wellRED podcast - #298 - What Would the Boys do if Their Wives Died?

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

This week the boys talk about a lot of stuff, but mainly about what would happen if they had to be single again!Corey just made the BEST SELLER list on Substack for his publication PartTimeFunnyMan.com - Subscribe today and join in on the fun! Cant afford it? Just email [e-mail] he'll comp you no questions asked!Subscribe to Trae's Patreon at Patreon.com/TraeCrowder and visit TraeCrowder.com to get tickets to see him live!THE BOYS WILL BE AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE DECEMBER 15-17!!! Get tickets at WellREDcomedy.comDrew will be in Austin. Go to DrewMorganComedy.com for those ticketshover.com/WELLRED

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion. Because used to, you, like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

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put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that in response to? What was that a reply gift for?

Just when I did something stupid. Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help.

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upset they got three big old dicks that you can suck. All right, welcome to the well-read podcast. It's your boy Corey Ryan Forster joined, as always, by Trey Crowder and Drew Morgan. Boys, how's it going? Hey, also, I need y'all to tell me what's going on vis-a-vis the Senate and Congress, because a lot of people are acting like, I see from a lot of people like, oh, man, what a great victory. But here I am in Georgia where Marjorie has just been.

re-elected and so like I feel nothing but despair can you convince me to feel joy i mean i think stuff hits but uh i mean comparatively but you know i try i try to be super pragmatic uh but drew normally you know it's pretty quick to bring the the doom gloom and uh and whatnot so i'll say the best thing that i could say is i think that most districts most Americans, I think, are tired of what you, I guess, have to call Trumpism. Right. In the vein of Herschel Walker, Lauren Bobrick should have won in a landslide. She may still win, but I think people are tired of sort of cartoonishly villainous, right, wingers.

And long term, I don't know what that means, but short term, it might keep fascism on its heels a little bit. Right. The reason I say that I believe that is it's, I could be accused by more milk toast Democrats of being an asshole right now with what I'm about to say. But it's so hard for me to imagine that anyone's super stoked on Joe Biden in general. Like in an exciting way. Like in a, let's get out there and vote for the Dems way. So that's why everybody was expecting a red wave. The fact that a red wave didn't come, I think means the Republican Party is at a moment of crisis as far as its identity.

And I think that can only be a good thing. I agree with all that. I was going to say, like, basically, I'm about to, you know, I'm about to meander and ramble for a minute as I want to do. I think that, uh, from your own butt? Yeah. What I've been, what's worried me the most in recent years is about like, is there really no line for these people? Like, the idea that like, you see, we've all known Republicans our whole life. And only since Trump in the past few years has it been a situation in my head where it's like, God damn, I did not know y'all were this fucking crazy.

Like, I, like, you know, I knew that. we didn't hit for each other and things like that. We had disagreements or whatnot. Maybe y'all was at least a little bit racist, sure. But like, I didn't know it was this bad in y'all's heads, right? And now that this has happened, it feels like, oh, okay, so there is a line. Like, there isn't into it. Like, there are still reasonable people out there.

All this insanity at a certain point did get to be too much for people. and they have had enough. Like I think that I feel like if the Republicans in these midterms were mostly, if they were still mostly of the like John McCain-Mitt Romney variety, right, there would have been a red wave, I think. The only reason there wasn't is because it was a bunch of boogity, boogity bat shit, Trump-ass lunatics. And I think that is encouraging for the future in general.

I think it should tell the Republicans that that direction they have been going, in the ever more fascist direction is not going to hit for people. And more importantly, is not a winning strategy, which is all they really care about. So I think that they'll start to rein it in some. Now, Trump won't, and he's not going to just go away. Right. But he seems like he's an albatross around their neck at this point to me, which also hits for us. So, I mean, I'm feeling generally good about most of it and very relieved.

That's what I wanted to say. a little bit to piggyback off there because I think we've brought this up on the podcast before. I know I've said it to people that like Trump, Trump is such an outlier that like you can't just copy what he does and use it as a winning strategy. Like you can't coach that. Like only he can do it. And there's a lot of people, your Marjorie Taylor Greens, your Bobrits, which, you know, Marjorie obviously won in a landslide. But our district is so fucked and gerrymandered. It's like whatever. But like, yeah, you can't, people that think that,

They can just go out there and unhinged, say what they want to say and not go by some sort of rulebook or playbook. They're having to look at Trump right now and being like, oh, like, he's just one of one. Like, you cannot. People can't anybody but Brett Farr couldn't play the style of football that Brett Farr played is what I'm saying. So another thing I saw, and I talked about this on my Patreon, which I did earlier today, was the other times that something comparable has happened. So it's been a general rule of thumb, you know, in the midterms that it's a repudiation of the, because we're so like dumb and fickle in America that's like, whoever the president is, there's always some things that don't hit no matter what.

And whatever those things are, it's their fault. And thus, we've got to go back to it. We just constantly go back and forth. So midterms always go in the other direction as a general rule. And three of the times where something like this has happened before was 1934, 1962, and 2002, right? And then this year. And it's like 1934 was FDR and the Great Depression and the New Deal. 1962 was JFK after the Cuban Missile Crisis.

In 2002 was George W. Bush after 9-11. So it's like existential threats, basically. And Trump is ours. And Trump and Trumpism and fascism and election denial and all that is our fucking great depression. Do you mean? Cuban Missile Crisis, 9-11. for right now and that it takes something like that to make something like these results possible.

Do you mean those are the only other times that the midterms weren't swept by the opposition? Is that what you mean? Yeah, like basically. And there was, there's been a couple other times where it was like where basically where the results were so far in the other direction of what anyone expected them to be or what they should, what they were projected to be, basically. Right. There were two other times where it was like not so bad, but it was sort of just, it wasn't as pronounced, basically. And those don't fit my narrative, so I left them out. And I like to just keep going.

It was Richard Nixon's first term and George H. W. Bush's first term. And I got nothing for those. But yeah, let's just stick with the other ones because it makes for a better story. If you want doom and gloom, Corey, I'll offer you this. Yep. I think that millennials and Gen Z did this, stop that wave. For sure. The Republicans have enough control in Congress and in the House to stop a lot of things.

The Democrats that are in power are milk toast. The Republicans control the courts, not just Supreme Court, but many of the appeals courts, especially the appointed positions. We're seeing that with student loans, which have been shut down in two. circuit courts. One of all that is, they're going to keep stuff from getting good and then blame

young people for voting left, and then we're going to watch Gen Z do what every generation has done to some extent, which is get more conservative, probably. But hey man, we'll probably be 45, 50 when I have it. Yeah, that's good. But don't you think,

I've seen some people say, Mark has talked about this on skews before. Like, for both millennials, and also, So Gen Z as they come down the pike, like the whole getting more conservative as you get older thing used to be based around a lot of shit that don't just happen to people anymore, meaning like getting older,

getting married by the house, having kids, fucking all this stuff that used to just be part of how life went for everybody is not, it ain't, it's not like that for our generation and below. And so that whole, you know,

that old classic, you know, boomer phrase, uh, saying if you're not a liberal when you're 20, you don't have a heart. If you're not conservative when you're 40, you don't have a brain. It seems like there might be less and less to that maybe in the future. But that also might just be wishful thinking, though.

But I feel like it makes sense. It does make sense. It might push people further left instead of pushing them right, the fact that they don't have anything. But I think that that theory is a little overstated. Just a few examples. You know, it's like, oh, Gen X. seems to have gotten more conservative as they've aged and gotten land and property and all that. But that's not exactly true.

We think of Gen X as so borderline revolutionary because we look at Rage Against the Machine, Nirvana, rap music, MTV. But what people got to realize is that was counterculture that became culture. Well, what was it counter to? Gen X was already-Ragan shit, right? Reagan, yeah. Right. Gen X was already stepping into. a conservative world and was pretty conservative.

It was the cool people that weren't. So, yeah, I mean, that's a good point, Tray. I just think that they'll flip their tactic. If things suck for the next 10 years and Dems have been in control, in quotes, that's a pretty easy attack point. Well, I think, too, that it could be, instead of when you get older, you get more conservative, it's just that you change, you stay the same, but the goalpost moves.

Because like what constitutes a liberal in 2008? Like I had some very liberal beliefs in 2008, and I've since, you know, those have evolved. Like, like, I don't know, like, you know, back, there was a time when Democrats, liberals, weren't for gay marriage or weren't for the legalization of marijuana. So like society in general, the goal point goes. God damn it.

Yeah. Yeah. But you know what I'm saying? It's like, that someone, someone whose Gen X could have been considered extremely liberal for their time, and they haven't changed at all. It's just that now we know about trans people and trans right, and they just stood on the same ground.

So they didn't change. It's just that the goalpost moved. Well, that's a good point. And I wonder, you know, I would have to consider this a win, even though it's not, like, in my opinion, great. But if what you're saying will happen is that the right sees this moment, of crisis for what it is and becomes very Andrew Yangy at the top. And so more millennials and Gen Ziers become right wing because of the party changes

and the left goes further left. I mean, I would have to consider that a victory. So I would, I hope that happens. If it happens for that reason, I'm super for it. Yeah, I mean, again, the main thing that I'm encouraged about is that it just feels like, the whole thing feels like it was a referendum on like Drew's, started out with like Trumpism, basically. And it's, you know, it's effectiveness or it's, what's the word, what's the word for whether

something can hit or not? Longevity. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, it's probability. None of those are doing it for me, but I can't come up with them. I think I'm getting sick. I think I'm getting the probability that something will hit. Just it's, it's, yeah, like going, going.

going forward. Like it's like, viability? Viability. There you go. Yeah, it's viability as a long term like political. Do you want to,

you want me to edit out us being stupid? No, no. No. No. I just keep yourself humble, you know? I don't always know all the words. Yeah, right.

Now, I'm getting the boys have been sick, you know, like it's just that time of year, apparently, according to Katie, all the moms groups. Word disease. Yeah. Well, no, I just like, they've been sick. sick and I've been all day to day. You always have those days where you're like,

you're like, they're like, I think, I'm, I feel like I'm starting to not hit. It's like I don't, your fart. I don't,

not hit, but I just, I feel like, I smell it in your farts. Starting to not hit. No, but I've heard people say that before. It's true.

But Katie. It's like scientific, actually. Yeah. That's, that don't hit for me. That's fine. Like,

you, in your own fart, you fart. You're arguing with Katie? You fart in general. No, no, I'm telling you.

It just sounds like old mamma shit. Like, like you smell somebody's fart and you're like, you know, you got a flu. No, your own fart. Your own fart. Your own fart. So like you subconsciously or whatever, like when you fart and you smell it, it sends signals to your brain of like, oh, that that ain't normal. That's a sick fart. Like that sick fart to real.

And I know, like I can predict before I even start feeling bad, I'll fart and I'll be like, oh boy, and sure is shit by the end of the day, I'm sick. Sick fart. But you're not. Okay. Are you talking about gut sick, though? just sick, no, flu sick. See, that gut sick that makes all the sense in the world,

but like head sick for it to change your farts, why? I don't know why, I'm just telling you that it does. I'm right. 13 minutes. Yeah, politics. Like we got into farts, yeah, we call the fart doctor.

We've got to, no, we've got all sorts of, there's all sorts of stuff that when we fart, it sends signal star brains. Dogs and stuff do it too. They smell their own ass to see what's up. And other dogs ass. Well, I want to talk about something else right after this. My adversary's crumble when we rumble.

It's a catastrophe on anybody who trying to hate come and blasting me. Hoping in this for a minute. Well, we're back. Y'all might know this. I'd heard it before, but then I got reminded of it last night. Y'all know who was a huge liberal queer? And I feel like you wouldn't think of being as such. Like, okay, give me some.

Let's play 21 questions here. Man or woman? Man. Uh, politician. Uh, no, but prominent public figure, no. Is he American? Yes. Super American.

Not Richard Branson. Uh, Toby, not Toby Keith. Oh, uh, no, not Mike Rowe. Uh, huh, I got nothing. John White, not John Wayne. No, but he seems, he's almost on the level of John Wayne. Sam Elliott? Sam Elliott?

No, no, no, no, he's not an actor. He's in the football world. Tori Akeman? Now, Vince Lombardi. Really? Vince Lombardi had a gay brother and was super, super liberal. He probably designed the trophy. Especially for his time.

Why is it looks like a big old dick or whatever? Well, it's just, you know, it's fancy looking. Oh, okay. Fabulous. And yeah, it does look like a big old dick now that you said. But anyway, he had like, he not only was super not down with racism, you know, in the like like that Shane Gillis article or a sketch with the football coach suddenly becoming super into black culture super anti-racist and stuff because he realized how hard they hit a football or whatever like you know you could make that case for Lombardi but it went a lot further than that he was even in he was even down with the gays in like the early 1960s which is like for that time dude that's fucking that's crazy that's crazy out there like that's Yeah, that's like as far left as you could be at the time.

And in Green Bay. Yeah, right. He was a man's man. Well, Green Bay's a, it's not rural, obviously, but it is the smallest city in any major sports league in America. And it's in Wisconsin, which is kind of red. So that's right. That's super wild. Right.

Where'd you find this information? I'd heard it before. And then I was in, I was on the NFL. subreddit, watching everybody laugh at how stupid the Raiders are and how much they don't hit, and like just, you know, doing that for masochistic reasons. And I don't remember what I think maybe people got to talk. No, no, that ain't it. The Chargers played last night.

They played on Sunday out football last night. And the Chargers, uh, offensive coordinator is Vince Lamberti's grandson, Joe Lombardi. And by all accounts, he's a dipshit who don't hit a nothing in total nepoton. him higher. But anyway, so people got to talk about that how much he don't hit. And then people started saying, and it's a real shame because Vince Lamarty's one, oh, geez, you know, whatever, not just in football terms, but, and then they started this

whole thing. And I looked into it. And, yeah, like he had, there was rumors about a player being gay when he was coaching, like in the 60s. And he, you know, threatened everybody with, like he said, if anybody else says another word about this, you know, I'll kick your ass off the team, yada, yada, of that type of shit. He was very, he was just, you know, he was had to tell legit. Yeah, that is wild.

It's not the type of guy you would think would be so, you know. Why don't you think? Football to this day, you know, it's wild when. Yeah. Like they're all Christians. Yeah, right. Super Christian, very conservative, generally speaking, I think. So why don't we use that?

Like, why, why is it, why is Vince Lombardi being a super liberal not something that's like in our back? pocket to always throw like at our maybe it's because other super liberals don't fuck with sports ball especially football which is gladiator shit there's just like there's just such a non overlap well I'm about to from now on I'm having that one

in my back pocket call us like Snowflake Pussies and stuff and you just tell them you know Vince Lambertie like Vince Lamberti motherfucker the reverse is also true the NFL brand as a brand is like less liberal than NASCAR which is oh yeah

Yeah. Yeah. So they would probably, now we got the internet, but there's a big space between the end of Lombardi's career and when he sort of left the Zai Geist other than as the guy who the trophy's named after and the internet. So I think it's just like that probably was lost for years until, you know, somebody put it on his Wikipedia.

Well, it's coming back. I'm making it a fucking point to bring that. That's going to be my Toby Keith was a registered Democrat. Yeah. Fucking stream that I did. They'll start calling the Lombardia participation trophy if you make it work. Yeah. Do y'all wives leave shit land around?

I have no idea what that means. That's the Super Bowl trophy. Oh, yeah. Good call. Y'all's wives leave shit laying all over the place or no? It depends. Like, you're the one that does that. Yeah, that's why I thought.

Not all the time. Because, like, Amber is very good about, you know, picking the house up and doing showing. Like, I do, like, for a man. I'm actually pretty decent at it too. But when she's in the middle of something, like she's got this big table, this big piece of wood that she makes into a table by putting it on top of the laundry hamper

and then putting that on top of our ottoman. And that's where she does all of her puzzles. And she will start a puzzle one night drunk. Well, not anymore because she's pregnant. And then she will be leaving that thing in the middle where I can't sit on my seat. and I'm not allowed to touch it for, and it'll be there for like three weeks.

But other than that, like, no, she don't be just leaving shoes and clothes around. I can get that way a little bit because if I get, I'm always in a hurry. Like, I'm always coming home from a walk and having to do the podcast, so I strip my clothes down.

And I know that like, as soon as I get through doing this podcast, I'm going to put them in the hamper, I'm going to wash them. But what she'll do is she'll come in and grab them before I've had the chance to do that. You know, like when you sit like a bowl in the sink and you're like, all right, I'm going to take a shit,

and then I'm going to come wash this out, but they've already done it just so that they can be like, you leave on your sit out. And it's like, you don't give me the chance. Bro, she has put turkey in the refrigerator while I was making the sandwich. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's very structured in that regard.

She don't leave it laying around. But if you look around his house, it's all her because, like, I don't, I don't, there's not a spot. One day she was like, why is your basketball here? I was like, where you want me to put it? Tell me where my spot is. And she said, shit, I don't know. Sorry. I just said one of those people, and I've always said that it's because I can't find,

yeah, I'm one of those like if there's a snake get a bitchy type people. Like I can't find shit when it's lost. And I think because of that, I'm a very, very much like things have their place type of person. Like I put things back in the same place. Katie has not, no answer to that. She's the complete exact opposite. that things just go wherever the fuck they go. And she never knows where anything is.

But also, like, she has this weird thing. Like the other day, I asked her, I was like, I know you're not going to know, but you know where the remote is. And she's like, oh, yeah, it's down in between the two cushions on the far end of the couch, but I saw it there. And I was like, and you just left it in the, like, you just left it down in the crack. You saw it. And we're like, okay, well, that's where that is.

And she was like, yeah, why wouldn't I do that? And it's a complete disconnect with us. But the reason I brought it all up is because I look down here. We have parent teacher conferences today out here on my setup. And I just now noticed that Katie's headphone has been left laying here. And as soon as I saw it, I was like, well, I'm going to have some fun with that. Because I know she's going to be looking for it. She's not going to say anything to me because she don't like me to have the satisfaction of knowing she's lost something else.

Of course. But especially with headphones because she's had a bunch of different pairs of cordless headphones and wireless headphones. And I'm like, when she bought these, I was like, you fucking kidding me? And she was like, what? I was like, you're just going to lose them,

you know, like in no time. And so she's made it a point, but like, every time she goes to put them on, she'll be like, hey, guess who ain't lost these yet?

You know how long I've had these? I ain't lost them once. Like, it's been a whole thing. And now she's left this one out here, so I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to see how that plays out. I'm not going to.

I'm away. Because she won't tell you that she lost it and see if she finds a new pair just to win. And then you did it. Right. Yeah, and then you get a new pair. Yeah, because she don't hardly ever come out here on this is where I'm on my, you know, podcast set up.

That's where we did the parent teacher conferences. But otherwise, she don't ever use this for nothing. So I don't think it's going to enter her mind that it might be out here, even though, you know what I'm saying? So like, I think I'm set up pretty well here going forward. And there's a little bit of marital subterfuge here. We'll say, I mean, I'm not going to win. And it's, you ain't no, ain't no victories, you know. Which one of y'all reads the mail in both of your families?

The mail? Like the mail that comes in the mailbox or whatever? Yeah, the mail, which hits? About once every three months, I guess. Katie will look through it. And she grabs it, she grabs it off the floor and just throws it in a pile. And then she'll grab shit that she thinks is important bills or whatever. and puts them in a stack for me,

and then I go through that. Okay, so you're going through it, because see, I'm the one. Well, no, she's the first one. She separates all the junk mail into a separate pile to be recycled, and then she takes the mail that is not junk, but then she leaves that for me to deal with. She don't, like, deal with the legitimate mail,

but she pulls it out. Yeah, we're opposite. I'm the one that goes every day and goes to the mailbox, and if I see something that I think will hit, I will open it, but usually all the stuff don't hit. Of course. So I just take all the mail and I throw it in a pile and I'm like,

that's for her to do later, unless, of course, if she's gone and we get a piece of mail that I know for a fact is about to be a wedding invitation or a save the date, I hide them or just straight up throw them away as long as she's not here. Yeah. It's a good move. It is a good move.

But I don't like, but I haven't like opened a bill. Like when I see a bill, I'm just like, eh, well, the internet exists. Surely I don't have to open this. Bro, Chickamauga, I don't know. Like, it's another cultural difference. Maybe. Um, I don't know where Drew's at with this. But like, I feel like all of my friend, me and Katie, all of our friends and people, everybody

that was going to get married had pretty much been married for like, a while for us. Like there was a, yeah, there was a long stretch of time where we were going to a lot of weddings and shit and we had our wedding and all that stuff. But like, everybody just been married now.

And like, we don't ever, the whole wedding invitation thing, we're kind of past that. We're only in our mid-30s, but we're, we still are way past that at this point. Well,

these are all her college friends. Yeah. That's what I mean. I'm including college friends and shit. Even my college friends are long since married. Amber went to a fucking wedding. second wedding. No,

hell no, no, no, no. I'll go to a divorce party. Yeah, no, hell no. But no, Amber gets invited to weddings all the time just because she's, you know, friends with a lot of people. And, but she, like, she, she went to a wedding this weekend. And I was like, it's funny because she was like,

I'm leaving. I'm going to Atlanta for a wedding with Christy. And I was like, oh, are you Christy's plus one? And she's like, no, I mean, we were invited to the wedding. I just knew that it wouldn't hit for you. so I didn't ask you to come, which was awesome. It was a beautiful moment. But she thinks she has to go.

She's like, I barely even know him. But like she feels like she has to go. Well, where are y'all at on this? Do you, like, I don't know what types of weddings these are. And also maybe it's a result of what I said. It was you, we've been past it for a long time. We were younger than maybe I'd feel differently now. But like, I never, I kind of, I kind of liked going to like my friends or friend groups.

weddings. Friends. I used to have a real good time at weddings. I never minded. I never mind to go into a wedding. What about Katie's friends? Other than like a fucking church wedding and fucking, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that was no hit. But like.

Post, post hit, I haven't like before pre-hit, I did. It was fun. I had drinks. Now, I'm talking about only people that like, I'm actually friends with them. I'm not, I don't want to go to like one of, it's Amber's, you know, there are acquaintances and they just happen to ask us. if I have an actual emotional interest in a human being, yes,

I want to go to their wedding. But something happened post-hit that, like, me being in public with all the people that I know is just not fun. It's not fun for me anymore. Like, even, like,

most of the time it's, like, all I want to do is just not talk about it. Hey, let's hang out. Let's drink. And people either want to talk about it from usually a negative point of view. Like,

oh, yeah, you're out there doing all that liberal queer shit in Hollywood. Or, or sometimes just, as bad. They just, all they want to do is talk to me about what I've got going on and stuff. And I don't,

I know you'd think that I would like that, like talking about myself, but like I don't. Like, I just want to have fun and drink at the wedding. And so, like, I can't ever just like let my guard down and be me. I always have to be like some version of on when I'm around people that I,

that I grew up with. Yeah, there's a Leonard Skinner's song that's one of my favorites. I think it's called Don't Ask Me No question. questions. And it's all about when I get off the road, you know, he's like, I love playing in a rock and roll band. But when I get here, don't ask me about my business, you know. I identify with that.

I was just telling me this the other day, though, have you guys been, I guess, Corey, you wouldn't have to, most likely you wouldn't have to, like, travel. But what about funerals? Like, I feel like I'm transitioning from weddings and I'm getting closer to funeral age. Funerals are actually easier. Yeah, funerals are actually easier for me because nobody wants to talk about anything except for the only thing you really say at a funeral is it's so good to see you. I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances. It's like the only phrase you just keep repeating that over and over again. But I mean, no, I mean, you know, with funerals though, it's like nobody likes going to fear.

My dad, my dad just doesn't go to funerals. And he's like, what's just you don't understand? I just don't like him. And I'm like, dad, no one there likes them. It's not about like you just have to. suffer through it to show support for somebody, but like nobody fucking likes it. If you like funerals, you're a fucking sadist. Yeah.

Yeah, that's where I'm at on it. I ain't had too many funerals to go too recently. I went through a big, pretty, you know, stretched there. Yeah, I bet. Had a good number of them, but not so much lately, which is fun. I should say, just shout out to my buddy Duck. Y'all met Duck a couple of times. He did actually just recently get married, and I would.

was invited, but I was on the road that weekend. And like, you know, that bummed me out. I want, I wanted to be able to go to that. But he's the only one in recent times. But yeah, congrats. Congrats. The rest of us been, um, being ringed up for a minute now. Um, you got a lot of divorce buddies?

No, not yet. Good for you. Because divorced friends are, I mean, I mean, some, it's like totally, I've got some college friends and stuff that have been divorced, but like, like the Salina boys and like my like main crew, uh, including you guys, everybody's,

you know, all my like good friends are married and have thus far stayed married. So I mean, you know, give it time. I'm fucking, yeah, of course statistics are,

yeah, right. Statistics for a reason. Yeah, but so far, no. I've got, I've got several divorce buddies and what happens to,

they live there? Buddies. Yeah, they live here. I think they're a huge. difference, like, in general. I feel like my divorce. Oh, yeah.

It wouldn't really affect y'all. Yeah. It wouldn't really affect y'all. But, like, when my buddies get divorced, they immediately revert back to, you know, they have to, they were rushed directly back into single life. And we're all settled down and their energy changes. And I had a buddy who got divorced like five years ago. And it was devastating.

And like, of course, I was there for him. And it was out of nowhere. And so at first, like, I was, you know, going out with him hanging out. out and I was like, all right, I'm just going to get him through this, get him through this hump. But he is like, this was five years ago and that motherfucker ain't slowed down one bit. He is still like post-divorce. And I've had it just straight up tell him like, dude, I gave you, I gave you six months. And after that, I love you, but I can't be doing the going out trying to pick up women thing,

not just because, like, I can't do that because of my wife. I don't have the energy or the desire to do any of that. Now I got another buddy who's recently, like, just going through a divorce, and it's the same fucking thing. Like, all of a sudden now, we got to hang out every day. And again, I love these people. But, like, the best thing to me about being married is the not having to do none of that bullshit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

What, do you know, though, are you closer? Do what? You had a bit. What'd you say? You had a bit just like that back in the day. Am I freezing? I did. Yeah.

I'm surprised. No, no. I'm surprised you. remember that. Yeah, it was based the premise of it when I don't remember like any of the jokes, but just like I don't miss being single at all. Being single don't hit and fucking because of all that, because of having to do how that whole lifestyle didn't hit.

You're just pretending to hit it's because you want to get, you know, pussy or whatever. But, but I'm wondering, though, I only ever did that to one time in my 20s, you know, met Katie and now been with her and I'm still with her. When you like get divorced and you're in your 30s and get thrust back into that, and I know it hasn't happened to you personally, but do either of you all know, like, how that changes that whole game? I'm assuming you're going to very different bars or different places now. You're looking for other divorcees, right? There's more baggage. There's more, like, it just seems like it'd be a whole different ball game than playing that game when you're in your

early 20s because everybody's doing it when you're in the early 20s. But by the time you're in the mid-30s, you're divorced. It's like the circumstances are very different, I feel like. Well, we have a good buddy who's not. divorce but fucks a lot of divorced women and uh yeah yeah the thing is like he's on his work city and yeah i think that that probably the internet changes everything but we even included a joke in that uh pilot we last the last pilot we wrote about trying to be on the internet when you live in a small town you know you put that circle 60 miles you're running out of women in a week or whatever you know what i mean it's just not as many so i think it's got a

I don't have anyone in my life who's divorced, but I have friends who are older who never got married and fuck divorced women. And I think it's very different still being single in your 30s, living 35 minutes from Knoxville versus in the heart of New York City. I think the latter is fine and the former is a goddamn nightmare. Like you're probably getting walked in on by like six-year-olds and stuff. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Like shit like that is happening. Like it's just got to be real different. different in a way that don't really appeal to me. But I get if you get divorced, you know, what else you're going to do? You're going to have to start fucking divorce days. If you get divorced, you need to be in a major city or a tourist area or get remarried as quickly as possible because otherwise, I'm telling you, it's going to be misery. Well, dude, I've got some of these buddies who, like, I keep trying to convince him, like, you, dude, you got to be someone's second husband or you got to do this because someone are like, no, I don't want to, I don't want a woman that has kids. And I'm like, buddy, we're in the South.

You're almost 40. So you got a couple options here. Or a lunatic. Okay, there you go. There you go. All right. So he's been dating a lot of like, most of the lunatics got kids too.

Yeah, that's true. It's a lunatic don't stay childless for too long, I guess. But he's been, he's been dating a lot of like younger girls, like in their, you know, mid to early 20s or whatever. He's like, well, they just don't have kids or whatever. And he's like, but. I'm finding like, it's just so hard. And I'm like to be around them and hear their bullshit and know that you have no common interest whatsoever and that they're fucking stupid. And he's like, yeah.

And I'm like, he's like, so I need what I need is like, I need to get like a 35 year old that's never. And he's like, I don't want the, uh, anyone to be divorced too because then there's the baggage of the ex-husband. He's like, so I need a 35 year old who's never been married and never had kids. And I'm like, okay, well, in that scenario around here, you've got two options. either you have to find someone who is barren, like you said, or no offense to all the single ladies. This isn't all of you, but this is a lot of you. If you're from a small town in the South and you are 35 and you have never been married,

there's usually a fucking reason for that. I mean, you are a fucking psycho. I think that it applies just as much to dudes too. Of course it does. Of course it does. It's the dude version of it, meaning like, it's a very common thing dude that if you're 35 plus and a dude and you've never even gotten close to being married whatever then you have major commitment issues or mama issues or both or whatever like you have

something going on that explains that so like yeah yeah i think it goes both ways but it's just true it is like a generalization and i know it doesn't apply to literally everybody but i mean yeah dog both genders you reach a certain age and just it never had none of that shit happened to you or for you, then like, there's some kind of reason for. People probably don't want to be around you. People probably don't want to be around you for a long time. So I was like, dude, you're fishing in an extremely small pond. Like, you're going to have to accept the fact that the person, like, you're going to have to date people who have been with someone before. And there's no shame in that because you have, you know, you've been with

someone before. Think about if that one does exist within 60 miles of your buddy. you boy better show up with the good job and that's what I'm saying right yeah yeah because because she's prime good right there yeah yeah yeah dude for sure but I was like you're just going to have to like you know accept the fact that if you want to start a new life it's going to be with an older woman who is divorced and has kids and there ain't a goddamn thing wrong with that but like when you close to like dude I know that you know you make the jokes about Leonardo de Capri I only they'd eight 25 year olds. It's like, oh, man, what a life.

Like, that would be so fucking miserable to me. Like, if I had to get back out there, I would definitely take an older woman with kids way more than I would. Like, what about this 23-year-old hot blonde who, you know, never been with anybody? Like, I can't even fathom that. One difference, though, is Leo don't have to get back out there. They come to him. Yeah, right.

I would still go with, like, a 30-year-old. But, like, that would be better than all of the rest of it. It's just like, no, I just hit a button and they show up. up. Yeah, right. I mean, a 30 year old is a younger, younger woman to me, but like, I just like, dude, the, I cannot talk. My sister has friends who have little sisters and then therefore they're just kind of

in our friend group, but they're so young and like they'll come to the parties and some of them are like 23 and 24. And dude, 23 and 24 is so young. And like, again, they're nice and whatever, but like, we cannot talk. We have nothing in common. I cannot fucking imagine trying to date one of them. Like they just, you would spend your entire time, and this is not something you should ever say to someone you date,

but you would spend your entire time going, well, you'll understand when you get older, you know. Nobody wants to hear that shit from their boyfriend. I don't even know what you talk about with a 23-year-old. TikTok? Yeah, I don't know either. Well, I mean, so what? If y'all get left, if I get left, what, I mean,

what are you going to do? Just call it? Is it just hoars from their own out? Just hoarer every now and then. It's just hoars. I might date somebody who's like, I don't know. I think I'm done.

I don't mean day like take them out. I wouldn't mind like, you know, if I had to deal with that second act, just like a crazy one. You know what I mean? Like just like, yeah,

she set my truck on fire. You know, she only makes me hang out with her three days a week. And once a month, she leaves me for a week. You know what I mean? Just something like that.

Just keep it excited. I mean, I might see some people regularly, but it would be, I would be, it would be known. It would, yeah, yeah. But it would be known that like, hey, we're not exclusive and I'm going to go out with Charlene next week. Like, I can't, I couldn't handle it, dude. I can't. I mean, again, I hope it don't ever happen because I love Amber, but I feel like I have found the lid to my pot. And it was, hell, I didn't get married until I was, you know, 28.

And I was about to become the version of what we were talking about. Like, yeah, you know, Corey's getting older and he's never really been in a committed relationship. Like, I'll put that on me. Like, I was hard to, hard to be around because I had tunnel vision with my career. And I also had, you know, mental issues and anxiety and depression. Like, I was a lot. So, like, I found the one who can deal with all that stuff, loves me for me. I don't think I'm going to get that lucky again.

And now if I, if me and her got divorced and let's say hypothetically, I'm still hitting, then I'll never know, like, do you, does this person actually? Because, like, Amber got with me when I had 20 bucks in my pocket. You know what I'm saying? If Amber, if we had written the book and then Amber hollered at me, I wouldn't trust that bitch. You know what I mean? I wouldn't. Would Amber, what about, what about this?

Like, if Amber, you know, falls off a jet ski drunk and dies, as you've often posited, right, in the future. Yeah. Good chance. Where is she at on? Like, would she? She want you to end up with like a good friend of hers or y'all, somebody close to y'all or a complete stranger. Hold on. Amber, you here? Yeah.

Amber! I don't think she's here. Because Katie has this not obsessor. We watched this show. It's way too convoluted to get into, but it was kind of silly, like soap opera type show from Australia. Yeah. And this this dude thought his wife was dead. And everybody thought his wife was dead. And he ended up remarrying her best friend, right?

Because they were so both grief-stricken over the loss that it brought them together. I bet that happens a lot. But it turned out the wife wasn't dead and she comes back. And Katie, the whole time, Katie's just sitting there. She's like, I swear to God, if you ever. And I'm like, I'm like, well, fucking, your best friend. is my best friend's wife. So, like, I'm fucking, I'd have bigger problems.

If, you know, like, if you come back and I'm from the dead and I was married to autumn or whatever, some major shit is gone down. But, like, she was just, it was just a whole thing with her that I didn't even realize it. But yeah, I was also like, I was like, but they thought she was dead, not like divorced. Nobody's dead. They're fucking, like, you don't. I don't know. Anyway, so what do you, what do you think? Where do you think she'd come down on that?

And how do you feel about it? Like in reverse. I mean, there's a good possibility that, well, first off, if Amber died, I would probably move. Sure. I think, well, it just depends on it how long we've had our kid and if we've raised him here and he's got his friends or whatever. But like, I would probably just be like, you know what, man, I don't need to be in this same town anymore. There's too many memories. And because of my job, I can go anywhere.

But there is a good chance that if I didn't and I stayed here so that the kid could be closer to his grandparents, and stuff that like I would end up with someone that was at least kind of friendly to Amber, you know, because Amber's friends with, like, hell, you saw her wedding. She had goddamn 15 bridesmaids and she's in a different wedding every other weekend. So I don't know. I know that she wouldn't, she wouldn't care if I got with someone. And I know that because especially now that we have a kid, she knows like, no, you better get with somebody because you can't handle your finances.

You can't handle another of this shit. Like, you can handle making the money. You can handle all that. But, like, without me, you would be fucked. So you need to at least start dating someone that can help you with this kid or get a really, really good business manager. You know what I'm saying? But I don't know.

I think if it was like her best friend. I'd probably end up marrying her best friend, Christy. I think she'd be okay with it, actually. All right. So just so I'm clear here, the hypothetical is you want me to imagine my wife dying and then tell you which one of her friends I'd fuck. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

No, it's, would that, where is she add on that? Or again, or in reverse, like if you died and Andy ended up one of your best friends, would you prefer that? Would that hit for you? Not y'all. Okay. Yeah. No. Brian, I could handle, but he's got alive.

Me and Andy would ruin each other. This shit, buddy. I think that Andy would probably rather it not be some of it. I would assume, I don't know, though. I think that's not, it's very much not a conversation. And hey, if you died and then, and then I remarried, would you prefer it be somebody you didn't know or like a friend of yours or someone you cared about? I know you don't know, but like, think about it.

Think about that specific harrowing situation. What's your preference? I'm giving you the option here. If Amber. She said somebody she knows, but only if she gets to pick them. I get that. It's like there's some people. Yeah.

No. Yeah, right. I ain't worried about her ass. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. I know I head harder than that dumb bitch, so he can have her, I guess, after I'm going. You know what I know. You'll never forget me.

She said if we both know her, we'll never forget her. I know exactly what Amber would do if I died. I don't know if she'd end up marrying this person. But do y'all remember we were in New York and I think we'd just done Gotham or something? and we went out like kind of clubbing afterwards. We went to this like hip club and like Chris Red from Saturday Night Live was there. And we were all hanging out in the basement. And Amber was there and Amber was drunk.

And Amber like she was looking around and like Chris Red was there. It was a hip club. So you know the demographic that is in this place. And Amber is looking around and she looks at me drunk and just goes, you know, I really wish that I had fucked a black guy before we got married. and I was like, okay, so now I have to go the rest of my life knowing that you were completely unfulfilled and every time we see Jerome, you want to get with that. And she's like, I'm just saying, I just wish that, you know, it's just something in life

I'll never experience. And so it is just what it is. That's what marriage is all about. So I think if I died, Amber would rail the first black guy she saw, which if I had to guess, would be Darrell at my funeral. Darrell pulling up to my funeral with six to go plates and a condom rubbing his hands together, dude, doing the fucking night. Yeah, Andy would definitely fuck women if I'd die.

And lots of men, but Andy would end up with a rich older man. That is, like, Andy has told me before. That's totally the move. Dude, actually. A rich older guy. Actually, early, hey, you know what? Let's take a break and then I'll tell you what I was going to say. Thank you.

So earlier I was talking about when we rumble It's a catastrophe on anybody who's trying to hate come and blasting me Hoping in this for a minute So earlier I was talking about how I'd never date again That actually contradicts what my long-term plans are Because I do assume that Amber will die on a jet ski And I've thought I'll play the field for a while Just you know

I will definitely have sex with the black lady And do all that stuff that Amber would have wanted me to do That I've never you know fulfilled before But then after that what I would do was like I'm going to get an older woman. And like I'm talking 60s and 70s who just has, her husband was an oil baron and he died and she don't need my money at all. And I will take care of her.

I will eat her old ass muff and she can finance my short films. You know what I mean? And we can just be companions. Like I will be your companion. You can have a hot young thing, which I would be compared to a 70 year old. And then I would then I would be able to have. the comfort and the, what's the word here,

the freedom to pursue some of my projects that, like, a studio won't green light. It's just like, oh, don't worry, the Morris will pay for it. I want to go, I want to dig a little further into this scenario if we can here. Because I, so, all right, this is going to be a very specific type of old, rich woman with a dead husband or whatever it is. I'm here in Hollywood. I know you said, and you're right. objectively, it's true. First of all, we're talking about when Amber dies on jet ski in the future.

So you're probably 40-ish, right? And I know you said compared to a 70-year-old. Yeah, right. No, he's like that, yeah, six years from now. Yeah, dude, the timing works out. 45, whatever, even more so. Six years from now, you've got a five-year-old baby, six months after that, you crawl off a black lady, spread Amber's ashes around the bed.

Now what's the next move? Right. No, all I'm getting at is... I'm taking her ashes to senior frogs. All I'm saying is, like, you said you're like, which I will be compared to a 70-year-old, and that's true. But, like, thinking of 40-plus-year-old Joe as, like, the boy toy. Like, isn't it, it normally, it's normally like the pool boy, right? Right.

But, like, but also older. Like, aren't those... things, those dudes, aren't we all a little aged out of that? Not for a 70-year-old woman, not for a 70-year-old woman, man. See, I'm not as up on the gender-swapped roles. I know when it's like an Anna Nicole Smith situation, when it's a really old dude. 35 is way too old a lady for those guys. Well, I've always had an old soul, too.

So, like, I love old-timey movies, old-timey television shows. And, like, I think me in a 75-year-old Hollywood, you know, former Hollywood, she was married to like a Hugh Heffner type or whatever. Now we're together. We would have some of the shared interest and she could actually have an intellectual conversation with me instead of like a 20-year-old with abs. You know, so I think I was.

I was a playboy playmate's who was married to Hugh Hefner. What a hilarious reference for you to pull out. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, but they were married to him and they were that age in the 70s and now they're 80. Oh, you mean like his first life? Yeah, dog. I'm talking about old bitches.

Like, I'm going to get with them. Well, it's funny. I met. I'm not going to. going to say the specifics, but I met a lady who fits this description to a T. She was the wife of like a legendary old showrunner who did all kinds of shit. And she now old and widowed and stuff. And I'll tell you what, she wouldn't get me the time of day, dog. So I'm just saying, you got to have your work cut out for you. Yeah. Name of me mall that don't want to pinch these cheeks and

then have me clap hers. Yeah, but these Hollywood memos, they'll think you're stupid trash, I think. They will at first. They will at first. I don't know about the Hollywood may mom. I think you're going to need like somebody with old chicken money. Well, that's fine. I can do that. Yeah, right.

The money is the thing that's important to me, not the Hollywood part. But yeah, you're right. I could give it like, you know, the lady who like her dad was the, or her husband was the one that franchised all the Chester's chickens and the axons and shit. Yes. And then, yeah, I could get that. That's your speed. And that's fine.

I'm willing to admit that that's my speed. To quote the poet, Tupac Shakur, fuck the fame. I want the money. I'm a simple man. I think that this is a good plan. Like, like, I think that you sobering up has really allowed you to know who you are.

And you've just got, like, you remember we used to like, like Papaw Batman as an example, and we don't need to relive it. But it was like... I could more easily do it now because I'm in better shape. Whether you could or not,

it's just like, the fact that your brain was focusing on that as part of your future, whether you could pull it off or not, we don't have to rehash the argument. And now it feels like you're thinking about a lot more stable, bottom of the pyramid of needs things.

Like, what do I need to get? You know what I'm saying? And I just, I just point out that I appreciate that. Dude, I don't know if they sponsored us this week, but either way, free plug. Going to therapy with like better help and getting sober. Like, yeah, I am more like aware of myself and my limitations and who I am as a person. And I've come to accept it. And I forgave, forgave, forgave, forgiven myself.

You forgave. It's so hilarious that you're giving therapy. credit for you no longer talking about papal Batman, but instead railing an old lady with money. That is sincerely one of the funniest things I've ever thought of her. I would love her, too. But I'm just saying like, there's no more, like, I'm telling you, dude, if Amber dies or leaves me, it is an older woman with money. I'm not, I'm not here, like, I'm not here to be nobody's sugar daddy.

I'm here to, like, I'll let a 75 year old lady strap one on peg me for, you know, for, if that's what she's into. Making care of the older needs. Yeah, right. All of them. As long as... He's making the case for himself, too. As long as when I have an idea for a short film,

me, ma'all, write the check. You know what I mean? I'll do whatever. What are you doing, Drew? Suck them dry. I'm crazy. I told you. The one that, like, is afraid of commitment.

Like, you know what I mean? I wouldn't mind having three of them. Like, if I'm still on the road, three or four of them around the country where, like, you know, I pop in. We see each other for the weekend and then that's it. You know what I mean? Dude, I'm not doing this anymore.

Like a trucker relationship. We're talking about if you dies. Don't worry about it, baby. Yes, like a trucker relationship. Yeah. And like you said, Corey, like I won't be hiding that from them. You know, I'll be like, listen, I'll be here twice a year. Speaking of, segue, I'll be in Austin Thursday at Cap City Comedy Club.

Come out and see me, Austin, Texas. And thanks to the people who came out in Atlanta this weekend. But yeah, I think I'd do that just because, I don't want to live with anybody Andy's really easy to get along with I don't want to live with nobody. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, me either.

Uh-uh. If she was rich and had like guest house, maybe. What about you, Trey? I mean, I sort of alluded to it off to bat earlier. I think just like, just horrors just for necessity reasons every now and then like just, you know, got,

need to knock one out, whore, whatever, you know, and then send her own. Because like I support sex workers and all that and I'm very sex positive and, you know, I'm trying to be... Oh, like actual prostitutes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we don't have that word anymore unless we mean money's exchanging in hand.

Okay, right. You're right. My bad. Yeah, dude, I would have a lot of prostitutes for sure. I'm just, I'm just meaning like, because, you know, I'm not going to sit here and act like I'm going to be a fucking, I'm going to be a priest or nothing. I don't know going to be celibate the rest of my life. He's not going to fuck boys.

Jesus. Or that, right, you know, but I don't think I'm going to get back in no game. Not any time soon. Or at least, like, certainly married. And I've told Katie. I think being married to once is good for like, she ever leaves me. I don't think there'll be a wife number too. But I mean, famous last words, I guess.

But yeah, I'm not, I ain't got no interest in that really. I can't hold it anymore. I have to go take a shit right now. I can't do it. Check the chat. I sent you, Corey. I don't know if you need to know that before we go. Everybody comes to see me in Austin.

I love y'all. And I'll see you next week. All right. Word. Have a good poop. Enjoy your poop, Drew. How busy have you been on your Patreon this week with all the goddamn midterms and stuff? I mean, I just made some Patreon stuff earlier today, and then I'll do another and a longer Q&A one later this week.

But yeah, that's, you know, wild. Hopefully people are feeling good about it. We'll see how they respond to what I had said. Because some people are, you know, it's real very very very. Some people are popping bottles and other people are like, we still lost the house. This is still bad. Did we lose the house? I mean, it's still like not totally decided, but probably.

But it's one of those things. It's like I just don't. Some people just have a real hard time looking at things relatively. You know what I mean? They're like, it's like, this is better. All I'm saying is like based on where we thought we were going to be, this is fucking fantastic. And if you can't recognize that, I don't know. Oh, I got something in my throat.

Yeah, people can't celebrate anything. Like, like, because there's, if there's anything bad going on in the world, you're not allowed to celebrate anything good because something bad, like, oh, y'all are so happy. But meanwhile, there was a mass shooting today. And it's like, that sucks. That really does suck. But this good thing happened, too.

And, like, we can't just completely, if we live our lives doom and gloom, then, like, what even is the thing that we're hoping for? Like, we're, you know what I'm saying? Like if you're just going to wake up every day and go, because something bad happened, life is shit wall to wall, then goddamn, why are you even busting your ass to make the world a better place if when for one day it is a better place you don't celebrate it? Amen, Joe, let them have it.

I mean, that's just how I feel. Speaking of letting them have it, I'm going to be on skis with you tomorrow, I know. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you reminded me that because I about told somebody else that they can come on, but it's fine. She can come on anytime. Oh, well, if you need to bump me, it's fine.

Well, hey, y'all will have already heard me on skews, which I love being on. If you don't know what, if you don't know what skews is, that's weekly skews with our buddy Trey Crowder here and Smart Mark Aegee. It is where I get all of my political news, and I am so proud and happy to be the official Georgia correspondent. So I have to imagine that last night as you're hearing this, I talked about all the crazy Marjorie Taylor Green stuff and Herschel Walker and good God, who knows where we're even at on that. So you can get that and also bonus stuff at Trey's Patreon, Patreon.com slash Trey Crowder.

As for me, Drew, he already told you he's going to be an awesome and then he went to take a shit. So whatever. As for me, you can go to part-time funnyman.com and get all my stuff. It's five bucks a month. And I don't know if I told you this, Trey, but we're getting into the animated world, baby. The Buttercream Dream has been animated. We're working on some kids stuff. for working on some new podcast.

It's a blast. So support me and Trey. You did tell me. Also, also, and sorry if you mentioned this and I missed it. Come see us all at Zanis in Nashville in December, December 15th through the 17th. You go to well-read comedy.com or Trey Crowder.com. Either one works just the same. Either one will also show you all my other dates that I got coming up in the months to come.

There's a bunch of them. So come see me. Yeah. Real, real excited. Can't wait to sell Zanis out. It's going to be a blast. Like I said, part-time funnyman.com for all my extra stuff.

And listen to me and Trey's new. I don't, I don't think we can call it new anymore. We're like 35 episodes in. Still hits. It still does hit. Putting on airs, the podcast we're into Hillbilly dipshits.

Me and Trey, talk about fancy people, fancy culture, all that stuff. There's history lessons. There's Farts. There's cousin fucking. All right.

Thank you all for listening to the well-read show. We'd love to stick around longer, but we got to go. Tune in next week if you got nothing to do. Sorry that Drew took a poo-pooh. That's... And now a clip from the hip podcast putting on airs. But you know what we fucking will remember you for?

We will remember you as the fucking c-c that charged us 25 cents for an extra thing of fucking ranch when you gave us a tiny ramekin to begin with, all right? That's what we'll fucking remember, and we're not coming back to your fucking place. Make your goddamn fried mushrooms 450 instead of 425. No one thinks a fucking word about it. Quit putting this goddamn tax on me. No, now say, here's what you're missing.

Now I've got to pay for your ranch. Yes, you do. Now when I get green beans, and I don't want the extra ranch, hypothetically. No, no, no. What if I don't want ranch? Now I'm paying for your ranch. You won't know, though. You will never know.

You will never know. pay for your ranch? But you will never know. I don't want to pay for your ranch. You'll never know, Tray. Fucking classic you asking for a handout of ranch. That's what you want. It's what I want.