wellRED podcast - #263 - We Are Huge Pu**ies + Drew Gets Assaulted by a Masseuse

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

This week the boys talk about day drinking and how their papaws were better at it, Women's sports (and whether Corey would be good at them) and also Drew gets a sad ending at a massage parlor

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like, you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's the thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better. and it's called Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.

I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocketmoney.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a

fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people But I was like, well, upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. But I was like, well, fuck it. So, yeah, I went and had some beers and did that whole thing. Walk-on's just taking the world by storm, huh? Dude, it's crazy because this is how I found out that we even fucking had one. I had no idea. You know, we went to the one in Knoxville, and I was like, man, I just went to the flagship one in New Orleans,

and it was great. And then we ate there and then now, yeah, Waucombe. It's probably the fastest rising sports bar I've ever seen in my life. And again, it's a Drew Breeze joint, right? Yeah, and we're not sponsored by them because we're recording right now, but it is great. But funny story about that. We told last week what we had done when we went to Knoxville, which was just went, three dudes went to see a movie alone, or just three dudes got hammered drunk on tequila,

forgot the whole movie, and ruined our entire weekend after that, but almost ruined it. we told that story one part that was left out of that story was I think we mentioned we went to walk-ons actually before the movie we went there before the movie just because it was close by but I'd never heard of walk-ons and I asked Corey that Corey and producer Bryce were like walk-ons and I was like what is that and the way Corey described it to me was he was like well it's uh it's like sort of like a Dave and Busters but with a New Orleans New Orleans menu because Drew Brees

It was like David and Buster's people with like Cajun food. I was like, hell yeah. David Buster. And then he goes, I mean, there ain't no games or nothing. And I was like, so not really like David and Buster. It's the vibe. You know what I mean? It's a bunch of dudes hanging out, a bunch of pieces of shit.

Being bros. Yeah, it can gumbo. And but then we did get to that. Is it Dave and Busters a bunch of kids? Yeah. Not the section that I hang out in. But. Okay.

The smoking section? Oh, yeah. I'm not kidding, though. The Dave and Busters in Chattanooga, I've been twice. I saw one child, and it was the ones that I, the one that I brought. Mostly, it's a bunch of dudes who were just like, I don't feel like going to Hooters. That's probably not great for Dave and Busters's long-term sustainability, I would imagine. Well, there's a new, there's a new, there's a, I don't know how new they are.

I bet there's a day in Dave and Busters, it's different. There's another chain that actually is like Dave and Buster. because they do have games called round one that's out here on the west coast. I didn't know about them until recently either, but we got one in Burbank, and we've went twice now in the past month. And they've got a bar and a menu, and they got bowling alleys and pool tables and all that and TVs everywhere. But it's a shit load of kids in there because it's an arcade. I mean, that's the idea. But I mean, those places have hit for me since before I had kids, but now that I have kids, they continue to hit for me.

because it's like Chucky Cheese, but Chucky Cheese is like, it's, I don't know, you feel weird in a Chucky Cheese. Yeah, even though they do serve beer. I know, but it's not. Chuckie Cheese is so kid-oriented. Yeah, if you drink a beer or something in a Chucky Cheese, you feel like you're on a list now. Exactly. Or at least I do. I know.

I feel that way too. Whereas these places, they don't feel like that. No, Chucky Cheese is a place that you take. It's four kids and they have some beers for the adults. Busters feels like a place that's for adults that also your kids will like. You know what I'm saying? It's that because like Chucky Cheese serves beer, but David Buster has a full bar. Like they have a full bar shots, all that stuff.

And like if you stay around the bar area, you know, it's mostly dudes like me betting on fucking Chipper Jones jerseys and shit. And then over on the way other side is like kids. But like when I, when we go and we've been on the Dave and Busters on the road and It's not like we saw a lot of kids. The main reason was because we always go after shows. Well, I was about to say, yeah. So that's because the times we've gone on the road, it's been 11.30.

Well, that's when I go, you know. Of course. I'm not going to be in the kids there. No, but you, but my point is, is you said, I don't think that's good for David, Davisers in the long run. Well, you left that part out. Well, when the fuck did you think I was going to Dave and Buster? I don't know.

You just came from a fucking sports bar drunk at 1 p.m. right now. Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. Fair, fair, fair. Right. Fair. Could have been at any time. Yeah, that's true.

And I definitely have been to, you're right. I've been to David Buster's kids. I'm just saying, like, I'm sure that like at 2 p.m. It's, okay. I've got you in a corner now because you fucked up somewhere in this because you said, you said, I've been to David Busters and there wasn't but one kid in there, and that's the kid that I brought. So you took a kid in there at midnight or what's going on?

I'm in a corner here. I'm in a corner here. Yeah, yeah. I've definitely been there at 430. You're right. I've been there. I've been a Dave and Busters multiple times.

You know, just trying to get the lay of the line. I fucking love it, man. Like, I've got like, in my career, I've had like three or four Dave and Busters based jokes that I've told on stage where I kind of like shit on Dave and Busters and people come to me after and I was like,

oh, I know, man, David Busters, it's the worst. And I'm like, no, I fucking love Dave Busters. They're like, really? But what you said on stage? And I was like, where do you think I got all that information? You know what I mean? It's from being at David Busters a lot. Yeah.

I didn't believe you when you said that it's for guys and then kids can have a good time, but I just checked out their website, and it seems to be that they mainly advertise themselves as a sports bar you can play games at. For sure. So, you know, that is their goal, clearly, is to be for adults. And you can bring your kids. Well, speaking of places that are for adults, but sometimes you can bring their kids, you come see us on the road.

Well-read comedy. I recommend bringing the kids. No, but they do sometimes. Nor do I desire it. No, but I'm just saying, you know, a fucking butt's, you know, tickets to ticket. It hits for me when like a 16-year-old comes. Yeah, that's fine.

Do you just say fucking butts? A ticket's a ticket? No, I said fucking butt a ticket's a ticket. Yeah. No, if we were doing that, we'd be fucking sold out, son. Yeah. Well-redcomby.com. com, W-E-L-R-E-D,

Comedy.com, April 1st and second, we're in Little Rock, then April 3rd, we're in Bentonville, April 14th to the 16th. We are in Portland, Oregon, and then Louisville, we are there the 21st of the 23rd, I think. Yeah. Okay, man, I just nailed that shit.

I need to be drunk more often, I think, is what we're getting here, because I never remember that. Yeah, right? And I've come to that side recently. Have you? Are you drunk right now? No, I think you should be drunk more often. Yeah, I'm drinking.

You have a hat on that says me get. Me. Yeah, me get. So, okay, what are you drinking there? You get drunk. This is a seltzer that, because Amber had it in the fridge. I just came home and everything we had was. Alcoholic seltzer?

Yeah. Yes, hell yeah. So it's almost 4 p.m. there. I don't want to get hung over. You know what I mean? Well, that's my question. That's my question. That's my question.

So you've gone to a buddy's birthday lunch on Tuesday. Was his cousin there? Had some. Zach, no, he wasn't there. Had some drinks, which is, you know, fine. That's what being adult all about. But I'm wondering, so now you're here on the podcast and it's almost 4 p.m. your time.

What is your plan for the rest of this Tuesday evening? Are you going to stop? Yeah. Can you stop? Will that make a hit way less? If you do stop, you sacrifice them tomorrow. Like, what's the math you're doing in your head right now about how you're going to play this out?

used to, I would 100% continue to drink until I fell asleep. Yes. Because in my mind, I would be like, well, you're already in it. You may as well. And like the thing is, if I do stop drinking, there is like that, well, you'll get hung over during the middle of the day. What I'm going to do and what works for me when I fuck around and get in this situation, we're going to be done with this podcast around 450 my time. And because we have an extra hour of sunlight and it's beautiful here, I'm going to leave

here go straight to the park and jog three miles and that will sweat it all out and then i'll be still drinking right now and you're going to jog in about 50 minutes this is another way in which he's like burt fucking crasher dude burr crusher talks about he'll talk about how he has like y'all only had the couple bottles of wine on the treadmill last night like he'll drink wine on the treadmill and of course everybody else that hears that's like you're fucking maniac i could do that doesn't surprise dude i would never and i you know i get on the fucking bike every day I would never do it while drunk. I feel like I would just throw up, I think.

It will. I probably will. Yeah, but that helps. That means you're not going to be. Do you get exhausted? So the second closest I've ever come to drowning, first closest was I knocked myself out. First closest was I knocked myself out,

jumping out a boat, got a concussion, knocked out in the water, came to choking on water. Anyway, don't remember it, but apparently almost died. The second closest hopped out of a boat

that was drifting back to the shore, close to shore, to just cool down. And I have found this a couple times on the lake. This is just the time that it was the scariest and they had to throw me a rope. Drinking makes, like my lungs don't work right.

Like, I can't do that. That's why I said three miles, not five, you know what I mean? Buddy, I was not out of shape when this happened and I couldn't swim 10 feet

without my body just going into some kind of weird like, hey man, we're already doing all we can do. Well, For the record. Go ahead. One time, me, Thompson, and Charles, I know Charles. We were at a, we're at a Titans game, and we're at the Gershthouse across the.

Tomor one? Do what? The Baltimore game? No. Okay. It's a different one, but just drunk, though. We were playing the Colts. It was actually that game where, was it Stephen Tullick shot through the gap on fourth and two and tackled their running back in the backfield?

I'm pretty sure I was pretty sure I was there Yeah it was why like we we didn't this one When Peyton manning was still at the Colts we didn't beat the We didn't beat the Colts much when Peyton was there no in this game and it was a night game and we were there We beat them more than you would think though When they had Peyton we did beat them more than you would think We beat them more than you loved them most people would think none at all but Andrew Luck beat the fuck out of us compared to Peyton

So I mean that is true we literally never beat Andrews like I hate the fucking Colts anyway that I hope. Anyway, fucking, we were at the Gurst House as we were wont to do and had some shots of stuff. We got hammered drunk.

I think Thompson threw up in a bush. Rest in peace, Garst House. Yeah, on the very outside of the bush. And then we went over there for, and we were just so fired up.

We thought it'd be a good idea. We were, of course, sitting in the nosebleeds. We ran, all three of us ran all the way up. The, what's that called? The fucking,

the back and forth, the, Concourse? Yeah, the concourse, concourse. We ran all the way back up and that concourse up to the very top and got up there. So I'm trying to think of times when I've been hammered drunk and exerted myself. I'm not hammered drunk, though. And that's the only one I could think of, and it was a massive mistake.

Well, like all three of us got up there. We just had to like stand in the corner around a trash can. I cannot believe they didn't throw us out. But you could do it. Just like spitting and about to die and trying to not. to throw up and then we finally got it together and it ruined like the whole first quarter well i'm not hammered drunk though yeah we made it yeah we made it yeah right but i do i don't think i'm normal in that because i just remembered did y'all ever play any physical drinking games in college yeah

i mean not in college we played bear palm flip cup we did the olympics so yeah so we were the fighting scots so we had the highlander games it was like a tradition the seniors would do it and my senior year, I had been, like I already good team there. Yeah, it was. My senior year, I was nominated for an award, and I got it, and my parents were coming, and I didn't know that till that day. So I was like, I can't do it.

I'll be like the host. So I dressed up like William Wallace and gave a bunch of speeches and ended up getting hammered anyway. But I watched my friends drink a case over the course of about three hours while, like, we had a ropes course in the woods. Yeah. They were like climbing shit, running the. through creeks like crawling on ropes pulling themselves up and i i feel like everybody puked an average of

seven times per person but they all you know completed it well well for the record let's be clear here if i get out there and i take off and i get winded i will still then walk at least an hour and a half in the sun and do some hills and stuff and even just doing that will cure me of any day hangover that I was going to have and make me feel better tomorrow. So like even if I don't get the three miles in, just doing fucking something, you know, just like leak. Because first off, if I don't leave my house, I'm going to 100% keep drinking. Because I don't have that thing in me that goes, yeah, you've already done it.

And there's some in the fridge. Just quit. I've got to like remove myself. And luckily I have a park over there. When you come back, you won't have that. No. That's what I was about to say. I was like, you won't reward yourself.

for a job well done when you get back to the house. Like, you know what I deserve? I say no, but I mean, look, it could happen. But I do think that once I go through all that and I realize like, hey, you really, you took some time out of your day, you put the work in.

I usually don't. Because like, dude, I worked out right before I had these beers. And normally that's not something I would do. I know people talk all the time about like, oh, the post workout beer is great. And for the record, it fucking is. Because today's like the first time I've ever really had a post workout beer.

Because normally when I work out, I don't ever drink on those days because I don't want to like cancel out the fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, I really just like, I exerted myself. And if I go drink six, seven beers and then have the Doritos that I know I'm going to have, then all of that was for nothing. And I really busted my ass, you know. You're right about that. But it is, as you now are aware, it's so good. Oh, God.

I remember when I first moved to Knoxville for that job and me and Caddy were together, but we weren't married. yet she wasn't pregnant and I was doing like P90X and shit was broowing out so after work I'd do that and then go meet people from work at a bar or something endorphins are all up and I did that like routinely yeah and it I mean yeah working out and then getting drunk hits super hard yeah you're very right at this at this point in time I was like 23 now granted it's like a speedball it's like uppers and yeah right for sure now now like having to write about it like being non incensical and counterproductive, but I was 23. If you only have two light beers after you work out, if you're someone who can just be like, I'm having two beers and that's it. Actually, there's some science that backs up like, no, that's actually okay for you,

like what it does to your blood sugars and stuff like that. That's the science, huh? No, two, but we're talking two light beers, and then you're also having a sense. Two scientists, okay? No, no, no. I'm just saying like there is. I'm not hired by Burt Croucher.

No, no, no, no. But I'm saying like, but most human fucking beings, anyone, anyone who can stop themselves after two beers is probably the type of person who's not going to have those two beers to begin with after they work out. I don't know, dude. There's apparently a lot of adults out there who are like that. Bows me away too. I don't understand them either. I do believe that they exist. People that can, like, they can go and they can have a beer or maybe two.

I don't. And they're like, that's it. It's just like people that eat until they're. Because it was your heart, right, Drew? I think it was my brother, honestly, and my dad being a drunk and not being a comedian yet. But I used to be able to do that. You would think, though, that that would make you go, I'm not going to have any, you know? Yeah, I don't know, buddy.

It didn't last. So I'm not really saying I was that person because I was that person for like a year and a half. Yeah. After law. You know, hit harder than this? Three times this. Yeah. Like after law school, like I got to get my shit together and be an adult now.

And I pulled that off for a little while. And then it just, you know what? That's not, that shouldn't count. 18 months ain't enough. I was not. No, 18 months is a pretty good. That's fucking, that to me, 18 months and being someone that only has two drinks every time is sincerely more impressive than 18 months sober. Right.

It wasn't every time. It was like after work. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was like Saturday I'll get fucked up. Right. But if I meet y'all on Tuesday, I'm only having two. right because when I say I drink always been the type that's like I would just rather not do it at all me too me too

than to only have just a couple because then it's like the middle point of like you know again if you got be a monkey big gorilla like I'd rather just stay sober because being sober that hits you sleep better you feel better all that right hit but if I'm gonna have any I'm gonna have a few make a hit you know because I'm I'm at the point now where like not not necessarily always but like two weeks ago me and my buddy had and I swear to you I had four beers four all right

we're not two but four four four beers came home did my best to drink as much water as I could went to bed I woke up the next day feeling as though I had went to a goddamn Georgia tailgate and I'm sitting there going

motherfucker if I'm going to have four if I'm going to feel this way go in I've been that way for years now. That sucks. Since probably, I don't know, 30-ish, so for like five or six years, I've been exactly. It's like that part of the math I do in terms of if I'm going to drink it all, because I swear to God, the difference, look, if I drink way too much and it's hard liquor or something, I will be more hungover.

It will last multiple days. I will want to go to the fucking hospital. But putting that aside, the difference between having three beers and. 12? Not much different. Not much in terms of the hangover. But the difference between having three beers and zero is massive. Of course.

Like it don't matter. I could have three beers hours before going to bed. Stop hours before chug water. Get totally sobered up. Never even be drunk in the first place. But when I wake up the next morning, I will wake up like, oh, right, I drank last night. And you were water drinking some bitch, too. I drink a shit load of water.

You're just wrong. I just don't. Has getting in shape not changed? I'm the same way for the record. Has getting in shape not made a difference for you, Corey? Yeah, I just think that my getting in shape also has coincided with I have turned 34 and about to turn 35 this year. Like, you know what I'm saying? Yes.

Like when I first started getting in shape, absolutely. And then I think now I'm just finally at that age. Like, I was convinced for a long time, like, you know, my hangovers from like, 21 to like 30 were kind of the same. And I was like, oh, yeah, I already know what it's like to get hung over, you know. So like I'm going to, whatever it is that these old people are talking about, like, they clearly can't just can't go like me, you know. And then like I woke up, it was 33, really. I woke up 33 and was like, oh, shit, things are different. And now, like, I definitely think, because I do drink a lot more water and I'm a lot.

better shape, maybe, but like, I don't know, man. But again, I still go back to a couple weeks ago when I had four and was just like, now I ate like shit that day too, though. I ate like shit that day. And that might have, food hangovers are fucking real. They're real. Wait, that's another hugely upsetting revelation about growing older that I've had is I've been, I swear to God, I've felt hungover literally just from the trash food.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not before. Didn't drink anything or do any drugs, just ate trash food and felt like shit the next morning. but I'm wondering, and we probably talked about this before, we've talked about all of this many times before, but like, are we just huge pussies? Like, is that what it is?

Because I don't even know what you mean, but yeah. I just think about, like, our pap-a-paws, and there's pap-alls out there right now still doing it, you know? And they feel like shit. I don't know. Dude, I don't like... Drew, Drew's correct here. They wake up and keep drinking.

But my papal didn't. Not whiskey bowl, papal. You know, been a long time now. But whiskey bowl papal drank a bowl of whiskey, hence the name, a bowl of Pyrex mixing bowl of whiskey and Coke, every single night. Right. And smoked at least a pack of cigarettes a day, by the way. Which, that will do it. That's one of the worst to hang up.

overinducing things there is. And he did that every day, but he did not drink throughout the day, though. And he'd wake up, go fucking work on a fucking car in his garage at the car lot all goddamn day and never seemed. For the record, that it works for wear. Now, truck driving

horribing and papal, he was more of the always have a bush light in his hand and a fucking cigarette hanging off his lip. And he seemed a little roughed up. I bet he had some pills of some sort that I got a couple of. I got a couple. It might have just been caffeine pills.

You know he has. I got two working theories. It might have been caffeine pills. It might have been, you know, nerve pills. But like, it might have been a little cocaine. Who knows? I got two working theories. Number one, the dudes that, and this, this, by the way, plays into, yes, we are

pussies. So let me say that. But I have noticed that my buddies who work physically demanding jobs can go harder. And I think what that really is is my theory of like, when you work out, you push it out. They're doing... They get up and do that every morning. They get up and do that every morning.

And so by the time they get through work in, they've kind of pushed all them toxins out where we just fucking lay stank. You know what I mean? My dad says that even when he worked on the railroad, he would drink a case every night at least. When he did any drugs, it was so he could drink more. And he talks about how as he got older and then the machines came in

and they started doing a lot of the work for you, you just couldn't do it no more. He was like, It was like, oh, I'm getting older. I can't do this, but I noticed he was like nobody could work in that out actually is a thing. Second theory. Okay, go ahead. Second theory.

That's still pussy, like Corey said. Yeah, of course, it still comes back to us being pussy. Second theory, your papaw was 100% born during the Depression, right? He was born in 1935. Okay. Dave was born back then. Them motherfuckers did not drink water. They drank R.C. Cola.

Also, so wild to me. Yeah, yeah. No, my granny, my granny, I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding. You asked my mama. My grandmother never drank a glass of water in her fucking life. Okay. Live.

Live. Okay. But hear me out. Never drank water. All they ate was fucking bacon. And just fattening fucking horrible shit. My point is that I don't think they ever felt good. So fuck a hangover.

You know what I mean? Like they didn't like the difference to them. They were just like, yeah, you just wake up and you don't. head. They felt good four to six drinks in. That's what I'm saying. The alcohol is the only fucking thing that help them. And the other thing is like, remember as Coley from the drive-by trucker said to us

when we brought this question up to him about like, how do you do it all? While we were chugging tequila listening to Frank Ocean. We had just started touring for a few months. And we were about half dead because we've been going hard. And we're like, how do you keep it up? And he was just like, you get used to it, man. you know like and uh in a town that very much well actually you pussies you know it was it was positive like this you said actually you go man you know we've been because they were coming off the

end of their tour and so they were like going a little hard and we were just you were just like man i know you go every night and blah blah blah blah but like at what point do you get to where like you start understanding like okay well we don't go hard here and blah and he's looking at you like you're literally talking chinese mass right it makes no sense and you go and he goes goes, no, you just keep going in. You just get used to it. What the fuck are you talking about? So, let's see, again, which points back to, we are just pussies.

But I think about myself. Y'all did get used to it. Well, okay, no. And I gained 50 pounds. Hang on. Yeah, I gained 40 pounds, literally 40 pounds in that first eight months on the road. Seven months. Okay, but y'all would drink a bottle of wine and then go get another bottle.

Two. Listen. Yeah, you're right about that, but I still felt like I, anyway, but I'll think about my own self when I worked my desk job, not physical labor. I'm just working a desk job and don't get me wrong. I felt rough every day, but I'm saying I think back, because that was like, that was back with my dad had cancer and died and everything. And I was drinking a lot at that time, just drinking by myself at home every night. And like, I think back now on how much I know I was drinking then and I marvel and I had two like infants you know that weren't sleeping at night either and so

I think back on that whole combination now and I marvel at my ability to do literally anything during that time if I started living like that tomorrow I ain't no way I could pull it off but I'm saying you do just get used to because I you know like I sort of rolled right out of college drinking all the and just kept right on doing that. You know what I mean? And I got older and it got harder, but still you do just, you get used to that type of thing.

But that's back when Drew remembers, I used to complain all the time about, man, I got real bad I BS. Like my stomach is fucked up all the time, you know, and he was like, well,

have you tried to eliminate anything from your diet? And I was like, no, that's fucking stupid. Like, why would it be something in my diet? It's just the way I am, Drew,

shut the plug up. Why would it be stuff I'm putting into my belly that makes it not hit? I don't understand. large you could bread like you fucking loser like leave me alone you know and anyway but lo and behold you're like my guts still don't hit but like when i stopped drinking all the goddamn time that went away but while i was in it i did not put it together yeah of course that it was the fact i was drinking all the time that's what you're supposed to do i have stomach problems and also i drink all the time

you know so like you just you you rationalize things and you you you You do find ways to just sort of, I don't know, keep on trucking. It becomes normal, you know what I mean? Speaking of the truckers and plugging dates, let me go ahead and say, I'm going to be with the truckers at homecoming April 7th and 8th in 6th and 7th, excuse me, in Athens, Georgia, 8th and 9th are sold out, but you can still get tickets for those individual days. You cannot get a weekend pass anymore, but you can get tickets for those individual days.

I wanted to plug that. since we brought up the truckers, I felt like that was a little natural. I think you just get used to it because of what you just touched on, Trey. You don't get used to it, used to it. You forget that it's not normal. Like, you were always complaining about your IBS. So it's not like you had just like been okay with it. You know what I mean?

Yeah. No, I know. I know, but I'm saying I didn't, and it makes no sense. It's so stupid in retrospect. So, like, I think your pap all was struggling, but just like you, if he, he woke up and was like, God damn, my head's killing me. And your grandma was like, well, if you wouldn't have drank so much to me, that ain't why, it's because you won't quit talking to me. Why about saying my mama would never dream of talking to him like that, okay? But we, we need to take a break.

Right after this. Hold on a second. Before we take it, I'm going to lead this into the break. Speaking, because I would be remiss if I did not do this. Speaking of people who were not pussies. speaking to people who went in all the time okay i feel like i need to give a shout out and say rest in peace to my homeboy razor ramon scott hall as they say uh uh bad times don't last but bad guys do okay can i can i read that tweet from our buddy chris who please and then we'll go to break yeah

and then we'll go to break so it's uh chris's tweet i'm just going to paraphrase it by memory rather than go find it real quick was I didn't know Scott Hall but I worked with the girl who was friends with him she knew I was a rasseling nerd so she called him one day and let me talk to him and he said hey you work with my friend well if you get her peeled up she's a hell of a fuck rest in peace scott hall let's take a break anyway yeah maybe I wouldn't give pa a lip like that drew come on now right but you know what I'm saying she also just said there about I don't know why his head hurts either darn this thing probably the pan I hit him with She was I'm tech no it weren't like that she wanted them angels yeah see my grandma was an angel but she also whoop a ass

Geraldine there's no angel jerdette drew go frez up okay so it ain't just me that he frizz up on him no he frizz up on my end too let's just let's just remove him all right he's back now okay You froze. So as a production manager here, I removed you. But now you're back. Yeah, I did. That's, I understand. Okay.

What did you say about Geraldine? Not an angel. And I was saying, I think Flo was, but that's why she got left as soon as she got Alzheimer's. So, whew. That's rough. Ooh, boy. I mean, shit. What was he just like, well, she ain't going to remember.

Remember this shit? Yeah, exactly. And she did not. She would ask where R.L is. That's like how that's like Taylor I'm dead hell why would I give a kid a third birthday you know what I mean like he's not going to That's my favorite Anthony jessling joke you guys remember that one about his neighbor coming over asking where his wife is Yes yes how'd the rest of that go said uh I got a neighbor with Alzheimer's and it's tough he comes over every day And he asks me where his wife is and she's passed she's no longer with us and every day I have to tell him the news every single day

hey, I have to tell this man this, but it's worth it just to see the smile on his face. Women don't hit. So what else is going on, fellas? Hey, oh, I wanted to say something. This will take two seconds. Do you remember a couple weeks ago I was at a bar with Bryce and I was texting y'all how we were watching women's lacrosse

and I said, look some things shouldn't be funded because I was watching women's lacrosse and I was looking at it going like

look I'm not saying I'm the best athlete in the world I'm not but I could go out there right now and drop fucking 10 in this fucking game that's obviously rich girls

so I'm just I'm a fat out of shit but my point my point so that led me down like sort of a lacrosse kind of rabbit hole a little bit and again this will take two seconds

because it's just an anecdote but do you know who is widely considered one of the greatest I bet you do. One of the greatest of lacrosse, who? Jim Thorpe or Bill Belichick?

Jim Brown. Jim Brown. Jim Brown. That's right. Jim Brown. That blew my fucking mind. Not that like, first off, of course,

Jim Brown, if he does anything, he's going to be the greatest at it. But like, thinking of like Jim Brown in the 30s and 40s playing lacrosse, like, lacrosse is such a white fucking sport now. That like I know. Now, I got another thing we took from the ending.

It is. I mean, yeah, it looks like it. But, yeah. And the Cherokee nation, one of the nations, they still hit real hard at LaCross. They play as their own nation. I can't remember if it's Cherokees or which one it is. They kill white people at it. But you feel what I'm saying, right?

Like, of course, if Jim Brown does anything. But, like, it's so white now that how the fuck was a black dude playing it in the 40s? Okay. I don't know. I don't remember the Jim Brown's story. That was true. That's true. Back then.

But he was just, they were like, hey, well, he hits. Tell him no. Yeah. I read this article. It might have been in The Athletic, which Trey turned me on to. The athletic's fucking great. It's been like three or four years that I read it, and it was about rich people basically creating spaces for their children

at Ivy League schools and other really good schools. By not like uplifting a program there, like rowing, lacrosse, fencing, things that they basically, by donating a fuck ton of money created a whole team and then 10 scholarships for and it's a scholarship in a sport where they don't have to compete

with middle class and lower class people because they don't play it. Lacrosse is starting to become not on that list. There are legit athletes that play at like Duke Lacrosse and get accused of rape. But they didn't do it. But they didn't do it, right? Exactly. Yeah, right.

But like 10, 15 years go, they were some of them were mediocre athletes. My cousin Tasha, and she'll tell you this, she got asked to go out for the UT rowing team,

women's rowing team, and did it for the scholarship. She was on the second team of a division one. She had never done it in her life. Now, the girls on the first team had done it their whole life.

You got strong forearms, you're fucking in. But they were good compared to other girls who had been raised by rich parents who drove them around. So like,

I think, it's legitimate for you to say that not on some sex of shit necessarily these are fucking rich girls who play a sport in which they compete only with other rich girls and they don't have to get good. You know what I'm saying?

There's no I've got good hand-eye coordination and I can fucking run in and fuck like it just seemed like something I was like man I had to hit them right? There's some I think you could throw some bows and yeah I'd fuck them up like they're all like one 10 You know? I don't think you could play goalie very well, but I think you'd fuck them up in school.

Ors he would. He just run smooth over them. Like, come on. Yeah, but me and Bryce were just sitting there, and it was Bryce that made that point. He goes, we shouldn't be paying for this. But, yeah, I don't know. But anyways, that led me down the thing. Again, it doesn't blow my mind that Jim Brown was great at everything.

That motherfucker lettered in third. He had 13 letters in college. I don't know. I think you. I bet none of them was an A because he didn't have to. I think, pretty sure you're saying a different thing, but that was always part of my argument for why, like I didn't understand how the college's, like,

paying salaries to athletes was ever supposed to actually work. Olympic model. Because of sports like that and the title nine or whichever title it is and all the different women sports or whatever, and it's like in all the, you'd have to pay the women's lacrosse team too. Like, you know, and, uh, them get them getting a college education is a fucking fair trade for that shit. Everybody says about, but that, but the Olympic model, which is, God damn it, that's different.

The Olympic model is like, which is what they're currently doing or whatever was what I always said. Yeah, because I should do. Because then if you can't, if you can make money off of your, uh, likeness or name or whatever because of the sport you play, then you should be allowed to. Because not for nothing, but like if you watch that cross, because like Shemiko Hodesclaw would have made millions. Right. Sure. The thing.

That's all good, you know. But obviously what makes football insanely different in that is that the fucking, those tickets have been sold out for years and shit. Dude, every single person in the stands at that lacrosse match was the mama or daddy of the person playing lacrosse. Like, no one was come. Like, I mean, it was. Yeah.

When's the last time you seen 80,000 people show up to watch? kid do a goddamn chemistry experiment. Bill, shove the bowtive your ass. There you go. It's from the program. Yeah, that quote hits. But that, right, but I'm saying, like, you would have to figure all that out. If, you know, if, like, universities were going to be writing checks.

But letting them take checks from other, from cookie companies and whatever the hell else is going on. That's, uh, that's all good as far as time. I mean, I just, I was about to say, we've talked about this a bunch, but to me, the Olympic model is just like, that's, that's, just works out. It's like, look, we'll let you get pay. It's insane that they weren't doing that to begin with, but like, hey, if you can get paid, get paid. I am, of course, with you on the Olympic model being a good thing, but I got to say that the NCAA makes billions of dollars, pays it to those schools, which are essentially their shareholders, pretends to be a nonprofit, and it's illegal for them, or whatever the right word is. It's against the laws for them to pay their most

valuable employees. The fact that their most valuable employees are able to get money elsewhere does not rectify that situation in my mind. I understand there would be complications and trying to figure out how to do it. I get that. But the NCAA is a fucking mob. Oh, I still think that the college football players should be paid a salary on top of the Olympic model. It's just that what Trey was saying, once you get down into swimmers and lacrosse and all that shit, then it gets a little, then I don't even know how to have that conversation, but I'm fucking with you in this sense of like... Part of what I'm saying is you could never do it

without getting to that level. Right. Like you could not... Are you saying you would rather... Playing the football players. That wouldn't last a day before every other college athlete in this country and, you know, not wrongfully so, would be stepping, would be coming forward like,

well, hold on, hold on, what the fuck. I'm a hell of a pitcher. What's going on with that? Like I'm saying it's not possible. You can't just start paying it. It's totally possible. Like it might not be completely fair, but how is it less fair than nobody gets any of it?

We just keep giving it to the University of Oklahoma who then gives it to X, Y, Z or whatever. They're coaches who make 20 million a year. I don't understand the letters of the law, but I thought that like even Title IX I thought would make it literally impossible for a university to pay like just the football players. It wouldn't be possible necessarily to pay just the football players. But you could pay everybody else. And then I'm saying, I'm acknowledging that that would be not perfectly fair.

I'm arguing it would be more fair than just letting the institutions keep it. I don't think that once you break it down across all the different colleges and all the different sports in this. country, I don't buy that it's going to be that much money that everybody's. It's not. Right. It's not. Okay, that's fine. Give them that.

That's fine. I don't think that's going to make much of a difference. It won't in their layoffs, which is fine. You know, fuck them. It won't make a huge difference in their lives. I'd say what it would make a huge difference in. And this is why it gets pushed back. This is the real reason it gets pushed back against.

That is almost quite literally. People say it's boosters. It is boosters at Alabama, which is why Nick Saber. can get way more than somebody at the University of Illinois. But the University of Illinois football coach is still paid close to a million, two million a year. That is absolutely because the NCAA is giving the University of Illinois profit share of the contracts they're getting from the Big Ten or whatever fucking conference they're in,

TV deals that the players aren't getting. You see what I'm saying? The coaches don't want it. They say for this reason and that, but it's because it's actually what drop up their shit. The coaches in the, athletic directors and all that is who's making money. Right.

If they do the salary, then it has to cut. Like, they're going to have a cap and it's going to have to come out of fucking dude's pocket. And it is also, to be fair, it is also already paying for some programs that can't pay for themselves. To be fair, to your point, Trey, like some, you know, lacrosse teams, probably not lacrosse because those are rich kids, as I said, but probably some D2 soccer teams are getting money from the NCAA being propped up.

Right. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. of and again we only when we talk about this shit we only think about like ohio state and Alabama and d1 schools and stuff like that but up most fucking colleges the athletic department is not like profitable right to be propped up by boosters and shit that's just like so maybe all this only applies to the major schools and then it's like so super hitting athletes only ever go to those schools but they already they already do I mean they are so like yeah I mean if

You look at the P5 conferences or something, I guess. I don't know. I just think if you're talking about literally all of college athletics, it's just never made sense to me how it could be possible. Yeah, I mean. If you're like restricting it in that way, then okay. When Georgia played. They just get to keep it all right now.

Fuck that too. I just don't. Thinking about it practically, I've never really gotten it. But when Georgia- I mean, you could just spread it across the board. And then it would still be unfair to, you know, the face of Ohio State versus getting the same amount. as whoever else.

But in my opinion, it's like, that's not a good enough argument to just let it be with it. Then just keep doing what they're doing, yeah. Yeah, I mean, when Georgia played Alabama in the national championship, I think that like on that field, whether it was on the sidelines or on the field, there were like 88, on both sides of the field, 88 of the top 100 fucking recruits at a high school were like there. I totally believe that. Well, I mean, of course.

So, like, that's going on anyways, but, like, you know. And Georgia and Alabama are getting their share as institutions. Right. Of the pie. And it is bigger than people who aren't. I mean, I bet most of those players are probably getting some. Well, I mean, now they've got. No, now, I was going to say, now they've got NIL or whatever.

But, like, even before that, like, you know, there were always stories of, like, whenever there was some, you know, some fucking kid would get in trouble because, like, his coach gave him a coach. because he was freezing or bought tacos for them. Or whatever the fuck. There was always some NFL, you know, veteran that was just like, yeah, I just didn't get caught because I had a roly. You know what I mean? Like my mom like Nick Saban showed up to my mama's house with a goddamn, you know, this, this, that, and whatever the fuck. So, of course it goes on. I know there's ways that like, you know, you could get a lot.

If you could prove you're going to be a first round draft pick, you could get a loan from somewhere, you know, to have money now. Like that's possible too. heard so many stories of people like in Knoxville or something seeing one of the devals who like you know was going to play in the NFL soon seeing them in like a gas station sent them out somewhere with a fucking roly

and hey watson like crazy and all this shit like yeah of course totally time with it but I'm just saying like dude they you know if those major schools like that like they've been getting paid dude herschel Walker in the 80s got whatever to fuck he wanted son

Trey I don't you don't follow it as close as me, but do you remember who was that power forward that transferred in from Iowa and played for Bruce Pearl? And he got kicked off the team and got found with a gun in his car. And the next year, we went to the final four and he was our best player. We absolutely would have won a national title with him. I can't remember his name. It was when we had Tayshan and all those. Yeah, yeah. We used to get, uh, his car. We had a bunch of guys get caught with guns. Yeah, we did. His call was an escalate. A brand new escalade. At that time, that was like a 40,000 vehicle, which today's money would be like 70K.

You think if it was a hunting rifle, it would have gone a little bit different? Probably. I don't mean that in any other way. I'm just saying, like, it's always a Glock. There are different laws for handguns, and obviously there's different laws everybody knows for automatics versus not. Most handguns are semi-automatic, and then most places have different laws for handguns versus rifles.

I just mean, like, publicly, because, like, I see that all the time. Dude, you know, Steve Spurry used to always say, like, you want to play Georgia the first couple games because you know I'm going to have one, a couple of their best players suspended. And it was often for drinking or they got found with a gun or something like that. And every time they'd get found with a gun, you know, I remember it was always like, to quote them all these thugs, you know, these thugs with their gun because it was a fucking 9mm or some shit like that. But if one of these motherfuck, if their quarterback got caught with a goddamn shotgun in his car,

I know the fucking narrative around that would be completely different. They've been like, well, yeah, I mean, you know, he's got to have that to protect his family and to hunt deer and shit. Yeah. Hey, let's take one more break. I'm going to talk more about it right after this. So, Joe. Yeah, buddy.

You don't believe that women or women should get paid for sports. Is that right? No, I think they should be able to play sports, but like they should not in any way get money for it at all. No, that's not true. That's not true. But let's not, okay, fuck it. we're here.

Let's not act like the WNBA is not supplemented by the NBA. All I was ever talking about was fucking lacrosse shit. You know what I'm saying? It is supplemented by the WMBA, but the women's soccer team supplements the men's. There you go. That doesn't prove 100% anything one way or the other. But a lot of our women go abroad to make more money because they do make more money over there. So there's an argument.

Like in soccer or basketball? Basketball. The reason Britney Ryder was in rushes because she was playing over there in the offseason to make more money. money. Well, so there's an argument that we're not, that like, well, there's an argument that people like you is why our culture doesn't make it too popular enough. No, I know. No, for sure. You know, look, obviously I was just, I was a hit harder. No, no. Listen, obviously I was, I was, I was being a, I was doing a little bit of a bit. But the point is is that like, when it gets down to it, there are not, people are not as interested in women's sports over here,

Period. They're just not. They're just not. I'm not saying that's right. So, yes, of course, soccer's the exception. I'm just fucking saying, I'm not, this isn't my opinion. This isn't my opinion. But like softball is not as popular as fucking baseball, and the WNBA is supplemented by the NBA. Whether that's because women are actually better or worse at sports is completely, it doesn't matter.

I'm just telling you fucking people ain't. What? Nobody is sports. Nobody wants to watch a fucking layup contest. I'm just saying, I'm not- People like the WNBA because it is a different game. Oh, dude, I got fucking dudes all the time. They're just like, no, I like it because they use fundamentals more.

Fuck you. Dude, break the backboard and call me back. I'm just, again, you kind of put me in a corner here. But like, I'm not giving my opinion. I'm just telling you, we live in a capitalistic society. My man, told us a story. about texting us that we didn't bring up about... I don't know.

No, no, no, no. I was telling y'all women are not able to play sports. No, no, no. Now you put me in a corner. No, no, no, no. What I said was I would wreck shit at college lacrosse. What I said was, I would wreck shit at women's college lacrosse. What he said was I would wreck shit at women's college or cross.

But I don't believe that about any other women's sport. I don't believe about any other women. If I went and tried to play women's basketball right now, every single one of them at any level, even high school would fucking murder me. Okay, if I tried to go hit a women's softball, three, straight to the fucking backboard, you know what I'm saying? I can't

do it. I was literally only talking about women's collars across and I fucking dare anyone out there. I just want to say that I know that you could like run over them, but like, I don't think you could catch that little ball on a little cross- Yeah, I have great hand-eye coordinate. Are you fucking high? I have some of the best hand-eye coordination you've ever seen

your fucking life. I can also, that right that. You didn't even see that, did you? You didn't see that. You didn't even see it. That's how fucking quick that shit is. Right in.

But you can't discount that I'd be fucking throwing bows. You're talking about the capitalistic society. I can't discount that you'd run over them. I'm saying, well, that's fucking what we're doing. I'd just smush them, dude. Run right up to the net and just blank it in there. Yeah.

He's got a pick-up-nothing show. I don't know how the score works. But the other day I seen when it was like 40 to 10 or some shit like that. Okay. So I think I told this on here before, but I'm talking like early days. But I know we have talked about it. But I was talking about the capital. We live in a capitalist society and people just don't care about women's sports in this country.

One time I saw this fucking poll, which is like the most aggressive, shitty poll I've ever seen a sports website do. and I'm not making this up, I swear to God. I don't know if you can still find it or not. I don't think it was ESPN. It was somebody like Yahoo Sports or something, but they had a poll of their users that said, would you rather, A, your hometown WMBA franchise win a championship this year or B, find an old $5 bill on the street?

Easy. Easy. Easy five. They made it funny, though, and everybody's $5 bill. Now, this was a few years ago. Nobody cares about the WMBA in, like, the men's sports world. I admit that.

But that question leads people to fraud. Of course. I know it was, I'm saying it was such a dick move even doing that poll. But like, but insert, okay, insert another thing there that people wouldn't vote for that thing versus the fucking NBA. WNBA team winning. What would it be? Matthew Modine and only women care. Apparently Matthew Modine is like the Jack Nicholson of the W&A.

Is that the guy from the Hotel H? He was in full metal Jacket. Matthew Maldane's been in all kinds of years. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, real quick. Rowan Stones did a poll of the greatest rock and roll singers of all time and it's all

white men. And should they not put, well, like, you're saying all right. No, I'm kidding. Think about black singers. No, no. It was like fucking prince for God's sakes. Yeah. So like.

Also, Freddie Mercury is barely a white man. They ran the poll. Their readers voted. Should they have put it out? I said yes. I was like, well, they ran the poll. I mean. Your polls are your pole.

But then Andy was like, yeah, I don't know. I think I'd be like, I don't want, I don't want to acknowledge that this is what my readers are like. That a rock and roll magazine has such ignorant readership about, you know, the history of rock and roll. Wait a minute. Maybe put it out with that caveat. You're saying it's a poll, but people vote in responses. I don't know if it was right in versus choice. Because if it's choice, they set the choices.

What's that got to do with the readership? If you're saying all the results came back and no black singers were included, if they had choices to pick from, then so they have white choices and black choices and the readers didn't pick any black singers is what happened? I don't know if it was that. if it was right in or what? I don't think there would be controversy if... Well, I guess it would be a different kind of controversy

if the only choices were white, man. I really only wanted... You can't put it on the Raiders if the choices weren't there. So, I mean, that's just... That's why I don't think that was the situation. I could be wrong. Singer-wise, singer-wise, song-and-roll was dominate...

As with anything in this country. When rock and roll really made its mark 60, 70s and 80s. It was absolutely dominated by white man. Of course, there were... Like, James Brown doesn't belong on that list. I'm not saying...

I'm not saying... No, no, no, I agree with you. I agree with you. I agree with you. I'm just saying that, like, in a poll, like, there are definitely 100 pretty great white singers. I'm just like... Yeah, but if you put it to a poll, obviously,

that's just what the people voted on. And maybe that... You say run it. I mean, I say run it too. I say run it with the caveat and just go like, hey, this wasn't what we said. It's just like when Pontch's pilot said, hey, look, they wanted Barabbas. It wasn't what the fuck I said. They wanted Barabbas.

I think it really, really depends on the way it was set up. Like if they just said, if the poll was just name your top five favorite rock singers of all time, Rolling Stones readers. and they just rode in whoever they wanted to. And then the results don't include any black people. It's just like, I don't know. It definitely says something. The internet's racist. Definitely.

I agree with that. You got to run it. You run it. Just run it with that caveat. It's their fault for like not being a good enough magazine covering rock and roll over the years. But you could use this as a launching point for that or whatever. I just think. I don't know if you consider Aretha Franklin a rock and roll singer.

That's what I was about to say. But, like, Little Richards definitely a rock and roll. For sure. There are Chuck Barry. Danis Joplin's definitely a rock and roll. Absolutely. But like, fucking Stevie Nix, dude. Oh, it was all white men?

Yeah, white men. Yeah. All of them. I mean, dude, I can sit here and make all the arguments too. But like, to your point, I think if I'm rowing stones, I run it and use that as an example to run a counterpiece and go, look, here's what our reader said. But I think what they have failed to realize, is that A, Stevie Nix exists, B, and Little Richard was a rock and roll fucking singer.

Like, run it. I framed it as like no black people were included. I, once again, wasn't even thinking about women. But neither were the readers of Rolling Stone. But I'm saying, and I was going to say, I think, however fair it is or not, and some people, this is not true for. But like, I think for a lot of people, they think of like black artists and they don't, they put them in a different genre, like soul. That's soul blues.

Orby or funk or whatever. If they're old people, that's what the industry did back then. And also, frankly, when you think of Jimmy Hendricks. I feel like that can explain some of that. I don't think of James Brown as he's the king of soul. Right. And when you think of Jimmy Hendricks,

you don't think of his voice really. You just think of him shredding his. I wouldn't put Hendricks on the list. That's what I'm saying, though, but these are like landmark rock and roll dudes. So, like, again, I understand, I understand people. just going in there and writing their thing.

I don't think anyone, well, that's not true. This is the internet we're talking about. Most people didn't go, I'm going to not mention any women or black people. They just go with what has been shoved down their face, which, to your point, is what Rolling Stone has done for years. I literally just wanted to know if you guys would have, because Andy was like, I wouldn't have to run the poll. I'd have to.

Absolutely ran the poll. Of course. You have to report the news. Yeah. You know, you can make him put commentary. All right, I do have a story. that I want to tell and I'm going to forget next week and I think y'all are going to enjoy it so let me get this out a couple weeks ago annie nigh went to go annie nigh went to up they had good reviews and they had a deal going on it was like an asian spa

went in there got the best couples massage best massage of my life lady walked on my back I told her I was having lower back issues I felt like a dream when I left there I was like how was yours and he was like that's one of the two or three best massage I've ever gotten I was like okay a few weeks passed we had a day off we were like let's go get another massage. Get there. When I first walk in, I'm sitting there in line, and I see this, like, very rotund Asian man, peeking out the curtain from where people get massages just looking at me and laughing. I'm like, that's rare, by the way.

Yeah. So, yeah, medium rare, how he preferred it. So get in there. I get undressed, a face down or whatever, and then I hear him walk in and say something to somebody, and I go, shit. And then he starts laughing. I hate getting massage from dudes. Yeah, don't hit.

I don't think it's homophobic or it's not just homophobia. Like, I don't like a painful massage. It should cost less. That's not what I'm into. Some people are into those deep massages because it like works the knots out. I get that, but I just want to feel good most of the massage and relax, right? I just want a lady to touch me for an hour. That's fine, too.

I'm just saying. Andy had asked for a tough, deep tissue massage because she likes those. I think he saw that on the list Assumed I was the one who requested it Because surely the tough man requested it And just came in and started rubbing on me Another woman comes in like a minute later She says something to him

You can tell they're arguing And he's arguing with her And in retrospect I now think he was arguing to be Mama Seuss Kind of no matter what The man had one move As we always do

He would pinch the knots And then he would take that thing with his elbow to his forearm on the knots. I cussed the entire time. I had knots in my butt that I told him about because at some point I was like, well, I guess I'm getting a deep tissue massage. I better make the most of it.

Let me tell him, he stayed on my butt. I'm not kidding for an hour of the hour and a half. I felt him moved the cover at one point and looked at my butt hole. He was mouth breathing the entire. into your butthole. Into my butt hole. He was mouth breathing into my butthole.

The only reprieve I got was two times. One. Reprieve! I was miserable the whole time. I was cussing. One time he made me nauseous. He hurt me so bad. Andy was laughing almost the whole time.

When he flipped me over and I'm sitting there, wide-eyed with lights in my face. Finally, the lady hands him a towel. He forgot to cover up. This is just somebody's cousin. He did not know how to give massage. At all. He literally just rubbed his elbow on me and pinched all my knots.

He hurt my neck. The only reprieve I got two times. He paused. He said, be right back. I heard what I thought was, and I was like, no way. So I looked, he was eating a candy bar. He took a break to eat a candy bar. Then he came back, and this fucking sumo wrestler started on me again.

The only other reprieve I got, I started camping. He touched my penis accidentally between 13 and 14 times. And I told Andy he kept brushing up against my dick. And she was like, oh, my God. Does that make you feel uncomfortable? I go, honestly, when he was sexually assaulting me was the only time I could relax during the whole fucking thing. I wanted him to touch my dick.

It hurt the whole time. I'm still injured from it. I paid $90 to be kind of molested and very hurt by somebody. cousin who didn't know. And I guess, you know, like, you've got to be polite in these situations. And I should have asked for, I didn't know how to ask for the lady. So this, that was new for you. I should have asked for the lady.

I should have been like, just give me that big forehead of bitch. Like she's the one. I want that man while with the big forehead. And instead, I got him. That sounds like a, that sounds like a sad ending. Yep. It was. It was a sad beginning.

The only thing happy was in the middle when he ate that candy bar. Lost my mind. I just started laughing. What kind of candy bar you think of was? Oh, I don't. It was in Asian. Also, though, real quick, I forgot about this part. God damn it, I'm so upset.

I forgot about this. So he would get in those knots on my butt. And like three or four times I had to tap out. Like, I always be like, all right, we got to pause for a second. He would chuckle when I did that and pat my bare ass. So, I mean, but the first time you went there was good. Best massage I've ever had. So do you go another time?

If I have the balls to walk in and say, I want that big forehead of bitch. Right. If not, then no. I have to decide if I could do that. Is Yoko Zuna here? I don't want that. Or I pick them walk them out like one of those, like a TV show with one of those bullshit Asian massages where it's just prostitution. She'd be like, you walk them out here, I'm picking.

Oh, God damn. That's, uh, that really delighted me. Yeah, that's a fucking nightmare. Dead hit, though, that happened to you. So thanks for sharing. All right. Hit it, Joe. Hey, well, I, well, I, no, you hit it, Trey.

Tell them where they can find you. Oh, everywhere. You got to, uh, look me up anywhere. But if you want more of me, look me up on Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash Trey Crowder. I do a bunch of bonus shit and weekly skews, which, is live every Tuesday, Five Pacific with me and Smart Mark also has Patreon offerings on that same page.

So check it out and watch us either way. Thank you. And Drew. Into the Abisket with me and DJ DJ Lewis is a podcast I do. It's also a Patreon. You can type the same thing into Patreon. And you can support us right now. All the money is going to DJ because he's doing all the work and is in need of saving up.

So he can move back to the South. So if nothing else, go there and support DJ and listen to End of the Abisket, where we have transitioned into a story telling podcast. Tremendous. And you can check me out at Corey writes for you.com where we're doing a series called...

Cory rights, Horster. Yeah, Corey, don't get confused. Corey writes for you.com where we're going to do our continuing series this week in Southern history

where I have my sister looking up topics for me. She's looking up things that happened, if you could guess, this week in Southern history. And I don't know what she's found this week,

but I do know that it's been apparently a slow week in Southern history because my sister texted me and said, God damn it, why couldn't Anne Frank have died in Alabama? So anyways, go to Corey Ridesfor-you.com and also thank you all for listening to The Well Red Show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do.

Thank you, God bless you.