wellRED podcast - #291 - Real Life Superpowers!

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

This week Trae and Corey go over a list of people born with a little something extra! Some of em have strong teeth, some of em have a strong mind! Go to PartTimeFunnyMan.com to subscribe to Corey's new stuff! If you cant afford it, email [e-mail] and he'll comp you!TraeCrowder.com for tickets to see Trae and to see ALL OF US next week in Raleigh!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie. I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say.

Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low main? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better.

And it's called Rocket. money. Rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want any more, Rocket Money will help you cancel it. Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

Rocket money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features. I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. And I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practice.

practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one I'd said it before, but I had a, I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friends' faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got, I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies, you know, those weren't a little like the cue ball looking twin fellas. Yeah. So that was that in response to? What was that reply I give for just when I did something stupid. Something fat and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for

it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com slash well read today. That's rocketmoney.com slash well, RED. Rocketmoney.com slash well read. And we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. They're the, they're the, they're the bear rednecks.

They like cornbread, but sex. They care way too much, but don't give a fun. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people upset. said they got three big old dicks that you can suck. Drew dead. Drew is dead. Rest in peace, Drew. He joins producer Bryce in Valhalla.

Yeah, I don't know. We don't, either one of us know what Drew's doing, right? Zero idea. He just said, fuck that, I ain't coming. Yeah, pretty much. Corey asked if we were going to record our usual time, and I said I was a shooting something at that time. and that I needed to do the next day.

And then Drew was like, well, I can't do the next day. And so, yeah, so there's no Drew today. I'm going to go down to the park and scream at kids that time. Because obviously we prioritize me over Drew because, you know, we know what the people want. And it was an obvious decision. But 100%. Yeah. No, I don't know.

Are you out there running naked somewhere or some such? I hope to say. Yeah. Yeah, probably. I mean, it probably is some sort of like, I feel like, I feel like every time he's ever missed a show, it was never for any other reason other than like, there's a hippie motorcycle festival, you know,

or some shit like that. So yeah, it's, it's some such. I got, hey, well, I did a basketball game again. And then me and you would go,

what did you do? Yeah, made fun of Jesus at the YMCA. Oh, God. Yeah. You going to plug your shit? Yeah, that's what I was about to do. Go to traycrouter.com, get tickets to see me live.

I've got tickets for everything on there, meaning I'm doing solo shows, but we're also doing well-read shows, which we have our first ones in a while next week at the wonderful Good Nights Comedy Club in Riley, North Carolina. October 6 through 8, everybody. This coming weekend, October 2nd,

I'll be at Bricktown in Oklahoma City. So come and see me, Now, a bunch of stuff coming up after that, we're in the process of adding a whole bunch more, both solo and well-read dates going into 2023. So go to tracruder.com. If I'm not coming near you or you don't want to see a live show or whatever, but you would like to support your boy and get a little extra Trey Crowder stuff in your life. You can go to patreon.com slash Trey Crowder and check me out.

The last two things I'll plug, watch weekly skews at live every Tuesday, as it were, at 5 p.m. Pacific time on all my social media. channels or you can watch it any time of the week after that with me and smart mark aegee and i'll let show plug uh the other wonderful podcast that i do because i'm done for now yeah yeah as as tray said together we're going to be uh in raleigh north carolina october 6 through 8 at good nights i'm super pumped about that and then as always all you nashvillians know christmas time uh the week before christmas or whatever is our well-read christmas shows our home-coming Celebration, go to well-read comedy.com for those tickets.

As for me, if you want to support me in other ways, because I'm not touring as much, you can go to part-time funnyman.com. That's my sort of Patreon thing, because I'm going to be taking a lot of time off the road next year on account of I'm having a child. And we just found out that my wife is pregnant. So you can support me over at part-time funnyman.com. You get essays, audio stories, bonus podcast. bonus videos, all sorts of good stuff. And that's where I'm going to be the most active as I stay at home and try to raise our child. And also, me and Trey's awesome show, or hit show, the number one, this is real.

This is real. It's the number one podcast in America hosted by two hillbilly idiots talking about fancy things. It's putting on airs. It's a record-breaking show. So check that out. And like I said, part-time funnyman.com. You want to follow along to my journey of being a dad. That's what you're going to be covering on there primarily?

Oh, not probably. You just write about your life. Yeah, I write about my life. Yeah, I just have to assume. Because, like, you know, even though I said, like, somebody's knocking at my door, hold on, God damn it. Can't be important.

I'm just going to keep talking. You won't have to cut this out. I'm curious. I wonder if you guys are curious. And I know Drew kind of brought it up last week, but he, you know, he used to have Corey Wrights for you. And I'm sure that just redirects to, A part-time funny man, but I wonder why he changed it.

But I'm not going to actually ask him, and we'll just, he's back now. Who was that? Bug man. Uh-huh. Yeah. What did you tell him? Bug off. The man who, we've gone through this on putting on theirs, actually.

It's not my guy. I'm going to call when I need some bugs. It's the man who is going to make sure they don't creep around my house. You know what I'm saying? I got a thing I want to talk about, but first is just a smaller thing real quick. I just think maybe some people might appreciate is. You know, sports gambling is legal now in America. Well, not everywhere.

Well, right. Yeah, but like there's like NFL's got official brand partners with gambling websites and stuff, which dude is so, it's so shady. Like, because every time the refs have always been kind of garbage, but any time a really garbage call happens, it lets the team get back into it or impacts the over or the spread or whatever. Now people are going to be like, you know, like it's rich. Like, even if it's not, everybody's going to think that because of the business relationships they have.

So I don't know if it's smart punt. Yeah, right. Any of that. But there was, like, there's egregious non-calls in the Cowboys Giants game last night that sort of kept the game close. And it's like, maybe the NFL just wants games to be interesting. And that's all it is. Or it's like, what's the spread, you know, anyway, whatever. But so I do, I know you do too.

I do a little bit of sports betting. but I'm, I would say among the very worst at it on the planet. And I just want to let everybody know about my new system, right? Because maybe people will find it humorous. We'll go see how far it goes. If it gets too bad, I'll have to cut it off. But I don't know, you never know. I might be onto something here.

So I, first week, I only ever bet on football because I'm not into other sports enough to know how to bet on them. You know what I mean? Mark told me last year that NBA overs were free money, so I just started betting NBA overs on games. I didn't even watch or know what was going on. And it weren't free money. But anyway.

Dude, betting the under's were for a while. Mark let me on that tip at the beginning. Oh, maybe it might have been unders. I probably said it wrong. Yeah, at the beginning of the NBA season last year, there was some new rule implemented in like, these stat gurus were like, hey, games, people aren't going to be scoring as many points

until they get used to this. And, yeah, I just bet the under, like, on a lot of things and won a lot of money. And, of course, it and Vegas corrected itself. But, yeah, that's probably what that was. That is what that was. Yeah, it was the same thing. So I only bet on football.

So in week one, the NFL season, I lost, like, I'm not kidding, literally every bet that I made and lost by the end of Monday night football week. one I had lost like $300 or something like that. Yeah. So, and normally my rule is I take a chunk of money. I put it in an account and when it's gone, I'm just done for the year.

Yeah. But I was like, but I was like, God damn, I can't be done after week one. That just super down hit. Yeah, right. So I put another 200 in there for like week two and I lost some more, but not all of it. Are you betting all 200 of at a time? Now, the first week, by the end of it, of week one because I kept losing and trying to get it back.

I had been lost all $300. Yeah, right. Week two, I'd put $200 more in and I lost about half of it by the time the week was over just because I didn't bet at all. But I had lost pretty much everything again. So coming into week three, I had said that I was like, I was going to pick the bets that I wanted to make. But then when I got to the bet slip, I was going to change them all to the opposite.

thing. Yeah, I was going to choose what I actually thought was the thing to do, but before I made the bet, I was going to switch it to the exact opposite and place that bet. And I just started that this week. And so far, it's six out of eight for an 80% hit rate. Which is amazing. It's amazing. It's incredible.

It's like, but I'm like some kind of anti-savant, you know what I mean? But if it keeps working and shit, I'd start like a blog and everything else. But I don't know if the idea would be like, you know, I give my picks and then everybody knows to do the opposite. Yeah. Or if I like, yeah, I think it happens. Yeah. Yeah. That's more interesting.

Do you think, though, that it, like, your mentality is going to change and you're going to get kind of fucked up in your head? Well, that's why I didn't want to. I had had that thought before, but I was like, I was like, I don't know if you can. possibly do that because I think even if it's subconsciously I'll be in there trying to like I'll be like oh yeah that's the play when really it's like I'm just trying to get myself to do the opposite because I want to I want to bet the other thing so I just try to front like I believe but dude the other day I bet on like doing the opposite I bet on like the fucking falcons and the jags and shit like so like it was those were legitimately the opposite I would never

I bet on those. But they both hit, you know. And I don't remember what the other ones were, but I went one for one last night because I, it was a, I know a lot of people don't give a shit about football or sport or a betting, but we'll move on after this. But it was the over under was 38 and the fucking quarterbacks were Daniel Jones and Cooper Rush in the Cowboys Giants game.

So I wanted the under, but I took the over. I wanted the Cowboys and I took the Giants, the Giants lost, but the overhit. So I won't one for them last night. But anyway. So you're not doing. You know, like, are you doing, you do it exclusively spread or do you ever bet Moneyline? Uh, I mean, I've done Moneyline before, but, um, so far this year it's been spread stuff.

Yeah, usually if I'm super confident, I'll, I'll put, like, if I'm, you know, if I put 50 on the spread, but I'm super confident, I'm like, well, let me put 50 on a money line too. And that's real fun when they get beat. Yeah. You know, that's a, so maybe I, maybe I should, maybe I should do the opposite. I was like when I first started sports betting it was like anything in my life I was just insanely lucky and then and then like I think what happened is then I started think I started thinking I was good and then I started really thinking about the bets too much and that's the problem because at first I wasn't thinking anything at all and so yeah man there's a we should be sponsored by sports

gambling people yeah pissing out that we're not what we're not we ain't broly enough or something too gay for the sports bad in the world. Not macho enough. We can bet on horses. That's gay. Yeah, we've done that before. But yeah, I'm one of the, I've got like, oh, this is here we go.

This is a segue. I've got an almost supernatural gift for being terrible at betting on sports. Like, it's almost an inverse superpower, which is something I want to talk to you about. People that have like superpowers in real life, because you're a big comic book nerd. You love superpowers. You love them so much. Off the top of your head, I've looked up an article. It's got some examples.

But off the top of your head, can you think of any sort of like what you would consider to be real-life superpowers? Because I have one in mind that made me think of this. But I'll tell you in a minute, see if you come up with something. I heard a while back, and this may have been me and you because, you know, me and you, half of, I would say more than half of our relationship is just like one of us got stoned and saw something on Reddit and sent it to the other person. and I think that I saw where there was a lady who was like, she was like Calisi and that she was like impervious to being burnt, like her skin wouldn't burn and she didn't feel pain or something.

I don't think that was me because I don't think I've seen that because, yeah, that shit's wild. Yeah, I saw that and I was like, that'd be a great one to have. You could save so much money on oven mitts. You know what I mean? Never have to buy any. Yeah, I've heard that a lot of like long-time chefs, obviously it ain't fucking calisi they can't like just walk into a you know burning house fire with the dead husband and baby in it or whatever and be fine but they yeah their hands

their hands get so adjusted to you know grabbing hot plates and stuff that they can basically just do that all the time but uh i hadn't heard that one the one i was thinking of and i think of this often because of the way i be and the way my wife my uh life be um it's like a proven thing. And this is like, it's a certain segment of the population. It's like rare, but there's still hundreds of thousands,

I don't know, maybe millions of people across the whole world who are born this way. And I'm so jealous of them. It's like proven. It's not a superpower, Tray. I know you love your uncle. No,

no, you're going to, I think you're going to agree with me. I'm very jealous of anyone who is born this way, but it's been proven, like, scientifically, but they don't know why. that a certain segment of the population just doesn't really need sleep that much. Yeah, I've heard that. There was one guy that stayed up for like two years straight.

Well, there's people out there that they can get like literally two hours of sleep a night and be totally fine. And I think a lot of people, like, didn't you used to think I was that way? Well, yeah, just because you're a lunatic, though, is why. and a manic depressive. And so, and you're like, manic state, it's not,

not exactly a superpower. Yeah. Well, no, but then I realized, then I realized that you would, you know, you would also do the opposite.

Like, I've seen you, right, I've seen you sleep for fucking literally, like, 18 hours straight and stuff like that before. So, so,

so, yeah, again, yeah, that's, uh, but like, I think, like,

Adam Schfter and motherfuckers like that, you know? They have to have that. Right. But I'm just, that's just so crazy. because like I'm the opposite like I uh you know before I had to sign of surgery it was way worse but still like nowadays like if just left to my own devices I don't if I don't have to get up

for anything and don't set an alarm or nothing like that like on average every night I'll sleep at least nine hours probably that more yeah but it don't though yeah I've been you stretch that out over a lifetime and it's like yeah that's you know months and months lost to, you know, to the unconscious void. But my whole point is I don't think I do. I think these people, I think they, the whole point is they feel completely fine off no sleep, you know. And I wish I could do that because then I would get a lot more done. I feel it's just like having, I don't know, it's like having more time.

Like time is finite and all that. So it's like they were born with more time than everybody else, which is unfair. But good for them. But no, it's more time to be in this world. You know what I'm saying? Like being unconscious is one of the few liberties we actually have left. When you are asleep, no one's getting canceled. There's not a race riot going on.

Like you're dreaming. You know what I'm saying? And I do know what you mean by having more time because to me, that is the, that was the main thing that I realized when I quit drinking so much is how much more time. I had because when you're drinking, you pretty much lose the time. I'm talking about to be efficient, not like to just be awake, but like you pretty much lose the time you're drunk because you're not going to really get anything done. Then you lose the, you're going to sleep way extra long. And then the next day you're super hungover so you don't get anything done.

So like I feel like now that I just don't drink, I'm kind of up on time. But I don't know, man, sleeping. sleeping hits. Like, I don't think that that's wasted time. I think that rules. Okay. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, it would just be more time spent, you know,

communing with the void, I guess, if I will, you know. Now, granted, I don't, I don't sleep nine hours. The reason I, right, it's, I think for me it's mostly because, it's not that I envy them having all that extra time awake every day. It's that, well, hang on and I'll say it right after this. Yeah, it's not that I wish I had more time in the day every single day. It's really more that because I travel a lot and I traverse the continent a lot and things like that. I very often have to get up insanely early, oftentimes in, you know, a whole different time zone than what I'm used to.

I'm adjusted to the Pacific time zone at this point. So if I got a fucking 6 a.m. flight from the East Coast back this away, you know, I got to get up. I got to wake up before I normally would even be asleep on the West Coast. You know what I mean? I got to wake up at a time I wouldn't even be in bed yet or I wouldn't be asleep by it or barely. And that type of shit and that's fine. I mean, like my job and everything, I'm not trying to bitch about that part. But every time I do that, like this weekend, I had that exact scenario flying back from Arkansas to here.

And I just couldn't go to sleep, like period. And so I just didn't go to sleep. And again, I'm a guy who sleeps nine hours every night. And so I was just off, to say the least, I was off all day, Sunday, because I just hadn't slept at all. And I just felt weird and shitty and bad. But most of those times I can fall asleep and I get like an hour or two of sleep. But I think about those people in these scenarios all the time.

And you're like, man, that would be what's up. That's why I say it. It's not like an everyday type of thing. the times when I'm forced to get very little sleep, which I am often forced to. A lot. Yeah. And it impacts me fucking tremendously. And I'm just very jealous of the people whom it doesn't, evidently, who seem to be pretty much fine with it, you know. Um, dude, I think about the way you think about sleep in terms of like how much time I'm missing from being productive is actually the way that I feel about travel sometimes and why I don't want to do it anymore.

Now, granted, we travel for our job, so it's different. It's a requirement. But like, how many literal, if you add up all the hours, how many days have we spent sitting in a chair in the sky? You know what I mean? And like driving to shows and stuff and just being, you can't, I mean, on a plane, you can at least write something, but like driving, you can't do anything. And most of the time, I always, you're different than me.

And it just depends on, I guess, how much sleep you've had. But, like, I always have this, like, idea that, like, oh, I'm going to get a lot of work done on the plane. And I get on the plane, I just don't feel good. You know what I mean? I'm squished up next to a guy. I just can't. Well, I worked. I don't know if you could call this work, but I don't know how else to put it.

I work. I have a very loose definition of work being in our line of work. I worked so hard when we first started traveling at trying to train myself to be able to sleep on a plane at. because we were traveling so much. And at first, I just couldn't do it. It didn't matter how tired I was. I could not fall asleep on a fucking airplane. And that shit was driving me crazy.

And so, but I, uh, I finally adjusted to it. But now it has swung in the other direction where it's almost like Pavlovian for me, where it's like, you just go out. When I get on a plane, I get tired. I get tired. And it's like, I just put my head back and I do and I go to sleep now, which like hits for me. But I don't, no, it's great. I don't ever get any.

anything done because as soon as I get over there, I'm like, I'm sleepy, even if I, you know, got rest the night before and everything. So yeah, I don't ever accomplish a goddamn thing. Well, I'm not, you know, I'm trying or care to either. So it's fine. I'm way different now, especially since I stopped drinking energy drinks and I actually limit myself to I only have one cup. I only have one cup of coffee a day now and it's right when I first get up. And like, I know everybody's listening, it's going like, duh, but like I've been sleeping so great. Like, I've been, and I've been someone who for years, years, years, years, years and years, have had to take some sort of sleep medication every night to go to bed.

And now I'm not doing it, which means, A, I'm waking up actually earlier and way more chipper. You know what I'm saying? But when I get on planes, yeah, it's not that I'm just like so tired. It's just that up there. I'm just like, God damn, I've only got three hours. And I just really need, I really need this to hit for me as much as I can. so I'm going to listen to a podcast or some shit. But I can't necessarily fall asleep.

I'm just in that middle zone where it's like, I'm not awake enough to do anything, but I'm not tired enough to fall asleep. And this sucks. Hey, speaking of time and time wasted doing things when you add them all up, this is completely unrelated to what we're talking about, except in that instance.

This is a baseball stat. Albert Poo-Hulls, when you add it up, has spent five and a half hours trotting around the base. for home runs. Isn't that crazy? Because his average is like 26 seconds and he's hit 700 home runs.

So five and a half hours are just, fuck yeah, this rules. You know what I mean? That's pretty sweet. Five and a half hours of just victory laughing. Yeah. All right. So I'm going to read you some of these real life super humans that I found here.

All right. So first is Vim Huff or Wim Hof. Yeah, but he's Dutch. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, sort of. Yeah, it is to us anyway. White, foreign. That's the same.

The ice man. It says, if you try doing what Wim Hof does, you would definitely freeze to death. Wimhoff has stunned scientists with his ability of staying submerged in ice for more than two hours without his body temperature changing one bit. He climbed Mount Everest in a pair of shorts and has done a whole bunch of other feats of extreme cold. I mean, dude, I would, I would say that, you know, that counts. I don't know what you. That does count. What you're going to do with that, but I, like, I fucking, yeah, I mean, you could join the circus.

Yeah, I mean, that's what he does. I saw him on another one, too. He's like, he's a daredevil. That's like his whole thing. He pulls these, like, cold stunts and makes a living doing it. So good for him. But, yeah, that's fucking, you know. You can also go, I go swimming by yourself a lot.

Yeah. Why you say that? because nobody else would be able to get in the water. He'd go to, like, super cold water and swim. You know what I mean? But, dude, here's how impressive that is. I don't know what. Now, I used to, it's funny because when I was in high school,

after football games, we would take an ice bath. You know what I mean? We'd jump, we'd get in the ice. And that's always been wild to me, too, at my whole lot. Because, again, I was going to say, having grown up in the South and then moved to Southern California, I'm the biggest pussy on planet Earth about the cold. And I have no tolerance for cold whatsoever.

So even like those ice baths, because, again, when I was in high school with that, we never did that. Yeah, we did. It wasn't a thing. And I've always wondered about that. It's awesome. That feels like, I just don't like that would hit for me. I think, I don't think that it would hit for me now, and I'm back to explain to you why.

So first off, it's right after a game, you're hot. Like, all games were, I mean, like the first of the seat, it's super hot. And it felt good on your muscles. But I think it's because you get it all at once is one thing. And it, I mean, you weren't in there for a long time. To me, it was just like enough to get the shock and then maybe 30 seconds or whatever, and I'm out. But the other day, I got my wedding ring stuck on my finger because I fell down after that fucking good for nothing, never drew a dime son of a bitch. Jeff Jarrett hit me in

the head with a guitar. I fell down and I jammed my finger and it made my ring finger get stuck. And everybody was telling me they're like, what you need to do is you need to put your hand in ice and that'll bring the swelling down. I was like, oh, okay. And they're like, just leaving in there for 10 minutes. And thinking of like, oh, I used to take ice baths, this won't be any problem. I could not leave my hand in there for more than 15 seconds at a time without being in excruciating pain and having to, and I was just like, well, I'm just going to cut it off when I get home. So my point is, either I was built different back then or when it's an isolated part of you and the rest of you is warm, it's different.

But like, no, that guy, I don't know how he does that. Yeah, pretty crazy. So next up is prolog Johnny, the man who can survive. Any Americans? Food and water. says. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see as we get through it. You don't really have to look. I was just making a joke at how foreign these names are found. Yeah. There's some that don't sound foreign, but I don't know if they're American or not. But anyway, Prolod Johnny claims that he hasn't

had a morsel of food since 1940. Okay. Does he how would he survive? This is from an article on India Times, by the way. So this is a two sharps people writing about says. How would he survive? Well, that's exactly one of India's unsolved mysteries. He was once locked in a room for 10 days for observational studies where it was found that he remained perfectly healthy without food or water over a 10-day period, evidently. And no liquids at all.

And being starving, man, you know, I don't know how that helps or whatever. I mean, I guess you could stay skinny because you could just limit what you eat. but like I would still want to though. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? He died now. I don't, I don't, I don't just, and you either, I don't just eat to stay alive. You know what I mean?

I eat because I want the Doritos. Right. Let's see, I'm trying to find out. He lived as a hermit in a cave, as you do. But that's good for me in a hermast of Gujarat. Yeah, I mean, you know. What else you're going to do when you're professional, you know, non-eater or whatnot? Let's say, uh, uh, uh, uh, it says they did these studies on him, but that the

studies findings would be confidential until I don't know. It's weird. I'm on his Wikipedia page and it's, it's all, it's horseshit. It's making me my head. I don't know. They're not. I don't know. This is pissing me off because I expected to come on here and have people be

like obviously this is bullshit. Yeah, right. My granny never drank water. Yeah. What was just nothing but tea? What was she? Sweet tea. That's it.

Sweet tea and buttermilk, dude. That's it. And it's funny because... It's funny, too, because my mom also never... It's like, she was an adult before she was like, oh shit, human beings need to drink water because she never drank water neither. And like, I really didn't use to drink that much water. And now I drink, that's all I do nonstop drink.

water but like I always heard like if you don't drink water you'll die and I was like I don't think that's true like or at least my family has whatever this is we don't need it as much of other people yeah I don't know I mean well you know what's wild as far as that goes it's like back in the day and I don't know how people you couldn't drink water I was I was about saying back in the day nobody drank water because it was dangerous to drink it they drank like wine wine that was like severely watered down so I guess the alcohol killed the kid bad shit in the water. But you water down wine enough that, I don't know, they didn't know how nothing worked back

down. It's amazing any of them made it. But yeah, and I think about that all the time because that's nothing too, sort of like with sleep. It's like I'm a fucking water drinking fool. And I mean, I drink a shitload of water every day. And I always have. And because like if I stop for any amount of time, I get dry.

Yeah, I start. I can feel. that I'm dehydrating and I feel worse and it feels like shit. Oh, I'm that way now. People that just don't drink water. Like Katie hardly ever drinks water. And it's fucking, I don't understand it.

You inspired me to drink more water and now I probably drink as much water as you. Like I got one of these, you know, gimmicks right here. And I'm drinking like, you know, at least six of these bitches a day or something like that, full of water and stuff. And I now am, I have to be like wet in every. regard all the time. Like, well,

now I have to be moist. I'm like a, I'm a freak about, I'm a hydration and also I have to have have lotion on me at all times. Oh, okay. Like, like I'm,

and you know, I was thinking like sweat or something. No, no, well, that's, dude, being moist down on heads. No,

no, no, I'm at moisturizer. I don't know why I said being wet. That's stupid. But yeah, like, you know, I'm a big shower taker,

which when you are a big shower taker, you need to use more lotion otherwise you'll dry a fire fuck out yeah right but like i i'm like the bill burr bit where he's like dunking himself in the tank like i'm i'm lotioned up from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet every motherfucking second of the day i'm re i go through i spend so much money on lotion and drinking water but like yeah i'm a very i'm a moist man well that'll keep you young they say i'm gonna get old as fuck i don't never use lotion but

uh no but you drink water baby well that's true yeah all right number three ratha krishnan Valu, the tooth king. Oh, what's it? Don't brush his teeth. No. This man from Malaysia should be signed to do all the toothpaste commercials. Ratha Krishnaan Valu has pulled a seven-croach train with a steel rope, one end of which was tied to the train and the other was between his teeth.

Damn. The Guinness World Record for this unexplainable ability. And it shows an old boy pulling a train with his teeth, sure enough. I don't have. That's good for bar tricks. like, you know, taking the cap off of a beer with your teeth. But I don't know what else that'd be good for. Biting contest.

Kevin Richardson, the lion whisperer. Oh, hold on. Let me guess. He, lines don't attack him. Yeah, evidently. Or not just lions, big cats in general. Huh. That he hits for them.

Hey, by the way. Superpower is for big. Being like a Beastmaster would hit. Like if he was. If he had like a pack of them and was using it for like nefarious purposes or something like that, you know, you can see that in a comic book or something, fucking sicken big cats on people. Yeah, that's what's funny is. You know what's funny? I didn't realize this.

So that guy's name is Kevin Richardson. And I know you're not looking at this article or anything. I didn't realize it didn't occur to me. I typed in Kevin Richardson and Google. Kevin Richardson is the name of Kevin from the backstreet boys. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And these two.

two dudes look a lot alike. Like, it, and so, it, I don't know, it's wild. So basically the line whisperer,

if you remember Kevin from the backstreet boys, he looked like that and has the exact same name. Kevin from the back street boys look like vampire, Adam Levine. Yeah, sure. Adam Levine, what do you think about all that?

That's unfortunate, man. You know what I mean? It's, he really, like you'd think a dude of that stature would not I would just like to think that if I got Adam Levine famous I would not even check social media you know what I mean like enough to like he's clearly on social media because he's talking to these girls or whatever but like yeah but say that's

why he won't like that is for him now yeah right right right that's why he's on there is to do that yeah I guess you're right it has to be because like to me me like if I'm in first off it don't have to be Adam Levine famous there's way several rungs down from him to where I will never I will have it like I've said I'll have a presence online but it'll be like my sister has been hired to tweet for me or whatever but uh the you'd think I mean he's a hall of fame lyricist tray and I just don't think that that came through in the text you know what I mean it wasn't yeah they were pretty they were pretty pretty well they were pretty they were pretty lackluster, weren't they?

They weren't all that impressive. They were pretty basic type shit. But dude, he's like, he's a good-looking, musically talented guy. It's like, he don't need to fucking be good at that shit. All he's got to do is exist. We were talking, as matter of fact, we were, I'm all over the place right now. There's plenty more people who are underage, though, right? I don't think it was nothing like that.

Well, and who gives a fuck? We'll circle back to the list in a minute because the other night we were talking about Jimmy Garoppel. because he was in Saturday night football. And Jimmy Garoppolo ran out of the back of the end zone like a dumbass and got a safety for his team. But when he did it, when he did it, he also threw the ball, which was picked off in return for a touchdown,

which is the worst thing a quarterback is capable of doing. But that didn't count. At the same time. At the same time. But that didn't count because he had ran out of the back of the end zone. Right. So basically he bailed himself out with his own stupidity. and running out of the back of the end zone ended up being completely by accident,

the very best possible thing that could have happened to him in that moment. So we were talking on the thread about how I was like, I was like, that's just the type of shit that happens to a motherfucker is that good looking, you know, because like, if you don't, if you all,

if you ain't football people, don't know who Jimmy Garoppel is, he's an extremely handsome, but not all that great quarterback for the 49ers. And it's just sort of like, I remember on the Andy Richter show. Did you ever watch that show, the sitcom?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I loved it. I thought it was great. I mean, when it first came out, so I don't remember a lot. Well, that's the, you saw all of them then because it first came out. It lasts like six episodes and got canceled. But I remember they had a good looking dude that worked in the office there and they were

always doing little gags like that. Like somebody just stopped by his office, be like, hey, we all have pitched in got you this big envelope full of cash. So there you go. You do wherever you want. Or it's like just life just hits for you when you're super good looking. You know, like the universe is just kind to you, I feel like. So, yeah.

You don't need to be able to spit game to get Instagram thoughts or whatever. My whole thing with that is like, I cannot imagine thinking for one second that that shit wouldn't get out at some point. I feel like you've got to be a fucking lunatic, a dip shit, or both to genuinely believe that. Dude, I would never. Look, I'm no fucking Adam Levine, but I've got to be a fucking. gotten, you know, I've gotten some, you know, sort of, mostly dudes, not entirely dudes, but sure, but I've gotten some explicit messages and stuff like that before. And I just, I would never, because I'm always like, you know, people can take screenshots.

They can fucking, you know, I just don't, ain't nothing secret no more in this era. No, everybody's got to know that. It's like, what do you, I can't believe. Well, that's why I think. It's wild. It's wild. Yeah, that's why I think that, like, he didn't care. You know what I mean?

Like, clearly he didn't care. And again, he's Adam Levine. It's not like, this is the only way I'm going to get pussy is to do this. Like, he didn't care. Like, it just, I mean, it really, again, he didn't do anything wrong. Like, I guess in the, well, legally he didn't do shit. Well, he's like married with a pregnant wife. Yeah, no.

Morally, he did a very wrong thing. No, I know. I'm just saying legally he didn't break any wrong. Right. Yeah. So, like, what I'm saying is, like, it's over. Like, there's no more, like, this happened and, like, that's all that needs to be said. It's not like they're going to be like, now we're talking to the girl and she was 14.

Like, you know, obviously, I'm just saying, like, it seemed like maybe, maybe, how, Adam Levine, something like that probably has a huge ego. He's probably just like, okay. So, like, what's my wife going to do? Leave me, you know? I don't know. Fuck. Yeah. All right.

Not a good look. Back to the list. Ben Underwood, the boy with sonar vision. Ben Underwood could see without any eyes like dolphins. He used sound to detect the exact location of a thing. This helped him take part in activities like running, basketball, bike riding, football, and skateboarding. Unfortunately, he lost his life to cancer in 2009. So I didn't see that coming.

No, universe just had it out for that fella. I guess you. at least he gave him, you know, bat ears or whatever. But that's like, that's one that's like, it's like, I mean, that's, you know, Daredevil is literally that same thing. And he's a comic book character. But it's like, uh, he also whoops a lot of ass and stuff. He does.

Like, I feel like it's kind of like, uh, gee, thanks, you know, like when you're, like, when you're born without eyes, but you got dolphin ears going. Yeah. It's like, that's cool, right? You're like, I kind of rather just have eyes the, you know. but appreciate it though it's so funny because you know Christians read that and they're like God knew that he wouldn't have eyes so he gave him sonar vision instead of just like skipping that part and not taking his eyes out at birth but yeah that's uh that's something all right

Daniel browning smith rubber boy I call him he's an American contortionist uh so And I thought there was a whole bunch of contortionists, but I guess it's just a lot of Chinese. I thought that was a sort of like a lot of Chinese. Yeah, I thought that was just a sort of general, you know, circus type deal. Yeah, right. Some people are double jointed. But I guess he's just, I guess he's just more incredibly stretchy. Yeah, he's a pretzled up some bitch.

There's no doubt about that. Looking at some pictures and shit. But there again, I don't, that's wild, like this seems to be his job. You know what I mean? It's like, what do you do for a living? And it's just like, getting that window. Yeah, right.

Yeah, climbing that little box. You need to get in there. I can. Turn into a ball. Yeah. Put my feet over my head, backwards, stuff like that.

Yeah, okay. Let's see. Stephen Wiltshire, the artist with a photographic memory. I've seen this dude before. He's the one that painted New York, right? Yep, New York, Singapore, Tokyo, all that.

He can just, yeah, he's, he can see, he can take one look at a city skyline and then draw it, draw it back with, um, perfect, intricate detail. That's, uh, that's definitely some wild shit. I don't know how you would apply that. I mean, you know, it's just cool being a, yeah, I mean, it's, he's also a really good artist. I think that should be, you know, like if he wasn't a, like, like, like, if he

He had my level of art, but his level of retention. And he's like, yeah, it is. He drew it all back, but it looks like shit. This is the main way that he showcases that talent, which is, you know, it's definitely cool and everything. But, like, presumably he's just got like a photographic memory for all kinds of shit, right? That would kind of not hit, I don't think. I don't know.

I mean, I feel like. You'd have too many memories. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it depends. You could, uh, I literally can't think of a single like practical application for just remembering everything counting cards somehow like it yeah there you go yeah there go stuff like that be real good at counting cards but um he's an autistic savant well yeah so yeah he just rang my yeah we just took that for granted huh

yeah right he's a member of the order of the british empire he's a british pillar Yeah. I thought he was one of ours. Yeah, so I guess since he's an autistic savant, he's just like, he's like, nope, I'd draw. That's what I do. Like, don't come in me with none of them fucking numbers or, you know, matches on the floor or none of that shit.

Uh-uh. I draw. That's what I do. Do you think people do that every now and then? They just walk up to him and drop a bunch of pencils and stare at him. Yeah. What about that? Yeah.

Yep, probably. About that. I have no idea. Ngokthai, Ngokthai, Mandarthai from Vietnam. In 1973, Nogtai got a high fever and has not slept a day since. There's no medicine to his insomnia. What?

Doctors say there are also no side effects other than slightly weak liver function. He carries 50 kilogram bags of pig feed for four kilometers. a day every day uphill both ways barefoot Joe she we but he never goes to sleep therapies and sleeping pills have had no effect on him uh now i like i don't know it depends like how he feels every day i guess if he yeah right totally fine then who gives a fuck sort of he just got a fever not being able to sleep at all again i feel like would drive me inside i would i googled ungoctai and they a whole bunch of them, believe it or not. Really?

Yeah, hard to believe I know. There's a whole bunch of them got ties out there. Not being able to sleep would be miserable because you know there's like sometimes when like maybe not necessarily depressed, but you just had a bad day and like you're just like, you know what? I need to start over. And I'm just going to go to sleep and going to sleep is like the reset button. You know what I'm saying?

Like, okay, this day's over tomorrow. But well, you don't ever get that. Like you just got to, you just got to. Also at night, when everybody goes sleep, you just now have to wait for eight hours for the next day. Like, dude, that fucking sucks. Like, my depression really manifests itself when, like, Amber passes out and I can't sleep and I'm sitting there by myself with my thoughts. That's when I'm the most depressed. I would have already killed myself if I couldn't sleep without question.

Sure. Because I also, a lot of times feel like I can't get back to normal if I don't. Exactly. Sleep. Like if I've accidentally gotten too high or if I've been drinking, if I'm hungover that day or something like that, like to put some situations where I just don't feel that great, pretty much I just know that that's not going to end. It's not going to get any better until I get some sleep. And then I might wake up the next day and feel better.

And if I think your hangovers would be a little different if you didn't go to sleep. Yeah, but you know, I'm sure you have. I don't, I don't know. how do they hit you first of all let's answer that they're not as bad let's answer that question right after this yeah because i know you've experienced it like i've yeah i've gotten a hangover like while awake you know like i've been drinking then i stopped for a little bit and then all a sudden i'll be like oh fuck i'm hung over now and i never went to sleep um so it's definitely possible like i feel like yeah oh i'd not seen you wouldn't be hung over but i think that like

I've always experienced that like the sleep somehow is like putting a hangover in the oven. And then when you wake up is done. You know what I'm saying? Like the sleep really. Yeah. But I'm speaking from someone who eventually always goes to sleep. So I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know either. Okay. So, all right. Tibetan monks who can change their body temperature with their minds. Sounds kind of cool, I guess. if you're talking like human torch stuff, but when you get into the details of it, it feels a little less impressive.

Yeah, right, come here, bitch, I got a fever. Check that out. Now, well, listen, Tummo. Tummo is a technique by which these monks raise the temperatures of their fingers and toes by 17 degrees. They, even Jubilee, be like, that's some bullshit.

You know, get out of here with that. Who cares? Yeah, right. How do you learn that you can do that? toes by 17 degrees. It's like your superpower is making people be like, ugh, the fuck?

What's up with your finger? Stop touching my neck. How do you think you learn you can do that? And how, how do you think, do they just go, you know what? Like you just, I don't, yeah, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I guess so.

You guys, just type in, do they, but yeah, I don't know how you find that out. I also don't know what the point of that supposed to be. This next one's fucking weird, too. I've already looked it up on Wikipedia, see if I can find out more about this. Because, again, this article I'm reading this from is in the India Times, and it feels like it's written by somebody who's, you know, English is a second language or something.

Yeah, right. Like, not that much details about each of these people. Number 10 on the list is Natasha Dimkina, the girl who can see through people's flesh. Or see through people's skin. Oh, X-ray vision? So what she says. She says she's got X-ray vision, see-through people's skin.

But then all it says is this is not some comic book plot. It's for real. And like, okay, I still not really believe. Yeah. Yeah, right. It says she, yeah, a Russian woman who claims to possess a special vision that allows her to look inside human bodies and see organs and tissues and thereby make medical diagnoses.

Yeah, I was about to say you could spot a blood clot. she's been on multiple TV shows. She works for the Center of Special Diagnostics. I have many experts, though, are skeptical of her claims. I don't know. I feel like coming out of Russia, you got to be like, you've got to be skeptical. Yeah. I don't know, man.

How can you know? That's what I'm saying. How do you, like, I mean, I guess the, way that you would prove it is like you take two people like the doctors get two people set up one of these people has like fucked up smokers lungs and the other one don't and you she has to pick out which one you know if she can see in there be like it's that one and i mean you'd have to do that several times before it not to be a lucky guess but i do see how you could prove that one i guess everything in here it just says that like you know like for one example it's like uh

someone arranged for a test to take place in a veterinary clinic where Dumkina was asked to diagnose an anomaly in a dog inside a dog's body. Natasha claims to have correctly identified that the dog had an artificial device in its back right leg, right? But like, what the fuck? Well, did she? Weren't there other people there? Like, did that happen? I don't get how it's written about this way.

All of them are just like she claims to have done this and this and this and whatever. It's like, well, what? did she do it though? Has she been on Oprah? It's a... Which one of these would you rather have so far? I wouldn't want to be, you know, autistic. I'm not shitting on autistic people.

Yeah, right, but nobody wants to be autistic, but I'd like to... I don't know. Well, you said a photographic memory be a curse. I just don't know that any of these are all wet. For what we do, though, I think it would be pretty, sweet. Like, especially if you're, you know, like, you're working on a new act.

You know what I mean? Like, you look at your notes and you're like, boom, got that. You know what I mean? You're not going to get lost anywhere. Like, uh, you, you would know all your lines for an audition, you know, stage play, all that shit. I do think, though, that it would be like having all that information's got to go somewhere.

It's like, you know, Kenny Power said, like, you know, you've got all these small memories and sometimes they got to go to make room for the bigger, more important memories. So, like, having all that shit going, I feel like your brain would be just going 100,000 miles a minute. Mine already is. I can't take any more of that. Dude, I don't want to get too weird with all this. And I'm sure other people have posed this question and people who deal with autism and stuff like that are probably really hate shit like this like I'm about to say.

But I'm still going to say it. And I mean it genuinely. So first of all, the last guy on this list is a dude named Daniel Tamet, the boy with the incredible brain. He speaks like 12 languages and he can recite pie. to 22,000 places and all that type of shit or whatever. This guy also is an autistic savant. Or like he has, he specifically has Asperger's syndrome.

And I feel like it's always the case with these people. And so what I was going to say is, is it's like, I don't know, like, is the next step in human intelligence? Like, like, if you're like, like, are they just, are these just like super intelligent people? and the autism and Asperger's and stuff is just like an inherent part of that. Like you can't be that level of intelligent without also being that way, you know,

autistic or Asperger's or something because it's wild how they or they go hand in hand like that. I mean, I don't know. Or to maybe read the wild thing. Or to maybe rephrase it what we consider as a quote unquote disability. is actually an upgrade that we just all haven't received yet. And they're only considered disabled because they're the minority. But they're actually a few steps ahead of us. I mean, I don't know, because you're right, dude.

You can't argue with the fact that it be like that. Like, whenever you find out that someone has this insane skill with their brain, it's like, and also they have Asperger's and autism. And it's like, well, okay, like at that point, it's like, that's a pretty fair tradeoff to not be able to hold a conversation at dinner. You know what I mean? Like, you can pull tricks. That seems pretty neat. So I don't know, like most of them seem way fucking smarter than we are.

Yeah, I think, and I saw it, but I hated it so much. I don't remember it and haven't seen it since. But I'm pretty sure that the predator, like the movie, the predator, not predator. The Predator. The one that Shane Black made like four or five years ago with King of Michael Key in it. It was so, so bad. And I love Shane.

I love Predator and I love Shane Black. Yeah. I was so pumped for that. I never shit on movies, but. I don't know how that happened to Shane Black. I have to think it was studio interference with something. In the edit. He was in the edit.

He makes super fucking hitting him. He's the best. Kiss, kiss, bang, bang, fucking the nice guys. Nice guys. Yeah. No, he's awesome, man. Rule. And Iron Man.

and all kinds of other shit. But in The Predator, I'm pretty sure, if I remember correctly, that a, I think like a key plot point in that movie is the idea that autism is the next stage in human evolution or something like that. And they're trying to, and they're trying to literally, they're trying to weaponize autism, which like weaponized autism is like an internet saying for when somebody's just like you know, super autistic same thing or whatever.

This guy's got weaponized. This guy's weaponized autism or something like. Like on fucking 4chan and shit like that. I'm probably fucking a lot of this up. But my point is I'm pretty sure that was the thing in that movie. And the movie sucks on its own. Well, then I no longer believe it. Exactly.

Well, it was universally reviled. I'm pretty sure. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. But it's not. But I'm saying that specific part of it everyone was also like, what the fuck is this shit? And here we are.

And then we're kind of just landing on that. Okay. But again, thought process had to go into them coming up with that plot point. And everything that we just said still is true. And in my opinion, it's not, we're not talking negatively about these people.

If anything, it's, we're literally saying that for the most part, they're smarter than us. oftentimes at one specific thing, but like, fucking still, and dude,

they, uh, revisionist history loves going back and making a lot of other people autistic too. Like, you know, like, as soon as autism became,

Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, fucking, uh, you know, Oscar Wilde, all these, like anybody that ever hit,

people now go, oh, I bet they were autistic. So it's, what I'm saying is like, it's associated with, brilliance no matter what like no one ever no one ever looks back and says like i bet that caveman was autistic you know it's always like stephen hawking or fuck it so like i don't know man i don't

think it's that big of a goddamn leap yeah no i don't know sherlock holmes yeah or they say that the person that arthur conan dole based him on was probably someone who had undiagnosed autism which all autism at that time was undiagnosed did we did did did you hear that word when we were kids. I can't remember when I started hearing autism. And I definitely did not understand it when I first heard it. Like I definitely, for a while, I thought it was like, you know, just a new word for the new word or something. Yeah, right, right.

Me too. I didn't realize it meant a specific thing. Yeah, I definitely feel like we've grown up in the era in which it's become a, you know, better understood and diagnosed thing or, you know, whatever. Like we were, we were right on the edge of like a lot of shit changing. You know what I mean? I don't think, I don't think that's coincidence. During the time when I don't know, there's just a whole lot of shit has changed over the course of our lives, us millennials. Whereas like a lot of that shit had already changed by the time Gen Z, you know, came around.

We're like, we lived through a lot of stuff. We didn't have cell phones and shit when we were. That's kids. What I was about to say. Single pixel fucking things and all that. Like, we lived at the end of what future generations will probably. think we're like sort of the dark ages as compared to what came after and we grew up as children in the twilight of that and our adults now into the into the next phase i think is how i never told it

i never told it on stage but i had it in my notebook and i was working on it for a while that i don't think i don't think that that's a coincidence like we have more autistic people now than ever and it's like yeah we got more fucking iPhones now than ever too you know what i'm saying like the technology boom and the holy shit there's a bunch of autistic people boom happened at the same motherfucking time and it's once we started once we started looking at these people and like back in the 70s someone was autistic they just sat they were on a different bus and people didn't know what to do with them well our generation learned that oh they just need to learn in different ways and as soon as we started doing that we got drones we got fucking facial rations

recognition. We got all this shit because autistic people were finally able to be recognized for their contributions and not their differences. Yeah. Makes sense to me. Yeah, well, you know, a lot of things hit. A lot of things don't hit. That's true. To the future, that's how we are. I'll tell you what does hit. If you go to part-time funnyman.com and pay $5 a month, then you can get a bunch of bonus stuff for me, including essays, audio stories, uh, podcast, and if you can't afford to $5, I will happily comp. You know questions asked.

Just email me at ButtercreamCore at gmail.com. That's all over at part-time funnyman.com. Yeah, go to patreon.com slash tray crowder. But go to traycrouter. com first, see if you can come see me live and if not, then go to Patreon.com slash traycrouter. Or you can do both. Some extremely sweet people do both.

Listen and or watch weekly skews and also putting on airs. And that's it. Thank you all for listening. My voice cracked. Thank you all for listening to the Well Red Show. We love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you've got nothing to do. Thank you, God bless you, good night, and skew.