wellRED podcast - #252- Homecoming in Nashville w/ Tushar Singh!

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

The boys hang out the weekend of their live taping w/ Tushar Singh in the comedy condo in Nashville TN at Zanies!!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

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Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

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subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. And I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing. any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like

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money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the they're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fuck. The liberal rednecks that makes some people upset but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. I'm sucking on a ding-dong Ding-Dong Sucking on a ding-dong every day I'm sucking on a ding-dong

Sucking on a ding-dong, what do you say? A real Chinese kid. One day I'm really going to turn that into a musical and there's going to be so many like fringe, well-read fans that are just like doing that Leonardo DiCaprio meme in the fucking crowd just like, I've heard that so many times. And that song was made here.

I think that's why it was made here whenever I'm in the condo I get in that I get in a real sucking on a ding-dong kind of mood when are we recording it is I can definitely cut this I'm going to have to

fill my drink back up you feel all right not cutting it sure because yeah you do get in a I don't know if it's Nashville if it's music city or what but you get in a song-riding mood because it's not just I'm sucking on a ding-dong also such luminaries as

mercy mercy Fart on me. Mercy, mercy, fart on me. That's the way that love should be. Baby, you're the only one I see. So mercy, mercy, fart on me. I miss DJ so much.

Yeah, we are here without DJ. Rest in peace. Don't kill DJ. I know. You just gave 18 people a heart attack. I know. Including me. And three goats.

No, DJ ain't dead. He's in the Great White North, building a rad fucking trailer and stage with our buddy Carl for me and him to drive around on next summer. Follow him for updates. He's very alive. We got the Indian Outlaw, Tushar Singh with us. Howdy? Don't, don't. And hey, while we're here and we're going to go ahead and say that, this is a good enough time as any to promote a thing that maybe if you listen to the regular well-read podcast, you're not, you haven't tuned into Bubba shot the podcast.

But this is the Indian Outlaw, Tushar Singh from our sister. podcast, Bubba shot the podcast, where we talk at length about 90s country music, in my opinion, the greatest genre of music and the greatest decade in which that genre prevailed. You can get that on the well-read feed, Bubba Shot the podcast. And Tuchar is going to become our resident artist. As soon as you step traveling all the damn time, you're going to start drawing. I'm going to start drawing for Bubba Shots to podcast. And we'll sell them.

and we'll sell them or give them away we'll put them on t-shirts that's probably not legal hats uh too sure had a great idea earlier we are going to um when we're done with 90s country which is going to take at least a decade in and of itself we're going to do 90s rat fellers and we're going to call it brenda had a podcast i love it i love it i definitely think yeah title was me the idea is we absolutely should yeah do that branch out in that way in February black history money That's great. Do two and a half episodes? That's awesome.

I'll tell you what else people should do. They should branch out into trying Kratum. I agree. Cratom is what's up. I'm a big advocate for it. I have been for a while. It's an all natural herb, botanically related to the coffee plant that's native to Southeast Asia.

And over there, they've been using it for centuries, using it for what? Well, just a hit. Speciosa, I believe is what they call. Yes, speciosa is the, like, science they name for it.

But we all call it Kratum. Cratum energizes your mind and relaxes your body and that's completely true it's like you get the the energy from coffee but without the jittery bullshit and you feel good at the same time i'm a big big fan have been for a while now and when you order this from get superleaf dot com you're going to get nothing but ground up leaves that's it there's no additives no other bullshit it's just literally ground up leaves from a plant it comes from to earth just like weed does and it hits even harder in my opinion cratum can give you you need extra courage to ask that special someone on a date ask your boss for a raise try cratim run an extra mile

crateam is used for pre-workout show you do that don't you i do i use it for pre-workout i didn't always like at first i saw a couple people talking about like oh you can use cratim as pre-workout And I was always just like, no, I use cratim to hit. And so I don't really want my hitting getting kind of mixed up in like the thing that like don't hit for me, which is working out. But I have found because one day I didn't realize this is going to work out and I took a bunch of cratim. And then my workout like actually hit even harder for me. So I was like, yeah, I'm totally into this. That's the thing about cratim.

Makes things hit harder. A very underrated thing we haven't brought up using cratim for is dealing with the pain of existence. Yep. Wow, it's a good one. Great for that. It's so good for that. I've been doing it. And you guys know, we get ad copy.

We get these ads. This is all very true. We've been talking about Cratum for years. We're so hyped to be sponsored. And we've also had a bunch of fans message us after this, and they were like, I'm so glad that you all actually have a promo code for this. Because, like, I've been taking it for years, but it's good for me that I can get it a little bit cheaper. Can I tell you one thing that this is going to make y'all have, a benefit that I found of Cratum, because it says, you know, they want us to say in the copy,

like it'll give you the added confidence to maybe ask that girl out that you've been wanting to ask out. Here's something that it did for me recently. I was at a restaurant, and I had taken some cratom before I went to this restaurant. I had ordered my food, and I had gotten my food, and the order was wrong. Normally, normally, I would just be like, whatever, I'm going to eat the thing that they gave me because I don't want to have any confrontation. You'll eat their mistake.

I'll eat their mistake. But because I was on cratom, and I had that extra boot. to confidence, I go, hey, you know what? I got mashed potatoes. And y'all didn't give me mashed potatoes. And then I got my mashed potatoes. And I would not- Get your mashed potatoes.

Get your mashed potatoes with Kratum. That's right. Y'all's say, did you realize that this is not only a product we've been using? This is the exact brand we've been using? Yeah. Yeah. I have been watching you guys take this for years now.

We love it. And I'm jealous every time. I'm a little scared to try new things. Oh, you got to try it, too. Is it Rolling Stone? Yeah. Brock wrote about us and when you're taking grade them. I don't think it was rolling stone because that'd be way too cool.

But yes, yeah, he talked about us taking a drug milkshake. So if y'all think, if you're worried about, you said it's ground up leaves, I'm not how to take that. Well, you can get capsules. You take them like you take. That's what I do because I'm a huge pussy. That's what Corey does. You can take them just like you take any pill or supplement.

They got multiple strains. We recommend starting with the green strain. That's the most popular. And get superleaf.com. offers 100% satisfaction or your money back guaranteed and I'd back that up you're going to be satisfied and if you're not you can get your money back so you go to uh you can try a crate them now and you can get 20% off all you got to do go to get superleaf.com slash well read that's well r e d and get 20% off with the promo code well read that's get superleaf.com slash well read and use the

promo code well read for 20% off and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast yeah we really appreciate you and if you can't remember everything that we just said it will be in the liner notes of this podcast so appreciate you all quick question is sorry create them question yeah you said there's different strains is it is it like weed is it like yeah body yeah it is yeah yeah like red red red vein is supposed to be more chill yeah green you take that at night you know green is like a high white i think yeah red vein's supposed to be more chill white is more energizing and then green

white is the highest energy you can get and then green is uh is in green is in between the two I take white before sets sometimes people know that uh people have been following this for a while know that I'm a huge credit I'm fan so yeah try them out too sharp I'm gonna try out this weekend I'm gonna try this week I feel I know for this ad read might be listen guys

you's tried too hard yeah like uh maybe don't maybe yeah maybe don't act like you too sharp Indian Christmas what's up with that Well, here we are around Christmas time, and I realized... How spicy is that, hang out? And I realized I don't know. I don't know the answer. You get one gift for every arm that God has.

Oh, my God. So in India, they have a pretty good population of Christians, mainly in the South. That's the British's fault, right? Yeah, that's because the British left some turds back, and they're still doing it. But I realize that it's a big mall culture now. So they have like mega mall, M-A-L-L. Yeah, they have malls. And the mall showed up in the last like 15 years.

Okay. Meaning before that there were not many. And then now every city has like five, six, seven. So you're like 30 years behind America? About 70, but let's not. It's not like to get into that. It's the 80s in India. That's what I'm hearing.

But the last time I went, I went during Christmas. and the mall that we went to had a giant Christmas tree. Everything was Sanified. So like the export of Santa and buying gifts and commerce. It's there now. What is, because this is a big issue on Fox News, what does y'all Santa look like?

How many arms Santa got? I don't even need the bag for all these presents. How long is Santa's trunk over there? He's got a hand for every reindeer. He can slap him. No, he's just a fat white guy. Fat white guy, yeah. That's a little disappointing.

Why? People going for that cultural victory. His red nose is on his forehead. What's happening? Although I did see at one of the malls they had a saying I'd come sit, take a picture. It was just like a scrawny Indian dude. Yeah. With a mat with a beard.

With a beard, yeah. White beard, though? White beard, yeah. That's because none of your poor people are fat. Yeah. White beard. White beard. But so, but like, for you growing up ending an alibi,

Bama, what'd you guys do for Christmas growing up? I mean, we started having... We didn't do the thing where it was like, oh my God, there's gifts under the tree and we can't wait for the birth of... My dad was just like, we're not doing any of that stuff. So it was kind of lame. Was there a winter... I think it's experience it.

Is there a winter solstice celebration in your religion? Most religions have something somewhat similar. I don't know. Didn't we still... I don't see one up? Didn't we still Easter from Yon? You still Easter. We still Easter from somebody.

What didn't we steal? No, I don't know the solstice. There must be, I should know this. I should research. Hinduism? Is that accurate? Hinduism? Yes.

Hinduism. I don't understand why we stole shitty stuff from people, though. You know what I mean? We stole it all. I'm just saying, I understand stealing spices and people. Sure, but was it there? We stole it. Right.

But like the whole, like, the whole, like, Like, oh, y'all've got this fucking, like, you know, religious ceremony that kind of handcuffs us to some belief and makes other things not hit. We'll do that, too. Like, I don't know. You said Easter stolen? That's not how it goes. How it goes is we already have a not-hitting holiday. Right.

Like a skeleton of that. And we, yeah, and we just take traditions and then shape them into our own. Right. So there's overlap with Easter. I know that Jesus, the story of Jesus appears in, like, five or six religions. Ancient Egypt. It was based on the sun.

Like, it's, like, when you go through, like, when you go through the Zion guys and shit like that, like, you can look at all these,

like, templates of fucking bullshit. They're like, before God was, like, before the dawn of, like, Adam and Eve or whatever,

where they were like, it was a bunch of fucking Egyptians, which that sounds bad when I say it like that, but like, it was a bunch of, but like, but like,

but like, I had a friend asked me, I had a friend asked me about a Jew, and I was like, what are you talking about? And then, I figured it out and I was like, oh, that's a joke about the first time they got a Jew in their town was a therapist.

It was just the way you said, yep, you go see a Jew. Dude, Tim Wilson used to have a bit like that. He's like, the word Jew ain't racist, but when I say it, it is. And that's so fucking true. Mexican, same way. But like, so basically, if you look at the structure of Christianity and a lot of the religions, especially the big three of the monotheisms or whatever, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, they're all based on the sun, right? And like back in the day, like the North Star,

like, oh, the fucking, like, yeah, the wise man looked at this star. Like, it's all the same story. It's kind of like how now we have Harry Potter and Star Wars that are based on that. Those were based on another thing. Like, that's nothing new. Like, everybody goes, oh, yeah, Star Wars is just the birth of Christ. It's like, right, well, the birth of Christ was also based on this old Egyptian fucking folk tale. It's the same fucking shit from forever, and none of it's real, and it's just a good goddamn story.

But since now, instead of religion, we have consumerism and entertainment. It's the same thing with the fucking Santa Claus. Right. Like, in 400 years, it'll be normal in India to have Santa at Christmas. And people will be like, right. It will not be normal in India in 400 years. Right. It is now, I think.

Normal? People are expecting gifts and, like, what Christmas gifts. It's just a button for the end of the year to give people. It's a fucking capitalist thing. And I'm saying that's what happened, I think, with us, quote, unquote, stealing. It's not that. It's like, we already had us. summer solstice and you go conquer a place or a place conquers you and you trade traditions but then

you roll them into yours and then pretend they were yours the whole time i mean i know i think everybody does that i know i grew up in this country admittedly but we all know i grew up pretty a religious we ain't christian at all and christmas still hit and i mean didn't hit because we're fucking poor white trash i know sure but i'm saying like i love christmas christmas super hits for me so i'm saying having it be further removed from the Jesus part, I'm fucking really into personally. That's awesome. It makes a lot of sense.

I do wish DJ was here, because we just talked about this, and it don't hit for him. What I just said, don't hit for him? Christmas and Christmas moving towards more consumerism. I don't think he gives a shit about Jesus, but I mean,

I hear you on the consumerism thing, but it's like, well, the real meaning of Christmas, Drew, is spreading goodwill and cheer amongst the people. Me and you are big fans. With whom you are close.

That's what I'm trying to tell him. We're Dickensian fans. Yeah. Like not of the Dickensian dystopia that he often writes about, but like the Christmas Carol, which is like, you know, I, so for my birthday, I have a tradition, and I did it last night. His birthday is December 11th. My birthday is December 11th. So, near Christmas time.

So every year for my birthday, now, at least since 2017, when this movie came out, me and my family and I hang out on my niece, and we watch the movie, the man who invented Christmas. And it's about Charles. Dickens writing the book the Christmas Carol and when Charles Dickens wrote the book the Christmas Carol his fucking public which for the record he'd had three flops before that

so it was kind of a hard sell for him so his whole thing was he goes to him and he's like I've got this idea and it's going to be you know this and there's going to be a ghost and we find out the many and meaning of Christmas and like now we hear it and we go that's fucking amazing well at the time his publishers were like a Christmas book

Why the fuck would anybody want to read a Christmas book? Who gives a fuck about Christmas They're like nobody Nobody celebrates Christmas And so he made people give a shit about Christmas And my point is is that the version of Christmas That Charles Dickens made popular The Scrooge

Coming to terms with the fact that this is about giving And humanity, I love that version of Christmas And that is fucking awesome But I can kind of understand a dude like DJ Going like, yeah, that's not real You know what I mean? Like that's fucked up and bullshit And that has not shit to do with Jesus

Well, the reason I brought that up is he said specifically he was like, well, look, it puts pressure on people to provide gifts. And if they're poor, they can't do that. And then he was talking about when he was younger, like he felt like, you know, when he was too young to understand, it hurt that he didn't get Christmas gifts. And he said, then I grew up and I knew better than that. But still, I would go back to school and there was a certain amount of pressure to have new clothes or whatever. And I just didn't have any of that shit. And then that made my parents feel shitty. That's why it's a great allegory for religion.

Now, look, here's the deal. Like, I totally get where he's coming from. It's prosperity gospel. Y'all know I also grew up fucking dirt, poor trash, and I had a lot of sad Christmases and whatnot. So I totally hear DJ, and I hear where he's coming from. But I've just never stopped loving Christmas, because I think that, like, if you do it the way,

if you do it the way. I just think, yeah, Q4, a big Q4 guy, my favorite of the Q's. But I just think that, like, Kew, Q, Q's four, a non. But if you look at it. It's just a nice, the things that Christmas is supposed to be about are nice things for a society to embrace. But here's the thing. If you're DJ, the fact that people gather, the fact that people, right, you get together.

You're fucking nice to each other. That's true. But, but, but, but, but, but if you're a kid like DJ, which is why I can totally understand. See, I was a kid. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know. I know. And that's why you, I'm totally respect what you're saying. but I'm saying understand that everyone's not you and from his perspective,

which again should have been your perspective, but DJ also had, y'all had a similar background for about two seconds and then his got real different. That's true. But like for somebody like DJ, and it's why I can understand somebody kind of not wanting to fuck with Christianity

is because that prosperity gospel thing. So you've got a kid and he hears about Santa and Santa gives all these gifts to all these kids. And then that kid goes to school, and this fucking kid got an Xbox and you got a fucking orange and you go, wait, wait, wait, hold on a second. Santa don't give a fuck about me

and then that same kid has to go well, Jesus gave y'all this house and he fucking, why, Jesus don't give a fuck about me. Santa. So leave the Jesus part out of it. I'd love to. But a lot, like, I'm the only one of us that has kids and so I know

that a lot of parents, and I'm not saying if you don't do this year a piece of shit, but maybe you should, maybe, maybe you should be aware that it's definitely a thing amongst parents now and we do this. that the gifts from Santa

are not wild and extravagant. Me and Katie, me and Katie were able to through fucking waking up at 4.30 in the morning every night to check websites and stuff. We got a PS5, which is very hard to get. That PS5 is going to be from me.

It's here, right? Yeah, we're about to play that shit. Yeah, we could check it out if you want to when we get done here. But the PS5, the PS5 is going to be from me and Katie. Santa will give them some, little like figurines and some pajamas or something like that.

And the reason is because of what you were just saying. So they don't go back and other kids are like, Santa brought y'all PS5. What the fuck did I do wrong? Because you should think about that type of shit. Like, no, my parents are better than y'all's, not Santa. Well, but still, Santa's an omniscient being.

And also like... It's supposed to give you stuff based on your behavior. Of course. If you're like a good kid and you hear that, like it seems unfair or whatever. So if you're homeless and you get nothing, you deserve nothing. And that's why it's so fucking. tied into religious and we're going to take a break right of this point i know we're going to get back into that whole time but i want to point out that that move that the culture of america has done

is very un-american and i would argue the spirit of christmas is behind shit like that and it hits for me right just the whole spirit of christmas in terms of like if you're bad you get a burning piece of coal is like so fucking it kind of feels like hell you know what i'm saying like if you're if you don't hit then you get this fucking thing isn't that anglican you guys are fucking whatever files what do you call it and by the way for the record like when i was a kid like we we did grow up in the church but i will give my parents credit for this when our christmas celebrations it was never like we went to the church christmas thing but like at our house it was never like oh that's what and we've we've had this discussion before on the podcast but still like

i totally i mean it's literally well you know god never hit for my dad it's christmas it's jesus's birthday i know that but I'm saying like I feel and what two sharp we're saying I feel like supports this at this point it has long ago grown into much more oh buddy in my house it was never agree was this is the most of fucking Christians it doesn't for sure yeah for sure for fucking

sure man it doesn't the detriment of the holiday like you were drawing this immediate parallel to like how you feel about God and Christianity and all that and what you were saying made sense but I'm saying I think for a lot of kids and a lot of families and stuff it literally never factors into It doesn't have to. No, I agree with you. I would also make the argument that, like, if you're an atheist or something like that,

the whole Christmas thing actually gives you structurally a benefit of religion without having to be in religion because it's also a way to control your fucking kids without religion. Because in religion, you tell your kids, hey, be good. Be good all year you're going to go to hell. Atheist can go, be good, or you don't get a fucking Xbox, you get fucking coal. There's all this like risk of war shit. There's nothing wrong with getting your kids to act right. Of course not.

I'm not, I'm just saying what it's lit it in. If you're saying they're damned for all eternity, that's a little fucked up. Positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is something that we absolutely should be more on board for in this country because most people deal in like negative reinforcement. You know what I'm saying?

Like I'm, dude, I fucking love Christmas, but I also was a kid who like grew up in the church and saw the fucking parallels of the bullshit. And now I'm going like, look, man, Christmas is great because it's a time that no matter what you fucking look like, what you fucking believe in. It's a time of the year that we all agree, hey, man, let's slow down on work a little bit. At least Hollywood, like, that's one thing Hollywood and Christmas agree with.

They're like, we ain't doing shit during this fucking time. It's all about family. It's all about homecoming. We're making fucking food. And that is fucking beautiful. And but the fact that all of us are going like, yeah, it doesn't have anything to do with Jesus. is the fucking reason like Drew was saying that they are so goddamn mad about. They're like, no, it has everything to do with Jesus.

You know what I'm saying? I do know what you're saying, but also like, and I've made a video where I said this. Are you on Adara? He's fired up. He's fired up. That's okay. Listen, chow. I get upset about this shit.

But what's, and I, like, yeah, you're 100% right about all that. But I've been thinking recently. I also watched the man who had been in Christmas and it occurred to me. That movie hits, doesn't it? Yeah, it does hit. It's awesome. But like, it's just funny that Ebony's your story. scrooge the personification of played by christopher plumber in that movie anti-christmas spirit he's the most he's the

opposite of what christmas is about is like a huge capital an ultra capitalist right bootstraps fucking fucking you know you don't personal responsibility you got to earn it motherfuckers like their whole their whole philosophy is very anti-christmas of course it is what i'm saying yes and yet they're the ones that are like saying we're, you know, waging a war on Christmas because we don't. Too-Shar, what do you think? Hold on. No, let him talk.

Hang on. Hold on, everybody. Corey has another point to me. Too-Sharr ain't said a goddamn word. I was literally going to throw to a break and let Tushar do his whole thing after this. We'll be right back with Tushar right after this. Okay.

So what do you think, too, that fucking pieces of shit. Just trying to do my goddamn job. Sons of bitches. Corey said you guys but stared at me and it hit. I find. I find the whole Christmas thing, and I'm observing it as an adult without kids, but my two nephews, five and nine. They live in Jersey, maybe middle upper class family, like in terms of income.

And all of post- Thanksgiving, it was nothing but make a list for what you want from Santa. And then fine, they make the list. And it's this detailed thing. And they add Legos worth $400 and a PS thing. And they have all this shit. and then the rest of the time the parents and this is why I feel kind of evil

Santa won't bring you this stuff if you don't be good so now it's not it's dissattached from Christianity and good and it's just be good and they're going to get it anyways so like it's just an attempt to get kids it's just an attempt yeah but dude you gotta have something to get kids to act

right you either meet him or you reward them like that's all the there's so many old stories you do have to lie to kids there's you were talking about Christmas and Jesus being all these stories from forever ago. It's the same thing. There's so many ancient stories that are aimed at getting kids to act right.

For sure. You know what I mean? Like Baba Yaga and shit like that where it's like because if when you're a parent, when you're a parent you realize you got a lie. You got to fucking. You got what you just got to do and threaten.

You got to get them to fucking like doing that using that to get kids to act right is better than just beating the shit out of them when they don't. You know what I mean? Some do both. Many do both. Is it totally making it God, or is it the same? No, it don't have to make it God.

But is it fucking... It's close to God to a kid? I mean, he's like a superhero, in my opinion. He's like a comic book superhero. But his mom was watching a Hallmark movie, based on this exact thing we're talking about, was one of those Hallmark Christmases, and a woman named Chrissy Kringle,

accidentally got sent to her Santa's naughty and nice list. Okay, I'm not woke anymore. Well, I don't think it was meant to be woke. It was meant to be cheesy. Like, it's Hallmark. Oh, yeah. It wasn't like we made Santa a woman. Don't worry, Corey.

There's the HBO movie about that right now. Sarah Silverman, Seth Rogen, and they got an animated HBO movie about that. Well, that's fine. So this is about the list. It's about what you were talking about. They will get their presence sooner. They go into the whole, like, you know,

is this controlling kids. And the first scene is a woman, like, fighting with her at a coffee shop. Of course, she's, like, cynical and hardened in the beginning of the movie, but softens. Like Scrooge. Yes. So in her cynical and hardened moment in the beginning of the movie, the list comes up with a kid somehow, and she's like, oh, a list, blah, blah, blah.

And this mom's like, honey, go to the bathroom. He's like, let me tell you something, without calling her a bitch because it's a hallmark movie. But basically, it's like, let me tell you something, bitch. Do you know how hard it is to get a kid to do anything? You're going to shit on parents for using the list. But, like, it still feels a little manipulative. And lazy. Don't you think?

I don't have kids. Feels lazy. Well, that's kind of why I brought it up. You just find anything you can find to get the, just to reach the same. And I'm not a parent, but I've been around his fucking kids, and I would definitely be like, let's just lie. You know what I mean? Like, let's just speak. Can we lie to get him to shut the fuck up?

Because I'll lie. I think Trader's quoted the movie. I think she said, you just find anything. Yeah. So, speaking of kids. Christmas. I'm going to tell you two things that my nine-year-old said recently. Was it that you weren't a good comedian?

No, he said, yeah, he said that before, too. But it's so funny. He does all the time. He's like, Daddy sucks at comedy. No, he said, we would have a bigger bedroom if he was good at it. Since you brought it up, I'm very true, that they have a way. I don't have a race car bed because Daddy's polarizing. Literally all that is so funny.

Santa has nothing to do with it. Daddy isn't funny. but they they just have this this is not the story i was going to tell i'll get to those in a second but since he brought it up they just have this way of like knowing a way to cut you or whatever without it because like he doesn't know any of the specifics to have that bit where he was just like an eighth grade would just be like you've got wide hips he's like that's a thing i was sensitive about yeah kids are good about that so like they don't know any of the specifics of my comedic career they just know i'm a comedian but we during the pandemic the three of us did a a zoom show and the company we did it with was rush tix great company shout out rush tics after the show rush tix sent us like little gift bags or whatever and i got the gift bag in the mail and i opened it you got a fucking gift bag excuse me they sent me gift bags too short i'm kidding i got uh but i got the gift bag and i opened it and the boys were there and they're like what is that and i was like i got a gift from what from these people i worked with and there was a card in it

Right? And I opened the card and they were like, what's it say? What's it say? And it just said something like, thank you for being such a pro. Right. And I read that. Now, here's the thing. They love video games and fucking YouTubers and streamers and all that shit.

So to them, a noob is somebody who don't hit, right? And a pro is somebody who does hit, right? Those are like gamer terms. Nob, nob and pro. Is there anything in a middle? But pro, no, I don't know. If you're beyond a, if you're like weirdly hitting, that's a hacker. You know, like a hacker, somebody hits too hard.

But like, anyway. But that's what all that means to them. And I know that. So I read it says, thank you for being such a pro. And Benton, my soon to be nine-year-old, goes, you're not a pro. And I was like, no, honey, it's not a video game thing. It's different. I was like, this is a comedy thing.

I was like, and in comedy, I am a pro. And I swear to God, he goes, you're like half a pro. To your question. I don't even, I don't even know. This fucker is nine years old and he's like, dad, I know that we live in Burbank. Yeah, right. I don't even know how he knew to say that. Very aware that we're not burbank.

But yeah, he was just like, I don't know. But so the two Christmas, he probably also knows that. No, hell no, he hasn't heard my material. I have to assume programmers are really rich. probably right i mean the ones aren't the streamers and all that shit yeah but i don't think but they don't cover that in their videos it doesn't matter about so the two christmas houses the two christmas things the two christmas things were the other night he was like he goes he goes he goes kid who celebrates christmas yo watch me open all my presents kid who celebrates honica yo watch me celebrates honica

yo watch me spin this top and light a candle and I was I laughed I couldn't help it but I was I was like wait I was like no honey they like Hanukkah too they have their own like it's not it ain't like that you know whatever but he was just like yeah but they got that top thing and I was like yeah that's you know whatever and then a separate occasion how fun is it when your kids are accidentally racist he's been accidentally racist so many times so many times and you have to you have like I'll say like another one shang chang we always correct he doesn't know what's his shing chi one so shang chi came out I can make the

argument that my uncle being racist he didn't know either so shang chi came out and uh and katie brought the Marvel movie that Ronnie was him yeah yeah yeah yeah he's great yeah yeah Ronnie rules and the movie's great too so but the movie had come out and I was like would you guys want to go see Shang Chi and Katie goes what is she? Because she don't give a shit about none of that stuff she goes what Shang Chi and Benton goes

you know super China man it's so funny because if you just worded it different if he just said Chinese Superman that would have been wrong but not near as racist yeah right but so when it comes to racism Benton's not a noob from the mouth of babes

He's a half pro. And then the other thing that happened was we're watching Home Alone, and it's the scene where he goes in the church, and there's all the Jesus stuff or whatever. So first of all, I need to establish in their world, in their fucking elementary culture, at least, tee posing is a big thing.

Do you know what T posing is? It's what Corey's doing. You stand with both your arms. You stand with both your arms, but they don't, it's nothing about Jesus. It's just this is a T pose. Yeah, you put your arms out. And it hits the T pose, right?

It's just like, That's rad. That's just rad to T-Pose. Rad to T-Pose. You hold both your arms out. So the other night, we're watching Home Alone, and they were in a, they're in the church. And Bishop, my older son goes, this shows you how we raise him, which hit for me. Bishop goes, why was Jesus such a big deal?

And, uh, and Benton goes, he goes, uh, I think it's because he was like, he was like the first person to ever T-Pose. He admitted T-posing. Oh, yeah, he admitted T-posing. Yeah, dude, me and Katie fucking fell out. And then we told him that's not why. Then we had to have a longer conversation that we very much bailed out of. You know what I mean?

Like, uh, fucking we, you know, told him some people think he hits, but he don't hit and it's fine. Yeah. So anyway. Yeah. So anyway. yeah that's all uh that's all i had to say about that

man explaining god that must suck no dude well it's like we got like every time i explain god it's always to like y'all who are just like yeah we've got our own opinions on it i would love to have a blank slate to explain god like that's the kind of like every time i think about having kids i'm just like fuck man like that's like a big responsibility it is it's a big responsibility but i'm like i'm your six years year old. Daddy, what happens

when you die? Who gives a fuck you idiot? Just don't throw your rapper on the ground or I'll stab you. That'd be me as a dad.

To answer you sincerely, what we say is nobody knows. Some people think you go to heaven. Other people think, you're burning hell. What is Ben saying?

People think you get reincarnated. Some people, too sharp. Right. It's like some people What reincarnation? Some people think this. What in Reed,

Barnet's it? And some people think that's just it and nothing happens. But nobody knows. Nobody knows. Some people think this, and that's what we actually tell them. Isn't it funny?

You go through the Muslim 72 versions thing? No, no. We wait Muslims out. Yeah, yeah. They didn't make the list. No, they know. Some people think you got to explode yourself and then things have.

Sometimes you feel like a number. What's the meaning of life, Daddy? Well, some people are wrong, son. Some people think of turning. We don't know 70 women who don't know shit. I'm just kidding. Does they ever ask, well, what about you, Dad? Actually, no.

No, they don't go to fuck what he thinks. He's not a pro. Yeah, they don't, they haven't, that's never been the follow-up. Like, what do you all think me and Katie? What does me say whenever you explain God dick? Because, like, he says some real fucking wild shit. I mean, you know, honestly, that comes up. We tell them that.

And usually they're just like, can we bring video games? All right. And they go back to the video games or whatever. It's funny because they just. It's a commercial break. They just accept it. Yeah, right.

Kids usually are like pretty accepting of shit. Because like there's that whole thing now of just like, you know, like I saw something, an article the other day. And it was like, uh, there's a new book coming out called Santa and his husband. Oh, God. Yeah. And so, of course. Yeah, I know.

I know. They're going to fuck on all the toys. And like, but they freak out of like... It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas, Steve. You son of a bitch. That was perfect. God damn. Hey, how long are we being doing this?

Can we end it? That was perfect. But anyways, they freak out because they're like, oh, now we've got to explain this to our kids. Like, how am I supposed to explain to my kids? Drew, you're doing it. You're doing a bit about it right now, right? So, but like you actually Not about Christmas Steve, I'm about to

No, but like, I'm saying like, that's what they always freak out about it. It's like, how am I supposed to explain my kids this? And it seems to me, the only person that I talk to a lot that has kids is Trey. I'll say that. But like every time Trey tells me a situation in which he explains something to his kids, it always seems like the most like they were just like, yeah. And then we moved on. That's literally all.

I'll have to say about that. I just believe you. There's no goddamn kids. And so it makes sense that like you should just tell your kids, yeah, sometimes people love each other. And they go, cool. Can we watch Super China man? You know what I mean?

Like why the fuck? Who gives a shit? Super China man. Yeah, no. I was directly quoting trade. For the record. So they're like, you know, they're very much still in that prepubescent stage. It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas, Steve.

By the way, it's one of the. It's one of the greatest jokes that's ever been told on this podcast. Make that the title of this episode. That's fucking amazing. Also, how long have we been doing it? Because let's end it on that. No, we can't. We can't.

We've been hitting, but we got more to do. I will tell you this, we could, we could, we could throw to a break and we'll be right back after this. Yeah. Do you guys hear birds? Dude, these fucking birds. Yeah. These birds have been here all hours like, middle of the night. morning middle of the night

these fucking birds out here in Nashville are out here talking shit and it's they're all trying to start their singing career yeah yeah I don't know what the fuck's going on with that is it like a mating season for them or something what is that I don't know dude I don't know much of the time you know birds love the fuck dog even when they're flying are we are humans the only people that like I say that we don't have like a

strict mating season but like I do know a lot of people that have November December birthdays so like both my sons are November December December And all my first, like, okay. So my birthday's, Big Q1 fucker. My birth. That's my shit.

But Q1, that's when I fuck, though. I just think that like, fucking Q1. I think spring is our, I think spring is our, I think spring is like the human mating season. I'm the horniest in spring. There's so many people that have birthdays around this time.

A lot of it's fucking Valentine's Day. Right. Everybody in my family, like, I'm December 11th. My mom is December 26. My dad is January 7th. my fucking wife's dad is the fucking 26. All my buddies, like, we have so many December birthdays. It was like, yeah, the weather changed, and everybody was like, let's stick our dicks

and that. You know what I mean? So, like, I think we, like, obviously, I'm sure that, like, birds also fuck in other months, but they had their, like, hot season. You know what I mean? But, like, we, like, human mating season is definitely spring, right? I feel like, yeah. For the most part.

There's more people born in December than the other month. No great apes have. mating seasons. Great apes? Yeah, that's gorillas, chimps, humans, and orangutanes. Yeah. We're talking about grape apes.

I said great. I thought you said grape. No, you was, I probably did. No, I didn't mean it, but I said, I thought you said great too because I didn't know we were doing a bit.

And then I was like, oh, shit I blew up. He, no matter what I, he says that I always say foods instead of other words. You do always say foods. I think you hear food.

Your phone says food. I think you hear food. Drew. He may have said great just now, but please back me. I don't just hear foods. Remember when you called Rice? I don't think.

He's the only one that said that. That's not true. I heard you call Rice. I could say he's there for most of them too. I heard you call Rice. I don't believe him. Stay doing it.

You don't believe me or Trey? You. I think he makes it up and then you go along with it. False. Wait, it is possible that you two told me the right story. No.

But yes. Don't do this. He's fucking. What are you doing? Wait. What are you doing right now? Pause. But you talk.

Hold it to me. No. Maybe. Drew. What are you doing? What's the rice story? Hold on. Trey, I'm only talking about the rice story.

I've heard you food talk a solid five times. It's been a while. Give an example that's not the rice story. And also tell the rice story. You were starting to call a woman a bitch once, but you called her a biscuit. That happened. Remember that one. What I called her what?

A biscuit. You called her a biscuit. Corey, and your mom does not look like a biscuit. The rice story was just We had some kind of hotel issue or something I don't remember And they called him back while we were eating lunch And he was like

And he was like yeah we were just wondering about And he's like okay Okay, okay and he goes okay rice Rice But he was trying to say it twice Yeah right No he probably only said it once But he does that and his

Really the main thing Is that his phone Auto corrects things To foods all the time I do be, yeah. But when you're texting with somebody, it's like them saying. If I ever try to type the word recently, it always said Reese's. Every single fucking time, it says Reese's.

So he don't catch it a lot, so he'll just be texting. He's like, you know, Reese's, we was hitting, you know, or whatever. Yeah. Just real quick on the breeding thing, here's an interesting tip bit. They may have something to do with human evolution, too. Wild dogs are seasonal breeders. They have a mating season. domesticated dogs are continuous breeders.

They fuck all the time. They have no mating season. Because we put that on them. That and also the fact that... But also food is plentiful because they're domesticated. You know what I mean? They don't have to...

They're just laying in their house like, I'd like to fuck something. Yes, and they can because they don't have to like gather food. So, okay. So it's possible we used to have a maid. Domesticated dogs are like, why not have a kid?

What would it matter? And fucking savage dogs are out there like their only is a like they don't want to just be randomly having kids there's they're trying to find food that's interesting but poor people fuck all the time and have kids so like that doesn't make sense yeah and listen to Fox News they want to cut off their fucking fucking welfare you know what I mean so they won't damn no that's true Tushar one of you y'all fuck buddy is 1.4 billion all the time went to that fucking Indians breach from the

ocean and start fucking each other. Like, what's y'all's deal? He said tonight at the show we did, he said, he was talking about white people becoming extinct and he was bothering the white people, but in a very good and funny way. That's his whole thing. And then he just said, yeah, y'all need to be like us. Be like Indians. Get married at 14.

Start shitting out Indian kids. And it murdered a white lady in a stupid hat. To have a billion of y'all, you do have to start. She literally threw her head back, hat fell off, and she was like, shitting out Indian kids. Shit, not Indians. How do y'all feel about the Chinese? I don't think of, I don't think of, I don't think of the world. I want to know, too.

There's also a billion of them. They're right there beside each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have like a friendly rivalry or they don't have it or what. God, we have Bangladesh as a buffer. And then we have the, the Himalian Range. That's like y'all's offensive line is the Bangladesh. Yeah, if we had a real, like a real border, I think it'd be real tension.

But since we have that border. There's none. They built a wall, all that stuff. But there is tension between. So building a wall hits. That's what I'm hearing. Yeah, absolutely. You heard of hear from Tushar.

You know what? Absuritri. Jesus Christ. So you're allowed to do that. I'm allowed to do that. Right. But Pakistanis, they don't hit. Right.

For y'all. They don't. But back. I'm trying to just get me riled up about something. All the border countries. Is that why you're saying, you just invoked the name of Pakistan? You fucking love those dark fucks. Trey made that 72 virgins joke earlier,

and he's trying to get somebody on his side of the line. No, we have a problem with Pakistan, but the problem with that is they were fucking split off from us from the British 60 years ago or 70 years ago. So it all comes back to the British. It comes back to the... It's like when two women are blaming each other for some shit a trifling-ass man, dude.

Yeah, exactly. That is fucking interesting. Like, that all of those... Pretty much every single global problem that we have Britain is just fucking tucked back going like, we started this shit, but like. Well, dude, slavery started with the Dutch East Indian Trading Company, but that was just the name of the corporation. They was also British. They did it all.

Right. That is fucking kind of crazy. Like, because now we all look at the British as just like this, like, oh, we have, we just cornered to sit here. You know, they're like kind of fat and like. As you get when you fucking. like, you know, like boomers, for instance. Like, they fucking did all their bullshit and now they're retired and just fat and they're

like, ah, y'all just do your own thing. That's the British for the rest of the world. That's why I don't trust sumo wrestlers, dog. Oh, I trust sumo wrestlers. Yeah. Why? Because they're fat and they fight. Fair enough.

No, I'll tell you this. Say no more. Any secret that I have, I'd tell a sumo wrestler. I would trust him a secret. Because he wouldn't understand you. Exactly. Yeah. For sure.

I'm just like, you and the doctor. Hyper. Yeah. I'll tell you what. As a man who, like, traffic's in fatting. I love the fat, you know. You do.

Sumo wrestler's dog. They're just on another level. Another level. Have you ever looked up like... Yoko Zuna? What their fucking, like, diet is? It's unbelievable. Like, again, I feel such shame at the way I go in on myself.

They got a lot of Russian ones now. You know, Mongolia, the border or all that. Yeah, it's like, you know, it's a cultural exchange. You know, they just be drinking vodka all day. while they eat steak, dude. Do you know Yoko Zunas? I'm about to look up a sumo wrestler's thing, but do you know Yoko Zunas just off the top of your head?

Oh, no, I'm talking about Yoko Zuna, the W. I know, that's what I mean. I would love to talk at Link about Yoko Zuna. That's a title for sumo wrestlers. Yoko Zuna means the Hittness sumo wrestler. Yeah, yeah, but no, I mean, I'm talking about the wrestler. Yeah. It means like if you're the best, you're the HITNus.

So that was his thing. It's like the champ. Fucking Yoko Zuna, right? He comes into the. WWF at the time, he's fucking huge. Like, that's his whole gimmick is like, he's huge, he's wearing a goddamn diaper. Well, at a certain point, he gets like two, I mean,

am I wrong? No. Okay, am I wrong? I'm not wrong. So he comes in, and like his whole gimmick is like, Vince McMahon's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, you're a fat fuck. You wear a diaper sit on their head. Yeah.

Ha, ha, ha. Well, he does all that shit. And then he, like, gains, like, he's already coming in as the fat fuck, and he gains like two to three hundred pounds and they're like we're like we can't because we they they had to like be in with like the fucking new jersey gaming commission and because of the way that their whole fucking shit was set up they were under the athletic commission so they had to have all their athletes like pass all these rigorous tests they're like wait a minute wait what people were betting on it or like you said the gaming commission it was a gambling thing no in order for

back in the day in order for w w e and them to be a able to be in the tax bracket that they were it was a better tax bracket to be in if you were an actual legitimate sporting company so like that's why k fabe was so fucking hardcore back then i never knew that that was that makes sense though it's always taxes it was so hardcore back then because if you were just purely entertainment yeah you were under a different tax bracket but if you were a sporting commission you fell under a different tax bracket so that's why k fab was so heavily protected they were like no no it's real no it's real no it's real it's real it's real It's real.

And they were like, yeah, Sergeant Slaughter. No, it's real. He's real. Like, all this shit's real. So, because of that... There's a tax evasion. Tax evasion. So, Yoko Zuna...

That's how we all at when IRS comes around. No, that was real. No, that was real. No, I promised. I needed... I ate. That was a gas receipt. I needed that diamond ring to...

I got gas at Walmart. Whatever. You can do that sometimes. Totally fine. This is my house. I don't know why the receipt says television. So it was the same... It was the same thing in wrestling.

But because of that, all of their wrestlers had to pass the, like, gaming commissions like athletic tests and like they had to go get like their be sitting reach and their what's the thing when you go a physical they had to get a physical and shit like that and so when they would

deem a wrestler like hey we can't we can't in good conscious let this person perform these things because their heart will explode right so Yoko Zuna they have to like fucking send him off and to like lose weight they send him to a fat

camp silent Silent Mr. But. Yeah. Tamim, Yokozuna got me excited. And I did fart audibly and forgot to use the mic. I'm sorry. One day we'll have Smelo Vision here on the well-read podcast.

But Yokozuna. It's pronounced Yuga-Zuna. Thank you, too, Sharr. That was the brown person in the room. So Yokozuna had to be sent off to a fat camp, which was the Duke University Medical Center. And Yoko Zuna, while there, gained 75 pounds. Go blue doubles. because Yoko Zuna was like,

he would go through all his training all throughout the day and then at night, like they couldn't keep him there because it wasn't a fucking institution. He would leave and go get shit. And Yoko Zuna's favorite fucking thing in the world to eat was turkey tails.

It's a turkey tail is the ass end of a turkey, like the carcass where all this like dark, all this dark meat and shit is. And he would get fucking buckets full of fried turkey tails and dip them in buckets of mayonnaise and just eat them like they were fucking potato chips. And anyways, this motherfucker died. But all I'm saying to you is, all I'm saying to you is... Wrong story short.

All I'm saying to you is, if that guy came up to me and was like, tell me your deepest, darkest secret, I'd be like, I bet you won't tell anybody. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's not a sumo wrestler. That's a guy who's pretending to be one. He was a fake sumo wrestler. Yeah, you're right. I wonder if that offended them.

So I looked up what... He did. I'm pretty sure that. it did. I guarantee it because it's the highest honor in their thing. And he wasn't like he was from Hawaii. Right. It's stolen Fat Man Valor.

It's stolen Fat Man Valour. Yeah, stolen Valour. Yeah, stolen Valour. That's pretty fucking good. All right. What do you think? I'm like disappointed, but to the point that it's so weird, it almost swings back to hidden for me.

Yokozuna translated literally means horizontal rope. There you go. It has to do with on their ranking system. Back in the day it was on ropes So if you were at the top of the rope It kind of means it literally means horizontal rope But it means the top of the rope Right

Okay So anyways how do you feel about Pakistan We never got to that A typical sumo wrestler eats a daily diet of 20,000 calories My 20,000 That's an extra C rope Can I tell you?

Can I tell you something? Jesus I am a person who loves calories I don't think I could eat 10 so you've probably eaten 10 once in your life at a Thanksgiving when you were like in high school and you were drinking a beer that night right I don't know man I don't know I mean 10,000 I mean I could for sure you have you have done 10 thousand on a night when you were drinking a lot and you ate a bunch of potato yeah 10 000 thousand I'm saying no but I'm saying you've done it once in your life is what I'm saying I'm trying to make the point here of like on a night when you had a friends giving where everybody drank a shit I think we're making the same point I'm I'm saying even on the night where what you just said happens,

I don't know that it's 10,000. I think it's six. And they're eating 20,000 a day. Yeah. It's crazy. It says the main dish sumos eat is a stew called chankanabi, which is just a big ass stew filled with fish, meat, vegetables, and tofu or whatever. They don't sound that bad.

That's a cool name. Chonka no. You don't sound that bad. Jumbled out. And it says to compliment this meal, sumo wrestlers eat somewhere between five to ten. bowls of rice and copious amounts of beer that's how you do it so yeah I think the

drinking drinking is like a big part of it before they're having a good ass time on a friends giving when like you and your buddies like so I don't know how you all what's they tallets like you think just like what they buhaw do well over there they squat then they have a tiny little hole so I would say it's pretty violent shit

you know what I mean? I'm sure about that yeah in China in Japan they squat Japan it's good The people of Japan. I did not mean to say that. Hold on. Those are different countries. They are different things.

And listen. They do not hit for each other. No, I know. And hold on. Like, I'm not even shitting on you. I just realized I said that Russians were starting to do it now. And I was like, you know, they're close together.

They're not. Japan's in Iowa. Okay. Let me ask you about that. Because like, yeah, if you mistake, Mstuk, mystique China and Japan, you're like, oh, yeah, they're the same. Mystic China. That seems racist.

But like, if people were like, yeah, America, Canada, that's the same. Everybody's like, whatever. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like, okay. It doesn't, that's because you can't be racist towards white people. Okay, fair.

All right. I'm willing to, I won't go any farther. Also, we don't hate Canada. Also, Japan and China, they hate each other. And when somebody's like, you're from Alabama. Yeah, you're right. That don't hit. Like, no, I'm not.

I'm from Mississippi. Fart. Can't read, you know. But, but like, he said fart and can't read. Yeah, I farted. I can't read. reading my butt, yeah. But my point was, what were we talking about?

I can't read in my butt. My point was. What's my point? I don't know what we were talking about. My point is, if you were, I don't know how y'all, I don't know how y'all've ever done Friendsgiving, but how we always did Friendsgiving was everybody had their Thanksgiving with their family, and then they would take all the leftovers, every person would take all the leftovers that they could, each person that would come to Friendsgiving, which was like 20

drunk motherfuckers, we would bring all these leftovers, we'd put them on a table, and and then we would get fucking violently drunk we would all definitely drink at least 3,000 calories worth of alcohol and then once we got towards the end of night we would all just fucking devour the fucking table of friends giving shit there's no way that wasn't 10,000 calories but to your point that was a fucking one-off insane night that maybe we got to 10,000 calories these motherfuckers are eating 20,000 calories did you say a day how do you live I don't think I I've drank 3,000 calories worth of beer. In your life? Yes, you have.

With me, you have. All right. How many calories do you say? When you're drinking, when you're drinking a lot of beer, it's probably, you're probably drinking light beer. That's 30 beers. I've never drinking. It's what.

I think 24 is the most of ever had. How many did you say? You said I haven't drank X number of calories. What did you say? I don't think I've drank 3,000 in one day. I definitely. I'm saying, dude, it's a lot. Yeah.

It is a ride. I don't know that I buy that you all or any of us on Friendsgiving. I've eaten 10,000 calories in a day for sure. Okay. But once a year. This is starting to feel like Papo Batman, meaning it's very important to you and I don't want to talk. I cannot believe that I am sitting here having to explain to y'all that I've eaten 10,000 calories. I can't fucking believe that you.

What I meant was, it's really important to you. I just think you're underestimating it, dude. Like I think it's like You're not I don't think you are appreciating I don't think that you are appreciating How much 20,000 actually is What about me?

You know I go in I've gone in I don't 10,000 calories is a fucking lot And I'm telling you I've done it once a year You got your phone Look up how many calories are in a ribby Put in one inch I've eat there's like in a fucking

Because meat meat meat's probably On average is 150 calories That's what I thought I mean I drank 30 So 10 10 beers is 1,500, so 20 beers is 3,000. That's 5. 20 beers is a fucking lot.

I've done 24. I've drank 30 and then what I did after that to food. 10 more. 10 more is 4,500. Okay. Done it. You're not even halfway there. With 30 beers, you're not halfway there.

But the, dude, the fucking, it like. We're talking 10,000. I'm not telling you I've done 20,000. I've done 10. I thought it would be more. I've definitely done 10. All right. I was saying.

Corey, I was genuinely trying to be under team. And I asked too sharp. How many calories are in a ribby? Because ribby's not lean meat, and I thought, well, that'll be high. You'd a fat-ass ribby. It's 575. I'm saying. Dude, that's so many calories.

But hold on a second. When I've drank 30 beers, do you think I'm eating a ribby? No, I'm eating an entire carton of Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes. All right. How many calories are in Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes? And then, I'm not telling you that I can sit here and eat 10,000 calories right now. What I'm telling you is, in my life, there have been several occasions. where in one day I've eaten 10,000 fucking hours.

Does a day mean wake up to go to bed or just 24 hours? Oh, he's done it in 24 hours. Easy. Because the hangover meal is going to be beautiful. And sometimes I don't sleep. Yes, thank you. Biscuits and gravy is fucking like 1,200 calories. I'll start my fucking day off on that, and then I fucking have 30 beers,

and then turkey and dressing, and then fucking Christmas tree cakes. 30 beers. And then milkshakes and shit. This is 1,400 calories. Boom. This bag of Doritos. Yeah. That's not much.

We can do that. But you don't understand what I'm dipping it in. 30, 30 beers and 10 little Debbie Christmas tree cakes is about 5,000-5-500 shows. And I've done that on top of breaking all that fucking beer. Corey, we're doing sugar right now, but fat has the most calories in it, like, you know, per square meter. I cannot believe I'm sitting here trying to tell you how fat I am. I bet with fried food he's done it.

Think about the rib picture, because. Only one way to prove it. prove it I've also entered hot dog eating contests let's eat 10,000 calories Sunday okay I'm down with that we can try we should make it a podcast thing

to eat 10,000 calories to try to get to 10,000 calories in one day okay okay new year's after new years or after new years once we get back Chicago Chicago it's a good place to do it Chicago God he's excited gonna be with us we'll go to a fucking

I don't want to eat 10,000 calories in front of John Q's I do please I want to know if he really likes me All right, fair. I do. Because listen, if John Cusack doesn't like me at my 10,000 calories, then he doesn't deserve me at my 3,000. Do you what I'm saying? I'm already going to tell you he probably don't like me.

I don't give a fuck. We're going to eat 10,000 calories in front of John Cusack. I totally buy that. Are you drinking? I totally buy that you've gotten to 10,000 on a day. And I believe I have two. I just. It's a lot.

I still think you are kind of underrated. No, I'm not. No, the fuck I'm not. It's a lot. No, I'm not. When you said a sumo wrestler eats 20,000, I was like, God damn, how do they live? Half of that.

How do the heart not explode? They do. Yoko Zuna's heart exploded. You could almost see it explode. Again, not a sumo wrestler. No, but he lived like one. He kayfaved it. He fucked, like, that's the reason he's eating turkey tails, boys.

He's committed to the bit. Well, look, the thing is, like, if you, that's true. If you're not a sumer wrestler, but you look exactly like a summa wrestler, than you live the life of a sumo Yeah, well, wouldn't you? You don't know, I'm like, all that shit. Like, yeah. But dude, again, this motherfucker gained 75 pounds at...

Silent again? Yeah, it's not really on board with your fart slightly. His farts are often silent. And they don't hit. No, they don't. They don't. No, they don't. Well, okay, all right, so we're about to end this podcast,

but one thing that we do know is that in the next year, when we come back, we are going to all attempt to eat and I have a great app for this by the way. Together, right? We're going to do this together. Of course we're. 30,000 calories.

So listen, I'm in 40,000. I'll do it to join in. Will you come to, will you fly to Chicago to be with us? Yeah. What am I doing in my life? The only way I could do this is drink fat. Like I can't do it.

Oh, we gotta get drunk. We have to get drunk to do it. Literally drink fat. Yeah. So is you, Jared, when Jared Lido gave himself gout to play Mark David Chapman. because he drink fat

this motherfucker so in order to play Mark David Chapman this is one of those like in my mind of like these method actors where it's like dude you could just wore a fat suit he fucking like in order to get as fat as Mark David Chapman he fucking sucks

so he couldn't he couldn't bear to eat the amount of calories that it would take to get that fat so what he was doing was taking like Little Debbie's and moon pies and Doritos and like milk and just blending it into this fucking horrible milkshake and just

drinking 2,000 calories worth of shit at a time. And then he fucking got gout because of it. And the movie sucked. And the movie fucking sucked. That's the fucking funny. The movie fucking sucked. But if you watch the movie through that lens, it's a comedy. Right.

For sure. But like it is a lot. But I do think that in now, okay. Are there any rules? The rule is we can't do it. Now, hold on just a second. Now, hold on a second. Hold on a second.

Hold on a second. I'm going to take two shots of fat. We have to make this caveat. We're going to take a lot more than that. This means that we're going to have to hang in Chicago a day after our time. We are. We're not doing this. I was already thinking that.

I can't. I can't. I have to fly out early to go be in a gig that I can't talk about. I can tell you all. I literally can't. Well, what to do it in a different city then. Fuck, Chicago is such a good fat city. It's one of the best fat cities.

Okay. Hold on just a second. There's nothing saying that we can't. We make money. Let's just fucking fly to Chicago and have a fat city. weekend and just I'll fucking put us up at a place and we will get shit catered and we're gonna fly Chicago just to be as bad as we fly to care yes I'm down you fucking do it who books that in the winter in the winter's the best time to do it because you need those calories more you're

what I'm saying in the summer you sweat it like in the in the winter you need it you got to so February sometime in February we will all fly out to Chicago to Shahr and we will fucking you have to get up by the way if you're gonna eat 10,000 cars a day you gotta get the fuck up

like so we're gonna this is honestly the best idea we've ever had I know dude let's because dude they got such good

fat shit by the way we're saying this everybody that's gonna be great you better you better fucking hold us

to count on it's gonna be great and we'll do a lot hold on let's do a live podcast as we hit this will kill

Corey talk us out of it no it's gonna be nothing but let's go fucking live

kill me the live's gonna suck the live's gonna suck Yeah, it won't have. We're going to be shitting for three days. Yeah. Which is part of the show. By the way, for the first two days, we won't shit at all, which will suck.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we, okay, we're going to fly to Chicago, date undetermined, and eat all of us, eat 10,000 calories. I'm not eating for two days before. Huh? I'm not eating the two days before. That's a, that's not a good move. You'll get sick. This is not, so I won't be sick.

I can't do this. I can't. You've got to eat a little bit. It's okay that you can't. I don't know that I can and I'm a fat fuck. No, but like I'm not. No, we're not to research this and get you.

That's part of my whole thing is I'm not convinced any of us will even get there. If you do. But that's part of it. If you do a bunch of ice cream and shit, like there's certain foods that you can get there like. Yeah, dude, it's fat and sugar. Dude, ice cream is right. There's a lot of stuff that's like way high in calories that you're like,

damn, I didn't even eat anything. Milk shakes. Seven Doritos is 150 calories. Seven Doritos. I think my strategy is I'm going to get drunk as fuck on just beer first. Yes. Oh, you gotta get drunk. That's very calorie dense.

Our makes has to be. I'm gonna get fucking hammered without eating anything and get hammered on just beer. You're gonna pass out though, Cush. So I can get to like, so I can get to like 3,500, 4,000 calories on just beer before I eat anything. And then after that, I think I can house 6,000 calories, no problem. When I'm drunk and starving and you get triple decker pizza or whatever deep hell. Listen to me. That's what I'm saying they got such good fat stuff, dog.

Listen to me. Let's get up. an insane biscuit and gravy like whatever the fattest fucking breakfast we can have take a nap have like hold on have like five fucking beers yes take a nap then get up and fucking hit the treadmill for like an hour now you lost me no no no because you're burning it off but that doesn't matter you're also gaining hunger are you eating on there are you eating on the treadmill drink a milkshake while you're on there this is this is by far the most american thing we've ever tried to do i'm telling gaining hunger is such a hilarious

Do y'all not work out before Thanksgiving? I work out every day. Sometimes we play football. But you work out extra for Thanksgiving. Now we do, we do play football. But I'm saying... It's funny, you made the sound when it's true.

I do. I know, but do you work out on Thanksgiving? Do you work out on Thanksgiving? Mm-mm. Okay. I used to go play football on my friends. I do.

So what we do is we fat, we fucking get up, go fucking hard as fuck, take an hour nap, and then work out hard as shit because then it'll make us hungry. If we puke, Is that a loss?

No. I don't know. Because you don't consume those calories. They're gone now, dude. That's a good. I think that's, I mean, most eating. You can't puke. Most eating contest, that's a rule.

All right, you can't puke. Okay. But we do work out. So note to self, puke alone. That's true. You can puke alone. Well, I mean, yeah, but, okay. So we're going to pick the date.

We're going to fly to Chicago. We're all going to eat 10,000 calories. This is great. This is fucking awesome. This is the worst. No, it's not. We're going to promote this. shit this gonna be a thing dude rush we'll get for rush ticks like this is fucking awesome i'm

serious like this is the start of like we might actually start this is the opening scene of seven yeah yeah that's like he's spaghetti till he dies yeah dude all right all right well that's what we're gonna do and i've been plenty of chicago and's done that though are you all ready to get the fuck out of here yeah let's do it all right thank you all for listening to the well red show we love to stick around longer but we got to go tune in next week if you got nothing to do Thank you, God bless you. Good night, and skew. I don't want to die in Chicago.

We're going to, though, is the thing.