wellRED podcast - #273 Carmen Morales Replaces Corey AND Trae And We Discuss Dating, Gender, & Her New HBO Special!

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

Drew Drew Dollars is hosting solo but he has an amazing and well known guest today - Comedian Carmen Morales. Carmen just filmed her first TV special for HBO which you can stream right now on HBO Max! Carmen and Drew discuss relationships, the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial, gender, and the Me Too movement.

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because you used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skewniverse, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know?

Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery, getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture,

including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different

language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app,

lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was money.

What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them.

They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the.

What's up everybody? Welcome to the well red beard podcast. I am red beard, aka Uncle Daddy, aka Drew Drew Dollars. As many of you know, I am flying solo this week and the weeks thereafter for a little while as Corey and Trey are across the pond, isn't it, Govna? But if you're stuck here stateside like me, whether it's issues related to passports, poverty, or pernicious... I got nothing. I ran out of P-words. Pussy was the only thing I could think of. Hey, my dad said that before. Um, what am I saying? I'm saying we got a great show today.

Carmen Morales, who you know and love, is going to be on. She's going to be co-piloting with me for at least a couple episodes, maybe more. And we're getting a lot of good stuff. I just want to plug some show dates real quick that I have. Okay? Get your well-read fix one-third at a time. Nashville, June 1st, it's a Wednesday. Need you guys to come out.

It's going to be a big time. Want them to have me back. Come on out to Nashville on June 1st. You get tickets, by the way, at drew Morgancom. What else we got? Asheville, without the end. in Asheville, North Carolina, June 4th. I know a lot of people are going to be there.

A couple people are flying in for that. June 10th in Chattanooga at the Cherry Street Tavern. And June 22nd at Avondale, Avondale Brewing, I think it is, in Birmingham, Alabama. So that's four spots coming up in June. you can come see me, Nashville, Asheville, Chattanooga, Birmingham. I will be with who? DJ Lewis at all those spots.

He of Maston the Butthole fame. Doesn't that sound amazing? Aren't you guys excited about that? DJ is very funny. He's funnier live than he is on this podcast. So if you've ever enjoyed a DJ story, whether it be chicken fishing or getting maced in the butthole, come see us live. You're going to enjoy that even more.

and I got all new jokes, mostly new jokes. Got a lot of new taglines. So yeah, come see us out there, drew Morgancomedy.com for tickets. Hey, let's get this show going. It's the Well Red Beard Podcast. Welcome to the Well Red Podcast. Well Red Beard is what I've decided to call it.

I don't know if that's because my beard is red or I'm acting as some sort of cover for Trangorri's relationship. I think you're definitely doing that. They are on a very lovely couple's vacation right now. Yeah, paid. Pretty impressive. It's pretty. It's nice.

It's really lovely what they've got going on. They're soulmates. This has been addressed before on here. Corey was trying to hit me with some kind of bullshit about how I don't like anything. I know I like lots of things. I just don't like all the same things that you two like. you know what I mean? Yeah.

They're soulmates. Yeah, I'm sorry I'm not part of this thruple. You know, you guys have a thing. It's undeniable. Yeah, it is. It's undeniable. I would love to be a part of it, but I don't want to go to fucking Marvel movies every weekend

and then stay up late eating Doritos and drinking red wine. Once a month, it sounds good. Yeah, but all the time. Yeah. It's kind of funny how they've kind of turned into those because they've always been like that, not all of the parts that I'm seeing now. Well, you want me to, I mean, wow,

we're just spilling the tea. We've got ourselves a little Boston tea party. Welcome to the show, Carmen Morales. Oh, thank you so much for having me. Hi, well, red, folks. Oh, man, you guys know who you love her. I'm wearing her t-shirt if you're watching on the internet. The HBO gave me.

It says HBO on the back, right? Yeah, it does. Do you remember what I did when they offered it to me? I was talking to you, but they were standing around there. They were like, oh, no, I'm good. And then I looked and Brad Williams had on one, and I saw the front. Your quote. Yeah, I just in the back, right said HBO.

and I go, oh, I just thought I said fucking HBO, let me get one. And I turned. And I turned and they're standing there still holding them. And I was like, oh, thank you. Thank you. I'll take it. I'll take it now. It changed everything.

Yeah, I don't want your trash merch. I want her trash merch. I want a fucking HBO t-shirt. Oh, it's got Carmen's name on it. I'll take it. You guys don't know what he's referring to. I just had my big HBO debut. It's called Entranos.

It's me and another comedian Alfred Robles and we do stand-up and it's it was pretty cool yeah I wanted to ask about that I thought that was part of a series that's just the name of your no it is like a series okay yeah yeah it's kind of like a Latinx comedy central presents essentially where it's just showcasing like a bunch of different kind of Latin communities right and so there's other episodes you and he just on this you just share an episode yeah 15 minutes a piece yep we each do 15 yeah and what's cool is I just did a bunch of shows in how was I just at?

Oh, in like Plano, Texas. And then I was, I got to do that whole thing where go watch the thing. I didn't do any of the material that I did tonight, you know, and be able to be like, you can hear other stuff. Pretty solid. Did they pick the material for you? No, no. The producer

for this is so cool. He wants you to do whatever you want. It's like, it's like, you know, not an annoying kind of diversity that he's looking for. It's like more diversity of thought versus, you know, checking boxes. Yeah. So like white and black guys on entre new. No, I just mean in the sense that it's not all like, hey, we are Latino.

Where it's he very much understands that there's different kinds. Like, and the, you know, there's Latin nerds and it's like soft spoken. It's not all like the stereotypes of, and that's the part of that I really like, you know. Yeah, for sure. especially because a lot of people don't know this but like Latin people are the people that spend the most money demographic wise and it's an untapped market yeah so I wish I knew enough Spanish to make a joke right now oh well see I'm doing my joke yeah yeah I'm broke I like me was I like Spanish people Hey, he's cost to see me,

to eat this. That's so great. You just started getting an accent all of a sudden. It's a different one. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I grew up on Speedy Gonzalez.

Oh, me too. That was my introduction to your people. It was also my introduction to a podhead because Slowpoke Rodriguez was definitely, was definitely a stoner without question, I think. Actually, I think I identified more with him back then. Now I'm definitely high-strung, like, Stevie. Yeah.

But I remember. as a kid, you know, speedy. Yeah. I don't know. Just like the area. I was like, yeah, I want to be like that. Yeah, he was the slogan. And then it was just like, and then if anybody fucked with him, he would just shoot him.

He never ran out. He's like, I'm not going to run away. He never ran away or anything like that. He just, uh, he was just aware. Hmm. No, I'll just, I'll kill you. Yeah. I'm not going to chase you.

It was like a nice calmness about him. I enjoyed it. Yeah. Just the speak calmly and carry a big gun. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty much what it was. Yeah.

He liked Roosevelt. Mm-hmm. Well, congratulations. Some people where they can find it, I think you can do it on the app. We did it on Max, I think, HBO Max. I get confused because HBO has too many things. Yes, I get it. It's on HBO max.

It's streaming. They did air it on HBO, regular HBO, so we got some regular HBO play when it first dropped, and then now it's just available to stream on HBO Max, so you can watch it whenever you want. You get a free strike. If you don't have it. If you don't have it, use somebody else's login or, yeah, use, get the trial, but set an alarm on your phone so you remember to cancel it. So then you're not like, fuck you, Carmen.

Now I have it for another month. So if you don't have any money, use someone else's. If you don't have enough personality to get laid, then do the free trial. Yep. If you don't have a phone or a computer, I don't know how you're listening right now. I don't either. But congratulations. Yeah, you feel good about it, though?

Yeah, I do. You should. I do. Thanks. You and Brian Simpson have, I think, two of the best, like, I don't know, introductions to the world. So good. Your pacing was excellent. I would, I don't want to say I was nervous for you because I knew you do a great job, but like I would worry about pacing, even in my own special, which I don't know when it comes out or what it'll be on, but I was like being mindful of you got to kind of slow down with TV. Oh, you have to, which sucks because I already talk fast as it is. Right. Especially when I want, I mean, I mean, yeah. Slow down. I think I was even slower because that was the whole thing is he was like, you could do your jokes as fast as you want, just make sure you pause in between each one. But even then I was like, you know, it was finally,

it was a Ron Funch's note, you know, where I was just like, he's so slow and gets so many, like rings out so many laughs out of all the jokes he does. Yeah. That, yeah, I mean, all the sets I did leading up to it, I was going way faster. I don't know how I pulled it off being slower. but it worked out.

It worked out really well. You were calm. You did great. Everybody go watch it. And then you guys can't get a shirt like this, but I don't know if you can. Did you take them? Did you take the assets to sell as merch?

Yeah. Maybe I'll do. I'm going to do because I made, I made a merch to go with one of the jokes from the HBO thing. And then in the taping, I didn't do the second half of the joke, which is where the merch is based on.

But luckily, now you can do it in your live act, though. Sure, sure. but I only did like a limited it. It's prayer candles. So it's like a pain in the ass. So I was like, I'm only making a hundred of them.

Whoever wants one gets one as like a, you know, a thing for when this comes out. And then that's it. So, but they're going to give me the clip because in the first show, because we only did two shows. And they didn't splice either show together, but it's just my second show. I think they shaved off maybe 30 seconds, he said.

Wow. So not even like a bit. And there was no back and forth. They just were like, here you go. He was like, he was like, I loved, because the first show, my friend Katie was with me. And she was like, the first show was like surgery. She was like, you were just so concise and everything. And the second show because it was like open bar.

And I was like, I had an uncut gems movie happen up until we recorded. Like so many things went wrong. It was such an incredibly stressful week. So I mean, I had Katie on my podcast. And we just laid everything out because everybody was. like how to go. I'm like, go listen to the podcast because I don't want to relive it again. It's no sir. I don't like it. It's a it's just the episode's called how to go. And it's me and Katie because she was there for all of that bullshit. But I had a needle in my

foot. I didn't have a dress to wear like my garment. It wasn't there until like 615 when we started filming at 7. It was like a bunch. There was like that same day I had to find like a person to do my hair. Everything that could have go wrong went wrong. And then it all. It all ended up like coming together and it worked out and it was fine but was the foot needle related to the garment problem no it was not okay like i thought maybe you had a tailoring issue in general no i had left my phone at the venue um the night before and i went back to go look for it and there was a like a loose so it was a sewing needle on the floor and it went through my boot and into my foot yeah and i had to pull it out and had like a dinner with HBO that i was already late for

during all this. So it was like, it was a nightmare. Oh, Carmen. You need to slow down. Zee, see. So, yeah, it was like a bunch of things that happened. But then it was like, so by the second show, once I thought that I had it, the first show, like after Katie kind of gave me that reassurance, because she would have told me, you know, that was the other reason why liked her there.

She would have been honest with me if something was shitty. Ooh, that's important, but scary. Yeah. on the biggest moments of your life professionally up into that point. And then someone's like, he didn't nail it. Yeah. He did not do it well. You know what I mean? Well, she would have been more specific than you sucked.

You know, that's a bad person to bring to something like that. Right. But somebody was like, or hey, you maybe went too fast or whatever. So for the second show, you know, just to redirect, re-correct it. But it was open bar. So by then I was like two or three cocktails in. And so I was just loose, loose on the second show. shots of tequila and a beer before our second taping where I was completely sober for the first one. And the second one was definitely better in the room. We did a lot of splicing. I did a lot of hey, use this and do that. And my problem is, you know, I'll leave a word out here that really

affects the thing later. And, oh, man, but I'm a head case. No, I get that. And I mean, in hindsight, there's the words that I left out that would have been better, you know, that would have made it the joke way better, a more concise, you know, painted a better picture or whatever, but that's always going to happen. I knew that going into it. I knew it was like, this is not going to be perfect.

It's just going to be a good representation and having to like talk myself down from that, but it was still fun. Do you know Gene Gettman from New York? Does ever meet him? I don't think so. He used to host a mic at the stand. That's where I met him.

He used to say, when you got something important to come up, you receive one to three years. So you have to be more than one to three years. past whatever you're getting to actually be ready for it. If you've got an audition, you're going back a year to three years. Like if you've got like a big taping, you're going back a year because of the nerves and all that.

And I think that there's some truth to that. You know, and I kind of had to let it go too where it was like, well, it was good enough. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's funny. And yeah, since this is like seven years, seven years, I think I was prepared for this seven years ago. So I think that's why it didn't.

Especially because it's 15, right? Yeah. I think that's why it was like, oh, wow, it looks good. Is it the same thing with Brian? Is it a true seven? Or is it five? And I, like, I only met you about seven years ago. And you seem ready to me.

But what I mean by that is I feel like in comedy, I've thought I was ready for stuff. And then I was probably actually ready a year later or two years. I actually just picked a number. But sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A while. You've been road-dunning it for a bit. Yeah, for a long time.

Well, I'm happy for you. Thank you. I know the Will Rip fans are. I know that they know you. And I know that the end of the Ibiscuit. fans who are listening and also know you very well. And I adore them. I mean, I've gouged a lot of people from you guys and I appreciate it very much.

You've also, you know, you make me, and I mean, I think I've always appreciated our fans. I hope I have, but you've made me appreciate it more when you say that we have, I think the word you use the kindest fans that you've ever experienced. Yeah. Yeah, you got like, like, they're like, it's like it is the nicest parts of a cult where there's like a sense of community, but it's not too, they're not too weird. You know, like they don't send me bizarre, like fucked up messages. Oh, man.

I don't want to put anybody on blast, but I've been getting something lately. Oh, yeah. And I'm actually, I didn't tweet it out. I put it in my drafts because I want to put some time between what happened. You know what I mean? So nobody knows exactly who it is. Yeah. Right.

But like, there's nothing better that when a fan starts message you during the middle of a mania set. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Where at first they send you like a message, and you kind of know, I'm in front of me, message back. And then there's like 40 messages. messages later. And I used to be like, I'm not reading that. This is weird. This is a paris social relationship. I get in my head. And now I'm like, ooh, bring the goods to daddy. You're going to send me a nude and then 30 minutes later and invite me to your eight-year-old's birthday party? Fuck. Yes. This is what I'm here for. Bring it off.

Just unbridled mental illness for you to enjoy. And it's like, I could be like, why would they send it to me? We know why. We know why the unbridled mental illness is coming my way. I deserve it. And I like it. And I like it and I appreciate it. I don't want anyone who thinks this is about them. Several people could think this is about them. To get set right now, I fucking love it. Keep on bringing it at me. Well, it was like I did, because I had to do promotion,

promotional for all this. I was doing a bunch of podcasts and stuff and I was on Joey Diaz. And then like literally hours after it posted, I get a message from a dude that's like, come to Maui so I can stick my tongue in your ass. And I was like, oh, thanks. And then I just, responded, I hope you watched my Enronos on HBO.

And what does Enteros translate as? Entrenos means like a, like a, Entrenos means like within us, like among us. I thought it meant within us. So I was trying to get to do a joke about the talking about it. But yeah, yeah, it's more like, you know, you know, it's et all entranosotro. Is it fubu for us by? Between us, yeah.

It's Latino fubu for us more. Yeah, exactly. what women have to go through because there's the added element sometimes of fear. And so what I'm going to say, I'm trying to empathize but recognizing it's not the same. Gay men send me the wildest shit. Publicly, privately, the wildest shit. Yeah. They will just say anything.

And I think there's even an extra level of comfort there because they know I'm not. You know, there's no like, you might freak her out. Clearly the guy in Maui didn't have any of that in him, though. What's the wildest thing you've ever had sent to? I mean, that one's pretty good. I mean, I turn, I think I talked about it on one of the church shows that we did. But the wildest one is because it was multiple people that all said the same thing to me is like a bunch of dudes hit me up and said they wanted to fuck my eyebrows. And I was like, man, I'd never heard that.

It was just like, I've heard tongue in my ass. You know, and I want to fuck your, I want to suck on your toes. I want to fuck your feet, whatever. Like, I've heard all of the things that are based in reality. but I had never heard more than one person tell me that they wanted to fuck my eyebrows. We talked at five, we talked in ten. If they were roaches, you'd have a problem. It'd be like, see, either five, because I'm like, Jesus.

If it was bugs in your house, you'd call the pest control. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think it was like five. That's definitely one of those things that those men realized they were into wild horny. Yeah. They weren't setting at dinner and, like, look, and they saw like the waitresses eyebrows. I think I want to fuck those. Like you're already horny.

Do you know what I mean? Because like when you're already horny, your brain's different. You know what I mean? It's just like, oh. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, I just love her fucking converts. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. What? That's definitely not a category. That was real specific. You didn't like some converts? No, I wear them. Oh, right.

Right. Just trying to think of what other things that would be innocuous. Well, even anal, the origin of it. Like, now that it's around and people talk about it, you hear about it from like 12 years old on. Yeah. Sure. But the first person who was like,

I want to stay my dick in the butthole, was horny when they thought of that. And the person who led them was horny when they let them. You know what I mean? Like no one unhorny. You just, you know what if you've never heard of anal before, it's the wildest thing.

Yeah, it sounds crazy. Yeah. It sounds painful. And gross. I mean, yeah, poop on your dick. Yeah. And it's the poop bowl. Which is it.

Yeah. And it's also like, probable that poop gets on your dick, you know, unless you're duching your, your butt. And you're not duching your butt unless you already do anal. You know what I'm saying? Like nobody thinks to do that. That's the type of hygiene, I think, that's just very specific to that or giving yourselves animas or something. I always thought of that was like an old person thing.

Yeah. Anima. My, my grandmother had her douche just out on the back of her toilet where everybody could see it. My fucking grandmother did too. I had no idea what that sack was for the longest time. And I never wanted to know. I didn't ask. It was a literal douchebag. I think I knew what a douchebag was. in the bro sense before I realized that that's what my grandmother had in the back of the toilet. And you're like, oh, that's what I've been calling. That's what I've been calling Tom this whole time. If a person, not you, were to let someone fuck their eyebrows, what steps would that person that person do you take?

Well, that's the, I mean, that's where the bit goes. Yeah. Oh, right. That's right. How logistically do I do it, you know? Do you push them together? Like, like, it's titty fucking, you know? Brow.

It's all saying. Like, yeah, it's like a furrowed brow is like, it's like, it's like, full. Warplay, I guess. That's a new segment on Born of Furrow. That's a furrowed. You said the furry community. I love it when she's disappointed in me. Oh, yeah.

Scallet, baby. Yeah. That's great. Well, welcome to the well-red beard podcast. I am the Red Beard, Dr. Morgan. I am taking over. If you don't know why, we talked about it last week. So I guess you missed that episode.

But Corey and Trey are gallivanting around. They're having the time of their lives in the UK right now, getting fancy. We assume. I mean, they might be miserable, you know? I doubt it. I don't, there's no way. Yeah, there's no way. No, they're on a paid vacation with the... They're balls deep in their history nerddom. They're having so much fun.

That's also a new thing for Corey. Like, sometimes I think he's Mr. Ripley. I'm glad, like, you earlier, you were saying something like, these feel like new things. Yeah, some of these things, yeah, feel new to Corey. Yeah, sometimes I think he's Mr. Ripley him. Yeah. You know, I'm glad I had somebody I could talk to about it. Yeah, because I mean, my, I mean, I knew Corey when he was a mess.

Yeah. Years and years ago. I mean, an unbridled mess, like a wild and free, you know, just to. And it's like he met training. It's like, yeah, now he's in the history and nerdy stuff and cares about black people. It's like all these things he didn't care about. Listen, I'm for it. Yeah. It's just new. It's a good change. It's a good change. It's a good change. change. We're having too much fun. We are. At his expense.

We love him. Yeah. He's having a good time. I hope they are. I'm sure they are. I think they're doing a book, but I don't think I'm allowed to talk about that. Let me move.

I think they're not supposed to, you know what I mean? You know how it is when the projects are on the download. Yep, yep, yep. Was that a thing for you? You don't have a lot in an NDA? I get that. Were you like not allowed to talk about that until a certain point?

Was it so quick? Yeah. I feel like out of pandemic, it was like, no, start from up and we're getting this done. Yeah. Yeah. I think there was just certain things I couldn't share. There were like certain images and stuff like that.

But the producer was like, oh, we don't care. Yeah. You're fun. Yeah. And then I was even like, well, I was like, there's like a version of a joke or something that's already out on the internet because like some people seem to care about that. But they didn't.

They were like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah. It's like, they're like, listen, we didn't hear about it. You know, it didn't go viral enough for us to see it up on the first glance of checking you out. So we don't care. that makes sense to me. I mean, that's kind of the attitude I've been taking about some stuff too.

I've even put out a few lines that are on the special. And no one said anything to me yet. And maybe they will at some point. But I'm just like, worst case scenario, this goes viral. And people want to go, where can we see more of this? Yeah. And I'm like, buddy. I think that is the mentality.

Yeah, I think that's the mentality now. It's like just because you got to constantly make stuff and put stuff out. So it's like, what are they going to go through all of it? No. That's like only a crazy. person will do that. Like the person that went through every episode of Rogan and cut him saying the N-word every single time over

the, you know, 10 years of podcasting. That's a crazy person. Yeah, yeah. So I think if anybody's going to go through all of my shit, I mean, I don't have that much. Yeah, you only said the N-word three times. No, it was zero. I'm going to make sure our fans understand

what jokes are. No, I'm kidding. Our fans are pretty good about that at this point. I think early on, we had some fans who were a little, you know, pearl clutchy. I mean, we're pretty, you know, by the book. We don't have any inward clips, I don't think. I'm like, that's not entirely true. Trey used to say it when he would tell a story,

and somebody said it in a story, and then he stopped doing that after somebody was like, here's why they should stop, and he was like, cool. So there's definitely some clips out there. I mean, like, literally, I think the first episode of the Well-Rip podcast. Yeah. Anyway, we don't need to get into that. It's okay.

I did want to ask you about a few things, though. This little clip went viral, and I feel like you're the, I don't know, a perfect comedian in my mind to ask about this kind of thing. And you've even got some bits about this. And I'm not going to quote you because I'll misdo it. But to paraphrase you, you're a broad. You're a fucking broad.

I am abroad. But you're into dudes. Yes. So when it comes to gender, you like see things a little differently than a lot of people. I also have a chemical imbalance that basically. I don't bring that up to you a one time. Yeah, I'm chemically a they,

them without consent. Right. I was forced into a they them before that was even. a thing. Right. So I've just been confusing both other genders. Because of testosterone. Because of my testosterone, for sure. All right. And this isn't about that. This isn't about that type of

gender thing. It's just that asking you your opinion on what these men said, it's going to be funny to me. So we're doing it. I can get my volume turned up and get ready. What if it froze right now? Like everything we've done a day. Carmen and I have been trying to record for an hour. Is it okay? Basically.

All right. So the quote is, basically girls have sex. whoever they want, guys have sex whoever they can. And the logic there, I suppose, being that women get to choose their sexual partners. And since they do, men will take whatever they can get when they're younger. And then, but then the flip side of that, this brilliant mind, I didn't show you what they look like on purpose. Let me show you a few minutes.

Not that they're like not attractive or anything. But the flip side of that is that men get to choose who they marry and women have to marry whoever. And men get to choose who they marry. Why do so many men I know got married out of an ultimatum if they get to choose who they marry? There's so many things untrue about what these folks are saying. I mean, I think this is a thing for them to justify them being rejected a bunch when they were, and also that's not true. I've been turned down by guys that I wanted to fuck and didn't want anything else from that.

Like, that's, that's like a common, I think guys like to think that to make themselves feel better about being rejected. And, but I don't think that that's true. think you can't just have anybody, you can't just fuck anybody. Right. Period. I don't think that's ever, even if you're a super attractive person, because like beauty is subjective and stuff like that. Like there's people that I fuck that are way out of my league where I'm like,

what are you doing here? But he could argue that goes to his point, you know what I mean? You fucked who you wanted and he fucked who he could that night or whatever. But I think that they probably weren't actually out of your league. is perceived them that way. Sure. I'm not to say that to be nice to you. Like, I'm saying like, so people just attracted to different things. That's what I'm saying. To me, that they could have been like, man, she was like the fucking coolest person. And they're like nervous, but you know what I'm saying? Like, um, so it's, it's that. It's an exchange, I think. I think

there's like a balance there. And like, um, it's all about like, I think priorities and perspective. Like, and depending on what your priorities are as far as what you find attractive and your perspective of what attractive is, I think that's how you get what you think is hot and what your don't think is hot. I think that's true, too. And I also wanted to say, too, if we're speaking in generalities, you know, let's say, you know, they can say, okay, look, there's exceptions. But we're saying that generally speaking, this is what happens, right?

Sure. I do think that there's not some truth in what they're saying. They're pointing out a thing and removing all of the context, which I think is hilarious. Case in point. And I'm not just saying this to like, you know, I don't know. Hey, Andy, can you make sure that it's working because it froze on me? Thank you. And I can't open it without your thumbprint.

By the way, Andy's here, who everyone says is out of my league to my face at least once a month. And I was going to do a bit about it. And I was like, I don't know if this is relatable. And then I saw on the internet the other day, John Stamos is apparently being told that his fucking, admittedly young and beautiful wife is out of his league. John fucking Stamos. Yeah, John Staple. He was gorgeous. We all wanted to have sex. I mean, everybody. Every gender, he was one of those guys that was just clear across the board,

undeniably attractive, according to everyone. And so the fact that, and I mean, I think, again, that goes with context. As you get older, there's still supposed to be limits, I think, to some people, as far as what you're allowed to be with or the type of person you're allowed to be with. So I think that's also, I also think that's weird. Why does anybody have commentary on your partner anyways? It's really just commentary on them that they think they could never achieve what you have. And so they're upset about it, I think.

I think that's a little bit of a jealousy thing and a little bit of a, I can't, like, why not, why not me? Why not me? Because you have the personality of a fucking toothbrush. You lose to write a goddamn joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that aside, like going back to what those other cats were saying, I think, that the small truth that they're observing and trying to turn into some hot take, and by the way, they apparently stole that.

When you get on the comments, like some guy named whatever, anyway, the small truth they're observing there is that as we age and we look at women and men, especially when we hit about 30, just aesthetically, it looks like most women are sad. Like, do you know what? It's just like it's also because young women accept a dude being, a fucking mess too. Which is the pedjarchy. Yeah.

It's just like we always have to be put together, like that pressure of always like having to be put together, all that stuff. And dudes don't have to do that. That of course, like if a woman maintains that and, um, a dude, you know, a dude fucking whatever. Hanged 40 pounds and is still wearing the fucking t-shirt he had on with it was 22. Exactly. And it's got a blown out armpit, but he doesn't care, right?

I mean, I think I remember that one time my dad came to see my mom at work and he had a pair of blown out sweatpants. Like his butt was blown out. I was like, dad, I could see her. fucking BDs, you know. Meanwhile, my mom's all fucking put together makeup on hair. I was just like, the fuck is wrong with you.

It doesn't have to care. Right. So I think there's that, a societal thing on that. I also think, what is really happening is they're just applying a kind of like a genderly immature mentality on the younger side of it and then just

flipping it and applying it to the future, which is also not true. Well, someone pointed out in the comments, this dude's literally saying is wife settled for him. It's literally what he's arguing. Yeah. I mean, pretty much. And my day when that is, she probably did, dude. Yeah.

Like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, that's not some kind of like, ooh, magical reveal. They called it the red pill or whatever, lame fucking thing. Yeah. It's like, yeah, if you get married late, that might have been what happened or you might have got lucky. But like, yeah, or it might, like, that's the other thing, too, is like, contextually where I'm coming from, because I hang out with so many men, because of, you know,

in stand-up when I started, there wasn't a lot of women doing it, and there wasn't a lot of women. It was still, yeah, I know. And they're crazy. And now it's different. Now there's a fuck ton of women, which is right. Too many, I would say. I understand. You are a white man.

I understand. It's very hard for you right now. But I just mean in the sense that, like, all of these men always think that someone is settling for them. And I don't know if it's because they're insecure. But I also know that, like, the mentality of like getting what you can as you get older is boring like pussy becomes boring now it's just like i want a chick that we'll watch anime with me or will fucking you know in the reverse of that it might be that a woman could fuck whoever she wanted when she was 42 and then she got a guy who wasn't quite as attractive as the dude

she used to fuck maybe that's because those dudes were all assholes and she started thinking you know what yeah a little belly fat's fine yeah can he play the drums though yeah yeah yeah exactly Exactly. And that's the other thing, too, is like there will be those trends, like the dad bod trend and shit like that. It's never just like, oh, I love a bitch with hairy toes. You know, that's never a trend on the other side of it. There is a reason for that coming from the sort of reverse idea of patriarchy or whatever. And obviously, wouldn't trade places. But there is this weird pressure on men. We're not like, it's not that we're not allowed, but we will be kind of ridiculed. The old joke is like, oh, yeah, fucking the fat girl is like riding a.

scooter, it's a lot of fun as long as your friends don't see. Yeah. Right? But like, you think about the context of that. We literally get made fun of if we openly are attracted to anything outside the norm. That's why men type secret messages about fucking eyebrows. Yeah. And, you know, and all that.

Like, I mean, look, this isn't coming from me. I've heard numerous larger women talk about how, like, really attractive guys are into them, but embarrassed that they're into them. Don't want to know it, which is so sad. Obviously, it's heartbreaking for the woman. And that's worse. But it's a little heartbreaking that a man feels that way. Like, imagine being good looking, charming, all these things.

And then the person you want to fuck, you have to hide them because the world says they're not good enough for you. Well, that's, yeah, that's, I mean, I think, I feel like that shame comes with a lot of things. I mean, I do admit about guys that like feet because it's the same thing. Yeah. If it's, if nobody's picking, you know, if you're not choosing what you're attracted to, if you're not choosing, you know, your sexuality, if that's not a choice, then I feel like that goes through the whole spectrum of it, you know? like I don't think that you're just like I don't think sexuality is a catalog that we're all thumbing through and like choosing you know like I think I'll be into women for a while you know and then I think I'll be in like I don't think it's like that at all I think you're just kind of like oh that made my that made my my parts tangled yeah I guess I guess that and then you just have to deal with that and sometimes like and I think this even on the extreme sense I think there's like there's people who are into things that are really fucked up i.e. pedophilia and stuff like that whereas like I think there are people who make that realization and rightfully so are ashamed by it. And then like try to rehabilitate themselves for it, not acted out and stuff like that,

try to get help. And, but I don't, again, I also don't think that they pick that. I think that like there are wires that are crossed, you know, it's between nature and nurture. I think there's either something that happened to them when they were a kid because that was like one of the things, whenever I got, I'd gotten arrested for having weed on me once when I was underage. Thank God you said weed. Yeah. And the weirdest shift in a podcast all the time.

But the dude that I had to go to this like drug therapist. And he was also a juvenile sex offender therapist. Which means the clients were juveniles. Yes. The clients, they were like they were kids. I'm molesting kids is basically what it is. And in what a lot of times what happens, which is why the whole touch kids touch kids, you know what I mean?

We're like people who are molested are more inclined to. molest someone else. That mentality comes from like when you're little and something like that happens to you, it's at the time that you're learning what love is or what love is, what affection is, what all of those feelings are. And then if you get something fucked up, if you have a person that's like showing you, oh, like somebody that loves you is touching you inappropriately and then you're associating that with love, then later on as you grow up, then that's what you're going to think. You're going to think that, oh, that touching people like regardless of, of their age, that's how I show someone love.

So that's just like one example. I mean, there's plenty of other things. Like they've, you know, they found a blip in people's brains, like brain scans for like serial killing and stuff like that. And I'm certain that there's something similar when it comes to like. Probably. But my guess is that blip is present in more than people who are serial killers. And then it just can develop into it.

And the same thing with that. I will say this is totally anecdotal. have that many cases, but every case I had or was associated with as a public defender with a child molester, at the very least claim to have been molested. I guess it's possible that now that that knowledge is more universal, people are like, I'll just say that and I'll get an easier sentence or whatever. And that's probably true to some extent, or I won't get the death penalty depending on what you did. But I believe that it's true because it's also like, well, where does it come from? Of course, now we've got to wonder where did it start. But still, there's clearly. Well, the

problem with it is because it's so heinous and people get so like cut off their dicks and kill them about it that we don't know enough you know we don't we don't have enough uh psychological research on that and many people accuse anyone in that world who's trying to do research on it of being being one in that world yeah you know what i mean into it then it's obviously because you like it you're trying to fix yourself right i don't yeah i i understand but i just i'm just saying like in the in this in the and again unless the extreme if you're you're into something specific, you know, it's not like, because every, the point that I always made it in the joke about it was like, every fuck I've ever met always carried like an obscene amount of shame about it. And I think it's the same thing where somebody would like make fun of you for you liking this one thing.

They treat it like it's, you know, ghostbusters with all the girls in it. Like, oh, you like that. Well, yeah, there's different types of shame too. There's like, you're a freak shame, which I would imagine the eyebrows guys would get some of that. there's religious shame, which, you know. Yeah, all that repression, I think that makes things way worse. And then there's, I don't know what to call it, aesthetic shame. I don't think anyone thinks you're a freak or would religiously shame you if you were like, just as an example, in the very big women. But you wouldn't get made fun of.

Like, I remember being in the locker room, you know, in college. And it was like, oh, you fucked up a fat girl last night. And it genuinely never occurred to me because I was so stupid myself. I thought it was dumb. I was like, I definitely like was mature enough to be like, I'm making fun of that guy. But I genuinely never had to thought, maybe he's into him. I really just was like,

ah, you got drunk, you know what I mean? Because it wasn't my thing. I was too, I guess, narcissistic to think, what if that's what he likes, you know? Yeah. Then you get on the internet, like the big women tab, very popular. Yeah. You know?

Very popular. Yeah. So that's the whole thing is it's like, then it becomes fetishized because they don't feel like they're allowed to, you know, have the, the thing that they want without shame. Some people like the fetishization, though, because I do think that,

and the most common version of this in the stand-up world, a lot of jokes about, man, now they legalized weed, I don't even want to smoke it as much as I used to. Oh, yeah, because it's not bad anymore. And now I can do this very, very, like, what's the word, when they clean something,

sanitized store with all these name brands and snoop dogs in there. I used to meet a guy in an alley. The jokes were corny, but the point was kind of fair. Yeah. I wonder if there's something. something to do with that, though, a little bit of sex, because there is something for me who was

religiously shamed a lot. Yeah. I'm kind of into anything I'm not supposed to do. Sure. And like, that can be a problem. Sure. For a variety of reasons. You know what I mean? You just like lost into like just wrong. Can we just do wrong? You know what I mean? Well, yeah, that's, I mean, I think, I think what's the cool thing about being an adult is you can figure out a way to get that feeling legally or, you know, with your partner. You don't have to like, you know, consensually legally in a way where you don't feel... You don't have to cheat on somebody to fucking feel bad

like you're doing something bad because there's also like that element of it too or like getting caught, all that shit. Because I mean, it's obvious that it's more common threat. I don't know why I just got really uncomfortable.

I feel like people think I'm cheating or something. It's more taboo for me than the cheating stuff. Yeah, yeah. No, I didn't think that at all. I was talking about in another context as well. People like being bad or whatever. Because it comes in all different forms. But it's obvious that it's way more common

and then we imagine, or otherwise, it wouldn't be a category. You know, it would be so niche. You would have to, like, look it up on the dark web yourself. It would be furrowed. Yeah, yeah. It would be. You think, like, you did something weird in bed one day and a girl looked at him confused with brushy eyebrows and he nutted, like, right then.

Oh, maybe. That's what it was. Oh, that, like, post that clarity or whatever that people get, just like, oh, I think I like eyebrows. Yeah. Or maybe it was like a real stern mother, you know, back in the day with, the bushy. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I, like, because my dad told me, since I was fat, nobody was ever going to love me. Maybe that, like, in my head, I kind of always think, uh, my initial thought, my knee-jerk reaction is to think that somebody's just trying to, like, fuck me and leave or whatever. Yeah. Which is probably created an unnecessary, um, lack of trust, I guess, where I'm being fetishized, even though I don't want to. But the other thing, too, is especially, and this is just basically, and this is just,

my context of talking to men about this a lot is plenty of men don't mind being fetishized. Like they don't mind it at all. That's why there's a lot of black dudes that move to Denver because then they're like exotic. And, you know, he's like a white girl that teaches him about Greek yogurt and shit. And he was just like, yeah. You know, like. And I see other black guys at the bar and instead of like doing the regular nod, they do the no. Yeah.

All these yoga bitches. All these yoga bitches. Yeah, I don't think guys mind very much, generally speaking, being fetishized. Obviously, there's some exceptions as far as guys and situationally. And I genuinely think that's part of the problem in terms of men, objectifying women. There's a million other reasons we do it. And the main of course being we can and we get away with it and we're allowed to get away with it. But I do think that on a base level, as far as not trying to be a horrible person,

I definitely used to objectify the shit out of women when I was like in my early 20s. And I do think a lot of that was, I hope they do it to me. I got, you know what I mean? I can remember being in high school. This is going to get real weird. Jacking off to the thought of girls who I thought were hot, masturbating. Like, I wanted to be objectified.

Got it. But I think that's also a societal pressure thing where guys aren't allowed to be like, because you have to be, you know, having to be an alpha and having to be like the strong man and blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, low-key, you usually don't find out until you get closer to someone or even even intimate where they're like, I'm like, you, you, you take me. Yeah. Like, I didn't mean you. But just because they feel like a little like, I don't know if it's shame or like they get coy about it. But like it's just, I think it's because they feel like it's not, it's not allowed or like maybe that's part of that taboo thing.

I'm not supposed to be in control. Like I see that in, you know, because my sister was really big in the BDSM community. And all of those power dynamics and shit like that were constantly being discussed. And so it's like a lot of times it's, you know, and that goes to extremes, you know, where you have somebody flogging the shit out of you or, you know, putting hooks in your back or whatever. Like that's, you know, it can get as much as you want. But even in the most basic level, like you could see a couple's dynamic and you could even make the assumption, oh, you're the top or whatever.

And be way off. Way off. Yeah. Yeah. Because that was always like fun to me whenever I meet my sister's friends. It would be like, okay, who is, which one's wit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the thing about me is, and I don't know if this is also because the chemical imbalance or what, but I'm a switch. I go back and forth. You know, I'm pretty outwardly, uh, um, assertive and shit like that. But then at sometimes I also, you know, it's like, I go both ways.

How really assertive. I never thought about it. He never thought it. It was total sarcasm. You sold it so good. I was like, wait a second. Did you forget who I am? Andy's been giving me acting lessons.

I'm going to get better. Yeah, you are. I'm just using it to lie. Yeah, that's all acting is is lying. Don't let her hear you that. She's in the kitchen. She's going to get her extended. And all comedy is is tricking people, manipulate it.

Yes. Both things are true. It's acting in plain pretend real hard. I get it. I want to say a few things, or maybe have some questions. Well, first of all, let me say, I'm very interested in this. There's a generational thing, too, with sexual shame, taboos, that. And I'm not saying any generations figured it out, but things have changed over years.

Yeah, I think it's progressive. I think it's going in the right direction. I think, like, that's what we're, I think we're seeing another 60s in the sense that there's, like, this kind of, like, a little bit of a sexual revolution and this is just more gender and I think there's more like it's more gender centric and I also think it's more um it's like I think sexuality is just becoming more fluid and I think it's the the less men specifically because men are usually the ones doing the murdering the less people are killing people for being different um the more people are being free yeah well I've never kill you one I'm a hero but uh

Oh, I thank you. But you're right, but there's this other weird boomerang where as objectification and trying to end it has become more important to people, there's a weird prudishness apparently. Now, this is not something I know firsthand, but I've seen a lot of people talking about on the internet and I've read a few articles about it. Apparently younger kids are having a lot less sex and they're a lot more prudish about things, including their bodies.

Now, some psychologists and sociologists are like, well, part of that is like, you can do a wet t-shirt contest and not end up on the internet, you know, in the early 2000s and before. So part of that is we're living our lives online, but there does seem to be in the progressive, in the leftist world, some strange, like sexual shaming going on. Like under the guise of, you know, we've got to fight objectification or whatever. And it's like, well, look, some women want to be objectified. Some people want that. I follow a lot of sex workers. That's where I'm learning a lot of. Gotcha.

For sure. Because I mean, I even do a joke of, but that's a feminism and then it's a choke fucking at the end of it. And it's just like having that whole like, yeah, I want you to treat me like a person and then fuck me like you're going to kill me. You know?

And both of those things are okay. And I think that's where it's weird. The younger people thing, I think is everything being overly sexualized. So the oversaturation, over exposure, it's like, I think that's being bad. It's like being prudish is a way to rebel against them.

Oh, interesting. I think you're always going to have that. It sucks though. And I don't mean, it sucks because they're not going to fuck. I mean, it sucks to think about kids rebelling by becoming more like little sea conservative. Sure. I mean, it's going to have other effects.

I mean, that's kind of happening with lefties in general, like the, you know, the free speech thing. Well, we're also very uncool. Like, the internet made us uncool. And that was unfortunate. Yeah. Because we became the don't do that people. Right, right, right.

And it's always been the other side that was like that. And we were the cool punks that did whatever the fuck we want and we were free. And so it's weird. We're in a really weird spot right now where I think. But ultimately, I just, yeah, I think, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know, I guess. As far as the sexual part goes, the prudish thing, I think it's that. I think like when you're watching DP and you're 13 and horrified by it,

yeah, I guess I would I would be nervous about like you know, I think that has something to do with it. And I also think that with more and more people on pharmaceuticals and like drugs for their mental like. Sex drives. Yeah, not even just that, but like also all the anti-depression meds and stuff like that. Some people, they're putting their kids on that stuff like super early on. So from a young age, they're just less interested in sex and gender. because of how those things affect your body. Yeah, it affects your sex drive, for sure.

It also, it might, I mean, this is a weird but true thing. You know, being depressed and anxious leads people to do things. Like, that includes sometimes sex, going out and getting drunk and then, or, you know, and that's probably good if they're doing less of that. So, all right, we've wrapped about the younger generation. Now let's go to older generation. Sure. Because I have noticed or I feel that when I talk about sex openly or I see other people doing it,

even our progressive fan base or progressive people I fuck with on Twitter can just be like America has this weird type thing about people being open about their sexuality. We love the label. We love to hear that someone's gay, but we don't want to hear what that entails in their own life. You know what I mean? We love to hear that you and your wife have this like, I don't know, whatever relationship. But if you talk about it specifically, we had an episode about that on Wellrad. And I was so excited and interested to hear how our fans are going to react to, just as an example, Tray Crowder. You know, this guy who is, of course, is legitimately great and funny, but they've got him on a bit of a pedestal.

Sure. Deservidly so, to some extent, a political pedestal. I'm like very excited and interested to hear folks hear him talk about his sex. The files got corrupted. It was like, yeah. And we just never circle back to it. So I'm a little bit interested. This isn't Trey, so it's going to be slightly different.

but I'm a little bit interested in hearing their reaction to all this. They've heard a lot about Corey's sex laugh, whether he'd be jacking off to his own butt or a penguin. But anyway, I'm just, I feel like the older generation is a little, I don't want to say, like, tight. But I think it was more repressive. Right. So, sure.

Even for the hippies. But even the hippies, the hippies were just like, I think a lot of the hippies was a phase. Yeah. You know? I think it's like when everybody was in Berkeley in college. That's when you're experimenting. All of that stuff.

And then people who weren't in college, we're just kind of capitalizing on it. Hey, my name's Larry. I'm in college. Yeah, exactly. He's got a fucking scarve when we're like a pipe hit him in the face.

I'm a sophomore. What are you fucking kids doing? Yeah, exactly. And they're like, oh, it's fine. Age doesn't matter. It's all love. All that shit.

Like, um, so I think they're like I think also older people still have that kind of you know because there's a lot of people that that hated the hippies they hated all that that was just like it's an abomination well that happens with any sort of sexual liberation movement where people who hate women or hate freedom or hate themselves or whatever phrase you want to throw on it will respond that way and it's always wild to me a lot of comedians have this take it's become I guess a bit of a hack bit but it is a good take or it's a smart one I think

where you're like, hey man, why you're shaving women for getting their nipples out? Like, you do like titties, right? Like, which is a, like, that's not what it's supposed to be about. Right. But it's like you clearly objectify women. This is clearly the kind of person you are because if you say, put your tits away, that's gross, then you're treating them like an object anyway. You're already doing it.

So what kind of weird world are you crafting in your mind where you will objectify a woman, but then you don't want to enjoy them? You know what I'm saying? Yes. But I also, on the other side of that, I hate. the fake progressiveness of like yeah women should totally have their tits out I love that but they're just being

you know it's just they're just enjoying it perversely and not that she wants to feed her fucking kid right or just like being nude in the park or whatever yeah well and that's the other thing too is it's I think it's based in our Puritan foundation of this country

in the sense that like sex and violence were put in the same kind of category and that was the basis of everything that started here, you know, whereas in Europe, you can have a woman that's doing the news topless and, you know, people are just watching it. It's not like porn, you know, because they're thinking about it differently. They're thinking about a naked body in a different context. It's not always sex. Right. You know, and I think with being indoctrinated with like all of the, you know, because the

Puritans were the worst, you know, they were the worst. They literally got kicked out for being nerds. Yeah, they were like religious nerds, like hall monitors. Like you're not, doing it right. Yeah. And so then they kicked him out and they came here and they're like, only all monitors forever. And then, you know, then they were partly responsible for burning all the women because they could float or whatever the fuck that shit happened as they like cats. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. So it's just, I think that over time and because, and I think that's also why we have more rape here than a lot of other parts of the, like other parts of the world is because sex is put in the same kind of category as violence and saw in the same way.

So then you have, I mean, that's all rape is, the sex and violence combined together, right? So it's like, so I think that, I think that's part of it. And like, so then a lot of times people don't want to be associated, like,

also another bit that I hear from guys all the time is like, um, she wants, she wants me to choke her. I'm not, I'm not doing it. You know, like,

and then then I think that's another thing that's like a pressure on men where you have to be able to do this or you're a weak man. Yeah. You know? I think it's funny when a black guy does that. Yeah, of course. Fucking Hannibal's bit about being in Scotland, you know, that bit? You know that five out of every eight women have been sex?

Do you know one out of one black dudes is walking away from this conversation? Yeah. Well, I mean, you have to think about, again, that's like thinking about it from the perspective of an oppressed person where it's like, okay, you're, you could be endangering me because I don't know if you know the history of people, false the fuck. falsely accusing a black men of rape for hundreds of years. So it's like, yeah, all those slave owners' wives. Two takes that I have that I am most uncomfortable sharing on social media.

I've shared them both before, but I'm always like this. I don't know if I want to do this. And we pit them today. One is that we should, for ourselves and for a better society, have a lot more empathy for pedophiles because what we are doing, shaming them is not working. and they're using it against us and like the ones who are evil

and they're hiding in plain sight because we've made the rules these three things well they just don't follow you know they don't break those rules sure and the other one is I don't think you can believe all women like you can believe most of them I know where that phrase comes from we're in the middle of an Amber Heard trial that's a mockery of my problem with that specifically is

when you have women like that I feel like it hurts women's credibility in general she has hurt to be too much yeah I did put that out of there and got some people were like down with with that point i i you know burr had that bit like can we believe 85% of them like obviously that's pendantic but he was just making a joke my experience in the public defender's office uh was definitely that and it was so wild so many men will get away with domestic violence or sexual assault because someone doesn't believe the woman or she gets cold feet about prosecution so she starts saying i'm not sure or she's just scared and in my head and

my heart, even though this is my client, I'm like, he did this shit. This is fucked up. But then I also saw the flip of that a few times. You know what I mean? Where you're like, you are just making this up. This is wild. But it was hard to enter the foray of that when it was first becoming a thing as a white

man because it was like, number one, being in the justice system, I know cops don't believe women. And that's why they made that in the phrase. You know what I mean? Believe all women. Because women are so used to not being believed. They don't talk about it. They won't be open about it. Sure. I mean, sometimes it's like, from your own family.

If you're like, hey, something happened to me. And they're like, no, don't. And fuck you for even accusing someone in our family of something like that. Like sometimes it's like so personal and close, then that applies just to the rest of the world. We're just like nobody would ever believe me if I said anything anyways, you know? So having to carry that around is fucking brutal and it's the worst. It's also like these lives get so messy. and this is not an excuse for any type of behavior,

but these lives get so messy, it's hard to come up with slogans that, like, fit everything and how you do it. Of course. Example, and I could be wrong. Everything I know about Amber Hurd and Johnny Depp comes from Andy telling me about it, and she's very much in the belief that Amber Hurd is lying.

But, like, I looked at the pictures with the nose thing, and people were like, this is supposed to be a broken nose. I think he broke her nose. Now, I'm not saying anything else happened. I also think she did wild shit. She might have shit in his bed. She probably hit him a few. time. Like, it seems to me that two insane people got into a relationship. A cope adult's

relationship. Yeah. And shit got bad. Now, that doesn't excuse or condemn anything. It's still what it is. But like, that's why these slogans are tough. But it's hard to like, I'm not going to come out against it, you know, and be like, well, in my experience, I'm not sure we should believe all women. It's not just like, I don't know, professional protection. It's also like, well, I understand the point of that slogan. I understand we're trying to swing a, Or it's an overcorrection so that we can make any kind of progress, I think. But yeah, it's believe all women, so you start believing some of them, you know? Yeah.

You have to overstep in order to, because that's the other problem, too, is like, the thing is, like, everyone knows how much mental illness we have in this country. Yeah. Of course, some people are lying, you know, because some people are compulsive liars and some people, are manipulative and some people are a narcissist and they have all of these things that contribute to people, you know, leading them to, or on drugs,

you know, leading people to make shitty decisions as, you know, because I know someone, it was a comedian that hooked up with someone from a waist staff from a club, which you should never do. Never. Cardinal rule. And and then

she was like if you wanted him to be together and he just thought they just wanted to hook up and then she threatened he showed me the screenshots of the text messages of this woman going like if you don't stay with me

that I'm going to tell everybody that you raped me Was this in New York? It was in Indiana. I've seen screenshots of a similar thing in New York but I think you know her. We'll talk about that. You know for sure. And so then I was like,

okay, well why don't you bring this out forward? And then it was also like there's dudes that just don't want to contribute to being like women or liars either. Yeah. So there's dudes who want to help the cause and all that they're all that by doing that what they're doing is being falsely accused

because he got run out of town. He doesn't do stand up anymore. Like the whole thing. She ended up like she got knocked up. He ended up having to stay with her and like raise the kid and stuff like that because even though he was like I don't want to have a baby with you. You're obviously fucking nuts. And all

so his whole life got determined from that. which is, you know, that's an extreme case of the other side of it. And that sucks. I want to do a series. We can do it together. No, because then you just be my cover. But misogynist things my dad said that are true. Don't put you dick in crazy, son.

But so many men love that. Well, yeah, it's fun. But that dude did that. And now look. Yeah. He got a baby. Yeah, he's got a baby. I hope he listens to this episode.

He'll be follows you. He's like, oh, my friends. Yeah. And then he's like, the fuck. Yeah. I feel pretty comfortable saying this because what do I have to lose? One of the reasons Kurt Metzker got so like, well, what proof do we have about that guy who got run out of, this is a very like insider New York comedy thing, but it kind of made national news.

There was that guy. Yeah, that's what he's called a rape apologist. He's literally called a rape apologist because there was a guy who did rape a girl and then sexually assaulted a few more at, what's that improv thing? UCB, literally two months before that all went down, someone told Kurt, if you don't do certain things, I will do this to you. Like straight up told him, like, if you don't do certain things in the comedy world for me, I'm going to tell everybody, right, me.

And I'm going to use this is proof and this is proof and blah, blah, blah. That's happening to him is why he turned the other way. Of course. Where he was like, are we sure? And people are like, we're pretty sure. He's like, oh, we can't be sure. and it's like, yeah. You know what I mean?

Well, this got dark and heavy. I know. Sorry. You want to lighten it up? No, I think, well, let's lighten it up before we get out of here, but I don't want you to be sorry because I'm basically certain that that was on me. It happens every time I'm left to my own devices. We are but mere peasants here. We're not gallivanting with royalty across the pond.

I'm not leaning my groin up, So it looks like Big Ben's my dick or whatever. I'm not having that. Oh, yeah, I know those picks. Yeah. Did they do that? I don't know. I don't.

I'm just saying that's what people do. Yeah. Big Ben or whatever. And they try to hold up the loop, right? Because it's like kind of like a, you know, that I could put like my two fingers over it. Like, it's my gap. It's my pussy. Drive through it.

Your arm would go through it. There's no place you, no vantage point you could get where your arm would be going in front of your clip when you went to rub the clip. Because the loo is behind you. you couldn't oh yeah you have to be you have to literally be able to reach over the Lou yeah this is much lighter we're trying to figure out how to make the Louie fix start with the St. Louis Arch okay it's a lot more way more real estate way more real estate to cover I feel like that's more of a gaping butthole than a that's one thing we do want to hear from you guys on if you hear this

episode is your asshole gaping that's what we want to hear uh we want to hear what you think famous objects look like Most of them are dicks, you know. Now, there's one I'll push back on a little bit. I realize it's because of the patriarchy and phallic and all that. It's also just the easiest way to build a thing. Is it not? Am I just a bad architect?

Is the patriarchy so deep inside me, I believe a tower is easier to build than a fucking arch? I think it, well, our structures here are all based on like 1930s architecture. And ever since then, we've just been carbon cup. And those have all just been blocks because it's easier and cheaper. But like all the architecture, you know, in Europe, it's, it's not all just towers. You know, look at the rest of the shit there. Like, look at the, what's it called? It was just in Spain.

And like, it's basically now a post office, but it was a cathedral, like, not a cathedral, a palace. And go ahead. You just reminded me to something. Do you know where cardinal rule, he said cardinal rule? Do you know where that comes from? I would imagine from the Catholic Church. Yeah, but do you know what it's about? No, what's it about?

It's about monostation. The cardinal rule is. Yeah, yeah. is what? To move them as they get caught. What? I'd have made that up. Man, I totally believe that.

I totally believe that. Well, when you said it, I was like, where'd that come from? And then I was like, I'm going to try my new acting skill out of there. Such a trolling. Two for two. Good job. Elling it. Good job.

If comedy wasn't just about tricking people, I'd be a lot better at it. Dandy, I'd be so much better at it. And acting. Yeah, actually, I'm throwing it at you, too. If that's all acting was, I'd be bull. Looked, Carmen, because I'm great at it, apparently. You are? Two for two.

I mean, it's been a minute, you know? That's true. Also, you're not a casting director. They're trained for that. He's not a good liar. Well, you want to wrap this up? Okay. Plug me some dates.

Where are you at? I know you just got off the road. I'm always in a varying state of the road. Please come and see me. I'll be at the crocodile. June 4th. Where's that at? That is in Seattle, I'm pretty sure.

You need to tell the city. Yeah. People just say, all right, the crocodile. Let's go to the crocodile. New Frontier in Tacoma, I think, is the fifth. Central Comedy, which is in Seattle as well. And the second, I'm in, I don't know, should I probably should.

You can pull it up if you want. I can plug it in the thing in post. You don't go ahead and look it up. And I will talk about my own for a minute. Oh, yeah. Tell me where you're going to be. June 1st, I'm going to be at Zanis in Nashville. DJ's going to be opening for me.

Oh, hell yeah. June 4th, I'm going to be in Asheville. DJ's going to be with me. I'm going to do comedy bar or beauty bar. Ooh, that's a fun one. It's fun. It's small. I do think you'll sell out, and I'm not going to add a second show.

The reason why is, I think I'm going to do the Grey Eagle there in the fall. If I can organize that, my gal Melissa, is setting that. Both those shows up. And then I'm going to be in Chattanooga, opening for DJ, I think is the plan on the 10th and good cup rat cop will be there. Nice. And then then I got Bonarue and then I'm going to New York. Oh, and then Birmingham, Alabama, the 22nd at Abendale

Brewing with Westhorn. You know Westhorn? Oh, I don't. Oh, you got to know Westhorn. I know the name. I don't think I know the person. He was out here and I think he left right before you came. Okay. Yeah, they had a bit. Yeah, because I remember that I've heard that name before. I don't know if it's from you, but I've heard that name before. July 9th, I'm going to be at the Neptune Theater with Ron Function. Nice.

Cobbs Comedy Club, July 9th with Ron Funches. I love Cobbs. And then I'll be at Brad Garrett's Comedy Club in Las Vegas, August 8th through 14th, Traverse City Comedy Club and Traverse City, Michigan, August 19th and 20th. I'll be at the 10,000 laughs comedy festival, October 6th through 8 in Minneapolis, comedy four and four columns, November 4th and 5th. Carmen Morales.com for all of your Carmen Morales needs. And please, please, please, please watch my fucking set on HBO. Watch the show of it. Please, please, please come see me and DJ, you know, those of us who aren't abroad.

And Will Red's off for a bit. So if you want to see me, you need to come to these shows. And I need money. If you don't even like me, you like Andy, though. Do you like Andy? Do you like Andy? You want her to eat? Come to my comedy shows, Nashville, Asheville, Birmingham, and Chattanooga. And I've got Knoxville coming down the pipe.

I've got Huntsville coming down the pipe. I've got Athens and Atlanta coming down the pipe. my buddy Joe Pettis. Mm-hmm. And then I might end up doing a Midwest run. I'm definitely doing Denver at some point. Well, anyway. Denver's super fun.

Oh, my God, I can't wait. I'm going to do that Boulder show. Oh, that's so good. Yeah. Yeah, I love that one. That's at the end of July, like July 31st-ish. Well, you feel good? You good?

Yeah, I'm good. Are you good? I'm good. All right. Thank you guys so much for having me. Yeah. Love you, Carmen. Love you, too.

Bye. Bye. Thank you all for listening to the well-red beard. Sorry you missed Corey and Trey. but they ain't here. So tune in next week if you like listening to me. Thank you, God bless you, and fuck the queen. Fuck the queen.

Oh, bitch.