wellRED podcast - #296 - Elon Buys Twitter + The Church's Role In Halloween!

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

#296 - Elon Buys Twitter + The Church's Role In Halloween! This week Trae and Corey talk about "free speech" being back on twitter thanks to Elon Musk (lol) and also the church's role in Halloween Go to PartTimeFunnyMan.com to subscribe to Corey's new bonus stuff (if you cant afford it, email [e-mail] and Corey will comp you)Check out Trae at Patreon.com/TraeCrowderALSO GO TO WELLREDCOMEDY.COM TO GET TICKETS TO SEE US DECEMBER 15-17 AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE!

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now. Skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people. People across the ske universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year?

Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery? Getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money shows all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you already forgot about. If you see a subscription, you don't want anymore, Rocket Money will help you cancel it.

Their dashboard lays out your whole financial picture, including the due dates for all your bills and the pay days. In a way that's easier for you to digest, you can even automatically create, custom budgets based on your past spending. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps. Premium features.

I used Rocket Money and realized that I had apparently been paying for two different language learning services that I just wasn't using. So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before,

but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know, put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah.

So that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first. But then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out.

So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast.

They're the they're the liberal red necks they like cornbread but sex they care way too much but don't give a fuck. They're the liberal rednecks that makes some people. How many people upset, they got three big old dicks that you can suck? How many followers have you lost since Elon took over Twitter? I don't know. Let me check real quick. Because I'm down like three grand at this point, 3,000 folk. Damn.

Yeah. And I can't. I'm down two, but I, right, like I think literally. the same day that he took it over, I put out another video and that video did pretty well on Twitter, which normally, like typically a video doing what that video did would equate to at least, at least a couple, a couple 3,000 new followers, usually. So, add back, you're actually down. So if you consider that, I would say I'm down my five. six, seven thousand probably. So that's fun.

Yeah, it is fun. At first, like, every now and then, like, I'll notice I'll lose a bunch of followers and then people say, oh,

yeah, they just did like a, they did like a bot scrub or something. And I'm like, okay, well, well, that checks out.

But with this one, I just have to feel like, yeah, that's not what this is. That is just everybody being like, well, Elon's in charge now. Fuck that.

Did you see where he's going to make, uh, well, I say they're just saying this. I don't know if he actually is or not, but like it's going to cost you like 20 bucks a month to keep your fucking blue check. What?

No. Yeah. Yeah. I knew that he had another thing. I know he had pitched at some point, like using fucking Doge coin to tweet, like a very tiny micro transaction of a cryptocurrency to tweet at all for some reason. I never understood.

And I feel like people immediately were like, yeah, that's insane. And so we backed off of that. So maybe I don't fucking, I don't know. I just know that like the people that are partying hard over this, like, it's, it's, it's not fun. What do you mean the people who are partying hard? Like the tech bros, they're like, fuck you. I wouldn't say the tech bros. I just mean like the right wing.

free speech warrior types who are so thrilled. Like I just So on my Patreon Patreon, Patreon.com slash track router I do a thing where I sort of I've always used Twitter for it. I guess I might have to change that in the future

because Twitter just seemed like the thing that made the most sense. But I do this thing where like I get on there and you know react to the whatever's going on in the world in real time. Trending. Yeah. Like what everybody's talking about. Like mostly you know in terms of politics and shit like

that. And I literally just did that just now before coming in here. And one of the, a trending hashtag was Pelosi's gay lover. Oh, my God. Right. Because, and you see stuff like that sometimes, like, it's not like that's unique that you see. Yeah, right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Like, right. Right. Like, they're, they are saying, and amongst all the other insane conspiracy theories that they already have about Pelosi's husband getting attacked with a hammer. This one is that the guy who attacked him with a hammer is, in fact, you know, his boyfriend, uh, whose buhole he wears out or whatever.

And, uh, that's the, the truth of it. So that's what the hashtag's about, but most of the tweets I saw were from your typical, you know, like, like I said, right wing, uh, enlightened thinker types who were just use pointing to that and then jerking off Elon Musk basically like you know like thank god this would have never happened yes exactly like you could you could tell we're in a new day on Twitter a new enlightened age on Twitter because the hashtag Pelosi's gay lover is able to trend and it's like yes because that is the apex thank God free speech do you know what I mean it's like it's like this This symbolizes the pinnacle of what free speech is supposed to be.

Hashtag Pelosi, and it was grammatically incorrect, too. It actually just said Pelosi gay lover. They left out of S. So like, it's just everything they do is so raven. No, fuck that. Sorry. Yeah, this, this, I saw this black lady tweeted yesterday. It was a stat that you're never going to believe this,

but ever since Elon took over Twitter, use of the N-word is up 500%. Yeah. And the article said African-American shocked at the revelation. And this lady tweeted it and she was like, who are you saying to shock? Because it fucking damn sure ain't us. Like, no, we're not shocked at this. This is exactly what we thought, you know, would happen. And it's just bananas to me because, you know, when those people are talking about free speech,

I want so badly to believe that what they mean is just true free expression and not the truth being silenced. But like, it really does just boil down to hooray, hashtag Pelosi's gay lover can now trend freely because nobody's shadow banning misinformation. Right? That was the other thing to it's like, it was honestly pretty discouraging because like, I don't know. I'm laughing at them for being like, look, thank God Elon's here. This is what Twitter is now. Yay, it hits so hard for me. But at the same time, another thing that was trending was DHS leaks, Department of Homeland Security leaks.

And I looked into that. And it was the same types of people being like, this should be bigger than Watergate. This is incredible because this stuff leaked. It said the Department of Homeland Security starting in 2020 had been, had started coordinating with the tech. companies like Facebook and Twitter and all that to, you know, crack down on misinformation, right? And to me, I'm like, yeah. That's a good thing. Of course they, that's part of their fucking job because.

Right. It's Homeland Security. Misinformation leads directly to domestic terrorism. Yeah. And they're the Department of Homeland Security. So they ought do that. don't bother me at all. But to these people, it's the government working in concert with big tech to silence the

fucking truth or whatever. Right. And like, and it just. Because that's their thing. What we consider disinformation, they consider us trying to hide what actually is going on, like with the Q&N shit or whatever. Right. But that going on.

And that free speech, you know, it's just like. I don't understand how many times you have to go down this fucking road with these people. It's like free speech exists up into a point, but we all know the old cliche that don't mean that you can yell shark while you're in the ocean. You know what I mean? And that's what... Do you think people aren't leave, though? Well, I mean, I know your bias just like I am. So I imagine you're going to say no, which I'll say no, too.

But like, you know. No, I mean, I get it. I selfishly don't want people to leave, and I'm going to try to make this point pulled out of my butt, which is like, I can't stand it when all the good people of Georgia move to other places because then it just leaves all the bad people here and things look worse. Stay on Twitter. Let's fight and keep this thing that we have built. But at the same time, like, dude, how many times have me and you talked about if we didn't desperately, and I emphasize. the word desperately. If we didn't desperately need social media for our jobs, I'd done bend the fuck off. So like, I'd say that most of these people are probably people who like were teetering

back and forth on whether or not I even want to be on Twitter anyways. And then this happened. And it was like, well, all I need to know. Kind of like with me and Spotify, I was already paying for several music apps at once. So the fact that Spotify went through that whole thing of not wanting to pay their artists or whatever the fuck taking us off there and shit, if I hadn't already kind of wanted to leave Spotify, I probably wouldn't have. But when that happened, I was like, well, you know what? I was about done with them anyway.

So I just feel like it's probably more those types of people than people who are like, I actually genuinely love Twitter, but I must protest. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're probably right. But I just also kind of don't, like, I don't, maybe I'm missing something as far as, you know, Twitter is one of the, the bubbles that we all make for ourselves. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like all, like all these mouth breathers that we're talking about making fun of right now, you know, don't follow none of them, which I don't.

And I still see their shit, but that's because I go looking for stuff like that. Right. Exactly. To talk about it. But if you're just a regular person on Twitter, I don't want to see none of that. It feels like it should be pretty relatively simple to avoid seeing any of that. Yeah, I tried to, Robbie, my buddy Robbie over at Uncle Bod, for years I was trying to explain to him the merits of Twitter.

And he kept saying, well, I just don't want to see such and such and such and such. And I was like, buddy, if you're starting a new account from scratch, like you're in the perfect spot. Like, all you got to do is go follow the shit. that you want to follow. The only time that you will ever see some shit that you don't want to see is if someone that you do want to follow retweets a thing that you don't want to see. But that just rarely happens.

Like you can, Twitter is so great for curating your experience, whereas Facebook was always these, you're adding people as friends, people, and these are all friends that you knew and shit like that. Like, you can't add Leonardo DiCaprio as a friend on Facebook,

but you can follow him on. Twitter. Now, granted, only if you want to hear about boring climate change shit all the time, but still, like, to me, Twitter was always, Twitter was always the best one. But now, I mean, you talked about this a bunch. It seems like Instagram is probably about to be popping off even harder. Because, like, I think a lot of people had been like, a lot of people jumped off Instagram because they were like, well, that's Facebook on. But at the end of the day, it's just pictures and now it's reals and it's fun videos and shit. And now people, people are probably going to be leaving Twitter just like, man, I know Zuckerberg owns it,

but like at least it's just like people making cheeseburgers and shit. None of this hashtag Pelosi's gay butt or whatever. So we got to learn to get better at the thing we're the worst at, is what I'm saying. All right. Well, let's take a quick break. All right. We're back. Yeah, I know.

Like, I don't know. I feel like people don't give much of a lot. don't give much of a fuck about most of this. But, you know, and it does suck also that we have to care about it like we do, like you said. But yeah, it's like start. The biggest one for me has always been Facebook from the very beginning. And, you know, it went through all its bullshit that it's still going through. People left in a mass exodus.

And then it was Twitter and now the same thing's happening there. And so it's like, like you said, all right. Well, I guess I got to pump up my Instagram to one. that I understand the least and whatever. I don't know. Nobody cares about that. What are you doing for? Well, they care.

I think they care about the Elon Musk part of it. But yeah, you're right. Nobody cares about the minutia of our daily grind on. Social media experiences. Yeah. I'll use this as an excuse to say, if you want to fuck off from all of that, you can get a curated Corey Forster experience at part-time funnyman.com and also a curated Trey Crowder experience at Patreon.

dot com slash tray crowder those are the last bastions of free fucking speech ladies and gentlemen and that's where you need to be what were you going to say what are you do i know that by the time this comes out halloween will be over but i still today is halloween i thought we'd talk about halloween a little bit what are you i love to talk about hallowing anything are you big hallowing guy i know you already went to a hallowing party or are you doing anything later today what are you had on all that. I fucking love Halloween. It's, you know, it's kind of a day where everybody's on my level, you know, like

dressing up goofy and eating candy and eating chili. Like, basically Halloween is a day where everyone, yeah, you don't eat chili? Like, just like beef chili, like Texas beef chili? Like, we got beans in ours, but. Oh, well, now, they don't do that in Texas. But, yeah, well, I'm just saying, like, that's what our family does is we eat peanut butter sandwiches and chili. What? Peanut butter sandwiches and chili on halel.

Never in my life, have I heard of that. It's just because it's a fall thing. You know what I mean? Like peanut butter sandwiches. Chili is like a cold weather thing just in general. Yeah, but I don't know. Just the way you sell that made it. You're like, you know, trigger treating, getting dressed up like a whore eating chili, you know, Halloween stuff.

Yeah. Well, I mean, if you got like, so now the party, like when we were. kids and we would go well i say kids we were like teenagers college age or whatever Halloween parties were about how drunk you could get and like they still kind of are but because we're all older and have kids and stuff and sometimes the party is a hybrid children's and adult party there will be booze and stuff but there's also like you know a lot of snacks for those that aren't there for just to get drunk and like i feel like chili is always like you got your crock pot of chili your crock pot of rotel dip your crock pot of taco soup your buffalo

chicken dips. And you know, I'm a very big dip person. My sister often wonders why dips aren't considered a meal. And so we get together as a family. And we had that party this past weekend. But then like my extended family, the Tutton's, Randy and his his people, we always get together for the kids. They dress up. We take pictures. And Miss Beth makes chili and peanut butter sandwiches. We've been doing it for, I want to say, 25 years now. and we always do it the day of Halloween. Because, you know, like the big parties and stuff are always whatever the weekend before Halloween or, you know what I'm saying is. But like we do, that's our family thing.

So I'm excited. My niece, as you know, who has curly hair every year we do something funny with her. For instance, last year she was Richard Simmons. And I went as one of the fat people that she was training. And this year we're spray painting her hair white. she's going as the dearly departed Queen Elizabeth and I am going to be Winston Churchill. B will be out. Okay.

That has. Your kids get into it? Yeah, for now, I mean, you know, they're about to be 10 and 11. I think they probably got a couple of years left. I feel like by the time you hit teenagerdom, which is fucking insane, that that's right around the court. But I feel like that's when, you know, trick-or-treating falls off. But yeah, we'll be going trick-or-treating later. Their bishop is a character from Fortnite called Meowcles.

He's like a muscle-bound cat. Yeah, I got it. From Fortnite. And then Benton is a, you know, a plague doctor, one of them, bird-nows. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you already have that mask from one of your videos? No.

No. What, no, what do you mean? You seen me do that? I mean, I used to have a bit. I have a bit about plague doctors and stuff, but I never had the mask or never did a video about it or anything. Yeah, I just assume that you, you did because you, because you don't just, don't just say that you used to have a bit about it.

You have incorporated the bird faced plague doctor in several iterations of bits. It's sort of like your Bill Burr into the world. And it hits for me. I love it. Anytime you have a new bird face plague doctor bit, I always sit out in the club and listen to it because they're my favorite genres of bits. But I think with kids like, I actually, that actually predates our plague. actually.

Yeah, it does. No, I know. Like, yeah, I used to have a bit, my bit was just about how much of a nightmare the, the past was.

And I talked about, uh, just like doctors, old-timey doctors. And, and it was about, you know, the fucking bird mask and all that shit.

And then after the plague, it became specifically, specifically about plagued stuff. But, uh, anyway, yeah, me and Katie, I guess you're going to be,

I'm going to be a half-ass version because she spent all her time on her costume and none on mine, which is fine. I mean, you know, every year, every year. did her own costume.

I could be, I shouldn't complain unless, you know, I could do it myself, except, no, I can't, you know. Yeah. Like, but anyway, it's fine. Nadia and Laslow from what we do in the shadows. You are a perfect Laslo. Yeah, I got that, I got that Middle Eastern thing going on. Oh, yeah. Well, no, the, Laslo, wait, hold on.

Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait, at Laslo is, as, uh, Matt Barry is Matt Barry, yeah, yeah. What, yeah, you got a, yeah, you got a round face. No, you don't, you have a square jaw. What's, uh, oh my God. What's the other, what's the other,

guy? I can't believe I can't remember his name right now. I can't either. Hold on just a second. Let me look that shit up. What? I'm gonna feel bad. But I, but I get, but I get, so funny.

Well, Laslo, Laslo, Laslo, Nandoor, Nandor. Yeah. I've, Laslo sounds like it would be the sort of the name for a type of care. Anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter. Yeah, we're going to do that. Dude, Kay's going to be fine as hell.

Well, we'll see. I got mostly doing a, like, I've just got some putting on airs stuff, you know what I mean? Like, I can put together for that. But yeah, I don't, I don't know. I never cared too much about Halloween and having kids. Is that because of your childhood? I don't know, probably. First of all, all right, okay, I got a few things I'd like to, I'm curious about since you're from Chickamauga.

Halloween was like fine when I was a kid. It hadn't been, you know, totally racked with sadness quite yet, you know, eventually, sure. But like, also, Salina's just such a small, it's a small town. The way I remember Halloween was like two, first, two things. You mostly just went. There was literally like one neighborhood in Salina. Yeah.

Where you can go door to door. That's it. That's the only one that exists, really. And other than that, you went to like your family members houses or whatever. Or like I knew churches would do like, I guess they did.

We didn't fuck with the church. So I don't remember. I'll get into that. I'm aware that churches do like a trunk or treat type thing. But again, we weren't church people. So we never fuck. with that. So it's like, it wasn't

nothing like, you know, out here in Burbank, like the boys get dressed up. We just walk out our front door and we just fucking go. And it's like, you know, it's all very neighborhoody and it feels like the type of trick-or-treating you see in the movies. When I was a kid, it wasn't like that. We were like driving

from one place to the next and it just wasn't that type of thing. Number two, in Salina, when I was a kid anyway, you had to be fucking done by dark, basically. Because after Orn Brad would get you. After dark, that's when the tricksters came out.

Rolling yards. The fucking high school kid. And dude, in Salina, they got, they took it up a few notches. It was so much more than just rolling yards. It was like, obviously, egging, but they'd let the eggs sit out for weeks. Yeah. So they'd like, yeah, go that stank. Right, but they do like IEDs, basically.

Like, they put rocks and stuff? No, it would be like, I don't remember exactly to rest. but there was some kind of household cleaner if you shook it up with like aluminum full or something like that in a sealed bottle and through it it was like mentos and coke but on a like it was a fucking bomb is what it was like they're literally making bombs and throwing them and turning pickup trucks into war wagons and shit like that like putting plywood armor on the side of pickup truck and they've all got like shield trash can lid shields and shit and i mean it was fucking they get wild uh in in saline And so I'm just wondering how Chickamauga compares like with all that. But anyway, I don't know. I don't even remember hardly getting to an age where I was like, you know, I was a pretty good kid. I did some of the trickster shit a couple of times, but not really. I never cared much for it.

I never got super into that. And, you know, after 12 or 13, I was like trick or treatin's for babies. I don't care nothing about that. And then I just never really got in college, I'd go to Halloween things, but I just never put all that much effort into a costume. I'd go to like, I mean, I did put together some hippie shit or whatever.

Yeah. That type of thing. But of course, I like to looking at all the, you know, nearly exposed titties and stuff. Yeah. I've never really liked horror movies all that much.

I'm not really in the spooky shit. I never have. And so I just don't like, I've never cared all that much about it. I know I just laid a whole bunch of shit on you. Oh, that's, no,

I'm, I'm here for it. Matter of fact, I've got a lot to say about all of that. Number one, I never go too crazy with my costumes. Like, I enjoy going to the parties, but I'm not going to be the Katie where I'm like, we're going to do this and I'm going to do that. Like, I think three or four years in a row, three or four years in a row, I went as Bill Murray from Caddyshack.

And like, I just had all that stuff. You know what I mean? Like I had a pair of camo cargo shorts, an old t-shirt, and a bucket. hat and it was easy and like everybody knew who i was and i was comfortable that's my whole thing has been like i'm never going to be in a costume that is not also otherwise really comfortable i'm not into that but i enjoy going as far as tricker oh before i dive into this i want to say the the one thing so we weren't really we rolled yards but we weren't didn't do any of that crazy shit that you were saying but what that reminded me of was when we were kids if we would ever get a

snow. We would hide down by like one of the little bridges and we would like make snowballs and throw them at cars, which is, you know, innocent enough or whatever. Remember one time we were doing it. And my buddy Josh, rest in peace, uh, chunks his snowballed a car and it shattered the window. And we were like, wait, what the fuck? And he's like, oh, yeah, I've been putting rocks in mine. So we had to run from the cops.

But we would roll yards. And I remember this one particular year, we, we were like going all night rolling yards. like two and three hours, and we rolled this lady's yard first, got it real fucking good. And they came out and they saw us as we were running off. And her and her husband kids actually went there and like spent an hour cleaning all the toilet paper and shit out. And we rolled their ass again when they went to sleep. So that hit. But as far as the trick or treating and stuff goes, there are like several neighborhoods in Chickamauga.

And everyone kind of was like, okay. don't go to that one. You know what I mean? If you're going to go, there's tenant circle. It's a nice subdivision. We know a lot of people there. You can go door to door. But I actually wasn't allowed to do any of that because of the church, right?

So we had trunk or treat, as you laid out earlier. Now, I will tell you that in terms of sheer quantity for your experience, in terms of candy, trunk or treat may be the one thing that the church version is superior to the regular version. Because at the church, when we didn't have a lot of people at our church. And so there was, you know, even fewer kids. But everybody would show up and they would literally load their entire trunk with candy. And so by the end of the night, everybody knew how much leftovers they had. So they would just tell the kids like, hey, listen, go fill your bags up.

You know what I mean? And we started after that, it's like we wouldn't bring bags. We would bring pillow cases because that's how much candy we was getting. So like I would see my friends come back from trick or treating and like they didn't have near the amount of candy that I had. So I was like, okay, church hits. But that wasn't the primary reason that I went to trunk or treat or why trunk or treat was the preferred thing for churchgoers. I'm certain that you can guess why it was that the church was. that the church was so heavy on us going to trunk or treat instead of trick or treat, right?

Okay. I mean, I'm actually, I'm glad you brought this up because I wanted to get into it because I feel pretty unclear on how the church looks at Halloween because I hear devil stuff about it sometimes, but then also just the fact that they celebrate it with trunk or treat type things. And also, I talked about Halloween on my Patreon. That's another thing I did today. And so I know you probably already knew, but I didn't before I looked it up, that it's like, got very, very, very Christian roots and is still like all saints day, all hollows,

Eve, whatever. It's like, wasn't any of that spooky jackal anor and shit originally. And it was just a church thing. And then it sort of morphed and then got secularized, but still like that still exists. And it's like not inherently satanic at all. In fact, it started the other way. So I'm like, so I'm assuming the answer to your question is because that's devil shit or whatever. something along those lines, but I'm kind of fascinated by how they parse all of that when it

comes to Halloween and the devil and Jesus and everything. Well, it's not only that. It is because of a phenomenon. I can't talk today, bro. It's because of a phenomenon that still carries out to this day. It's that if you go to other people's houses for trick or treat, they're putting heroin in your candy. And they're putting razor.

They're putting razor blades in the apple or they're trying to pull you inside the house and fuck your butt or whatever, as if you'd be trick or treat without your parents or whatever. So there was a lot of that. But no, at our church, you were, it was like dress up, but don't dress up as any demons or don't dress up as any ghosts or whatever. Now, here's the deal. People still very much did. And the church would just be like, well, we're not going to kick a child out of Halloween just because their parents didn't know the rules or whatever. Until one year. One year when I invited my cousins to come to Halloween and all my cousins knew was, oh, it's Halloween. So I'm going to dress up like a scary goblin or whatever. Well, my cousins get to the Halloween party at church. And for the first time ever, since this rule had been broken many times, for the first time ever, the church actually decided to enforce it and kick my cousins out and make them leave. And Trey, Do you know the only difference between my cousins and all the other kids at the church who were wearing goblin shit?

Yeah, your cousins are half black, right? Yep, that is 100% the only reason. Because isn't that a whole separate incident that also was racially motivated involving your cousins in that church? There's two. This was the first that I was aware of, like where I could see that. And I was like, wait a minute. fucking preacher bubba's kids dressed up like a ghost and nobody has a problem with that preacher bubba the preacher's name was bubba no his son's name was preacher bubba this little this little this little kid he was the preacher's son but he was called preacher bubba his daddy wasn't even a preacher his dad was a sack of shit

and his dad his dad would go on drunk benders and they would leave the kids with their grandma for weeks at a time. And those were the only weeks that those were the only weeks that those kids went to church. Because when they were with their dad, he didn't make him go to church because he lived in sin. But this kid, his name, I won't say his name in cases. And he was, how do I, how do I describe this person and not say something that I want to say? He was worded? Yeah.

Yes. If this, if he finished a test early, you'd clap. You know what I mean? So, but he wasn't really, he was, he was like Forrest Gump where it's like, God damn, five more points and he'd get a check. You know what I mean? But like, he ain't there yet. But he wanted to be a preacher.

Okay. All right. I was wondering. Okay. He loved the church so much. And he would come there and he would, like, he would wear his like little, you know, he'd wear his khakis with his button down white shirt tucked in. And he'd always carried the Bible.

And he'd say, he'd like, he'd preach to. all of us. And so all the older kids called him Preacher Bubba, the dumb fuck, you know. And so that was Preacher Bubba. And Preacher Bubba dressed up like a ghoul one time. I remember and nobody said nothing because they were just like, oh, that's poor little preacher Bubba. Don't worry about him. But again, my cousin show up dressed up like a zombie. And it's like, we can't have that. The second, now, well, I'll get back in Halloween, but you just mentioned the other racially charged thing that happened with my family and my black cousins. This is the one that actually, ended up making us leave the church. It was like straw that broke the camel's back thing.

9-11 had just happened. And we were at church and the church was showing a video to the congregation on like these people's theories on what the everlasting effects of 9-11 on children was going to be. And they show this video and there's a bunch of like, you know, Harvard people talking about, well, you know, this is a formative time in their lives. And here's what you blah, blah, but whatever. And then one of them was a black lady. And all I know about her is that she had the same qualifications as all these other people. She was just a part of a group of these people.

And the fucking preacher shows the video, stop the video, looked at the congregation and said, now that woman, even though she's black, I agree with everything she said. Whereas my cousins are sitting front row because they'd gone to church with us that week. and my dad and mom looked. I remember hearing it, but not really comprehending it. And my mom and dad looked at us, looked at my cousins, looked at my aunt and go, get your stuff. We're out of here. And we never went back to that church again.

So, but with Trunk of Tree. What did you do for Halloween after that? So we would go to, we went to another church immediately. Yeah. Well, yeah, of course. I mean, of course you did. Yeah. We went to another church immediately.

And they had an even like cool. or more badass trunk or treat. But here's the thing, too, that we did at Halloween, that is, even at the time, as a young impressional kid, even at the time I was like, dude, this is fucked up. So the only horror elements that they would have at the church for Halloween was called, instead of going to a haunted house, it was called the judgment house. Have you ever heard of the judgment house? No, but I'm assuming it has something to do with making you feel bad for sinning or something.

Yep. Okay. So basically the judgment house was set up the same way as a haunted house in that you go from room to room. Wait a minute. Hold on. Well, maybe you'd have just told me this before and that's why I'm now remembering. If we've talked about it on here before, it was a long time ago so it don't fucking matter. No, no, I know.

I'm just, I'm not going to stop you for getting in. into it. I just, I do, I now do think I know what it is, but I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm remembering it. Yeah, I think you have told me before and that's why I remember. So basically, it was set up just like a haunted house in the sense that like you've got this big, you know, they have like a big warehouse and they've got it segmented off into rooms. Well, ours was, you know, the church gym and the Sunday school classes. And so it's like a walking story. Each room is a different scene and shit. And the story follows these two kids, one male, one female, both white.

And the boy is like, you know, a good for nothing, sinner of the devil. All he does, by the way, is he's 16 years old and he drinks beer. Like it's not like, you know, cutting the heads off birds and shit. Like it's just he's a now looking back on it. He is a very, very normal 16-year-old boy. And then you've got this girl who is a Christian and never does anything bad, right? And she wants to go to this Halloween party and her parents tell her about the awfulness of the world. And like, people out in the world, they want to do stuff and hit, but you're a Christian.

So by no means, you can you hit. You can't hit. You know what I mean? Yeah. And Lord says no hitting. Very strictly. Very strictly spelled out. And basically they lay out the whole thing of like, you know, you're going to hear a lot of stuff in the world that is going to try to trick you.

But you have to believe in the Word of God. So even when you were presented with something that seems like a concrete fact, it doesn't matter. Because if it ain't in the Bible, it ain't real. I mean, these are the same type of people that genuinely believe that dinosaur bones was put here by the devil. You know what I'm saying? Same attitude. So anyways, there's a party. And when I got older, I actually got to act in

this and I was one of the kids, I was just one of the kids at the party. And it hit really hard because they wanted to play music for this party. And of course, it had to be music that was sinful and of the world. So what genre did they choose?

None other than rap. 50 cent. Yeah. Well, no. So they couldn't because they couldn't find 50 cent songs. that didn't cuss. The one cleaned up song that they could use the radio edit version of that they felt was fine and they used it every year since it came out was so fresh and so clean by outcast. So there was at least one part of the judgment house that kind of bopped.

And it was that party scene. And it's all acted by like the people that are acting in this are just kids that go to the church that are a little bit older and they're in the teen classes. just so like absolute fucking garbage performances. So I mean, fucking brutal. So one of two pivotal scenes that happens is they're at this party and the girl is like, the boy's like,

I'll never forget the way that this kid delivered this line because it was such bad accident. He goes, hey, I just ran out of beer. I got to go gissomore. I got to go gissomore. And this girl's like, no, no, no. You shouldn't be driving, you know, whatever. I'll drive you.

I'll save you or whatever. Well, anyways, they leave, and then they are hit by another drunk driver, and they both die. So the next scene, it was outside at the church. And because some people that went to our church actually owned an ambulance company, they had the full fucking hearse. We had a hearse. There was an ambulance. They had a girl played by another actress because, you know, they had to keep this one all bloodied up and shit.

She's laid out there. They pronounce her dead on the scene. Well, you'd think that it was over then, but it was not. Then we have to go to heaven. And it was part of the gym that they had in just all white, angelic music. There was a heart playing. And it was showing that even though this girl had made a mistake, it was okay. And a matter of fact, her death was a good thing because that means that she gets to spend eternity in heaven.

Oh, what a fairy tale ending. I'm sure it's over. Absolutely not, Trey. because now we have to see what happened to the boy whose only sin in life was drinking natural ice with some of his friends. There's a hell scene. And it's pitch black.

They even had heaters in there, which now that I'm thinking about it, could have caught the black drapes on fire. It's hot as fuck. And the only light is shining on him as he meets the devil. And in another... Who got to play the devil?

It was just a voice. Right? It was just a voice. And it was the preacher's son. So behind, not only is this going on, but behind the curtain, instead of just having pre-recorded stuff, they had members of the choir sitting there and throughout the entire scene were just screaming as if they were burning in hell. Much of them would adlib some things.

like, I should have never went to that party, you know, and just crazy fucking shit like that. And then, you know, it's supposed to, it was basically one of those scare you straight tactics. Yeah. But all, but like, I remember even before I was old enough to be playing one of the people at the party going through it and just thinking, I mean, this party seems like fun. Like they're playing darts, man. They're drinking beer. Like they're listening to like some pretty wild crazy music. Like this just seems like they never go with the, like they never show actual bad sin is what I'm saying.

Like they never show a group of people hitting a woman. You know what I mean? Or like kids putting a white cross in a black kids yard. Like it's always just drinking. They make the thing that's not really that bad seem like if you do this, you're of the world. and you're going to hell. And I don't think that's good for kids. No, well, we'll talk more about it right after this.

My adversary's crumble when we rumble. It's a catastrophe on anybody who's trying to hate come and blasting me. Hoping in this for a minute. Yeah, but it's like that's the thing they're most worried about with teenagers at that point. You know what I mean? Like, that's like the thing that they don't want you do. And if you're talking about, you know, good Christian adults is, you know, hitting. They don't want you hit, and you hit too hard, you go to hell.

Everybody knows it, and they got to impress that upon you at that point in time. And the reason that they do, and the reason in my opinion that they focus on that specific type of sin is because it is the only sin that will often prevent you from being able to get up and go to church on Sunday. All the other sins are not going to give you a hangover and make you sleep in on Sunday. You know what I'm saying? But like the first time you get a taste for beer and sleep to 11 on a Sunday, you ain't going back, buddy. Because then you're like, oh my God, I'm already here and I can turn on the football coverage early. Like I'm mad, dude. Imagine being a goddamn Christian.

No, don't hit. I mean, I know that there are people that listen to this show that are good Christians. I know that they exist. I'm 100% aware of that. But like, I feel like most of the what I call good Christians, they probably just like, they don't even go to church no more. You know what I mean? They're just like, no, I'll read the book, but like I'm staying at home because the

fucking bills and chiefs are playing. So I got a couple of things you just made me think of that I wanted to bring up. You just said something like, there's good Christians watching this and you remind of me. You remember the song? I feel like it's sort of a, it's kind of got a creepy feel to it. The song from the 80s, you know, sometimes I feel like. somebody's watching me.

Who is that? He's black. Yeah. And he has curly hair and it's deep, it's, shit. I always feel like somebody's watching. Wait, no,

it's not Phil Collins. I'm right. It's a black person, right? It is. But that part that we keep re-singing, who is that? Oh, Prince. No, it's Michael Jackson.

Oh, right. Right, right, right, right. But, but that song, so like, I guess, you know, you, is it even credited to Michael Jackson? You were closer to it or what, right, you were, so in my head, that's one of those songs like, you hear it all the time growing up, you hear it, you know, whatever. Don't think much about it. No, but people know that song. Yeah. And because the only part, the only part of it I really know is the chorus.

And that is Michael Jackson. Like, right. I always just thought that was a Michael Jackson song. But it isn't. It's by some dude named Rockwell who actually, we were talking about LMFAO. That guy, Rockwell, he also is a son of Barry Gordy. How many does he got out there hitting? Oh, buddy, there ain't no telling.

I heard Artie Lang tell stories about meeting Barry Gordy because Barry Gordy was like a producer on Mad TV or something. Somehow he like, he financed it or something like. that. Actually, I'd heard that. And so Artie Lang met him from working on Mad TV, and he said he was given examples of someone like Barry Gordy's life philosophies. And apparently his number one life philosophy is the inimitable value of young pussy. And that it keeps you fresh. Yeah, I don't mean, you know, like illegally young. I just mean like younger than him, which has been young for a while. Like, you know, you upgrade to a younger model at a certain stage. And then you have, I think with him, you have a few kids with her. And I wish I. Leo ascribe to this model.

The Leo DeCaprio model exactly, except what Leo don't have the kids. But anyway, at my son's Halloween party this morning or at school, their little school Halloween thing, they played that song amongst others. And I realized it's like, yeah, I guess that song is, it is sort of like, spooky sounding. And it reminded me of that. And so I wanted to see if you knew the truth of it. But you were closer to me. Like I said, I thought, I was trying to ascertain whether everybody else also just thought that was a Michael Jackson song. No, I did not. I guess that's not the case. But that is Michael Jackson who sings the chorus. They were just,

they were just boys, him and that Rockwell dude, you know, because Rockwell's daddy or whatever. So is that song, is like Michael Jackson have a credited feature on that song? Because that's wild. If he don't. I don't know. I'm trying to find a way to. Oh, you want me tell you another funny church thing that I just thought of? Sure.

When I was a kid, I remember people at my church would always say, like, if somebody's grass, was dead in their yard, they would always say, you know why that is. I'm like, because they didn't put fertilizer or because we hadn't got a lot of rain. It's because they mowed their grass on Sunday. Did you know this? This is a true belief. A true belief that a lot of people around here have is that if you do yard work on Sunday, instead of going to church, your yard will not look good.

That's hilarious. I live in drought-stricken Southern California, so my yard stays having big dead patches in it. I don't mow ever, but the people that my landlord pays to mow come every Wednesday. So I know I didn't need to offer any evidence to the contrary for that ludicrous belief. That's right. There's, there you go. You're missing, you're missing the bigger picture here. The reason that California is always in a drought is because that's where all the centers live.

Because they stray from God's light. Yeah, that makes sense. That's why I wanted to do. I didn't want to get out of here without asking. I know the answer to this question because me and you have talked about. but I don't think we ever talked about it on here. And it's Halloween and it's on theme. Where are you at on scary movies?

I, so the only ones in the past ever that I've enjoyed are the are of the Jordan Peele variety. And I've been, and true and true horror fans have always told me, well, they don't really count. That's probably why you like them. I wouldn't really call them horror movies personally. But they have a, they have a, they have a, they have a they're like they're creepy they're thrillers yeah they're creepy thrillers but like no dude like i've always been the type of person who like horror is not an emotion that i wish to invest my money in you know what i mean yeah now that that said you know that i'll watch a good sad movie which is

contradictory contradictory in that way but like i'll watch a sad movie when i know it's like listen yes it's heart wrenching but like the cinematography is amazing The script is amazing. Horror movies are rarely like cinematic masterpieces. There are some, but... That right there, I think, is the main reason that I don't like them.

They're cheesy. They're not good. I also... Right. Yes. In my opinion, and again, this is blasphemy to a lot of people, especially, you know, on Halloween. Some people are super into horror movies.

My buddy Brent Terhune is the biggest horror movie fan that I know. My dad was super into horror movies. And he was a movie, buff in general, but he didn't discriminate, and he loved horror movies too. And a lot of people are that way, but for me, I'm sorry, but I just think that most of them are sort of stupid. Yeah, they are. Like, they're dumb.

I mean, we all know all the cliches about how characters act in them and stuff like that. But yeah, like you said, they're just, they're just mostly not good movies, which I believe is the reason that I haven't liked them. The ones that, like, I also like Jordan Pills. Except I didn't like us, but I fucking loved Get Out and I loved Nope. So he's two for three for me. Oh, I still hadn't seen Nope. Oh, it's awesome.

I thought. And it's, it's, it's, it's a creature feature, which that. Creature features, creature features are kind of actually an exception for me now that I think about it. I do like those. I like monsters. Yeah. Like, maybe my all-time favorite horror movie is probably the thing, John Carpenter's, the I really like that movie.

And then movies that like subvert horror movie tropes, like The Cabin in the Woods, if you ever saw that? Right. Yeah. You ever seen that? Yeah. No. I always like to say that I have because you get mad at me when I say that I haven't.

Yeah. You are. You're watching it. It's Halloween. How about I watch it tonight? It's Halloween. You should watch it tonight. It's fucking great, I think.

But like, you were saying there's things, the cinematography is great, whatever, with other movies that are sad and shit like that. I think with horror fans, find that in like creative kills and stuff like that. You know what I mean? And I mean, I get it. Yeah.

They're impressed by that or the effects and stuff. And also like old school horror will still, the reason horror persists so much is there's a few reasons, but like, hey, there's people who live for that shit. But, oh,

yeah, if it's your favorite shit, the studios haven't killed it yet because like, because people live for it, they can, spend $5 million or less on a horror movie. They can make a, you know, they can make it for cheap because they're like fake blood, like all them old Texas chainsaw

massacre and stuff like that were like indie films that they spent hardly any money on, but they figured out ways to make it look scary and the blood and all that stuff. And two that I like that I really, really fucking like. But it's only two. And maybe you're about to tell me that these don't count. But House of a Thousand Corpses and the fucking sequel to that, the two Rob Zombie ones, I fucking, I love them shits. Them shits are my jam.

But they're the only, they're the exceptions that prove the rule. That and if you want to count young Frankenstein, you know what I mean? Well, I love the Evil Dead movies, including Army of Darkness. I love how Sam Ramey gradually turned those movies into slapstick comedies, basically. Yeah, I've only ever seen the first one. Oh, dude, by the third one, and I love, the third one's fucking great, but it's like, it's a comedy. It's like straight up a comedy. It's like a, like, and you know, it has.

Oh, Sean of the Dead. See, right, like, Sean of the Dead's fucking awesome because it like subverts a lot of the tropes of horror movies. You know what I mean? Right. And anything like that I'm into, but you're sort of just like standard splatterfest shit. Yeah, no. Not for me. But the studio's level because you can make them for cheap.

been so many people love them that they make a shitload of money. So they like print money horror movies. So they're never going to go away. But I'm just not, I'm not a fan, generally speaking. Have you were in a horror movie? In a short film, yeah. No, what are you talking about? I'll send you the link to it.

I'm pretty sure it's still on YouTube. I am the lead. From when? Pre-hit, right pre-hit, like 2015. I knew that you did a indie thing, but I've done several. I've done a couple of indie. One of them was. I've done two indie features and one indie short,

and the short was a horror movie. And I get killed and it is, it's not, here's what I'll say. The movie is not supposed to be a comedy. But especially if you know me, watching it, you will laugh your ass off. You will laugh really fucking hard. And, I mean, it was fun as hell to do. We shot it all in one day.

And I had this scene where I had to run through a creek at night in February and, like, fail in it because that was part of the thing. And then it's funny, like, as soon as I did that, they were like, all right, we got to do some more takes. And I was like, I'm soaking wet. And they were like, we did not plan for this. Right. at all. But yeah, no, I'm, I'm in one. I can't remember what it's called, but it's, it's your classic. Kids go into a party. They go out to an abandoned cabin and there's a murderer on the loose. And I'm pretty sure in the movie, our guy is actually just wearing a Jason mask. Wow. All right. But no, I'm not into it as genre. But like, the thing, too, is like, I'll go back on what I said of like, I go, well, you know, horror is not an emotion. I want to pay for, but you'll pay for sadness.

Sadness is an emotion that I can use. We need to be sad sometimes to get in touch with our feelings, and sometimes you need a good cry. A good scare has never fucking helped anything. You know what I mean? That's never like, and I live in an old Civil War town, and I've always lived in old houses. Like, anytime I watch any of that shit, I can't fucking sleep at night, dude. Uh-uh. Yeah, I mean, I'm, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I feel the same way. I don't know what the fuck is going on in my throat right now. I got a frog in my throat or something. I got allergies today, too. It don't hit. It don't hit. Anyway, I think it's mostly the cinematic part of it that we talked about. It's just like they are generally speaking kind of dumb and cheesy and things like that.

So that's the main reason I don't like it. But I do agree with you about I don't need to sign up and spend money to scare myself. Also, like, they're always, like, they're trying to out fucked up. Yeah. I think that's what. I was fucked up. And I just don't, I don't, I don't need super fucked up shit in my life. You know what I mean?

It's like, yeah. Like, some people are like, the ones that really get people's attention, like, yeah, so fucking brutal. And I'm like, I don't, I don't need. Like saw and shit like that. Like, so, okay, the very first saw. Yeah, I did. The very first saw is creative and inventive. But that's a fucking.

but then they get, I don't know, dude, I would call that a horror movie. Yeah, I guess you're right. The Saw movies. I mean, they are pretty, they're pretty gnarly. It's just the first one has some good, you know, storytelling. And then it was innovative, I thought. But that's the problem with those movies and all horror movies like you were saying. It's like they have to, it's like in a wrestling show.

If the first match somebody jumps off the top of a cage into a table, then the people in the last match are about to have to do something so insane. that often it's just like not feasible or you get hurt or you can't pull it off or it's ridiculous. And like, yeah, with the Saul, it's like, well, we got to do different torture mechanisms. And like in all horror movies, it's like, like when somebody sets out to make a comedy, of course you want it to be the funniest movie that you can make, but you don't go, this has to have more laughs per minute than super bad or this has to be, you know what I'm saying? Like you're not trying to out fart the competition, I don't guess.

But yeah, but in horror, you literally have to. It's like, what was the last horror that came out? They did that. We got to do fucking this, you know? Yeah. Yeah, well, either way, hope everybody had a good holiday, happy Halloween and all that shit. And looking forward to fatten it up on Thanksgiving. Mm-hmm.

That's all I got. The true greatest holiday of all time. Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do Thank you God bless you Good night and skew Go to trace Patreon

And part-time funnyman.com Was that before or after That rich lady got pissed off at you For playing my headphones too loud? I don't The timeline is fuzzy But were you on that flight? No, you just told me about all this

Yeah, I didn't realize it But I had my headphones Blasting two chains and I was passed out drunk, and she pulled the thing off of my ear and goes, are you serious right now? And I was like, what? Because, like, I just thought, yeah, your headphones are loud, but they on your ears. Nobody can hear this shit.

But, like, you know, if you're blasting two chains with the base effect on. We haven't ever told on here the other story about you wearing your headphones at the airport, have we? You know the one I'm talking about? I don't think we have, so why don't you go ahead? I'll never forget it. St. Louis Airport. All right.

St. Louis Airport. I was either, it wouldn't have been a layover. St. Louis isn't a layover town. So we were leaving St. Louis. And we had done a weekend of shows at the funny bone or is it helium? Helium. Helium. So, you know, after a weekend of shows, I've got, we've all got one brewing down here.

And I try to get it out before I leave the hotel, but sometimes it just ain't going to happen. Yep. So I get to the airport. and I've got to take a fucking country shit. Big country shit. A big old country shit. That's much bigger than a city shit. Yeah.

And I'm pretty sure, unless I'm wrong, they don't have a sky lounge there. And I know that because if they did, I would have went to it. Because one of my favorite things about the sky lounge is like it's a nice private bathroom. Yeah. With the full door, the door that goes all the way down, which I don't know why people. Just do that? Do you think it's because is it supposed to. And the hinge is like this.

is so people are just sitting there watching me take a shit. Do you think, I feel like that's one of those things you don't really think about until you do. And it's like, why are the doors only half doors? Do you think the logic is like, well, this is why you can see if there's feet in there. Maybe. But still, it don't hit not having a full door. Can we knock? The stalls in the boys bathrooms in my high school, none of them had any doors at all.

Yeah. I guess because people's in there, you know, smoking cigarettes and or meth or something. Yeah. And so they just took all the doors off our stalls. So if you was to poop, you just had to poop. That was publicly. That was how I was in our locker room and it just, I would be so nervous. I would try to wait to take a shit till I got home because I don't want to just shit in front of everybody.

And I don't like, I always have a fear that like, this is when I'm going to get recognized by a fan. And like, I also wear comically loud looking shoes. So like, if somebody sees me, like, I saw them under the stall and I heard him taking a big old country shit. Yeah. So I don't, I like my privacy. So I go into this bathroom. And I'm just like, I'm about to have a panic attack because I have to take a shit and I'm having to do it in public and it don't hit for me. So in my mind, to calm myself, I'm like, I'm just going to put my headphones on, listen to some Jimmy Buffett and just calm my nerves and sit here and take a shit, right? So I'm just sitting there just, I mean, feed up, just really sweating like you've never seen a human being sweat before, sweating out all the alcohol, shitting out all the alcohol.

And I'm just sitting there, mother, mother, ocean. I have heard you call And right as soon As I'm getting the last bit out there I look up Through sweat beads coming down my eyes And the door I had not locked it properly

And it was wide open And there was a man Sitting there Trying to rush his son Away from the stall Because his son was just sitting there Staring at me While I'm fucking turtlehead

And he's just like Come on come this way But again, I've got the headphones on full blast. I never knew any of that. Your eyes are closed. Because your whole thing is like, I've got to take myself to another place and pretend that I'm not in public right now. So you close your eyes, blast the music.

And unbeknownst to you, the door has creaked open. Has been open the whole time. So you're just shitting in front of the rest of the bathroom. Like, I've got my feet up on it. You know what I mean? Like, they could see my asshole probably. And yeah, just the whole time. And this is one that like people had to walk past that to get to the urinals and stuff.

So like everyone had just come by and was. just like, is he listening to Jimmy Buffett? So, yeah, it was, oh, yeah, that's exactly it. That's exactly it right there. Fucking Harry, what was Harry, Harry Dunn? Yeah. From dumb and dumber. Is that the hit in his poop scene of all time, you think?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's unrivaled. Right.