new dumb.
Yeah.
New dumb.
So the guy that killed the Chupacabra, he had a picture of the corpse,
showed it around everywhere.
Everybody was, everybody's passing around schools.
It was like a viral video, but before those existed.
And what it ended up being was something.
called a Munt Jack.
You ever heard of that?
Yes.
And I think you told us this when we told us.
You did.
You did.
I was about to say, I was about to say I've heard Munt Jack and it was from you.
None of this.
I'm sorry to the audience.
I must have been drunk on that episode or something.
It makes sense.
I don't think we talked about on the podcast.
Drew said he thought we did.
I don't remember it on or off the podcast, but.
Well, I probably just remember it.
And then I'm going, well, why wouldn't we have talked about it on the podcast?
And you really showed us a picture of a mangy raccoon.
And of course we would have brought that up.
Muntjacks are also known as barking deer, which is weird as hell.
You definitely brought this up because it looks like a deer.
A small deer from Southeast Asia.
I don't know how the hell it got in Clay County, but that's what it was.
Or rib-faced deer, which is, that's one of those insults where it sounds dumb and the more you think about it, you're like,
that's fucked up.
Because of my rib-faced.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, I don't.
You have a fucking dare.
We can call them whatever.
they ain't going to do shit.
They're going to kill your goats.
Yeah, but it's funny, it's funny that like when a new monster comes up.
Yeah, that is interesting.
Like that new hotness.
Thought we were done.
When the new Bigfoot, yeah.
But I'm saying like old boys get into that shit.
Absolutely.
I'm going to shoot one of them.
I hate what you want.
Well, they got in Puerto Rico.
I'm going to shoot that.
That's so fucking true and hilarious.
It's like the joke.
Who had the joke about how racist good old boys are going to be towards aliens, like day two?
The aliens will come and they'll be calling them space in words.
Oh, yeah.
I can't remember who was that.
Was it DJ?
I don't know.
DJ showed us a quote.
I have, I have the bit about, I don't say the space in words.
I've read that on Reddit and told you all about it, but I had that bit about Redneck's hate and aliens.
because all the butthole probing and all that stuff.
Yeah.
And everything.
And I was talking about in the future how the rednecks would be racist against robots and aliens and aliens was part of it.
I said somebody, I don't remember.
You called him socket mouths or something like that.
Yeah, you made up a surfer robots, I think, not aliens.
Maybe I'm wrong.
But I was just trying to compare.
I'm pretty sure.
I remember how excited you are, too.
Yeah.
I made up a slur or I can say.
Yeah.
It's for you.
I was just trying to compare how, like, good old boys don't waste no time, good old boy.
No, never.
They get right to it.
Yeah, I know what that'll be good for, killing.
Yeah, I did.
Born in Fifth Gear on that respect.
I thought you said this from Asia.
Oh, they are from Asia.
They're also from France?
Yeah, I don't know.
Again, I mean, that also is weird that that was in Clay County, but it was, I mean, even the, I can remember seeing the picture.
And you look up a Munt Jack on the internet, it's like, yeah, it's exactly.
exactly what it was.
But I don't know what the hell that thing was doing in Salina,
you know,
which is what I mean.
Maybe,
not living a better life.
No,
that's what they said about any different kind of thing that showed up,
including people.
Shoot it!
Well,
speaking of people who showed up and somehow didn't get shot,
what about that gay fella that owned tigers?
What about y'all's resident tiger king with the mom?
Bob.
Maybe Bob owned it.
Big Bob.
I'm sure he would have loved to have owned it.
Yeah.
A figure of the guy's hands on.
He probably,
I see, if we had a chupacabra,
they definitely would have got in there
and killed all Big Bob's kangaroos and stuff,
you know, I feel like.
Is Big Bob dead?
I don't think so.
I couldn't remember what.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
because he was going through all that custody shit with his monkey.
I know, and I've just kind of been worried about him since
and you know what happens sometimes.
He got the monkey back, though, I'm pretty sure.
Oh, he's got the monkey back.
So his heart is whole, you know, he'll be all right.
Yeah, I'm sure his heart is real whole.
Massively whole.
I like how we killed Wallace Sean
but we're very particular about whether or not Big Bob's still alive
Well, I just remember like look man
Do you know how fucking I would know I think
Somebody would have told me if he had if he had died
Because dude this was not even a year ago we were talking about it
No it was coming up on a year ago though
And like how insane is that by the way
Like I was thinking about that the other day
Do you remember how long ago it felt like
When people were just going
Don't touch your face don't touch your face
Don't touch your face, you know, about the fucking, that literally seems like a whole lifetime ago for me.
Like how, like, I don't think that we think about a lot about how much of a fucking ADBC moment that we're fucking living in.
Like, we all know who shit has changed, but like, oh, yeah, like this is.
I definitely think that is true.
I mean, you know, like 9-11 was like that for Americans specifically.
It was like before 9-11 and after 9-11.
And I definitely think that COVID will be like that for.
This is way worse than 9-11.
And 9-11 don't hit.
Yeah, for the world.
Right, I'm saying this will be that way for the world.
It would be like pre-COVID and post-COVID, I think, for sure.
And you're right, it is wild to think about when you're like living through it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Don't hit.
No, it don't hit.
And the same people are intolerable about it.
Right.
Yeah.
That's very true.
I wonder they stay intolerable.
Yeah.
9-11 country music.
I think that music is going to get better because of this.
Music?
Yeah.
I think good music will come out of this,
whereas I think 9-11 ruin.
I think we always look for,
I think we've talked about this.
Everybody's like,
some people are like,
oh, the 70s was great country music.
And then the overproduced bullshit of the 80s is when country music started to fail.
And some people were like, no,
it's the stadium rock of the 90s.
And then people were like,
no, it's the fucking bro rock of the 2000s.
I think it's just 9-11 happened and country music is stuck.
mainstream country music has sucked since then.
Do you think 9-11 is what you,
we've talked on the show before by how like
the aughts,
which is when all of us were like coming of age and everything.
How like fucking broie and everything
the aughts were.
Do you think that's like a direct result of 9-11?
Absolutely.
Yeah, it was like everybody, us,
Americans want to be fucking bad ass all the time.
Yes.
Because of 9-11.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
And like I said, every like country like,
fucking 9-11 happened and every song had to be about the troops and America and guns and
all that shit and then yeah everybody started wearing their fucking hats backwards like fucking bomb me
fucking bomb fucking mountain do and infliction and energy drinks and all that and it was all just
about like ass whoop-wop-and-forid excursions big you know suck my dick SUVs we got so
like masculine that we forgot so much about being feminine that ed hardy was allowed to be a t-shirt
Yeah, dude.
We just were like, put some rindstones on it.
I need to feel something sparkly.
I've been angry all day.
Yeah.
Like the ramifications of 9-11 far worse than 9-11 itself.
They did it.
9-11 did not hit.
No, no.
We said it plenty of times.
On record, a bunch.
But yeah, dude.
Something happened with Peyton Manning one time, and I said that this was my personal 9-11.
And someone got very much.
very mad at me.
Yeah.
Some people get real...
I'm pretty sure.
Some people get real touchy about 9-11.
Yeah.
Don't hit for them.
I don't think 9-11's just fine.
No, it don't hit for people.
No.
I mean, it don't hate for me.
I don't like 9-11.
We're not pro 9-11.
I didn't like it that night on stage in Kentucky.
That reminds me of...
God, I miss touring so much.
That reminds me a Tushar's joke.
Or Tushar's like, you know, I'm brown,
so people always...
think I know stuff about all brown people,
which so they'll always say me like,
Tushar, do you think there's going to be another on 9-11?
Do you think they'll do another 9-11?
I'm like, no, they're going to pick a different day.
How wild would it be if they didn't?
I think that'd be the smartest thing.
Least expected?
Yeah.
And everybody's like all eating hot dogs and stuff.
Although I guess that's the worst day because don't we,
do people go to work on 9-11?
Yeah, and they all got their guns strapped
up and they're fucking looking for brown people.
Yeah, that's bad.
Yeah, that's bad.
Yeah, I just don't know how
any other jobs. I know.
You've never had, I know, but like, yes.
Yeah. Well, that's kind of stupid.
Why? Because we're supposed to spend it remembering.
Yeah, we got to work for the federal government
and they just, the flag would be at half-mast on 9-11.
I'm just saying if I got to see all these fucking bumper stickers,
at least give everybody at the bank the goddamn day off.
For sure.
You know what I mean?
agree with you,
but you realizing that people have to go to work on 9-11 is the opposite of 9-11 for me.
Yeah,
I mean,
I do.
I have no,
dude,
you have no idea how often,
well,
yeah,
you probably do,
how often one of those revelations will happen to me that's like,
man,
you really just don't know shit except for stand-up comedy and like,
you know,
some sports.
Don't worry about it,
buddy.
That's how I am with interacting with people on a personal level.
Yeah.
You think we're going to be better at that or worse than that?
when we get out of this. Do you think we're going to be like so happy to talk to people that
we're going to be better at it or worse because we're going to be so trepidacious?
I think it's going to be, I mean, I'm, you know, I've, I've got socially awkward tendencies
and I know for a fact that they are going to be worsened after this, at least for a little while.
I know they are.
But we don't have to talk to people now.
You know, like that sort, like the whole white guy stereotype of like missing the handshake
to a black guy or whatever or just.
Yeah, I used to have a bit about it.
That, that's right.
You did.
So that, but like elevated and for everyone, at least for me.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like I won't know like, you know, even meeting someone, do we, what do we do?
What do we like, what do we like?
And I will make it as weird and dumb as possible for at least the first.
You're going to poke a lady in the eye the first interaction.
Yeah.
I think there'll be a lot of awkwardness and stuff.
Taking heads.
I don't know how there couldn't be, you know.
Right.
There's going to be that at first.
I think in the long run, I'll be better.
But I think that's just because I'm happier and, like, less angry in general.
Because you ain't been around people generally for a year?
Well, I think it's because I had time to work on that stuff.
But maybe your theory is more correct.
Like, you might get back out there and remember like, oh, God, yeah, people don't hit.
You know, like, I forgot the people don't hit.
It reminds me.
I guess it really comes down to, was it their fault that I was the way that I was?
remind that reminds me of what Stuart huff said on into the abyssket this past week when he was
talking about his five-year-old and how him and his five-year-old went to a birth I'm I'm butchering it
but I know I'll get the punchline right his five-year-old and him go like they're going to a
birthday party and as soon as they get there they walk in and his five-year-old looks at him and goes
oh yeah I forgot I hate other people and the tag was he was like well buddy come on you know they're
going to have birthday cake can we just get the cake and not talk to those people can I just get my
portion that was that fucking old louie bit when the club of the the kids at the comedy club were trying to smoke away with him who's like can i just get my portion now and i'll just leave you're
you're gonna sit here uh yeah whatever i think you'll have some insight into this on next week's episode
wait are you going to be back by month yeah okay cool yeah i mean i will feel good i'm going to be here next week i believe so
no i'll be here next week i won't be i will not feel good but i'll be here
Okay, cool.
Well, you'll have a little insight into what you just asked.
Yeah, people are socially out there in the world.
I have a, yeah, I'm not, I'm not looking forward to it.
See, that's what I'm saying, but are you, like, I was saying, like,
just because you don't know how you're supposed to feel about it or, like,
you feel like it's going to be just, I think I'm going to hit too hard.
You're going to hit too hard.
Yeah.
I think that's okay.
again, are you thinking you're going to be like live streaming it and stuff?
No, I'm definitely not doing that.
You're going to go on on Instagram, but look how hard I'm hitting everybody.
Yeah, that could come off wrong maybe.
I'm definitely not doing that.
I know how Corey's brain works, though.
All of this is to lay the groundwork.
It's like he's temperate expectations.
He's like laying it down.
I don't know what I'll do, guys.
So that if he does live stream, he can be like, I told you.
I'm I tried, which I would absolutely love to sit here and tell you that
Drew Morgan is wrong right now.
But he is so fucking dead on the money.
It's ridiculous.
Matter of fact, I never even cared.
I just wanted to look like I did.
Oh, man.
I'm going to New Orleans just a watch.
This is going to be great.
Come on.
It's going to hit.
I'm kidding.
I did care a little bit.
I really did almost go.
And here's why I didn't go.
This is why you're a better person to me, buddy.
I didn't go because it's not going to be like that.
Like, I was like,
I'm not going down there to just stare at Russell, and I want second lines.
No, I get that.
I want a fucking Frenchman Street to be open, you know.
Well, I get that.
I wouldn't be knowing.
I think it is.
It's not.
Like, they're starting to come back in, and I did consider it for that reason, but it's not full on yet.
Louisiana is, but New Orleans is the sea.
Okay, yeah, because I didn't go.
For the record.
The smart mayor.
Okay.
For the record, if it wasn't for a wedding of one of my absolute best friends who I'm in the
wedding of, like, I wouldn't just be going to New Orleans.
Orleans. Like, that wouldn't happen, but it's one of them where it's like, I mean, look, I'm vaccinated.
There's a thing. I'll, I'm going, you know, so.
And, and, and I'm going to eat some gumbo.
Hell, yeah.
Boudine, et tufei, et tufei, and yay.
What do you say about et tufei?
That sounds like, that sounds like your favorite aunt betraying you.
Betraying you.
Et tufe.
Andy lost her car for a day.
There's a package on the bill.
Oh, yeah.
Yes.
Okay.
I want to, yeah, go ahead.
Yeah.
I'll have to go in like five minutes or less, but I do want to talk about this.
Well, so Andy lost her car.
She parked the entire garage.
Lost the whole car.
He lost the whole parking garage.
That was the problem.
She parked it in a parking garage in downtown L.
and she called me and she was like, I can't find it.
And she does that from time of time.
And I was like, just stay calm.
You'll find it.
Keep looking.
She calls her back an hour later.
And at first time, annoyed.
And then I'm like, all right.
You know, she sounded upset.
I'll go down there and trying to stay calm.
And I never really got mad at her because I, too, couldn't find it.
Does that, you know, it's like.
Yeah.
It's like, you shouldn't have been able to find.
I went to 30 parking garages and couldn't find it.
Oh.
again, I mean, I, you know, respect.
You're a, you're a good man for that.
But I don't follow what you just said.
She's the, you had no way of knowing, right?
Like, I couldn't find the theater so I didn't really blame her for it, but like, no.
Well, I guess, yeah, but here's what I'm getting at.
I see what you're getting at.
And that came back around.
But at first, it was like, I can't even explain to y'all how many parking garages there are.
Which makes the fact that it's so hard more annoying,
but it makes it so much more understandable when you're like,
there's literally one every 50 fucking feet down here
because everyone drives in California.
It is actually unreal.
And if you're not used to that,
you weren't thinking about it.
You're not used to because every parking garage attendant was like,
she didn't keep her ticket because everybody down there keeps their ticket for this reason.
So they get their car.
But it did circle back around to,
okay, but you parked so far away.
So like you walked by all these parking garages on your way to the hotel.
Why did we do that?
Why did we park?
Well, I was going to say, like, I'm sure there are a crazy amount of parking garages in downtown Los Angeles.
But like, unreal.
But there had to be some element of like, you know, a search radius of some sort where it's like she walked roughly this long to where she is now.
It was nine minutes.
She was like, yeah, I lived on my walking man.
That's a long time to walk.
And I was like, that was the only part.
I was like, you were nine minutes away, but you were 18 parking garages away.
Like, I measured distances by shownys.
That's like, that's where I'm from.
Like my papal never had a girlfriend within two shonies.
That was out of respect for my mama.
You know what I mean?
Keep her a few.
18 parking garages is too far to park.
Yeah, because if you, right, if you get a little off.
track on the direction that that she walked when it's nine minutes away that you could get way the
fuck off did she at least remember the level yes she remembered that it was as soon as you go in
but the way that fucked me over was and she you know she was saying this too to be fair to her but
she was like i'm starting to question everything like in my memory just don't because there was
one garage where she was pretty sure that was it it was kind of fucking with her head right because
you do have to start thinking like it got stolen or something yeah at some point right right
Or she was starting to think she was crazy.
And I mean, like, legitimately, like, tears well and up.
Like, that's another reason I could get mad.
Like, I'm dealing with a bunch of different crises at once or whatever.
Oh, that's hilarious.
She could have to go back to work.
So the next day, I expanded my search circle by quite literally half a block.
We were at one point walking 50 feet from the entrance of it and just didn't see it and turn
because it was like, this is too far or whatever.
And it's funny.
As a crow flies, she was actually very close.
to the hotel where she was working.
It's just that it was up a level, like on a road that's on a different.
And then also there's construction, which is part of why she,
downtown LA's a nightmare is really.
How much does it, like, how much did it cost to leave that motherfucker overrun?
It was.
If you need to omit it so that you can tell her it was more, then I can edit it.
It was 70-7.
Okay.
That don't hit still.
It was funny.
You were texting us that night and saying she had lost the car or whatever.
and this hadn't even come up and fucking Mark, Mark goes,
you're going to find it and have like 10 grand in illegal parking phase or something like that.
And you were like, I hadn't thought about that part, Mark.
He said 30.
I wasn't even going to go the next day.
I was going to wait until Monday because she had to work.
And I was going to wait until Monday and make her go with me because it makes sense that she would, you know, recognize a street or whatever.
And then he said that and I was like, I hadn't even, fuck.
I don't even know what.
do that's so classic mark yeah it really is well i'm glad you got your car back and you didn't have to
pay 30 000 in fees yeah and parking garage attendants what a range of personality's there i had
somebody really nice to me this one guy walked me around them was like i love y'all see you bye
see you next time excuse i'm glad you found the car all i was going to say is i had one guy walking me
around like telling me about the time his wife lost theirs at an airport and they couldn't
find it for four hours versus I had this one woman who was like so you just want me to let
you drive into my parking garage so you can see if this keys you have go to any you're trying
to steal a car as is still a car and I was like what the fuck are you talking about lady with the
keys yeah like I found somebody's keys and I'm just going around I mean I guess I could see
people doing that but I don't know yeah weirder things have happened in LA I guess well
bucket goddam good ending uh everyone well read comedy dot com w l l r a d comedy
com check out is stewart this week is he this week on end of the abyss available now yeah
yeah great episode uh stewart huff on into the abisket uh there's the evening skews with
with tray and smart markage i've got through the screen door and uh we'll see y'all when we get out
there motherfuckers i'll be in raleigh may 27th i think it is i'll put a bunch of dates up soon at
Charlie's?
No, I'm going to be at the improv.
Oh, right on.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
I was just talking with our buddy Harrison.
You have to holler at, oh, Harrisonione-on.
Oh, yeah.
I will definitely.
Hilarious.
All right.
Later, y'all.
They're the liberal rednecks.
They like cornbread, but sex.
They care way too much, but don't give a fun.
They're the liberal rednecks that makes
Some people upset
But they got
Three big old dicks
That you can suck
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