wellRED podcast - #240 - A Bowl Of Chili and a Peanut Butter Sandwich + Eliot Rahal stops by!

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

This week the boys hang out in their green room before a show at The Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis and talk about snacks that belong in the hall of fame and find out that some of their childhood fav...orites were not real in other places! Plus good buddy Eliot Rahal surpasses the guys with a pop in visit! Sponsors: Lucy.co Promo Code RED

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
Starting point is 00:00:19 It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?
Starting point is 00:00:41 Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.
Starting point is 00:01:44 I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,
Starting point is 00:02:06 but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:27 So that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.
Starting point is 00:02:43 So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocketmoney.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.
Starting point is 00:03:09 They're the they're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fuck. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people. People upset, they got three big old dicks that you can sun. And we're in Minneapolis, about to do a show. If you want to see a show, you go to Wellredcomedy.com. You can see all these lovely dates here that Corey has put up. See, I can see them too. They're right there floating in the air.
Starting point is 00:03:44 You can see Washington, D.C. You could see Nashville in December. That will hit. That will hit. Florida. I'm going backwards now. Seattle. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:55 California. Yeah, actually, when this comes out, tonight. Tonight will be in Irvine. And tomorrow night. San Jose. Yeah. And many of other stuff, too, so holler at well-redged comedy.com for tickets. Dude, I've been thinking.
Starting point is 00:04:10 What have you been thinking about all week? Are you going to say those chicken wings? Yeah, dude. Paper playing. Again, I think we've mentioned them a million times on here. And we're not sponsored by them, but it's one of them places that's like good enough that I'll give them the free advertisement. Paper playing, San Jose. calling my name, baby.
Starting point is 00:04:27 I can't wait. Yeah. So we got back from Atlanta last week. Oh, by the way, did you tell them where they could get the tickets for the people just listening? Because some people don't see that graphic. I said well-read comedy. Did you? Yeah, I said it.
Starting point is 00:04:38 I for sure said it, but I'll say it again, well-redcomedy. Right on. Yeah, for people who just listening, I'm pointing at a graphic that Corey has projected into our reality and onto your screens. So last weekend we were in Atlanta, and I've been saving this story to tell you about what happened on the plane. back to California from Atlanta. Yeah. Did you get hurt? No.
Starting point is 00:05:02 So, um, all right. So I was in, uh, I was on a window seat. Okay. You prefer the window,
Starting point is 00:05:10 don't you? I'm, I'm starting to shift on that, but yes. On first class it don't hit. Because there's too much of a gap and your neck kind of hurts when you, I know that, listen,
Starting point is 00:05:19 we don't buy first class tickets. We get bumped up. Yeah. The main, that is the main reason I used to prefer the windows because I, oh, I can lean on the side. but I don't lean on the side no matter where I'm at on the plane now.
Starting point is 00:05:29 I just, I can sleep laid straight back, you're not leaning straight back. And I never look out the window because I'm not a child. Right. So like I, uh, yeah, I need. You ever sit next to that dude who opened, like you're on the, that just opens it? Monster. Monster. Absolute fucking monster.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Tom's got a whole bit about that guy. But yeah, he's, uh, it's truly upset, especially when it's like a 6 a.m. And you're like, dog, what are we doing? You know what's out there is, right. house, it's the sun. Right. We all trying to die in here, like temporarily. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Lose consciousness. It also gets hot. Right. Yeah, it's that guy. That guy don't hit. No, that guy's the worst guy on the plane. So I'm not, I ain't that guy. I don't ever open it.
Starting point is 00:06:10 So yeah, I need to change my preference and stop sitting by the window. Yeah. But it's just a thing I've always done. I'm a big peer, so I got to sit on the outside. Yeah. I know. I need to start sitting in the aisle. But I sit on the window.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And beside me in the middle seat. was this like 40-something-ish black lady. And beside her, was they probably 40-something-ish on the aisle. They do not know each other. A 40-something-ish, like a Latino dude. That's a good match. Right. So, well, the Latino dude was with his girlfriend or wife, whatever,
Starting point is 00:06:48 who is also a 40-something black lady. But she is right. See? Told you. She is right behind me. So are you following the layout? Yeah, they're not sitting together. Him and his woman are not sitting together.
Starting point is 00:07:01 His woman is right behind me in the window. Wait, is it because she's in comfort and he's in first? No. Okay, because I've done that. No, this is all in comfort, the whole situation. So she's right behind me. Really? He's on the aisle.
Starting point is 00:07:13 You were in comfort? Yeah. I don't head. No, it don't hit. But it's fine. She's sitting right behind me. He's on the aisle, right? they are a couple directly beside me is an unrelated 40-something black woman she gets in there i'm
Starting point is 00:07:33 there first she comes to sit down she's talking on her phone to somebody or whatever um and while she's talking on the phone as everybody's piling on and they're messing with the luggage and stuff one of the flight attendants goes excuse me who's is this and it's like a laptop bag right and the lady beside me turns looks she goes it's mine and the flight attendants attendant goes okay well um if you're okay with it i'm just gonna i'm just gonna put it on this side so so because it'll make they'll make more room for it drew's here what's up okay so drew i'm on a plane from atlanta to l.a okay there's a black lady beside me a Latino dude beside her and the Latino dude's wife another black lady behind me okay that's all it's happened
Starting point is 00:08:20 flight attendant says who's is this i'm going move it over here and the lady goes or you could just give it to me and the flight tent goes okay no problem Miami and she hands her the laptop bag and the flight tent walks off and that lady who's on the phone says on the phone she's like she's like oh my God
Starting point is 00:08:38 just trying to mess with my stuff and was rude about it too but she's like oh girl she's like yeah she's just like who's is this right she's like real upset she wasn't rude not at all yeah but this lady's real upset by that yeah right so I'm just sitting there so tent's on
Starting point is 00:08:54 planes now, man. Already just staring directly ahead, you know, already slightly uncomfortable, right, because of that that I had nothing to do with. Then the Latino dude, he's on the phone and he's talking, I can't understand none of it because he's doing that Latino talk, you know, Spanish they call it. My papa also called it Latino talk. And that's how I know. You know that word.
Starting point is 00:09:19 No, that's true. Spanish, but I know that it was Spanish because I picked up a couple words here and there. It was definitely Spanish. He was speaking. That is relevant. So he's talking on the phone in Spanish. Pendejo, you heard that one a couple of times? I don't remember the words I heard, but I know that they were Spanish words.
Starting point is 00:09:37 So everybody gets off the phone because the plane is about to take off. But the lady beside me, she's no longer talking on the phone. She's now texting, right? And then, after she'd been texting for a minute, I hear the black lady behind. behind me go, she reaches up through the seats and taps the lady beside me and she goes, just so you know, he is not a terrorist.
Starting point is 00:10:03 What? And the lady beside me goes, excuse me? And she goes, he is not a terrorist. And the lady beside me goes, girl, would you read my text messages? And she goes, what?
Starting point is 00:10:18 She goes, I read the one where you said, oh my God, girl, this man beside me on the plane is speaking another language. I think he a damn terrorist. So the lady beside me, the lady beside me is like, that is an invasion of my privacy. You do not read other people's text message.
Starting point is 00:10:35 She's like, you do not call my man a text. I don't know who signed them on right now. I know, right. Because like, they're both right. And both wrong. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:10:42 right. Because in this lady, this lady's like, it ain't none of your business. What I've texted. She goes, he's my business. He's my man.
Starting point is 00:10:48 Right. And, dude, I'm melting into the window. You know, I'm just like, just like, like a horse with blinders on, dude.
Starting point is 00:10:58 I'm just like, I'm not moving a muscle, just staring straight ahead, you know, pretty terrified. Yeah, of course, because this guy might be a terrorist. And the lady behind me is like, she's like, she's like, for real, she's like, it is 2021 in America. And you're really saying this man's a terrorist just because he speaks another language. How loud is this? I mean, dude, it's pretty loud.
Starting point is 00:11:24 I had to guess, yeah. Not loud. The flight of tens weren't around at this point. wasn't so loud that they came and addressed this, but like a row in front of you. All right. I wasn't there, but I have to assume if someone is defending their man being a
Starting point is 00:11:38 terrorist to someone who's just been reading their text over the shoulder, they part weren't like, okay, now let's keep our voices down. Let's all be civil. No. And so, and then the dude, he starts going, he's like, baby, baby, it's okay, don't worry about it.
Starting point is 00:11:55 And she's like, no, she called you a terrorist. He's like, it's all right. I'm not worried about it. it, just let it go, please. It's fine. She's like, it is not fine. And she's just like, the lady beside me, it's like, that is invasive, that is rude, you know, and it just goes back and forth for a minute. And then the man finally, he's like, baby, please.
Starting point is 00:12:11 And they stop, right? So we take off and like, it's Atlanta to LA, so it's a four-hour flight. Two hours later, at least. I know, because I was watching Mel Gibson's The Patriot. That's a great movie to watch after all that. Yes, I was about to say, I'd already skewed that up. it's like you were like this man you know what this reminds me of
Starting point is 00:12:31 Mel Gibson right well also it's uh it's slaves and stuff in that movie yeah yeah yeah dude it's like I just anyway
Starting point is 00:12:40 but I was committed to my choice because I like that movie it's a great movie it's a great movie so it was at least two hours into the flight because the fucking Patriot was almost over and that's a three hour movie
Starting point is 00:12:51 the dude gets up goes the bathroom the lady beside me gets up goes the other bathroom when she comes back and she's going to sit down. She is looking at the lady behind me and she starts going, oh, it's funny, huh?
Starting point is 00:13:05 It's funny, huh? And she was like, and she's like, I do think it's funny. I just think it's funny that somebody could live in America in 2021 and call somebody a terrorist because the way they taught you. And then she just goes back into like, well, I think it's funny how you read my text messages, all this stuff. And then I swear to God, the lady beside me starts going, she's like, she's like, I can't believe you would do.
Starting point is 00:13:25 You know what? You need Jesus. Here we go. need Jesus. Oh, that ain't it. And the lady behind me is like, I need Jesus. He's like, because this, the lady beside me had had a couple of drinks. She's like, how about you throw down on that alcohol while I'm finding Jesus then?
Starting point is 00:13:38 You know, and it's just, it just goes back and forth a little bit longer. The dude shows back up and shuts it down again. And then, and now. He's taking this pretty goddamn well. No doubt. I saw he's been called a terrorist before. You know what I'm saying? He's a Latino dude.
Starting point is 00:13:52 I know. But this is America. That's what I'm saying. I'm sure he probably has. Fucking Tushar's an Indian and he's definitely been called a terrorist before. I know. It's definitely different. Way closer. Yeah, it's way closer.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Yeah, but it is way closer on the spectrum for sure. It's at least racism based on racism. Right, right, right, right. This is the weirdest racism I've ever heard. Yeah, I've literally never heard of a Latino terrorist in my life. The only other thing that happened was on the way out, I'm walking right behind the lady who was sitting beside me just because the way everybody filed out of the plane,
Starting point is 00:14:20 and she immediately gets on her phone and is telling her girlfriend the story, and she just keeps looking over her shoulder the whole way out. Yeah, yeah. You know, she was like, she thought it might be some shit. But as far as I'm aware, it wasn't no shit. The airplane lobby, that's where some shit, that's where some fucking World Star shit can happen, like when it doesn't get taken care of on the plane. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:38 About the today. Really? You had an experience? I'm in a foul fucking mood. Okay, I was wondering because just a minute ago, like, I said something, then I looked over, I was like, wait, did I just fucking pissed her off? And then I thought to myself, I was like, he literally just walked in here. Like, he just got off the plane.
Starting point is 00:14:54 He's probably just in a bad mood. I had to go to plane, hotel, hotel, straight here. that, I mean, you know, that like Russian don't ever help, but here's what happened. And it's a plain story. Is that, is that, is that, is that to wrap up? Because I've got like, that's all that, that's all that's all that happened on mine. You, do you fly from LA today? Burbank. Oh. Do you fly Southwest? Do you understand what happens on Southwest? They really need to tell it because it causes problems for somebody every single time. Do you fly direct Southwest, Burbank to Minneapolis? No, I stopped in Phoenix, but I got a 350. All right. So, um,
Starting point is 00:15:27 I go to get on. The way it works is you pick your seat when you get on. Yeah, yeah. And what you pay for is the right to get on quicker. Right. So I was like A50 because I got early bird check-in. It's like 20 more bucks to get until you get an aisle, which is what I like. Right.
Starting point is 00:15:46 I get on. I go to sit in an aisle. I'm like, man, you know what? I'm going to sit in this emergency row window because there's more room. Yeah. And these southwest flights aren't that roomy. anyway, and that's a nicer seat. And it's just a Phoenix.
Starting point is 00:16:00 It's an hour. I'm not going to have to pee. Excuse me, sir. I'm going to sit right there. Oh, I'm saving it. That's not how Southwest works. You can't. I just said, you can't really do that, sir.
Starting point is 00:16:10 And he said, I know, I'm sorry. And I just thought, I'm not going to deal with the day. And all I said is, no, you're not. I love the switch from I'm not going to deal with it today, too. No, you're not. Well, and I just sit down in my seat and I hear him say, prick. Yeah. And so, and so he says that, and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:16:30 All right, this dude's like saving a seat for his daughter and his wife or something or whatever. His fucking, like, five foot two twin brother gets on the plane. And the reason I'm making fun of their height is it's the fucking more room seat. Right, they don't need it. Only two. He's twin. Are they identical twins? Yes.
Starting point is 00:16:51 I rock my seat back before takeoff. Just like, I'm going to annoy him anyway. So you sat in front of him? Yeah. Because I was already, that's what I was. That's where I was about sitting. And then I was like, I'm going to switch. And then I'm like, nah.
Starting point is 00:17:04 And then he does that. So I start pulling my suit back. And then I hear him talking about me to his brother. So I'm going to go, what was that? Did you call me a prick again? And I was like, I will sit in between you two just to be right. Do you understand that? And he's like, oh, it's cool, cool, well, you know, whatever, whatever.
Starting point is 00:17:22 So then this dude gets on. Oh, I actually skipped this part. Right before his brother got on, this very large man sits in my window. and I say to him, I'm like, there's more room in the emergency one, almost like, let's get as many people as I can to argue with this guy. And he goes, oh, I think somebody's sitting there. And I look, he's now placed his bag there. So then I watch this legitimately six foot three, 280 pound dude,
Starting point is 00:17:43 squeeze into this seat. And I'm like, he also could have used more room. Now I'm definitely thinking this guy's a prick. We're flying to Phoenix. He starts talking about a deal he just did with his brother, telling him all the details. It's like his brother knew something about it, but didn't know how it closed.
Starting point is 00:17:56 he's literally bragging about screwing his lawyer out of money. It's a hundred million dollar deal his lawyer made a hundred grand on it. For those who don't know, lawyers make between one and two percent usually of either the deal or the profit.
Starting point is 00:18:10 I'm not quite sure how much he screwed him, but like it impressed his brother and I'm pretty sure it would have been a million and he only got a hundred grand. So now I'm like, you know, fuck a lawyer, but this is the type of duty is. Yeah, he goes, yeah, he complained me about it. So I got everyone to throw in like 10 grand,
Starting point is 00:18:26 a piece to him and that really made him feel better. So I'm like... Why is this piece of shit on Southwest? That's also what I'm... And why didn't his fucking brother? Or why did he just get his brother, whatever fucking thing he paid for, right? Right. So he knows dudes, they're all on aisles.
Starting point is 00:18:42 Everyone got an early thing but his brother. So he wouldn't get his brother the early thing or his brother couldn't afford, or whatever it was. And again, two of them. Well, because it's the most space, the stewardess stands in front of him as people load in. The only row in the plane that doesn't have three people ends up being their row because the stewardess was standing there the whole fucking time.
Starting point is 00:19:03 Yeah. So they won like triple. So I'm just fucking fuming at the universe. They're just closing deals right this week, son. Right. So then they talk about the deal and all that. And I'm like, man, this dude's a piece of shit. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, and I'm thinking of my great friend Chris Heller, who you guys who met, I went to law school with him.
Starting point is 00:19:20 It was part of the Black Friday crew. Black Friday, Denver. A dude was being a prick at the bar. The story's like too long and kind of hazy. to properly, the end of it was just Heller literally swiping an entire bar of drinks onto the man and walking out the door. That is.
Starting point is 00:19:34 So I've got texts and I text the Black Friday group and I'm about to revisit Chris Heller, Denver, you know, circa 2018. But like in the air, so it'll definitely be a crime. I walked towards the bathroom and knocked his coffee into his lap. Nice! Hold on, hold on. It has the lid on it.
Starting point is 00:19:53 None of it gets on him. Dude, this dude fucking rules. It's on him. It spills, right? Yeah. So he's like, what the? And I'm just like, oh, sorry, sir. And just kind of look at him. Now he knows I'm crazy.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Yeah, do something fucking Bilbo Baggins. They're five foot two. What'd you do like a fake stumbull? I swat. No, he did. You just signed it? I didn't, like, hit it hard, but I just knocked it over. Like a bully in an 80s movie.
Starting point is 00:20:20 Yeah. To a fucking nerd walking around with his agenda. Sorry, sir. So I go, I sit back down, I hear him like moving, you know, still. Now I'm like, whatever, fuck it, right? Now that I've committed assault. When he gets up, he like bumps my chair at some point to go to the bathroom. When we get off the plane, I go pee, I end up behind him, right behind him.
Starting point is 00:20:43 And I realize he thinks I'm following him. He starts, like, telling his friends I'm following them and stuff. I'm not. I didn't mean to do this, but I am not about to stop. Of course. I followed him all the way to his gate because his gate happened to be right beside mine so when we get to C6 he's going to C7
Starting point is 00:21:01 I'm like I might as well keep this going for me and I just sat down like three rows over from him and look and I had the thought if he turns his back and then he did he went to plug his phone in and ignore me and he had his backpack on top of his suitcase I came this fucking close to swiping his backpack and then just setting it somewhere
Starting point is 00:21:21 like one gate over just like not stealing it just, you know. They would have definitely thought it was a bomb, too. The ESA getting called in. He's got to deal with that. Because I wanted some more consequences for this mother- Of course.
Starting point is 00:21:33 But I didn't do that. What would have happened? I would have gotten arrested. Absolutely. They would have gone to the camera and they'd been like, why is his bag here? Wait, we seen that fucking guy. He got on that plane. It was Drew Morgan and you would be, then you would be a terrorist.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Imagine if, like, if he had not showed up and we were like, where's Drew at, what's, what's going on? And we found out later that he got arrested for a bomb threat at an airport. Yeah. It would have been a hate crime. because he was a hobbit. He just had a fucking rubber glove fisting his asshole while these fucking five-foot-two dudes are just closing another deal. Closing another deal on the golf course.
Starting point is 00:22:04 They were headed to Pittsburgh. I was like, well, that's punishment enough for these pieces of shit. Yeah, Pittsburgh's great, by the way. I don't know. I don't know one will be there, but Pittsburgh's awesome. But, yeah, I do like Pittsburgh. I like Pittsburgh, too. Don't have for me how they put French fries on sandwiches.
Starting point is 00:22:18 No, no, no, not just that. Salads. Yeah, everything. They put French fries on sandwiches. Everything. Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Well, damn, man, I really wish that I had, like, even at, like, my flights were very inconsequential. I was in first class on both of them, and nobody sat next to me on both flights, and I read 12 comic books. Nobody got upgraded. That's wild. The next flight. I mean, I did. This is the lesson to take from it. The next flight I'm sitting there, and a much sweeter woman who had a much more compelling story was across from me.
Starting point is 00:22:48 I'm on my aisle, the person of the aisle beside me. I hear her say to an older lady. I'm sorry, my sister and my brother are with me, and they have their baby, and the lady literally didn't let her finish the sentence, just stepped the fuck over her into the aisle seat. And I was like, the lesson that I've learned is to just do that. Just step over the motherfucker and be like, yeah, go ahead, tell them, because you're wrong. So, when y'all get on the plane, y'all ain't got the earphones in, like you're, you do? Okay, because I'm just starting to think, I'm like, because I've got mine blasting. I'm like, I don't know if I'd ever known any of this shit.
Starting point is 00:23:23 was going on because like I pretty much got mine going the whole time I was engaging with a oh you mean the second time yeah yeah yeah or in his situation I don't I mean I was like a Justin trying to give it because Southwest yeah well you had to do something they had to live TV I was trying to get that set up I don't uh football was hitting the day we talked about but not on here like I like I um I don't have any like songs downloaded on my phone right now I listen to music when I'm like working out at home or something via Wi-Fi but I don't I mostly listen to a podcast. Me too. When I listen to a podcast, you can still
Starting point is 00:23:57 kind of hear what you. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I think I was listening to a podcast and then I heard some shit going down so of course I paused it. Right. Because that's a live podcast. Right. Yeah. Well, you got to, you know, I just wanted to hear. Here. Yeah. Yeah. Do you not understand what I'm saying? I guess, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:13 I paused the podcast so I could hear what was going on. Yeah. I guess. This drama would not. I'm with you. No, it would have. I guess it would have for me. I'm just so, like, I could with me, I could see that whole thing happening beside me and me never knowing. Well, I, you know... Are those fucking LeBron's?
Starting point is 00:24:31 Dude, she was... Yeah, I showed you these in a picture. You're me. I got them literally as the fucking pandemic. Those are dope. You're me. Okay, I'm her. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:39 She's like this. Yeah, no, you're right. I would have definitely... Like, it would have been pretty hard to not notice it. I think, though, like, where you were like, I would have ended up getting in some trouble because you were just like, you said you were like the horse with the blinders on. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:24:51 I think I would have accidentally at one point just been like, oh shit. Like, I'm too, like, I'm too, like, I'm too giddy about stuff like that. Oh, I know you would have laughed for sure. I can't remember if you missed the part or not. I find that stuff so far. Dude, I know you too, like, you would have fucking, like,
Starting point is 00:25:05 as soon as she called that dude a terrorist, you would have been, you would have started representing his ass. I am the only, I am the only white man in this situation. I wanted no part of getting roped into it. Because it was about to be your false. Because I also, I just didn't want to smirk or anything because I thought. I'd be like, oh, okay, you know, and now it's on. Right.
Starting point is 00:25:24 Because that's the reason I told the part about the lady beside me getting real pissed off at the flight attendant over nothing. Yeah. Like, that's part of it for me. Right. I've already- Oh, you know her M-O now is what you're saying. I'm saying. I'm saying she's, like, mad at everybody, it seems like, and now this has happened. And I was just, and again.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Oh, and didn't your, I'm a white dude? Didn't your, uh, no, I didn't your mask fall off your face and you got accosted for that? That was today. Oh, okay. I was asleep. And I got fucking. woken up because it had slipped off my nose. And I do the thing, I had a hat.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I had a cap pulled over my face and she still caught me and woke me up. Because she thinks you did it on purpose. Right. Dude, I want to say this. And look, this is a problem I have. And it's something I need to work the fuck on. When that dude, like, it wasn't like me not being able to sit there. It genuinely wasn't.
Starting point is 00:26:17 It was who this dude thinks he is. and as the day progressed, who he in fact is. Right. Little Man's syndrome just to the fucking nines. But a winner. Like this was a rich L.A. $100 million deal. Took all his boys to fucking a golf trip. They were talking about playing golf.
Starting point is 00:26:34 Is he only on Southwest? Because it was just, is the only flight out of there? I have no, maybe, like, because he wanted to do Burbank instead of doing with L.A. extra. So, like, what was going through my hand when I was like, fuck it, I'm doing it, was he not. I'm mad at what, me. the seat I ended up in was fine. It was he fucking deserves this. He deserves to feel something negative today.
Starting point is 00:26:57 Yeah. That guy's having a great day, I'm sure still. Yeah, but I scared him. For sure, dude. I legitimately, and I mean like imposing upon him. He was just like, that dude who did that is now following me. Yeah, and he was like, oh, I'm not at my law firm. I'm not, like, I don't have the people around me.
Starting point is 00:27:14 A bunch of old dudes with me. Yeah, like he could beat the shit out of definitely me and my brother at the same time. There was one another who could take me. but I had to broke his nose. But it wasn't even that I was going to fight him. He said he was going to have to deal with it. It's like you said, I can't make this go away. I just have to sit here near this guy.
Starting point is 00:27:27 And what do I tell? I could go get security and be like, that guy's following me. You're at an airport, bro. What are you crazy? You know, I was hoping he would tell on me. And I'd be like, that guy seems nuts. I don't know, folks. I'm just sitting at the gate, you know.
Starting point is 00:27:40 Yeah. I heard him say something about bomb and then just fucking run away. Matter of fact. Yeah, yeah. That's something weird. No, dude. He smells like gunpowder dog. I know.
Starting point is 00:27:48 I used to be a dog, like whatever. Like, yeah. Oh, my God, man. Well, shit, that's, uh, that's rough, guys. In one of those situations, I'll tell you what would really help me. What would help you? Uh, it would be a slim nicotine pouch. That's what would help me.
Starting point is 00:28:02 Look, we're all adults here, and some of us choose to use nicotine to relax. I know this fella over here does. Focus or just unwind after a long day. And Lucy nicotine is a company that was created to help nicotine users, find a cleaner option and feel better about the ways that they consume. nicotine. Lucy's slim pouches, Trey Lane, what they do is that they use the newest technology
Starting point is 00:28:23 for synthesizing pure nicotine in the lab. It's all like sciencey and stuff. I love science. I love science. Another tobacco, all the nicotine satisfaction. Three exclusive and delicious flavors, Spiraman. You got your mango. You got your cool cider. It's like, bagu, it's like dipping a seltre, son. Good stuff.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Trey, you enjoy the slim nicotine pouches, don't you? Why don't you tell our listeners about them? Yeah, it does have some crazy shit goes down on a plane, you know what you can do? Just slide one of them in there and they can't say shit to you about it. I mean, I guess they theoretically could, but they won't. They can't tell.
Starting point is 00:28:55 They can't tell. They don't know what you're doing. You can't do that with any other sort of nicotine situation except for other types of gums and stuff, which don't hit as hard as Lucy. They don't hit near as hard. And guys, listen, here's the deal. It's the future. It's 2021.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Don't compromise when you're choosing your nicotine products. Go with the newest tobacco-free options from Lucy's and well-read listeners. You know what you're going to do. You're going to go to lucy. use that promo code Red, RED. You're going to get 20% off your order of Lucy Slim Pouches or any other
Starting point is 00:29:24 of the super hitting Lucy products. That's lucy.co. And we use the promo code Red RED at checkout. And I must read this verbatim. Verbatim. I have to get this disclaimer. Warning, this product contains non-tobacco nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
Starting point is 00:29:41 Which hits. It does hit. Thank you, Lucy for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you Lucy. I love Lucy I also love Lucy. Did Arkansas win? They beat the fuck out of them, dude. Yeah, nice.
Starting point is 00:29:55 They were beating the fuck out of them. It was in the fourth quarter. It's overtime, North Carolina State and Clemson. Oh, word. Word? Oh, please get beat, Clemson. It's only 2010 in the Texas-A-N-Am Arkansas game. I'm pretty sure it was 20 to nothing.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Hmm. I haven't really been fucking with college footballs. I've been watching Georgia. Like, I'm now at the point where, like, I just watched Georgia, and then other than that, I don't give a shit. and I know what you're about what you're about to say. Yeah, I've reached the point you're at a long years and years ago. Like, way back in the day, I watched all kinds of college football,
Starting point is 00:30:25 and it all hit for me. A long time ago, I reached the point where you are now, where I really only ever watched Tennessee. And now I just don't watch college football because Tennessee beat it completely out of me. There's no consistency for me. I will watch football all day, Saturday and Sunday one week, and then I won't watch for three weeks.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Tennessee plays forward today. I will check the score. I know what it's going to be. It will not hit. And it will not hit. And that'll be all that I do. Now, Sunday, like, I watch, all day. I watch every NFL game that I possibly came.
Starting point is 00:30:54 I mean, dude, this is the, uh, tomorrow's like one of the earliest flights I've taken in a while leaving a city. Yeah. Because usually I'm like, I'll leave at lunch. Like, I'll just, I don't care if I get home at eight. That's fine. But like, I, I was like, no, no, no. I can get home by two.
Starting point is 00:31:08 And then, like, the witching hour isn't, you know, like, I'll be able to like, really see good red zone shit. So I'm, yeah. My flats at the same time. Yours is, and I picked it for the same reason, because I land at 10 a.m., which is what time the game start on the West Coast. So, like, I mean, I had to get home, but I'll probably be home by half-time of the early games.
Starting point is 00:31:28 And that's the reason I'm getting up so early. It's just so I can watch football. If you could only have, for the rest of your life, for... If you could only have the rest of your life for Super Bowl part, any type of, like, football party get together, three food items at those parties. That's it. Everything else fucking has to go,
Starting point is 00:31:49 except for the rest of my life. And drinks. Not drinks. No, drinks are fine. Just food. And this is like including like snack cakes, dips, meats or whatever. I have two, I think for sure.
Starting point is 00:32:02 First off, I can tell you one that's definitely in both of ours and it's fucking rotel dip. Rotel dip has to be there. Rotel dip in the oven. I was going to say w w w w w w w wings. Yeah. My top two for sure, if I'm picking. three food items for football watch parties and I get nothing else and that's for the rest of my life.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Rotel dipping wings for sure. And Pete. Yeah. Those three. It's really not even that hard of a question. I think about it. You almost have to take those. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Rotel kind of takes care of that. But it kind of covers that base for me. Dude, when I asked that, I literally thought this was going to be like the hardest thing in the world. But it's like, yeah. We should maybe get rid of those. I mean, it's one of those things where the kings are the kings. Right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Without those three. You can only... You can't do those three. You can't do those three. Okay. I'm going Rotel div. He's going nachos. No, no.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Rotel dips out. No, no, Routelips out. Right. For you. No, no, no. We have to... So, all right. So I stick with nachos.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Okay. Pigs in a blanket? Oh, shit. Yeah, pigs in a blanket, dude. Or just like... Chili? Yeah. I like chili.
Starting point is 00:33:06 Because if you have chili and pigs in a blanket, like... I mean... Put a bone in there. We got a stew going, baby. Can we go with shrimp cocktails? C cocktails? I mean, you could throw it in there. I don't remember the last time I was at a party that had shrimp cocktail.
Starting point is 00:33:18 It's rare, but like this I saw I'm going to get the rest of my life. Yeah, this does include chips. All chips. All chips. So chips. Well, wait a minute. Hold on. Rotel dip, it comes with chips, or is that not?
Starting point is 00:33:28 That's a package deal. Okay. That's a package deal for sure. And nachos, obviously, chips are part of it. Yeah. But I mean, like... I will maintain that if you chips and chips and standard dip is a package deal. Like, ruffles and French onion dip come together.
Starting point is 00:33:42 That's what I was going to say. No, it's kind of sort of a basic. That's a basic situation. Chili comes to free does. That's a basic situation. Yeah. But for me, ruffles or wavy lays. I love very much that I'm the judge for this.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Ruffles and wavy lays or ruffles with French onion. Yeah, that goes with that. That's an all-time. It is an all-timer. It is a combo for me. I'm going shrimp cocktail even though it's not because like it's all I'm getting. You can bring in any, hey, you can bring in whatever you want. It's going to be rad.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Yeah. Yeah, without all those gone, honest to God, I'm a big, like, sweet snacker on game day. Oh, what about a tray? Oh, meat and cheese tray. Dude, because that's one item and you get so many things. Yeah, that hits real hard. Yeah, but I assume with chili, I'm getting my cheese and my sour cream.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Yeah, yeah, you get all that stuff. And again, corn chips comes with that. Well, yeah. If you have chili and peanut butter sandwiches and honey buns, peanut butter sandwiches. To go with the chili? That's not. Is this a my mama thing?
Starting point is 00:34:43 And I didn't know. Oh my God. No, but we did it at school too. At school, when you got chili, you got peanut butter sandwiches. Not peanut burn jelly? Hold on. Can I call Amber? Yeah, you can do whatever you want, baby.
Starting point is 00:34:56 No, we're on a podcast. I'm not even saying like that don't hit or nothing, but I've never... I hope she's drunk. I've never... Dude. She had a yard sale all day today. She's hammered. She's not going to pick up.
Starting point is 00:35:09 She's not going to pick up. She's not going to score, but North Carolina State has the ball. God damn it So it's like a grilled cheese With tomato soup situation Yeah I'm gonna call Okay are they grilled sandwiches
Starting point is 00:35:20 Is it just peanut butter sandwiches Just white bread Just make a bunch of them And you just sit them there And they cut them into With chili Yeah I'm calling my fucking mom I ain't never heard that
Starting point is 00:35:29 What hold on I'm gonna call mom to see if it was like She made that shit up She may have But like to me that just like goes together It's like yeah Like grilled cheese and tomato soup Mamma Flo used to put a bologna and peanut butter on a sandwich, and I loved it.
Starting point is 00:35:44 Still do, and I thought it was a thing, and it's not. Yeah, I never heard of that either. Four people do wild stuff, and then they keep some of it. You're on the podcast. Say hi to the boys. Hello, fellas. Hello. So, we were just sitting here talking about, like, items at Super Bowl parties and, like, football parties that, like, you know, the top three you couldn't live without, like, you know, rotel dip and nachos and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:36:10 And so we threw out a couple. And then I was like, yeah, you know, for me, it's like if I could have chili and peanut butter sandwiches, I'd probably be good. And the boys go, chili and peanut butter sandwiches, like, that's a thing. And then it just hit me like, oh, my God, is that just a Laura Forster thing? Like, did you make that up or is that a thing? No, it's not made up actually in our area for lunch, lots of, you know, in the cafeteria, they would serve chili. and on those days we had chili they usually always had a peanut butter
Starting point is 00:36:44 sandwich with it Right so like you just had that at Lakeview and then when we grew up you just like that's what we did when we had chili No no It wasn't just Lakeview because Beth does it too So it's at Chattanooga Valley too I think it was just an area
Starting point is 00:36:58 Our regional thing Yes and I noticed your friend Ashley West the other day Actually put it on her Instagram she took a picture of I think she'd made some chili and had a peanut butter sandwich with it. So maybe it's a regional thing.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Yeah, yeah, Chickamaugan. Well, I mean, maybe it's just our little, you know, our little area. Peanut butter sandwiches and mares who are cartoon characters. Yep, that's wild. Well, damn. All right. Well, thank you. And by the way, this is your first appearance on the Well Road podcast.
Starting point is 00:37:31 Can you give us a skew? All right. All right. Love you, Mama. Love you. Bye-bye. She said skew with more intention than I love you. I know.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Yeah, big time. Huh, well, damn. I thought she was just going to be like, no. No. Bye, you don't hear from me. On the skew or the guy, I love you? No, dude. No, dude.
Starting point is 00:37:50 My mom's a born performer, so as soon as I told her she was on the podcast, she's like, all right, let me make sure I get this story right. That's interesting. But she could have also fulfilled her character role by being like, I do not skew. Why are you bothering me? I will not skew. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:04 I could perhaps wish you all luck, gentlemen. Yes, exactly. Tata. I don't think I have a thing. Like he said, his mamma used to do peanut butter and bologna sandwiches like together. Yeah. I'm trying to think of some shit like that. I thought was a thing, but now I know it isn't a thing, and I can't really... I'll tell you...
Starting point is 00:38:24 I'll tell you another one for me. It's just the standard poverty jams for me. Did you see the thing that went viral where the dude was talking about catching your poop? And he thought everybody did it? That's a... Where's he at? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. That's...
Starting point is 00:38:37 Like, just all the time he just catches his poop? Like, he's in toilet paper, but he, like, God damn it. I definitely did see that. You just saw that on the... To muffle the sound? I'm trying to think of where I saw that. On Reddit or something maybe.
Starting point is 00:38:49 Probably Reddit, yeah. Dude, I saw the most... The dude, Tom Segura, one of his little minions, works on his podcast. He exclusively poops by squatting on the seat. I've heard of that. Like a bugger.
Starting point is 00:39:04 I don't know where you learned that. That'll feel better. But that makes sense health-wise. Well, because in like Asia and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like that will help you shit. squat over like poop holes. They got holes that flush.
Starting point is 00:39:14 Yeah. So he's kind of doing that, but just on a toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the dude that catches his poop. It's to silence her, I guess. No, I just think you just learned that way to check your poop. But like, here's what it's wild is you could watch on the clip, him start to process. Like, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Yeah, like, we mean you do that. Everybody does that, you know? And she's like, you get, you just get it in your hand. He's like, no, I'm not disgusting. it's wrapped in toilet paper and she's like but what what are you doing and then he's like
Starting point is 00:39:45 just check check him checking my poop and it's like it just keeps going and he's like oh god he's like what happens when it's a gnarly situation down there's all over your hands
Starting point is 00:39:56 maybe you know better I bet to say dude most of the time I'm like I can pretty much be like I think this what this but if you think maybe that's how his family described it's like a had a no catch today
Starting point is 00:40:06 yeah right right right right yeah no hands on that one if you think that's That's the thing you do that everybody does. I think if it's diarrhea, you don't have to check it because diarrhea just is diarrhea. You know what I mean? You're like, what does it matter what the splatter looks like? What does it matter?
Starting point is 00:40:21 What does it matter? I brought this up because nothing about it makes sense. Well, I was about saying I feel like y'all are ascribing a degree of logic to this. I was just trying to, I feel bad for this fucking guy. We're trying to describe some logic to it because people do it and he learned it. Or at least a person does it. Did you see the one on red? This is there.
Starting point is 00:40:35 I felt so bad for this. Wait, if you think you're weird for whatever your granny made you eat, at least you don't catch your poop in your hand. I know another poop one from Reddit. It might be one you're going to say. Yeah. This fucking guy. I can't remember what subreddit is.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Basically, it's like, you know, how old were you when you found out this thing when you were a kid is just a your family thing? Luckily for me, so far, mine is just that we eat peanut butter sandwiches with fucking chili. This dude was apparently over at his friend's house when he was like 12 or 13. And he takes a shit. And he's looking around the toilet. And he's like, oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:41:09 and he has to go out and ask his buddy where their family's poop knife is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because for those of you don't know, well, if y'all know that, but like this, his family, I guess they have such
Starting point is 00:41:21 famously large turds that like, or weight plumbing or whatever, that they have a rusty knife that's just chained to the toilet that they slice their poop in half and then flush it and like, buddy, I mean, I don't know how that guy's rest of his year. I'd have moved.
Starting point is 00:41:37 I'd absolutely fucking move. I'd definitely would, I guess later on. in my life, why not bring it up on Reddit? You've already got shit on it for so long. Yeah, for sure. One of my things is, I didn't, so, like, my granny's grilled cheeses are my favorite, they were my favorite thing
Starting point is 00:41:49 in the world. I've told you multiple times that it took me three years after she died before I was able to even eat or purchase bread and butter pickles again because she would serve them on the side. Because that's the only time I ever had them.
Starting point is 00:42:05 And like, smell and taste are like the two biggest to your memories. I couldn't even, I couldn't even fucking fathom it, dude. So... Double over time. I gotta go to get a special guest. Keep going. Do your thing?
Starting point is 00:42:15 We have a guest? Nice. I found out way late in like middle school and like early high school that like, Granny actually did not, what she was making was not grilled cheeses because she put them in the oven. She was making baked cheeses. Yeah, I've heard of people doing that. And the thing is like... I mean, and those don't really hit for me.
Starting point is 00:42:34 No, no, here's the thing. But it was my granny. Yeah, yeah. But I don't make them like that now. They're like totally. Toasted cheese. Now here's the thing. Pros and cons.
Starting point is 00:42:42 When you make them on the fucking stove top, you get all that good grease. All that good grease. When you cook them in the oven, you can get them more crispy just because they're not sogged up. And really, it's healthier because there's not all that fucking butter on it. But like since my granny's not here to make it,
Starting point is 00:42:58 I definitely prefer fucking putting butter in the pan and slapping that motherfucker down there. The grill cheeses we got at school were toasted. For sure. For sure. Yeah. The ones that like Sonic are toasted too. I think a lot of restaurants do that
Starting point is 00:43:11 because it's easier they can make a bunch at one time like they just put all that shit in the oven but like that's what my granny was doing but like God dude it was like it couldn't have been better I remember her moms are like I love moms but they were just so different but like it didn't really occur to me until I was like
Starting point is 00:43:23 13 I was like oh yeah that's not grilled which I guess hell the way we make them is more of a fried cheese sandwich not really grilled none of them are grilled yeah like none of them are grilled
Starting point is 00:43:37 yeah it is more of a fried cheese, I guess. I mean, if you want to... I'm saying then, I guess... I knew it. What's up, dude? Holy shit! I'm going to pause here as we bring in our special guest.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Elliot Ray Hall. Comedian, comic book, author. Look at you, buddy. Now, uh... Lovely face. You want to move your chair by me and we can share this? Yeah, if you want to. Yeah, y'all get over there.
Starting point is 00:44:07 And we can share a mic. Oh, shit. How long ago we got on this motherfucker. Oh, yeah. What was that? I was just checking how much time we had. We got about 15 left. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:17 Perfection. Perfection. We were running out of stuff to talk about anyway. Yeah, no, I'm glad you're here to tag in. You had a breath? I did a light jog, and I ran out of it. You ran over here. To the side door.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Yeah. It was like, that was enough to do it. Yeah. Fucking. I don't know. I don't know. do here. Hey, how are you guys? Good, man. Hold. Just hold the
Starting point is 00:44:46 thing. Yeah, do your thing. Elliot Ray Hall. I didn't know that this was happening. Elliot Ray Hall, yeah, sorry. I didn't know this was happening by my thing. No, I didn't either. I'm so excited. It's a wonderful surprise. Well, last time it happened, my phone broke, and last time you guys were here, my phone literally broke, and then I was out of communication for like 20 days. Yeah. And then... How fun was that?
Starting point is 00:45:08 You know, if it happened this past year, I would have been welcome. relief. When it happened, it was not welcome. Right. And I felt very better. So, have you ever found as an adult that there was something you ate or did as a kid that you thought was totally normal? Normal. The thing that everybody did, and then it turns out it was just your family or it wasn't a normal thing?
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah, I mean... Pussy. We'll tell you our examples while you think of one that you can say. So my family ate baloney and peanut butter sandwich. like together I've heard about that before I think that's like an old hey Arnold thing
Starting point is 00:45:51 or like maybe it's like a gross 90s It would be so funny to me If you're if Dean Dane Watch Hey Arnold and God I'm pretty sure it was a poor people thing But it might have also been a Hey Arnold thing Okay Now I feel bad
Starting point is 00:46:06 Why Because I don't know I'm born to feel bad No, yeah, I know exactly What you, Heidi's got, you know, my wife grew up very poor, too So she's got all sorts of fun dinners like that Just a hot dog wrapped in lettuce Lettuce
Starting point is 00:46:30 I ain't got lettuce money I have one so bad But it's like, if my mom ever heard it, she would like She's not Yeah I know this is dark He's just like my brother Was here for my baby shower
Starting point is 00:46:46 And we were like Reminising on Like how we used to have to smash Wine bottles in our In our garbage Because my dad was looking through the trash Right That's not really dinner though
Starting point is 00:46:59 But like we are just totally normal Until like somebody like was like no. Yeah. But I was just a fan kid. Yeah. I mean, I think the thing that pops out of my mind that is not related but related was somebody once
Starting point is 00:47:19 told me, I believe it was my brother that cold Pop-Tarts give you cancer. They do. Honestly, if you warm them up, they definitely will too. I believe it. Quicker. I am like a huge belief. I've talked to you about this before. I'm a huge believer in the idea of like the first story you ever
Starting point is 00:47:35 hear is the most powerful thing you ever hear. And so to this day, every time I, like, go to the Pop-Tart aisle, like, it's the first thing that pops into my head is going to fucking diet cancer. Uh, the, this isn't dinner either. And I've touched on this before on the podcast, but like recently, Corey was talking about, he was trying to find something new, something to watch on TV. He was talking about old shit or whatever. And he was like, what about Oz? The HBO show Oz. And I was like, I was like, dude, Oz fucking rules. That's it? Yeah,
Starting point is 00:48:06 I love it. And for anybody doesn't know, Oz was like pre-sopranos. It was right at the beginning of HBO getting into all that prestige.
Starting point is 00:48:14 It was like right pre-sopranos. Yeah, right. They aired at the same time. Right. Oz, like, started before Sopranos did even. And it was a prison drama
Starting point is 00:48:21 about a man's penitentiary and it was fucking, I was telling the core, like, dude, it's wild, man, all kinds of fucking prison rape and murder and shiven and butt-fucking and all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:48:33 I mean, I figured as much. And it, right. I don't think it was like scrubs and presents. I know, I know, but my point is, but my point. JD is all right. It meant 203 was my friend. Now he's fucking someone else in the budget. See, no one told me life was gonna be this gay.
Starting point is 00:48:52 So, but, but, the fight for fighting song. The point is, I was telling Corey that and I was like, I was like, yeah, dude, I watched it with my dad every week when it was airing. And then it popped in my head and I looked it up. and I think that show debuted in 1998 or 97, so I was 11 or 12 years old. I was 11 years old watching Oz with my dad.
Starting point is 00:49:14 Highly inappropriate content. So much. Just watching Michael Shannon get butt-foot, go, what are you saying about that, boy? Is he? I can't, if he was, I don't remember it. I just said a thing. I didn't mean to derail.
Starting point is 00:49:26 There's a lot of great guys. But not like Mugstabler from SVU. That's who I was thinking of. Mr. Maloney, like, I have an image seared into my brain of him pissing into a bucket in solitary, and it's just full, you just watch him piss out of his penis on camera. Big old dick. Yeah, yeah. Just, yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:45 Tight. Tight. Yeah, it's pretty tight. So, yeah, but like, and that's the only thing. And I never thought nothing of that until later realizing that not everybody watched shit like that with their dad. A lot of it was super. I mean, I love it. Retro, I don't feel like it, like, fucked me.
Starting point is 00:50:03 It was all the other shit. Dude, I was about to say, like, you didn't have a chance anyways. You may as well watch something. Yeah, it was a fucking... Didn't he show you John Waters' films? Yeah, Plainfulingo. John Waters... The Pink Flamingos.
Starting point is 00:50:16 But I was probably like 16 when that happened. Not 11. That's still too early. Yeah. But I just remember, he would show me shit like that because he thought it was hilarious to see what my reaction with me. I was like 16. I bet it was.
Starting point is 00:50:31 this shit I don't do that. Yeah, exactly. Check the, like, he, like, the Wurly Bird saying where the dude, like, like, fucking... Prolapses his asshole. Yeah, over and over. Is that prolapsing?
Starting point is 00:50:41 Apparently, what is that? I think it's called... I think it's just winking. Apparently, it's really easy to do to prolapse your absal. Yeah, you can, like, a lot of women just... I don't know. Women do it during birth on accident.
Starting point is 00:50:51 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, push. Okay, but, but, but... Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Because he just... They're just opens and closes. They're just expressing.
Starting point is 00:51:00 They're just expressing. They're just expressing. They're just expressing their anal glands. He just, like, talks with his but-haw. Expressing. It's been many high school years and many children. I think that's called expressing. And my dad's like, my buddy can do that because that's how he farts on command.
Starting point is 00:51:10 So you're watching this guy. Okay, but like the farting on command is the dangerous thing. He sucks. But stuff ain't going to pro-lapse your assholes. Oh, definitely. It can't. It can help for sure. If you have ever seen it, you're watching this guy just open and close his asshole while the bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-bur-burd is word plays.
Starting point is 00:51:24 And that's the whole thing. And my dad's just sitting there like, what are you say about that? What are you say about that? ain't that wild that wild shit right there boy god damn and it is a wild shit but like that's how
Starting point is 00:51:41 yeah what did you say I was just like yeah it's pretty wild daddy they got one where a pussy does that what are we talking here that song was written here Minneapolis I believe how about that garbage man
Starting point is 00:51:53 well that's fun yeah they invent I think they half invented surf rock here in Minneapolis that don't make like Dick Dale was from here or something
Starting point is 00:52:05 I don't know the answer to any of these questions because Dick Dale's definitely like the first guy I think of when I think of surf rock and I'm sure you're correct you listen to two episodes of No Dogs in Space
Starting point is 00:52:16 and they explained that this was true and I believe it because I believe anything I hear them it's very interesting radio thank you so much but yeah
Starting point is 00:52:25 but it also like like I found out later like friends of my who had like married parents and stuff like boo yeah but they uh a lot of them didn't uh like they didn't know any they didn't know shit about DMX and stuff like that right i found out later and i was always like man that fucking sucks dude because like my dad would my dad would buy me hell yeah that's sweet that it's my dad would buy me any of that like he'd buy me DMX records or anything that like uh you know with the parental advisory on or whatever he'd
Starting point is 00:52:57 South time he's like censorship is bullshed. Now my family like my mom and dad weren't showing me fucking John Watership mainly because they'd never seen it. I mean not that they would anyways but like their thing was like you know I've told the story about when we went to see the Titanic like what happened there was like my parents would just watch something first and then they'd be like okay y'all can see it and like when we I remember we went to movie theater and mom was like okay there's gonna be a part where your dad's gonna cover your eyes it's where Kate Winslet you know gets naked and this is a great me and my dad moment because I'm me and my sister are sitting in front of them and they're behind us because like we're we we got our own row here
Starting point is 00:53:31 and dad puts his uh hands over my face and then right as soon she gets naked dad went like that so i could see which is adorable um but like they would also like if i walked in while they were watching the sopranos like that shit was totally fine uh they wouldn't be like hey you know come here but like they were at our church there was motherfuckers that were like you can't you kids can't read harry potter you know and but my parents saw that and was like that's so stupid that that we're going to kind of do the opposite. Like, dude, I grew up watching The Simpsons. Like, that was no fucking, not that that's bad, but like, most kids that I went to church
Starting point is 00:54:03 with, oh my God, they're not watching the Simpsons. But my dad's like, well, I'm fucking watching it. And we got to keep an eye on his ass, so he's staying in here. My mom and dad got bootleg satellite television and then tried to black out literally all the porn channels because you couldn't choose because it was bootleg. Right. So they paid the guy cash to give him hook up on satellite, but you got all the channels. And then they parental controlled the porn, but we figured out.
Starting point is 00:54:26 a way to get around that pretty quickly. Well, yeah, because they probably didn't know that, like, at a certain hour, HBO just turns into that. Well, that, but no, we could watch straight up porn. Like, it wasn't just cinemas. We could watch the porn channel because what they didn't know was that you could move the satellite manually. So they blocked out G5 Channel 2.
Starting point is 00:54:45 They didn't block out nothing, Channel 2. So we're, like, pointing it in a part of space where the satellite's not technically at, and then angling the front back just a little bit, like some little, you know, Jacking off, the Final Frontier. Fifth grade was... Fifth grade is when I started watching the Playboy Channel. I hated the hardcore porn, but I couldn't fare what to do. It took me two years before I heard a joke about jacking off
Starting point is 00:55:09 and finally asked my brother to explain the joke to me, and then I started jacking off that night. What was the first porn you ever watched, remember? Well, the first thing ever watched was the Playboy Channel. It was just women like pouring milk on their naked bodies and dancing around. Mine was called the... It was on a channel, but it was called The Sexual Matrix. because the Matrix, I guess, I was like in fifth grade,
Starting point is 00:55:29 the Matrix had just come out, so they did a parody. And the reason I remember is because my buddy had, he had just told me about this hot new thing called jacking off that you got to try, you know, so we were going to go over to his house and we were all going to, yeah, we were all going to jack off. Yeah, and they were just sitting there. And you're just like, yeah, no, you've talked about a lot. But like, I remember I was sitting there and like all these guys in there,
Starting point is 00:55:51 they'd like jacked off before. So they were just like, you know, whatever, we'll jack off later. You do your thing. So I'm sitting there. And I remember, it was a while before I could eat barbecue pizza or listen to Kid Rock without thinking about this because we, we'd been eating ball at the ball, just come out, you know, and we were eating barbecue pizza from Pizza Hut. And, like, I would get rock hard anytime. I probably would get a boner when I heard ball with the ball anyways. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:15 You know what I mean? But, like, barbecue pizza probably not, but I did for a long time. And I'm sitting there and I'm fucking, like, jacking off. I'm like, oh, my God, this is fucking great. And I'm, like, I'm like, my shirt's off. Like, I'm just probably pretty. He was really getting into it. And they fucking came and grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me down their stairs into,
Starting point is 00:56:33 into my buddies. Oh, yeah. Into their fucking parents. The deacons. Into their parents living room where I sat, rock hard dick, just child, and they were just like,
Starting point is 00:56:44 what is going on? They threw you into the loiter and where their parents were at? Well, they threw me down the stairs and that's where I landed. Like, that's where I went. I got a, I got a fucking splinter on my thigh.
Starting point is 00:56:55 Still had a boner? you know how that went in fifth grade that boner only one way that's getting rid of you like being thrown around now no I don't you dodged one yeah no I don't yeah
Starting point is 00:57:07 at least you find out something about yourself yeah I can tell you yeah I can early in life hardcore porn at fifth grade well it wasn't hardcore but it wasn't hardcore it was yeah we were always watching cinema this wasn't hardcore it was on like HBO or something like that
Starting point is 00:57:20 I love the label channel because the real ones literally disgusted I don't even remember I think I was probably closer to 17 or 18 probably before I saw like hardcore porn because before that it was all cinemax me I actually didn't know I remember not realizing that it goes in that they actually fucked in hard and I didn't know hardcore I thought porn was what came on cinemax right right so I was like it's all just fake and hardcore grade you were like wait what yeah no it blew my mind when I
Starting point is 00:57:49 was like wait they actually have sex on camera I had to act like new it's it's what was happening. Yeah. It's so funny that like thinking about that because me too like when I first started I was like it has to be like just clean no pubs or no nothing like that. Just soft core and now like I can't even get a boner unless someone's getting hurt. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm kidding.
Starting point is 00:58:15 You know what he said to me one? He was like this was years ago now but we've been buzzed probably three or four years anyway at that point. We were going to a show in Knoxville. and he was riding with me and I was driving and so porn got brought up and he was like he's like you got any kind of like like sort of weird things
Starting point is 00:58:34 you know that you're kind of into with porn and I was like probably three or four years for the record I don't know what he's about to say and he goes he goes I was like I was like I had no my pretty just standard shit threesomes or party shit or whatever
Starting point is 00:58:49 stuff like that just in it you know tight yeah and I was like what do you mean he was like well so like lately like I've had this thing we're like, if I'm watching porn and the girl in it if I know in real life she has
Starting point is 00:59:05 since died he was like that kind of gets me gone. Well you know how like you know you know mortal I'm just saying you know you're enjoying her legacy
Starting point is 00:59:22 all I'm saying is that all I'm saying is that she would have wanted Not that we don't all watch Norm MacDonald clips, but there's been an uptick lately. I have been. Yeah, but like, and like if Martin Scorsese died, we'd all fucking go on a marathon. Well, I don't know that I could jack off to Alexis, Texas more,
Starting point is 00:59:41 but if she died, fucking, you know, I'd have to. You know what I'm saying? I'd have to. Yeah. I'm, yeah. That's not really how you put it to me. I'm not like, yeah, they're dead. Wait, wait, you've told me this before,
Starting point is 00:59:54 but in the way you just said it. Like, someone died, and over the thread you're like, this lady died, I'm going to go warm it up, and I'm like, yeah, I get that. But the way he just framed it is very different. The way I just framed it is the way he is, I'm sure that even in that moment, he meant what he just said just now.
Starting point is 01:00:14 But that's not what he said. What he said was what I said. Hey, look, I may have meant that. I don't know. I'm not going to sit here and say I didn't mean that. Well, hey, it's time to go anyways. We're about to have to do a show. Elliot Rayhall, thank you so much for joining the well-red
Starting point is 01:00:28 podcast. Wow, thank you so much for letting me crash indie here. No problem. I wanted to come see hello. Go to well-redcom. Grab tickets to our shows and sign up for Trey Crowder's Patreon and also
Starting point is 01:00:42 Lucy, you know, dot co, all that good stuff. And also, thank you all for listening to the well-red show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you've got nothing to do. Thank you, God. bless you good night and skew
Starting point is 01:00:58 i jack off to more alive women i would say they're the they're the real rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fun they're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset but they got three big old dicks that you can suck

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.