wellRED podcast - #271 - Freaking Out at Festivals

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

This week the boys discuss a few times they did too many drugs at music festivalsHave you heard Trae and Corey’s new podcast Puttin’ On Airs? Well what are you waiting on! Get it wherever you get your podcasts or watch it at WatchPOA.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days, and a way that's easier for you to digest. You can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different

language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton-Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money.

What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.

They're the liberal rednecks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people People upset, but they got three big old dicks that you can suck. What's shaking daddy-ohs? Fucking Ronnie Millsap over here. Cool cats doing out there today. Yeah. I think there's a good look for you.

I'm not going to laugh. I like it. I know it's not a choice, but it feels like a heck of a choice. Yeah. I'm keeping my head down because if I turn it up, see that. See the reflection? But the head down kind of adds to it. I definitely look very blind, I think.

Yeah, you do. So that hurts. Give me one of these. Give me a, there's a stranger in my house. I don't want to do that, but I do. I say recorded. We'll have that help to hold over. Well, I've been recording.

He has been recording. So, you know, we'll just, we use all this. So everybody knows I had eye surgery again. You've been following us for a while. You know I had it about 18 months ago. Didn't take. imagine that. I was one of the roughly 0.2%. No, it's more like it works 80 to 90% of the time.

So I had a 10 to 20% chance of it not working. And of course, it didn't. So I've had the, I've had the second round. And that's why I'm wearing the sunglasses. So not just, not just doing a real cool dude beatneck thing or nothing. You do look like someone who has like been really, really famous. for several years and then just came out to do like his first interview in a long time. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a good look.

Wow, I appreciate. And you look like Reeveldman. Corey Feldman? Yeah. Yeah. How are you feeling? I may not, you know, it don't hit for sure. Yeah.

It's a little better every day, but it just, it's like, um, it feels like having, at first it feels like having like sharp. having like sharp sand in your eyeballs. Not just sand, but like sharp sand. And then it sort of lessens down to just kind of sand. Your eyes are just kind of like irritated and scratchy and itchy and don't hit. But it's like having your eyes all fucked up sort of fucks the rest of your head up. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like having your eyes in a constant strain all day sort of makes your head hurt. And you just so I mean, I haven't, I haven't been hitting for sure. but I'm a little better every day. What about vision? My vision is great. Not going on with her now, but the thing is, last time I had it,

it worked at first. It worked for like a week or two, and then it just sort of clicked off. No idea. So I'm still not really out of the wood yet. I could wake up next week and be fucking again, but who knows. Yeah.

Dwayne eyes, Bill T's. My man's is fucked up. D is Drew is he coming in and like is it like doubling yeah it kind of worked for what he was just doing it did it felt like it was on purpose but yeah it there is a sort of like some kind of effect going on with your mic is your mic plugged in all the way my mic is your mic is plugged in all the way and I've been struggling with my fancy mic and then just using the default one is that better that I can hear you now and it's not yeah yeah I don't know this uh this fucking yet he stopped working and I've never dropped it. I've never done anything weird to it. I don't know what the deal is. So I try it every time and it never works.

Anyway, hey, sorry. By the way, athletic greens just had some. I don't know if they're a sponsor today, but it is one of the products we definitely, or I definitely use. Thank you, athletic greens. Yeah, it is good regardless of whether or not their sponsor is. So why did I think you weren't in California, Drew?

Well, I went to a different part of California this weekend. perhaps that's why you thought that maybe I went to a burner adjacent festival with one of my friends who's like a burning man guy and I had no idea if I would like it I like music festivals but those festivals aren't the type they don't even tell you who the music is so I was like I don't know about this it was great they don't tell anybody you just one of those things were you just did Corey cut out for you try no he he started asking a question but then he stopped because you so you just you just go No, it's like a, it's like a, it's like a technical difficulties all the way around.

So you're saying you just, they just announced the festival and you go and you don't know who all's going to be there. I don't think he can hear us. I got you now, brother. I got you now. So they announced this festival and you just know that it's a festival, but they don't announce who's going to be there. It's like a lago show. Yeah, I think the people who are in the no, no. and I'm sure at regular Burning Man people know,

but I don't think, I think the idea is not that you go because your favorite music acts are going to be there. I think with this particular festival, you go because your friends are going to be there who you go to Burning Man with because he was,

I was with like 30 people who he all knew. And it's also, you know, some of the art that's going to be there. And I know that sounds weird, but I mean, these are like art installations. It's like immersive shit. It's like five-story movable ships that have blimps as sales,

and there's a DJ in them and it was really fucking cool. I see why people get into it. So is it like affiliated with Burning Man or it's just like kind of a knockoff but by people for whom it hits? You know what I mean? We should do more of that type of stuff.

It's just going to require me to explain things about Burning Man. I'm not sure I know, but I think I learned this weekend. Burning Man started as a very independent like we're going to go to the desert and party and we're just going to make it a thing. It evolved over time. There is a ticketing agency involved now, but you apply to have a camp at Burning Man. You can just buy tickets and just go, but to have an official camp that's inside the like, so you know how Bonnaroo has acts in different stages?

Burning Man has camps that have different themes. And there are camps that have been going as a group for years. Those camps will have Burning Man adjacent events in the area they're from. So let's say there's 10 camps that have been going to Burning Man. from San Francisco for years. It's probably more than that. I don't know. But those 10 camps might get together

and have their own, they call it rogue burn or side burn or some shit like that. That's what this was. So it's official. Like Burning Man is like, we approve, we know these people, this hits, but it's not like,

I don't know. It has nothing to do with Burning Man other than these are people who know what Burning Man is and do Burning Man stuff. Well, let me ask you this. Only just now listening to you talk about it has this ever occurred to me. But I've probably talked on here before, and I know I told y'all the story about it's been years now.

I don't even know. But me and my buddy's going to this big-ass hippie party that happens up where I'm from every year. It's called the Summer Salstice Party. Is that where you saw the Native American in the fire? It was a Samoan. It was a Maori. Yeah, a Samoan. Yeah, I think I hallucinated a Samoan, a like despondent, on-wee stricken Samoan.

outside of a massive burning effigy. Your general flat delivery with these sunglasses is fucking crushing. Yeah, it really amplifies it because he's not doing anything different. It's just that he's finally in the form that matches his personality. It's like you sounded annoyed that we forgot even though you were. With the glasses on? No, you idiots, it was a Samoan, but smoother than that. Yeah, it's like when I first started wearing sequence wrestling jacket,

and aviators it's like oh now the outside matches what he's been the whole time and yeah tray's the very same well hell yeah all right so anyway this happened jazz point about a simuling in the fire this happened this party has been going on out forever like i mean a long time i'm pretty sure probably pre-burning man because it's been like thompson's parents generation stuff have been going to this party for forever right and it's just a big hippie party out in the woods is that on a bit on this one hippie He's a big piece of property, right? He walks like a crane. They call on a barefoot farmer because he's always barefoot,

and he, like, hikes his legs up like he's walking through tall grass, even when he ain't. Anyway, takes place on his property every year, and all that really happens is a bunch of hippies get out there, get naked, swimming a creek, do drugs, right? There is live music, but it's not like bands you've heard of. It's just like hippies jamming together and stuff. And the main event is this big-ass effigy that they burn.

Everybody gathers around it, and they burn it, right? and I'm assuming that that's how that has always worked. So I'm wondering if, A, there are a bunch of those types of hippie parties that have been going on for a long time around the country, and B, if Burning Man is like a, you know, sort of arose from that thing. Like, it's a version of that thing that took off and became huge, because it sounds pretty similar just on a much, much bigger scale. I think that it is.

I think that the thing about Burning Man that made it slightly different than that was one, it was Gen X. Because when it came about, I think it was late 80s, early 90s, and the people who did it, they were very much Gen Xers, not hippies. So they were probably, like you said,

taking from those hippie festivals but doing it their own way. And it happened there in the Black Rock Desert. It was always associated with the Pacific Northwest and San Francisco seen of that time. I mean, that was sort of the pinnacle of 80s and 90s,

white people culture. When you got grunge, when you've got Gen X in general, and then you've got the tech world. And I don't mean the current tech bros of like, we've got a billion dollars. Let's invest. Venture Capital. I mean like

nerds who were into fucking LED lights before anybody knew what LED lights were. That all came together there. So yeah, I think you're right. I don't think it was something that was created independent of anything. It definitely was a version of a thing that existed. I just think that it was so specific to that time and era. And then also cameras and early internet made the pictures go viral.

And then MTV covered Bernie Man when we were in high school. I remember that shit. I remember being like, what the fuck? That's mind-blowing. And then that made like Fox cover it when we were the kids too. Like, who the fuck are these people doing drugs in the desert? Then Grover Norquist went because he had this whole like right-wing Like, well, they go to the desert.

They don't. He's the tax pledge. Yes. What a name to never raise the tax. And libertarians have always lacked Burning Man as a, as a, I don't know, an idea of how things could be because there's no rules there or whatever. But you're anarchy. It's anarchy, but it's anarchy in the sense of like, but you're supposed to help each other out. You know, there's no cops, but if you see somebody punching somebody, you arrest them kind of thing.

So anyway, I think all that swirled together to make Burning Man huge, but you are correct that. it is the progeny of hippie parties. But it's not hippies. It's like it's burners. They're like their own thing. Y'all ever been at something like that and had a vibe clash? Because when we were at that party. Had to stay in a van for three hours.

We were all, we all was on mushrooms. And we was like at our campsite hitting or whatever. The effigy wasn't until later. And it's night time though. And somebody's like, hey, we should go check out the acoustic stage. and I had walked by the acoustic stage

and I told them I was like that is a terrible idea because the acoustic stage is people on blankets stoned out of their mind whatever somebody's up there plucking a guitar just noodling around or whatever and it's very very chill

and we are fucking out of our guards right now so we probably ought not go over there but someone we're like no let's go check it out right so we go over there there and just ruin everyone's night by screaming the entire time about absolute nonsense. Me and Charles started doing this bit that's barely even a bit where somehow we got, yeah, you know Charles.

Oh, we got, yeah, we got on this thing where we were like talking about a bear who worked in an office building. So it was like a big, like a grizzly bear who wore like a button up shirt and tie up top and carried a briefcase and a coffee cup, but didn't have no pants on, right? And worked in an office building. So we would just like walk around and like pretend to open a door and ask Jan about her TPS reports or something. But like as a bear with no pants on, right?

And that was the whole thing. And we kept doing different versions of that, which really all we're doing is just saying office stuff. Because it's not, we weren't doing like a bear voice. Right. It's just like, hey, picture me as a bear. As a bear. We were both doing that.

And like we were fucking crying, like screaming, laughing about this thing. It doesn't make sense to anybody else. And I know I've told you all this story before, but then at one point, this dude, this, this hippie guy sort of appears out of nowhere with a cello, right? And he gets in the middle of the crowd at the acoustic stage and starts playing this cello in a super, super like mournful fact, like really haunting. mournful cello action that everybody's just enraptured by and he does this whole thing and then finally stops and everybody's like politely clapping like well that was incredible you know whatever and then i literally jumped in the middle of everybody and yelled god damn boys i didn't know the king died and it hit real hard for like thompson and charles and super

did not ever yeah you know charles but it did not have for everyone else. And, you know, we still had a good time, but it was just, you know, you got to watch it in those scenarios because people are not all on the same wavelength all the time. If you get with people that are on the same page as you, it's fucking awesome. But when you mix and match, sometimes, you know, evenings can be ruined. I had a vibe clash this weekend. Hang on.

Don't you tell us about it right after this? Hit it. All right. Well, the first vibe clash ever had. terms of what you're talking about. This is a quick one. Me and Teets were on mushrooms at Bonnaroo, and we were seeing everybody like they were on TV, and we were doing a nature documentary about them all fucking. But the thing is, we were two feet from them, just screaming about them to them. Like doing the whose line? Is it anyway,

like narration thing over them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at him across the frozen, you know, or the sunny serengeti of Bonaroo. Her ass is plump in the cloud pants. They're two feet from us. People thought we were on drugs. We weren't on because we were screaming because I guess you don't scream a lot on mushrooms. So I've definitely had the, maybe that's where the vibe check comes from. This weekend, me and a guy named Dave were on a little bit of acid, and we were about to watch a derby hat competition because it was the day of the derby. And so they were doing a hat competition.

And people know what Burning Man is. Burners had, they had some fucking wild elaborate hats. Like people had been planning for this hat competition for a while. Well, me and him were, he's from the Bay. we were arguing about Draymond and Jha, just giving each other's shit. This was before they beat us two games in the row. And just having us a time, just making each other laugh, giving each other shit. And like being pretty inappropriate about injuries and basketball and things none of those people cared about before it started.

So we were already getting on people's nerves and then it started. And we just started roasting the contestants. And then when someone was good, me and him, would argue over who discovered her. That was our bit over who owned the rights to this talent. There was a little girl on there, and he was like, I discovered her when she was eight. I was like, I found her when she was six. And then he was like, I was fucking her mom when she was four.

And I was like, well, I'm her fucking dad. And people hated that bit. Let me tell you that right now. But when people tried to like shush us because it got, you know, started going too far. And we had done it for like five straight contestants or however much it was. the thing is the people who put on the hat competition were the in a pro pirates, which was the group he was in. Okay, in a pro pirate.

So he just was like, he wasn't even incensed. He was just like, he was just like, look, you see that guy up there with the microphone, you know? Like, I'm not going to be quiet. This is my event. I discovered these people. I mean, he kept in that character. Without me, there is no hat competition, you know. And that was a lot of fun.

We got vibe checked and we just didn't honor it at all. I had a vibe. Yeah, I had a good one. And it also, I figured you did. This is a two-parter from the same night. And also acid, me and a couple of people had gone to this event called Wild in the Woods. Y'all may have heard of it. It's from about 30, 35 minutes up from where I live.

But it's a huge-ass thing. And it's close to the Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, kind of, you know, little tri-state border there. And so we were all like, all right, hell, yeah, we're going to go. We're going to take some acid. This is going to be a good time. We got a couple of our buddies, dads was driving us, and they'd like taken the seats out of their, like, SUVs, and we were going to, like, use them as, like, theater seating, you know, to see this concert and shit. So the first thing happens when me and my buddy Ethan had taken probably more acid than anybody because he's a fucking idiot and I'm a one-upper slash idiot. So I was like, well, if you take that, I'll take this. So we're sitting there and the band is playing.

And, hell, I can't even remember this motherfucker's name to say it out loud. But there was this band. And we had, we knew the dude that was the lead singer and he didn't really hit for us that much. And he's on stage. And he's one of those that like, they weren't, they're not horrible, but he, you can just tell he thinks he hits way harder than he actually does. And he's in his like 40s, but he's still trying to be like Luke Briney. You know what I mean? Like sexy show.

It was like a country, a country situation? Their country rock, you know, they played Marshall Tucker. I hate it. I didn't mean they were playing Luke Bryan's songs. They were doing like Marshall Tucker and Skinnered stuff, but you could tell that he was just like, man, I'm really hitting for these girls in this fucking cutoff t-shirt. So me and Ethan are sitting there on acid looking at each other,

just kind of doing what Drew was saying. Like we were doing commentary over this and just making fun of him and just shitting on him so hardcore. And I mean, like really going in. And we're sitting there face to face with each other. And about two seconds later, someone is just in the middle of us and we look up and it's him with his with he had one of those like wireless amp situations so that he could go out into the crowd

and shred on people's face and we're he's just in the middle of us just going and we're just like what the fuck is this real holy shit so me and Ethan got so goddamn freaked out that we had to go get in his van like his little mama soccer van thing and we sat in there for two and a half hours just smoking weed because the enemies were outside and we couldn't be out there and that was a world we didn't belong in so we finally calmed down slash the acid trip was like winding down a little bit and we get outside and all of our buddies who had been taking acid with us and also drinking moonshine were out there and i walk up and my buddy sandy who had literally drank an entire uh mason

jar full of moonshine by himself. And even us fucked up on acid the whole time we're going, Sandy, there ain't no reason. Like, we're on acid. Like, that's not even do it. Like, you're going to die. Well, he's over there, and he'd been laying down for a while. And one of my buddy's dads, I just hear him go, oh my God! Oh, my God!

And I come over there, I go, what? And he goes, Sandy's dead. And I'm like, fucking what? And he goes, he's blue. He's cold. And sure enough, Sandy's laying there not breathing. And everybody's freaking. And everybody's freaking the fuck out and one of my buddies goes, Corey, you were a

lifeguard. And I was like, oh, fuck, but I'm on acid and like, you know, kind of drunk and high and like, I'd forgotten on my training. So I just slapped him across the face as hard as I could. And this motherfucker went, and just woke the fuck up. And then we all left and went to Waffle House.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, it was freaky. That's the best vibe check I've heard of. He's like, hey, man, his vibes are awful. You slap him and bringing back to life. It's the wrong vibe right now. I don't know what else to do. It's so, it's very Cho that he like,

Fonzieed one of his idiot friends back to life. You know what I mean? One of his redneck buddies almost moonshined himself to death and Cho just slapped him across the face. And that worked. It did. It did.

What's extra funny, too, is if we heard his friend's version of that story, either he just underplayed it. He actually did CPR. It was like directing people, but he don't remember it. He played the guitar like he always does and claims he doesn't know how.

Like he, you know what I mean? He like literally brought the dude back to life with paddles he made from an electric battery and two pieces of metal. Or. Or Sandy wasn't even blue. He was just hanging out. He was just drooling a little bit because he was a little too drunk or something.

Just sitting there and then got the shit slapped out of him by Joe before they went to Waffle House. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with you. Any of those things are within the realm of possibility. I'm not going to lie. I got to tell one more story or try to from the weekend before we move on.

Because every time you talk to people who go, even to Bonnarut, and Trey, I know you've experienced this. And Corey, too, it's like you try to get people to go and they're like, I don't know, it's hot, it's gross, this and that. And you're like, it is, but like you don't care after a certain amount of time or, look, you just got to go. I don't know how to say it to you. It just hits for three straight days. It's a straight up, you know, good feeling dump into your brain. And then you feel like shit for a week. it's the same way with Burning Man

but it's even harder for me to connect to the stories because they're like, they're not talking about their favorite bands. They say things like, you just have all the ideas of society cast off of you and you can become a new person or I'm like, I don't know, I like myself, I don't know what this is,

I can't connect with this at all. And then, like on the first or second night, I don't remember one. So all the tents or camps have like a theme and a thing they do. This one I went into, it was a bar, quote unquote. It was called bartender. But someone gets behind the bar and there's all these little trinkets out.

And some of them are really like cool necklaces like the kind of Andy wears. And some of them are just very basic. And you spin a wheel and it tells you what you've got to do in order to get a prize. And it could be tell a story, tell a love story, tell a joke, et cetera, et cetera. And then whoever's the bartender decides if you get a prize. and your story has to be as good as the gift you pick. So if you pick one of the better ones, you've got to give a real good story, right?

Well, we went in there not knowing what it was. We're reading all of this, and somebody was like, Drew, get behind the bar. And it was just us and our friends, and people started telling me stories. But then a crowd gathered. So for like an hour and a half,

I just heard people's stories and jokes and decided if they got a prize. And I have to tell you, I cannot explain it to you, but it was one of the absolute coolest experiences of my life. And then I left my drink in there. When we left, I went back to get it.

There was a couple in there by themselves. They didn't know what they were doing. I explained it to them, and I was like, I'll be your bartender. This is what you got to do. She rode something. She told me a little cute thing. I let her have her sticker. The guy rode love story.

I was like, tell me a love story. He's like, I don't know any. I was like, have you ever been in love? He's like, yeah, it's not a good story. I'm like, all right. And she's like, oh, tell him about that movie we watched. I'm like, look, you can't just tell me the plot. of a movie. You can, but I'm not going to give you the prize. Like, that's not how it works.

I was like, have you really not ever been in love? And he goes, I have, but it ended badly. And then he goes, well, that's not really the only time I've ever been in love. There was this other time with this girl. We met at a festival, and I don't really remember it. But then we met at another festival, and she was like, I met you at this last festival. And I guess I'd been on drugs, but she seemed really cool. So we started hanging out. and we've been together like six or seven months now and I'm fucking falling in love with her. I look over the girl's crying.

He's like, oh my God, I love you too. And I was like, here's your fucking guys. I'm leaving. I come out, I'm on drugs. Tears in my eyes, my friends have been waiting on me because I just went in there to get my beer. They're like, what took you so long? And I'm like, I think I'd just change two people's lives forever.

I don't know. So it was genuinely very cool. Was there anybody during? this whole experience that you were just, you had to be objective and be like, Matt Story didn't hit. You don't get the necklace. I was just about to say, like, imagine totally bombing in that scenario. You know what I mean?

Like, having something you think is going to hit, but then it just don't play for nobody. Like, how much that would suck? Three people. You didn't get three people their shit. One didn't really try. You know Drew wasn't doing nobody any favors, dog. He was being objective. It was eight out of 11 got something.

One didn't really try. The other two pigs. objectively the coolest thing there. So they had to live up to it. One guy came very close. He got Tell Me a Secret. And he was there with his buddy, who was the guy who didn't try, who failed. And his buddy walked off for a second to, like, go talk to somebody.

Probably be like, this guy wouldn't give me the game prize. They were having a good time. He rode, tell me a secret. I was like, you got to tell me a secret. You pick the best prize. This has to be a good secret. And he was like, all right, my secret is, I really want to lick his asshole. I was like, what?

Okay, that's fun. but like what do you mean he goes all right for real like I'm here with a girl he's here with a girl that's one of my best friends but I'm in love with him oh my god and I was like you're in you you have feelings for the guy who was just up here he was like yeah and I was like for real and he's like yeah and I was like he's starting to come back here do we need to shut it down he goes I don't know I don't know if we should talk about it or not I start asking him questions long story short and they were bro dudes and I kind of had the feeling he was line. He had made that up. And I gave him a different prize for making up a phenomenal lie

because he kept going with it. But it started to fall apart, not just in terms of how good the lie was. His character changed. He got more and more broie as the story went on. Yeah, right. And then the other person I denied was my wife, Andy. This is great. She picked that same exact necklace because of course, of course, course she did. It was very cool. It was a crystal that was square and it had wood on it. And it was very beautiful and it was very her. And she rode tell a joke. And she started to tell the joke and then she couldn't remember it. Oh no. I don't know what the joke was. She couldn't remember the

joke. She was a little, you know, on D rugs. And I was like, and there were people around. And I was like, you know, I'm a man of integrity, Andy. And there's people watching. I'm not giving you this fucking necklace. I don't know who this woman is, but she's not getting a necklace. That would have been what I did. Did she do that thing where she was like, she's like, okay, so two rabbits and a fox walk into a bar, wait, no, no, it was two foxes in a rat, no, no, there's a fox, no, there's a foxes in a rabbit. I can't remember what the fox was wearing. It doesn't matter.

That's Amber. Like that, that version of fucking a joke up, or was she just like, I got one, wait, no, I don't. It was close to that. It was a version of that, and I can't tell if this is better or worse. It was more like a fox of possum and a rabbit walking to the bar. When they get into the bar, the bartender sees them, and it's like, you have to line up from biggest to smallest. Wait a minute. Mm-hmm.

Right. Oh, no, I remember the punchline, but I don't remember how to get there. Yeah, I was going to say, it's like any, and I can't remember how they like, but anyway, it turns out the possum gets his dick sucked or something. Anyway, it's super funny. She knew not to just do that. She just, like, cut herself off, but. Yeah. No, she blew it.

And I was like, you're not getting it. Like you picked objectively the best necklace here, and I'm not giving it to you. No, you can't in that scenario. At least it was like something that no one could fault you for. You know what I mean? Like if she had told a joke that was like just okay, but she did it right? And you were like, no, that isn't it. It would have been a very different, you know, scenario.

But you had a rock solid case. I had two things that Corey made me think of a minute ago, sort of on the same subject. you're talking about the band that you were watching there and like how that you could tell they thought they were hot shit you know uh working at i used to work at crawledaddies in cookville and working at a place that has live music you see those especially in a place like cookville almost exclusively them you see those types of bands all the time and a lot of them who are not that way and are super cool and everything but yeah like but one of them was so like that that it actually circled back to hitting for me i don't remember what they were called but they were called but they were like, they also played like Skinnerd and classic rock covers and they were these like five 53 year old dudes like dads right who like and the lead singer had long hair and he would bring his own like industrial sized fan as part of the setup and he would put the fan in front

the stage facing him yeah and then unbutton his button up shirt that's what I and hike his fucking his, you know, booted leg up onto the fan while doing a solo or something. So the fan's blowing his hair and his shirt back, but he's got like a 53-year-old dad bod, and they're not exactly crushing it. Were they like-air metal looking, though? Were they like leopard print? Was it like almost ironic? Or did they just-self-aware?

Or did they just dress like bad bands? They dressed like, it definitely wasn't like leopard print glam metal type of stuff. Could they wear the jeans they wore to waffle? house and not be noticed. Yeah. And my recollection, yeah. But that. Yeah. You got to have a leather pants if you're doing the fan. I agree. I agree. I know. But yeah, but anyway, so yeah, that type of shit always cracked me up. And the other thing I was going to say, a Bonner story. I may have told before. I can't remember about me freaking out, although temporarily, we were standing in the middle of the field at the what stage, the main stage. Tenacious D was going to start soon.

and to my left and at my feet, there was a group of people sitting down, and I hear them start kind of like being alarmed. So I look down, and one of them is clearly having a seizure on the ground, right? Seizing up. And another one of them is leaned over the person having a seizure, you know, like with their hands on their shoulders or something,

you know, trying to like, you know, come on. You want your, that type of thing. leaned over them and I'm standing above all of this. And then the person who was leaned over the one having the seizure stopped, looked up straight into my eyes, rolled their eyes back into their head and started having a seizure. Oh my God. And I was really high, like a sympathy seizure.

And so I swear to God, nonsensical it is, for a second, I was like, we're about to all have seizures. I thought some kind of biological weapon had gone off or something. Why wouldn't you think that? It felt like the opening scene of a movie or something to make, where it's like now it's just a cascading effect of everybody having seizures. And I was like, I'm next. Yeah, right.

And it scared. Because you looked into her eyes. Yeah, and it scared the fucking shit out of me. But then, you know, some like a security or whatever, the health and welfare people they have there ran up and grabbed them and took them off and they might have died. I don't know. I stayed in Tenacious D-Rocked and everything was fine after that. But that just reminded me at the time.

Told this one too, but it hits. So why not? The three of us did mushrooms in San Francisco. And in a hotel room, we ended up going out and about and had a show that night. But we took them originally in a hotel room and watched the end of the Titans game, y'all going in the shower together and all this stuff. Because that's the drug for hanging out with your buddies and watching a ball game. Right.

Yeah, mushrooms. But then before we left the hotel. it took us like an hour and a half to leave the hotel because we kept going to each one of our rooms because we kept forgetting stuff or whatever else. And I don't remember whose room we were in, but we're in one of the rooms. And it's only on like the second or third floor up from the street. And the way I remember, y'all were standing there looking out the window at the people on the street, just like people watching. And I walk up in between you. I'm like, what's going on?

I'm like, I'm checking people out. And then Corey goes, check out fucking Kim Jong-un over here. And there was this dude who, I know it sounds racist, I swear to God, he looked exactly like Kim Jong-un in a black trench coat, in a black trench coat and everything standing at a bus stop. Corey goes, check out Kim Jong-un over here. We all look at the guy, start laughing, and then the guy stops, lifts his head up and stares right at us from the street into the window where we're standing. and I completely lost my mind. I was like, that ain't it.

That don't hit. What the fuck was that? And I started like screaming and freaking the fuck out. But I thought about it since and like, which made it not hit for me. He probably could see us, right? Like it's funny to picture it from his perspective. Like out of the corner of his eye,

he's like, I think there's some dude staring at me out of that window across the street. And then he looks up and sees that there are, in fact, some dudes staring at him. And those dudes then start screaming and pulling the curtains. over and all this stuff and freaking out while he's just standing there. He's like, God damn it. Somebody thought I was Kim Jong-un again.

My man, call me being Asian. God, damn. Because like I said, we weren't that far up off the street or anything. No. The curtains were open, and I feel like he probably could see us, which makes it. Well, that makes it way funnier to me, thinking about it from his perspective. And he couldn't, but that's what it felt like. It felt like he saw and heard us.

Yeah, exactly. Well, see, in my head, right, in my head, right, in my head, head at the time it was like it seemed mystical or something because I was like orpheus because I was like there's no way he could possibly see us from all the way over there or whatever but he probably just saw us out of corn of his eye and then looked to you know confirm that he was being stared at which he was and nothing really that weird happened but it freaked me completely the fuck out but then uh we rallied after that went to that bar where uh patrice o'neal type was sitting on the stove yeah just Roasting everybody.

That was rad. One more vibe clash. I wasn't on drugs other than I might have been stoned. This was probably my third Bonneros second. And it was when like bros and sorority girls just started to come. You know, like there was a time when festivals were only for the hippies. Was that the Kingsalayan year? No.

That would explain it. In my recollection, there was a lot of the rollers. a whole lot of talk the Kings of Leon year about it being about a whole lot more bro type showing up that year than the previous years and then it never really went back after that. So I think it was the one after or whatever. So yeah, I might have been off by a little bit. But so there was a group of what we would now just call festival girls because they get on Instagram. Instagram changed a lot of it. Apparently the burners call them Sparkle Ponies where they spend literally $8,000 to go to Burning Man and make sure that they have like basically a house the whole time where they're there.

and like they talk about how like if your makeup is perfect at four in the afternoon you've spent a lot of money because there's nowhere to do your makeup and keep it perfect if you haven't done all that but anyway it was a group of those types of girls and this fucking hippie walked through right in front of all of us and almost like a Congo line but it wasn't a Congo line it was just a line of people who they had to go single file to get through the crowd you know to get to where they wanted to go and he had probably a 18 inch double-ended brown dildo over his shoulder? Wait a minute.

Hold on, buddy. Dude, unless this happened to you twice, this, keep going and then I'll tell my version of this same story. Were you with me? Was this the year I went with you? That I did my first time. Me and you, I know, we're together at, specifically, Portugal the man. It was Portugal the man at the witch stage.

I know because I was on more drugs at one time than I'd ever been at any Bonneroo before or since. And I came this close to freaking the fuck out. And the only reason I didn't is because the dude with the 18-inch brown double-ended dildo showed up in front of us and started dancing around and bouncing in all over the place. And that brought me, you know, I just started giggling because it was so funny. And that dude, I swear to God, saved my fucking life because I was, I was this close, dude.

I was this close to the precipice of having done way too much. But that guy, he saved me. I think about that guy all the time. I bet you do. So that was my second bonner. So that was the second one I went to. They congoed. They stopped right in front of us.

And I do remember, yeah, Porto the Man. You were there. Okay. That show rocked too. Once I didn't freak out, it was fucking awesome. To our right, we're a bunch of college girls. And it was just so funny to watch them react to an old hippie with a brown dildo. Because they had never seen it.

It was clear that that in public. was so strange to them. And I remember it being funny to me because I'm thinking, wait until tonight, ladies. Like, this dude won't have any pants on, and he'll be running around with that thing. But also what was funny was,

like, they were like, oh, my God. And then once one of them was like, look at that, he-he-he. The rest of them, group think, had to do it. And then a couple kept looking at him, kept watching him, start dancing the way he's dancing. And it was funny to watch these 18-year-olds

start to realize like, I think the hippie with the brown dildo is way cooler than my fucking friends. Hell yeah, he is. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, he's cooler than all of us. He saved Tray's live. He did.

He genuinely did. And I know I've told this before too, but again, I don't give a shit. The only time I ever saw, well, actually there was two times. One of them involved my party. But the only time I ever saw, you know, Bonneroo's all fucking peace and love

and hippie type shit, if that's what you're trying to do there, which we always were. The only time I ever saw any kind of animosity or violence, the first few years I went, was I saw this dude getting drug away by security, and they dragged him right by us. I don't know what had happened.

He had almost gotten to a fight or something, but they were just dragging this guy away. And as they dragged him right by us, he screamed out, oh yeah, yeah, well, fish fucking sucks. And I think about that guy all the time, too, because it fucking...

I thought of that. Because you've told me that story bunch. I literally thought of that story today because Tyler Mayhan Co. was posting a promo for his podcast, Your Favorite Band Sucks. And he was doing like a week by week. And next week is fish sucks. Yeah. And I saw that.

And in my mind, I go, fish fucking sucks. I was like, what is that? And then I was like, oh, yeah, that's that tray shit. We fell out laughing. The other time was super weird. But like, I don't know if it'll play and trying to tell it. me and some of my buddies, including this guy, Jeremy, who Jeremy is generally speaking, not the one with whom to fuck.

Like, Jeremy's not at all an asshole, but he will fuck your shit up if you, you know, if you so desire. Your shit needs to be fucked up. Exactly. And he was part of the group we were with and his girlfriend was too. And out of nowhere, this dude, this fucking little weirdo, he looked like kind of tech broie, I thought, but he had gigantic shark eyes. He was on something clearly.

walked up straight to Jeremy's girlfriend and got like this close to her face and was just like staring her down and then started like encircling her and stuff like he was like a shark or something and Jeremy was just like what the fuck what the fuck and he's like telling him to back off and stuff and uh I

I was only worried because I was like I think Jeremy might be about to murder a guy in the middle of this field because he was like just a little just a little like I said tech broly looking dude and jeremy's a pretty bad motherfucker uh so i was pretty concerned just because of that but then the dude like as we're all like yelling trying to forget what the fuck's going on he like just did another lap and then just sharked off to go you know fuck with somebody else presumably but you run into some weird shit down there a girl ran up to me once at bonneroo

and was staring at my chest and got like really close to it and poked it and then freaked out and and then saw Andy and lit up and hugged her and was happy. But it was like a very strange thing. Another quick one, that same time teacher and I were on mushrooms or acid or it was mushrooms. When we were coming down, I remember the sun came up and all these people, a lot of people dressed like animals,

you know, they put on squirrel hat, squirrel. And I was with you for this. See, no, this is the first time being teased it. But mine and your story rules. That was a very happy story. But I remember seeing those people and loving it. That probably got it started on the Serengetti bit, in fact,

seeing people dressed like animals, talking about them fucking in the wild and all that. Then the sun comes up and the acid's wearing off, but I'm still fucked up. And it was just such a stark difference of like, look at that guy dressed like this. Look at that guy dressed like that. Happy, happy, happy.

Sun comes up and I see a guy dressed as a squirrel crawling out of a port-a-potty with puke all over him. right and it all hit me all at once that this had been a facade that's what that was the word in my mind of happiness and the humanity of what this really is right a bunch of fucking sad people doing fucking drugs and i'm one of them and i about fucking lost it dude has to drag me out i feel like anybody that goes to bonner enough times will have that exact experience you see you see someone you saw the night before the next morning and it sheds a whole different light no pun intended on them and on the whole situation.

And yeah, and I know exactly what you mean. One of my favorite stories, this dude woke up or like came to, he was like laying on his back on acid. And someone at the Super Jam was covering Biggie Smalls. And when Biggie hit, the dude jumped up and he was going. If you're not watching on YouTube, I'm exerting that this dude was looking around for anyone to confirm to him what his acid brain was telling him,

which is that Biggie Small was there. He's going, but like, but like, oh my fucking God! And it was the best day of his life. That was the best moment of that dude's life. I don't know when he realized that it wasn't real, but for at least 30 seconds, that man thought Biggie came back from the dead

and was there with him. We'll be right back. We'll be right back after this. So I had a, One thing I wanted to run by y'all this week, and might as well do it now, I guess. Been watching the NBA playoffs. Memphis Grizzly's been pissing me off,

especially Dylan Brooks. We ain't got to get into all that. But I've been watching the NBA playoffs, and something occurred to me. Like, when I was, everybody's the sports fan goes through this thing where eventually you're older than the guys coming into the league and all this stuff.

And some of the coaches. And I can remember being younger and being the same age as like draft picks and stuff like that. And I can remember, the guys who were older in the league at that time and being like, man, you know, like the guys that were 37, 38, whatever, that were still playing. And I can remember being like, dude, it is insane that someone so fucking old could possibly be out there still playing this game.

Like, he's almost 40, dude. That's old as fuck, right? That's crazy. And I thought the other night, now that I myself am 36, still feel that. those guys, and I'm way more impressed. Yeah. Because fuck all that shit, bro. Yeah. Like, now that I know what it feels like to actually be 36, and of course, there's a huge difference between me and a professional athlete, but still, now that I like, now that I live

it every day. Yeah. I'm even more impressed by those dudes because it's like, bro, there's such a, I don't care if you are a pro athlete and training every day. There's still such a colossal difference between a fucking 23 year old body. And a 37, 38 year old body, I don't care what you do to it, you know, like. So I'm actually, it's wild. I'm actually probably, not probably.

I'm 100% in better shape right now than I was when I was 23. But only because as soon as I turned 21, that was my first fat, you know. Yeah, that's when you really went off the rails. That's when I really went off the rail. So I'm, I'm, I'm arguably, I'm in arguably in better shape now. but my recovery back then was still better. And I say that because, you know, I work out three times a week. I go on long, heart-healthy walks through the woods.

I don't drink near as much as I used to. I'm eating a lot better. That said, my knee, I literally tweaked my knee yesterday sitting cross-legged too long reading a book. You know what I'm saying? With my leg up on the, and I put it down and my knee had just like, I tweet. Like, so like, yeah, I don't understand how, like, LeBron and these motherfuckers, because, like, I know they're insane shape, but, like, you can hurt yourself being in shape. Like, plenty of people hurt themselves working out.

That's part of the freakness of these folks. I mean, you look back, there's so many forgotten names of people who were rated as highly as they were, who got injured. There's people who made it in the league for a few years and got injured, like Derek Rose. So the greats who have longevity, Grant Hill comes to mind. Grant Hill's rookie year literally is on par with Michael Jordans. Grant Hill's splits and numbers were on par with Michael Jordans. And he didn't have the longevity.

Vince Carter just retired. Yeah, he's like the opposite of that. So that's part of when you have a league like the NBA that pays so much, so you get all these freak athletes working their whole lives toward it, that's like one of the last separators. It's funny you had that thought because I had the same one when Chris Paul's 37th birthday was this week, Ray. It's actually Chris Paul is the person that made me think this because he had his birthday.

He didn't hit his two games after his birthday, and that's where this thought came from was Chris Paul turning 37. So he turned 37. I am 37, but I'm a few months older than him, six or seven. And I was like, fuck, I'm older than Chris Paul. I didn't know. I don't know how old I thought Chris Paul was. It was just like a strange thing to be like,

man, I'm older than Chris Paul. It was close to the same age. I play basketball still, not in the NBA or anything, remotely close to that. Now, you get stabbed almost by people in your leg. Right. I have a knot in my leg and in my lower back, both of which have come and gone multiple times in the last seven months.

Like, I'm very close to just being like, I got to start swimming or something to stay in shape. Now, again, law school, I settled my ass for three state years. We don't have the doctors these people have. There's like factors like that, but there's also just them being so different. Yeah, they different. Even where I play, obviously it's not an NBA season, but there's like a 40-year-old guy who nobody can keep up with.

He's a freak in that way, in the longevity way. And I talked to him about it, and part of his theory is he's like, I didn't really play competitively in high school. Like I didn't really get that into doing anything other than pick up every once in a while until I was 25. But still, I guess what I'm getting at is there's the athletic freakness of being able to jump or being fast or being strong. There's another added thing of like longevity. I mean, I'll never forget when Adrian Peterson did blow his knee out for the first time in his life. And the doctor said, I predict he's going to have the quickest recovery time in history because I've never.

never seen an inside of a knee look like that on anyone under the age of 14. He then. It just looked so unreal in there. He came back, rushed for over 2,000 yards, and was the last non-quarterback to win the MVP the following year after blowing his knee out. Right. So like that's a additional freak aspect to these professional athletes. And again, that not just being a good athlete, it's not like they all have it.

Like Derek Rose didn't have it. He could not recover. completely. He recovered somewhat. Grant Hill didn't have it. He couldn't recover at all. Yeah, and sometimes, and I can't think of a good example, but I feel like it actually happens all the time. There's plenty of guys who, like, don't even have a major injury. They just sort of hit a wall. They just hit a certain age, and they just, like, get old all of a sudden, and then they're just not, as they lose a step. You're a wide receiver or a cornerback or something. You lose one step. Like, I mean, you're pretty much done after that. But yeah, it's just like I used to, when I was in my early 20s, I used to look at the pro athletes in their late 30s and think that they were old as fuck.

And now that I'm in my late 30s, I look at them and I know that they old as well. Exactly. Well, and I hate to give them any flowers, as you guys know. But then that circles back to Brady, man. It's kind of crazy what he's been able to do. There's a lineman that's even older than him that's kept it going. And some people go, well, those are different muscles or whatever. It's not twitch muscles.

It's like straight. Boy from the Rams. Yeah. He just retired. And you can keep strength going longer than you can speed, but you can't, but endurance or durability is hard to keep going. Like, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that 45-year-old

former NFL linemen are just as strong, if not stronger than they were in their 30s. But like being able to take punishment and not have to quit at that age is wild. Mm-hmm. No, it's nuts. But Brady, too, it's not just that. he's still there. It's the level at which he's playing, too.

Like, you know, there's that stat on Brady that if you took his career and cut it into thirds, each one of those three careers is a Hall of Fame career. Yeah, one thing I'll say about Brady and Chris Paul's the only analogy I can currently think of. Maybe LeBron is that his skill level is so broad. It helps him. Brady cannot throw the ball like he used to.

Of course not. it very well. But he has, he can do so many other things. Chris Paul is not as explosive as he used to be, but his... Well, they're both real smart. They're both very cerebral. They got football or basketball IQ. That's why Peyton was able to do it after his arm went to shit.

Right. They're also both, and this applies to Peyton, in positions to where their brain has a huge effect on the way the guy goes, and then that's how they do it. You know, you take a player like Derek Rose, Rose was explosive. You know, that was his thing. So it's not like he went away and he couldn't play ball anymore. It's just that it took away the thing that made him there.

Made him what he was. You can't take away Chris Paul's thing. I mean, I'm sure eventually age will take away all the other stuff, but you can't take away the fact that he can shoot and is smarter than everybody. I think what happens with those dudes is like the game passes them by or something like that. You know what I'm saying? Like.

Well, with Michael, he couldn't do even though. Like eventually you get to an age where like you can't. stay in front of anybody on defense. You can't get to your spots. You know how to get the spots better than everybody. It's like Michael stopped dunking on people and was still good. But then eventually even the things he was doing like the fadeaways weren't working. I'd just say that there's some dudes who like that because the NBA, dude, just in the past,

if you go back and watch NBA games from 10 years ago, the game is different. Like it's just wildly different. And there's some dudes assuredly that like we're super. hitting 10 years ago and it's not that they've still got the longevity. They still got all that, but this is not the same game that they were playing and it passes you by. You see it with like old coaches all the time that try to come back and you're like, well, they were, you know, they went undefeated and blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, but this is, the NFL's not the same. They're coaching this way and like that just ain't, that ain't how it works.

Well, dude, the wild thing about Chris Paul is that he's hung around long enough. He's like somebody who just kept wearing bell bottoms until they came back in style. Right, right. Because the mid-range game that he does is now kind of in vogue because defenses have worked so hard at forcing people in the shooting mid-range shots because the analytics say they're worthless. And they are if you can't hit them in a really efficient clip, but him and Booker can.

So the suns shoot more long twos than anybody in the league. I don't know if anybody gives a shit about this, but just to tag on to what you were just saying, and he has done that game so well for so long that it's now actually really deadly because defenses don't know how to stop it because for the last eight years, they have worked on stopping close range twos

and threes almost exclusively. And actually, DeMargerson is another guy who's been pretty good his whole career until the last two years where he's been great because defenses are letting him shoot a mid-range shot, which he has. Jimmy Butler is one of those dudes too. I was about saying that's why now you guys,

dudes they're just like okay well I'll just pull up from half court you're not going to defend that shit because like why would you even try right so like if Phil Jackson came back and tried to coach in this league like it don't even look it don't look like basketball that he's used to no and shout out to Steph Curry who you know I'm currently mad at uh for really changing being great it's so great that you change how it's done I mean that it's like LeBron LeBron didn't change the league because nobody could copy him. Right, yeah. Nobody can do that.

So whatever. Yeah, I'm sure I've told you all before, but I got a buddy that's a basketball coach. And he was a coach before Steph Curry kind of came in and did his thing. And, you know, he's coaching now. And he just talks about how Steph Curry, to him as a coach, is the most frustrating human being that has ever lived because, like, he has to on a daily basis explain to his kids that they're not Steph Curry and that they should not try to be. But it's just like, you know, like when Reggie Bush,

I remember when we were in high school, when Reggie Bush came out, every single running back that we had that was normally like a North South guy was like you handing a ball and they're just back there doing all this shit. And it's like, bro, you're not like, that's a once in a lifetime individual. You can't do that shit. But I will say, I assume he's teaching around where you live, coaching around where you live. If those kids are 10 and they're pretty good and they have aspirations to go to college,

not even be in the NBA, and they're like, you know, going to top out at six foot. Yeah. They probably should learn some. No, I agree. No, I agree. It's not going to work any other way. No, that's going to be, I mean, like, it's still like when you're watching basketball, it still is crazy when you see someone pull up in front of half court.

But it's starting, we're more desensitized to it now because it happens all the time. Like, it's just a thing that happens. And like, yeah, four or five years down the line, that's not even going to look wild to us. just like that's what basketball looks like and I don't know what the new iteration of things is going to be but like no it's a completely different game and for the record it's super fucking fun to watch

I'm not complaining it is awesome I agree with all that yeah does it well hell let's take it home all right thank you all for listening to the well red show we love to stick around longer but we got to go tune in next week if you got nothing

to do thank you god bless you Good night, Ansky. Corey, do you like fancy shit? Do you mean like endless shrimp at Red Lobster? No, a little higher. Do you mean like buying a dog as opposed to just find him one in a box

at a Walmart parking lot? Even fancier. Do you mean like them real long-ass cigarettes? Buddy, fancier still. Do you mean like having an incestuous relationship with your cousin in order to purify the bloodline instead of just on account of she's got big-ass tetties? Yeah, like that shit.

Oh, I do like shit like that. Well, if you like shit like that, you're going to love putting on airs. Our new podcast, wherein to very not fancy dip shit discuss very fancy real shit. You can find it wherever you find your podcast, like, subscribe, tell all your friends, and leave us five stars. It's good shit.