wellRED podcast - #241 - The Fart Episode

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

I know this will come as a shock to everyone but we kinda basically talked about farts the whole time. What actually IS surprising is that this is the first episode we were all sober for. Life uh... finds a way! Sponsors: WellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows!BlueChew.com promo code REDCutsClothing.com/wellREDTalkspace.com promo code wellRED

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore,

Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps.

Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.

Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas.

Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten.

If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com

slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the they're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people. People upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. We're in a hotel in San Jose, California. God damn, man, I deleted all that shit. We didn't. I had two really good farts.

I did two really good. I just thought that, too. It's funny that I thought of your farts right before you did. Yeah, all right. Your farts mean more to me than they do to you. Honestly, I didn't want to talk to you about that. Well, they were really good. You're not taking them seriously enough anymore.

Dude, hold on just a second. You used to be the buttercream dream, and now you don't even care about your farts. I definitely care about my farts, and I kind of want you all to hear. He's still been sending us some fart. He hasn't been here and there. He hasn't been here and there. But did you see what just happened? He deleted his farts.

So you know that, like, instead of sending my wife dick picks, I filmed my farts and sent him to her. Yeah. Listen to this one. That's how you make a marriage last. Hold on. Listen to how fucking. God damn. On your list of priorities.

Hold on. I got it. God damn. That was good. Hey, wait. So, Robbie sent me the grocery. Is that a protein far? Is that because you're eating all that protein, you think?

This was July. 9th, I think I just maybe started. So I don't know. I'll tell you what it was, we just saw Black Widow. And it was one of them, you hold it in the whole movie. Yep. And then like, hold on, why? Why do you hold it in? I was with a lot of people.

You do that? He always gets blamed. Remember he always gets blamed. I don't fart in front of a big grip of people. I don't mean loudly in a movie. You don't do like spread your cheek and let it out silently? Do you hold your farts when you're in public? Dude, I, hold on.

Tray. Hold on. I fart like that. You know for a fact I fart like that. I can also make... I can make my fart. You know how many times I've shit on myself, though? Yep.

I worry. I got another factor, which you know, if I'm with you, I know they'll blame you. But if I'm not, if I'm with Andy, you know how bad my fart smell? You're... You, I understand. Okay. Because your farts are vile. You will upset people.

I did it on the subway once because I couldn't hold it and I was drunk after a Red Sox game. It was so packed. And my friend Daniel was drunk, losing his mind, screaming at me and, front of these, oh my God, it went in my mouth. Why would you do that? I've never been more embarrassed to my eyes. Well, you have screamed at you enraged over your farts before. I'm not on a pack subway with a bunch of drunk Red Sox fans. Well, what the fuck kid? Also, it's so funny. I wish I'd have seen that. It's not like I was seeing parasite after three weeks of it being in theaters. This was Black Widow open at night. Yeah, I just don't. I know

that's all the more reason to fart, in my opinion. I just, I just, I just, if it's that many people, they're not. He's right. They are going to think it's in me. I mean. I I know that's a long-standing thing we have here. I'm still just surprised. He said that to me. I also thought it was a joke. I started experimenting, farting by him. They always think, you know, I've got data.

We went through a, we've talked about it on the podcast multiple times. Hell, we've interviewed people and asked them what they thought about the theory that Corey will always get blamed for a fart. And everybody's always like, yeah, for sure. We got hard fart data. Yeah, we got hard fart data. And we were talking about him, uh, him and people like him should start like a support. like a support group for each other, whatever, and go out and pick it and get their cause out there.

It was like, it wasn't us. It wasn't us. Yeah. All that. So I'm very, I know that that's a thing. I was totally turning to my dad about that protest. I guess I'm just saying, I understand all that.

Yeah. I still personally and surprised that he holds it in. Because it could be quiet and it wouldn't smell that bad. Also, again, and I have said this to all this to all this. I don't discuss people. I never ever. I've been noticing I've been quieter than you too lately. I was turning everybody's down because I'm looking at this shit and it's okay I'll fucking give you up.

No, no, I don't know. Make it right. It does look. It does. It does. It did look like it was a little hot over there. Make it. I apologize. Yeah, I don't.

I never ever hold my farts in. More than most people. There's also that. That's bad for your belly, baby. Holding it in? Yeah. I know, but then you get that and I do like that. So I used to wake up and do that.

The date farts. You know the date farts. Yes. That's a date fart. I used to wake up and do that. First fire of the morning is always a banger. Always. But how bad were you're...

So most people fart in their sleep because they don't hold it in. I'm sure I fart in my sleep. I don't fart in my sleep because my farts are so bad. I get embarrassed. I train myself to hold my farts in. It's kind of like holding your pee through the night. My body trained itself to hold my farts in. So I wake up, especially back before I gave a fuck about what I ate or knew what it was that caused it,

I'd be drinking hoppy beers, whiskey, eating fucking french fries and bread all. day and I would wake up and have like five at in what you just had. I know I fart in my sleep and I found that out because one of the first weeks I was living in New York I got on Tinder for the, you remember when you got on my phone at the bar? So Drew. We told this didn't we? Maybe, but I mean this is, you know, it's episodic. So yeah, Drew used to when I was in New York, I would be on Tinder and I would just like,

I'd leave my phone at the bar to go pee and I'd come back and it would be like, you're out of swipes because Drew just went and fucking just, you know, went through all that. You're out of swipes. You can only get so many swaps if you weren't premium. You can't get unlimited swaps unless you pay for the premium. It's a smart move. Never made that. Of course.

That's a great move. And it prevents you from drunkenly doing what I would do. To just do all of you, just swipe everybody. That's how he met that girl. The realtor lady, yes. Well, anyways, but I went on, before that, I went on another date with this in my first tender date. It was a girl.

She was super sweet. And she was from Georgia, too. And the date went well enough to where we went back to her place. And she, you know, like, you know, like, But you had to fart the whole time? No, no, no. No, this is, no. So.

I have to fart when I'm sex. It was her, respectfully, she's a lady. It was her time. So she did me a favor. She did me a favor. And then we got drunk. We went and saw a ban. We got drunk.

And then I got a blowjob. And so I immediately passed out. And I fucking woke up the next morning. Didn't really know where I was. I'm naked. I'm in Newark. And I look over and she's just at the edge of the bed. And she's just staring at me.

And I go, hey, and she goes, you are a tutor. And I was like, what? And she goes, you've just been fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart. Oh my God. Is that how she said it? Yeah, we didn't see each other again. That's like a scene from a fucking TV show or something. She sounds like a kindergarten teacher.

And I was like, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, and she's like, I've just been awake. Your dick just goes, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, shrivel, did, okay, how was her mood about it? Whatever? She was like, that's natural. You know, what are you going to do? Yeah, I didn't care for that.

I wanted, I, first up, you thought she should be a friend? I thought she should not have brought it the fuck up. I kind of agree with that. I agree with that. But if she's going to bring it up, it would have been better for me if she'd been like, hey, you fucking farted a lot. You know what I mean? Get out of here. You're disgusting. See, that's what I-barter.

That, yeah, that's weird. Well, dude. She's like got a motherly thing and they often like him. I thought it was definitely a motherly thing. I thought it was going to be, yeah, I thought when I realized what was about to happen, I thought it was going to be her being like a sort of, You, like, she woke up, looked at you, so, you know, she's also hung over. And then you start farting incessantly. So the whole time she's just been sitting there like, oh, my God.

I should move back to Georgia. Why did I do this? This is, I got to get my fucking shit together. I thought that was the sort of tone of this. I thought this is like the sort of tone of this until, yeah, her fart bottom. Until you, so for you, like, you are a tutor. Yeah. Just fart, fart, fart, fart, fart, fart,

like. Fart bottom girls. That's wild, I feel like. What you thought... Just a Southern bell, just a sweetheart, a peach of a girl. Is she southern? He says he's from Georgia. What you thought had happened before I started talking,

actually did happen to me one time. I accidentally Chuck buried a girl. Were you... Is that like to touch of them? I was dating her. It was the girl that used to beat me. Oh, well, then fuck her. That's fine.

Fart all in that bitch's mouth. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what's... The Chuck Berry. Chokeberry. There was that famous video of like, he was a prostitute, and he was like,

eat my butt, and she went down there and he just farted in her face. Like, it's wrong. You should have done it. I've never seen it. You have a video? No, it's rough.

I mean, it's not funny. Not at all. That's terrible. Didn't he? Doesn't he? It sounds hilarious. Didn't he do other shit. Pied on him.

Yeah, I'm just, I think he did a lot of. Yeah, no. Yeah, no, he don't hit. Right. Yeah. In that way. In that way. I think he was pretty problematic.

He had a restaurant, and I think he filmed the women's That's correct. That's correct. I knew it was something real, like, shit. Like, genuinely real shit. Not that farting in somebody's mouth without their consent. That's not the part that I chuck buried.

But, yeah, no, the girl that used to beat me was we were fooling around and she went in. And I didn't meet, but I just fucking farted directly in her face. I've never done that. But, like. What's she say? Oh. And then she punched him in the nose. Yeah, I guarantee she beat me.

Got your ass whipped that night. She beat the shit. I have farted while having sex, never while they're going down on me or whatever. But like the ball's smacking, balls are connected to your guts. Matter of fact, if I hold a fart in, if I hold a fart in, because they're sag. And they hurt and they sag because I'm in class. Yeah. And then I get out of class, this was in law school, I get out of class and now I kind of, I need to get that fart out.

But it's gone away kind of. It moves somewhere else. I just start kind of flopping my balls and then I'll fart. well, when your balls get moved the most, having sex, slapping up against the clit or the butt, depending on which way you're doing it, and it makes me have to fart. But, of course, I've been with Andy so long. Eventually, I don't do it immediately, and I don't do it while we're fucking. But, like, eventually I'll be like, pardon me, my lady, and I'll just go the other room,

but she can hear it. She always laughs. It always hits for me. But I've farted while doing it accidentally twice. I don't have that. I don't have that either now that I think about it. I'm not saying I've never farted during sex, but sex definitely does not make me. need to fart for sure.

Me and Amber are the two most farting motherfuckers of all time, and I don't think we've ever played that. I'm only farted as like during it in the sense of actually doing it twice on accident. You have farted during sex? You just said you did. I mean, me and Amber. Oh, my bet. Yeah, yeah, me and Amber. And I think the reason is... He only farts on hoars. Not his wife.

That's my wife, Drew. You know what I think he is, it's like, Amber's the first girl. That's my favorite Chuck Berry song, by the way. Gypsy Speedboat covered it. He only farts on them hoars. This actually makes sense. They're only whores when he pays. And it's proof of my love, of our love.

Because, no, I'm saying Amber's the only girl that I've ever not held it in front of it. Like, all the other girls, I held it. And, like, if I farted it was an accident. Yeah. Now, that, I will clarify, it's been so long since I dated or whatever. But, like, when I would first start fucking around with a girl, I would hold my heart. I never got to the point. At the beginning.

I'm not sure how much of this I could tell. Yeah, but you didn't have really any long relationship. I did not. I had a couple that were like at least like six months. And at that point, I would... I never farted. Dude, I definitely would get to a farting place. What we'll call for the sake of, I guess, some simulence of privacy.

Rocking a fart place. A group situation. And I, buddy, I mean, we were, you know, and I had to fart real bad. And I just had to, like, leave. Just like, I'm out. Like, I don't feel good. See you guys later. Yeah.

I've done that. I've left to fart. I have to fart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ever been like just starting to like see a girl? Oh my God.

And you have to no. Not just fart. Yeah. You got to blow your butt up. Yeah. You got to go home. At their place. But like yep, at their place, your car ain't there.

You got to go home. You can't go home. You can't go home. I will. I will. I walk. Have you seen? All right.

Well, that happened one. But the thing, all that ended up happening was I then farted in front of her after that. because that's such a step down from what happened. Right. Like I wanted, I tried to make excuses. I was going to, like, call Tom. Like, call Thompson or figure something out, but I just couldn't and find, and I had no other choice because, like, it was going to happen.

And I finally just had to tell her, I was like, I'm so sorry, but I'm having some stomach problem, you know, like put it that way or whatever. And she was just like, you know, she was like, well, the bathroom's right there. Just do it. Who gives a shit? You know, so now just fart in front of her after that. So it was fine. But that's a nightmare, though, when that happens.

Two stories I saw recently on the internet. One, I think it was... About farting? Yeah, about shitting. It was from girls. One, a girl was too embarrassed to shit in, like, one of those, like, small apartments because all his roommates were in the living room. That's how... She lived in a studio apartment.

And the bathroom is right there. So she's shot in a box in his bedroom. Well, now, that's a... That's a move. That's a choice. That's a strong choice. All right, but here, this one's way better. I love this one.

This one's gone viral. I'm sure a lot of people listening to have heard about this one. A lady claims that she... She had to shit, and I think the toilet was broken, but she couldn't hold it. Like, he told her the toilet was clogged or whatever, and she was too embarrassed. Anyway, she shat in the cat litter box. There you go. To blame the cat.

And they take the cat to the vet. He says, did you shit in the cat litter box? She says no, and he says, well, my cat died five days ago. Wow. Holy shit. That's fucking Drake. I uh this is you got to marry that person or murder them yeah never say him again or fully commit yeah no you gotta kill him the other day i was eating at uh the barbecue restaurant the amber works at and i was with my buddy chris and uh in walks uh our buddy jared who i hadn't seen in a very very long i got a buddy jared who i still have no no no that's my boy this is another jared that i haven't seen in like how many jared you got three that were in my grade

Any of them your cousin? No. You ever have a sex dream about him? Yeah. Jared, he had... What? Yeah, I told you this. It was a girl...

Why did you say that? No. Because I had a sex dream about my cousin, Jared. I don't know where this is going. Are you... No, so it was a... What is happening right now? Hold on.

I was fucking a girl. Uh-huh. I was fucking girl, and I look up, and she was Abraham Lincoln. Her head had turned into Abraham Lincoln. And I freaked out, and I looked back up, and it was my buddy Jared. That just means you're a good American, dude. Right. But she had the tities and the pussy and everything.

And a good souther. Okay, Blanky. Anyways, Jared comes in. Hadn't seen Jared in like 10 or 12 years. And I'm sitting there with Chris. My Amber's working. And it's an open floor space here. Everyone can hear what's going on.

And I was just like, Jared, what's going on? He goes, dude, what's happening? We're just like, you know, catching up, doing the handshake or whatever. And just out loud in front of the whole restaurant. He goes, dude, do you remember when you used to go bare ass and sit on a metal chair and fart so it'd echo everywhere? And I was just like, yeah, and everyone in the whole restaurant just turned around like, sounds like him. So, yeah. Did you always to do that?

You used to sit down on the tile floor and stuff. Yeah, there'd always be, yeah. Or against the law. If you would know if there was a good farting chair. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then fart in it because I had to do. We're going to get back to farts, but a quick restaurant story.

This is one of the funniest things I've ever said, but also the timing of it was horrific, and I thought we were going to get beat up. We were at a restaurant, and this was a big family beside us, and it was a bunch of people from my college football team. So we were in the two. places like with, you know, big groups or whatever, this little girl shows up at the table across the way. Somehow, some way is one of those weird phenomena.

We got quiet and they got quiet. And a very big dude was, he probably did, but this little girl was coming towards him. And he was like, come here. And she freaked out. She didn't want him to hug her. And I said, as it got quiet, oh, shit, he's going to eat that baby. And like everyone heard us. and then my group starts dying, and they all look at us,

and I just have to sit there and, like, look at that dude, who's, like, fat enough that he knew. That's why I said it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, he knew. Yeah, dude, of course. And then he farted. Was he also dumb and didn't hit?

He seemed pretty fat, dumb, and don't hit. Right, yeah. We were at an Applebee's. Yeah. I was 20, you know. So, yeah, he's very fat, dumb. Yeah, he was like, I thought this just happened. No, me too.

No, college football team was there. Oh, okay. They all started laughing, so that, like, made it, you know, like, did we mishear that? Nope, there are eight, 20-year-olds horse laughing at me. But our football team in high school used to go to Pizza Hut every Tuesday, pizza hut in the neighboring town because we didn't have a pizza. After practice, we go over there, holler at the buffet and whatnot.

And, dude, you got a old football team in a restaurant like that. Was that tiny fool back there that I tried to get in a fight with before we ever knew each other? Was that fucking area? Eric Beasley? I don't know his name. You said his name because I said he was real short and kind of stocking. I think that was Eric Beasley. Yeah, he probably was there.

Yeah, I don't know. He was kind of on and off the football team. But, like, anyway, just... On and off the pills. We would just... We would just be horrible. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, in retrospect, looking back on it, teenage boys in there, we're just fucking... To the staff? I'm sure some of us were, but just in there. Just in that... Ruining everyone else's experience and day. 100 people. I've got to tell you, Pizza Hut. Acting the way our uncles claim black people.

Exactly. I remember this one time in particular, this really old guy who was like old and like we're not on camera right now. But like I'm bent over at the way. Like he was like hunched over, fucked up back that old with one of those canes. Yeah. That has a crook. It goes straight down and at the bottom it's got four legs. Yeah.

Four legs. tennis ball thing Not a full-on walker But like a cane With like legs on the bottom A mini walker Yeah he had a cane like that And I don't know

A wide base cane I don't know how this happened You know he old Shit they do They don't Their bones don't hit Their bones don't hit This wasn't a bone thing

But somehow Somehow dude When he got up He tried to grab His cane And he got it Somehow through the like Slats or whatever

Of a chair And just couldn't He got the handle through that, but of course when he tried to pull it through, the legs on the bottom got stuck in the chair. You'll have that. And instead of just like pushing it back through, he starts like fucking pap all hulking out. Like he starts like swinging it around like, what the hell? And he's like, and the fucking the cane part, he's like literally knocking drinks off their table. The fucking chairs going back and forth and shit.

His family's like trying to calm him down. You know, they're like, Papa, whatever. And, dude, we're all in there, like, howling with laughter. Like, the family's, like, you know, fucking mortified. Right. And we're just over there, like, ah! Like that, I'm just, like, pointing and fucking screaming, laugh at it. This is the Euclidus one movie.

He thought that chair was a Nazi. Oh, God damn. Yeah, at another time, I don't know if I should tell this one or not. It wasn't me that did it. It was another tell it. I know. Y'all have heard it, but I never told it on here. 20 minutes.

If it's bad enough, I'll cut it out. Y'all know this story, but I never told it on here. It wasn't me. There's another guy on the football team. He was, you know, old boy as hell. And, like, so, you know, pretty dumb. Yeah. Pretty fat.

Pretty didn't hit. Except, like, he's, you know, fat, dumb, redneck or whatever. So he was, like, always making real dumb-ass. Like, you know, the type of guy come up to him to be, like, smell that. Yeah. Like you smell his fame. That type of dude.

Yeah. So that guy, one time we're at the Pizza Hut, there was a mentally handicapped person there. Oh, yeah. Pretty, pretty darn mentally handicapped, right? And they kept, this person kept, every now and then, they would just kind of go like, uh, right? Uh-huh. You know, every now and then.

And at one point, my, this, this dude I'm talking about, we'll call him Bert, That's not his name, but we'll call him Bert. One time that guy, he goes, and Bert goes, nah, na, na, nah. Na, nah. And once again,

it's making lemonade. Yeah. Much like in the masterpiece song, I knew it was coming, it was still here. Oh, no, dude. that's fucking... So yeah, we were

massive assholes in there every Tuesday is what I'm saying. Yeah, I'll tell you this, man. First off, we, our Pizza Hut was a buffet when I was a kid. Pizza Hut buffet, number one seed buffet of all time. Absolutely.

Hold on. I'm sorry. We're talking about of all buffets? Because... Okay. Any buffet that has our thing on it does. Any buffet that has our thing on it is for me above a space.

Special teeth above a special pizza sucks. Those are disgusting to me now. If you want pizza, you're going to a pizza. Like, Pizza Hut buffet beats the shit out of C-C's and their pizza buffet or whatever. But if we're talking about across all buffeted them, I feel like. What if you want pizza? Then I'm not going to go to one of these other ones. It's too good for the Pizza Hut buffet.

No, no, no, no. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. He said pizza up a lot. You want bigger variety because it's a buffet. Yes, exactly. Yeah. He says number one seed of all buffets.

We're not talking about just one. I love the Pizza Hut buffet. I love it. I would just rather, like, Golden Corral disgust me now, if they want to sponsor us all this out. But, like, I don't know, I would just rather. I hear you, but dude, like a hit-nass buffet

at a casino or something? Okay, I was, dude, I'm thinking about shit. Chains, you mean chains. Dude, no, no, I mean shit that we had in we's kids. Like, yes, dude, of course. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, stuff that's in the fucking

the greater Fort Ovalhorpe area. Man, you know what I just realized? And I don't think this is a pandemic. Have you ever been a KFC buffet? I was just about to bring them up. I swear to God, I was just about to bring them up. They were good. They were good. As much gravy as you want.

What I was going to say is, I don't think it's a pandemic thing. I think I haven't, I think, ugh. Buffets have disgusted me for like at least five years. Just the other day I looked up. It's just like, you're just heated a pizza. Buffets have to be a particular problem, I guess, during a pandemic, are they? They were, yeah. Okay, that's what I thought, because the other day, me and Katie were actually talking about,

and I Googled, but I tried to find a buffet near us in Burbank. And I mean like a big but not a specific, not a Chinese buffet or pizza buffet, a big ass buffet. And I only found one and it's in Glendale. And it's like the, it's like, you know, like a supposed to be a casino type buffet. It's like the Vegas or something. And I've been. I'm staying in Glendale next week. Glenn and Dale.

Okay. Of course I'm town with Glenn and Dale and the name got a buffet. Of course. Yeah. But anyway, I'm not at all disgusted by buffet. God damn. Buffet's super. No, no.

Here's a deal. But again, you don't know what I was trying to say. I was literally just thinking the buffets from when I was a kid. There was the Pizza Hut. There was the Golden Corral. There was the fucking C-C. Did you have Chinese? Yeah.

Chinese buffet was my shit. Absolutely. Absolutely. But dude, I'm just... A little water crisp. No offense to everybody out here that's listening to this. Who's a regular at the Wednesday fucking Golden Crowe. But like, you know, we've got the number one golden crowd in the world.

I buy that. Cookville, Tennessee is number one O. Charlie's in the country. Here's how, here's how mother fucking... I work there. Let me think of something I can brag about That everybody should be ashamed of Yeah, no, for sure Here's how, no, here's how bawling

The Golden Crow is though It was next to a Shonies They bought the Shonys Leveled it and built up And just that's their parking lot That hits. That's just how I'm just disgusted by That's a power move right there

I'm just disgusted by that whole thing But yeah I mean, Golden Crowell When I was a kid, we used to go there for football We'd go the CCs But I just like Pizza Hut Like that's the one buffet It doesn't disgust me at all because, like, you've got, it's just pizza, you just fucking grab it.

Like, anything with, like, mashed potatoes on, like, something could have got in there. My buddy and college worked in the athletic department for his work-study job, and they used to give out free, like, one free buffet at Golden Corral at basketball games and stuff. And he stole a whole stack of those, like, 500 of them or something. So we had all these free buffet at Golden Corral cards. They actually eventually figured us out and made us stop coming. They, like, banned us. Well, I mean, unless we were going to pay for.

it. Because we were going in there so much because we're in college and it was free. And so I kind of have a not sentimentality, but you know, something like that for golden. I don't think of my... You didn't get sick of it. Not then. Dude, that was when I was so much more of a trash bag. It still hit for me. Well, dude, we

went. I don't know if you remember. We went on tour. We were in, you know, like Nebraska or something. Sorry, Nebraska. Yeah, we went to a golden ground. I made it for me. Yes. Yes, and, no, it kind of didn't for any of us.

Oh, really? Yeah, it just didn't hit. Because it's fucking Goldmanville. No, it was like, I'm saying, I hadn't been since college. I was like, I love Golden Corrine. We were all into the idea of it. And again, we were in a place. Maybe we were driving through.

There weren't a lot of options. But I remember when it was over, we all were like, we shouldn't have done this. Why did we come here? Did Shoney's fall off or did it always suck? I would like to know that too. Let me tell you something right now. We've talked about this before. We have.

And also, the bear looks ugly. I don't know what happened to Shoney. I don't know if it's me or it's Shoney's, but dog, I'm with you. The Shoney Bear, which, by the way, that meant to be like Honey Bear, is that what S Honey Bear? Is that why they had the bear? It started to look like a beaver. It don't have for me. Real quick, Corey, I owe you an apology.

I was talking about how your farts don't mean as much to you anymore. I just farted and didn't even use the mic. Oh, man. I know it, dude. We're all changed. Well, before we get into Shones, because I do have some things to say about it, I would like to say that, number one, this show is brought to you by the well-read comedy tour. you can go to well-red comedy.com,

W-E-L-R-E-D Comedy.com, and you can come see us. When this comes out, where are we headed? Oh, we're going to be in a Huntsville, Alabama. This weekend. That's the 9th and 10th. Yeah, come see us. And then we're on to, I believe, Washington, D.C. That is correct.

And then after that. Then Seattle. Spokane. Washington, tickets are going fast. Seattle's damn near sold out. There's probably like a handful of tickets left. So, yeah, come see us on tour. a really good time.

Also, I actually, on that note, because this might actually be relevant to people who are listening, if you are in the Seattle area and you tried to get tickets and you're like, oh, shit, it sold out, they had something go, something was up with the website and it was saying it was sold out when it wasn't yet. It's close, but I'm telling y'all, I don't know, but I'm saying if that happened to you, go back and check again, you should be able to get tickets and we would love to see you. And also, if you ever see our tickets are $100, That's not it. That's from a resale site.

I hate that shit. I don't know how they bought them before it. I guess they're gambling on us selling out. I hate that shit. There's nothing we can do about it because of America and freedom or whatever. Capitalism. Dude, nothing makes me matter. And not at the person, but like somebody will tweet and they're like, hey, man, I was going to come see you later.

But like, I mean, I love you, but dude, you're not worth the $150. And I'm like, yeah, you're on fucking ticket. Like, that's not our shit. Like, we didn't do that. We would never do that. No. Like, we would literally never. fucking do that. But I'll tell you this,

if I'm ever at a place... If I'm ever at a place in my life, fuck us, dude. Of course it does. If I'm ever... But they've already bought the ticket. The Scalper did, right? On the gamble that they'll be able to resell? A lot of the things we're talking about I know are just like whatever the fucking website that is hosting these tickets. They add like processing fee. Convenience fee or whatever. Like shit like that also drives them. We're probably about to offend somebody we got a contract with. But whoever

it is, fuck them. Well, fucking quit doing that shit. Exactly. you know. But hey, just go to well-read comedy.com. And whatever the link on our website is will be the one you should go to. If you just like Google and it's some weird thing and it's $300, Jesus fucking Christ, don't do that. So come see us on tour. Unless you really want to.

Yeah. But hey, honestly, if it's worth $300 for you for two tickets to come see us, then mo me $250 and I will put you on the list. Just buy eight. That's a good hustle. That is a great hustle. Scout my own tickets. That's like Pete Rose betting on baseball.

Boy. Hey, what do you say that we take a break from the podcast real quick to thank the people that make this podcast possible? First of all, we got our friends over at Cuts, who I love. Fellas, the sport of business, you know what it means. It means demand and excellence from your craft and your wardrobe. You got to look your best if you want to perform your best. Your fit needs to be versatile, blending time with style and comfort so that you look as good

as you feel. And for that, there's our good friends over at Cuts. Clothing. They have taken a classic men's fashion staple, the plain tea, and refined it, combining premium quality with a minimalistic aesthetic. It's gorgeous. It looks tremendous. It never goes out of style. Their shirts, polos, hoodies, and crew sweatshirts are made for the man who works hard and plays hard just like you boy and never settles for less. All in the sport of business. Built for your performance in the boardroom, the bar, or the jean. Kutz clothing keeps you sharp wherever the game takes you.

Take a plain tea. But how about this? Make it Tony Stark. The bleeding edge of fabric technology meets the man confident enough to wear it. Again, just like you boy. That's cuts clothing. Of course, we're very lucky here at the Well Red podcast. Cuts, they sent us clothes for free.

And I got to tell you, I love it. I mean, when I wear it. Look, as we all know, this you boy, the show here speaking. I've gotten in a little shape. But when I'm wearing my Cuts T-shirt, I look even better. I could almost be like 60 pounds fatter and still look better because they just make clothes that fit you right. They look good. They're timeless. It's a black freaking tea. That's never going out of style. That's one good benefit of men's clothing. They don't go out of style, but Cuts makes it even better. In 2016, Cuts founder Steve Borelli set out to create clothes that was ready

for every occasion for the modern man that the modern man faces. Listen to me. I'm getting ahead of myself because I'm so excited talking about cuts. The end result,

it's what GQ magazine calls the only shirt worth wearing. GQ said that. I don't know why I'm Jerry Seinfeld right now. It's the only shirt worth wearing. It's cuts, get it.

The signature buttery soft, P-Y-C-A. Pro-T-B-B-L-L-L-T. It's a bold new take on the classic design. It's absolutely tremendous. How about the hoodie? They developed

Hyperloop French Terry fabric the textile that temperature controlled and ageless. You're never going to need to take it off. It's wrinkle-free. Each piece of clothing is designed with custom engineered fabric, expertly graded for the perfect fit, harmony for every challenge and opportunity. Now here's the deal.

It's not just a lifestyle. No, no, no, it's not just clothing. It's office leisure apparel for the sport of business. Get 15% off your first order by going to cutsclothing.com slash well-read. that is cutsclothing.com slash well-read for 15% off what GQ Magazine said. This isn't just me. It's GQ Magazine. 15% off said, GQ Magazine said the only shirt worth wearing. That's Cuts Clothing. We thank them for sponsoring the podcast. Also, look, the pandemic has been hard on everybody.

It's one thing that we finally have in common. In this divisive world, we can all at least agree, hey, this pandemic has not been very good. And no, the pandemic hasn't necessarily invented anxiety and depression, but I can speak for myself in saying that it has certainly exacerbated it, a word that I can barely say, but you know what it means. It's made it worse. We're all in our heads right now. We're all probably not doing as mentally well as we could be. And that's where our friends at Talkspace come in. Talkspace is a tremendous service to where now we live in a Zoom world.

And you can actually do that. You can meet with your therapist to work with. your mental health. And I mean, look, that's just as helpful as hiring a personal trainer. Don't let anybody tell you that it's not. All right, we take care of our bodies, or at least we're trying to, work on your physical health and work on your mental health the same as you would. The positive impact can be just as life changing. I promise you. Talk space makes it possible to speak with a licensed therapist right from your phone or your tablet or your computer, so maybe you can't get out of the house. It doesn't matter. Unlike traditional therapy,

you can message your therapist anytime via text. You got a little emergency. Just need somebody to talk to. There you go. Video or voice. 100% secure stigma-free, which is the way therapy should be. Meeting with a therapist is just, it's the next step that you need to take on top of, you know,

eating better and forgiving yourself. And I know that that's, it's really helped me. I put it as a Southern boy, put it off for years. Oh, I don't need that. I don't need that. And then it was, oh, I don't have time for that. Well, with Talkspace, you don't even have to leave your house.

All right. At Talkspace, your privacy and security are their number one priority. The app puts you in a private room. It's just you and your therapist. Send messages 24-7, get replies throughout the day. No need to wait for a weekly appointment. Talkspace's encryption and added security features. They keep your conversation, fully protected.

Whether you'd struggle with anxiety, depression, self-doubt, check, check, check. for your boy or anything else. Parkspace gives you access to the help that you need to move forward. Facing those obstacles, it's not easy to, and you don't win a prize for doing it alone. You don't need to. Get the help you need. Getting professional help isn't weird.

It's not weak. It's smart. Sure, your friend might know a thing or two about electricity, but would you let them rewire your house? No, you wouldn't. Don't leave your mental health chance or the amateur advice of well-mitting friends and family, even me. Talk to someone who's trained to help you make lasting progress. Join Talkspace today and start moving forward with a single message. Just visit Talkspace.com.

Get $100 off your first month when you use the promo code well read at signup. That's $100 off at Talkspace.com promo code well read. Guys, do it. Take care of your mental health. And, hey, get a little knocked off the bill by using the promo code. Well, Red. I'll tell you what, something's also been, big dynamic shift here. Something that's also been a godsend during the pandemic has been,

boy, yo, yo, y'oy, our friends at Blue Chew. Fall is here. We could all use a stiff breeze. That's right. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Blue Chew. Guys, confidence can take you far in life. It can also help in the bedroom, especially when it comes time. to step up to the plate.

That was me trying to hit a ball with my tongue. It's out of here. That's where Blue Chew comes in. Blue Chew, of course, as you know, I've said it a lot. It's a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and C. Alice, but it's in a chewable tablet. And at a fraction of the cost, you can take them anytime day or night. So just plan ahead.

You know, if you know, it's our anniversary, you can plan ahead for that. Go ahead and be at attention. You know what I'm saying? Or if it's one of them deals that, you know, I don't really. I'm married, so as it's normal as it used to be, where those are like, hey, let's go do it right now. You know, it's chewable. So it goes to work quick. Best part, done all online.

So no business in the doctor's office, no awkward conversations and no wedding in line at the pharmacy. Blue juice tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped directly to your door in a discreet. The package is so discreet. I've been getting it for years, and I still am like, what is this? And it's Bluetooth. It's so, so, so, so discreet. With Blue Chew men everywhere are excited to see the postman. When your package has arrived, your package has arrived.

You know your boy has told you all about the time that I used Bluetooth for the first time, and my wife was like, what is going on? And I was like, what do you mean what is going on? And she said to me, and I quote, that ain't your dick. She was robbed. It was amped up. It was full diesel. We was running on multiple horsepower that day.

So if you can benefit from extra confidence, just like the boy of the show when it's time to perform. Blue Chew can help. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew for free. Am I reading that right? It's free. It's free. F-R-E-E.

When you use our promo code Red, R-E-D at checkout, just pay $5 shipping. That's it. $5 for the hardest dick you've ever had in your life. That's Bluechew.com promo code red. Receive your first month for free. Visit blu-com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. And now, hey, speaking of the podcast, let's get right back to it.

Probably some more fart talk, am I right? Later by. Love you, Skee. So I think Shoney's as a company did actually fall off. I think they may have had to file for bankruptcy. The last one I went to was the Scott Steiner Shonies. Yep. You know, Scott Steiner, everybody knows.

Steiner Brothers. Yeah, the Steiner Brothers, Big Popa Pump. He owned one outside of, like, Roswell, Georgia. And I went there. Me and Conrad were hanging out, and we were just close to it. and like we're both wrestling fans. Dude, we got to go to the fucking Scott Stuyer. Yeah, he might be there.

Yeah. And I got there and I didn't want the buffet because I was just like, I just don't want to do that. I got a fucking cheeseburger. Dude, it was one of the best goddamn cheeseburgers I never. That's not what I thought you were going to say. Me neither. I thought he was going to go totally other direction. It was one of the...

When was that? Like, dude, like, now, pandemic had just started in the situation of like, everything wasn't closed down yet because nobody knew exactly what was happening. But like, that's why I didn't get to. The buffets. So March 2020. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Wow.

That was recent. Now, now, it's since closed. It is gone. But, like, no, dude, it was like, I was blown away. Fucking toasted, buttered bun, perfectly medium rare. Do you think, like, I've never. You know, I don't know. It was a special one because it was his or he put more money into it?

Wait, hold. Do you ever, I only ever fucked with the buffet at Johnny's. I've never ordered off the media. Me neither. So maybe that was the grand hidden secret of the whole thing. Do they even breakfast buffet? Hell yeah, dog. For me, I was going to say, I've ordered breakfast.

The breakfast buffet was, I used to think that was the hit in this thing they did. Wade Carver's famous quote, No one ever should have access to this much bacon. But me and Katie went. Or health care. Dude, it's probably been seven or eight years ago now, but me and Katie went to Shoney's breakfast buffet because it got brought up and we both were like nostalgic about it. We're like, oh, everybody loves it.

Everybody loves the Shoney's breakfast buffet. So me and Katie went to the Shoney's in Oak Ridge. We were appalled. It was just like, we were like, you, for very different reasons, you're both very funny being appalled. Yeah. We were both, we were just like,

like you were saying, we're like, was it always like this? Like, is this how it was and we loved it because kids are stupid? Yeah. Or like, or have they fallen off because this?

Subway, dude. Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think it's falling off, though, because, like, powdered eggs, I don't even think that existed when we were kids or it wasn't that widespread. Do you know what I mean? I feel like the eggs was real back then. That really bothers me, man. Powdered eggs?

Yeah, dude. It's the worst. You go somewhere in your, like, fucking sweatshop eggs, man. Like, just don't fucking hit. We used to have a guy who would make omelets in college, and we started going through the lines and just getting fried eggs from him. And then they tried to stop it. They were like, this is the omelet thing. Why are you getting fried eggs?

Because those eggs fucking suck. Exactly, because with the fried egg, it has to be an egg. Yeah. Hell, isn't a fried egg easier than an omelet? Yeah, for sure. That was my egg. But not if you're doing powdered eggs, because you can't do a Friday with powdered eggs. You know, he had real eggs.

That's why we got in his line. Yeah, dude. He died. He died while we was there. Amless Steve. Almost Steve is dead. Not him, man. Rest in peace.

We've done the Shoney's conversation before. Maybe we should do a new topic. I don't want to just kill it outright necessarily, but we've done that. Okay. Well, I've got another plane story. Texted you all about. Yeah, people were whiling on planes. This one's much shorter and simpler, but I'm just looking for some confirmation or vindication, validation, any of those things here.

I keep forgetting to use that tag you gave me about planes. So what happened was, fart, hit, Mr. Butt. So I'm in a window seat, okay, in first class, because I got upgraded. So I'm at the last row of first class. We have landed. Everybody's getting off. the person who was sitting beside me in the aisle leaves the person that was in the aisle

of opposite us leaves and then there's a woman in that window seat she is coming so she leaves right as she's leaving I go to leave as I'm going to leave and I'm already in the process of leaving the row I can tell and I don't look at it but I can tell

that this lady the lady from the next row behind you from behind me had started let everybody else leave, but has started to walk out. Didn't see you maybe? But I don't know. I mean, you know, you're six foot two. But I'm already, thank you.

I'm not, but I appreciate that. But I'm already in the process of leaving. So I just, I don't stop. I just keep going. And I didn't bump into her, nothing like that. I just like cut her off, except it was fucking my turn. So when I did that, and I just go to leave, she goes, I hope you know that was rude as hell. Word?

Yeah. And I said, and I was, I'm beginning to think this is you. I just turned. earned, that other story had literally nothing to do with me. You told it very similar story to this. I know, but this involves me. Talked the other one. No, it didn't.

Oh, you wise. I was a complete bystander. I had nothing to do with that. I just overheard it. But yeah, she goes, I hope you know that it was rude as hell. And I was like, I said me? And she goes, yeah, rude as hell. And I said, I said, it was my turn.

I was just, but she's like talking over me. She was like, no, rude, go. She's like, go, just go. I think you told this story. I texted y'all. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, that's what was fucking me up.

Yeah, yeah. The story I told was about the two ladies and the terror. He's a terror. He ain't a terrorist. That had nothing to do with me. But this was the very next plan I was on when this happened. Because, dude, it's, it's, no one's, we haven't gotten to this point yet where somebody's like, fucking rude.

But I've definitely, hold on. It's almost, okay, go ahead. Before that, I'm just saying. I was 100% totally fine, right? No, I'm saying, like, that's how a fucking plane works. You fucking, you go by a fucking rows. Yeah. Exits, if you're in the fucking front of the plane, you get your ass up.

Like, in what fucking world with the person behind you go and then you go. It doesn't make any good sense. The only time that's ever happened is when the person getting out goes, go ahead. Right. Or it's one of them situations where everybody exits in the middle, like the first quest has to come back. That, you know what? The plane's really fucking big. Then it's just kind of weird.

You go every other. Zipper. I know. It's a... So, like, in her mind, in her mind, am I supposed to just sit down? But I'm saying... Do you think she's just like, ladies are supposed to go first? Do you think that's it? The people that were in the aisle seats were two men. But then, the other window seat across me was a woman. And again, she let her go out just fine. I'm not saying women be like that. That's not... I'm just trying to go...

Like ladies first? I'm just saying, what the fuck else would be the rationale. Does she think I'm supposed to, like, just sit there until everybody goes? because I'm over there? That's what I'm saying. I don't even understand how that could possibly be the case. They're just like, okay, look, sometimes I'll just be like, okay, maybe you have a fucking tight connection and I just don't know your story. If somebody's dragging ass in the seat, you can go on by them.

If they're like getting their, whatever. Of course. But if they like, how bad I wouldn't be like, you're rude. I'd be like, my bad. Yeah, exactly. That was on me. Even if somebody was kind of rude, I'd probably be like, I'm going to let the first one go. we're on a plane like shit's tense you know what I'm saying unless somebody like literally elbow me in the

fucking face I'd be like whatever did you did you fart on her did you cropped up I wish I had a fart God I loaded up because I would have hit me and trade been plane buddies twice that's rare very rare were you about a fart I thought oh man I was giving you the plane buddies with you on forever I was giving you the floor I mean like seat buddies I mean we got upgraded to the same seats in first class and then we set by each other today I just yeah I was southwest so I just sat there but the other time it just did happen to us randomly. My ball smell weird. No.

Your balls? Like, I know you know what your own balls smell like because we all do. You mean they smell different than you? That's what I was going to say. Yeah. Like, they smell different now than they normally do. Yeah, but hold up. That was a sincere now?

Huh? That was a sincere no? No, I'm in the same way he did. Okay. Not you, sure. Because, you know, you, I'll be stank. You stanky. Yeah, but then I thought it was sincere.

Like, then that was even funny. Also, I got real high. How quickly do your ball, like, after you get out of the shower, do your balls go back to balls? It's like pretty fast. It's pretty quick. So fast. Now, it'll be quicker if you move quickly. Of course.

If you take off on a brisk walk or go to the gym. I kind of feel like mine just smell like showered balls. You know what I mean? Like the ball smell is still there, but it's like, oh, these are clean balls. But they still smell like balls. Like an animal that bath is in cell. Don't smell like balls, man. I know we're talking about it now, but like, I feel like...

A lot of women like that. Yeah, yeah. Hell, I mean, I kind of like... Don't a hit for y'all? It does for me. Yeah, of course. My ball's rule. I don't know.

Not right now. That don't hit. But I don't ever smell them and think, bet that hits for other people. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think that I've seen it on the internet. Like, I mean, that makes sense.

Little TikTok videos, all that of like, like, jokes about like, oh, don't take a shower, or I don't want it if you've taken a shower. I like the way your balls smell. internet than us, though, I think. I stay on a different internet. But, like, I feel like it doesn't get brought, like men's stinky balls don't get brought up a lot. And you'd think that it would.

Oh, it does. We definitely on a different internet. Nice, Mr. But I've never just like, well, I guess maybe Amber loves me. She's never been like, you're fucking balls. Stunk. Yeah, but, I mean, I feel like, I feel like it totally makes sense that. We literally fart into microphones. I'm so high. I think it makes sense that ball smell.

Yeah, fairones. It's for women. I mean, like, a vagina smelled on every else. Hell yeah, it does. Obviously not a bad one. Yeah. Right. But just, because I'm talking to.

Dude, are you shit? I literally have a joke. Yeah, right. Fuck, yeah, all that hits for me. Right. So I don't, yeah, I mean. Me and Amber, why wouldn't they like ball smell?

Exactly. Me and Amber literally, like, only have sex after both of us have, like, just showered. Am I? Like, as a rule? I mean, look, if we're horny and we want to get down, obviously we'll do it wherever. but like if we're both in, like we're at home

and it's not like a drunken wedding thing. Like, yeah, if we're like, oh, we're going to bang tonight, oh, cool, well, we're good. Because we always do it last thing and we take a shower at night. It's just the thing that we both get out of the shower and we know we're super clean. I will say, you know, I've got the joke about it. I like a stinky woman.

I also like it when she's clean. Yeah. Like that's a different thing that also hits for me. Yeah, you can really get after it. Yeah. But, I mean, you know, like again, like, too, yeah, we've also, dude, me and Amber, have boned in so many like public bathroom stalls at wedding venue.

You know what I mean? You know what's fucking hilarious? Every single time her idea. Every single time. Well, yeah. Though I'm just saying like, when we're at home, I want to have sex more, but when we're in public, she wants to have sex more. And I don't mean like public like in front of people, but like if we're at a wedding.

Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, dude. I kind of did that on some rich dude's houseboat once and he not caught us, like, walked in on us, but like, no. Immediately. We walked out. and he was just like, he literally was like, do you guys just fucking the bathroom?

And we were just like, well? And he was just like, fucking up. Ready to get on. And Amber's, at my brother-in-law's wedding, Amber was like super horny, and she wanted me to bend her over the fence post that was right next to the barn. We thought everybody had gone to bed.

And I'm just sitting there, and I mean, you know, you know how that looks. And all of a sudden I just... Do you have your hat on? Huh? Your wedding hat? No, no, no, no. It was her brother's wedding.

I had just a regular hat on. Damn it. You didn't have the Stetson on? No, no, no. But I'm... Damn it, Cowboy. I've been over a fence post by a barn. That's what I'm saying.

And in his element, buddy. For sure. Well, anyways, we're going at it. And all of a sudden, I see illumination. There's a light. And I fucking turn around. And it's my brother-in-law and Amber's dad on a four-room. So her brother and her dad.

Her brother and her dad just right behind us on... And I turned around and he just goes, Oh, no. Buddy, that's rough. For them, I mean. And Amber barely realized what was going on, and they turned around. I mean, I finished, and Amber was like, oh, God, she's like, that was dad, wasn't it? And I was like, that was definitely your dad.

Buddy. That's, that's, uh. It kind of hits. It helps. I bet it. That's what I needed. That's what I needed. Oh, God.

Yeah. On our honeymoon, me and Andy had sex in Germany in a public park and in Amsterdam in one of them rooms where you pay the money and the thing pops up and you can watch the stripper. Well, you're in that room alone. Yeah. I mean, I figured that's what they wanted us to do. Me and Amber didn't have sex one time on our honeymoon. Not once.

We're there for seven days. I didn't drink any. That's so funny. I didn't drink any. She got slaughtered drunk the entire time and we would go to start doing it and the second night we were there I was fucking like I was going down on her to get it started and

she started snoring. Yeah. And I was like, well, literally I can't go any further. You know what I'm not going to do you? I can't rape my wife on my fucking honeymoon. Yeah, I can't fucking invoke prima nocta the second night at a goddamn sandals. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Prima nocta out of sandals, gypsy speedboat.

Quick honeymoon story. I think it's quick. I just remember this. Red light district. We went there, like, you know, as tourists or whatever. It's like, walking, whatever. Yeah, it's like where they stand in the window. It's legal and they've got a red light.

behind him and all that. The University of Michigan Basketball Alumni Association was there together. There is a whole cadre of like six foot five and taller grown-ass old men

in Michigan gear. They are outside of a door chanting Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, as Bill decides whether or not to go fuck a prostitute. Nice. He You said these are old guys?

Yeah, most of them. Yeah, they're like 45 to 70. They're chanting Bill's name. They're all huge. Everyone's looking at them because they're, you know, in Amsterdam, American in Michigan gear and 6'5 or taller. He goes in, finally, they erupt into applause. And then it gets really quiet where they all realize that they just peer,

do you know what I mean? Like that awkward, like, that was funny, but like, he's fucking her now. And, like, a few of them were like, funny. Kind of like, ugh. And like, almost like,

you could feel them on their way to go call their wives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And one dude was like, still at the door, like,

fucking Bill, fucking Bill, man. And then he, like turns around and you could tell he just wanted to fuck Bill. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's just like,

ah. Anyway, that's what I remember from the Red Light District and being like, Andy, we got to fucking leave. This is actually weird as hell.

The Red Light District? Yeah, it's like anything, it's so accepted that it's so accepted that it, Until I saw that, it just felt mundane kind of. That's what I'm saying. It felt like being at a weird mall.

It's kind of like the argument of like, look, man, if it was just legal over here, how much wilder is it? You wouldn't have to have a pimp waiting on them with a fucking gun? And there's like security there to make sure, you know what I mean? You know how you walk down Bourbon Street and strippers are coming out in the... It's not like that at all, dude. It's like super calm. That's why everybody was staring at them because those dudes were cheering and being very American. Everybody else, you walk up, there's like, you got to go upstairs.

It's like an apartment. You see them in the, you see them in the, window, but then you've got to get them to come to a thing and they talk to you that way. Everybody was mostly calm. Other than, like, American sailors and the fucking university of Michigan alumni basketball teams. You can't see the windows

from the road. You can from the street. It's walked. There's no cars. It's like a street where you have to walk. It's shut down. Do you know what I mean? But you've got to walk. It's like townhouses that look. You have to go up the stairs to discuss anything with them. Okay. Or to chant your friend's

name in the street. Yeah, because I mean, it's like getting a fucking frozen yogurt. Like, same thing. Also, this was weird about Amsterdam. I think it's because it's a pot city and just so laid back or whatever. But, like, dude, even in the Red Light District, for the most part, at least the parts we were in, it closed down at like 1230. Really? Every night.

We would be, like, ready to party. One night I was on mushrooms. And we could not find a bar. Decriminalized or whatever. They're decriminalized, but you have to, you have to take a fuck ton. Right. Because it's like somehow they, like, control how much psilocy. or maybe it's a weak mushroom.

What, it's like regular? Like, you buy it in a store? You got to buy it in a store. Well, I don't know if you got to, but you could buy it in a store like a head shop and I did. So the shit in the stores just not, don't hit. So one night, we went out, like, it was the first night. We didn't know the deal yet. We went out at, like, 1145.

Every place started closing down. We were trying to find a place to party for our honeymoon. And I remember these Australian dudes were doing the same thing. Trying to get bill laid? Yeah, trying to get bill laid. trying to find a bar and one of them tried to put his balls on Andy and his buddies thankfully like pulled him back like you know shamed him and like jerked him away and was like I'm sorry and that's where I realized like take a look at that Australians are uh they're like the most fun frat you've ever been to

it's fratty but like literally but literally as soon as he started to do that two of them grabbed him one of them was shamed and it was like man I'm sorry I'm gonna get him out of here you know what I mean like it was fratty but like with some decorum yeah yeah yeah yeah i get it it's funny they like they seem descended from felons do you know what i mean yes like and i mean that in a good way they're in good shape they're like they got a code but it's weird right yeah and they're you know they hit they're wild yeah um so they're good at fighting a thing i wanted to bring up to you're really really really good at fighting they're not kidding they have to fight kangaroos dude i'm not kidding you know

kidding. It's like being in Sydney was weird. People fucking fight in the streets and like get hurt. Somebody gets hurt. What? They got Me Too yet? Oh, Me Too. I thought you said B2. I said, what is that? Has Me Too. I mean, I was there a decade ago. Me Too hadn't gotten

many places. Right. Yeah, they hadn't come out with Karen about all that. Right. Yeah. They hadn't come out yet. Can come out yet. The whole time that was. Yeah. I remember when they released that. All of history. Until until six years ago or whatever.

Well, you're always reading about some, you know, the broads. Women are always talking about some ancient civilization that actually honored women, and that's why it hit more. And I'm always like, I don't buy that. I don't buy that. I don't buy that. Like, I wish it existed. Do you, do you, can you remember, like, which ones that they say were like that?

Well, people talk about. Oh, Atlantis. Sparta? People talk, they do mention Sparta. They also say, like, a lot of people will say that about a lot of Samoan and Islander, Pacific. Islander culture. Maybe. I don't know about that.

Halfway legit there. Yeah, because they're a rad people. They're so rad people. If I was ever going to culturally appropriate, it would be them. Yeah, they're awesome. Get sweet tattoos. Love on your mama. Barbar tattoo and fucking fire you.

And love on your mama carbure by brew. Yeah. Yeah, the Sparta thing, they're like, I don't know. I know that that's like part of the narrative about Sparta was that their women were real. Yeah. But they still, they didn't like. Vikings too. They didn't go and fight the wars and all that shit.

But like Vikings is weird. It's like we let the, they let the women fight. They let the women be in government. They really honor the women. And they'd go rape all the other ones. I'm 60 to say their literal motto was rape and pillage. But they might, didn't their women? Also rape?

It hit for their women. It hit for their women. Rape hit for their women, is what I'm saying. The rape of other people. Yeah. Yeah. The people they would pillage. The women were all for the rape also happening.

That feels like somehow very. very like Americans, like the new Republican version of feminism. Yeah, yeah. We let our women rape. Jesus, this has been a wild episode, boys. This has been a wild episode, and I don't know that this will hold up to it, but it's about a wild motherfucker. I wanted to ask y'all.

Willem Defoe? I just want to read, really, the first paragraph of his wiki, but first, y'all know who G.G. Allen is? Yes. Yeah, right. Okay. Cut himself, shit on stage. Take shit on the stage, hurts cut himself.

He would throw shit. He would throw shit. at people. Just hanging out. First of all, I do want to circle back to him and how y'all feel about all that. It's not good.

No, I know. Okay, well, yeah, we'll get back to that in a minute. I want to read y'all the first paragraph of the early life part of his Wikipedia. Alan was born Jesus Christ, Allen. That's his Christian name?

At Weeks Memorial Hospital in Lancaster, New Hampshire. No wonder. The younger of, buddy, it gets worse. But the, the, born in New Hampshire, the younger of two sons born to Merle Allen and Arlita, Gunther. He was given this name because his father told his wife that Jesus Christ had visited him and told him that his newborn son would be a great man in the vein of the Messiah. During early childhood, Alan's older brother, Merle Jr. was unable to pronounce Jesus properly and called him Gigi,

like as in G, you know. Like dabble. And which became the letters, Gigi, his name. So his dad was this crazy abusive religious fanatic who was a total lunatic. It all checks out. It all checks out so hard. But so, yeah, I just kind of want to talk about him and how wild that is. But one thing that stood out to me about that is he was the younger brother.

Right. And the other one didn't hit. Yeah. He's not Jesus he at all. Right. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. But the older one was Merle Jr.

But that's still funny to me that he went with like, well, this would be the first son being whatever junior makes sense. But I feel like when you make the second one, Jesus Christ, and you openly say, it's because he hits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know.

Yeah, what did Merle Jr. get up to? He played with him and shit for a long time, but I believe it's like... Merle Jr. was ain't shit James. Yeah, there you go. Oh, ain't shit James. Let me see here. While you look that up,

Merle Allen is a bass guitarist. He is still alive. That's what I'm saying. You know, he looks all bikery and shit. But I'm saying, I think as compared to his brother... It changes my perspective on, Gigi. Just by the fact that he's alive. For sure.

Just the fact that this dude's alive, he had to be at least somewhat toned down from what his fucking brother was. Can I raise this point about Gigi Allen? I just thought of this. Did he kind of invent some of that stuff? Does that change? Taking a shit on the stage? Well, like, that's like a... Probably.

Being like real, you know, I'll do it like, I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Does that change anything if he did? he was the first one to act that while I don't know but what do y'all know any of his songs does anybody isn't his

no he's known for like pissing on Christ even then right he wasn't known I kind of don't I mean I guess when you're that goddamn wild but before the internet especially and his music not being that hits and anybody going because they were hearing those stories

and they want to sit but it was wild to me that stories like that he became famous and notorious yeah like just by well I think he was He was just famous in New York at first. And that makes sense because it's like I went to the show last night and then, you know what I mean?

I understand what you're saying in the sense of like, at a certain point in George Jones's career, people would go halfway expecting him not to show up. And they'd be like, no show Jones. But he had to hit real hard in order to be able to not show up to his concert and then that hit for people. But also what I think what... Did he just come out shitting on people. I think so. I think so. He's also saying is George Jones got on the radio end or the television, whereas Gigi never had an opportunity to do that because his thing.

was shitting on stage. Right. So it's just like people literally had, I mean, I'm sure articles and shit were written. I think it was. Word had to spread. I heard about him. Their cheeks had to spread. I think it was magazines, man.

I really do. So anyway, yeah, about G.G. Allen, like, yeah. Like, you know, he's like, is he mostly just notorious or like, I mean, I know he's mostly notorious, but I'm saying, does he like hit for people, certain people? I think. And if he does, like, what do y'all think? about that. I think some people are just like, oh, you don't understand what he was doing with subverting

the transgressive. And like, yeah, he was, he was really raging against the machine, blah, blah, blah. There's your, uh, we know some people who I'm sure, like say they like Gigi on, but then it's like, yeah, name one of his fucking songs. Like, I don't know. They might can. Shit on Jesus. Is that one of his song?

I don't know, probably. There's a band. I'm trying to think of their name and find them. I saw a documentary about them recently. It was three or four women. and then they also had what they called, I want to say, sex witches or blood witches with them. They would all get naked and fuck. They would let at least one member of the audience come fucking.

Were they high? On the stage? They would mess with each other on stage and put dildos in their pussies on stage. I mean, I could say why that all did. But then they would bring a fan backstage and do it. Again. And it like was spreading. They're still on the road or?

This was the 90s. It was going through Europe. They started to do it. American tour. It wasn't clear why they broke up. I mean, you know, probably jealousy. But anyway, you never heard of them? I only heard of them recently.

Would you say the name was? But none of this is ringing a bell, though. I'm going to find it. Y'all go ahead. All right. Fuck, what was I going to say about G.G. Allen. You're talking about people. You know the name of his songs. Does he actually hit for people?

Okay. No, here's what I was going to say. So, I bet you y'all. Yeah, probably. Do you all look at, that's a guy, that's a comic and Knoxville. We all know. Do y'all know or do y'all look at the shit he was doing and you're like, okay, that was very transgressive

art that he was doing? I just think you shouldn't do that because fuck all that. Or are you just purely like even like artistically or whatever you're like, that's all just fucking bullshit? Like there's nothing special about him or that. Anybody could do

that he's just a... Asshole. Asshole, who had a lot of problems, I'm sure. Yeah. But, like, he was just, dude, he was just taking shits on stage. Right. All right.

That's it. I mean, we could be wrong. He might have had some great songs and then took a shit on stage. I don't think he had great songs. I got to read you some wild shit here, okay? It's named Rock Bitch, okay? The name of the band,

Rock, right? And I get them. Rock bitch was originally formed in 1984 as Cat Genetica by bassist Amanda Smith-Skinner, the bitch and guitarist. Smith Skinner. Oh. and guitarist Tony Skinner, The Beast.

That was the only guy in the band. The band was later renamed Red Abyss. In 1989, they drew band members from the matriarchal, polyamorous, pagan feminist community, of which Smith Skinner was a member. That's 1989 in London. Fuck Brooklyn. Y'all ain't invent nothing. Musically, Red Abyss drew on jazz, fuck, blah, blah, blah.

They became rock bitch with the lineup change of Joe Healy on the drums, and then the lineup varied over the years to include Lucy the Stage Slut, the Hema Hoar and Kali and Erzuli the sex magic priestesses. The former two were primarily a combination of sexual performance artist and gonzo camera team, capturing close-ups of stage action and projecting it on a wall behind the band while performing. We're talking like penetration and all that stuff being projected. I know it's pre-internet. How is that not more famous?

Yeah, no, I'm with it. Or infamous. Or how have I not heard about it at least? But that's like how is that not a thing that gets? talked about the way Gigi Allen does. I totally agree with that. I don't understand. They made a documentary.

There's a documentary about them. There's a clean one and a not clean one, you know, with Teddies and all that. They have, as we said, they made a clean documentary about that shit? Well, yeah. What's it on, HBO? Do you think they were considered, like,

derivative of G.G. Allen or something? Because they came after it. Some people are like... Here's what I think. They honestly sound way too polished. Here's what I think. They were also responsible for the cube playing of prepared art videos

and subject marriage relating to the song. This included, they're very political, female genital mutilation, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and menstruation taboos. Your videos are shown about all that shit? Which is a little more Gigi Allen, but also I think it might be why they didn't.

But they were making points, whereas Gigi Allen were just like, look at my diarrhea. Well, they were making points, but then they would also just literally let a dude fuck them. I was about all of them. That's a weird juxtaposition to me. That was kind of their point somehow.

You're fucking, while also projecting images of fucking female mutilation and all this shit. Right. That's a bad thing. I don't like that. Well, I've seen some of the documentary and the idea was like we are objectified and part of railing against that will be showing images about how it's bullshit but also part of

that is we'll objectify ourselves and then you can't objectify us and that makes us that feel very powerful. Which is like, you know, something that a lot of sex workers and strippers say now. There's that taking the power back of like slut. But that's kind of what I'm getting at in terms of how is this not? more well known. Because women don't have for people. Yeah, that's true.

Okay. But do you know what I mean? Yes. I don't have, not that hard to parse. That's your spark, I guess. But yeah, no, I, I mean, I agree with you. Like, because since G.G. Allen is so notorious. Most people know who he is.

Most people are age and older, at least. You would think that would be a thing. Well, let's bring them back. Yeah, rock bitch. What's their name again? Rock bitch. fucking check them out. Yeah, look them.

Check them out. Check them out. Hey, here's what you really want you to check out is the well-red comedy tour. W-E-L-L-R-E-D Comedy.com. It's where you can get tickets. We're here. We're there.

We're every fucking wear. Roy can't. I can't wait to watch that this week. And, hey, go to Trey's Patreon. Also listen to End the Abisket with Drew Dollars and DJ DJ Lewis.

And just love us and love yourselves and take care of each other and be safe. And thank you all for listening to the Well Red Show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you've got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you. Good

night and skews. They're the liberal rednecks. They like cornbread but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the next that makes Some people upset

But they got Three big old dicks That you can suck