wellRED podcast - #239 - Shootin The S*** w/ Tushar Singh!

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

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money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread, but sex they care way too much but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset but they got three big old dick that you can Well, here we are. Here we are. Hey, here we are. Hey, go to well-redd comedy.com, W-E-L-L-R-E-D, Comedy.com, and you can get tickets to see us on the road. We're currently in Atlanta.

We're about to do a sold-out show tomorrow night at the Variety Playhouse. But we're coming to... Just did a not-quite sold-out show at the Variety Playhouse. As they would say in wrestling, it was a capacity crowd. Which is the thing that they say when they legally can't say sold-out, but when it seems like it hits. But the Variety Playhouse... hits, nice place.

It does. Love Atlanta. Love doing shows here. Why can't they legally say that? If it's not something, they can't lie, which is so funny about wrestling. That's their whole thing. They can't say. I think it's a thing to like, and for the record, though, with wrestling, to my knowledge,

when they can only say capacity crowd if it looks sold out. Because what happens is that wrestling, they will paper it to where it looks sold out, but like for their investors and stuff like that, they can't say sold out unless every seat was actually paid for. So like when they're going on TV and everybody knows, that everybody's there. They go, it's a capacity, which means it's two capacity.

It's not like a law or anything. It's like if we say it's sold out, but then our investors don't get the money, and they're going to be like, you said it was sold out. You said it was sold out. But it's still kind of why it's like, so you're telling me that in that match

where that guy and his mute brother who's died three times, came back from the grave, and then they got in a fight over that thing their mom did, but we can't lie about that. I guess maybe too. It's like they feel like we're like, well, like, if we say sold out,

there's going to be a block of 40 people that know that they got their tickets for free because they were just giving them away. And I don't know, but like, that's their way of doing it. They just say, it's a capacity crowd because it's at capacity. Do they ever say sold out? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, plenty of times in Massachusetts, we're all sold out. Joe, but, I don't know what you do about this, but it's pretty much just your back. Yeah, I mean, people don't need to fucking see me. They do too. They don't see your beautiful face.

It ain't fair to them. Is this fine? We want to see your face, Cho. Okay, I just don't. You can look at us through the mirror. Yeah, well, he can see you through the mirror and now the good people. Actually, this is fine. The good people on the, yeah, this is fine.

This is kind of weird. I got like a last supper vibe going on. But, but we are on tour and next week we will be in Minneapolis at the beautiful, correct me if I'm wrong here, at Pantagis Theater. That's how I say. Pantages, Pantagis, maybe. Pantagis, Pantagis, and then after that. Pandemic, am I right?

I know we're in, we're in Irvine and we're in San Jose, San Jose, which. Home of the best wings in the world. I cannot wait. Paper plane, shout out. Unificial sponsor of next week, two weeks from now's podcast. Got to get them crack wings. I've done it and already been thinking about them wings.

I know. I have to pretty much all year. And then after that, D.C. and, uh, no, we're not doing Napa. Huntsville. Huntsville. Wait, we're not doing Napa? No, Napa got pushed, I think, for COVID reasons. You got a switch, damn.

Let's go to Napa. Get you some wine, baby. Trapes through the hills. Be gay. And I must say this, uh, because our, our, our, December, our December shows at Zanis, which are, I mean, it's hard to beat. Those, like, three of those five shows are already almost sold out for December, which is awesome. But like, get, like, don't wait, get you tickets now.

Rock and roll. But we're here in the, well, not the green room. This is my fucking hotel room here in, uh, in the hay. Yeah, at Atlanta Hilton along with the Indian outlaw himself, too sure saying, everybody. How? How. How. Yeah, every time.

Every time. You're not saying anything because you knew that was what was your first word. How should I open? Yeah, it's been sitting on that. Sitting Indian style, I'm right? Let me get on it. Yeah, there you go. I know, we've told that story multiple times on the podcast.

Like nine times, yeah. What about my wedding? No, but just too sure informing us that Indian style is actually them and not what we thought, the Indians we thought, which is mind-blowing. Okay, but I keep getting like, is that true, though? Yeah. It's a yoga pose. Yeah. It's a basic yoga pose.

But I thought that you were just doing a bit when you told everybody at my wedding, because I thought it was just to freak out a bunch of white people. I mean, it was. It was dual purpose, but it was true. Right. Which is wild. No, that is wild. And makes so much sense.

I'll tell you what's wild and don't make sense and sucks real bad is Norm MacDonald died. Rest in peace, Normauntled, your favorite comedian's favorite comedian. Yeah. And that's the damn truth, dude. Yeah, man. Norm's one of them dudes that, like. Grand a comedian on earth for whom Norm don't absolutely crush.

No, absolutely. I mean, like, it's one of them things where like people, you know, when someone dies and they were like underappreciated, you go, oh man, I really wish this person had to got their flowers on earth. And I feel like Norm did. Like, I mean, and I mean,

and like my timeline is very skewed towards comedians and those are the only conversations I have. But like, me and my buddy Robbie were talking and Robbie was like, because Robbie's a huge fucking Norm fan. That's his dad's favorite comic. And Rob's like, man, I've been reading all this stuff online about everybody talking about how Norm was their favorite comedian. I'm like, man, that's fucking bullshit.

If that was true, he would have been more commercially successful. And I told Robbie, I was like, I said, Robbie, some of the people may be lying, but like, on God, I believe most of these people, because like, some of them I've had conversations with, like, it ain't, I mean, like, literally once a week, one of y'all would text me, or we would text y'all a Norm clip, and then that makes you go down a Norm rabbit hole. Well, the fucking, the internet, man, the internet loves Norm. Oh, yeah. The internet definitely YouTube and stuff, I think definitely got him legions of new fans and stuff later in his career.

Because like, buddy, there ain't no internet rabbit hole like a norm internet rabbit hole. Because a norm internet rabbit hole literally does not stop. There's hours and hours of hilarious Norm MacDonald clips on YouTube. So many. I don't even know how many I've watched and I know I still haven't seen all of them. I saw some. I was like, there's no way I've not seen all of them. And I saw some and I was like, God damn it.

but like with Norm too with that whole thing it's like oh yeah man he wasn't the most famous comedian or he didn't have his own he did have a lot of shit going on it like every time Norm would like have a show and then the show it in

it usually was for some norm shit like you know what I mean like Norm would have a sponsor and then he would just be he would just shit on the sponsor like he did the OJ shit so like I don't think it was a like oh Norm like the mainstream America

didn't like Norm and therefore he is I think it's like no mainstream America love Norm and Norm just didn't play by literally nobody he just didn't give a fuck dude not at all well also and to robbie's point about the success or whatever i think that most majorly successful comedians have shows or other things going on or movies that launch him he just didn't have that but i think his netflix special was very like well received and well i mean norm standing up is one of the best specials of all times absolutely 100% but i mean you know

and he that a snippet from his book went viral talking about this but like you know Saturday not Live was like his thing. And he was there during such a great launching path. The best era. And he did weekend update during one of the Hittness areas of Saturday Night Live it's ever been. And that was like his main thing for a very, as far as what people knew him from or whatever. But I, so he said he had cancer for like 10 years. Okay. So with that in mind, it doesn't matter, but I thought it was nine. I don't know why. Okay. Well, it will matter. It will matter in a minute because it's about to be some speculation going on. Also, sorry to bring it down even further with this. But, WTF podcast, anytime somebody dies he's had on there, he reposted the interview.

He reposted Norm's interview today, and I'll re-listen to it. Norm's interview on WTF was from 2011, so 10 years ago. And it's very funny, and it's awesome, and everybody should go back and listen to it. It rules. But he talks multiple times on there about the only thing that scares him, the only real fear he has. And he says he lies awake and not thinking about it all the time is, getting sick and dying. He's like,

like the fear of that. It's eerie. It's eerie as fuck. He talks about it multiple times in that episode. Just like, that's really the only thing I give a fuck about it. The only thing that scares me is like the idea of getting sick. Yeah.

And then dying. Yeah. And again, I had heard it was 10 years and that, that was 10 years ago that he was on there. And I just couldn't help but wonder if like he had just been told or something. if he knew even then and that's why it was on his mind so much or if it's like a even wilder thing where it hadn't happened yet and right and he was just ahead of the game in that regard too is that

it was wild to listen to norm had a bunch of bits and like i don't remember exactly when norm standing up came out of it 2011 by the way he opens that shit also 10 years ago he opens that shit with like i think being alive is the goodest thing there is because of how bad it is to be dead you know and that's also the one with all the cancer stuff on it about about we so about it's like the last thing the last thing the last thing it's like lost his battle with cancer it's like ah what a fucking loser last thing this guy did was lose lost a battle i saw his uh i saw his battle i went in there and uh he was in a bed watching the matlock dvds that i bought him and i was like ah what a warrior but he's also like but i'm pretty sure that i'm not a doctor or nothing but when uh you die

the cancer also dies, that's a draw. That's what the headlines should have said, I think. Norm MacDonald draws comes to a draw. One one, I did see people quote tweeting that. They were like, no, it was a drawl. My favorite thing, maybe not my favorite thing, but one of them was the onion rides again, which was Norm McDonald's sent to hell

for making fun of God's friend O.J. Simpson. That, I'm 99% sure. sure that cancer bit was on the one after that tray the Hitler's dog one and if that's the case then he definitely had it then he definitely had it at the time and then in addition to my friend david who's a huge norm fan like i obsessed with him that book he wrote that book after he had it and david was saying it changes everything about the book there's so many illusions there's like pretty much a eulogy in death and his own eulogy yeah and so he's like he wrote it thinking about his own demise and in a very real literal way, not like a, oh, I'm going to die

one day. I've also listened to that book on audio and Norm does it. And like, I'm now in hindsight remembering listening to that part and the way that Norm delivers it is way different than he delivered any of the other book. Like it was with all this like reflection, almost like he was like speaking on

a thing that had already happened. You know what I'm saying? Like a very eerie. But like fuck man, it sucks. Like this was, this was a... Do you guys watch his correspondence speech for a White House Correspondence dinner? I'm sure I have it was masterful I know I know he gets people like that get like you know

help on that for the jokes of course but he delivered it like a goddamn champion he had a standing ovation I've never seen that yeah that normally don't hit for them yeah that's typically the thing with that that seems like a thing that's set up for norm to go in there and crash and burn because like he would go to Comedy Central Roast where he's allowed to be

norm and would intentionally do horrible just well like just old dad jokes, just because he was like, that was fun to him. Like, I heard so many people that knew him talking about they're like, Seth Myers said it. He was like, Norm is like, I remember him talking to me about Saturday Night Live and why it's the best

gig. He's like, he goes, it's only gig in show business where like you're allowed to bomb. He's like, come Thursday, you know if the show's going to go well or not. And if it's not, that ain't on you. And he goes, he would just, he would love to just sit there and just watch it all bask over him and bomb. And he kind of, he talks about that

on that episode, WTF2, and the And he was talking about how it was, he doesn't really like roast. He's like, Bob Sagitt's my friend. I don't want to do that, you know, but Bob wanted me to be there. And he said all those jokes came from a literal joke book that his dad gave him from like 1971 or something. Yeah. And that's where those came from.

And Marin was like, yeah, but it was great. You know, everybody was loving it. And he was like, no, they weren't. They were like. And he was like, the people in the roof. He's like, no, he's like, the only thing I can really remember is the hateful eyes of Alan Thick. he was like no they were not loving it at all the comedians absolutely were

well he said there's like 2,000 people there at that road and like so he but he was just saying it just ate a dick like he had to know like yeah no he did oh that yeah he didn't give a in his mind he was like I'm not in norm's mind he was like fuck these 2,000 people I'm here to just make the dais laugh like there'll be other people go up and entertain these people but like I want to make these people laugh and what will do that if I just bomb on purpose was he made fun of by other deists people? I don't remember

that. Like, how can you make fun of that guy? Yeah, I don't just call him a cremogeny old fuck. Gilbert Godfrey, uh, if you have to go to the bathroom later, it says gentlemen on the door, but pay no heed. There is no room for scoundrels. But yeah, man, he was just the fucking...

He also, he did the espies a bunch, and like, that would very often not hit for the... That's my favorites. You know, Not some of them are great about it, but a lot of them don't, that shit don't hit for them. Right. He would fucking, he would go hard. Well, my favorite was the year that he kept making jokes about O.J. Yeah.

Murdering his wife. And it wasn't like, anybody listening who's not familiar. It wasn't like, oh, ha, ha, ha, he killed his wife. It was just like how unbelievable is that OJ was allowed to be out in the world. And O.J. Simpson was in the fucking ground. The cameras wouldn't cut to him, but he was there. The Charlie, one of them, Charles Woodson. I was about to say that.

It was when he won the highsman over Peyton, Travis D. but still, he goes, Charles Woodson's here. First defensive player to ever win the Hizman. Charles, that's amazing. And just, no, that's something they can never take away from you. Unless, of course, you murder your wife and a waiter. And they cut to, like, fucking Peyton probably.

Like, you could tell everybody. No, it was Ken Griffey, King Griffey Jr. Yeah. Yeah. So I always get King Griffey Jr. And Peyton made mixed up. You can see how it happened. Yeah.

Yeah. And him as a guest on Conan and just sign of all. Best passionate. That thing he did when Conan had gotten fired from the Tonight Show already. And he came on there. And he was like, it was a basket. He had gotten him for when he got the Tonight Show, but he had forgotten to give it to him.

So he was giving it to him now. And he read the card. And he read the card. And it's like, congratulations. Yeah. If I know anything about you, miserable failure is not an option.

Thank you. God damn funny. You're the host of tonight show, something that they cannot take away for you. And he's like, I wouldn't open that basket. It definitely stinks. But yeah, man.

That's such a goddamn funny bit to have done in that scenario. He never, he never just, not that it's fine, not that it's not okay to just come on a panel and do your material. That's obviously great. Burr does that and it smashes.

But like Norm, anytime he was on a late night show, it wasn't just I'm going to do my jokes it was like okay what's the theme of this panel that I'm going to do and it was like that one was the basket then it's like okay I'm going to tell this insane moth joke which is like one of the most famous things that he's ever done and like he like the only other person that I kind of know that does that is like Rory Scoville does that shit like where like when he goes and does a late night thing he's like I'm doing a completely different character theme fucking thing but like Norm like I just would never I'm pretty confident in my skills but I like I'm like I'm pretty confident in my skills but I like I'm like I'm look at everything Norm does and I'm just like I'm not that I can't do that I don't think I could do any one thing as good as him much less all of them yeah man I mean he just he was never not

100% smashing and I mean you know less we forget the fucking the goddamn Courtney Thorne Smith oh my god and Conan that was one of the funniest but that was honestly the only one I could allow someone to have a complaint with yeah he was a dickhead yeah that was that was objectively a dick move It's so goddamn funny, but, like, that one was kind of fucked up, yeah.

He should not have done that. No. It was great. It was great. It was hilarious. 100%. It would be different if she was America's sweetheart. She was desperately trying to, like, restart her career. She was on there, for God's sakes, promoting a movie with Carrot Top, which was his whole joke. He goes, you left Melrose place for this.

Like, if it was Jennifer Lawrence already established, you can't hurt her career, that'd be different. Dude, she was going out on a limb. Yeah, she was doing her best. And like, dude, Chairman of the board. It was a dick. Those are, spelled B-O-R-E-D.

I know what it should be called. Killed Conan. Box office, boys. Yeah, Conan had to keep telling her shit. Because Conan was like, she said, what's it called? Chairman of the board, he goes, yeah, do something with that. It's spelled B-R-E-D. And, dude, Conan, like, runs away, laughing.

What are you going to do with that? It was great. It was dickish. Dude, yeah, but in that scenario, right there in that moment. Right there in that moment. If you got that, you can't not say that. You have to fucking say that. That line's unassailable.

I mean, that was just fucking. Oh, yeah. Once he'd already done the shit. I'm going to be a good person now, but like, Jesus, man. And for the record, I don't know what it did to her. It might have made her look cool. My bad, Trey. That's okay.

I keep forgetting that we're videoing. It's all right, baby. You're doing good. You know what I mean? For all I know, it helped. Like, for all I know, she came across as gracious. Oh, she's doing great. You know?

She took off after the. that. Did a show with Jim Lushie? Took off to Idaho. That show with Jim Bollucci had a few seasons. Oh, she was on according to Jim?

Yeah. She's 100% fine. Unironically. She made a shitload of sitcom money. She's fine. But like she was definitely trying to be a movie star. Right.

She ought not have done that. No. But a big part of his point was... You don't do that with Carrot Top. No. That was the whole thing. Right. If she'd left Melrose place to do

with Steven Spielberg movie. For sure. No one would say anything about it. Absolutely not. But it's like, yeah, Carat Top. It's like, yeah, Caratop was a super popular comedian at that time. Not a leading man. I don't know if you know.

Also, Melrose Place was a cultural phenomenon. Absolutely. It was. Yeah, that was short, not done that. Dude, it was stupid. And Norm, you know what? I'm back with Norm did the right thing. Yeah.

He straightened her out. He did. Like, she would, I don't think that she would have come around on it too. Yeah, she thought about it and she was like, God damn it, what's that Belushi brother up to? Well, for the record, I opened with this only thing I would allow. I mean, I enjoyed the shit out of it. Of course. Because it was fucking hilarious.

Well, I say the only thing I will allow. There might be some complaints from what he used to do in the 80s and 90s. I bet it got problematic. I'm not even look into it personally. I'm certain, of course. Oh, dude, in that WTF interviewer, he says the R word about 75 times. But, you know, it was a different time. You know the one.

Oh, the one that means Republican. Yeah. Hey, hey, got it. Swish. Swish. Swish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said it, but I didn't say it.

He used to do this thing where he would, I don't know, how long he did this for, but he would have a cigarette in his hand, and he would play with it, and then he would take it to the point where he put in his mouth, he had a lighter, and he would never do it. He always had these references to, like, cocaine and doing drugs, but he never did, he never did. He never did say any over. He's dead sober, right? Yeah, but he had a huge gambling problem, per him.

Now, in his book, there's so many things where he will say these things, and in the next chapter, he'll say some things that you know he's... No, the gambling thing was very, very, very real. He did say, he's like, I've, like, he's literally, he lost it all, like, 15 times. He talks about that on there. He talks about that on there too. It's fucking, everybody goes to listen to it. Turn this podcast off.

But, yeah, he went flat from being, like, famous. Yeah. And having a lot of money lost literally all of it multiple times. And he referenced it as like a cleanse. And he was saying, like, he acted like a kind of hip for him. He was like, it was like everything just sort of calm down or something when that happened. Like it gave him a clarity or something. or something.

Right. You know what I mean? I mean, what are you going to do? Right. With that, with a dude like Norm, it's like there's like,

how many people are there that like can lose it all that many times and still get back to even because they're that talented where it's like, oh, I'll just do it again. I'll just start. Not many. That's what I'm saying. Like five. So many dudes that they do that one time. It's fucking over. They're not going to crawl back.

His buddy already is there. People are trying to let him crawl back. And it's hard to put somebody on TV when their nose is bigger. than most people's heads. And smaller at the same time. Weird. It's like flatter. Like it's like it's big, but it's not.

It's two-dimensional. It's concave. He has a two-dimensional nose. Yeah. You know, for the record. Bob Euchar. Yeah. Bob Euchar?

Oh my God. Him and already doing the fuck, telling stories about Bob Euker is some of the funniest goddamn shit, dude. Yeah. You can't tell most of it. No, you can't. No, but absolutely go look that shit. That guy's a fucking rock singer.

You know that guy. It's John. Fogarty fucking, yeah, no, you can't, you can't. Well,

a lot, yeah, Mr. Belvedere was a huge, that guy was riding a Hershey highway. Well, a lot of the bit is that he talks like that.

Mr. Belvedere, too. He talks like that, and then Yucre would get back on the mic and just be, you know, fly ball at a left center.

Right. And then cut it off and be like, look at the tits on her. Yeah. Yucer would have been a fun drunk. Him and, it would have been great to gamble away a lot of money.

with Bob Euker and Norman. Fuck, yeah. That would have, I would have, too. I'd been like, if we're going $5,000 a hand, I mean, I've got to stay at this fucking table. He didn't have a kid,

did he? Yeah, he's the son. Norm? Yep. Yeah, I didn't know. His son's like grown. Oh, yeah. He talks about him in that Moth joke.

His son, Gregory O'Lilovich. I didn't know that. No, but he does have an actual son. I think he's like, I mean, he's like, he's like growing up. He's like,

he's like, he's like getting his 20s or something. He's not like, a child, like a little child which would, you know, hit less. That would very much hit less. But hey, RIP

to one of the absolute fucking legends. I mean, I think everybody says this about anybody when they die, but I genuinely believe it. There will never be another fucking Norm MacDonald.

One more Norman McDonald. Oh, well, dude, keep going. I thought we're in cars. Oh, yeah. Bill Cosby? Yeah. You know, Patton. You're talking about Oswald.

The funniest part was when he said, up, Jerry's like trying to parallel apart. And he goes, he goes, he don't want to talk about it. He don't want to talk about it. No, at all. He goes, he goes, hey, uh, you think Bill Cosby's legacy is going to be Tarnas and Jerry just kind of goes, yeah. Yeah.

I was talking to Patton, you know, he said the worst part was the hypocrisy. Jerry goes, yeah. Yeah. He goes, I don't, I don't think so. Oh, you don't agree with that? No, I think it was the rape. The rape. Yeah, to me, it was the, it was the rape. I find that most rapists or hypocrites. You don't ever meet a guy

who's just like, you know what, I don't care what anybody thinks. I like raping. I know it's not politically correct, but by God,

I just love a good rape. Like, yeah, a hypocrisy. At least he's not a hypocrite. What are you going to do? That was great. Is Bill Cosby back to doing shows? I heard he was the last time to be.

Like he's planning on it, right? If he isn't, good for him. What? Beat the system. Yeah, he beat and raped the system.

Yeah, he, what? You don't like when a black man beats the system, boys? Okay, so I want to ask all this. They actually, I'll say Tom Seguera and Bert were talking about this on Two Bears One Cave, Tremendous podcast. They were talking about, and I want to ask all this, because I kind of don't know how I feel

about it. I know this is going to sound, but Bert asked Tom, he's like, so I think Bill Cosby's going back. Will you go? No, no, no, no. That's not, of course I will not go, but he, what he said, he goes, if there was a way for you to be in a box and no one ever knew that you went, would you go? And I say yes.

Buddy, morbid curiosity alone. You wouldn't want to... I know. I'm saying I wouldn't buy a ticket and show up, but if there was a situation, I'd have to go. I'm desperate to know what the set is. Again, we'll not buy a ticket to support it.

The press will report on. If you say you're not, you're full of shit. You're so full of shit. Have you seen him live? No, I haven't. I saw him live once, like 2016 and he did like two and a half hours. Was it great?

It was great. Yeah. I don't even know what the fuck he talked about, but he was great. That's an unfortunate. thing about Cosby. Is it hard for you to sleep because pretty much every time you go to lay your head down on

your bed, you just, maybe you've checked Twitter a little bit too recently, and you're looking at the impending doom out there, both of the actual and the made-up variety, you know, we're completely divided on everything. You know, we can't even decide that

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Yeah, go ahead. About, okay, no, no, no, about some people, it's an unfortunate thing, there's so many, the most unfortunate thing was the rape. Let's get that out. But like, there's so many people who like, when you, when you want to say, like, who are some of your comedic influences,

that, like, their number one guy is Bill Cosby. Yeah. And they should be able to say that and then go, you know, his old shit. But like, the guy, like, regardless of how you feel about him like again oj still ran them touchdowns bill cosby still was regardless of anybody

going like i didn't think he was funny to begin with so like first off that's like oh what a hero you are you know what i'm saying but like dog he was like unassailably one of the greatest comics of all time broke down so many fucking barriers like was a beast and i'd always heard before that like they were like cosby's up there like fucking 80 years old doing three hours

just slaughtering and i really i wish so bad that i'd have seen that shit before all right but again i would totally again their caveat was no one knows you're there you get put in a box, no one knows you bought the ticket, you get to see it in private, I would fucking 100% see that. I would go if I don't have to pay for it. If somebody... I can't support him, but I'll go on it. Dude,

dude, I was about to say if somebody like bootlegs a video of it, I'm watching this shit. Yeah, yeah, that is different. And again, that is different than physically being there. But anyone who's like, you're a dick for watching a free copy. Yeah, right. That's, it's not the same thing. Dude, come on. Physically being there is definitely

another level of it. But yeah. Giving him money is the thing. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you don't want to give him money. But, like, I do, like, I mean, here's the thing. The content of which he is talking will be horrid and offensive. What do you mean? Like, he's definitely going to be up there talking about how he didn't rape. You think so? Actually, I don't know.

It kind of would surprise me if he just talks about his wife and shit. But, dude, you don't think this guy thinks at all like I better touch on the jail thing. Yeah. I don't know, dude. He's nuts. I'm about to say, it wouldn't surprise. He just went back to the act. To me, the sheer fact.

that he is wanting to get back on stage and do it again. That's like, kind of indicates to me. Well, he does need money, right? But I just don't, it would not surprise me at all if he doesn't talk about it a single direct. Louis don't. Louis walks up there and goes,

been a weird year. Anybody else have a weird year? And then he just talks about, like, kids. He did on that first. He did talk about it. His first one back, he absolutely did. He had a block. Oh, yeah, well, good for you.

He absolutely did. He absolutely did 15 minutes on the whole thing. And it was one of them situations where, like, you're going, oh, Jesus, man, but you go, I mean, his timing is impeccable. You know what I mean? Like, it was a good structure. I saw him live randomly, or maybe somebody sent a video of him live randomly at the store, and my friends in New York say he's just, he's just walking there and be like, anybody else have a weird couple years and then going, moving on. Well, that's what everybody was saying he was doing for a while, but then when he put that special, when he put that special out finally, he had a whole bit about it. Yeah, he had a whole fucking thing on how big of a bag of shit he was.

And then, you know. So he owned up. do it. He did. He did. Really? He did in a very Louis way. I mean, what the fuck? Like, he was still doing a comedy special. You know what I'm saying? It's not like, he didn't go out there and make some tear felt apology. He did, he did, he did say that he was a bag of shit and should Oort not have done that. All I'm saying is, it had to do with, like, it was still in the confines of a Louis Bid, but he did say how it had to do you have done it. Imagine if the whole world knew what your thing is. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, he's the victim. Mine ain't that. I'll say that. Right. I'm not, not that I'm perfect, but. Right. He talks about it specifically about, like, for the record, I'm not in any way sitting here going, no, he's absolved.

He did. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying he definitely did talk about it at large because I flukened watched it. Well, Carmen Morales made this point. I probably made it on here. Per did it on here. She talked about it on here, but go ahead. Well, it's just, and she's right.

Like, Bill Cosby does that, and it's like, oh, my God, what a sociopath. Right. Louis does that and people are like, wait a minute. So all those weird things he said, he meant it? So, like, she was saying that was worse for comedy. I don't know what you think about that too, Sharre. Like, at least Bill Cosby was like, oh my God, what a cycle. With Louis, it's like, wait a minute, we can't trust you guys.

Because when you make jokes, you mean them. Right. Bill Cosby's was a complete removal of the person he portrayed on stage. Right. Louis was exactly how he portrayed on stage. And now everybody's like... It was like the Jim Jeffries joke back in the day before Louis came out after Cosby where he was like, yeah.

You guys have been going after comedians who make rape jokes. You know, who don't rape people who make rape jokes. Right. But, like, well, yeah, I mean, I guess a whole lot of people. I'm trying to think of, like, I, like, how much of that do y'all do any of y'all do? It's fine if you do. Rape jokes? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

The whole thing of, like, is it a leapier? People hear you say what you're saying, and they're like, now they believe, oh, he really thinks that. Like, obviously. you say stuff that is like a joke, but I feel like it's clear that you're kidding around. I don't know. I don't feel like I do a whole lot of that. Do you all do a whole lot of that?

It used to be clear that people was kidding around. Then the Louis thing happens, you're like, oh, wait, let's look at all these other people who are saying these crazy, clearly kidding things. Are they really kidding? Are you saying, do we mean all of our jokes? I mean most of mine. I mean most of them, but there's definitely...

I'm fine with comics. I'm fine with comics who don't. Well, here's one. I have one that I have one where I mean the bit, but there's a line in there. Right. So I have a bit about how right now about how I am becoming more like my dad as I age. I owe him an apology and I'm worried I'm going to become even more like him and that scares me.

In the middle of it, I make a joke about women not talking in public. Like becoming my dad but wanting that to happen. I don't mean that part. You know what I mean? I don't think I'm going to ever become that guy. I think that's obvious. But what I'm saying is, okay, I feel like when you do that, it's like the whole joke of that is this is what like old dudes like my dad think.

Right. Which I don't think is the same thing. And then I go. You're not presenting it as though that is a thing that you're like, I'm turning it into my dad and so then I'll think it. Am I making any fucking sense? You're making sense.

But then I go, and this is just a joke. It's just four jokes. So the bit is I'll be 45. I'll be going back to church. Then five years later I'll be wearing cargo shorts. Then I'll turn 60 and be like, I don't think women should talk in public. Right.

And I get a few ooey. and when I get the ooze or whatever, I go, I'm kidding, I would never wear cargo shorts. Yeah, right. So the implication there is that I am entertaining the idea that women shouldn't talk in public. But at 65, I believe that. Obviously, I'm split.

I'm splitting hairs. But at 65, you might mean that. And in the joke, you're 65. And I'm very afraid that I might mean that. Yeah, you don't know what you're going to feel at 60. No, I don't. I won't feel that. I hope you don't.

I think they should only talk in public. It's when we get home that I wanted to be quiet. That's actually true. I wish my wife would talk more in public, but she just like you do it. That was an example of a joke I didn't mean. Yeah. There's comics like Tosh and Jesselnik who say some outlandish shit. Right.

But it's, that's what I'm saying. Their style of delivery is so, this is a joke. Right. Louis is like, this is me. I'm confessing. I'm confessing. Yeah. It's like, so.

He actually like sort of like, he sort of like, that was, so like there was all the Henny Youngmans and yada, yada, yada. And then the Robert Clines came in where it was like, oh, these guys are just, you can't copy that because they're talking about themselves. and then the Seinfelds came in and you know like your Regans Foxwood and all that kind of went away for a little bit

and comedians were kind of tight and polished and like you know Dane Cook had this like well this is me but I'm doing this I'm doing this high art acting out thing and then Louis kind of brought it back to like no this is purely exactly who the fuck I am you know what I'm saying and then and I know that because I remember

like I was doing comedy here and then like comedy had this like fucking shift oh yeah and unfortunate at the time it was like oh that's what we got to do you know put it all out there. Like anything that you thought, I better not tell that one, fucking tell that one.

And then that was great. Everybody was trying, you know, but then he started putting out a fucking hour every year and then it ruined comedy and we're still feeling that to this day. Like Louis ruined comedy

before he did that shit. And that was sort of Carmen's point, I think, was like he did that, this is it, this is raw, this is confessional stuff. It felt like a slightly more sinister trick

somehow than the Cosby trick. It was like, well, we all knew that you weren't the guy. It's also that there's a hugely, there's a big difference in what they did. Because what Cosby did is like so monstrous that it's like,

I don't think it would fucking matter what he talked about. But the fact that he was like everybody's dad. Yeah, it was just funny. Right. Sad. Funny and sad. It's insane. It's insane.

I still, like every now and then Cosme will get brought up and I'll just go, holy shit. Like what a wild thing to have happened. him and Harvey Weinstein stories it's like that's one of those things where you think about it, you hear it, you process it and you go No way. Man, everybody

had to have known. Right. And then you go back and it's like, fuck, everybody did know. He's making Spanish fly jokes. Seth, what's his name, made the joke about Harvey Weinstein? Seth MacFarlane. It's like, what the fuck? World are we living? Well, that's the thing that with Weinstein though, that didn't surprise me because I'm like

yeah, he's the archetypal. Yeah. Hollywood. And that's like the casting couch is a cliche, but everybody knows about it. Did you think it was unknown women? Not fucking Jennifer Lawrence? Well, no, because that's the whole thing. That's what the casting couch is for.

Right. All right. You know what I'm saying. Like that's how that works. You do that. Harvey Weinstein was never America's dad. Like pull up your pants. Right.

Like he was never. That was good. So, again, do it again. He was making Spanish fly jokes. He had a, there's an old episode of the Cosby show,

the most wholesome show in the history. of shows, right, where he's got a special sauce. It's Bill's special barbecue sauce. And it basically just makes his wife horny. Well, yeah, but he gives it, it's even more fucked up, really, because he, like, gives it to their neighbors

because they're having marital problems. And then at the end of it, and at the end of it, the kid comes in, and she's like, oh, I found these ribs or whatever. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then credits. You know what? You know I love.

what he's I eat you jelly Oh, he's scared That's the old sound of it Pure Yeah, that's true That's so funny I loved it when like

Eddie Murphy And Pryor made fun of him on stage I remember the first time I heard that I was like Are you loud to do that? Are you loud to make fun of When you said the shit that you said Will tell Bill to have a Coke and a smile

And shut the fuck up Yeah Dan Lowe from Jopton. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they knew about all the right. They just knew he didn't hit for them. Yeah. Well, that was sort of the point Jim Jeffries was making is like,

you guys are wanting to go after. Because this was at the time of the beginning of like people coming after comedians for jokes. And he was like, look, you see, you see why that's wrong? We say wild shit. You need to be looking for the people who don't say wild shit. They're tricking you. And then Louis Blois. I don't have great examples of like people commit natural crimes, but I will say,

I won't name no names because whatever. But like, when I was starting out and coming out. comedy, like, you know, there was, you know, bags of shit would come through the club. It's like in wrestling, like, the heel is actually the nicest person in real life. Like, in comedy, like, these... What's the heel? The bad guy. Oh, the guy who's considered the dickhead.

Yeah. The nicest one. Yeah. Well, it don't always work. But so, some, like, these comics that, like, Michael would be like, oh, you're up on stage being dirty or a bad person. But they would always be super nice. And then almost every, almost every time. Not every time, but, like, the comedian that would come in and be super clean was the biggest

asshole. I'm not saying they were sexually assaulting people. I'm just saying that they were rude as fuck. The worst. To the emcees. They were rude as fuck to everybody. But hey, at least they don't say motherfucker. We're not naming names, but these are people that are like Southern Club Circuit kind of like Staples on that

circuit. They ain't world famous. Right. Brian Regan seems to be pretty rad. And he also, Brian Regan also has a particular exception that I didn't buy because she's so fucking nice. I did not think Liam Morgan was that nice. When I first met her, I was like, no one is this sweet.

She turned out to be really nice. She's actually very nice. It don't always go that way. I'm just saying like, for the most part, I would rather hang out with the person who's worse on stage because like in real life, they're usually, in my experience, are nicer than the person that's like we can't even say damn at this show, you know, because it's like you're just really holding back. Like, you got it in you. And if you do, I will dress you down like you're beneath me. Yeah. Talk to you and the help here, which is what I call them. Yeah, for sure. don't hit.

No, it don't hit. You were talking earlier about Bill Cosby being such an inspiration in so many comics and it, you know, that's unfortunate or whatever because of how it all turned out. I was thinking, no, I was thinking. So. His later work, yeah.

I'm pretty, that just made me think of Chris Rock. Yeah. Just for that reason. And I earlier watched. So I've talked a million times about Chris Rock's my personal all-time favorite and everything. Because of that, I watched Spiral from the Book of Saul. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How was that? So here's the thing. Let me say, yeah. And he's also executive producer. I thought he, yeah. I thought I'd heard he wrote the fucking script and everything. He didn't write the script, but he was like very heavily. He like got it made is my understanding.

Okay. And he's the star of it. And I don't, literally the only reason I watched it, I mean, I was on a plane, but is because of how much I love Chris Rock and I was so intrigued by him being in a fucking Saul movie. I, those move... Oh, wait, it's Saul? Yeah, it's spirited.

It's like... I heard something Saul and Chris Rock. I didn't know that minute was... Can a movie not have the name fucking Saul in it and not being... Spiral from the book of Saul. Also, like... First off, I thought you...

Book of Saul? Hey shit James! First off, at first I genuinely thought he said Saul. I genuinely thought he said Saul. But also... I thought we talked about this on the thread when it was first coming out and everything. I fucking don't know of a shit.

Movies like that do not hit. Movies like that don't hit for me. Do movies like that hit for y'all? Mostly horror movies in general, but especially like torture porny type. No, I don't like that. Okay, me neither. So I watched it for Chris Rock, and so all I say is like it did, he did hit. Also, it was weird because this only happened in like the first act.

But in the first act, I was like, oh, they're going to do this the whole time. And it kind of hit for me. like his character who's this hardened homicide detective was also kind of doing like Chris Rock bits every now and then with like the rookie detective like he was talking about how like if you're married for long enough eventually if you're a cop eventually your marriage will fall apart or whatever and uh and telling the rookie that like you know shit ain't gonna last but rock didn't write it no but i feel like this stuff i think was yeah that's what i think but he's just like he's like to see because women

She's like, well, women cheat too. He's like, well, women cheat in the daytime. You know, you can get a lot of dick before dusk, you know, like stuff like that. But it was like, it didn't. Oh, dude, there were multiple instances, but only in the first act. And it was wild because I was like. They definitely just let him go. That's what I think, too. But it didn't really, it didn't really fit. Right. With the, the butt. I liked it. I was like. That was the Chris Rock part. Yeah, right. Exactly. I was like, it's hitting for me that they're letting him do that. I hope he keeps doing that. But he. But he. He. He's. He's. He. He. He. He didn't really pass the first act. And it was just like, dude, it was exactly what you'd expect one of them movies to be. So I assume if you're really into those movies, it would probably really hit for you. But I just, dude, they're like, they're so, they're gross. Yeah. They're so gross. I felt weird.

Because of the murder? Not just like, not just like romanticize a real murder. Dude, they like cut skin off and pull off body parts and shit and they show it because people like gore or whatever. I've just never been into that stuff, man. to sound like I'm, to some people, I'm sure that I'm just like trying to slide in some woke points here. But I've never, never. Never. I have never.

He's drifting into Frenchmen while he's getting mad. This is something I've never done to do. I've never in my life enjoyed horror, but I love the Jordan Pillshit. Like that specific brand. Do you like that? Yeah, I do. The White Nightmare? I'm not racing.

they were great. No. So, well, I thought Get Out was one of the best movies. But see,

like that was like, yeah, that's a horror movie, but it's just a really fucking good movie that has horror-like themes. But then I didn't, I didn't really like the follow-up

that much, honestly, but I liked it, but I don't know a lot about it, but from talking to people who are into it, a lot of old horrors kind of like that. Like Earl talks about how West Craven,

he's spoken with West Craven before, and like, it definitely wasn't all torture porn shit. me get my themes out. Horror is the only way I can sneak this shit in. Right. What are the themes? I like it.

I never fucked with West Craven's, I don't know. I did like it. And yeah, Stephen King's got some dope shit. Yeah, I did like the new... Most of Stephen King's adaptations are fucking god-awful garbage. It's a famous thing amongst like King fans. The most fucked up. Every now and they get one right.

The thing that fucked me up probably the most when I was a kid was the OG Pet Cemetery. Like that just like came on and I was like, pets, you know. In a cemetery. In a cemetery. What's up? I like you're around the graves. I like dogs. It's getting high by old rocks.

That'll be fun. It's definitely making a cemetery better, you know. Sure, they're not dead. And eating me. And then like the first scene, this dog just gets fucking drilled by a car. And, like, that shit was fucking... Did you see the mangler? Uh-uh.

It was a beautiful Stephen King story. It was, like, it was about working class shit where they all worked at a factory and the factory was eating people. It was kind of coming alive and it had an old man. It was like a laundry machine, wasn't it? Yeah, an old man didn't give a fuck. It was like this beautiful metaphor for capitalism and the fucking movie, like you guys said. Garbage. Just so cheesy.

Why? Just so wild. The old man was like haggard looking. It was campy. Because that is the fucking, I mean, like, you know, like, uh, fucking Shawshank Redemption aside and some other ones that are great. But like, that is a thing that like, it's one of the other. There's, dude, do you know the thing with that?

Hang on. Wait a minute. What's wild about that. There's other examples now after it and stuff like that. But for a while there, in my opinion, you said Charles Shank Redemption. exception, only one dude ever really made them that hit Frank Darabont. Because Frank Darabont made Shawshank, the Green Mile, and the Mist, all of which really hit for me.

And pretty much all other Stephen King adaptations. He was like the only dude that could get it right. Of course, those first two aren't like horror, but either way, still, Stephen King adaptations, he crushed it. He also was the guy on the first season of Walking Dead, the one that slapped like a motherfucker, and he left for creative differences, and that's when all that started. I like that John Depp one. It was kind of cheesy, but I liked it.

With the corn. It's so fucking wild. The window? The secret window. The secret window. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, Johnny Depp. Yeah, I, dude, when that movie first came out, I fucking, now granted, I was like 70, I was like, this is the best movie I've ever seen.

It was him? God damn. And I've since been told that I'm a fucking idiot for that movie hitting for me so hard. I thought it was fine. I mean, I thought it was good. It wasn't as bad as the mangler. Yeah, well, I've never seen any of, well, aside from Pet Cemetery, but like, that just became. the thing, I'd say, oh, it's a Stephen King, like,

this probably ain't going to hit, which is weird because, like, he hits so goddamn hard. They all float down here, isn't that him? That's it. I have a theory. Yeah, that's him. That hit for people, didn't it? Oh, yeah, of course.

The later, the newer ones. The newer ones hit. Yeah, I don't, did the Tim Curry one not hit for people? It's one of them ones that's like a cult-type thing, where it's like, it's not actually good. Because that one fucking fucked me up when I was a good. Yeah, yeah, for sure, dude. But the Scarsgar ones, I thought it was.

I actually, I actually did. Didn't even watch them. I watched the first one. I genuinely did like it. But I normally don't like that horror shit. But, like, I thought it was pretty good. But, but, yeah, normally, I'm just like, I don't know. Like, it's weird because me and my buddy.

This food, I think, is here. I want some, do you want, can we pause or do you want, what do you want to do? Nothing hits now. No. Oh, I'm sick. Sick and dumb. We don't hit. We're a lot.

Nudels rank for you in terms of like all-time noodles. Okay, against all noodles? Yeah, it's pretty hard. That's very hard. But when it comes to Chinese food, I don't ever order Chinese food without Lomaine noodles. I don't do rice. I don't do the rice.

I get noodles instead of rice and I mix all my shit with the noodles. And that's how that's my standard because Lomain is my shit. I love it, man. I love it. It's pretty high up there on the noodle list. I'm going to be honest. Glass noodles is that? I love glass noodles.

It's like that Thai shit. Yes. Like, I think they're, like, that low, called mung bean like that's another word for him the clear ass i like the flat right flat rice yeah flat right flat right flat places the drunk is my favorite yes yes those are my favorite no no no no no no no no no no no that's not no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no man i guess like they're high and umami right Oh yeah, oh yeah. Umami blast, boy. That's how the Chinese do it.

Well, you were just saying. I mean, in this country. You were just saying off my trade. Man, like, you know, that's the, that's the, it's like we talk about the Mexican food that Mexicans make for white trash people. Ooh, I mean, I bought that up. That's like the Chinese food that they make for fat whites. Right. That ain't the shit that they eat.

Let me ask you this, and this might just be like a dumb, but you, you, we brought up recently, you revealed that you have discovered that Ronnie White is just white American cheese. Yeah. Do you think the invention of that was literally, what are they like? I don't know. It says white American right there on the box. Yeah. Well, that was, what is it? The queso type?

Yeah. Uh-huh. It's white American cheese. Primarily. There's spices and, like, green chilies and whatever. Like, just the dude was ordering. And he was literally like, this is the cheese they like. Well, that's what, I mean, yeah, we, when we first brought it up, we were saying

something like, we were talking about how, like, it seems like, it seems, it seems, it It almost seems made up. Right. Like, it's because it's so on the nose, it seems like they're just like... But I'm literally thinking... They saw the box and it was like... All right, that's what you're... You think they could read that box, Drew?

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Dude, but with white American cheese, like, you wouldn't even have to be able to read it to know exactly what that is. You know what I mean? You mean, just by looking at it? It looks exactly like our type of cheese. Joe, I'm bloated.

I think my belly bigger than you. I mean, it looks like... Right now it probably is. I think in general, man. Ooh, your belly do be popping over there. But those, like, I'm just saying white American cheese, like, in the slices and shit like that. Like, it's, you know, like, the craft and shit like that. Like, that very, like, I don't think you'd have to read what that is to be like, this is some fucking white trash shit.

You don't think it looks like, it could also be, like, I don't know, one of them other fucking cheeses. Maybe, but it's got a sheen to it. Yeah. You know what I mean? The kind I got to make my, the kind I got to make my, the kind I got to make my, the kind I got to make my runny white was top-knit it wasn't it wasn't like that if y'all talking about if you're running white didn't hit

us off of heart if y'all are talking about like you mean like okay craft singles or that's yellow American cheese you mean like that but it's white yeah yeah I agree with you then yeah the shit I got that's what I meant the shit I got look like deli cheap it did not you wouldn't look at it and be like

that's for the fat dums right but it is very much for the fat and I'm fat and dumb and don't hood and I love that shit I know it's a last name It starts with a K because it's the last name. But it's something funny about craft cheese. Yeah. Because the name sounds like it's a craftsman.

It's artisan. Oh, for sure. You know. Yeah. You know, if you're like craft service type. I love that shit, too. Of course. Dude. Do you say it's poison?

I love that shit. I've heard fucking... Velvita. Hell yeah. I've talked to me about, uh. What you mean? Ugh. Dude, fuck you.

Uh. You need to fuck out of here talking that shit about Belvita. You seem like the same to me. Not because of what you're saying the way you're doing. Yeah. Uh. I've seen... What you mean?

Fuck you made him. Bobby, do you hear what he said? You're right. I've heard so many, like, super hitting chefs, because I watch, like, a bunch of YouTube cooking shows and stuff. Like, Gordon Ramsey, like, these type tier dudes that, like, I'll show. There'll be, like, a video. Hell, dude.

Well, no, Gordon Ramsey's got a whole show right now where all he does is make eggs and different outside places, but, like, all of them have no chance. And we thought, yeah, so I'm going to make this one on a bottom of a trash can in Tennessee. But, like, they'll, all them all. always have a grilled cheese episode where like they're going to be like they're going to take their fancy expertise and make their perfect version of grilled cheese and almost every fucking time they will be doing some greer shit and some breaches shit and some fancy up but then they will always at the end come back to and they're like but here's the deal if you

really want the most hitting grilled cheese you can have look no further than american process because nothing melts nothing melts like american cheats and velvita which is like it's got water in that's why it's sweat Velvita is the melst version of it, but I just, when you want that melt, you got to have it. You got to have American cheese. Did you know that you could put one slice of American cheese

with some other hidden cheeses and it will give them to melt quality? Would you know that? Because whatever it is, it's in that cheese. American pot. Whatever it's in that cheese that gives it to melt. It's some kind of like, some citric, not nitric,

it's some kind of something other. Yeah. That's in it that gives it that melt. If you put that. Some sort of emulsive. thing that allows the other cheese to emulsify. What?

What? Tishar just looked at me like, can you believe these fucking idiots? And it was so perfect the way he did. Oh, these idiots, Gordon Ramsey. I'm just quoting what, Mario Bacheli or Bada celli or... Wait a minute. Are you allowed to have cheese?

We have panier. Okay. What's that? Which is like, you know, you get like... Yeah, I mean, yeah. Baneer's soft. Yeah, it's cheese. Go cheese. It's homemade cheese.

Is it goat cheese? Good cheese? but it's whole milk. I'm asking, do you milk it at home? I know you don't eat them. Can you milk them? We milk them?

That's cool. The reason cows are sacred is because they do all the work and then they also give you milk. So it's like they're treated like a mother. Wait, what work? I'm not even trying to do.

They'll like, you know, immigrants aren't sacred in this country, you know what I'm saying? Right. Immigrants aren't sacred in this country. Yeah. What are what? Do all the work?

Do all the work? You don't milk them. They probably do. They bring you milk. What your boy bucket thinks about cows do all the work, quote unquote. What do you mean they do all the work? No, no, no, cows like, our cows don't do shit. Y'all's cows work?

No, no, no, like in farming. They like, they fucking till the land and shit. They don't tell them. They did it. An ox, man. An ox, yeah, same thing. You are on a farm. You need a goddamn hamburger.

Like, there's your fix right there. Wait a minute. Is this, should they be doing that? Should we making, should we making cows? We ain't getting a mouth of a work out there. Did we get in our house? Let me tell you something right now. If my two options were to lay in a field and just chew my own cud for a while

and then someone prods my head and eats my ass, or I have to work. Eats my ass. Prods my head and eats my ass. That sounds like a pretty good Saturday night to me, if it's that or I've got a We got the meats. Or I've got to work in a field my whole life. I wouldn't feel worshipped. You know what I'm mean?

You know why they're sacred, right? We treat them like slaves. That's what I'm saying. A regular American cow, they don't know at the time that what's about to happen for them. Therefore, like, their lives kind of hit.

Not the ones that are in the fucking stockyard type of thing. But, like, the free range, cows and shit, they're just out there, eat grass. And then they come up and they go, you know,

and then they fucking eat them. Like, that's a way better life than, in my opinion, a fucking slave cow. But that ain't really what's happening in America. Like,

you ever know, they're all, like, in tight quarters. They stink. They're up to their knees. shit. Well, I said the fantasy and we're like,

you know, all them free range cows. Yeah. But like, no, yeah, there's like 1,800 of those in America. You're not allowed, two things.

But being a cow seems like it wouldn't hit nowhere. Hell no. India is the second largest exporter of beef. What? What? Very little people know.

They have the cows. They have the cows. They have the cows. They ain't allowed to eat them. No, there's a few states. You don't want no old ass, you're supposed to age them afterwards. Like, that's a fucking mammal cow.

No, they're sacred in most states, but like, there's a few states that are Christian. Oh, we'll do. And they... I didn't know you had states. I mean, dick, I didn't know that. I thought that was just us. I know that they were called. And then the states where they're sacred, you literally, let's say you're a farmer and you have to go into the city to buy stuff, right?

You can take your cow, mark them, leave them out in the market to just walk around, and do whatever, and you're not allowed to kill the cow, hit the cow, move the cow, because you can get imprisoned or beat up or something. Slave cows. Slave cows. I mean, over here, if you take someone's cow, that ain't going to be your best out.

No, hell no, dude. It's sodium citrate, so you all know, that's the emulsifying salt. But it is an emulsifying salt that is used to give American cheese as melty quality. And I'm saying, so if you put one size of American cheese in with a bunch of other cheeses, the sodium citrate that's in that.

Takes over. Gives them to. melt too. Smolification. Better cheese. But that's not earlier my guts emulsified. What's not good for you?

I'm not doing it. That's the poison never's referencing. That can't be good for you. It's fine. Is it a nitrite? Cheat. So white nitrate. It's like a nitrate, but you get,

you saw what I just ate. You had it too, by the way. I'm trash, dog. You wasn't making fun of any of that shit. I ate this cheese. That's all poison. He was saying, oh, he's over here in my ear like, this is... This is not good for us.

Of course, it's not good for us. You've offended them greatly. You know how in your country, how it feels when people are mean about cows? No, no, no. The Chinese food. Before we turn... Belvita is their sacred cow. Literally before we turn the podcast back on, I was sitting here saying to y'all,

I'm trying to do better, and I've done so good all day, and then I did that to myself. I'm very aware. What I'm saying, he's offended you guys with is shitting on Belveda. No, no, that don't hit. Yeah. What kind of broccoli cheese soup are you eating? Because, like, dude, that's the only way to go. And it's so goddamn easy to make.

This has more of a stew hat. What does that mean? You eat stew instead of broccoli cheese soup. I bet you do have a fine, I eat a fine stew. I bet you eat a fine stew. I'm not going to dignify that with a response. But, dude, man. I don't know what it means.

Yeah, man, I ain't going to have. I ain't going to have nobody talk trash on fucking Velvita. I'm just saying, like, when you, like, name a time where there's been a Velvita situation and every single person. It's not having a good time. Oh, oh, oh, you know what I mean? Like, no one. Rotel-dib dog, King of Kings. Can you ever have, like, cheese?

It's delicious. I'm not saying. My point isn't that it's delicious. What about this is the insinuation that you think that we're sitting here so blind, like going like, oh, y'all think Velvita is a healthy alternative? No. I'm just calling it out. Well, we don't need to be called out. Fair enough.

We don't ever need to be called out. All right. Push back. Get him, fine. I got your back. I don't even... There you go. Stop it.

Tushar. Yeah. What's the, like, spicy is hitting this shit y'all got, if you were going to suggest me something to order. Because I always order the same stuff.

Corma. I get Corma. Yeah, I only know like four things. Corma curry and... I always get curry. I get soggy. Butter chicken and obviously. So chicken.

I mean, I like Saqbaneer. I like, there's certain chickens that are, I don't even know what they're called. So chickens don't work. Chickens are good. Where you're at?

Yeah. They're lily bastards, so you eat them. They just, chickens don't work. They don't work. They don't give you milk. They eat that lye-dham chickens. Dundori, anything from the thund door is good. From the thundor?

The thundor. It's like a, it's our version of our barbecue. The Thundador. Oh, okay. It's our barbecue. What, okay. Is that what it's called? It's like a big ass clay.

But I'm saying is that what it will be called on the moon? Dundori chicken. It looks like pink. What is the, oh, Tandori is what it looks like. What is it? What is it? Oh, when you say it. Tandori.

Tandori. I know that stuff. What else is it besides chicken? Lamb. Yeah. Hell yeah. Goh. Goshed.

But is it meat? What else goes in the oven? In the oven? That the noise is like dry usually What is it about it that's like Barbecue like to what's the Comparison there? Because it's like It's from it slow cook basically

Yeah yeah yeah like a salt like a sweet sauce And there's like a whole yeah there's a whole process To it with it and it's in a ranch No man Come on oh yeah I don't have sauces How you feel about ranch too sure I love ranch I love ranch

I don't think you masala is covered in that shit Butter chicken covered in that shit Curry That's what it's a sauce It's a sauce Yeah What Hitchery about that stuff is that it's like, it's almost like they're all soups. Yeah.

They're all goopy soup. It's like a sauce soup. What goopie soup should I get with my Tendori chicken? Any of them. Get Sog. Saug is basically cream spinach. That's all it is. Cream spinach.

Oh, that homemade cheese? Yeah. That's what. Ooh, like, I want some right now. You like goat? I love goat. I'll tell you what. Lamb is my favorite, though.

I love lamb, too. I love both of them. I don't get either one of them enough. frankly. I prefer beef to both of them. Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess got gunned to my head, which one am I getting rid of forever? I would eliminate both of those before beef because beef means so much to me.

But in a one-time situation, because I don't get the other two as often, I think both of those hit harder. I don't ever get goat with Indian. I get goat with some like Middle Eastern food sometimes, but with Indian, I always chicken. We went to a Mexican place to San Antonio and I got a. big goat thing there and that's one of the hittiness, fuck, I don't remember the name of it, but that was one of the hit in this mills I've ever had in a Mexican place.

On the riverwalk? On the river walk? Yeah. We won't have time, but there's a great, like, Pakistani uh, restaurant here. We don't have time to... We don't have tomorrow. Before the show? No, we can't do that. I cannot eat.

We definitely can't do it right before the show. Yeah. It would explode. Do you have any idea what time they closed? I think it's open right now? Well, because we won't make it work. We'll get done. Like, we got done prior later. It'll be. It's far away. It doesn't That's so good.

Zika. You've been there? No, I haven't. Can we get a delivery? Ooh. Well, that's one for tomorrow. Oh, wow. Stay tuned.

Well, yeah, we're going to be, oh, well. It's so funny to think that people are listening. Like, oh, my God, I need to know. I need that Pakistani shit. Well, we will definitely, I guarantee you, we will come back next week. Did the boys eat that Pakistani shit? Find out next week. Just the end of this podcast is us.

We've just jumped off a hill and we're in the call. The Pute boys have done it again. It's our version of like the 90s rap video. You know that Hannibal Burris bit? I need to know if he's going to pour a champagne. They're going to keep pouring champagne on these bitches? What? The suspense is killing me.

That's us with eating food. Go to well-read comedy.com. W-E-L-R-E-D comedy.com. Come see us on the road where we tell you. jokes and not just farting the mic and talk about food. Tushar, thank you for being with us. And hey, also, if you haven't checked it out,

Tushar is also the guest host on the newest venture from the well-read boys. Bubba shot the podcast that you can find here on the well-red feed. It is a deep dive into yours, ours, and everyone's favorite 90s country music.

Bubba shot the podcast here on the well-red comedy network. And we'll see you next time. Thank you all for listening. to the well-read show we love to stick around longer but we got to go and tune in next week if you got nothing to do thank you god bless you good night and skew security guard called him too shart too shart too shart and now a special motorcycle weather report from progressive well today you can expect lots of cloud cover with zero percent chance of raining on your parade because you'll be riding your motorcycle

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