wellRED podcast - #220: International Racism and Dick Pumps

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

Drew and Trae discuss where America falls on the spectrum of racism/progressivism around the world. On the one hand, we clearly aren't perfect, but like our papaws always said: where the hell do the French get off?! Ain't like they're perfect. We also discuss the joy of live music, what is man's worst invention, and (not in the running for worst invention title) penis pumps. 

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

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language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was money.

What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

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What is up everybody? It is the delightful dickhead, the affable asshole, the one and only, kindest, meanest man in comedy. It's your uncle daddy, Drew, Drew, Dahlers, filling in for the show as the producer for the well read podcast. today. Corey had a funeral. Had a death come up. It was very sad. That threw us off our game and threw us off our schedule. I've been in the woods myself. You know, literally, but also mentally.

Let's be honest. But anyway, that's why the podcast is late today. We got a great episode. Me and Trey get into some fun stuff, some serious stuff, some hilarious stuff. You're going to enjoy it. I wanted to plug real quick. I have dates. I have actual dates. I am going to be at Strike Fest,

opening for Lee Baines and the glory fires and Mike Cooley of the drive-by truckers on May 22nd. We're taking up donations for striking minors at the door, but you can get the information on my website at Drew Morgan Comedy.com. I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina at the improv on May 27th. DJ Lewis is going to be with me in both places. You know DJ from the Mast and the Butthole Story? We're going to be doing comedy together.

May 22nd and outside of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, May 29th. Raleigh, North Carolina at the improv. June 16th in Huntsville, Alabama. All the dates will be up on my website, Drew Morgan Comedy, that I have. If you heard a date or hear a date and you're like, where's the link? I just haven't gotten it yet, but I'm putting all that up.

There's some other dates on the website for smaller shows. I'm pumped. I'm pumped to get back out there. I'm pumped for this episode. Thank you so much for listening to the Well-Red podcast. We love you. They're the... The Red Next Day.

Like corn bread, but sex, they care way too much, but don't give a fun. Next, that makes some people upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Well, here we are. What's up? Here we are. Look at that. Oh, yeah, you got it. I got it.

I got it done. For people that are only listening, I'm pointing at my shoulder where there's a band-aid where I got my second COVID shot this morning. So that's pretty sweet, pretty excited about that. I'm not feeling any side effects as of right now. I got it at 9.45 a.m. So that was about almost four hours ago. Still very possible they could set in on me. I may go to shit right in the middle of this.

But we'll see what happens. Did you have side effects? Not that I noticed my sleeping was not great around that time. But I also, Hannah was having a sinus infection problems. but nothing as far as like fever or feeling like shit that day or the next day, nothing. Yeah, the first, the first dose didn't affect me at all, but I know that that doesn't mean anything. Apparently that's true for a lot of people, I guess. First dose doesn't do anything, and then the second dose fucks you up.

And like I said, I also know that, like Corey, Corey isn't here today because he had to travel out of town for a funeral and then had to travel for work reasons that I'm sure we'll talk about next week, right after that or some such. So he's just all over the place right now and Corey is not with us. But Corey had told me that the second shot fucked him up pretty bad and the first shot didn't do anything at all. So, you know, we'll see.

You just got it though, yeah. I know. It can still happen. I'm not counting it out. Yeah, it can take like hours for it to affect you. I'm pulling for you, baby. Yeah, they tell you to, one of the things they tell you to do

on a little sheet of paper, and I think this is only supposed to do the soreness as opposed to the flu-like symptoms, but they tell you, like, exercise your arm, you know? So both shots, I've come home and, like, lifted weights, and my arm hasn't gotten sore at all. So I think that actually kind of helps with that part, but that don't mean I won't still get the fever and chills and all that other bullshit a little later today.

So, yeah, we'll just see what happens. But I'm just glad to be all vaxed up. Yeah, man. It's good. It's a good feeling. I'm all vaxed up, which I wasn't here last week because I was in New Orleans. That was my, I guess, celebration of being vaxed up. That was rad.

That was super rad. But anyway, being all vaxed up hits. I mean, it's hopefully going to, we're all going to get all vaxed up and the world's going to come back and whatnot. How long were you in New Orleans? I was there for a week. Andy only came for like three days, but I came early and just hung out with Russell. and tried not to be to New Orleans. You know what I mean?

So she got there. I didn't do a great job. But it was not quite a week-long bender. But it was almost a week-long bender. It was a three-day bender in the middle of a week-long. Yeah, I've always said that New Orleans is my favorite city in America, but that I don't really have any desires to, like, live there because I would be 300 pounds and dead.

by the age of 50 maximum, I think. Because it just hits too hard. I don't think I, I know everything, you get over it after a while. If you actually lived there, you would fucking, you'd get tired of just drinking and fatten all the time.

I know that, but it's just so good. Yeah, I don't know. It's just, it would be hard. Me and Katie have talked about like later in life, maybe moving there for like a little while or something,

you know, like when we're old. Then you can just, you could just go. hard and die and it's fine. You can die. Yeah. It don't matter.

So we'll see. But yeah. My friend told me while I was down there that sociologists, obviously doctors can't really change the definition of alcoholism. But like psychologists and sociologists, there's like a different standard for some places because of the cultural aspect in New Orleans is supposedly one of them. You mean like? Like if you have a therapist and you're telling your therapist how you live your life,

supposedly, according to my friend, that therapist has been trained to understand that if you live in New Orleans, they will gauge whether or not you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol differently. Because, like, having a cocktail at three is so normal there that they won't necessarily assume, well, you got a problem. It's just like, well, everybody was doing it. Is that the same for, like, Ireland and the UK? No clue. It's got to be, right? Yeah. Oh, I mean, I also have no idea. but that was the first place that popped into my mind

just because like, I mean, I ain't never even been over there, but I just have always understood that they've got a huge drinking culture. And I'm not just talking about that drunk Irish stereotypes. I mean, I am also talking about that. You drunk and Catholic fucks. But just that whole situation over there, rife with fucking points and pubs and getting pissed and whatnot.

Wouldn't it be wild if we found out? that like America's standards were just so shaped by our puritanical beginnings that like all of our definition of alcoholism are ridiculous compared to the rest of the worlds that would be wild but I mean I also read a lot of other people like Brits and stuff putting out there that you know we probably should do a better job with our drinking culture it's like it's maybe not cool. You can't, this is a major shift

in tone potentially, but you just reminded me of something that I've thought about bringing up on here before. You've traveled the world somewhat. I haven't. I've only been to Mexico and Canada outside of the U.S. But like,

so first of all, this is true, I think, what I'm about to say, like objectively, statistically true, that America is the most diverse country on the planet, isn't it?

I don't know. If you've read that, I believe you. I mean, I've been to places and every one of them was less diverse. Right. I mean, I think where would even... Right. But in like South Africa, for example, the huge majority is

black people, whatever the black people in South Africa are called. They're all black. Yeah. So the black people there. But this might have been why you brought that up. If you're mixed, they still call you colored. Okay. But I'm saying the like the ruling used to be apartheid whitties, right?

The Afrikaners, is that what they're called? I think you pronounce it Afrikaners, but yes. Afrikaners. They're like a small percentage of the population there. Because that was what was all fucked up about that, right? They ruled with an iron fist, but really they were like a small population. small percentage of the population. I wasn't even trying to get on South Africa

specifically, but we can go ahead since we're here. I'm just saying what other country would even be close, and they come to mind, but I don't think they are close, but you've actually lived there. I brought it up because I live there. I don't think they're close at all. Black, white, and it's pretty significant Indian population, and then obviously

there's some Asians and some I guess there's some brown people, man, I don't even know if there is. Europe, European countries may come close to us. I don't know. My understanding is that when I lived in Queens everyone said that

a story of Queens, I think it was that neighborhood. One of the neighborhoods in Queens was the most diverse neighborhood in the most diverse city and the most diverse country in the world. Is that true? I don't know. Well, again, I haven't traveled. I just don't

based on my limited knowledge and sort of understanding that I have of other countries, I don't think anywhere else is as diverse as America and I just I wonder how that also you know how we've talked I don't even know how to get into

what I'm trying to say you'll probably hopefully you'll pick up them where I'm trying to go with it because this is one of the thing it's always really hard to frame it without sounding saying some dumb sounding shit which I'm probably going to do anyway but you know how we taught plenty of times before about like white people from super super white places or super white neighborhoods who don't like realize that they're

racist. Like I've got that story about that white lady in Colorado that I've told a million times who was talking about how racist the South was. And then she said she had a black daughter, but not to worry, her daughter doesn't act black. She likes to read and all this stuff or whatever. I was like, that's literally the most racist shit I've heard in six months, you know. And she also talked about growing up in a area in Colorado that was 99.5% white or something like that. I know we've talked before about that and how it pisses me off when those people talk about how racist the South is because I'm just like, you live in fucking Ronald Reagan's dreamland, right? Like, everyone where you live is white, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, right?

Well, I wonder how much of a parallel that you could draw with that same logic to like some of these other countries that are like hugely, they're not full. I know they have immigrants and refugee populations and whatever and stuff like that, but that are like a massive. massive ethno majority or whatever, you know, comparatively speaking, in terms of who is the level of racism and whatnot. Am I making any sense? Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, we get, we catch all the shit for being the most racist, right? I feel like, like, you're a thing. Like, America is kind of, and I have the, I have a bit about this now, but like America is now kind of kind of the south of the world, I think.

meaning like, you know, the rest of the world points is like, that's where all the problematic people are at. That's where all the dummy, the big fat, racist dummies. That's where they all are at. And which kind of implies the rest of us are cool, but I'm saying I don't think the rest of them are cool.

They're not. I mean, that's what I'm, that's what I mean. As immigrant populations spring up in certain, I mean, the French, the French have a gnarly scenario going on right now with Muslims. I mean,

it is bad. It's a culture war. It's race-based. It's ethnic-based. It's religious-based. It's gnarly what goes on there and the fights that they have in Parliament and quite literally in the streets. In Australia, I got asked three different times. I may have told this on here before. Three different people asked me what racism was like. Now, you don't know anything about Australia in aboriginals. That is, it's not funny because it's such a dark concept. but it's so absurd that it's such a hilarious question for someone to ask. And I brought that up to all three of them. And one of them was like, oh, I never thought of that, which was hilarious. The other two were like, oh, Aboriginals are happy to live out in the desert. And then one of them goes, and they're all drunk. Yeah, you have brought that up on here before you, because you did it in response to me talking about some shit that I had seen on Reddit

that I actually saw again just this week. which is what made me think of this very subject. And that is Europeans on Reddit, talking about how racist America is, and then someone brings up gypsies. And I know the word, whatever. We don't really have them here for the most part, but whatever.

Travelers, the Romani people, travelers, whatever the various names form are. But if you bring those people up on Reddit, Europeans start saying all the same shit that, like, racist in America say about black people. You know, like they get really to. offensive and they're like, no, no, listen, you don't understand.

It's nothing like racism in America because, see, here's what you guys don't understand about it. See, gypsies don't hit. Right. See, they're actually bad. Like, y'all hate black people and black people are good, but gypsies, they are not good. So that's why it's completely different for us to be prejudiced against them. And then when, and then Americans would be like, bro, you realize how racist that shit is that

you just said, right? And you're like, it's not racist. and they just don't they don't under they don't see it that way they can't and that's what i've been thinking a lot about this lately which is funny being an american who's never been there but i'll go before long and i'll see for myself by god but i just uh i've been you know it's just something that's been on my mind lately you know it's part of that sort of southern you know y'all ain't no better me or us mentality that i have about everything i've been think i've just been like side eye in europe from across

the globe lately. Like y'all, y'all ain't all that. I'm about to give a very, and they're not, and fuck y'all. If you're listening from Europe, tell them they don't hit from us. But I'm about to give, not an ignorant, but a not entirely accurate portrayal of history, but it is the answer. I'm just not sure. Like, I'm about to get an 80 on the test and tell you why I think that is the way that it is.

when you look at the history of the slave trade and when slavery was ending in the world, America ratcheted it up right as everyone else was stopping. Right. That specifically affected mostly black Africans. When we ended slavery here, American black culture became an ethnicity in a way that, as far as I know, it hasn't as much in Europe, who was also partaking in the slave trade but had ended it. And look, this is the part where I'm getting an 80. Look, I don't know how many African slaves were in Holland

in the 1600s or the 1500s or the 1400s or the 1400s. I don't know what happened to them. I don't know what their culture is. I don't know if they completely assimilated. I don't know. What I do know is that in America, we have a relatively unique thing going on where black American is an ethnicity.

The reason why is we have so many people from that diaspora. I think I'm saying that word correctly. Here, who didn't have a history, who don't know where they came from. So they created their own culture. And through music and movies and food and all that, it became American Black became its own thing. And then through our movies,

people learn about that. And they see it. And we are worse at it in those time periods. It seems, maybe not. Maybe I don't know what was going on in France in the 1960s. Well, I think, because Katie, Katie, it's like Katie don't watch nothing but fucking period dramas anymore, historical dramas.

And I look, I mean, this is exactly what you're talking about. These are fucking TV shows. But still, just from watching a lot of those recently, which are at least based on actual historical facts and also just history that I know, I think you're right about, yeah, in France or in Holland or whatever, there weren't a bunch of like plantations and slaves going on in large part because they did all that in their fucking colonies that they had. at the time. Like, they weren't doing it at home because they were off doing it. Chopping babies' hands off in fucking Kenya and shit. Like, that's what they were doing.

And then they finally left. And it has it. All our shit went down here. Like, here as in this country, where we all still live. You know? Where the black folks still are, not where they come from. Right. I think that also is a big, but you know,

like, when it was first happening here, it wasn't us. It was them. We are them. They came here and we've been became us, you know, but like that was them. We learned it from you, Dad, you know, like. Well, and that's another thing. We're younger at it. And we built, well, and again, we built this whole nation on it. I mean, the two undeniable factors when it comes to American history that are starting to be talked about,

but weren't talked about, in my opinion, enough when you and I were younger, is the death of the Indians, a lot of which came from disease, but it's still. was a genocide. The death of the Indians and then we had free labor for a huge continent. I mean, it's just we are singular in our history. Right.

And it's kind of wild. Yeah, it is kind of wild. If the Chinese invaded Europe and all the Europeans died and then the Chinese built a new Chinese colony there on slavery, you know,

that would have a I mean, I know that's a wild hypothetical, but you understand what I'm saying. Yeah, a more lighthearted, hopefully, side of this same discussion, I think, you brought up Chinese. Never been there either, but I've heard that, like, over there, they barely even have, like, racism, but except they're all super, not saying they're all super racist. They'll just be like, if you're like a black tourist over there, they'll just be like, black and point and just like, point, like, cool cameras out and like black and just yell at each other and fucking all gathering. and take pictures and stuff, and it's just like, that's just, you know, they don't care about any of that at all,

because it's like not even a thing culturally, or they'll do the same thing. If you're fat, there's be like, you fat, you're so fat. Right? They'll just tell you, and it's not even, it's not even them being mean. They're just like, you are fat. I'm just telling you that you're fat. What? Yeah, it's not mean at all.

You would take that stance because that's how you treat Corey. Right. I said it's not them being mean. But also, it's like, but you're supposed to look this way. But that's, that's, uh, that's kind of also part,

meaning like, when you think of like, wokeness and shit, there's a lot of places where they just, yeah, they don't do all that. You know, like most places,

yeah, they just don't. I'm saying like, is America the most diverse and fucking woke or whatever, you know, however you want to term it, country on the planet.

I think there's maybe, maybe an argument that we are, which is a wild thing to think about, but I'm just saying. I would say two things in response to that to put up a counter argument. And I'm not sure where I fall. I think we are the most diverse for sure. That's a factual question. I don't know the answer. That could be proven.

Yeah. I think in terms of what I guess it depends on what you mean, you know, when you use that term, if we're talking about like progressive, I think there's plenty of European countries that have way more progressive policies. that it's not to say they don't have blind spots around race in Denmark. They may. They probably do. Is it Denmark the place where they all put on black face every Christmas and have fucking black face parades and shit?

They do, but they're black people there haven't had, don't have the historical context of menstrual shows and all that. They may, but if they don't, you know what I mean? That's the thing you can go. If you can put on my face, why can't they put on blackface? It's like because of the pain and the history of that you, these people have been through in our country. if you grew up in Holland, you could just do blackface because it would just be silly. Or maybe not.

Maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but you understand what I'm getting at. The other thing that I would point out, though, is that America and China is probably the only place that compares to us in this way. So I don't think we're singular, but us and China are not one country. I mean, we are obviously. But culturally, we're so different. So New York? Yeah. in some ways, of course, then you go to Staten Island

or just run into a cab driver. They're not going to be super woke. But I understand what you're saying. New York might have that, but we're very white in Iowa and probably not that woke. I don't know. I'm not trying to shit on Iowa. Yeah.

Although zombie burger is way better than that fucking taco spot. And that's because they're a lack of diversity. But what was I saying? Oh, I think there's an argument for it, but I think if you're just, talking about progressivism and how your citizens are treated? No, that's definitely not the case. Yeah.

I guess I'm in like cultural whokeness or whatever you want to put it. In terms of like, yeah, progressive policies, I mean, no, all the Nordic country, most of Europe have us destroyed. Canada does. But yeah. It's sort of an interesting conversation in that regard. I don't know if you mean like using pronouns correctly for it. Yeah, that type of thing is more like what I'm. I'm sure we compete.

I guess that would, you know, what would be interesting to me about this question is, if you're a trans person, would you rather everybody do your pronouns right? Or would you rather have fucking healthcare and get surgery for free? Yeah. I guess what- Norland is diverse. Yeah, I mean, like you said, America, yeah, it depends. Yeah, fucking North Alabama, where all my in-laws that are at is neither.

I mean, there's a lot of black people there, but you know what I mean. well new Orleans is so diverse partially because it was a big huge international slave and trading post right that was part french at one point and then americans so that's a big part of it and why the music is so varied and blah blah blah yeah yeah i can't remember i don't remember i don't if he was reading that that gypsy shit on reddit or what it was that got me to thinking about this i think i was a little high too at the time but i just started wondering that that that are we the most diverse and woke country. I hope somebody isolates a clip of you saying gypsy with your accent. You know, gypsy, sir, we woke. Yeah, right. It is funny. Flur.

Yeah, well, we talked about this last time, but also like, they, so my understanding of all that is, it's kind of like the word Indian and Native American, which is to say that like some tribes actually are down with Indian, believe it or not. prefer that or whatever. And then many of them do not.

And I've heard that the word gypsy is that it's not just a catch-all slur. That some of them, they're not into it, but that some of them prefer to be called gypsies. And again, we don't really have them in this country the way y'all have them over there. So we don't really have experiences with them and shit. So I promise you, it's not ill intended. It's just, you know, what I've heard them called. Also, like, they hit for me. Gypsy's hit for me.

Yeah. Jipsy Speedboat is Jipsey's hit for me. You're right, but I guess I would make the point. It is like Indian in that Gypsy is a sort of amalgamation of the French word for Egyptian. When they got to France, a lot of the French thought they were Egyptian. So just called them Egyptians. Like Indian. Gypsy, kind of like Indian.

Right. But now for us to say that word in general, like Gypsy Speedboat, I would argue or accept an argument is different than saying calling Romney people gypsies. I'll call him Romney because none of them get offended by that and that's what they are. I think I might be corrected. I'm certain someone will let me know. I wanted to tell you it's a bit of a shift. It's a question and a quick thing.

You asked Corey what's the first thing he was going to do when he got vaccinated. Well, you asked us both, but it never got around to me. I was going to say live music. I did it in New Orleans. I was moved by live music for the first time in almost two years. It was incredible about cried, drunk as shit on a balcony. It was New Orleans jazz bands playing standards. And I mean, oh boy, started riffing, talking about horrors and doing heroin.

It was great. What are you going to do? your first thing now that it's on the table it's not a hypothetical anymore you got probably what two weeks before you feel comfortable doing stuff yeah uh and i don't know i don't have me like for the big thing the big thing is you know at some point this summer and we haven't worked out the details yet uh will me and katie and the boys will go to tennessee for a while you know see family and stuff because we have in a year and a half and everything.

So that's like the big thing. And as far as like day-to-day life shit, I think I said this when Corey brought it up before, but I guess it's still my answer. It's not football season, but like just like go to a bar and watch a basketball game or like a hockey playoff game or something.

Like just go to a sports bar and watch some kind of game with other sports fans. would really hit for me to do again. I mean, live music's definitely up there, but I mean, you already said that one. Well, yeah, that's mine. And the other thing I said last time was I missed going to movie theaters,

which, I mean, I do. That one's weird, I think, because I don't, I think it remains to be saying how that one is going to really shake out. But, yeah, because, you know, for my birthday, Katie rented out a small theater in a larger, in like a large AMC, multiplex. You rented out one of the smaller theaters for my birthday, and we watched King Kong. Godzilla versus King Kong, and I mean, I fucking loved it. That was super

rad. I mean, I love going to the movie theater and bars and just places where there are people. And of course, of course, doing our own shows again, too. So I mean, yeah. All that. Let me plug real quick. On the 22nd, I'm very proud to be doing this show. I'm getting to do a show, which is on my list. And then listen to Lee Baines and Mike Cooley of the drive-by truckers. On the 22nd in Brookwood, Alabama, we're doing, me and DJ are opening for, like I said,

Lee Baines and Mike Cooley of the truckers for a benefit for minors, for striking minors down there, and they're on strike. It's going down in Alabama. It's been going down in Alabama with Amazon and the miners all summer. I'm super proud to be a part of that. And then quickly, I'm the 27th. I'm at the Raleigh Improv. I think the 16th of June.

I am in Huntsville, Alabama, a stand-up live. and my Zanis date just got moved, so I have to get back to y'all on that, but I'll be posting those dates. If you follow me on social media, you'll see them all. DJ will be with me every step of the way. I am going to try to drag Corey out

for at least a guest spot on one of them, but I'll let y'all know. Yeah, that's right. I had booked an outdoor comedy festival that was supposed to go on in the summer with like fucking some real headers on it and was super pumped about it, but then it fell apart.

because of whatever COVID bull, you know, something happened, regulation. I mean, I was already, I had like contract in hand and all that stuff and was super pumped about it. And but then they're still trying to move it right now. But who knows whether it'll happen or not. So, I mean, I don't know. We'll see. But in the interim, you know, let's talk about some other shit.

Why about phones? We'll talk about phones real quick. After years of, here's what I want y'all to do, audience. Corey's not here this week. He is the one who has the personal experience with this. So whenever I say I just pretend that I'm Corey, and I do know what Corey has said about it before and also what his, I believe his plan is.

So I'm going to speak for Corey. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I first heard that Mint Mobile offers premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month, I thought,

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RED. And here's the other thing I was going to say about Corey. He has said he's going to do this. I don't know if he has yet is he's going to use his new mint mobile phone as a sort of like fan hotline. He's going to put the number out there on Twitter and wherever else. So you can like send us through him, him slash us text and pictures and

voicemails and whatever else so that's what he's saying he's going to do with it so keep on the lookout for that because since it's Corey doing it I think that's a very hitting idea. Yeah. Go ahead, Drew. Well, speaking of the hard dicks, Corey's going to get in his inbox, guys.

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Back to it. I had a thing, another silly thing I wanted to ask you about that you kind of reminded me of earlier. We brought up trans people. It reminded me that this will make sense in a minute, I think. It's one of my favorite old boy sayings, and I don't believe that he invented it, although he is one of the kings of old boys. But the first person I ever heard say it was Brett Fav, okay? But I don't think, I don't think it originated with him. But it is the phrase, when you're saying like, oh, if only I would have, you know, gotten up five minutes earlier, I wouldn't have missed my flight or whatever.

Like if only this one little thing was different, then it would have went completely differently, right? That's the context, something like that. Or if only the receiver hadn't fallen down when I threw that pass, it had been a touchdown and we'd have won, whatever, right? that's the context. And the saying is, yeah,

but you know, well, if my aunt had a dick, should be my uncle. Right. So, and it's just, I've always really,

really liked that phrase, because it just, it sort of sums it up. It's like, yeah, if that had happened, it would have hit, but you know what?

But it didn't happen. And so it just kind of is what it is. But my question for you is, is it a, like, is it a kind of, um, deceptively,

um, progressive old boy. saying. Oh, I thought you were going to ask. Because it's kind of like, it's like, you know, if you put a dick on my aunt, well, then she'd be, she'd be my uncle then. I thought you were going to ask, you know, which wouldn't be a problem with that. Right. No, that's not what they mean, but I think you could think about it that way, which is funny to me. I thought you're going to ask if it was regressive. If you, I thought you're going to say like, oh, you know, dicks and pussies ain't what makes a man or a woman or an aunt or an uncle. So is it secretly regressive? I mean, like, look, obviously, see the real answer to me is it's nothing. It's just a phrase that's something made up. Back when ginger norms were much more rigid than they are now.

But I like it. Yeah, I like having the aunt uncle, the uncle aunt, you know. Yeah. Well, I'm with it. Do you know how this isn't just like trans people. There's many applications for this. But one of them is with trans people, as I understand it. I read that on the internet.

I hope it's true. But I saw the apparatus. So I know it exists. How to go about making them do? Dick's work, Drew? Let's say there's a person, whether they're trans or not, there's a person who's got a dick that don't work. Do you know one of the things you could do to make it work?

I did not. Penile implants? Oh, you sent us a picture of one of those. I did. Did you see that? I never in New Orleans at the time. I saw it. I probably saw him. Like, look at this, everybody at a bar.

So apparently the way one of them works is it's like tubes that are, that are like bladders, like little balloons, but they're long cylindrical tubes, you know, sort of wiener shaped. Yeah. I guess you put inside your wiener, and you fill them up with like a saline solution that makes them like rigid,

so that's what props the wiener up, right? And to pump it up, to fill up the saline solution, there's a little pump, a little saline pump that goes in your balls, and you pump your balls like a pair of, of 90s rebox and your dick goes and then stands up and then you

go to town. That's my understanding. Thank you Reddit for that. You may not know. I'm curious, is this strictly a medical device? In other words, people whose dick won't work, whether they're paralyzed or whatever the case or trans men, or does this also, can it be applied if you just say, I want my dick to hit more? because two of those, I'm going to be honest.

I don't even want to get into. It's a minefield in my mind, and I feel like we'll touch on making fun of somebody who's just trying to fill a necessity. But that third one to me is, and I'm not sorry for this, hilarious to think about. Some dude is just like, an old rich man, you know, who's just like,

quit working when I was 62. You know what I mean? So I believe it can be any of those up to and including the last one. And actually the context with which I read about this found out about this was actually in a Ask Reddit thread where the question was

people who worked in the porn industry what are some like dark secrets of the porn industry whatever and let me tell buddy you talk about a minefield that was some fucked up shit in that thread but one of one of the lesser fucked up things was talking about

the male porn stars and apparently and this isn't surprising they get into a place relatively quickly I guess where their wainers just do not work right. You know? They use injections and shit at first, but I guess eventually that can also stop working. And so some of them, and this is how this device even got brought up. And then someone else was like, yeah, but people with ED and trans men and they use those

too. But the way that device got brought up was they were saying one thing that some adult performers do eventually is get this implant. So like it's a male porn star pumping his ball. up to get his dick ready and then going out. Do what? The Reebok dick. Yeah, the Reebok dick.

Yeah. I just got them pumps. Well, all right, here's what I want to know about the porn star wearing his dick out. Is that from too much fucking or do the implants? What am I trying to say? Like, is it a situation where you just fuck so much your dick don't work right? Or is it how I understand it. Okay.

I was going to say it or is it kind of like a performance enhancing drug has fucked your body up type thing where you have to fuck for four hours a day. You can't naturally do that. So you took pills or injections or whatever. I actually think it's a combination of both of those things based on what I would. They definitely do use pills and apparently also some kind of injections and shit or whatever so they can do it for fucking hours a day like you were saying. They do that.

That has adverse effects, but also the first part I think is a factor too. And you just get to a point where it just don't work right without like these other devices or methods, methods, whatever. Well, I just want to know, then there's got to be some legend in the porn world who's like, and God, because he's black, it's going to sound weird, but I don't mean it this way. The LeBron James of Dix, in that, people are like, no, I swear to God, not ever took a pit. He's just that athlete. He can just book for eight straight hours.

Because LeBron James, that people don't know, is known for being great, but also very durable. LeBron James doesn't get injured and plays a lot of minutes. I don't know who that guy is, but I agree with you that I bet that he exists. I bet that there is one. They got to talk about him, too. You should have like, do you have like male? Do you have any porn stars that hit for you? But what about male one specifically?

Because I know some dudes do. I've heard dudes talk about it where they're like, I'm a fan of this guy. But they're like, not because it's a gay thing. It's like, just like, you know, I like what he's about or whatever. And I'm not just saying this. I don't. Like, I could care less. Yeah, me too.

And also, I don't have many porn stars that I'm- I don't either. I really- A variety of reasons. I run away in shame pretty quickly, you know. Well, I had never been familiar with her work, but I met Whitney Wright backstage at a wrestling event when me and Corey was hanging out with Conrad. She was the guest, and her and Jerry Briscoe, Papal Jerry, are from towns right beside each other in Oklahoma.

And they had just the sweetest conversation about being from small towns in Oklahoma. And it really hit for me. So I became a fan of hers, you know, as a person. Yeah. Look, I'm not disparaging any of them. I'm just saying I'm not that type of connoisseur at all. but yeah more power to them all although again after reading some of the shit on that reddit thread though it's like there's a serious underbelly to that uh you don't say back beast yeah yeah there's some

there's some uh fucked up shit that goes on there which i mean yeah i know that's not at all surprising i think we've talked before about um feminism and sex work or whatever and sort of how that all works out because that's also a little hairy right no pun intended uh but you yeah, that kind of goes either way, doesn't it? Like, don't people go back and forth on that? And what about just like regular old showing your butt hole on the internet? Like, where does that fall? Yeah.

A lot of people are very into that, apparently, yeah, in both directions. Well, and as far as a consumer goes, I'm much more into just some lady showing her butthole on the internet than I am porn stars. It just gets me going. I don't know why. Lester Hart, buddy. I like indie sex workers, you know what I like indie bands. I like indie raffers. It's just, it's a through line with me.

Well, Hall Hephner. Yeah. Yeah, it's her art and she's not going to sell out to the industry. I don't know. What was the question? The feminism one? I think that's different waves and different parts. We should have asked Sarah,

we should have asked Sarah Smarsh about that, if I'm honest with you. I mean, I understand it. I understand what you're saying and agree with you. There's two different things. There's like, you know, these women are victims. Right. And I know that some of them are.

Some of them absolutely are. And it is fucked up. And like, you know. Well, I do follow quite a few sex workers on Twitter because there's a starting, there's a growing like coalition of sex work in the left. Because sex workers are often like, we're workers too. So we want to unionize and we want better rights. And I have noticed that they make some very good points of like, you know,

well, you're using your body. We're a fucking coal miners using his body. And it's breaking down. So there's an empowered side to it too. I think it's just a matter of rights and just trying to make any workplace as safe as possible and have workers have as much power and autonomy as possible. And surprise, surprise, when you shun in the whole industry, when you make a whole industry shame and we're not allowed to talk about it,

predators can get away with more in that industry. That's not shocking. I think everybody agrees we need to get rid of that. it's just that like the how you go about it i know a lot of sex workers uh they have a bone to pick with ashton kutcher because he's done all this work and to like stop sex trafficking which is a noble cause but one of the things he his organization and the fbi i did was basically got rid of backpage dot com and a lot of girls were like you're forcing me into scarier scenarios that was actually a safer place for me to do my business but you know ashton and them's counter was it was also a

for place for sex traffickers to do bad business. So it's almost like if you legalized it, you could regulate it. A good time starts with a great wardrobe. Next stop, J.C. Penny. Family get-togethers to fancy occasions, wedding season two. We do it all in style. Dresses, suiting, and plenty of color to play with. Get fixed up with brands like Liz Claybourne, Worthington, Stafford, and Jay Farrar.

Oh, and thereabouts for kids. Super cute and extra affordable. Check out the latest in store. and we're never short on options at jcp.com all dressed up everywhere to go jc penny yeah but like i mean i know we're talking about sex work right now but we got started us talking about porn and everything and that's like porn is legal but still a lot of fuckery goes on absolutely you know right because i think probably because of part what you were saying about like it being it being gross or taboo or whatever although like i know that

there are, because we talked with DJ before, DJ used to work in like a sex shop or whatever, and there's like a dick and butt board, like a state, like a state dick and butt commission who have to give you a dick and butt license to sell your dick and butt stuff. Yes.

And so I'm like, I know those things exist. So, you know, I ain't got to schooling for that, but I'm sure you can find people to staff up those boards and regulate a little further. Well, there's a hypocrisy to it, though. There are rules and regulations in terms of how to

make porn. And if you don't follow them, or if you're making your own, like, amateur style and you don't have proof that you and the person, you know, she or he consented and they're adults, then sites like Pornhub aren't supposed to host it. They just do it anyway. And it's interesting that they don't go after Pornhub, but they go after Backpage. And a lot of sex workers make that point where they're like, this gnarly shit's being hosted on Pornhub, but they've got a lot of money and they're not horse. They're a company. So the cops ain't coming after the company.

They're coming after the horse. Quick story. May I tell this before. But when I was a public defender in Knoxville, the hardest I've ever laughed during that job, the cops were trying to get regular prostitutes under the pimp statutes. And the pimp statutes said that, you know, to get someone, to charge someone with pimping,

Um, one of the factors was if they had an established mode of business, I think was the phrasing. And it was trying to get after whorehouses. Like if a pimp owns a whorehouse, you can charge them with a felony of pimping. They were claiming the state was that having a website or an ad up on backpage.com, ads are for businesses. You're maintaining a business. You're a pimp. Their argument was that these girls were pimping themselves so that they were guilty of felonies.

The whole defense board was incensed about. it. It was ridiculous. They were like, this is to protect people. It's like, you're not protecting anyone. This is horse shit. They were entrapping these girls. This one dude, we had him on tape grabbing tips. That part, not funny, fucking nightmare. The funny part was Susan, I won't say her last name, tiny lawyer.

I think she might have retired now. She's about, I swear to God, she's four foot nine, maybe. She's probably five. But you know what I'm saying? She's just tiny, old lady, super thick southern accent, walking around in the back. I guess they want to have horror trials. Y'all want to have horror trials.

We'll have whore trials. Just in whoever she's walking by, she's engaged with Drew. Drew, will you have a horror trial? Drew will have a horror trial. Me and Drew have a horror trials right now. We'll have horror trials all day long. We'll put every horror on trial. We'll put them on the stand.

We're doing the horror trials. And I was dying laughing. She ended up winning in the back, you know, in the back page.com. They stopped charging the girls with that. Because that's not what they were doing. It's insane. That was just, it was, just like trumping up charges basically.

Like just prostitution would be a lesser charge. Yes. So they were trying to elevate it to pimping and that was the way they were going about doing it. Yes. And the reason they were doing it that way is they had spent time and money on a big raid and a whole, what they call that operation where they had gone through Backpage. com and made many arrests and all that. And I guess they were like trying to justify the time and money they spent because

at the end all they got was just, you know, a bunch of prostit. They didn't get any big fit. So instead of realizing there's no big fish to be gotten on back now. Okay, I was about, I was actually just about to ask you, like, are there like big fish in those particular waters in like Knoxville? Because that's like a scary thought. I mean, well, yeah. I mean, in general, there's a lot of trafficking that goes through Knoxville because of the same reason there's a lot of drugs that go through Knoxville. 75 and 40 is sort of the south to the northeast channel.

So there's a guy in my hometown who's on the lamb right now for my hometown. town. They say he's in Mexico. My brother used to cook meth on his property. He's in with the cartel. I mean, they store drugs, guns, maybe cash there, and everyone's known it forever. And he got tipped off that the TBI was coming for him and he left. He's well connected. But as far as as I know, the cartel never did any sex trafficking through his, you know, that's a different thing. In a different department. Yeah, we got a guy for that. He's not in some right. He's one county over, probably. Jesus. yeah that shit's uh i mean it's wild to think about um and i mean it's definitely a good thing that

there's more because like frankly i never ever thought about any of that for most of my life none of it was ever brought up or put out there really but i feel like it is now like because of people like ashton kutcher and stuff like you see like ads or PSAs and like posters and shit that sort of outline red flags for human trafficking and things like that and i that never that never ever, ever used to be. Regular people didn't know anything about that ever. Right. And so, and I feel like now people do, which at least is a good thing.

And then, of course, then you got the fucking Q&A motherfuckers trying to fuck all that up by by making, trying to make their whole lunatic argument have to do with an actual issue. And it's just, should be wild. Should it be wild. The internet is, um, you know, I can't. can't decide if it's neutral or bad. I don't think it's good. I think it has done some good.

And now I'm specifically talking about not just Q&On, but I guess the ability to sex traffic, but also the ability to coordinate and figure out. I think the internet is the most like good and bad thing that we've devised in an extremely long time. Maybe like in our history as a society. Worse than the atomic bomb? Or you mean it doesn't,

the atomic bomb doesn't have a lot of good side. so it's that's what so you just mean it's the are you saying it's i would call the atomic bomb more bad than good although i mean shit i don't know i mean that's an interesting one really because like there ain't been no more of them not would you know what i mean like they i'm not in that home mutually assured destruction tip myself but uh it seems to actually serve as a deterrent so right well i will have i was to say atomic bombs are most bad. I'd like to go on the record saying they're mostly bad. Atomic energy

though, I mean, you know, like yeah. Maybe that's a fair comparison. I guess what I was asking my question poorly, but now I think I know the answer to my own question. You're saying the internet is the most extreme in that paradox of being good and bad for humanity. Yeah. I think it's

amazing that we have like so much information and knowledge and shit at our fingertips literally all the time. And most people do in the developed world anyway. I think that's fucking insane and incredible. I also think it's insane and incredible that I can get on my phone and 15 minutes later have a fucking bottle of liquor or a pizza or wherever the fuck I want brought to my door. That's amazing.

Virtual reality is wild now. You can do all kinds. Like, we're living in the future in so many ways, ways they hit for me. But yeah, but the fucking dark side of it all is easily as bad. Yeah. Obviously, it's a lot worse in a lot of ways, but there's a lot of other, like, genuine, miraculous shit that the internet has led to that is good,

but also horrific shit that is bad. I think atomic energy is the only thing that comes close and it doesn't even come close. If you're listening to a better example of something that has just been so extremely good and bad, I mean, I guess you go with like, oh, the printing press, that just feels so quaint now. I realized at the time it was truly revolutionary

in the many of the same way as the Internet was. But it just feels so quaint to me. Oil might be up there, maybe. Yeah, that's pretty good. You know, massive technological and energy advances because of the development of oil processing and refinery or whatnot, but also like the birth of plutocracy in capitalism and also the environment

getting fucked by it. Damn, I didn't even think about the plutocracy. I thought you just meant the environment. That might be it, actually. I bet if you look in throughout human history, pretty much every major advancement has at least some element of this argument going on. Somebody's always getting fucked by

every single time. I doubt there's anything that ever happens that's like a universal good for everyone. There's always like a dark side. to any new advancement. I bet. I completely agree, and assume you're right, maybe not in the medical world,

although who wants to live longer. But I completely agree with you, but if you go to rank them, atomic energy and oil, the end result could be death. So that's pretty extreme. Man, now I've got to put the internet maybe behind those two,

the more I think about it. I don't know, though, man. If you look at it from a culture, perspective. Yeah. You know, and like social media and just all the fucking everything

that's happened with us culturally over the past two decades, the past quarter century, whatever. That's all the internet. And like it remains to be seen where the end game for all that is.

So, you know, internet's still playing. The internet's still in the game. Like, you know. Internet's back in the corner. Don't count me out. I'll kill all of you of interest. Internet ain't heard no bell.

Well, internet's back there going, As soon as my partner in crime, artificial intelligence, gets on the up and up, me and it are going to wreck y'all. No, it ain't no doubt about that. Ain't no doubt about it. Maybe would you stay too dumb to figure that out? I don't know. Maybe me and you will die before that is even relevant.

Yeah, all right. Go back to kids. Hold on. We got five minutes, and I want to ask this because I'm in general curious. Does that kind of stuff, do you freak out about that about your kids? can you just not because they exist already and so it's pointless? Do you think you're going to have to talk to them about that? I don't think, if we're talking about the literal robot apocalypse.

What about global warming? I don't actually worry about it. What about water shortages? What about war? I'm very just genuinely curious about your thought on existential issues as a dad. I just, well, you know, I mean, we've talked about it in plenty of bars and shit before. You know that I'm actually, despite what a lot of people might, expect. I'm actually very much an optimist about things. And I mean, I'm sure that that is the reason why. I mean, I feel like, I feel like what I think back on before I had kids, I mean, I had kids pretty young. I was 25 when the first one came along. When I think back on being a young adult before having kids, I'm pretty sure I still was like an, I don't think that it was some big 180 shift for me into optimism just because I had children.

but I do think I'm sure it helps to push me in that direction. But I just think that, you know, I mean, I think we'll figure it out. Sure. I think that they'll have caught. I think that I just have, for whatever reason, I continue to have ultimately faith in mankind at the end of the day, despite all the horrible shit that's gone on. we've always been horrible, but have genuine, generally,

continued in the same mostly positive direction. And I think that's still true. So I think it'll be okay. What do you give, if anything, what do you give credit for that? Because I got an interesting conversation

with one of our mutual friends. I can tell you who when we're done. And he gives like capitalism the credit for current. And I'm like, I feel like it's democracy and science. For what? Advancement?

And the idea that we're in a better place than we were 100 years ago. I mean, I definitely think science and, yeah, diplomacy and all that shit. I think it's in nature. Yeah. I think it's like in our nature to sort of progress. Obviously, again, not all of us, but I'm talking about in the macro scale. That's why I do like I think I, sounds or. Not in our lifetimes, probably not in my kids' lifetimes.

But, like, I think we're going to end up fucking colonizing the solar system and shit like that. Like, I really do. So I do, too. It's just only going to be rich people that survive the coming water wars. Yeah, you could be right about that. Sure. Well, you heard of here first, folks. Elon Musk is going to succeed in killing us all.

Well, look, dude, fuck Elon Musk, but that thing he says about the singularity where he's like, And one of his various companies that he has is actually focused on that exact problem. But his whole thing with the singularity, which is artificial intelligence becoming self-aware and that type of thing. Which, by the way, it's very far off still. But his whole thing with that is like, the only way for us to keep from being eradicated by that when it happens is if we become the singularity before that point in time. And yet another idea he stole to go on. Well, yeah, I'm not saying he didn't. I mean, science fiction is fucking, there's probably, there's probably 50, 60 year old.

stories that are about that general subject, but or the idea of an advanced species finally kind of leaving the physical realm behind essentially or whatever, like that's an idea that's been around for a long time, but I mean, you know, I'm into that too.

I am like, dude, fucking plug me into the Matrix. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give shit. It ain't never hit for me. It still don't hit for me. DJ and I was where we finally rhyme that on into the abiscuit because this is our wheelhouse is plug me in but i better be able to have a button there better be a damn button that i can get out when i don't want to be in there no more yeah well i'll let you go brother all right well there's a good one it was all right well

say you bye they're the they're the railroad next day like cornbread but six they care way too much but don't give a fun they're the Maybe a rednecks that makes some people upset But they got three big old dicks that you can suck