wellRED podcast - #299- The Pre Baby Midlife Crisis

Episode Date: November 23, 2022

Today Drew and Trae talk about the upcoming holidays, being around family you don’t see eye to eye with, the wild times you have before you become a parent 

And we thank them for sponsoring the show. Well, no, I'll just go ahead. I mean, look, I'm money dumb. Y'all know that. I've been money dumb ever, since ever, my whole life. And the modern world makes it even harder to not be money dumb, in my opinion, because used to you, you like, had to write down everything you spent or you wouldn't know nothing. But now you got apps and stuff on your phone.

It's just like you can just, it makes it easier to lose count of, well, your count, the count every month, how much you're spending. A lot of people don't even know how much they spend on a per month basis. I'm not going to lie, I can be one of those people. Like, let me ask you right now, skewers out, whatnot, sorry, well-read people, people across the skew universe, I should say. Do you even know how many subscriptions that you actively pay for every month or every year? Do you even know? Do you know how much you spend on takeout or delivery,

getting a paid chauffeur for your chicken low mane? Because that's a thing that we do in this society. Do you know how much you spend on that? It's probably more than you think. But now there's an app designed to help you manage your money better, and it's called Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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So I was probably like, I should know Spanish. I'll learn Spanish. and I've just been paying to learn Spanish without practicing any Spanish for, you know, pertinent two years now or something like that. Also, a fun one, I'd said it before, but I got an app, lovely little app where you could, you know,

put your friend's faces onto funny reaction gifts and stuff like that. So obviously I got it so I could put Corey's face on those two, those two like twins from the Tim Burton Alice in Wonderland movies. You know, those weren't a little like the Q-ball-looking twin fellas. Yeah, so that was money. What was that a reply gift for? Just when I did something stupid.

Something fat, I think, and stupid. Something both fat and stupid. But anyway, that was money well spent at first, but then I quit using it and was still paying for it and forgotten. If it wasn't for Rocket Money, I never would have even figured it out. So shout out to them. They help. If you're money dumb like me, Rocket Money can help.

So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney. dot com slash well read today that's rocket money.com slash well r e d rocketmoney.com slash well read and we thank them for sponsoring this episode of the podcast. What's up everybody? It is Uncle Daddy. I am your host and producer for the day. Before we get started here on the well red podcast real quick, just want to remind you guys. We still tour sometimes separate, sometimes together. And we have a a big show coming up in Nashville. It is the Zanis Christmas, well-read,

homecoming show. We do these every year. They're always a great time. We're all going to be there. We may have some special guests. We're going to have a great time like we always do. So if you're anywhere near Nashville, we highly recommend that you come. What is that?

December 14th through 17th, 15th through 18th. 15th through 17th. 15th through 17th at Zanies. There's going to be five shows. At the moment, I think that's what we got scheduled. So there's plenty of opportunities to get tickets. I know some of them are close to selling out. So get on that.

Well-read comedy.com. Trey, you got other dates you want to plug before we get started with the show? I've got other dates, yeah, but I don't have to plug them specifically. They're all in 2023. You can go to Trey Crowder.com and check all those out. But there's a bunch of them. So come and see me. You can also, if you're not around any of those dates or just don't want to do that,

you can go to patreon.com slash try Crowder and support your boy that way and get some bonus stuff for yass so yeah that's it yeah i should say that dj and i are going to launch the gravy baby patreon soon and dj and carman and i are going to do that podcast soon i know i've been teasing it for a long time but i've been on the road uh that's a good place to start here we are buddy yeah here we are cori's in iowa doing thanksgiving stuff uh i was wondering I don't think we've talked about this specific topic on here, but I don't know. It seems like we probably would have,

but who cares if it's fine either way. We get asked a lot. I get asked a whole lot at shows around this time of year. People want, like, advice on how to, how to deal with Thanksgiving or the holidays with their family members. These are usually like liberal southerners or something like that, you know, the blue sheep in their family,

as it were. And I always feel kind of bad when people ask me that question, because, like, I don't really have much actual experience with that because it's not really how it goes for me. Because I have a very small family that I have anything to do with, really. It's mostly just page, me and my and Uncle Tim, and we're all pretty much on the same page. And then with my in-laws, the immediate ones are pretty apolitical, and they're mostly the only ones I see around the holidays. Katie has family members who are, as you would expect.

but we don't see or interact with them very much. So I don't ever have to have that experience, really, but it seems pretty common to a lot of other people. And I was just wondering if it'd be like that for you. Yeah, it'd be like that a little bit at my in-laws. I don't know what to say to people, though, either when they ask me to advise because I feel like I have two, like, strong feelings about that.

Sorry, I feel like I'm on the wrong setting, and I am. Boom, that's better. first of all, if you got like literal Nazis or people who just like genuinely hate gay people in your family and they can't even be chill for a Thanksgiving meal with that shit, I don't know if I have advice. Like you've got to probably figure out how to not be around them, maybe even at the holidays. And that's really painful. But like, and I don't mean just because we have political differences we can't sit with our families.

I mean, if like what happened in Colorado, may those folks rest in peace, if that comes up and they say anything other than this is a tragedy and it's horrible and we've got to do better as a country, I don't know if you need those people in your life. And I know that's hard because sometimes that's like your dad or whatever. But if we're just talking about, you know, every once in a while they have a different opinion. and you can't seem to get around that, maybe you're the one who needs to, they need to avoid.

Like, I don't know if that makes sense what I'm trying to say, but I don't really know what to say advice. It's like, if you can't get along with people, then just don't be around them. And that's harsh, but I just, what else can you say or do? Well, so how does it go down when it comes up for you? I mean, I say my piece and they say theirs,

and somebody cracks a joke, usually if there's tension. I mean, I can only remember, three like real tense political things. One was about abortion and Andy got very upset. Luckily the only brother that was around, the one that was starting all this mess. I still don't think this is right. I feel like they can hear everything Andy's doing and she keeps clearing her throat.

And it's like it's right in my ear. So like I'm like this close to being like her fucking brothers were right. I tell you that. Yeah. I can. I can indeed. hear her clearing her throat whatever i think i fixed it i don't know who changed my mic setting but i think i have it now to where it's shotguned into my mouth um which is what i'm

going to do if i hear that again am i here that that one was just one brother he is probably the most on the surface likable i don't know if that's the right way that that implies no one else is likable he don't want to fight so he just kind of back down when he really realize how angry she was, you know. And I think a part of him was like, yeah, I won. You know, I got her to Yale. It's over. There was a bad one with the whole family when I first started dating her. And there I was just like, I was just trying to have her back and keep the peace.

I think I was pretty new to the family. And then the other time, it was among the sort of young women and the older generations. And I got to just kind of play what really come up. like I got to just let them make all the really points and have the arguments and then just make fun of people. And, you know, how did it go? I mean, not great, you know. It was not cool for a little while. And then like a week later, we just pretended it didn't happen.

Isn't that what everybody does? Yeah, I mean, I guess so. I mean, like I said, I don't, it's like, I don't think I've literally ever had that experience. Yeah. Like, ever, because it's just not not. been the deal for me. But how like inevitable is it? It's only happened three times.

Yeah, it's not inevitable unless we push it, I guess. But at the same time, it's not inevitable because I think they know. I mean, I don't think they enjoyed those experiences either. So sometimes stuff comes up and before it gets to a blowout, we all just kind of agree to stop talking about it. And I know a lot of people judge that because they're like, you've got to tell your you know, you guys got to be telling the white people in your lives that black lives matter. Well, I mean, I do.

You know, I don't know what effect it's supposed to have, though. You know what I mean? Man, I don't know. I know that holidays are super hard for people. And I think I get why. Even if you're at peace with whatever is going on in your family's life, there's like this huge reminder or whatever. the hardest holidays I've ever done have been in prison, not myself personally, but going to the prison to visit.

So I get that holidays are hard. I also, though, just think I'm just weird about stuff. Like, it doesn't feel that different to me. Fighting with them on Thanksgiving versus fighting with them on some random day in October because we have a show in Kentucky and I'm close by, don't feel any sadder or more anger-inducing to me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm glad there's turkey here.

here at the end of his fight. I wanted a nap. Yeah, I don't know. I think for a lot of people, it's like that there's, that, those are the only times when all of the people are together and there's, you know, when everybody's together, there's, you know, there's certain factions or whatever that are on different sides of shit, which leads to stuff popping off. And that's why the holidays be a thing. Yeah, and I think people who come from big families have that. Like, I know my mom has nine brothers and sisters, and it's never.

been politics, but they've had issues when they do get together. And then like resentment, if like one or two of them just don't come. And it's like we were so close to having everybody together. And I think I'm just too young and I only have the one brother for whatever that emotion is. I get to see my parents. I'm very lucky. Maybe I'm just too lucky to know what the fuck's going on out here with these people. One thing it came up with me and Corey recently.

I don't remember what it was. It might just realize it. But like, it's, like, it's. like how much worse it presumably used to be this dynamic in well in the south in particular because like you know how there's like we all know you know it's like yeah my papaw was racist of course he was he was fucking 70 whatever but you know he's still my papal so i still loved him it just is what it is it's like everybody sort of understands that dynamic or whatever but but just a few generations ago like you know matter of fact like we might be the first generation

of Southerners who didn't have at least one, if not multiple people close to them in their life, whether it's like a grandparent or parent or like a coach or a teacher or something who was like literally in the clan or something like that. Do you know what I mean? And it was the same time. It's like, yeah, you know, but I mean,

goddamn, what are you going to do? Like, I can't, you know, he's still my papal. But he's like it wasn't, it's not on the level. that it used to be. Yeah. Yeah. I don't, you know, I don't, men want to be girls. What the fuck is that?

Yeah. Versus like, hey, I got to get out of here. We're having a meeting later. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, I remember, you know, I knew people who were in the clan. I knew of them.

Like, they weren't close to me or my family. It's a little disheartening, but it's also heartening in a fucked up way to think about. It's like, that's how quick it can change. Like, if we just keep. trying in, you know, it's hard. It's hard to like feel good lately about the trajectory of American culture and society. Again, I don't want to keep harping on the horrible tragedy of last week, but like we're in this weird boomerang of horrible, but I still think that comes from the progress that we've been making. And like, it's such a sad thing to point to, but it is true.

it's pretty cool that no one in my family was at least openly in the clan. Fuck yeah, dude. Hell yeah. Yeah, small blessings. Yeah, I got a quick, I got a quick heckler story that I got to get to before I forget because it just reminded me with Andy, like again, her being right by ear. And I was talking about defending her, and then I just kept getting angry at her for the reason. I got heckled super hard.

What I think is probably the last bar show I'll ever do. I went down to San Diego to do some of those don't-tale shows, which are phenomenal shows. And then I did a bar show that paid $300 because I was in town, and they were like, you can do both. You can come to headline. I was like, sure. And I think as far as bar shows go, if you're a new comedian in that scene, you probably would be like, this is a good show. There were like 50 people there. They pay the headliner, blah, blah, blah.

How much time do you have to do? 30. there was a woman heckling the feature and his name's Chris Espinoza. He was doing a great job with it. She just wouldn't stop talking. She wasn't really attacking him. She just wouldn't stop making noises and talking. She was very drunk.

But her boyfriend, who was also engaging with Chris, started to put his hand over her mouth. Uh-huh. He was behind her. He would also put it on the back of her head. And it was very weird. And it was like making the audience uncomfortable. And then there was also like a slight, not a, not a, not a, like gross age gap.

But enough of one where it was like, damn, that 38 year old keeps trying to tell that 25 year old to shut the fuck up with his hands. It's like making people uncomfortable, right? Right. I get on stage. I'm starting doing my stuff. She starts blabling me.

I see him do that. And I'm like, hey, dude, stop doing that. You're making everyone uncomfortable. Like, I've watched you do that before. When you put your hand on her mouth, none of us like that. Like, she need, ma'am, you need to stop. talking, but stop doing that, dude. She's a grown-up.

Fast forward, like seven minutes of this lady not fucking stopping at all. I literally said, you know what, dude, you could punch her. I don't give a fuck. And then I was like, I didn't mean that. That's not in my heart. But someone get her out of here. They had to kick her out. I didn't get any of it on tape.

I've taped every show that I've done, Dre, in the last three months, trying to figure out how I'm going to, like, make it in the age of the internet. net because I hate doing regular content. And they kicked her out. And the bouncer was this fabulous but jacked, like beautiful, have makeup on gay dude. Wow.

And the things I said to this lady, like you and I would be having such a different conversation right now if I had a video of this. I would have gone mega viral. I said, she was still talking to me and I said, you cannot talk shit to me when you're getting dog walked by a man who's prettier than you.

So please let baby girl vogue you out the door and shut the fuck up and I was like, kicking her out while he's serving looks. It was one of the best heckler responses I've ever had. And afterwards, I was like, y'all got that on tape. And they were like, oh, we didn't film this one, dude.

So anyway, I'm going to kill myself. What was she doing for seven minutes? She was talking, she was interrupting, she was responding. She literally at one point said, and she said it as if everyone was on her side. And this is when I realized she was so drunk. that it was pointless to engage. She said, and I quote,

I just don't understand why you won't stop talking. So she don't even know she's at like a comedy show. I think she had. In her mind, there's just some dude at the bar who's talking to everybody else at the bar and won't stop and she's confused about what's happening. I think that she got so blackout. I think she definitely knew she was at a show.

and then she got so blackout, like her consciousness is coming in and out, right? So without any memory of what's been happening for the last hour, a dude very loudly because I have a microphone is saying, please leave me alone. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's pretty great. Yeah. A standard ovation, here's the problem of getting a stand in ovation from two dudes,

15 minutes into your set. You still got 15 minutes, and you're not going to top them living through the excitement of seeing that. Of course not. Yeah. Now, well, let's take a quick break. We'll be back right after this. Oh, go ahead.

Yeah. Have you been, any other wild shit happened in all the shows you've been doing out there? Not really in shows. I did want to talk about generally the adventures I've been having. I think I mentioned this in passing on here. And I know that you didn't go through any of this. And we know why, and we'll get into it. I don't think Corey did either, but Andy and I are having a pre-baby midlife crisis.

And the way this happened was we decided we're going to get pregnant. We started trying. Someone invited us to Burning Man, which I've gone over some on here. And the Burning Man was in September. And at that moment, I was like, I don't think I want to go. And then I was like, well, if I would be a dad this time next year, this might literally be the only chance I have to go. or interest. Like I just, I don't want to as a dad.

That started a like weird cycle in my brain with like bad mental health and the way my brain works. At that moment, I became a different person for the last three months, however long it's been. I've been to Mexico twice. I have partied harder and done more drugs than I ever have in my life, especially in that, like, time span. Did you have, I feel like y'all didn't mean to get pregnant at first, right? No. When that happened, did you have any sort of, were you too young to even think that way? Like, were you like, shit, this is over and that's over?

Bro, I literally called it to all of my friends the last summer of freedom. That's what I called it. And I was doing like, it was so unfair to Katie because she's pregnant. can't do shit, but I was just going out. I was, you know, trying to live it up as much as possible. I don't, not, like, not crazy shit, but I was just going to a bunch of shows and going out a lot and stuff like that because I was hyper aware of how I thought it was going to, you know, be.

But then this isn't what you're, this isn't what you're asking me, but like, my, I always remember I've told this story before, but, Like, I always remember something that Katie's uncle said to me at our wedding. We had a shotgun wedding. She was pregnant at the wedding. And everybody knew it. And, like, her uncle said to me, and this is her most red-ass uncle, too. But he's a good dude.

I like him, but he's red as hell. And he was like, yeah, you know, for long, you'll, you know, won't be long. You can call from your buddies. They're like, hey, we're all down here at so-and-so's house playing poker. come on and you're going to be like, no, I got to get home, be with Katie and Little Man or whatever. And I was like,

I was like, right, yeah, because, you know, because that's what you got to do. That's what a man's got to do, right? And he was like, he was like, no. He was like, that's what you're going to want to do. And I was like, I remember when he said that, I was like, no, I was like, there ain't no fucking way.

That's true. I mean, I'll do it because you got to do it. But I'm not, I'm going to want to go play cards. I'm not going to want to fucking go, you know, play with Legos or whatever. Like, I still didn't, you know, I think it's very different for the guy and the girl, obviously it is. Like, she's got the kid inside of her for multiple months at that point. And I ain't, I ain't nothing has changed for me at all at that stage. And I can't believe that it's ever going to.

But I've just always remembered that ever since because, like, he was 100% right. So, like, I, um, that, yeah, I had that. I was very conscious of that thing. Again, I was younger than you, too. I was like 24 when, yeah, I was 25 by the time he was born. I was 24 slash 25 during her pregnancy. And I mean, I was hyper aware of it.

And I was going pretty hard. But then it wasn't very difficult to rein that in or anything is what I'm saying. Like, that kind of happened naturally. I mean, well, like, I wasn't going out and partying and stuff. like that but you know we had we had benton 13 months later and right around the time we had benton my dad got pancreatic cancer and then my dad died right after benton was born so like i was fucking still drinking just i was drinking at the house by myself because it was an extremely dark time in my life but i wasn't like partying no more and then you know at some point i pulled out of

all of that uh a while ago now uh probably around the time you know, all this career shit happened. Sure. Yeah, I mean, I don't. I've heard you say that story or a version of it before. Yeah. I've had other people talk to me about it. I fully expect that to happen too.

So it definitely wasn't like, I'm going to be miserable. So let me like get my fun in. It was more like when I had that realization that if I'm ever going to go to Burnham, I got to do it now. Then like something switched to my brain and it just became. If I'm ever going to do it, I got to do it now. And at first, I think it was pretty innocent and fun and, you know, just like fear leading to like a guide. And she's been going through it a little bit too.

But then I definitely think what started to happen is your body wants to keep party and physically. Like if you party on and off for a month, your body's going to start craving booze and drugs and all the things you can do. So it's just like, I almost want to turn it into a bit where you're just like, well, if I'm ever going to take strangers, drugs in a bathroom, room and have sex with them, you know, without, I didn't do any of that. But you know what I mean? It's just like, I don't fall down, but this is going to be the last chance I get to. Yeah. It's like, that's not, that's not why you're doing this, dude. We've entered into a dark territory. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing. So is that, has that been your experience? Because like I,

you do, like you said, you can adapt or get used to anything. It's like when you're not, when you get, when you're not drinking very much anymore, you're not partying very much anymore, or do anything like that. On the rare occasions you do, it is the hangover, the aftermath is just brutal. And it's like, it is age, you know it's age,

but it's also like, I don't know how I ever live the way I used to live, but it's not just age. It's that, like, you can, like, get into that groove. Yeah. Like, you do get used to it. Like, if you keep that up for long enough,

even in your 30s or whatever, like you will find a groove and you can just then you can just keep rolling and that your lifestyle is not a good lifestyle to have but like it feels impossible when you only do it sporadically which is probably a good thing I think you can muscle through it. Oh I think it's a defense mechanism but I do think you have drinking muscle memories because I was also traveling a lot during all this. I went to some festivals. I did a lot of shows. I did a comedy. festival. Andy and I got to go on the Outlaw Country Cruise because we were guests of Elizabeth Cooks. So what I noticed with her, so she decided since we had all this stuff playing, she's like, all right, we'll put it off a couple months too, because obviously you don't want to get pregnant like your fucking Railing Academy or whatever. I'm sharing too much. But, you know, three weeks

in, I'm back in the groove because we live that way for a little while on the road. And even when we were only drinking or not drinking, just the travel will get to you. But especially if you're traveling and then somebody's giving you free beer and all that, you know. So I got back into the groove. It did take a week or two, but then I got into it, right? Andy for a little while was like,

I don't know how you or anyone does anything like this. Aside from party and just to travel and waking up in different places and not being at your home and having your space and all that. but then she eventually got to a groove. And then the ironic thing there was I very much started to get out of it. Like when we went on that outlaw country cruise, the first day we were there, I slept for 12 hours. Like I had friends on that boat. I had bands that I adore.

Steve fucking Earl and Lucinda Williams were playing shows. I didn't go to the first night of them because I went to bed at 8 o'clock. Like I was just like, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do any of this anymore. And then I went to Austin to just feature for a friend who's Harrison Tweed, everybody. I think he's recording his album. Actually, he's recording it tonight, so it's too late for anyone to go support him. But I didn't party in.

That's probably my third favorite city to party in. I love going to see the music. I didn't do any of that. So that's a long-winded way of saying, yeah, I'm already. to be home with the kid. We're months away. I'm going to get sober with Andy. California's sober.

I'm going to stop drinking when Andy has to stop drinking. But yeah, I think I'm all, I think I'm beyond ready for that. Which all's, well, never mind. I don't like, are you, so you're like back to actively trying now. And also like how reg. You know, I did it the trash way.

It just sort of happened to us both times. The second one was on purpose, but it was like, We literally, Bishop had been born, Katie wanted to get the damage to her body over with. We made the, and we didn't want only, you know, an only child. So we're like, all right, well, fuck it. Let's just go ahead and start again. And literally, we took, like, one trip to Tunica.

And it's a good euphemism. Yeah, right. Remember the end of grumpy old men where it shows all the outtakes of that, the guy just blasted with different versions of it? Mm-hmm. At the end of that movie, there's a, there's like a, there's bloopers where he says in the movie, did you take the train to pound town?

But in the outtakes, he does like nine different euphemisms for sex that I'd never heard before. One trip to tunica sounds pretty good. Yeah, well, we took the one trip to tunica and then nine months later it was Benton and then we've been done ever since. But I know from a lot of different people that I've known over the years, including like Corey and Amber,

that it don't be like that for every i know it gets very regimented very very structured and very all that type of shit of y'all is that the game you're playing already or you're just sort of just yeah pulling the goalie and going for it you haven't gotten to that point yet maybe a slide over share uh she's got her headphones in yeah we don't have to talk uh well i'm not going to get i'm not going to get to graphic what i was that says we had a false start yeah uh that lets me know we're both fertile. Uh-huh.

Right. So that actually kind of sparked the events I just talked about, if that makes sense. It was like, oh, that got very real. Well, so anyway, the plan is just kind of dry. And then if we haven't talked about the day, but I think in both of our minds, it's like if this doesn't take after a little while, we'll start regimenting and all that.

We've already got like doctor's appointments set up and all that. that, but that's just like general, like, this is what you do when you're 38 and you're responsible. She's only 36. Because I have a suggestion that I just learned yesterday. This is, I'm stealing a story from another podcast, but it's directly relevant to this. So I'll plug the podcast. The honeydew with Ryan Sickler, which is a very good podcast. He had an episode with Kurt Braun Oler, who's a comic, and I know Kurt and his wife, Lauren,

because we had acting classes together, but I'd never heard this story. but he told his story on that podcast. So, you know, it's out there publicly. I know he wouldn't mind. But, like, they had been trying and failing. And then one day, this was not the plan. This was for separate reasons for, like, a podcast they were doing or something. They went to a zoo where all these bonobos, you know, we've talked about bonobo.

Bonobos is wild, so. All they do is the entire polyamory movement is built upon one side. just being like, we are be like them. They're just like gay, lesbian, bisexual and all that all together at the same time and they fuck butts and, you know, go down on each other and they're just wild with the fucking, well, they went to a zoo with Bonobos and watched them fuck for like an hour for a thing they were doing. So watch these monkeys fucking, and then on the way out.

What kind of thing? It was, I don't know, it was a podcast. You know how podcast, B, I don't know. Oh, right. It was like, but, and then, uh, and then on the way out, this hormonal tiger expressed its glands on them. Like, like, they did not plan for that. That happened and it was disgusting or whatever else. But anyway, then that night.

Have it been nutted on them or is that a different? No, like pheromones or whatever. Okay, fairerone or whatever. I don't know. A love fart. A love fart. Yeah, love farted all over them. And anyway, that night,

After weeks, months of trying that night, they were able to conceive. So I think you guys need to go to the zoo and get real just like. Tiger juice. Down and dirty with nature. Yeah. Yeah, old style like a pheromonal shit. Well, you know, I did say we with a burning man and a few festivals. So I think we did the graduated version of that.

Yeah. Yeah, I just was considering if I wanted to tell my Burning Man story. yeah, I don't think I do. Yeah, that's hilarious. Do you think there's anything to do that? I mean, I don't know. Maybe. Like, I feel like it's possible that like subconsciously, you know, watching animals just, you know,

do to dirty or whatever could sort of make your body go into. dirty mode. I don't know. It could totally be chemical, too. We're not seasonal gestation creatures. I don't know if I'm saying that correctly, but we don't have like we're in heat season. Mating season, yeah.

But, but, and look, this is not it. But like, just like the first scientific explanation, my brain conjures up is like, yeah,

evolutionarily, we didn't have a way to know when it's a good time to get pregnant. But the animals did. So we synced up with them. And crazy your shit has happened. Science has this weird thing where they take insane things and they figure out what happened. And then it has this effect on culture where a lot of people go, oh, it was that. And it's like, it's still nuts.

Like the private example I could think of is that trees can tell each other when poison's coming in to the forest. And it'll help trees like deeper in the forest protect themselves. and so I just knew they were doing this, but they couldn't figure out how. And then they finally figured out that they were sending signals through fungus underground and their roots. They have this connected. And I just remember, like, being in class with some, I don't know, or maybe talking to somebody and somebody like, oh, okay. And I'm like, no, that's not, you can't take this magical thing we couldn't explain. And now that we have the explanation, we're like, it's not magic anymore.

It's so much crazier. So I could buy it, dude. I could buy it. Yeah, I could buy it too. I can't think of any of the actual examples right now. I know that there's, plants do wild shit. Wild shit. Like that, like they're on a,

there are a whole other level of, uh, I don't know, being that most people think of them, uh, as existing at, but I can't give any specific examples for that. I just know,

I'm not listening to like a radio lab podcast. What's about it or something, but, but yeah. I got a few, the smell of fresh cut grass is grass screaming. Screaming. And they're screaming to alert the other grass,

to it. here's another one sunflowers have a memory they're not sure how but if you put sunflower in a dark room and then just turn a grow light on every day it'll go to that same spot looking for it at the same time the next day

whether you turn it on or not and then if you move it it'll find it and remember that spot and if you move it again it'll find it and then the next day if you don't turn it on it'll go to every spot it's ever been it's like has some kind of weird muscle memory that's crazy if you go too far down that rabbit hole I genuinely

think, and this is not a popular opinion among vegetarians, I genuinely think that that whole animal suffers so I don't want to eat them. Dude, I empathize with that. I can't, I can't hardly eat bacon now because I saw a pig eat of pineapple and it was a cutest fucking thing I've ever seen. But like, plants is alive, too. I realize it's a different level of conscious. I'm not trying to like make some weird stance. It's just like, man, these things are alive and death has to happen for you to live. Just, this is sort of weird because just yesterday I was thinking about this for no, not for these reasons, but for like comedy reasons. Something made me remember deep thoughts with Jack Handy.

Yeah. And my number one favorite all-time deep, matter of fact, the only one I can remember in quote verbatim, but it's my favorite deep thought with Jack Handy is directly related to this conversation. And it's, you know, deep thoughts with Jack Handy. And I might get a little off, but this is pretty close. It's like, you know, if trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? Maybe if they did it all the time and for no good reason.

It's just fucking hilarious thing about just trees, just annoying the shit out of people doing that, to act like Jim Carrey and dumb and dumber, you know, just screaming in people's faces and stuff. So you can't take it anymore. So you just chop them down. Anyway.

Yeah. You know that guy. I have more feelings. Oh. Ooh. Jack Handy? It's a real person. I know.

It's a real person. It's wild. I've listened to like, I've listened to so much Saturday night live shit. Like I've listened to almost every episode of Fly on the Wall, which is Dana Carvey and David Spade's podcast exclusively about Saturday Night Live. And I've read live, what is it, live from New York, the book, the memoir or whatever, or the oral history.

I've done. I've read and listened to a lot of shit about SNL. I know he's real dude. I know he wrote on the show and everything, but I can't call. to mind his story or background or nothing right now. Unless I'm confusing him with some other writer, and I don't think I am, he was Steve Martin's neighbor in Arizona. Like, I think right after Steve Martin got out of college, I don't remember.

And Steve Martin thought he was the funniest person alive. And as Steve Martin had his career and started to do his own thing, he still called Jack Handy from time to time and just to talk to him about what was funny and what was going on. And when S&L started, Steve Martin, a lot of people think Steve Martin was on the cast because he had so many iconic characters. He just hosted a lot at first.

Yeah, right. Basically, he was just like, you guys need writers? I know a guy who's funnier than all of us. And he calls Jack Handy, and Jack Andy comes to New York with stuff. He had been writing down that him and Steve have been talking about forever, and they just gave him a job. And I think he eventually became the head writer. Yeah.

Just Steve Martin's funny buddy. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. This is not the same type of anecdote, but also a different kind of wild. It's like the thing about Lauren Michaels, I feel like it's like he genuinely does evidently, he's proven at this point, have like an eye for talent or whatever, and people recognize that. So many stars have come through S&L and stuff. But like, I didn't know about two in particular until I heard it on Dana Carvin,

David Spade's podcast. like he tried to hire Johnny Knoxville to do jackass shit, basically just to do jackass, but on Saturday Night Live, like every week there'd be like a five-minute jackass segment as part of Saturday Night Live. He tried to hire him to do that before the show Jackass came out, before anybody knew who Johnny Knoxville was.

Johnny Knoxville had made his like, well, the tape. and stuff and Lord Michaels had seen him and he tried to hire him on Saturday Night Live just specifically to do that. But at the same time, he got an offer from MTV to do, you know, a full show, a half hour show. And so obviously he took that instead. But number two, and these aired, but I don't remember them. But before Beavis and Budhead and before King of the Hill and all that, Lorne Michaels hired Mike Judge to make his, like, little cartoons, you know, and Mike Judge's style of cartoons like that aired on Saturday Night Live multiple times before, you know, he became

Mike Judge or whatever. And I didn't know either of those, and I thought they were both pretty wild. Yeah, that is wild. I'll add a third one to you. And those are wild. I didn't know the Mike Judge one. I had heard the other one. That's crazy.

No, I'm sorry. I said that backwards. I knew about the Mike Judgeman. I didn't know about Johnny Knoxville. That's so wild to think about what that segment would be. Yeah. I mean, I think that, again, I think the idea was that it was just going to be like, you know, your typical jackass stunts like he did for MTV.

It's just instead of a half hour episode, it'd just be one little clip that was like three to five minutes long and they'd air it every week on Saturday Night Live. That's how I understood it anyway. They offered Jennifer Aniston before Friends. And she knew that she, like, pilot season was. coming up and then she had a decent shot of getting them and she decided that my understanding is she was like i can't i wouldn't i won't be as big of a star if i go that route like i'm a great actor and i can be funny but i don't have the you know jimbleushi thing or whatever and that's why

she turned it down and ended up in friends that's wild i wonder i bet you know there's people like that who did the exact same thing but then it didn't work out and so We have no idea. You know, nobody remembers those people or knows who they are or whatever. Like, I mean, you know what happened. Yeah. There's that. Well, he also famously said noticing people.

You know, he said. Oh, yeah. Jim Carrey. Yeah. Jim Carrey turned down. Nick Crowell, he turned down. I know why he's not on Nick Crowell, though. Nick Crowell had to, like, grow in the way he does.

I saw Nick Crowell as a young performer, and it was awful. And, like, to the point that David Cross was the headliner, and he, like, felt the need to comment on what we had all just lived through. It was unbearable. Like, I was furious that Nick Crowell was getting shows for years, based upon how bad that performance was until, like, eventually, like, you know, he did grow into it. I mean, I think that Big Mouth is brilliant.

What was the, he just, he did, like, all characters, right? So you saw him. He came out as, uh, was it, Felicia Fabricia or something like that? Fabrice, Fabrizia, I think. I think it's the same night twice. can hook her maybe came out as her it didn't get over he had to stay in character

that's another problem this isn't on tape this is live first comment goes up then he came out as Bobby Bottle Service who has made me laugh now but when I saw it it just it was almost like there was no separation between the character he was doing and what he was trying to convey to us this is something I talk to Andy a lot about

when we do stuff together like there's a lot of takes like we just did one that did pretty well like about two months ago where Andy played one of these like goopy gurus who were like, one of the jokes was like, being poor is a low vibration. Try vibrating higher. The first few takes, she wasn't funny. I hated her. Do you know, like you're doing it way too on the nose.

That's what I feel like Kroll was doing back then. Bobby Bottle Service wasn't me making fun of or laughing at that guy. He just was someone I hated on stage. Right. I wanted to die. Yeah. David Cross literally walked out and went, what the fuck was that?

Was that Bonner? Yeah. That's wild. There's definitely been a bunch more, too, but yeah, I can't call them to mind right now. Yeah, I could think of a few. I used to know a few more, but I can't think of them. A lot of the Mad TV cast that made it didn't get SNL.

I mean, that's how they ended up on Mad TV. Right. How are you with being sick as an adult? I was sick last week. I've been getting better at it for sure. Because I'm pretty, you know. Bad at it? Yeah, like, I'm absolutely worthless and just, you know, laid up and pitiful.

And I'm not like a huge drama. I'm not demanding people weight on my hand and foot or nothing. But I'm very much like, you know, the world is ending. and you know I may never see the light of day again is how I feel like dramatic at all just yeah right I'm gonna die yeah I don't literally think I'm gonna die I just like I don't push through it at all is what I'm saying I just you know I lay around and I'm like oh god you know I'm not yeah a man about it you know that well I mean I think every woman listening right now would be like no that's exactly what you are about it yeah right that is sort of

That seems to be the, that's how they think we all be, I guess. Men are known for being bad. But, like, I don't, well, is Andy? Because, like, me and Katie were sick at the same time. And she, she didn't, she did no better with it than I did. And I came out of it at least a day or two earlier than her, too. Did she do stuff you didn't do, though? Like, are we talking about your mental reaction to being sick?

Or, like, you know, who got the kids ready for school? They also were, well, she, she did. I think that's where their opinion comes from. They talk about us whining. They act like it's our mental response, but what they're really saying is, you're worthless when you're sick, and I'm not allowed to be because I'm a mother.

So how does Andy do? Not great. She's not a mom yet. I mean, I think that's really what it is. It's moms and non-moms. It's just that all men are non-moms. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Well, okay, listen, to be fair, all right, they, I don't, Now that they're old enough to like, they dress themselves, they, you know, whatever. They, if they want to ego or a bowl of cereal or something, we don't make them fucking pain. Every now and then she'll make them pancakes, but like, it don't be like that.

Ever since it got to that level, I don't ever get up and get them to school. So I'm worthless every day is what I'm saying. But, like, that's our routine. And so I do all kinds of other shit around the house. And yeah, when I was sick, I mostly just neglected all of that stuff. But not all of it. Like I do all the trash. And on trash day, I was sick as fuck, but I still took the trash out.

So like the regular shit, we both still did as much of as do you know what I'm, you know what I'm trying to say here. Yeah, I do. But I think this also goes back to like gender roles and the way society is set up. I think also a lot of this like belief system comes from. And it's true. the woman gets sick, you still got to feed the family. Yeah, but I do that. But I didn't do that.

I ordered food. Right. But things are twisted now, but my point is like where this belief comes from, like men are worthless. And it's like, men get sick, he don't go to work. I mean, I think even a generation ago, those were the jobs, maybe two generations ago. Those were the jobs. Man goes to work. A woman takes care of the house.

Man gets sick. He doesn't don't have to go to work. he's not going to start working around the house if he's home and sick he's not going to do shit woman gets sick man still has to go to work because he ain't sick she's going to still have to do all the shit so like there was a drastic difference in how they were allowed to behave is part of it and then also i think there's some pretty steady scientific evidence that women have a higher physical pain tolerance because of childbirth yeah i guess that does make sense let's take another quick break we'll be back right after this

So yeah, you've been out there traveling and stuff. You ain't had no run-ins with illness or whatever, because I've, as I understand it, there's been shit going around like crazy all over, you know, nationwide. I know the thing that we all had is real bad around where we live. Like, everybody would be having it. No, I've had that. I've had fevers a couple times.

I've had to take a bunch of COVID tests. They've all been negative. I think I've had a plethora of sinus infections and whatever that thing's going around here. Is it RSB? Yeah, and I'm pretty sure that's what we had. I think I got that from my nephew in October. But then also, I just described how I've been living.

I mean, dude, also, let me just do a quick shout out to the Claremont Lounge. If you like strip clubs, and even if you don't like strip clubs, this is the greatest fucking bar in the world. It's a dive bar that just happens to have strippers, but it's not like a champagne room and a big dude. standing over and a bunch of men who are gross it's literally it's mostly women it's a dive bar and they got like seven old ladies who strip and that's awesome and hilarious they got a couple little people strippers uh then they got like four hot ones it's uh who are normal age and size

for strippers i realize i'm not supposed to say it that way but that's what it is um anyway i lived there and yeah i was sick but like of course i was like i was handling a old grubby money that the type of people who handle who you know like to go to strip clubs where the strippers are 70 years old right but yeah but i couldn't like i was chugging pedi light and shit the whole time you know and katie can't like she don't she it's like she's not disgusted but like it it's hard for her to drink water or enough water in a day like she has like try and force herself to drink the amount of water that a person needs and that's so wild to me and he don't i just don't i can't it dude i like i drink a lot of water and if i don't for a reason

like if i'm traveling like i feel dried out and shitty very quickly like i can't go without you know hydrating appropriately but especially when i'm sick i'm over hydrant because you know it's what rest in fluids that's what they say and again I got better quicker than she did. And I don't think that's a coincidence. But she don't either. She just can't do it for some reason. You're going to have to walk with me on this one, all right?

All right. Katie got a big butt, right? Yes. And when she decides to get. It's like her camel humps, you're saying? Like she's got a bunch of water in her ass. That's what I should say. That's what I'm saying.

She don't have, compared to. to a lot of women, she doesn't have a hard time losing weight, does she if she wants to get in shape? Andy's the same way. Andy's the same way about water. Andy worked for this doctor in Knoxville, who is like award-winning, cutting-edge researcher in, I think rheumatology. Is that the one where you study? What do you study when you do rheumatology? Isn't that the type of arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis?

Yeah, yeah. So maybe it's not rheumatology, it's whatever the umbrella above that is. he done a lot of research on it about inflammation and why people were getting all these inflammatory diseases that are springing up. I know your sister has. Yeah, arthritis is inflammation, right? I mean, you're probably right. That's probably right.

Okay. In his research, he also came across this thing that has now been like, apparently, because I got really into this, backed by a few studies in the sort of diet community, which is about what type of food you should eat based upon either some people say blood type some people just say body type again i told you you have to walk with me on this apparently he saw me one day and then asked andy does he get thirsty all the time uh-huh and she was like yeah he drinks so much water it's very weird and he's like any carb he eats his body is spiking his blood sugar he needs to slow down on the carbs he would lose weight and feel better because apparently something about my

body type is prone to diabetes and all that and we just any type of card spikes my blood sugar immediately or whatever people who don't experience that apparently genuinely don't need as much water beyond needing what we all fucking need according to him now was this guy also like severely on the spectrum and a total asshole and a lunatic yes also that so take that with a grain of rice but i'm just saying like i think some people do need less water than others. Or it's like a better way to say it, don't get thirsty like we do. We all need a certain amount of water. Yeah, but like, and it blows my mind.

Apparently, there people are able to. I know that like generationally, it was definitely a thing. I feel like it's less common now. I mean, Corey's talked before about like his grandma, but like there were people that don't, they didn't, they literally never drank water. It was like the only water they got was from either the tea or the coffee or the fucking sodies, the soda pops that they was drinking the coax and shit. And that just, I don't, because like, when I'm thirsty, those things do nothing.

Do you know what I mean? Like, in matter of fact, they make me, like, if I was thirsty and I was at a party and all that was around was like a Coke or something and I was like, oh, I'm thirsty. I would be thirstyer after finishing the Coke. What about P.E. Like a Gatorade? Oh, yeah. I mean, that, yeah, those work.

Yeah. But that's like the whole purpose of it's mental? Probably, I guess. But I'm just saying it's wild that I've heard of people. like again, Corey's grandma was at, who literally don't ever drink water and it's like, right. It's just mind boggling to me. Okay.

So I drink so fucking much of it. Unlike that last rambling where at least I had done some research and talked to a doctor or Andy talked to a doctor, this is all out of my ass. My theory on that is the reason coffee and Coca-Cola are diuretics, which I think means that they will dehydrate you, is that. your body has to use a lot of water to get rid of stuff in it that it don't need, like to process the sugar or to process the caffeine or whatever. We got to use more water than you're actually to take it in.

I think if you only drink tea, though, it just stops. It's like, listen, we can't use the water to process this toxin. Because we got, like, because the lungs need some of the lungs. I don't need water. But you know what I'm saying? Like the skin needs the water. So you're just not getting rid of those toxins. But then those people like always grandma,

I lived to be 96 and I'm like, well, how the fuck does that work then? Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't know. And also, but like, way back in the day, they literally couldn't drink water because the water would kill you. So they drank various dilutions of ale and wine and shit. Like, even there was like a version of ale or wine for kids that was like, you know, a very low percentage of alcohol, but it made the water safe to drink. That too is wild to me because again nothing nothing

dries me out more or worse than you know alcohol but I've never you know I ain't never drank it I've only I've only drank like actual alcohol for drinking alcohol purposes and then I've never drank like

whatever the peasant ale used to be that was used for hydration you know what I mean it's like mostly water that might be completely fine but like it's just always always like I don't know how people lived. Some people that late live now. I don't know.

I mean, that's true. That's, that's the like thing is like, you know, they made it to 35. Uh-huh. There's various reasons why this has to be on the list.

You couldn't drink the water. Right. Yeah. I have heard before though, and I mean, a lot of people still did die at 35 and everything, but I've heard that like, you know,

back in the middle ages, the life expectancy was literally like 35 or 36, but I've heard that that's mostly a function of the insanely high infant mortality rate and that type of shit. And so it's like, and it said that like, yeah, you were way more likely to die as a baby or as a child back then,

way more likely. But if you survived that, you know, you had reasonable odds that you would live to be like an older part, you know, 60-ish or whatever like that. I mean, if you got sick,

you was fucked in a way you're not today. But like, it wasn't it wasn't it was a miracle to live past the act for an adult to live past the age of 35 if you were an adult you had a good chance of becoming you know a relatively old person well and also that relatively old right and also that relatively old thing we keep old people alive now but like you know for me personally I could I say this as a younger man I think I could do without those last 10 years you know what I mean I think another thing about that is this is a pretty convincing argument from like the holistic movement and that stuff Andy dabbles in. That like trauma response is really the only true great progress the Western medical industry has made. Related exactly what you're just saying. If you break your leg in 1630, you probably are going to die. You know, the infection is going to set in.

also if you do survive you're going to have a broken leg we can't fix it if you get run over by a buggy you're going to bleed to death whereas now you know surgery infection control we know how to do all that but then like beyond that it's like what the fuck even is ibs and you take a bunch of pills for it and it's like oh well high blood pressure yeah but like they didn't have as much high blood pressure because they didn't have traffic so like and i think that that argument's super overstated i think it's people who have, you know, an axe to grind or a nutrient to sell. But it is interesting to consider what you're saying right now, which is the age of death being a lot lower. It's not really like everyone got heart disease at 32. No. It's not really what went down.

I mean, but like, but with women, though, I mean, you know, like they had a whole bunch of kids and every single kid you're going to have, there was a fair to Midland, chance, it would kill you on the way out. Like, yeah, that's all what's also wild to me. First of all, women, you know, like they had to say in anything, like you couldn't just, women couldn't choose to not do anything, especially having a baby back then. But like, that's also while they knew, you know, the pretty high risk associated with childbirth back then, but they, at the same time, they were still all having, you know, 14 kids or whatever.

because, you know, fuck you're going to do. Well, because they wanted two, and they knew they better to get to that number. Exactly, yeah. I used to have a bit about that. I used to have a bit about that, too. But I think, I don't know if you, I don't remember what yours was specifically, but I used to have a bit about that. And I remember realizing, this was back when I was still in Knoxville,

and somebody said to me, it might have been you, I don't know, but it was very similar to a bit that Louis had or something where he talked about that, like the pioneers and shit about your family's done and stuff. And so I just left it. I think it was me because I think I also realized that my premise was just about like people really glorifying

living in the past. You know, whether it's like being really in the Native American stuff or like, you know, homesteading is a bit now. And I'm going to bring a version of that back because I'm doing a bit about TikTok. That's funny because I don't think I ever saw yours or anything.

but like that was also part of my because my whole mind was inspired by a conversation I had with Thompson when he was they were going to have like their first kid or whatever and he was talk he got to talking about the Indians and shit and he was like he was talking about how like taking her to the doctor and they hooked her up to all the shit and he's looking at and he's like I'm just sitting here's like man's like you know did the Indians do it this way I don't think so and I was like I was like yeah but dog you know I mean by half they babies died like I don't you know the Indians didn't have it like that and uh that was So, and that's what led into the whole thing. But again, I only, you know, I only did it briefly because I also, in the process of mine in the middle there, I stole a whole bunch of shit from Louie without meaning to. And, uh, where she goes, boys. Yeah, the homesteading thing is wild. It's like it's a new fad. And I see why it's attractive to people because of some of the things we just said, high blood pressure, traffic, you know, intense. It's like, oh, wouldn't it be nice if I just, like, could feed myself from what's right in front of my door and take care of.

myself and be self-sufficient, but there's like missing context there where it's like literally all the progress we've made up and until the computer age was so we could not live like that. Right. Our entire existence in humanity, all cultures, East and West, we're trying to figure out a way to not fucking do that because of God damn hard and kills people. Yeah, right. Yeah, and I'm fine with like the computer part. Like if you're like, listen, the computer age is too much.

we don't need it. Sure. But if you try to revert me back too far, it's like, no, take me back to 1978. I'm fine with that. If you want to try to go further back than that, that's a no for me, dog. Well, it's even just like, you know, me, when me and the boys go camping sometimes, but like camping as a leisure pursuit is kind of funny in a historical context. You know what I mean? Like that, like anybody from any era of history before this would absolutely scoff at, you know, white people's love of camping. Camping. You mean my 20s? I don't want to talk about it. Well, all right.

I think we did it. I think we did it. Yeah. Chow should be back next week, I reckon. Check out trackrider.com for tickets. Patreon.com slash trackruder for other shit. Go ahead. Yeah, I mean, you know, you guys can just follow me if you don't. I'm going to quit Twitter, I think, soon.

Just because, like, all my ads now suck. I can't believe we didn't talk about that. We should have. We'll talk about it next week. all my ads on Twitter suck. But I don't have anything to plug other than well-read Christmas till next year, and I haven't thought much about next year.

But well-red Christmas and Sainey's, Nashville, it's always a great time. I think it's my favorite shows of the year. Last year, we recorded a special at that time. So we were like under a lot of pressure, I think we'll be a lot looser this time. I know I will be. It might be, Trey, the last time I drank for a long time.

Okay. Well, gonna go big then. All right, I don't feel like singing. You guys, yeah, well, thank you guys for listening to me. Just imagine Corey singing to you right now, singing us off in spirit. I love your idea.

I love your imagine Corey singing me off. Same me off in the shower. Same me off in the morning. All right.