wellRED podcast - #248 - He's Got His Momma's Eyes (And His Granddaddy's Assh*ole)
Episode Date: November 24, 2021WellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows!...
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Well, no, I'll just go ahead.
I mean, look, I'm money dumb.
Y'all know that.
I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life.
And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion,
because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing.
But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.
It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month,
how much you're spending.
A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis.
I'm not going to lie.
I can be one of those people.
Like, let me ask you right now.
Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people.
People across the ske universe, I should say.
Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?
Do you even know?
Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery?
Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main?
Because that's a thing that we do in this society.
Do you know how much you spend on that?
It's probably more than you think.
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practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that.
Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could,
you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that.
So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like
twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like
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There the.
We going.
Yep.
Here we are.
Here we are.
Charlotte.
Downtown downtown Charlotte, North Carolina.
Yeah.
Well hits.
Not much.
No, good shows tonight.
They were.
They were good shows.
Comedy zone.
Yeah, which is where we're at this weekend.
If you're hearing this, well, this, tomorrow's Thanksgiving, so we're not doing shit this weekend.
But the week after this, we will be, if I'm not mistaken, New Orleans, Louisiana.
And then it's Naples, Florida.
And then our favorite time of the year, our homecoming shows at Zanis.
And then 22 dates are up at well-read comedy.com, W-E-O-L-R-A-D comedy.com.
Can we talk about Zanis?
I've been telling everybody that I didn't know if I was technically allowed to say anything,
but that it would be a very special show.
Yeah, I've been putting special in all caps too.
Yeah, and I assume though, I don't know.
Everyone's like, yeah, you guys are special.
We get it.
You're not allowed to say the R word anymore.
But like, I think that, I mean, yeah, we would be up to us, right?
Yeah, we're filming.
Like, we are filming.
Like, it's like contracts.
I don't know, but I think we're good to go.
Yeah, I mean, when people get there.
Yeah.
people are going to get there and be like,
oh, these fucking cameras.
Like it won't be a secret for long.
But yeah, we're filming it.
Sign releases probably.
Yeah, they probably will.
So if you don't want to be filmed,
don't come on Saturday.
Not but come,
though.
But come for real.
Yeah,
they're going to be great shows.
So I've said,
we've had people in the past like two or three weeks talk about,
like in our show in Spokane.
They're like,
we flew from X to see your show.
We were like,
Jesus Christ,
flying to see our show.
So normally I would say,
wait until we come to your city.
But if you're close to Nashville,
these are going to be great shows.
So I would make the drive.
If you want to be part of the Will Red special, come to the Saturday show.
Yeah, the legendary specials of Well Red.
And I'm pretty fucking excited.
This weekend's been good, getting the materials getting there tight.
Yeah.
So I found out a couple things about show today that I'd like to talk about.
All right.
One of them is found out that he don't really like ironing.
I don't either ironing.
We don't even have an ironing board at our house.
We don't either.
We don't either, actually.
Katie has like a steamer thing.
Yeah.
for all the shit she sells on Poshmark.
Is that a step up, I assume, or is it just quicker?
Yeah, steamers are cool.
Or is that what the step up is?
I don't know how much quicker it is, but I mean, it's like, yeah.
I mean, dude, I don't know shit.
I think it's easier because with iron, you got to, like, do this shit,
and then there might be a crease and you go over that.
Steamers just stand up straight.
I know it's easier.
What I'm asking is, is it better?
I think it's better.
Like, I think it's easily just as good.
Okay.
So, speaking of stammers, right?
Yeah.
and Corey, not ironing and Corey and whatnot.
Found out today that one thing he likes to do, he said,
well, normally I don't iron.
Actually, he said, I don't know about like.
I don't know the fat.
Uh, what thing they hit for me.
Uh,
I made a tweet today that said, uh,
the one thing I don't tell you about losing weight is that now you got to iron all your shirts.
And most fat people definitely got it,
the implication being that when you fat,
your shirts don't wrinkle because you,
your fat pushes them wrinkle around.
That part I got.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mark was like, what fuck you're talking about?
And Cho clarified that.
And then he's like, and Mark was like, you don't iron or something.
And Joe was like, well, normally what I'd do is I put the shirt on and then I walk into the hotel bathroom and close the door.
Yeah.
And I cranked the shower real hot.
And then I just sort of let it steam out in there.
While he's sweating.
No doubt.
And I said, you do know that you don't have to wear it or even be in the room for that to work, right?
Jay Joe said, I'm pretty embarrassed right now.
Chobin in there, porky pigging it in the hotel bathroom,
just standing there getting a little sauna in addition to steaming his shirts.
This makes it,
okay, tell me if this makes it less dumb.
I think it makes it faster.
No, I think it would get the wrinkles out faster if your body was pushing on them.
But okay, because here's the thing, I take my shower and have my shirt in there while I'm showered, right?
I do that.
But then as soon as I get out and dry myself off, I keep the shower run.
I know I'm about to get shit on by people about conserved the water.
I told I hear you.
I hear you.
I'm not changing.
But I would get out the shower, then dry off.
And then, yes, I would put my shirt on and then stand there for extra time.
And then I do, dude, you get your phone out or do you just like that.
No, I, no, I stand there.
And I do this.
He is wiping the shirt, folks.
Like you do this.
You iron it with your hand.
Hove my belly out and I iron it with my hand.
Yeah, yeah.
And like at this.
this time for the record like I don't it's gotten more insane I don't shower without music you
don't what I mean little ritual so you're almost kind of dance I know because like yeah like I've got
how is this quicker than iron I always it's it's it's better I don't know if it's quicker it's just
better like I don't want to your shirt's wet though I don't want to get your shirt damp damp I don't
but shirts wet when you iron too because you got the you don't and you stop doing that
also you ch too then you stop to do you and go over it two more times and it's dry right
But here's the thing.
Like with ironing, what I found is that like every time I try to do it and I think,
I'm like, okay, I got this shit.
I pull it off.
There's a huge fucking crease down the side or something from the side of the board.
And then I'll go and I'll try to fix that and I make another crease.
But with this, it's like I was already going to be in there anyways.
You know what I mean?
Like I was already going to be.
It's a great trick.
It works wonderfully.
Yeah.
Just the added elements of wearing it and doing a chow dance.
Yeah, no.
That stuff that takes it in the realm of the comical.
It was one of those moments in the text.
charming yeah where I was like to text it and then when you texted back I realized like oh yeah this is definitely a thing only I do you know what I mean like not everybody's like yeah man you get in the shower with your shirt I totally get it but like yeah that's just that's my thing but I do you see I've got the iron out I attempted and then I just couldn't get it I couldn't get it right also do y'all iron the back of your shirts yeah you do I don't know are you so are you going to like this shirt well you're
I'm so dark.
I don't think I've ever ironed a t-shirt.
You also don't apply your show technique to the back, obviously, because how would you do that?
I mean, yeah, you're not doing this.
But you know what I mean?
You're not going to be able to do that.
Then obviously, you're not going to iron my belly is like a, you know, like a washboard type thing.
You know what I mean?
You got washboard abs?
No, not yet.
But you know what I'm like a wash tub.
How about that?
Wash tub.
It's ironing board.
But yeah, I've just always done that.
Like, you know, especially I had people shitting on me in that.
they're like, you dumbass, you just put the shirt in the dryer.
And I'm like, okay, I'll bring my goddamn dryer with me on the road.
Like, yeah, when I'm at home, dude, it's just you spray a little downy wrinkle release on it, put it in the dryer, and then immediately put it on.
And then you're fucking good.
Like, you should never have to iron anymore.
I've never ironed a t-shirt.
So I think that makes me more trash than you in your weird way.
The only time I've done it is on the road when I don't have access to my dryer.
I just throw shade on Katie here, but sometimes.
I'll pull a t-shirt out and that's just a mess.
Yeah.
And like you're going to be able to tell that.
For sure.
I throw in the dryer.
Well, I'm talking about on the road.
Oh.
Yeah.
On the road and it's all wrinkled.
I think I'd just put it on.
You bang it in the shower.
Yeah.
And then just.
I mean, I've done the shower trick before, but usually I just, I don't know.
Look, iron and don't hit for me.
Iron and sucks.
But I'm not like.
It's a relic.
I'm not that bothered by it.
I usually have to iron it all the tub.
but you have to iron all the time when you worked for the government.
I used to have to iron my suit shirts.
No,
it was business casual.
Buttonups and like slack.
I had to iron my buttonups and my slacks.
Got to put the crease in them.
Yeah.
I do like putting creasing pants.
No,
they,
I mean,
I'm sure it didn't hit for people how trashy I looks,
but nobody ever told me I had to iron,
which is funny because when I worked at fucking O.
Charlie's,
we had to have our shirts dry cleaned.
That's hilarious.
To work at O'Chry.
Bro,
what?
It was a thing.
That's how they pay for that free brink.
And they would like check to or like they would you know.
Were you supposed to starch it?
It'd be like that shirt ain't.
I mean, take it to a dry cleaner and have them start and they would be like.
That is insane.
They'd like grab your, they'd be like the same dry clean.
Are you fucking serious?
Well, if you don't, if you don't put starch, if you don't have the dry cleaner put
starch in it.
Yeah.
What would be the difference between iron and dry clean?
You know what I mean?
I mean, you know, yeah, you would tell them whatever white starch or mediums or whatever.
But I mean, that is fucking insane.
Yeah.
Like, I mean, it is in retrospect.
they weren't they would check it and they give you shit for it but it wasn't something they were like riding people up for i was about saying my buddy patrick like if you came in looking like shit you probably get written up but like if you just ironed a shirt and i mean there's tons of people didn't do it but i was a fucking 20 year old college dude didn't own an iron so like you know you could tell if i hadn't done it right you know what i'm just trying to think about that guy that story you've told about the dude wanting the sprite and didn't tip you right what imagine him
given a single fuck about your shirt being dry clean he got up and left what what happened he goes um
this guy and oh charlie's one because yeah that's the thing the clientele there's such white trash
oh my people but lord that's what's good like oh charlie's is a nice restaurant for the people that i know
that go there yeah it's like it's fancy like applebees yes yeah it's just i think it's a step up
from apple it's exactly what that song is about that's true and all those people for whom that
song hits. Love O Charlie. They go to
Charlies and they love it. So anyway, this
trash-ass motherfucker one time
was in there with his old lady
and I walked up, I am, Trey, you know, what can't
get you to drink, whatever? Actually, I'm sure it was something like, can I
start you up with a tough shelf margarita and whatever?
Yeah, some bullshit. And
and he goes,
two sprites. And I said,
two sprites. I said, I'm sorry, sir,
we don't have a Sprite. I can get you
a Sierra missed. And he goes,
you ain't got Sprite? And I said,
no but I can get you a Sierra Miss and he goes we don't drink nothing else but Sprite
that's what he said verbatim and in my head I'm like what's he won't me to run to the store or something
yeah I was like well I'm sorry we do not have Sprite in the building you know and he goes
he just like looks at his old lady and he's like well and they got up and walked that is beautiful
and left and I was thrilled by the of course nice that dude so I could see I can see him be
mad about the, you know, Sprite and a
stark shirt. That's why he come there. I know. Right.
I get what you're saying. It's hilarious. Mr.
But it's hilarious to think
that like... That's a deal breaker.
Right. That the people like, given
the people that were coming in there and everything,
that any of them would give a fuck about
a stark shirt. The thing
about it, too, is that like,
first off, I'm...
I'm...
That wasn't it.
Back to talk about this for a minute.
Every single one of your
farts sounds like a cartoon camel spitting every one of them and i've always been curious i've got a
little bit of variation in sometimes but they're mostly camel spit farts so you know that everyone's
asshole is as unique as a thumbprint right yeah okay i do have my granddaddy's asshole we've we've
talked about it before it's true granddaddy's asshole yeah it's true do you think what you don't
remember that i used to have some bit that was didn't i was it a bit i was it a bit i
remember me and you talking about, you told me the story, and I think you ended up doing it on stage.
We were hanging out at your place, your grandma's old place, whatever, and you told me some
story about.
Oh, I remember what it was.
Somebody smelling your fart in a mom or something smelling your fart, man, like, it was
smells just like.
It was me that smelled my own fart, and I cried because I was riding around in my
papal's old truck, and I farted, and the combination of my fart in his truck, I had a
flashback of a fart that my papal farted, because, you know, smell is most the commonly linked
to memories and I realized I was getting old because my fart smelled just like my
papaw's fart and then yeah I worked that in speedboat yeah jips and I worked that into a joke
that was like that boy's got his mama's eyes and his granddaddy's asshole but my point is do you
but hold on that you said you did you know your but holes as unique as your thumbprint yeah
you said it like we all knew that that's true though I mean or were you doing a bit no that's true
your both is that bit it's like yeah sure I thought nothing at all I know you
moved on. That's why I was like, wait a minute. Is this something people know? I've never
heard anyone say that. Oh, it's very true. Yeah, I believe it's true, but I've never heard
anyone say that. If a Cho thing is telling you a fact, then yes, everyone's asshole. I happen to
agree with you. What I want to know is, has this been uttered or discussed before by humans,
and we have come to a conclusion collectively? I'm sure. Or are you just asking us to agree with
I mean, I'm sure I heard it somewhere. I'm certain that I didn't just go, yeah, all assholes are as
unique as a thumb print our anuses and Google suggests our anuses like fingerprints so
somebody's thought about it okay check it out who has done the research well it says a famous
a very fun doctor did the research apparently this is so fucking fun hold on hold on hold on
you're not going to guess is it a doctor it's not a doctor no well now i don't I'm just reading
the top quote Alex Jones full context on this Boba Bowie the famous painter Salvador
Dolly, nice, had already figured out that the anus has 35 or 37 creases, which are as unique as a fingerprint.
Yeah.
So, Corey and Dolly are out here.
Yeah.
Seeing the world different.
So, anyway, it looks like, it looks like that's true.
No, that makes sense.
Your butt hole is a snowflake.
No two are exactly alike.
I agreed with it immediately.
But what I was pausing for was like, you said that like it was a thing.
when it was as common as I just now remembered I read a two volume biography on Salvador Dolly
that's where it came from yeah yeah that's where it came from um while his clocks were
sideways he had pink eye do you think that your asshole I for about shit no that would have been
I've often there you go mr. butt I've often wondered about your asshole yeah stop the podcast right
there. I've often wondered about your asshole. I think that your asshole is like tighter than other
assholes. Like you've got like a hair pan ass. I've never had that thought. But a minute ago when
you made that point and you said all of your fart smelled like a camel spit and I thought,
I bet he's got a tad asshole. Yeah, because it can't really get out. Whereas mine are like,
I got a real loose asshole. But wouldn't loose make it quiet? Yeah. Like, yeah, I would.
Because when you, you can pull. Looser than he is. You can pull your right apart. Yeah.
and make it quiet yeah yeah i'd have to i have to employ that measure from time to time right that's the
thing i learned late in life they used to be just like they used to be joe i've heard it was jerry yeah there was
one in chattanooga jerry harvey used to have a bit he was like i'm gay and i know a lot of people
thinks that means when i fart it goes okay or something like that yeah so i hadn't thought about him
in a while but there you go it's weird that my buthal be so tight yeah on account of how much time
I'm my head spins up there.
I'm right.
Yeah, I know.
I don't know how you guys big.
But like,
do you think that you're going to talk about pooping all the time?
You've got like a needle point.
You got like a needle point asshole and mine's like a tightest asshole in the world.
I'm saying.
So like anyways,
that's,
I don't know what we were talking about before,
but I thought of your butt hole from time to time to time.
I've said this before and I'll say it again,
but y'all are so fucking gay for each other.
What?
Two men can't just sit here and talk about the differences in their assholes
without someone thinking that they're gay.
I have thought about your assholes.
so many times.
I really have, though, because, like, I wonder what it looks like.
Okay, I hear it now when I say it, but I'm, I just mean like, every single asshole.
I'd look, but like, I mean, I'd look too.
Every time he fart, every time he farts, I'm like, there is no.
But I didn't bring it up.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you just got it out, I'd look, but I didn't bring it up.
Yeah.
One time we stared at Thompson's asshole while he farted because we were like, we wanted to know.
But it looks like.
Can you see a fart coming out?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Does it?
And so Thompson got stood up on a chair in his living room and he's like, all right, boys,
you ready?
He's ready.
He's like, okay, here we go.
We weren't this close.
Yeah, he didn't get pink eye.
But, you know, we're all staying there like very scholarly.
Of course.
We got no pants and white jackets.
Behind a glass.
Yeah, exactly.
And they farted in it.
You couldn't really tell.
And that was a bummer.
So speaking of looking at your friend's ass.
assholes.
But it like did do a thing, right?
Yeah.
Not.
I mean,
not as much as you know.
You remember that short film?
You showed it to us of the eye.
Yeah.
It did a thing.
The procedure.
Yeah,
it's great.
It did a thing.
I think you can.
Do you think that guy did something to the actor did something to the hole?
And then they made a noise because he couldn't fart.
Yeah.
I need,
yeah.
Because you can.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh,
you can make a turn comes out.
What happens.
And you can kind of make one of.
open up. I don't know why I know that. Um, one time I've told this story on stage, actually this
weekend. I was just going to try it out. At some point about the second thing. Okay. Um,
um, one time we were in high school and my buddy Birdman, uh, yeah, he was coming over to my house.
I only know three Birdman's they all hit. He hit so I love him. Birdman and I just had a kid.
Congratulations Birdman. He's one of my favorite people. Well, uh, his quarterback super cool, but I had
this thing where my mama bought me nice shirts you know and uh so a lot of my buddies often with they
if they were going on a date or something they would want to like come to my house and like borrow a shirt or
some shit like a Tommy hill figure yeah yeah and so yeah and so I was like yeah fucking come through
so uh so Birdman was coming over we had one of those in our families so I knew that like cousin Josh
they all passed it around work if I was Tommy Hill figure shirts out in the carriage house yeah yeah
yeah yeah and just yeah that's where all my friends went to get their date shirts but anyways he was like
coming in the real house yeah he trash coming by getting a shirt so he was coming up he was like fizzle
i got bought that was my nickname from him was sea fizzle yeah because snoop dogs the fizzle my nizzle
see fizzle hey i know you didn't mean nothing by i don't think we're supposed to say nizzle
i just did okay i'm sorry i didn't know that surely this is fine i don't think it is i mean i don't
well we're on this together not but like yeah i guess you're now you're right you probably shouldn't
But anyway, fizzle.
Yeah.
I get it.
See fizzle.
Well,
Fizzle.
So he said, you know, he's like,
well, I got come over.
I could come over and get a shirt, you know, and I was like, yeah, you know, come
through.
Get up there.
He picks out of shirt.
And he's sitting there.
He's like, man, I'm real nervous about this state.
Man, you know, it was a head cheerleader.
He's like, he's like, I say, how man, you crush it, man, fucking quarterback.
You got this.
He's like, man.
I'm just real worried, you know, that like, I'm going to fart.
Because, like, you know, I've been like drinking a lot of protein shakes.
and I just been fart and I law it.
And I was like, well, just don't fart.
And then he looks at me like, that's not an option.
Like, I'm going to fart.
Like, I'm going to definitely fart.
I mean, you're going to fart.
You don't fart on your date, queer?
So we were sitting there, put our heads.
We tried to tell me not to fart.
You believe that's here.
We put our head on the coach on you.
And what he came up with, it was his idea, but I mean, I clearly went along with it.
He goes, hey, man.
you think if we sprayed cologne in my butthole that when i farted it would just kind of like
you know like cologne would come out one way to find out and i was like that sounds stupid but i
also can't refute it you know what i mean so i also had a bunches of colognes because it's always what
i got for christmas was like a cologne and cologne last 70 year one thing i love it i had an aunt
i had an aunt that every gift she ever gave me was a bottle of pot of i love it and like yeah it's variety
I have a lot of variety of them, but yeah, it's going to last my whole lot.
Dude, I bet some of those bottles are in my room that I grew up to this day.
Well, yeah.
So we, you know, in 2013 I still got.
We went through all the clone and tried to.
Uh, will you pause it real quick?
Yeah.
And run down there.
Anyways, we had gone through all my clones and picked the one that we thought paired best with the asshole of a 17-year-old boy, I guess.
And how did we decide that?
Okay.
You know, what a priest?
It was it was Chanel a lure
And so anyways he's about this
He's like is it raw
He's about to spray this cologne in his asshole
And then realizes that like he can't
This is not something that he can do himself
You know so
I'm exactly
Fizzle come here and spot me
Yeah so he fucking lays
He takes his pants off
Bizzle big Fizzle backers on my beds
And puts his fucking you know legs
This side of his ears
and there's his asshole and i fucking sprayed it and buddy did it burn what hate that motherfucker ran so quick he
he started going woo woo woo just running around my god damn room and bird man yeah yeah in anywhere yeah so we
yeah i sprayed i don't know why we didn't even talking about that we just talking about us when we were
like 13 looking at thompson's that that's the first asshole that's which is like of course you've
got a wilder sure that mine was that wild but it just like oh that makes me the time i spray it go on my buddy's
Oh, yeah.
So anyways, we did it work?
I wasn't there for that.
He didn't tell you, he didn't give you a report.
I doubt it.
I doubt it.
I don't think.
You sprayed cologne and a man's asshole before a day and you didn't ask him the next day.
I probably did, but I've forgotten that part.
Just looking at her and smite like winking.
Yeah.
And then it just smells like a fart.
Yeah.
It just like a fart.
It was just like a touch of cinnamon at the end.
Is that tobacco?
Yeah.
But yeah.
So that was the first.
asshole I saw that wasn't like mine is it hot as fucking here to y'all it just got
real hot damn it did just get wrong because the a the sound but also sitting right in
front of it probably wouldn't hit I would say it's some like the floor below us they're
to have their heat up or something but yeah so that's my that's my butthole story
for hitting but you got a bottle story a lot of bad hole stories yeah I didn't know
there's gonna be a caveat before I answered I got a lot of butthole stories I'm trying
I'm trying to think of the first one I saw.
I'm sure it was a dudes.
They were doing the whole.
I mean, now I think about it.
I guess Thompson's asshole.
First asshole.
You always remember.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there was a,
I'm trying to remember who it was.
They said, hey, is this yours?
It's like,
4-H cameras.
I was it?
Hey, Drew, is this yours?
And you look at,
fuck.
They got it spread open.
Yeah, man.
We used to show.
Doug Lamance.
That's who it was.
It's like now,
like, so obvious,
that we shouldn't have been pulling our dicks out and stuff like that all the time.
I think if you do it to dudes,
Like it's definitely frowned upon now in the age of what we live in it.
But it is better.
But people don't freak out.
Right.
It is better.
Surely to God,
kids are still humping each other,
consensually.
Yeah.
I mean,
I have buddies at like parties and stuff that would always get naked and run around.
Like,
that was their thing.
Oh,
yeah.
I mean,
it wasn't my thing,
but I've done it.
There's a guy in college.
I know.
We called him meat.
Well,
how does that play,
like,
streaking, you know?
Right.
That's bad.
Like, at a party,
you had a part of a whole bunch of people that you party with.
Yeah.
And if a party dote, and I'm talking exclusively about a dote here, party dude.
Right, because gets naked and fucking, like, you're streaking or whatever.
It's like, is that, hey, is that a crime, Drew?
It could be, yeah.
But do you announce we're going streaking?
Societally speaking.
I mean, especially if you were 18 and people there were younger.
I feel like, I don't know.
I feel like if you announce we're going streaking, but you ain't naked yet.
Right.
And you're in college.
Right.
I feel like it's like, people have time to leave.
You have time to leave.
That's like spoiler alert.
Again, we're talking society.
I'm not saying this roll up in court.
And I don't think it's been appropriate to streak anywhere outside of that age group ever.
Like, I don't think you can be 40 and be like, hey, we're going streaking at a barbecue.
I've streaked like within a year, you know.
Around your friends.
Have you streaked around before?
No, I just down my street.
Oh, yeah, but you did that for a video.
Yeah.
It is.
Yeah.
That was you and and I made sure that nobody was around.
You made a major against yourself.
Yeah.
That you then followed through on.
And I sat there and waited to everybody.
That was fine.
Yeah, right.
I will say to that this is related to a lot of things that I think.
For everybody.
It didn't have for everybody.
I think the left or whatever in general is going to have to deal with,
which is like,
there's a lot of movements that have this other side to him where it's like,
okay.
So like just being naked is now a crime.
Right.
That sounds like Christianity.
That's fucking weird.
We're the ones that decided
dicks and titty shouldn't be out.
See?
So like.
Like obviously we was born dicks and titties out and then someone made clothes.
I'm not advocating for like just pulling your dick around and people that don't want to see your...
No.
I know that don't have.
Of course not.
But like,
but like you know,
in Europe and shit,
as I understand,
a lot of your opinion,
it's like in a lot of other places,
yeah,
someone just being naked.
Right.
Not like pulling her dick out and fucking shoving it in your face.
like, you know, get this or whatever.
They're just a naked-ass person.
Yeah.
That's not all that weird.
You mean just walking down the street?
Yeah.
I don't mean, I don't know about walking down the street.
That's what I'd be doing that.
Like, they just, they just get naked.
Sometimes I can't believe you live here all the time.
You know what I mean?
Like that right there, it's like, through, but fucking thrive there.
I know.
I want to go around fucking naked.
My goddamn family didn't exist.
So in that regard, like we're going to deal with that.
A certain aspect of liberalism is also prudish, which is what
you're saying.
Yeah.
You've talked a lot about how we're not cool anymore.
Which would go against, you would think it would be the opposite.
Right.
Like you said, Christianity, conservatives, they're the ones that's supposed to be proved.
Consent is the conversation around consent is what has created all this.
And it's totally fair to be like, you should consent to seeing people in the nude to a certain extent or whatever.
You know, but like if you go to a nude beach, you're consenting.
You know what I mean?
You can't go to a nude beach and be like, I didn't give you permission or whatever.
So it's like context, right?
but at the same time you know i can definitely so we do that with dudes dicks on the left on the
right they say that about women feeding her kids in public yeah like hey i didn't consent to see her
titties and we go don't sexualize women and then you go all right so we're going to say don't
sexualize men's penises i mean of course they're all their sexual organs it's a it's a wild
conversation yeah for sure because i mean i know the difference between
titty dick ain't titties we've said that we've said what's that i'm insane saying that
A dick ain't titties, but like when it comes down to like, yeah, I'd totally be like if women, all women just decided to start walking on top was, I ain't saying shit.
I mean, I'm going to all be positive shit.
But like, if you start walking around with dicks out, I'm like, hey now, what the fuck is going on?
Understandably.
There's kids out here.
And also, you know, I've been to new beaches where people, it's like, whatever, nobody do.
And then you see a dude with a boner.
And like, some people are like, oh, that makes me feel a little weird.
And other people are like, well, what are you going to do?
You don't have that.
Different.
A boner is different, but like, you can't.
I mean, if the guy was sitting there fucking working it up,
you know what I mean, that would be one thing, but like,
definitely like not okay.
Dude, I've gotten boners at a beach, like not even a nude beach.
Just like you're laying there, you take a nap, you wake up, you're fucking hard.
But that's definitely better, not worse.
Yeah, right, but I'm just saying like better than what.
We're having it out and it hard.
Yeah, but like if we're all naked, what's the difference if it's pointing down or pointing
up?
A lot of people just ignore those guys.
Like I'm saying, I've been to these newbies.
It's not like people are fighting a dude.
It's just like people like,
if he's sitting there like kind of poking it
and looking at you,
you know what I mean?
That's different.
I don't think I could get a boner
on like a nude beach
surrounded by a shit lot of other,
even if some of them,
well,
the whole point of them for my wainer.
Right.
I still don't think.
Well,
the whole point of them for most people,
obviously there's dudes there like lurky.
Point of boners?
No,
the point of nude beaches
is that it does in fact stop being sexual
about 20 to 30 minutes
after you get there for a dude.
I mean, hell,
like you just literally stop.
sexualizing the naked women, no matter how hot they are or whatever.
And where?
You don't even know how many nude bitches you've been to?
Two in Florida, two in California.
And I'm trying to think of abroad.
So I think five.
There's some in Florida?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
There's a, there's one on the.
So how many?
I've always heard.
I never been to a nude beach.
I never been to a nude beach.
I don't think I've ever even been like around one, honestly.
Like, I don't remember being at a place and being.
like oh shit i could get naked san diego and san lewis obispo are the closest to us in la so
and they're not always heard people say though that like a lot of times in new places
it's not the people that you want to be nude yeah right a lot of times but like i don't know in california
and also what's the ratio of dudes to women i bet at three to one at least i don't know no no i'd say
one and a half to one really it's mostly couples i'm surprised right now in san luis obisbo it's called
Pirates Bay and it's an unofficial one.
It's just so hard to get down to that beach.
The locals just turn it into a nude beach.
But there is like this rock.
It's not a wall, but anyway, there's a divider.
So on one side it's clothing and other side it's clothing optional.
Now, these are unofficial rules.
And what I mean by that is people will walk nude on the, you know, not clothing optional side.
There's a lot of college kids down there, you know.
The college kids will walk down to the nude side to, you know, get their eyeballs.
You can be clothed in the naked side, just like you cannot smoke in a smoking.
Well, what I'm saying is, is you...
Yes.
I figured that was like a faux paw.
Like that's part of the thing you're agreeing to.
Right.
Is that...
Well, I mean, if you're just hanging out down there fully clothed and looking at everybody,
someone's eventually going to try to run you off as being a creep.
But if you're just walking down the beach, it's like you've got a right to walk down the beach.
You don't have to get naked.
But what I'm saying is there, the nudist people will sometimes walk to the other side,
like to their car and not put their clothes on until they get to the trail.
Well, no, it's a long trail.
Yeah, yeah.
that's why this place exists.
I forgot where the question was.
Oh, but they're like, man, you know, it's mostly couples.
I'd say it's like one and a half to one nude and like a lot of them are in good shape and,
you know, pretty good looking.
But, oh, this is why I brought it up right there on the rock wall divider.
So they're not technically in the nude part.
There's like always five dudes just sitting there.
And it's super fucking creepy.
It would be less creepy if they just went on the nude beach, set on a towel and no one would be paying attention to them and know that they had their clothes.
those are right and that's just but people just stay away from them they just kind of you know go to the
other end of the beach that a hit for you being nude at the beach yeah yeah yeah man swimming swimming
nude hits and like I said you get used to it you swam nude in California mm-hmm that would not
cold it's fine yeah it's pretty cold you get used to it though yeah no for me the temperature
of the water don't know when I got it got into it was just a huge disappointment yeah it's cold
it's fucking real cold and it's just cold all the
time it's also generally speaking like 75 over there which is perfect weather unless you're
going to go swimming in cold water right if it were 90 like it is in the valley but it's not you go to the
beach and it's 75 yeah no I know and 75 degree what first of all the water is a little bit colder
yes but also like 72 degree water is cold and cold yeah yeah and again it was 90 and you jumped
into it that's not even really true because I thought that would happen we put our above ground
pool in the backyard because we do live in the valley and I was like oh in the summertime
I get so hot it'll warm up, but like it don't really.
I mean, it gets warmer than that, but like because it's the fucking desert and at night,
the temperature goes down.
It's not like it's hot enough consistently for it to heat up.
Right.
I mean, we ended up getting a heater for that brown pool, which is funny.
But like, we had it for a full year in the summertime and I just kept expecting it to like warm up and it never really did.
But didn't it feel good because it was 90 out or was it still too cold?
I mean, it hit for the boys.
They definitely could deal with it.
Right.
But your blood cold.
You stay cold.
Yeah.
Not out there.
Didn't we decided he had thick blood?
No, that was DJ.
Now it was Thursday and now is with other people.
Why does he have thick blood?
I don't remember.
No, he's got thin blood because he can't fucking handle the winter.
Yeah.
And he's always got clothes on even in the South.
Yeah.
I mean, I feel like that lately.
Even in the South, he's got like, you know, eight layers on.
And he, you know, his boots.
He sleeps in his boots.
even now that he's chubbed up.
I thought he's going to get fat.
Well, he's working.
That would help with that.
He's working on all the time.
He had chubbed up and now he's like leveled out.
He's a medium now between what he used to be and then getting the fat.
It's because Carl works him to death.
He's up there working.
That guy he's working with.
They like putting in fucking barn timbers inside a house and shit.
I felt about that guy's an artist, but he works in glass and metal and wood.
I felt about it.
Not like paint.
Yeah, I felt about DJ the way that you felt.
about me in that I was really rooting for him to get fat and stay fat.
I mean, it was hitting for me when he was getting fat and enjoying the process of getting
fat.
He was loving it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I feel like DJ is more suited.
He definitely is more suited to be in, for sure.
His whole thing.
Yeah.
Just seems right.
Yeah.
He's like squirly.
Everything about him was perfect the way that it was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
much like Cho, yes.
Right.
So I don't have for you, like,
am I,
because I'm not,
this is still fine.
Right,
because I've still got a little belly.
Yeah,
it's fine.
And my cheeks,
like,
that ain't going nowhere.
It's not preferable.
Right.
You know.
Your cheeks have changed.
They've changed,
but like,
that's just how big these motherfuckers are.
Like,
yeah,
I saw a picture
that I've made this time last year.
It's like,
holy fuck,
like your face actually has gotten skinnyer,
but like,
bro,
then bitches are you at Zanis
in that green Christmas jacket.
And it's one of two
because we basically live together.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I look at it and I go, is that what do you look?
Yeah, man.
No, I know.
Like, it's like that for me too because like, I mean, obviously I knew then like, yeah, you're not what you need to be.
But like, I knew myself though.
The corn dog belly.
I'm like.
Yeah.
I'm like, no, I ate something.
But I was always.
Nope.
Yeah, always then though, I still was just like, yeah, you carry it in your belly, but like whatever.
But like, I look at those pictures.
And I look insanely better now than I did then.
And I'm still not even close to where I want to be.
But like my fucking Lord, dude, I look like a different human being in those pictures.
Just a fat, and I know a better one for you.
Trey fucking, as everybody that listens to knows, Trey wants me in an early grave.
No.
No.
I mean, I definitely don't want that.
I'm going to say you want that, but that is what comes with living the lifestyle that made them look at way.
I don't want him to be morbidly obese.
You'd rather me be morbidly obese than be in shape.
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
You didn't even fight it.
I'm like, come on.
Didn't even fucking fight it.
How in shape?
The child being in shape.
Yeah, when you say in shape, to me, I'm like, like,
full on in shape.
Yeah, full on in shape.
Like with fucking abs and shit.
It don't help for me either.
No.
You'd rather me be.
A fucking shredded chow.
But you'd rather me be more.
But you'd rather me be morbidly.
And you always bring up Pratt.
Look how he's doing now.
Well, I think.
Fine.
starring his movie shit.
Yeah, okay, but how he's doing and what he is
are two completely different things.
Not if we're touring with the guy.
If I was Pratt, do you fucking think I would still tour with you?
See what I'm saying?
Jesus Christ.
My God.
I'm just, but I'm not talking about becoming Pratt.
I'm talking about looking like him.
Yeah, that'd be great.
I would love that.
We're saying we wouldn't.
He didn't become a Christian piece of shit because he got abs.
He believed in the Lord.
But he was allowed to be.
to, you know, let that out.
Yeah, that, okay, that's true, but, like, I don't be loving Jesus.
Okay.
You know what I'm saying?
We'll see.
But you say morbidly obese, you mean you'd rather me literally have it than like fucking cancels?
That's what I'm trying to look up is like what actually constitutes more.
400 pounds.
That's not morbid level.
I mean, that's definitely morbid obese, but I think it's way less than that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think like the clinical.
The clinical, because clinically, dude, I'm pretty sure I'm obese clinic.
Yeah, dude, clinically like I'm obese right now.
I'm in great shape.
That's what I mean right now.
I mean when I'm corn dog.
That word don't.
It's dumb.
I'm 5.10 and right now I weigh about 178.
100 pounds over their ideal body weight.
Oh,
I'm not.
Your ideal body weight would be.
We'll give them six foot.
What would that be?
I'd be ideal.
Well,
well,
isn't it true?
They still haven't changed the BMI and it's so out of well?
I think my ideal weight,
like medically is like 175 and it's like,
don't you're wrong.
I was 175.
I was a junior in high school.
I was this high, but like me, but like I'm 200 right now and I feel like, again, I've still
got goals to, but like I feel like I'm a healthy person.
Me being 180 would be like, wait for 511.
I feel like if I was 180, I would consider myself in great shape.
You know what I mean?
See, they've got a big range now.
It says 155 to 189.
If I weighed 155, I would look inside.
To 189.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, that's fine.
But like, if I weighed 155, I would look.
like Jack Skellington.
Because again, when I was in high school, I waited, I graduated 180 and I was not a fat person.
I'm in the ideal weight range, barely.
Shit, if it's 189 for 511, it's got to be a little higher for six foot, right?
Yeah, I mean, it's 183 is the top in for 510.
So that means I'm also in barely in the ideal weight range.
And that's bullshit.
But anyway.
196, 6 foot goes up to 1906.
So I'm an ideal.
what this is the same they've changed it then
because I think they're doing ideal now based upon like health
and they have a lot more info
and you're healthy yeah I don't think it's like ideal like you know
for women to suck your dick right yeah yeah yeah okay yeah because
that's the weight that I am right now and also that depends on where she does her
shopping I've weighed I've weighed this weight in the past you know five to six years
but was not healthy you know what I mean it was not a healthy 200 this is a way
healthier 200
we started the tour i weighed 165 and it wasn't healthy i weighed i weighed i weighed 205 and it was not healthy
if it's 180 then that means you'd be morbidly obese at 280 right okay 280 i can live with that for you
that's 50 pounds that's 50 pounds more than i was and the right and the rib what about the rib pick
uh that those are the same weights okay but i carried it differently those were both 236 236 is the most i've
every weighed in my life and I've done it twice.
Rib pick and then I got my shit together.
Okay, but in that rib pick, you hadn't ate the ribs yet.
I had not.
An hour after the rib, you was 2.38.
Yeah, let's think about that for a second.
That rib pick, that was me first thing in the morning after a shit.
I hadn't eaten nothing that day.
Like, that was me at the best I could be.
You might have been swallowed up because I was drinking not everything but water.
I don't think I drank on that trip because I was with dad.
No, I definitely drank.
Your dad took that pick?
Yeah, that's funny.
Yeah.
I don't know why.
You know what's even funnier about it.
So how I look in that pick, my dad's taking the picture.
Me and him, of course, scarf down ribs right after that.
And me and my dad ate so many ribs.
The reason that we were on that trip is because it was a bucket list for my dad.
And he thought he was going to die.
He had just had a heart attack.
And he was like, I got to start.
And he goes, I got to start living because like I'm not promised tomorrow.
And so we went on a fucking rib tour that was like all this stuff I might miss.
And I'm like, you realize like you're your, your, your, your inch and closer to death now when you do this.
But he's just like, if I got to do all this stuff now.
That's so funny.
Yeah, yeah.
So we were on my dad's heart attack tour, eating ribs and his son.
He's like, look at my fat fuck son.
Just chip off the old dumbass block.
And, uh, yeah, so 236 there, 236 and his ain't pick.
And, uh, yeah, man, both those weights look different.
Two, two, eighties a lot, dude.
It is.
It is.
It is.
That's 50 pounds.
it is but I mean like that's better to you than if I weighed
one let's split it in the middle let's not go to the top in
a shredded 175 yeah you with abs versus 280
give me 280 all day
for sure am I a different friend to you
what do you mean when I'm fatter
is it just you want to look at me fat
it's not just look at you it's just like you just hit harder
that's let's go in them let's go wait less
the the range does he not
hit you just said you're like a shredded show it don't wait no don't hit it does hold on it's for you
it's done for us it for y'all no it hits for the world most of the world it'll hit for some of the world
i have for the most yeah you do everyone listening to this right now tweet at us right uh or at the
well red podcast wherever if i if if if me being in shape is a good thing to you or not yeah here's
the thing you're saying that as you their cherubic buddy who they love listening to on the well red
I guess if you had abs.
I would not be a different person.
And you said things like, no, you wouldn't be.
That's the fucking problem, Cho.
What do you mean?
You wouldn't be a different person.
You can't say shit like I hit for the world.
If you look like that, people hate that shit.
That's a good point.
That is a good point.
But I was only saying I hit for the world because y'all had just said you don't hit for the world.
I was arguing in fact, I didn't just come out and go, hello, I hit for the world.
Y'all were saying you don't hit for anybody.
That's literally how you open your set.
That's your first line.
I have, yeah.
Hold on. Hold on.
For a second, by the way, I was like, holy shit.
I want to make a numbers point.
155 to 189 is the range, and you said 280 because 100 pounds over the ideal weight is more of the obese.
I say we should split the baby here.
155 to 189.
What's the middle of that?
164?
I don't know.
No, 170.
So 2.
172.
Oh, that's not much lower.
All right, hold on.
60 to 90 is 30, 35, half of 35, 17.
No, it's 160.
No, 172.
Nailed it.
So it's not that different.
I thought it was going to be lower.
Like, 272 is not much lower than 280.
Well, we can use 255.
If 155 is a lower.
Yeah.
$255 for sure.
For sure, dude.
You've almost been $2.55 before.
And it did hit for him.
And it hit for him.
Yeah.
That wouldn't be that bad.
It'd be pretty rough, dude.
I'm not saying that people that you wouldn't hit for people still or you couldn't hit for people.
I don't think that's, you could.
I don't think 255.
I think that's too far.
I think then people were like, I don't want to listen.
I agree.
You don't need to be 255.
The question was morbidly ovates versus shredded.
And I have to go with one of the LVAS for defining it is 255.
Right.
You don't, what, as I said for years, everything about you was perfect.
Everything was, was exactly.
Yeah.
Not now.
You don't need to be 255, but you do need to be 220, 225.
So I need to gain some weight.
Yeah.
Corey.
This still is all right.
Uh-huh.
Corey.
Look, dude, we've said before, I think, by how much, how similar you and Burke Chrysler are.
Yep.
Like, do you think the world wants Bert to be shredded?
Do you think?
No, we have different fans, though.
But I'm saying, you get how.
It still makes sense what we're saying.
Yeah, okay.
I mean, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but I'm still a fun guy in shape as the machine.
Yeah.
You're the show.
So, but I thought that I'll still be stupid, Trey.
Does that help you any?
Does it help you that I'll still be a fucking moron if I lose 20 more pounds?
People hate a dumb hot guy, man.
I know they don't.
Women don't.
That is not.
The world don't.
The world does.
Rob Grunkowski, people hate him.
He's fun, though.
I wouldn't be fun.
I don't think you'd be as fun as the grong if you were hot.
I wouldn't be.
He's like real dumb.
I'm also bald.
You're not that dumb.
I'm bald.
You're not that dumb.
You're not as dumb as Gronk, man.
You can't fake at.
You can't teach it.
If he's faking it, and for the record, please don't,
Gronk, if you're listening, I'm not shitting on you.
You're the greatest, but you're,
those fucking commercials where he basically is.
Yeah, totally.
It's so, I'm special.
They know what they're fucking doing.
Corey, do you?
Corey, do you have the corn dog pick handy?
Not handy.
Wait, wait, I think I found it.
shit i just saw it where did it go so it's this the zoomed-in version i was going to ask what y'all
prefer me corn dog or like the start of the tour but i don't know if y'all remember the start
i like you better in shape you're a happier person well that's that i'm your friend so i care
about you i want you to be the best you that you he only said that the shaming who doesn't even
mean it he's not even arguing something he means it's just a way to make you look bad you can i tell you
something right now can i hold on hold on yeah that's true
You just said it is 100%
Yeah
It's like way too far back
That I looked real skinny
I like
I like this one
What were you going to say?
I'm what?
Your just whole thing
Isn't that's what I want to look like
Oh nice yeah you can get there
That's that kind of beefy
I'm close to that
Yeah you'll be there in a month
But I was like skinny skinny skinny when we started
Your whole thing is suited to
Like you know that
Yeah
Like his whole thing
so to, you know.
I think my whole thing would come across better if I was bald.
I'm not saying I wish I was bald.
I mean,
you definitely should be bald.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
You need to be bald.
Like the crumagony stuff.
Yeah.
Now, now here's where I'll say,
here's where I'll defend show.
Just however, but here's where I'll defend show.
I would shave it and have the beard.
But here's where I'll defend show.
I know that in my heart.
Matter of fact, I took my dog's pain pills,
shaved my head.
We had them online shows, and I was fucking on fire every time.
And people were like, yeah, this dude's screaming about how much the world sucks.
It makes sense.
Look at him.
It was the most of you you've ever been.
And I still don't do it because I don't want to be bald.
So I get, regardless of what we say to him, he still wants to fucking, you know.
Of course he does.
He don't, yeah, I mean, I totally get that.
Yeah.
I've always just been trying to make him feel better about himself.
That's all I've been trying to.
Just trying to let him know that he, what, that he ought not feel bad.
If when he is fat, you say, this is your.
perfect the way that you are what I've done but then when he ain't you complain and say he or go back
that ain't trying to make him feel better about himself that he's full of fucking shit I said this is fine
where he's at right now yeah I'm not saying but you hear what I'm saying like if you say when he's fat
you're perfect a way that you are I could buy if that was the whole story well I'm just trying to
make him feel better but then he gets in a shape and you complain then he won't eat and won't
room with you and you complain I did that when he was fat
that wasn't about that wasn't i don't see how that matters this is this feels just like your joke of
the pet talking about your grandma when she's still in the goddamn room
right now man man hey okay we're about to get out of here because okay
we're only a couple minutes left i know but i want to know what's the other are you counting when
you left for a while a little yes i am and i've said that's that's what we're about we got about
10 minutes up or something like that i'm for i want to ask you what's the other thing
what's the other thing i'll be doing son of a bitch
You got to go get it?
No, I've got damn.
I just didn't realize what those are we have.
Yeah, talking about how fat I am.
You can fucking, you can go forever.
Yeah, you can.
So this is one of those things where it's like, you know,
every now and then he'll say some shit.
And you're like, how in God's name have I never heard this before?
I've known you for 10 years, spent so much time with you.
All the time.
And this has never come up.
That is wild.
Well, this, I think, happened today just because of how much sense this makes,
what I'm about to say.
and everything about him and where he's from and everything.
This completely makes sense.
And I was never aware of it.
And I wonder if you are.
Do you know that Cho has a pet civil war ghost?
What?
I'm not talked about this?
I don't think so.
What are you saying about that?
No, and I don't understand.
He has a ghost, a civil war ghost.
That's a little boy who's for some reason in a civil war uniform.
Because that's who was fighting the goddamn war, Trey.
How little of a boy?
Like the teens, like the 12.
12.13.
You said little boy.
Whatever.
He was going down the stairs.
I couldn't see his whole body.
Okay.
But he looked like a child.
You said a little boy, I think, an eight-year-old.
And it's funny.
It was honestly, it was a full bird confederate.
It was probably that, like an eight- or nine-year-old.
The drummer.
He was the drummer.
You know what I mean?
Probably.
A little boy.
So he's a little boy.
What was the pet aspect?
He was in Cho's house growing up.
And now that Chos bought his new house, he has followed him there.
No.
No.
I've never seen him, though, in the new house.
Who did?
That's not the story.
And this was before I even moved in.
You got it a little wrong, but it is still wild.
When I was a kid, I saw this, I saw a bunch of ghosts.
Well, really, I didn't see a bunch of ghosts.
That's the only ghost I ever saw.
I experienced a shit ton of ghosts.
This is one I only, this is one when I saw.
This is, uh, let's add, let's add this to the list of things where Corey is just a white woman at heart.
The sentence, I didn't see a ghost, but I experienced.
the one. I'm saying like you can hear them and you can feel them, but not. This is only one
actually was like, I see this motherfucker. You know what I mean? So when I was a kid, I was probably
12 or 13. I'm in my bedroom and all the sudden my fucking, my room just fills up with life and the
door, I'm in the attic, so it's the door than the stairs. The door is swung open. And I'm like,
what the fuck? I didn't know what was going on. So I get under my covers, I lay on my belly.
I'm laying on my belly. Then I can hear fucking footsteps. And I'm just like, oh, my fucking God,
somebody's in my room holy shit and so i'm sitting there and all the sudden i feel my bed just sank
down and sank down somebody's sitting on the edge of my bed and i'm like mother fucker so i'm laying there
i'm like just under my covers like please please please fucking go away go away go away all the sudden
this some bitch gets on top me lays on top of me and is like pushing me down and it's it's
affecting my breathing i'm just a paralysis demon i mean yeah maybe but i'm sitting there and right
that is what happens in sleep paralysis yeah for sure exactly and then and then and then i'm sitting
and all of a sudden this calm comes over me and I'm like okay it's everything's going to be okay it lifts up
i hear the footsteps go i peek from the blanket and going down my stairs is a fucking blonde-headed
little boy in a goddamn civil war outfit right by a little again like nine or ten something like
that but like drummer boy type thing like you know they had like young fucking like nine and ten year old
boys in the civil war well i think they're 14 year olds just like 10 back then maybe that too or 40 year olds
look yeah yeah right well anyways so that happened and that's what puberty was back then and i told
my mama and shit like that but that's not something that i necessarily told you know all my god damn
friends or anything well the house that i'm currently in also an old house also in chickamauga my
buddy john is the one that fixed it up all right i buy this house all right by the house me and john
are sitting there talking one day bullshit and having some whiskey he's over and uh he goes you know uh he
I was going to tell you, he goes,
I heard that, right?
He goes, he was like, I told everybody else that I was showing the house to,
but I forgot to tell you, because, I mean, you grew up with him, it wouldn't matter,
but like this, so you know, this house is a little haunted.
And I was like, oh, yeah.
And I said, you've heard ghosts.
He goes, heard him, seen him.
And I was like, why heard?
And he goes, up in the attic, which is now where my office is, he goes, up in the attic.
I've been hearing a bunch of stuff.
And one day I was up there.
I hear something.
I look around the corner at it's nighttime.
And I'm telling you, there was a.
fucking little boy,
blonde-headed, wearing a Civil War
uniform. And I said, are you
fucking serious right now?
And he's like, I'm dead serious. He goes,
you think I'm crazy? I go, no. And then I told
him that story, and he's like, holy
shit. How to burn to that hell. Now, granted,
it's just, could have been a different one.
You got good insurance. You want to mean?
Of all the possibilities to explain
this. It's just a different
go. I'm just saying, like,
It does make sense because I thought ghosts were bound to the location.
Exactly.
Yeah.
But it's like it's not like they must have decided they had hitting her cabinets to open up in that house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Better knobs to turn.
Yeah, but that's true.
And lights to them.
He may have brought you to that house.
Maybe that's,
maybe what brought me to that house was a half a bottle of vodka and my fucking wife and mom conspiring against me is what brought me to that goddamn house.
So, but it could have been the ghost doing all that.
Okay.
Are, do you not believe.
that it ain't no nothing after death.
I've never said that.
I said that I don't believe that there's a God up there that loves nor hates us,
and it's definitely not the biblical God,
but I'm open to there probably is something,
but like not enough to steer any type of belief nor give a fuck.
I mean, I believe in science, but if I found it would not.
I also ghost.
Yeah.
I've seen them, dude.
I've experienced them.
I 100% believe in ghosts.
I think that science generally say that it ain't no ghosts.
How could they say that?
Because there's no...
Yeah, there you go.
I mean, maybe he had blonde hair and he didn't have a hat on.
Yeah, he didn't have a hat on.
So maybe that's him.
I can tell if that kid's hair's blonde.
I don't know that science says no ghosts.
Science also now I'm saying parallel universes and shit.
They're also...
Science also be saying that, you know,
you lose weight when you die what is that
you still be a spirit soul
so you believe in ghosts too
I don't think I believe in ghosts at all
the reason I don't believe in goes for a few reasons
one if we keep on
I don't believe in shit by the way right
well so the conceit of ghosts
you don't believe in nothing
like what the love of a child
I don't know anything
of course I believe in the love of the child
no you don't believe
yeah you just don't
you think everything's or shit
anything I believe in you don't believe it's true
it's like some paranormal shit, then yeah, I do think that it ain't real.
That's not that weird.
I think it's weird.
So, okay.
I don't really believe in ghosts because the conceit of ghosts is that there's like an afterlife or whatever that we keep going.
Yes.
And number one, I don't buy that if there's an afterlife, that it's at all that connected to this life.
Like that you would float around in a spirit in the same outfit that you have on, look in the way that you look.
makes no sense to me.
Of course it doesn't.
It's like the afterlife would have to be either a higher plane, in my opinion,
or like someplace where only your spirit can go,
which is not a fucking...
This mortal coil.
Chickamauga White House across from a fucking church that was built in 1970,
and you've been there since 1855.
Number two, if there's an afterlife,
either we have no choice in it at all.
You know, it's like you go somewhere and you can't choose it.
And then why aren't there more ghosts?
That's what I was going to say.
Where's all the rest of them?
But also.
Or you choose it.
Why the fuck?
Like Drew said, first of all, the second guy, that's a guy saying a thing.
And it is a wild coincidence.
But you didn't actually experience that one.
And you still haven't seen them since you moved into the house.
Going back to the original siding, like Drew said when you said it,
the way you described that is pretty close to the way people describe sleep paralysis episodes.
That's definitely probably what it was.
Okay.
or I was having a fucking dream.
Oh, well, all right.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
Yeah, I'm open, but both things can be true.
I've also experienced.
Both things can be true.
Yeah, for sure.
I didn't actually see a ghost that time and ghosts are also real.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, theoretically, they could be true.
What I, theoretically, big fucking word Jones over here.
Big word Jones.
That's actually his rap name.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like I do have a big word.
If y'all want to know, and I don't think you jobs are big words.
You definitely don't, but I'm going to do it anyway.
How I really feel about this stuff is,
that we don't have the ability or words to actually process it, discuss it.
I think that when you got religious people describing demons
and you got paranormal people describing ghosts,
and then you got science people describing childhood trauma or whatever.
What I'm saying is like there's all these words for people just experiencing shit
they can't quite explain.
Yeah, right.
And it's like sleep paralysis.
That's the explanation.
But what the fuck is that?
It sucks.
How does that work?
They don't know.
You ever got it?
I've gotten it twice.
And because of that, I've researched it.
They don't know what causes it, and they don't know why we all see a demon.
I don't ever see a demon.
So science has put a term on it that does explain what it is, but it doesn't actually explain
where it's come from.
Or like when you smoke DMT, a lot of people have the same experience of seeing the same
type of entity.
Well, science can tell you what DMT is doing in your brain.
Okay, you've explained it.
But you haven't really explained while we're seeing the same thing.
Now, that doesn't mean it's anything specific.
special or that it's spirit.
My point is simply that there are things that we cannot explain and we all grasp for ways to make
them make sense.
And there are some people with like logical brains who say sleep paralysis or DMT attaches
to this receptor.
And it's like, well, those things are true.
But what does that mean?
That does not in any way explain why we're all having similar experiences on DMT.
And then there's dipsets who go, I got a civil war go.
And then there's other people going like, they're trying to talk to us from the other
side and it's like that's their way of explaining it's that weird that people experience similar
things when doing the same thing to their brain it is when it's so unique as far as like speaking to
green lizard people but that but like yeah that's wild but i feel like the fact that so many
people have that same experience indicates that it's some kind of something about what that does to
your brain that's kind of what i'm saying it indicates that it's some kind of something about what
I'm getting at it is like these things were happening separately. This phenomenon was
happened separately. Now we got the internet and you could argue, well, somebody read about
green lizard people so they had it in their conscious. But these things were cropping up in studies
before the internet with DMT before, you know, anyone could have been suggested to put that in
their brain. Now you're saying, okay, so that just means it's affecting us, you know, the brain,
everyone's got a brain, it's affected it the same way. Well, why? Why that? I mean, dude,
our brothers are wow. There's a lot of shit about our brains.
we don't still don't understand right i mean that's kind of what i'm saying so we're grasping for
reasons to explain it what if we find out that it is connected to another dimension and blah blah blah
that'd be wow because it because i could see other dimensions now right okay well yeah there you go
same thing it is i i just what i genuinely believe in my heart is that it is the same thing
that we don't have a way of describing things that we can't find them it's like plato's uh cave right
Like, you know the Plato's cave thing?
That sounds like a fucking playground.
So it's like dude sitting in a cave and there's a fire and there's shadows on the wall.
Right.
And there's shadows on the wall.
And that's the whole world to them is the shadows.
Imagine trying to explain to those guys that they're in a cave and that there's a fire behind them and that that's just shadows and it's not real.
And there's a whole world out there.
What do you mean it's not real?
That's all they've ever known.
So what I'm saying is it's totally.
not just fathomable.
I believe this in my whole heart and whole being.
We can only process so much of what we're experiencing inside reality
and the things that are just barely outside of it that are creeping in.
They're just barely outside of the realm of our understanding.
We're all throwing different words at them.
Yeah.
If.
Yeah, I'm with you on all that.
If we do not shut up right now,
then I have time my sleeping pills very wrong.
And I want to eat that sandwich.
Yeah, okay.
I had a system
All right
Thank you all for listening to the
Well red show
We love to stick around longer
But we got to go
Tune in next week
If you got nothing to do
Thank you God bless you
Good night and skew
They're the
They're the
They're the redneck next day like
Cornbread but sex
They care way too much
But don't give a fun
They're the
Next that makes some people upset
They got three big old dicks that you can suck
