wellRED podcast - #275 Goat Yoga and The Return Of DJ Lewis - or - Back When Mental Health Was Fun

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Folks, we have had our fun, but we all knew it would end - this is the last episode of the Drew Morgan Presents the wellRED Beard Podcast with Drew Morgan, and it is PHENOMENAL. Carmen is back again but we also have wellRED super guest DJ Lewis. DJ tells us about his new life as a farmer and goat wrangler, we talk about childhood field trips, and Carmen takes us back to a time when mental health issues were sort of fun. 

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this episode of the podcast. Hello and welcome to the well-red beard podcast. It is week three of me, the well-red beard, taking over. I am joined today by the ghost of Trey's mistakes. I mean,

Oh, I got such a special guest on the line right now. One of, if not the most top requested, well-read guests of all time, the skinny bumpkin himself, the gutter bumpkin, DJ Lewis, my partner on End of the Abisket. What's up, buddy? Not much, man. Just hanging out and enjoying the day. I had a very, very, very interesting experience earlier.

This dog is stanking so bad. But dude, we were up here, and it's crazy how you can watch, like, the storms roll across the mountains, like where we're at right now. Like, you came up here. You know what I mean? It's like, it's wild. This Blue Ridge is just beautiful. This part of Blue Ridge is just amazing. Well, let's tell people where you're at, exactly.

Well, okay. Finish your anecdote, as it were. Well, I was just saying it. I'm like, I'm over here and I'm watching it and it's rolling over the mountains and like I could see like, you know, the fog where the humidity is coming out of the trees and it's like this crazy fogs coming up while the storm's rolling this way and the thunder and the lightning and it's just like, man, I'm just like, oh, this is beautiful. Oh, this is great and I feel and I'm hugging on Sid and I'm like, this is great. And I look over and she's just fucking terrible. She's just looking at me like, oh my God, we're going to die Why did you bring me here? Why did you? Yeah, I totally forgot that she had like storm anxiety and I don't think like we've been in storms before in tents and certainly in cars and stuff, but I don't think we've ever been like right here Like in its face just sitting on a porch just checking it out even though I got to say man when we was in that

trailer, good God, that motherfucker used to get rocked by Storm, so I don't know if it was that bad, but she was definitely, I totally forgot that she had Stormy night, she tried to burrow into me and I was like, oh man, you're not having fun at all.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Well, give Will Red Nation an update. You are in North Carolina? I am in North Carolina. I'm kind of outside of Franklin.

and in that area of Blue Ridge. And I am current. You're in Georgia. I am in Georgia, but we have a place in Franklin, North Carolina. Right. Okay, right. You're currently in Georgia. You're moving in Franklin.

Yeah. Yeah. And I work in Georgia. I think World Red Nation has heard some about it. You ventured up to the Great White North for the winter, which is not what most people do in terms of seasonally. no no but i think man if you have an opportunity to do something like that and you're just like man like maybe it was like just having that post-pandemic just cases of mad fuckets like you know what i mean

like i have heard so many stories of people being like yeah man covered here we got a bus we didn't know where the fuck we was going we were stuck in south florida burning up you know what i mean I guess it's a more common story now than not. But yeah, it was adventurous and it certainly wasn't normal. Andy and I almost did that, the bus thing. We ended up not doing it for a variety of reasons, mostly because she didn't want to let the house in LA go, and we couldn't afford to do both.

We will be joined today, ladies and gentlemen, by the lovely Carmen Morales. She has just texted me and asked me for a link. Let me be rude and send that. So, DJ, what are you doing now? Tell the folks what's going on in your life? I am currently working at an animal sanctuary. They do a, well, they do a lot of things, actually, there.

and it was really funny how I got the I have like Nessie my goat was my resume I don't have any experience in this kind of stuff except for Nessie but like we did a really damn good job with Nessie who is a goat

who is a lot who was an inside goat who we are actually rehabilitating to get uh, introducing to a herd. And, uh, so Rennesse's in rehab right now.

She got too addicted to being a human and you guys are trying to rehab her from that. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. That's, yeah,

because, and which would have been like, you know, something we would have done. It was crazy how everything just, uh, just kind of like, like spiraled into this thing.

Like, we were going to keep her there at the, it was either get another goat and get a whole bunch of other goats or just travel with her and stay with her all the time and make your life, you know what I mean? And then we got the opportunity to work on that project, we knew we'd be living in a cabin. We knew that it was going to be all right for like a goat to live there.

You know what I mean? And a dog to live there. So we were just like, fuck it. We'll see what happens. So it about halfway through, I think. That was your standard when you went up north for winter. It was like, could a goat live in this? cabin. Yeah, that's exactly it, man.

That's exactly it. Like, if the goat could come, we weren't going to go. But because the goat could go, and it was like, you know, she was just, she's just a year old now. So it's like, it's like, we don't know anything about raising goats or like what they're like, what their psychology is.

Like, we were kind of learning, getting some off the internet and there's all kind of, like there's nobody doing, I mean, they are now people invested in it. And like, studying goats and all that stuff and like just her mentality impacts that you know livestock a lot more of that's going on now than there were before but uh you know it's just it's just wild so you you adopt this goat and then also near the same time you take off at the great

white north um to work on an art project that you know you didn't you didn't that was ended. Yeah. And you're back now in the south, but you're not where you were. Would the goat, would you say the goat is what spurred you to move to the mountains? Yeah, 100%. It was definitely, we were definitely, like, when we were in Minnesota, we were definitely, like, whatever happens, it's not right to domesticate these animals. And I don't know, like, what all is out there.

I know a lot of people, they see them, and they see us. ours and she's beautiful and she's rad and she's everything. We were ignorant at all came. We didn't go buy this goat. You know, this is the rescue go from the beginning though. We just didn't know. It was, you know what I mean? We just didn't know. I'm doing stand up with DJ

as you guys know and you should come see us. You can go to Drew Morgan Comedy for tickets. We still have shows. Right now you can get tickets for Chattanooga this Friday, the 10th and you can get tickets for Birmingham the 22nd. We'll be adding a lot of shows, including but not limited to, Bristol, Knoxville, somewhere in West Virginia,

Pennsylvania, I think it's Erie, Pennsylvania, I haven't decided yet, Athens and Atlanta. Anyway, I've been listening to your set, and you did rescue the goat. It's funny because you literally, you saved the goat. Yeah, well, yeah, honestly, Andrea stole the goat if you want, if it's it. Right. Some animals are rescues, and some are felonies. Yeah, right, right. And I don't even know if that, I mean, I know that that's a serious law in some country.

You know what I mean? Like, that's a, that's a, that's a high fit in some realms. But, yeah, man. Yeah. So, yeah, the whole thing is just, it's just. So, yeah, when we were in, when we were living in Minnesota, we had it. Yeah, this just isn't, I guess it should seem like common sense, but like when you're around her, it's, it's so crazy.

She's just, she gets right in the car. She rides in you. You're on trails. You're walking with her. You know what I'm saying? She's fine. Like in the house, so long as like she's got stuff to just kind of browse and eat at.

And she can see, she's fine. But the thing is, like with the her mentality, you can't just leave her. She can't, you can't leave her alone. Like, and the way that their stomachs work with the room and it. and stuff. Like, if they're just in one place, like, crying because they're lonely, which they do. I mean, they literally can die of loneliness. And that is a scar that I can't handle.

Like, I've got enough baggage. You know what I'm saying? Dude, like breaking the heart of a baby goat. You know what I'm? No, I can't do that. I can't do this. No, because I already have, like, it's weird, man, when you have animals, especially if you have enough animals and, like, you're an animal person, there's always this thing that comes, and if you've had animals in your life, like, they're, okay, so like with Duke, I struggle in my mind on a daily basis of, like, oh, man, dude, I wonder if we waited too late to put him down. Like, he had cancer and shit, like, and I, you know what I'm saying?

like to this day like I struggle with that shit like dude so like thinking that some like Nessie was died of loneliness in a field somewhere I couldn't deal with that so what we did was we were just looking for sanctuaries and we were like look we'll do whatever it takes to make this happen and then we had some friends who lived up here in the mountain and already had other friends who were involved in that world actually like you know we're just in the animal rescue livestock you know what i mean yeah and um and uh so there's like this group of people who live uh around this area who just who just do that and there's like uh so now we are trying to rehabilitate uh nesty but at the same time they're taking in animals so

like it's pretty cool right now there's like so there's show goats around here and one thing about it is I guess maybe there's the reason why there are so many sanctuaries around here is because there's also so many farms around here so you've all the time got this like so this

these one breeders they got show goats right and this one show goat this breed of show goat is like $3,000 man for a goat for a goat right hey could you do me a

favor and take that a bandana off your neck. It's hitting your microphone, baby. Okay, so I think I understand what you're saying. The area you moved into has got a lot of farms. And the farm situation is such that some farms are on the show goat end of things. Some farms are just functional, and if a goat got sick there, I guess they'd just, you know, eat it. And then you've got sanctuary farms. Is that kind of, is that latter one?

And maybe the first one. I mean, is that like a high end? What am I trying to say? Not that necessarily they're all rich people, but I would imagine people who have show goats and people who rescue goats got a little bit of land that they're just kind of doing whatever they want in their life.

Buddy, man, yes, that's exactly, it's got to be that. You've got to be on some, you've got to be on some type of schedule that, like, is flexible, right? You got to have time. You have to have, dude, And you have to have the,

I would imagine. Huh? A lot of land. Yeah, you got to have the land, the space. And I mean, like, you could keep, like, you could keep a couple of goats in a cabin. You know what I mean? But, like, that's like, I don't know,

I wouldn't advise it. I wouldn't recommend it. Yeah, I don't think that having goats in a cabin is the way forward. Last time I saw you in a cabin with the goat was up in the Great White North, I think that goat was trying to cook itself. Yeah, it definitely was. It was definitely very much attracted to the wood stove.

And, dude, that whole thing was crazy. But, like, but yeah, but I think it was cool because it did put us in a position where we were like, okay, it doesn't matter what happened. Like, what we have to do to get this goat, what she needs to get, you know. I don't need, I don't even, like at that point, dude, when we were over there, like, I remember thinking, dude, like, I would just, and I might too still just go live out in a, in a tent up on the side of the mountain with these goats. So when we get this new baby goat. So you're just going full on goat king. Yeah, I'm not goat king, but like, man, like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, not like Shane Goodall or anything like that. I'm not like, said, but I said, like, I have established some rapport with,

my goat to the point where I feel like if with another goat that we could, you know, you know, assimilate together. And then, dude, who knows, man, with like an Airbnb or something? Like, you could add in like, hey, you go. Like a goat motel. Like a goat motel where you could go go hiking through the Appalachian Trail. You could, you know what I mean, go goat canoeing. Now, I want to ask something that it might offend you, but I'm genuinely curious your thoughts on this.

So I like Goat yoga I think it's always with baby goats And they post pictures on Instagram And it looks really cute And people are like I want to try that Look how cute the baby goats are right Yeah but that's not

That is what you see a lot of On So I don't want to do that But I guess I understand that people want to like Get their goop on And like get a Instagram photo Why would anyone want to stay in a goat motel give me your sales pitch right here

well red beard podcast exclusive uh DJ Lewis the goat wrangler give me the sales pitch of this goat motel Airbnb goat hiking I'm I'm perusing through the internet I'm going to Appalachia for a week

I'm going to get away from it all why would I choose the goat Airbnb versus the no goat Airbnb well let me let me first clear up a little a little bit of that myth of the goat yoga. I want to go back to that. All right. We're going to go back to that right

after this break. We're going to go to a break. And when we get back, DJ Lewis is going to dispel the myth of goat yoga. Okay. And we're back. We are with the goat wrangler himself. DJ DJ, DJ Lewis. My

podcast partner on End of the Abisket. This is well-red beard number three. And DJ, go ahead. Tell us what's up with goat yoga. All right. Yeah. It's true that you do see a lot, and there are different, like, there are different almost the different styles of goat yoga. Like, you'll see a lot more of it on, on the Instagram. Of course, it's cuter when you have little baby goats jumping all over you and stuff like that.

I think that, right, right, because I don't think that the, I'm not necessarily sure the other type. I'm sure it's out there that you can see it. But it's funny that you should bring that up because. Like those regular goats weigh about. a hundred. Like I'm not trying to get a hundred and twenty pound billy on my back. Exactly. Exactly. So exactly. So it's

not like that. It's different than that. And it's funny that you should bring it up because we're about to get trained to do this other style down here. Of goat yoga. What's the, okay, wait, wait. What's the, the first style is baby goats jumping on your back?

That's what you see it, yes. Yeah, yeah, y'all are doing yoga. All you're going to learn then is what? I don't know yet. It's like some secret. I don't know, man. Listen, you sign up for goat yoga, goat happy hour. I can tell you what happens there. Yoga happens at the goat happy hour.

You just sit there in the lock. You were there in the barn area. This is the thing that you are currently involved in, a goat happy hour. Yes. All right. Let me review, break it down for people who are a little lost. And also to catch Carmen up, who I'm going to add to the stream now. We are joined today.

My goat ringer, DJ Lewis. I'm going to give a quick review and then you guys can say your hellos. DJ is, for those of you, I almost said just joining us like this was a radio show. But for those of you who are like, wait, what happened? DJ had a rescue goat and he was looking for a place to rehome the goat in a ghost sanctuary to rehab it because it got addicted to being a human, Carmen. And since it was addicted to being a human and now has to go to rehab to learn how to just be a regular goat again. So in looking for these places, DJ found a place that he thought he could re-home the goat, where it would get taken in by a goat herd.

Goats need to be with other goats. They can literally die of loneliness, and DJ didn't want that on his karma on his soul. He couldn't have that. So he and Dre go to rehome the goat. When they go to re-home the goat, one of the things people were most impressed by is that they had kept a goat this small and sensitive alive this long. And so all these goat farmers were like, how the hell did you do that? and DJ was like, buddy, love and time. This mother brother,

it was trunks, this mother of a ride's in a car, this motherfucker runs on trails, this whatever like a guy. Yeah, yeah. We're going to give you a job. Yeah. Now DJ has multiple jobs,

is my understanding, on a few farms, taking care of animals, including but not limited to, living with the goats that he is also trying to introduce Nessie to. Now, what is about to happen

Carmen. If you have questions, I'll give you a few moments. But after your questions are over, what is about to happen is DJ is going to dispel the myth of goat yoga and explain to us about real goat yoga, not the bullshit. Goop. I can't, though. I can't do that, though. I can't do that, though. I can't do that. Instagram goat yoga's bullshit, but you're going to learn. Bullshit, I'm just saying it's a different style. Okay. So they do it different. They do yoga and then just the goats step on them and shit?

Like, isn't it, I mean? Yeah, with the baby goats, I'm not necessarily sure what they do with the bigger goats. I mean, maybe they use them to prop themselves up. Like, I don't know. Like, they're heavy, though. They're big goats. I mean, they're heavy goats, you know what I mean? So it's like.

I think it was like the, what I saw was like there were like miniature goats and then they're like, while you're doing some pose, a goat stands on you. And I think the whole point is like, oh, there's a cute goat too. Is that supposed to just help you relax? Is there a purpose for this fucking goat besides it being adorable? I guess it is the goal functional? Is it just, is it just never to be like, oh. No, no, no, dude, dude, dude, I cannot tell you. Shit, get that.

There she is right there. That's nasty. Yeah, there she is. She's eating some headphones. Yeah, absolutely not functional. Like a, like, I mean, except for the function of the goatness, you know, because even baby goats have a, you know, just the, you know, the, you know, the goanness of the baby goat, you know yeah other than that no absolutely useless i will say this though i just absolutely and like our

like it's nothing it's such a pain in the ass because it's not good for anything other than the fact that we just love it like just the bond like totally not i mean i don't i don't even know how to explain the relationship other than it's like well it's definitely a burden I can't throw away, but like, man, yeah, getting on this sanctuary, it had to happen because it's just not functional, especially in a bus.

But with the goat yoga, this roadie fucking sucks, dude. Yeah. All the dude is eating the wires every single wire. Yeah. Shit.

Yes. This. Everything. A terror, man. A terror. Eating trash, having no consideration for others, stanking. You just have a comedian. That goat is saving the planet.

Yeah. Yeah. All the goat is is a comedian that has four looks. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, but I will say for, and with therapeutic goats and rehabbed goats, I have definitely seen. Wow, I didn't know that.

I don't think you can. Can you get a license for that? Now, I know the part of the- Does the goat have the license? The goat's the therapist, right? Isn't that what you're saying? I don't think there's been enough. I think you just go to the Chamber of Commerce

or whatever down here. The better business, you fill out a couple forms and they're like, yes, that's good to me. How are they going to fill out the forms? They got hoops. How are they going to fill out those forms? Do you have to do it for them? Yes, absolutely.

I just didn't know if it was covered in the ADA where it was like, you know, people, you know, things with hooves can't write. So you got to get a, you got to get a sign. You're frustrated and DJ. He's like, listen, I didn't get in a goat wrangling to do fucking paperwork. Yeah, exactly.

And you know what's funny? That's definitely not my part of it. I've gotten to go whisper, not the goat writer. You can usually say therapy goats. And for some reason, therapy goat sounds fine. But this time you said therapeutic goat, And for some reason, I was like, nah, I think you need to go to school for that.

That's what I'm saying. This is going to school now? This is the most educated goat I've ever heard of. That's what we call at goat school. She's like learning how to be a goat because she ain't never been a goat. She ain't never been even seen a goat before about a couple, about a month ago. First time she ever seen a goat. Y'all got her addicted to houses.

Well, we didn't know what the fuck we was doing, man. We had no fucking idea. Oh, yeah, Carmen. Also, they stole the goat. from an insane person. Right. Wasn't he, wasn't you the Nazi guy? Yes. Yeah. In fact, in fact, he was very much that.

And so, Dr. You did the opening of the glorious fosters. I don't know why it was. You saved a goat. Yeah. Yeah. It was just you and Nessie running across a field. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. And now we're totally trauma bonded. You know what I make. I don't care. What I have. have to give up. Like, I need this goat to go flourish and it's goat and it's just goat heaven. Oh, what a good goat, dad. You want your straight to thrive. Yeah. So, so I think with that alone,

like being down here on these farms where they have rescues and stuff, they're just like, yeah, come on over here. Work with our goods. Like, we want to, we want to, you know, because Nessie does. She does all kind of tricks and like she rides in a car real good. So you can drive. her to go hiking to trails and stuff. And like, it's really cool to go hiking with goats, man. It's fucking rad. It's fucking, it's the best. There's people listening right now who are,

who are processing that DJ's better to this goat than their partners are to them. And I want to say to you guys, leave that partner. That is true for some of you and you should leave that. You deserve to be treated the way DJ Lewis treats a goat. Yeah. well I may not because now I just imagine you on this goat farm

and you got a you know you got like a little golf cart and then Nessie just rides side saddle and then she's just helping you teach the other goats how to not be too goate but maybe maybe like a goat human hybrid you know like

you used to have them in the mythological times maybe she didn't turn in a full human but maybe she can be like dude it could be so much more chill if you guys just like we're a little less goady a little bit more chill. Yes. He's like, I watch TV, bro.

And I like it. And I like it. You guys sit too. She does. Maybe we can get a TV in the barn. Dude, she loves pizza and Taco Bell. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. This is perfect. He's a goat.

That bitch, he's tires if you love it. Yeah. It's also perfect because DJ, I feel like the first part of your career, you were trying to teach the world to be a little bit more gutter and trying to teach the gutter to be a little bit less felonious and now you're doing the same thing with the goat we have brought up before not on well red carman i do wonder if dj's presence in the goat's life is making her the hoarded like you just mentioned it she's riding in the golf cart you know she's getting regular food i do wonder if

they're going to shun her because they're like this stuck up bitch is right yeah i'm not to climb mountains even well that's why that's why i'm about to pitch a pitch a tent up on you and just stay in the, stay in the, in the field for a couple of days. Stay on that side of the mountain. You're going to become a goat. DJ couldn't get the goat to become a huge. Maybe you're going to be the hybrid. Maybe Nessie converts you.

We've been calling DJ Pan for years. Is it a fan of the O-F, man? DJ got a flute too. You got that flute anymore? What was it, the Okerana or whatever that worked at? I should have learned some songs on that bitch. What happened to? I used to wear it around your neck and blow it when you got excited.

Yeah, no, I think I lost it. Yeah, I think I lost it in the river. Lost in the creek. Yeah. I lost my turtle in the creek. I got upset. We've all lost something to the creek, my friends. Yeah.

Hey, great point, and that reminds me, Carmen, I wanted to ask you, mostly because we wanted to call you farming Carmen. Have you ever? It was great. That was great. I don't know if you really want to be a farmer, but you love it. I just want to be a piece of land. I'll hire somebody to run it.

Yeah. DJ. Yeah. I'll come get it. Yeah. He gets up early. He likes to sleep with animals, not in the weird way, but in the like, you know, in the tent. Carmen, I never spend any time on a farm.

You grew up in Orlando, right? Yeah, there's no farm actually. Proper Orlando? A farm, yeah. I've been to a farm, but I ain't never worked. As a field trip? Did you go to farms as field trips? We went to a petting farm thing as a field trip. That was about it, though. That always blew our mind when we saw it on movies, people raised in the country. It was like, so wait, what? They just gather up all the kids and go show them a fucking farm. What is that? What a scam, right?

You just take all these city mice. and go look what you guys can you don't have. Look at that. Yeah. Chris Simmons used to have that bit about... Greg Fitzsimmons used to have that bit about playing a prom out in the middle of nowhere and they were like, you've ever seen a cow?

What do you mean you've never seen a cow? You've never seen a cow? You've never seen a cow? He's like, yeah, I've never seen a cow. You ever seen a crackhead trying to get off the elevator? We're just different. That's all right. You just see different things? That's all. I always wonder what it would be like to grow up in Washington, D.C.,

like, where the fuck do you go to eighth grade field trip, finger bang somebody on a bus? Like, how do you get that out of your system if you grew up in D.C.? I mean, you still do it at the Lincoln Monument. Everybody knows that. Yeah. Way and work places to hide. I don't think it changes just because it's closer.

That's a good point. It's probably easier, actually, now that I think about it. Yeah. Maybe I accidentally find the secret, you know, a button they get you down in the basement or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

What is it the, oh man, with the eye and the thing, the triangle, what is it? The Illuminati? Yeah,

I get an Illuminati finger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Me and DJ just lit up. Our third eye just opened. We got excited. We said that in concert.

We were like, you want to talk about the other. This motherfucker's spitting. Yeah, yeah. Garmin, where you want to go with this? Come to my farm, guys. Come to my farm. We'll talk about the Illuminati. It's an Illuminati goat therapy that we do,

where you hold a gun, pet it, and we talk about the Illuminati. Your brand that you burn onto them is a Q? I want to clarify, there is a difference between people believing in the Illuminati and Q people, okay? There's a, listen, there's a mirror, there's a spectrum as far as conspiracy goes, and there are people that believe there are lizard people that also are not Q people, you know?

Well, sure. Illuminani people are fun. Yes. Let's start with that. Illuminati people are more fun. Yes. And then second of all, you're right.

You can take a first spin at a party and they're not going to upset anybody, really, you know? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Me and DJ discovered on End of the Abisket when we spent a whole year doing conspiracy theories that lizard people conspiracy was literally started by a guy who hates Jews. And he meant Jews. Because at first we were like, nah, and we talked about this on well-read too.

At first we were like, nope, lizard people just means rich people. And then the anti-Semitic people just tried to take it from us. Like they always do. They keep taking our fun stuff, like Hawaiian shirts. You know, like you just can't have any Jews, you fucking psychos. Right. And then we looked at up and we were like, nope, this literally was started by a guy whose whole thing is, it's the Jews. It's the Jews, yeah.

Well, that was the whole, like, yeah, it was a bummer because I remember talking to somebody, starting to talk to somebody about it, and then I was getting them to go down the rabbit hole, and then we got to that part of it. I was like, you just, you just hate Jews. Yeah, I can't get down with that. Sorry. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I don't think any people is cool enough to be that fucking different. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jews can do. Jewish can reclaim it and make it into like a Mormon religion.

Like, yeah, some of us believe we are from other planets and made that religion. Yeah. Here's maybe a less sticky topic that I thought of. I'll go first. What is your favorite or most memorable field trip from a child or just any that you remember? Mine is the Lost Sea. Oh, yes. underground cavern and lake in Sweetwater, Tennessee, that because it was in Sweetwater,

because we were going, because my aunt Nancy lived in Sweetwater, and she was super cool, but she was a single mom and a bartender, and every time I went and stayed with her, we stayed in the poorest parts of Sweetwater, I was like, in third grade, Mr. Incredulous, Drew Morgan, Contrarian, like, this is going to suck. Going to some dumb fucking cave. It's not going to be cool. It's never been on TV. There's no way that a cave in Sweetwater is that rad.

and holy shit it's like two guys yeah it's huge I thought it was gonna be like yeah you're gonna see it in 10 minutes later it's gonna be over we got on like three boats yeah it was blind fish yeah there's blind fish down there

I remember going into the games it wasn't for a field trip but I went with my parents on a it was like a vacation my dad wanted to meet I'd never seen so so he was just like let's just drive north till she sees snow By the way, this was on a Thursday, I had school the next day. Psycho, but all right, let's go.

Yeah. We ended up going to Ruby Falls. Back with mental illness was stunned before they took away all our heads. Yeah. But we went to Ruby Falls, and then we went to all those little caverns and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. I'd ever seen a stalagmite and all that shit. Yeah.

It was also when I learned that my mother was claustrophobic. Like, we didn't know. But my mom was- Middle illness was fun. Yeah. Before you didn't acutely aware, it was just bizarre, you know? So we were just in there. Yeah, my dad's like crawling into these tiny spaces

and my mom's like in the back of the like the tour group. My mom's in the back going, and I'm like, what's the matter, mom? And then me and my mom, me and my dad just started busting my mom's balls. Just in front of her. What do you got, cave asthma? What are you?

I'm going, because I'm the little kids, so I'm crawling in these. I'm like, how do you want to come in? Come in the game. It'll be fun. My mom's like, I got to get out of here. I need a cigarette. I got to get out of here. DJ, baby.

You got any field trip memories? Man, I always liked that dinosaur shit. Did you ever have that dinosaur thing come to y'all's town? Where it was like the animatronic dinosaurs and you walked around. It came to Knoxville. and my mom took me to it. Yeah, I like that, motherfucker. Dude, I remember they were outside with a piece of foam that they used for the skin to show you that it wasn't real.

They just, like, had an old one's, you know, like a piece of foam. And I, like, I was like seven and it was kind of a letdown for me to just immediately walk in. They'd be like, it ain't real, you know. Come on, let me fake it for a little bit. Yeah, I remember my mom was mad for two months about that. Like for two months, my mom, we paid $20 and they took away the excitement right at the beginning. Can you believe that, Doug? My dad said, yeah, I can believe it.

They didn't want kids to have a cave asthma attack. But our field trips were always like shit in Orlando, because we were in Orlando, so it was always like a theme park or something. Like we went to Seattle. It went to Universal. And I was like, what are we supposed to be learning here? Was it cool? Or did you get?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Much of a fucking other 15-year-olds going to Universal. Yeah, of course. God. Yeah. You guys get drunk?

No. Oh. We're in middle school. We're in middle school. People weren't doing that shit until high school. I mean, I'm certain people were, but we were. I've misunderstood you. I thought you said 15-year-olds.

Can you sneak into any of those? Like, you grew up around them in Orlando. Is it possible to sneak in? it's pretty difficult just you know just ask somebody that works there to get you in for free right there's just no reason too yeah i don't need to yeah that makes sense i'm trying to think of any local field trips we went to i swear to god all we did was the prison that's the only local field trip that's the only local field trip where we went to like juvie where it was like these are bad kids i don't think that was a field trip damn yeah it was just like got arrested again so

they brought me. But yeah, I remember having to take a tour of the juvenile detention center thing. My favorite English teacher, her one elective that she taught was intro to psychology because she had a psychology degree as well. And then she took us to the prison as part of the psychology class. I don't remember how she worked it in. I mean, she was a great teacher. She still is.

But in retrospect, it was a very strange thing to do. And they would walk us across the yard. and I don't know whose idea that was, but I know that every year that was part of the psychology class. If you signed up for the psychology class, it'd be like, you got to walk across the yard. And every time the dudes would single out one guy,

and they singled out the quietest, most shy, awkward, backward dude and kept talking about how cute his ears were. And it was a whole thing, yeah. Yikes. I think that class was just her working on her thesis, bro. You did it right. So anyway, DJ, I want to ask you. Dude, that's...

I know. She's insane. That's insane. Why were y'all so mean to my friend Andy? Like, why did y'all do that? Dude, that's all they did was talk about his ears. Dude, he's so lucky. He's so lucky.

Not really. Here's what happened. I'll give you the whole story. They said, look at his ears. His ears turned red when he got embarrassed when they were talking about. him. So then they kept talking about his ears and they definitely said things like, I bet my dick would fit in his ears.

Wow. Yeah, that woman's definitely working on a paper on the psychological effects of bringing children to a prison at a particular age. Dude. One of them also said they're big enough for me the whole long time. She's got all these movies. Yeah, she's got a close up on his ears turning red and then I'm saying the shit back to him. it sounds like your teacher wasn't that great actually it sounds like she's just more of a bully

yeah man yeah man i would say that that is definitely a huge red flag i don't know why anybody wouldn't do that that's insane that's insane the teachers in florida fuck their kids but at least they're not torture that is torture it is one of them said he can grab his ears and use him his hand Yeah, man. That's fucking awful. That's so awful. That's a dude that's going to pay fucking, you know, $6,300 and get his ears pinned when the second he gets enough money. The richest family in town, they used to have Scrip, they own all the logging business, and they pay people in company money back in the day.

So, A, he deserved it, and B, he got the money to fix them ears. I hope he does. They were like, man. So you're on the prisoner's side of? about it. Good. Yeah. Always.

Am I right, guys? Is that the same prison your brother went to? He spent some time in that one, yeah. That's insane, man. He also probably went on that field trip. So I guess it didn't work. That's what I'm saying.

He had the opposite effect. He's like, you know, this isn't that bad. You know what those guys are going to bust my balls? I can beat that guy up. I dare you to touch my ears, motherfucker. That's funny. But for real, tell him I said hi. Okay.

Carmen, we have a plan, DJ, where Carmen is going to be marry my brother when he gets out, and I'm all about it. I don't think she'll be about it when she meets him. But I do like to eat like the idea of it, farming. It'll be a wild ride. You know that? Yeah, dude, if he's only had bussy for how long he's been in there? Yeah. He's only had butt for, yeah, dude.

11 years? Yeah, it'll be a nice change of pace. It'll be a nice change of face. When he gets out, it'll be almost 13. I know that. Man, it's so crazy. I'm going through my roller decks of like prison stories that I like, I want to say. And like, I was like, they're all, I always wonder, like, so would you say that, when you say they walked you over there across from like from the yard and all that stuff and they were yelling at y'all, man, I can remember

like looking back and just seeing like 10-15 dudes just jacking off. In the yard? Yeah, dude, yeah, man, on people on guards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you want a little vitamin D.U.

While you're getting out the demons? Come on. My understanding, DJ, from my brother, and maybe you can comment on this from your memory, is like, you can get beat up for that kind of thing, especially if kids are around. So I assume that's what prevented it from happening. Like jacking off on a guard, totally acceptable. But jacking off near where families are, they don't stand for that. The reason I brought that up is there was a dude who was fucking his girlfriend in the corner on a visit once. He had paid off a guard to like let him kind of go. And he hiked her skirt up. You could tell what was happening. But my brother said that somebody

beat that dude about half to death because their kids were there. Well, it's always different. Everywhere's different. I got almost 100%. Yeah, also, I mean, pay the guard to go to the bathroom or something. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would say the guard wouldn't let that fly because you might get a weapon or whatever. I don't know, look, man, you know, when it comes to negotiating with guards and trying to get your dick wet, it's not something that I have a lot of experience with. DJ, I don't think, does, and he'd be the closest we have.

So, you know. Yeah, absolutely not. Did y'all hear about that, did you all hear about that prison guard that ran off with that one boy? Yeah, man. Wait, what? The guard helped bust somebody out that they were in love with? Yeah, in Alabama. And he had, like, he had, he had, he was like a terrible person, apparently, like, super, like.

like racist dude who was like the guard or the prisoner the prisoner oh yeah I guess she had him and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah dude I don't know anybody how about you should make that rom-com guys let's write that rom-com together we're two awful people run off in the sunset together

a breakout role God I guarantee it was fucking crazy just the meth-fueled, racist, goddamn Odyssey. Oh, God. It probably got dark. Oh, God, it was bad.

It was bad. I bet, though, that she came harder than she's ever come after she broke him out. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah, man. And then she shot herself when they got caught. What? Oh. Yeah. Yeah. You got to

at that point. I mean, that still works for the ending of a movie. I'm fine with that. Let's do it. Yeah, it's right. Yeah. They still deserve to die, get it, blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah, that'll work. Yeah, it's a great ending. It's a happy ending because it's a Roncom.

And it's also a great spot to cut to our sponsors for this week. And welcome back to the well-red beard podcast. Welcome. Well-red beard, guys. It is my last jaunt with by myself or with Carmen. I guess is a more accurate way to say it. You've done a great job, Carmen. We really appreciate you.

How do you? Everyone who comments has great things to say. That's wonderful. Yeah, most people say they don't miss them at all. I do think that's because the people who do miss them just aren't, you know, they like, fucked off. They're like, we'll just skip this week these few weeks. We'll just skip it. Three weeks.

All right. Anyway, I've enjoyed having you. Have you been on the first. You've been on the road in the middle of it, too. You've been working, right? I have. Yeah, I just got back from the Pacific Northwest, super fun, you know. It was good.

It was weird to be up there because that's where my sister was living and stuff. And so it was kind of funny to see all her BDSM friends at my shows and stuff like that and then wanting to tell me all the stories about my sister and stuff. And I'm just like. Yeah, that's what. people do when somebody dies is they just share their experiences with them, but it's got to be it's weirder. It's weirder when it's

just all sex stories. Yeah. And you're like, obviously you're a very open, non-judgmental person. You're actually one of the least judgmental people I've ever known. Does that make sense? You're like super judgmental as a comic, but on a soul level you have like no judgment about people. You'd be like, no,

the reason you're doing that is because you had a fucked up childhood and you need to forgive your dad. But I mean, that's fine. Like everybody's got their shit. I just want people to try to do better. That's all. My judgment is usually when it's like, my whole thing is like, I just have a higher tall. I don't know if it's because of, you know, I was basically raised by male comics, you know,

as far as like all of my 20s was hanging out with dudes in their late 30s and 40s. You know what I'm saying? So like, I am acutely aware of what self-destructive behavior looks like. My whole thing was like, oh, the cool, the way to do this is you can have self-destructive behavior as long as you put a cap on it. And as long as you're not hurting anybody else, you know, I'm just talking about the stuff that just hurts you. If you're hurting other people, that's something different. That's like, you know, that's when it becomes predatory. That's when it becomes like, you know, that was the whole thing with my pops.

It was like, chill the fuck out. Like, chill the fuck out. Like, it got nothing to do with me. Yeah. I've said on here before. one of the best ways to judge or not somebody's a good person is do they let their bullshit hurt them

or everyone around them or some mix? Now obviously everyone hurts people but like some people like wow you just stay hurting other people you know that's what a shitty person is. Well yeah it's that when it's that a whole other thing that hurt people hurt people

but it's like realizing that acknowledging it and then trying that to do it that's the whole thing. Right. Take accountability and trying to yeah absolutely. That's been the new thing I've been talking about it. It's like, can we normalize some women taking care of their fucking bullshit too? It ain't just men that got these

problems. Oh, me and DJ don't know what you're talking about. Next topic. Well, how'd the shows go, though? The shows were great, yeah, the shows were super fun. I haven't been able, like, these were all indie-produced shows, so it was like, I didn't have to worry as much about, like, being welcome back or whatever, because it's a bar, whatever. So it's like, that was nice so that I could get more loose on stage and kind of like,

yeah, man. Yes. Because I had a clob, I'm just always, especially if it's my first time, because like all of these, this run that I've been doing this summer, it's all places I'd never worked before, you know, so I'm just trying to go in there and do my best job and all that stuff and get welcome back, all that shit. Don't get too drunk. Don't sleep with staff.

I mean, I did, but... I'm such a shithead because I knew that and said it anyway. I'm, let's see what she does. I did get fucked up, but oddly enough, I guess I'm still charming enough where it worked out. You guess. Yeah. You've been knowing you had the...

I'm not going to say coasting, but you've been knowing that it's on the... At least one of your tires is charm. You've been knowing that for a year. Yeah. But yeah, just... But shows like this, then I can really like, there was, I think there was one show in particular where I was just, I was just in the pocket. So, like, I did all the, I was just going off the rails with like some incomplete thoughts and figuring it out and stuff like that. And plus up there, they're, you know, they're pretty fuddy-duddy as far as audiences go.

So it's also like having fun bullying them or pushing them around to being a little bit uncomfortable and being okay with it, knowing that it's okay, that they're still safe even though they're like, What is you going? Oh, it's okay. There's tension that's going to be released, all that stuff. Like all those things on stage are super, super duper fun, you know, where it's like, oh, is she going to be a dick? She's not. All right, nice.

Okay, cool. I thought she was going to be an asshole. And it's like, oh, no, different way. Different way to be an asshole. Fairly. So that was super fun. It was cool. I did some of the jokes about my sister in front of her friends,

which I think they liked that I talked about her and stuff. So that was super cool. I didn't do the meanest one. because I thought that would be rude. Plus, there's a shelf life to it. But it was cool to be able to talk. It was until she died. That's when that was the shelf life.

Well, no, that's when I started doing the bit. Because it was because, like, the real rude joke was, I was just like the biggest thing that ever happened to me, happened to me. And then my sister dies. And it's like, really? Michelle, you can't let me have anything? Really?

Right. Which always got to be, yeah. You're going to cockplock my big moment? Yeah, yeah. It's funny that this person in that world, the sex were pulled a cock block too. That's not, you know, they're just thinking. Right.

I really identify with what you were saying about clubs versus indie produce shows. I mean, we had a little microcosm of what you were talking about just in a week. We had Zanies and then one of Melissa Hahn model faces shows in Asheville back to back. And part of it, I'm pretty comfortable with Zanies. Sure. But that has its own set of tensions too because it's like, how'd we sell I love this club

I want to keep getting invited back here you know what I mean like there's a part of me that almost wonders if like that's a different set of attention because it's like I don't know I don't want to name a club but if I was at certain other clubs I'd be like ah fuck it maybe they'll have me back maybe they won't who gives the shit right Zane has always been so good to me

and it was the first tour first stop of the tour I hadn't been on stage in a while DJ I know you'd done the deals bro show I don't know how long it's been for you and we had a good crowd but that place is big. You know, it was about the same number of people, but it was packed in Asheville. So anyway, my point

is we get to Asheville and we just let loose. DJ crushed. I was backstage. I mean, Carmen, he was getting big laughs without talking. Like, he'd just look at them and then they would explode. So I'm back there like, well, fucking awesome. I got to follow this. What am I going to do?

I ended up getting up on the bar. Yeah. A good joke from the bar. Yelling at some poor gay couple, because they looked Amish because one of them didn't have a mustache. It was a good, I don't know, it was a good time for the reasons you were talking about. Yeah, it's that freedom.

That's the whole thing is like, and that's the thing I don't think people realize is the part of this that makes it kind of a bummer is when you don't get to be free. Like, and then, because there's times when you have, you have to not. Yeah. Well, I love both.

I love the act. You know, yeah, no, you're right. I love the act, but I love hanging out at a bar too. But also, working on new material and you're working on your material and you have this like you have this I guess that freedom the freedom that that allows too to be creative in that moment because I know exactly what you were talking about like being in that pocket and being like oh this is how this joke goes or even this is like this that's not it yeah yeah yeah you're just going to enjoy my essence

motherfucker. Yes! Yes! So for you, it's two cocktails and a one-hitter on a show that you can be loose in that and sometimes you can get in the pocket. Okay, DJ, it's smoking a one-hitter all day.

Is that what it is? Yes. Is that what you were saying? Yeah, I didn't realize. Yeah, but then I forgot I had to smoke weed over at that person. I had been smoking weed all day. I forgot we were over at buddies have smoking weed. I've been smoking weed in the alley.

It's like I smoked weed. I was, dude, I was bobbing, man. You ever just like, you know, just like we say, when you hit that right, and you're just like, there's, there's like, whatever this is, I'm having so much fun. And like, I'm, I'm high to the point of like, I don't know, it's work. Like, this is where, I don't know, I don't know, you know, I don't know what I'm talking about. It's just great. It's like a rap. It's a sweet spot. I call it a sweet spot where it's just enough. It's just enough.

it's just enough chemicals to lower your inhibitions and actually believe in how good you are at this. That's really all it is. Oh, man. Yeah. I'm fighting on all cylinders and this is it. Yeah. Yeah. That's the drug is believing that you are as good as the person who's never been to a comedy show and you're on fire thinks you are in that moment.

And it's like, how do you get there? Mine's, I guess, boring. It's one shot of tequila and two beers and a little bit of crate them. but I want to point out the way that y'all approach that calculus where Carmen was like two cocktails hit a one hitter DJ was like man we just smoking weeded old buddy's house

To be fair I had to get out of where the heads because I was you know there was some dudes that were like because I play video games with or on funches on Twitch and stuff like that and there's a bunch of those those dudes like his little followers that all came out to the show and they're all big weed heads

So it was like we were, you know, it was just like there was a lot of excess during the day. And then it was like, all right, I need two hours. I need a coffee. I had to get out of the bag. I had to get out of the dam so I could get into the sleepbox. I was so hard to get only a little bit fucked up, you know? DJ can do it. Man, yes, yes.

It's where I like, all right, now I got to do all right, now I got to do all these chemicals. to get back to center so I just do the two cocktails in the one-heter and get back into the right amount. Because before, that's why I was like, man, this is why I don't do the dabs. It weighs me down to. I was like, it's fine. I just need to take an ibuprofen. I need to get a coffee and an espresso. I need to pound me in alkaline water and then I'll be good to know.

I need it. I need it. I need it. Now and out. I'm ready. It's good that you know what you need, though. Like, I can't, I don't have a round two in me. Like, I don't go down.

I mean, I've been touring with alcoholics for too many years, man. I had to. I had to know. Well, I just like, I have to keep going. It's like, if I start drinking during the day, I'm going to be sloppy tonight. If I go take a nap, I'm going to be horrible and a zombie. I just got to keep the fucking high going. My favorite one of all time, we went to this rich guy's house in North Carolina who,

DJ, you stopped there a different time when Lydia was playing music. He was feeding us amazing. amazing food. He owned a network, like a small reality show network and was like trying to talk us into doing a reality show. The long and sort of is that Trey and Corey got fucked up.

And I mean like Trey was lying on his back in the ground, on the ground, in the kitchen in our little area, eating leftover chicken that he was sitting on his chest. Screaming, they never

should have gave these rednecks money. in the vein that Chappelle says they never should have gave these in the sketch. They never should have gave these rednecks money! She's screaming it. And the guy comes in and he goes...

Boy, Drake so much he turned into an otter, dude. That's hilarious. He's looking at me and he's like, but he ain't going to be no show tonight. Like, I don't, you know, look at him. And that guy comes in, he goes, hey, y'all need an Adderall? I was going to say.

He got an IV drip? Because that'll say... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Word Adderall got Tray out of the floor. Yes, I do. Yeah. He went from an honor to a meerkat. Yeah.

Especially because he had a belly at that time, too, because he looked like a mere cat. He's doing like a mere cat. He won't like that one. And I'd never experienced that until then, though, just how quick, certain, I mean, dude, it sobered him up. Yeah. It was wild. That was always like a myth. I thought that was something at extent.

That was always my whole thing with cocaine. Sure. But now I watched it too, or just people too fucked up, too drunk, and then somebody would just either have a little bit of Coke on them. And it's just like, oh, are we doing Coke? And it's just like, no, I just got to drive home. So I'm doing a boat on a ride home. And that was it. And it was like, oh, cocaine is a tool.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I've done that before. I've done that before. I definitely have. DJ's out there on the farm, man, I can't get up with these cows again. He's got a knife that he's just cut on.

He's chopping up the coke with a knife, and he just keeps going and starts like slashing a cow, like butchering a cow. I'll be out of them panties. pulling the mushrooms up out of that one that one way to do. There has to be one Cokehead farmer that's existed.

Dude, oh my God, dude, this is probably dude, Jesus Christ. All of them, but now on my ass probably. Yeah. But they're definitely cocaine, definitely. Mm-hmm. Definitely cocaine. I mean, why wouldn't you? Because then

you just drink all night and then you do all of your farm shit and just keep it going. And then go to bed at your shit, you're done by 1 p.m. Yeah, get cocaine, driving the trash all day, baby. You are. Dude, I bet cocaine makes farm equipment. Oh.

That's a great place to end. I love you, Carmen. Plug your dates. Oh, yeah. Carmen Morales. com for all of your Carmen Morales needs. I'm going to a bunch of places. I'm going on tour with Ron Funches.

I'll be in Phoenix, Arizona. I'll be at the Neptune Theater in Seattle, July 7th, or 9th, 9th, 9th, going to Cobbs in San Francisco, July 10th. I'll be at the 10,000 laughs comedy festival in Minneapolis in October. I'm going to Colorado, Colorado in November. You know, if you want to see me now, get HBO Max and watch my set on HBO Max if you haven't watched it yet. And if you have watched it, thank you. Thank you so much.

If you have watched, tell her how good it is. It is nice. But don't do the thing where people don't watch it and tell me how good it is. Anyways, I'd rather have the number than the compliment, if I'm being honest. Because that means money in the future for me. Yeah, go watch it. Get a free trial if you don't have it and just do it. Just remember to set an alarm on your phone.

Set an alarm on your phone to cancel the trial. So then you don't get fucking mad at me because you ended up having to pay for HBO for a month. I'm not trying to get mad at Carmen for that. You're a piece of shit. No, no, no. Just see it. I'm not. Or you're just somebody else's login.

What's on? Use somebody on your login. I was going to say you can have mine. You can't have mine. I don't trust a lot of you. DJ and I are going to be in Chattanooga, June 10th. They're going to be in Birmingham, June 22nd. You can go to Drew Morgan Comedy.

Drew Morgan Comedy.com for those tickets. I will be in Denver. and Fort Collins and Boulder. I couldn't remember the other one. Look at Nessie. Nessie's face with me doing my dates is like, that's how everybody listens when we start plugging things. Nessie, no come for you in the morning.

I see you over there trying to get a little nose on the knife too. None for you. None for you, little girl. We love you, Carmen. We love you. We love you, DJ. Me and all my friends. I love you both so much.

Thanks for being a substitute teacher in this classroom. I love it. Well, Red fans, I think that your daddies are coming back. UK daddies are back in town. Yeah, I'm sure they're going to have so many amazing stories about how they ate British food and went to bed at 8 p.m. every night. The grampies are back in town. That's a callback DJ to some shit.

Carmen and I were giving them last week. But they'll be back next week. I'm going to be honest, as far as that goes, if they are, I'm probably taking the week off. I've been doing a lot of heavily lifting around here, as you guys know, a little red beard net. But anyway. But I'll be on.

I'll be replacing Drew next week when he's taking a week off. Fucking right on! So they'll be back. Everything should be getting back to normalish as far as that goes. pretty soon and well-read dates will be back up for October or November I'm not sure they've decided yet anyway love everybody thanks to everyone

wait I was going to sing the theme song that I made up but I think I already have a recording I'm just going to hit play on it bye thank you all for listening to the well-red beard sorry you missed Corey and Trey but they ain't here so tune in next week if you like listening to me thank you got

and fuck the queen fuck the queen oh bitch