wellRED podcast - #262 - We Ain't as Good As We Once Was

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

This week the boys talk about how much worse their hangovers are in their 30's, Cavities, and Drew fills us in on his cancer development..... Go to WellREDcomedy.com for tickets to shows!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

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language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the they're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a thug. They're the neighbor rednecks that makes some people upset

But they got three big old dicks that you can suck You know something we talk about a lot on this show But a lot of people constantly have questions about We always talk about dirting and doing dirt Trey how long have you been dirt And also what is dirt for the people out there that don't know Well, I don't even know how long I've been dirtin A long time.

My old dirt had, but. That's the Derton is taking Cratum, also known as Speciosa. And we talked about it on here before. I mean, I'm a huge advocate. I've made fucking liberal redneck videos about it and whatnot before. You made documentaries about it. That's true. Well, I've been in documentaries about it.

Yeah. But yes. That's making more. That is true. And it, cratim is a, it's an all natural herb, botanically related to the coffee plant that's native to Southeast Asia. And it's been used for centuries over there. to help energize your mind and relax your body. And I would just say that it definitely works and it's super duper hits.

Again, it's basically like my coffee, the way that other white people be messing with coffee. That's dirt for me. And I've been doing it for a long time and it's had nothing but positive effects on my life. So yeah, I'm all for it. Yeah, same. I've actually, it's to me, it's a long time coming for us actually partnering up with an actual Cratom Company because it's something that we've been talking about and advocating for years. And, like, yeah, I use it.

Coffee is still my coffee, but Cratam and coffee together, I find to be a perfect combination. That sounds like Andy, you know, I do it, I enjoy it. I have a lot of fun with it from time to time. But Andy really kind of has used it. And look, I don't know what we're supposed to say. And this ain't FDA approved, but it has improved her life, her mental health. you know, she, she swears by it beyond just like, oh, it makes me in a good mood. Like she swears by it as like something that's kind of made her regular mentally,

made her feel better overall. And that makes my life a year. Yeah, I mean, I'm not certain that we're supposed to say this as a matter of fact, but I can just tell you anecdotally in my life. I'm just saying, I'm putting it out there like this is a personal thing for me. But like it really helps the whole not doing other stuff that's bad for. you part of my life. You know what I'm saying? I think that's like a kind of legal way that I can say what everybody knows what I'm trying to say is that like because of Kratum, I don't really

find that I need to do other things that otherwise might not be great. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. So if you're intimidated or anything by Kratum, you ought not be because what you can do, you can get the capsules. Corey's a capsule man. I am. They're very easy to use. They're just you know, little capsules with cratum inside of them. You could take those. The cratum comes into multiple different strains. There's green. There's white.

There's red. Many people start with green. That's probably the most popular. So I would recommend that. And if you're down to try this out, then you can holler at super, superleaf. Get superleaf.com. Yep.

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That's get-superleaf.com slash well-read. Use the promo code well-read for 20% off. And we thank you for sponsor in the podcast. They're the... Red necks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fun They're the next that makes some people upset but they got three big old dicks that you can suck Man uh here we are on a well-read podcast thanks so much for everybody for like and subscribing all that good stuff as you know we also are doing bubba shot the podcast if you like 90s country music as much as we do or if you just like hearing us be very stupid. You can grab that on the well-read feed. Thanks for everybody who supported

that. Also, thanks to everybody who came out this weekend in Knoxville, which I want to talk to the boys about in a second. We're about to be in, we're taking a little month off and then boom, Little Rock, Bentonville, Portland and Louisville. You can get those tickets at well-readcom, W-E-L-R-E-D, comedy.com. So a lot of cool stuff happening. But like I said, we were just in Knoxville, which what a joyous weekend. I don't know about you all, but I have been chasing all the endorphins that I left there for the past 24 hours. Yeah, I mean, you know, people I'm sure probably know at this point, but me and Drew both started comedy in Knoxville. Corey started in Chattanooga just sort of right down the road.

That's how we all know each other in the first place. And we were at the very lovely and beautiful Bijou Theater sold out show on a Saturday night. We've not the first time we've been there, but it's always a nigh-on, magical experience. Craig Red Hot, everybody's hitting this a good time. I did, like, I did probably close to 15 minutes of new material, and that was hitting. So, you know, it was pretty fantastic.

Yeah, me too. I opened with some new stuff, and it was murdering, which, and I was like, as soon as I thought that, I was like, good Lord, I mean, the boys are about to really crush, because if they're digging this unprepared stuff, we're in for one. But, yeah, it was beautiful. So thanks to everybody who came.

came out and like you said we're going to do it again at the beginning of next month in little rock baby yeah drew dropping for opening for us yeah great job shout out that if you like comedy music and you are at least as liberal as any of us but especially if you're more so to the left you'll dig on good cop rag cop good cop that's right my dad's a huge fan by the way of chattanooga tennessee and some buddies of ours very funny yeah i would say that even if you're not, yeah, to the left, you would still enjoy it. Because I just recently found out my dad's a huge fan of them. Like, he just called me and he goes, hey, I saw that you posted where that good cop,

rad cop was open for y'all. He's like, he goes, they're the dudes that sang about that guy that hoarded all the hand sanitizer. And I was like, yeah, he's like, oh, yeah, man. He goes, I've listened to those guys that got passed around and are like group chat. He's like, they're really funny and, you know, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, they were awesome, man. That made the show even cooler. It's, it's pretty, it was hard, man.

It was hard to follow good musical comedy, man. God dang. Yeah, for sure. Also, y'all may have noticed, but Drew dropped back in the place to be after a couple weeks of some hitting and some not hitting if you want, you know. I don't know how you can categorize it, Drew.

I guess we'll go not hitting, hitting, and then I'll tell you the comedy of errors that is leading to where we're at today. So I have a tiny little speck of cancer right here on my face if you're watching from YouTube. dude. I have the type that's like super treatable. It was a head trip though. I had to go to the doctor and figure some stuff out. I've got to go to the doctor basically as soon as we're done today and they're going to dig it out. And it's got to listen, I don't it's like I get weird about stuff, but at the same time you got to talk about it. I had that big old blemish on my face. Everybody saw it on end of the abisket and bubble shut the podcast. It's fine. It's it's the best kind of cancer you can get. I mean, unless you, you wanted sympathy because it's like 65. But then the next week I was planning.

I was already planned to be going to Marty Grau. And I was texting with y'all this morning like I was planning to do the podcast from there. And then I would wake up every morning and like, you know how like if you're not engaged in the thread? Like we have a group chat. You have to go back and see what everybody said so you can keep up. I would go back and then realize in the morning I would learn that I had been, I would go back and also learn what. I had said tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Marty Gras was just a total shit show. We went for too long. I would recommend anyone go to Marty Gras for three days. Andy and I were down there for six. Yeah, that's too much, man. Well, we had a free place to stay, so it was like, eh, you know, let's catch out. And we really wanted to see P-Funk on Thursday, but we really wanted to make it to Marty Gras on Tuesday.

So it's like, all that kind of came together of like, eh, it'll be fine and I'll get some work done. no I became a shell of a man literally one of my favorite pictures ever I should have had it to where I could pull it up and he took a picture of me in full drag we went out as the spice girls I have on a pink baby doll dress because I was baby spice

and I'm sitting in a bar with my leg spread and my underwear hanging out just giving up in a boa and a full pink outfit and that that pretty much sums up my week I thought you looked beautiful for the record Yeah, I can't have more than, I would say, two and a half days of hitting at this stage of my life. And consecutively, two and a half.

And honestly, that's pushing it. Yeah. Really, Bonneroo is kind of, Bonner's like three and a half days. And I don't think I wouldn't survive Bonner at this point. But I'm saying if I'm in like a party city and I'm sleeping every night in a hotel room and I'm getting a lot of sleep and shit like that, even with that going on, two and a half maximum three days. and then I'd have to get the fuck out of there. Like, I couldn't handle it. And I love New Orleans and I love, you know, hitting,

but I just ain't built for it no more. I had to one day do concerts, parades, and New Orleans without drinking. Like, that is how hard it is to party for that. Like, I was like, I'm like to death march, dude. You're just walking around in the fucking hate, like refugees being hurted. Yeah. If you're not fucked up at all, you're just don't call it sober. it wasn't hot we were lucky in that regard right uh and i thought you know that day i took dirt i think

i smoked some weed once i got out but like it was a good time it was a real good time um i have no regrets like i don't think i would go back that long ever again but we really wanted to see pfunk pfunk was incredible dumps to funk we just got invited to that by these girls we met at pfunk phenomenal so fucking good uh that was dumps to funk dumps to funk dumps to funk They're like, it's. Yeah. They're not white, but they're like P-Funk for white people because their lyrics are all like,

music's going to save the world. And then they just play funk for an hour. You know what I mean? So they're like a jam band kind of, but in the funk category. I just don't get how you, you did all that. Underrated genre by,

I mean, like, you know, like y'all ever listen to funk on a boat, like on the lake? Like, you don't think of funk when it comes to the lake. Right. It does hit. Like lakes where we're from, funk is not where your head generally goes for the lake play.

No, Alan Jackson. But it hits like a motherfucker, though. Funk on a pontoon boat. What's up? Andy's gotten way more into funk. She's always listened to it. She's gotten super into it. I'm learning a lot because of that.

And I guess, like, musically, jam bands are just funk bands with less horns. They tend to have less horns. But, like, if you like or have ever cared about, that almond brothers or even, you know, fish, and you don't like funk, you're fucking up. Get in there on some funk. Yeah, I'm all about some funk now.

Now, here's the thing, too, that should be pointed out, I genuinely can't fathom how you're feeling right now because you did all of that and then came to Knoxville where I'm empty from just Knoxville, like, just, and it was no, like, you know, P-Funk concerts and all that shit. but like I'm barely, I'm just now coming around to being a person. Well, I sobered all the way up Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I need more than that.

I didn't even come to Knoxville. Like, I texted Bryce because Andy was going to Knoxville to take pictures on Friday. And I was like, maybe I'll go and say what's up to Bryce. And he was like, Corey and Tray are going to be here. We're all going to go to the movie. And I purposefully was like, no, and I can't do that. Like, I could have went and had a beer with Bryce, but if y'all are all getting together. It was not.

It's one of the dumbest things I've done in months. I told all day Saturday I was telling Corey and Bryce both. I was like, we're fucking idiots. I hate myself for that. Yeah. That's the dumbest shit I've done. Like, I'm not 24. The dumbest you've done since you did it the night before our special.

Yes. Because here's the thing. It's like, again, Knoxville is a special show for it. I feel bad even telling this now because I'm assuming some people in Knoxler are going to hear this. And I feel so bad for this. The show still hit. But we had a sold-out show at the Beju in Knoxville.

Special show for us. Everybody knows it. And on Friday night, me, Corey and our buddy, producer Bryce, who's back from the dead. Everybody for longtime listeners, he got resurrected again. But producer Bryce who lives in Knoxville, initially I was like, weeks ago, I was like, I'll go, I'll fly in on Friday because I know there's going to be people wanting to hang out in Knoxville. And I don't want to get to Knoxville at 5 p.m. have a show at 8 and fly out at 7 a.m. the next morning because Knoxville is different in that way. So I'll get there Friday. And that's all I thought.

Then I texted Bride. And then I saw that the Batman's, the new Batman movie, came out that same weekend. So I texted Bryson and was like, you want to go see Batman? And in my head, I'm like, this is a nice chill night with two bros. Then Corey, even though we were sold out because he'd set it up before. I'm going to get blamed for this. No, no. Corey was going to do promo on Knoxville Radio on Friday.

Even though we were sold out so promo was pointless, he still did it because he's a professional and a man of his word. So Corey came up to Knoxville on Friday too And when that happened And Corey's a huge comic book guy Huge Batman fans like well Still in my head It's gonna be chill We're just gonna go to movie TV

I thought this too for the record So then we fucking We go to eat dinner At some Drew Brie's own sports bar Before the thing I haven't seen Bryson forever We're just eating and talking But also drinking

It's a movie theater that sells alcohol They won't give you more than one drink think it's a three hour movie. So Corey being very forward thinking was like, well, can we get like double shots then? So it'll last us the whole movie. And she was like, sure. And it was the opposite of

a stingy pore. It was ridiculous. It was double doubles. Yeah, it was, it was absurd. Just like, no, literal. You know those, you know the wine glasses that don't have the stemless, the stemless wine glasses? It was those full of,

a full, a full drink of tequila. No ice, none of that. Just those full of tequila for all three of us. But hell, now we've bought it. We didn't just shoot that or nothing. We did sit there and sip it or whatever during the movie, which is three hours. But just because of all that, A, I've been so pumped about that movie for so long. I might as well have not even seen it. I had flown across the country that day, got up at four in the morning on the West Coast, and now I'm drinking. I dozed off twice. I was conscious for most of it, but couldn't even really tell what the fuck was going on. So like I pretty much haven't seen that movie. I am 35 now. So I woke up the next morning after having done. It's not like I went for a rager in New Orleans.

Yeah. But he's bachelor party or something. I had a movie night with two other 35 year olds. And I woke up Saturday feeling like fucking death. And I was hung over all goddamn day. And the whole and I was just like, this, that, I am a fucking idiot. Yeah, we all are. worst idea in so far as it was even an idea but if people like you can't be doing that shit

but i knew no more you can't be doing that yeah you were smart you did know like i don't know what i thought anyway it was so dumb i can't even talk about the batman i'm at to see it again it comes out on hb o mac in like a month i'm i'm pumped about that because i too so like i stayed awake during it but i had to get i got up and peed probably six times and like in a movie like that Can you get gout on your dick? If you can, I'm finna, I bet. You got B problems. Well, I mean, I just had, I've always been that way.

I guess I've got TB because like I've always been that way where, hey, I mean, I'm tuberculosis. Tiny bladder. Yeah. Is that a thing, though? Yeah, that's a thing. T. It also. It also, like, have to learn to hold it.

And like, during the, um, when I was working Doc Review in New York, York, I would get up and go to the bathroom all the time just because I hated sitting there and hated my job. And then now I can't hold it as long. Like I train myself. I literally go from, it feels like I go from I don't have to pee at all to it's about to run down my leg. That's, especially when I'm drinking.

It goes straight to it. Because I did the first time. I held it a little bit. Yeah. A couple of times. A couple of things. First of all, Drew, what you just said, kind of blew my mind a little bit because I had an office job for a long time when I was starting.

in comedy and during that time, I did not put it together in any way, like you just said, but I was going through a similar thing. And it got to the point where I was like, I was noticing how often I was peeing. And I went to the doctor. I think I had a doctor's point for something else or something, but I talked to the doctor about it. I was like, listen, man, I'm peeing a lot, you know. And he was like, you know, how much water do you drink, which was also a lot and all this

stuff. And he was basically just like, it's fine, you dumb ass. It's not a problem, you know. Like, but I couldn't figure it out. but maybe it's what you just said. I was getting up to go to the bathroom so much because office jobs suck or whatever. That's like kind of trained me to do that.

And the second thing I want to say about it, I will say right after this. We'll be right back. I think it's kind of counterintuitive that Cho has a tiny bladder because we've always noted because the bladder is like a very spherical organ, right? And we've always noted how the sort of round parts of a person's body are perfectly,

beautifully round on shows body. And big. Yeah, bulbous. Big balls. The B, the B, the balls. The Bumble, which is much smaller, but has maintained its proportion. It has. Bumble is his belly.

It's like it's not near as big as it used to be. My toes are round. Perfectly rounded in every way. And I feel like he's just, he's perfectly rounded as a person. Not like, you know, not emotionally or not that. No. and like studied it. You got an outy?

No, I haven't any, but it has a mole in it that's very round. And also it's, I don't know what it is about, I don't know what it is about my belly button in particular, but it's the most lint, attracting belly button. It's real deep.

I think I could give you a run for your money on that. Okay, you pretty pretty hairy one. Yeah, you probably could, but I mean, there is always at the end of the night a big piece of linen. Have we told the audience that my semen is round? Is that a thing? I don't think we have.

That's literally true. It's literally. Yeah. So me and my wife have been trying to have a kid and things ain't been going so well for her. I mean that I don't mean. I don't mean like it's her fault. What I mean is like I'm not sitting here going like, oh no. But we ain't been able to, we ain't been able to put, you know, wood to the ball.

Yeah, and so we had to go, you know, check our shit out and make sure that, because I just assumed, dude, I just assumed that I was barren. I couldn't do it. And the reason I thought that is because I did too. Well, I did because. Yeah, my history, dude, I used to, I used to get it done, you know, and like, trust me, it wasn't like, I'm not saying I wouldn't use a condom. If we had a condom, I'm just telling you it never deterred me. You know what I mean? And, uh, I'm just saying. I'm just saying, I didn't always fuck at a gas station. Yeah. And dude, like pulling out, again, of course I'd try, but like, you know, sometimes, dude, like, I mean, you should see me eat a box of Samoa cookies. Like, I can't just stop doing stuff that hits for me. It's really hard. Also, it's the best part. I know.

It's the absolute best part. And having said all of that, I've only ever had one pregnancy scare. and I pretty well knew you before she even said anything, this person who's asking me for half the money for an abortion, it's just because she wants pills. And I know that because we'd been doing pills together. So I knew that. She was not pregnant.

She was a bad. That old chestnut, baby. You know that's all the time right there. Yeah, yeah. So again, I'm sitting here thinking like the whole time we cook. They call that going Dutch oven. Yeah. Robbie, yeah, Robbie, it calls it, havesies on a bastard.

But so I just really thought I was like, baby, it's me. I remember when we was in high school, too, they always said that if you smoke the seeds from weed, it would make you sterile. And we all did it on purpose because we didn't want to get girls pregnant. I've done so many, I've done so many fucking drugs, you know. So fucking stupid. I mean, I was just as stupid, but I'm saying that's such like young male brain. Yeah. Like just so dumb.

Even if it's true, don't do it. It can't be good. There's no way it's good. And it ain't true. No, it's not true, but we did that. But in my brain, I'm just like, dude, I've put my dick through. I've been kicked in the balls so many fucking times I've been racked. But anyway, so I go, you know, fucking, I remember the day Amber wakes me up and hands,

she wakes me up at like 630 and hands me a cup. And she's like, I'm like, what, what are we doing? She goes, you got to go jack off into this. And I was like, what? And that's how she told me, by the way. She didn't tell me the night before. This is what we're going to do. And she's like, you have to jack off into it.

And we have to have it up there within an hour, you know, or it ain't good no more. So 630, I've got to, you know, I used to. I'd wake up at 6.30. We're ready to go in. But I had to go in there and, you know, fiddle around with it. And I get, you know, I'll get it in. And then we go up to the hospital, we turn it in or whatever. Well, a couple days later, I'm just, they go, we got your results.

And I'm just like, man, here we go. about to find out that, you know, I'm going to have to explain to her. Sorry. If you want to adopt, that's fine. And they go, well, the reason that it's difficult, you have a lot of cum. They didn't say that. They're like, but they, but they did say, but they did say, you've got plenty of cum. It's not that.

That's not the problem. Yeah, that's not the problem. The problem is, is that. And they didn't say, we've never seen anything like it, but it did sound like they were shocked. They said, it's just that your cum, your semen, all the little

sperms are so round that they're having trouble penetrating the what is it? The egg. It's just so, it's just hitting it and bouncing off of it. It's like a balloon.

Yeah. A wall. Bomp. Bomp. Yeah. I'll have it just like, I mean, rather than your average. Rich. It's just that, yo, come, fat, boy.

Yeah, my come fat. Fat come. Fat come. Fat come, Forrester. And so that's, and that's not something that you can just, you know, if you got like not a lot of cum, they're like, oh, wear boxers briefs instead of tidy wadies,

but like when you've just got round cum, that's just what. Yeah, sperm, right? Yeah, sperm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that. Yeah. That's a problem with the amount of liquid. Right.

Because, yes, it is different thing. Yeah. Yeah, right. Saliency. The actual cells, the spurnal. The actual sales, they are just, they just, they're fat, dumb, and don't hit. They're just little Casper's just fucking doink, doink, doink. They all got fucking helmets on.

And I'll be honest with you. Like, I think about this all the time because they're like, no, don't grow on one day. One of them could break through, you know, but I'm sitting there like, what does that kid look like? You know what I'm saying? Like, Jesus. It's going to be the sharpest one. Oh, that would be interesting. I should, I would like to know what,

this is about to sound weird, but I'd like to know what my dad's come looked like under a microscope because I want to know if like if I came from that too. Yeah, right, if I came from that. You come from round, come, stop. Yeah. That's why you saw round all over. Yeah.

Isolate that clip and just on a repeat, just play it five, six times in a row for me. I want to see what my dad's come look like. I'm going to text dad and ask him about. Now, he would never know. He would never have not. No. Back then, you could just get pregnant.

Nobody couldn't get pregnant back then. Also, you would ask it the way you've been saying it this whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Different question. Yeah, right. You got five. It just puts his hand to his head like every day.

Just like, oh, my God. This boy strays further from God. This boy. This goddamn boy. But so I'm saying it feels like you would expect Cho to have a big, just a basketball of a bladder. Blatter, yeah. But he, but he don't at all.

It's not. And I do feel it, though. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, yeah, it's probably tiny, but also like, me and Bryce, you just started drinking, like, at dinner in the movie. Me and Bryce had been drinking since 12. Like, we went and started drinking before radio, because it was like, well, why would I do radio sober?

That don't hit. And then after radio, it was like, oh, what do we want to be hung over in the middle of the day? That don't hit. So we went, you know, and did all that stuff. And then like, yeah, we're going to finish the day off. So, like, I get why I peed a bunch. Like I, but yeah, man, it was, it was very fucking stupid. Like, why all of us have access to weed?

Why the fuck didn't we just get high and watch the movie? That's a way better experience anyways. Being drunk in a movie sucks. I don't even like it. I just, I just had been drinking all day. So what are you going to do? But you can't do a show. I can't do a show with just weed.

So then the next time it happens, you get drunk. And then, Trey, you flew home on Sunday, right? Yeah. But the one thing I managed to do right

that I never, ever do was that my flight out on Sunday was at 1 p.m. I always get the earliest flight, 6, 7, 8 a.m. so I can get home as early as possible. But I knew, I didn't think I'd be as dumb as I ended up being over the course of the weekend,

but I knew when I was booking that flight, like, bro, this ain't a weekend for that. So it helped a little bit. Well, we went day drinking Sunday. First of all, let me shout out my friends, Big Bad Taco Truck. I went to where they were,

they were set up at a brewery. If you're in Knoxville, follow a Big Bad Taco Truck. That was the best breakfast tacos I've ever had in my life, hands down. It was incredible. It was incredible. But anyway, we kept drinking. We took some mushrooms.

Corey got kidnapped. I'll let him tell you that story. But I did have a 5 a.m. flight. Monday. And I drove, yes, I drove to the airport. You know, I'm getting home. So one thing I skipped over is I got a sinus infection because, of course, I did. And my ear did that thing where it gets full on the plane and it needs to pop on Wednesday.

Oh, yeah. It did not pop. When I was doing the show at the Bshoe, when I was day drinking, my ear was. That would have driven the inside. You can't do the whole. There were times I've figured. I tried that, buddy, I've done it all. Parox out of my ear.

I've been to two pharmacists. I do have a doctor's appointment. Then flying home on the ascent out of Atlanta, it popped. I was like, well, whatever, I feel like shit, but this is the greatest day of my life. On the descent back in L.A., it filled up again. So I landed in L.A. I'm at L.A. I got to walk that fucking walk. You got to get to now to get the Uber.

I get my lift. My ear's full again. I've slept three hours. I have drank nine out of L. last 14 days. I feel like death. Lift driver goes the wrong way twice once he gets into my neighborhood. This ride was supposed to be 38 minutes. It ends up being

50 something. I get here. I got a shit so bad. I can't find my house key. I had ordered food to be delivered on time when I got here. I timed it perfectly, but then my lift driver fucked up. So the food's just out here getting cold. I show up. The gardener's here. The food's getting soaking wet. because the gardeners turn on the sprinkler.

I get out. I don't have my key. I got to try to get the back of my house. I go through the back where there's a gate with like a lock with a coat on it. I get hit by the gardener's thing. Like it never goes that way. I'm just walking. I get sprayed all over my back.

I'm about to shit myself. Now my back's wet. I get back there. The window that is never locked ever that I always crawl through is fucking locked. So now I'm like, I'm about the shit in my backyard and bury it. and then figure it out. Andy's not going to be home for a few hours because we were on completely different flights. You're wondering.

You just got on different flights? I had, I was supposed to go somewhere else and then when I had to get a new ticket, hers was sold out. I've got French doors and it's an old house. And back in the day when my parents had French doors and they'd lock all the doors because my brother wasn't in prison yet and he would rob them blind. I knew how to get the French doors open in my parents' house, even if they were locked. I was trying that move.

It wasn't really working. and I was like, I'm just going to, I'm going to shit myself if I don't figure this out. And I'm like, ah, one more push. But this time I don't really look. I push my hand through a glass pain on the French.

Oh, my God. I cut myself right here. Oh, you lucky. Not too bad on my hand, not my wrist and not that deep. Glass shatters everywhere. Now I can get in at least.

My ear's still fucking full. I'm still hung over. I get in. I took a shit, obviously. I cleaned up some of the glass. And I texted Andy. No one broke in, and I'm sorry I didn't clean it up.

I'm laying the fuck down. And I just went to sleep all day yesterday. All fucking day. Just one of those days. It did catch up. But it didn't catch up to me in Knoxville. And I think that was just vibes. I just wanted it too bad.

The bees you needed to hit. Yeah, I mean, it finally called up to me. Oh, well, it had called up to me yesterday morning. but then I laid down as soon as we had our pitch yesterday, and now I'm back. I say I'm back to normal. I got up this morning and walked. I did 30,000 steps outside.

By the time I got through with the 30,000 steps, I had tricked my brain into being like, happy. But before that, like, and I was not planning on day drinking in Knoxville. Like, I woke up Sunday, and I was like, I'm going to have, I woke up late, I'm going to have lunch with everybody, we'll be fine. And then, damn, if I, if Drew don't go, hey, let's go a preservation pub, have one dream. I'm like, that's cool. We'll go over there. We'll decide where we're going to eat. Well, God.

Well, I'll be damned if Scott West didn't waltz in. And Scott walks in and he goes, oh, I'm buying you all around. So I'm like, okay, whatever. He didn't walk in. I texted him. Oh, well, okay, either way. So the next thing I know, he's bought us all five beers. And I'm sitting there going like, God damn it. You know, and when you, if I've had five beers, I mean, I'm not getting in my car right then.

That's for damn sure, you know. But I just was like, well, I get. So I walked, I got straight up from preservation pub, walked right back to the Hilton and went, can I get my room back? And they were just like, yeah, that's fine. So I just fucking stayed again. But it's just, yeah, it's one of them cities, man. And we, we did have a blast. But like, like, like, like, dude, I don't know. I genuinely don't know how you live through Mardi Gras because like two days of that. And like, I'm already like, oh my God. I think it is too, though.

And this is true of Bonnaroo to a certain extent. And you brought it up with, you went walking. And I forgot last night I played in a men's league basketball game. And I sucked. It felt like I was going to puke, but I felt good after. Yeah. We went dancing and walking the whole time. Right.

So I was getting it out. But I was also getting a lot of good exercise, a lot of good endorphins, and burning that shit off immediately. And I think that helps. I mean, and you're, you're moving. food. That's a real thing too. Just like I was just, even when I woke up in a bad spot like in New Orleans, it was like,

yeah, but there's a parade in about 20 minutes. I'm going to get world-class food for like $20. I had so many good fucking meals last week, man. So many good fucking meals. I bet. Dude, a hell I did in Knoxville. Yeah. And there's going to be insane people dressed insane, which always hits for me.

I don't know how I'm so both genuinely crumagony. And I do not like crowds. in general unless it's a ridiculous thing. But that's how hard New Orleans sets. Parades. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't, I'm not very outgoing, really, but I do like dressing like a woman and dancing in the street.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, well, let's take another break real quick. We'll be right back. I always was the same way. I'm also not very, I don't, I don't like crowds of people. And, you know, I'm not, so I'm kind of, introverted naturally and everything, but I used to also like, like I love Bonnaroo festivals, that type of thing. I haven't been in a long time, but I feel like that's another thing that

I've lost as I've gotten older. I feel like I wouldn't have that same, that same gear anymore, but I don't know, hard to say, because I haven't been in that situation. But, Drew, I wanted to ask you some stuff. And listen, I'm about to get a little flippant. I would like to remind everybody before I do this, before I do this, that my father, who was extremely close to, died of cancer, so please keep that in mind. But I want to know somebody, like, do you get to, you said unless you want sympathy? Like, are you a cancer survivor now? I mean, unless you die.

I beat it, yeah. Okay, right. Okay. So that's still. I think I'm a cancer patient currently, which is very surreal. But yeah, right. It's such a surreal thing. And I got too drunk, man, you want to talk about the darkness.

And I don't mean to be flipped, but, you can be flipping if it's yours. I don't have an excuse. But. Well, you have it. Yeah, you're, that's kind of what I'm getting at. Like, yeah. hammered and it got kind of dark late Sunday night like Corey had already been Jake James and me and Andy it was time you know to go and blah blah blah and I don't know what we were

talking about and I was like Andy cancer heart disease blood clots like we ain't growing old together I'm going to fucking they go get me one day like they keep trying to get me one of them's going to get me. Yeah, dude. I mean, I hear you a little bit. I mean, yeah, but I mean, I still, it still came through. You were a little choppy, but I got what you were saying. But I remember once I went to a doctor for something in Knoxville,

and he was just, he came in one of the first things he said was he was just like, he was like, so your family history. I was like, yeah, and he was like, no. he was like pretty pretty rough and i was like yeah thanks and he was like anyway what's up you know like he just he just threw out there how much my family history didn't it because it's like all that stuff i'm actually thinking about doing a bit about that whole thing in my family that sort of phenomenon but um uh i was saying i did a bit about my situation too because the angle that's funny and i don't know if i believe this

my heart. But like, there is a small part of me that goes the other way, though, where I'm like, yeah, man, I'm fucking three and up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, you've, you've won them all. So far. Yeah. Yeah. That's part of it. So part of the idea I had, and I'm just now thinking of this, is that like, you know, everybody's talking about people I haven't been listening to doctors, you know, during COVID or whatnot. And I was like, I thought that was as wild as anybody. But then I really thought about it. It's like, I don't know why I was surprised, really, because I come from a redneck family and redneck dudes, especially ain't never fucking listened to doctors. Never. Like both my, one of my grandpas had three heart attacks and two strokes, you know,

so like, I really doubt his doctor was telling him to stay the course, you know, in the middle of that. But he, but I'm saying, so he was like five and oh, and he did, you know what, considering that, he had a hell of a good run. I think he had a hell of a good run, dude, 67 or something with five major events where the fake lord finally got him. Yeah. When I hear someone died at 70 and somebody's like, oh, that's not that old. And I'm like, okay, but like, how hard was that 70? Like, how did they live their life?

Because, like, if you, there's certain people that if they died at 70, it's like, oh, man, what a bummer. They were really super healthy and, like, they ate really good and they didn't party or nothing. That is a bummer. And I'm not saying it's not a bummer when anybody dies. But if somebody's 70 and they have partied their dick off, they're a lot of, they're whole life, ate hamburgers every day, smoked cigarettes, then god damn it, 70s is good. You know what I mean? Like, that's a damn good run.

And I'm glad you brought this up because we have to review, like, how all these things came about. Speaking of not listening or wanting to go to the doctor. Okay. New Orleans, the first time is what nearly killed me. And when I developed the main blood clot that about took me out, my arm was throbbing the whole way back. Oh, that scares me.

All week. We had a black liver show, Jay, on a Friday at the Well. We got high- Did I cancel that one? I believe. I was just about saying, I'm not joking. I believe that was one of the ones show, no-show for. In another universe, I died of that.

And then y'all had to give Corey shit for not being on the last show with me. Rest in peace, corn dog, forever. So that night, we smoked weed, and I could feel it like moving. You know, sometimes weed kind of puts you in your body. Still the next day I went to a minute. My arm has been throbbing for a week. I went to a minute clinic. They made me go to some guy who gave me the imaging.

And then he was like, go to the hospital right now. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I need to like change clothes and take a shower. And he goes, go to the fucking hospital right now. Tell them he wrote it down. Hand them this. Tell them this is what's going on. While in there, they discovered my heart problem that had been going on for. months. When we were at that party, Corey, at your house, when sweatpants broke your grandma's

chandelier, drunk as I've ever been in my life, couldn't sleep all night. I thought it's because me and Trey was on that weird, lumpy bed. But in retrospect, I now know I was having a whole fucking event in my heart. The only reason that got discovered is because I'm in the hospital with this other bullshit and they find it, right? I have to live with that for a while because I have terrible insurance and I refuse to lose money on this. I get Obamacare and, you know, get it fixed for cheap or whatever. And then this last time with the cancer, I went to the dermatologist, only because I had something on my dick that I knew wasn't an STD,

but wasn't going away. And just for everybody wondering what it was was I got a little cut on my dick, you know, should have used some more lube. And then that got infected and should have stopped jacking off or having so much sex. It wouldn't go away because it kept staying irritated. So my dick and the fact that I literally was about to die are the only two things that have sent me to the doctor. It's so funny too because if I'm not mistaken when you had the thing on your dick, you also had a thing on your face. You're like, I'm like, I'm going to let that ride.

All right. I ain't that word about this face shit. But now this, this is a problem. I'm going to get this scene about, you know. And literally the doctor was like, okay, yes, you know, turn, turn. around nurse for a second. Pull your pants down, young man, blah, blah, blah. And then he was like, yeah, that's a defective cut. Listen, this thing on your face, we got to look at it right now. And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, we're going to do a biopsy and we're going to cut it out

and you're going to have a scar. And I'm like, a scar. You're going to scar at my face. Like, it's that serious. And he goes, this is very serious. He basically was like, look, I can't bet, but I bet you $100 that that's cancer and he nailed it. That would be hilarious if you and your doctor did gamble. You put $100 right now? Bullshit. Yeah, right now. $100 right now.

That's cancer. What you say? For you to say, it ain't your face. Yeah. Dr. Chang, that's his real name. I wasn't just being a papal. Yeah, no, I mean, dude, I'm the same way. You know, like, it's every man in my family, but I'm also the same way.

It's just like, the idea like, well, you can't have nothing wrong with you if you don't go to the doctor. There you go. You go to the doctor. They tell you something's wrong with you. Well, now you got a press. problem. Now you got a problem. But if that don't ever happen, hell. Yeah, just keep, keep, you know, keep on getting up, going to the garage every day or whatever, and it'll be fine. And one I struggle with, and this is dumb, but it also makes sense is the dentist. And it's done

because dental pain is horrific. It's horrific. But it also makes sense because literally 50% of the time I go to the dentist, they do make it worse. Yeah. But 50% of the time. Now, the other 50% it's like they're miracle workers you fixed my teeth and thank god i was about to kill myself but the other half the time it's like this kind of hurts and a week later i'm like i can't sleep because of what you did to me yeah yeah i'm like that is the one way i already mentioned my family history and it's very checkered past as far as all that goes that's the one way in which i've been like genetically gifted health wise because i do not deserve it i don't because i don't ever go i'm fucking white trash redneck i don't never go the dentist chow knows some days i just forget

to brush my teeth. He does. He does. Not drunk or hung over. I'm just halfway through the day. I'm like, oh, damn. I forgot to brush my teeth today. I'm trash.

We do that. Or at least this one does. And so, but like when I've gone to the dentist, which I went like a year, year and a half ago after 12 years off. And like my teeth do not hit aesthetically. But they're fine. Some people have this thing where it's like, it's almost like the thing that makes cilantro tastes like soap or something.

Like some people are just more predisposed towards cavities and tooth problems and they got to really stay on top of it. And then some people just super trash like me don't and aren't. So like I didn't have no like health wise. My teeth, my dental situation is all like top much. Your mouth looks like too healthy of an environment. You're growing extra ones and shit. Yeah, growing extra teeth up there because it is too hard in there.

They're having a party. But like, yeah, dude, they don't hit to look at. They're not a nice color, none of that. But in terms of like structural integrity and the general dental health, I'm like as healthy as you can be despite the fact that. So it reinforces my bad habit. But I say that happened, that happened to me. And that's the reason I didn't go back is because I remember I had a,

I had a tooth abscess. Now in that situation, I mean, you're going. You may have got no choice. No, dude, I was about to. I literally was about, it was so painful that I was like contemplating suicide. But like genuinely, I was like, hallucinating. I was in so much pain and I couldn't sleep.

DJ was doing that recently. Oh, dude. Well, he got to go. And, uh, okay, good. Yeah. Because like I said, dude, like, it's, it's literally, I can't compare it to anything else. When something's hurting it right in the middle of your face, like it's, this does not compare, but the only thing that's ever made me, like, reminded me of it was this year this week. I guarantee it.

Because that's on your, that's, it's on your head. Yeah. And tooth shit. If it's on your head, dude, you can't, your leg, you can rub it and shit. Right, right, right. Like ear stuff and two stuff, you can't do nothing about it. And you can't eat. Yeah, dude.

So that, I was going through all that and I was talking to my mom or somebody and they were like, well, who's your dentist? And I go, well, you know, I haven't, my dentist died. And so I haven't been back because my dentist died. I knew I was going to have to go. So that's how long it's been since I've been in the dentist. And my mom was like, yeah, Dr. Prince died 12 years ago. You haven't been to the dentist in 12 years. Do you understand how insane that is?

And I was like, I don't know. So I went, they fixed my abscess tooth. Like it was like a root canal or something. And I was like, okay, well, like, you know, I'm sure you was going like, you know, fill me up on the equivalent of washer fluid too. Like you checked around there. What all else is it that don't hit them? Because I'm just like, dude, there's no fucking way that they're not about to tell me we're going to have to take that out, replace that shit. And they were like, oh, you have no cavities.

Everything is great. And like, my teeth don't look good. But I was like, you telling me, I ain't been the dentist in damn 12 years. I'm the cookie-eatingest motherfucker you have ever met. And there's plenty of times, like, I wouldn't ever forget like you do, but there was plenty of times we're like, yeah, I'd be on a two-day drunk and just wouldn't brush my teeth or be so hungover. I didn't get that bad.

I was like, yeah, I ain't been back since. And that was like, you know, seven years ago. Because I was like, what fuck if I don't have cavities after 12 years, why would I have them now? I think it's a bacteria or a virus that people don't or do have. I think. And the sugar thing is it does feed on sugar. So sugar makes it worse. But if you don't have it, it don't matter. That's true. That's exactly what it is. There's some kind of bacteria that some people have in their mouth and other people don't. And if you have it. And you did it from? I don't know. I don't know. I mean. Haiti definitely has cavities, but not like in an extreme degree. And I, if she's got it. And her teeth are pretty. I know, but I'm saying because she has gotten mad of, you know, you know what I mean? She's like, that's so unfair. Like she was almost pissed. at me for the dentist, but I'm like, no, you hit just fine because she knows how I am. Right. She takes care of her shit and she'll have cavities and stuff periodically.

So I don't know if you can, like, swap that bacteria with somebody, but if you can, then Katie ain't got it because I haven't gotten it from her. So I don't know. Y'all be kissing? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Amber don't kiss you?

No, no. He's always facing the other way. Yeah. No. Is he kissing a piece? Hello. I like to, as she succumbs to the abyss.

Yeah, I like, I like to kiss fine, but she's not a kisser. Therefore, I haven't kissed in like, you know, since we've been together.

Like, that's just not, that's, I'm not kidding. It's like, we like, you know, we'll peck each other if it's like,

oh, I'm leaving for, bye, babe, I love you. But like, as far as like making out and stuff, no, dude,

I go straight to the pussy. You know what I mean? Like, I hate to be that way. I'm just saying, like, we very much are like, this what we're doing we ain't got time for none of that bullshit.

It's just like, boom, here we go, boom, here we go. All right, we're out. Like, she would be, I've tried to make out with her before and she's like, what are you doing? Why? I don't get it. I was like, all right, whatever. We could break that down, but instead, I think we should. I want to know if like you can get, like if I make out with Trey, well, I stop getting cavities, like a poop implant before your mouth.

Maybe that's what it is with me. Me and Trey are so close that I've got it. Yeah, and that's what I said a minute ago. y'all be kissing. Well, I'm pretty sure. And you know that Trey has an extra tooth in the exact same spot that I don't have a tooth. Yeah. Made for each other.

I think, Drew, I'm pretty sure that the bacteria makes it not hit. So what I have is the absence of bacteria. So I don't know how I could give you the absence of something. You know what I mean? If you don't want to kiss me, just say it. I'd have to suck the bacteria out your mouth. Like, fucking esoteric and scientific about it. Just don't make out with me.

That's fine, man. I don't have a missing tooth. I get it. I want Andy to give me a poop implant because she's the most regular person in the world. How? Don't you think that's a bullshit? It's, okay. It's bacteria.

Okay, because it always didn't make sense to me. I'm like, once you take the poop out me, just don't put nobody else poop in there, just get mine out. You know what I mean? Like, y'all did it. We good. I never wanted to, like, re-up on poop. Like, I ain't never thought, like, I need more pooping me.

It's always the opposite, you know. It's just a little bit just so you get the bacteria on there. It's kind of what you're saying, hypothetically, for people's mouths, but it's poop and grew mouth. It's people's butts. If you got a hitting butt teria and you put that either of you pooping my butt. You took,

you put hitting butt bacteria into somebody's butt that, who's back, but bacteria don't hit. Then they wage a little war and the hitting butt bacteria wins and now your butt hits. How for how long, for how long does your butt hit? I'm pretty sure if you do it correctly and maintain a healthy diet after that, like you didn't even remember. Yeah.

You know how I learned about this was Tick Natarro's TV show. I get two days. She had to get one because she has. Cancer. Is that a thing? No. Remember she got the stomach of disease after she beat cancer? No.

Diverticulitis? DiVarticulitis. I don't know what she has. I know that's a stomach thing. Ulcerol. DiVarticulitis is where like if. If you ate a seed or something that's going to fuck you that one. I don't know.

Maybe it is that. I don't know. Anyway, she had to get it. And that's why I know about it. And I was like, this ain't real. Like, this is what a weird thing to make up for a TV show. It's very real. Yeah, that's poop transplants, man.

That is just, I don't know. I mean, obviously. It sounds a little bit like Trey's joke, though, about how, like, you talk about what doctors used to do. But now they're fine. Now they trust. Like, imagine if in a hundred years there's just, they just put each of those poop in their butts?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they thought that's what worked. That ain't what work. I know, but, like, it's just like, I wish I just had enough money to where once a month, I could just go in and just be like, y'all take all the poop out my butt, and then I'd just leave, you know,

no putting another poop in there. It's just like, y'all just take everything out my butt, and then it'll be fine. Like, once a month? I think you got that money. once a month. Yeah, but don't you think

a huge chunk of the rest of the month wouldn't hit? Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right. I just don't know. That's the only time it happened. How much,

if you need it, you can do that. Yeah, yeah. How many poops you think you got in you? Because it's like, when you, like, how many?

What I've been doing? Because you ever, you ever take a shit and you're like, that one's, that one's been in there for two weeks. You know what I mean? Like,

I'm just saying, like, I go take a shit right now. Do you ever think there's a moment where you actually are? it's like there ain't none in here. It's completely empty. No, because your body feeds on your fat if you stop eating. Yeah.

I don't know. People who starve to death stop pooping. What a show we were having today. Yeah. But yeah, I was just wondering if you can play the cancer card at all. You know what I mean? You can. You got it.

Right. You got it. Well, yes. You should build a park wherever. You get back to that. Like, it's fun. surreal that this sentence is true, I have cancer. Mm-hmm.

But at the same time, and I don't know if this is like some kind of stupid complex I have or whatever, because I hate being a victim. Like I get it from my dad and like, I'll go too far. Yeah, I don't want people feeling sorry for me. No, hell no. I hate it. But I also, but I think that I genuinely don't, shouldn't have people feeling very sorry for me right now. because other than it being mentally annoying, I just swallowed,

so maybe I'm a little afraid. I think it's just fine. Like, I just, you just, they cut it out of you and it's fine. Now, what I do know is for the rest of my fucking life, every goddamn freckle dot, whatever I've got to deal with. And that's going to be very annoying because what this type of cancer can do

is fuck your shit up. Like it almost never kills anyone. in like the first world or if you have access to health care or whatever. But like, you know, it's scarred up a face or two. Yeah, you've definitely got, I'm certain in the cancer world, you know, there's the hierarchies and there's certain people that have a certain type of cancer. And when they ever, and when they hear about a different type of cancer, they're just like, okay, yeah, you got cancer.

Dick and butt cancer is number one worse, right? Yeah. And after that, it's talking about. Oh, pancreatics are worse. You're talking about what number one worst in terms of will kill your ass? Pancreatic. No, it's pancreatic, which my daddy has. It's pancreatic.

That pancreatic is pretty universally recognized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just meant in terms of, you don't want to have dick or butt cancer. For sure, you don't. I guess I was mostly joking, but also in terms of pain, isn't bone cancer is supposed to be like? Yeah, bone cancer is real fucked up too. Yeah, bone cancer don't hit. Is blood cancer what leukemia is?

Yes. It's a white blood cell issue. kinds and everything, but yeah, leukemia is a type of blood cancer for sure. Prostate cancer, that wouldn't be it either. We can do it like a, you know, like a, like a bracket. Cancer. At one point, you know, but I don't, I don't know enough about it now. Or the bot, like, however you're trying to do it, or the last, like, is my understanding.

I mean, there might be something out there. Like, maybe you can get hair cancer. You just get a haircut and you're fine. But other than that, I'm safe. All right. Yeah. But, dude, no, it's, it is wild. like just being like, oh, damn, I got cancer.

And, you know, like you said, even though you're going to be fine, yeah, I would certainly be like, yeah, your life's definitely going to change in terms of how many times you go to the hospital in the future versus how much you went in the past. You know what I mean? I got to stay on top of it because the only time it's dangerous is if it, the word I think is mastocizes, mastis, metastatitis, metastis. Metastasize. Metastasize. Metabolism.

Yeah. And, um, this, this, this kind of type. just doesn't usually and that means just means spread but you got to stay on top of it to keep it from doing that because that's the only danger like this won't do anything it just damages the skin around it but if you didn't fuck with it at all or you live somewhere where you didn't even have access to do that it would eventually get into something else right and that's why the American healthcare system is so wonderful because I found this out like nearly a month ago I got to go to the doctor today so he can do another assessment before he does the thing that they all know

I need. Right. That's fun. Yeah, no, it don't hit. Well, I don't know. I have one random thing I was going to bring up. We got a shot a few minutes left here. Long time ago now on the podcast, I was talking about how I watched Independence Day again with the boys and it was in for them.

But how I got sort of weird. This was like before the 2020 election sometime. I know because it's relevant. It was like 2019 or something like that. I was watching with them. and I got almost like depressed or saddened because of... I know where this is going. And I talked about all this on the podcast at the time,

but Bill Pullman's character, the president in that movie. Yeah. It just, I love that movie. It look, it's cheesy and over top and all that shit. But like,

while Trump especially, but still, yeah, right, was, but while he was in office, watching that is just, it's like,

dude, as if anyone on planet, earth would ever buy this character now because like we know that this is complete bullshit. We don't have stuff like this. And we don't in this country, but I was thinking yesterday that Zelensky is this. He's this. Yeah. It's pretty much that exact dude.

Yeah, he is. He's been asking for these planes and shit. And it's like, I don't even think he know how to fly, but he's going to fly them planes himself. I'm convinced of it at this point. But like, and it's so it's just, I don't know. It's wild. Like that's such an idealistic character and everything.

and you watch it now and you're like, America ain't ever doing that or anything like that. But at least some people, you know, leaders like that exist somewhere in the world. Now, his movie is going to be great. I'm glad you brought it up because, especially in terms of a movie, so I was writing this morning and I was like, all right, fuck it. I might end up doing a joke about this war. Let me see what's on my brain. And I'm not about to do a bit.

But what I was thinking about is how Americans get so used to consuming shit through our phones and TVs that we turn everything into the story in the way of a movie is. And I don't think we're ready. And look, what I'm about to say, like, what's happening in Ukraine is way worse than what's about to happen to us, which is borderline nothing. But our psyche is not ready for what's going to happen to this man because we have all decided that he is a hero. Yeah.

We have been trained that heroes win. And this is some Game of Thrones shit. Yeah. It is going to die soon. And because we're also American nurses. I think everyone's going to be like, you know, borderline shocked. You know what I mean? He's definitely not Ned for the record because Ned was a dip shit.

I'd say he's more like the viper in this situation. The red viper. Yeah. I mean, look, sorry he believed in stuff, Corey. He was not arguable that they may not kill him at this point because I would say you're going to, like, if that happens, he's going to bring it back to the Hollywood movie deal. He's going to be fucking Iron Man from Avengers. in game or the MCU afterwards.

Like he's going to, you cannot martyr somebody any harder than that dude would be martyed if they do kill him right now. He had fucking murals of his face across the entire globe. They could, be rallied by it, be inspirational. I feel like they could, I'm not saying that that would, that they would be afraid of that, but I feel like they could look at that possibility and be like, that ain't worth it and purposefully choose to not kill him to avoid. that happening at this point.

Maybe, but they're also clearly fucking lunatics, so who the hell knows, you know? And also, I think that that would go away eventually. You know what I mean? Like, his mark hasn't been around long enough for that to last. Like, I would imagine that they would really like to get rid of him. But it's just funny. I don't know, dude.

I think if he got blown up today, I think he'd be a symbol for a really long time. I agree. A really long time. He'd have statues and stuff. shit kids would be learning about in history class like again around the whole world in my opinion i don't disagree with you i've kind of like what i was saying about the bill pullman character i feel like people in a lot of around a lot of the world especially like the western world had kind

of subconsciously all reached this same conclusion that like there ain't no leaders like that you know what i mean it's like that they're all like that that don't exist they're all full of shit whatever and it's like, and this dude's like inspiring everyone. And so, I mean, it's like some George Washington shit, man. We're kind of saying the same thing, though. I guess I'm just being a lot more cynical about it. Like, we have decided that he is our hero. You know what I mean?

Like, even here in America. Right. And heroes aren't supposed to die. And I'm sitting here rationalizing why that will happen, which is your, like, whole point. Right. It will end that people are going to, like, feel personally offended by it, which is, there's something absurdly humor.

about that. Like, people are going to be genuinely upset specifically that he died, which is a strange thing. Yeah, but I mean, you know,

you can't not, I mean, I get it. I mean, this dude, you know, he wild, he a hero.

He's, he's, he's a bad motherfucker. He's, it's just, you also got them twins that used to fight that one of them's a mayor now.

The cliff goes, yeah, that's wild too, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, dude,

I used to love watching him box. They're like, yeah, they were heavyweight champions and one of them's a, Ph.D. I had Vladimir's poster in my room. He was a bad motherfucker.

Ukrainians. Boy. There's some bad motherfuckers over there now. They wild, boy. But I will tell you this, I don't know when, depending, I don't know how long it will need to wait to come out before, for maximum hitage. But the movie about all this could very much hit depending on, you know, who does, not that, not that that should matter. I'm just saying, like, man, it's like, but it, it does all.

almost feel like if you, if none of this had happened and then someone made a movie based on it, you'd be like, dude, what the fuck? Like, like you said with Independence Day, you're like, that guy ain't real. Yeah, that guy ain't real and also the mayor boxes, like ours wrestles, you know, so I don't know. It's a, it's a wild timeline. It puts me in the mindset of people who do these murder documentaries and murder podcasts, the true crime genre, and then get mad when there's no big spectacular ending or the kid doesn't get away or the kid doesn't get away or They didn't know. Tray's bids about that.

And it's like, yeah, what did you think was going to happen? Yeah, this is not, it wasn't scripted. So sometimes things, the writers, there's no writers of this that are going like, what does the audience want? It's like, no, sometimes they get their head chopped off and put in a fucking car, you know, like that's. Yeah. So, woof.

But yeah, man. So, hmm. One line I did like from my writing this morning, then I'll tell you guys, because I'll never do this on stage is that, uh, it is a lot like Hollywood. It's clear who the good guys are. It's clear who the bad guys are and all the major roles with the 5'7 white guys. Does it.

Well, hey, go to well-read comedy.com, grab tickets to see us in Little Rock, Bentonville, Portland, and then Louisville. Go to patreon.com slash crau-excuse me. Go to patreon.com slash Trey Crowder. Also go to Corey Wrightsfor-you.com. Also check out Into the Abisket, all that good stuff. with Drew Morgan and yada yada, all the various things we have going on. We love you very much.

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