wellRED podcast - #283 - Toby Keith: Hit or Don't Hit? + Florida Man & Rascal Scooters

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

This week, Trae and Corey discuss his recent bout with Covid, a new Florida man story, the structural integrity of Rascal scooters, and the polarizing career of Toby Keith!Sign up for Corey's Newsletter to get funny stories and videos at CoreyWritesForYou.comGo see Trae on Tour at TraeCrowder.comCheck out Corey and Trae's new Podcast Puttin On Airs wherever you get your podcasts or at WatchPOA.com

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

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I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball looking twin fellas. Yeah.

So that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

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advance auto parts and participating car quest locations. See store for details. This is how we advance. They're the They're the liberal rednecks. They like cornbread but sex. They care way too much, but don't

give a fun. They're the neighbor rednecks that makes some people upset. They got three big old dicks that you can suck. Well, what you say? Just two of them today. Mm-hmm. Just two of the decks. I'm sure a lot of people are like, yeah, it's kind of like it's been for the last three weeks

since we couldn't hear Drew. Yeah, we've addressed that guys, and we're very sorry that Drew's been apparently very quiet on the past couple episodes. He, it's very unlike him in, you know, normal life, you know,

so it's not fair. It isn't fair for you guys to have to, you know, to get that Drew experience when everyone who is in his physical presence gets the opposite Drew experience. No, that's not really true. He is kind of like,

he's, he's like emotionally loud, I would say. Yes. But not. He's aggressive. Not necessarily vocally loud, though. Like, to be fair.

He's not like a screamer for the most part. He will scream. I've seen him go off and into a pillow. Mm-hmm. Or upon a waking. While biting a belt. Yeah. Upon awakening.

Yeah, while biting a belt. Yeah, any of those scenarios, he will scream. But, uh, but yeah, it's not that he's like loud. I'd say you and I are both generally louder than him while just out in the world and in public. But, you know, yeah, he aggressive and whatnot. So either way, sorry, he was quiet on the podcast. We guess we'll finish it. He's not gone forever.

I know that that's like become a thing. People either are like, we're going to miss you when you're gone. I don't know if it's like a running bit they're doing or people genuinely expect him to be gone at any point. Either way, it's funny to me regardless. So just, you know, keep doing it. But he will be back, presumably. He's on drugs in a melting art house in the desert somewhere right now. Yeah, Meow Wolf.

It's called Meow Wolf. I have heard of it. I've, of course, seen it on where else, Reddit. And it's like an immersive art experience. Normally, I might hear something like that and go, I don't know. But I've seen clips and videos and stuff. And there's like, I think there's one in Vegas and one in Denver, I think. and they're in Denver right now, I'm pretty sure.

And it seems pretty wild. I feel like you're supposed to kind of feel like you're walking through a dream, sort of, when you're in there. So that's what he doing right now. And I guarantee you he own all the drugs and everything. Yeah. And he's supposed to be filming a video or something that I'm going to splice into this podcast.

So if true, if he does, I'll put it in, right here. Yeah, but he probably will get too high and not do that. Exactly. So you didn't see it. There's three of them. The other one's in Santa Fe. I bet that's the flagship because who starts in Vegas goes to Denver and is like,

what's up next? Santa Fe. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, yeah, it's just wild. It's wild shit. It does look cool. I'd like to do it. But we're both here.

I feel fine. How do you feel? I'm winded. For those of you that do not know, I have COVID. I started experiencing symptoms last Tuesday right when I was getting ready to take over for Trey on the evening skews. And I thought it was just allergies or some shit. And I was just super sluggish and felt like crap.

And so I drank a bunch of pre-workouts, did the show, woke up the next day, still feeling horrible. And then, God damn it, right before I was getting ready to leave to go to the Rick Flair roast and the Rick Flair last match, I was like, man, I feel like shit. I ain't getting any better. Still in my mind, it did not. COVID was out of the question because I was like, I hadn't had it. Like I've gone three years and not got it.

And I was like, this is strep throat. I've had that before. I'm going to go get a steroid shot. That way I feel better. And by God, if I didn't elude it for three years only for it to finally get me at the worst possible moment. So, but I want to talk more about that, but also just saying it's like I'd definitely tell not that. this is news or a headline to anybody, but like the COVID conversation has certainly changed a lot at this point because like it definitely seems to me as though there's some kind of, you know, these new variants, BA5 or whatever the hell they are that like they haven't even heard of that. Yeah, right.

They seem like they're raging to me because like right now, I know I haven't known many people personally. I've been aware of people I knew that had COVID. It's not uncommon, but like I know so many people right now who either who either actively have it or had it recently. And they're all fine. But Katie and the boys both had it. This exact same timeline you had it. Producer Matt had it like a week before you had it. I just got off the phone with some people on a project I'm working on.

Their whole family has it right now as well. And so it's like it feels like it's all over the place, but yet nobody's even talking about like. Right. Oh, it's another way. We better, you know, we better do something. It's like everybody on earth has just been like, we ain't ever going to do nothing ever again. I mean, I mean, I like. I hate to wash over me, baby.

I don't give a fuck. I hate to like contribute. I hate to contribute to that narrative in any way possible. But like, I mean, I remember when we first, when it first got out a lot, like, lockdown was over. And everybody was like, okay, look, if you're vaccinated. you can go out and just wear your mask. And then when they said no mask on the airplanes, I was like, dude,

if there's ever been a genie that you can't put back in the bottle, it's this one. And like, regardless of whether we should or not, it's not going to happen. Like, everybody went through that experience. And first off,

you had the people who were like, even during that experience, didn't agree with it. It was like, this is bullshit. I shouldn't have to wear a mask. But then after like the whole three years, even the people who were like on board with it,

even they at this. point, like, we can't, we can't go back to that. Because, like, again, like, if you compare that to actually having the disease and dying from it, of course, it's not really that big of a deal. Just wear this piece of cloth. But, like, that was such a wild time. I just, I don't, yeah, man, I don't think anybody's ever going to be with that again. No, but so, oh, yeah, on your personal note, not to just twist the knife here, but I mean, come on. It's just the reality. Do you think there has been since COVID started a single worst time that you possibly could have gotten COVID? I have one possible suggestion, and even that I don't think holds up, but I'm wondering if anything.

What's your suggestion? Right before we went to the UK, like right before. This is worse because we could have done that in a week and then you just met me over there or something. Yeah, yeah, or we could have, like, we planned that with enough time to where, like, if we had to shift and, and just do the trip later, we could have this. Well, I don't know. I mean, not really, because I had already, you took the summer off. I already had dates and shifts throughout the summer. Like, I didn't really have another chunk of time that I could have gone over there for that long.

Okay. Either way, yes, you could have gone over there and I could have met you a week later and then I could have stayed another week. And, like, we, that, there was a work around there. this was literally, this was a once in a lifetime. Once in a lifetime. Once in a lifetime, it will never happen again. And it was like, it was such the culmination of, of so, it was so many of my world's colliding. I mean, it was comedy, it was wrestling.

It was like the buttercream dream was made for this. And it was also like, and I don't want to be sappy here, but I've talked, I've talked to you maybe off mic about this. Like, just from a comedic perspective, this was. the one thing I have ever accomplished in my career that everyone that I know was on board with it. Everyone. Like, I'm a very, we are very polarizing people. I've got a lot of friends who disagree with us, but are still like, but I'm glad for everything you're doing.

I'm still proud of you. But this was one thing where it was like, not only do I love this in spite of all that. This is awesome. Like, everyone was cool with it. Everybody thought I had made it. This was something I could hang my hat on. and yeah, God bit me over

no grease fucked me straight up the butt. So no, there's nothing on or? No, nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. And yeah, at this point, the symptom that, like I woke up every morning feeling like dog shit, my throat was hurt, and then it would kind of level off

throughout the day because I jacked myself up on like caffeine and cratom because like, you know, the beauty and the positive and the negative of our job is that

A, we're our own boss, but also B, the work never stops. Like, you still got to get it done. Like, there's no, I can't like, I don't have PTO. You know what I mean? I got to do. I got shit. I got to do and I got to do it. But the positive of that is that I can, you know, I can just jack myself up on some caffeine

and do my shit. So I'd start feeling better throughout the day. But now, like, they were, they're not bullshit and dog when they tell you about that whole, like, out of breath thing. I thought that was going to be, like, highly exaggerated. Like in my mind, I was like, well, yeah, it's just because there's a bunch of FDDDH that are getting COVID, and they can't hardly breathe anyways. And like, I'm an in shape person now.

So, like, I'm not even worried about that. Dude, yesterday I woke up and I was like, I think I might be back, you know? And I went out in my yard and I had a cameo request to do. And I got about 30 seconds in. And now granted, this was full buttercream. He's amped up a little bit more. 30 seconds in, I started seeing stars and I about passed out in my fucking yard. And for like two hours after that, I was just laid on the couch thinking I,

I'm having a panic attack, but it's really just because I couldn't breathe. I couldn't catch my breath. And I'm still kind of like that right now. Yeah, that's, uh, that ain't it. Have you talked to people, um, about like, I totally understand if you've avoided it, but if you talk to like the people that, that were there and if they really been, you know, do they try to like, you know, like downplay it or are they all just like, dude, single greatest weekend of my life?

You can't, you can't even possibly. It was that. Imagine how incredible it was. God really fucked you up to buck because this was truly something that no human being should ever have missed. And he made you miss it. Like, is it? It's been a mixture of both. But like,

I will say this, like everyone that was on the roast team and like, you know, I'm fortunate enough to where like a lot of those dudes are like my legit in real life friends. You know, like Conrad's running the whole thing. Cassio was on the dais. My buddy Shulie was there.

All weekend. I was getting nothing but text of all of them taking pictures together. And it was always with like, buddy, we've missed you so much. Every fan that's come by to holler at us, the first thing they said was like, holy shit, man, I can't believe it about buttercream. And that made me feel really good. But it was bittersweet. And like, I didn't watch the roast.

Like, I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I almost did. Like, obviously they gave me a code for the free pay-per-view for the whole weekend. And I was like, man, I just the whole time. I don't even like watching a regular comedy show that I'm not booked on. You know what I mean? Because the whole time you're just kind of like, oh, if I was.

But I did see clips, and I gave all my jokes to my buddy Cassio, and I heard him pop off a few of mine, and they got a big response, which was like bittersweet, you know. But like, dude this morning, like, you know, Conrad Thompson literally had probably the biggest promotional weekend of the entire life. He called me this morning right when he woke up a check on me. So everybody was like super cool and filling me in on everything. but like, no, nobody was like rubbing it in, but like just by virtue of them saying anything, it felt that way, you know, but yeah, it was, right.

It was rough, man, but, hey, it's fine. Surely, truly to God, Rick Flair will have another last match, you know, before he dies, I'm sure. Well, what about, what about the match itself? Like, how did that go? It went great. I mean, I didn't, you know, Rick's obviously old and there was a, who did he, who did he, who Did he wrestle? It was Rick and his son-in-law Andrade versus Jeff Jarrett and Jay Lethal.

And the storyline that they built for months was that Jay Lethal, who used to wrestle in impact and him and Flair had sort of a rivalry on there. The storyline they set up was that Jay Lethal was the one that was training Rick for his comeback match, right? And then it comes down to it, and they're about to book the card. And Lethal is like expecting himself to be somewhere on the card, since he's trained Rick. And Rick basically lets him know like, hey, man, I'm sorry.

I appreciate you getting me back in shape, but you're an undercard guy at best. And this is like going to be the biggest match of the year. So no, you can't be on it. And so Jay, of course, ends up attacking Rick in a parking lot. And then, of course, they set it up to where it's like, okay, fuck it. You can be on the card. And you're going to face me, by God. But they tagged it with Jeff Jarrett and Jay Lethal versus Rick and Andrade.

and, of course, the reason you do a tag when someone's in their 70s is to give them a break, to have other people in there that can kind of mask the things that they can no longer do. So all in all, it went well. From what I hear, Jeff Jarrett was the star of the weekend, absolute heel heat, out the building performance of his career. All the undercard matches were great. They had the old Jim Crockett promotion set redesigns. Tony Chavani called it. It was just like the old days.

My buddy, Pondwater Dave, who is the real. reason that the buttercream dream exists, he's the one that sent me the belt, he got to referee the last match, and he did not know that was going to happen. Conrad, Conrad gave him the hot tag at the end and, and, and blew his mind. So it was really, really cool to see so many of my actual friends involved in it, and it, it went really well. Well, that's good. Yeah. Would have been better for you there, probably, but, you know, I was going to say I couldn't be happier with how it turned out for him, but I could have been a little bit happier. Yeah, God damn.

Well, we'll maybe talk about something else right after this. Yeah, well, hey, here's what I do want to talk about because I'm getting ready. Now, hopefully, now, Wednesday morning, I've got a test for COVID, by the way, before I get on plane. But I'm coming out to film 12 or 13 new episodes of putting on airs, which is our new podcast that we've plugged on here, but we haven't really talked about it. I always just take for granted or assume that, like, if you listen to this podcast, you know every other thing that we're doing, but I found out that that's not exactly the case because I posted an episode of putting on airs on your YouTube page

and check the comments. And there were so many people that were like, holy shit, I didn't know anything about this. And it was on the, it was on the well-read, I know it don't. I know it don't make no sense,

but it's not. The very first ever episode, the full episode was on my regular YouTube page. I posted multiple clips from the show of my YouTube page. Like, it's just people don't, There's just no rhyme or reason to what people know. It's just that people don't see things.

No, I know. And then like later they see other things, you know. And I don't know. Yeah, I'll always get annoyed by it, but I guess really it does make sense. It's like, it's not like, even if somebody's like, oh, I dig that guy. I like what he does. It's not like they're fucking, you know, they got a trade crowd on their phone. It's like, you know, keeps them up on every single thing I'm doing.

So, I mean, yeah, that's fair. really. Yeah, and like I've just had to understand it. Like, look, it's not for me to try to figure out why it is that people don't see things. It's just for me to understand that it does happen. So always be promoting, I guess. So for those of you that don't know, are we going to try having, we, was that a break

where I said right after this or is there, did we take a break already? Did we? Did you, when did you say that? You did? Yeah, okay. I said, well, it's funny. I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, said, okay, maybe we'll talk about something else right after this.

You go, yeah, tell what I won't. Oh, I didn't hear that. Okay. Yeah. I didn't hear the right. I was like, is he going to slide the break right there? Or I thought you were like, okay, right here, right after this. Phew.

Oh, damn it, I didn't do it. I did it. It's fine. Thank you. Okay. All right. I got COVID brain, dog. So before, yeah, just because you're talking about putting on airs,

I realized we didn't plug anything else, you can go to Trey Crows. Crouter.com and see my tour dates come see us. There'll be well-read dates coming up soon, too. Those will probably also be on Treycrouter.com and also well-readcom, because I don't know how else to handle that situation. So it'll be fine. Go Treycriter.com. Live me up on Patreon, watch weekly skews, other stuff.

Yeah, and go to Corey Wrightsfor-you.com and subscribe to my publication. I'm doing a new thing called Joke of the Day, where I tell a joke every day from someone last week or a couple days ago was Foxworthy today's was Minnie Pearl and I break it down comedically so that's pretty interesting and I'm having a lot of fun with it and everybody seems to be too so there you go but we also have a joint project putting on airs which again for those of you that don't know this was me and Trey's very first idea that we ever had a fucking what 12 years ago yeah and uh and it's finally a thing and it is my new favorite thing it's a podcast we're in two hillbilly dipshits, your boy,

Z, talk about fancy people culture and all the things they're in. Yeah, it does hit. Like, so far, so far, I try to do this thing on the show that I keep telling everybody I'm going to run out of eventually, but I try to draw a parallel

or see where the Venn diagram overlaps between fancy people and rednecks, and that might sound asinine to you until you start thinking about it, and there's actually a fair number, of things. In recent episodes, we've had, let's say, we've had wine, horses, dogs. This week is people having too many kids, right?

People having too many kids, people having somebody else take care of their kids. Jewry, that was one. Jury. Jury, yeah. Boats. Motorsports, watching people fight. Yeah, I don't remember. There's plenty more.

But before I started doing that, real early on, I was just going to cover random fancy people's subjects. So, like, one of them was about mummy dicks. If you didn't know that, not just their dicks, but just mommies in general, but it also includes their dicks. If you didn't know that mommies were fancy, they're not anymore, but they were real fancy for a while there.

So it's stuff like that. And in Corey, I still kind of think they're fancy. Yeah. It's the fancy as a dead thing. be in my opinion sure but they're not like they're not like hot in fancy world anymore you know no they're not hot in the fancy world but they had a moment and uh i do uh it's called history with professor chow where i talk about a human being or an event in british french fancy history yada yad

i'll be honestly it's been a lot of british uh but i did but i did talk about like Napoleon Bonaparte on one episode. This week, I think, is the Battle of Hastings. And also, I saw a lot of people comment on that particular video that they didn't understand why you called me Professor Cho, and they didn't understand what Cho meant. And again, I'm like, God damn, you talk about just well-mined earth there. Like, Cho, for those of you that still do not know, I'm the Cho. Cho stands for Chief Hitting Officer. Hitt stands for something that, like, It's 9-11 don't hit. Cheeseburgers do hit.

So I'm the person who facilitates the hits. And therefore, Professor Cho, pro-cho. That's why I'm, I feel inclined to add on to that, the true statement that the original, the origin of Cho was not just the chief hitting officer, but specifically the chief hitting officer at Trey Crowder Enterprises. where I was the president and CEO. That's true. That's the origin of it. It's since evolved far beyond that.

He's just the show in all things. But yeah, that goes back to the very early days. Very first week of touring. The well-rad tour, yeah. We were in Asheville. It was definitely Asheville for sure. God damn, back when I was still drinking hard too.

But yeah, so we do putting on airs. You can watch it at watch p.O.A. or you can just go to putting on airs.com and it's got all the links where you can find it wherever you get your podcast and we just ask that you give us a shot and if you like it, give us a five-star review. It's a lot of fun. It's my favorite thing that we've been doing for a while. Like I'm, I'm so looking forward again, hopefully testing negative on Wednesday morning because otherwise we're going to really have our fucking backs up against the wall. Yeah, dude. I haven't even wanted to bring that up because like, I mean, there's no reason to even think about it. It either is going to happen. or it's not going to happen. There's nothing we can do about it.

But it's the most fun thing that we've done in a while. Speaking for myself, obviously. But hey, speaking of other fun things, Trey, would you mind if I hit you with another segment here real quick? Yeah, of course I would. Florida man, Florida man hides his pills in his dip can.

Does some F, fucks a butt, drives his truck off into a rut. Look out. Here comes the Florida man. All right. Trey, you see that? I do.

Yes, I do. This week on Florida man, a Florida man crashes Walmart scooter into shelf drunk, driving after vodka found in basket. Look, we've all been there. Look at that guy. Is that, hold on. Is that the actual guy?

Or is that just, they just found FDD. Yeah, stop picture of an FDH motherfucker. in Walmart. I have to assume the latter, but God damn, if that's the real guy, Jesus Christ. Florida man was arrested Sunday after he allegedly drove a motorized scooter and crashed into the shelves of a Walmart store while drunk in Melbourne City southeast of Orlando. The 39-year-old, whose name has not been disclosed, of course, to protect the innocent, was driving a Walmart scooter with his open backpack sitting in the basket in which an open bottle of Smyranoff vodka

was spotted, according to a CBS affiliate. He is said to be unresponsive. when asked to show his ID and had to be carried to a patrol vehicle on a stretcher. Later, the scooter driver... If you get so goddamn drunk that, like, you can't talk. Like, you just slowly wreck your FDDH scooter into the fucking peanut butter aisle. Yeah, right. And just like, I've just pictured him just slowly drifted into it, knocking a few jars of peanut butter over, and then, like, they come and ask him,

You can't even talk. Go back up a little bit. You skipped a paragraph that I thought was good. Okay, my bad. Go up. Right about right there. Melbourne police said the offender had been swaying in the scooter and hitting shelves and almost ran over other customers in the aisles.

He was described by authorities as having glassy eyes and smelled like alcohol. I bet he was. Shoo, way. In closing, he ways. Bro, I mean, if it's that guy in. the picture, that's an easy, that's easy six bills. Maybe that is the dude. I just have to think that's a stock FDDH image.

For everybody that may have forgotten FDDH means fat, dumb, and don't hit. Anyway. But if dude, yeah, no, if that's him, yeah, he's pushing 500 pounds, I'd say. But I'm just, in my head, I'm assuming they just found another picture. Yeah, right. Let's just reuse this one. Yeah. The closing of the article says,

Just last week, another man in Florida was arrested for attempting to break into the Patrick Space force base using a stolen car to warn the government that there was U.S. aliens fighting with Chinese dragons. We got our own aliens? Yeah, I think so. How do they Americans and aliens at the same time? It doesn't make any goddamn sense. Chinese dragons, sure. Yeah, right, of course. Right, nothing further needs to be said.

these dragons. We all know about those. I didn't know they had beef with the aliens, let alone our personal aliens. I don't want any kind of diplomatic, you know, kerfuffle to come from our aliens fighting, getting into it with their dragons. But so if they're USA aliens. I will, but okay. So if what's the place in Nevada? Roswell.

So if we. Area 51 is, so there's Roswells in New Mexico. You said Nevada. My bad. Same thing. Sure. It's all, yeah, desert. I think I know where you're going with this because I was just thinking the same thing. But go ahead.

Yeah, like if those aliens, if there really was aliens then, by now they're probably U.S. citizens. Sure. And those are American aliens. You're right. If those aliens crash there and they've been living in that bunker and, you know, they might even had alien babies. Those alien babies, they would be like natural born American. Grandfathered in. Yes, they would.

So it might not be It might not be them is their kids those are the American aliens yeah Right so I mean and they might have just gotten they might have assimilated by now You know they might have like really Dug in on the culture they might have their own motorized scooters and fucking skull shirts and stuff I just almost be wild if aliens went into that like you know what I mean Like aliens came to America and ended up being like that yes you know like the Walmart type. They're like, this is what hits.

It's being that way. I just almost pitched you the show's third rock from the sun. Yeah. You know, shit like that. I mean, it's like, it's sort of, this is kind of the premise of District 9 a little barely. It's like a, it's like a part of the setup for District 9, but it's like, it's possible that it could be like the equivalent of like a Greyhound bus.

of aliens. Even from a super advanced species, you know, not disparaging the good people at Greyhound or their customers and clientele, but you know what I mean? Fucking trash. The FDDH enterprise is over at.

But I'm, you know what I mean? They're like, however advanced their society is maybe it's like the, it's the, you know, it's the carnival cruise line of, of their society.

And so they're like the FDDH of fucking, you know, Zylon Sector 4 or wherever to fuck these people come from. These aliens come from. And that's funny to think about, too. I was about to say, the Walmart Florida man of some civilization coming here as aliens,

and they get off and they're just like, smell that, smell that, you know, whatever. With a little gray finger. Yeah, right. That's funny. It is funny. Is he ever done that? That's a funny.

That's a funny at, least sketch idea. I think about that all the time because like... Isn't there Saturday Night Live sketch about that? Where... They made her pee in a bowl. Yeah, right. They were just weird.

They were just weird. Yeah, yeah. The whole thing was like that she had it. The whole contention of the sketch was that she had a different experience with the aliens than Ryan Gosling did. Whereas he was like, it felt like I was wrapped in a blanket of love. And she's like, yeah, I wasn't my experience. They had me with just my shirt on and no panties full porky pigging it over.

there peeing into a bowl and they just kept tapping at the bowl and then they were uh they were they were uh, what was you said? She goes, they had my knockers and they were, uh, they were flailing them about like this and they're like, oh, was that some sort of an experiment? She goes, nah, it seemed pretty off book. I'm not going to like that. That's a great fucking sketch. But I thought about that before too, because like in all movies, anytime we encounter aliens, they're always like supreme to us and like all aliens are super intelligent. And I'm like, look, if we really do have infinite galaxies. I'm not saying that you couldn't make a strong case for us being the dumbest motherfuckers

out there, but it stands to reason that there are equally as dumb people as us or even dumber, like caveman aliens. Probably not. Well, yeah, I think that those statistically just numbers. That shit definitely exists and probably countless numbers of them. But, um,

but like the more, those civilizations will likely not have, the capacity to contact us or communicate with us or anything like that. But like I just think that even the ones who do, if they're just really old, like a really old civilization that's like developed that technology or been given that technology by more advanced other civilization that they encountered, you know, like there's a way for dumbasses to get a hold of a spaceship,

I feel like, which is a funny premise for a movie or a movie or a spaceship. show or a sketch or something. It's probably got to be some version of it. It's like I've been in District 9, the spaceship shows up and then it breaks down and they become refugees and stuff because that ship was just filled with like the poor tenement workers of that society. Like it was just, you know, the equivalent of like, you know, the, like, I don't think

they were homeless, but you know what I mean? It was like, right, blue collar poverty stricken members of that society, as I recall, which is why they got here and struggled and shit instead of just eradicating everybody. Something like that. Anyway, but a funny version of that, that idea hits for me. That idea does hit for me. I'm sure somebody's going to hear this and we'll see it in a couple months.

Yeah. Well, anyway. Hey, that was this week's Florida man. Florida man, Florida man hides his pills in his dip can. Does some F fucks a butt, drives his truck off into a rut. Look out. Here comes the Florida Man. You know that Florida Man song is probably the most proud I've ever been of anything I've ever done creatively.

Yeah, I totally buy that. Mm-hmm. It does hit. Thank you. How are you just Googling Florida Man every week? Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's surprisingly pretty easy.

Pretty easy, yeah. Yeah, they're eat up with it, son. It said he got charged with drunk driving, right? So I knew you, I've heard of that happening on a bicycle. I didn't know that that could happen on a, on the FDDH scooter and inside. I mean, I feel like, I don't know. I guess if he run over a mammall, knocked the mammall into a bare pyramid or something,

that could do some damage, you know. Because in my head, I was thinking, like, dude, then things, how much, like, how fast do they go? Especially when they got that guy on them. 500 pounds, weighing them down. Yeah, right. At least 500 pounds. All that just made me re-appreciate the structure.

integrity and engineering, you know, innovation of those items, though. Well, that's the first thing they had to think about. They're little, right? They're not, they're not very big. I've seen big ass motherfuckers get into a car. Yeah, right. And it nearly scraped the ground. Yeah.

Like, yeah, that's true. That's true. You get to end up on the same side of the car. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it looks like a fucking 90s low rider, buddy, from Long Beach or some shit. And it's funny. You're right.

It's funny. But those little fucking scooters, like, just, you know, they stand up to it. They hold up. I mean, it's like you said, it's like their express purpose, but still. I would love to see a sketch of the crash test dummy things that they have to do for one of those scooters where it's like, it takes like five minutes because it's going four miles an hour and the crash test dummy is just 700 pounds. And it's going into a Cheetah. all. Right.

I mean. Because that's what's going to happen. Or a mammoth's leg, as you said, another crash test dummy that's dressed up like a mammal with an oxygen tank. That'd be interesting. Because you're right, man. Now that I'm thinking about it, like, I've got buddies who aren't even as FDDDH as that FDDH dude.

And I've seen them get into a Ford Ranger. And the Ford Ranger is literally tilted sideways. Yeah. It's pretty rascal, man. They're, uh, they're doing it. it's a good quality product. It is. I wonder at what point, do you think they existed like, I mean, we could look this up, I'm sure, but like, boo, boo.

Do you think they, like, it started as old people presumably, right? Right. And they, you know, everybody gets old and old people need a way to get around. But there's no way you could just take that base model Mammal scooter and apply it to the FDDDH market, right? So at some point, they had to look around and be like, you know what? There's a lot of money in the FDDH market. I don't know if y'all been to Walmart lately. But we are eat up with these motherfuckers.

I tell you right now, walking does not hit for them. Like, I feel like, I feel like if we could offer them the opportunity to not walk. Yeah. I think we can, there's definitely something there. But the shocks we have on the Mammaw Mobile, I don't think they're going to hold up. No. So we need some sort of diesel FDDH mobile. You got me because, I mean, clearly, they clearly did it, man.

Yeah. It's wild to, like, also, I mean, they make money selling them to Walmart, but the FDDHs don't have to pay for them, you know. Well, I'm sure that they all have their own. no dude well I mean a lot of them do a lot of them do but

at Walmart they have them there you know yeah yeah that's true and so it also means Walmart at one point had like a meeting

that was like listen we got a problem we got we got a lot of FD8 I ain't even coming in here anymore because how much walking they got to do and so

we're going to have to come up with something And then the, you know, rascal scooter company was like, well, do we have a product for you, Walmart? And somebody in Walmart boardroom at some point was like, are we really going to, you know, spend this money on these fucking FDDH bow bills? And it was like, you know. We can't afford not to. They can't afford to lose them, buddy. Who, we. Man, you're right, dude.

You are fucking right. I have seen them motherfucker again, just like that picture that we saw, which I, It's still inconclusive whether that is the actual Florida man in question or not. But just like that picture we saw, I've seen them spilling out both sides of these mothers. Just, just spilling. Out both sides. Or as my uncle would say, wedge ass in there.

And wedge ass in there. And the scooter itself fucking just keeps on trucking, dude. Yeah, not even making skid marks. No, it don't. It don't scrape the floor. And they're not that. high off the floor to begin with. It really, those things are engineering marvels.

I've never, I've never in my life appreciated this fact until right now. But like, and Elon Musk is making cars that are falling apart. And it's like, well, at least they fart when you honk the horn. You know what I mean? Like, get with the rascal people. That's the future of cars. And they're electric. They're good for the environment.

Like, yeah, I'm with you, man. Look to the FDDH, my friend. Look to the FDDH. I can't remember. I don't know if anybody else will have seen this, and I don't know if it's funny if you haven't seen it and remember it. But I remember when I was a kid, there was another brand of those scooters marketed to old people called hover round. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There was a, I'm going to the Grand Canyon. Exactly. Exactly. And at the end of that same commercial, I believe, if I recall, they had a bunch of old ladies lined up on the side of the Grand Canyon, which is like sort of funny anyway. So it's like, I don't know if I do that. that. You know, like, people have definitely rode those off cliffs and stuff. Of course. Didn't the guy who invented the Segway?

Segway. Ride it off a cliff. Yeah. Yeah. You'll have that, evidently. You will have that. Anyway, they put a bunch of mammals in these motorized wheelchairs beside the Grand Canyon. And then it was just always funny to me because I remember to be like,

what company brought you ladies to the Grand Canyon? And then they just go like this. Yeah. And hover around. And it's like clearly 30 to 40 year old women's voices like pop up. It's like hover round. And like they're not even. It's just old women like.

Taking their last breath. Yeah. It's always really cracked me up because it was just like it was so obvious. Dude, that was the commercial man for that time slot back in the day. Like it came on like. at night, it was like, when I'd watch Comedy Central, it was either Girls Gone Wild or the hover around commercial. Those are the only two.

And I was, you know, 10 years old, so I couldn't get neither one of them, which didn't hit. But yeah, goddamn, I remember them commercials. That's a weird advertising overlap right there. Yeah, really. Like, you want to see some tetties or can your grandma not walk? Those are our two primary markets. people that just want to fucking stare at titties all day, but also people who need to care for their elderly family members.

And it's like, that's just the far ends of the spectrum right there. Sure is. But not that, look, you could care for your elderly family members and also want to see tities, but not like degenerate titty seers. Right. And those were the most degenerate titty seers.

The girls gone wild folks. Well, my God. Speaking of advertising, let's take care of some of our bills, and we'll be back right after this. So I had another thing I was going to ask you about because I think actually I'm putting on errors in one of our segments I'm putting on theirs. They clear in the air segments, I believe that's where it was. We got to talk about we got into that old Toby Keith song. I wish I didn't know now. Oh, man.

What I didn't know then. When you told me you were going to talk about Toby Keith, I didn't expect it to be. I had the booting your ass clip skewed up and it didn't work. Well, it's actually kind of both. Because I just wanted to say, like, Toby, you know, we used to do Bubba till grew set and all. We might do this.

Why do we do that? Yeah. So, anyway. So we've like, the people love it? Nah. No, that ain't it.

We've talked about, we've talked about Toby Keith recently. We talked about that story that made up story. Ethan Hawke, like Toby Keith has come up. And I guess I was just thinking, like, just sort of settle it. Like, where do you, where does he ultimately land on the sort of spectrum for, for you of, you know, hits, don't hit, right?

And I thought we'd, like, let me, let's just, I'm going to read off just a couple of his, you know, his songs over the years. Do you want me to, do you want me to go ahead and give you my opinion and see if you change it with how many, All the songs. Yeah. Yeah.

Because for me, he more hits for me than don't hit. Right. Like, I think I agree with you. But not like, not at a, not to a huge degree. No, but he more, but he leans more in the scale. The scale, yeah, is leant, is skewed a little more towards hits than don't hit. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not ashamed to say it. Right. Yeah. I mean, I agree with you. But it's also like, it's weird with guys like this because, you know, his early career is entirely does hit. Oh, right? Super hits. Super hits.

I mean, like, we're the best of the 90s. His later careers mostly don't hit. But you can just not listen to it. You know what I mean? That's what's what people normally do. Like, that's true for almost every major artist in the fucking world. Dude, Orson Wales put out a bunch of bullshit after Citizen Kane doesn't mean Citizen Kane didn't happen. It's just that most of the time people just kind of stop caring about their new stuff and only acknowledge their old stuff.

But that's not what happened with Toby Keith, though, because like he remained relevant. He had this like shift towards the fucking rabble rousing. And that kicked him into a new gear at a different stage of his career. So he was like a superstar throughout that whole period. And the first period, the first TK period super hit, second TK period did not hit. And by the way, it's literally pre and post 9-11. Yeah, 9-11 is the thing that, yeah, right. It's the catalyst for change.

So, like, you can look to one date. It's pre-9-11 Toby Keith and post-9-11 Toby Keith. That's, yeah, that's so true. And what's crazy is there's been more post-9-11 Toby Keith than pre-9-11 Toby Keith, which is crazy. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. That is true. But do some of these like,

let me read you some of these. You tell me if you know them right off the top of your head. You know, we already said, so obviously he should have been a cowboy. It was the very first one, number one. It's so wild that his very first one still the hitting this one.

Bangor to me. I know, you know, a little less talking, a lot more action. Love it. And wish I didn't know now. We already talked about that one.

What about he ain't worth missing? You know that song? Oh, ain't worth missing. Oh, you should be kissing. That's all I know of it. But yeah, I love that song. You got it.

Let's see. Who's that man? We talked about that one. Oh, boy. That's a heartbreaker. That song is, yeah, that's kind of like. It's about a divorce. Yeah, that fucking who's that man run in my life or living my life or whatever it is.

It's like, I don't even, I kind of don't even want to fuck with that song anymore. Yeah. But that's a good song. It doesn't. It doesn't. It is a good song. song. You're right. Yeah. Uh, you ain't much fun. That's, uh, since I stopped drinking. It's a great. It's a great. True. It's great and true. Upstairs. You know that one?

I don't know about it. I may, I may have heard it, but I didn't ring a bell immediately. Big old truck. No, but I bet that one don't hit for me. Let's see here. Does that blue moon ever shine on you? No, but that sounds like it hits. Mm-hmm. A woman's touch. Not down head. Me too, which became his third number one head. I bet we'd both know that one if we heard it. You know it off top of your head?

Me too. So this is old Toby Key. So it's not about the Twitter movement. No, no, it's 97. It's pre-9-11. Then I bet it if it's pre-9-11, I bet it hits. Right. Okay.

Let's see. And then in 1999, that was, how do you like me now? I love that song when it comes. came out, but since I listened. I mean, and for the record, rhythmically and like it being catchy, I still do like it, but I no longer think of the man in that song as a hero.

He's not. He's weird. It's a guy, for those of you that don't know, the song, How Do You Like Me Now is basically a guy who maybe in high school he wasn't as popular. It's autobiographical about Toby Keith. And then later he goes on to achieve star status. And it's basically him talking about this girl who would never date him in high school. and now it's like, well, how do you like me now, now that I'm big and popular and stuff?

But even in the song, it's basically like, why do you think this girl ever owed you anything? Like, you were kind of a jerk to her. And it's just one of those classic male narratives of like assuming that if a girl doesn't want to date you that she's a bitch or a lesbian or something's wrong with her. So on that note, have you ever heard how it brought to your attention? I've seen it pop up on the internet and stuff before. Do you know the song Get Out of My Car by him? No, but it hits. Pre-9-11 or post-9-11?

No, 2010. Oh, well, post-9-11. But everything you just said about, how do you like me now? Because I also, that song used to hit for me, but again, it's like one of those in retrospect. I agree with everything you said. But so keeping in mind everything you said about how do you like me now, I'm going to read you the lyrics to get out of my car at least up until the end of the first chorus. girl you drank all my beer and the whiskey's all gone i'm sitting here ready to get it on you got me thinking you won't

you got me thinking you might but it's three o'clock in the morning and i can't beat around the bush all night we've already kissed we've already danced you're wondering if you ought to put on your shoes or pull down your pants parentheses come on pull down your pants Hang on. What would it hurt? Pull off that shirt. Babe, we've already come this far.

Get out of your clothes or get out of my car. Baby, it's cold outside. That's pretty rough, man. Either with them teddy's out or get the fuck out of here, bitch. You walk home. I don't give a fuck. That is such a seventh.

It again, 2010. I know. I was about to say he's a grown man at this point. Like, I'm not saying you could ever justify that, but like, if you hear a 20-year-old singing that shit, it's like, look, I'm not saying it's a good look, but like you're thinking with your dick, whatever. You're a grown man. Like, come on, dog. Like, again, and that's also a perfect example of a song that when I was 20, I would have been like, hell yeah, ass, gas or grass, bitch, get the fuck on. You know what I mean?

Right. That's pretty rough. That's pretty rough. So, but again, post 9-11, I don't know what to tell you. So he had an album that came out in August of 2001, right? Ooh. Right pre-9-11. Pull My Chain, it was called.

That album's three singles. I'm just talking about tonight. Yeah, I like that song. I want to talk about me. I want to talk about my one. I want to talk about number one. I like that song too. It's, yeah.

That song is a anthem. It's kind of goofy, but I like it's goofy, but it's an anthem for men that are just like, hey listen, here's all the... Shut up. But it's like all the... At that point in country music, it was all like, you know, take care of your lady, she's a crime. And basically it was Toby Keith reclaiming.

It's like, hey, I have needs too. And these societal gender norms shouldn't just apply to women. I need to be taken care of. I'm just as much a part of this relationship as you are. At a certain point, maybe I want you to cook me dinner. How about you take me out on a date? Why don't you tell me I look pretty? Well, I agree.

You know who else? You know who co-wrote that with him? Who? Jamie Johnson. Bobby Braddock. Nice. Who I was informed once upon a time wanted to come on Bubba. Well, it was unclear.

It was unclear to me whether he wanted to come on Bubba to call us queers or, you know, because like we hit. Either way would have hit. Yeah, no, I agree. No, I mean, the person I heard it from, I don't think it would have, you know, come up if we didn't hit for him. Although that's where it ended and never heard nothing else. And yeah, now Bubba's dead. Anyway, maybe one day. Anyway, all the singles from that album that came out right before 9-11,

they all went to number one, right? Then 9-11 happens. In 2002, he releases the album Unleashed. The first single off of it was courtesy of the red, white, and blue, parenthetical, the angry American, which I had forgot that that was part of the actual title. But we all know that one, booting your ass. It's the American way.

And that sort of kicked off the, you know, jingoistic fucking eagle flag stage of Toby Kee. You wear that shirt on purpose? No, I just was rocking it already. But, yeah, but it does seem appropriate of Toby Kee's career, followed up by his eight studio album, Shocking Y'all, which was a pun on the military term, shock and all. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and I had American soldier on it, the Taliban song. I don't know if I know the Taliban song.

Yeah, well, I imagine it's not, you know, great. I'll see here. Anyway. For the record, we do not side with the Taliban. Taliban don't hit. No, Taliban don't hit. Okay. Just putting it out there.

This is a cover, I'm pretty sure. Remember this came up? No, the Taliban, isn't it? Like, the Taliban, man. No, it. God damn it, man. Who can take a pipe bomb? No, no, no.

Who were the parody country guys from our childhood? Pinko and Bowerd. Is it pink? What is it? Bowerd and Pinkerton, Pinkerton, Bowden. Pinkerton Bowden or something like that? Something like that, yeah. Look, I'm like Pinkard and Bowden, I think.

Pinkard and Bowden, yeah. It's some form of pink. Yeah. I feel like these dudes had a... I've just... Here's what I was remembering from... They had a song called Libyan on a jet plane. I'm Libyan on a jet plane.

Was it that? Was it really that? Yeah, of course it was that. What else would it be? Well, I don't know. The Taliban man wasn't actually a parody of candy man. No, I know. I don't know. I knew they had something like sort of Taliban adjacent.

And I would be anyway, no, I guess that was the Toby Keith original. Anyway, he really went real far down that particular rabbit hole and then stopped hitting for me. And I remember reading an article in Rolling Stone, I believe it was, a long time ago. right when all that started. And the whole article was entirely about him being a registered Democrat, right? Because it was like, you wouldn't expect it because of what he's been doing lately. But Toby Keith is a lifelong Democrat. And it was him admitting in the article that he had been a lifelong Democrat, but then being like, but they don't hit for me neither, which was like that, you know, that's fine.

Of course. But anyway, that's why, you know, I've told the story before the last time I was in the honky toss on Broadway, I got kicked out for screaming. that repeatedly that he was a registered Democrat or whatever. That's where I got that from. He's clearly not anymore. But I just, you know, again, pre-9-11 Toby Keith, super duper hit. Unassailable. So I was just wondering where you, like how you, you know, assessed the entirety of his

au revoir at this, at this juncture, you know. He still mainly hits for me. Like, because, again, I don't, I don't fall into that. category of people, and it's fine if you're like this, that thinks that old, like when you do something new that sucks, that it takes away from the old thing. Like, you know, all the people who like, like, when they did a dumb and dumb or two, they're like, oh, they're ruining the dumb and dumber. How? I don't understand how. Dumb and dumber still exists. Like, that movie still exists. It's like, even if they retconned a bunch of stuff in dumb and number two, just

watch the first one, if that's the thing that you like. And with Toby Keith, like, all that shit, it's not like him making any of this music makes all that go away. I just go, there's a pre, you know, 9-11 Toby Keith, and that's who I like, and I still like the shit. Like, I know people that are like, oh, I can't even listen to the old stuff that I used to like because of how he is now. I find that to be insane. Now, you can't help how you feel. If listening to Toby Keith literally disgust you, I could see how it affects that. That's not me. I can separate, like I could, dude, I still watch fucking Chris Binwam matches. you know what I mean?

Like, it's just, that's not taken away from that summer slam. You know what I mean? So that's just me. And I think that overall, Toby Keith still hits just because of like, that's a hell of the first half of your career, man. I agree. Toby Keith does still hit. So were you wanting to read a couple of emails?

Yeah, I was wanting to read a couple. I think we probably got time for that. Yeah. Probably just enough time for that. Two emails here. You can email us at well-read pod. at gmail.com. This is from Chad Rydale. The subject line is

sorry, bro, I'm out of breath. The subject line is redneck names. One of the most infamous local legends is a member of the Mighty Massey clan whose generations of offspring have continued to populate the same geographical region lovingly known as Masseyville.

I guess his parents had run out of good Christian names as they named their last born son Justin Other Massey. What? His name was Justin Other Massey, so he's just another Massey. No way. That's what, that's what Chad says here.

That's a wild shit right there, just another Massey. Keep him. God, damn, dude. How do you grow up with that, like, you know, he's just another Macy? I mean, zero expectations, I guess. Exactly. No pressure. Pretty perfect.

Thank you, Chad. And then one more here that we got time for. This is from Andy Hess. Brother. Subject line also Redneck family names. My dad's family has a few good names. His brother was named Teddy Levern Hess. His legal name was Teddy, not a nickname.

Oh, so it wasn't like Theodore. His name was just Teddy. He had an aunt name. Oh, okay. Thank God he put the pronunciation here. Bunee. An aunt, beauny. Yeah.

Her legal. Muni. Yeah. That's good. Her legal name was Buna Vista, Bune Vista straight. Like Buna Vista. Bune Vista straight. Wait, are they in Texas?

Did he say? He doesn't say here. There's a Buena Vista Street. I bet that's what it is. Right down the road for me in Burbank. Because that's like, you know, Spanish. That's very common. I think Spanish name replaced.

But I wouldn't, but so if they're in Texas, then I could see where the Spanish comes up, but it's still funny to have a redneck aunt named Bunee Vista. Bune Vista. Yeah, Buneista Straight. He also had an Uncle William Strait. Yeah, like George Strait. Again, I lived two blocks from Buena Vista Street. Right, yeah.

And we're talking about Buni Vista Strait. Yep. It's weird. He also had an Uncle William Strait and he went by D.D. I haven't gotten another explanation as to where the nickname came from. That is from Andy Hess. We appreciate all those emails over at Will Vod. One of Andy's name is just Andy, as opposed to Andrew or whatever.

Andrew, yeah, maybe. Because Katie, Katie's name is not Catherine or anything like that. Her name is just Katie. My dad's name was Terry. It wasn't Terrence or anything. It's just Terry. So I've seen, I've known some, pretty sure I've known some Dustys who were not Dustin's. They were just Dusty.

I've got a Dusty that's just, that's just, uh, yeah. So, you know, you run into that. So I guess sometimes rednecks are like, ah, why I bait around the bus, you know, like, you know, we know what we're going to call him. Let's just call him. Right. Yeah, right. Well,

give him some uppity name. Shit. Well, that's been this week's Well-Red podcast. I assume Drew will be back next week reporting from the Meow Wolf. But until then,

thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week, if you got nothing to do. Thank you. God bless you.

Good night and skew. Welcome back to putting on airs. Hello and welcome back to the podcast about old fancy things provided to you by two men who are not fancy. Hello, Trey. Two least fancy people on planet Earth. What is that accent I just did? Just, I think just drunk, a duke. A drunk dude.

That's always like my goat. Bring me. It just sounds. Yeah, you don't even have to say words. It's just like, I would definitely be able to know if someone was British by the way they came. By Joe. Bring in someone to clean this.